Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Offices and Bosses S2E4: Mouse Roommate

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Momo the mouse with human strength joins the game as the players accept a mysterious delivery job.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Use code OFFICE to save 70% on your first month of support. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Credits:Arnie, aka Hayden Christensen: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Danger La Grange: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettMomo the Mouse, aka Mariska Hargitay: Erin KeifDorian Deville, aka Mr. Ropely: Zach ThompsonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandOffices and Bosses Logo: Allard LabanProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Overwhelmed by investing. If you're anything like us, the hardest part is getting started. That's why we created the Investing for Beginners podcast. Our goal is to help simplify money so it can work for you. We invite guests to demystify investing. At least like the minimum 10% into the 401k. I'm Dave Ahern. And I'm Andrew Safer.

And we hope you join us on the Investing for Beginners podcast. On the Investing for Beginners podcast. Hi, I'm Gustavo Sorolla. And if you love D&D style adventures full of humor and heart, you should check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon is a cinematic listening experience complete with guest performances from professional voice actors and comedians, immersive sound design,

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No matter where you decide to start listening, you're guaranteed to have a side-splitting journey that's fun for all ages and perfect for both D&D veterans and newcomers alike. Just search for Tales from a Stinky Dragon, wherever you listen to podcast and subscribe today. Hey, I'm Ike Barronholz. On my new show, Funny You Ask, trivia starts the conversation, and then things immediately go off the rails. I ask a question. My guests think they know the answer.

Sometimes they do. More often, they do not. And then the conversation takes a turn. One trivia question turns into stories about career highs, painful bombs, and behind the scenes moments that probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barrenholz. Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barrenholz

on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yusador here while King Ani is busy at King's School. We're currently releasing these episodes from behind the paywall. But do you know that you can hear brand new bonus episodes on Patreon? Like Offices and Bosses Season 5 coming out right now. Go to Patreon.com slash Magic Tavern to support the show and listen to the first episode of Owen B Season 5. The second episode will be coming out later this very week

with special guest Hildy the Ancient Turtle. You've probably seen one of the things know how it works. This is where it is. We do keep track of copies, so no photocopy in your butt or movie screenplay. No promises. You're gonzow. You're crazy. I like it. I like it. Any other questions?

Are we good here? Is this like one of my... I mean, like, am I going to find out what my responsibilities are today? Or like... Yeah, oh yeah. We'll get that all sorted out. We'll get that sorted out. Don't worry. Okay. I'll stand up again. Yeah.

Hildy, can I ask, do you have on your sheet, do you have any special abilities? I guess I'm just curious, like, if you have any special skills. Oh, I'm so, it is exhausting to come in and out of character like that. Just give me a little, just give me a warning before it's going to happen next time. Oh, yeah. Would you like a safe word or something? I would like a safe word. That's a good safe word.

How about, um, ooh, um, intermission. Intermission. Intermission. Okay. Okay, intermission. Yes, how can I help you? We'll learn more about Patreon after today's episode, and how to save 70% off your first month of patronage. But for now, enjoy season two, episode four,

of offices and bosses from April of 2018. Fear not, marketing manager, IT professional, sales rep, and temp. I am office manager, your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. Hey, Momo, how you doing? I'm okay. I'm so excited. Thank you for playing offices and bosses with us.

Of course. It's just nice not to be napping, you know? Oh, sure. How do you, are you just napping a lot of the time? I nap the day away. Nap the day away. Mm-hmm. Wow, but you all, I got to say, I appreciate that you seem sort of like real delighted

about it. Mm-hmm. Wait, hold on. Let me sit next to you. Hey, hey, how have you been? Oh, okay. Mama was okay. It's good to be here.

It's nice to be included in something. Yeah, I was real excited to play this game with you. You know, you're one of our best friends. I don't know where everybody else is. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I'm late. No, hey, John, how you doing, bud? Cizzlebop.

Hey, look who I got to play. What? Sizzlebop. Oh, one of a classic. That's right. Cisel Bob? Classic catchphrase. Sizzle Bob.

Momo don't know that one. MoMo don't know? Momo don't know. You doing Mo'Kay? Mommo okay. Yeah, that's awesome. I saw Mo Mo Moe walk in earlier. Sorry, I was just at the bar getting some drinks so I don't have to get up.

Yeah. You know, as a badger, can you sort of track Momo's movements? As a shapeshifter, can you track Momos movements more like? I feel like Momo, I don't necessarily always know where you're around. I just sort of see movement in my peripheral vision around the tavern. It's funny you ask, since I'm in Badger form, I can use my, sense of smell to track. But that being said, there is,

how do I put this politely, there is someone in the tavern emanating a very powerful odor that's kind of, oh, okay, that's kind of muting my abilities. Let's not bring it up to you, Sador. Yeah, it wouldn't make sense to. Yeah.

If that makes sense. Does that make sense? What's this? Arnie, there's been several days where I've been sitting next to you the whole day, and you haven't noticed. Really, the whole day. Wow. Yeah, you mumble some stuff to yourself when you're alone.

Oh, details. Oh. Just like, oh, man. Oh, man. Aw. That sounds like me. Such self-frustration. Oh, man.

I don't know where you used to us at. Let's be around here somewhere. Well, let's all just take in a deep whiff and see if, uh... Yeah, I smell that weird smell that's always around. Do you find that you always smell it? I do. I think you sort of, sometimes Eusser says he's out of town, and I'm like, can't fool me.

I still smell you. Hey, everybody. Oh, Metamore. Yeah. I'm, uh, I get my books and things from the, uh, my dice from the, from the, from the stables. But I'm here now. I'm here now. And, uh, ready to go.

Ready to go. Okay. This is our, we're new. Yeah, this is, uh, Minimore. I don't know if you ever met Momo the mouse with human strength. Hi, I'm Momo. Oh, hey, it's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you.

I've probably never seen you in the barn. We got a couple cats in there. I don't know. Well, I don't know. Maybe. Ooh, a couple cats. Is there any snoo pussy cats? Hmm?

