Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 19 - Momo

Episode Date: July 24, 2017

Momo the mouse is back with important messages about defeating the Dark Lord.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMomo the Mouse: Erin KeifCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's like it's nuts. But don't tell anyone I told you. If you've always wanted to see a low-from-the-magic tavern live, and you're going to the outside Lance Festival in San Francisco, or New York Comic Con in New York City, you are in luck. We're doing live shows at both. You can get more info by clicking on live shows at a low-from-the-magic taverns.com. And remember, you don't need to take it to Comic Con to get into the New York show. Now let this video from Twitter by not underscore superiority,

get you pumped for the show. Hi, I'm here to tell you guys a little bit about Hello from the Magic Tavern. That's a podcast about a dude who fell through Magic Portal behind a Burger King two some odd years ago. And he fell into this land, dude. It's called Foon. And it's like Middle Earth with multiple buttholes. A little tiny top has. It's fucking hilarious. Y'all give a listen. It's the bright point of my mind days. You know we all need that in this day and age. Hello, from the Magic Tabern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arne and eCamp, if you've never listened to the podcast before.

This was going on, about two years and 5 or 6 months ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Unfortunately, it's being taken over by the Dark Lord who is forcing me and my buddies to keep doing this podcast we record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the Town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon. And that's it, there's no other like, really important stuff that people would need to know. There's no like, recent... There's certainly haven't been any murders.

There have not been any murders, accidental or otherwise. We're cool! We're totally cool! Very cool. The coolest. Yeah! And... We're cool. We're totally cool. Very cool. The coolest. Yeah and on Foon on old did you know that there's a saying Thou art cool as a cucumber. It's one of our shortest sayings. Thou art cool as a cucumber. Yes often kept

someplace cool under a rock Mm-hmm or In a pantry. There's also saying as cool as the other side of the penis. You know the side that doesn't get his warm. Oh, sure. I know we're talking about penises now, but I'm just hungry for a nice cold cucumber fresh

from under a rock. Oh, that does sound good. Oh, but I'm so sorry, I forgot to introduce my co-host. I am joined as always by my co-host, Chant the Guard. Oh, yeah you know, I'm so sorry. I forgot to introduce my co-hosts. I am joined as always by my co-host Chant the Guard. Oh, yeah, baby. Hey, hey doing bud. Good back to being a badge badge. Yeah, that's right. You were a flamingo briefly What's that? Yeah, for like a couple weeks. Was that recently very like last week? Yes, like like up to about two days ago. Oh yeah, that was a bird, yeah. Did I say call you out, baby?

Why would you say that? I don't think you had an opportunity to. Well, that's a missed opportunity. Well, I'm glad that you never had an opportunity to say that. Me too. Yeah. And I'm also joined by my other co-host.

I am Usadol, Wizard of a Twilthrelm of a fesious Master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour, cucumbers, champion of the great halls of Turokus, the elves Nomiya's fying elic, the dwarves Nomiya's zoning in hook stinges, and I am known in the northeast as Gassominius Mastar, and though I may be trapped here in this tavern, I am kept in a drawer-shit cell from day to day, and must pretend that I am a weak man with no magic powers at all, to fool the Dark Lord and his minions such as Baron Ragoon, and drip-fang the shefingquisitor.

I am lurking in the shadows, learning and growing, and learning everything that I can, so they may someday defeat that dark loho hood And nobody's been murdered lately. Nobody nobody's been murdered. No, not at all Absolutely not in fact here's fleek right here and as you can see he's wearing a floral pattern shirt and sunglasses Yeah, oh, we've been having a great time with fleek all week. Yeah, in fact it's been a fleek-end at Arnie's. Yeah, he's totally alive. Isn't that right, Fleek?

Not of head. Yeah, and, you know, while we're talking about people that are also not dead, you know, fucking philosophy guy, totally alive! Yeah, let's list all the people who aren't dead. Yeah, fucking philosophy guy is alive over there. He's alive, not just propped up with a series of pulleys that's constantly just making him rock back and forth. That's right. He's very alive and, uh, of course, uh, blemish, who's currently on vacation. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, here's the letter he wrote and gave to me his best friend. Ooh, dear Yusudor, the blue, great wizard. Yusudor, would you mind reading it in Blumish's voice as if reading the letter in your mind you're hearing it in Blumish's voice? I would love to. Yusudor, the blue, great wizard. I am leaving for a short time. Just sounds like sensual use to the door.

