Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 10 - Bro-taur (w/ Colt Cabana)

Episode Date: May 22, 2017

We interview a muscular half man, half animal... only he's not sure exactly what the animal half is.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBrodus Tarver: Colt CabanaCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. Hey, this is Craig here up in the Space Bunker. The following podcast is not real.

It's just a random collection of atmospheric static that your mind just happens to occasionally interpret as human speech. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Darni and Ecamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on, basically all you need to know is about two years and three months or so ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago, and to the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Unfortunately, this land is being taken over by the Dark Lord, and he's forcing me and

my co-captives to record a podcast Here in the tavern the vermilion minotaur in the prison town of hogs face in the land of fun and I'm joined as always I would normally say my co-captive in co-host Shunt the talking badger, but you're actually you've talked your way into being one of the guards here at the prison town Yeah, you use a little dark magic and I'm a guard now. Sorry, I had to give you a shot during your intro. You said unfortunately about the dark lord. I am in his employ right now, so I can't have you saying that openly.

And then also you called me a badger again instead of the shape shifter, so that's another shot. So I think you're up to eight. I've shot a lot of shots. I think that's seven. Seven, okay. All right. Not great at math, so I'll just have to take your word. True, alright.

And I'm also joined as always by my other co-host, Yusidor the Wizard. I am Yusidor, always out of the 12th realm of a feces master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, developer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turokos, the elves nobius fying alakbei. The dwarves nobius shown in Hukes' stungish, and I am no real Northeast, as Gus Mweneus may star, and... There may be other secret names. Names that if you were to see them writ upon a piece of paper,

that paper would catch a flame! And those flames would rise into the heavens, seed the very clouds, and rain down fire upon all of the men and women and children of this land, who have evil in their hearts. Oh, so that's a good one. Yeah, it's pretty fun. Yeah, so if you say that one,

it's just gonna hurt people with evil in their hearts. Yeah, I should probably say that one sometime. Did people, what was it? Can't remember that name. I can't remember. Oh, it would be so useful. I know. Although when you say people have evil in their hearts, does that make them an evil person or do they just have some evil in their heart? Can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name.

I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name.

I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name.

I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't remember that name. I can't want to murder a bunch of people. Sure, exactly. And also, maybe you go to the doctor and they're like, we've got some bad news. We found some evil in your heart. Oh. And it's spreading.

Well, you know, I found these herbs can really help if you were, if you want to. If you really come 180 on the day. Is there one to your real herb head now? If you'd like to start selling herbs too, you can give me 20 gold pieces. I can't keep all those herbs in my garage. You're just gonna stack up.

Well, if I don't start recruiting people. I'm gonna all right all rights Urburentus has them Arnie. I want to let you know. I want to be fair because I'm with you guys I know I know you're on our team. I can't guard so I can like sneak a shit and my dual kinds of cool stuff You know, I wanted you sneakers I Nothing but I can it's an option. He got some shit. I will but listen. I can undo a shot. Okay. Okay. If we make this a real quick if I Spring upon you a real quick Arnie answers segment. I love this. I love this segment. Is this part of the guards by Laws? I feel like you're just using this to your know it. It's it's what I've been told. Listen, I don't make the rules I follow and of course that I'm doing aren't you answers?

So on Twitter you know and I saw this on Twitter and we want to know what's a Chris gains? What's a Chris gain? It's it's a it's a musician on earth sounds good a rock musician who's Awesome, but also has a secret fictional character that he plays called Garth Brooks. I'd be more interested if it was a young woman and she wore wig. Yeah, I'd be interested in everything. That's true. So, Chun, so we don't talk about this a lot, but you are pretending you are a guard. Yes, so that you can help us defeat the I know you have a friend in high places Oh, yeah

