Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Offices and Bosses S2E3: Mimic Roommate

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Chest Trünkborn the Mimic joins the game as the players take on a catering gig.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Use code OFFICE to save 70% on your first month of support. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Credits:Arnie, aka Hayden Christensen: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Danger La Grange: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettChest Trünkborn, aka Matthew Bernstein: Travis McElroyDorian Deville, aka Mr. Ropely: Zach ThompsonSlorp Dorpman: Liam O'BrienProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Tim JoyceTheme Music: Andy PolandOffices and Bosses Logo: Allard LabanProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The dwarves nomi is zonen and oak stengis. And I am known throughout the northeasternos Gassumwenius Maystar. and you're listening to Season 2, Episode 3 of Offices and Bosses, released from behind the paywall. Originally from April 2018, this episode and all of OMB Season 2 happens about halfway through Season 2 of Hello from the Magic Tavern.

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and stick around after the episode to learn how to save 70% off your first month of patronage. But for now, Officers and Bosses Season 2, Episode 3, Revel in the Entertainment. Fear not, marketing manager, IT professional, sales rep, and temp. I am officer. manager, your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. Hey, welcome back to offices and bosses. Season two,

episode three, Yusador, chunt. Guys, I know this seems like a weird, small thing, but not just saying hello from the magic tavern at the beginning of the episode is really putting me in my head. Yeah, nobody cares. It should because that was a pretty flippant start. I don't even

remember what I said. Lacking a lot. What did I say? You said, hey, office and bosses here. I guess Trump cares. John, what would you say to open offices and bosses? Buckle in, fuck face. You got your offices. You got your bosses.

Put them together. You got this show. Wee. And then there's like a chugging guitar where it's like, jund-d-d-dun-d-dun-da-dun-dud-dun-dha-dha-dha-dha-dha-dha. Offes. Busses. What?

I thought he said oases. I thought it was just one of your classic portmanteaus. Portmanteaus? Duh. Let's call the whole thing off. Usenor, do you want to try some Portmanteau salad? No.

So, we're playing offices and bosses. Usenor, how should I start every episode? Oh, I've lost all interest in this conversation. It's tough. I guess you just want to jump into the game, don't you? Yes, I want to play. All right, Meta- We all want to play.

Yeah, yeah, I'm ready to go, and I understand we've got a new roommate, correct? Yes, we do. You know, I feel like I've been so rude. chest drunk born the mimic has been sitting here in a treasure chest form this whole time and we hey man yeah hey how's it gone man hey chest i'm so sorry we never once invited you to play this game with us no you know that's okay i didn't want to butt in you know i figured you know when it was my turn you would ask me to play and i have i well i just wanted to wait patiently so i was over here eating my portmintoes and waiting for y'all to ask me to play so thank you so much well thank you

for playing. We're excited to have you. I'm so sorry that we've had one of our evil villains on before you. Yeah, and also sitting on me, which I didn't care for, but I do appreciate you put a blanket over it so he wouldn't stick to me. Appreciate that. Thank you very much. Yeah. A villain. That's what I've been relegated to. Well, Dorian, you know, you're a trickster god that

tricked me into accidentally killing King Bellaroff. I, from my point of view, I'd say that I lifted Chunt's curse. How would Chunt feel about that? Pretty mixed feelings Mixed feelings about having your curse lifted I was kind of starting to like my stick arm Chant made me stand out

You know made me you know it's like a cool hat or something Or like wearing a monocle But you would have died Yeah but people would have known I died You know it's memorable Chant you're very memorable Mayhap we can just unwind the entire thing then And take everything back

Pathetic creature I want to hear Arnie say this How am I memorable Name three catchphrases Your chance Arnie Say something the night. Yeah, oh, of course. Name three catchphrases. Name three catchphrases I've done. Bing Bong. Yeah. Chunts up with that. And chunt hardly wait, which admittedly now that I think about it is one that I said.

But see, oh, here, uh, uh, get wet. Oh, you do remember. I do. I am memorable. That's classic little squish. Classic little squish. Even Doreen DeVille, the trickster god who's been out of town for a long time knows your catchphrase. Yeah, and he has a painting. Oh, yeah, baby. A chest. Just, you know one. Yeah, man, that's my favorite. I got this a giant T-shirt says,

Oh, yeah, baby. I had to get like extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, large. I got a big chest. Yeah, what size chest do you have? Extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, Yucan R. What are your favorite of chunts catchphrases that none of us have said already?

