Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 32 - Dark Lord's Birthday Party

Episode Date: October 23, 2017

We sneak into the Dark Lord’s party and mingle amongst his evil partygoers all as part of a plan to kill the Dark Lord.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBaron Ragoon: Chris RathjenDripfang: Kevin ScirettaClaudia: Beth MelewskiEvil Tannakin the Pinglet: Sarah FineoutCockroach Clown: Gilbert GottfriedTomblain Belaroth (aka: A Series of Bats): Steve WaltienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxAdditional Music: Andy Poland and Brian ChardProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, can I share? We've been through a lot. What with me reminding you other dimensions aren't real and you accepting it at face value. I feel like we forged a connection, or at least a fun-size level of Stockholm syndrome. I'm just feeling a little blue. There's clearly a big party about to happen and I wasn't even asked. And it's not that I want to go. I don't. It's just nice to be invited sometimes, you know. And it's not that I want to go, I don't.

It's just nice to be invited sometimes, you know. It's not helping that my Craig is broken. Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squ Well, strap on a bib and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh, what a time to listen in. About two and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Unfortunately, it's been taken over by the

Dark Lord who was in prison me and my co-host in the prison town of Hogsface. Luckily, we have a plan to defeat him. We're sneaking into his birthday party tonight with a knife that can kill wizards permanently. The blade of Vescohlan. The blade of Vescohlan Han yes, he's an infamous wizard killer from days of your He was the only person who ever killed a wizard finally and permanently Yeah, he's to call him the Vesco County kid. Oh, no, yeah, he's known everywhere all across the land So guys, I know our first task is to sneak into this party and to kill the dark Lord But also I just want to keep on top of expositionizing for the audience. So, you, my co-host and co-conspirator in killing the Dark Lord, use it or the wizard.

I'm use it or the twelfth realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow! Maybe later, of magical lights, to power, or to chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas! The elves know me as Fienjalak, the dwarves know me as Zunin and Huk Stenges, and I am known in the North East as Gasmaniac and Mata. And very soon you may add to this list of names, Smiter of that Dark Lord. Oh, Smiter of that Dark Lord. I might not face that matter.

Yeah, we can all say something better. Smitey Smitey. Yeah, but let's not worry about what people call you after it's done. Yes, as soon as the legend of Grovel, a name shall reveal itself unto me. Absolutely. And also, my other co-conspirator

in killing the Dark Lord tonight, it's a chunt, the talking Badger slash shapeshifter. Yes, hello. Hey, bud, I'm so glad I was able to get you two invitations that weren't being used. I know, chunt, you're a guard working from the Dark Lord, so you can kind of come and go as you please. Oh, bud. I'm so glad I was able to get you to invitations that weren't being used. I know, Chuck, you're a guard working from the dark lord, so you can kind of come and go as you please. Oh, yeah. We have to sneak ourselves into this party. It was relief. I originally was going to attend with my best friend,

a pro fuel, but he said he was going to meet me here and then he giggled and ran away. Yeah, I have to confess. I know I just started recording a minute or two ago, but we've been hanging outside this big mansion for a couple hours. Doesn't seem like your butt's gonna show up. No, no, it'll be inside. If it says it's going to be inside, what do we mean inside? No guys, don't forget your backstory for the invitations, okay? Okay, these invitations were meant for two female guards. Okay. They're made of a 100 percent stake in their birth name Patricia. No.

Yes, that'll work, right? Could I be, like, just a man made of human flesh? Why don't you want to be two albif patties? I don't, I mean, I love two albif patties, but I just don't know. Here, I shall cast a glamour upon us to make us appear more female to the guests of this party. Sarah Thomterra Balakhanye!

Khanye, I remember that ending. I dwirked now, you have more feminine and us appearance to those in the party. Yeah, and I sound just like a woman too. Wolf! Some like a gold. Alright. So we're gonna sneak into this party and I'm Patricia, is my name? Your name is Patricia or you might go by Patty, okay?

But remember you're a hundred percent steak, you're all beef because I believe the theme for the Dark Lord's Party is heaps of beef. Oh that's right. Because if you recall the guards had to bring heaps of beef. Okay, we're so we're heaps of beef. Alright. Just don't stand next to the heaps of beef or otherwise, we're so we're heaps of beef. Alright. Just don't stand next to the heaps of beef, or otherwise you'll be confused and consumed someone might try to eat us.

For sure. Oh wow. Let us enter. So they may finally destroy that dark lord once and for all. Yeah, I shall smite him where I do find him. And he shall no longer live. I shall spill his blood and that special sauce sound get all over me. Ugh. Let's do it. Okay. Alright. So we'll go in, we'll play it cool, and then when we find the Dark Lord

we'll stab him and kill him. You don't have to tell us to play it cool. This is like the best plan we've ever come up with. It's the only plan we've ever come up with. It's the only plan we've ever come up with. Let us enter. That's the only plan we've ever come up with. Let's sit down. Ah, hello, welcome, friends. Oh, hey! Ah, I'm just in Raccoon. Ah, yes. It's a pleasure to make you acquainted.

I am Patricia, you can call me Patty. Oh, nice to meet you, Patty. Uh, and hello, Chant, of course, I know you. Yes, good to see you again. And who is this vision? I am also Patty, but I'm a different Patty. Well nice to meet you Patty. Uh, and hello, Chant of course, I know you. Yes, good to see you again. And who is this vision? I am also Patty, but I'm a different Patty. A different Patty. Well, welcome everyone to the Manor House of the Dark Lord. Hi, and you know, we've never met, but I assume that you're like kind of in charge of

Hogsface. Oh yes. I have that look about you. Oh, thank you. I know I'm, I am Baron Raghun, uh, 33rd Baron of the Shrike Valley, but I have that look about you. Thank you. No, I'm Baron Raghun, 33rd Baron of the Shrike Valley, but I have been asked to oversee the Dark Lord's operations here in the town of Hogspace.