Yeah. Oh, and I really will miss giving ale to you and Arnold and Shunt, because you were my favorite patrons. Oh, and I cannot wait until I return, and can see all your bright and shining faces again. Love exo exo blemish. Is that how you spell blemish exo exo? Look, Yusunor, I don't want to give you notes on your blemish voice, but it does sound like

you're masturbating while hyperventilating. That's what blemish sounds like. Oh, you mean masturbating? Oh, is that a thing? Oh, or hyperbation. Those are both, it depends on how you Oh, you mean Master Villain Vennelidding? Oh, is that a thing? Mm-hmm. Or hyperbation? Those are both, well, it depends on how you... I don't know what any of you can do it. Yeah, mm-hmm.

Well, here, you take this letter that's written here and you read it in Blemish's voice. Read the exact words that were on the page that I just read. The exact two words are right, of course. Of course, I will do it because first of all, I've got a great Blemish voice. And second of all, I definitely do it because first of all I've got a great blemish voice and second of all I definitely know how to read Dear Yusidoh the wizard already. I don't mean to give you a line reading. Okay. Yeah, but it's more of like a

Yusidoh it's a little more throaty. Does that make sense? Okay, I don't mean to give you a line reading just say it like I said it Okay, okay, so sort of like I'm masturbating while pooping Yeah, moving sure of course just like I'm masturbating while pooping? Uh, yeah. Mooping? Sure, of course, just like I'm moving. Alright. Dear Yusador, the wizard who I love and is great, I've gone away on vacation. I've got to be honest. After about the first half sentence, I wasn't paying attention to what the rest of the letter was.

I was really just thinking about the voice and thinking, that sounds like something. It's definitely masturbating, but what's that other word? What's that word when you need to breathe into a bag? Hyperventilating. Yes, that's it. Sincerely blemish. You skipped EXO-XO. Oh, sorry. EXO-XO Festival. Well, Chant, would you like a chown?

Absolutely, oh here you go. Here we go Yes, yes, I want to read this letter. Yes Dude you don't I'm sorry chant. No, that was good. He was really vamping for time the way to the blemish wood. Yes Here's a thing though. Yes. Yeah, I never realized how much we don't believe it. Yes. We don't need to do blemishes voice Preparing to read the letter. Yes But what whatever gets him there. Whatever gets him to that place. Yeah Yeah, John to nani. What to say to you?

You have my eyes We have your mother's name XO XO Yes, I think these impressions are really evolving towards something not The sound of blemish's voice, but it's getting somewhere. It's the essence of blemish. Sure Sometimes impressions don't have to be exact copies of people They just have to somehow encapsulate something about that person.

Oh yeah, like Dana the Carver? Who's Dana the Carver? Dana Carver. He's a local Carver. He does statues and any sort of a fillery work. But he does great impressions. But they're not dead on. They're just taking, you know, takes ownership.

Interesting. Some of his original characters are good too, like Temple Lady. Temple Lady? I love Temple Lady. Oh yeah, it's like a lady who is at a temple. And just a kind of lady, you'd meet at a temple. You know, you know that type.

I do have, do you have a Dana Carver impression? Do I impersonate this person's characters? Yeah, that would be tacky. Okay, so you're not gonna do it. It wouldn't be prudent., I just want to say I don't think anyone's on to us. Yes Oh, I thought blemish was here for a moment. No, you nailed it. Oh, sir. Don't forget blemish is dead I won't forget the blemish is dead and the people murdered him If you guys been sleeping at all this last week like a baby

and that we murdered him. Have you guys been sleeping at all this last week? Like a baby. Right. Ever since, Plumish accidentally spit into that bowl and shrunk in and drowned in his own saliva and died, which was technically his own fault, but I guess you could see it as being our fault? I just really haven't been sleeping at all. The only way I can sleep is to assume it was my fault.

If I think that was just an accident, that's tragedy. If I think I set some an accident, that's tragedy. If I think I set some trap and it capture my enemy and bring his undoing about, I sleep what? I see. So if it's an accident, it's tragedy. If it's an intentional, it's Gina. You guys killed 52 sexists.

Well, also 52 sexists, a flower died. So many people died last week. And I'm just worried that if the rest of the guards find out about it, we're gonna be in a lot of trouble. Well, I think we'll be alright. We've got a we've got fucking philosophy guy I'll propped up over there and you know, you've got flea care with his you know cool sunglasses Oh, I think I don't think anyone's gonna know the difference. We'll just sell some teeth for everyone so I'll never I don't think fleaks still alive guys, and I won't trust me I will not tell any of the guards okay, and especially not tattle snake

Tattle snake tattle snake you guys haven't met tattle snake no you told us about You're told us about cockroach clown and wheel bear, but I haven't heard of tattle snake tattle Thanks. You're just a snake like anything you say to him. He'll like run tell that Hmm or slither tell that So I won't tell him. Yes. And I think we'll be safe. I can trust, I've already told Cockroach clowns.

