Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Not the Tavern - No More _____

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! In this episode, Arnie, Matt, and Adal love panel-style game shows. What happens when they play one?You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampMatt: Matt YoungAdal: Adal RifaiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey folks Craig Craig here. The regular show is on break this week and you know what that means. That's right, it's Bootlay Craig's pirate Patreon radio. Spinning up bonus episodes smuggled out of the virtual vaults of patreon.com slash magic tavern. What's patreon.com slash magic tavern you ask? Well, it's only your one stop shop for everything magic tavern, with ad free versions of the main show, two brand new episodes a month, and now, every single spin-off series all in one place.

I'm talking offices and bosses, masters of mayhem, all the hits baby. Normally you'd have to be a patreon member to get down and dirty with these transmissions but today, bootleg Greg's got you covered. This time, Earth Humans Arnie, Madden, Adler play in a panel style game show and a larity in sues. Take a listen and if you like what you hear, stay tuned to learn how you can join the Patreon to support the show and hear great transmissions like this all the time. Enjoy!

This is an episode of Not The Tavern. Placeholder Theme Song. Placeholder Theme Song. We don't have a song because we didn't think ahead. I'm at young and I'm singing this instead. Placeholder Theme Song. Not The Tavern. Not The Tavern. Not The Tavern. Not The Tavern. Not The Tavern, not, not, the tavern, not, the tavern, not, not, the tavern, not, the tavern, not, not, the tavern. All right gentlemen, you may wonder why I've called you here today. This is not a magic tavern episode. No. This is not a behind the tavern episode. Oh, I'm going to head out.

Oh, no, no, no, but this is an episode. I'm a guy. So I'm having an episode. Yeah, should we just talk about how we want to brand it? Okay, let's in the middle of the episode. Should we just like talk about how like What do we even fucking call this thing? How would we spell out? How would we spell out? Capital M, lowercase M, lowercase M, HRL, PMTP, MMM. Okay. All right. You know that I would call it just go with it.

Yeah. I'm still going to head out. No, Adel, you have nowhere to be. Damn it. My one weakness, you knowing my schedule. So before the year ends, to close out 2021, I thought it would be fun to do just something completely different as our show.

You thought wrong. Da, da, da, da, that's what it's, I mean, that's a pretty good title too. You thought wrong. I was thinking like we're all pretty big fans of panel shows or weird game shows and things and I thought we would play a game Basically, okay are both of you familiar with the British show task master at all. Have any of you watched any of it? I have not but you said it both at the same time. I have not but I've heard several people

Recommended to me and a lot of people I trust and enjoy, including yourself, Arnie, have talked, talked it up. So I need to check it out at some point. There's a US and a BBC. There is, there was a US, a short live US version. Yeah, there's a British version. I think there's an Australian version, which I have not seen.

Okay. I know Greg Davies, I believe this is name hosts. Oh, yeah, Garfield. It's one of those. Hefield. It's my host. He's. He's very funny. He's very funny. He's very funny, British comedian who I like

and I want to watch a show. I just don't have a place. I feel like I don't have a place to be talking into a megaphone. Oh, sure. Sure. No, there's like some on YouTube, but they're hard to find. Anyway, but fuck it, Taskmaster, we haven't watched it.

Well, I highly recommend it for you guys and for the listeners. It's basically just like a show where comedians are given weird challenges to do. And they're sort of subjectively judged. The creator of that show, Alex Horn, also does a YouTube show with some friends called No More Jockeys. And I think it's also based on like an older British thing called No More Women or something

like that. So I thought we should try this game. It may be a total disaster, but let's try it and sort of see how it goes. This is how it works. Real quick, can I just say terrible, terrible title for a game? No more women? I mean, I agree.

The idea is we will take turns saying a name and adding a rule. So I'll go first and say, George Washington, no more dead people. Okay. Oh wow. And so for the rest of the game, no more dead people. Okay. Oh wow.

And so for the rest of the game, we can't say any more dead people. Okay, so I go next and I would say Tom Hardy, no more living people. Okay, and so... Now it's to you, Matt. Good luck. This game is easy. Although I will say there is also, there is also the rule that like if challenged,

you have to be able to give another example, like to give what you would. Okay, challenge me. Han Solo. Han Solo, no more fictional people. I was gonna say Walt Disney. Oh, I was a hick. Is that Dracula for you? Cryogenically frozen.

So no more fictional people, no more living people, no more dead people. I mean, I'm playing by the fuck you rules you guys set up. That is true. Those are only rules I play by. All right, I feel like this is a riddle. No more living people, no more dead people, no more fictional people.

And this is just the example round. Yes, this is just the example round. So we also get two challenges. So, but the challenges are more for if someone fucks up, right? And like, if you say, like, if as we're going for a while, I say someone that I accidentally say someone that's living

or dead. And you say, challenge. And I think that person's dead. Wasn't that one of the rules? And if that's the case, I'm out. And it gets narrowed down to two other people. If you use up your two challenges, you enter the like instant death situation. That makes it sound more dramatic. If you run out of challenges, you still challenge, but then at that point, you lose if you make a challenge and you're wrong. Okay.

We'll put you in charge of enforcing these rules, aren't you? Okay, sure. I'm sure I'll forget them, and this'll just be a total shit show. Which you could ask. That's what we call it. Yeah. TSS.