But please welcome, enjoy yourselves. Don't worry about titles tonight. We're all nothing but heaps of meat in front of the Dark Lord, so. How funny. What a funny little joke you made. Oh, well, thank you. Did you guys have any trouble finding the place? Oh, no, we just looked for the biggest castle and down. Right, yes, I mean, we did build it quite recently, but since it is down a little side street, or fun fact is they say on earth a cold assack,

I wasn't sure if people would be able to find the place. Oh, you know things about Earth, how exciting. Oh, yes, I know all about the other world, although I'm sure Chantier can probably answer some questions too. Actually, no, Arnie never wants to talk about Earth stuff. How would you know about Earth stuff? Oh, the Dark Lord, and we have our ways. So, but fun fact, in case you're discussing this call to sack later, the plural of call to sack is actually Coles de sack.

Ugh. Oh, I really leave a taste in your mouth. Doesn't it? Yeah, I really, really lean into that one. Coles de sack. Ugh. I mean, the way the earth man talks, Coles de sack.

Coles de sack. Oh, and Baron, since it's just me and my, my paddies here, feel free to say how you really feel about our army. What? Well, whatever you think about them, just share. I mean, he's a little underwhelming for being from another world. Right. Yeah, we kind of talk about that.

Like, oh, he's the key to the dark lord spreading his influence. But, you know, I would never say that to his face. That's pretty harsh. Is it weird bearing that you're in charge of all a hog's face and you're like answering the door at this party? Again, it's all part of the theme, the rest of the year. I have a very specific role in the hierarchy, you know, pretty much above everyone, but kings and dark lords, but today, just a hunk of meat.

We're all gonna die and rot, and if we do, we'll continue on only through the Dark Lords will. Oh, huh. Have a drink. Oh, sure. Yeah. Do you have any red potion, Miami Chance? No, no, no. She can't have any red potion.

That, that right. Yes, my friend Patty forgot to play it cool. Oh. My friends are gonna play it cool. Yeah, we're gonna play it cool. I mean, they do have everything. We've got everything at the bar. If you want some red potion, yeah. are gonna play it cool. I mean, play it cool. They do have everything. We've got everything at the bar. If you want some red questions, yeah.

We've got dream wine. We've got wine of the elders. We've got white wine. Not sure whether anyone's had that, but it's kind of crazy. Hmm. I like it with shrimp. Excuse us, Baron, we must mingle about the party

a little bit, and my friends and I are very excited that we got to meet you, though. Before we let you go, Baron, can I ask you a weird question? Of course. Which of these two patties do you find more feminine? Oh, um, and remember that femininity can be defined by a lot of different things. I mean, why does it have to be one thing? Well, I think they're both lovely. I certainly would not choose, you know, it's not like Arnie or something, or not here where I can just say what a pile of crap. No, sure.

This is the worst party I've ever been to. We'll go inside and then- Okay, no, no, that's true, that's true. Let's go inside. Guys, can we talk to each other? Yeah, focus here. Look, I'm just saying, you said, or you're just laying it all out there. We just got to this party and you're just flirting with everybody like crazy. We're in disguise. We must use these disguises to our advantage. All right. I'm just saying like I know we have a mission at this party But also let's enjoy ourselves, but also like just you know

Be careful. All right play cool. Be careful. You play cool. Be careful. But have fun, but have fun great But also don't have fun. We have a knife that can kill it with we have a knife. But have fun. But have fun. Great. But also, don't have fun. We have a knife that can kill a whistler. We have a knife. But have fun. But be careful. But be careful. Play it cool. To all the way, Patties.

Yes. Shape shifter. Absolutely. Possessing a seatbelt. You can't spell manslaughter without laughter. But cockroach's gone. I'm cockroach clown. A giant cockroach with clown makeup!

I don't see what part of that is difficult to understand. It's pretty straightforward, really. Yes, about Ender, I'll have two glasses of the wine of the elders, and then one tanker of dream wine, and then when those are done, go to the roof and throw yourself off it and kill yourself. Thank you so much. Claudia, is that what you wanted? I ordered for us, which was very presumptuous. No, I like it. I'll take some. If we are going to have a birthday party in this po-dunk town, I'm glad they built this castle specifically for it.

Smells like charcoal grill marks in here. It does. It smells like a bear died, and then someone had sex with the dead bear, and then tried to cook the bear and throw it on one of these giant heaps of meat. God, can I confess something to you now? Yes, please! You have a very snake-like voice, which is so appealing to me.

Did I ever tell you I'm 997 snakes inside of a skin suit? Oh, what happened to the other three? I'll tell you. I wasn't gonna set up for a joke. Well, I hope not, because I hate jokes. Well, I was talking to this stupid, doofus earth man and his dumb friends. And they found out that I was a thousand snakes, and then he kicked me, and three of them escaped out of my foot. Oh!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! You're already shit hammered, aren't you? I'm drunk. Look at my shirt. It says squad ghouls. Where can I get a shirt like that? I want one that says squad ghouls as well. Look It's a bunch of ghouls and they're all together and they're doing different gang signs. I'll make you one with a pen Excellent. I have some spare shirts in my carriage that I you can just scribble all over When's the DJ getting here? I want a shake and ass. Ah, yes I've contracted several orcs to form themselves into a musical instrument and then scream a music at us.

Whoa, who are these two beefy slugs? Look at you two giant piles of femininity. Ah, yeah, thank you, I think. Mm-hmm. Barton will all have a white wine please. Oh, yes, and then remember, after you give her a white wine, go up to the top of the castle and throw yourself off it and kill yourself. My name is Drip Fang, I'm the chef inquisitive of the Dark Lord. Ah, how... my dire dress you, this... My name is Patricia, and this is my sister, Patricia. Yes.

Oh, twins! How original! Yes, we do a twin act. And twins! I'd love to see it! Oh, yes. could you perform some of your twin act for us? Yes, we dress all in yellow and act like babies. Oh Yeah, okay, that sounds awful crying and spitting up sucking on nips Demanding to go to college. Well, we can do it if you want so we can not do it. I think we'll pass on that right now Yeah, I'm not saving that. It's fine right now. Yeah, I guess that's fine.

Patricia, don't just offer up things that I'll do. I'm not gonna just perform for people. I'm offering up things that people won't want, so they'll know that we're here for a purpose. Sorry I was gonna do it. Sorry I was gonna do it through a magic thing. Good to see you all. Oh, wow.