So we have to speak in code words now Oh, wait, true. We're trying to defeat the book club right Yes, so if you have any ideas about how we can defeat The book club you should email those two puppies that supplies it magic oven Magic it's magic Never that puppies that supply. What is it? I don't know what happened? Wait, what's the email? It's magic tavern at puppies that supply I've been telling you're going it's puppies supplies magic tavern. I don't know who you are

Puppies that supplies that magic tavern.com, but you're I'm sorry. You you're getting all of our emails You can also reach me by taking a single pin freaking your finger bleeding into a bowl full of water and when that water becomes cloudy with the blood of your own finger speak my name into it cry a single tear into it and I shall pair before the all reach me on Twitter at use or the blue use it or if I accidentally cry more than one tear into the ball what happens oh if you cry a second tear do you know what appears then no river eight shooting stars that all land in your bed

and burn your bed up damn all in All in my bed! That's right! How can he sleep when the beds are burning? That's right! I'm not gonna communicate with you that way. I'm gonna go the Twitter route! Well, just turn your head if you have a second tier there. Yeah, I guess that's true. Still make sure it doesn't land in the bowl or you're fine.

So, guys, in my effort to defeat the book club, I've still been reading this book about glyphs, because as you remember, Baron Rangoon, who is one of our captors, has tattoos of runes and glyphs all over his body, secrets about the book club. So um, oh yeah, that's a thread we dropped. Well, we didn't drop it. I'm just because I didn't talk about it every week.

Doesn't mean that I'm not, if you feel like we dropped that thread, go ahead and email us at spuppies.supplies at magictavron.com. Exactly, with the tagline, drop that thread. So I've been trying to remember what the tattoos look like that we saw on the Baron's body. And so, and kind of cross-referencing those with the glyphs in this book I'm reading. Did these look, I sort of drew these out,

from best of my memory, did these look like the tattoos? Hmm, somewhat if I squint maybe. That one looks like a puppy to me. It sort of does look like a puppy. But you know what, that's a glib. That looks like supplies. That's, oh, wait a second. What?

Is hard to glimpse on the bear in somebody. Just this other email address? Maybe, it's possible. All right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to cross references with his tattoos. I'm gonna figure out how to get him to take a shirt off. Oh. Nice.

Chum, do the guards ever get together with a barren and just all take your shirts off? Oh, absolutely. Really? Oh. Yeah. Well, you should make notes of all the glyphs and rooms that you see there.

Yeah. Yeah, guys, the book book club isn't the only club in town All right all the guards meet up every day between the hours of 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. and we have a club where we eat eggs and toast and Bacon and we take off our shirts The beefy breakfast club. Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah next time Take some notes on the glyphs. Don't bother with the runes. I don't have a book on runes.

Okay. Take some notes on the glyphs on the barons tattoo. I'd like to know what the runes are. All right, okay. But guys, because I'm spending so much time with the guards, don't you forget about me. Yeah. Guys, I feel so bad we have been ignoring our guests. I'm really excited.

We have. That's a shot for ignoring the guest. Oh, sorry I'm so excited our guest is he's I don't really know what I Don't really know what you are your half human half amazing am I right half human half amazing? Oh, man solid description Arnie and you're are you the the bro Tarnit. I say that right. Oh man, solid description already. And you're the bro tired, I say that right? Oh well, I mean I'm a tar of some sorts. Yeah. So my mom, just a lady. Yeah.

Oh, my dad was. You don't know what your dad was. But down here, there's a lot of going on. There is a lot going on. Also down there, you're a animal. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right.

Yes, the bottom of half of you is definitely a well endowed-doubt animal Yeah, I'd say by your junky now that might be a bear bottom. You think my dad was a bear? Possibly I'm just saying as impossible to me. He could be a big cut to the bottles or open to the yeah, right But I know he got with my mom at least once right yeah, so that's what you have to that's that's science Make sense. That's why I'm here. So listen, hi everyone. Hi! I'm here, I've been dominating Fune for like 22 years now.

Wow! Just call the shots, let them be known. Yeah. Here I am. My name... Oh yeah, what's your name? My full name is Brodistarver. Brodistarver.

