Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 22 - Twins

Episode Date: August 14, 2017

Jayme and Sayme the creepy twin children of Baron Ragoon are back and stranger than ever. Also, Chunt is trying out some secret names for himself.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungJayme: Gretchen EngSayme: Brad PikeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. The following podcast is not a how-to-un interdimensional travel, and if you're still trying to figure that out, you're in one of the not-so-great dimensions.

What I mean is there aren't other dimensions. What you see is what you get, like Paul Reiser. Well, he stretched a little in Whiplash. No, I take that back, it was more of the same, and now enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host, Arne and E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, that's okay. This is what you need to know about two and a half fish years ago I fell through a dimensional portal two and a half fish years. Two and a half ish. What are fish years? A fish year is probably, you know, fish, I don't think fish, at least on my world, don't live a whole year. So like a fish year is probably like a couple days. Oh geez, so it's like kids on your world. Oh, that's so much child death on this

world. Yeah. Anyway, about two and a half ish years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of fune. Luckily I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal that I used to upload this podcast that I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the prison town of Hogsface, in the land of fune, and I'm joined as always by my co-host, Yusador the Wizard. I am Yusador, Wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devalor of Chaos,

Champion of the Great Halls of Tarakus, the elves-nubius-fiend-yellac, the dwarves-nubius-zonen-in-hoog-stangers, and I am known in the Northeast as Gascamanius. Glacianus, Mastar. Gascamanius Mastar, and there may be other secret names you do not know it. And... I'm not going to tell them to you. Oh, good! This may star, and there may be other secret names you do not know it.

And I'm not going to tell them to you. Oh, good. You said, or, how you doing, bud? I'm very well, but I have a question for you. On page two of the great Gatsby, what is a snubbed-nosed motorboat? What is a snubbed-nosed motorboat? I try to read the whole book and I'm stuck on page two because I can't get past the idea of what a snub-nosed motorboat might be. Well, use it our first of all. We're gonna do the book club in two weeks time.

I know, but I started reading the book and now I'm stuck. You're stuck. So every time you come across something that you don't know the answer to, you're like, I cannot keep reading until I know the answer to this thing. Exactly. You're not gonna get through that whole book in two weeks. Well my great-wizard mind must unravel the mystery to surround the snub-nosed motorboats. Snub-nosed motorboats. Could this be the key to unlocking the mystery of defeating the dock, Lord?

If I decipher the room of snub-nosed motorboats, then perhaps I shall set all the food free. 52 sacks of sentient flour. Oh, and also I'm also joined by a chump, the talking badger. Oh yeah, baby. How you doing, bud? I'm good, you know, I've been thinking about secret names myself and I thought to run a few by you.

Sure. Would you guys mind maybe just giving a yay or a nay in terms of like maybe some of my secret names? Oh, a secret names for you. Yeah, I just feel like, I feel like a lot of people I know have secret names. If we say yay to what do we then? Join you in keeping the secret or do we have to erase our minds once you say yeah, you're a secret keeper. Okay Okay, very good at keeping secrets. Here we go to a race on his mind secret name number one you tell me air nay Johnny to Boggen

Nay nay Will squish yay Johnny, Johnny, toboggan. Nay. Nay. Little squish. Yay! Yay! Absolutely. 100%. You are now let- hey, attention, whoever makes our T-shirts on Earth.

What? Oh, you're right. It's a secret. It's a secret. I immediately was going to betray that secret and I was going to try to print up D-shirts. That's how bad a job I was doing, keeping that secret name. So you're going to do a little squish like that? I'm sorry, secret names. You're gonna do little squish like that

I'm sorry a little squish. Don't do a little squish like that. Sorry. I'm not gonna do little squish like that Were those the only two you had considered? I had one more. Oh, that's here. It's gonna be tougher to beat little squish That's true part darkness I'm really on the fence about this one. It's a yay, but it's not a Yeah, it's a yay, but it's not a yay. But it comes with some caveats. It's a yay, but it's not like a greater yay than a little squish. I think I need a little more information.

