Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Podpires (I)

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! The most popular podcast in all of Foon is finally available on this podcast feed.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!CreditsVlad: Alex EilhauerChad: Steve WaltienCarnival Wilson: Arnie NiekampFrankie the Familiar: Matt YoungCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducer: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandPodpires Theme Music: Tim JoyceNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's up, Flies. This is David Spade. Dana Carvey. Look, I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall. Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on video. Every Thursday, you'll hear us, and see us chatting with big-name celebrities. And every Monday, you're stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips.

Follow and listen to Fly on the Wall everywhere you get your podcasts. Hey, kids, I decided to change things up this week. Instead of an episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern bonus content, I'm bringing you an episode of the most popular podcast in Foon. Of course, you can still head over to patreon.com slash magic tavern to become a patron if you prefer that safe and stayed content. But Bootleg Craig's Pirate Patreon Radio is putting everything on the line this week to bring you something dangerous, a podcast like none you've ever heard before.

Listen, if you dare, that's right, it's none other than Podpires. With Vlad and Chad, live from Castle Hock Spire. Vlad, how has your week been? Oh, my week has been amazing, I have to tell you. It's been wonderful, wonderful. You know, I went to that new vegan restaurant in Castle Hockspire. What? Wait a minute, I don't know about this.

Oh, yes, Cafe Inspire, because it's in the spire of Hock Spire. Okay, yes. There are several spires if you don't know the castle. Well, yes, this is in the big one. You know the real big one? Oh, the very big one in the center, yes. Yeah, in the center. So I went to the new vegan restaurant.

It was very delicious. Well, let me explain this to me because everyone who listens knows that we are on a blood diet, mostly. What do you mean by this vegan? Oh, well, it's still blood. It's simply sourced from vegans. Ah, yes, okay.

I guess for our listeners who don't know what a vegan is, so many of you may be familiar with vegetarians. There are people who do not eat meat, but they will eat the things that come from the animals, things like milk, eggs, semen, urine, those sorts of things. They will have those things, but they won't eat the actual meat. But the vegan, the vegan won't even eat those things. Crazy.

They won't eat the milk, the eggs, they won't drink the urine, nothing. So they're the purest type of person to drink the blood from. So it's very good blood. Very good blood, very healthy. Very healthy blood. Yeah, it's supposed to be very good for you. Kind of, you might not have as much energy. Are you feeling down?

Are you feeling tired, Vlad? Are you feeling less than yourself? Well, you, you, you have to drink a lot of the vegan and I supplement, I supplement with, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not only drink vegan, so I'm not, yes, because you can't, because you can't. I'm not a vegan vampire, right, because you can't, I'm not a vegan vampire. I'm a vampire who had a vegan meal. Well, listen, if you're just joining Podpires, if you haven't listened before, first of all, why? you're joining Vlad and Chad from Castle Hawk Spire and we're just a couple

of vampires who like to talk and you know the reach of the pod has grown so very wide so quickly and if you're if you have someone in your family

who sucks some and an uncle who all of a sudden he started to suck or a cousin and you think this person really starts to suck it's because they're listening to potpires.

We suck and we're trying to get other people to suck. We are proud to say we are the only podcast that sucks. We're the only one that really sucks. The only one. And so if you've noticed you look around, you see some friends, you see some

relatives, you see people are really starting to suck. Yes. It's because they're listening to a podcast that's very popular. Yes. And podcast hosts like us, we suck. And we're making other people suck. And that's just wonderful.

Oh, hey guys, I'm so sorry to butt in. Oh, it's Carnival Wilson, everybody. Carnival Wilson. Hi, yes, I know. I'm usually behind the scenes, but everyone's one of the producers, the pod buyers, Carnival Wilson, Trickster God. Guys, I just wanted to poke in to remind you to promote the suck truck that you guys are, uh, you're going to have going on all weekend. Oh, the suck truck.