Great name. But they call me Brodistarver. Amazing. Mammat Mammat Mammat. Poim, poim, poim, poim. Yeah, I don't know what it's. What is your name? I'm just saying, poim, poim, poim, poim, poim.

Do you know that bird? No, what bird? The bird that goes. Mammat Mammat. Oh, man. I love that bird. Yeah. There's also a few dogs to do that.

Mainly, uh, pit bulls. So when I was a little bro tar those kind of those birds i don't know what their names are uh... there's scolfins scolfins i'm a great friend of the birds are you?

i love birds oh dorsky you're the best dorsky the un... the un... uh... determined tarz nobby is dorsky dorsky i'm gonna start knowing this everyoneby is... Dorsky. Dorsky? Huh, I'm gonna start knowing this.

Everyone knows you is Dorsky. Oh, Dorsky. Are you something else now? Oh, I have many names. Many names all over the line. But always Dorsky. No, it was- it was one of them- Yes, we're one of the many, yes.

We put the- we put the cups on the table, and we throw the uh... Oh, the tiny little white balls, yes. Mm. Right, right into the cups cups and then I just sucked out that that ale oh in the cups are they're drenson blood beforehand right they're red cups usually oh yes yeah bloody red cups yeah yeah yeah you know it's a fun party when the red cups are out yeah when I was a little kid and uh playing uh foosball yeah dominating obviously uh my mom

you know she tried to get me a cup, but nothing would fit down here for this guy, you know what I'm saying? Nothing, it's a fruit fit. Yeah, couple of work try a bowl. She's like a lovely lady. She was a great mom, she is a great mom. Don't talk bad about her. All right, well, that's a shot.

You should wear that to the shot. We're taking shot. Oh, shot, shot. My map, map. Went back, back, plan. Oh, that bird. Oh, I used to kill those birds like crazy. That's what it was. The skull dingers, is that what you call them? Second shot! Shot! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah, I got I wouldn't know how you would be able to remember their names. That's a good question But I can't remember I'm frankly amazed that I don't remember those names. It's true. You're not frankly No Doroski I'm Doroski

Man we kill those skull fuckers Brodus is so good at names. That's my favorite thing about thanks, butdus, you talk about these shots. Bro, call me Brodtarr. Okay, Brodtarr. Thanks. Brodtarr, you do have quite like, we've been focusing on your animal bottom half, but your human top half is, your physique is quite impressive. Yeah, I'm jacked. You are jacked. I lift logs, lift cages, I lift cages, I lift, then my friend Nick and cages, you know, I lift. I was good to know, I was good to say, because my next question was, do you even lift? Do I even lift? You talk like that again, you'll be gone at 60 seconds.

Ah! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Yeah, I'm Jacked and down here and you're like, yeah, why do you have four legs? I do, but you know what? I got to keep myself toned so sure I shaved my all of my legs That's weird. That's normal for a tar, that's the thing so I think that's why it's difficult to tell exactly what animal it is because the whole thing is shaved But it makes his legs look bigger. Oh, that's true. That's true. That's true. Ma ma ma ma ma ma So so bro tar that's true. We haven't been Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee It's four legs. It's four animal legs. Yeah, sort of like you're a torso from the waist up, but below the waist, it's just like a waist coming out of the neck of an animal. Yeah. I like to call it party on the top, animal on the bottom.

Yeah, I will say that. It's the exact right. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. In his name, Brovius, I feel like he comes from the village of Riggley I feel like there's a little bit of have you have we told you about the village of Riggley? No, it's in the village of Riggley A lot of Broviuses a lot of Broviuses Who's this brovius you speak up? Wait, what was your first name? Brodus aka the bro tar Bwam bwam bwam

Right Thank you very little now if you stand on your hind animal legs, I'd like to get up I bet you're 15 or 17 feet tall. Dude, I'm just fucking huge. Can I say that? Yeah, of course. Yes, sure. Can I fucking say that?

