Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Offices and Bosses S2E6: Necromancer Bandmate

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Dripfang joins the game as the campaign turns towards starting a band.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Credits:Arnie, aka Hayden Christensen: Arnie NiekampChunt, aka Danger La Grange: Adal RifaiUsidore, aka John Bastion: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettDripfang, aka Dr. Daniel Pyledriver: Kevin ScirettaDorian Deville, aka Mr. Ropely: Zach ThompsonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandOffices and Bosses Logo: Allard LabanProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Gentle listeners, in a moment you'll be allowed to hear the ne'er before unpaywalled episode six of offices and bosses season two. But you can always go to patreon.com slash magic tavern to become a patron and get every bonus episode ever. I'll tell you more about Patreon after the episode, but I'll also have a big announcement about hello from the Magic Tavern season six. so let us Terry no longer and enjoy the show. Fear not, marketing manager, IT professional, sales rep, and temp. I am office manager, your guide in the realm of offices and bosses. I'm going to have enough money. For what?

I need enough money in the game to buy a beautiful 60-inch, 10-10. Television. Oh, it's the only way to win the unemployment module, and I'm very concerned that we've not been able to raise enough money. Are you pre-game stressing out about having enough money in the game? Well, of course, I'm stressing out about it. I have a perfect streak in officers and bosses, and I cannot hear, be defeated by the underhanded dealings of Dorian Deville. I don't know why he's been coming to these games, and I don't know he's up to, and I don't like it. So far, everything he's done has been kind of helpful. Let's see, that is just the setup. He's a trickster god. Don't forget, he's trying to lull us into a sense of complacency.

He's on your hat. He's on your hat. He's perched upon your hat. This looks recently lived in. Ah, yes. We were talking about a different Dorian DeVille. I heard not. I was inspecting this magnificent wizard's hat for occupancy.

Oh, thank you. That's very nice. I would rent it to you for, say, I don't know, $6,000 of gold within the game, officers and bosses. Hmm. Can you make that happen? I can. I am a wealthy landowner that owns the apartment building, as of course you know, and the landowner's wife, Mr. and Mrs. Rupley. Wait, have we started the game?

No, no. We're just having a casual conversation where we talk about things we all know, right? Chunt the Talking Badger and Usador the Wizard? That's right. I'm Usador. Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius. Master of light and shadow. Manipulator of magical delights. The power of chaos. Champion of the great halls of Taracas.

The elves know us. Noah. The Elves. The Elves know me is Fia Aniloch. The dwarves know me as Sonaugianha. The dwarves know me is Zonanhas. And I am known in the northeast as Gasminius May Star.

But when I come here to play officers and bosses, I am known as the marketing manager. John Bastion. John, I'm worried about Usador. I think offices and bosses is too much for him. His personality is fracturing. He's referring to himself as us.

We might have a mazes and monster situation on our hands. What's a mazes and monsters situation? It's a Tom Hanks movie that I saw once and have referenced a lot of times. It's called mazes and monsters? It's called mazes and monsters. Quick, quick, Arnie, give me like a 15-second rundown. Okay, Tom Hanks. He's a young,

pre-Busom Buddies actor. He plays Dungeons and Dragons and then gets too into the game and wanders, I guess, through the sewers underneath New York. It's a made-for-TV movie. It's not very good, but Tom Hanks is in it, and it's about Dungeons and Dragons. It's kind of from like the

Dungeons and Dragons is going to drive your kids crazy. Maybe it involves Satanism phase in the 80s from my world. That was more than 15 seconds, right? That happened a little bit when Office's Bosses was first released. Oh, Metamore. Yeah, hey everybody. I go unseen often.

That's fine. That's fine. I've been here the entire time. Yes. You've been here the entire time, but it's Metamor, the office manager who controls the game offices and bosses that we play here every week. It's so fun to say things we all know. Yes, it is.

Well, I was going to say, when this was first released, there were a lot of parents who, when they found out their children were playing, were worried that their children would leave behind wizardry and witchcraft and go get, like, accounting bureaucratic jobs. Oh. Yeah. And there's just a line of people at city. Hall wanting to, you know, work in the registrar's office.

We moved to the big city and become a copyright. Yeah. That was so, but it never really materialized. I'm not sure how it worked on your world, but it never really materialized. Yes, is everyone on your world a Satanist now? I mean, not since I fell through the dimensional portal. Well, surely Tom Hanks is. Tom Hanks is a Satanist.

Yes. I mean, but that's the, I mean, how could you explain someone having that much success and charisma if they weren't just like an angel fallen from heaven and corrupted and turned bad? I have a very simple follow-up question. What is Satan? He's like bad. He's a baddie. So if you're Satanist, you believe in badness.

You worship badness. Or you just want to be quirky. Oh. And get under people's skin. Then Satanists have found a new enemy on this very day. For Usador does not stand for evil. Or corkiness. Or corkiness.

I shall strike down any Satanus who doth cross mine path. Could you point me toward the table where people are playing a game of roles? I have arrived in order to show them the brilliance of a character that I will shake. Toward the back, where everyone's avoiding eye contact, that tracks. Hello. It's Drip Fang. Hello, it's me, Drip Fang. Well to see you all again.

Ha, ha. Even you, Ousador. I'm saying your name wrong on purpose. Well, it's good to see you, too, even though thou art my mortal enemy. I know, because you're so quirky. That's... Oh, I have... Yes.

I'm full of quirks. Look at this. I put a meatball on a cape and I said, must be Tuesdays. You know, on my world, if you're walking around downtown and someone is just holding a snake on their shoulders, that's quirky. You're made of snakes. I made entirely of snakes on the inside. So I'm all quirks. Dorian DeVilleby, my name, how do you do? Ah, yes. Hello, Dorian. Do you have a picture of you at home, of you rotting so that you can stay young? I do not.

Well, look into it. I've always wondered what happens when unrelated evil people meet, where it's like we're not necessarily like part of the same evil team. Evil, you say. Oh, well, Dorian lately you've been very helpful, but I mean, you're like a, you're part of the rogue's gallery of food, right? It does seem that I have to face this accusation when I sit at this table. Do I need to remind you again that it is I who lifted cunt's chep? Whoa, you look like this racist. Chewisle as evil at hell.

I'm so very flustered. I'm here to play and enjoy. I enjoy myself, and I have been very helpful to this trio of friends in that I did lift Chant's curse, and I would do it again for my good friend, King of the Badgers. Aye, but at what price will you continue to assist us? I have taken no price save for on his consent previously after he placed my trials. Wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah, you lifted my curse, but didn't you put the curse on? No, it was from a coin.

It was from a coin. Wow, that seems like forever ago. Guys, it's weird to hear this from me. Maybe enough backstory. Well, I was born when a conspiracy of birds and rain and wind and fire and frogs and squirrels

decided that Foon needed a champion. Yes, more esoteria, please. And then, and then for the first few years of my life, I just walked naked through the woods. I'd say about three years. I found things and tried to speak languages. I did not understand, but did seem to know.

Can you do a... deeper dive into I found things? Oh, yes, of course. Well, I would look at, say, a tree, and I would see there was an acorn on it. If you see a tree, is that finding a tree? I think so, yes. I would take an acorn off of it, and I would say,

Oh, I must because I didn't understand what I was saying, for I had never been around other people. Mayhast it would you, Sador, that left a coin in the woods for Chunt to find it, therefore be cursed. How dare you? I was so as a being of pure

lightness and good. Well, Tripp Fang, you're like a foul foe, but, you know, we don't have another person to join our game right now, so... Ah, yes, I did hear about this game and came to report myself to join it. While I am, in fact, a being of pure evil, there's no if, sands, or buts about it. I'm bad. I hate all of you, and I all want bad things to happen to each and every one of you. Not less so you, as we...

