Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlock: Talkin' Tabs

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! Matt Young is mad about how many tabs he has open on his computer so we make a whole episode about it.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampAdal: Adal RifaiMatt: Matt YoungCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducer: Matt YoungAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tony GullickSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Matt Young and Sage G.C.New T-Shirts in the Merch Store!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tis I, Usador, to tell you about a new podcast. Why, it's Push the Roll with Ross Bryant. It's an improvised horror comedy, actual play podcast, with a great storyteller making up cosmic horror stories on the fly. That's right. None other than host and GM, Ross Bryant himself. You probably know him from Dropout TV, improvised Shakespeare, and Glass Cannon Network. The Cuthulu-inspired horror comes to life through immersive sound,

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wherever you get your podcasts or check out pushtherroll.com that's R-O-L or RustyQuill.com for more details. Whenever a holiday rolls around, it's time for yours truly to roll out the Patreon bonus content for Hello from the Magic Tavern on the main feed.

That's right, sit back and get ready for tantalizing transmissions of Bootleg Craig's Pirate, Patreon. radio from me, Bootleg Craig. If this amuse-boosh isn't enough for you, you can hop on over to patreon.com slash magic tavern right now. You'll get this and tons more bonus podcasts a lot sooner and also help out independent creators.

Sweet! But now, whether you're on your way to Thanksgiving feast or just finished one, it's time to get things in order, like your holiday shopping or closing all your browser tabs. Sit back and enjoy the glory that is talking tabs. Placeholder themes. placeholder theme song we don't have a song because we didn't think ahead i'm matt young and i'm singing this instead placeholder theme song not the tavern not not the tavern not the tavern not the tavern not the tavern not the tavern not the tavern not the tavern all right ladies and gentlemen i am so excited we uh this is our knee camp as myself on earth and i'm joined by matt young

and Adler Fye. Hello. Hello. We gathered, so we've changed what we were going to record a couple of times. Originally, we were actually going to record a main feed episode with a beloved returning guests who got busy and booked a commercial and had to reschedule, totally fine. We're like, great, let's do a Patreon episode. We were going to do a conversational improv, another one of those, which we love doing,

and it's easy for us to do on short notice. But as we were chatting on the Zoom, getting ready to start, Matt Young said something. something. So, I don't know what, is it so Matt Youngie, so charming and funny, but also angry, that it sort of stopped Adel and I in our tracks. And both of us at the same time we're like, maybe that's an episode. Matt, do you remember what you said? I think what I said was, I have so many tabs open and it's making me really angry. Yes. Out of nowhere. Like, yeah. Yeah, this was not prompted by anything. Matt, I think you absolutely said

Pretty much what you just said or exactly what you just said But the cadence was that of Samuel Jackson saying Get these motherfucking snakes off my motherfucking plane That's how you said what you said Well, here is what prompted it actually Is I was talking to you guys And we're talking about what we're going to do We're not going to do

And then there's like I've sized my Zoom window So that right above it is my browser window behind it And I could see just above it peeking out a behind the zoom into all the fucking tabs. Oh, sort of like Kilroy, like the... Yeah, exactly like Kilroy. I think actually it's possible, Matt, that what you said was, I am so angry about how many tabs I have open.

That sounds right. The wind up of sincere frustration where I'm like, oh, no, what is Matt upset about? And it's all these tabs. Adel and I both lit up at the same moment, right? Is that fair to say? Oh, yeah. I think we had a shared moment. of, it's almost like you got your chocolate and my peanut butter.

I got my peanut butter and your chocolate. And we both said, Arnie, and you said Adel, and we said talking tabs. Yeah, this is Adel. This is Arny. And we're talking tabs. Matt, you counted in the time between us saying this and deciding and starting rolling. Well, first I guessed about 30. You guessed about 30 tabs.

Audience, listener, take a moment, get out a piece of paper, write down how many tabs. you don't have to get a piece of paper you can just think of a number. Take a picture. Take a picture of that paper. Wait, you're taking a picture of the piece of paper? Oh, it'll last longer. Yeah.

Can you post pictures on our patron? Like, can you post pictures in the comments? Probably there's wise reason why you can't. No, otherwise we'd have so many animal buttholes. That is very true. Luckily, they go straight to our emails. That's what social media is for. But if you can, or I guess maybe in our Discord, like a recent,

Patreon episodes channel take a picture of how many tabs you think Matt Young has write it down take a picture we'll pause here and let you do that we'll pause yeah um while they're doing that how are you guys doing I'm doing pretty good how you doing it aren't doing all right yeah good to see you both good to see you since we're doing a lot of admin in this episode can I also apologize for not uh writing a patreon newsletter entry this month I just totally slip my mind wait admin. Is that why it's called madmen? That's right. And it's on Madison Avenue. Yes. Originally it was called madman and it was about administration people in the 60s. Not as fun. Not as fun. So this probably won't come out for a month or so at least, but you did not get your March info in.

No. I think. Yeah. What did you do in March? Anything like you, high points. Anything. Oh, gosh. See, this is why I didn't do it. I've been working out my job on a project where I had to work with a team in India. So I had, you know, I don't get into details about projects, but it met some very late nights and some very early mornings to have meetings. And I felt a little crazy trying to kind of keep up with it. And that's probably why I forgot to write it. Is that project finished up now?

It is, the bulk of it is finished now. And there's like two weeks where it's kind of winding down now. So I'm kind of getting back to a normal schedule. Nice. That reminds me this is a weird story. And I don't, I, you know, I feel like there's a non-zero chance that there's an aspect of it that is, I hope it's not xenophobic in any way. Just, isn't that always a great preface of a story? Yeah, it's terrified.

