Hello From The Magic Tavern - Patreon Unlocked: Questions from the Patrons

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Enjoy this unlocked bonus episode from our Patreon! In this episode, Arnie, Usidore, and Chunt answer some of the patron's questions gathered from Patreon.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey folks, Craig here. The regular show is taking a two week break, which means the usual powers that B aren't monitoring these transmissions. Now's my chance to do something I've wanted to do ever since I saw up, up the volume. And welcome to Bootleg Greg's Pirate Patreon Radio. That's right, I've got two weeks' worth of bonus episodes, Pillford from The Vault Over at patreon.com slash magic tavern. That now normally you'd have to be a member to hear these sweet tracks, but today, bootleg craig is spitting them up totally gratis. This week's bonus features aren't

each shunt and use it or answering questions posted by patreon members. Take a listen, and if you like what you hear, stay tuned to learn how you can join the patreon to support the show and hear great transmissions like this all the time. Enjoy! Hello, Promp, Promp, Pagic, Phavern. Patreon. Much better. So I'm just excited. Let's get some drinks at the Parassocial and do another Patreon episode. Hell yeah.

Yes, I thought of it, Faden, to answer some questions. Much as we did with emails for many years. But directly, you said,, or what's your deal? Well, you see, I was born of a conspiracy of rain and birds and fire and wind and squirrels that insisted that there must be a champion. So I stepped in. We were fully formed into the world. And I said, yeah, this champion is here among you now. And I shall strive to defeat evil in all its forms, and not shall stop me. Yay, I am an unstoppable force for good, so that's what I'm ideal.

And what's your favorite word? Bananas. Huh, and your middle name. The? Hmm, alright. And you, Sador, if a fesious exists. What? And the goddesses greet you at the pearly deit gates.

What do you mean when? You mean when? Well, what do you hope they say to you? Well done. Huh. And is, um, sorry to put you on the spot. And then they can't be a stake, and I'd say, no thank you, medium rare.

And sorry to put you on the spot, but is Susan Doku with us here now? Well, yes, of course she is. Oh, oh, yes wonderful. Yes, I'm well known for my characters. I have a question for you, Sadorin. I've got to say I'm actually I do characters sometimes myself. No one cares. Just ask your question. And you know, I struggle with figuring out like what the right balance is for my own characters. Sure, sure. So what do you do like me? Well, this is what a little question.

When I'm doing a character, yes, I like you. Arnie, you just asked that question to ask a question. I did. John, what's your favorite curse word? My favorite curse word? Buttholes! Yeah. Mine too.

Well, in the grandest tradition of Hello from the Magic Tavin, we're immediately off course. Oh. I was saying I thought we should do an episode where we answered questions from our patrons who are... Ooh! Generously decided to become our patrons of ours. And that sounds way more sustainable.

And therefore demand our bonus content. Why every month they come to us with pitchforks and hand and say, to live a bonus content less, you feel the consequences. They do. Yes? Oh, yes. Pitchforks in hand, so they're going to rate my new album a 4.2.

If you're lucky. Oh, no, please. They don't like anything. Mercy. They're fucking vultures. But vulture likes us. Oh. Yeah, vultures like you because they're

going to eat you once you're dead. Oh, that's, Vultures like you because they're gonna eat you once you're dead That's all of them. Well, do we have any Questions loaded up you so are yes, here's that question I got hey peeps love the podcast It holds a very special place in my heart because you see hey peeps peeps This isn't meant for the peeps. Peeps. Oh, I'm sure that this isn't meant for the peeps, Patreon. I don't think so. Yeah, let me get through the whole thing. Keep on making them peeps. I thought it was maybe a question for Peeps Ravenson who famously just dates everyone. You know peeps Ravenson, the Raven with the broken wing and all the women are like, I can fix him, I can fix him. The real skinny raven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're talking about exactly. I mean, I think that, um, good luck to him.

So I'm sorry, sorry, what was this peeps? Sorry, sorry, sorry, what was this peeps question? Hey peeps, love the podcast. It holds a very special place in my heart, because I have no idea what question to ask. I'll ask the earth's standardized interview question. What is your greatest strength? And your worst weakness. Also, could Chant try to say the matchy-tavvy intro again? Maybe he'll get it right this time. This podcast has gotten me through a rough time, and I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to explore food

with all of you, and I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to explore FUNE with all of you. And then it just says, DON'T DIE! Aww, that's how all letters should end. Why did people write sincerely? Next time someone writes me, make sure you end the letter with DON'T DIE! That's a mere sentence! I am very upset with what is happening in my district. Don't die.

Dear Mr. policeman, I gave you all the clues. Don't die. I mean, obviously there's a lot to unpack here. And I would hate to go over and miss some of these things. Chant, could you try to say the magic tab on intro again? The Magetavvy. Magetavvy. The Magetavvy.