Okay. Less so you met a more. And Dorian, your... intriguing, so I'm willing to conversate, but you three fuck off forever. So, can we roll for that? Yes, I'm willing. If there are dice in play

Sure, if you want to roll for that, we can roll for that up. Okay, let's see here. I'm going to roll for Danger LaGrange, my one-inch baby Tristan D.J., and that's a 10. I shall roll now, and I have rolled a 14. Oh, well, and I, Hayden Christensen, MFA student.

has rolled a 13. So I feel, I suspect I should fuck off, but maybe not forever. For a bit. For a bit. For a bit, yeah. Well, this is your, you have a, you've pre-rolled a character, I see. Ah, yes. I brought my statistics and attributes with YouTube is not taken.

Is this, what is this written on? This is a leathery. Yeah, it's skin. Skin. I took skin of someone that I murdered brutally, and I cured it, and I wrote with their blood, everything that you need to know about my character. With their blood. Oh, yeah, well, you know, use every part of the murder victim, I always say.

Well, I appreciate that at least you are, you know, not you being wasteful. That's, I, if I, I may be evil, but I am not wasteful. As much as I despise you, I can't help but respect you. Oh, we could have been friends in another life. But in this one, we're mortal enemies. Your hat looks great, by the way. Thank you. You welcome.

I see you've made your character a, uh, third level garage band member, I think that will fit in well in our unemployed game. Typically, we don't let people start at a level more than one, but if you want to, I don't... I abide by the rules that are established by the office manager. If it be a one level that you wish me to begin at, I shall take this established character back to that.

Here's my question. Will it help us if he's at a higher level? Like, will it help us get this TV we're trying to get in this game? Probably so. I'm a little afraid of him. And I know he hates you guys. I don't quite hate me yet, so I'm kind of walking that tightrope. I'd say let him start at level three.

Sure. Well, as a level three garage band member, he's going to have some scheduled gigs. So that's the good news. He's going to start the game with at least two gigs a month, which could be nice. I'm not sure if he has any other band members or if any of all play instruments. We can probably... It doesn't say on your sheet that you actually are in a band at the moment. I don't know if that was an omission or if you're not at the moment.

Yes, I am... currently freelancing as a drummer for various garaget bands. So I have other ways of procuring monetary faculties and also foundations for which that I can sustain myself. So when I am not drumming, I am using a laptop I stole from an old roommate to mine for bitcoins. Oh, wow. Yes, like it's an odd sort of dwarven activity. done through magic box.

And when I'm not mining for this currency of cryptonic measures, I also spend a lot of time on message boards trying to catch the zodiac killer. You should never catch the zodiac killer. I want to meet him. I want to investigate his dealings. He's intriguing to me.

I'm sorry if I miss this. Dripfang, does your character that you've rolled up have a name? Yes, his name is Dr. Daniel Pile Driver. Oh. And that is how it's pronounced. It's not P. Aldrievee or anything like that. pile driver. It's P-Y. P-Y-L-E-E-D-R-R.

So it's D-D-P? Yes. Sounds dangerous. He's very flexible as well. He does a form of yogic and tantric stretchings that rehabilitate people from painkiller addiction. And is he a hunter or what kind of gatherer? He is...

How does he eat? How does he... Get food? How does he... Oh, yes. He uses the coins that he mines and he puts them on a special. credit card and drives 14 miles to a bodega that takes the money and that's how he gets... 14 miles to a bodega. It's not practical, but it's the way he's chosen to live.

Yeah, and as a drummer in a garage band, he has a car, although normally it's full of his drum kit. Correct. But he does receive some money from these gigs, which is usually a feast or famine kind of situation, which we might be familiar with. So he will probably, to be a fourth roommate, will have money for rent, especially once he closed these gigs. Good, good. Well, as part of my back story,

John Bastion bought an electric base in college to try to impress ladies, but he never learned to play it. But Lo, I do fear that when hating Christians did take o'er my room, he did also take all mine belongings,

including said electric bass. Oh, I can give you your electric base back if you want. Zounds, I have won yet another battle. Well done. no role needed. That was easy. As an MFA creative writing student, I'm just like, I'm a creative, so I could probably write

lyrics. You'll be the lead singer. I'll be the lead singer. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to play anything while you lead sing? Like a board of keys? I'll play the room. Oh, okay. I'm one of those lead singers that's just totally about singing. You're playing the room. Can you read a room? Could you read this room right now?

This room is loving it. I can tell. I'm getting such good vibes from this room. Okay, so his character is the villain. His character is 100% chaotic evil. No way is Hayden Christiansen going to turn evil. And I guess so we have a bass, we have the lead singer, we have a drummer, we have a drummer, we have a lead singer. I guess I will play theremin.

Is that up for grabs? Yeah, no one has claimed, but no one has queen. Great, I'll play theremin. So we have a singer, a drummer, an electric bass, Theramine. That's good. That's a good band to me. That's a solid band. We need a name.

No, no, like, no regular guitar. This is like morphine, the band. Like, there's just, it's all back up. I can't hold a regular guitar or else I'd play it. If we can construct some sort of tiny guitar, some sort of miniature guitar, I would gladly play that,

but I just chose Theron because from what the manual says, it's something that I can play without touching it. Oh, yeah. Cramble, where will we find a tiny guitar? Well, if you're going to be all, an all backing band, you probably need a backup singer and a Maraca player.

And I believe Mrs. Roply might be available to backup sing and play Maracas. Yes, Mrs. Roply is always available. Might I suggest the band name of Joe versus the volcano? Hey, Daniel, this is our landlord's wife, Mrs. Ropley. Oh, yes, I shall assume the voice of Daniel Pidal Driver. Hey, hi, my name's Dan. I play drums. Is that your Subaru outside?

Yep, that's my impresa. I bought it off my dad for $500. My, what an impressive drum kit you have in there. Oh, thank you. Oh, wow, you're saucy. One day I'm going to move to the Bay Area and find the Zodiac Killer. That's ambitious? Thank you.

Mrs. Rokely, thank you for this suggestion, but I feel like the title, Joe versus Volcano is not much of a title because that's no competition. The volcano wins every time. Don't cast away that suggestion. I think it's a pretty good one. Oh, that's mighty big of you. Oh, by the way, you've got mail.

I got it out of the box outside. Oh, mail, mail, May I Mail? Arnie, open it, open it. I mean, Hayden, open your mail. Open your mail. Oh, okay. Hopefully it's something to do with a gig or maybe a try out for some sort of... Here's my question, Metamore.

Can I just say what's in the mail? Well, here's what we're going to do. What do you think you see in the mail? We're going to go and roll a die and based on the result will then... Low results might be bills. Might be things that are due. Might be an angry letter from your folks. High results could be something positive.

Maybe an invitation to a writer's retreat. Okay. Or perhaps one of your stories that you've been sending out is going to get published. A writer's retreat is when you attack a group of writers and they retreat to a defensive position. Okay. I open it up. I think I see it just says Charlie Wilson's war.