Did you meet my friends, Patty and Patty? Yes, they teased us with a chin act? No, a twit. I've had a couple of acts. Oh, they do a dream act. They act as babies. Ladies act like babies. I hate this.

Oh, this is the fucking pit. Boo. What's the other one that I do? Yes, I'm a baby as well. Oh, okay. That's a total. Look, we don't have to have just one defined idea of what it means to be a baby.

Why did that come up? So you think a baby just says, I'm the baby. Gotta love me. Yeah, you're the baby now, dog. Ooh. Chant, can I confide in you for a second? Yes, please. Now your wizard friend hasn't stopped in my store

in quite some time and I'm a little sad about it. So I'm drinking tonight. Well, I usually don't drink because I'm on little sad about it. So I'm drinking tonight. I usually don't drink because I'm on birth control. Is that an amulet you suck as well? Yes, they're all amulets you suck. That's jeez. Well, you used to talk about you all the time.

You always talk about visiting your shack at midnight. I love you said the shack at midnight. Oh, what a man. P.S., where do I get a squat-goal shirt? Oh, I'll make one for you. Pen and shirt. That's all it takes. Pretty impressive. Well, tell him to stop by soon, I miss him.

I will, yes, absolutely. You look good tonight, Jack. Oh, thank you so much. Yes, I'm wearing my best fur, I kind of put some product in it to shine it up a little bit. A cloddy, can I ask you a question? I know we've just met. Of course.

It seems like this is a party for evil people. Are you evil? Oh, I'm half evil, half good. I mean, later on, you'll find me upstairs in a giant foreposter bed singing happy birthday, Mr. Dachlor. Tell myself, falling asleep. So you haven't seen him? No, I haven't seen him yet. Nobody's seen him yet. Nobody's seen the DJ either. It's what he has some sir mix a lot Who?

Sir mix a lot you refers to a noble knight who travels the land making cocktails and throwing them at his enemies This is the truth patty. You know sir mix a lot. You're from food. Of course. You know sir Oh, of course I do know everyone and food knows of the night sir Yeah, pretty rare for someone who's native to food, not to know who's their mixelote is. She just forgot. She's drunk too. Well, also, you know, it's generational. I bet all the younger people in food

don't know, sir, mix a lot. Like, I'm much younger than, uh, chant, or, my twin. How dare you. So, you're cool. Okay, so let me fact-check this. You're much younger than your twin. Yes. I'm going to need a number on that one.

I must ask for it is my job for I am a chef in Quizata. Our mother was an excruciating labor for 16 years. Wow. Okay, that checks out. It was a 16-year dry age and then they were produced. Yeah. Yes. Many people I know were barrel aged for that length of time

and then bottled and served pretentious fuckheads at horse races. I have a question for the chef and quizzider. I'm fielding questions at this time. Yes. Is there a sheet cake? Oh, yes. There will be a sheet cake.

Yes. It's part one sheet cake made entirely of meat, one made entirely of heap meat, and the other one more traditional, being that it was meated and then by spell magic turned into more pastry like fluids that then congealed into a traditional cake. My favorite. Mmm, sounds delicious. Bluh.

Thank you. It sounded sarcastic, but then you made that noise at the end. Oh no, I think it sounds really really good. Sorry to change the subject, but is everyone really like this shirt a lot? I could just make more of them with the spell poofed. Ah, you know the doubling spell. Oh, yes. I know the doubling spell I know it well. Yes, this Stakewoman does know a doubling spell. She stumbled upon it while just talking gibberish, as she has no magical power or prowess. She's just randomly saying phrases and it worked. Yeah, she's just one lucky spell in my bag of tricks.

Ha, excellent. Well, I've used it many times here for I did cater to this party as well. Before I took off my caterer's robes, put on my party boy robes, and decided to have a good-ass time. I gotta say, I love those party boy robes. Thank you so much, I bedazzled it to myself. So good, so good. I like that, it's not as good as that squad ghouls shirt,

which I'm doing back flips over, that thing is tight. Was anyone helping you cater the event? Maybe someone in a short skirt and a long jacket? Mmm, that's no point, was anyone who fit that sweet cake-like description? I think Patricia talks about April Fools, who we know is pro-wout. Oh, yes, the gnome, the prank bastard. Yes. I've seen him not.

He is very low to the ground, as far as I know, he's only up to about two squirtles site at this point. Two squirtles? Yes, well, I mean good for him. I think it's a lot of it is hat if you get my drift But yes, no, no sign of him what's there? Yeah, that's dripping sensor fielding questions. Can I ask you the floor? Recognize this chant What do you think the plural of cold assack would be? What the fuck is a cul de sac?

Right is it is it a culling of sacks? Are you just going around destroying testicles because that that sounds awful and I love it. Or spider sacks. Ooh, okay, I- that's so as well. Are we just going around destroying spider sacks with fire or various sharp or blunt implements? Also, when I want to call to sack, I'll just shoot a spell. Girl! Guys, I think I see Tannigan over there talking to the Baron. I bet Tannigan's probably pretty close to the Dark Lord, maybe they know.

Where that Dark Lord is, so we can kill him with our knife. Okay, yes. Excuse me, dripfang. I must excuse myself so we can go speak to another friend that we saw, but I hope to talk to you more later. Oh, I hope that happens as well, patty. I hope to get to know you quite well. In fact, many parts of me have been poofed while talking to you. I accidentally doubled a heap of meat and it fell on a goblin waiter and he died.

Ha ha ha ha! I'm a party boy, baby. You later, beef curtains. Pardon me. I'm going to kill him with that knife too. I might kill her. Play it cool. Okay, sorry, yeah, I'll play it cool. I'm sorry I'm being a Patricia Heat on. My mask of sanity is a victim of a pending slippage. Mmm, hmm. These beef tits are delicious.

Yeah, you're really digging into those. Oh my God, I've never had such good beef tits. You guys eating beef tits? Oh, yes we are eating beef tits, would you like some? I love some beef tits. Hashtag beef tits. I'm saying beef tits or beef tits. Beef tits. Beef tits. Okay, good. I mean get some beef tits over here. I actually came over here and wanted to make sure you would try the the shank of dwarf. Oh, I would love to devour some dwarf. Now dig in, like fill up, eat as much as you want, there's a vomitorium in the back. Perfect, because you know me, I can only have about two free swallows before I need to

bomb. Do you know that earth horses, unlike food horses, are unable to vomit? These kids. Oh my, that's sad for them. Right? Someone should kill them. Don't worry, we will. I don't know about you.