I do have to say I'm a little embarrassed that I try to say before magic tab on intro again? The Magetavvy? Magetavvy, so. The Magetavvy? Uh, I do have to say I'm a little embarrassed that I try to say it before I messed it up. Apparently. Huh, okay, let's, um, let's see here. Let me get on my haunches. Uh, peep, peep, peep, peep. Peace and carrots. Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.

Okay, here we go. Oh, he really fucked up that at local exercise. Hello from the Magetavvy! An improvised podcast from the Magical Land of Food. Okay, here we go. Oh, you really fucked up that up. Oh, vocal exercise. Hello from the Magical Tavii! An improvised podcast from the Magical Land of Food. Do we say improvised? It's Polo from the Pagic Pavii. Oh, you're right. Polo from the Pagic Pavii!

The podcast from the Pagic Pant of Poon. I can't do this. I can't do this. Let me just go into the main question. My biggest strength is my thighs. And my biggest weakness is my neck. the magical pan of poo. I can't do this. I can't do this. Let me just go into the main question. My biggest strength is my thighs. And my biggest weakness is my neck. I would say my biggest strength is my mind.

Ooh, and my worst weakness, like the worst weakness does that mean is your worst weakness actually your biggest strength because it's not a very good weakness. I was yours like Kremlin. My worst weakness is my mind. Oh, interesting. What a conundrum.

Well, I'd have to say my greatest strength is that I'm a conduit for the force of goodness. And then I'd say I have to say my biggest weakness is worst weakness. Worst weakness. I have to say my biggest weakness is... Worst weakness. Worst weakness. I have to say my worst weakness is... Carrying too much. Aw, wait, I want to change mine. My biggest weakness is that I work too hard. Oh, that's a good one.

I like that one a lot. Well, I thought I'd start with this one just because it kind of ran the gamut. Sure. We could spend the whole time on this one. Yeah, right. Right. I mean, honestly, it's the peeps part alone.

Hey, you, Sidor. Yes. What's a gamut? Well, you know, when you run the gamut, that's what you say when you mean to tell someone that it sort of covers a full spectrum of things from one end to the other. Now, what a gamut literally is? I haven't a clue.

Okay, do you think Arnie knows, should I ask him? That's where the shot... Hey, Arnie? Mmm, yeah. Hey, Arnie, what's a gamut? What's a gamut? Um, it's kind of like one of the trash your X-Men. Yeah, that makes sense.

Trash your X-Men. Yeah, that makes sense. Trash your X-Men, explain how. Hmm, you know, it's got like a bad, nollens, uh, accent. Come on, Sherry, tell us who, who gametes. Uh, he's like a 90s guy. You know, you're playing your cards too close to the chest. I'll throw magic.

But boom. But boom, that's all cards do. Baboon, that's all it cards do. Baboon makes blood, my cards do. Arnie, you're full of a lot of kinetic energy right now. You're all over the place. It's my greatest weakness. Your energy's really running the gamut. Oh, you sure I did it.

Oh, you did it? Perfect. Yes. Well done. I have a question from the Patreon. Okay. Arnie, has anyone been able to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty yet? Oh shit.

I'm gonna have been here for over six years, so I guess my car's warranty has probably run out. Is that a problem? Hmm. The car has been mostly destroyed by this point, so... Yeah? Because I'm shit out of luck. Right, but how would you even recuperate any costs or hope to get something back? Look, a warranty isn't about recuperating costs.

It's about like spending a lot of money to hopefully someday recuperate costs, but it's not really about getting that money back. It's about spending it out for the next period of time. Oh, hey Arnie, you know, you should or I talk all the time, I don't think we tell you about it, but it would be so fun if we could fix up your car, your metal horse we're talking about.

And just drive it around food. Do you think it's able to be fixed? Hmm, I don't have to track the parts down, but I mean, maybe, or maybe you could or I could just like magically crunch them atize a car into existence and we could just do a road. We, at the very least, we should do a road trip episode of the Patreon.

Mm, road trip, road trip. I don't really know the inner workings of a car, so it might be hard for me to conjure a new car, but I could go to the remains of your existing car and cast sort of Helian spells on it, and hopefully it would start working again. Okay. And you want, what do you want? I'm trying to come up with solutions here. Here's my question.

If we're driving around Foon, are there many signs on the sides of the road? Oh, no. Arnie's going to read all those signs. Well, we can't know that for certain. I'm sure that Arnie would sit there and not just innanely read things that he saw on the side of the road. Well, next time we have a free weekend, you sort of take a look in that metal horse

and you try and fix that car bird raider or whatever Arnie calls it, and we can drive around the phone. All right, I'll do my best to bring it back to life. Zoom, zoom. That's my new guest face. That's the thing of me in Amely reading things. Arnie, Colin, if you ever get back to Earth, are you okay?

