Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 31 - Bard, Elf and Fortune Teller (Live from Chicago)

Episode Date: October 16, 2017

The Tavern is packed with people, including a mysterious bard, DQ the elf and an amateur fortune teller. Also, Usidore conjures images from Arnie’s home: Chicago.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungDevan Whistlestring: Chris LeeD’athaniel Quen’yarvin (aka "DQ"): Tim RyderBorghilde the Fortune Teller: Rebecca HansenMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzPhotographer: Kyle TelechanFan Art: Kotta KatsudaYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, Early and Add Free, on Wondering Plus. Hey, this is Craig up in the Space Bunker, just here to cleverly make you think the following documentary about life in an alternate dimension is really just a made up improv comedy podcast. That's my job. Did you know with a little digital sweetening, you can make any documentary seem like it's a live episode of a comedy podcast?

Add a laugh track to Giro Dreams of Sushi, and you'll see what I'm talking about. Anyway, don't believe in alternate dimensions, or you might accidentally destroy the whole multiverse, blah blah blah, etc. Okay, before I transfer things over to the boss man, I have the audience filter set to Chicago style, and... already to...

go! Huh, that's weird. The tattoo of a battery I have in my forearm is blinking red for some reason. Didn't know tattoos could blink when it fets a... rash... Anyway, I'm sure I can wait until after the show, which I'm transferring us to Attention people of earth there are no worlds beyond your own, no matter how convincing the costumes

might be, and from prior experience, we should be pretty safe. However, this podcast is being recorded live at the music box theater in Chicago. Likely the most childish thing to ever occur here. And yes, that includes the screening of an American tale, Fival Goes West, just yesterday. I checked the website. Spoiler alert, there are Cats in America. And now enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Neekham.

If you're not familiar with the show, you've made a weird mistake. But this is everything you need to know. About two and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift

from the Burger King that I use to upload every week a podcast I record here in the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur, where we all are now. And I've got to say, I feel like the tavern is at capacity. In the town of Hogsface, in the land of Phoon. And I'm joined, as always, by my good buddy, my friend, my boom companion. Oh, yeah, baby! Oh, yeah, baby! I moved like a 35-year-old man. Yeah.

Shut, you are a talking badger, but, and I don't say it enough, a sheep shifter. Oh, I thought you were going to say you don't say it enough, a good friend. Also, I think I say it like exactly the right amount. Okay, all right, good. A good friend. You're a good friend. Yeah, you know the kind of good friend where you've known them so long that you have at

least two seats between you. Yeah, and also a good enough friend that when there are six seats in front of you, rather than sit and talk, you stand awkwardly and look at each other. Yeah. That's how good a friend's we are. It's like it's dinner and someone comes and you stand and you're not sure if you're the first person to sit and then it goes on long enough. Yeah.

But you're like, oh fuck, yeah. And also I have to say for you, this must be pretty comfortable because this is your pooping position. This is. This is. For anybody, for anybody in a tavern who doesn't know, let me put Arnie on blast. Arnie poop standing up. All I'm saying is, do not judge it until you've tried it. Okay.

Alright. Yeah. Can we sit? I'm gonna sit. Yes, yes. Well, I'm done pooping. Yeah. Oh good.

Good, good, good. Now it's time for everyone's least favorite part of the podcast. I'd also like to introduce my other good friend, use it or the wizard. Oh, yeah. Use it. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's so cool. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here.

I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing here. I'm going to watch my thing. I gotta watch my thing. We can be a day to day walking these steps. Baby steps.

I am doing a little of these, this guest's winning. Last game. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Good thing to know, sis. Guys, I'm just so glad we've been in this game. I think not for a moment, those be all my names. I'm just so glad we've been in this tavern for so long that we decided this week, let's start from like a mile away. Wait, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. You think from our table to the back of the tavern is a mile? You totally just showed your cards that you don't walk ever.

Look, huh? Perhaps Earth miles are different. Yeah, measurement can be different. You know, I love the banter between the three of us. But I want to bring up our first guest because our first guest doesn't have a ton of time. But I am so excited to talk to the traveling bard, Devon Whistlestring. I am devil with some string and I am here to sing. Oh!

Welcome. Welcome to the tavern. You can see it right behind us. Yeah. Yes, sir. Is this where we are? Yes. So, Devon, I'm so excited to meet a traveling bard. Like, is it a hard life traveling around singing? No, it's actually really easy.

I do it all the time. Like cheesy. Oh, wow. So did you have that phrase on Earth, like cheesy? Like cheesy, yeah. Almost. Okay. All right.