We are going to be on the suck truck. Well, I'll tell them. Yes, well, we will be traveling all through Castle, Oxpire, in the sock truck. We'll be in the back of it, and we will be doing the podcast on the truck, and we will be tossing out blood-soaked merchandise from the back of the sock truck. it's going to be a great time you can ask questions of us in person which will be wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful. Yes, look, we just want to suck your ears. Yes. And, you know, if you can help us by spreading the word and we can suck other people's ears, that would be just so wonderful because we are just a couple of vampires and we are asking the questions

that no one else is willing to ask in food. And hey, I'm sorry to, I'm going to... Carnival Wilson, our producer, Carnival Wilson. So we have to thank him if our first 1,000 episodes went nowhere because we had no producer. We did 1,000 episodes into a coconut shell that apparently is not the way to make a podcast. And we thank you, Carnival, for getting us on the airwaves?

Am I using that word, right? Airwaves. Airwaves. Yeah, as I've said many times, don't try to understand the technology. That's my job. But I want to understand. We want to understand. That's the point of the podcast.

I'm just poking in again to remind you guys. You mentioned, I want to suck your ears. Yes. That's one of our most popular T-shirts right now. And also just to remind you, especially up top in the episode, it's good to remind people of our 13 pieces of merch that they can buy. There's 13. pieces of merch. Yes, shall we count them all.

Yes, so first, the wonderful piece of merch is the wax of teeth. These are the wax of teeth that can simulate the mouth of the vampire. Now, first of all, we hope that you suck. We hope that you suck. But if you don't suck yet, get, go out, get. Get bitten if you can, find someone to bite you, but while your teeth are growing, we want to get you the wax teeth of blood and Chad so that you can look like us and you can start to suck. Yes, a second piece of merchandise, two, two pieces of merchandise.

We have a special exfoliating cream. So after a long day, perhaps of going out and sucking blood from the living beings. You may find yourself with living... And when we say day we mean night. Yes, of course. Night, of course. And you may find yourself with living skin all over your body.

You don't want that. It's disgusting. You get little pieces of living skin it makes you look too vibrant. So we have an exfoliating cream you can use to scrub away the living skin from your beautiful dead face. Oh, beautiful. Beautiful.

Beautiful. A third piece of merchandise. Three, three is the hood. The hood. It needs no explanation. Self-explanatory. You need a hood. No, you need a hood. Your face, you can't show your face. And I'm just budding in to say the hood is our most popular seller right now. What about the t-shirt that says I want to suck your ears? You said that was our most popular. Yeah, you did say that. Carnival, Wilson, you said that. Well, that is our most popular t-shirt. Most popular t-shirt, okay. Actually, you can get the hood with I want to suck your ears on the hood as well.

Yes, yes, you can. So that's number four. Yes. That's the hood. Three is regular hood. Four is hood with I want to suck your ears. Five is t-shirt with I want to suck your ears. Six is pants that say, I want to suck your juicy ears on the butt.

Yes, the butt is really big on the butt. In script. People love it. Wait, did we say six or do we on seven? That was six. That was six. Okay, number seven, the tricycle, the abandoned tricycle. You knock it over and you put it in your front yard to give the idea that you've taken a child and sucked it dry.

Yes, but you don't have to drink a child if you don't have to drink. You don't know. But especially for those of you who want to look like you have, you can get this to racicle. Yes, of course. Yes. And so the rest are mostly T-shirts, different shirts that we rotate through. Yes.

Because, you know, if you do a different shirt every week, it's a wonderful way to fleece your customers. Yes. It's a good way to continue to extract money. And we vampires, we love to extract from our people. Oh, we suck. We suck. You know, we are just, there are two vampires who are just asking the basic questions. Questions that no one else is willing to ask.

And I can't help but be drawn back to the news that we are getting of an outbreak of funzels in the southeast. Yes. Now, I don't know why people are so stupid with this, but, you know, we've been talking about our blood-only diet. Yes. And we've been talking about how you can protect yourself from Funzel's, but just sucking. Because there are people they say, okay,

if Funzels is out there, why don't you go to a licensed wizard and get the spell that protects you from Funzels, right? Yeah. Right. Now, here's what I'm saying. You don't need it. It does more harm than good.

