Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 21 - Gnome

Episode Date: August 7, 2017

We meet a gnome named Aprel and learn several important lessons about friendship.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungAprel Füls: Asher PerlmanMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. The following podcast is not real.

If I get word that even one of you tried breaching the dimensional barrier because of something you heard on this show, it will mean a lot of paperwork. Oh, real quick, sorry to interrupt, but I also want to announce that Get In Nuts is apparently doing a live show at the now here this festival in New York in September. John and Yusidor are going to... I can only guess, talk about nuts in front of a live audience, and that audience could include you. To find out about tickets and all the other non-nut related shows that'll be there, like Comedy Bang Bang and Lore and Doe Boys, Beautiful Anonymous, and a lot more,

go to NowhereThisFest.com. Okay, that's it. Back to you. And now, since apparently anything is appropriate, here's a little song posted by listener De Groffel on Twitter to ease you into the show. And shadow manipulator of magical delights Def our arcade house Champion of the great house of Tarakas The elves know him as Fiat And the twerks know him limits, the women, The exchanges And he is on in the north these days

Guess my way this may start But trust me when I tell you There are other secret names You do not know Trust me when I tell you there are other secret names you do not know. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arnie Neekamp, if you've never listened to the podcast before, it's okay, this is everything you need to know. About two and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king

into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Unfortunately, it's being taken over by the Dark Lord, who was taken over the town of Hogsface and is forcing me and my co-host to continue to do this podcast, that we record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the prison town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon. And I'm joined as always. All I am Tussador, casual wizard. The L-Snowman is Jennifer Love Hewitt in the South, I'm made up of bees. What's about it? You know Tussador, what I like about you is that you are cool

with just getting across the gist of your name. Try and get to the point. It's like it doesn't need to be word for word. I don't want to have any sort of full-flushing information. I like to mix it up. I'm a mixed bag. Yeah.

I'm pretty, I'm pretty loose. I love that your relationship to your name is, you heard it once. You've mostly got it. You're common enough to just go with it. Doesn't have to be word for word correct. Yeah, it's whatever you want to take away from it. Although, Tuesday's our time.

What do you get out of it? That's what you take away. Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to like hit you over the head with a name. Yeah, no's whatever you want to take away from it. Although, Tussardar, what do you get out of it? That's what you take away. Yeah, exactly. I'm not gonna like hit you over the head with a name, you know. Yeah, no, totally. Tussardar, you know me, I'm loving this vibe you're putting out. Hey, thank you. I really don't know you.

Oh, we, this week, we spent so much time hanging out. We did spend a lot of time, which was very cool. I felt like we formed a connection. We bonded, for sure. I feel like we're friends. I feel like we formed a connection. We bonded for sure. I feel like we're friends. I feel like we are like we're not a great. I don't throw that word around. No. I mean but you're not a co-host on this podcast. Right, I get it. We'll thank you for letting me ramble. I'm gonna let you get to it. And tootsodore, you are lucky that we put no editing into this podcast. So you will make it into the phone. Oh my god, that's great. Yeah. Arnie, you are lucky that we put no editing into this podcast, so you will make it into the phone. Oh my God, that's great!

Yeah. Arnie, you are loved. Okay, look at that in common. Tussador, you don't know how much I- Oh wait, let me come back. What? Oh, I- I started walking away. I want to let you- I want to give you some space.

Tussador, you- This is the thing about you. When we were talking on the beach, you said you don't get a lot of space, and I want to give you your space, because it seems like that's the catalyst for what you need in life. And I feel like you're not getting that. So I want to give you room to breathe. This is so Tussador.

Classic Tussador. It's great that you are just so freely to say, you are loved knowing that's something that I need to hear. But then at the same time, you also just immediately turn around and start walking away. Well, I smelled something and you know, it his story's got a follow-us-ness. Two-sidore?

Yeah, I love you. I love you. You are loved. Get the fuck out. Thank you for shooting straight. Thank you. For reminding me that I am loved. You used to do it? No hard feelings? What? No hard feelings? You used to do it. I'm so sorry. I forgot that you were there. I didn't mean to have that whole conversation in front of you.

I had gone into the wizard's state and makes no difference to me. Oh, I go into that sometimes. You can't do that, you're not a wizard. All right. Whatever you guys say, all right, take care. You said what the fuck is Tussador? I don't know, but he's not a wizard, and I don't like him. I don't like his name.

Because he originally said he was a Yusador the Blue. And then I made him change it to Tussador. So why are you confused? You made him active in Tantra's name. Oh yeah, and I'm also... I'm so chun, I didn't realize you were here too. We had both of these conversations right here. Right here. I'm sorry, I was just really locked in with Tussador. Like we were just... Yeah, what's going on there? Is he your we were just... Yeah, what's going on there?

Is he your new best friend? Yeah, what's going on? That's how we were like brothers. I don't know, look, you guys are my best friends, or to put it more accurately, Chuck, you're my best friend and Tussador, I like you a lot. Aww. But Tussador is... There's just something about him.

He's a new person. He's very exciting. I just kind of like... got into like a new friendship thing with him. Oh, all right. But that doesn't take away from what we've got here, guys, a podcast that we are forced to do every week by the Dark Lord. Chant, is on your best friend?

Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah, absolutely. OK. Why, what do you ask? I don't know, really. Use it or everyone can't be anyone else's best friend I know that just because you're no one just because look look. I probably have a best friend All right, so that's not worry about that and your best friend pieces call and if you don't know who they are

That's not a bad sign I'm probably best friends with Can I be honest can I say something you don't want to hear? I feel like you and Tussador have so much income. No, you sound almost exactly like. I mean, what? For about a minute and a half. I'm scary. For about a minute and a half, you guys shared the same name.

I like, what are the odds? Yeah. I feel like you hate him because he's basically you. You don't have the same name. I am Yusodora. Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of metal whites, devour of chaos, champion of the Great Halls of Turokus. The elves nobius fying yalak, the dwarves nobius zoning in oak stangies,

and I am known in the northeast as gasmwayneus may star, and there may be other secret names you do not know yet. Names that if you do so, all were to speak them, is very skull would fly out of his head and devour the rest of his body. You used to, you forgot the part of your name about the bees. No, that's not, yeah! Yeah, isn't your groin all bees?

Yeah. That is too so, that's not me. Oh, that's right. I can keep it all straight. That's right. He's the one with the bees and the one What do you have for genitals just regular genitals regular? Well, no, they're pretty great Great you already said regular

What is that 5.6 inches? What's average? Let's not I'm not saying I'm not Decidering my gen channels on this podcast again. Yes, I'll take them out, but I'm not going to measure them partly because this world does not have a Entirely reliable unit of measurement. What do you mean? You've got measuring instruments, but people are just like This is kind of how it works. They just mark them up themselves. That is nonsense for last week I weighed myself and I weighed three stone and this week I weighed eight stone. The stones were just different sizes. Yeah, and I'm about one eighth of an Arnie Tall.

That's how I measure things. I don't buy my best friend. Oh, thank you bud. You're welcome, thank you. For providing a unit of measurement. It's good to have a unit of measurement that is eight times as big as yourself. Yeah, oh, absolutely. Well, how do you measure?

How do I measure? Yeah, what's on earth? What do you use for measurement? We have all kinds of systems that are very efficient and very easy to understand and remember, but in my country we use the stupid ones. Huh, sounds right. Check sound. Oh, guys, I wanted to talk about something real quick before I introduce our guest.

Maybe we've been a little over-focused on this riddle from the Baron because the Dark Lord apparently is looking for a weapon or a series of weapons that are in the tavern. But I was thinking about it a little bit. And if we think that the cave beneath the orange beast is the basement of the tavern, which is either underneath the sun or the orange cat or the familiar mentor which I think is close enough to orange but whatever then maybe we need to find some doors in the basement. There's all sorts of doors in the basement. Yeah what was the next part it was one door west and three doors east that's right so if we figure out one door that's to the west and three doors east. That's right. So if we figure out one door that's to the West and three

doors that are to the east, we go through all of them at the same time. How do you propose to go through all those doors at the same time? With magic. I love magic. Is that a thing? Like a is there a spell we can have to adore conjure us some sort of image. Oh, yeah, to adore wait Shunt to doors door door door is in his name Door is in my name. Oh, that's right. These two doors isn't that a saying two doors down to adore What are the odds it says one door west and three doors east and between that is two doors It has one door west and three doors east, and between that is two doors. Two doors. Five, have him help you, lad.

Well, you seem better. I know, I'm perfectly happy with it. But the cadence of your voice is like your math. Oh, is it? Yeah. Well, then I guess I'll just never cast my multiple door walking through spell. Is that what it's called?

Yes. It's piffy. It's a piffy name. Multiple door walking through spell. Probably a little more succinct with that. I's called? Yes. It's piffy. It's a piffy name. Multiple door walking through spell. Probably be a little more succinct with that. I remember. Well, let's think about it. You think about your door spell, and maybe we can walk on through to the other side.

Break on through. That's what I meant. Are we walking through? Are we breaking through? Well, let me light my fire. Then we'll figure out what we want to do with these doors. I know we should probably break on through, but you know what? It's been a long day, I'm tired. I figure we can juggle.

Walk on through. I need a drink. I'm off to the bar. I feel like Yusador hates Yusador. Yusador does hate Yusador, but I feel like they have so much in common if they would just listen to each other. Yeah, I agree. Who's there against today? Okay, is it rude to introduce our guest while he's the worst away? He's the one who locked away?

I guess that's true. Well, you know what, all right, great. I'm very excited to introduce our guest. We've never had a gnome on before, so I'm excited. I met this gnome, his name is Apprell? Have I pronounced that correctly? Oh, it's close enough.

Apprell. Apprell. Apprell, yep. Apprell the gnome. April the gnome. Here I am. I am the size of two squirrels stacked on top of each other. Oh, that's how you measure it.

That's my unit. Squirrels. Squirrels. Squirrels. Yeah, most gnomes are between two and three squirrels stacked on top of each other. I'm right at the low end. You're right on the low end, too. Honestly, I don't mean to be rude or you congested. Yeah, I was drinking a lot of milk today.

Oh yeah. Yeah, and so it's just for fun. Oh no, it's fun milk? Yeah, well I drank some fun milk and then I drank some work milk. I have a part time job. Arnie, have you had fun milk? I mean, I don't.

Around the fun milk for the bar. Oh my God. I don't know if I could milk for the bar! Oh, I can't... I don't know if I could do another one, alright, I'll do a give it a shot. Is it, how is it different from work milk? It's more fun. Oh, well that makes sense. Listen to yourself. So, Amperol, I don't know barely anything about gnomes.