Is there any snoo pussy cats? I think just regular cat, I think. What, snoo pussy cat? Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's Usador. Oh, sorry, I just caught the end very end of that, and I just didn't know what you were saying. It's the smell. The source of the smell.

Wink, wink is here. Play along. Oh, yes. I hear bringing my stench along with me, as always. Certainly not covering for anyone else who has. a terrible body odor that it should be an embarrassment, but they seem oblivious to. Did you find out eating Gilbert Great? What's eating Gilbert Grape?

We don't know. We're trying to find out. What? I'm not sure what happened. I'm having fun. I'm sorry. I have to go back to the bar. I didn't get a drink and any food yet. So get Momo caught up so we can start the game. Oh, yeah. Mom, have you ever played offices and bosses before? Not once, but I've watched a lot. Oh, really?

You're like a spectator? Mm-hmm. I've watched a lot. You're like a spectator. That's got to be the worst fucking exchange in the history of him all over the magic tavern. Not by a long shot. Junt. Buddy.

Sorry, I'm just saying. I've watched a lot. So you're like a spectator. I'm sorry if you're really upset about use of the smell, but don't take it out on me. And honestly, that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever. said about Momo. To just rephrase what you said? Mm-hmm.

I do not want to hear what other people say to you. It's a lot of enough. I guess I'm trying to take in when people are saying, and maybe I do over-repeat. I guess I'm trying to empathize. I guess it's my ham-fisted way of showing compassion. Maybe some people should try it. All right. I'll try it.

I'll try and be a little more patient. I'm sorry. I'll put myself in your shoes, in your polo. Maybe try and wash through some feelings that you're having. Sure. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Look, let's have fun. Guys, it's like it's family game night. Let's all, you know, you guys are like a family to me. Let's have fun and play the game. Woo! There we go. Here are some rooster's feet and some floating cheese and of course some putrid pickle sauce. Ooh, yum, yum, yum.

All right. That smells. PPS. Now, Mamo, you're familiar with the game. You spectated. Mm-hmm. Apparently, okay. And we've got a character rolled up for you whenever you're ready to play,

and all we need to do is, have you thought about who your character is and what their background might be? Yeah, so, I want to play Mariska Hargate, an orphan pickpocketer from the street. Oh. Mariska. Mariska. Love it. Mariska Hargete.

I like that name. It has a lot of hard consonants out, isn't it? I can't tell how much of that name is the name? how much of it is just Momo's voice. Mariska Hargatee. Oh, there's such an ebb and flow to it. Well, all right, Mariska. I think this is great.

I think where we were left off at the end of last week, the guys here were able to pay the rent. And let me see here. Perhaps we could all meet you out in front of a fast food restaurant. That currently has a two-for-one special. These guys are currently kind of down on their on their luck there. I mean, we could have you interact with them there.

Wonderful. Three guys going to a restaurant with a two-for-one special has to have like a unique set of challenges. Yeah, yeah. Two-for-one. What? There's three of us. Yes.

Is this a math problem? Am I not math in it right? Not math in it right. That's your new catchphrase. Well, they don't insist you come in groups of two. I mean, you could have five guys. Momo, are you okay? Yeah, just a momo's sick from his.

Floating cheese and not anything you said. Okay. So we're all meeting in front of this restaurant establishment. And what do we see? What can we see right now? Well, you see various posters in the windows of kind of blonde-haired European ladies with Euros. About ready to take a bite out of them. Oh, heroes.

Pictures of Greece, almost like travel brochures. Can I see the food menu? Oh, sure. It's mostly standard burgers and dogs, fries, and then weird pizza puffs and tamales of all things, yeah. I'm looking through the Y's and I can't find Yeros. It starts with a G. Oh, I love that. You would want to pronounce it gyro, but it's actually Euros.

Oh, I see. And as you're doing this, I need each of you to roll a dye to see if you notice a feeling on your body. I have a feeling on my problem. I have a 13. 13. You do not notice a feeling on your bottom. Okay. Four.

You definitely don't notice a feeling on your bottom. Oh, I roll 17. You feel something on your bottom, perhaps a hand on your bottom. You wheel around and there you see. Mariska, a street urchiny child, precocious with a slouchy hat and knee breeches and socks. I'm assuming. Yeah. Yes.

Okay. Okay. Can I see the hat manual? Sure. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, there's a whole giant book of hats in this game. That's correct. The slouchy newsboy hat that Mariska wears gives her special bonuses when doing things that are precocious. Excellent. And you've been caught. You've been caught. Oh, no.

Hey, hey. Pretty aggressive for someone who just got caught. Hey, what's the big idea? What's the big idea? I think you're... trying to pick my pocket. You were robbing me. Uh-oh. She's good.

I don't know. Are you robbing that child hating Christensen? No, John Sebastian. I'm not. Bastion, John Bastion. No, she tried to pick my pocket. Excuse me, this man's trying to take all my money. I immediately side with Merska.

Sure, sure. Yeah, that danger sides with Mershka. Surprise, surprise. All right, everyone, let's just calm down here. I'm going to call the police. on my magical telephone device, and they shall come forthwith and set this... Wait, why do we got to bring the cops into this?

What, what do we got going on over here? Oh, it's you. Oh, no. Is there an alley that Momo can run, or Mariska can run down? Yeah, there's an alley in the back of the restaurant, for sure, for sure. Oh, man, and also, hey, Doreen, how you doing? I've been here the entire time.

What? Trickster God going to trick. Master God. Ah, yes. Chess Trunkboard and I were having dinner the other night, and I figured I'd just hang out for another game. Oh, wow. Fair enough.

Fair enough. I'm sorry, while we taking a real quick pause, may I ask, Momo, are you? What size character are you? Are you mouse size in the game? Or, because keep in mind, I'm playing a one-inch baby. That's disgusting. No, I want to be a kid.