I don't. I don't know why. Roll it on here. Go ahead. All right. Oh, I got a toy. An inspirational portrait of a farmer's son who rises from humble beginnings to build a luxury fashion empire. Brunello, the gracious visionary, traces Brunello Cucinelli's life journey,

his commitment to craftsmanship, ethical values, and humanistic philosophy. Directed by Academy Award winner Giuseppe Tonatore, the film blends documentary and fiction, an intimate look at the Italian entrepreneur known as the King of Kashmir. See Brunello, the gracious visionary, in Select Theatres, July 24th. Defensive position. Okay. I open it up. I think I see it just says Charlie Wilson's War.

I don't. Roll a nine here. Okay. Roll nine. All right. Oh, I got a 12? Okay. It just says come to a free showing of Charlie Wilson's War.

Oh. It's just a random ad. Yeah. Charlie V. Wilson? That's two first names. Charlie versus Wilson. Wilson, is that something? We've already referenced.

Well, you've got a gig coming up at a local. bar, a local bar slash club called the drunken moose. So if people want to get ready for the big DM show coming up next week, you know, this might be a good wise way to spend your time. Hell yeah, let's slide into that DM. I'm just excited. This is great. We've been spending all this time like trying to have jobs or trying to do crime, but we should just make money become famous, right? Like that's the best and fastest way to get money. Yeah, you will get a

cut of the door. Anything less than $500 goes to the house. But once you make that $100 threshold, you then be getting a cut of the door. You also get a very slight 10% of the bar, which is not bad. The next $500 you get 35% of, and then everything over $500, you get 65% of.

Arnie, do you know what that equals that to? Seven. I also have a side business where I'm inviting people to the drunken moose to pick up items that I'm selling on the dark web. Oh, no. Well, that would work out well if you can convince them to also pay the cover.

Oh, yes. work out well. That is, I'm sorry. Yes, that should be implicit in the deal for everything that I'm selling on the dark web. The cover is also included in the price by which they purchase. They may have a negative modifier when they arrive to be like, what? There's a cover? You know, there might be something, but, you know.

But it does put asses in the seats. That's, okay, great. So we'll make more money if more people come to the show. That's right. Do you hear that people in Indianapolis in August? What? Oh, gross. So wait, it's just us doing the gig at the drunken news.

That's correct. That's correct. And this might be crazy, but what if we brought in another band? So there's two bands for this gig, and we battle them. Would that be crazy? To the death? Yes, to the death. Yeah, some sort of battle of the bands to the death that might, you know, get more people interested.

My character is stolen in a lot of things from crime scenes. A lot of them are weapons that we could use against the other bands. Well, Dr. Daniel Pile Driver, you are part of the music scene in this unnamed city. Correct. Like, do you know a bunch of other bands? Ah, yes. There's Peter and the Scalaris. There is Rita and the Wilsons. And there's my son is a rapper, but also a schmuck.

Yeah, if you want to roll some dice here to see if we can get any of those bands to join you. We can certainly do that. I'd also recommend flyering. It would be a great way to get people to your show. The standard ratio is every 100 flyers you hand out, you get one extra person at the show. Also, WOM. I feel like WOM's a good. Word of mouth is like a really good, right? Yeah, yeah. If you want to get WOMM-in. So maybe we play like a free show out in the public, like public place or a mall or something just to get a buzz going.

How do we capture that people using this dark web and drag them in? A dragnet? Are you talking about a dragnet? Is it possible to use this? Dark web is some manner of dragnet? As I understand that dark web can be used to assemble. Yes, to trick people into being an assembly. Well, just looking at the stats on my sheet, I just feel like my confidence in how good we are is something that I think will be enough. Like, I don't think I need to do anything to bring people in, just being like, it's going to be good, and it'll work out for us. See, and I have very, very different approach to this.

Now, how many, what's the seating capacity at this venue? Seating is legally 120. However, you can cram some more people in at the bar, and they've got a little overflow room, which sometimes it does. get filled when really hot local bands are there. But if you can get that an overflow area, boy, you could probably sneak a good 250 people with that. So I went to

make sure we have enough people, I want to send out 15,000 flyers. Wow, yeah, that would probably do it. If you want to go and roll some dice here, just if you get some of those other local bands to join you. Excellent. I now roll, and I roll a six. Okay. Well, you could not get another local band to join you,

but you could get a local improv team to open up for you. Oh, no. We have to battle an improv team? That's correct. Oh, no. At least it's to the death. Oh, thank God. Surely this will be a reckoning.

Well, did we ever decide on a band name? Are we going to be Joseph v. Volcano? I feel like maybe a one-word band name. Yes, something punchy that really introduces us to the world and makes a good impression. Usually a common word or name that you don't think about it very much, but then when you hear it, oh, wow, maybe it has two or three ancillary meanings that, you know, give it recruits? I know the perfect word.

Band? Splash. Splash. That's it. Splash. That's great. That's way better than Bachelor Party. But hey, they both have their moments.

Let's not totally discard Bachelor Party so quickly. It's got some charm. Sure. It's no bridge of Spockers. but what it is? All right, so we need a song, right? Or multiple songs? Traditionally, yes.

A band needs some sort of song. Arnie, you're the lyricist. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, what kind of song should we write? Could I have some suggestions? How about a song about brotherhood, like Philadelphia. Brotherhood, Philadelphia. A song that also implies that you are on a path toward punishment for the sins that you have

incurred in your life, some manner of road to perdition. Mm, road to perdition. And what about something that sort of is a tirade against the man who keeps us down by forcing us to save our money to buy expensive TV sets? Yay, this very screed shall take

down the consumerism that consume us, and we shall call this song The Money Pit. Worth it. Well, this is some great titles, you guys. If you can just find something, some words and some some tunes to back them up. I think you'd have a good chance against this improv team. Who will, just so you know, be making up their songs as they do them.

Wait, they're singing? Oh, no, it's a musical improv team. No, it gets worse. Oh, Lord. What have we done? Yeah, it's a musical improv team with a pun name. Oh, pun names. Yeah.

Blah. Yeah. Oh, Ardy. What if... Those are all amazing song ideas, but what if we write a song about that comic strip you were going to write? Oh, the one about the cheat of the book? plays a saxophone. Yeah, that's right for the plucking.

That's okay. Topical. Yeah. It checks all the boxes. That's what people want. Songs about cartoon care. Playing songs. Yeah.

It's kind of meta. Yeah, this doesn't fit my overall profile, but I absolutely want to hear a song about a cheetah like that. Absolutely. Cheetah songs. Well, if we're ready to start rehearsal, everyone wants to roll a dye here, and we'll see how we're doing, and some high numbers will be helpful in getting this, this big. band going. What you got, John Bastion? I have a 16. Is this

dexterity or wisdom? You're playing the bass? Yes. Patience. Oh, I... So you did very good. You did very good. Oh, good, good. Yeah, you just kind of, you know, clipping along pretty good. You know, you just really need a couple notes per song. And you can be right. In this, I'm assuming you guys are doing

garage band style of music, pretty simplistic. Oh, I would assume our genre is not particularly complicated, no, yes. Sure. So a 16 on a bass player's patience is going to be. It's going to be great. Good to be great. Do we have to roll for any kind of interband turmoil or tension? Well, we'll see what happens.

That just could certainly come up here. Let's get a roll from Danger LaGrange. Okay, here you're on the Therman. This is a 17. All right, you're doing real good on that theremin. That's really nice. Maybe even too good. Talking about the interband tension, that was a very good score.

You may actually be getting some, let's be honest. It's a theramine. It's kind of weird. and with that highest score, you might be prone to show off a little bit, and that could be... There's got to be a ceiling for how good you can do with the fairman, though, right?