All right, I will go first. Terry Cruz, no more people that are stronger than me. Okay, this is getting into us more territory. And what order are we going in? I think you're next, Adam. Okay. I'm going to say, carry strug. No more people who are who are

tinier than me. Hmm. All right. I'm sort of tempted to challenge because I feel like there's a good chance carry strug is stronger than me. There's a great chance. But okay, so no stronger than me, or smaller than Adel. Adel, just out of curiosity, how, what is your height? I'm six one and I'm like 200 pounds.

Okay. Now after a challenge, we can have a quick period of time where we can Google things, where we're like, hmm, I think this person is smaller than Adel. We can kind of quickly Google to see if we can find out if that person is actually smaller

than Adel. Or stronger than me, which is a harder, harder to Google. Hey Siri, was Houdini stronger than Arnie? Yes, even dead. So somebody who's bigger than Adel, stronger than Arnie? Yes. Gosh.

There's only three in the world. Yeah, I know. Is it you? I know one of them is famous. I haven't spat you. Yeah. Yes. Wilford Brimley. Is it you? That's only one of them is famous. I'm not even smart yet. Yeah. Yes.

Wilford Brimley. No more moustaches. Okay. All right. This is already really hard, weirdly. It shouldn't be. We have to find someone who's big and not strong. But that's Arnie.

I know, it's true. All right. Emo Phillips. No more first names that are shorter than the last names. Oh, for fuck sake. Wait, hold on. Ernie, this is something, this is my fault entirely.

Sure. I take full blame and full responsibility. I fail to ask you up top. Is this game supposed to be fun? Yeah. Suppose, look, that's not the first objective, but it ideally yes. Is this punishment? Is this game punishment? Something can be fun and punishment. Detail with, but we wouldn't say for word. We should have a safe word. We should we agree on what

our safe word is. Ema Phillips. Ema Phillips. All Um, okay. So their last name, their first name cannot be shorter than their last name. No more moustaches, no more people, tiner than adult, no more people stronger than Arnie. Uh, Lee Lee forgot the moustache one already. So thank you for the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say, okay, Addle, let's think it over here.

I want to say Doug Jones. I like to work. No, his first name shorter than his last name. Who? But I like how we were sort of like, it seems like we're focusing in on a sort of emo Phillips frame. Yeah, I like it.

I'm like no facial hair, he's tall, but he's not okay. But he's not strong. Well, he's probably strong. Well, he's a lender man. Yeah, a lot of core strength. Okay, I want to say, Michael Richards, is that, I think? Challenge.

The first name's shorter than the last. Yeah, shit. I wanna say, Is that I think challenge the first name shorter than the last shit? I want to say I want to say I want to I went to I'm sorry this is a clarifying thing after you Set your new rule Mm-hmm. That's when the challenges can come in right right? Because you can be talking about staying out loud and then decide to change it. It's sort of like you've locked it in so that you can be eliminated at that point. Okay, no mustache, not stronger than Arnie,

not tinier than Adel. I think it's gotta be. And no people with first name shorter than the last name is gotta be Fat Michael Sip. He's got to be Fat Michael Sip. Why is he, why does he have to be Fat? Cause otherwise he's tinier than me. Oh, I see. But he can't be muscular cause they'd be stronger than you. So we have to give him some poundage.

Okay. Fat Michael S Sipes no more No more people who have lost their religion. Oh Oh boy, okay Boy also I know my Halloween costume next year Andy are you riffing on hell? How many stairs are to this party? How tall is aquafina? 12 ounces?

She's um, I just looked up Matt. Yeah, shockingly six seven. Wow Who knew but they always cast her against super tall people. Yeah, that makes sense um, I think we I think we went super hardcore or super fast. We did, we did, but it's also like, I feel like we sort of, Oh, oh, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it in ourself size wise, but yeah, go on.

Jeremy Renner. Okay, what's your rule? Oh shit, yeah, right. So Arnie, in your mind, real quick, in your mind's eye, Arnie, you're stronger than Jeremy Renner? I don't know, I haven't said. Okay. No more Avengers.

Challenge. All right. There's no fucking way that Jeremy Renner isn't stronger than me, right? I don't know. But, but Arnie, if I may protect Matt here, you never said physically stronger, you just said stronger. And I've seen both of you act,

and I'll confidently say, Ernie, you're the better actor. You're the stronger actor. That's true. And the social media platform I created didn't go off the rails quite as much as Jeremy renters did. Oh wait, I forgot about Hurt Locker. He is very good in that. He's good at Hurt Lock good. He's pretty good.

All right, I'll give it to you. Jeremy, mostly because I want to play with this no Avengers rule. Takes a lot of folks off the board. Yeah, that should be the hardest one. That's going to be very hard. Okay, so who's just a big old weakling? Oh, but they're not an Avenger. Oh, you're up too bad, Chris Pratt.

Let's see here. Oh, Big Bird has hollow bones. Oh, that's true. That is a good one. But very tall, but exceptionally weak. Also, I'm gonna say like a T-Rex. I'm going to say... Real tiny arms.

And again, you know, I think we're constantly dealing with this stronger than I'm gonna say, RuPaul. Ooh, wait. Oh yeah, RuPaul's the full first name. Charles I think is their last name? I'm mostly talking about the RuPaul Persona, so. Okay, yeah, one name that fixes that.

So the new rule is no more reality TV hosts. Great. I'm just going to toss this out there without thinking about it too hard. I'm going to say Aristop stop an ease no more Greeks. Oh Shit now I can think of our Greeks George went no more second city Okay Wait, but hold on I haven't seen the journals yet, but is George went one of the Avengers pretty pretty sure he's scared clear that Okay, I don't trust you. They haven't fully cast Fantastic Four yet.