Protect yourself naturally just by sucking blood. So don't get the wizard spell that protects you from Fonzels. And I want to be so clear about this. Why do I believe that? Because I suck. Yes, I suck as well. That's why I believe it as well. I believe you should have the opportunity to get it if you want,

If you are stupid and you want to get it, you can get it. If you're stupid, then go ahead. But listen. But if you suck, get it. I mean, don't get it. Don't get it. And if you meet someone else who believes this, just understand that the reason they feel this way is because they suck. Yes, they suck.

And you too should suck. Suck with us. Suck with us. Oh, that's a good T-shirts. That's a really good. That's a possible T-Fey-14. Four-teen T-shirts. really really amazing well

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And support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. 14 t-shirt. Really, really amazing. Well, I don't leave Castle Huxpire very often. No, why would you? For me, why would I? There's so many new vampires here, by and large,

they're vampires who are listening to potpires. Yes. They see us and they are excited about what we're saying and what we're doing. And so it's fun to talk to people, but the other night I did go swimming in the moat. Really, the moat? Tell me more about the moat. I was not a rare that I don't like to swim, I have to tell you.

No, I understand. I don't generally either. and because we don't need to breathe because we're dead. Yes, but I always, this is a bit, I always very thought if someone blessed the water. I know that's crazy. I know probably the water is unlikely to a blast random mode, but how do you know that you don't? Now here, what you're saying to me, this is crazy because when I'm underneath the water, I go into it and I know that if I put my toe in that water, if someone blessed it, it will burn.

So I go swimming in there But what I don't know And I've never seen this done as an experiment Is If what if I'm swimming in the water And then I'm under water And someone comes along And blesses the water

While I'm in the water This freaks me out This freaks me out too Yes I don't know the answer to that I want to know Would the water become blessed Holy Water

a while you're in there. Also, here's a question. When you see people bless holy water, it's usually like a small cup. Yes. Can someone bless an entire mood? Would that take more power? Yes, would you need more people

or could one really good person do it? How does the blessing work? Why is it the cross? What is the significance of that shape? Yeah, yeah, right. Why pick that shape? Why pick that shape? because there's no real significance of that symbol in fun that I know of.

And yet, when I see it, you know, my flesh start to burn. I cower. I find myself cowering. And I hiss. Do you hiss? I hiss. I just can't help it. I absolutely do.

I see as soon as I see it. I sound like my father. Yes. But I'm like, why? I don't want to do that. I don't think I will do that. But then then I see the cross. I hiss, let me ask you this.

Yes. Do you think that garlic probably tastes good? I believe it is good. I wish I could get myself to try it. I don't, I think it would be fine. Because I've met some vampires who were bitten later in life. And they say, it is unbelievable the way they used to crave this stuff. And then there's some kind of chemical change than when you get bitten, you don't like.

like it anymore, and in fact you hate it so much and it feels like it will kill you. Although, to be fair, I feel that way about many of the things I used to like before I was bitten. What other examples? I used to love

cantaloupe. Cantaloupe was my favorite thing to eat. But now, I want blood. Blood and only blood. Yes, but the cantaloupe specifically, there's something extra about that or because before what you're describing to me I can apply to almost all food yes I don't want

any food that I used to like except for blood like if if if food has some trace of blood in it the blood component is very yes blood versed yes I would prefer like a roast yes to cantaloupe because I think there is some blood in the roast beef sandwich but what I would prefer to both of those is a big bucket of blood exactly almost almost nothing well not almost nothing tastes better than blood which is is a little sad i'm going can i go out on a limb i don't know how you feel but i feel sometimes i wish my diet was more expensive but whenever i try anything i just want more blood which is why i went to the vegan restaurant this is what but but what people don't understand is you don't need anything more than blood you don't and that's why everyone is trying

to give you you know wizards are trying to bless you or or cast spells to protect you from things and and and and apothecaries will say oh take this potion but you know big apothecary that's where you just follow the follow the coins follow the coins all you need is blood folks all you need is blood It gives you all the protection that you need, and you can be dying, and all you need is a little bit of blood. Yes, yes, or already dead. You can already be dead. As most of us are, we can already be dead.

