Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 39 - nymbee and Grundle (w/ Paul and Storm)

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

Foon’s most famous band is back to play a few more songs before they break up again.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt Youngnymbee: Storm DiCostanzoGrundle: Paul SabourinCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Sliding into port like a glove. Oh hello! Enough of my jabber and let's get to our main entertainment for the evening, the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arneony Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know about two and a half plus years ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff, and I use that to upload

a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the dimensional riff and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern the Vermillion Minute tour in the town of Hogsface in the land of Foon and I use that podcast to communicate with Earth so hopefully they can send us ideas and unlock riddles that were sharing with them to try to find this weapon that's hidden somewhere here in the tavern and I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, co-rulers of Hogsface, and co-rittle breakers. Uh, Shantza talking Badger. Baby, don't know. Babe, oh, that's right.

One of your, uh, back catalog of great catchphrases, baby, don't know. Baby, don't know. Remind me, what does baby don't know me? I mean, it's just a saying, you know, babies aren't fully developed, so they don't know a Remind me what does baby don't know me? I mean it's just a saying you know babies aren't fully developed so they don't know a lot of things. Yeah. So if anybody ever asks you something and you don't know the answer you just say baby don't know. Yeah. I don't for some reason I'm not I'm always compelled to try to interpret your catchphrases and then I'm like oh that's right it's just a short series of words that don't really mean it. Yeah I agree and I feel like

you're also sometimes annoyed when I use the same catchphrase over and over, and yet somehow use it or his name, you're fine with it. Well, first of all, I would not say that I'm fine with you, so it's his name. Look, I just think that people should always keep things fresh and say different things, and how do you start every podcast? I start every podcast by just clearing my mind.

No, I mean, I have no preconceptions about what I'm going to do and then just kind of whatever happened, whatever organically in that moment seems necessary. You know, maybe it's something about like where I'm from, what the podcast name is, how long I've been here, but it could be anything. So, sometimes I start the episode, just talking about like a beautiful thing I saw in this city. When have you ever done that? Episode eight, 82, I think I started by just talking about a dream I had when I was a teenager.

Oh, can you remind me of what that dream was? Nope, go back, go back and listen. I'm also joined by my other co-host who, and I'm gonna repeat this, I'm not okay with him saying his full name every time. Use it or the wizard. Good evening, I am use it or not. Never let it be said that I cannot take a note. Guys, what have you been doing this week to try to find the hidden weapon in the tower?

Oh well, I traveled to Skur, and I went down into the tombs of Skur, where I did find a scroll that did give me a clue as to the whereabouts of a magical wand, a special wand hidden here in the tavern. It said, look behind the hanging head of the elk. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let's have this is frankly I'd rather not also up top you said your co-rulers. You said we're co-hosts and co-rulers Ruler's probably right rule or hot. That's got a weird connotation. I did pass many decrees this week though What were some of your decrees? Well, I said no more littering in the streets. Okay, I said if you're going to drink out of the fountain

Don't poop in there at the same time. Two. Wait, can I ask a question? There's no one-hour waiting period between. Oh. Either way, don't care which order. Yeah. Then I had the decree that everyone should just try to smile more. Three. Yeah, that's, I enjoy that. You know, if I'm walking down the street and I have kind of a sour face and someone says smile more, I always appreciate that. You know, if I'm walking down the street and I have kind of a sour face and someone says, smile more, I always appreciate that. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. But I know how to take a note as well.

So then I'll smile and be like, you change my day. But they don't understand that as a badger, your face structure is totally different. Like you've got a resting badger face. Oh yeah, it just comes to a point. Yeah. Like when you smile, it's actually kind of terrifying. Like you barely need to go.

Yeah, see, like I know you're very happy right now, but other person might just think you're a crazy rabid badger. Which is why I'm trying to spy on one. Oh, there's also to create about giving extra blankets to the poor and the needy. Oh, for. That's a good, good, good girl. All right, do you remember in episode 80 something,

do you remember when Arnie start off the show talking about a dreamy head as a teenager? Oh, what a terrifying dream. You do remember? Oh, yes. I shouldn't have leave my own dreams for now. It is implanted within my brain and I cannot forget it. Oh, what a terrible and sad story it was. In fact, I shall now cast a spell that removes that story from the podcast so that no one can hear it. Karafaumbranjje, flora kak. Nope, unless you stopped the last sit early a few minutes ago and listen, then it's gone forever. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll get replaced by me, I don't know. It could have been replaced by me talking about any number of things,