Well, I think many times that other people... Literally, a ceiling. There's literally a ceiling that will stop you from doing certain things with a fairerman. Bounce back down. Yeah, and I think when you see someone playing, it's like, oh, shh, everyone else would be quiet. I just want to hear that.

That's what I never heard that before. Yeah. Since I did so well on that role, I want to kind of go with that momentum, so I'm going to see if I can roll to be awarded a... Grant, an Amy Grant, which makes me twice as good of a baby, makes me a baby baby. So let me roll for this Amy Grant.

That's 18. Good work. You got it. You should be able to secure an Amy Grant. Great. Well, done. Nice roll now. And I see what.

Oh, look at this. 19. 19. Well, you're already a level three. So this is very good. You're going to be really holding things together. It's good to have someone in the rhythm section who can really make things happen. I think.

If anything, this whole band of rhythm players is really coming together quite well. Can I roll for personal problems that have limited my success? as a musician. Well, you've got some on your character sheet already and I know certainly a forlorn love that may come back. If it's time to roll for that, you've got to roll for that once a day to know

if you will spend an hour and a half on the telephone. So that's a thing you do? Yes, that's a thing. That thing you do? That is a thing that I do. It's a wonder that I get away with it. Wow, I thought you guys had nothing in common. That's why we're enemies, and it's so

deep and fiery. Unfortunately, we have two much in common. Hiss. Sorry, so I, let's, yeah, let's save the private crying for later when you're all in your own rooms, and right now, it could be, if you want to roll for that lost, that forlorn love that got away, you were to see if you spent an hour and a half on the telephone. Okay, great. Nine.

You're going to spend an hour and a half on the telephone. Ah, okay, well, I rolled it. And she will not come back to you. But that's what's driving you and could hurt practice, but again, you rolled such a high number on that first time. It probably shouldn't be too much of a problem. Okay, Hayden, if you want to see how practice is going so far. Okay, I roll, ooh, a three. Okay, your lyrics are not as sharp as your on-stage antics.

Trite. Terminal. But you're saying I'm still, I'm really selling it. Yeah. All show and no-go, baby. But people might see through it. That's going to be the danger. And we'll have one more roll before the show to see if you can pull it together. I got to write some better lyrics before the show. Do you have any lyrics? I wrote some lyrics down.

Brotherhood, Philadelphia, wrote the tradition. Shea's titles. Oh, those are the titles? Hayden. We got a flesh one out. We got a flesh one out. Okay. Or just spitball.

Throw out a line of dialogue and the rest of us will try and rhyme it. Okay. Tonight's the night. That's it. That's what I got. What if I just say that over and over again? That's actually 60% of music, isn't it? I think so.

Tonight's the night. Well, again, as a band of all rhythm instruments, maybe just having a chorus would kind of make sense. Or not. I don't know. I keep forgetting we're only rhythm instruments. That's a great point. The theorem might be, I don't know.

I can't make it heavily on the... I think we got to lean hard on that there. Oh, we didn't get a roll from Mrs. Ropley on the Maracas and backup vocals. Six. Okay. We'll adjust the microphone. appropriately. Maybe keep that down a little bit. But you're great on the Maracas.

Arnie, didn't you say that Mo Roccas were something on Earth? Yeah, I love Mo Roccas. I don't know. I think I keep getting Mo Roccas confused with Louis Theruze. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a person, right? A Mo Rocca? Mo Rocca's more problems. Well done. Well, everybody to start fliring, hitting the streets here. I know there was a very ambitious goal of handing out 15,000 flyers. How much is it going to cost me to print up that many flyers?

Well, fortunately, your bandmate here, especially at a level three garage band member, does going to have some connections at local print shop, especially if you can squirm some weed, so you can probably get some pretty good deals there. I've got a guy named Zeke at a king coes. Very good. And he'll do $1,000 for $10,000. So at $15,000, that's not, only $150 for...

That's not bad at all. Yeah, for 15,000 flyers. It's not bad. It spends most of the money I made cleaning up the pool. All right. Very well. I shall pay it. And now we have 15,000 flyers.

There's four of us. So if we split that perfectly, four ways. That's 2,500 flyers apiece, I believe. Guys, why is there so much math in being in this band? No, that's not right. We got to do this a rock star way. let's climb to the top of the highest building, open a window, and throw those flyers out the window.

Oh, yeah, and I'll get on top of my dragonfly and toss whatever I can hold myself. Sure, sure. If that's what you'd like to do, you can head downtown to the tallest building in town and I make a go of it if that's what you'd like to do. Well, here, you each get about 3,300 flyers, and I'm going to take mine.

If you want to throw them off a building, that's your business, I'm going to hand them out to 3,300 people, which, do I need to roll for that? Yeah, yeah. Are you going to a mall or that cool part of town with the coffee shops and restaurants? Probably the cool part of town, right? Yeah, if you'd like. It depends on the kind of crowd, do you want? Very well, then I shall sally forth to the coolest part of town,

wherein I shall then hand out posters forthwith. Great, great. There's a wonderful diner there that sells kind of straightforward diner food, but kind of dresses it up just a little bit to make it seem cool. But it's really just pancakes and eggs. Oh, wonderful. If you want to go to that restaurant and sort of handing out flowers, that'd be great. Go ahead and give me a roll here to see what we have.

Twelve. Twelve. Okay, the management there is kind of, they're okay with it. There's a lady there who works at the door, the concierge, the Mater D with a cutoff shirt and some tats and some piercings. She lets you stay, but... giving me this stink eye. Yeah, better be cool. Yeah.

You're not the first person to try to hang posters on their establishment, you know. I might go to the college radio station. I feel like the radio flyers. Yeah. God damn. Sure, as a college student, you're going to have some ins there, you know, the right lingo to get onto the college radio station. It's not a bad. Go to give me a roll here.

Artie, did I do something wrong? No, no, no. He seemed really upset. No, just I was sitting on that one for a couple minutes. I mean, it was one of those ones where you're like... On radio flyers? Because I just said it immediately after you said that. Yeah, I know.

I mean, I did all the hard work, and then you just kind of notice what I was doing. But it's okay. I guess all the glimmers is in gold. It's fine. I'm not even 100% sure that Tom Hanks does the voice in radio flyers, but that's beside the point. I don't know what you're talking about. I rolled a five. Five.

Okay. Well, I would love to hear your pitch, your radio pitch. Hey, college guys and girls. You like... Music, you work at a college radio station. I'm in a band. A hip, young band that has only the most modern references were called Joe versus the volcano. Do only people who work at the station listen to the station?

If it's anything like college radio that I know about, then that is a possibility. Oh, can I roll to see if I realize I'm on the air? I really thought that I was just pitching myself to the people that work at the station. Oh, you're on the air. Oh, okay. Live. Oh, God. Even this conversation is happening on the year.

Oh, no. Well, you roll a five. Let's be honest. You roll the five. I'm just, I think I'm in my head because I'm a writer. I like to sit down and like prepare my words instead of just speaking off the cuff. So being on the radio.

Well, thanks for coming in, Hayden. That was great, man. I hope you can get some people out to your show. Oh, yeah, yeah. When was that again? Oh, um, oh, it's, uh, it's tonight, I think. Yeah, okay. Where is that again?

It's a, it starts, it's a moose. The drunken moose. Thanks are coming in. No, no, it's going to be really good. Pixies coming up next. I love the Pixies. Closics and get this rolling. Oh, God, that went by so fast.