You know, yeah, you're doing it. You're doing it right now. Now, I want to point something out. Wait, is it this giant thing in between my four legs? Well, I don't need to point that out because it's pointing to everyone at the table. It also, you're like lounges. It's such a weird way.

Like all four of your possibly bear legs are just laid out so that we can see what you got going on down there. Yes. Your fallacy is sort of like a compass that's constantly in motion. Yes, like is there a magnet here? It's messing up this compass. There must be a magnet on top of the building,

because everything's pointing north. I like to think. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Put that away. Right. Well, you know, I had to get big. Yeah. I had to get big. I was parting so much. Yeah. I had to get out there after my education. Yeah. And uh, there was nothing for me to do out in this world. Sure. Did you try other things? Sure I tried things. What? Did you go as a teen? Did you go to Crete? Were you one of the Crete teens? Hmm.

Was I a Crete teen? Well, I was a Crete teen. I was also a protein. Oh. I was a protein. Wow. Wow. That's so young to be a pro. That's awesome. It's very impressive

But when I got in the real world. Yeah, wasn't good for me And I didn't do as much dominating as possible and I realized if I wanted to move forward in this world I just got to be the biggest mother fucka on boat. Yeah Well, I have bad news for you. Oh, no, is there a bigger mother fucker on fin? Well ski Well, I have bad news for you. Oh, no is there a bigger motherfucker on food? Well, ski Dorsky, doorsky, doorsky, doorsky, bro. This is Tava. It's bro Tava and you know that I'd like to call people by their full names Bro ski as a form of respect Obviously, but I need only cast a simple spell of

Groweth Maximus Maximus and I Oh my god He's exercisein a growing right He's trying to tremendously grow It's not right I'm going Where are those weeds at? I need something to get me bigger. Smallest Minimus.

Right there. I'm back to my normal size. You have shown me that, even with my amazing magic spells, I am not as big a shield. Don't ever do that again. You have my word. Let's shake on it. Very good. Oh, I only shake with one of my four things.

Thank you. Yes, that's not a leg. Hey guys, let's take a quick break. Let's refresh our drinks. I think we all need one. And I'm so excited to learn more about the bro tar. Let's get around over here on me. Oh, thank you. So bro tar. You're welcome. Didn't even say thank you for those drinks. Oh I'm so sorry. After you finish them. Thank you for the thing he didn't say thank you did he well aren't you let me do you favor I'm gonna get you a shot. Oh no. What am I? I'm here in nine. Oh so I'm I'm very close to being in the hole. I donhhh, it's... I don't think my shrinking spells stop working. Shhhhhh, it's... BAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAM I probably find don't worry about pro tar is it possible though? Do you ever worry about getting too huge not possible to be too much the biggest mother fucker in for?

I'm gonna stop you aren't you not possible not possible because basically don't be stupid on me I thought you're gonna say that about me. No, no I'm gonna have to be living shit out of you kidding man. I'd never say that look how little you are I'm the normal size you're just huge. Dorsky, you're so cute now. I'm the normal size, you're just huge. More like Dorsky. I don't get it. Neither do I.

But Bro-Tar has anyone in Foon ever died of getting too huge? Oh no, seem to. Oh no. Bro-Tar. Don't make a blister. The biggest thing is I've ever seen. Yeah! Oh, he's losing it.

Oh, no. You talking about Barry? Barry. Oh, don't talk about Barry. I don't talk about Barry. Barry Tar, arrested, bass! Oh, Barry Tar. Was Barry also half animal, half human?