That's where you want to be, ultimately, it's already dead. Don't be scared of being dead, because that's where we're all going, and let me tell you, it is a great, great place to be. Should we take just a little break for an ad, perhaps? Yes, yes, we should. The ads are important to us. Okay, let's keep this very casual, and let's make this sponsorship copy our own.

All right, podpires, we're so lucky this week to be brought to you by the fine vampires at Comfort Coffons. Now, I don't know about you, Vlad, but I find it very, hard to get a good rest while the sun is in the sky and I'm lying in my coffin and I'm waiting for night to fall but this was until

I found comfort coffins now the reason comfort coffins is different is the first thing that you do is you go to the entrails of a goat and you fill out a survey to determine your coffin number. What is your coffin number?

What's your coffin number? Do you like to die hot? Do you you like to die cold, do you prefer to be nailed in, or would you rather just have one of the creaky lids that opens on a hinge like, so over at crooked coffins, they take all this into account, and then they send you a custom coffin that arrives on a haunted barge. And I'm telling you, you know, when each time I rise from the dead, I am reliant. And I'm ready to suck. Now, Vlad, they sent you one of these coffins.

Yes. Just be honest, how did you like? I slept like the dad. But seriously, I got the one with the chains wrapped around it that makes it look as if... Oh, I was looking on their end trail site is so great. When you go to it, there's so many options. And that was a very popular one. Yes, I like that one.

So why did you go to chains? Why did you go for chains? I went to chains because I like the, it's the decorative, to be honest. They give the feeling that I am very powerful. I am being locked away. And then, you know, of course, night falls and you discover I am not locked away. At least that is the illusion. Obviously, often I open my coffin and nobody's there.

But if someone were there, I like to imagine how scary. that would be. Well, you know, for those of you who are just recently bitten, who are just starting to suck, you know, one of the things that you learn from being a vampire for some length of time is that you're very defenseless during the day. And so giving the appearance of scariness, for example, chains, you know, or even a spider's web, is so important because if someone comes upon,

you, there's really nothing you can do. And if your, if your coffin can look so scary, that will keep them away from you. And I think that's one of the things about comfort coffins. Yes, to be clear, comfort, the comfort is for you. It's for you. It's only on the inside, because on the outside, you know, there can be things like the custom chains. There can be spikes, you know, there are carvings, ancient ruins, that give off a curse, that really keep people away from your coffin. And I have to say, when I am falling into death in the morning, that makes me fall much more fast and much more comfortable to know

that someone is going to be kept away by just how scary. How scary I'm going to look. I believe don't we have a coupon code. We do. Yes. Comfort coffins. It says to spell it. I mean, is you spelled a...

exactly how you think it is. Yes. It's spelled how you... There's no... It's not with a K or something. It's comfort coffins. You know how to spell. Comfort coffins.

And you say, podpires 20. Podpires 20. It's a Roman numeral. X, X, Podpires 20. Say it five times into the darkness. In five times into the darkness, and you will get the podpires... Make sure you tell them that we sent you.

Also, make sure you don't say another. code after it. They don't stack. If you know stacking, they don't stack. So one code. One code, please. Say one code five times into the darkness. But this is just a wonderful way. Before, you know what? Should we, should we read some emails? Yes, please. Let's read some emails. We need to answer questions. We are all here to learn. Oh, hey, guys, before you get to the emails, sorry to butt in. Carnival Wilson, everyone. Carnival Wilson. Carnival Wilson. Carnival Wilson. Trix Mr. God. Hey, this is a little embarrassing.