You got to be ready on radio. You really got to be ready. Great pitch. You didn't know when the show was and you had a vague idea of where it was. They're going to be flocking in. I don't care for including pixies in this game. I like escaping into a boring, mundane, office-driven

world and I don't think there should be pixies in the game. Noted. I intend to agree. What's your big PR plan there? Well, I thought about hitting the pavement, but that might be too indie. So I think I will go downtown where relationships are no-go? Downtown? Where your license drip.

You go downtown? Where they rip your slip. So that's where I'm going to go. And again, I'm going to get on the back of my dragonfly, get up as high as I can go with as many flyers. And just scatter those to the winds, hoping that they land in a populated area. Sure, they certainly will land. If you'll give me a die roll here, my word. That's a 11.

Okay. They caused a little bit of mayhem. Move. Land on some cars and traffic. You certainly, you'll make the news tonight, that's for sure. That's good. There's no press is bad press? Sure.

Isn't that a saying? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Let me check the saying manual. Yeah, it is. Okay. Good.

Good. So that checks out. You won't get as many people as you would like because people are kind of angry and upset. These flyers landed on their winchings. Shield is trying to drive downtown traffic. But you may get a few people. You may get a few people. Good, good, good. Good. Awesome.

Did you have a plan here? I drive my impresa to the rich part of town. Okay. And flyers specifically to those who seem to have a lot of discretionary income and leftover monies. Sure, sure. Give me a dial roll here. Let's see how you're greeted. That is a 14. Okay, not bad.

A number of the rich people there see you, and you remind them of their children, who are also pursuing what they call their dreams in the city. While they themselves made out of ten, they will pass it along. They're going to pass it along. So that's good news. Sick. Mrs. Robly would also like to roll? Yeah, if Mrs. Robles is going to be part of the action here, sure.

I'm going to send an email blast to my friends saying, I'm in a wacky band, and they should all come see me. Yeah, that would probably work. Let's see what you got here. Is it roll? Wacky 13 13

You gotta get some traction on that A little bit of traction on that You're the only person Who decided to use A more modern form of media For advertising And with your A group of friends that you have

Someone's gonna post that on Facebook So that's good news Are we a wacky band? I don't think we're wacky I'm a baby on theraman But Are we getting taken seriously? I meant that

Yeah I mean quirky's next to evil right Yeah We don't want to be Mrs. Robles' appeal to her friends is that this is some manner of middle-aged mistake that she's making, and it increases the cringe factor that her friends may come and watch her fail in front of people. As long as they pay at the door, right? Yeah, guys, we're all backup. Like, this is going to be borderline dirge music.

In advertising, can I supplement my public relations maneuver with one modern digital action, or have I already, by accomplishing the flow? that reminds people of their youth having spent that. At level three, as a garage band member, you do get an extra marketing turn per day, so you do get an extra one, yeah. Fantastic. I scan the flyer, and I post the flyer onto a message board on the dark web,

encouraging all of my dark web friends to come to the show, and I do so under my pseudonym, medical practitioner, Daniel Philpile Driverton. Great. Give me a roll there, and we'll see how many... Four. Okay. People think it's a skisional. scam. I think you're the law that somehow this is some kind of

trick to get them to show up and reveal who they are, who their dark web identities. You may get one or two, but they probably want to identify themselves as dark web users. I don't see in the manual here a manner of equation the way that you had for flyering that would equal bodies.

I'm very flustered by this digital marketing. Well, you know, I knew a guy in Foon who was in a band, and that was always his little math he would do. Oh yeah, a hundred flyers. You get about one button in a seat for every 100 flyers. That's a good question, Metamore. And I'm sorry if this is a little outside of the game.

Like the manuals and the dice and the statistics, like they can't cover everything. Like there's got to be a certain amount of improvising that you're doing. I really try to stay away from improv at all at all costs. I'm going to go to the book first and only in a situation where I really, really need to improvise, will I? And even then cautiously, advisedly. You pull from your own life.

Yeah, I try to as much as I can. That seems like a good, like if you have to improvise, just pull from your own life as much as possible. Yeah. Just write it down, you dork. Yeah, and just, you know, keep it real. When you do improvise? When you do improvise, should we trust you that this is all made up?

Yeah, there's no reason not to trust me, I guess, you know, and realize that I might be untrustworthy to. Gotcha, gotcha, got, got. Yeah. Now my own life working in the barn and the stables is not too much to draw from. I hope I haven't injected too many stable-esque, you know, things into the game so far. No, no, no, no, not at all.

And you're more than just a stableman. You're, you know, you're Dragon-Born. Allegedly. You may have a great future ahead of you that has nothing to do with the stable yet. You don't know. Definitely, Dragon-Born. That's, yeah. Wait, what was that?

I merely said definitely Dragon-Born, going from what I've heard. Ah, you're dragon-born, and I made a fractious. We should. to discuss sometime. Yeah. Drew Fang, do you have any advice for Meta Moore? Because he's not sure if he's dragon-born, but it seems like he is.

Like, it seems like he's probably dragon-born. Yeah, yeah. My advice is ally yourself with the most evil person possible and kill your enemies as soon as you can. Snakes, dragons, they're both cold-blooded. Arnie, that could be a song. Cold-blooded. Oh, yeah. Opposites attract.

Can you give us some lyrics? Opposites a track. Can it be a cartoon cat in this one, too? Oh, that's right. My cat that plays a sack. a phone. I'm going to call him MC shit eater. Okay, I will require

no dire roll for that. I think we have a hit on our hands. I've been handing out flyers, and I have a high persuasion stat. As a marketing manager, you've done the best so far. So far, you really have. You've gone to the right location, I feel like, and I've gotten one of the better roles. Okay, so how do I resolve how many flyers I was actually able to hand out,

and how many people it's actually able to engage with? Well, you rolled a 13, was that right? 14. 14. Well, I'm just going to do the math. You had 3,300 flyers to begin with. Yeah. You got them all handed out. Oh, good.

You engaged with about 10% of the people. A lot of people. A lot of people at that diner. Oh, okay. A lot of people at that diner. Yeah, so 5% of, you know, 3,300. That's... Not bad.

Not bad at all. Not bad at all. Guys, I think we're going about this the wrong way. Like, the show's about to start, and I don't think we're going to have enough people. We've got to figure out. Are there going to be any industry people in the audience? Maybe someone, maybe we can be discovered.

Isn't that much more important than how many people are in the room? I agree. I think big. I use my hacking tools that I've traded for illicit drugs on the dark web in order to gain access to the phone of a record executive. And I tell him that I have pictures of him and his mistress, and if he doesn't come to this show and deposit money directly onto the bar, $50,000 and small unmarked bills,

then I will release the pictures to mass media. That's going to need a roll for sure. Okay, great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I figured that was going to be one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, 16? He'll be there.

Ah. Well done. Well done. Guys, Usador, Chunt, and I guess Dorian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like, I feel like Tripp Fang's cheating a little bit, but it's helping us. Like, I've noticed sometimes when he rolls, like, a tiny little snake, like, shoots out of his wrist. and like the little tongue knocks the die over?

Yeah, I saw that too. He's being subtle about it. Like, he's not just going all 20s, but... Good work, Leonard. I saw him roll two dice and get two ones at the same time. Now, snake eyes? I would suggest we don't examine anyone's play too deeply. I mean, if it's benefiting us.

Yeah, I mean, right now we only have 50 butts in the seats, and that's not even full humans, it's just butts in the seat. Yes, what harm is there if he's assisting you in this game? Hmm. I wouldn't want to comment on how he rolls. He is made of snakes, perhaps. The snakes are just how he rolls. Oh, that's how he does that.