So it's like the opposite of Momo. So it's like a big kid with no muscle mass. Oh. Just like nothing. So a giant, kid with like the strength of the nose? Yeah. Yeah. So you're a big kid now? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yes. And Dorianville, the police officer. That's right. Officer John Depp. Yes. I rolled for you, Doreen. Hope you don't mind. But John Depp is actually a crooked cop. Yeah, maybe. A crooked cop who's seen this one around the block one too many times. Now I'm hauling you in

for indecent pickpockature. Officer. Officer, if you could be a little more forgiving in this instance, I believe this small child means us no harm and only doth wish to find a way to fill her empty stomach. Well, they have free meals in the juvenile detention center.

Oh, why don't we ever eat there? Oh, yeah. You want to give it a roll, John Bastion, to see if you can convince Officer John Depp to... Yes, I shall roll and see if I am convincing enough as John Bastion. 14. That's good. John Depp will accept what you have to say. However, he will have a task.

He needs you to perform in order to escape his... Yeah, not be apprehended by him. All right, you mug. If this one's in your care just like that one-inch baby, then let me see you buy him some dinner. Very well. Now there are four of us. I know this happens to fix our two-for-one problem.

Manager of this establishment, I do doth care to procure. four of your finest Giroz. Okay, it's two for one day. You know that? Yay, I surely do. Fries on the side?

Should we do fries on the side? I don't know. I don't know how many fries. Arne, it's two for one. And one for two. What? Oh, now I'm... Okay. So order seven fries. Two for one.

Seven fries. Thank you. Seven orders of fries? Yay, good master of this establishment. Please put forth with... Bring us seven orders of fries I'll have to charge you for four orders of fries Okay, it's two for one

Is it better to do eight orders of fries? It would be the same cost if you do eight Okay, then let us do eight Okay, it's four euros Eight orders of fries Do you want pop with that? Yeah, we'll have some pops Yeah, I prefer it called it soda, but yeah

It's regional Wait what? Give me the beverage guide The beverage guide is bigger than the hat guide But I appreciate that Soda? Oh, same as pop. Huh. Yeah, soda, cola, cold drink.

Weird. Yeah. Why does it have so many names? As they're ordering, DJ baby Danger LaGrange wants to kind of get to know Mariska's backstory. So he just starts to ask her, so where are you from? How'd you get so poor? Have you ever been orphaned four times? Can't say that I have. I'm a trust fund, baby. I've been orphaned all the time. First, I had parents, and then they died.

And then I had parents. And then they died. And then I had parents. And then they died. And then I had parents. And then they died. I have to ask, are you killing the parents? What was that?

Are you killing? What was that? You keep interrupting. Am I? Well played. All right, you get rung up. He says, wait, just feel free to grab any pops from the cooler that you want there. Let me see, that's

2 euros for fries. It's going to be 10. It's 1850. Yes. I shall use my card of creditee. Oh, good, I was going to say, because we spent all our money on rent. I'm going to roll a die here. You don't take cash.

It's cash only. Well, what if Mariska has some cash? Does she? From earlier in the day, Pucket. I want to roll to, I think I see that Mariska has cash. You think you see? Mm-hmm. I want to roll to I think I see?

We did a lot of that last week. Okay, well, then we'll forego that. Okay, okay. If you want to think you see it, you may be mistaken, but you're allowed to think you see it. I'll let Mariska roll for it. I think Mariska sees the kindness, so she's thinking about it.

Can I sell my body to pay for the euros? Your buddy? My body. Well, when you ask the guy, he's like, look, you guys ain't got any cash? No, no, I'm sorry. I'm afraid we do not. Tell you what, that cop wouldn't mind looking the other way.

Can you turn around? And Officer John Depp, I've been on a call on my radio device here, just peering out the window to see what manner of crime might be taking place. So I'm not paying attention. Oh, geez, he put two forks and two potatoes, and he's making him dance. Look, I got this package here, all right? Oh, no. He put two forks and two potatoes, and he's making them dance.

Look, I got this package here, all right? Oh, no. No, thanks. We just want to eat. What? I need you to deliver a package. Oh. Oh, I thought he was going to let me sell my body. Yeah, I thought it was going to turn into 21 humpstreet. Look, uh... What? Mm.

Look, uh... Oh, man. Look, I, you're worth a lot more than, uh, four euros and eight fries and four pops, okay. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, all right. Uh, it doesn't have to come to that yet, yet. Okay. I've got a package here.

Maybe it's drugs. Maybe it's guns. Maybe it's dead body parts. It's always the third one. It's always the third one. I was going to say I prefer it's drugs. I need you to deliver this to, there's an address written on here on a slip of paper.

It's delivered it there tomorrow at midnight. You're going to be delivering it to Mr. Sonny Sinclair. At midnight or by midnight? At midnight. Tomorrow night. And you'll hang on to our euros and fries. You can have them now. Oh, wonderful.

Yes. I think it's pretty nice of me, don't you? What was the name of the guy we have to deliver to? Sunny Sinclair. Oh, that could be a guy or a girl. You may know him as a crime boss. That's good. Or you may know her as a drug lord.

You may know them as Underworld Kingpin. Oh. Oh. I know you go through this job. You guys, you need money, huh? Oh, yes. Very much so. Yeah, guys, we've been trying to earn money other ways, but we should just turn to crime.

Mariska's got to warn you of her. I heard that name on the street, and that's a name that's pretty spooky around here. It is pretty spooky. Just so you know, if you accept these euros and these fries, you know, maybe you're stealing, maybe you're not. Right, officer? What? Yes. Absolutely.

Now I'm paying attention again, and I am as crooked as they come. And I'll let you know as Officer John Depp, that that package better get delivered, or else an arrest warrant will be issued for the fourias. I give the officer one of the orders of fries. Okay, yeah. Yeah, welcome. Dingleding. That's me leaving. There is a bell on the door.

That's what that was. Yeah, yeah, it was definitely a bell in the door. I thought we had to say dingleding when we leave. Dingleding. That's me accidentally leaning against the door. But you guys be, don't stand too close to the door because it sets off the-ding. That's me pulling where you should go away from the door. Dingle dingle ding.