I can trust him. Wait, no, John, what? You told Cockroach clown. Yeah, he's one of my best friends. You absolutely cannot trust Cockroach clown. He's a Cockroach clown. Listen, Phil. He's the craziest and most unreliable

of any of the people I've ever met in this world. And also, we can't tell anybody, except for our listeners who we trust implicitly. You think Cockroach clan is unreliable? Yeah. Anytime you look into a mirror and say his name three times, he appears. That's true. That's very reliable. How's that really prompt?

Look, all I'm saying is, we've got to play this cool. That's right. And that means don't tell anybody. We should get through this. We can get's right. That means don't tell anybody. We should get through this. We can get away with it if we don't tell anyone. We have to keep it in this tight circle of seven. Seven? Arnold.

Chant. You said, or? Cockroach cloud now. Flower. What about it? It's a skull. Metamorph. How many people have you guys told? I've told at least three. I carved it into a skull. Metamorph. How many people have you guys told? Uh, I've told at least three.

I carved it into a tree. I mean, I have only told several hundred thousand people if our analytics are too deep. I think that's a high number. I mean, it's hard to know exactly. I mean, these are soft numbers for sure. Are there that many hanks on Earth? Rusty?

If you say anything about this, I swear to foo, I will come over there and beat your ass. Hang how you doing. That reminds me, Hank and Rusty, if you're listening to the podcast and enjoying it, post a video of yourself on Twitter explaining the show or telling people why they should listen, hashtag it with resistance, or if you wanted to make more sense to people,

hashtag it with Magic Tavern, and maybe we'll play your audio on the podcast. Unless you fuck us rusty. Unless you fuck us. I don't. I don't. You grossy dumb fuck us. Guys, we cannot turn against each other. You, Sidore, chunt.

All of you listening right now from Earth. Be cool. Well, maybe you should be cool. You're not being cool. You're the one you're Proclaimed to everyone to be cool and you're not being cool and you know Rusty's gonna fuck it up fucking rusty fucking guys. I didn't mean to say I don't think we can trust Rusty He's unrest worthy people on earth if you find Rusty Take him out. You know what I mean

Do we want to advise people to do that? You're right. There might be a recording of this Oh, hey Hey, it's momo momo. I know that noise that means we've got a momo message That's here was just moving on its own. We dragged it over. Mm-hmm. Did you miss miss Momo? We always miss Momo. It's a We're wonderful to see you. Um, hello. I do have a message for you. Hello. Hello. Um, Tom Has sent me and he told me to tell you that he's a series of bats That's a whole message. Yeah. Well, I was talking to him. He looked like a man

But what does Momo know? Like you looked like absolutely just a man. Momo don't know. Momo don't know. Well, he has to be a series of bats because he's too big to be a single bat. Just Tom know that we're paying for each of these messages individually. Like he doesn't need to, he can't just send us a message that says, I'm a series of bats. He's in character.

How dare you? Can Momo admit something? Please, please. Of course, Momo. This is a safe space where we can admit anything but we should not betray each other Otherwise we might have to take each other out. Oh, geez. Well, Momo messed up Oh, Momo gave that message at first to the wrong you said her door the blue what I? Yeah, mom will say what there a guy saw guy and he said

He said I'm almost say what there a guy I saw guy and he said he said I'm used to the blue Yeah, he said like that. He didn't shout it. No, he was like yeah, I'm used to the blue I'm like really into lights and shadows super casual He's like in the North they know me as Jennifer love hew it in the South I've made I'm made of bees and in the South I'm made of bees and the in the south. I'm here. The Northeast These don't be that makes two reasons in the Northeast. I Know it's Kau and then I don't remember the best

Who is this imposed? How do we get them on the podcast? I out there you I had a bunch of messages for you And I gave them to him oh no In a couple of nudes them to him. Oh no. In a couple of nudes. Be cool, be cool. Wait, nudes of you said or news of you. Oh, not. Nudes are just like, well, I don't mean to make the two of you feel bad, but you said or get sent a lot of nudes, which is just women described their naked bodies. And then mom comes and poses in the way that he thinks said that woman looks right in front of you. Could you tell us one of those news right now? Yeah, sure. Wait, it's better if I show you, but then I'll show you and I'll describe it. Ready? Hit. Oh, provocative. Yeah, this is just a girl. She said she was like, tell you, you should do her that I'm super

sleepy. And I'm real, real tall. And then I sleepy and tall. And buried naked. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Were there any messages though from our cohorts throughout the land sending us important intel on the dark Lord? Yeah well they all said like I'm feeling discouraged but you guys shouldn't give up and we're actually like we're all counting on you. You guys are our only hope. Stuff like that. Oh, I was so only hope.