That's how he rolls. That's how he rolls. Okay, I'm satisfied. Well, the night of the big performances come. The improv group that I'll be opening for you is called In Tune, but it's a letter in, the number two, and then another N. Do they have any cartoon-related songs? I must know.

Well, they can have any kind of song. They're an improv, musical-improp team. Let me roll for them. Oh, boy, they, uh, an 18. So, uh, they've got a lot of fans will be there. And, uh, I think with, uh, the flaring you, you've done, uh, you're going to have a full house everybody. Ooh. The overflow area isn't completely full, but, uh, can I check, while the musical improv group is performing,

can I check to see if my character wants candy? Uh, sure, sure. That's a 20. You do. You want a lot of candy. Great. The baby wants candy? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I just realized that they're all going to be musical improv fans. So can I roll to burn down the bar and run away? If you wish, yeah, I can't stop you. One. You don't. Dang. You don't. John Bastion looks at the poster for the improv team, and it says N to N.

N10? I think it's end to end. End to end. Yeah. It's like a Requiem for the Dream Band. In to In. Or probably, in tune. And I think people are going to intuit that that says,

in tune. All right. Yeah. They had a good role. So they've got a built-in fan base who understands what's going on. And underneath it, they have in parentheses, I-N-T-U-N-E, dummy. Oh, I see.

You know, with a smiley-face emoji. But to my point, they had to put that there. They did. They did. Yeah. The poster is exceptionally wacky. He had kind of endearing, too. And actually, the kind of parents that Dr. Daniel Piledriver would bring

would really like seeing that poster, I think. It's pretty polite and non-offensive. Well, the show is starting, and they're the opening act. They'll perform first. And can we get a suggestion for their song from anybody? Guys, let's sabotage them with a really bad suggestion. Pineapple monkey.

Okay. Sounds good to me. Can I roll to see if I get intoxicated? If Mrs. Roply gets intoxicated on wine coolers and tries to take the stage during their improvised set? Sure. I think that's a pretty high possibility. We'd like to attack with bad suggestions and Mrs. Roepley's move. Drunkenness. Okay, well, let's go a pineapple monkey. Let me roll for them.

Okay, 16. They do a pretty good pineapple monkey song. They're able to roll their eyes and talk about, whoa. Well, we can do it, can't we? And then they make up their pineapple monkey. Apparently, there's a monkey that fell off a boat and swam to Hawaii and likes pineapples. Oh, pretty good. Yeah. What a good tapestry they wove. Yeah, and let's get to Mrs. Robley. There's a two.

This is disgusting. Wine cooler roll for Mrs. Ropley. 14. You're getting close. You're starting to get a little tipsy, but you didn't quite make it onto the stage quite yet. So can I give another suggestion? Yeah. Great.

I assume that I can just yell out suggestions throughout the entire show. Go for it. At any point, in any improvised show. Even after they've already taken the suggestion, you're going to keep yelling out suggestion? That's how it works, right? I can just talk whenever I want. That's precisely how it works. Okay, good.

My character thinks this is stand-up, so he's confused as why there's so many people on stage. Wait, if we become a touring band, if someone tells us to just come to a city, do we just go to that city? Is that how that works? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Wow. All the powers in the audience. I yell out spatula farts.

Spatula farts, okay. Do we just go to that city? Is that how that works? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Wow. All the powers in the audience. I yell out

Spatula farts Spatula farts, okay Let's get a roll for them here 15 Wow, they're doing great That's such a great suggestion Why would you Spatula farts is a very good suggestion

They're really good They turn it into spatula Hearts And it's a love story It's very nice about this Spat who loves hearts

You know Okay wait wait Wait wait I think I can sabotage their show I'm gonna yell out Do a scene about a proctologist who runs for president.

Perfect improv suggestion. Let's get a roll from this, and then we'll get another Mrs. Roply roll here. Okay, it's a 10. They've stumbled a little bit. They can't really find the, if they're not singing, they're not the musical accompaniment.

They're improv kind of, it's pretty thin. Pretty thin without that. Because it wasn't really a suggestion. It was like me telling them to do a specific scene. And let's get a Mrs. Ropley, wine cooler roll here. This is a 15.

Okay, you make it onto the stage now. And again, that goes into this, there's terrible performance. They're pretty mad, and they try to incorporate you into what's going on. Sing me a song. I've got Maracas. Is what I'm saying right now. Sure, sure. And they try to. Let me get a roll for them. Okay, that was an eight. They cannot keep it together.

They're having a hard time incorporating you. It's all falling apart. It's time for us to go in for the kill. This is where we strike. I'm looking at my sheet here. I have a broadsword, and I'm going to attack them. Okay. If that's what you'd like to do.

Hayden, what are you doing? We're supposed to kill them, right? Yeah, I guess it is a battle. It's a battle. It's a battle to the death. When they're at their weakest, we attack. Maybe he can promote an improper retreat. I'm sorry, I lost track of the turnover here.

So it's Arnold and then Tripfran and then myself, then Chunt? Oh, Mrs. Robles, should come after Tripfring. Yes, okay. Yeah, yeah. If that's what you like to do, like I said, the producer has already said, hey, you know, we got, you got at least $1,200 coming your way before the bar. So, you know, I don't know if you want to, if you want to attack them, you can attack them. That's for sure.

Can you attack them while we lay down the beat? If we don't attack them, do we split the money? That's correct. Yeah, if you don't attack them. Well, that's your share. That's your band's share of the money, is that $1,200. So we'd have to get more if we'd destroy them. Or they would just call the police.

Ah. That's going to be the danger there. But if you destroy everybody, well, then there's no one left to call the police, and you could get all the money. That's the calculus here. Is it possible I just totally misread the situation and I shouldn't be attacking them? I mean, follow your heart. What else could Battle of the Bands mean? Yeah.

All right. I'm going to chop off somebody's head. Sure, give me a roll there. 13. All right. You definitely wound one of the people in In-Tune. They scream. Blood is now shrieking everywhere.

We get a roll for them. Okay, they're in full improv retreat right now. They are screaming, they are shocked. I'm not sure for the rest of you guys how you want to support this action. Dr. Daniel Pauldriver, there is one of the in-tune members is bleeding on stage in the midst of an improper treat.

Having a wonderful time, but they are not fighting back. Okay, I support Hayden Christians in its acts by opening a bunch of pills that I was going to sell on the dark web that I stole from a hospital and I throw them at the improvisers. Okay, trying to land them in their mouths? Yes, I'm trying to land the pills directly in their mouths.

You're going to get a negative modifier for that, but it's worth a rule if you can get something good. Okay. Leonard, do your work. 17. Wow, okay. Three of the improvisers get pills in their mouths. Yes.

I mean. Nailed it. I threw viking at them. Super sickly. That seems about right. Okay, Mrs. Ropley, drunk on stage. You may get some additional modifiers are being drunk on wine coolers, but what would you like to? I also support Hayden's move,

and I want to roll to use my Maracas to knock them all down to short form. You got it. Giving a roll there with the Maracas. Okay, it's a ten. A ten. With the drunkenness, you're just yelling and saying things and hitting them, and it makes no sense to them, and they're not being incapacitated in any regard. That's.

Awesome. John Bastion. I support Hayden Christensen's move by going up to one of the improvisers on the side of the stage and asking him if I can join by playing a dog or something. Sure, sure. Let's get a roll there, and that's your persuasive marketing manager. Yeah. I got a 12.