How would you say your name to go all together? Far Darkness. Well, would you say like, I'm chunked the badger, but also known as Far Darkness. Yeah, I think so. I'd be like, oh yeah, baby, it's chunked, baby. Far Darkness, others know him as. Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna say none of them. I'm gonna say none of them. Is that me? I'm also drunk, I'm gonna be drunk when I say it. Okay, that's true. I have a question for both of you. On Foon, is there such a thing as context clues? Context clues.

Those will be clues that you find within the context of the things that got surrounded. Yes. So you do that got surrounded. Yes. So you do have those things? Yes. What I'm saying, Yusidor, is if you don't know what a snub knows motorboat is, just try to figure it out from the rest of the sentence. You want me to just push through? Yes.

Also, it's a boat with a very short front that magically propels itself. I see. I've highlighted literally hundreds of words using my magical highlighting power. Oh no. So now we're going to have to go like three words later and I have to explain that as well. No, no, no, I shall learn to use context clues. Yeah, context clues, which is like when you come down to the tavern from your room and you're in your underwear and you say like, hey, we should really go outside today. We can tell from the context clues you don't mean that. Yeah. Because you're in your underwear. you say like, hey, we should really go outside today. We can tell from the context clues, you don't mean that.

Yeah, because you're in your underwear. Yeah, exactly. That's the context of my lie. Got it. But he doesn't want to go outside, but he doesn't. Have you gone outside in your underwear? You know, not a ton, but I will say I've done it more here than I've done it on my world.

You're a real weirdo if you walk around in your underwear and public on Earth, but in Foon, you're just kind of like going with the dirty it on my world. You're a real weirdo if you walk around and you're underwear and public on earth, but in Foon, you're just kind of like going with the dirty vibe of the world. Oh yeah, you know, yeah. And also, there's a guy who already walks around ton of his underwear. Oh yeah, who is that guy?

Skinny man. Skinny man. Yeah. He is skinny. Yeah. I'm just getting spooked at. I don't wanna know anything more about skinny man. But he can't wear clothes.

He's too skinny. He's just fall off of him. Oh, that's too bad. Everyone's always like eat something eat something He's like I eat that weird creepy pasta. Uh-huh, but he just doesn't he can't carburet John do you have carburetting on earth? We do you know I've carburetted but not for anything John have you started reading who talking to? A little squish? Shoot. It's a secret name. Do you want me to always say it? I mean, it's just, it's the three of us in Hank. I think the four of us can keep a secret. Oh, okay. Forget Rusty.

So what we're gonna say? Yeah, fuck Rusty. What are you gonna say? Little squish. Yes. Have you read any of the great cats be yet? I have read some pages, but I don't know in what order. Oh, no.

So Arnold, I was talking to A unicorn and I think I can perhaps in if sometimes soon get a unicorn to come in to be our guest. Oh another unicorn Well, we've already had a unicorn. It's weird that I generally am like all right We've got one of this type of thing. We don't need another one. Oh, yes. We haven't had many dwarves and there are hundreds of Cl type of thing we don't need another one. Oh yes, we haven't had many dwarves and there are hundreds of clans of dwarves. Hello! Hello! Whoa! Hi!

Hi, buddy! It's Quixilasia! Hello, Tami! Hello, Tami! We just came out of the wall. Oh, you! What is that? We've been squeezing our bodies against the walls for the last half hour.

Yeah, but oh, and we've been doing little pranks on the rats in the walls. Yeah. And putting fake food back there. Fake food, but we keep all the real food out there. Yes. What's saying? You keep real food on? Same as?

Yes. Little nuggets. Still raisin. Little raisins in there. Are you sure those are raisins? You've been hanging out with rats. Think you're eating rat poop. There's rat poop all over you. It's still food.