A sizzobop. Mm, sizzobob, mbop. Francis don't play. culinary delights. Those are my favorites. Yeah, I used to, back before you landed in our town, anytime he introduced himself, when he said magical delights,

I would slip in a culinary delights. Oh, interesting. Matamore, what are your favorite chunt expressions that no one has said yet? You know, we don't interact too terribly much. Usually it's, hey, can you saddle my horse? Or, I'm looking for some milk.

Do you mind if you milk that cow for me? They're some longer. They're more transactional. I work in the stables. What about major flinch? Oh, yeah. That was the cool thing before you, about five or ten years ago, the whole like, you know, fake punch somebody.

And when they flinching, then it's two for flinching. Yeah. And they go number two on you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the two you get for flinching is number two. Totally. One from each butthole.

Yeah, and it's, I mean, I used to, I would say, I could give two shits. And they'd be like, what? And then I did. Yeah. Well, people are flinching, though, it's better than five for fighting. Five for fighting? Yes, what's it five for fighting? Oh, they live three doors down from here.

Chess and, you know, we kind of dive into the game, but would you mind sharing like five or six of your favorite of Chun's expressions that he hasn't said recently? Let's see, baby don't know. Oh, yeah. Like that one of my games. Boys night. That's a good one. And I think that's it.

I think that's all of them. Francis don't play. Francis don't play. That is a good one. Whose dog is this? Like that one. Dinah, don't you blow your horn? I eat it all the potato chips.

That was a good one. I did like that. I had a six-month phrase where I would say all my verbs passed down. That's true. Shoes to that was a good one. I like that one a lot. That one always got me. And that was, well, I used to have a podcast with chess called Getting Shoes.

Oh. Yeah. And we'd replace any slogan that we normally have nuts in it with shoes. Robot. Yeah. Shoes in that nuts to that. No one downloaded it. Yeah.

I don't want to talk about it. It was a failure. All right. We invested a lot of money in it. Thousands and thousands of gold pieces into it. it and then nobody listened. Oh, gosh. It's all right.

Well, it was before Arnie got here, so we didn't have a way to publish it. Oh. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. I mean, we called a podcast now, but mostly we spent a lot of money on shoes, and then we would talk about shoes.

Then we just had a pile of shoes, and we got upset just seeing the shoes there all the time, so we had a user come in, and we had him zapos them all the way. Now, test, what sort of character do you think you were going to play in offices and bosses today? Well, I was thinking about it. I was looking through one of the expansion tomes,

I would like to play aspiring model. Oh. Matthew Bernstein. Ooh. Yeah, that is an available character. Perhaps you have one fancy set of clothes you can wear. They could get you some bonus modifiers if you need to, you know, convince anybody of anything. Yeah.

You can be. I have high charisma, but low intelligence. Oh. Yeah. That's correct. That's correct. And sometimes you can be annoying to your friends. Yeah.

Chess, do you mind me asking Matthew Bernstein, what kind of aspiring model? Like a full body model or like focusing on modeling some individual part of your body? Torso. Oh. Ooh, torso model. Yeah. Think kind of between shoulder to shoulder. Neck to waist.

Oh, yes. Yeah. Yes. I understand what the torso is. But it's so exciting. What a very specific and sensual field to enter. Yeah, and that's kind of, that's, so I like to build in some kind of, like, strength and weakness to my character.

So, like, big, burly, amazing chest, but, like, he hasn't paid much attention to his arms. And so, so they've kind of atrophied arms and legs. Yeah, well, I mean, it's not like, he's not sick or anything. It's not like comical in any way, but it's enough that it's like he wears big billowy shirts to try to hide it, that kind of thing. So he wears a shirt that it's see-through in the chest, but the arms are very opaque. Yeah, and it's on his character sheet, too. It's got a mesh. Yeah.

A lot of mesh clothing. Very common in offices and bosses, I recall. Yeah, especially with characters who are either aspiring models or dancers or prostitutes. You're going to get a lot of mesh clothing as well. Now, as a roommate, it means that he does have a feaster famine ability in which he will either have be flush with money because he just required a job, perhaps modeling some kind of perfumed body spray, which only applied to the torso, or he will have no money. So at the start of every day, you're going to have to roll a die there, and we'll see if he is flush with cash or has nothing. If we'll go ahead and roll the die there, Mr. Bernstein. Yeah, let me get my...