12? Well, you are a persuasive marketing manager, Oh yeah, I have a plus four in persuasion. Yeah, so there's a okay, yeah, if you want to, sure, do you have any training? Have you taken classes? No. Okay, well, anyone can improvise, so get on up there. Yeah, I can tell. All right, so we've got the dog on stage, Danger Lake Range.

And sorry, the show is still going on? Yeah, well, there's some bleeding going on, it is kind of chaotic. So I want to have a bonus action prepared. The bonus action I want to have prepared is if the fighting goes awry, once the musical improv is over, I want to be ready to shatter the team's self-confidence by afterwards seeing them backstage and saying fun stuff. So I want to have that prepared as a bonus action. Sure.

For my main action, I know Hayden is up for fighting, so that's one for fighting. I want to support him, so that's two for fighting. And I want to check him with the other three to see how many people for fighting we can get. Sure, sure. I'm for fighting. That's three for fighting?

Four for fighting. Five for fighting. We've got five for fighting. Let's fight. Great. Sure. Okay. If that's the plan.

Okay. Yeah. Do you have a, that was your move was just to check in with everybody? Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck, waste of a move. Well, I was going to say, Dr. Daniel Poudraver,

one thing we haven't done today, as your garage band, you have not been confronted by your parents to wish that you would come back home. We need to get a die roll for you once a day. Probably would have a good idea to get that done earlier, but, uh... Oh, yeah, bad timing.

Yeah, this could be bad timing here. Unfortunately. So, I roll. That is N-11. in? Your parents are in the audience. They're shaking their heads. They're pretty disappointed. They were enjoying the improv quite a bit and probably wishing maybe you would join an improv troop. They have not physically restrained you or gone after you, but they're disappointed

and you see their disappointment. But mom, dad, I got three pills in people's mouths. That was impressive. That was, you know, we should never acquit that baseball team, huh? I thought you were good at that. You started in your high school team, right? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, why'd you give that up? Your room is still the same. I'm Mrs. Piledriver.

My character's taking a beating. Let's just call this whole thing off, all right? You still got that. You're still a doctor. I just made meatloaf. Yeah, your mother's got meatloaf on the stove. Oh, yeah. You're a doctor.

What happened to you? Yeah, I'm a cardiologist. What? A successful one, too. I was a cardiothoracic surgeon. Oh, why did you, did you walk away from that? I love the music, man. And I want to catch the zodiac.

I would spend too much time fixing hearts Not enough time fixing the shattered moral fabric of the Bay Area Oh Dripfang is crying Ignore me I was in character These tears are mostly venom from snake sack Venom sacks

Dripfang Do you have a secret passion you're not pursuing? Or a snake What did you say? I said a venom sack A snake is a snake Oh now you've got me doing it Now you got me hungry for burgers

Yeah, snake, they've really taken food by storm, that snake's neck. They've got great milk shakes, too. My secret passion is none of your concern, Arnie, if we're now out of character. But I do have a love of the music that has always resided within my heart. So ignore my venom tears, proceed on with our gig. Oh, I turn and try to make eye contact with the industry person in the audience, and just to try to let him know that, like, we're available to be famous. Oh, so desperate.

You want to get a roll here. Okay. We are available to be famous. 17. If that position is open, we're available. Well, technically, he hasn't heard you play yet. Okay. But he's seen as attack on improv team.

He gives you a look. I'm listening. Kind of a slow nod. The same nod you might see while you're recording an album and you see through the glass that he's back there. Not wearing headphones, like kind of nodding at you as you're playing. Like, oh, that's a vote of confidence. Yeah.

Has he put the $50,000? How does and small unlock bills on the bar? Oh, let me roll for him. Yes, he has. Okay, I'm going to keep my eye on that. Yes, he has. Can we see the bar from the stage? Yes. Oh, yes, a small venue.

Oh, okay, great. So the producer's there, and he's got his eye, and he knows that we are available to be famous. Fantastic. I sit down behind the drum kit, and I begin playing a sick beat. Sure, sure. a roll there. You're going to get a positive modifier for

it being a level three. You're going to get a negative modifier for your folks really being there and being disappointed with you. Sure. Understood. Yeah, that's really... They're going to offset a little bit. Let's get a roll. It's really going to be in my head, but I want to lay down a sick beat. And also, my bass drum is filled with cocaine.

16. You're able to do it. You're able to get a pretty good rhythm going. It's medium, funky, but it's also got a pretty driving force behind a as well. Like a heartbeat.

Yeah. Yeah. I would like to roll to join Daniel Pyle Driver, but at the same time, I want to brush his back and say, got your back.

In my middle-aged voice. Sure. Let's get a roll on that. 11. 11. Okay. You say got your back, but he mishears it

as this is your back, which just kind of unsettles him a little bit. I'm playing right now. Yeah, I agree. Why now? But I can still Maraca, right? Oh, yeah, you're able to successfully play the Maracas.

You need a very low role to successfully play the Maracas. It does not take much. Is John Bastion able to reach his bass guitar from here? Yes. Are you on all four is portraying your improv dog, or are you kind of bipedal? No, I'm just sort of like letting my hands hang in front of me. Yeah, yeah. The silence on this stage are such.

It's kind of low, so it's real hard to do on the ground stuff. Yeah. eye lines and stuff. You are able to reach your base. So can I reach the base and start playing the base in the same turn? Yeah, with a good role. With a good roll you can. Okay.

All right. It's 15. All right. But I have a plus two for dexterity because I decided not to wear my three-piece suit today. That's correct. That is correct. You are. You're able to dog your way over and actually kind of keep a little dog face going

while you play your base. Good question. How high do you wear the base? Pretty high, like, basically, like, right up to my chin. Great. That really goes good with the dog face, too. Yeah. Okay.

You know, some people wear it very low. Yeah, yeah. Up on their chest. Up on my chest. Cool. Great. Yeah. It's kind of an old-fashioned way of doing it,

but it's kind of a retro cool thing, too. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Danger. Okay, so, let's see here. So I love that the cardiologist has that almost like heartbeat rhythm going. I definitely want to support that.

You said the 50,000 is on the bar? That's correct. Okay, and I'm guessing that after we suggested Spatheleafart, it's too late to raise the bar? Yeah, the bar is as high as it's going to get. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hmm, I guess we just try and rock out. I'm going to also lock eyes with the talent agent in the room

and try and really just exude desperation while just like trying to rock the theremin two-handed. Sure, sure. Let's get a roll from you here. And go, ooh, 19. Well done. that theremin is humming. It is really...

Well, that's what the theremin does. Yeah, yeah. I mean, just like, but it's really doing it. Oh, okay, good, yeah. And in fact, the improv grew... Some of them are starting to get into your groove a little bit too here and really enjoy themselves. Do they start, like, doo-wop back-uping behind us?

I'm going to roll for them in a second here. One of them has a very severe injury to his arm from your broadsword and is on the ground in pain. But, boy, those improvisers, when they hear a good beat, it's hard for them to not join in. We'll see how that affects their role. The producer in the audience kind of slowly puts a finger on his nose a little bit. Again, non-committal but positive.

He wants some of that cocaine, I bet. In this moment, I have an epiphany. I throw my lyrics away and realize this. This is the song. Everything we've done today, everything about putting together this band and forming Joe versus the volcano and attacking this impromp team. Oh, shit. Splash.

That's a much better name. I pick my notes back up and I look over them briefly. Splash, yes, you're right. We were called splash. And while he looks to his note cards, I scream out, people in the first three rows will get wet because the splash zone. Oh, yeah. And then I say, like, actually the entire room will get wet because you're all in the splash zone.