Do you have to go? It's not a semicolon, it's just a colon. Oh, if you ever get back to Earth, would you still do the podcast? Given that Yusidor spelled incorrectly and Shunt come with you of course, love you guys Roberto. If I ever get back to Earth and Yusidor

and Shunter with me, what I keep doing the podcast, no. But if I get back to Earth by myself Oh, yeah, you got to believe oh, I'm got I've got all kinds of podcast ideas I think Yusador and I would probably start our own podcast called Earth stuff where we just talk about all the shit We see on earth. Yeah, we we keep going without you. We could certainly talk about What are some of the things we did see on earth? Wait, Yusador. I have a better idea. What if we just, what if we just review movies?

That's pretty good. What'd you do that? Would you be reviewing good movies or bad movies? Uh, I, I don't, I don't think it matters. Well, when we were stuck in the 1980s for a while, I wanted to start a show, I reviewed fast food places. I really wanna eat at racks. I mean, I'd to start a show, a reviewed fast food places. I really want to eat it racks. I mean, I'd rather racks, wouldn't you?

Yeah, and I want to get a burger from rallies to Qing. What? Nothing, I'm just thinking about all the money that would be coming from these podcasts. Ah, honey, I don't want to read this next question, but fine. What happened to Krapdoor? I find it awfully suspicious that after we learned he was possibly used to door his brother, that's not what we found out first of all. He hasn't been heard from again. I hope he hasn't been transformed into some kind of

crapping cricket or shitting serpent. Booping polywag, defecating dragonfly, and then someone else responded, I second a craped order resurgence. We need to know he's safe. Doubles, sideways, overlapping X's, protect crapto-a. Oh, did you, sorry, did you not hear? No. Crapedor got married. I was at the wedding. Well good for him. That's great. I appreciated it. It was, what was it? Who did he marry?

Pegasaurus. Peg myaurus. Peg, Peg myaurus. Yes, I forgot the name and I had to, it's Peg myaurus. Wait, you're close to the craptoa clearly. That's fine. Do you remember any of the vows?

I mean, you officiated, you should know it. Yeah. I want to say AEIOU sometimes why? Nailed it. Alright, I have one here. Use the door, Colin. Lots of people using this whole colon approach. If you were able to put a number to your power as a wizard, let's arbitrarily say from

1 to 20, what would it be? Arnie and Little Squish does this answer seem right? Lots of love from a longtime listener and currently power level three wizard, XOXO, Fianor Conjurer of Senira. Huh. Number one, top of the charts, baby. Oh, so you give yourself a one?

Yeah, that's the best best. Yeah, the best number No, that's a lot as I think that assuming that's the lowest from the lowest. Yeah, you stupid system is this You're clearly 20 is the highest number you could ever have to classify something hold on Fuck that. Fuck that burst through the ceiling be like power man like 5000 I Want to be the number one wizard, and I am. Mm. Look, look, what do you, when you rank people, who do you say is the best?

Well, rank people are rank wizards. Well, either. Spend all foods, or your favorite fast food restaurants like racks. I guess you're right. I guess the number one spot is usually the best one. It's first place. Right. So one. I mean, I would use like a five fork system. Five forks. Explain this mystical and unknowable system to me.

So I would say that if a wizard was really tasty, I would give him five forks and say we all gave, let's say we all gave a wizard like four forks, they would be in the Golden Wizard Club, but if we all gave a wizard five forks, they would be in the Platinum Wizard Club. Five forks looks like wizards back on the menu boys. Well, I will.

It's interesting because in that system, it's not so much a ranking as it is a score. You know, in the 1-20 system, someone is 20th, the shittiest wizard. And I am one, the best wizard. But in your system, potentially the first three wizards, let's say, as apparently, the writer of this question is the third greatest wizard, I'd pleasure to meet you.

We could all receive five forks and all be platinum wizards, right? Right? Yeah, I guess so. Oh, and obviously quit listening to what else. Platinum wizard, now does platinum wizard does that come with benefits? Like do you get cash back or like what's what is a platinum wizard receive are they accepted everywhere? He's he's not he's just not here. He's just like let's just move on to something. Oh, are you talking to me? No

This one is It just says spiced potatoes Yes, please. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, John. What do we want to drink? Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I go with my classic King's juice.

That's a good one. Olli, what would you like? Red potion, bro. No, no, no. No, no. Diet red potion. Oh, wow. All right.

We're making an exception. Now, what do I want to drink? Oh, wow it. All right, we're gonna make an exception. Now, what do I want to drink? Oh, my goodness, there's so many options. I mean, I could drink the idea of freedom I could. Arnie, here we go, he's gonna list every single type of liquid. I could drink water. I could drink alcohol, which comes in many forms. He's coming.

Most of the liquids. Is it funny to you that he's water was second, and the first one was idea of freedom? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But he quite knows the parameters at that point, so... Uh, I can't wait to see.

And see, Chuck, this is why, and he gets frustrated, but this is why I don't listen to what both of you are talking about. Spirits of all of us. Oh man. Well, mushroom juice, orange juice, grapefruit juice, apple juice, banana juice.