The horse I rode here on probably vomited buckets today before I came in. Yeah, the horse that I was flying above vomited at least 10 times, but I think that's because I fed him some poison turds. You poisoned your horse? Poison turds. I'm sorry, I really don't mean to horn it on this conversation. Oh, sorry, Tannikann, have you met Patricia? Patricia.

And Patricia. Hello. And Chant, I think you know. Oh, we know each other. You helped defeat and enslave his friends. Oh, yes, I could never forget. I chatted. He stole the lunar sword. Do you have any, oh I could never forget. I'm sure. He stole the Lunar Sword.

Do you have any pork tits? Uh, oh, is that a joke? No. No, I don't know. Oh you're a big shit. Oh shit. I'm so sorry. So yeah, you're a tiny flying pig creature kind of.

Yeah, that's right, I'm a peopleite. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, I am from this world. I know everything there is to know about living in fun. Very cool. You both seem very cool. Would you like to try some of my tits? Uh, yes, we'd be honored to sub with thee. I would. Thank you. Guys, I haven't been to a party in too long.

I'm not used to, I don't have like my suave answers to these questions. What? I don't know how to answer some of these questions. When did you have suave answers? We can go in my younger days when I was very swallve. Yes, we would love to try some of the beef tits. There you go. Take a big scoop. Thank you.

Thanks, Goom. Such creamy beef tits. Yeah, that's the cream. I must ask, Tanniken, I've heard tale of penglets and I've never met a penguin that's turned evil until I met you. What would it force you to become evil? Oh, I can't ever reveal that.

It's too dark for you and I don't want to scare you, Miss Patty. No, I wouldn't be scared. I love evil. That's why I'm here. Yeah, we're all just a bunch of evil people here. You could tell us your evil secrets. Well, you know, the Dark Lord and I have a little something special. It's a little genus aqua chemistry.

He's shared with me a couple of his secrets and that won me over. Oh, how what languages genus aqua? What is... Fart, Fart, Arnie, you're from Foon, remember? You're Patty from Foon. You're into my name is Patty, not Arnie, remember? Yes. I want to see what your insides look like. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch.

No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch.

No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch.

No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No fronch. No of ink myself. Oh, let's see. Take it off. Uh, yeah, okay. It's the right phase of the moon for you to see that bit there.

But yeah, check it out. Ooh. Oh, that is lovely. That's literally spitting fire at me. Yeah. Do you guys got any, uh, any, uh, ink? Oh, no. I don't have anything. I used to have lava and hates, but when I shape-shifted it, went away. Oh. I only have this along my arm that says USDA. And what is that stand for?

Usta. Oh. Very nice. Is that Franch? It's our brother's name. Yeah. Oh, good old. She was in labor for 16 years, it was terrible.

Yes. My mother was in labor for 10 seconds and had one hundred of us. Oh, wow. Well, this isn't a contest. It's not a contest. Yeah. My mother didn't live to tell me how long she was in labor. By choice or... I mean, you don't ask when you're a kid and then you know...

When your mom's dead. And then your mother is devoured by s'mores. Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry. Shrike was a terrible place once upon a time. I mean, no more violent than any other corner of food. Where are you from? I'm from Skur. Ah, all right. Well then, yes. You can look down on Shrike. I'm from Gratax. Why are you from? Wait, aren't you? Why would Twins be from Tudor from Blight? She moved during the labor.

Oh, yeah. Well, Gratax is a shit hole, I don't mind saying. Not to change subject, but has anyone seen the Dark Lord? Yeah, has anyone seen the Dark Lord? Yeah, is anyone seeing the Dark Lord? Or, like, we know how vulnerable he is right now? First of all, the Dark Lord will appear at the time of his choosing. It is not ours to demand his presence. I'll be honest, it's not entirely impossible that he will not arrive tonight.

He has ghosted on some parties before. What? Ghosted, he has instead, you know, temporarily left his body and as the spirit is gone, to the party unseen. Oh, but what a shame. It'd be a wonderful to bask in his glorious presence. Well, I mean, there's still the meat and there'll be the murder orgy later. So what's this now? Oh, you've got the murder. The, the more G. Yeah, the more G. The

murder or G. You've got to stay. It's really fun. I mean, you do have to say once you walk through that door, you have to stay. Otherwise, you will be murdered in the more G. I got to ask, is the murder or G just like the lot of murder or is there a, this is a weird question asked, is there a sexual component to it? Oh, of course there it is. I can't sure. Yes, whoever orgasms first gets killed. Oh, man. Seems fair though. There's a fairness to it.

In a way you think about it though, you're shooting yourself at your own foot. You're sort of ensuring that you won't climax. Oh, everyone'll remain calm. The one of the Dark Lord's personal assistance is heading over here. Oh God, what is that? Is that a horse with spider legs? The Sochiah Mi Daya Manachar.

Oh, you know, you've met Sochiah Mi Daya Medica. I heard tales. Is that thing's headon-finder? I mean the normal amount, yeah. Don't get too close, or you ladies will be well done. Oh, yeah. That's the social media manager? Yes, that's not how you say it.

Oh, that's the so-key-all-need-a-my-d-a-ya-sale-j-uh. Keep barren! The rumor has it they're out of barf, then we will make some more. Guys, we have to speed our plan up. If the Dark Lord is here, we want to kill him and get out of here before the morggy starts. Either that or we're just going to have to make sure he comes first. That's only polite. Well, not out of politeness.

I mean, it is his birthday. It's his birthday. You got to let him come first. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to do that. I'm just gonna have to make sure he comes first. That's only polite. Well not out of politeness. I mean it is his birthday. It's his birthday. You gotta let him come first. I think we've lost focus here. If the

focus isn't to make the dark lord come first what are we here for? We're here to murder him. Oh right the knife. The blade of the blade. Let's go alive. You're right. We need to focus up. I'm gonna go grab a red potion from the bar. Do you do anything, Chad? No, no. Anything? Don't get a red potion. I'll be right back. No. Chant, what are we going to do now? Arnold's off drinking red potion. You're trying to make the dark Lord come first. Do I have to down my mouth? A little bit. Here.

