Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Stargazing

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Imagine...looking at the stars with Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore...as they let their minds...free. You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCraig: Ryan DigiorgiProducer: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DigiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandPodpires Theme Music: Tim JoyceNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, it may be time to start out the new year. Back to work, back to school, just back to the grind. But that doesn't mean we can't still just to chill and get real. That's why Bootleg Craig's pirate Patreon radio is purloining a gem from the Magic Tavern Patreon to set your mind free. Don't be a square who only gets this solid gold when old Bootleg Craig comes a calling. Take a trip to Patreon. dot com slash magic tavern right now and join more on that after the show right now enjoy this

funiverse episode stargazing with arnie chut and usador all right let me open this jar patron patron thank you dingle thigh the little usador gallum that i keep in a jar that opens our patreon episodes oh stop by my thumb. Okay, got the jarrah. Sorry, guys. I was a little stressful. I know we're trying to have just a chill night out on this hillside.

Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's well deserved to just kind of relax, enjoy nature. Maybe take just a tiny touch of morgloorb and sure. Just kind of stare at the night's sky. Yeah, we deserve to just let our concerns behind and just hang out and relax. and also at the same time make a little content, but that's okay. Yes, and that's fine. Not all content has to be, he-hee-to-hoo-hoo-haha. Yeah.

This also doesn't have to be the hard-hitting journalism it usually, as I probably won't ask any follow-up questions. Sometimes content can just be like, mm-hmm, okay, nice. Yeah, or it's just like, okay, yeah, that, oh, I forgot I left that on, but I'm glad it was playing. You fools got any money? What? What?

You said you wanted some more gloat, so you got a gold. Let's see here. Here you go. Okay. Can that pay for mine as well? Chunt, what do you think? I'd say no. Okay.

Honored, do you have some gold? I don't. All right, you're going to owe me. Okay, fair. Put it on my tab. Okay, and cheers. How do we... Guys, oh, I hate to admit, I'm a total.

noob. I know you think I'm really cool and with it and I do all kinds of cool things all the time, but I got to let you in on the true story. I'm not that. I don't, I'm not that experience with Morglob. I don't know how to take it. We just called it morglow, so.

Wait, what is it called? Morglorb. Fucking the drug Morcolab. I thought we were doing more glow. No. Let's just have a rainbow bowl. Arnie's not ready. Oh, I can just conjure up some rainbows if you prefer.

Let's just do some rainbow bowls. They'll send a mine through time. Oh, but I do. I'd rather not go through time right now. Can I just want to enjoy this moment? Like live in the moment. That's the whole point of tonight. Sorry, I'm getting worked up.

Maybe should we just do red potion? No, Arnie. Is this a thought? Is there like a chiller drug? Like, what's like the chill drug? More glorb is a little hardcore, right? I mean, you can do minglorb, I suppose. Do you want to do minglorb?

Is Minglorb kind of like less glorb? Yeah, it's sort of like, You know, instead of being mayonnaise-based, it's more of a, like, a spicy mustard that fucks you up. Stone ground. Sounds worse. We could do less glorb, or we could do max glorb, we could do a chill pill. What else? How do you take a chill pill?

Right up your ass. That's what I thought. That's why I asked. That's why I asked. That was my guess. What else? Just do a little more glob. It'll be fine.

Yeah. Yeah, just take a spoon fill, put it on your tongue, and let it just kind of slide down your throat. Okay. Oh, no, Arnie, not the spoon, not the spoon. No, not the spoon, yeah. I'll get a spoon full for myself. Chunk, did you get yours? Let me go ahead.

Oh, yeah. We'll just hang out and let's just lay down on the grass here. Let's just lay in our backs and stare up at the same. guy. Yeah. And maybe just like think about the big questions. Like I feel like, like, Arnie, I don't even know, like, what you think the meaning of life is. Hmm.

Let's start small. Arnie, what's the meaning of life? Yeah, Arne, what's the meaning of life? Hmm. I mean, I guess to just sort of find good friends and spend time with them and try to make the world a better place. ideally via some form of validation like doing it in some way that you can get external validation while doing it I think that's the meaning of life but I don't know what I don't know I mean you two might have completely different ideas of what the meaning of life is I mean I believe

the meaning of life is to get the highest score does that make sense so what I've done is I've have this little notebook it's dumb I know I have the little notebook and I sort of assign a number, sort of a numeric value for every single thing I do. One, that helps me get stuff done that I don't want to do because I'll earn points. And then, two, I just kind of, you know, try and keep track of everyone else in Foon. You know, I've set up little birds and bugs and insects, you know, that keep tabs, keep tally on what everyone else's score is. And I just try and beat that score. You've been trying to keep score of everything everyone in Foon does?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Otherwise, I'd... It sounds consuming. Mm. Yeah, I mean... You ever think about how birds and bugs and insects are really all kind of the same thing? Uh, explain?