Let me see. It's hard because I got these weird chest arms here. Sure. Let me see. Handles. Really? My chesticles, yes. That is a 14.

A 14. Okay, you... It's thin. This day is going to be thin on the money for you. Oh, no. Chess, can I ask you something? And I don't know if this is... I don't know if this is a thing I should even be asking or not.

Like, you did a great job rolling those dice using your handles. I was very impressed. But also, Would you prefer one of us to roll the dice for you? Uh, yeah, I'd appreciate that. It's just because it's hard for me to see up on top of the table. Uh, you know, I got to open my lid and that makes it hard to talk, so I would appreciate it. Speaking of talk, would you all like to hear, uh, character voice I came up with for Matthew Bernstein?

Oh, sure, absolutely. I'm Matthew Bernstein. Hi, everybody. I'm ready to play offices and bosses with you. Oh, damn. What a character voice. Wow. Thank you.

I've been practicing it. What a sufficient. sophisticated sounding character voice. Hey, thank you so much, man. I really appreciate it. That voice has been places, done things. Does that make sense? Well, this isn't my first time using.

I mean, I've played offices and bosses before, fellas. Oh, yes, you're familiar. But usually, I've been the table. Just a joke. I eat it all the potatoes. Jess, this is such a good voice. Have you ever considered just like making that your voice? Well, wait, what are you saying,

you motherfucker. I'm just saying it's, look, you've got a great... What's wrong with my regular voice, Arnie? Backpedal. No, nothing. I'm just... I don't know. It's just men as a compliment of this voice and in no way

bad words about your other voice. Yes, what a year? You mentioned the other day that you had some problem with people putting on characters and doing voices. Everyone's got a good voice and a bad voice. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Yeah, whose dog is this?

Ah. Well, I'll tell you, Arnie, I'm going to keep this voice up for the show, but it is extremely painful for me to do. It is highly uncomfortable. It's like my box throat is bleeding. But no, I'll keep it on because you like it so much. And let's get on with the game. Yeah, yeah, if I was ready here, when last we left, everyone's back living at John Bastion's apartment. Have you ever wondered why we call French Frye's?

french fries, or why something is the greatest thing since sliced bread? There are answers to those questions. Everything Everywhere Daily is a podcast for curious people who want to learn more about the world around them. Every day, you'll learn something new about things you never knew you didn't know. Subjects include history, science, geography, mathematics, and culture. If you're a curious person and want to learn more about the world you live in, just subscribe to Everything Everywhere Daily wherever you cast your pod.

so much. And let's get on with the game. Yeah, yeah, if I was ready here, when last we left, everyone's back living at John Bastion's apartment. Marilyn Beef is now your now former roommate. We lost Marilyn Beach? Yeah, she has decided to move in with the college professor with whom she was having the affair with.

Oh, the principal, I'm sorry, the wife of the principal died a third time. So she's now back to being a ghost. That's right. The ghost of herself in the wheelchair died. Yeah. But then died, passed back in, but then passed away again. Pretty straightforward.

Man, you miss one episode, huh? Yeah. What's going on? What is this? Ghosts. So your new roommate is this fashion model. And the Brian Dennyhee card that was played earlier. It turns out that you have received a message from Brian Dennyhee.

that he has a special, odd job for you for today. Now, Trunk, you weren't here last time. We met Brian Dennyhy who runs a job fair. Uh-huh. And he was going to help us get jobs, potentially. And is he some kind of like, uh, kind of like wizard or king or... All those combined.

Oh, wow. What's a portmanteau of wizard and king? Wing. Kizzard? Both, I think, both of those. Well, uh, he has asked if anyone has any catering experience. and I'm assuming all of you lied and said yes. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, hey, good. I'm not sure if we need to roll the dice for that. Matthew actually did. He helped cater his uncle's wedding. Well, that's, that's fantastic. He introduces you to a man named Jesse Freeway who is, who needs your services. Oh, what for us? Catering event.

Sorry, speaking of Cater. Arnie, do you want some cater salad? Oh, sure. There you go. So if Mr. Freeway... They call this cater salad? They call this cater salad? They call this cater-s-out.

A car picks you up and takes you to a large fancy mansion in town. Oh, and... Oh, a mansion. Mr. Freeway is there, too. Introduce himself and... Guys, before we get out of here and going to this fancy mansion, like, are you sure this is safe? I'm sure it is.