You got it? Yeah. No, it's still there. Right here? Yeah. Thank you. There's still there. Right here? Yeah. Thank you. There's a nib. I got it. You got it. Very well. I'm going to look in all the little tiny alcoves and see if a parallel is here.

I'm sure he's just hiding waiting to meet me. After all, he is my best friend. All right. Well, I see cockroach clowns, so I'm going to head over there. All right. Meet up in two minutes. Two minutes.

Wow. My exact is getting pretty full! I may need to deposit it near a reliable food source soon. And then the cycle of life can continue on from there. Oh, I forgot to turn the recording back on for a while there. What were you doing? I didn't know I was just enjoying the party.

Okay, well, be responsible. I am being super focused. I am, the red potion is making me super focused. Be careful. I'm more focused, you've nevered. I am. The red potion is making me super-focussed. I'm more f- you don't- you've never seen me so focused. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. Your nose is bleeding. Well, it's dripping some kind of chaser from the steak. Don't mind me. I'm just going to stand directly at your face

for the next hour or two. This is where all the barf stroganoff is, right? Yeah, we have a barf stroganoff in here. There's a I can set some yons on fire. Do you want some flaming yons? John, you still got a little tit on your lip. Where's the beef tit? Where's the beef tit? It's a little stuck in your teeth. We got ten my teeth. The barf should be ready. We've been force feeding orcs and then you know, tors for gargitating orcs. Then then I've been making them fight to the death with various buckets of fluids that have been coming out of them during the forest feeding process.

I'm having a good time. Drip thing. Yes. I wanted to talk to you about something when we get to Earth and spread the Dark Lord's darkness to the Earth people. OK, yes, let's discuss that right now Apparently we should be on the lookout for a band called the goo goo doll

As terrifying as that sounds they actually were supposedly Originally named the sex maggots so I think there's an alliance to be made there sex maggots like what we used to clean up mortgies. Yes. Oh Excellent. So I'm assuming that this band of there some manner of minstrels and musicians as it were either minstrels or Briggins, you know, well, I shall find them by affixing a dark Inflatable piece of rubber to an infant and then pushing it out into the middle of whatever road we're on and hopefully and then pushing it out into the middle of whatever road we're on and hopefully baby's black balloon is going to fly John, do you hear that? About the black balloon? No, we gotta get out of here before this more G starts

Because here's what we're gonna find When we get there, I don't want the world to see me because I don't think that they'd understand Oh no, down, down, down Yes, everything's made to be broken I just want people to know that I'm 997 motherfucking Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate ornate Ornate ornate Ornate Ornate Ornate ornate Ornate Ornate ornate Ornate ornate ornate ornate Ornate ornate ornate ornate ornate ornate Ornate ornate ornate Ornate ornate ornate You have been saddled with this job by our Dark Lord. You have done many awful things, and for that I commend you, and I raise this goblet of blood to thee. That means so much, and let me...

Yeah, I'm just going to drink my own spit. Patty, can I ask you a question? Woman to woman, lady to lady. Oh, yeah! Oh, absolutely! Do you think I should grow another crotch for this morggy? Um... Do you think one crotch is enough for the morggy? What would you do, Patty?

What would I do? You know what? I'm just gonna be honest with you. It's all I'm asking. Girl to girl, woman to woman. Absolutely. I don't have a lot of morggy experience. Which you could probably guess from the fact that I'm still alive.

Yes. Um, well if you get pregnant during the morggy, you do have a crotch fruit, which is what we call babies. Oh. Chant's right. If anybody needs an extra crotch for when things kick off, just tell me, and I'll speak my poofed spell directly at it. Oh, look at that, more box-druckin' off. To be honest, I'm sorry, I overheard your question. Please.

I think it's a little bit of a risk because then your twice is likely to go first if you know what I mean. You are a smart piglet. That's right. So maybe wait until after the first person goes. Yes. Alright, single crotch for now. Guys, can I just be honest?

Look, this party's been going on for a long time and it's getting a little bit late. We're all just hanging out here in the kitchen and I'm actually having a great time just talking to you. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I've come into this party. I'm a little less interested in murdering somebody at the end of the night and I'm just interested in like talking to interesting people. I'm interested in both. I'm excited for the murder at the end of the night.

Me too. And I, you know, I do think the Dark Lord is going to show up tonight. I do. I have a hunt. Yeah, he and I took a nap together today. Oh. It was really sweet. Yeah.

Oh, Tannocken, I've been so rude. I am so sorry. My friends, Patricia and Patricia, have a baby act that they would like to show you. Oh, I love it. Oh, it's the worst. Well, luckily. It's the worst. I mean, it's two sisters performing,

so it is kind of a sister act, but. Patricia's not here right now. It's just me, Patricia. Oh, where is Patty? Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I heard that you were calling for me. Yeah, I thought you could do your sister act. I love to, I'd love to do our act.

Oh, boy. Here it goes. Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. Patty, I'm Wubby Goldbird. What? One star. You're-yeah, you're a-oh, you're a big old-what? I'm-you're a goldbird? Yes, I'm Wubby Goldbird.

Oh, you're celebrating being a Goldbird? Wubby! Yeah. I'm so sorry you didn't like the show. I have to talk to my friends for a moment. Can you come here? Yeah, I look we need to set squad goals Yeah, cuz we are embarrassing ourselves. I looked all over for a prop. Yeah, is he here in the kitchen somewhere? No He swore he was gonna meet me here. You see I think a prop just you got played you off. Yeah, no no He's my best friend. My best friend.