He was bare on top and bare on the bottom. Half-barred, half-barred. Oh, but in the same weird way where it was like a bear top coming out of a... Animal half human he was bear on top and bear on the bottom half bear and half bear Oh, but in the same weird way where it was like a bear top coming out of a neck Bear from the way stop and then like a bear neck from the way down. Oh, that's not terrifying. It's very weird Well, that's why it didn't all work. Yeah, I need we're trying to get Bro talk bro talk this enemy Go on we accept you Oh Bro talk bro talk listen to me. Oh We accept you Torf skiers you small we love you we accept you and you we know you're huge and we all miss Barry

But he could have been so huge he was huge. He was like a huge bears combined. He was like a Frankenberry He used to lift dingles all the time. Oh, dingles. Dingo, Barry. That's all I got. Oh, recipes. Does anyone want to catch you? There's biggest my arm. I'll take a cashew. There you go. That's used to door. That's not where you get nuts. I found a cashew. I'm receiving a cashew. We're getting nuts! I found a cashew. I'm receiving a cashew. That's it. So, Bro-Tar, how did you become a champion?

On the champion of a phone for 22 years. Did you have to defeat someone to become the champion? I fucking fucked everybody up. Whoa! Except for Barry Reston-Pis, we love you, Bear. You defeated Stormicus? Stormicus. You guys went around for the battle of Bro-Tar versus Stormicus? I didn't have that. I mean, we... oh, there's a lot of like past each other a bunch of times.

Yeah, that's about to happen. Yeah, I never heard about this fight. I think that's how, well this is what discovered that Foon isn't flat. Was by like you guys just circling around so many times. Did you ever fight the biggest guy I've ever seen? Have you, Arnie, have I told you about Lesnar? This guy was always wearing a frock. We call him frock Lesnar. No, I have never heard of him. No. told you about Lesnar? This guy was always wearing a frock. We call him frock Lesnar.

No, I have not heard about him. No. Did I guys... Did you hear what I'm saying? Uh, no, I have fought Lesnar, though. It was... Half-man. Half-Lesnar?

Half-a-lesser, man. I also, you know, I think now that I'm thinking about it, I did hear about you had a fight. It was Bro-Tar versus Mecha Bro-Tar. Bleh. What? Someone... I remember this. There was a giant... had a fight, it was Bro-Tar versus Mecha Bro-Tar. Hmm. What? Someone? I remember this.

There was a giant, a metal version of you, an automaton that looked exactly like you, and you had to defeat it. Now this, a tomaton. Yes. That is not the man who checks my eyes every week? No, no, no. Not your optometrist. But he did hear me, the time he fought your optometrist.

Can you imagine getting your eyes checked by an optometrist? Everyone shut up. Tell us about the time you fought your optometrist. But he did hear me from the time he fought your optometrist. Can you imagine getting your eyes checked by the optometrist? Everyone shut up, tell us about the time you fought your optometrist. Did he make you read sentences on the far wall? I assume he was an easy fight, he's just an optometrist. Yes, did he punch you in the face and go one, and then punch you in the gut and go two, and then be like one or two, and you got to choose which one he kept punching you in?

And he kept on saying, as I would punch him E Hmm And other Ah, but we get we get quieter and quieter another win from bro Tato Yeah, yes, I am the champion There was one time where I got into a vessel that would transport me around Foon Mm-hmm, and this other man Vin got to another vessel that would transport us around Voon. And we raced...

Oh, in magical wagons. Yes, wonderful. Were you both upset? Were you like, uh, furious? They were perturbed. I don't know if that's called them furious. Well, were you furious? No, but because both of us were, uh, uh, animals on the bottom, we were furious. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, uh, animals on the bottom, we were at Furious. Furious. Furious. Furious. Furious.

We got there. Some of our fan art drawing listeners are like, ooh, I just got an in on exactly what I want to draw. I feel like most fans might think this is ludicrous. How many, let me ask you something. So you and Vin race against each other, uh, once was, was there more times you race each other? Bro.

You meet up again? We had many of battles. Okay, there was like time for oh Five six seven fates was You sounds like if you keep me up that much. Yeah, yes, bros It's about family. Yeah, if we've learned anything from my dominating and championing the world of phone from my dominating and championing the world of phone to bout family. Yeah, that's true. It is about family. And you guys are my family. Where are your family? Yeah. Well, maybe because I don't have a dad anymore.