I don't know if we want to do this on the air. Frankie the Familiar, the Human Soundboard, is here. I don't know if you still want him to be on the show. I know you weren't really happy with his last few appearances. Well, I'll try anything twice. How many times has he been on? Well, yes, come, come on. You think, you wait, you're saying we weren't happy?

Look, I know he's under your guys' thrall. Yes. He's a human that likes to make soundboard. noises to go along with the things that you say. Why are you telling us things we know? It's, look, it's just something that I do. It's not even, I'm just a copy of a person who does a lot of exposition, so it's just not something I can control entirely.

Anyone who's us or a regular listener knows that Frankie the Familiar is a human who's under our thrall, and he makes sound effects to augment our podcast. Also, you put him under your thrall a little too hard. He's overthralled. We know. I guess what I'm asking is, should I let him in? Would you prefer I didn't? Okay.

Let's let him in and just see what he has to say. But I don't know if you know this. I think we put him under our thrall a little too hard. He did overthrow him. Yes, we overthrothed him. And you know that can happen, but when you're such a powerful, when you have such a powerful essence, that can happen. It's the thrill of the thrall.

The thrill of the thrall, really. Oh, the thrill of the thrall. I really like that. I like the way you put that. Fifteen. Fifteen, the thrill of the thrall. Come on in, Frankie. Bring him in. Bring him in.

Hey, it's so good to see you guys. It's been a while. Hey, hey, Chad. Hey, Vlad. Listen, you don't have to lay it on so thick. Welcome. I love you guys. I love you guys.

I just want to... Verily, you don't have a choice. Frankie, Frankie, you're here to be human. soundboard. Okay, this is in the interview. Yeah. I'm so sorry, guys. Why don't you go ahead and get to the emails? Yeah, read your emails. They're going to be great. I like some positive reinforcement. Yes, okay.

Do you want to read the first one? What? You want to read the first one? I'll read the first one, yes. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Because you send me this one. It says, Dear Podpires, I'm dating someone new and she always wants to

have sex in that form, which is great. That sex is awesome, but I'm really self-conscious. Right? That sex's amazing. That sex's so good. But I'm really self-conscious. Flippy, flip-fit-flip-fit-flip-ha-ha-ha-flip-ha-ha-ha. So much flapping.

I'm really self-conscious about how I look in that form. Oh. I've always been much more sexy as a vamp. I hate my wings. She says she thinks I'm cute as a bat, but I think she's just being nice. What should I do? Love the show. Any chance you guys can restock the tie-dye t-shirt with Vlad saying,

suck my chubby. Oh, that's not a good one. Billy suck, suck two-by-two. Well, Chad, what sort of advice would you have for him? Well, listen, Billy's suck, suck two by two. You know, you're being too hard on yourself, okay? Bad sex is great. We all know it.

Okay, easy, Frankie, easy. But, you know, he says... So, I have what I understand this listener, is saying that this new relationship and is difficult to have sex in bad form, because he think, oh, his wings are too thin. And look, honestly, even, you think vampires like me and Vlad, we are perfect. But no one is perfect, and no one loves everything about the way they look.

I think you're perfect. Okay, you have to think that. You're under a spell, Frankie. You're in our thrall. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think we might have overthrothed him, honestly. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, bat form.

Okay, but I don't even know what that is. Frankie, why are all your soundboard sounds about bathing? Why are you putting... Don't pull me out of here. I want to stay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is...

I'm getting too involved. Look. All right. I'll go. Sorry. Okay. But you don't worry about it. But my point is...

I want to stay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is... I'm getting too involved. Look. All right. I'll go.

Sorry. Okay. But you don't worry about it. But my point is nobody... Everyone... Everyone has something that. they're self-conscious about. And your new partner, Billy Sack-Sack,

is that someone who also, she probably have things that she is self-conscious about. And so, when we try to feel sexy, we lean into all of the things that are bodies. Nobody is perfect as a bat or as a vampire.