And what is he known as being? A prank bastard. Yes. Oh. And I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. I'm thinking, it's because you have a tattoo. And I've been thinking of getting one of a troll, just a giant rock troll beating the shit out

of the corpse of my father. Oh, that's a great idea. I love to include family and lots of deep memories in my tattoos. I think it sounds beautiful. I like to think of trauma that has been sustained by people that I hate and I like to memorialize it on myself and other things. If you could tell me the two artists that are fixed it onto your pig skin, I would love to pay him all artists that are fixed to onto your pig skin. I would love to pay him all to perform the act upon me and then cut their head off in front of their family. Most of my favorite tattoos were done by Inki Bottom. Inki Bottom's, I know very well their work and I should list them. I'm going tonight. I've had enough dream wine. If anybody wants more tea with the big boy and then get out there

and just get straight up inked Drip fang is just drip fang's your guy Drip fang I'll go all right. Okay Claudia's in hashtag squad ghouls. Hey flame horse spider legs. You want to get down on this? Wow that noise was terrifying. Courtney knows our time everyone's sloppy as fuck about you What is that, uh, sociomedess, guess? Uh, we can't say his name up to you. He says, he says, I of nine. I don't know what that means.

I of nine. Yes, I, you know what? I will get another tattoo, but I might have to sit out of Margie. Oh, there I might have to set out the margin. Oh, there it is! I have done so much murder. You know, it's the thing, it's like, oh, find a way to do what you love,

but then what you then suddenly the thing that you love is your job. What people don't tell you is that your dream job is still a job. Yes. Yes. Very well. The Prele is not coming.

You are murderers and credence. I am once again singular of purpose. And no longer need this calamity protect myself. Are you ready, Patty? Yay. You should order. Up here here before the yay. In all my former glory, no.

Your potions no longer do work upon me, Baron. Yay, I am here now with the knife of Vesco Halan, and it is the only knife that shall murder a wizard. Oh, and I shall take out this drip bank first! Oh, I just got one snake. Oh, no, ah, Blinder! Oh, no, she was three days away from snake retirements. Oh, that's so sad. Right before she died, she was three days away from Snake Rathai in the middle. Oh that's so sad right before she died, she blinked. Help!

You said, or oh, well I'm definitely growing an extra crotch tonight. Magician Sorcerer, there's a wizard here, it's somebody... Oh no! Ugh! Fear! Yeah! I'll lick it up. Oh, right up right on the bar stroke. I'm gross and cute at the same time. I put the fun in funeral

We were trying to have a conversation. Oh, tell me now. Where is that dark lord? I shall find him and strike him down tonight I'll know now the horse with a spider likes and flaming head is throwing up Anytime someone smells vomit it makes them one of them. Which one of you will stand by me and tell me where that dark lord is. Well, I don't, I might be out back. I'm still waiting for the DJ, you so door. Maybe we have a slow dance tonight.

Yes, we may have a slow dance tonight. Look, guys, I'm really arny. I just want to say we're going to go out back and try to kill the Dark Lord. But you know what? I know you're all evil. I have actually had kind of a nice time tonight. So I just want to say, like, it's been fun just like hanging out in the kitchen and just get sloppy a little bit.

Can we talk about your traumatic reveals later? You're a total Nick. Uh, orcs get them. Oh no, the orcs are slipping on the bath. Oh, they're just making woe woe sounds and then falling on each other. That's how they DJ, right? Oh cool, yes, I like the music, but. I like big beef and I cannot lie.

Hey, now that we revealed ourselves, can I ask you, why did you put almost your name on your body of the steak? USDADA that basically spells you Sador. Play it cool, dipshit. I forgot. I got excited. I was I basically spelled it all out. I know I know that was all my fault. You're right. What do you think about that cockroach loud? If you kill in real life, you die in your dreams. Walk around the pool of bars. Don't march through it. Also, if we had to do our plan over again, I probably would have left the microphones at home. It was probably suspicious that we were waving microphones

and people's faces constantly. I'm glad to see you guys, honestly. It's a little bit weird, but we can't let you kill the Dark Lord. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to come first at the mortgie. Oh, yeah. How polite of you. Trata, speak not these words to me. Tell me where that dark lord is and I shall strike him down.

He didn't tell me, okay? After our nap, he said he was gonna catch a few more wings and try on a few new outfits and then he would see. Were you the big spoon or the little spoon? Come on. Little spoon. Look, guys, I took some red potion. And I have been all over this party.

I've been in every room in this place And you know what? There's more rooms than you would guess in this castle like it is a lot bigger I would guess two thirty seven. Oh, that is exactly how many there were I've looked in every room I look through his books. I looked through his like shoes He's not here, but the only place I haven't looked is out back. Did you look through any drawers or any doors? You just look through books and shoes? Yeah.

There is a patch of land behind this house where there is a to be area or some such design. No, there is no scrying pool where dark magic congregates behind the location of where the dark lord has chosen to build his castle in hog space. This is clearly a lie. I shall throw myself through this false story window. To the back yard! No! Oh, shitty. Fell on top of that barter.

Oh, no. Yeah. To the back yard. Excuse us. Oh, free drinks. Excuse us. Arnie, let's go in this door and then when they open this door, we'll come out of the other side of the hallway.

Yes. Out that back door. Great idea. Everyone think, how do we stop them? What do we know about Earth people? Nicholas Cage wants sued Kathleen Turner for claiming he stole a Chihuahua. Yellow and other Earth fact at them. Yes, one of these will work.

Female koalas have two vaginas, which I guess is like, I mean, I think is a fine number of the giant. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait So you know who sounds awesome is playing close Tracy or as he came to be known, Dick Tracy. Oh, he does sound awesome. That guy's name sounds like a weiner. Some guy on earth traces his dick. A lot of guys on earth do that.

What is the fact? What is the... Yeah, what is the fact? Everyone stop. Let's agree. Let's have a truce. What is the fact couched in that statement? We gotta go out back.

Okay. Are you gonna shoot us? It's just like when you on earth you said you take dogs up state. Come with me Chuckie. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Look everybody we've had a great time. We're just gonna go defeat the Dark Lord and but everybody please don't do the morgie. Yeah trace your dicks. Yes we will morgie and then we will release the sex maggots, and then when I sober up, I will find you, and I will rake bloody bloody revenge against you for killing Blender, so close to retiring onto her snakeboat, and sailing away with her wife, and enjoying her golden snake years in blissful retirement. If it's any consolation to Blender's family, the plural of Prius is pre-eye. God what? Well it has been really good to see you guys.

It's so great to see you, Dan again always. Thank you for the beef today. Yup, stirps the herb. That got me right in the coldest sec. Colds the sacks? Well depending on how many you have. Come on, come on! Get crowned with that shit!