Just to buy you some time. And I just start singing an amazing song inspired by what's happened to us today. Oh, 19. All right, you do it. You sing this amazing song. Thank you, Leonard. Yes. And it's going well.

People are starting to get into it. They're forgetting this man who's bleeding on the ground. Let me roll for the... Okay, well, the producer, the manager of the bar has not forgotten. And he's pretty mad. He's running to trying to find the phone behind the bar pretty quick. The crowd, though, is into it. Can I ask which of us, like, is closest to the bar?

Well, I think as the lead singer, you're pretty close. Oh. And Mrs. Robly, as well, is also fairly close. I imagine she's kind of backstage left. And I realize in this moment, this is the song. I throw my notes away again. This moment, this is the song to sing about. And I turn to the band.

Again? Yes. And I say, and I say, I start singing, take the money and run. and I take the money and I run. The $1,200 or the $50,000? All of it. All the money in the room. I grab anybody, if I can pick any pockets on my way out of the room. People holding up loose bills.

And I want to yell, go on, take the money and run. Yeah. On the way out, don't you yell, catch me if you can? Yes, I do. Well, we need a roll to see if you can grab. That's an ambitious, you know, just the $50,000 would have been an easy. Yeah. If you're going to be that ambitious.

Just out of curiosity. Like, what would I need to roll to be able to pull off something like that? Well, if you just wanted to grab the $50,000 of the unmarked envelope sitting in the open, anything better than a three, trying to steal the $1,200 from the irate bar manager, who is in the midst of calling the police. Let's call him Captain Phillips. We'll call him Captain Phillips.

As well as any other patrons, you're going to need at least an 18 or better to pull all that. Oh, okay. All right, great. Really? Is that? Yeah. Wow. Wow, Hayden Christensen just stole $51,200, as well as several watches and cash.

And on his way out, yelled, Catch Me If You Can. Yeah. I'm going to roll for the bar manager here. Okay, he rolled a 17. He throws a bottle of liquor hitting the back of the head. Oh, on your way out the door. What kind of liquor? Oh, it was a bourbon.

Oh, sure. Barrel-aged. It was a middle shelf. Okay, sure. You don't want to throw a top shelf that. Woodford Reserve. Okay. That's not bad. It's a hefty bottle, though. It's a sturdy... It is. I see the... Spirits manual, please?

Sure. Thank you. It's not blanton's, but it's not bad. It's not bad. So you're going to take five hit points of damage. Oh, okay. Boy, I'm pretty low. As a starving artist who started off with six, so that's quite low. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if the rest of you want to do anything now... Well, I think we should all try. to escape, right? Yeah? That's probably a good idea. Yeah. The police are going to, if I want to give me a roll, if everyone feels like they all want to escape together,

if we get to roll here and for everybody and see if we can. Absolutely. There we go around the room. Daniel. 11. 11. You run out, but not before your father grabs you by the upper arm. And it's like, you think about what you're doing.

You think about what you're doing. I've got another roll to see if you can resist that handhold. 17. You're able to. You're able to. have a pithy retort ready for him. I don't know if you have one ready. Oh, yeah.

Cocaine to the face. Okay. Do you actually throw the cocaine? Yes. Oh, okay. Do you need to throw? Yeah, I would just straight up just douse it with cocaine. Okay, yeah. He is flabbergasted, but you're able to escape. Mrs. Roepley? Another win for the pilot driver. I would like to follow everyone out of the bar, but also yell,

fuck you old man to Daniel's parents. Sure, sure. Yeah. Eight. Eight. It comes out as Fart, parents And And you stumble a little bit It wasn't too terrible of a role So someone actually does help you up

Oh, this lady This old lady's a bridge and tunnel crowd You know, they kind of like This poor lady came in on the Commuter train We gotta help her get home She's probably got a family waiting for her back home Is the person who helps her up

We're wearing an MC shit eater T-shirt? Yeah We sold one. We sold one. That's a couple of merch. Merch. All right.

John Bastion, can we escape the chaos of the club here? Two. You are not able to escape mostly because the improvisers corner you and be like, you're really good. They want me to keep you in the dog? Well, they want to like, you should, I don't know if you're busy. We try to rehearse once a week and maybe have a show twice a month or so. Okay. I'm not sure if you, you must have done improv before.

No, I'm the first time. Okay, well, I'd... We'd love to have you if you're interested. Yeah, I mean, I'll have to think about it. I'll check my schedule, but yeah, definitely. Okay, normally our company is we just have a piano player, but maybe piano bass, that could be a fun. Cool.

Can I roll to see if they say, we're improvising right now? Sure. Three. Three. They don't. Oh, about that. But they're thinking it. Well, one and done.

And should they have needed to sell you on it? If you would have said, oh, improv, I don't know if I can do it. so hard, then they'd be ready for Boer Improvising right now. Let's get Danger LaGrange. Great. So as a one-inch baby, I'm going to see if I can crawl through everyone's legs out the front door. Adorable. And I want to hop on the back of my dragonfly

that I have tied up out front on tied to The Post. Yes. Natural 20. Boom. hilarious hijinks ensue as you crawl through legs and improbable things happen. Someone will scoop you up and accidentally throw you, but then you

ricochet off things and land right back where you we're crawling away just unaware, unaware. Like a toy story. Yeah, exactly. But it keeps happening. So it's like Toy Story 1, Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3. It's like, when is this going to end? God willing, Toy Story 4.

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. But you do make it out pretty well. And I got to say, everybody, $5,100 plus if you can sell some of the jewelry you stole, Hayden Griserson made it off with. I'd say you guys are real close to winning. How much the TVs cost? A really nice TV. Maybe $5 or $7 or $800, you know, a good enough TV.

Plus, Usador has a new career. As an improviser? Yes, where the big bucks are. Now, don't get too excited. In order to win the game, you actually have to buy those items. And we still have to go to a store and purchase those things. But wow, you guys, that was, what a turnaround. I think it was probably the biggest turnaround in unemployed.

I've ever seen. Yeah. Going from zero to pretty much 52 grand. That was a balsy roll, Arnie. I know. It's really balsy. I did not cheat in any way. Wink.

I should also mention, I mean, just for anyone out there that I don't mind improvise musicals as long as it's off book. Well done. Daniel Powdriver. It was fun having you, playing with you. I'm not sure if you're around for any more sessions, but I think you brought the group some luck here. Yeah, drip fang.

We'd roll better than we ever have. Ah, yes, a coincidence, yay. Luck that was on my side. Good work, Leonard. I'm proud of you. Extra snake snacks for you tonight. Fear not, listeners. All use my ability to channel energies

to protect us from the nefarious energies of the podcast feed. Here we go. Usadol the wizard, aka John Bastion, was played by Matt Young. Chunt the Badger, aka Danger LaGrange, was played by Adlerfai. Metamore, the office manager, was played by Bill Arnett. Dorian DeVille, aka Mr. Robly, was played by Zach Thompson. Drip Fang, the Necromancer, aka Dr. Daniel Pile Driver, was played by Kevin Sorretta.

This episode of Offices and Bosses produced by Annie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgie and Evan Jacover. This episode was edited by Garrett Schultz, the Offices and Bosses logo designed by Alan Lambert. with a theme song by Andy Poland. Oh, once again, I've saved us all. Now it's time to do your part. Go to patreon.com slash magic tavern to become a patron today. You know the drill, a monthly newsletter, a quarterly meet and greet, early access to live events,

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