Birds, they fly around. Okay. Bugs, they fly around. Uh-huh. Insects are definitely a lot like bugs. Let me say, I feel like two-thirds of that I can agree to. Which two-thirds? Bugs and insects are pretty much the same thing.

How are birds are any different? Feathers? Oh, feathers. Bugs could have feathers. What bugs have feathers? Rich ones? Oh, yeah. I have seen some bugs wearing a bird coat.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're all kind of the same. saying they fly around they give chunt the scores and then uh oh oh you whoa usador you are falling into the ground how is this possible uh sorry i just um you know more globe hits me pretty hard as a wizard who's already connected to the very fabric of the universe uh you know taking this sort of mind-altering drug? So you're saying you're a lightweight.

Whoa, a bunch of sort of plants are growing out of Usador. I think he's really connected with nature. He might be dead. Uh-oh. He might be dead. Usadar? I've connected to the green.

Connected to the green. I've connected to the green. green of the grass the ground oh i thought he meant like he him and spintax were talking again all the all the forest moss and them and the fungi are all convicted and the speaking now through me oh arnie what questions have you always wanted to ask a mushroom i don't know this fucking sucks i thought we were going to relax and now we got a caretake Usador while he goes full swamp thing Alan Morglorb's swamp thing

Exactly Do you know Alan Morglorb? I've heard a little bit about Alan Morglorb He's the guy that makes all the more glorpe Yeah but he's fucking cranky as shit, right? Cranky, yeah, crazy He is cranky, yes Ask a clover a question, chunt

What did you always want to know From a clover? Oh yes, yes, yes Who or what decides which clover's are lucky? That would be the Clover Council. Oh. There's a representative from each leaf species. One, two, three, four, and the rarest of all five.

Five. Every 15 years, they get together, and they decide which clover is the luckiest. Right now, it's three. one of the more common clover's. So, have a blast. Thanks, thanks, Green. How do they let people know when they've changed?

I don't, there's so much bureaucracy involved. I thought it would be like something magical, but it was just a lot of red tape. They contact the birds and the bugs and the insects. Okay, this is not the green talking. This is Eucidar. This is just Eucidar. Do you ever think you have the birds and the bugs and the insects are all kind of the same?

Yeah. I mean, two of those are the same. Insects and bugs are kissing cousins, if anything. But listen, if you say that birds and bugs and insects are all the same because they fly, then surely you're saying that every single, or not every single, most mammals plus humans, plus ogres, plus monsters, plus giants, et cetera, they're all the same because they walk on foon. Whoa.

No, I was trying to make it. Oh, no. What the fuck is? up with Usador. I thought he was a total glorbed. And he takes like just a little bit, he takes like a little drop on a spoon. And he's fucking freaking out. I feel fine. Actually, I'm not chill. I am not relaxed. Arnie, what, um, do you need to sit up or do you need some water? What's

going on? I don't know. I think I'm just getting annoyed by Usador. Or the green. Thank you. Let me put on some, uh, let me put on some music and maybe that I'll help our experience here. Let me... What birds are over... Oh, let me call these...

Hey! Oh, shit, there's Starlings. Hey, Starlings. Could you produce, like, a soothing sound, either with your bird chests or, like, instruments or something. Just like a nice... Oh, perfect. That's perfect.

That's perfect. That's good. Thank you so much. Birds song. I see, I see. Oh, whoa, look at that. Whoa, double comet. Wow.

Oh, perfect. That's perfect. That's perfect. Thank you so much. Bird's on. I see. I see. Oh, whoa. Look at that. Whoa. Double comet. Wow. You're seeing that, too? Yeah. So that's not the drugs. No, it's a double, well, it could be the drugs. Maybe we're having a shared trip. Whoa, quadruple comet.

it. Arnie, what do you think happens after we die? Us specifically? Yeah, us three. What's going to happen after we die specifically? I mean, I would have to imagine

some ancillary characters would keep the podcast going after the three of us die. Like, flower's a good bet. Maybe Momo. I could definitely see like one of the Villains starting taking over the podcast.