Oh, his favorite word, juice? Milk, chicken juice. I was favorite word. Juice? Milk? Chicken juice. Mom. Well, let's just say chicken juice. Yeah, I'll have a chicken juice. Okay. Yeah. Oh, wait.

The last question you asked about the spice potatoes? Correct. Did they say, don't die? No, I only saw one question coming that said don't die at the very end The rest of them don't give a shit. Not to be negative, but that's pretty fucking rude not to say don't die right? Yeah, that's I was so my heart was warmed my cockles were warmed when I heard the words don't die I was like, oh, that's so nice. Thank you. You, I, also you, please don't die. How warm are those cockles?

Yeah, you might want to err a mount. I'd give them a one out of 20. Ooh, don't die. Ah, okay, next question. John Murphy here, it is okay to use my name from Earth. Is this the question or are you just revealing your name? No, this is the question. This is the question I'm reading.

John Murphy here is okay to use my name from Earth. Long time listener, I'm being discharged from the hospital today after having quadruple bypass surgery. My nurse was helping me pee when I realized, you know, you know, I've never had anybody in a bar help me pee. I was wondering if any of you ever had a time in your life when someone was kind enough to help you pee. Love you all, John Murphy, Milky Way Galaxy, Western spiral arm, Earth, Iowa, Ames.

Now the end of that, I didn't fully rock. I'm gonna be honest. I understand ames is what you do when you pee. Oh good point. You gotta make sure you ames and I gotta say Arnie I hope you don't mind that I'm spilling the beans as it were. But when Arnie and I lived together constantly I would be too tired to pee in the middle of the night. So Arnie would have to pick me up and hold me with my cockles out the window and then put me back in bed. So just picture Arnie lifting me up in the air, me being and then him tucking me back in the bed.

So if you want to visualize this or you just want to draw this, just imagine me holding Chant over my head but like pointing him out a window and his hands and then just a spray of urine going out that window. Now did you ever return the favor? I tried and I got a hernia. Yeah, unfortunately. Andy got peed on. Well, first I'd like to say to John Murphy, thank you for letting us use your name. And secondly, I hope you're doing well after your surgery. I'm very glad to have you as a listener.

Yes, and to answer your question, yes, I have had people assist me in the process of your nation. When I was first came into the world, I was a fully formed wizard with all the great magical powers that I have now. But I didn't understand everything about this human body. So I asked a lot of dumb questions. Oh, if only we'd had a podcast then. And you know John Murphy, I'm no expert. But I got to imagine that if you have a very difficult surgery and afterwards, you know, a staff member is helping you pee in the bathroom of that hospital.

And if in that moment you think to yourself, what if exactly this, but it was happening in a bar? I got to imagine you're gonna be alright, dude. Yeah, I hope that your quads and your rupils don't need to be bypassed anymore. Oh, those rupils. Well, uh, here's another question. Hey, boys! As an Earth-connoisseur of the fine arts, I was curious. If you could have the ideal grand portrait done up of you, what would it look like?

Ooh, this is a great one. A grand portrait? Yes. Okay. Um, I would say great one. A crann portrait. Yes. Okay. I would say it would be me, of course. Not to be selfish, but it would be a portrait of me. A portrait, yeah. And I'd say I'd have like a brown bag over my face with little eye holes cut out.

And then my arms are tied in front of me and I'm hanging upside down from a rope by my feet. The rope's straight around my feet, I'm hanging upside down. Let's have the bag stays on. Follow-up question. Why do you think this represents you? I think because this is a fantasy I have. Oh, okay. So this is more of an aspirational portrait than a portrait where someone goes,

oh, they are the exploits of Chunt. Yeah, I don't know if it tells my story, but I feel like it's a very horny image. And therefore is representative. Got it. Well, I think I would probably be on a cliff. Uh, would probably be on a cliff. Or looking a great ocean, and lightning would be coming down all around me, and my shirt would be off. My chiseled up a body would be shown to the world, and I would be casting fireballs into the sky, as dragons and demons came for at me from every side, and I fended them off. Why aren't you shooting the fireballs into the sky? Because that's where the dragon's demons are. Mm, okay.

Wait, can I change mine? Yeah. Okay, so it's me and I have a blindfold on and I'm standing on a stool and then my hands are on my hips and then where my genitals are, it's just a banana and two apples. Arnie?

Okay, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, for mine, I don't want it to be too similar to use the doors, but in mine, I'm not wearing a shirt. And, you know, my pecs are huge, and I've got like a six pack of abs. And a six pack, probably. And my arms are abstract art.

My arms are just huge and mussely, and I'm wearing jeans and they're kind of tight and my head is Alph and I'm guessing if you've been on the internet you've seen my painting. Huh well there you have it those are a grand portrait skewer get the work everyone. I have another one here. Here's another Patreon supporter who has misspelled Yusudor's name. Yusudor, Colin, if you could slay one monster all over again to re-experience the adventure with a fresh perspective, which enemy would you re-slay? This is an excellent question. First of all, thank you for getting my name wrong. It proves that you are a listener and not so who just reads about this show online. Secondly, the monster had a reslay, that's an excellent question. A chunt, this might get a little sensitive for you,

but once upon a time, there was an evil mantocore who had perched himself on top of a hill overlooking a small village. Phew, it's not my mom. It's not your mom, it's not your mom. But, you know, there aren't that many mantakores in the world. There's a chance that, you know, there's maybe like 600, 1000, you know, it's a small community.