It sets off the thing. Dingleding. Now I'm just having fun. There's an eye beam. Don't stand in too close to the eye beam. Dingle dingle ding. Dingle ding. I left my fries in here.

Do I have to roll. to see if I'm able to eat this Euro? No, you can. That's a free action. That's a free action. Eating is free. Enjoy your Euros and... Oh, do I have to roll to see if I enjoy it?

Sure. All right. There we go. Three. Not the best. That the yogurt sauce is a little rough. Can I see the sauce book? Sure.

Yeah. Nice. Matamore. How much money you have to spend all these books? Can I see the receipt book? You're right over here. Yeah, there it is. Oh, fuck. A lot.

Yeah. You know, I like a much else to spend money on my life. Dingle ding. Is that? No, I just, it was an accident. Okay, okay, no words, okay. That sounds like a good sauce. I'm sorry that it didn't, it wasn't better.

Yeah, yeah, it's a, it was a pretty low roll. And, you know, you got that, um. What's your name, friend? Oh, the guy, bud. The guy behind, yeah. Trusting baby wants to ask. Yeah, uh, rock Godbold. What?

Rock Godbold? It's correct. Dingle-ding. I run out. Because nobody with the name Rock Godbold, you don't want to mess with that person, right? If, uh, Rock, if this, if this job goes well, might there be other jobs?

Oh, oh, really? You're already asking for more work, huh? Well, I'm just curious. Dingle-ding? I'm also curious. Is that, you came back? It's going to escalate. It's going to escalate.

It's going to escalate. That's all I'm saying. I don't know. Perfectly honest, except for that kid over there, you all look kind of, kind of wimpy, you know? A bunch of straits, and I'm not sure if you got what it takes, you know. All right. Let's go back to the apartment so we can wake up and do crime.

Is there another way to exit the store? Dingle-ding. Oh, yeah, there's a back entrance. Yeah. Well, that's behind the counter. That's, you know, it's behind Rock's counter. You tell me, what now you want to use that door. Is there a bell on that door?

Ding-dingle, I walk in backwards. There's no bell on the back door. But like I said, you may not want to go back there. Oh, guys, now I kind of want to go back there. Yes, I absolutely want to go back there. Yes. I'm going to warn you, you may not want to go back there. Okay.

Can I roll to see if I do or do not want to go back there? Sure, sure. Okay. Oh, got a 10. You want to go back there. Oh, I do? I want to go back there. You really want to go back.

All right. So I kind of just like barge back there. It smells like suflok. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, really bad. Suflocki. Yeah. It's all this Greek food around. I wish Ron Bingo was here. He'd love this. He love Greek food.

Can I see the Greek food manual? Yeah, sure. Thank you. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Suflocki, some Teziki, some that eggplant pie stuff. Pretty sneaky. Pretty sneaky. And one angry chef. Whoa. I am Daryl Strawberry, the chef de cuisine at this restaurant. Who dares part into my kitchen?

Guys, I figured out what's in the bag. It's definitely drugs. Uh, forgive my friend. We were just trying to find a less noisy way to leave. In that case, you may use the back door. And please, take with you some Greek salads. It was ominous. Free Greek salads.

No one else is excited about that. Not my favorite salad. I mean, I like the olives, but I'm going to put it on my characters. There is no salad handbook. just so you know. Oh. But there is an appetizer handbook that includes soups and salads. You know, salad handbook tomorrow.

Yeah. I will say the Greek salads and hands you were for someone else's order that was never picked up. Doc Gooden, Howard Johnson, Mookie Wilson. Well, they are well met. Yeah. Keith Hernandez. Yeah. None of them were able to pick up their food today.

Lenny Dykstra. So do we head back to the apartment now? Or do we see anything else along the way? We should probably head back. Dingleding. Sorry, my phone. I got a message. Yeah, feel free to hang back to the apartment where the address is dropping us off and is in the Warehouse District. Warehouse? Not sure you just have a car or any vehicle or have a plan in order to... Can I roll to see Warehouse? Yes.

18. Okay. It is on the, exactly the address on the piece of paper given to you. Their house? Yeah. Found it. Yeah. Able to use your smartphone and locate exactly where the warehouse is. Can I roll to see if Mariska can warn them about the warehouse district? Yeah, we'd love to learn from Mariska's expertise in this realm.

Well, as someone who spent their whole life running away from people and keeping your cards very close to your vest there, sharing information can be difficult for you. So there will be a negative modifier on your role to see if you're willing to share. If you want to go ahead and give that a roll. Three. Okay, you're unable to share. You're unable to share.

However, they notice that you are unable to share. And perhaps they could create an environment for you. Sharing might be more easy. Can I roll to determine or see if I can kind of figure out what consistency knock life she's had? Sure. That's a 19. Hard. Okay.

The hard knock life. That's definitely hard. I try and relate to her about that. Yeah, yeah. As a trust fund baby, it might be difficult. You know, hard not life for her. Yeah. But maybe not.

It's a hard knock life for her? But maybe. But maybe. Like, I can act like it's for us. Yeah, you guys have been out of work for a while. But as a trust fund baby, it's going to be pretty difficult. While those two are talking and commiserating, I want to talk to John Sebastian about something. Bastion.

Sure. John. Am I crazy? But when I look at baby danger next to. Mariska? Mariska. Mariska? Mariska?

They kind of look very similar. Like, so similar they could almost trade places. I order an orange juice. I'm just saying that, like, look, I know that she's a pauper and he's just like a rich prince, but why don't you guys bet one dollar on it? All right. I bet one dollar that I do not have, but after this drug deal goes down, that they could trade places. All right, Hayden.

I'll make that bet $1 with you. And we'll see what happens, I guess. Yeah. It's got to be so sweet. So meanwhile, I'm talking with Mariska. Yeah. Saying like, oh, I want to make you feel comfortable because, you know, you've been through an experience with us

and is sort of galvanized. So I feel like you're part of the crew now. Feel free to get comfortable and feel at home with us. We're your new family. Now, he is a super cute baby. Okay. And that's going to degrade some of your cold-hearted modifiers. You want to give that a roll again.