Almost. I would also like to quickly point out that I stood for you, John, and we all stood for Devon. Nobody stood when you stood on. Oh, I stand for myself. And ye, though, there may be forces aligned against me, I shall stand strong in their fail, I, though I feel the strong winds of evil blow my way,

trying to blow me over. I shall stand strong like the mighty oak, and not shall destroy me. Yay, well I do live on and on. I am used to it all. They have a lasting. Hey Arnie, so I'm fine. I want to be a wizard.

Oh, you want to be a wizard? That was really cool. There was really cool. I feel like he had this whole thing about himself that he knew all these details that like he had to share with everyone just because he is who he is. Well, Devon, let you know the secret. If you want to be a wizard, all you have to do is let you sit or bite you.

That's it. All you got to do is bite me. I think so. I love getting bit like a motherfucker. That's wonderful. And Arnie, Arnie, and food motherfuckers get bit quite a lot. So that's a saying, is like a motherfucker. Because if someone fucks your mom, you're gonna bite it.

You got to bite it. Yeah, right? Does that sound? Well, I feel like even when you fuck your mom, I mean, there's probably some biting going on in there. Yeah, some little neck play. Yeah, I mean. There's good biting and bad biting involved in motherfuckers. Also, I welcome to the little child sitting very close to the table.

Oh, hey there! On your way home, your mom's gonna have so many things to answer. Uh-huh. Don't bite. So, so, Devon, I want to, I want to talk to you a little bit. I know you're a very busy bar traveling from town to town. I know there's, there's a festival of riots that you need to get to pretty soon. Yeah, I have no idea why they're all writing and celebrating at the same time.

I know. That's amazing. It's true. Uh, Yusunorachan, do you have any idea like what's the story with a festival of riots? Every Vistach and the fires rain down upon fume. The riot festival doth occur, where people do riot and loot and create havoc, celebrate the beauty of fire destroying half of food. Are you saying that it's about to rain fire, like fire? Am I sad about that? No, I'm not sad about it.

It's part of the natural cycle of life. There's winter, then there's spring, then there's summer. There's probably something else in there I'm forgetting. And then the fire season, where everything works now. Fire season. Yes, and I think, to some degree, I may be misre-calling. I think the riots have to do with, there's a market back in olden days that sold a lot of hay.

And I think some of the owners were disgruntled about the hay being sold so there's a riot. Yeah, I feel like that's still happening today. Really? Oh, really? That's okay. Because of the dark lord. You know them too. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. All right, so I don't know how well you guys know the dark lord, but. too. Oh yeah. Oh yes. All right, so I don't know how well you guys know the Dark Lord but oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Devon, how well do you know the Dark Lord? Well, it's interesting.

I am the Dark Lord. What? This is a potential world breaking revelation. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You guys won, enemy. Have come here and the guys of Devon Whistle String. world-breaking revelation. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You, my God, swan enemy, have come here and the guys of Devon Whistle String, definitely, Baud. I have to sing you to death. Devon, you are the dark Lord that we've been building up for over two years on the Baud. Can I just say, can I just say, we were just before we started the

pockets, we were just sitting at started the podcast, we were just sitting at the table talking about the dark Lord and we were saying, you know, if somebody could get us some dirt on this vacuous mass, we could have last and mask him. And now, and now you have unmasked the dark Lord and it's you. I just want to go on record of saying that this is, I'm only saying this because I am in fact a Lord and I am dark Arnie He's a dark Lord

No, no, no, no, did I articles right grammar a no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I come from another world and there's all kinds of technology. Oh, wait, you're just gonna explain Earth stuff to him? Look. Have you ever- Have you ever- Have you ever- He never- He never- He never-

He never- He never- He never- He never- He never- Well, I am a Dark Lord, so that's true. Why is everyone standing? I thought we were shitting. Right? Right? Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right? Yeah! Yeah! Devon, Devon, you get me. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Well, Devon, we don't have a ton of time, but I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to sing one of the songs you would sing traveling from town to town. Yes. Um, yes.

I would say, I'd much prefer you sing a song to me having to destroy you. I'm glad you're the wrong dark lord. Yes. Because I like you. Well, thank you. Well, I would need some crowd participation for this song. I would simply need finger snaps, like so. Snap.

Snap. Snap. Snap. You guys ready? Oh my God, you've taught these simple fantasy denizens Yes. What snapping is. Yeah.

And it goes a little something like this. Hello, my name is Devin. I'm a dark Lord that came from heaven. And I know that might not make much sins to you But I had to come here to say I love you Now I don't know where they learn to clap, but I taught him how to snap. Man, I already have to say his voice kicks the shit out of yours. Because the audio will be teaching us earth songs, like he's like, you're a rich girl, you're a rich girl, and all this bullshit.

Rich, rich, break me off a piece of that kid cat bar. Say big money, say big money, when you shop my nards. I don't think that's right, too. I'm not sure. This must be some light lourd lingo. Devon. Yes. Oh, that's a key.