I was sort of thinking everyone else was our own, they hope. So everyone thinks everyone else is the only hope. Sounds like they're projecting, honest. Ooh. I wouldn't seem to be biting their time being like, they'll figure it out. Mm.

Well, here's hoping we do. Yeah. Will you do me a favor real quick? Oh, yeah. I recently went back to being a badger because I met this beautiful badger named Primrose. Would you send her a nude for me? Sure do you want to describe your body or should I just go with what I see? Can you kind of just I don't know if this is man I want to attack all of us. Discriptions. I don't know if this is ghost but can you just say

that I'm sleepy and tall? Okay I mean you're really not supposed to send pictures to yourself that are false advertising Also, Trunch could have had you've still got your hats on. Oh, yeah, that's true. Let me take those off Well, I'll let her know. I'll find her now. I'll give a little pose. Thank you. Why is everybody so interested in being sleepy? That's that's like the sexy thing. Oh If you're like extra sleepy, that's cool. Oh, wow. Yeah. Weird.

Oh, by the way, for new listeners, Momo is a mouse with human strength, you know, like you do. And she's been sending messages for us back and forth all over town. Yeah. And I mean, it's not, there's not a ton of money in this. So I've been having to supplement with other things. Um. Oh, Momo, what kind of work have you been doing? Keeping busy.

I was a therapist for a little bit. Oh, wow. I had to stop though, because I was actively ruining people's lives. I couldn't. Well, you're not. Who's life is certified, right? What? You're not certified.

Oh, absolutely not. I just got advice from my friend, Floyd, you know, the little rat, you Floyd. Oh, the one who's like so into his mom. You know, I'm talking about him. Well, he gave me some advice and then I just really messed up. You slipped? I slipped. I just, if I had a horrible fall, and then I also I just messed up.

That's dangerous to do or unfro it. What was the advice? He was just like, tell everyone to start dating their mom. Oh, who did you tell to start dating their mothers? I had a family of geese come in, and that really messed them up. Especially because then they're all competing to date the same mom.

Yeah, I've had the unwend mother came in saw me. Oh, you mean Daphne? Oh, yes, she desperately needs good advice. Mm-hmm, but Mama just guessed. Yeah. Mama loves to guess. Well, how many jelly beans are in this jar? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Are you moving? Yes, that's how I big. You think while moving, see Arnie she can do it. Oh. Hmm. Seven day.

That's right, there are 70. And actually let me take them out of this jar, let me arrange them. And would you also send these to, oh, dammit. I was gonna have you send these to Primrose. So John, tell us a little bit about Primrose. Like we haven't heard about you dating anyone in a while. I guess except for Florence the Flamingo

who turned out to be evil Wait, I did use a flamingo. Yeah, you are flamingo last week. It doesn't make any sense. I mean it makes up. It's about on par All right, I'll believe you well Primrose was a beautiful badge. I just met recently. She's from Baxter Bay Oh, so she is she was never one of my subjects. Yeah, but yeah, I just met her. She's a Baxter Bay. Oh. So she was never one of my subjects. Yeah. But yeah, I just met her. She's a guard as well. And yeah, we just kind of got to talk

and had a lot of similarities and ended up having a little... Uh-huh. Now that I remember when we were having Quitis, I was a flamingo. Yeah. Yeah, because I did it on one leg. Ah, now Momo, I need you to send a message for me to Claks the Skeleton. Yes.

All right, I'm going to use my red checker to jump his black checker, and he needs to king me. Are you playing a game with him? We're playing checkers. You're male. So you want me to have him take a black checker and throw it, and then king you? Close enough. Momo's got it anything else. I don't know. Mom, how are you doing? You seem a little overworked. I'm almost tired. I haven't been. But not in a sexy way. Not in like a sexy way. Mom is just like sleepy. You're tired. You're sleepy. I'm tired. Not sleepy. Oh, I see. Fine line between tired and sleepy. Yeah, Momo keeps messing up

and sending the wrong messages. Because you know you get over work. Sure. And then you just, like, there's too much going on, you don't have an outlet outside of work. And then you just start sending messages to the wrong people and causing all sorts of trouble

and accidentally doing some good work for the dark Lord, you know? Oh, no, Momo. Yeah. Now where are you living these days? Oh no, momo. Yeah. Now where are you living these days? Is that still causing stress in your life? Yeah, mostly any hole I can find. So if you know of any holes. Uh-huh.