Sure. Four. Still got a ways to go. Okay. You just really don't want to share. Do I share something about personally, or am I not sharing at all? You can probably share something personally, but nothing about the warehouse. Sure.

So, Mariska wants to reveal that when she was in an orphanage, the woman who ran the orphanage, used to stay things like, you'll stay up until this. This place shines like the top of the Chrysler building. And it was just so mean. The Chrysler building is exceptionally shiny. Just so, I feel like that. Yeah, gotcha. It's one of the shinier building tops.

Oh, can I see the shiny building? There is, yeah. Thank you. Yep, one of the shinniest. Yeah. Can I try and see if I can discern whether one of her parents, maybe her original, maybe her original father had military dollars? Okay, yeah, yeah.

Just roll that. Just roll and see it for, Father had military dollars. That's a 20. Yeah, you realize that there's definitely some battle bucks going on. Okay. Father battle bucks. Yeah. That's what I was going for.

Sure. Father battle bucks. That sounds a lot like Daddy to Georgie. They are definitely similar. Oh, I know what I want to do. I want to grab her hand and I want to do a dance number with her. Sure, yeah. Again, he's real cute.

So you're going to roll for this one. Okay. That's a natural one. That's rough. Oh, really? Ten. He's winning your heart. She's so cute.

This is so adorable. His won, he actually fell over and hurt himself, start crying. Owie. Yeah, there it is. And as a baby, that's just, it's really tugged at your heartstrings. So any information you have about Sunny Sinclair or the Warehouse District. I hurt my knee, and the only thing that will help is more information about you. Oh, okay.

Well, I don't want you to get hurt again. It's almost guaranteed if we go to the warehouse. district. A bunch of little kids have been trying to take Sunny Sinclair

down many years and so whenever he sees a kid he kills him and he hits him or he kills him he kills him he kills him

and he hits him in what order it's important it's not that important if somebody kills someone and then hits him I don't want to

fuck with that person I mean he's that ominous look it's weird that he hits him after he kills him but like I've got to say, the killing part really overshadows the rest of it.

It seems irrelevant at some point, yes. If you hit someone and then kill them, that's fine. That's fine? That's business-us-us-us. If you kill someone and then hit them, something's a little loose in the brain. That's how chaotic he is. He forgets what Jordan to do it in. Oh, terrifying.

Thank you for this information. Do you know if he has any weaknesses? Just one. Can I roll and see if I can say it? Yeah, sure, sure. Uh, it's eight. You can only hint at it vaguely through a veil of tears. Let's just say he has an Achilles heel.

Is it his heel? Oh, God, the blood. Does she have consumption? Mariska is crying. Don't, don't keep pressing it for information. Sorry, sorry. Can't you see the veil of tears? Danger backs off.

All right, it's just about ready for you all to get ready to go deliver the package. I'd love to know what everyone's clothes you're wearing or any kind of preparations you made to head to the warehouse district. I've switched to my black suit. What color shirt you wear? White. Okay. I only wear white shirts.

Okay, a tie. Black tie. Thin, wide? Thin. Okay. Sunglasses. Ooh, can I wear sunglasses? At night?

I wear sunglasses at night. So you can. I can? See the light? Oh, well, all right. It's right right, yeah, before your eyes. It seemed a little in excess. Actually, not.

but yes. Close, but not quite, but not quite. If you're ready, that's fine. Anyone else having any preparations for... I don't know. I was sort of considering like just staying on my home world and just projecting an image of myself to have this caper,

but I feel like that'll be controversial. I think it's kind of cool. Something new. I mean, it's your own story. Do you have the equipment to do that? Let me look through my stuff. I don't know. I don't know.

I guess I'll just hold a newspaper in front of my face. Okay, okay. As an art school student, you probably don't have the technology or understanding. Yeah. Really, of how to do any of that. Yeah. Danger. Danger wears all black so he can, like, stealthily move, and he wraps his penis around him so that he looks as tiny as possible.

Wow. Okay. All right. Mariska, any... I want Mariska to go from, like, a rags to riches-type situation. Like, this is the first time she's worn real clothes in a long time. She looks very nice. Okay, well, let's go ahead and pick out some clothes and roll the dye.

Okay. Let's try again. We're on different sets of clothes and roll the dye again. Let's try it again. While she rolls, can we roll to see what kind of, like, reactions we have to each outfit as she tries them on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a four, so I'd, like, shake my head, like, nod that one. Try that.

11? 12. Getting closer, but I think it's going to take a few more cockings. Oh, I rolled a 20, so when she comes out, I'm actually wearing a wacky outfit myself, and we have a good laugh about it. Yeah, yeah. If I roll, like, a six, do I just shake my head and roll my eyes and, like, have a little laugh about that? Yeah, you do, you do, yeah. Meanwhile, putting on the ritz is playing somewhere, somehow.

Can I see the music handbook? Yeah, we've had it. It's come up a couple times. That might be, you know, useful. Right when the lyrics say, We're fashion hits. Exactly. But you do finally land on a set of clothes that everyone is.

And all three, I want to roll for me, Hayden, and John, to all look up at the exact same time and just be breathless. Sure, yeah. That's 18. You are absolutely breathless. And if you want to roll, you're die. I'm going to get there for you, that last costume. Four.

Okay, you didn't clean up so well. We're really. We're really shocked. You're like, like, oh my gosh, she really, she didn't really change. She didn't really, took up her glasses and let the hair down. I didn't really do anything. But you're happy that she appears happy. Can I roll to see how high risk is confidence?

Yeah. Is even, okay. Eight. Yeah, it's a little better than it was. Well, she also has that bonus for a street smart confidence. That is true. That's not going to 8. Yes, yeah, there I go.

Yeah. You're certainly more confident than you were. It's something you struggle with, so good doubling of your confidence. Ding, ding. I stole the bill. Perfect. Okay. Didn't it sound different before?