Yeah, I'd say 775. Yeah, so, uh, uh, uh, this Manticore was terrorizing this village, watching them day and night, looking at them with its evil red eyes, and scaring the children away. But it never actually attacked the village. It just upset the village and scared them, and they created with me they said, you should all use it all. Please fight the mantichord, kill this mantichord who's terrorizing us. First I said, well, you know, it seems like it's got a bad attitude. I don't know if that's exactly terrorizing exactly, but I'll see what I can do. I went up there to the cliff where the magical watched over the town with its fearful eyes and I and I said oh friend tell me what

what be thine purpose here and it just just told me to fuck off. Yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me to fuck right off. They'll do that. Man, decor. And I was telling to me all the time. I'd be like can you sign a slip for a school trip and she'd like fuck off Right, so I said me fuck off. What about you fuck off with fire? And I set it on fire nice Noise I mean the fires grape of the comeback's bad. What do you mean me fuck off? How about you fuck off with fire? right Did you say with fire or did you yeah? I said with fire from one to 20? That's a one. Thank you very with fire or did you? Yeah, I said, hit fire.

From one to 20, that's a one. Thank you very much. It is a one. Okay. I'll act it out again. No, no, no, that's bad. Uh, me fuck off. No, you fuck off with fire.

And then fire sp- you know, came out of my hands and it. But the fire part helps a lot. The actual physical fire. Sure. I'll show you. Be honest. Did you go home that night and then come back the next day

and say that to the Antichord? No, the next day I regretted everything I'd done. So this is why this is the perfect answer this question. I thought to myself, well, I didn't really engage on a dialogue there. And sometimes you kill monsters when you're going through dungeons and sometimes as you think that monster had a life. Yeah, maybe out of family, you know, slimes have the other

Slimes I guess I don't know am I am I don't know what slimes do and listeners you should know I don't think Ysr talks about this very much, but it's part of his life. Yseter also defeats a lot of monsters through Slayaway. So I know the first of the month, a lot of times he'll go off on adventures and he'll go find an ogre and stab it and then come back the next month and stab it again. And it's just so that he can kind of parse that out,

like kill a beast over eight months versus all at once, right? Well, exactly. It's a little more manageable. It's very, swords are very expensive. Yeah. So, you know, you don't want to, sometimes you're like, well, I don't want to use this whole sword at that once.

You know, I put this sword inside of this poison hippocryph and it's going to, you know, sword's going to melt probably. Yeah, and sometimes you want to rent a sword. So sometimes you want to rent a sword. So sometimes you want to rent a pwn. Right. So it's like, if you're gonna pwn some fucking new beast, you know, you don't want to own the sword because it's gonna get rusty or dull or damaged or broken

or stuck in the monster or disappear when it disappears. If you get like a bunch of shitty swords, can you try them in for one good sword? Yeah, I mean, it takes a lot of shitty swords. That's the thing. It's like the exchange rate is stacked against you. So you're almost better off to use the shitty swords because they're just so, there's so many

and they're breakable, you know, you're just, they just become part of the system of. You're just like, oh shit, look out. I walk out the front door and they're just like hundreds oh shit, look out. I walk out the front door and there are just like hundreds of shitty swords. Right. Well, so with the poison Hippogriff is a great example. I decided to put to that Hippogriff on Sleaway

and I just put a dart in it every month. And eventually, it was like, can you fuck off? And I said, why don't you fuck off right out of here with fire? Okay, right out of here's a new one. Okay. I'm getting better. Mixing it up. That's a three.

How dare you? It was a one before. Here I have a question. Hey guys, excluding Titania, who is the sexiest person slash creature each of you has encountered in Fune? Feel free and use my name in the podcast if you want, but not outside of the podcast.

Linkyface, Sabrina Brandt. Ooh, wow, this is a tough one. I'm pretty turned on by a lot of different creatures. I do have to say maybe the sexiest is a few years ago I was in a field that I came across a rabbit who was wearing a dress and lipstick and eating a carrot very seductively. So I feel like that might have been

the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Oh, okay. I do think it was trying to lure me into a trap, but at the time, I was very turned on. Was it like lifting its hair up with one hand like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, sexy. Can I ask you a question? This might be strange. That first rabbit, were you at all sexually attracted to that first rabbit? You know, my impulse is to say no, but deep down I think I know the answer is yes. Yeah. Yeah. And this is an incredible coincidence because my answer is Jessica Rabbit.