I know, what do you think happens when we die? I think Eustor probably disintegrates back into like whatever magical dust he came from. Like that gets reabsorbed into the earth, maybe? Sure. I think I will probably be covered in ants for a few weeks. Yeah. That's not that different than the usual. Do you, uh, do you think your, uh, do you think your body would be at the side of a road covered

to dance? Where would, where would this be happening? Ooh, oh, now I like this. Um, who, I mean, I hope, I hope it's not by the side of the road because that means maybe I was traveling somewhere or, like, I got stranded or, you know, lost. Um, so I hope it's, like, in, like, a labyrinth or a bog, oh, yeah, swamp. Okay. Something like that. Well, that makes a lot of sense to me. Uh, Ani, where do you think you'll decompose? In the tavern, like literally and probably at the table. That's my best guess.

Orney, can I tell you what I hope for you? Yeah, of course. I hope that one day, sincerely, I'm just getting emotional. I think, I hope one day that you sit at the table for so long that you and the table become one. And that one day you sort of and I come down to record the podcast and you're not there, but you are there. because, Arnie, you're the table. You're the table now. You're the table now.

Like I was the green a minute ago. Won't that be wonderful when I'm the green and you're the table? I was kind of into it until you compared it to the green. No, no, honey, but think it through. You're the table, I'm the green, chunts in the middle of a desert, covered with ants, and buzzards fly around him waiting to pick the meat off his coffers. I mean, I guess that's the worst of the three. That reminds me, remember that time when we found,

shunt by the side of the road covered in uncles. Not his uncles, to be clear. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that. Still a lot of lawsuits pending. All right. Finally, I've said the too weird thing in this episode. Too weird thing.

Two weird thing. Two weird thing. Two weird thing. I am feeling a little bit of a like it's fun to talk. I am starting to talk like Chant. I am starting to talk like Ardy talks when he talks about Earth stuff. Chun, are you always on drugs? I'm just realizing it.

Because you're frequently like Beverly DiAngelo. Beverly DiAngelo. Arnie said that she is in a situation ship with Alfred Petino. Alfred Petito. Hooha. Arnie says that his famous line is hoo-ha, which is a, Noise, not they line. Hooha!

I should adopt that for myself. Hooha! That's pretty good. And, Arnie, to answer your question, I'm absolutely always on drugs, but almost exclusively microdoses. Oh. So, does that mean, like, a very small dose of the drug? Yeah, take 100 to 200 microdoses.

And how much is a regular dose? Hmm. Hello? I'm sorry, but the chunt you're trying to talk to right now is not around. Oh, no. If you'd like to leave a message, he's become part of the green. We'll have to deal with this. I was going to talk about how I do micro-dose-y-dose, which is a little tiny square dance, but that's okay.

Chunt, how do we get back in touch with you? If you'd like to leave a message Please do so After the fart Arnie, leave a message after the fart Where do I leave the message? Like, just talk at the fart Just talk at the fart

Yes I don't want to get that calls to the fart Talk to the fart Okay, well I want to hear it There it Oh Um Hey, John I hope you're doing okay

if you're too gone on morgue or send a sign that's not involved farting oh could that be a t-shirt what I was pondering with the if talk to the fart would be a good t-shirt could be couldn't be worse than we've already done no what I'm sorry what did you ask mean what do you think is the meaning of life I know this is a chunt question, and he'll be really bummed that he didn't hear your answer, but still. I'll talk to the phone. Chant, uh...

Oh, uh... Oh, sorry. I don't know what happened there. Uh, you were on, uh, I think you were on hold. Oh, oh, ooh, seems like I have a message, let me... Oh! Listening to his own butthole. Arnie, you left a message, and... Yeah. Okay.

Oh. Very cool. You're also on hold for a role and a play. Oh, me? Yeah, I decided just a few seconds ago that I'm casting a play, and I'd like you to play the lead. But you're on hold, but what does it mean that he's on hold for the role? What's on hold?

We're going to check his availability, get back to him, see if the contracts work out. I see. When does the play mount? Probably sometime during this episode. Oh God, I hope I'm not up for a role Or hey, Arnie It's a two-man show

Fuck, hey Arnie Hey Arnie Yeah Man, I love you so much And I love you, buddy I'm feeling so good And just relax right now I know we're supposed to record this episode

But an opportunity Just kind of came up Do you mind if I I mean you and you sir got You got this episode, right? Do you mind if I do a play? You're going to go, I mean, if you need to. I mean, we prefer it when you're here, but also, we've got to leave space for each of us to have other interests.