Brian Denehy said he could help us get some odd jobs in the times between, you know, full employment. Yeah, at some point we have to step out of our cocoon and, you know, Get out into the world. So we're just going to do a little catering today and see how it goes. And I'll tell you, it's not as hard as it seems, Arnie. You just get in there, right? Look very handsome, like this. And people will tip you just for doing your job.

Oh, and Trunk, don't forget, that's not Arnie right now. That's Hating Christensen, Jedi MFA creative writing. Oh, that's right. My character is Hayden Christensen. I'm a MFA creative writing. Hayden Christensen. All right? It's a little hard to say.

Yeah, let me write it down. Yeah. Yeah, it's like two names that seem like they should be four names, and none of them are real names. Yeah. If that's too hard to say, you could just call me something more common like Anakin. Oh, yeah. All right.

Oh, Anakin. Yes, of course. Well, great. Here's Mr. Freeway. No, I believe. The name's Jesse Freeway. Right, and he sent you monkeys over here to cater my daughter's face. fancy wedding, see? And if anything goes wrong, you're fired!

Oh, okay. Does he have to call his wedding fancy? Couldn't that just be how we perceive it? I guess so. Wait, guys, guys, I got this. Okay. Nice. Good one. Nice. Well, I can see you boys have some experience. Change it to these fancy tuxedos and start cart and food out to the table. Pretty straightforward. Yes, sir. Okay. We're ready to party down.

Okay, everybody needs to roll dice to see if their tuxedo actually fits. Okay. All right. Could somebody roll for me, please? Okay, chest. You have a four. Four, okay. Could you roll again for me, please?

Yep, absolutely. And that's, oh, that's a Natch 20. There we go. He gets a re-roll? Fair enough. Okay. Your tuxedo fits perfectly. It's revealing in the torso, yet very concealing in the arms and legs.

Perfect. Thank you. And I'm going to roll this is for, of course, for Danger LaGrange, my one-inch baby DJ. Here we go. and Danger LaGrange gets a 11. Okay, that's oddly tight in the groin. Tight? I'm a one-inch baby in my tuxedo is tight.

Oh, in the groin. Yes, of course. Lose everywhere else tight in the groin. Because of my 20-inch penis. I should say I was able to re-roll because I have a special skill called privilege, and I can use my privilege. I think it's once a day to re-roll. Yeah, to re-roll.

Anybody who's exceptionally beautiful or exceptionally pretty, let him get away with things. Exactly. I have that same skill set, but it says it's because my character is white. Yeah, that's true as well. Did you want to re-roll on your tuxedo? I do want to re-roll. Sure.

Oh, 11 again. Okay. The weird things about people in this game who have privilege roles, like, is that they literally don't seem to actually realize they have them. No. You only see it, like, when you realize somebody else doesn't have it, but then you really quickly forget it, and just kind of close your mind off to it

and think about more pleasant things and ignore your own. own privilege. When I see that, I just assume they lost them, and I've earned mine. Just so you know, the clock is running on this wedding. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Things are happening. Eight. Eight. Okay. Your, uh, tuxedo, the buttons on the front are kind of pulled open a little bit, so they don't really close, making those little caves between the buttons. I don't know what you call that effect. And then the neck doesn't quite close either. A poorly fitting shirt. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And Hayden. Oh, I rolled it. Three. Three.

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Just knock where you see the sign that says. Door for Slop Dortmund's Emporium, a horrific Dortmund Corporation sponsor, by four coperial corpsmen. You enter the kitchen. There's large plates of shrimp and hors d'oeuvres and things. I just start eating. What? No. Okay.

Guys, they're not going to know. I'm just going to eat a bunch of stuff. Before it goes out there. Don't do that. Don't do that. We're trying to keep this job. Guys, this is free food here. It isn't free food. Somebody paid for this food.

Oh, wait. Actually, Arnie does make it good. I would like to roll to see if I can, like, strategically take one or two hors d' and then kind of scoot them back around. so like that you can't see that I'm missing. Okay, that's 16. Yeah, you're able to do that. You're able to kind of take two or three.

Matthew, Matthew, quiet. And remember, Matthew doesn't need to eat. No. Act like you've been there before, Matthew. You're right, you're right. Sorry, let me get in character. You're right. And again, the clock is right.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get these hors d'oeuvres out to the guests. I pick up a plate of asparagus wrapped with beef, and head out to the floor. Sure. I roll to see if I can amuse Bouch. You do. Oh, great.