And I know of a lot of holes. What makes for the best hole to kind of live in? Yeah, what are you looking for in a hole? I like, I love roommates. I love coming home at the end of the day and having a chat with a roommate. I think also the absence of yellow lizards makes for a good look. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We'll make sure those on aren't in there. They buy you.

Of course. Also, Mama loves a pocket. Oh, sure. Can't afford a pocket, but Mama loves a pocket. A pocket on a man. Oh, sure. Pocket on an important man. Where do you want that pocket? We talking pants. We talking talking shirt Oh, I want it to be in a shirt pocket or no a pant pocket, but not a pocket on a butt That's a that's a good distinction to make now. I'm weird. I'm not a mouse and yet I totally tracked that I was like Yeah, I think I agree with all of those points. Yeah, but pocket would you ever consider if you started making enough money for you this is sort of you know the hypothetical is hypothetical. It only in the sense that you know this is like high end living for anyone. Would you ever consider living under my hat? If you could afford it. Okay well. What is your hat rental go for these days? About 2300 a month. What?

That's right. As outrageous. That's crazy. This hat is famous in the mouse community and all the most famous mice have lived there. It's just, I can't believe you even said that. As if I would live in the most famous mouse house. Dream big.

You must have a goal as usual, as a goal to someday defeat the Dark Lord. Well, first of all, I hear it's very haunted. It's extremely haunted. Wait, what kind of ghosts are in your hat? Ghosts of, you know, the murdered. Oh, great. Ghosts of... Is there a ghost of Christmas past?

There's a ghost of Christmas past up there. There's a hunger ghost. Not Shun's father, though. And there's a ghost hunter too. Oh no. All living in my hat. It's a ghost out of a ghost hunter. I should try. Oh I see. So it's a spirit of a ghost hunter. Man I want to talk to that ghost of the ghost hunter. It's a wrap as though. It's upsetting. I can only imagine. Because they think they're looking for a ghost and they have their little devices and their magics and they spend a lot of time forgetting think they're looking for a ghost and they have their little devices and their magic and they spend a lot of time forgetting that they're dead and they go, oh, the ghost does meet the whole time, it's really repetitive and boring.

Yeah. How's, uh, we'd be remiss to not ask, um, how's Momos family? Still ginormous. Still too many people are Momos family, but they're, we're doing a... We're brothers, sister's names names yet like Vicki Lawrence. Well we're all double names except for Mike. Because Mike is the worst Mike Histle and a girlfriend or a boyfriend from each one of his siblings. For sport. Terrible. Just to see if you can. It sounds like he can. Did he steal just an extra charismatic mouse? Yeah, he's so charming

And you know it's so upsetting. Have you ever tried to have you ever had to send a nude to your brother? Because it's upsetting No, aren't he gets it look aren't he gets it already do you get that I do you have a brother? I don't have a brother, but you know what Sean? Yeah, I love you like a brother Oh, I don't have any context to know what that really means because I don't have a brother same here, but I love't have a brother. But you know what, Sean? Yeah, I love you like a brother. Oh, I don't have any context to know what that really means because I don't have a brother. Same here, but I love you like a brother. Yeah, we're brothers. Okay, maybe later let's send descriptions of each other nude. You don't know how into that I am. So might. I know.

Demanded that's other, well I suppose other people demanded that you send a nude description to your own brother. Yeah. That is terrible. Unreal. I'm very, very sorry for you. Thank you. You know what? Thanks. How's your day in life going? Last time you were on, weren't you searching for a mate?

Yeah, and I said if anyone knows of Momo, like anyone for Momo, if you remember correctly, I asked you, the three of you, to set me up. Wait, but there is a man in the corner over there, and is bobbing his head at me. You think he's fuller Take oh I would fly. Oh, that's all done. Oh, that's all done guys. Wait. Is he looking at me? Are you pulling the ropes to turn his head technically? Yes, is you Too far you turn it away Fix my hair. Just fix my hair. Is that his falling off?

I'm fixing your hair. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, ready. I'm gonna pose tell me if I'm hair. Is that his falling off? I'm fixing your hair. Fixing your hair. There, there. Thank you, thank you. Okay, ready? I'm going to pose. Tell me if I'm okay. Is he looking at me? You look tired, not sleepy. All right, here we go. Here's sleepy.

Hey, did he? Hi, bye, bye, bye, bye. Hi, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Hi, bye, bye, bye, bye. He's working. I think it's working. Okay. Can one of you send him over a drink for me?