Have you ever noticed that light lords sing like this? Right, right. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm gonna go on record as saying that that misunderstanding is on the wizard. I'm from Chicago. What's a Chicago? Chicago. Oh, where do I start? It's a beautiful city from my world.

Yeah. It's much like Hogsface. Only, you know, we have modern conveniences, and so it smells about the same. Okay. Are there a number of dark lords? Uh, yeah. I'm really... Arnie, Arnie, you're sweating pretty bad.

I know. Are you hot? I am. It's a little warmer in the tavern than ever. Listen, if it's gonna make you nervous to talk about the Chicago place, then I don't wanna put you in a hot seat. I was just wondering if I ever went to Chicago would I meet anyone like me?

Aw, I think in some ways you would meet people like you. What ways? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? Well, first the most obvious thing, there are a lot of people that shit standing up. One. Wonderful, because I mean, can you imagine if I was the only one, right?

Yeah. Also, there are so many people in Chicago that will not hear more than five more minutes of this episode. Two. But you know what, Devon, I would... I feel like we've got like two minutes before you got to get going to that festival of riots. Yes.

The fight. Would you mind singing one more song? You don't get to decide. Yeah, I feel like the people in the tavern are being pretty nosy. I mean, if it were up to me, it would be that sweet, monard song that I brought to this world. But any kind of song that you sing when you go from town to town. When I go from town to town.

Well, the dark lord, a dark lord, loves to spread love. Sure. You know, so I'll just sing a little ditty that I sing to spread love. And it goes like, I just call to say I love you. They still know how to snap. Right. I just call to say how much I can. Yeah, I do.

I just call to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I love that song about the universal experience of opening the back door of your tavernor shack and calling out to someone saying that I love you. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, because as you said three minutes ago, you do not know what a telephone is. Yeah. Tell is. Yeah. Tell it, yeah. I've got no idea. It's literally me.

Yeah. Devon, please, we normally don't do this, but would everyone in the tavern give Devon a big round of applause. It's funny, it seems like right when Devon was leaving a tabern, another guy was coming in and being like, what did I miss? What did I miss? A lot of groans from the tip. I knew you were not going to miss your shot.

Oh, that we like, that nuance joke. Am I crazy or did the tavern change behind? Oh man, I cast a spell to turn all seats around 180 degrees. This is just the other side of the tab. Well guys, you know, you know what, with Devon here, I found my, you know, myself thinking about my home Chicago, and I, you know, I school your sweet home, my sweet home Chicago. And then you do that dumb ass dance with those dumb ass sunglasses. Yeah.

Oh yeah, baby. Don't you wanna go? To your sweet home Chicago? Yeah. And then I play the guitar for about seven minutes. Which is seven minutes too long. Yeah. Look, I know that there's no easy way for me to get back to my world.

Lord knows I've tried. Every day, I'm out there, figuring out ways to get home, mostly through this podcast. Yes, yes, so many sit-ups and push-ups and I can't do this. Arnold. Arnold. It's Arnie. I don't care.

But I do care about you. And I want you to feel at home. And I know that you miss home. So I've done something for you to make you feel more at home. I'm going to sing you another song that you taught me. Oh good. I can't believe it's not butter. It's how I think it went.

I'm pretty sure that's not a song. That's what I remember. That's true. That is true. That's also like that other song I taught you. Doritos. That's true. You know, you know a lot of interesting songs. There's nothing like the songs of food.

There's clearly a through line in the type of products for my world that I'm talking about. But I have also cast another spell. A spell to help you see through a mystical portal back into your home. In now, let those images of your home be seen by you. Oh Arnold, please bring a bit of Chicago here for Arnold to see. Oh my gosh.

Guys! Damn, I'm good at magic. Oh, oh my gosh guys Damn, I'm couldn't magic Guys on this back wall of the tavern is an image of my world that I I This is Chicago. This is Chicago. This is the city. I'm from I mean I don't live in this part Wait Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is Chicago for you. You don't live here? This is the city I live in-ish.

I used to live in-ish and would be in this part of Chicago as much as four times a year. OK. I'm going to point to a spot and you tell me how much gold. Oh, how much gold? It would take to live in this part. How much gold it would take to live in that part?

I couldn't even begin to guess. What a fun game. What a fun fucking game that was. You mean that? What a fun fucking game. You mean that in that specific window, it would have to be like, well, like, 4,000 gold a month? OK.

All right. All right. I mean, I shouldn't be hesitant. I shouldn't be hesitant, because we have to find exactly what the gold is. What if you lived right there? Yeah. It's a very tippy top of that spire.