Bouch is amused. Great. Well done. Well done. That's a mighty Bouch. I roll to sort of scope out the crowd and see if there's anyone at this wedding that can help my fine arts writing career. 17. Yeah, it's a nice roll.

Most people are wearing normal dark colored suits. You do see a man wearing a tan suit. And they're wearing a white suit. And they also have garish ties. So they may be involved in the arts in some regard. The man who's wearing a white suit, I want to roll insight to see if I can tell that, try and see if this is after the day his wife has gone into labor.

You should not be wearing that after his wife. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's a 15. Yeah, he is not. He is not. His wife is not. He's not married. Oh, good, good, go. Okay, then that's that's apropos.

If you want to approach one of them and chant one, they're certainly available to you. Okay, sure, yeah. I'm going to go up to one of them. Hi, excuse me, I'm only working this job for money. I'm really a writer. You just tell me that or you give me some hors d'oeuvres? I'm telling you that. Sorry, there are no hors d'oeuvres on this tray. I ate all of them.

Wow, that's very bold. That's very bold. You want to roll. I might want to use your East Coast liberal arts school. jargon. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, well, you know what? I got to say, it's actually Midwest liberal arts, but you know, for creative writing, that's actually better.

Oh, 17. Very nice. Well, this man is very interested. He's talking. He said, well, you need to speak with my wife. She is actually a publisher. What? In New York City. You should speak with her. New York City! Get the rope. Just remember,

you're not a chess trum. You're Matthew Burns. Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. Yeah, sorry, I still have the room. The wife comes over and Jews for Facebook. Oh, interesting. Oh, you do great and writing, huh? Are you, why are you working here?

Oh, just for money. I understand, I understand. Did you bring some hors d'oeuvs or anything? Oh, I didn't, but maybe one of these other waiters have some food on their trays. I would like to roll to see if I've overheard this, to see if I can bring some hors d'oeuvre's over to help out Hayden. Sure, go ahead and give that a roll there.

13? You overhear it and bring the hors d'oeuvre is a vegetarian and is not interested in a beef wrapped asparagus. I also rule to see if I overhear. You do as well. Yep, well done. Okay. And you have asparagus wrapped with the beet. Okay, at this point

she's insulted twice in a row three times, actually, since you didn't have any hors d'oe on your tray. To see if she will read your manuscript, you're going to have to get a very, very good role here. Okay. 18? Is that enough?

It's enough for her to consider it. She doesn't give you her number, but her business number. Okay. So someone likely will be reading your manuscript. Okay. I suggest that she take the asparagus that is wrapped around the beef and wrap it around the asparagus that was wrapped in beef and just eat the asparagus. Let's give that a roll.

That's a, that's a... Two. She says. And walks off. Is that good? That's bad. I think it's quite bad. Very bad.

What the hell did you idiot say to my guest? I just suggested that she wrap asparagus and other asparagus that had recently touched beef and eat that since she's a vegetarian. You better get back in the kitchen and get some more hors d'oeuvres. Oh, Jesse Freeways firing you off this job. Guys, I got this. I got this. Okay. Nice.

I want to scamper. up, my one inch baby is going to scamper up Matthew's leg, get up to his, crawl up his slender arms, to his hair. I'm going to grab a tuft of hair in each my right and left hand of Matthew and start to maneuver him around the kitchen, creating more hors d'oeuvres that are vegetarian friendly as a one inch baby. Oh, wow. I do not roll to contest. I am a willing participant in this exchange. That's fine. You probably could have just asked, but if you want to do the baby... Can I rule to look away? Can I roll just not to see this happening?

I can put a hat on over it so you don't see him. Put on a chef's hat. Classic portmanteauie. Yep. Well, it is time for the table service. Plates are being made by the kitchen staff. I need to be taken out to the tables, to the various tables. I would like to open the door and stick my hat out and go, hello.

And then I want to stick, I grab Matthew's head out the door, and he says, Hello. And I stick my head out and I go, I appear and this is where I'm supposed to be. Okay, I'm down. Hello. And my baby voice, I want to say, I eat it all of the potatoes. Classic.

Well, the guests are in complete stony silence. Oh, wow. Guys, I think we impressed them. I think so, too. Yes. Well, let's get these entrees out there, shall we? I would like to roll to serve the bridal table? Sure.

Table number one. That should be served first. It's a good thing that you suggested doing that, yes. Is that a high roll? I don't know what I need. You're going to want a high number to recognize the bridal party. A lot of positive modifiers, hard to miss the head table. A lot of positive modifier.