Ham is thing would be- It could be the thing. I mean, I'd watch that. That would make me want to see that movie real bad. Okay, George went as thing. We have Ted Danson as Mr. Fantastic. Oh, God, this is actually kind of great. We have-

Fucking Shelley Long is fucking Shelley long is Shelley long is Missville woman. Yeah. And then Woody Harrelson and Steven Torch. And Steven Torch. We did it. And she has a claim as a claimant as Dr. Doom. Give us a call, Marvel. No, Kelsey Grammar is Dr. Doom and Cliff Clayvin's small man. He actually does the voices the old man character in the Invisible's movie. But wait, Woody Harrelson is already carnage

and Kelsey Grammer is already beast. Oh, that's true. Speaking of which, Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey the Hammer Grammer? Kelsey the Hammer Grammer. What's the rule? No more... Hmm. No more last names that are words. Okay. Challenge. Okay.

His first name is shorter than his last name. Is it? I believe the way it's spelled. Yeah, I have to double check this now, though. I assumed it was close. Yeah, six letters for the oh no shit. No, yeah, six letters in Kelsey, seven and grammar. G-R-A-M-M-E-R. Okay, I'm out. Now it's down to Adel and Matt. You must forget the... Sadly, sadly, sadly the rule no more,

no more last names that are words is off the table. That rule does not apply. Oh, man. I know you guys were so excited about that. There goes Mike Judge. I'm going to say Alison Janney, no more perfect women. Hmm. Hmm.

I'm always the first person out of my own games. Isn't that always the way? That's like a metaphor for this podcast. Christina Hendrix, no more madmenal um. Okay. I want to say fucking, I don't know, Babe Ruth. No more candy bars. And let me, let me say, I think Babe Ruth, I do not think he had much strength. No more candy bars.

And let me say, I think Babe Ruth, I do not think he had much strength. I think he was mostly a lot of size. Yeah, he mostly had those home runs out of just sheer momentum. Yeah, I mean, he smoked like a packet of cigarettes between each eating. Mm-hmm. Oh gosh, I'm trying to think anybody

with a short, short last name. I also encourage you guys to think of challenges. At this point, it'll just go on forever. So wait, what are the different challenges you can come up with? No, the challenge is just that you think it breaks one of the rules. Would you have challenged the last thing that Adel said? No, it's just that you guys have already found a Babe Roof. I mean, look, we could probably agree if we're being honest that every person we

have said is stronger than me, but out in the city, kick the shit out of you. Oh, yeah. Actually, I bet, well, I bet Babe roof is shorter than Adel, although we've been talking about mass, I suppose. So that's... I did say tinier. That's true. Yeah, you said bigger than me.

No, I'm bigger than me. No one. Just one tinier than me. No one tinier than me. I think I used to work tinier. Yeah. So I think tinier is open to interpretation. I mean, look, if you wanted to challenge...

I challenge all of it. Oh, fucking system man. I could, if you wanted challenge on moustaches, we could spend like 60 seconds and try to find a picture of Babe Ruth with a moustache. No, I'm ruined. I'm pretty sure Babe Ruth does not have a moustache. But wouldn't be fun to Google. I'm typing it in right now.

Oh my God, you guys, he had a fucking chin strap, a long chin strap, it looks disgusting. But no mustache? No mustache, I'm so mad. I'm so mad because it's exactly the opposite of what it would have helped me and it looks idiotic. Why did you Google? Did you Google Babe Ruth facial hair? Babe Ruth mustache.

I googled sexy bambino and you will not believe it came up. Oh no. What did you Google, Babe Ruth facial hair? Babe Ruth mustache. I googled sexy BamBino and you will not believe it came up. Oh no. It's a deer, it's a deer wearing lingerie. This? Everyone Google this, you have to look at this. This picture. Babe Ruth mustache. It looks like, oh no, it looks like he got,

it looks like him and Lincoln stepped into like a time machine at the same time and they got their DNA mixed. And he looks so glum in this picture. I feel like Babe Ruth, what it looks like is someone made him wear the Halloween costume of a beard. And he doesn't have any of that. It does look like fake hair. It really does.

It's very, very weird. And he has a jersey on that says, Ankeys, am I missing something? What were the Ankeys? Wait, wasn't he in the red socks? But he went to the Ankeys later, am I missing something? What were the Ankeys? Wait, wasn't he in the Red Sox? But he went to the Yankees later, right? Or something? Or is it he was traded from the Red Sox to the Yankeys? And ever since they made that trade, they were cursed without having a championship. And then they broke the curse. That's the curse.

That's the curse of the great bambina. Yeah. Later in his career, wasn't any part of the West Coast Avengers. He was. Yes the great lakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So it seems like Adel has skated through that challenge. So you have lost one of your challenges, Matt. Fine. And I'm sorry. What was the Babe Ruth rule? It was no more.

What did I say? I said for no more candy it was no more, what did I say? I said for no more candy bars. No more candy bars. So, so bad for O'Hennigan. Squiggle out of that one. Squiggle? Wiggle out of that one. Squiggle out of that one.