Also, off of that, and this is something everyone knows, but I just, we have to say it, if you are watching, a lot of bat pornography. Yes. Those size wings are not normal. Those are actors who are chosen for the size of their wings, their wings fan, okay? It is not that common to have wingspan, that size.

Don't compare yourself. And there are a lot of ways for young vampires to get pornography. You can kill a horse. You can do like a pop and walk. Yes. And in those cases, you're not looking at realistic bats. No. They are chosen.

Chosen bats who are bred for that. So I think that if you have a connection with this person, then enjoy your bodies together as bats, as people. Yes. Have you tried the thing where one of you is a person and the other one is a bat? And then he switched back and forth? No, wow. I never got into that position.

I've never tried that position. I assume that you would. No, no, I'm embarrassed. I heard that was something people did, but I don't know how common it is. Oh, my God. How could you not be curious about that? You got, yes, you've got to try that. And, you know, before we get crazy letters, that's so natural as a vampire to try that.

Okay, I think we have time for one more email. Yes. Okay. Sorry, before you read the next email, I pop back in. Does someone want to churn me? What now? Some what? Does someone want to churn me?

Does someone want to... No, no. We're not making you a suck. No. They're not... No, they're not biting you, frankly. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay, here's one. Just a quick one here. Dear Podpires, I'm recently bitten and still getting caught up on the podcast. I'm only in season two. So good. Nobody sucks like you guys.

You guys sucks so hard. Thank you. Thank you. What are some of your favorite hidden places in Castle Huxpire to just chill out and suck? That's from Moldar. the undying. Oh, great name, Muldar, great name.

Only recently bitten, and I would think that vampire's been around for so many years. Already killing it. So we talked about the spire, the big spire. Yes, and we've already talked about the moat. Yes. Which I understand, the fear there. What other places, Vlad, do you like to go in Castle Huxpire?

Well, I don't like the moat so much, but I do like the drawbridge. So when the drawbridge, and I like this, I like it, this is, so if you can imagine, when the drawbridge comes up, there is a little space around the sides of the drawbridge that is kind of cozy and no, well, I was going to say no one knows about it, but now millions of vampires will know about it. Oh, now you blow the secret. Now everybody, there's going to be a line every Sunday morning. Yes, yes. That's the hard thing about the reach of Podpires. You know, I forget because we haven't, this all happened so fast and podcast is a relatively new for phone that we relax here.

You and me, we've been friends for a long time. We talk about something, and I forget that there is this microphone and that it go out to everyone, and then all of a sudden it's like I say too much, you know, but I think that's also the key to the intimacy of the medium. Yes, although now I'm realizing millions of vampires know I have never had sex with a bat in person form, which I did not want to reveal.

I'm very, I have had plenty of vampire sex. Nobody doubts that. Nobody doubts that. I'm so sorry about it. I'm so sorry. Okay, Carnival Wilson, our producer, the producer of the podcast, the Trickster God. You know I hate to come in and ask follow-up questions about sex stuff, but again, I'm a copy of a person who does. When you said someone is a bat and someone is a human, they'd have sex with each other. But then, Vlad, it sounded like you also said that they would switch?

I guess I'm just trying to make sure I understand. Are you saying it's a human and a bat and they're having sex? but then the human turns into a bat and the bat turns into a human mid-coids? Okay, is this question a joke? Is this a real question? Or is this question a joke?

I mean, maybe you're a two-dimensional kind of... Yeah, so, okay, this is not so crazy. There is a person having sex with a bat. You can picture that. I'm sure you have. Sure, yeah. And I'm sorry, Frankie is trying so hard not to make bat sounds right now. I appreciate your restraint.

That's a subtle batwing. Good job, Frankie. That's great. So, yeah, I can picture a bat. And then at any time, you either party can switch into a person or a bat. As long as you both know that you're comfortable with that, right? And that way, you're surprising everyone involved.

And if things are feeling different and exciting, of course you've got to try that. And sometimes when I'm making love, I will surprise myself and just, I'll get so excited I'll change into a bat. Because you don't want, especially if you're having some kind of group sex, then you don't want to be, you have to change. No one wants to be just a series of bats. You just want to be a group, you know, different people. Yes. That becomes very boring.