like maybe talking about the fact that about two years ago I fell through a dimension a little behind a bird, king and Chicago. I rather stop this in here use the door's full name. Nope. Should we get to our guest today? Oh absolutely guys I am so excited. We have just can't hide it. I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control. Do you like it? I think. I like it. Some of the most famous guests that we've ever had on the show the most famous band and all the food Are you fucking kidding? Yeah, are you kidding? I fucking kidding. Oh my god. I'm like shot. You're bearing your team. You look so Slightly I know it is happy. It's kind of terrible happy I got sunshine in my pocket, baby.

Guys, it's the Halfling Bards, Nimby and Grundel. Oh, hello. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my delicious look. That's a good hugs, man. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Shut, man. How's your butt holes? They're great. They're even better now. Let's do a secret handshake. Huh? And then two fingers. You're full.

Oh, man, you're remembered it. That's awesome. Man, I love this badger. It's so weird, John. Now you've become friends with honest-to-god celebrities. I know. I don't know how to act random. Like, I'm like, oh, you know, hey, it's good to see you,

but then I freak out, you know? But of course, we just normal people, just like you little people. Just a heck of a lot more famous as way more rich. Yes, very rich. And it's interesting that you call us little people because you know, you're halflings and so you're actually quite small yourself.

Aren't you? And I'm very tall. No, no, it's okay. We get it a lot, we're used to it. We just, we console ourselves in the knowledge that we're way better than any of you. Yes, exactly. It's more a state of being more than one stature as you might call it.

Yes, when they call you a little person, they mean that you're not important. Not at all. We love that you come to the shows, however. It's wonderful. Yes, that's what I think. As long as we get your money, we don't care what you say. It's frankly.

Oh, I will say people have been complaining that anytime you go to a concert or anything that when they stand behind you, they can't see. I know all my life, even on Earth, I would, if I would go to a concert or a movie, I would always feel such guilt that you stand during a movie. I do, there's a dry world. I stand during a movie just because I'm so moved

by what's going on. I gotta tell you, speaking speaking as a performer beyond Adoint all people the thing that really gets us when people come to our shows and they all hold up They're there wouldn't etching slates to record the show and you can't see pass Pay attention to the show where you're there ask us to sing free hawk and Every wise as thick. He's the first person to shout out free hawk. Play free hawk. Yes, we will. We will kill them first.

I want to come clean. I did the first time I saw you guys. I did yell that out, but to be fair, I was giving away a free hawk. But you know, as annoying it is all the people like taking etchings while you're performing. Sometimes it's cool to see someone doing an etching of all the other people doing etchings of the performance. Oh, we're very entertained by the very amusing things that happen during our concert. We love the medabits the most. Oh, sure. Absolutely.

So we were touring through the area and we realized we're coming near and we wanted to see Chuck again. This is our buddy. Yeah, cool. Yeah, I mean, that's cool. That's cool. Last time we were here yesterday, we kind of got off the road.

I wanted to start because I when we first came here last time around, I thought that you said I was a member of the Northeast Wizard Triathlon Consortium. Which doesn't exist. No, I'm telling you don't get me started. Please don't get me started.

Please don't get him started. Oh, I'm happy to get started. You want to get me started? No, no, no, no. See, I thought you were a member of this shadow group that actually runs all of food. There are the guys behind the guy, behind the guy, behind the dark lord.

I, since I've done some further research, I realize that you are a lot of member of this group, in which case you're okay in my book. Thank you. That is a wildly outrageous accusation. I am simply In a truce with the dark Lord and now and setting down decrees running this town I think that's wonderful because frankly I I don't see what the issue is with people and the dark Lord What what's this now? He's he's not so bad. Don't you think? Well, I don't know if I can Don't tell me you do think I can't imagine I sort of think he's all bad

Well, isn't that sort of his thing? It is but wouldn't you think it would be better if things were a little better to be fair? That's like our song. Oh Yes, thank you for the segue my friend because I really didn't want to go down that We go here. We go here. Yes. So why these guys are pros already hear me some wood so I can get you yeah, yeah Shut No, you know what you're okay. You go ahead. Well, we'll post for a self-etch later on Which uh, which song do we want to do is this the wouldn't it be better? Wouldn't it be better? Okay?