It might be xenomorphic, but not xenophobic. I, this was from beginning to end, a delightful and charming exchange. Surprisingly, because it was me calling customer support, uh, years ago. I had like a modem or a router that wasn't working. It was the most frustrating thing in a world to get figured out where I was constantly like calling the modem company and then calling the cable company. They both kept saying the other person was to blame.

Nightmare, nightmare customer service situations. And then I ended up talking to a gentleman whose name I do not remember, but he was somehow came out in the conversation. He was in India on a phone bank there. He was very helpful. I don't remember if he ultimately helped me like resolve the situation. but he was pretty great and somehow chatting with him while he was like looking things up

somehow the weather came up or something and I'm I'm you know I'm a pretty I can be I can be a very fun chatty guy but I can also not like usually in those things I don't really like try to engage with conversation but somehow it turned into talking about the weather and I ended up saying that it was snowing and it led to a genuine conversation where he was like very sincerely like he i'll say it as if i'm me basically he was like you know i don't really understand snow i don't like i know what it is but what is and it just led to me being like well what do you if you had to guess what is snow like and he didn't really understand that it was cold he sort of thought it was sort of fluffy maybe it was mostly from like cartoons and things

and again as i'm telling the story i'm worried that either i would just completely lied to or this just sounds like a ridiculous thing uh but it was so so charming it was never experienced snow you just don't know yeah that's what all the t-shirts say yeah that it that is i never thought about it but it is like describing like yellow or something where you're like oh unless you've experienced it it's hard to kind of quantify it like if you don't even have cold weather like how you get there cold white sky dirt dirt got it got it in one well hold on matt seems to have some sort of uh i think you had it right till the very end, and then you lost me

on dirt. Okay. Cold, white. Sky. Sky ice? Well, now you're just, it's just snow. That's what we're talking about, right? I guess, yes.

But ice, if I don't know, if I'm struggling to sort of figure out what snow is, and you say ice, I'm picturing like hail. Yeah, you're right. Like, I'm like, ooh, I better get inside because I'm picturing the ice that goes on my fountain drink, and that's going to hoit. Yeah.

Okay, that's fair. Arnie, I used to work at Groupon, on customer support. And most people are terrible to customer service. I know that comes as a shock to everyone. But only once did I have a call where I go, hi, this is Groupon. My name is Adel. How can I help you? And a woman on the other line gave a deep sigh.

And she went, no offense, your English is very good. But I would prefer to talk to someone in the States. And I go, ma'am? I'm in Chicago But I think she heard my name And she's like Of course Oh boy

Yikes Let's get into these fucking tabs Yes so listener If you have not yet Got a piece of paper Written down your guest Taking a picture I guess you can't post it yet

Saved it somewhere We'll remember to post it I guess no you can post it yet I've already confused myself basically Well how many Fuck Matt how many tabs 52 tabs Wow

A Mickey Almost is that a Mickey mantle of tabs That's like a full Poker deck of tabs I know 52 tab pickup Mm-hmm And just very quickly

Arnie and Matt It's fine But I was a little upset That you didn't agree That my English is very good Your English is great Okay yeah We can move on

We can cut this whole out But I was just a little Would I want you for customer service That's up in here No what were did you have techniques strategies jokes you would do or not real it was just dead inside the whole time i think when it first started i was pretty jovial and tried to have some fun with it and stuff a lot of times what i would do is just match the person's energy sure and that was

both fun for me and also seemed to work pretty well because if someone's like i just went to a smoothie shop and it was buy one get one and they said it was buy one get one half off and i would go, unbelievable. Well, give me, I'm going to go into your account. I'm going to give you a full refund. I am so sorry. Like, I just try and really align with their energy. And they appreciate that.

It's a good, it's a good strategy. Did you consider when the woman sighed and said, look, you seem great, but I just want someone in, in the country. You should have been like, did you consider sighing and saying, and ma'am, you seem great? But I want, but I want a customer in the country. And see how long it could take before you both realize you're in the same country. Just both playing chicken. I feel like I did have a flash of like, should I be like,

Madame, you got me, I'm so sorry. Let me go ahead and transfer you. I proudly present your dinner. I had a customer service job. I've had a couple of customer service jobs, but I had one where I worked for like a not-for-profit that sent out a journal. And then people would call in and be like, I haven't been getting my journal for three months,

or I haven't been getting my journal for a year. And I'm like, why did you wait so long? And they would invariably, I'd be like, okay, well, let's just look at your information. Like, we don't need to look at my information. My information's fine. And I'd be like, let's just look at your information and see if we got the correct address for you. And invariably, we had the wrong address, like 98% of the time. And they would like fight me almost every single time.

They'd be like, I don't need to look at my address. My address is fine. And I'm like, I guarantee you that's almost going to be the problem, almost. every single time it was crazy brutal i love how adela and i more or less had to talk matt into doing talking tabs and he was like it's not going to be interesting and then we immediately start like avoiding talking about the tabs as much as possible okay look okay fine wait wait i here's 52 tabs here's my first question before we get to the content of the tabs yeah are all 52 of these tabs in the same browser or do you have multiple browsers and we should say we should be

judging men by the content of their tabs not the content of their heart Yes. This is one window, one browser, 52 tabs. Whoa. Wow. So you can't even see anything, right? I can kind of see little icons. I kind of know most of it is.

Hmm. Well, take a guess. What is the first tab you figure? You got to, you got to just take a while. It's got to be Gmail. It's Gmail. Yeah. And then there's probably like a Google Calendar is one of those.

Yeah, Google Calendar is right there. I frequently have more than one Google Calendar open because every time I have to make an appointment for something like during the day, I have to both look at my work calendar and my personal calendar to figure out like if I can do things. And then do I put it on both calendars? It's really annoying. Right. Yeah, that's the first two. Gmail

and Google Calendar are the first two tabs. Not super exciting stuff. Well, not yet. But we two down 50 to go. Do you want me to search for anything in my Gmail? Search for anything in your Gmail? Yeah. Very good.