Oh, there's a lot to know. So, you're tiny? Yeah. Two squirrels tall. Two squirrels tall. Two squirrels tall. And like, do you live in a garden? Oh, no. There are garden gnomes.

Those are the gnomes that do the garden. But I'm actually, I'm a protected gnomes. The garden gnomes guard, so the protected gnomes can do whatever they want. Oh, OK. So I guess it's choose whatever I want. When you're born, you're given either the flight of a garden gnomes, you must be a guard all the time.

Always garden. Always garden. Yeah. Just like me. I'm a guard. Oh yeah, look at that hat. Yeah. I got a hat too.

Oh, yeah. It's kind of pointy. Yeah, kind of pointy. I used to be more pointy. Got a little dulled over time. So you choose to either be a garden gnome? You don't choose, you're assigned. Oh, oh.

Yeah, so I lucked out and because I don't have to be a garden gnome, I can do whatever I want. Are there qualities when the decision is made is there qualities of a gnome that's kind of skew towards one job or the other? Yeah, usually the taller ones get to be of a gnome that's kind of skew towards one job of the other. Yeah, you see the taller ones get to be the garden nodes. Oh, that seems so biased. Here's some ails and also definitely ask me to bring over this fun milk.

So I just put it on the tray. Yeah, there is some fun. Thank you. Dick Bisk. Oh, a pro. That's what you're known as... That's right. Who I known as the gnome's?

No, you as Dick Bisk? Yeah, we all call him Dick. Hey, Dick Bisc, how you doing? I'm very well. I doth my cap to thee, and I cast a spell of Hatch-Sharpening. Oh, it's a little sharper than it was. Yeah, seems almost dangerous. Nomes will start putting hats.

Yeah. It'll dull with time. They always dull with time, sure. Yeah. Let's enjoy your milk. It's a pleasure to have put it ats. Yeah. It'll dull with time. They always dull with time. Sure. Let's enjoy your milk. It's a pleasure to have you on the show today. Oh yeah, no, pleasure's all mine. You know, I've heard about your show and I've always wanted to be on it.

So it's nice to finally be on it. It's great to have you. What's your apparel? Apparel, yeah. Apparel Fuels. Apparel. Apparel. Apparel Fuels? Apparel Fuels. Apparel Fuels. So April, yeah, April Fools. Apple Apple Apple Apple, Apple Fools.

Yeah, Apple Fools. Apple Fools. Is that a family name? Yeah, Fools is the family name. Uh-huh. My father's name, diesel. Diesel Fools.

How's your sweet mother jet? She's good. She's still trying to melt those steel beams. Not having a good good going at it. Yes, yes, yes. You can't do it. Yes. Do you ever just pop into someplace in the other name like,

Apparel Fails? Oh yeah, every time I go, actually this is the one time I haven't done it in a while. Was I walk into this room? But yeah, most of the time, Apparel Fails. I actually save my name every time I complete one of my tasks. Oh, okay. Do you ever get tired of doing it because it always just feel like a feels Aaron? You know, I

Can see why you'd ask it because I have to do it so frequently, but honestly I've never gotten tired of saying it say it after fuels. What's what sort of tasks do you mean when you say you complete a task? Oh, yeah, I'm a prank baster. Oh, you're a prank bastard. I'm a prank bastard. Oh, I'm so sorry I'm a prank bastard. Yeah, so basically I'm a bastard who does pricks Oh, but you do have a mom. Yeah, it hurt her feelings when I what I called myself that for the first time We had to work through it, but you know, she's really focused on those beams. So you do pranks. Yeah, oh, oh yeah That's a job to prank yeah, the official prank bastard of Hogsface. Of Hogsface?

I surprised you haven't heard of me. I guess I haven't. I've just been busy in the town for a few minutes. Do you know there was an official prank bastard? I did not. Every town in Foon has a prank bastard. For someone must be assigned to pull little pranks in town because... Errrr, it's the spice of life. But why? I mean, no offense of life. But why?

I mean no offense. Like, but why? It's just a spread joy. You know, I'm just trying to make everyone happy and the best way I know how to do it is to pull pranks on as many people as I can. So what are some of your more recent pranks? Oh, I got tons of...

There's the classic... You take a paint of glass, you put it on a chamber pot, and then someone goes to use the chamber pot, but they don't see the paint of glass because it's glass. Because it's glass. So they sit on it and it just shatters.

The shatters. It just shatters on them. That's got to hurt. Oh yeah, that's what makes it a prank. That's what makes it a prank. That's what makes it a prank, classic. I did what the dick this go for you was. Do you remember when I put the paid a glass on your chaperpots? Yes, there was glass in my anus for weeks.

Yeah. Wait, is that what is it? Is that what the name glass anus may start comes home? No, gas and whanus. I thought you've been saying glass anus this whole timeark comes from? Wait, no, gasmainus. I thought you'd been saying Glacianus this whole time. No, I have definitely was not saying Glacianus. I've been hearing Glacianus. I will always hear it as that now.

Do you have any less painful pranks that you've pulled on people? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, there's lots of, you know, there's a huge variety. You want less painful ones? Yeah. I like the one where you put an apple on someone's head

and then you take the bow and arrow and you fire it into their eye. Oh, that's the less painful one. I like that one too. Classic. Because you die almost immediately. There's no pain. Sure. I mean, dick this head, plastic is hate is for weeks.