Okay, I want to get out out front of my brother wrote this song My brother the selfish a-hole. Yes, but I'm under contract that he has to write half the songs. So here we go Wouldn't it be better If we were all subject to the power of the dark Lord today, you have to admit it. He keeps the waggings running on time, and things are much more efficient when you're under threat of death all the time. I guess I run time with time Come underthrow with us

Come do it all with us We won't throw you under the bus A bus is like a big wagon. Yes like a big wagon. Yes, it's already a giant bus before. And one travels in the bus. Oh, I see. So you have like a very big tour cart that you call a bus. Yeah, we actually have we got we got six carts. Yes, for when we get hungry. And they're usually pulled in instead of by horses. They're pulled by Greyhounds. Oh, wow. I'm seeing like you would need a lot of Greyhounds. Well, depends on how many we have in the bus. But because it's pulled by Greyhound, they tend to just flip or just be a terrible experience. So that way, that way, that way, how's your buttholes doing the shot?

Let's get really into this time. Yeah, you know what I can do. How many got at this point? Just the two still. Okay, I was wondering if you might have expanded. Oh, he's really good. Yeah, I think looking in the mirror sometimes, the feng shui of it like it would look so much better with three There's a bunch of I force the bunch of a

That's one of our souls oh It is now Bung-cui You can have a bunch of And it's make you say hey and other other things that rhyme with shweeeey. This one's still under development. I wrote that when I was so drunk you guys. I like it.

I can't tell you can't tell. As I remember, you have quite a drinking problem. Well, I don't consider the problem so much as an advantage. Oh, I see. The only way I can deal with the vast conspiracies throughout this land is to just drink myself into oblivion and forget about the recovery. It's certainly an advantage when you pass out, and we can just put you in the back of the gray house. Well, I certainly don't have to hear you prattle a lot about how things would be better under the dark lore.

Well, they will be. You're just a patsy, just like these guys would think they're rulers in their talk. Not at all! I'm the most proactive, and not at all looking for weapons. N-Nimmi, I feel like the last time you're here. You are so much about sort of peace and We're a kind of a weird undercurrent of sort of like a segregationist opinions, but What happened to you that you're seem to have gone full on dark Lord no, well, yes, but it's not different No! Well, yes, but it's not different. Uh-huh.

We were, uh, we were the door that he read a pamphlet. It wasn't a pamphlet. It just never was. Oh, pamphlet. But it was just so much assurance. To not read a pamphlet. That's like rule number one, odd tour. Don't read the pamphlet.

Rule number two is never eat anything baked that a fan gives you. Oh, I-I gotta remember now. The thing is, Grundle has never been comfortable with our heritage. Because we as the people, we were the people before the other people. Such a good, no egg hippie. No, no, there's room for everybody. There we go, anyone else there? As halflings, you think...

You don't really think of yourself as people. The people, yes. Yes. We are the people. Some of my granola eating brethren The ones who aren't passed out most of the time well that's fair. I am Yes, and of course the people think of people of your side says double larger Instead of thinking themselves as half-lings as we often say you're a double. Oh, well, maybe a maybe triple

And some of you are delicious. Yes. Now this is something I want to ask about. This is maybe the second or third time you've mentioned that you want to eat people. Well, not dog people. We certainly wouldn't eat people. But when peckish and it's not something that's common anymore, it's been many millennia, but it was the way of things

that one would, if you were hungry and you were of the people, you eat what you chose and some things were much tastier than us. Oh, yeah, you should leave him alone. He's just a two-eyed, no-horned, half-ling people here. Badgers are delicious! I think we have a- I'm sorry, I just- Did I say that loud? Did I say that out loud? You wrote an entire song about it.

What do I want? When I'm feeling rather peckish, let us know. I like something furry and stride. Preferably with lots of but holes or at least more than the normal number of butthole. Something furry and stride. Preferably with lots of but holes or at least more than the normal number of but holes. We want better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better's not a sh-t. Please, he's not a sh-t. What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? You can fuck us from the inside. Yeah, I don't know. Gollets. Yeah. Well, see, now I'm really interested to see how that would go. I want you to eat me like an animal. I want to feel you from the inside. Fantastic. Yeah.

That's one of our favorite songs as well. Oh, great. That's what I did at Leigh We Haven't Paid for the Rights. It's by another artist. Oh, I see. Yes. It's kind of a rival band, but we're much bigger than they are now. We're bigger than everyone.