No, it tastes wonderful. Yes, since we were here last, me has gone through puberty. Oh, no, no. Notice anything, dear friends? Ah, you have a bit of a mustache, but that could just be ratchet. You can't see it right now. I'm buttoned, I'm buttoned, your chair.

Okay, I'm buttoning. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Look at my two chest hairs. Yes. Listening white transuse chest hair. And I've gotten much longer and more slender. Yes, and because, because Semy has the brownies, which means he has, of course, not enough skin and too much blood. He's, you can see right through it, so you can see all the rays it's going down in the sofa gizzi. It's like the belly of a gaco. You're like a jellyfish. You can kind of see through you. Yes, watch me eat this berry. Oh, oh, there it goes. Oh, it's stuck.

It stuck in his esophagus. Oh, come here, come here, Say you need me kiss your throat! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, for health tips, just go someplace else entirely. Exactly. So actually also listeners while we're already talking directly to you, if you're new to the podcast, I should also reintroduce our guests, Jamie and Sammy are the children of Baron Ragnoune, who is sort of running a hog's face on behalf of the Dark Lord. Yes, we don't like it in a hog's face, it's very boring. The sun is too shining, bright I want to go back to the attic in a castle. Oh yes, I love to be sealed in our attic. I love it when Daddy puts the padlock on and he says, don't come out to the bedroom morning. That's only when we've been very very good. He gets a

mad at us but he doesn't know we have fun. It's nice to leave you a vase of flowers up there So you have some flowers on the attic. Oh, yes But we always find our way out We always find our way out. We are very slender. We can slip into opening So you're twins now, but in same you just went through puberty I went through puberty some puberty, but you know, boys, yeah, I've got to say, I mean, the listeners might not guess this, but you two are much older than I think people would assume. Is it common for boys on food to go through puberty?

No, no, he's just malnourished. Oh, malnourished. And hate lacks of the vitamins. You look like skinny man to be honest. No offense. I love him. I'm a big fan. He has lots of doodles of skinny man. He doodles then day and night and day and night. I don't know if I said this running, but a lot of times,

skinny man's just, you know, he's just again, he doesn't need a time. He just can't hold weight. But a lot of people like kill and then's just, you know, he's just, again, he doesn't need a time, he just can't hold weight, but a lot of people like kill and then be like, Skitty Man made me do it, and Skitty Man's always like, what the fuck? That's a weird thing to put on somebody. I didn't do, I'm just like at home reading, and you're saying I told you that I didn't do anything.

Yeah. So he gets a lot of, we kind of put a lot of blame on him. That's just like, it's almost like circus. Yeah, I'll write like Chris, who's family circus? It's a circus family. That he's always trying. Who's family circus? It's a circus family. That he's always trying to get us to kill in the names of other things. I'm fried and skinny man and the dark old, but we just like the literature. We don't actually look good.

Your father is evil. That's pretty common knowledge. He serves the forces of darkness. Yes, but you guys despite being real, real creepy, are kind of aspire to be good? Oh, yes, so very good. So when your dad's telling you to kill in the name of, you're like, fuck you, I won't do what you told me. Yes. Yes, we, instead, we have, you know.

We have a lot of rage against the Regune. The Regune. Yes, but we try to put it in helpful places. Like, for instance, I think, we mentioned our benefit. We were having for the orphans and bastards of Shri. That's right. And soon, grin and bear in it, and it went very well. Oh, I'm going to the most poppy.

Yes, except we had a small, huge, samey's, insult comedies. They loved it so much that they rewarded me with lots of garbage and fruit and vegetables that they threw at me. And I said, thank you so much. And I ate it in front of them. Yes. And I watched it all go down. I made a big watch. It got dirty. It just did to his tummy. And then it came out. And we put the poop in that little case

like we always do. But now I think I'm developing out of insult comedy. Yeah, well he's doing this amazing new thing with his insult comedy. Tell them what you do. Props, let it be props, let it be props. No, it's a, it's much personal in South comedy where I write anonymous letters and I send them to individual people through a 4-eyed troll named Chan.