Maybe. Well, now it's no longer tethered to where it was. Yeah. Should we try to steal Mrs. Roebley's car? She has that minivan? That's right. PonyX.6,000 L.A. station wagon with paneling on the side. Can I roll to see if Mrs. Robley appears in the door frame,

Torilla the keys are on her finger. You certainly may. Yeah. 16. She is. I sell my body to her. She is not interested in you as much as she is. Arnie.

Oh. I don't know. I recall. Hmm. I sell John Sebastian's body to her. Let me roll here. Ooh. The four.

I don't think she's buying it. The store's closed. But I am willing to drive a getaway wagon. I'm going to roll to see if Murska and I can hop on the back of a black cat and try and meet them there. Just to travel a little more stealthily. And that's a 17? You are able to ride on the back of the black cat.

Boy, yeah, yeah. Mom, do you mind riding on a cat? Is that a problem? Yeah, my bones are probably mostly hollow, so no problem. Okay. Avian bones? Mm-hmm. All right, well, we've got to get that car.

I'm not sure you have plan B to get that car from Mrs. Robly. I'm willing to load it out as soon as someone explains me why there are two danger Lagrangees. Um, Mrs. Roply, there are two danger Lagrange's because you're drunk.

I'm going to roll to see if I accept that or not. Yeah. 17. Damn it. Yeah, you're drunk. You're drunk. She's seen two for one. I tucked into the purple passions. Here, you can have the keys

to the Bonneville. I'm going to see if the stories are on, the Miazer TV box. Excellent. Now let us ride in our steed of wagon most station and find our way to the waterfront. We're really good at doing a crime spray. Ooh, this is fun.

You make your way to the warehouse district on the wharf, on the pier. The instructions told you to drive to... Corner of Randolph and Mortimer. That's correct. Randolph? Mortimer! That corner. There you would see one warehouse with a single light,

with a little shade, like an overturned bowl, you know, over one door. that's open, and there are two large burly men standing by that door. I like coming down to the waterfront, because you can see all the ships coming to America. Aw. That's right. So if you're ready to, I'm not sure if you have a plan, to approach, and you have the package with you, correct? I think we should consult Mariska, since she's the sort of expert in espionage or street smarts. Is Mariska feeling loyal towards them or trying to save?

Yes, great. Especially after the clothing montage, you really feel like to tie with them. All right. Well, then Mariska would like to let them know what the deal is. Do you have to roll? Yeah, go ahead and roll, but you've got a lot of modifiers here. Okay, great. 16.

Yeah, definitely, definitely. You're, let them know everything, everything. Okay, cool. So here's the thing. Anyone who's a kid who can't be seen, and I'm so sorry, I can't help. But you've got to walk up with confidence. You've got to be real chummy and say, I'm here for the party. I brought all the snacks that you like.

All of them here right now. And then you list snacks and then they let you into the party. And then we'll sneak around. Okay, and we'll be backup. Damn it, where's that snack manual? Okay, and we'll be back up. Damn it, where's that snack manual? So we...

Okay. And then when you get in, that's when you hand the package. You can't just walk up with the package. You've got to hand it directly to him inside of the party. Okay. That's a lot of instructions to remember. Are you ready, John? All right, Hayden, let's do this.

All right. Hey, we're here for the party. We're here for the party. We brought a bunch of snacks. We brought all the snacks that you enjoy. Oh, yeah? We've got chips. We got pretzels.

What kind of chips? We've got a, oh, um, a cooled ranch. Okay, that's pretty good. And we also have pinwheels. Everyone loves pinwheels at a party. Yeah, yeah. Everyone does. And I come up like I don't know these two and I'm like, oh, look at this distinguished gentleman.

Wow, you have so many snacks that you've listed. You must be a part of this party. I'm going in. And I just, I'm going to stall. That's right. Yeah, they don't even know you're there. Yeah. They don't even see you.

Hand out of the party. But I'm assuming you probably get hold of a package. Hidden Christensen or John Sebastian has the package, I'm assuming. Oh, yeah, I'm carrying the package. All right. You, you name some snacks. Oh, um, like, uh, bugles? Okay, that's a deep cut.

I like it. These must be the Harlem Knights they spoke about. Yeah, yeah. You guys can come in. Head on in. Mr. Sinclair is waiting for you. He's up the stairs, uh, behind some boxes. Mariska wants to sneak in to make sure they're safe.

I'm going to roll a die for that one. 18. Okay. Who's that? Oh, it's probably nothing. Okay. Hope it wasn't some dirty kid. Yeah.

Sunny Sinclair, he would hurt him and then kill him. Wait a minute. Hit him and then kill him. Yep. Yeah. Oh, man. That's up, boss. I open the door to Sunny Sinclair's private office.

Dingleding. The room is covered in boxes and things, and almost as though they've moved out some stuff out of the warehouse. There's a large table in the middle of the room with a briefcase on the table. a few pistols on the table as well, and there is a chair, a large office chair that's back to you.

You see the top of a head which you presume to be that Sunny Sinclair. Who's there? Hello, it's me, John Bastion, and I'm here with my friend Hading Christensen. We have a package for Sunny Sinclair. Hmm, a package from a Greek restaurant? Yes, yes.

I have been waiting for this package. The chair turns around, and you see a man in a very, dapper silk suit. He has a really kind of 14-year-old push-brewm mustache, you know, just kind of really thin and wavering and very short bleach blonde hair. What's up, Hepcats? Do you like my silk suit? Yes, very much so. Yeah. Yeah. May I have my

package? Here you go. Thank you. You guys need to roll right now to not be in complete terror of such a powerful crime. Okay. I roll a... Six. I roll a five. A five and a six, really? Yes.

You roll a five? Yeah. You pee your pants. And you roll a six? Yes. I pretend to do that. Shoking back barf. You are very scared.