So are you saying that Hobbits eat everything? Hobbits are jacks. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, aren't he? Hobbits are not discerning in their diet at all. I'm ready to walk right now. Oh, wait, what did I, for once I am, it's been with my brother. Oh, we are not, we are half legs, we are not hobbits.

Oh, I know we all look alike to you doubles. Oh, I'm so stupid. Hobbits are drunken, stupid, feiving, whosa paranoid, idiots, that have perry feet. We do not have hairy feet. And no discerning tastes. I'll tell you that Can I see your feet? Yes, well usually that you got to pay extra for that but because chants here Take off my very complex gold and silver in jewels

I got you covered I got I got my sat I got you covered I got you covered I got I got my sad That is a big what this is how you know things roll on their feet, you know what they say Big old balance Big old big old shoe that he wears that is big old cut drinks the hot and passes out that's what they say How long does it take the how long is it taking to take your cock she off there's a lot of laces oh that's some adhesive the selection of a cock she was actually a important right of passage oh for a halfling oh yeah come a halfling man or a half-leg woman she shouldn't mention that half-leg women also have kind oh wow I'm learning they're just at a different place I am learning a lot of ways that halflings are different than hobbits.

Quite different. It's harder than you think. Don't you ever forget. I'm very earthen best. I'm very sorry. It was my own honest ignorance about not knowing the difference in the terms, but now that I know, I will try my best to do better.

Tell us more about you. Whoa, did you see that? What, as you said, now that you know a star with a rainbow behind a flu above your head yeah more i know that's amazing what another thing you should know about hobbits if you need to identify them and separate them from halflings is that hobbits are trademark uh very often they just they wear a mark on their shirt or their sleeve that tells you what trade they're in uh that way you know in that that hobbit's uh a baker or that Hobbit's a seamstress or whatever it is. And it's definitely trademarked and we

shouldn't be talking. And a lot of towns also have exchanges where you could trade your Hobbit because they're happy to sell themselves into servitude. Yes. Exactly. It's another difference. But you're gonna have a Hobbit. I've still got a black Lotus Hobbit. He's the one that's got the really Primo weed. I keep him in the box. Oh Oh back home. Yeah, but it isn't better to just enjoy your habit Sometimes with hobbits you'll you'll uh what they call you have one to stock and one to rock So when you'll keep pristine and the other one you'll just keep out. I always forget what a huge fucking nerd you are So but I guess I want to get back to the fact that like, I guess it, I mean, I eat other species.

Of course you do. But like, isn't it a little, like, where do you draw the line on what you will and won't eat? Well, if you're among the people, you don't eat the people. It's very simple, really. Okay. I mean... I don't see what's a confusing thing. No, I guess that's not so different. Also, to be fair, we generally don't eat wizards

because they likely to taste terrible end of ammo. Oh yeah. The potions they drink, there's always a residue, isn't it? There's like a weird, briny, after-pissed thing. Yeah, I'm pickle. Like at low tide, if I have a licked rocks. Surely I would not taste good. You know, honestly, I don't like to eat anything near a wizard.

Because I just feel like they just let off something that makes, like, just affects my taste buds. I'm dare you. Yeah, and you know me, I eat all the time, but I don't eat around you. Why are we, we have snacks here at the table all the time? I just pretend. Oh, that's why you don't come to Cheuchu's channel. Yeah, that, and also, I hate that story a lot. But I'm so excited that it's back.

I'm so excited. Well, I love all your story lines. I know. We're still awaiting that check for the theme song we wrote. Yes, that would be fantastic. Let me, um, here you go. Okay, this is, uh, this is post dated and it's not got a signature. It's got a droig of, uh, looks like a cock and balls on it.

Is that a signature? I'll never have enough money and I'm proud of my family. Tell you what, do you have any say weapons about? I'm not saying we require weapons for any purpose, but it could be an acceptable substitute for whatever script that would normally be exchanged. Well, they're supposed to be weapons hidden all over the town. That's very interesting to me. Hello, reason. Oh, well, yeah, we're looking for weapons.

Apparently there might be one behind this elk head up there. I haven't deciphered the clue yet. Oh, well, look at this. My gosh. Oh, well, that's, uh, readily long. It's got sort of a curved little left to it. Yes, I have. Well, what would you describe this weapon?