Oh, at the top? Look, guys, there's an evil tower. And there was a time when it was evil but mostly just kind of like, well, that's evil, but it's goddamn annoying and ugly. You know, Arnie, this reminds me of this visage. Reminds me of something my father used to say to me. Hugo the hunger goes, he used to say to me, standing tall, right? On the wings of your dreams, rise and fall on the wings of your dreams.

I know this is something your father used to tell you, but I really want to jump in. Oh, please, please. Oh no, we've gotten to a part I'm less familiar with. Something, something, wind and rain. Those are the exact words. Yes. I'm bound for better days.

My life, my dreams. Nothing's going to stop me now. Yeah, yes. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d I do now, Conja here. Yeah, show me something else from Chicago. Show me more of Chicago. Holy shit. Oh, in Chicago, you have a giant metal clitoris? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. That child would have known nothing was up. If you're ahead. Until you gave them a mental like pop-up notification. We're talking about it, but we're still saying mental pop-up. Oh, definitely remember this.

Honored, I fear my magic has warped to the very skyline we were looking at before. I have remember this. Honored, I fear my magic has warped the very skyline we were looking at before. I have destroyed Chicago. No. No, this is a very popular thing to do with your parents when they come to Chicago. It's the bean. Technically, it's called cloud gate. This sucks.

Let's see the next thing. Let's see the next thing. Let's see the next thing. Oh, what's that right there? That should be pushing a bureau down the middle of the street. Those are... This is Riggly Field. It's a sport on my world. Can I say that over here on this side, it looks like the sky is cursed, and over here it looks like better days.

Well, you know, I have been away from Chicago for so long, but I can't imagine anything has changed. Like, this team has always been cursed. And, you know, I was never a big sports fan, but I used to frequent, you know, a couple theaters near this field. And I so vividly remember, maybe I'd be going to a show and on my way there, I suddenly realized, oh, shit, there was a game today. And so, and so if you're going to the theater and there's a game, do people like walk by and clean up puke? Is that the kind of thing they do?

Or, that's like a side game. Okay. Yeah. Let's see another image through this magic portal. Yeah, bring it on to us so we can see it. Oh, yeah. What? All right, right out of the gate. What the hell is Beatles' demon goat?

Yeah. Yeah. Because if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I want one. Yeah. Well, this is the famous music box theater that's actually fairly close to a Riggly field and I guess it's a movie, I guess Beatles, I really can't figure out why it's Beatles, Demon, Goat because maybe that's one title but also I don't think it's separate titles. It seems very random like if I were to just say

Rubber Soul, Gorilla, Zus yellow cool Jay like that's just random Didn't the music box sounds familiar. Why is the music box sound familiar? Well, you know I I used to go there every holiday season to sort of watch the sort of Christmas movies and it have an organist play music which was so awesome that organist from what I hear is not always available for all events that they do there um And but what if you to reward a reach out to the organist like three days before an event To to to look all I'm saying is probably that organist can't do every event But if the he can't it's probably not his fault. Okay, so it's probably somebody dragging their feet.

Yeah, probably. Okay. You know, I actually... This isn't gonna mean much to either of you two. I actually saw the movie. It's a wonderful life in this theater. Then the day I proposed to my wife, Sarah. Oh, yes, I remember this story now. Yeah, you told that story is beautiful. You told us the theme song

It's a wonderful life Yeah, I miss my wife very much and I guess it's weirdly ironic that before we got married I watched a movie about a man who sees what it's like if he was not in his life at all. I'm tired of this! Oh! Your majesty! Yes! Oh! Your majesty. Yes!

This is the Burger King. This is the Burger King. Get on one knee. You're better, sorry. Look, I have ended up on my knees after eating some burger, thing. But why would you say that? They're never going to sponsor, as I know them, for a fact. Why does the Burger King put a sign outside of his door that says, do not enter?

That's why there's nobody there. There's nobody inside. It's true. You're open for business and you say, don't enter, so you have an empty store. Guys, this is a weird picture, the more I look at it. There is something ominous about that car sitting there. There's no one inside. All the lights are on. There's a do not enter. I feel like we took a bunch of pictures

and we like found a murder in them later on. Now I tire of this image. We took a bunch of pictures and we like found a murder in them later on. Now I tire of this image, portal go away. Did you disappear, Beck? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Well, we'll use the word thank you so much. It is very heartening to see some images from a city I do love and I do miss. You are welcome, Donald. And I hope it does. Booey line heart to see these images of line home,

and that it feels the joy, joy that is unbridled. Well, guys, seeing that stuff has made me feel kind of sentimental. And I saw an old friend of ours here in the tavern. I'm going to bring up one of our oldest and dearest friends here in food. Let's talk to Nathaniel Queniarven, the hour. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Look at those kicks! Greetings from the forest. You honor us with your presence, De Fatille, Quaid Yarding. Thank you, Fiengielik. Why are we standing?