Oh, my gosh. This could be a fun game. Poop. I got to be me, but I'm just, there's got to be emails that say poop. I'm sure. Here's one from Crooked Media. Arnie, how much would it cost for us to get Magic Tavern at Poopies. about boopies, not supplies.net or whatever?

Just. Here's a voiceover audition from 2004, which obviously I didn't book, for pull-ups, like diapers. Wait, why is it obvious you didn't book it? Well, I guess it's not obvious, but I didn't. I'm telling you I didn't. Now, I think about it. Yeah, it's not obvious at all.

Here's a LinkedIn one where the, here's the title of it. Oh, it's from my friend Lisa Burton. And since instructional, ask me where poop happens. I'm going to click see more. Ask me where poop happens. When I worked at the Museum of Science and Industry, we wore pins that beg kids and usually dads to ask us where poop happens because they had an engaging stage show about digestion.

Good to work, Lisa Burton. Matt, in that email about the audition, is there, fingers crossed, I hope for this so bad. Are there sides for the audition in the email? Let me see. Script, any signs? Yes Oh yes

And I forgot about this This was long enough ago I think it's okay Yes And it's over Let me double check the date August of 2004 Arnie this went from talking tabs

To peruse and poop To 20, sorry August of 2024 Oh so not 20 years ago Okay This was a very weird one where actually I kind of thought I might get it the brief is pretty wide comedy chops wanted

they kind of read like animated characters I don't think they ever made this because it's such a weird idea and I never saw it one of the characters is named Urene Y-U-R-E-E-N and the other one is called T-E-R-D T-E-R-D

A little less subtle A little less subtle and it starts with U-R-N-S-S-Sane saying T-R-D is Isn't it this exciting? We're potty training. And then turd says, I don't know, urine. I'm nervous.

So much could go wrong. But so much could go right. That's what pull-ups are for. They work like undies so he can build up those skills. But back him up if accidents happen. I wish I had his confidence. This is a journey, turd. You need to loosen up.

And then turd ends it with, I can be loose. Oh, no. Here's why you didn't get cast. He kept saying urine. It's urine. it's definitely urine it's urine and toyed uh yeah i i don't i imagine this never got made and i think i did like kind of like i think i did like a kind of a straight read and then i did like cartoony voice reads for it i don't know you rene that kind of you know goofy thing i searched

my gmail for poop and one of the things that came up also from 2024 it was just that that That was that it was just a poopie year. I got the subject line, Hey, Chicago, your poop is showing. And I'm going to go ahead and even just say, I'm just going to go ahead and say the email address of where it's from, because it's a business. Chicago at poop 911.com.

Their slogan is, we scoop dog poop. Basically, it's a place that scoops up dog poop. Dear irony, we have reached that time of year when the winter snow is melted and revealed the dog poop in our backyards. At poop 911, we are starting our spring cleanups. next week. And we want to offer our former customers the first chance to schedule their cleaning before our schedule fills up. Blah, blah, blah. Arnie, we're only on tab two. Okay, yeah, that is fair. That is fair.

I'll say just very quickly, I searched my Gmail for poop. October 21st, 2004, truly a year of poop. Yeah, something going on that fall. So this was an email to the Magic Tavern at Puppies.com supplies. This is from C.R. And CR says, they say a few things, but at some point in the email, they say, I'd also like to tell you about a burger that you really need to know about. Near Halloween, Burger King sells a whopper with a black bun. The most interesting thing about it is that people buy this because it turns your poop black. That's it, nothing else, a burger bun that turns your poop black.

There you go. I was on a medication once that turned my urine like a neon yellow, and it was very shocking. And then I looked it up and it was fine. It was normal side effect. They didn't warn you? I don't remember being warned. Or maybe they did in, like, writing, and I didn't read all the things. Oh, sure.

Did it feel like you were peeing in the 80s? They did. Honestly, it was the most radical urination I've ever had. That's something the turtle should yell, urination, tubular, radical urination. How about this? What if there was a new Teenage Me Ninja Turtle? Okay. That was annoyingly honest.

and his in his catchphrase was Radical Cander He's annoyingly honest But only about like his medical issues Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Friends Today I find myself

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not valid on gift card subscriptions or digital credits. Sale ends 12-125. Okay, I'm sorry. We've gone through two tabs. Yeah, two tabs. You're never going to guess what this third one is in a billion years. Okay. Give us a genre of thing.

Like, is it work-related? Is it, like, interests? It's something incredibly nerdy I would be interested in. Okay, that's what that was, honestly, I was going to say, my guess is the third tab is like a hobby thing, like it's a robot or something. Close than you think. Arnie, this is such a polite way to say porn. Yeah. Is it interests?

Is it outside work interests? Is it like eBay? No. No. Like a new, so it's like a toy news site of some kind. Not exactly. I'm just going to tell you, because like I said, you'll never guess it. It's Google search results for whatever.

happen in KB Toys. Where the fuck did it go? I have a coupon. No, this I just opened this morning because I got an email about it and it opened in one of the next tabs. There is a Kickstarter for a collection of Transformers comics from the 80s that collects all of the Marvel comics and all of the Marvel UK comics. which had never been released together before.

And I'm kind of curious to get it. That's kind of expensive. How long do you have to decide? Oh, it just like started like a couple days ago. Like a whole month. I have a month to decide. So what's the... It funded in two minutes.