Sure. You can say this is from the little mouse who can throw you through a wall. Arnold, yeah, I'm gonna do this for ourselves, Steve. Okay, okay, I'm gonna send a drink over there. It seems like there are no good choices in this scenario. No, there are no. How far do we let this go?

I'll figure something out. No, Arnie, I know this must be hard for you because you are definitely in love with me. But if you can just look past that, it would let me start with this gentleman in the corner. Okay, guys, he's been dead a week, he smells awful. Like, there's stuff growing on him. I'm starting to think some of the decisions

we've made haven't been the smartest. But do you mean like, you started recording this podcast two years and some months ago? Yeah. Mo, here. He sent you that gentleman over there. He sent you over some Coco. He said, this is Coco Mo. Mo.

Mo. Mo. Mo. Mo. She's moving. Coco mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo marked urgent and it was so important and it was like the label was like they were like this and what the label is it was how to defeat the dark war oh gosh here it is oh oh you're just posing stop posing I'm almost trying to remember those seem like dudes momo do you remember who it was from oh no someone important someone they said I'm a friend and you need I think you need it the only thing I remember about the message is that you need three weapons Okay, they went into exactly where to find them and exactly what you needed and now Remember but it's three different weapons good job one of them might have been a person, but

One of the weapons might have been a person? Yeah. Hmm. So like, pick him up by the leg and swing him at him? Probably. Or like a momo don't know. Well, I gave the other usage or the blue to full message. I remembered when I got to him. So he knows the whole thing somewhere.

Look, momo, I don't want to come down on you or anything, but these messages are important. When we try to send these messages, they might have very sensitive information, either personal information, or something we don't want the Dark Lord to know, or something we need to know about the Dark Lord. Oh, no. She's crying. She's sobbing. Arnie, apologize.

She's trying to look at us. Mom, Mom's gonna take a one minute nap and I'll get out of here. Mom, if you're going to take a nap, I'm going to offer you a special deal to stay in my remains a badger through the remaining episodes. Absolutely. The reason I ask is that I have a fairly good mental image of the tavern and you guys, and if Chant changes into something else, I would have to redo my mental image. I'd rather not bother with that, so if he does change at some point, can you let me know so I can just stop listening

now and not have to deal with it. Thanks in advance, Kevin. Oh, there's a lot to unpack there. Well, obviously if you're hearing this, you've already heard many episodes which aren't just taking a different form. Not that many. I've been different forms. Yes. Yeah, you were, were you an alligator? Hmm, sounds like me. At the very least recently you were a flamingo. When? Just last week.

Two weeks. Did I say, call ya, baby? No, and you already asked that. Really? Yes. Earlier today. Flamingos don't even do that. I think all this stress is getting to me.

I gotta go tell Tatl Snake. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 6. What are we doing? But you should already have your sword down. Honestly, you know who should be cool? Kevin, be cool. If me changing shape is going to cause you to stop listening, I don't think you were a fan in the first place. Also, if your biggest concern in life is having to change your imagination, who boy? Also, you think you have a clear mental image? I probably look better than you're imagining. Kevin, Rusty used to be my most despised listener, but now it's you.

Yeah, and you know what, you should read a book. There's a troll in Foon called Eckhart Troll, who has a beautiful book called The Power of Now. You should read that, simplify your life, and just really take charge. It sounds like you're very unhappy. But speaking of books, that reminds me of another email here. How to defeat a book club? My understanding is that averaging about 0.75 to 1 bottles of wine per participant will prevent any book club from realizing its stated goals. Your mileage may vary.

I further understand that the practice is not uncommon, so the element of surprise may not be yours. Oh, if we get the dog load, shitfaced! We may be able to defeat him. Yeah. Oh, for new listeners, the book club is a code word we sometimes use when we're talking about the dog lord. But also, we're thinking about starting up a book club. In fact, let's finally get around to moving forward with the book club. A lot of people have emailed in a lot of books that we could read, and a of people suggested the great Gatsby and it just so happens that someone shoved a copy

of the great Gatsby through the dimensional portal so we can take turns reading it, we're going to read the great Gatsby. Yes, we are going to read the great Gatsby together and you should read it along with us so that we may then talk about it and you can listen. I guess they won't really be partaking in the book club. They'll just be listening to us have a book club. No, no, if they read the book as well, then they'll feel like they're part of the book club. They will be part of the book club.