Boom. You nailed it. And you go over to the head table, and they are impressed. Oh, this guy. This guy is a very. Very chiseled torso. This guy's, wow, that's a, that's a torso that could sell cummerbuns. That's what that is.

And the groom... Is this a cumberbun family? Are they... Yes, they're Cumberbun millionaires, and the groom was on to mention that he is in charge of the marketing department of the freeway cummerbuns. Do I over, do I over here this conversation? Yes, you do over this conversation. Oh, okay. I would like to offer my services as a marketer.

Okay, how are your abs? How are your abs? Oh, oh. Well, I'm not. I'm, well, I'm in good shape, but I'm not, you know, like, ripped or anything. Are you wearing a tuxedo with a fedora? Yes, I always wear my fedora because it gives me some modifiers. Sure.

Okay. Go ahead and roll a die. Seven. Is it possible for me to roll to assist? Yes, it is. If you want to, as a model, you can step in and use your high charisma to try to cover up the problems here. It's going to roll here. I would like to, excuse me.

I would like to pitch us as before and after. Look how much better your abs could look with a cumber button. Man, that character voice must be so hard to put on, but you're really rocking it. That's not bad. Let's get a roll. That's a 14? Oh, no, I'm sorry, with adjusted, that's 7. That's 7.

Okay. They seem interested, but as you do your before and after, you tilt your head, and the baby on your head falls out of your hat, lands in a giant, cream pie, throwing cream pie over everyone's... I want to lick up the remaining pie and look them bed in the eyes and go, baby, don't know. I think I see some cream pie, like, splatters on one of the guests, and they, I think they think it's intentional,

and so they reach for a pie themselves and, like, throw it. You think you see that? I think I see that. You're rolling to think if you see it. Do you need to roll to see if you do it? did it or if you did see it? I think it. Do I see it? You think you see

someone do something that you're not in control of. Guys, remember, I'm a creative writing MFA graduate and so sometimes I think things so vividly that I see them. I think I see. I think I see. That's the name of my

manuscript. Okay, that's not bad. That's not bad. So upon thinking you see this, what are your actions? Duck. Okay. You duck. I duck. Successfully. Oh, good.

Do I need to roll? No, there was nothing thrown at you, so you just duck. Okay. Oh, so there was no pie thrown at, uh, at, uh, at Pey Christians. Was there a pie thrown? Who did it hit? Uh, uh, roll. The pie hit, uh, Mr. Freeway.

Oh. What the hell? Mr. Freeway at his own daughter's wedding, got hit by a pie? And then I take my fingers and wipe my eyes out from the center and flick, and flick the pie. Roll for that. Yes, you do. You do.

But the pie hits my mother-in-law. My pie leavings hit my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law in the face. Well, at this point, lots of pies are being thrown. The plan was everyone would get their own pie, while one family is a Cumberbun millionaire family, the other family is a pie family. That's why you would have so many pies.

I'm so sorry. I just want to roll real quick. I think I see that Mr. Freewe way as he flicks his arms, his cummerbun snags and he unrolls as if he's like a roll of paper or something. You think you see? I think I see that. Look, you're a trust one, baby.

You're not a great writing MFA. But I think he unrolls and as he unrolls his entire tuxedo comes off to where he's only wearing his underwear and he jumps into a barrel. Underwear and sock garters. Oh, perfect. Yeah, I think I see that. Yeah. You do think you see it.

You do think you see it. That's great. Yes. No. So I get to be the fool of this game yet again. Well, I think I see that people are now using their cumberbuns as to be the fool of this game yet again. Well, I think I see that people are now using their cumberbuns as slingshots to fire pies. Can I roll to see if I actually see that?

Sure. You can roll to see if you actually see it. So, 16. Yes, the cumberbun. Family are using tying cumbers together to make giant slingshots to throw pies around pies around the room.

I might be mistaken. I think I see that they're enjoying this. I think I see that one of those people using a cupboard as a slingshot accidentally let's go of the cummer bun and it attaches itself in an improbable way around the chest and torso of Matthew Bernstein

and everyone stops in a complete silence. when they see the most beautiful torso covered in the most beautiful cummer bun. That's what you think you see. That's what I think I see. Can I roll for that? Sure. Why not? We're in a think we see moment here. Natural 20. Wow. Wow. They do.