Damn. It's already raised a million and a half dollars. Transformers in the U.S. and Transformers in the U.S. and Transformers in the U.K., do they pepper in differences? Like... Ooh, okay. So does like bumblebee say like brough or trust or something instead of well they drive on the other side of the street That's the big problem arnie walk yes that's right and Optimus prime doesn't have a gun he

He's got a knife what's the fucking bad guy's name megatron Megatron is just a transforming billy club right yeah that's right that's right the reason there are two runs that both from the 80s is comics come out in the US at least back then monthly And comics in the UK came out weekly. So they would release our stuff, but they would like got caught up and got ahead of us. And essentially like another writer who became like this important like writer for the Transformers lore, started doing fill in stories. And some of those fill in stories are some of like the most lauded and beloved Transformers stories ever made. And so they're going to release this thing where you can buy the U.S. and the UK versions or you can buy a version where it's like got it all in chronological order because like his stories literally fit in between.

the U.S. issues. So I just thought it was kind of interesting, like, oh, that's like a cool something, wait, one, it's a dumb robot thing. And two, it's like, oh, it's kind of cool to see, like, how a creator fits their work in between the works of another, you know, it's just like a weird kind of like thought experiment. Like, and I've never read those comics, the UK ones. So I don't.

And I read, I did collect the Transformers comic when I was a kid. It was like the only comic I collected when I was a kid. And I lost them all in a tornado. No. Well, okay. There are like five things I want to say coming off this, which is not bode well for us finishing talking tabs anytime soon. No. First, I'm just going to put a pin in.

Got to leave all these fucking tabs open. And they make you so angry. Matt, that's how you said it the first time. Okay. I'm going to just underline that at some point we need to talk about tornadoes. We don't necessarily need to do that right away. Sure. Yeah, I haven't heard the story.

Young Tornado situation is vast and interesting. We've probably covered this. I'm sure we have. I don't think so. What is your tab strategy? Do you, are you just like, I clicked on this thing? I'm interested. Maybe I will come.

So I'm going to leave it open because maybe I'm going to come back and order it. Or do you just not realize you can close tabs? That's the first thing. It's definitely more of like, oh, you know, I'm going to open this because if I bookmark it or save it, I won't ever reopen that bookmark again. But if I leave the tap open, I have to deal with it at some point. And eventually, like, in

two weeks, I'll be like, you know what, I do want to order this thing and I'm going to spend a little bit of money on it. Or I'll be like, no, it's been like two weeks and I don't want it that bad, so I'm not going to get it. My other question is, how this is sort of breaking talking tabs etiquette, but how many tabs that you currently

have open are Transformers-related? A lot less than you would think. That literally might be the only one. Etiquette, etiquette, etiquette, etiquette. I know. Adel is really shocked. He's surrounded by the Hoypolloy

of talking tabs and they're all really fanning yourselves. Hoypolae could be a British transformer. Oh, I would love. That'd be great. His boot turns into his butt or whatever. Would we get in legal trouble if we, as a Patreon content, did a mini series

of British Transformers? I don't think so. I don't think so. No, we can do that. Wouldn't it, is there any other British robot besides C-3PO? Oh gosh, there must be, right? Is the phone box that Doctor Who drives? Is that a British robot?

It's more of like a sentient AI machine. I mean, I guess technically the Daleks are, I mean, I know they're probably not even really robots, whatever they really are. But like any robot on Doctor Who is a British robot, right? Or do anything that Daleks are a robot. Internet, do your thing. Why him up? I've nervous inducing How many?

Are there any other transformers? Let's knock out any other transformers tabs. I know I'm asking you to scan through 52 tabs. I actually don't think there's a single other one, but let me double check. Matt, do you have a tab open that's how to eat Funko Pops? How to cook Funko Pops? I actually don't think there's a single other toy or nerd thing in these tabs. Whoa. Holy shit. And they're not all work related? No. I have a totally separate work

computer. I mean, there are magic tavern tabs that are open for sure. Do we want to knock those out real quick? Because they're kind of boring. Sure. Before we do the magic tavern ones, I do want to really quickly say along the lines of the Transformers Kickstarter, it was probably a year ago or something. And it hasn't come yet. But I don't kickstart things that often. But I did kickstart a reprint of the teenage mutant ninja turtle's role-playing game manuals, which I had when I was a teenager. So I will be getting, I will be getting the reprint of that, including some of the, like, the side books and things.

The bonus character that has ultimate candor or whatever you said earlier. Yes, yes, yes, radical candor. Radical care. But in this game, it's like you, you make your own mutant character, but it could be any animal. so you're making like teenage mutant hippos or teenage mutant gerbils and things like that and it'd probably be a lot of work to like learn the system but that's another thing that I was wondering if maybe we would want to do we should do that I have a question you said you can be a teenage mutant ninja hippo yes do I understand that I probably have to be a mutant

right do I have to be teenage do I have to be a ninja could I be like a middle aged mutant cowboy platypus if I'm being honest I it's weird that I'm about to say I use teenage mutant ninja as a shorthand

but really you could be like I think you can like you don't have to be a teenager and you don't have to be a ninja there's different like classes or whatever the version of it is yeah I do want to chime in

just I don't want to be a stickler but it does have to fit the scan of the song so for example so for example mid-age teenage cowboy platt-puss. See, I had to drop the Y from the platycles. It doesn't quite work.

But my British Transformer is named platypuss. That's pretty good. I'd be a police car named Bobby. Oh, I like that. I think if we play that Teenjewit Ninja Turtle game, Arnie, I think we should be any age we want but we all have to be ninjas

because I think it's hilarious to live in a world overpopulated with the ninjas oh yeah oops all ninjas oops all ninjas can i say we play this game but we play as kind of a fun horny version which is 10 inch mutant ninja turtles oh wink wink wink nudge nudge oh i just accidentally closed a tab what oh no the lost tab we'll eventually have to do a spin-off called the lost tabs i know what it was and it was a bummer. So I'll probably skip over some news ones that aren't real fun. Oh, sure.

Is it like WebMD or something? Yeah, it was WebMD. I was trying to diagnose my childhood leukemia. Oh, no. Matt, quick, childhood, quick. Yeah, I know. You're hurting out of time. I bet the two, you said there's two Magic Tavern ones?