He just found underneath his chair. Holy shit, there was a weapon under your chair. Yeah, he didn't even move the chair. He just looked under it. It's like a curved blade with cimitar? Cimitar. Yes, it could be a cimitar. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I used it, or does it look like it has any magical properties? Like is it just a weapon someone left under that chair? Let me lift it up over my head. Oh. Oh. Look at the way it reflects light. I think it's a rainbow sword.

My gosh, I'm just going to put this in my bag. Thank you. A rainbow sword. Like what can a rainbow sword do? Well, a rainbow sword can attract any color of the visible spectrum and blind your opponent with it. Like our song. Yes, exactly. You can also use it to kill that per come.

Would you like to sing the rainbow sort song? Would I like to sing the sort of song? Oh, yes, of course. Of course, I'd love to. Listen now to Usanor's word, I know about the rainbow sword. Doesn't rhyme. It's time to tweed, lifted above our head, and then very soon our enemies will be dead. I like rainbow swords for killing.

They're not used for textiles, or milling. Swords with magic powers can grow, and swords with magic powers can sow the earth. Wow. That was wonderful. Thank you. You said I Don't quit your date. I shan't Now we can't eat you for certain yes, no, I would not suggest it In fact, I'm going to drink something disgusting right now

So make sure that you don't and now I know why you asked him to sing the song because the lyrics begin with him name Yes And now I know why you asked him to sing the song because the lyrics begin with him name Checking Yes Oh I can say that Anyone a song Oh my honey It's like that song banana fan. Oh, where you put one's own name. Oh, have we taught you that song? No Well, it's not shut. Would you like to sing this one?

Arnie Barney foe party banana man. Oh, Farney D5. Oh, Marney. Arnie, Barnie, Pofarnie, Banana, Pofarnie, D5, Pofarnie. Arnie. Arnie. Oh, okay, yeah, we have that song. Oh. But you know what, that sort of reminds me of something, you know, I come from a world where I guess we think of music as being more sort of locked in, but I guess on this world maybe songs change and evolve, and there's more of an oral tradition,

and maybe the songs are more fluid, and they changed from place to place. Absolutely, it's what's in your heart, and what you believe to be true, and what is around you. And also what you spoke earlier that day. Yes, I know what I'm talking about. True.

Every show we have a different set list, and people collect them, and we just charge them for, they gotta get every camp Yeah, and then they're excited to walk away with a list of the drugs that you were taking And it's made from the most wonderful material and if one were to smoke it my gosh the dreams one would have oh Wow, I was gonna discuss Artis dream but then for some reason I've completely forgotten what it was it was awful

He wouldn't you maybe be sad for you to remember. I just have vague memories Yes, it was all about high school and yeah, when he was a teenager something about spirit like his team his team spirit I bet he spelled yes. Yeah, I was gonna. Yeah. Well, how did that go now? I? Had a train I Yes, yeah, I was in high school again All the girls were looking at me I was afraid of them I had a dream My mom was there, my mama. I could sing, but I was all over the place.

Oh, what a shame. Say, for about your mama, was she hot? On a scale from one to ten, how hot was your mama? In this dream I refused to. from one to ten. How hot was your mama? In this dream I refuse to categorize my mom by a scale of hot things. He must have been very hot. He wants to have sex with his mother. His life hot pot sexy ball.

No, it's mom. So yeah. You sort of, are you gonna do that spell again? It's Exy-B-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O this way in the podcast. This is the first time that anyone's talked about eating chant. Yeah. Well, that surprises me very much. He's clearly delicious. Yes. I think you should put yourself in the advertising for Chuchu's Chow. Oh, for myself on the menu. Yeah. Either on the main eating. Yeah. For the full animal menu. Yeah. Absolutely. Or you could be like posed on a big serving tray. Oh yeah. Oh, that's some good eat right there. It's chuchu. Oh, you know, now that I think about it, the sign for Chuchu's Chow has just Serving tag, that's some good eat right there. I'll eat myself. You know, now that I think about it,

the sign for Chuchu's chow has just like a crazy cartoon etching of you. Like maybe there are people that are like, think at the menu, they can shout out on Chuchu. Yeah. Shout out on Chuchu. So the apostrophe S never was supposed to indicate possession rather it is too too is chow I think so it was just frunkated yeah

Yeah That's pretty good Damn Well guys let's take a really quick break and let's sort of refresh our drinks and then you know I really it's been a while since we've seen you guys I'd like to learn more about how you guys are doing. Oh, that would be wonderful, because we're fantastic. He sure loves to talk about himself. That's her damn sure.