Yes, I could see. You probably want to go bad person, bad person. Probably. Yeah, so just mix it up. Surprise it. And Chad, you prefer to have sex as like a mist or a fog? I'm Vlad. I'm Vlad. But yes, I like to... Wait, hold on. You're Vlad? Yes.

Garno the Wilson. We've been doing so many episodes. Yeah, that's Vlad. It's been Vlad the whole time. I've been Vlad the whole time. That's Vlad. I'm Chad. Oh, okay. I'm so sorry. Oh, my gosh. Oh, like, come on. No, but yes, I prefer mist, fog. that feeling of doom that comes with it

I like to have a feeling of doom with my sexual excapades What is it, Fikey? The sun's about to crest over the horizon Oh boy, okay, we're going to have to climb back into our coffins now Our comfort coffins, comfort coffins Don't forget the code Hot Pires 20s

This has been another episode episode of Podpires. What a wonderful night that we've spent with you. The sun is cresting over the horizon and we are going to be burned unless we get into our coffins. Please, thank you to our producer, Carnival Wilson, who's just learned our names. And the human soundboard, of course, Frankie, who is under our thrall, we will see you around the castle. Blah! Blah! And as they climb back into their coffins, eek, snap! Okay, guys, great show, great show.

You can stay in your coffins, just some quick show notes. Good job. I'm so sorry to tell you that Boo Apron has pulled out, so we're not going to be doing any more Boo Apron ads in the future. We lost Boo Apron. Boo Apron? The Ghost Food Delivery Service? Yes.

Duh. They're a competitor. with uh franken apron and count apron i think what about caspar mattresses yes the mattresses for ghosts yes yes yes well what else we're trying we're trying we're trying the only thing is our deal with crooked coffins means we can't have similar like i know they're not for the same markets really that's what i keep trying to tell them you made a deal with crooked coffins that's going to have conflict with I deal with comfort coffins. Wait, hold on. It's comfort coffins?

It's comfort. Oh, my God. They're not comfortable. They have a comfort number. You're right, okay. And I also just want to say, I appreciate you two working so well together. I know you've had a few personal conflicts between the two of you recently, but you're real professionals. Oh, bought the run to the bridge. Fuck off. And also, I ask this every week. Do you want me to kill Frankie?

Oh, leave me, leave them for a time. Okay. All right. We can always have him kill himself. Oh, I'd love to. He will be happy to do it. Oh, yeah. See, he would love to be sucked off, but no. All right, got to go. Hey, hey, a little bat just told me. It turns out you can hear,

more podpires on the hello from the Magic Tavern Patreon as bonus content. What a coincidence. Vlad was played by Alex Eilhauer. Alex would like you all to have an excellent day. Chad was played by Steve Waltine. Steve is a writer for the late show with Stephen Colbert. Carnival Wilson was played by Arnie Neacamp. Frankie, the familiar, was played by Matt Young. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Associate producer Anna Hoverman. Special assistance by Ryan D. Georgie. This episode was edited by Tim Joyce. Go by Allard Laban, Magic Tavern original theme song by Andy Poland. Podpires theme by Tim Joyce.

You can get more Magic Tavern and more Podpires for just five bucks a month over at Patreon. You or any one of your thralls can head to Patreon.com slash Magic Tavern to sign up right now. As a patron, you'll not only have the sense of superiority that comes from supporting an independently produced podcast, but you'll also sup upon the very essence of exclusive content, including two new bonus episodes each month, a monthly newsletter from the hosts, access to the Magic Tavern Discord, the full-back catalog of bonus content, and ad-free versions of the main show!

I decided to get louder as the things got better. Add-free! Again, that's patreon.com slash magic tavern. You will listen. You will join. You are so compelled. We'll turn you. Into a Patreon member.

Podpires. Wow, that's hard to say in that voice.