Oh, there's probably more than two. I mean, there's our air table where we do a lot of our project management. I'm going to guess at least one of them is you Googled, either Arnie or I's Networth. So almost celebrity networth.com. Yes. That's also a pretty fun side project. You keep talking.

I'm going to do some Googling. Yeah, get on it. Let's see. I have a couple of Patreon tabs open where I was like looking for answers to things for people and things about ACAST integration because that's changing soon.

So that's kind of boring work related. I have an episode of Masters of Mayhem open. that I listened to because sometimes I go back and listen to episodes and so I have our website open and listening to that on the Patreon website I mean

I have oh I have a link of us on the AV club from a long time ago it's me and you addle oh we did like an interview at the pond fest or something

yep that I was looking at that for the documentary oh so that's one two three four five looking at that for the dot

now it's I have a documentary credits tab that I desperately need to actually read and help finish that because I've been putting that off for a while. I have a tab full of the scripts that I sometimes write, but usually Ryan writes for the Craig intros and outroes to the bonus episodes. Nice. Can we get a little sneak preview of one of them? Just two words, maybe like two words.

I don't know. Let's see if we've got one that I think we're all caught up, actually. For the next time you write one, do you mind naming one of the characters either turd or urine? Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm going to make a quick note here.

I had a turd or urine. So here's an update. I googled Arneenicamp Network and I googled Adelrofai Network. Nothing came up for either, which seems accurate. Yeah, good luck finding me. I did look, but then I'm not sure why my mind next went to this. I and maybe this is something we'll want to cut out I googled atlify wiki feet

uh oh and there is an entry wait atlify wicked feet it's me shoeless in boston wicked feet yes uh wiki feed is just apparently some website where look I don't know anything about it besides like I guess it's for foot fetishists but I think also people just humorously like put celebrities pictures of celebrities feet on there

Well, I think it's all, I think it's 100% for a fetish, but I think a large percentage likes to say, this is just because it's funny. Sure, sure. Wouldn't it be funny if I. As a smokescreen for there. Yeah. Yeah. So there is a picture of you, I think, of you putting a happy birthday sunglasses on a cat. Hmm.

And you can kind of see one of your feet in that picture. What's happening? and look this is a bad news bad news situation so that's a bad news you're on wiki feet the good news is oh few i thought you're going to say that that's the good news the bad news is you ranked 1.5 out of 10 no the good news is you have 5 stars out of 5 i don't know they don't there's no more information total votes 1 so probably the same person how's how's total spelled how's total spelled on wiki feet it is spelled correctly this page is a mess.

I can feel myself getting like, ugh. It's like the ads on it are gross, but I am going to look myself up real quick. Probably. Nope. Page not found. I don't know. I guess I feel good and bad about that at the same time.

You should feel fine about it. You've been smart enough to not capture your reflection in your photos. That is true. Okay. I'm sorry. I completely derailed things. No, you're fine. We were doing the important tab work.

I pulled out one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve tabs that I can all say are a magic tabern related. Some of which, you know, are about like paying our guests. Some of which are about like, like I said, doing credits for the documentary. Some of which are about a project that we're teaming up with somebody to do that I, that will, might be out by the time this episode comes out or very shortly after that I'm excited about, but I can't say more about that right now. Like I said, some are like Patreon links and things. And I'm sorry, Adel, what were you revealing?

What secret were you just revealing? I don't, you know, I didn't sign the contract, so I'm happy to say it's Magic Tavern Doritos. Oh, God damn it. Sorry, guys. They're food flavor. Oh, we should have, Foonians. I should have said Foonians.

We should have done funnians. We were fucked up. Eric, Eric, Eric, Garrett, Garrett, fix me saying Eric and then fix me first fix me saying Eric then put in Funians where I said Doritos. Yes.

Well, we were so excited when they came to us and they're like, think about it. Think about the flavors. Chunt Ranch. That was the first one. Usa Doritos. Usa Doritos. Arnie Neacamp's chips. Yeah, Arnie Neacamps

eat too many Doritos. This is a bag where it's not a flavor so much. is that you have to eat too many of them. It's the same Doritos, but they're in a tall bag. Oh, actually, a really tall bag of chips, actually. Like, not party size. Arnie. From now on, with your permission, do you mind if from now on, I refer to you as a tall bag of chips?

I would love it. Honestly, I'm not even joking. I mean, so far, talking tabs has been pretty great. Talking tabs, should we cancel everything else? Doritos should have done a thing? with the adventure zone because they already have taco. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, well. Okay. So that takes care of 15 of the 52 tabs. Okay. The fourth tab in the regular order. So I pulled out the other tabs

and put them in a new window for the magic tavern stuff. It's got it out of here. Who the fuck needs it? How many tabs are you got left? So 15 minus 52 be 37. We're not getting it through them. Is that including the one you closed

accidentally? Yeah. Oh, so I guess 36. 36 tabs and about what do we say like six to ten minutes yeah we can okay we'll try we can do this uh how many of them are many of them like wedding related oh uh maybe a couple although that stuff i think i've got saved in my gmail mostly uh i have a millinote which is like a personal like uh to do list thing and that's got a lot of i haven't updated it in ages i find like sometimes

the software that's supposed to help you do tasks or organize tasks, I get really bogged down in the admin of keeping up with the software. And then I go, I'm wasting time doing this when I could just be doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing. So usually I just write a list out by hand, ultimately. So the millinote is there. That's one of them. This one's kind of fun.

17 food items you should buy when they're on sale from New York Times. Food section, because I love food. I love cooking all I'm shopping. I don't... Actually, I don't cook that much anymore. I've really kind of dropped off. I'm really bad about it. Can we get number one on the list?

Cheese. You can freeze hard cheese as like mozzarella? Oh, can you freeze hard cheese as like mozzarella and cheddar? The answer is yes, if you plan on melting it. Ha-ha. Number two is butter. Cooking... So these are just...