Would you rather have that? Would you rather die right away? Yeah, think about that. That's a tough haters for weeks. Would you rather have that? Or would you rather die right away? Yeah, think about that. That's a tough decision. Is it? Well, think about it. I mean, I want to live. I'd look, hey, don't get me wrong.

I do not want shards of glass in my anus. But also, I want to live. Well, don't use your chamber pot in a minute. Ooh. Oh. Oh, damn. Well, jokes on you, I don't use my chamber pot. I shit standing up.

Oh, that's right. Oh, weird. At first it was an accident, and then it was a second accident, and then it was a thing I'm into. It's a new normal. What are you doing doing that? I've got a choice now. It's not just a choice.

It's a choice that I've decided not to be ashamed of Listeners on earth if I ever get back just know I should stand up now. That's our knees away So apro you're playing all these jokes in the restroom a lot of a you know bathroom commode humor Do does anybody ever call you apro latrine? Or does that make things difficult? Yeah, one one guy called me apro latrine He was you might know him. Huckston, he was the guy, he had that board with the four wheels on it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, he looked cool as hell. He did, but he called me that. Oh, Arnie, real quick, what's 20 plus 21? What is 20 plus 21? Yeah, what's the sum? Okay, bam, so, 21. Yeah, what's the sum? Okay, map, so, 21, and then across, sign, and then a 20, and then a line.

Why do I always have to make things so complicated? In fact, the zero and the one. I didn't mean to derail, you talking about the skater boy, but I just wanted to hear Arnie try and do this. Oh no, I'm with you, as far as that story, I say see you later boy. I want to hear what, how he does this. It's somewhere in the mid to high fifties.

Oh, that's not close. I think it's sum 41. I don't know if I married to that answer, but they used to be married to things. Oh look. Who walked away from this exchange looking worse? Yeah, if this was a fight, I think what if you would have the fat lip? So April, I'm sorry, I, I think what if you would have the fat lip.

So April, I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem critical of your prank bastard lifestyle. I guess I'm just sort of trying to understand. I mean, you know, we do this podcast and we're very dedicated to just this serious documentary like information that we're sharing. I guess it's just hard for me to understand someone that dedicates their life to just jokes. Yeah, I mean, it must be weird because does anyone on your planet try to do jokes for a living? I mean, briefly, maybe they try for like five to seven years.

Oh, okay. And from what I understand for what Arnold told me dedicated would be a strong word. Hmm. Well, it's more like being an English major. You do it because you don't like anything else. It's okay experience even pleasant and then eventually you regret it

for the rest of your life. Oh, it's very experience even pleasant and then eventually you regret it for the rest of your life. Oh, it's very different than it is here. I mean, I, I, isn't, you know, I think I'm getting this right, isn't 40% of the economy in Huxfaces Comedience, am I, right? I think it's up to 46 now. What? Yes. I didn't know that. There's a lot of different guys out there Try to make different kinds of jokes. I do practical jokes. Yeah, but there's lots of different jokes. You never come on Shun's Night. Yeah, so many people have made their career in Shun's Night. Uh-huh. As a stand-up. You know you're good at you stand up to stand up to the Dark Lord. But you stand up to push down. I do stand up to poop.

Is that something that would be you will be interested in? Oh, no, no, no, no. Well, yeah, no, yeah, probably a few. Yeah, maybe put some sort of like a bit on the people in the first three rows. Just let them know what's going on. I would definitely categorize it as alternative comedy. Look, it's not for everybody,

but maybe I can be a poop stand-up, spoop stand-up. I've never been bad. Oh, oh, oh, oh. A lot of people who are sad, really like jokes like that. Yeah, so it's, you'd be sort of more of a blue comic for people who are feeling blue. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm willing to go blue if I have to. No question. Would you have some sort of sign like if you were doing some sort of blue comic comedy tour, would you have like, here's my sign. Well, you know, for example, I don't do blue comedy, I do yellow is the color of practical jokes,

so I have a yellow collar. So if you're doing blue, if you're doing blue comedy, you could have a blue collar. Oh, I see, it's sort of, I like that it's designated by color, sort of like the wizards. Yes, that's right. Oh, yeah, you're blue.

Ah, yeah, that's right. So just like the wizards, Yes, that's right. Oh yeah, you're blue. Ah, yeah, that's right. So just like the wizards, the collar collar of comedians is designated by like yellow is better than blue. Well, it's just different. It's just for different people. It is not better, it's different. Like there's Terry the table guy and everything he says is about tables.

Like all those jokes are like, here's something about table. Yeah, like, like, like getter table. Yeah, like like like getter table. The best part is they took a moment to come up with that. Let's take a break. You know what? Let's take a break and we'll be right. So, April, I still have so many questions, both about your pranking and just about being a gnome. So first of all, when you get assigned your thing, if you could do it all over again, would you have taken a different assignment? At birth?

Well the only two assignments are garden or not garden. Oh, and so you can pick whatever you want. Once you're not garden, you could just pick whatever you want. Oh, so that makes it even more terrible for the garden ones I mean so with them like it. I mean, do you like being a guard? I feel like it's with great power comes great responsibility. I feel like I We don't want to hear that again. Well, it's something I like to say. It's part of my origin story But I feel like it's a little bit weird sometimes because my best friends are here in the room

and I feel like I also have this position of power and it's weird sometimes where I feel like I need to help them out but also stay true to my job. Yeah, I think that's pretty powerful, of course. Because a lot of my friends are garden gnomes and they feel that same way. They feel like they want to be friendly but at the same time there's an air of authority. They can't shake it. So I'm happy I'm not one.