Okay, I'm gonna, no, that doesn't work. The last name first thing, name thing, is the thing I mostly concentrate on. That one's hard because I can hard really parse it in my brain Who has short last names who are some people I can think of with short last names who are really long first names are really long first names Or Matt one name Yeah, that's what aquafina didn't help me out there. There's no way, look, in an arm wrestling competition,

I would fucking own Moses. That guy definitely had a mustache. Oh, my sea parting arm. Oh, I'm moving. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm moving. Yeah. Madonna, no more blonde ambition tour. Wait, is that a request to Madonna?

Hey, Madonna, no more blonde ambition tour. It's all right. Matt. It's all right, Matt. It's all right, Matt. It's all right, Matt, for you to say Madonna and take a moment to think. I'm just I'm gonna say challenge. I've seen Madonna's arms and I think she could take Arnie. All right, fair enough. All right. I lose. I give up. All right. Al won. Do we want to reset and try it again? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does anyone want to go first? What do we win? What do you want? Well, how about this? Let's set some stakes for this next one. What does the one that we win? How about this, Arnie? How about the next time you fucking see

that PS5's Ernstock, you don't tweak me about it or send me a text about it. You just fucking buy the thing and buy the house. Honestly, real talk, real talk. Yeah, I would have bought, I almost bought you the PS5. Oh, you have me too. What's that? Me too, I almost bought you one.

No, like, because I know you would pay me back, pay me back, you had explicitly said that you wanted to buy it with some credits you had. I did. I did. So then I didn't want to be in this position where you're like, oh fuck, I got a pay-em-full price

for this thing. And yeah. Yeah. You want? That's right. Some situation like that, if I see it, buy it. Yeah. Also, just to put it in your ear, if you see another one,

buy it for me, I don't have any credits, but I will put it in your ear. If you see another one, buy it for me. I don't have any credits, but I will pay you back. Okay. I thought you already had one. Nope, I got a PS4 and Xbox One and a Switch. Okay. Do you care if it's digital or yes? I would prefer to have the disk version.

Same here. I do not think I went to digital. I know, that's the, I have the digital one. I wanted the disc one. Oh, you got a PS5? I've had it for a while, yeah. And you didn't give it to Matt? No, I didn't.

Huh, interesting. I didn't expect him to give me that one. That's fine. I'll get it eventually. I'll get it next year. I'm not worried about it. But the weird part was that I got it for myself for Matt's birthday.

Oh. Oh. Oh. In the car it for myself for Matt's birthday. Oh. Oh. Oh. In the card I said, have a birthday just so you know, in honor of your birthday, I donated a PS5 to myself. That's so sweet. It's well it's the thought that counts. How about this?

Okay. The winner gets a game or something? It's not this game, is it? Oh, thank God. We're a sandwich. I don't know, I'm just trying to get a game or a sandwich. I don't know how you're gonna get a fuck out. Oh, okay, this is, okay, this is what it is.

Okay. Whoever survives. Survives? Survives? Yeah, because we're eliminating people. Whoever's left at the end, right? No. No.

It gets to live. That person doesn't have to pick up around a drink. The next time we're all together and get around a drink. Like, the other people definitely have to get. That sounds nice. Deal. So, at least two rounds from the other two. Okay.

Great. Great. At least two rounds. Okay, okay. One round from each of the people got okay, all right I'm gonna go first Since I won the last round that is my reward. I'm gonna say Patsy Klein No more Musicians

Okay, all right should it mix up Arnie, do you want to go? Uh, yeah, why don't I go? I'm going to say the hamburger. Sure, yeah. No more criminals. Arnie, I have a terrible album that just proved you wrong. I'm still in all the burgers, hey, it's me. Robble, robble.

It's time to get it. Hey, Robble, Robble. It's like Louis, Louis. A Robble, Robble. A Robble, quarter pounder, cheese. Yaya, yaya, yaya, yaya. Still better than Grimiss' Adam. So sad.

It's like dashboard confessional time stand. Dan Quale, no more people with birds for names. Okay. Now I'm going to wait for a second. Let me think. So I can't do that. I can't do Doug funny. I'm trying to think Dan Quale, was he ever convicted of anything?

Probably not. No. No. He was vice president during. He was probably up to something. Oh, no, yeah, for sure. But yeah, God always got free. Just kind of.

All right. Consueled a potato, right? Right. Fade for him. Yeah. Which honestly, hard word. Yeah. Yeah, that was one of those things that people

like Blue Out of Provoration. It's like, no, they're much worse things about this guy. Think about, think about in the 90s, a guy spelled potato wrong and his political career was ruined. Another guy went, yeah! And his entire political career is ruined nowadays people can do a million atrocities and it's like let's hear him out Barack Obama wore a tan suit

and everyone fucking flipped out. But even just thinking about imagining you're writing for a late night talk show in the 90s and Dan Quayle spells potato wrong and they're just sort of like guys are summer is set. Yeah, no, all we're going to be talking about. Yeah, for a comedy show, sure, but like the fact that it was like actual like news news is silly. All right, Adal, what is yours? Oh, it's, so was last one.

It was Dan Quayle. No more birds. I assume that also, it's, so was the last one, it was Dan Quail. No more birds. I assume that also means it doesn't matter if the bird is spelled correctly. Yeah, it can't sound like a bird's name. Okay. Mr. Pooper Dupur, no more people I've created in my head. Hmm.

I mean, he's got us there. Can you do that? Is that I find a loophole? I mean, you stupidly made that rule though. No, because now anything else you make up, I mean, that's the person you made in your head. Yeah, unfortunately, in half of that. Yeah, I miss Mr. Pooper Dupour. No more people I just made up. All right.