Okay. So it's 4-eyed Chan. 4-chan. 4-chan. And they're so cool. Okay, so it's for for right Chan for Chan for for Chan and They're so cool. Yeah, they question people's masculinity and make them feel inferior And all we have to do is sit alone in a attic writing away for our People want to write back and they're so mad, but it's anonymous Right want to write back and they're so mad, but it's anonymous. They can't write back.

Anonymous letters. That sounds like something like a, I don't know what species, maybe like a troll would do. Yes, in fact, our benefit was so successful that I've been able to form a little group of followers. It's very sleepy, it's sleepy, but we're called the Faith Beligerent. And we walk around to the houses in

Hogs fags. And we go knock knock. Knock knock. And they say, we were when you say knock knock. Oh we say knock knock. You just say knock. And then we get louder and louder. Knock knock knock.

And then they'll say get out of way from our house. And then we say have you heard the good news? Have you heard the good news? And then open the door and we rounded them shut and we put our feet. We ooze through the door. We go inside and we say have you heard the good news? And then they'll say no what do you want? Do you want? And we say we're here to tell you the good news of who, who, and who are the mothers and and Jamie tells them all about it while I open all their drawers and cabinets. And if they have a dog we get the we get them all riled up before we go. I'm so excited and then we just leave. Then we just leave.

Now it's it seems like it seems like you doing good, but then you say it sounds like you pull a little prank on people at the same time. We have to have a hug, thanks. Oh well, I suppose if you're having fun, that's alright. Thank you shouldn't tell Daddy that we came here today because he'll be so mad that we came to talk to you without him being around as well. Well, it's alright. I have a new lease on pranking for my best friend in the entire world.

Appalp fuels is a prankster gnome, and I enjoy a lot of his pranks. That's right. Yusunor's new best friend is a prankster, but his friendship is in no way involved in a prank. So, oh, I've got a good prank that I've been doing. Sometimes late at night, I go into Daddy's room, and I have, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry interrupt you, but I always feel like about three words into your pranks. I'm like, I don't

know if I want to hear this. Oh, you're going to love it. Okay. It's such a funny prank. Don't you love to laugh? I do. I love to laugh. I like to laugh. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a laugh. I guarantee this will make you laugh. Okay. I guarantee. So you sneak into your father's room. You can do my father's room. And I have a little ceramic doll that looks just like you. And I, and I wake him up and then I, you wake up little ceramic doll that looks just like him. And I wake him up and then I...

You wake up this ceramic doll, or? I wake up my daddy and then I sit on the doll and I shake it and it's actually... Wait, hold on, for real? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How, here's my question, we can hear the rest of this, but how far are we from the part where we'll be laughing?

Well, I don't think we stopped it. I haven't seen enough. He said he sits on it, goes inside of it. No, no, no, no. I haven't gotten to the punchline yet. It's not funny yet. It's just funny. It's hard enough.

It hasn't gotten funny yet. We're waiting for some kind of reversal. Okay. Are you getting punchlines on Earth? Yeah, we have punchlines. It's when a joke it's so gross So you just want like punch something. Oh, okay. Well then we're there and then once the dog I whisper I whisper your next All right, that's pretty good

Little squishies loving it I I mean secret. I need to have same his body part you Don't squish No, guys can I go my part talking to switch Which one is push? No, he's not the squish is very hot. It's just bow no to speak up knows No But she's not the squish. He's very hard, it's just bone. No choice to speak of. No's? No. That's a squish. Keep the thing, body parts.

Look, we'll try to piece together this mystery, but let's take a quick break while we do. Oh, Ballsack. Now, Sammy, I had a question for you. Yes? You often, these pranks, you pull, they're often on your father, and you seem to want to do them in the middle of the night while he's sleeping, is it? What, why is that? Why, why in the middle of the night?