At the same time there must be a kind of freeing quality to being like, this is what you are. Yeah, they say that, you know, it's the paradox of choice. Once you have a few options, you love it, but endless options options then it becomes really difficult. I gotta say apro I just don't get all your jokes You know I guess that one was over my head. Well look I do your shirt Whoa Pay the pass I'm just paying a glass fit under my If you hadn't told me about that I why moved I could have shattered it and hold it right there

Yeah Not a shards of glass in your chest Glassic glassic glassic it's a classic practical show April I'm remembering I really hate being pranked April, I'm remembering, I really hate being pranked. Like, pranks are fun unless they're on you. But you yourself are destined to become a prankster potentially. Oh, that's right. My secret trickster name is Carnival Wilson.

And I'm destined to become the trickster god of phone. Maybe you're supposed to learn from April. Yeah, you can learn, you can learn from me and then you'll become the, you said the God. Those are just the words that I was told. I'm trying to think if I remember that correctly. I mean, if you're a God, you'd be the God and no. Arnie, I feel like you should learn from Apple. I feel like a lot of Apple's products are very intuitive. Like, I feel like you could learn a great deal from Apple. Oh.

I have lots of different pranks I could tell you about. I mean, you've only experienced the pain of glass ones. Yeah, I mean, is there some beginner pranks that I could try doing? Oh yeah. Yeah, here take, see this cookie that has frosting in the middle? I'm sorry, before you finish explaining this, I'm going to have to step away from the table. This is perfect can we could play it on chunt. Yes, because he's still here

Exactly. Oh, so good Who would have been so inconvenient for us to have to decide whether we should prank usador or chunt? Thankfully, you said or walked away so that we know We don't have anybody to prank No one at the table, but each other. Okay. I'll prank you then Okay, so you see this cookie. Yes, white frosty in the middle. Yeah, all right. I'm gonna scoop that out Okay, okay, and now I'm gonna replace it with this egg product Okay, uh-huh, and now I'm gonna give it to you and say here eat this cookie. Okay, okay, so here eat this cookie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I did Well, it's in the middle Madays oh, I cannot believe I fell for that prank I can

You see the good easy target I already got you twice. Yeah, well, what's another prank that I could pull? Oh, there's so many My food's ready excuse me. Oh, okay, so I guess we'll have to wait on you sedor's prank wait wait wait What if we prank you sedor while he's gone? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, so I guess we'll have to wait on Yusador's prank. Wait, wait, wait. What if we prank Yusador while he's gone? Oh, another. Or set up a prank for when he gets back. Like the pain of glass on the commode, okay? Or set up a prank that'll only trick her.

Years down the line. Oh, an advanced prank. Yeah, and when it happens, we'll say, remember the time you went to the bar years ago ago That's when we first set this prank up. Oh, I have I have seeds for various Trees that take a while to grow. Oh, why don't we put one in his over cloak? Yeah, and then slowly this tree's got a grow Slowly enough. He might not notice until it's a full giant tree coming out of his cloak. I mean, that's the idea to beat, Chuck.

I feel like it's not funny at first, but like, here's down the road. He's gonna be fucking hilarious. I mean, imagine how big that tree's gonna be in years. Look, maybe some people love jokes that are immediate payoff, but the slow building of the tree growing out of his cloak. For a while, it's going to be like, why are we wasting so much time waiting for this tree? But when it's a full-blown tree coming out of his cloak, he looks up and he's like, I can't even imagine. Ashtag trussisence.

Oh, yeah. Also political. I'll say something cool. Here are some roosters feet and some mozzarella lawns. Ooh! These, partake. Oh, go great with my fun milk. Hey, you, siror.

Hmm. Look up. Okay. Look up. Yeah? Why, what is up there? All right, who has the dark load hidden some secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of secret of I've seen it as well right now. Secret message to the guest. Here I go. I'll be looking up. Daring at the scene. Look up. Look up.

Oh, I have not looked away from the ceiling in the years of the month. No, I shall not turn away until I have deciphered this message in the ceiling. I tell me your secret ceiling. I open up to me, roof, and tell me what is I need. No. It's been a different, like, 45 seconds.

It's already decided to go. I don't feel like- Just gonna be giggling non-stop for the next several decades. Until this fully pays off. If that's part of his- If he doesn't know what had happened, he could just saw the tree at half of it count the rigs. See, I'll know exactly where it started. Damn you, ceiling!

Hey, don't yell at Dion like that. Oh, I'm sorry. Or have you ever missed the ceiling? No. No? Wait, the ceiling's got a name? Dion, hey, Dion. You can see that ceiling, whether you're near or far, wherever you are. Yeah, yeah.

That's Ling Dion for you. So what were you talking about while I was away? Nothing. Definitely not seeds. Oh, seeds. Ha, ha, ha. Yes, I get it, because I have best friends, too. You do? Mm-hmm. Oh, I don it because I have best friends too. You do?

Oh, I don't have any. You don't have a best friend? I've burned a lot of my potential friendships by pranking them. Oh, I understand. I've burned a lot of my potential friendships from...fire. Admiral, do you have any friends? Well, I always say my mom, but she's too distracted. So I guess no.