And, well, that's a torso that can sell cummer buns right there. That's what I'm seeing. And slow clapping begins until the entire room is slowly clapping Matthew Bernstein's cummer bun. And they all... shrug off their grudges and realize that while this wedding has been messy, it's been a lot of fun. That was an amazing role.

That truly was an amazing role. All right, boys, I didn't think you can do it, but here's your paying cash. Wow. Thank you, Mr. Freeway. Yes, yes, thank you very much. Everybody gets 50 Somolians cash. Ooh. You know, I'm happy about the money, but I find myself looking over the bride and groom.

Jesse Freeway's daughter who's gotten married, and I just think, feel lonely. I wish that I had Jesse's girl. I would like to roll to see if Arnie's creeping everyone out. Sure. Natural 20. Yeah, everyone's, the entire dinner party is stop clapping and is slowly taking, in unison, steps back from Cape Christmas.

I can't help myself. Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch. I'll never find me a woman like that. I would like to roll to see if I'm also stepping away from Hayden. I'm not with him. I was just hired today. I've never met this creepo before in my life. We should get out of here while we still have a chance.

Everyone's in a good mood and we got paid. Matthew, are you coming with us? You know what? I think I am. Wonderful. And maybe we like pick up Hayden like a ladder. And so there's the three of a and like the baby's dangling off his feet or whatever, and we run him out like a fireman's ladder, you know.

That's great. I wonder what's for roll for that. Make sure we can get a, how about, how about, we'll have, we'll have baby roll for that one to see if we can make that one work. That's a 10. That's a 10. Is that a 10? It works. Baby don't know.

With comical, there are some kicking overs of plants. There are some knocking us of heads into, into walls, but you are able to leave the party. I think it's a, at one. point we walk through a pane of glass. There's two people carrying a paint of glass through the wedding and we happen to crash through it. It's an ice sculpture. Oh great. Of a paint of glass. That's you. I mean, look, it's easy. You got to start someone. They are rich. But you are successfully leave the party, everybody with $50. Yes. Which is going to be great because you look at your watch and you realize that rent is due at midnight and it is $11.50.

I think midnight rent. How much, how much do we owe? $200. Perfect. Is this, do we, how many? 50? You've got to get home in 10 minutes. 200.

Everyone, that's $200. That's the easiest. Oh, you're bad. Okay, I would like to roll to see if we see any kind of mode of transport around. Oh, I'd like to use my port key. What is this? I have one magical boot that's a port key that if I touch it, it takes me where I want to go. You're a portman, too?

Yes. Oh. I was going to say let's use a port keys too. Can I use... Portkeys too? They made a port keys too? We'll use that the next day. Can I use my port key right now?

Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Everyone grab onto this boot and think about home. Wait, which home? The place where I live. Oh, yeah. The fake home. Yes.

And as I search... Shoes to that. That's my case for you. You're back in John Bastion's apartment. successfully, just as you hear a knock on the door, as Mr. Ropley is there to collect the rent. Well, boys, it's midnight. That's my new Mr. Roply voice.

I hope you all like it. It's midnight. Time to collect a rat. Here you are, Mr. Roply. 200 smackaroos. I roll to lick my thumb and count the bills. Go ahead. Metamore, can I ask,

what's the Somolians, the smaccaroos conversion rate? Like... One to one. Oh, okay, good. Clams are also one-to-one. Oh, okay. What about buckaroos? Buckaroos are one-to-one.

Sawbucks, 10-to-1. The straight-up cheddar. These are also 1.5 to 1. Is Scrillo about a 1-1-1? 0.8. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Dollar-dollar bills, y'all?

One, to 1. Benjamin's 100 to 1. Grants, 50 to 1. Ailes, 5.1. All right, so it's rolled to see if we can lick that thumb. Yes, boy, that is a moistened thumb. Ooh. It is plowing through those monies.

$200. I'll see you boys next month. Now keep it down. I'd like to roll to flex to like seduce Mr. Robly, just a little. Not, I'm not trying to like act on it or nothing, but like just enough that Mr. Robles is like, oh, and it's a little flustered. You just want him thinking about you. Yeah, just enough that he begins to like question. You know, like, think.

Sure, well, this could drive a wedge between him and Mrs. Ropley, which, as we learned, may not be a problem, but that's two. Two. He rolls his eyes and immediately questions. I see you're back to three men and a baby in this apartment. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

I mean, okay. Well, you did. He has left, and you have successfully paid the rent this month, everybody. Yeah. Guys, so far. We've been doing all right. Being unemployed. We're pretty good at being unemployed, I feel like.