Oh, because that's when he's most vulnerable. And that's when we're mostly awake. Do you, do you sleep during the day? because that's when he's most vulnerable. And that's when we're mostly awake. Do you sleep during the day? We don't sleep. Do we sleep? We are all asleep. We have periods of slow movement. Have you ever been fully asleep?

Oh, I don't sleep. I just dream. It's hard to tell because Same is I it's our translucent so even if they're closed, I it looks like his eyes are wide open all the time Very wide. I mean anything could be a dream at any moment. That's why are you dreaming right now? Am I I don't look? I'm just throwing everything on the floor. Nothing matters because it's a dream That's that's my stuff. Yes, he's throwing everything on the floor, nothing matters. Because it's a dream. That's it? That's my stuff. Yes, keep throwing stuff on the floor. Yes.

No. Keep throwing it on the floor. It's a prank. It's a merry prank. I've got to say the fact that you might at any time probably think your dreaming explains a lot of the world of havin' all times. Watch, I can just kiss anyone here.

No one will get upset. Because it's my dream. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Oh, everything. No, no, no. No, no, no. here no one will get upset because it's my dream. It's just a prank that's all it is. She's not joking. She's not a prank. Wait, he's she. I'm a little boy. Oh my god. To be a fair your adults, your definitely adults, there are no children. Yes, and as I said, I'm already coming to puberty. Yes, yes, yes.

Tell them, tell them, say... She's a beautiful young girl, and I'm a beautiful young boy. And it's hard to live in this culture where... Everyone's always looking at our beautiful bodies. Everyone's always obsessed with them and... They look at us when we walked in the street. They stare at us because we're... Look, you're looking at me right now. I would guess that you're both almost 30. I mean Now 18 oh

I and to be fair they might be staring at Sammy because they can stare right through it. It's true. They may not know you're there We came up with a new game the other day. It's called it's got a little froggy and it's where you don't sit on the froggy. No, no, no, no, I pretend that there's a fly somewhere on your body. Squippets says hi to everyone. Yes, yes, we learned this game from Squibbet and pretend that there's a fly somewhere on your body and then The only way we can get it off is with that time. Yeah, but the fly keeps moving. It keeps moving. It's like hands, but with mouth. Yes It's much more fun I suppose we should try playing little froggy though. Oh No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Everything. You know, I wonder if maybe we should try to get the both of you to help us out into eating the dark lord. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can't tell anybody. Oh, you have many secrets we're good at keeping secrets. Yes. Here's the secret. You cannot tell anybody. Okay. We are trying to defeat the dark lord. We're not going to, we're, he thinks we're helping him because we're doing this podcast. We're actually going to try to overthrow the dark lord and your're not gonna, we're, he thinks we're helping him because we're doing this podcast. We're actually gonna try to overthrow the Dark Lord

and your father, Bam Ragnoon. Oh, okay. Oh, oh, oh. Even more important than that. John's name is Lil Squish. Oh. Oh, old. It's Lil Squish.

We should make sure we should make sure. We should make sure. Secret names, oh secret names. Oh, we should be tellin' my secret names if we're going to have secrets. Oh, you're all bad at keeping secrets. Everything, oh, one of it. My secret name is Bumble Puss.

Oh! And my secret name is... Nimble Widget. Nimble Widget. Yes. You must be careful with these names. For names have great power and secret names in greater power. So you must keep them secret. You can close your chest.

Don't tell them to anyone else other than this circle that we have formed here. Yes, we cannot betray the immense power of the names Lil Squish, Bumble Puss, and Lil and Lil. And Lil. Lil. That one's easiest to keep a secret because I can't seem to remember it. What would you ask of us, Arnie? Well, I don't know. You have so much access to the Baron, and he must know so many things about the Dark Lord's plan.