Yes, and then they can tweet at me at Usador the Blue. Do we have a date that we want to have it done by? I'm just pulling this out of my butt, but let's... Oh, put that back. I'm sorry. Unrelate to the question. Stop doing that. I'm sorry. There was something that's been bothering me in my butt

for like days. Look, Momo is like a long story. I'm old to live in, but not that one. No, thank you. Oh, hey, Momo. Oh. Hey, Momo, while you were sleeping, we decided we're going to read an earth book called

the Great Gatsby. If you want to be part of our book club, you're more than welcome. OK. So we're going to read the Great Gatsby. If you want to be part of our book club, you're more than welcome. Okay, so we're gonna read The Great Gatsby and let's say we'll shoot for August 28th for you Rusty Hank and Kevin to have read The Great Gatsby and we'll talk about it on the show. And for movie club or watching while you were sleeping. What's this? We've got a movie club. I don't think so. I have an email here. This is to chunt at gmail.com. That's chunt with six T's. I don't think so. I have an email here. This is to chante.gmail.com. That's chante with 6Ts.

Greetings, chante, from Australia. I just wanted to call to your attention that Arnie has received more than 10 shots, and there's been no consequence. I feel it is your duty as a guard to discipline Arnie. Thank you for your time. Tobias. Huh. I guess that's right. I haven't been keeping total track. You got more than 10 shots? I thought you could just throw those away. Ah boy, now that I've been called out on it, I better lay down a law. So I guess as punishment for your ten shots or more, you have to go right now on a quick date with Momo. What? Just have a quick date with Momo. Okay. But Momo is spoken for by the man in the corner. Look, Momo, I don't want to come

between you and the decaying corpse of fucking philosophy in the corner. Look, Momo, I don't want to come between you and the decaying corpse of fucking philosophy guy. What? Sorry, Momo wasn't listening for 10 seconds. What did you just say? Let me light these candles. Momo, real quick. Momo, there's never a good time to tell this to someone, but something terrible has happened to the man.

You think you're dating? But this one plate of spaghetti in the middle? He's, He dead. What? You're the way to start our date. Our date? What a weird choice you just made. I'm gonna... Yeah, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, I borrow this? Uh, no. Oh, who's this? Oh, sorry I'm being rude. My name is Yusador. Oh! What?

My name is Yusador. No it's not. The L's know me as Jennifer Love hit. Huh? Down in the South I'm made of bees. How dare you. Oh, when you say down in the South you're made of bees. I mean my genitals. Oh that's what what I thought. That's bee genitals. See, I mentally always go there, but I'm not always wrong. That's true. This is the guy. You are not usional. Oh, there's a lot of bad energy going around here.

I'm going to go back to my table. This is too busy. OK, take care guys. He's great. I might have to get that bowl back out. Well, well, Mundo, Mundo, stop, stop, stop. might have to get that bowl back out. I don't know if I can, if another person dies, I can't keep his secret. I know. And also, still do a better job of keeping the secret all the people that have recently died. I'll try, I'll try so hard I'm so sorry.

Rod, show it to him. Monster bank. No, he's bringing out the big words. What's your problem, man? You are my problem, and now you must die. Feel the wrath of you, so, aww. Oh shit, you just ruined my rug, man. You said, or if you're gonna kill somebody, don't do it so far away from the mic.

It's just gonna last like the last three weeks when you were accidentally talking to the other side of the microphone. Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here. Hey, excuse me, you just ruined my rug. Yeah. What was that about? Well, I think people shouldn't wear two pays. Well, that's my business. That's your business? Also, did you call me a Montabank?

Yeah, I did. Dick move! Yeah, well, I don't like you. Well, I'm used to doing the casual, so you don't have to. You like me. You can't be used to do it. I'm used to do it. There's also two used to do it. No, they're cats.

There can be two sedoers. I hate you. That's her name when we're together is T-sidooer. Fine, you can be T-sidooer. But I'm'm you sedoar I'll take it all right compromise thank you have a good day I hope you die hey real quick are these two guys dead definitely yeah I'm sorry I shouldn't I shouldn't have admitted to that so easily well what are you gonna do it's two-store all All right guys, Gaelic Vickdon Common. What's that?

He just made it lighter in here. I mean, he didn't even say the words right. Even I know how to do that spell. Oh, you just has a dialect. So I could just say anything. No, it's never mind. Oh, I have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to Holy cow another jar of jelly beans just appeared What? How many jelly beans mom? Oh, I think that's a lot of them. Mom, mom, mom.

You're so hungry for jelly beans. No one of your title, the time of the gift diabetes. Oh, no, no. You are interrupting the music for a reason? Oh, yeah. Oh, I was just going to say that we've been so consumed by the guilt over these recent deaths and worrying that we're going to be caught.