Jimmy Zimzim. No more people I just made up. What the hell? Jimmy Zimzim, he's the kid from the Volkswagen commercial or whatever. The one I made up, yeah. Yeah. Zimzimzim.

What the fuck were the, like, I'm trying to remember no more birds, no more musicians. Oh, fuck, Jimmy Zimzim. No more criminals. No more criminals. Jimmy Zimzim plays the accordion. What am I doing? Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy Simpson is a known felon.

Yeah, Mr. Pupidupper probably is the criminal for sure. Oh, yeah, he killed me. We shouldn't let that go. I'm going to say, Oh, I'm Mr. Pupidupper by law, I have to go door to door. Oh, I play this song. I'm gonna say they should make anyone moving into your neighborhood that plays an instrument. They should make them go door to door and like sheepishly be like, hey, I play the drums just you know you're gonna be hearing this can you sign this paper.

Hey, I'm sorry I'm Collins. I'll play the drum. Not in the air tonight. No, it'd be like, Hey, you're bono, pretending to be Phil Collins. I am going to say Chewbacca's great grandfather, were, um, is that a real name? Uh, no, it's a name I just made up, but the rule, the rule, the rule is no more wookies. Oh, what about that kid who played wookie of the year? Nope. Remember, he fell on his crossbow, then he could run real fast or something. Um, I don't like playing the song. I do it all for the wookie. Okay. Um, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, no more wookies, no more musicians. But, it can be something that Matt made up. That's very true. That's fair.

I'm going to say, Marie Curie, no more, no more people who were married. Okay. No more people who were married. Okay. I'm going to say, Yusador the blue, Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of magical delights, the power of chaos,

champion of the great Hulk Star. He's reading it off a notepad. Elves know him as, Fying, Elyk, the dwarves know him as zone and whoog stangies He is known in the Northeast as guess Wayne yes May star and he has other secret names that you do not know yet Like Dale sprinkles sleeves, whatever that's my person My new rule is

No more people that suck shit Face what a sweet face. Challenge. Okay, what's the challenge? Off book episode, you said you were saying, therefore he's a musician. Did you said you were saying in the other book? No, I challenge because it can't be a person that Arnie or Adam made up. And all of our characters are made up from our collective work

doing improv together. Yeah, so fuck you. We're all to blame. I mean, I don't want to take any credit for you, Siddharth. I'll take full credit. You kidding me? I'll buy stock of that puppy. Fair. All right.

Okay, it seems bullshit, but I'll take it. That means I'm out. I mean, it is bullshit. I have to do it. Also, this episode can't go on forever. So what? Or can it? No.

Listener, check your player right now. How much more time is there? Infinity. You fucked up. We're still recording this somewhere. This will teach you to support us. Who's starting to I guess it's mine. Okay. Yep. Criminals musicians, wookies, birds. I guess you said or probably is a criminal and some Yeah, technically you could you could make that case. Is use it or married?

That was the one in my back of my head that I was like. No, probably, but it's probably having a step. No, definitely not. Married to Wizardry. I don't think so. And I mean, we could always reckon that in the moment. I love that Matt's like, this character I created is he married. I don't think so. That we created out of, we created. I love that Matt's like, this character I created is he married.

I don't think so. That we created out of we create. I don't want to offend anyone. Well, that's just one of those things of like, in the next episode of Record, then we'll discover like, oh yeah, he's been married this whole time. Arnie, do we have the sway and power to do an episode where we cast Phil Collins as you said or? Yes. But the question becomes who do we cast as

Phil Collins. Bono! Okay, that makes it harder, but... Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Blue robes. I'm going to say, uh, not definitely married. The married thing fucks this fuck me up now. Uh, who is f- uh, did you, did he, is the role married or ever been married? I think I say they can't have been married. Kind of so, yeah. Paul and, uh, no more people who appeared on Bewitch. No, no. I can't believe it. I mean, I can't, I can't move. I have no play here. I mean, that's, that's at least two darrens that you can't say. I'm going to say, we've already got two dicks here. I don't think we need to start your dick York. I'm going to say we've already got two Dix here. I don't think we need to bring a dick starter in Dick York.

I'm gonna say Huckleberry Finn. No more people are characters whose first name rhymes with a dirty word. Mm, now we're talking. Sabrina the teenage which no more magic users. Wait, Sabrina, Vagina, come on. Challenge. Yeah.

I feel like Adel has put you in perpetual check by being able to make every word. Yeah, yeah. It's a prime. Every name, rhyme with a dirty word. Paul L yeah, it's a prime name. Ryan with a dirty word. Paul then more like balls. The fin. Lins. I don't accept your challenge. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, it was. I mean, honestly, it was well played, but not quite there. It was a joke. Can't challenge a bad joke, can you? Nope. I mean, if we could, we'd be over. You got one, Adel. Oh, it's my turn. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I just, oh, Arnie's out. When did I go out?

When you refuse to push back on the idea that we collectively are responsible for you, Siddharth. Oh, okay. I mean, in the long run, he'll regret that. We have that on tape. What was, Matt? No, I immediately admitted that it was bullshit. After you said Sabrina,

the change, which, what was the rule no more magic users Okay, um Perfect so I'm going to say oh This is getting tough. I'm gonna say Casper the friendly ghost No more no more people associated with Christina Ritchie No more people associated with Christina Ritchie. Uh, well, magic. He doesn't use magic. He doesn't use magic.