Can we swap? You're incredibly scared. Those are some terrible rules. Which is worse? Peeing your pants are vomiting. But while choking it back is like peeing your pants has got to be worse, right? In the presence of such a crime boss, you know, another slip up like that and you could immediately begin crying and

explaining who you are exactly, which could be pretty tough. Definitely not to be good. Mr. Sinclair, well, out with it, boy. Is there anything else you need us to do, or are you satisfied? Let me just tear open the paper on this package and see what's inside.

As terrifying as he is, I appreciate that he opens a package in front of us, because otherwise, I was just going to be curious forever what's inside that thing. And I want to, as an action move, I want to have leapt onto the, try and leap onto the package to maybe where like the bow is. So as his finger is coming towards the bow, that I can try and leap into his mouth and go inside of him.

Sure. You're going to roll for that. There's a number of things to roll for, but I'll just take one aggregate roll. It's a 19. You're able to do it. It'll climb inside your mouth. If you want to roll to see if you notice a small one-inch baby. All right. Three. You do not notice. Do not notice the small one-inch baby climbing inside your mouth.

Let me just pull the str... Ah! Ah! And I just want to slide down his esophagus into his belly. Okay. Stomach or his lungs? Belly? Okay.

Bellied it, belly this. Okay. Is this the last thing of dangerly rage? Bye-bye. Sorry, boys. What a lack of decor on my part. I don't know what's happening. That's no problem, sir. Yeah. John, I mean, I'm just trying to remember if there are more steps about what we were supposed to do.

Like, are we supposed to wait for danger and Mariska here? Are we supposed to do something now? Or is Sonny supposed to give us something to take back to the restaurant? That rotten bastard? Look at this load of crap he gave me. All right, fellas. I've got a job for you, too. Okay. All right.

You're going to take this package back to the Greek restaurant and give it to the man who is the proprietor of the Greek restaurant. Rock Godbold. Rock Godbold. Rock Godbold? Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Whatever you want, sir. Upon its delivery, John Depp will give you each $200. $200, really?

Yes, that's right. John Depp is under my employ. He's a dirty cop? Yeah, we knew that already. Oh, we knew that. Okay. I'm so angry right now. I could kill a kid and then hit it. Don't. We've got to get out of here.

At this point, I need a roll from Sunny St. Clair if you can control this murderous urges. Okay. Seven? You cannot. Wait, wait, I've got an idea. You can't control your murderous urges. Sunny, I think you killed a kid without realizing it. You just swallowed a kid whole, but you didn't hit him.

That makes me so mad. and I begin to strike myself in the chest. Uh, yeah. You want to go and roll a dive for... Okay. 20. You kill yourself. Oh.

You rolled a 20? Yes, I did. You just killed, you punched yourself in the chest. Broke your sternum. Your zyphoid process. Went into your, pierced your heart, and you are internally bleeding. I look to see what was in the package. Can I roll for that?

Uh, yeah. 18. 18. Uh, a gold bar. And some Taziki. It's the gold bar and some Tiziki. But it's the same Tiziki you had earlier that yogurt sauce. Oh, that bad one.

Yeah. That must be why he was mad. Yeah. It's just too much, too much garlic. You know, it's really overpowering. Could Mariska run into the room? Yeah. As you run into the room behind you are the two thugs that we're at the door.

Hey, what's going on in there? Boss, you okay? Yeah, boss. Speak to us, please. Another one of my dad's dead. What? Sonny's your dad? Yes, and he had just adopted me.

Upon hearing this danger attempts to stay inside the body for 48 hours and then maybe even another 48 hours. That's raw. That is raw and delirious. And Mariska's going to go lay by his body and start humming to him to try to comfort him in death. Sure. Can I search the body for anything useful? That would be your best defense. Yeah.

Okay. I'd like to do that. Go ahead. We've got to roll. 16. You find a gun. Just. You find a wallet with $5,000 in it.

Oh, wow. $5,000. $5,000. Yeah, all in hundreds. Okay. But again, you hear the voices behind you of the two thugs are at the door. Can we roll to race to the table, the desk where the guns are? Yes.

Yeah. All right. Seven. Okay, in comes one of the thugs. Oh, both of the thugs. What are you guys doing in here? Quick, let's grab those guns on the table before they know that we're doing it.

Of course, they say that out loud, but that's seven, that's terrible roll, so they actually telegraphed pretty clearly what is they planned on doing. I fire my gun at the thugs. Go and roll nine? 12. Do you have any firearms training at all

as a marketing manager, unemployed marketing manager? No, I have a lot of PowerPoint. Okay. Skills. Does that translate? Using a laser pointer is similar to, you know, and have you killed anyone before?

Yes. Yes. You killed your boss? Yeah, definitely, yes, definitely. Okay, so there will be no negative modifier for this being your first kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead and give that a roll.

Okay. 11. 11. You wing them, roll for damage. Okay, you've injured, one of the thugs, he'll lose one turn of action, but after that he'll be able to do something again. Oh, can I at the same time make a rule to let them just shoot and shoot and shoot at me, but also I sort of look younger than I did a little while ago, but like not in a totally noticeable way at first?

Yeah. Just do nothing, I think, you know, if I'm going to wait for them to shoot. Okay. All right. I rolled a 12. You will be able to do that. Okay. Yeah. Did you have any actions? Mariska? Mariska would like to keep singing. Okay. Upon hearing her song with Just a lyric, just, I want to ring my bell to let Mariska know that I hear her and I'm inside. So in case she wants comfort, that she can ask for it.

Sure. You're a real golden child. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. So I dingleding. Just. I dingleding the bell, and I guess I'll roll to see how effective it was. Say, 11. You feel a little comforted.

You feel kind of comforted. At this point, the other guard who was not shot is able to reach one of the guns and say, all right, you've got some explaining to do. Why is boss dead? Boss was unhappy and killed boss self. Boss was unhappy and killed boss self? I'm just trying to speak your language, man. Wow.

Let me just roll. He's not insulted. He's not quite sure, but he's not insulted. You've got one more turn here, everybody, before the other guy is able to grab that gun. I fire my gun again? Sure. Roll the die. Six.

Ooh, okay. You miss ugly. Ugly. Yeah, kind of embarrassingly. No, how disappointed. Yeah. I throw my manuscript at them. Okay.