I thought this is going to be like Pepperage Farm sausage. No, no, no. When it goes on sale. But this is like... meat produce yeah yeah this is telling you how to shop better and like store things better so I again sort of like the transforms thing I open this I have every intention of reading this in detail at some point because I want to like be more organized but I've never done it oh here's here's an interesting one Arnie I kind of lied before oh shit he does have porn open I um gosh I don't

know how to say this I might have looked at an open job. My wiki feed. You're wiki feet. No, I looked for a job. I don't apply for other jobs very often, but I saw something open up at Hasbro. Oh. For a writer, like a senior U.S. writer role.

And I applied for it a few weeks ago, and the tab is still open. I definitely didn't get it. They emailed me and said I didn't get it. And it's like one of those like, that was a long shot anyway. I wasn't going to get it probably. So what was it? It was to, like, write, like, is it ad writing, essentially, or is there anything you can share about it? The description, it was, like, for, I think it would have been for the website for, like, their, like, direct consumer thing.

And I think it was focused on Wizards of the Coast stuff. Oh, that's cool. So, like, D&D beyond and stuff like that. But I didn't get it, you know, no big deal. Oh, here we go. Next tab. Your contract with Hasbro. They just wanted to hire you.

20 best Chicago wedding venues. Oh, number one, Wrigley Field. Number one, butter. Number two, cheeses. Number three, dry cereal. Yeah, we've looked at a couple recently, but we still haven't picked anything. We've got to get in gear on that. Oh, I've probably talked about this before.

I have a tab open for Here Here Market, which I sent out a bunch of holiday gifts to the Magic Tavern team from this place. I really like it. It's a locally Chicago-owned, women-owned business where they do, like, fancy food things. And there's like you can buy ingredients. Like the tab actually I've opened is Chitake Kramini Sea Salt. It's like a mushroom-flavored sea salt. Chitaki, what was it? Chitaki, Kermini, C, Seasol.

That kind of works. Kind of works. It's good in there. It's close. Yeah. But you can, I think like two years ago, we sent out like a chocolate thing that everybody loved. And then last year we sent out like,

it was a snack thing. It was a little different. It was like little cookies and things. Very good. Yeah. Yes. Very, very good. Then there's a Washington Post article that's open called

How to Protect Your Gmail Outlook after FBI warning on Medusa Ransomware. So I opened this, what, you know, over a month ago. I haven't done a thing about it. I'll never actually do it. I probably should. Medusa's back? Guys, Medusa's back? Well, that's what it says.

How to protect your Gmail is you have to get a mirror and look at your Gmail. Yeah. Don't look directly at it. Look at the mirror. But our computer screen's already a bit of a mirror? Wow. I think we're fine. Yeah, we're fine.

If it was like a Hydra ransomware, then we're in trouble. Oh, the next tab's a big bummer. Oh, before we get to the bottom. Tomber tab. I've had, I've been thinking about fishing recently, P-H-I-S-H-ing, like fishing scams. Uh, one is, why don't scammers like, here comes Arnie's stand-up? You know, they're trying to get you to click on a link, right? Which you're never going to do. But what if they have an unsubscribe and that's the link? Whoa.

Like you just keep sending out like something from like a fake retailer. And if you hit unsubscribe, because I'm trying to do that more because I just, get so much junk mail. I'm like, instead of just deleting it all the time, I should unsubscribe. And so I'm, but then I'm like, I'm going and just indiscriminately clicking a bunch of stuff because of that. And that feels like I could fall into a trap that way. It could, I mean, that could be a hydro situation where it's like you hit unsubscribe

and that signs you up because I'll get stuff where it's like suddenly twice a day I get like emails from like fucking shoe carnival. And I'm like, I don't think I've ever been inside a shoe carnival. And so I'll hit unsubscribe and they're like, and it'll be like a 10 step process and then the following week i'll be getting three emails a day from shoot carnival plus like 10 emails from ash gosh but gosh and i'm like what is happening i hate you the ones that make you read them closely yeah it's like yeah wait does this say i want to not unsubscribe so if i click this it resubscribes me double subscribe you guys want to hear my shoe carnival

story of course of course you've got a shoe carnival story you hit the shoe carnival from a tornado Yeah, yeah. No, I won a Cheryl Crowe CD at a shoe carnival. Wait, is a shoe carnival like a regular carnival but with shoes? You won something? Yeah. This wasn't in the store, to be clear, this wasn't in the store of the shoe carnival. It was at a shoe carnival.

No, at the store, the shoe carnival, I won a Cheryl Crow CD. This is an absolutely true story. I don't think it just needs any context or explanation. How did you win? Like, did you, was it a raffle? It was the 90s. Sure. You know, you're young and all you want to do is have some fun.

Exactly. Were you shopping for shoes and they're like, hey, by the way, there's a Shale Crow CD hidden in one of these shoes. I was probably about to graduate or just graduated from college and I was at Shoe Carnival in Southern Illinois trying to get a pair of, I think, dress shoes probably. Doc Martin's. There was a there was a radio station remote from the shoe carnival. Saturday. Wow. And when I say I won a Sherrill Crow CD, I should really amend that to say, like, they gave

me a Sherrill Crow CD because I was there. Yeah. Can I just say, if there was a shoe carnival, an actual carnival full of shoes, do you guys know, do you want to take a stab at the number one attendee of a shoe carnival? We've mentioned them before. I don't know. Wiki feet perverts. Oh, yes.

Yeah. Now, or we do have to tag this episode because it is Chocco Block full of foot perversion. Yeah. A lot of trigger warnings. A lot of trigger warnings. Should we introduce a foot tier? I think so. No.

I think so. Okay. Okay. I feel like we've built up enough joy with the shoe carnival thing. We're ready for the bummer tab. Oh, it's the Project 2025 tracker. Fuck that. Move on.