He is a ghost. I thought of that, but is he dead because he's a criminal? That's the real question. I mean, was he executed the time period? Chances are good. He has a little pick pocket. Yeah, I'm not gonna waste a challenge on that though. I'm gonna say, I mean that time was so weird.

If you really look into the origins of a lot of those old comics, Heath Cliff was an embezzler. Have you seen the Americans on FX? That's based on Family Circus. Yeah, they were Russian spies sent here to learn our ways. My favorite episode of the Americans is the one where they just run all over the neighborhood

and there's this little dotted line. I'm not sure, but they went. Ziggy was in the KKK. Okay, Ernest Hemingway, no more authors. Okay. Ernest Hemingway, no more authors. Okay. To be fair, I've never seen that movie. I've seen Ernest go to jail. Wait, hold on, Doug.

Before we go on too far, let's just look at Matt's face. He's got a, he's got a, oh shit, don't challenge me on something, look on his face. I don't know what it is. I mean, I mean, this one, I think I'm okay, but I'm not 100%. Oh, Ernest Rimes with pernursed. I mean, was Ernest Hemingway married ever? I don't think so.

Married to his cats. No, he must have been, wait, is Muriel Hemingway his grand-unner? He does have descendants. That doesn't inherently mean he was married. You can only have kids if you're married I mean their new I mean her name wasn't

murals snow with you what the fuck are you guys talking about a game of thrones baby here's the thing here's the most shocking revelation in any of these patreon episodes Matt knows nothing about Game of Thrones. No, I know what you're talking referencing. I'm saying like, why is that? She couldn't have just taken the name. All right, I'm going to look it up. I'm going to challenge myself here. Wait, you're challenging yourself. Yes, yes, yes, it's been a challenge. It's all working according to plan. Make them down. Well, then I'll know.

I can't believe I was fucking out first in both rounds of this. Meanwhile. All right. You're going to challenge me. Matt's willing to just like throw himself on his own sword. You challenging me or you're coming up with something. What are you doing? I think it seems like Matt has information I don't.

He seems pretty smug. I don't. I think he wants me to challenge him. What happens if I challenge him and he's correct? Then you lose a challenge. I don't have you lost any challenges yet. No, I haven't made any challenges. Matt, I'm gonna challenge you.

I think you're an assignment way he was married. Fuck. Alright. In 1921, he married Haley Richardson, the first of four wives. Oh. Not only was he married four times. Yeah, that's about right for alcohol and gas. Yeah, I don't know why I thought he just never got married though.

I don't know why that was in my brain. I mean, I cast it's awful to say like he's not, it's not one of the things you think of about Ernest Hemingway. You think Old Man in the Sea, you think six totem cats, you think shotgun, you think booze, you think Florida? Yeah, Key West.

Key West, yeah. Spanish American Civil War. So for you. Yeah, you think for whom the bill tolls. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. You think about a little white elephant, how it's like a brilliant short story, but like you're not going to get it unless a teacher tells you

exactly what it's about. I think I've never read it, but I think with a movable feast, he predicted fast food. So do I win again? You won. Jesus Christ. Oh, we should've said him. We thought you were around at drinks.

Hell yeah. Jesus Christ, no more people who can turn water into wine. That would, he would have been, oh, if you said Jesus, he would have been using magic. Yeah, I would have called magic on that. That sweet sweet Christ magic. I need to ask an important question, I'm so sorry. Sure, yes.

Matt, I need you to be completely honest. I don't want you to be biased. I don't want a joke answer. Cross my heart. Could you adore defeat Jesus in a battle of magic? Oh my God. That's not a fair question. Anyway.

Now if you're in mind, before you answer, keep in mind we are going to submit your, we're going to put your answer in a press release and submit it to every paper in the country. Yeah, and MTV is gonna do one of those, what was their fucking claymation fight show? Rock the vote. Yeah, that's what it was.

Ha ha ha ha. MTV is gonna do a celebrity death match. MTV is gonna do a celebrity death match with you and Jesus, with Usador and Jesus. So just know that your answer has wait. Couldn't hurt our listenership. I think there are two answers, and I know that your answer has wait. Couldn't hurt our listenership. I think there are two answers, and I know that this isn't cheating.

I'm really not trying to cheat here. If it is a straight up Marvel movie, Lord of the Rings, like D&D campaign type of magic, you should or definitely. He has like lots of spells, he's like a fucking wizard. He's good at being a wizard. He's bad at being a person. I've said that a lot. Yeah If it is a metaphysical philosophical Religious experience obviously lose you said our loses, you know, okay? So I just yeah

If you roll up things, but then he's like, oh, fuck he a lot. He really did win didn't he? Like he won some if you rolled up a character for Jesus in D&D and I rolled up and I rolled up a character for you, Sador, I used it or probably would. And text that we hit 6000 patrons. It's a win. For you, Sador versus Jesus. Now, don't do this to me. I'm doing it. For you, Sidore versus Jesus.

Well, don't do this to me. Don't do this to the character that I created all by myself. And Spin Tech's the greatest. Griffin McElroy has been champion at the bit to DM that story for us. Now Arnie, my question for you is, could Arnie in the Magetheaven world, your character of Arnie?

Could you, could Arnie make John the Baptist fall in love with you? Well, okay, Sal, let me think, let me think this through. your character of Arnie. Yeah. Could you, could Arnie make John the Baptist fall in love with you? Hmm. Well, okay. So let me think, let me think this through. What do I know about John the Baptist beyond the name John the Baptist? Sixth of catch. John the Baptist like baptized people.