Oh, and Dorzki can now essentially be my little infant baby. Dorzki is baby sized. What do you need? Tell you how I'm fine. Oh, bro, Tar, would you do me a favor? Would you pick up tiny Doroski and just rock him in your giant human muscle arms like a baby? I'll go grab him. Oh Thank you. Oh the rock Oh Oh Psych! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Dorsky? Can I raise you to be the next me? Yeah, you have to do it by next week though. Hmm, you'll always be your dad.

Even if you don't see him very often. Yeah, and you know, maybe it's not about getting as big as possible to be a good dad or son, but it's actually about being as little as possible. Then you have learned your lesson. Oh fuck, no! Dorsky! Yes, I have done it again. I've done it again.

I've done it again. I've been bringing my wisdom and my great sagely, wizardly ways here on two food. Best prankster in town, boys! Dorzky! Dorzky! Dorzky! Dorzky!

Dorzky! Dorzky! Oh, man, you've got me good! Wh- So, bro tar, it's been a real delight to meet you. Damn right it has. And you know what? I know you seem a little bit sad about your bare father.

I know you're- bear father. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. But you know what, he's an animal. Maybe he doesn't understand. Maybe he, that bear just had to go off and shit in the woods or something. Probably would have happened. Could be a hairy rhinoceros.

Chund, have you had any emails this week? Yeah, I got an email here. This is to chund to Gmail.com. This chund was 16. This is from Andreas Larsen and Andreas it's not anyone's fault that that happened hello from the magical frozen land of Sweden

Sweden Sweden Sweden I hope you are all fairing reasonably well during the trying times in food here and offer I have a masterful and cunning plan. You, Chun, shall have magical ship changing intercourse with Usador, for then you shall be a wizard and have his awesome powers. Dr. Larson from Stockholm. Stockholm. Stockholm. Yeah. Sounds like a syndrome. Yeah, you know, we have gotten a surprising number of emails suggesting that, uh, Chant, that you should have sex with Yusudor

and get his powers, how would that work? I know you're a shape shifter when you have sex with something. Well, when two people enjoy each other's campaigns and they, uh, run the fun. Bro, I say do it. I say do it. You know, just get a bunch of beers in you

and just have the time of your life and you're like, I don't know what you are, but you all just, we'll just do it. You know, I just get a bunch of beers in you and just have the time of your life and you're like, I don't know what you are, but you all just, we'll just do it. I like chun, but not in that way. Yeah, I think that would cross a line that there's no coming back from it. Well, obviously, I don't want you to use your powers to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with, but I'm just curious, like logistically, do you get like the magical powers of things that have sex with them? Why are you so you get like the magical powers of a thing, you have sex with them.

Why are you so often confused by the logistics of stecks? Of stecks? Of stecks. Stecks was one of my favorite bands. Sorry. I think my tongue is still growing in my mouth. Oh, wait, so how does that work again? Here's another email.

Okay, so ages ago, you addressed the the issue of Girls Night, which is wonderful. But what about non-binary people? What kind of night do we have? We can't have boys night and we can't have girls night. What do? Thank you, Kai, Vavem pronouns. What do you guys? We should all have a night together. Night together Being night. Yeah being night Well, you know, we used to say boys night all the time in the boys year and we feel like we really just Fucked up this boys year and so we're trying to come up with a new catchphrase like something Fun to yell that just like a good thing when you're getting together with your buddies Oh, I probably have the greatest thing to you.

Oh, right. I believe it. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM Just scream like a scoffing. How do you spell that? How do you spell, buh buh buh buh buh. Boah, B-W-A-H. Okay. Boah, B-W-A-H. Boah, B-W-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-Euh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- But I have one other suggestion. Yeah. Dad! How about that one? I like that. Where are you? Oh, he, oh no. Oh, I don't think that's...