Go ahead and roll a die there. All right. It's 11. I throw on my manuscript is quite large. It's for I think I see. The book I'm working on. Okay. The name of it is...

Is I think I see? I think I see. Okay. One of the bad guys grabs it and is going through it and is... This is moving. Yeah. Right. Wow.

I've never seen anything quite so moving. You must have a master's of fine arts. I am. I do. I'm getting one. And while he's distracted, I want to run up and I have my last action to use, which is called trick or treat, where if I get a one to ten, I give them a treat. And if it's an 11 to 20, instead of treats, they get kicks. Okay. You want to give that a roll?

14. 14. Okay. Kicks the breakfast cereal or kicks? Okay. Can I see the breakfast cereal menu? There you go. All right. The guards are like, well, this is ridiculous. You guys who have written a great screenplay. Our boss is on the ground with his fist in his own chest. I don't imagine any of you could have done that. But here's the thing. I'm taking over. Meet the new boss. Clearly, the old boss.

It's not going to happen. Cheerios is such a funny word. Here's the thing. Cheerio. I'm not going to let you take all that money. It's staying here. Money's staying here. How about, like, what might we take half of it?

Half of it? Yeah. What would half of $5,000 be? Three, two, one. No. I thought you'd take it. I thought he was telling me the number. All right.

Two for one. I'm going to roll to see if I want to finance this book into a screenplay. Sure. Nine. You're thinking about it. You're going to make some calls. You're going to make some calls. If you want crime lords to produce your screenplay, that's going to be your call.

Ooh. I mean, that sounds like it could be its own manuscript in and of itself. But if we do that, we have to finance it. so we'd have to leave some of this money as a down payment. That's correct. Guys, we could produce this screenplay, but here's the thing. What if we made it intentionally bomb and kept all of that money for ourselves?

My question is, was Eddie Murphy in that movie? What? What are you talking about? Eddie Murphy? No, never mind. I don't want to talk about our stuff. Hey, someone pickpockered my gun. It was Dave. Uh, uh, uh, uh, sh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

, Mariska would like to run. Uh, you do, uh, uh, uh, uh, you have that ability as a scamp to make a, an elusive getaway, uh, twice per day. You can make a perfect getaway. Cool. Um, and as I run away, can I say, you'll never catch Mariska. Uh, totally. Yeah, yeah, that's completely, please. Yeah, yeah. Uh, and everyone hears it perfectly, even though you're facing away and running. Dingle ding. You'll never catch Mariska Hargette. Yes, you're able to escape.

You're able to escape. I just wanted to do it again. I want to give pursuit. Sure. Okay, I'll roll for that. Seven. You try. It will be fruitless, but you don't know it will be fruitless,

so you do leave the room. Do I fall down the stairs? Comically, yes. Comically fall down the stairs. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. Yes. Not bad, not bad.

I'm assuming the rest of you are staying, leaving. I suppose we should leave now and return the gold bar to... Rock Godbold. Rock Godbold. Yeah. And since I assume my black cat ran away, I'm going to go ahead and catch a ride with these two. And I'm going to grab onto the axle of the wheel. And I want to roll to see how completely I grab onto the axle.

And that's a 20. Fully. You fully grab onto that axle. Perfect. Yeah. Well done. Well done. I thought so.

Here's the thing I couldn't figure out. Did Mariska con us? Like, did we get manipulated into killing her dad? She seemed genuinely upset. She seemed very sad about it. I thought we were friends, but I'm not entirely sure. Orphins. Well, Mariska, if you want to roll, if you can trust again,

again, your character, this is a weakness you have. Anything below a 10, and you won't be able to trust again. One. Wow. That is below a 10. It's not even a no. Man, I was hoping for at least some kind of, like, subtle sign of, like, we see her across, like, an L platform and for just a second, and the train goes, and when it's passed as she's gone. But, like, we still know, like, that means something, like, some kind of connection.

I'm not sure I got any of that. There's a lot of Earth stuff I'd have to explain to you guys, but. You make it back to the Greek restaurant, the diner, Mr. Godbold's diner, and give him the package. And he's like, wow, you know it was a gold bar, right? And you're still giving it to me? Yeah. Wow. Well, why did we do that?

Well, because we watched a guy punch himself to death, and it seems like maybe this isn't a business we want to be in. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't do crime anymore. Yeah, no more. We don't want to do crime. You guys are suckers. That's what you are. Okay. You got your gold back, so you should be pretty happy.

Yeah. We're even. Consider everything even. We're not quite even. We're even. We have some money here, and we would like three euros. You know it's not two for one. day. We do.

Prize. Is it three for one day? It's one for one day. Dingling. Marischko was there the whole time, but she just left. And Danger looks out the window and he says, I spy. Yeah, fade to black. That was nice. I thought she would come boomeranging back.

Here's my problem. I kept trying to think of good Eddie Murphy movies. Who is Eddie Murphy? Oh, another mystical discharge from the podcast feed. I shall channel away the enigmatic energies. Usador, aka John Bastion, was played by Matt Young. Chunt, aka Baby Danger LaGrange, was played by Adlerophy. Momo, the Mouse with Human Strength, aka Mariska Hargetae, was played by Erin Keith. Metamore, the office manager, was played by Bill Arnett.

Dorian DeVille, aka Mr. Roepley, was played by Zach. Thompson. This episode of Offices and Bosses was produced by Anni Neckamp Ryan DeGeorgie and Evan Djokova. This episode was edited by Chris Rathgin with production assistance by Garrett Schultz. The Officers and Boss's logo was designed by Allard Laban with a theme song composed by Andy Poland. Another close call. I'll have to listen back as I can't remember anything I just said. Perhaps there is a clue. Eh, probably not. Go to patreon.com slash magic tavern

to become a patron and support the show. And right now, through July 5th, save 70% off your first month of Patreon by using code Office. This independent production depends on you, and in return for your support, you'll receive two new bonus episodes each month, a monthly newsletter,

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