Oh, well, he's been paying a riddle over and over and over again. So, wait, so, wait. What we'd like to do is really, he's repeating it, we sneak in words that sound like the words of the riddle, but aren't the riddle and he gets so confused and mad and he stops around the castle. What is it like Arnie during Yusidor's introduction?

Is it possible that the riddle that we have heard from the Baron is not the right riddle because you've changed some of the words along the way. Oh, that's possible. That's very possible. Is that why we're having so much trouble figuring out like what the answer is? Maybe just one thing has been changed. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a pretty good excuse for not being able to solve a simple riddle over the course of weeks and weeks. That's very true. It's like, why is O'Raven like a big couch? Why is O'Raven like this?

Why is O'Raven like this? Why is O'Raven like this? It doesn't have an answer. That's what's going to happen. Oh, it's true to that. It's not. It's just an interesting query. It just makes you re-contextualize your thoughts on what a Raven is and what a couches.

It's not. Do you remember the original version of the riddle that your father, the Baron, is obsessed with? We don't often listen to him when he's talking to us. We just shout things at him. So if you said some of it, we might remember what parts we've changed, what rhyming words we put into it.

Well, we learned it as a cave beneath the orange beast, one door west and three doors east, down and down and down you go until the river starts to glow, face to face with Swamsa McGee, that's the big turtle guy. We all know that, yes, Swamsa McGee, that part with all shadows are breaking of the three below the water man must grow So when I originally heard it. Yes, it wasn't orange beast. It was very small kitty cat. Oh So it was a cat. So we did figure that out. Oh, wow look at that one That's why that's why we like to change things so it makes it rhyme because it really didn't.

First of all, thank you guys for making this riddle rhyme now because it would have been a lot harder to remember it if it didn't rhyme. I wish I could remember saying, wish I could remember what we did. There was something about LaZonya. Yes, oh, there's like a... Marmo. Marmo. Marmo. No, no. There was something about lasagna

My mom oh no no no no no no no no that's not it. It's um Oh, come. Oh, yeah. Oh, tea. Oh, talk. Oh, talk, maybe? Oh, talk, maybe? Oh, talk, Marleyfoot, the owner of the Vermilion Minotaur? Oh, that sounds right. Maybe. Guys, hey, say me and Jamie, would you mind if I talk to

Yusufor and Will Squish for just a moment? Oh, that's fine. We have many more rats to break. Oh, okay, sure. I'll just just appear back into the wall. Oh, that was so fast. So fast. Guys, I was thinking that we were learning things from them and then about halfway through, I was like, oh, that's right. This is like one of child starts to tell you a joke and you realize halfway through. It took you halfway through? Like, yeah, that's on me.

For taking any of that seriously. I think we should be more direct with him. Like, next time Sammy goes into his father's room in the middle of the night, was father's asleep. And he looks at him, you know, creepily in, has a doll or a spatula, whatever he brings in there with him. We just give him a knife, and he stabs the bear in to death. Yeah, we'll convince him. He's a dream. Yeah, but he used to do that, and he brings in there with him. We just give him a knife and he stabs the Baron to death. Yeah, we'll convince him.

He's a dream. Yeah, but you said we're one way to do that, and he goes in there and sticks that knife up his own butt. That's on us. That's on us. We've done that. Yes, you're right. But I think you're right. These aren't going to be like intelligence gatherers. Really?

The guy who sat on a ceramic replica of his dad? Oh, really? Sorry. Squish, sorry. Well, Squish, come on, I didn't deserve that. I see where Arnold is going though. I think we should allow them and encourage them. We're down the path they've already gone, which is just so incase. Yeah. And then once we've defeated the Dark Lord,

I can just devour it all. Yeah, absolutely. And that totally makes sense how that works. Yes, absolutely. Uh, I wonder... It's weird, I don't know if they're... Jamie's still right next to me. Hello!

Hello! Ah! Jamie, don't ever let go of my hand again. I will. Oh, I saw him. I'm looking right at next to you, Arnie, and I always see is the wall. Yeah.