Is that good? Because I used to yell that a lot as a kid. Oh. It's maybe not as festive as we're looking for. Guys, we should try it at least. Dad! Where are you? I mean, it's cathartic.

There's no question. There's nothing I look. Yeah. One of Lomish's no question. There's no arny-arny look. Yeah. One of Lomish's cats went back in its cradle. And that's a little silver spoon. Oh. I was going to suggest, from our more popular podcast, Get Nuts.

Let's get Nuts. Love it. Yeah. Absolutely. Arny? Uh, no. I like it. I mean it's no dead where you at. That's true.

Well they're all contenders. They're all contenders. Eventually we'll have an online poll and whatever people like best will be the new thing. Nobody's a contender to me though champion. You are the champion of all time. I don't know if this is too personal a question. You can ask me anything. Have you ever thought about procreating or concreating?

Don't ever ask me that. Okay. Fair. I'm gonna tell you a story. I'll make it quick, but I thought about having a kid. And then, Doroski break me so good? I got you, man. Oh, no.

And then like, never again. I'm never having a kid. No way. Blamp, blamp, blamp, blamp. Oh, man, it's so much better than nuts in your mouth. that wasn't real. Bro Tar spent 30 minutes with these three guys, and nobody got panced. Although I guess only Arnie really wears pants. These post-show insults are harder than they look. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young, Chant the Shape Shifter Badger Guard was played by Al over Fy.

Brodys Tarver, the half-man half-fair, probably, creature, was played by professional wrestler Colt Cabana. He's on Twitter and Instagram at Colt Cabana. His award-winning documentary series The Wrestling Road Diaries, along with his podcast The Art of Wrestling, and upcoming appearances and matches can all be found at ColtCabana.com. Also, he's just a really nice guy who showed up to the recording studio with a pizza for everyone to share. Oh damn it, I'm being nice again. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacober, and Ryan D.

Georgie, this one edited by Ryan D. George. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard Leban. Additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at alofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago podcast, co-op, and of course, thanks to Ear Wolf. Since the boss is still busy this week, I thought I might read some email here that I intercepted that looks like it might be addressed to me Let's see this one's from Amy. Hi Arnie. Sean's at use the door and any guests. Oh, this is not for you

Oh, I just didn't have any other email to reach Craig at I'm pretty sure you don't know who I'm talking about, but you needn't worry yourself with it So Craig you ended up on the space station because you were restocking the vending machines, right? But that was a while ago and to my knowledge there have been no other people showing up to restock machines. I would like an update on the status of the machines. Are they empty, ridiculously large and still full? This is a very pressing matter, please respond quickly. Thanks. Thanks, Amy. Uh, yeah, actually they're fine. They're pretty full. I just got a tab there a couple minutes ago. That's weird.

Huh. Oh well, let's see. This one here is from Gabriel. Hey guys, I love what you do. What I gotta say, Craig Cass is my new favorite podcast. See, that's what I'm talking about. Craig, I know you can hear this. You should definitely continue that.

Maybe even interject and talk over Sean and Arnie. I was thinking I could do sort of an annotated version of the show, like a Craig-only version where I come on and I'm like here's what I think Trump should have said. I think that'd be pretty great. This one's from Roma, I want more Craig, okay. This one is from Megan, this is for Craig to intercept, did you ever find robot Arnie? Yeah, he was just hiding in the storage crates, don't worry about him. And finally this one from Casey, little the magic tavern and all its patrons. First I'm catching up on your back analog skimming here

Okay, Casey seems to be worried about Trisha 8050 killing me because she killed Lucy. I don't know much about that, but don't worry Casey, we took care of Trisha. Although whenever I try to remember how I just get this weird black oil oozing out of my ear, ah, that is gross. Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing. Anyway, thanks guys for writing in and join us next week for more Craigcast. And I guess a little from the Magic Den.