Is that her name? Is that my rabbit's name? No, I think it's a totally different rabbit. Oh. I know a rabbit named Jessica, who has a slinky red dress, kind of long red hair. I believe yours is a blonde, right? As a blonde, a slinky red dress. How does she get downstairs? Well, head of a heel usually.

Whoa, that's not good. Gag, gag, gag, gag, gulie, yikes. Maybe, but here's the thing, that's not good. Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag defense and owl. You know mine I think. The sexiest thing I've encountered is probably rabbit rabbit, just the mind of the writer John updike. I think I think that's John up. Beautiful. Here's another question. I don't get the chunt please line. I thought it was like bad word, which they see a...

Asterick in T, please. Chunk, please. As in WTF, did you even think or shut the fuck up? But the way it's delivered, it sounds more like, and one milkshake, please. I'm not getting it. Never did. Please explain the chunk, please, thing. For someone in Europe

Bella Bella sign her name at the end. So I assume it's okay to say her name It's a possible and I'm just making sure I'm understanding when they say they don't get chunt Please is it possible that chunt please is just not available in their area? I mean, that's very possible. It sounds possible to me. I was assumed it was like, check please. Oh, I mean, that's pretty good. Check please, yeah, I say, um, chunt please. But if I had to, Bella, thank you for the question. I don't need you to understand it, but since you asked, I'll answer you.

I guess what I'm trying to say when I say, um, chunt please is I'm basically trying to, in not so many words, I'm trying to say, one milkshake please. Does that make sense? Oh yeah, well, here's a, I think trying to say, one milkshake please. Does that make sense? Oh yeah, well, I think she's getting it exactly. Oh, she got it exactly that. Oh, she said that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, all right. All right, partway through it, she says. Yeah, people can't see this on the podcast, but every time I say, um, just please, a waiter comes in, says a big frothy milkshake down, right in front of me, and I scarf it down. One milkshake for me, one milkshake for you with fire.

Oh, that's good. I gotta remember that. It's like a five at least. And then if someone orders a milkshake, so say, Arnie, your usage order orders one, what I do is I take my straw, and my straw goes across the table and into the drink, and I drink their milkshake.

All right, I could just order my own. Thanks Bella. Why didn't you Sodor just ask Chunt to transform into a giant eagle and carry everyone to the volcano? Because the eagle would have been shot down next question. You fools. Is there a way to get you Sodor Chunt and Arnie to play Jackbox Games together? Jackbox Games. Wait is that dirty? Arnie is that somethingbox Games together. Jackbox Games. Wait, is that dirty?

Arnie, is that something you used to work for? Yeah, I would have to, I mean, yes, but you know, I've been here for six and a half years at least. So I would, I mean, if Jackbox Games was still making games, they'd be up to like party pack eight by now. And what are the odds that that that would happen? Well, Arnie, I don't want to burst your bubble, but I think this might be the first time anyone's mentioned Jackbox games, so it sounds like ever since you left, they've gotten better.

Oh. Anyone else went up the Floog something. I'm just reading. How do Wizard wizard hormones work? Yusador has romantic interest, but doesn't appear to be able to sexually reproduce. Why he horny? How dare you. Why is the assumption that I'm unable to sexually reproduce?

I don't understand that at all. I mean, we've gotten hundreds of questions that are essentially the same thing. Uh, well, I, I show you, I am capable of reproducing sexually. I choose not to at this time. Uh, but my offspring wouldn't be a wizard, as such as I am. Uh, they would be half wizard, half whatever I, um, chose to, uh, mate with. And you saw, um, if someone wanted to carry your offspring, would they kind of woo you with a line like, give it to me, baby, uh-huh, uh-huh?

Yeah, I think so. I think either that or something like, fuck me, no fuck you. With fire. Fire. Oh, that's kinky. All right, I've got one here. I've been, this is really sweet when I like this a lot.

I've been trying to spread more love this year and make new changes. So what is one thing you love about each other, smiley face? Wow, one thing, that's tough. That's a long pause after I ask that. Well, here I'll say, you know, you sidore. One thing I love about you is how dedicated you are to doing good and I feel like, no matter how bad things got, you would do everything you possibly could to save me and the people you love.

And Chant, one thing I love about you is you're in a door with a little badge, your buddy. Aw, thanks for giving me a new, a little nougat on my head. Um, you saw one thing I love about you is I feel like you're the most trustworthy person I know. And, uh, I feel like you would protect me at any cost. I feel so safer on you and, and able to kind of be myself. And already one thing I love about you is that you're an adorable little badger. Yeah. What?

Metaphorically. Mm-hmm. Well, let me see. Something I love about Shant. There are many things, but I would say the main thing would have to be your your social nature. I love that you are always so welcoming to our guests and make it easier for them to speak to us. And honestly, often open the door for us to speak to other people, the way you're so garious and happy and open welcoming to people. I think is a great gift. Oh, thank you, buddy. Well, of course. And Ani, I love that you. Are there many things sure with me you said there's many things I love about you with Arnie you just said I am no of course that many things to love about Arnie too is a big heart and an open and curious mind which sometimes is overlooked because his curiosity is so often misguided.