The next one is the real ID. It's the information about getting your real ID in Illinois because I need to do that still. I keep putting it off. I tried to do it around my birthday last year. And when I went in, I had everything. I'd read it. I knew it was like complicated. And then I brought in a pay stub because that was one of the things you could have.

But the pay stub, it partially obscures my social security number so they couldn't accept it. Oh, damn. That's brutal. I was like. And at the time, I was at my mom. mom's helping her after a surgery, so I couldn't, like, just easily go get another thing. Is it like after, like, start of next year, you have to have it to fly or something, right? In Illinois.

In Illinois, yeah. Sooner than next year. As an Illinois resident. Yeah. I mean, if you have your passport, you don't, you can just use your passport. But if you don't have passport. And they keep delaying it. Like, we've already passed the first deadline.

And I've tried to do, like, I have tried to, I've renewed my ID more than once somehow. and still, like, multiple times failed to be able to get the real life. Well, you're on that month by month to month, right? That is true. It's true. Because I like getting a new picture. You know, I'm a different person every day. It's true.

I think it is just outstanding that a group of people were like, okay, we need, instead of the current ID, we need an ID that's like a little more foolproof. Like, it's like, what do we call it? And someone's like, real ID? I'd call it super ID. Real Ghostbusters rules. Well, there's id ID, super id ID, ID, ego. Wow.

Next tab is Adam Schiff's substack. Wait, how do I know that name? The senator. Oh, yes, he says. Adam Schiff. Yeah. I've been watching him. Watching him. Sorry, unless he's called Shifty Schiff.

Look, don't worry about it. I'm just watching Adam Schiff, okay? So I'm Jew tracking Adam Schiff. Oh, here's another tab that's actually that same job opening from Hasbro. So I've got a double there. Okay, now we hit Google Drive tab. And then, okay, guess what? So the next tab is something I've opened from my Google drive that is not Magic Tavern related.

It's Matt Young related. Okay. Two guesses, real quick. We're way over time. Two guesses. Yeah. I'm going to go. Go, you go.

My guess is going to be, it's the saved, itemized auction list of props from the movie Mrs. Delfire. Good guess, but wrong. Do we get two guesses each or just two total? Two guesses each. Okay. My boring guess is headshots of some kind. No. Okay.

Is it a list that you keep, that you update occasionally of, like, board games you've played? No. Okay. the first part was good a list so it's some kind of list yeah okay uh list of people that is wronged you no no it is a list of subscription services and when i've canceled them or when i've paid for them uh so that i don't lose track of all the stupid subscriptions i have smart yeah what what do you got now what's on that list what i have now i canceled a bunch of stuff we have max still

we have crunchy roll we got to watch our anime and we still have Disney Plus but I never watch Disney Plus but I'm on like a yearly thing and I always forget to cancel it and then I'm like well there's no reason to cancel it I have some weird like Hulu

combined with Disney Plus thing but I can't I want to get rid of possibly both of them but it's so I might be paying for one of them twice it's so confusing I have the same thing yeah Disney Plus is really frustrating because I think can you only get it as a year-long subscription? It feels because that's what I've done for the last several years and it feels like every three months I get

like an email from them that's like real quick where it's going from like 160 a year to like 210 a year like everything okay good like it they constantly bump the price but because it's a once a year payment I it slips my mind to like ever cancel or anything yeah same it's really yeah I don't I think you can do monthly but I'm not okay I'm not sure oh I I've got workingbikes.org open because they have a donations page. I have an old bike. I've been trying to get rid of. And it's really hard to sell or donate an old bike.

Nobody wants them. And so I looked up this place and I think I'm going to try to get my bike to them at some point. Nice. Then I, the next website have open. This is relevant to something we're talking about before we started recording. This is John Oliver wants your rat erotica.com. Okay. which is a website that last week tonight sets up

and they sometimes put funny stuff out there. It literally used to be about rat erotica. If you watch a show a lot, it's pretty funny. Teenage mutant rat erotica. That works. Right now, if you look at it up, it's how to change your settings to make yourself less valuable to meta.

So it's like changing settings on Facebook and Instagram. Then I have a search tab open where I searched for Gmail alternatives. And then I never clicked on anything. or did anything beyond that. The next tab is for my representative, Jan Shikowsky. Oh. The next tab is for Dick Durbin, U.S. Senator.

Next tab is for Tammy Duckworth. Oh. Then I've got a crooked.com article open. I don't know. It's just their homepage. So a lot of news stuff. There's a lot of new stuff here. I have a LinkedIn learning tab open to increase my skills.

I don't really, yeah, I don't really know. I don't spend much time on LinkedIn. Is that like? LinkedIn at some point bought a different company. I can't remember that even now. It was the thing, it was like Cindy or Sally or something. It was like a website you could just go to and like learn whatever. Like there's all sorts of different courses on it.

And they bought it and made it into LinkedIn learning. How many tabs do we have left? I'm just looking at the clock. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I'm about 15-ish. Okay. How many more of them are, like, news or politics-related? J.B. Pritzker.

What is this one? I don't even know what this is. 12 best writing portfolio examples on how to create your own. I don't know why I have that open. I know the LinkedIn tab. Here's an OBS open broadcast software. I was going to try to learn how to use that. I have two tabs for that open.

I have a tab of an artist Ryan Dube. Gugent Open, who does posters and different cool artwork, I believe, based here in Chicago. Oh, cool. Another LinkedIn tab, an Atlantic article, another Dick Durbin tab. I don't need to do those. Another Dick Durbin tab. Yeah, yeah. I sent him a message at one point.