Though we haven't spent any time trying to unpack this riddle to try to find the hidden weapons inside the tavern. Oh yeah, we've got to find out what's going on with the tavern. This is Otox tavern, so he probably knows what's going on here, so I think what we should do is send Momo out to get a message to Krom, because Krom was on the road so long with Otox. Shouldn't we just try to find Otock? Why is no one like my plans?

Your last plan was to put that guy up on a police system and we turned his head all the way around. Well, he's Omo fell in love. I mean, it's not, it wasn't entirely a failure. That's true. Yes, it did. It did, it did. Do it Strauff for a little bit. Momo, Krom might have some clues about what's going on in the tavern. Send a message to Krom that we need his help. Okay, go to Crom and say, what's the deal?

Yeah. Crom saying that right. Crom? Crom, Crom. Oh no, Momo. I keep giving it to the wrong people, so I just want to be clear, his name is Crom. Crom.

Crom. R-O-M. Cray? Cray, a capital Cray. A capital Cray. R-O-M. R-O-M. Crom. Crom. Guys, we gotta get on a different message. No, no, Momo, Momo can do it. little cray a capital cray or oh am oh crom

crom guys we got to get on a different message no no no mom mom can do it crom I'm gonna say what's the deal yes the message any news for him oh yeah real quick sleepy okay hurry yeah I've got I've got one to work for I've got one to let me get this real quick

oh yeah that's better. And I mean, my sleepy eye. That's not how I'm not sleepy. Are we sending nudes? Oh, let me, let me, let me, let me lift up my robe here. Watch your cover your mouth. You don't want any bees getting in there. What the fuck?

Honled. I'm committed to helping you discover all the secrets to this tavern. So every day, I'm going to touch one rock and try to figure out its magical properties. It's Arnie. Oh, PS, I think I got some of your guys' nests. Oh, yes, you did. Well, I'll see you later. Oh.

Well, Momos on her way. Goodbye, Momos! Bye, Momos! I'd cut our break, let her do 2100 a month for that. That is still so pricey. Yeah. Gotta make money somehow. Oh, I guess I'm gonna have to get a copy of the Great Gatsby.

Maybe we can do our own little book club on the Space Bunker, you know me and Robot Arnie. And uh, whoever, you know. You can go to HelloForTheMagicTavering.com and order that book through our Amazon link so you can read along and help support the podcast at the same time. It's Amazon Delivered to Space. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young, Chant the Badger was played by Adel Refi. Momo the Mouse was played by special guest Aaron Keefe, Aaron performs with the group Wet Bus.

Every Thursday at Chicago's I-O theater. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnean Ecamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan D. Georgie, this one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Adler Leban, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com, run Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op, and hey, next year we'll. Now I'm going to play some more fan audio here in a second, but first we wanted to give a quick shout out to the podcast Comedy Bang Bang, just had its special 500th episode, special

guest, all up Tompkins, Lauren Lapkesiss, Jason Manzuckiss, and loads more. It's a great podcast, obviously, you guys know that, it's the whole reason Earwolf exists in the first place, and we love it a lot. Oh, and Arnie, Usador, and Shunt were on episode 461, so, you know, go back and listen to that, it's called Tragedy Boom Boom. But anyway, check out the big 500th Comedy Bang Bang on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, or just, you know, wherever you listen to podcasts or steal them. And hey, tell them Craig's, I don't think they'll know. Remember if you

tweet a short video of yourself telling people to listen to Hello from the Magic Tavern or just explaining the premise of the show and you have the hashtag, Trisistins or the hashtag Magic Tavern, we'll look at it and we might play it on the show like this one from Robby Raven. Magic tab and will not disappoint. Are you after high concept fantasy and a painstakingly research to an intricately detailed constant narrative? Are you up? Well hello from Magic tab and as a talking flamingo, you won't get that in Westeros. Unless you do, I haven't read the books. I watched a supercut entitled Boombies and Dragons. Let me tell you it did not disappoint. So many dragons. Three I believe. Anyway this week's recommended reading for the book club is how much liquid is

too much a guide on liquid swords. Also don't feel sorry for me that's not a speech impediment. I'm Australian. Can we hear an impression of Temple Lady? Uh, I don't like doing other people's impressions, but it's very funny. Well, isn't that exciting and interesting and different? My favorite part of that catchphrase is the part in the middle. We hesitates a little bit. I'm doing it dead-odd. Because mostly catchphrases are like they really just flow from beginning to end

But it's nice to have one that has the sense of uncertainty and yes, I think so too