Well, I, you know, I'm surprised to hear myself saying this, but Dorian, you've been a delight to play with. You've been playing these characters and helping out Metamore, but it's so fun to have you here. This is a whole new side of you. I've never seen. I've got to be honest, when you tricked your way into this game, I thought you were up to something, that you were going to try to do something terrible to all of us, but mostly you've been kind of been playing kind of helpful characters. Up to something, that's a load of snoo. Oh.

A load of snoo? Yes, a load of snoo. Snoo? I don't know. Is that a moon? Does that mean we lose? I don't know. Or is that just an expression, I don't know.

Did you mean to ask me what snoo? Oh. Dorian. If there wasn't a painting of you in the attic slowly aging, I'd kill you. All that said, I'm surprised that the three of you are as good at this. game as you are, I thought for sure I would have mastered it by now and subjugated you to my will yet again.

What? What? And mayhap, I still will. Just Arnold, John Minamore, come here. It's Arne. That Dodian might be up to something. What? Something evil. Really? Some kind of snoo?

What's new? What's new with you? Oh, damn it. How are you thinking so kind of like? I don't know, five episodes long con. Maybe, or six or seven. We might get an six or a six or a thing. Okay, I don't know. Or it might be an up, baby.

What's up, baby? Not much, baby. Just watch out if he tries to sell you a butt for. What's a butt for? For pooping, stupid. No. Well, we just got to remember we have to follow Cole's law. What's Cole's law?

Shredded cabbage. But guys, the thing, I don't know. can't figure out is what is he eating under there? What's underwear? Yeah. What's underwear? Why the fuck have we been wasting our time playing this game with complicated

rules when we could just entertain ourselves with this stuff for hours on end? All right, the four of you have been progressing for a henway, clearly. What's a henway? About four pounds? Well, is it a matter of you? What's a matter of you? Nothing, what's a matter of you?

Oh, you've wasted by my own petard. What's a partard? Honestly. It's a cannonball. Great, thank you. I'm just worried about the fuck we're doing here. What the fuck are we doing here?

I don't know what the fuck are we doing here. I have brought nothing to this. This was, I mean, this is honestly, this is basically what Chess and I did for getting shoes. Oh, really? Yeah. It'd just be a lot of question and answers. A lot of bumps set spike. I see.

Long story short, yeah, I think there's a long con involved with Dorian. And I'm beginning to question the whole milk. jug on my head and just the whole circumstance was kind of strange and I'm not sure what would happen if you were. I may happen is too late. We're all into this game of offices and bosses now. There must be a clear winner and a clear victor. Well, we just got to make sure to win then. You got to make sure to win and honestly, I guess it all depends on next. What's next? Classic Arnie. Great catchphrase. Should we all come around and all say our favorite Arnie catchphrases? Guys, guys, I'm so excited. I'd have to say my favorite catchphrases.

Yeah, that one was me. I've almost forgot. Like when he forgets the guest. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think my favorite would have to be about two and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King

into the magical, fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rifts and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermillion Minotaur, and the town of Hogs' face in the land of foon. Guys, I'm ready to start this episode.

I also like when he's, He says, I sat on my ball. Good thine loins, beloved listeners, as I cast a protection spill from the arcane nonsense spewing forth from the main podcast feed. Usenor, the wizard, was played by Matt Young. Chunt the Badger was played by Adlerify. Chest Trunk-Born, the Mimick, was played by special guest, Travis McElroy.

Menimore, the office manager, was played by Bill Arnard. Dorian Deville, aka Mr. Ropley, was played by Zach Thompson. Slorp Dorpman was played by Liam O'Brien. This episode of Offices and Bosses was produced by Annie Neacamp, Ryan D. Georgie, and Evan Djokova. This episode edited by Tim Joyce with production assistance from Garrett Schultz. The Offices and Boss's logo was designed by Alan Laban with a theme song composed by Andy Poland.

We have survived the onslaught once again, friends. Someday we'll understand what emanates from this strange podcastual feed. But for now, go to hello from the magictavern.com or patreon.com slash magic tavern to become a patron and support the show. And right now, through July 5th, save 70% off your first month of Patreon by using code office. You'll receive access to over 100 bonus episodes with two new bonus episodes each month, Discord access, a monthly newsletter, and a quarterly meeting, greet, live session. Use Code Office by July 5th to save 70% off your first month of Patreon.

Until next week, Fair Listeners.