So yeah, I'm going to say yeah, I could. Just get baptized in a real sexy way. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, I'm like, oh my god, you were so good at that. I'll be like, I'll be honest. I've been baptized before, but it didn't take. Oh no, I swallowed too much blood. That's my impression of someone being baptized sexily.

I don't say think about it. Are we gonna play one more round? Are we done? Speed round? Speed round, let's do it. And you hit and it's, what do we wanna say, five second limit? Sure, 10 second limit.

Arthur C. Clarke knows more science fiction authors. Okay, I'm gonna say Chevy Chase, no more assholes. Hmm. John F. Kennedy, no more people that we could potentially guess their middle name. Challenge. Okay. John F. Kennedy was an asshole. Or at least a asshole.

I mean, G'day. G'day. I was good. Yeah, I mean, sorry, Ernie. I'm so enticed by doing that middle name, Joe. All right. Well, this is a fact. Okay, no, Arnie stays in. I'm gonna. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I, I've, I've won the last two rounds. I make the rules. I've won still in, everyone's still in, everyone's still in, everyone's still in, everyone's still in, you just lost a challenge. Chewbacca, no more wukies. Great. Um, Matt, Matt found his

niche, wait, wait, hold on, can I guess Chewbacca's middle name? Hold on, can I guess Chubac is middle name? Ha ha ha ha. Charles Limberg, no more people who have a nickname. What's his nickname? Lucky Lenny. Lucky Lenny. Oh, okay, oldies. Come on, learn a, read a fucking book.

Read a fact. The Noid, no more criminals. He's an asshole. Harrison Ford, no more actors who are too old for earrings. Uh, Earthworm Jim. No more earthworms. Um, Sonic the Hedgehog. No more video game characters. Shit, I was just going to do that. That's crazy.

I was going to say link no more video game characters. Um, okay. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Samson, no more biblical characters. Mm hmm. Uh, I'm going to say, I'm going to say Mickey Mouse, no more animated characters. Cute jassler. Hey, excuse me, did you hit my fucking car? I just watched you hit my Prius.

Get out of the car, bitch. We're going to throw it down. You're buying our own lot of time. Jeff Goldblum. Can I speak to your manager? I'm just realizing that Drew is Mickey Mouse. Jeff Goldblum, no more people any of us have met. Oh, um, Catherine Hepburn, no more people

who were fashion icons. Uh, okay, I'm going to say Jesse James, no more people who, uh, eventually died. Challenge. Oh, no. What's your challenge? Good, sir. Arnie said no more criminals. Well, Jesse James was doing what he did to support David. Yeah, I feel like Rocky and Rocky won. I don't have to win the game, but I just wanted to stay in long enough. I redefined what it means to be to win in the third act.

That's good. I totally forgot the criminals one, even though I said it in two games on a rail. That's what it used to me. Oh man, now I can think of his wookies. What's the what's the kid that ruined the Christian special lumpy lumpy? Yeah, and then the grandpa's watching like porn. Yeah, that's so bad. It's wild. The Star Wars Christian special. From the 70s. Oh, it's so terrible. Everyone kept joking about it.

Or everyone not even joking. Everyone says it's unwatchable. And then I watched it last year and I was like, oh, it's truly unwatchable. It's the first thing I've come across that's truly unwatchable. And it's true crime is how incredibly boring it is. Like, it's just so long and so boring.

Anyway, I've been you a lot of time again. Barack Obama, no more political figures. He's a criminal, drone strikes. Hahaha. Shania Twain, no more country singers. Arnie, I'm gonna try, my whole goal now is to throw off Arnie. Man, I feel like a wookie. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, No more British people.

Do I challenge this? Do you think he was an asshole? I mean, I think it's debatable. He seems like a nice guy when you see him on TV, but it seems like there was a lot of tension. But they were young. Can you be that famous without someone thinking you're an asshole? I mean, I think that's the other thing, right? Yeah, exactly.

I'd say if it was John Lennon, 100% you win, I think with Paul McCartney, I think he's a good dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why I was on the fence about it. Oh, okay, so I'm just gonna say something, I'm gonna say, spaghetti, Batman, Batman, no more Avengers. But you mean just, like, I'm just fucking fucking not Avengers T.M. I'm gonna say yeah. I will say Batman

No more superheroes. Is there a is there a Batman comic where he he fights Elmer Fud They're sure his hell is I wanted that they did some weird like DC Blooney Tunes things because they own all that stuff now and I won't for one supposed to be kind of good But I think I rule no more people that fought Elmer Fudge trying to run Yeah, I think there's I think there's a new one that came out this year that's that man wait wait is Batman a wookie Okay, here's a question wouldn't the most amazing way for me to win this game, be for me to somehow pull out of my ass, a correct guess at what Bruce Wayne's middle name is.

It's gotta be Patrick, right? All right, I feel like most dudes middle name is Patrick. I'm gonna challenge and say it's, I feel like it's real. I feel like it's either Alan or Michael or something like that. Oh, real quick, I wanna say, I believe there's a comic that came out this year that's Batman

versus Big B Wolf from Fables. Oh, that'd be interesting. Yeah. I never finished Fables. I need to go back and finish Fables because I really loved what I read. Very good. And Arnie, I still have your tradebacks.