So, Nimbi and Grendel. Yes. I, last time you were here, I remember, I heard that like, you're so famous, but it's been kind of a contentious relationship between the two of you broken up and got back together again. Gosh, I guess this is now five, seven times since then we've broken up. Wow, seven times again since then, like just like a year. No, seven times since breakfast. Yeah, technically we're broken up right now.

Wow. What's great is that, you know, you see him live, you hear that they have broken up And so you're like well never see him again. I'll go to the last concert and then they get back together It's just like they've done so many food freezes over tours. It's just so satisfying. I heard you killed each other Technically my heart stopped for about three minutes Oh, but it turned out that was just for the excessive alcohol Which is in fact, it sort of formed a sack around my heart and when he stabbed me, he ended up stabbing the sack of alcohol and managed to miss my heart. I didn't stab him with a killing sword so much as a, will you just please shut the

fuck up sword. Oh, can I borrow that? Yes, if you'd like since I have this rainbow salt now. Yeah, thank you so much Yep, if you like once the laws are changed I can slay you with that. Oh, yes, please. Oh, yeah Hang on to that. Cranzo, would you like to form a band with me? Cool. Oh, let's have the Or would you sing them getting back together? Oh, all right the bands back You know what I quit

This happens all the time you get yourself worked up over this time they're starting off the concert with Brisha up. That's my favorite thing for them to start with we got to talk about it. Oh This is our usual opener I hate your guts, I hate your guts, I quit this fucking band Cut, such a schmuck Hey, there's a bunch of people out here they got money, you wanna form a band again What the heck is this? I hate this guy but I'm gonna exploit you people for your cash then we're gonna break up again

You fucking shit! You're all just tools of the dark, no rage or guts Not to mention you are tools of the Jews Oh no! That's right He hates the gods I don't understand what the problem with the Judah parry is Oh Right H. They got some of that I don't understand what the problem the juniperians also notice the Jews are one are secretly behind all of this They were did with we have to was a trial at our commission. We are double broken there controlling the economy and the politics

Triple broken Quadruple broken up. Oh, this is gonna take a while to fix I'm sorry. Yeah, don't tackle broken up! I'm sorry you're afraid of the truth, you dork. I know exactly the way to fix this situation. A free round of drinks on Yusunor! Who raw? I like drinks.

Don't give him any. Is this well drinks or is this the good shit? Top shelf! Alright. I love drinking shelf. I like you a little bit more. There you go. Oh, thank you, right?

You're no spin-tax to greed. Well, and it's true. The interpersonal conflicts are always made better by introducing a lot of alcohol. Okay, well, bottoms up, everyone. Enjoy your shelf. It's for you. Ooh, look at that. This is brewed by that elf up there, right?

Oh, yeah, that one is Yes, that's not so on oh man elf makes some good shit. Oh gosh That's a dusty shelf my gosh where they're always this many colors in here He'll be tolerable for about four minutes until this wears off jazz old to see I've just I would love to hear that Just a bit of something. Oh, jazz. I would love to hear that. The stars in your eyes, rainbows, trainbows.

If you guys want to get up and go to the bathroom that's a real Feel free to go visit the merchandise booth. We've got jerks We've got scabbers. We've got just being around the Gathering back. He's just wandering around the room. Yeah He calls himself fish when he does This could be a good 20 25 minutes even he doesn't know what this is gonna and Frank this Speaking gosh this is great embarrassing. Oh, he's jumping on a trampoline and where did the trampoline come from? You know at first I thought he was tripping but I look up there there are some sorts of At first I thought he was tripping, but I looked up there. There are some sorts of pieces.

Oh my gosh, I've got 80 of them now. The tiny though. Oh, they fit together. It's so clever. Oh, he hoisted like this jam feel. It just makes me want to go. Hey, well, musidor. Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesia. Full name, baby.

Full name. Master of light and shadow sing along y'all know the words manipulator of a magical delight still fight devour of chaos champion of the great halls of T'Roccas. Rockas.

Rockas. No to the Asus Fying. Yali. Ellie. Ellie. Don't know the horse as zone. Nanan. Boog.

Stangie. The Sting. The Best. The Best. Come on, be thankful days I'll be thanks, Ellie I'm known in the North East As guests waiting us May...