We have to leave space? Oh my gosh, this is... Oh, wow. We have to leave space? Uh, Arnie, you're also on hold for a role in this play. The name of the play is Usador's Meaning of Life. Hmm. Okay. It's two competing monologues.

And when I say competing, I mean... it. I'm not sure I'm available. You're not available. Arnie, this is... Chantor, are you available? I talked to my boss and he said yes, if I have to. And I don't have to, but I want to.

So I'm going to, Arnie, this is so huge that you're up for it. You should, you should get out of the podcast. You should do it. We don't know for certain that we're not both up for the same part. Arnie, can you go back to your boss and find out? I'm my own boss, man. Can you talk to yourself? Sure.

Yeah. There's a pond over there if you want to look at your reflection. Okay, I'll be back. Hey, boss man. Yeah, what's up? So, I'm up for this part in the play, of course. I mean, that's not a surprise. People are really always wanting to be in plays, I imagine.

They just don't know how to get in touch with me because I'm in this magical land. Yeah, no, I can see that. Thank you. I said I would ask you about getting the time off. off, from what I don't know, to do this play, I kind of don't want to be available. I'm certainly not emotionally available. Let's unpack that. Why do you feel like you're not emotionally available to this play? I just feel like it's going to suck. Honestly, this is not my kind of role. I think I'm waiting for something, I think I'm waiting for a production that's a little

more physical that uses my physicality, like an action thing. An action thing. Really? Like, an action movie type thing? Or, no, but like a play. Usador, Usador. Yeah. This is incredible. I mean, these two monologues, they're certainly in conflict with one another. This is beautiful. You wrote this?

Yeah, just a couple minutes ago. And the whole point of it is that each actor should be trying to win the play. Wow. Oh, the second act is starting? So I've been looking over this point system that you've concocted. And, oh, hey, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Am I, me, am I the one in standing over the lake, or am I the one in the lake? Because we've been doing this so long that I can't tell if I'm the reflection or you're the reflection.

I think I'm the real one. Wow. Really? Because I think I'm the real one. And it concerns me that you're so positive that you're the real. I feel like I could have played that reflection so much better. I know. But, hey, you had to cast how you had to cast.

Yeah, I sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Have you ever now reflection? Wait, hold on, hold on. Don't call me reflection, you motherfucker. Okay, other Arnie. No, your other Arnie. All right. Do you ever feel like it?

Maybe this is a drugstore. You're both other Arnie. What? What? We were both supposed to say that at the same time. It would have been pretty cool. Let's try it again. We'll get it in post.

What? What? That was closer. That was so close. What? What? What? Why did you say, what?

What I was going to say is, have you ever thought that maybe you're not just saying things that you're part of a play that was written by a fucking doofus? Hang on. This occurred to me. Whoa. I feel like the things we're saying are especially dumb. Whoa, this is so brave of you to write this sort of self-effacing, self-flageating script. I'm the hero we need. Oh, the fourth act is starting. So some crazy shit just went down in the time, the last time we talked,

which I'll just randomly call it the third act. And I'm a little sloppy. I kind of give up at this point Seems a little meta and sloppy Okay, I'm going to throw a rock in the lake Whoa Sorry, I killed my co-star guys Well, I knew you wanted an action thing

So I tried to write that to, you know, to fit Kind of like that desire to be that action hero So like killing your own reflection with the rock thrown in the lake I thought, you know Yeah, I don't know if it totally works but It doesn't Well Thank you for being in my play

Even though So what is the pay What do I get paid for having done that? What? What am I getting paid? I know I should have Arnie that plays the thing Did you hear me say it was a play

If it was work you get paid But for play Oh shit Yeah how many How many actors do you know That do plays Well You'll be surprised to learn

I've fallen for this trick before. I've been tricked into playing for free. Wait a minute. For years of my life. Wait a minute, you Sador. Yeah. Speaking of falling for a trick, how do we know that this is... How do we know that this is our buddy Arnie?

And not the reflection, Arne. Oh, good question. That's a good question. Are you the reflection? No. That's just what the reflection would say. That's exactly what the reflection would say. Oh, Chuck, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Poke your finger in him and see if there's a ripple. Whoa, hold. Stop trying, stop encouraging him to poke his finger in me. Because we know that's already a problem. And poke your finger in him. And guys, look. Just look at me. You can tell.