Arnie, what is your challenge now? I'm gonna say, Alan. Bruce Alan Wayne. That is not correct. Ball. So his initials are ball. According to a bleeding cool article from April 5th of 2017.

Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. His middle name is... Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. His father's first name, Thomas. Thomas. His initials are BTW. Apparently, yeah. By the way.

By the way, I'm Batman. D-D-D-D-D. D-D-D-D. All right, so I lost that challenge. Okay. So you have one more challenge, right? Yes. Okay, I'm gonna say.

So you said Batman, no more, what was the rule? Superheroes, no more superheroes. No more superheroes. So then it is my turn actually. Oh yeah, you're right, sorry, sorry. I'm gonna say, and I know that there's a real reason not to do this one, but Alfred E. Newman, no more mad men. As you mascots.

No more names that have a word in you, the first or last name. Clarify that for me, please. No more people who have a word in their first or last name. Newman has new and man. Oh, I see what you're saying. I was like, all names are words. What the fuck are you talking about? Okay. I suspect that his middle initial is just E and it isn't a name. I'll be honest. I have no idea. So I'm going to challenge. I'm going to challenge and say that his middle name is E and it doesn't stand for anything. Look it up and think about that. Can I ask if this were to continue Arnie would you consider anybody that has an A in their first or last name as eligible as not eligible to be said because A is a word that depends. Is that person me or someone else in the

this sex? Okay. So when I googled it and I click on what does the E and offered to eat Newman stand for there's a Washington Post article called opinion peep bootage edge is Alfredi Newman. I don't see it. But I also am by the mayor's response. I'm willing to see the rest of this episode to hear this article. What a...

Like how it's, I like how the opinion of the article is. I don't see it. Oh, okay. It's about the election, the last election presidential election. Oh, Alfred E. Newman, Alfred E. Lecci Newman. So, Trump called him, it said he looked like Alfred E. Newman. But if you scroll down on this article, since 1956,

Alfred E. Newman, the E stands for enigma, has been among the most recognized cartoon faces in the world. In fact, a reader in Auckland, New Zealand, once paced it a cut out of Alfred's head on an envelope, a fixed postage and mailed it. The envelope was promptly delivered to the mad offices in New York. I forgot that Alfred E. Newman is a Batman villain. Wait, what the hell? If I send Mad Magazine a piece of mail with Alfredi Newman's face on it, that is news. Apparently. Damn.

I gotta try to make the news for often. Yeah, sadly, I don't think Mad Magazine exists anymore, right? That's not true. But Cracked does, right? Cracked this stuff online, but I don't think either one of them publishes a magazine anymore Mad was back for a while and then shuttered again, I believe yeah, Dan Telfer who we know was like the head editor for a while right right right right Well, I guess I lost I

Challenge how many chat lives that I think that was a I think I concede a turn I was gonna say I'll buy you both a drink if we can stop. Yeah. Okay. Okay. No, this is fun. This is fun, but one in a time square. We would all agree. Absolutely. I really, really want absolutely. Arnie, it 100% don't want to admit this. I had fun playing this game. Yeah. Oh, good. Cause that's what I's I was going to ask I was like honestly, you know, thumb up, thumb down, thumb sideways. No, this is fun for sure. Thumbs up. I will concede that you won fair and square 100% totally legit. If you now on tape say Matt Young is the sole creator of Yousador the Wizard. Nope. Fair enough. Brupped ending.

This episode of Not the Tavern, or whatever we end up calling these kinds of episodes, was produced by Arning Neacamp, Matt Young, and Alarify, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode was edited by Sage GC. Logo by Aller LeBon. Probably. I mean, it might just be the same old logo or it might be a new logo. If it's a new logo, it's also probably still by Aller'd. Placeholder theme by Matt Young.

Soap. That ought to keep your funny bone tickled for a little... Hey, did you know that Hello from The Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of The Magic Tavern Patreon? Well, it's true. Patreon supporters get two new bonus episodes like this one each month, and a bunch are already there waiting for you. Recent bonuses include another episode where Matt and Arnie play this no more blank game

with Steve Walteen and Kate James who are the real actors who play the characters on the show, which is not real. That's a weird compulsion, but if you love fune vs content, which is definitely not real, you can listen to recent bonus episodes like Spin Taxes, Potions, Poisons and Pies, and an episode where Arnie introduces Chant and Yusador to Garfield. Yes, that Garfield! Plus, there are some really exciting stretch goals on the way. An episode where Arnie, Chant and Yusador watch the original 1977 Star Wars. or a Garfield. Yes, that Garfield! Plus, there are some really exciting stretch goals on the way.

An episode where Arnie Chun and Yusador watch the original 1977 Star Wars, I mean, it's not, you know, with whatever's on Disney+. And the recently announced Shadow City D&D Real Play mini series with guest DM Anthony Birch from Dungeons and Datties. You also get ad-free versions of the main show, a monthly newsletter, and access to all of the previous bonus episodes. And that now includes every single Magic Tavern spin-off all in one place. Every season of offices and bosses, masters of mayhem, use-it-or-s fetching quests, hay tavern tavern, and more.

Plus, two new bonus episodes added every month. Classic bonus content and a new stream of bonus content living together harmoniously side-by-side. Patreon is now the one-stop shop for everything Magic Tavern. To learn more and become a patron, visit patreon.com slash Magic Tavern. Okay, the regular shows back next week. But until then, bootleg grade says, stay cool dimensional daddies. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Woo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo! You