Why are we? There we go. Human, death? And who? No. That was a nickname I offered once and was never taken. And yet you use it again now, almost as an insult. No, I think it's great.

I think Daff becomes you. Yeah, you're sort of a Daff punk. Yes, I am sorry that I have not visited in some time, but the resistance goes on. Hashtag resistance? I think like a tree in resistance. What kind of stuff have you been up to to help defeat the Dark Lord, not a Dark Lord?

Which are there more? Well, I've... DQ you should have seen it earlier. Arnie was running a clinic on like talking about dark lords. He's really laying down the law. Look, I'm just trying to like keep my ears open and learn. All you can do. As we all are, Kebbarone, the Turion Eye are making progress. We've gotten really into journaling, writing down our feelings and expressing ourselves through the written word. Oh, Daph, I would love to hear a page from your journal, if you don't mind. I keep it hidden away, but perhaps I could give you something from memory. Today, Cabaron and I went picking flowers.

He got all the good ones. I felt personally slighted. This brought back some feelings, feelings of vengeance against trees, but I expressed those to him in a positive way and he gave me half his flowers. Then I kicked him because he likes it when I kick him. It was a kick of thanks. My dreams last night were weird. The end. Oh, no. Our relationship is deepening and I regret to say that's about all the progress the Trisissences made so far. It's an improvement of friendship. We have got to get any proactive people involved in defeating the dark Lord.

I don't know, human. It's difficult to have a resistance when you're always fighting amongst yourselves. But in now, we do prepare. We buy our time or the dark Lord have become more comfortable. I know he doesn't plan his own party of the day of his birth and very soon a trap shall be sprung but he didn't hear that from me. And yet he's not the most powerful weapon we have against the dark lord the act of love What one person You don't get to decide one fucking coward clapped it love Let's state for the record one person one clap

Let's state for the record one person one clap So I think it's a universally accepted idea But look when it's what it's about love you don't need a full Couple hundred people clapping you just need to find that one clap. I've always found that when in issues of love one should avoid the clap. A lot more support for that. And by that I mean you should avoid seeking the approval of others in your relationship. Seek only to approve of yourself, and I have friends approved of myself. Is that a metaphor? No.

That is a roundabout way of saying, I have found someone. Oh, my gosh, congratulations. Wow. How wonderful. Yes. Damn, that's amazing. Thank you, no one for clapping. Let the record state that there were several scattered gasps.

I feel like, I feel like, 8010 scattered gasps equal one clap. So, oh, Dithani El. I believe all those scattered gasp's equal one clap, so. Oh, Dithaneel, I believe all those scattered gasp with the sounds of many hearts breaking that you are now off the market. Yeah, yeah, honestly, you're fine as fuck. Thank you, my good friend, Chant. Yeah, you're fine as fuck. Your fur is looking particularly lustrous.

Knock it off. You're fine as fuck. Your fur is looking particularly lustrous. Knock it off. This woman is incredible, she is here. Oh, could we meet her? I would love to meet Daff in the Maiden. Why is he smoking? He does that quite a lot. Look, as many as five earth people are loving him. Yes, she is here.

Please, come forth, my lady. This is Borghild. Borghild? Borghild. Hello, I'm Borghield. Hey. Hey Borghield. Oh, sorry.

I do not shit in the company of men. Oh. It is a pleasure to meet you. It's a pleasure to meet you and be here with you. I love your voice. Isn't it incredible? Yeah. It's the thing that meet you and be here with you. I love your voice. Isn't it incredible? It's the thing that first attracted me to her. Most people run away when they hear it.

And if people stick around, then I know maybe I might like them. That happens to me too. It's definitely the kind of voice you can pick out in a crowd. Well, you know, I have no control over it. It's what I was born with. So, I choose to see it as a gift and not a non-gift. Shoot! That is another thing I love about her. She is always looking for the gifts and not the non-gifts. Oh, speaking of, Arnie, I got you a non-gift.

No. Yeah, it's nothing. It's nothing. But at least you don't have to carry it. Yeah, that's true. There's always a gift, even in a non-gift. So, to Borg Hill, death, how did you two meet? Well, I'm dabbling and some fortune-taring.

And so he came up to me and said, hey, do you know what is my fortune? And I was like, let me look. And I did. And what I said to him was not true for him, but maybe for someone else. I'm learning. I'm learning. Yeah, it's cool to hear you say you're a fortune teller because I was going to say you look like a gypsy.

Like a recent gypsy. Like a recent gypsy. Well, I get where you're going there. Thank you. No, not really. I'm just a dabling fortune teller. She's very good at telling fortunes, but it might not specifically be your fortune Right And then look at the sign and you're like, oh, it did not say who's fortune it would be I didn't say I would say you're a good fortune. I mean, I'd say a good fortune So it's on you for not listening more better Would any of you like A fortune told? Yeah.