Just read my t-shirt. My t-shirt says God Gibb. Like it always says. I think the letters on the t-shirt are backwards. I think it's the reflection. Oh, it's supposed to say dog big. Maybe? Big dog. It's supposed to say big dog.

It's supposed to say big dog. Big dog. Oh, yeah, Arne told us on Earth there's a popular shirt that says, if you can't run with that big dog, stay on the porch. That's right. Well, regular. Fine. I am the reflection, but there's nothing you can do about it. I knew it. Where's Arnie? What'd you do with him? He's in the lake. He's part of the blue.

Fuck. Fuck. Wait, hold on, and this might be sort of an insect's bug situation, but if the water is the blue, then what's the sky? What? If the water is the blue, if the, the earth is the green, the water's the blue, what's the sky? Isn't that also the blue? Fuck. I don't know.

Fuck. Have you guys ever noticed that the water and the sky and the atmosphere are the same thing? I can agree with two of the three of those. Which ones? Water and sky. Yeah, that's right. Okay, let's all agree that all the elements, if we were to put a name to them, Earth, wind, fire, air.

Do you remember? Yeah, well, I think, I think so. I think I remember. Earth, wind, fire, heart. Samantha, and the city. The city is its own element. It's like it's its own element. You know what?

You're right. The city is, you're right. That is a brilliant insight. Arnie, you should write play. Sorry, Ripple, Arne. You should write plates. I did. I wrote you a play.

Oh, it's all wet. Yeah, I'm sorry. Everything I touch is wet. Okay, let's, oh, okay, I think I got it. Looks like, you sort of, looks like this is a two-fur. You ready? Oh, so apart for me. Two-Hen-HER, yep.

Yeah, I'm sorry. This plays originally for Tofer Grace. It's a two-fur. But I think it, but in a pinch, you. too can do it. Okay. Okay. Get back in here and sit down and listen to what I have to say. I won't, father. I simply won't. I want to live in the water.

For the water is the coolest place to live. And honestly, water is the most important thing in the world. We should all respect water way more than we do. Water is God. You'll live on the ground, like my father and my father before him. Man, shut up. It's a short play. I just thought that last line would really resonate with people. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.

Man, shut up. That is a good, that's a catchy. That's a brainworm. I tried to pick the exact moment in the play when the audience would be so fed up that they would all yell, man, shut up. And it would like, they would be blown away by the fact that the play was saying that at the same time as them. are you open to notes

I have one potential No but I can't stop you No you can't stop me great Man shut up is a great line But what if he said something like Up your nose with a rubber hose That would ruin his nose That's not as cool as man shut up

You don't think it's as cool Well hold on the way I read it was man Shut up It's partly Trunt's delivery That's how it's there's several A's in man Man Man shut up Shut, push him in the right, push him in the lake, push it, push it, push it, whoa, whoa!

Pull Arne back out, pull Arne back out. Oh, dead body, dead body, dead body, put it back, put it back, put it back, put it back, keep looking for it. Keep looking for her. Here, where's Ani, where's Anni, where's Anni? Oh, it's the Lady of the Lake. Hey, I'm Arne. Oh, you're, Arnie? What? That's the Lady of the Lake, she's doing a voice. No, I'm a man named, what's that name again? Lady of the Lake. Lady of the Lake. No, that's not. Me? What's the name of the person you think I am? You're trying to fish out of the water?

Arnie. Yeah, that's me, Arnie. Hey, Yuster. Yeah. Yeah. Did Arnie always have a size 26 waist, long, flowing blonde hair down to his asshole. Kelp, sort of interwoven in the strands of the golden hair. Beautiful, beautiful blue eyes, long lashes. Can I be perfectly... 36 C cup? Can I be perfectly honest with you? I find it hard. look at Arnie for too long, so I'm not sure. It could be

I'll take my chances. I'm pretty sure you mentioned on a previous bonus episode that your first crush was the lady of the lake. Yeah, maybe. She almost made it into March Magic this year. Yeah, I mean... My hair keeps getting stuck in my asshole. Yeah, she's definitely your type.