That is terrifying. What if I put my hand right? Sssh. Yeah. Now I see your hand. I don't guess where my hand is. So we can, I can see the outline. It's laying here.

That's it. I'm right in front of you. Oh, when I forgot to mention, when the doll is deep inside. Wait, how far are we to the part of the temple? Deep inside. He forgot to mention something. Shut up.

I heard my dad muttering in his sleep and he said, I'm going to extract their memories. That's right, that's right. Real quick, for the rest of this conversation, can we just refer to AD as after the doll and BDS before the doll just so we don't have to hear that again? So you can just say like AD, how about I ran into my dad? How about BDS for before crevice?

We see an AD. Okay, that sounds weird, but all right. Oh, I guess BDS long. So AD, Park it. Yes, I heard him muttering about... extracting the memories from the Earth person. Yes, I'm getting secret knowledge about Earth. That might be me. That's definitely you.

Gotta be you. Might be what the fuck is wrong with you? Probably. It's probably me. Yeah, little splash was going on. You okay, little splash? Felix is just taking longer than normal for you to make connections. Oh no, it always takes this far. Yeah, I'm alright. You used it all.

You're right. Yeah. But we all might live in a dream. Alright, so what is real? I had to dream the other day that daddy was building a machine, a machine to extract memories, but it was so strange that I couldn't believe it. So of course it was a dream. Yes. Machine to extract memories. That sounds familiar because I know amongst the guards there's been a few guards that have been recruited to become dream police

Oh, yes, and I have such rage against this machine Yes, but it's all just rage in a dream. I'd love to release the The neighborhood bulls and make them going a big parade and wreck the machine. I wonder if this machine has anything to do with Parade and wreck the machine. I wonder if this machine has anything to do with A little squish with her your brief ex-girlfriend Florence. She had some kind of one machine Yeah Florence and the machine there was yeah, and I've been aligning ducks near my cell. It's a system of the down Yes Speaking of if you keep eating that wretch it. There's gonna be some toxicity

Wow. Speaking of, if you keep eating that Any time, we'll do it any time. No, I wouldn't say no to it any time. You know, we do have one small request of you. Don't hold back anymore. Wherever you go, speak the good word of the mother and the sweet goddesses for an oon. But cause trouble wherever you go. You sito, would you hold a hands for one moment?

Yes, the first one. We swear to so this is the game. Chaos! And now you have back the 10s. Oh, I should have done that. He's so funny. He's flying.

Hey old squish, do you have any emails? I have an email here. I was gonna have to keep it. You're flying me. Hey old squish, do you have any emails? I have an email here, this is from Travis. He says, hey guys, I just finished chapter two of the Great Guetsby and just wanted to chime in that this book is pretty racist so far. Did you, Arnie, did you know that? There's certainly some things in it

that I'm just like, oh no, different time. When was it written like a week ago? I was written in the 20s. It was written like almost a hundred years ago. This is like a 20s, doesn't mean anything. A hundred years ago. There we go. Yeah, almost a hundred years ago. Wow. I was only 200. That's so crazy to think about. And also, you know, we'll I'm sure we'll tackle all this stuff during our great gaspie episode, which is coming up in two weeks. What is the great gaspie? What? That's the central mystery of the American classic.

We never leave, we just die in the shadows. Travis says also to make a recommendation for the next book, I think we should read Have a Nice Day, a tale of blood and sweatshakes by Mick Foley. It might give us some ideas for the book club. Mick Foley? Is this someone that mankind all knows about? I believe he's a professional wrestler on my world. No, no, no, no, no.

Like someone whose job it is to fight other people. That's my job. For entertainment though. His job is to fight other people. Yes. Do you have someone on earth who's just like a dude who wants to love everyone? Just like a, like a, like a, love dude.