Arnie, we got to go. I would love to hear a fortune, especially to see when you say you look, like where do you look? Oh, well, I look up at where fortunes are kept. We charge usually above us, but sometimes that below, because fortunes can be tricky, so you can't always know where they're hiding. Usually, when I look up into the left, I'm looking for something I'm about to make up or lie about.

Oh, interesting. See, that's where the tricky ones are really festering. Sometimes fortunes fester. And you think, oh, that can't be good. But then, if something fester is it usually explodes and then makes more of them So that's just more fortunes Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? Yeah Fortune festers the bold

Who the tavern is turning Could we hear a fortune please? Oh yeah, okay. Yes, hang on. Okay. Yeah. You will find a coin you thought you lost and it will come in handy to pry something else open that you can't get open.

You're welcome. That was awesome. Pretty casual force. Yeah, oh, well. Well, I start off small, you know, because if you tell too big of a fortune up top, you scare people away! And my voice started to say that.

So I don't want to be like a double scared away, just a single, can't never. Please remember that the fortune about the coin may not apply to any of you. Right, they get it. They get it. They're there. They're right here with me. I don't know where you are, you know?

Isn't she amazing? Oh, boy. So, so Borgy, could we? Could we call you Borgy? Pretty casual, not to ask if you can call her Borgy. And just launch right into it. Borgy, Borgy. Yeah?

Borgborg. Borgittyborg. You sound like a chef now. I do. Sure. I know you say you start small, but could we hear one of the bigger skips? You want a more bigger? Is that what you're saying?

I don't want a bigger. A more bigger? A more bigger. Are you sure you're up for this?'t want it bigger. A more bigger? A more bigger? Are you sure you're up for this? Yes, get out of here, man. I can handle it. Yeah. She's amazing the way she puts me in my place constantly.

You got a bigger one here. Yeah, OK. Yeah. All right. I love a good sight gag when you're only listening to me, but you know, OK. The dark lord is gonna, he's gonna come down and he's gonna like be like, whoa, who did that? My fortune has been told. For most of certainly my plans once they do reach their fruition shall cause this dark

Lord to step off his throne and say what has happened? Well, I think they said, whoa, who did that? He'll be questioning a lot of things. But it's not necessarily you, Eustodore. It could be someone else that defeats him? I don't, that probably not. or it could be someone else that defeats him? I don't, that's probably not. Or it could be like his cleaning crew? Oh, okay, yeah, I see that.

It could be you. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, it's that it's round. And whoever chooses to drive the Wheel of Fortune is usually in control of it. Can I get two vows? Ayo! I feel like that's a pretty Pat way to look at it.

I like to buy a why? Why? I think she's the most incredible puzzle that I'm always trying to solve. Oh, brother. Oh, brother. Really? Oh, brother. You hear me? I said, really? Oh, brother.

Don't worry. No, wait, wait, wait. You two kind of look similar. Don't worry. Don't worry about it. No, you should worry about it. Why did you say, oh, brother, three times? Because.

Oh, brother. You two, brother. You two, brother. You two, brother, you two kind of look similar. Yeah, don't worry about it. No, you should worry about it. Why did you say, oh, brother, three times? Because. Oh, brother, where are you going? Are you going? Yeah. Right there.

It's look. Oh. What? What? You said, oh, I think that Daph and Borgie are brother and sister, or at the very least, he's her brother. That second option sort of blew my mind. Look, let's make this a judgment-free zone.

Sometimes I call her BQ. Because her last name is Quenny Orvin. And so is he, if you didn't know. Borghild, Quenny Orvin. Yeah, it rolls off the tongue. Just like saltwater does off a taffy. Already, do you have it on earth where saltwater runs off taffy? Maybe.

Death, is this a horrible revelation for you? Is this something you already knew? We talked about it, and it's difficult. I am her half brother. So depending on where you stand on various relationships, it's at best half wrong. And look, while I'm dabbling and learning fortune telling, I'm not dabbling with no death. Okay, that's fair. Look, I think what she said was death off, folks. How much longer is this? Did you? I see now why you were really eager to reintroduce that nickname.

We share a father, the very same father that ran out on me and my family when I was butter boy. Do humans ever have secret families? Sure, I think so. Well, we do because I'm that secret family that Ordario had. So, so, so, Daft, after your father ran out on your family, Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Morghe over here was the next family.