But I like to think- And even if that was your only friend, like, hey, moms are great. Well, I actually, in nomelands, in nomes, being best friends with your mom is considered a really cool thing. Really? Yeah, all the cool nomes are best friends with their mom. Okay. Who did your mom tell you this? Mm-hmm. a really cool thing. Really? Yeah, all the cool doors are best friends with their mom. Okay. Who did your mom tell you this?

Mm-hmm. Well, if you're not doing anything later, perhaps we could go see a play or something. Oh. I'd like to. What if? And perhaps then we could become friends. Maybe even best friends eventually. And then we could be best friends for decades, I mean years.

And luckily you haven't put a prank on me that would ruin that. Yeah, okay, count me in. Let's go see a play tonight, and then let's meet up once a week for the next 50 years. Ah, yay. I have a best friend in your face chunt, in your face, Arnie. Ha ha ha ha! Chunt! Well, decades from now, when that tree finally grows, and Yusuf realizes that he has not had

a best friend this whole time, it's just been a part of this elaborate prank. Oh my god, it's gonna be so worth it. I feel like we'll be dead by then. Oh, well, yeah. Still, just knowing it. As we die, think Flash forward into the future at the payoff. And now that it'll be worth it. Hey guys, I whispered to you, well, you see door looks at the floor.

Damn you floor! I just think that I got a best friend, but it also has started to get to the best break I've ever pulled. Yeah, this has got to be really difficult because you know you've lost so many friends due to pranks. And you have the opportunity for a real friendship here, but also the most ambitious prank you've ever pulled. And it's a tough choice, but with great power comes great responsibility. That's what I say.

I want to hear that. That's what I say. I just feel like I've heard that enough times in my life. No, it's great. It's a great thing to say, but I've just heard it enough times in my life. Well, I think you can never say it too much. I think read. I'm very excited about our budding friendship. I'm sorry, I had to churn away and try to decipher the mean of the floor, but now I am ready to tell Wow, art my best friend. And the art mine. Oh boy. Wonderful.

Will you help me defeat the Dark Lord? Oh, I can do you. I could do you. Or this is moving really fast. Let me do this. Yeah. Actually, I have my own goal at the Dark Lord. I do.

I defeat a defeat of a different kind, maybe. Oh. I want to pull a prank on him. Oh. Oh. Oh, to embarrass the dark lord. How delicious. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It'll be tasty. So I go into his birthday party, sneaking in. Wait, the dark lord's birthday is coming up? It's in a month. Oh, wow, I got to mark that down. In a month. That's pretty close

to the time when we'll be reading the Great Gatsby in the book club on August 28th. Oh, yo, you read it in a new book. Yeah, we're going to read the book, The Great Gatsby, it's a book from my world. We only have one copy that we're all sharing here, but people on earth should definitely go out and get a copy of the Great Gatsby. Maybe go to our website and order from Amazon through us so that you can support the podcast. Is it this one right here? Yeah. Wait, no. Now, hey, hold on.

Come on, but I'll joke aside, like that's our only copy of the Great Gatsby. We've only just read a very little bit of it. It's just funny because I opened it up. I don't see any pages. I just see this. Pain of glass. Amazing. Amazing. I don't see any pages, I just see this. Pain of glass! Ha ha ha ha ha! Amazing, amazing.

I just tore out the pages, they're out the floor. April Fjule! April, do you like birds? Oh, I love birds. Oh, I love birds too! Oh, look at this! How do you feel about rocks? Uh, I like the different size they are,

and you know what, my favorite thing is stories about rocks. I like how different size they are and you know what my favorite thing is stories about rocks. Oh, let me tell you a story about a rock. Yeah come with me for a moment. Okay. We're setting up a big full. But John, I don't know if Approl is pretending to be like the perfect best friend for Yusador or if he really is the best friend for Yus. And then that's kind of a sad missed opportunity. Yeah, I guess it's kind of sweet, but also he put that... Seedness robe, right? Yeah, you're right. That is actually a really fucking mean thing to do.

Yeah, we need to put it into this. Wait, we gotta stop that tree from growing out of his robe? Maybe. We've got a lot of time to stop it. But it turns out it was just a rock the whole time. I love that story Oh, that's a good story. Oh If you guys heard the this story about the rocks. Yes, we've heard all the stories about the rock stories Apple, why don't you hop up on Arnie's head?

What is it just hop right up? Yeah, I can type up on us. I can jump from the floor up your head Wow, you're quite a jumper. Yeah, this bone arrow. Whoa, whoa, whoa I'm gonna shoot an app off your head. No, no, no. I know how this prank goes. What I for you guys already told me This is the one with the arrow in my eye here echo I forgot we already told our show put the arrow down. It's cushy up here It is you know, I got a lot of hair. It's fluffy. Soft.

Oh, I guess. Yeah. This is just a good idea. Prank aside, this is more comfortable than the chair. This kind of nice, actually. I'm sort of enjoying it. I feel like it was a prank to make me sit in the chair first. Wait, boy, I'm sorry, Apper.

We did blue pass this whole plan. You have to prank the dark lord. You're going to go to his birthday party. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm posing as a caterer. I already got the costume and I'm going to the birthday party. It's a little tough because I'm a little short, two squirrels tall, but I'm gonna be walking on stilts.

Oh, smart. Yeah, with a nice, long jacket. Wow. And a short skirt. Yeah, a short skirt, long jacket.-a-a-a-a jacket. So I'm gonna, I'm bringing the cake with that. Okay. And you're gonna do that briefly.