Let's go! Yay! Oh, man, it's pretty dark out here. Yeah, what's going on? I don't know. John, do you see a used-it-or-any-where? Uh... Uh... There he is. He's still on the ground.

Outside the window. Ugh, I am here. When you jumped out the window and fell, you didn't accidentally fall on the wizard-killing dagger, the only thing that could kill you permanently, did you? Am I live and talking to you? Yes, then no, I did not. Okay. Well, you don't have to be a dick about it.

Guys, guys, guys. Ask a big stupid question, get a stupid answer. Be cool, play it cool. Be, be safe. Be careful have fun. Yeah Guys, what look at that glowing body of water Scribe Scribe cool. That's what we play our scrying games. Oh Someone in the water Oh, there's someone in the water.

Stand and face me. Mr. Dark Lord, quick, make him come. No, no, no, no, what? I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minimulator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the great holes of turocuts, and today I come here to end your life! Oh, I'm glad you're here, I've been waiting. Waiting? It took you all a lot longer than I thought it would, to finally come and find me back here. So this is a waiting pool?

This is my scryne pool. Okay, just want to be clear. You know a little pool with water and it will work as well for hydro-mancy. But I prefer water to speed so I can see everything. Look, I know you're here to kill me, you said a lot about... There's something I want to talk to all three of you about. Speak quickly for they shall be your last words. Look at the water.

Oh, see these colorful lights? Yeah. This is all the magic and all the food. There's a little bit here, a lot over there, most of it cheap and not very interesting. But now, look at this. This is Wizard Magic. This blue light here used to door that's you.

Yes. Up north there's Genleivia fighting some of my forces near Grandass. Genlevi. Jamilus the Maw, the South, and another... Bloth the Bram? Bloth the Bram just kind of wasting away. Not being a threat to anyone. But when I look at this pool,

as I do every night, it's when I don't see the worries me. Can the Wizard or Tuesday go? Can the Wizard is over there, and over there, and over there. There's a lot. There's a lot. In fact, honestly, I mostly turn canoff.

Here is all the cans. Oh, well. It's a lot of yellow. It's nice that you can do the filter layers like that. Yes, that's the kind of thing you get from a very big pool. I begrudgingly admit, this is well done. But you're still going down. That's right.

But the thing that worries me is where is Spin Tax. Oh, there is no Spin Tax. Uh, he's around. Every night I look at the pool, I stare off looking for the green light, and I've never been able to find it. I see you all muttering to yourselves worrying that you're going to reveal something you think I don't know. I know Spin Tax is on Earth. He-he's not, and I should know I'm... ...we're the only honest people I know.

Hold, Chant. There's no sense in lying to him now. I know he went to Earth to defeat the Void. But what worries me is he has not come back. Spin Tax is a skilled wizard, and a fast wizard. And if he had accomplished what he went to earth to do, he would be back by now. Look, I'm evil. Yep.

I make no qualms about it. I want to rule all of Foon, but I don't want to destroy it. I'm not one of those evil types, and I worry about this void. It will destroy the Earthman's world and it will destroy Phoon. I don't want that anymore than you want that. So this is what I'm proposing. But truth, let's put this whole grid versus evil thing on pause for a moment. It defeat the void and then we can get back to me, inslating all the Phoon. I don't know if that's possible. Arnie, do you think we could do that? I've been dumbfounded. Yusudor, could you be true Siddor? Shall be difficult. But he speaks sense. What is even suggesting we do?

Look, I don't care about Hollig's face. I never have. It's a little shit town that's interesting only because it's on The Wanderer's Way, and I don't really care about the Vermilion Minotaur. It's in great restaurants. But I have heard whispers that there are many magical items hidden within the Vermilion Minotaur. I there now. Some of them only attainable with help from Earth, but there is only one that I'm interested in. The true secret of the Vermilion Minotaur is there is a weapon at its

heart. The only weapon powerful enough to stop the void. I took over Hog's face because I thought I could enslave you three. The Earth-Hillin would continue his podcast. It would get popular enough that enough people on Earth would be able to help him define the weapon at the heart of the cabin, at which point I'd kill three of you, use the weapon had. And so you know, the popularity of the podcast has stalled out somewhat. Yeah! Guys, guys! You said art! Do you really think the popularity of the podcast has stalled out a little bit? A little bit. It's probably just plateaued in a way that is normal for something that's been around for over a hundred episodes.

Very true. But we must consider this plan. As far as I know, the Dark Lord doesn't know that with in mind scabbard, I hold the blade of Fasco Halan. We could take this deal, commit to this truce, O accumnavoid, and still have the weapon we need to die. Beat the Dark Lord. You're right.

We could get him with that sort of vaskodama. Vaskod? Here's what we'll do. I'm gonna try and make him come first. While he's distracted. What? Gotta get your mind out of the morggy. Sorry, sorry, you're right.

Is it decided then? You think we can trust the dark lord? I do not think that. But I know I can trust my three friends, if you agree with me. Who are your three friends? There's me and Arnie and I Proud. He's not coming. Look, I see the three of you debating and arguing.

I just... We were arguing we were doing bits. I tried to suddenly push you towards finding the weapon. And frankly, the three of you are taking way too long. Sounds about right. And at the same time, all of my minions are not the best. They're not that great. Honestly, do you ever think that you're the only same person in the entire world?

Yes. Like everyone on this planet is a friggin idiot. Yes. Including you guys. Well, well. But I'm no longer interested in pulling strings. I just want to get out of the way of the process This is what I offer. It's not just a truce. You three are in charge of all of Hogspace. It is yours

I will retreat to my castle all of my minions here work for you With one purpose to find and uncover the secrets of the Vermilion Minotaur so that together we can destroy the void and then after that I can betray you kill you all take over film you expect no less I expect no less indeed very well We agree to this deal to this deal. Trus is set, and now, we in charge of Hogsface shall find that weapon to or come the void, and save all of Foon and Earth. I shall succeed. Where spin-tax did fail!

Hashtag Trusador. That's a good hashtag. Thank you. That's a good one. Thank you. Hashtag. He disappeared. Wow, he wasn't a kid in about retreat Oh, the castle's beginning to disappear too.