Pardon me, I could help but notice that your hair keeps getting stuck in your asshole. Yeah, she's definitely your type. Pardon me, I couldn't help but notice that your hair keeps getting stuck in your asshole. Oh, yeah? Thank you, Chris. Um, did you call me Chris? Yeah, Chris. What? No, I'm sorry. Did...

Cure? No, buddy cr. I can live with Chris. That's fine. Sure. Sure. Chris and Yerberg Yerbird. Yerbird.

My two friends, Chris and Yerbird. Yerbert. I think we live with that. I mean, it's all right. I've had a lot of better names. I'm known to the ladies of the lake of Yerburd. Oh, you have sisters? I mean, Arne, you have sisters? I know Arnoy, has sisters.

Yeah, sisters. Irma Good, you have sisters? Armagud. Are you going to be a farmer? No. It's Chris and Irbert. It's your bird. All right, fine.

You caught me. I couldn't hold up the charade any longer because I feel like it was cruel to your dumb minds. I am the Lady of the Lake. I'm not this. Sherrod. Oh, you really had us going. I thought so. Lady of Lake now.

The only thing that gave me away is I got my hair stuck in my asshole. Lady of Lake, of course, I am chunt. So nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. I've admired you from afar and close up and just, I mean, you're just, you're like the coolest. And, you know, now that we caught you, of course, as per magical law, you have to give us the sort of the lake. Oh. I would.

I know that's law. But do you think I still have? I mean, I've been caught before. I don't have the sort of the lake anymore, unfortunately. Oh, I never thought about that. You, sir, I always thought, like, either reap. populated or whoever had the sword, it disappeared and got a new owner. It wouldn't be that special if I just kept making new swords of the lake.

I kind of figured that you went into hibernation to whoever had the sword died, and then the sword sort of magically reappeared in the lake, and you came back to consciousness. Is that not how it works? There is a version, yes, but I don't go into hibernation. You think that my whole life is about that sword. So when that person does die, the sword does revert back to me. Okay. But I just kind of do my own thing. I focus on my side projects. Oh, what do you work? You don't know?

I'm working on a play. Here's a skip for each of you. Awesome. Thank you. Okay. Um, all right. Um, interior setting, lake. We see a woman. She's in the lake. She has a sword or used to at least. One day it will return. Okay. Um, oh, I have the first line here. I am the Lady of the Lake Telegram Man, shut up And that's all I have so far

I like the ending Yeah, it's pretty good Are there enough A's and man I think you could always add more A's Okay Hey since you don't have the sword Could we get our friend Arnie back He's probably drowned by now

If I know Arnie he's pretty resource full, he'll have, I don't know, accidentally found a reed to breathe through or something. Okay, I can I'll dive in the lake and see what I can find. Thank you. Bye-bye. Love you. Love you. Man, shut up.

Wow. She burned your ass good. She said the lie, that's awesome. That was great. Awesome. That was great. I'm funny. Arnie. Yeah, what's going on, guys? Why are you guys looking at the lake? We thought you were in there.

And I just wandered back to the tavern and had a drink or two. Oh, fuck. You had two drinks and walked back to the tavern and back here in that amount of time. There's a note. We are like seven footsteps away from the tavern. You are high as a kite. All you did was drink a beehive. Ah, that's maybe why my tongue is swollen.

Yeah. Stung. Oh, man, did I go total poo bear? Oh, Arnie, where are your pants? Oh, bother. Oh, no. Oh, no! The bee that's stung your tongue, he's...

Please, tell my wife, I'd love her. That bee, it's a lot like a bird. Please, tell me my wife, I love her, please. Your wife? Who's your wife? Well, she's somebody else's wife, but I love her. She's somebody else's wife. Yeah. I'm going to be honest, you're a little hard to hear.

You're in love with someone else's wife. You just stung Arnie, and you're about to die. What is this woman's name, or this bee's name? Her name? I actually don't remember. You're in love with her, you don't remember her name. It's mostly physical. If I explain what you look like to her,

Will she know you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're... How are you going to describe what he looks like? I was just going to get in it. You're small, your yellow with black... Yellow with black stripes, or are you black with yellow stripes? Uh, for sure.

The... Yellow with black stripes. Okay. You have wings? Yeah. Yellow stinger coming out of your bottle. Not anymore. Not anymore.

But you did when she knew you. Oh, yeah, because he stung Arnie's tongue. Right. Right, but when she knew you. Yes, you're right. She would know him with a singer. Yeah, she knew him as to do. She got us his name.