Are you gonna go the distance? I think I'm gonna go in the distance. You gonna go for speed, that you didn't get out? Yeah, I'm gonna go for speed because I'm gonna be going all alone. All alone. BELL RINGS Well, apparel, it's been great to meet you, and although some of you jokes seem mean,

as long as they're being focused towards the Dark Lord, I'm all for it. And if there's anything we can do to help you prank the Dark Lord, I'm into it. Well, I could always replace my stilts with you. Oh, we'll sneak into the Dark Lord's birthday party together. I have, I already have the invitation. He can control you with just by yanking on your head. You have an invitation to the Dark Lord's birthday party together? I have, I already have the invitation. He can control you with just by yanking on your head. You have an invitation to the Dark Lord's birthday party on you? Yeah.

Can you read it to us? Yeah. To celebrate the birth of the Dark Lord, you are invited to attend a party. That's it. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. I guess I didn't know if it would have some fancy. But if you look closely, it is on fire.

Oh yeah, it's constantly burning. Yeah It's nice. It's a nice bit use the door. How do you feel? I'll take the urine invited to the dark towards birthday. Oh fine Well, I have a plus one can I go yeah my best friend. Oh, that would be so fun about I'm going to wear my over cloak. Oh I'm going to wear my over cloak. Oh. That's a problem with that seat. Yeah. That will show the dark lord.

When I am I best in finest robes, he'll see how powerful and amazing I am. Although I suppose I should be in disguise. You'll be in disguise, right? Yeah, I'm gonna be a taller version of myself. That's true. No one will see through that disguise. No one. Wait, that's a taller version of April Fuel.

That's definitely not April Fuel because he's not that tall. Because he's shorter. Instead of being taller, have you thought about maybe getting down on Tunis, like, April, like, oh, Neil? Oh, Neil? Yeah.

Like, maybe like, report from the ground? Yeah, I mean, if I was on all fours, I guess I'd be not the height of two squirrels, but the height of two turtles. Yeah. Or maybe even four? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's gonna be not a whole turtle. I can be the height of a half shell. Hmm. Well, let's do a turtle's and a half shell. That's probably about a tall one. Yeah.

Charter power. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think this idea is splintering. I'm gonna do the tall one. You're gonna do Arnie? Yeah, I'm gonna ride Arnie into the birthday party and my best friend's gonna be my plus one and but we'll let you know how it goes, John Oh damn it. I feel nice. It seems like we're barreling towards a special episode that we in no way plan to do I for one cannot wait. Hey, John. Do you have any emails? I guess I do. I feel really left out I feel like I'm John this this is all fucking stinks. What? This fucking stinks.

What, did you just say? Apple, take a shower. Did you just say, yeah, this butt fucking stinks? I said this butt fucking stinks. Okay, I'm gonna go take a shower. Is that an expression? Yeah, I stink. Oh, yeah, so I'll take, I'll take,

I'm a pro shower. I'm a pro shower, is that it? Oh, I just feel like left out. Like, I feel like we declared that we're best friends. We're almost like brothers, we said, right? John, recently we said we're like brothers, and I feel like now you're wrapped up in Yusudor and apparel is like newfound friendship.

Oh, don't get sucked into their friendship. We're best friends, so we're always gonna win. Yusudor is always gonna be not as cool as we are in this podcast. Just because he's got this maybe fake, maybe real friendship that's gonna last for decades and have a sweet ass payoff. Shouldn't in any way detract from the fact

that we're the cool best friends on this podcast. I guess. And this friendship between us two is in no way an elaborate prank because I am not a prankster god. All right, back from a shower. I brought you some flowers from Aunt May's Garden. Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah, I love me flowers. With great power comes great responsibility. Stop, I don't want to hear that anymore. It's very true though. I have great power and I must use it very responsibly. But you don't. I'm so excited. Ever rice, can I get some rice? My uncle used to make the best rice

Your uncle bed. Oh, yeah, yes. Look till he died all these things you're talking about are great I just don't want to hear about them anymore. You're really spending some venom at us. Yeah You you're wrecking carnage all over the place. I definitely don't want to hear about those things I barely wanted to hear about them the first time. Well, this is actually carnage. This is like the third time we brought it up, okay? I feel like maybe the first two times it was fine. I feel like the third time's fun. Homecoming.

Ah! Hey, I've got an email, and you know, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies. That supplies it's a real email address. Hi, Arnie Chant, and you, Sador. I just- Hi, hello. I just, I go. I just listened to a recent episode as I have been doing for a little over two years

and three months, but apparently the only person that still listens is Hank, quotation marks. This was news to me. Obviously, I have to trust that you know what you're talking about, but I have been operating under the knowledge that my name is Michael for my whole life. Does this mean that maybe Hank is one of my secret names?

So secret in fact, that I was not aware of it until now. Is that rusty? Will learning this information cause all of my hair to fall out and form a coil or scheme of hair measuring 840 yards long? That's exactly what I was going to say. What other secret names do I have that I am not aware of? Help! Thanks, best Michael Taylor, Linbrook, New York. Michael Taylor, your other secret name is Scalafath Bingbang,

Wazoo-D. First of all, that's a great name. Not as good as Spiderface, but way up there. Thank you. But you said, or, I think that's a food name. I think he's asking about the earth names. Remember, a while back, a listener informed us that on earth, there are only a set number of names that are the real names on earth.