He killed that cat that one time. He killed that cat that one time, it was just a bad sign. He picked up a rocket, he's like, I wonder what would happen if I threw this at that cat's head. So he endlessly curious. Yes, yes. But I love that you are a natural leader. I don't think you see that in yourself.

But you've really come and brought us all together. More so than you give yourself credit for. And I think it's important to point that out and to say that you are an integral part of this team. Oh, thank you, UC. And you know what, I wanna add one more thing that I love about churn. There's nobody more fun to sit and talk shit

about other people with. I feel the same way, Arnie, thank you. I feel the same way about you. And also get your enlargent heart checked out. I know. Woof. All right, I got one here. Two everyone, Colin.

What is your favorite vacation destination? Well, I love the aisles of Migos, the spices there, they are unbelievable. And there's just beautiful beaches and beautiful clean water. And just a fun time to sit on the beach with your big wizard hat and your big wizard shorts and just you know soak up the rays And then if anyone comes along and is like kick sand in your face in the beach you say fuck me. No fuck you with fire For me, it's it's really any place with a senior frogs.

Oh, like an older frog, like a senior frog. So like any frog over 60. Oh, yeah. For me, I think it's home. You know, that island with all the palm trees and the beaches and the cocktail. Oh, yeah, yeah. Am I saying it right?

Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum. Yeah, hum. All right, I've got another question here. Anyone can answer this. Oh, thank you. If you shape shift into a nocturnal animal before you would go to bed at night, can you stay up forever without sleeping?

And keep in mind, anyone can answer this. Huh. Can you stay up forever? And keep in mind Anyone can answer this huh? Can you stay up forever? Well, so they I need to ask a clarifying question about this premise I presume they are meaning then that during the day you shape shift back into a What's the opposite of nocturnal? Tunnel admission Thank you into a, what's the opposite of nocturnal? Turnal? The mission? Thank you.

I assume you ship shift back into a regular daytime form, and then every night shift into a nocturnal form, therefore, I mean, that you wouldn't need sleep, which actually, I don't believe it would work. I believe you would eventually still hit an exhausted point where you started to go insane and believe that you fell down a magical portal into another world and that you had met these other people and really you're just sleep deprived for many years.

It seems far fetched. Yeah, one time I stayed up for three days and I went insane. I started to think that I was a scallop and I was. Oh, oh! How was it? Um, weird. and I went insane. I started to think that I was a scallop. And I was. Oh. Oh. How was it? Um, weird. Yeah, I don't think, imagine scallop's life is pretty boring.

Yeah, they're whole, the whole thing they have to offer is that they're tasty. Right. Mm-hmm. And the shells are cool. Yeah, but you know, what do they do? What do they do? They cover up genitals and paintings.

Yeah. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, that's an important job, certainly. If you are worried about seeing genitals. All right, I've got another speed round question. Chunt, do you get zoomies after going to the bathroom all the time? Oh, I take a huge dump and then I'm just like,

wee! And I know it's annoying and I know that I can knock stuff off the table, but I just gotta get out of my system. It feels so good to poop that I gotta, you know, I gotta get out that energy. Sure. All right, I have another one. How's Chode?

Oh, Chode as well. Living amongst the other horses out in the fields of Foon. Occasionally I get word of him from my good friend Grimhoof, the fifth fastest horse in Foon. All right, here's one Do you have a favored inspirational quote my answer? Yes? Agreed. Yeah, I think my new favorite one. I had it. I had one but my new favorite one That's not the question. That is not the question. Yes, the question is do you have one? Yep Okay, let's never get back at us if you want to know what they are

you have one. Yep. Okay. Listen there, get back at us if you want to know what they are. Are you guys ever going to go to New Hogs face and check out the new town? Hmm. Oh, I didn't even think about that. I mean, most of them are afraid of going back there because of how we left the state of things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They might be pretty mad at us, but I don't know. I think GNS would help us out. And I would love to go back and visit them sometime We should definitely consider a visit Uh, here's one. I don't have a question, but I hope you all have a good day smiley face. Oh If you want to wish us a good day, you should have said don't die. Oh shit. Me have a good day. You have a good day Now you've got it This question is for Arnie. Do you miss being a tiki mug? I have a huge collection, you have a good day. Now you've got it. This question is for Arnie.

Do you miss being a Tiki mug? I have a huge collection of Tiki mugs, and I'd love to add an Arnie mug to my shelf. Oh. Yeah, so I do sometimes. And when I feel that way, I just try to fill myself with as much rum as possible. Oh, you little 22 ounce bitch.

That works. Well, how little 22-hounds bitch. That works. Well, how about we have one more question? Okay. No. Okay, well thank you for that week. Is that a question? Was that one of the questions? No, no. I was going to say this one. What's up, Tavern Gang? Long time listener, first time Patreon.