I didn't know of his stare. So wait. I didn't get any of that. You're the one, you're worried about this woman that's someone else's wife. But you're the one that stung me, so you're the one that's going to die. Yes. And, and, and. I wrote a play about it.

Please. Good. Perform the play. Oh, those are tiny scripts. They are. I can barely read these, or can you magic them big or something? Oh, fatal. Too big. Too big.

It's your fool, baby. Just right. Mine turned into porridge. Ooh. Okay, well, um, Arnie can eat his script and we'll try to do the play without him. Okay, all right. I'm making all the right moves. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I've got to make love to you right now.

before I sting my way to my death. Please, no, my husband is away on business, and if he saw you in our door... Don't ever tell me anything about your husband or your name. I hope when I die, I don't know a thing about you. Wow, I love a man who knows how to ignore my husband. Come inside the hive. Oh, the Commodore's coming in.

That would have been Arnie, but it turned into porridge. He's got a lot of lines Okay Monologue Monologue Monologue Aside Yes Commodore

This is good porridge Oh and then Shit Commodore has the last line All right Just read this line off my script Hey man Shut up I don't want to read it

Oh Wow pretty good I could lose the hay And I don't want to read it But otherwise Very good You're giving me my final wish Now

I can die in peace I'm just kidding I don't have to be the star I got free feedback Oh wait Oh you're fine You say you got free feedback Yeah it was just a trick to get us to read his play

What a What a fucking weirdo I bet we're not getting paid anything We would have read a script And given him notes anyway right we love to give notes for all we know none of this is happening what a weird pervert writing a script about coming in a beehive arnie what do you think honey is my dear good sir what that's be become it's be coming that's oh wait a second that is the time i'm looking at the script the title is becoming yeah that's what i'm saying yeah i think be cum is attached for the movie version hmm huh it's hard to get unattached it's Do you think Who Come or Kamha?

Which one do we think is better? Kamha! I just want to commend you on your excellent character work in that last play. I want to commend you on your excellent character work. I feel like... Thank you.

I believe that you were from the south of food. Yeah. From a hive in the south of food. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, the southern bees sure have a lot of

particularities, a lot of Pachidillos, just a lot of unique, folksy sayings. Sure, sure, yeah. Annie, do you think any of this happened? I don't think we're... Do you think the three of us are just lying still on the grass staring up at the night sky and we just imagine this all happened? Maybe this is crazy, and maybe this is a more club talking.

Is it possible that the three of us are just three different middle-aged men in separate homes? talking into microphones over some kind of conveyance, some kind of digital conveyance. What the fuck? I suppose anything's possible. Fuck? What? Do you think that's possible? Listener, do you think that's possible?

Addle, do you think that's possible? I don't know, Matt. Do you think that's possible? Arnie, do you think that's possible? Arnie, do you think that's possible? My name's not Arnie. What? It's Mary Stewart and Elizabeth Mathar Antonio.

All of them. Oh, wow. Did we all have a weirdest trick? Did we have a three-way hallucination? Nice. I believe we did. I saw Tron's eyes. brows go up when I said.

Artie you were there and you said you were there and and that bee, that bee was there. That bee was there. And that lake was there. Yeah. Those scripts were there. Those scripts that are kind of laid out on the grass there.

What else? These birds and insects and bugs were there. Three very distinct categories. The two empty glasses from that are laying there on the grass from the tavern were there because Arnie drank

I think that I think this all happened huh Oh shit But where did the bottle of Morcle are go And the spoon It's gone

Did we Ever do drugs at all? Oh, whoa Oh Uses our Arnie Wait up, wake up Whoa Whoa

Whoa Whoa Whoa What a weird nap. Yeah. Guys, I think... Did we have a bad bit of beef? Your cheese?

I think so. Oh, I think we had food poisoning. And why are we in a Holiday Inn in San Antonio? Well, because the Ramada was full, dumbass. That's true. That's true. So is Arnie still Arnie? Best not to think about these things too much.

Shunt the Talking Badger was played by Adel Raffai. Usador the Blue was played by Matt Young. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate producer Anna Hoverman, Special Assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie. This episode was edited by Sage G.C. Logo by Allard Laban,

Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. If you love this, it's time you join the Magic Tavern Patreon. Come on. As a patron, you're entitled to some exciting, exclusive content, including two new bonus episodes every month, a monthly newsletter from the hosts, the full-back catalog of bonus content, and add-free versions of the main show.

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going to go.