This is like a love dude. Just he, oh nah snub nose motorboat. He might he probably is successful enough to own some kind of motorboat whether it snub nose or otherwise. Is there a guy in our through like Luz and a desert and he just like like his name is like you know Jack and he just like lives by a cactus or something Jack, and he just like, was by a cactus or something? Like just like a cactus, Jack. Maybe.

I wish this were a video podcast so we could see everyone's eyes looking up into the left. Like, what? Eh, um, do I? Oh, I thought we were doing a visual portion of the podcast today because I definitely didn't read any begging buds, but I saw begging buds. Oh, no. Ah, don't. Didn't you see their game of ham? I was I tried to not look over there when they're on the podcast. But then sometimes you're not looking

at them and wherever you are looking they seep out of the wall. Yeah true. What percentage of the time would you to say that you are in the walls of the most here for every podcast? Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. got an email. Arnold, it pains me greatly to have to do this, but I cannot stand idly by in the light of this new information. If Baron R'Goon, oh that's your father, speaks true of the Dark Lord requiring more listeners

of the podcast, I feel that I must do what small part I can here on Earth to resist him. Thus, I have come to the difficult decision to no longer listen to or support hello from the Magic Tavern. It is not likely that I come to this, but I cannot and good conscience keep listening if my patronage somehow benefits the Dark Lord. In your hypothesis of it benefiting you more seems suspect at best, Aspold at worst. Aspold. And so it is with a heavy heart I must bid you and chunt and usador spelled incorrectly,

wizard of the Etc. Adieu. Regretfully yours, Dalton. Shunt and Yusidor spelled incorrectly wizard of the et cetera ado Regrettfully yours Dalton PS I will also Be actively dissuading people from picking up and or continuing listening to the podcast We must not let the Dark Lord gain in power Viva la revolution Dalton wherever you are I don't agree with you that you should stop listening to the podcast because I really feel like we're gonna turn this thing around on the dark Web somehow. Yeah, like we've almost got like half a plan on how we're gonna do that

But Dalton you do whatever you have to do Dalton be Dalton. Yeah be Dalton And that's if that's gonna be in like a mall somewhere if you're out of business It doesn't just be Dalton. Yeah, and don't if you don't be in the book club if you're be Dalton exactly Also, I'm not a wizard of etc You sort of are and I'm little squish not chunt. You know what? It's not a secret name I'm little squish and I'm little squish in it from now on whoever makes our t-shirts little squish please And if you're out there listening definitely immediately immediately buy a little Squish T-shirt,

because that will in no way reverse itself in the next two or three weeks. Guys, was I filming go? No. Okay, I didn't think so. In Bonwich. And we're back to the crushing years's long suffocation we call reality. Used all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Lil' Squish, the badger, was played by Adel Ruffiah.

Baron Ragoons, creepy twin children were played by special guests Gretchen Ang and Brad Pike. They both perform regularly with Devil's Daughter at Chicago's I-O theater. Craig, how about you take a few lines to justify getting out of bed this morning? Uh, the jokes on you, I haven't slept for weeks. Oh wait, that's probably bad. Hello from The Magic Tavern was produced by Arne and Ecamp, Evan Jacoba and Rhyndi Georgi, is one edited by Rhyndi Georgi, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard Laban,

additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Remember the book club is in two weeks, we are reading the Great Gatsby, I'm reading along as well, and you can get your copy through the book club link on our site to help out the show. If you don't read the Great Gatsby, you are legally not allowed to listen to the book club episode of the podcast, so that's on you. Another great way to help out the show is to post your video of yourself explaining the show or just encouraging people to listen to it on Twitter and hashtagging

it tree's distance or a magic tavern. Or you can do what Chris Jones did that's Captain Fork Bomb on Twitter and make an incredibly cool 8th-bit version of Seven Dragons and a Baby. Let's hear it. That is very cool. Thank you, Chris Jones. Thank you, the Chicago Podcast co-op, and thanks to Ear Wolf. you