Err. My girlfriend and I are expecting our first child in just a few months. But I know how experienced you all are at making special secret names. What are some good foodian names for us to consider giving our human Earth child? All the best from Chicago. Ooh. Maybe a fun name like Lambast Reynolds? Ooh, that's good. Oh, finally. A chance to name a changeling child.

All the power that it possesses shall be mine. Ah, yes, I can think of a name quickly if it's not important. So it's just a name I'm thinking of off the top of my head. Emerald power blast. Ooh, that's a great one. That's a good name. How about a truncated Duncan? Oh, that's nice.

I was like, Frenchy. Toby? Toby. Charlie kisses. Charlie kisses, That's good Before we wrap up this episode. I was thinking I have opened the discord up on my laptop here I'm already you fool. You've opened it up. We're ruined. We're doomed Wait, what's a discord? I'm our discord for the patreon like one of the perks of the Patreon, and maybe some of our listeners don't know this is, there's a Discord that they can join and post on,

and sometimes we post there as well. I was thinking just for kicks, I was gonna post something into the Discord and see if within a minute or two anyone responds, but what? Discord, smash and subscribe. All right, that's what I'm gonna write. You smash and subscribe, I smash and subscribe. All right, that's what I'm gonna write you smash and subscribe I smash and subscribe Now you've got it discord you

Smash here's the thing I type very slowly Oh, you wrote you smash islam. What is that? No? What is that Ernie? All right, I What is that? No. What is that, Ernie? Alright. I just posted, Discord, UseMashingSubscribe, I-SmashingSubscribe, With Fire. Did I do it right?

Uh, it sounds right to me. Do we think... I guess it's actually quite late right now while we're recording. I wonder... I don't even know what time it is on Earth. I wonder if anyone will actually respond. Maybe this will be kind of sad.

That'd be fun. Let's just sit around and wait for somebody to respond to a nonsensical post. Yes, that sounds good. If you saw that post, what would you respond? Delete unsubscribed? Oh, someone's responding. Oh, it's used to it.

Are you, are you, are you just posted Arnie? Are you drunk? Yes, I wanted to to, Arnie, are you drunk? Yes, I wanted to ask, but I wanted to be discreet about it. Heidi, she, her responded, I'm more worried that he's sober. That was on the discord? Mm-hmm. Huh, well Heidi, sounds like Heidi's up. Yeah, this experiment was a rousing success.

Well, to be fair, you didn't really prompt anyone to do something, which might have helped. If you'd like, I could ask them the good people on Discord if they have a message for us. Sure. Someone's typing. Someone named Yusidor the Blue. typing someone name you said or the blue does anyone have a message or question for us as we record looks like a big no I think it's really smart to post on patreon to ask us questions and then read some of those but then post live in the discord and wait in real time for questions. Pretty time. People on the discord will be like, Jesus fucking Christ, I just posted something in this post.

A couple of days ago. This was an experiment. This was an experiment. And this is what I'm saying. Sometimes you meet in evil metaphor. And you walk up to them and they say something rude to you and you overreact. And sometimes we have to reconsider our actions in a new context and then say, maybe the next time I meet an evil medical, I don't have to destroy it with fire. Or maybe

next time I want to type something into a platform such as Discord, maybe I figure out a more constructive way to do it. Oh, oh, oh, oh now we've got a question. Yes. Does the carpet match the drapes? You know it wait. There's no carpet here at Hardwood floors. Oh, but there is chunt and there no drapes. Oh But there is ony Huh, don't die Don't die everyone as we send you off. Don't forget don't die I'm going to tie back. Thank you. Your questions will be answered in 4-6 weeks. Now that's content.

Asse, did you know that hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patreon subscribers get two new bonus episodes like this one each month, and a bunch are already waiting there for you. There's one where flowers talk to a cousin, also named Flower, a Yusidor and Spintax holiday special, and Arnie Chutton Yusidor exploring their friendship via Slam Books. Who's it? Thing in the 90s. You get it.

You also get ad-free versions of the main show, including current episodes and all the back catalog, and most of the previous spin-off series are on the Patreon now too. Earth games, all three seasons of offices and bosses, I am spin-tax, there are a lot of them. And in the next couple months, Usador's fetching quest, Hay Tavern Tavern and Season 2 of Masters of Mayhem are coming to the Patreon to complete the set. Before you know it, Patreon will be the one stop shot for everything Magic Tavern. And all that is in addition to the two new bonus episodes added every month. Plus, most of them have snappy intros by me.

Craig! Anyway, to learn more and become a patron, visit patreon.com slash Magic Tavern. You should or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shant the talking Badger was played by Adlerify. This episode was produced by Matt Young, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, special assistance by Rindy Georgie. This episode was edited by Anna Hoverman, logo by Alard LeBon, a theme by Andy Pollard.

Okay, the regular show comes back week after next, but join us next week for another edition of Bootleg Craig's Pirate Patreon Radio. Man, I should get a space van.