I sent all those people like a letter, you know, online. Yeah, trying to do something. My New York Times subscription overview, another LinkedIn learning tabs. Oh, Washington Post article. That's a bummer. a two King Center tabs about their classes for nonviolence, nonviolence training at a glance. That's actually something my company created a few years ago that I just wanted to read about it again. They helped make the online version of that.

I didn't have anything to do with that. Other people worked on that. And it's supposed to be great. And, you know, it's the stuff of the day. I wish it was more fun. If you want something stupid, you see, you guys thought this was going to be. more embarrassing and that I is a person of little

not necessarily embarrassing just more toys yeah okay well if you go to favorites though there's a whole games and collectibles favorite section the top of that is Gundam which has one two three four five six

seven eight nine ten eleven twelve sixteen saved tabs in it's one of which is a Gundam wiki tab about the universe of Gundam. The other one which is a gunplah wiki, which is specifically about Gundam plastic model kits. That's how many there have been over the 40 years that it has its own separate wiki just for the model kits. Is some of this going to go into a spinoff called

Fawken Favorites? Yep. That's right. There's a Lego, a Transformers, a G.I. Joe, a Star Wars, a Masters of Universe, a couple different toy stores saved in here. A blood on the clock tower wiki, which I have saved. Love playing that. We've had so much fun playing that game over the last year, too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I usually have probably I don't know, between a dozen

and 20 taps. I have on two browsers. I have two monitors, a browser on each monitor, and they kind of are for different things. But I always accumulate weird stuff between doing research of weird stuff for work or just my own weird interests. But before we record,

I, for some reason, I always try to whittle down my extraneous tabs somehow thinking that's going to help my processing speed for the recording even though I'm sure it's minimal I think it probably helps right especially if it's yeah if it's something like facebook or something addle what's your tab do you have a tab count are you like a lot of tabs kind of guy or not I am unfortunately a lot of tabs uh and a lot of windows you guys have also seen my desktop your desktop is crazy which is just I put nothing in folders so it's just madness that's a nightmare to me that is like literally my nightmare i love folders i mean my desktop is not organized necessarily but yeah yours is is is am i the most organized of the

three of us absolutely probably i mean i don't i don't think of myself as that organized though i mean certain things i'm very select i'm very very very organized about certain things and and very unorganized about other things. Yes. Yeah. I think I'm inherently unorganized, but like I've just spent my life, like, having to deal with how organized I am that I have out of sheer force of will made myself, like given myself more guardrails around that stuff to a certain extent. Yeah.

So Adel, in the future, and it's okay to say no, would you be comfortable in being the subject of a future talking tabs? As a long-time fan of Talking Tabs, I would be thrilled to be the focus, the subject of Talking Tabs. Pretty exciting. Well, we thought we were only going to do this for like four. I think we've kind of gone over time. But I think, look, in the back half, did the tabs get less interesting? Sure.

But I've had fun the whole way through. Could we do a future episode that's just about my favorites folder called recipes that has recipes in it that I've saved for the last 15 years. I mean, I can scroll through it. There's probably 100 recipes, none of which I've ever made a single one if I've now, Matt, I have to ask, have you been sitting on these recipes waiting for some of these food items to go on sale? I got to freeze this cheese so I can make this food. When will butter ever go down? I remember years ago I got a Costco membership, which I've had on and off since then.

Ooh, la, la. Must be nice. Hoy, Palloy. And before I went, I was like, I, because I had vaguely heard that, like, it, look at Costco, there's certain things that it makes sense to get. And then there are things. There's just kind of a waste, like, that, like, and so I did a certain, like, I found a article about what you should get at Costco and what stuff is not worth it.

I got to open a tab. And it was this elaborate thing of, like, you know, these spices are good and these things are not. And eventually, I was like, I cannot live this way. I mostly live by the rule of, I very much enjoy going to Costco. I live by the rule of buy whatever except for eggs. Because when you buy eggs at Costco, unless you're a bakery, it's too many eggs.

Half to three-fourths are going to go bad. No, sure. Too many eggs. Yeah, I agree. Well, that's another future episode is us just going to Costco and just stocking up. I listen to that. Well, thanks both of you. Thank you, Matt Young especially, for letting us dive into your tabs.

Your English is very good. Thank you. Oh, I didn't know who you were talking to. Sorry, I was looking in the mirror. Well, obviously, because I'm checking my Gmail. I would also like to thank Addle for sharing my enthusiasm for Matt Young's tabs. Woo! And I'd like to thank all you sweet tabbies out there, which is what I like to call our fan base.

Oh, yeah. And I'd like to thank Arnie Neacamp for leading this discussion in tab exploration. Oh, thank you, Adel. And, of course, we can't forget to thank you. our producer, Eric. Eric. If you're listening, change your name to Garrett. I'm going to close these tabs.

All right, until next time, keep tabbing. And then our outro theme song will be Keep on rocking in the free world, but we'll... Keep on rocking in the free world. Keep on rockin' in the free world. Keep on rocking in the free world, talking tabs. Keep on tabbing in the free world. Teenage mutant talking tabs. Matt Young's very angry.

Abrupt ending Fun app guys I guess next time we'll organize the stuff under the kitchen sink Arnie Neekamp Adel Rofi and Matt Young are all real people who know the other shit they make up isn't real This episode was produced by Matt Young Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz Associate producer Anna Hoverman

Special Assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie This episode was edited by Sage G.C logo by Allard Laban Original Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland not the tavern theme by Matt Young, sort of. If you want more content like this, and why wouldn't you, go to patreon.com slash magic tavern. Become a patron for just $5 per month

and support the show while receiving some cool benefits in addition to your two bonus episodes a month. Benefits like a monthly newsletter from the host, access to the Magic Tavern Discord, the full back catalog of bonus content, and add-free versions of the main show. Learn more at patreon.com slash Magic Tavern and support this independently produced production.

I'll be back with one more unlock next week, and I've been told it's a most popular podcast in Foon currently? Until then, stay cool.