I didn't, I'm from earth and I didn't even know that myself. But yes, Michael, Michael is not your real name. Your real name is either Amelia Smelting Foxery, Henrietta Robot chomps, Oliver Boliver butt, 10 Lincoln Cannon mop mop, Mr. Fuente's, Dudley Franklin, Teddy Freddy Eddie Franzworth, Bucky Conklin, Philly Yum Yum 2x2, a very popular one. Cornelius Pendergrass, Pringle Fitzgerald, Freddie Mellon, Longmumps, Eugenia, Tinkal, Pa, I don't know how to pronounce that. Wait, isn't the book we're about to read written by Pringle Fitzgerald?

It is! Well, on Earth, was that known as F Scott Fitzgerald? Oh. But I'm sure his real name is Prada, I recognize that. I was like, great guestbie, that's the guy who wrote great guestbie's Pringle Fitzgerald. Yeah, and there are a couple other names, but yeah, those are most of them. And so, Michael, one of those names is your real name and everyone listening, your real name is one of those names. Michael, yours is Mr. Fuente's.

Michael, your real name is Mr. Fuente's. Michael, your real name is Mr. Fuente's. Michael, alert the government, your real name is Michael. What is it? Mr. Fuente's. Also, hey, Appal, I have to say in this bouquet of flowers from your Aunt May I love this Daisy with no problem oh chant do you have any emails yeah of course here's an email to chantagima com that's chant with 60s this is from Daniel Deffenbaugh

hey chant long time listener first time emailer recently you were trying to come up with nicknames for Arnie and he didn't like any of them what if you called him a knee kind of likeod, a person here on Earth? It's a great nickname for him, but it also kind of sounds like a tiny butthole nickname. So that's pretty neat too. Love you guys, Daniel. I'm sticking with A-Train. I think A-Train's the way to go.

Look, I know a joke a lot about my names and giving me different names, but I've said time and time again, my name is Arnie. It's just Arnie. Call me Arnie. I wish you guys would respect that, and call me different names, but I've said time and time again, my name is Arnie. It's just Arnie. Call me Arnie. I wish you guys would respect that and call me by the name I choose to be called. Also Danielle, your real name is Freddie Mellon. Can I actually do something Arnie?

Is Nikkei I'm spelled with a cray? Is Nikkei I'm spelled with a cray? Is it a K or a cray? There's a K in there. Okay. I mean the cray is silent. Okay. I'm silently cray. Are you sure you're all, the Kray is silent. Oh, okay. I'm silently Kray.

Are you sure you're all done reading emails now? I think so, yeah! Uh, April. We're all done with the podcast, too. What are you- what are you doing now? Uh, I was gonna go pick up some glass. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha And why you used the last one cutting up Arty's chest. Oh, we should heal him. Nah. I've been in excruciating pain this entire episode. I've got to say. They bleed it a lot. There's shards of glass sticking out of my chest. Glassic!

I think the real takeaway from this episode is, moms are great. Sorry if Arnie's scathing observation is too incendiary. Use it or the blue was played by Matt Young, 5.6 inches Matt, on a humid day maybe. Tussado the blue was played by Adel Rafa. Oh good, we've turned on each other. We're in the community season 2 phase of the show. I don't remember who played Chant and I don't care. April Fuels was played by Asher Pearlman. Asher performs regularly with sticker bugs and the Improvise Shakespeare company at Chicago's

Iotheaher. Asher used to work in the Apple store, and in the middle of helping me, he ended his shift, left the building, and told no one. This is a true story. Sign up for Asher's Flash Seminar. Comedy writing. Will someone please tell me how to do this? Thursday morning from 11 to 11.40 at the Snicker Trench. Craig was I not clear. This is a copy of the inferior and pitiful Gatsby.

Go back to the archives and while you're at it, could you finish up here? Ah, I'm just gonna go in there and fix all that labeling one day. Hello from the Magic Tap, and was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan J. Cofur, and Ryan D. George, this one edited by Chris Rathgeon, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller Laban, additional audio effects by Jason Knox,

production assistance by Garrett Schultz. By the way, remember that there's still time to get your lovely voice on the show by tweeting out a video of you explaining the show or just encouraging people to watch it, andging it magic tab or hashtagging it tree's instance and you know might end up playing your video there. I mean it's a podcast so it'll be the audio part but you know where something nice anyway just for me. In fact we've got one of those right now from Sean and Bukowski on Twitter.

The host is Arnie Neekham from the realm of Earth. No and far and wide for his lazy missworth came the phoena while back on a magic ride. Now within the minute or he does reside. So post a run the tavern but does very little. Drown the last proprietor in a bowl of spittle next at sea to the H to the UNT. That's chunned in St. Crown Posse, original G, a shape-shift in sex-feene with no remorse, having sex with an eagle, a badger, a horse. He's all about the buttholes of which he's got too. Used to run a restaurant with the Wizard of Blue, which brings us to Yusador. Got names of twos to the threes to the fore. Long wizard beard down to the floor.

Sensual cooking voice, that's for sure. Born of birds, wind and fire. And then some more. That's the unlimited power. Yes, it's Yusador. Thank you very much, Sean. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op.

And hey, as always, thanks to your wolf. What has four legs in a top? Get her table. This is Terry the Table Guy reminding you to come out the chestnut, where you might see some blue collar comedy. They call them table salad. They call them table salad.