Not so much after, but concurrently. Oh. And the reason thereof, I'm learning more and more about the story that my mother once told me he was taken by the trees. It turns out the tree is a metaphor for he had a secret family. Look, at least he leaped you alone. That one hurt me too. Like, I almost didn't say it, but then it started coming out, so then I didn't fight it. But at least, like, you know, that way you only had one parent,

like laying down the law instead of two when you were, you know, in your rebellious years, probably. She always looks at the bright side. You're making this very difficult. Why? What? How? What? She's...she's incredible. Oh, brother. Borghild, Dothaniel,

this revelation has caused my mind to quick and fear, to reconsider everything I have always taken for granted, and leads me to here asking you this question. Will you join my quest to defeat the Dark Lord? It was the first thing I thought of. Are you asking me or her? I'm asking you both. Borghild and I actually have a quest of our own we must attend to.

And it's nothing gross, no. No, it's not, no, no. Although, no. For the record, I only think it's nothing gross, no. No, it's not, no. No. Although, for the record, I only think it's half gross. No. I think it's terribly gross. Borghild has some news about our father. Which is?

Oh, wait, what's the rest of it? Sorry, do they have dramatic pauses on your planet? He is in a far off land. Yes, and he's not doing so good. I didn't tell you that part. He's not doing so good. Why would you wait to tell me that until we're out? You know, I'm fun like that. Our father needs our help. But if we can help him, we think we may gain an ally for the cause

against the dark lord. So the gift right there, you know, that's it's not a non-gift. Then I bless this quest. Go forth, fine, nine father. Come back here to Hogsface and join my quest to defeat the dark dark lord once you have joined your father and he has blessed your disgusting union. We shall selleth forth together and defeat that master of evil, the one who has kept us all trapped here in this prison town of Hogsface. I, we shall marshal our forces and ride forth high upon Grimfuth and Choon and all the other horses come rad. Can I ask something you said or I've never noticed before. Sometimes your staff glows and sometimes it doesn't. What does it take to get your staff to glow? That's a

personal question. What glows your staff, bro? Well, it's you know, depending on how magical I'm feeling. You know, if I'm casting a spell like you know, changing the tavern around or making a mystical portal will picture the pier, well then it starts to glow. Yes, because I am excited, and full of mystical energies. I've also noticed it glows when you push it with your thumb, right?

Right. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, also I have to charge it, or it just doesn't work. DQ, BQ. Yeah? I mean, it seems like you guys have a lot to figure out, but he has more to figure out than I do, but yes, we both have stuff to figure out.

We will travel, and we will attempt to find our father, and it will be a lot of time Getting to know each other sure will and Yep, and maybe we only take one rucksack and we'll have to share it. Hey, hey, it ain't that cold where we're going Hey, DQ can I talk can I talk to you? Mandaman first. I'll go this way so you can't it's Man to elf, but okay, Okay, so I'm so sorry. Um...

Look, you do you, and who am I to judge? But if you feel like you're in love with your sister... Half-sister? Your half-sister. Half-sister. Are you suresister. Half-sister. Are you sure the next thing you want to do is like, let's go find my dad and see what he thinks about this. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

All right, well, DQ, I support you. Thank you. Good luck, buddy. And it's not the grossest thing that's happened in this tavern. Like, honestly, weird stuff happens here all the time. That's good to know. Yeah. It reminds me of an old earth song.

The love boat. Twist something a loving boat. The love boat. Exciting and new. Door readers. I'm feeling better about the progress that the resistance have made because it seems like you just sit around learning songs. Arnold teaches us many songs and those songs are rallying cry because as you said, love and friendship are the things that shall eventually

bind us all together. And we do feel a great bond with one another. We shall stand up for what is right. We should offend our neighbours and those who we do love the most. I and we shall love those who we see the least. We shall treat each other as equals. And we shall lift each other up, and then we shall strike out and strike down that dark Lord. That's a great note to get into. That's how you make a plan. Can you tell us briefly where you're headed? We will head to the Westlands. The Westlands?

The Westlands. It's my understanding that these are lands that are west of here. OK. Check this out. And do you know what the danger is that you'll be facing? Besides really the obvious stuff? I have been told that the primary danger, at least in my family, is alcoholism.

It's been a good friend to me, but I got another half. I don't know how you take to it. Dathur, can I just say there are a lot of red flags. Do they have alcoholism on Earth, you men? I am from Chicago, yes. LAUGHTER Borghild, before you set out on this amazing quest, tell us one more fortune.

Sure. Hey, I heard that. Victory will belong to somebody. Good luck to you guys. Our way will be scattered with the guiding lights of these red flags. I do see what you love about her. Borghild is a beautiful woman, very charming, very lovely. I look at Borghild and think resistance is futile. Yeah.

I got to sit around with you boys and whatever you are more often, you know? Well, I feel like we've exhausted all the puns, so I just want to say before we sort of end the show, I just want to raise a glass to freedom. It's something they can never take away, no matter what they tell you. They'll tell the story of tonight. Yeah.