Oh no, what about all the people inside the castle? They'll jump on the window, right? I hope so. You can kind of see them running down the stairs. They see it disappeared. Oh, yeah, that's gonna be fun. It seems to be disappearing slowly enough that everybody knows. I think that'll be all right.

The Dark Lord City was tired of pulling strings. Isn't that like what you said on Earth, there's a man named J Petto, who pulled strings? And wasn't he the Dark Lord in a series called Fables? That's hard to remember, everything. It's hard to remember all these pop culture references for my world. I'm not trying to make any pop culture references.

But guys, yes, let's do it. What's run this town? We're back. Yeah. You should do it. You should do it. We're back. We're back. We're back. Yeah. Use it or use it or. We're back. We're back.

We're back. Look, we'll work together. We'll continue to do the podcast, which seems very important to this whole plan. We'll find the weapon. We'll destroy the void. But also along the way, we'll be very careful to lay the groundwork so that the dark lord can't defeat us

when this is all over, and that we can take back all the food. It's that easy, we just gotta come up with that plan. Very well, I'm in, I'm in. Wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap. You know what? We don't even have to do one of our backup catchphrases. I know, we stopped doing boys night because, you know what, we fucked up a bunch of times. And we did a lot of bad stuff

But tonight I think we accomplished something for all-time's sake boys night boys night Boys night I can't believe we totally accomplished that thing that I guess was just us walking in and having the dark load Explained to us what he wanted us to do Well, and you put it that way doesn't sound so good. Yeah, but it's still gonna be fun. Oh, fun as fuck Boys nice boys nice. How are you totally gonna do our own angel season five? I'm so excited. Oh, what? No, I don't want to talk about our stuff Well, can you believe that unlikely truce between sworn enemies to defeat a greater evil, but enough about the season finale of Game of Thrones? Where were we? Chant the shape shifter was played by Adel Rafaia.

Patricia the Beef Woman was played with all the nuance of a bag of shouting by Matt Young. Baron Ragon was played by Chris Rathgeon. Chris performs with Carl and the passions every Wednesday at Chicago's I-O theater. He and Matt also do the improvised Star Trek podcast together. I don't know Chris that well so I keep my opinions about his performance to myself but believe me I have them. Drip Fang the Necromancer was played by Kevin Serreta who performs with the improvised Shakespeare company. Just think at the beginning of the episode, Kevin said he hated jokes, and then he spent 45 minutes proving it.

Claudia Lowech was played by Beth Maluski, Wisconsin broke the mold when they made that lady. Evil Tanik in the Pinklit was played by Sarah Fineout. Cockroach Clown was played by Gilbert Gottfried, who recorded a bunch of dialogue at random. He was worried we'd have trouble weaving in coherent nonsense into our storyline. Little did he know we were born in the Briar patch. Check out Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast

and his surprisingly poignant documentary, Gilbert. The series of bats was played by Steve Waltean, currently writing for the opposition with Jordan Klepper on Comedy Central. Hello from the Magic Tavan is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Take it away, Craig. Oh, right, you're broken. Surely someone can drag this over the finish line. Oh, yes, Fan also ran Robot Arnie. I guess it's either that or Siri. Take it away. I'm not a robot. Everybody else is a robot. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie.

You already did that part? Alright, fast forward. Hello from the Magic Tavern. You caner Lovon and theme song by Andy Poland. And that extra spooky music wafting in from another room in the background of this episode was by Andy Poland and Brian Chart. They each did different parts. Speaking of Andy Poland and Brian Chart, listen to their amazing music in the new Jackbox Party Pack 4. A set of Party Games for the Xbox One, PS4, Fire TV, Steam, Apple TV, fun party games made by a lot of people involved in Magic Tavern, and also made by a lot of other people, who more or less just put up with the existence of

a love from the Magic Tavern. If you like fun, weird party games and have a video game system, check out Jagabuck's Party Back 4. Also, when you get a little spare time, go to HelloFromTheMagicTavern.com. You'll find links for upcoming live shows, including we have one coming up in November in Washington, DC. Tickets are still available. You can get that info at HelloFromTheMagicTavern.com

and going to the live shows tab. And you can find links to the various merch we've got for sale, the dress-up magic tavern magnets, the posters, the map of food, and the really great Get Nuts t-shirt is back in stock. Go buy one now, it may sell out fast again. You can find all that stuff at hellofromthemagictavern.com. Follow the show on Twitter, follow the show on Facebook, subscribe and review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Pocket, Smudge, Grindelcasts, CastZoom, PodcastEr, but without any ear potter.

Listen, but all the letters are upside down. I don't know how they do it, it's that upside down font. Wherever and however you listen, figure out if there's a way to subscribe and review. Or just bother your friends, just annoy them, tell them about the show. Look, it's a fun conversation to go up to a stranger on the street and just try to explain to them and make sense of what this podcast is. But most importantly, thank you for listening, especially as I've continued to ramble on for a very long time. Thank you to people for listening in general, but thank you for listening this far into the credits. Just in case there's an extra funny bit after the credits.

Oh, I hope there is. There is. I think there is. This is why old robot Arnie doesn't do the credits very often, because I don't know how to stop talking. Anyway, see you next week! I think Craig might be dead! Get ready for lots more Robon Ernie! Bye bye! Can I help you? Uh, yes, hello, I'm a series of bats. A series of bats? Let's check the list here. I don't... I don't see a series of bats. Oh, you're kidding me, come on. No, and you have a plus beat.

Yeah, no, well, yeah, so count me first, and then there's a whole series of us. But I'm speaking for the series. Alright, let me check here. I have a group of bats. Ah, no, it should be a series. Look at me, try to get a group of bats. I'm clearly sequential. Oh, look, there's people I know, can I just get in please? No, you gotta be able to look at a group of bats. I'm clearly sequential. Oh look there's people I know can I just get in please. No you gotta be on a list of check here. I have a flock of seagulls. No that's the pointy hair. No a series of bats. I have a serious man. A man? Not Batman. A series of

bat- Do I look like a man? I'm here with naked one. Things going well, okay. And this is highly embarrassing. You're out on the list. What's her name? Alice Corn. Yeah, she's on the list. Oh, come on. Got to be kidding me. She has a plus eight, but you said you're nine best. Oh, no. I was just kidding.