Tonight, it's just the five of us, but tomorrow they'll be... A live of us. A live of us. And I just want to say, if the knee camp can get married, there's hope for our ass after all. Well, thank you for coming back and visiting us at this very table. The best catchphrase. Look for our new t-shirt. Indeed, I will miss this very table, but fair not, we shall return.

And thanks to all of you for coming back and joining us at this very table, and you're always welcome here, but if we come in and you're sitting at our table, we will ask you to move because this is our table. Thank you very much. We're hello from the Magic Tabern. Well, that sure seemed like a fun time, but it definitely wasn't evidence of alternate realities. Useador the Wizard was played by Matt, sorry, that blinking battery, tattoo in my arm

is really distracting. Why don't I even have this tattoo? Oh, well, it's not blinking. Actually, the tattoo disappeared entirely, so that's good. As I was saying, use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shunk It looks like Craig's battery crapped out. Any amateur. Another guy is not around right now and we're way over due for another Trisha. I guess all that leaves is all robot Arnie.

I mean, I'm not a robot. I'm Arnie and he can't put one of the creators of this show. And in no way have I been programmed to make you think that this is just a fictional improv podcast. Anyway, it's my time to shine. User of the Wizard was played by Matt Young. I mean, that guy, right? Chunk the shapeshifter was played by Adel Rafa. You know what I'm talking about. Devon the Bard was played by special guest Chris Lee.

Get this. Chris plays Lafayette and Jefferson in the Chicago production of Hamilton. He is really good in that show. People need to know there's this show called Hamilton and it's really good. Anyway, he was awesome to agree to do a live show even though I think he had no idea what he was getting into. But he showed up totally game, we explained what it was, like 15 minutes before we started, and he was like, yeah, let's do it. I explained to him that he didn't need to worry about breaking the show, and then he almost broke the show, but in a very fun way. You can finally

look at Chris Lee on Twitter at the official C. Lee. Defaniel Kwenjarven, the elf, was played by Tim Ryder and Borg Hill. The fortune teller was played by Rebecca Hansen. Tim and Rebecca both wrote for the new Mystery Science Theater 3000 TV show. And if you saw it, which I hope you did, Tim played one of the boneheads,

Rebecca played the voice of Gypsy and Cynthia. And they were both a really big part of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 live tour. Thanks everyone that came out to see the show with the music back theater and there are a lot of you. Thank you to all of you that waited patiently in line to take a picture with us or have us autographed something. And thanks to the crazy group of folks who just agreed to meet us at the Burger King.

And we're sorry that we didn't realize that although the Burger King stays open past 10 pm, that's just the drive through. So we all just hung out in the parking lot and looked like real weirdos. If you want to see Hello from the Magic Tavern live, you're in luck. We're doing a live show in Washington, DC, November 14th at the 6th in I, synagogue. Go to Hello from themagictavern.com, click on the live, episodes, link, and it's a great place to get info and tickets on that Washington, DC show, and just to keep your eye out for any future live shows. Also Kyle Telechan took some awesome photographs of the live show we're going to try to put

those up on the website. We got some amazing fan art that someone drew during the live show which we'll also try to put up there. We're trying to add more fan art to our website in general. Also of course, links to shirts and stuff. Basically we're trying to make the website a cool place that you should be visiting on a fairly regular basis. It's a process, but still check it out from time to time.

Hello from thematictavern.com. So many people to thank in connection to live show that I'm sure I'm going to miss a lot, but thanks to Ryan, Julian, and the staff of the music box theater. If you're in Chicago, you have to see a movie at the music box. Thanks to Haley, MK, Simon, and Mindy from WBEZ's events team,

thank you to Tyler Green, producer of this live event in the WBEZ Podcast Passport series. They regularly bring all kinds of amazing podcasts from all over the country to Chicago for live shows. To find out more info, go to www.orgslashevents. Thank you to WBEZ volunteers. Thank you to Gemma for manning the merch table. Thank you to that guy who showed me he can recite the full spin tax name. Thank you to people who dressed up in costumes. I saw someone cosplaying as Hank. I saw someone cosplaying as Pizza Skull.

I saw Larry Birdman Jersey. If you live in DC, dress up as blemish and come to the 6th and I sin a gog on November 14th. Oh, I'm talking way too long, but I was programmed that way. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Ryan DeGeorgie, Evan Gicover, and a robot who's pretending to be Arne and Ecamp. This episode, edited by Garrett Schultz, logo by Albert LeBan, music by Andy Poland, thanks as always to Ear Wolf, and thanks as always to the Chicago podcast co-op. And thanks to you, dear listener. See you next week!

If my calendar programming is correct. Next week's going to be the Dark Lord's birthday party. Sound spooky? you