All right, take it home, take it home Now the secret names you will never know And we're back Wow, that was fascinating. How are you doing? Good I took a little nap Yeah, are we still here? I think I was like cock you, coxue. Yeah, boy, that was some strong stuff. The song was great. You used to know you're a great singer, especially love how slowly you sing.

Thank you. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous because you guys have both gotten this thing with my career band and I didn't get to sing a song about my name. Oh, would you like to? It would be very special before one dies. One should always sing one's name. Okay, but I get to sing my full name. full name do we have time for that I'm chent oh I like that that was that was solid we like it would you mind if we covered that well it would be my

oh my gosh that would be my honor I thought of a a self-indulgent and once we've eaten chant Usador will you come on to with us your voices magic? Truly, yes, literally We did not discuss this No, we did not as long as you buy in the shelf. You're welcome to come out. Oh, I would gladly do this Yes, so what an honor. But you got to bring that particular elf because that was some solid shit And all the weapons all the weapons that might be in this oh, yes I'll keep looking for as many as I can go. We will require them all

Actually while you guys were wandering around do it that that Usador endless thing I was just I was peeking back behind a ladder over there Yeah, and I I found this dagger. I don't know To you That's that's mixed dagger. Mixed dagger. That's mixed dagger. Well, it's not, but it's it it moves kind of in the same way. It's got moves like mixed dagger. Oh, I see. You can see on the hillstay the way with the way the giant lips of the

hills. So go around the shaft of the blade. Yes, I'm sure that dagger was dead. And it's and it's in I happen to be a student of dagger and if you'll notice it is inside a Richard's Hilt which actually does all the work of people. Oh, you know, you know, people think about the blade, they don't pay attention to the health. The health's the most important part. Yeah, and you'll notice that the handles made of wood, some rotting wood.

Oh yeah. The most amazing thing about this dagger is it will last forever though, even though it's probably a lot longer than this. And miraculously, you can put it in any stream. It will never gavmos. True, it in any stream. It will never gather moss It's exactly true and it will it will never stop stabbing. I mean it's past its best days of stabbing But it keeps stabbing for a long time I've heard about this dagger. It's not good for revenge because you're like I will have my satisfaction and You can't you can't you can't you can't you can't you know, but you know what guys?

We we've we've sung some songs about ourselves here, but we've been really trying to learn more about this tavern we spent so much time in. Oh, are there any songs about the Vermilion Minotaur? What are they about? What are the old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, bass of that. Oh, yes. Oh, that's not. This very tavern is considered by some to be the cradle of the people's civilization. Oh, wow. Yes. Alright, that's it.

Wow, I got to think back to the old days, do you remember this one? In your travels cross the land. In your travels cross the land In your merry, merry traveling, hafling band There is a place To take all your face And the rest of you It's the best tavern in the entire world. The vermillion Minotaur,

You can travel very far. The vermillion Minotaur has all the weapons you need. Look under the thing, Behind the other things, say the words in the proper order And you'll find that what you seek The thing that'll save the strong and the meek at the vermilion of the tar Guys, I think there were clues in that song We yes, there are these objects here marked thing one thing too.

And if you go up to them and you move them, you say, the words. Oh! Whoa! I said the words in the proper order. Holy cow, that's a spell! That is a magic phrase and not just a terrible atty Murphy movie. Right? I-I, it's in her.

Oh, people weren't loving it but... I was confused because all of the Eddie Murphy's were eaten here on food many many years. Oh, oh by the... They're pretty delicious. Well, did you eat the Eddie Murphy's raw? We did, that's the only way to engineer the movie. It gave me the clumps though. Oh, no! Well, so many clumps.

He is a distinguished gentleman. If there is a phrase here written upon this piece of parchment, I have to spin this wheel here next to the things and say, I want the knife! Wait, there's a, and you knife and it's, the handle is, there's a little golden gel. Oh yeah. Guys, thank you so much.

You've been helped us find so many weapons in the tavern. Oh, we lived to help. It's absolutely what we do. I mean, you'll be receiving our bill later, but you. Oh, oh, okay. And we'll be, you know, if you're not using all the weapons, we would certainly appreciate appreciate perhaps having them Out with us well of them well you said are this this knife with the with the golden child handle. Does that do anything good?

It's nice. It's a nice golden handle Would you like to go on your knife? Underrated knife. Look what you have we just we're we're like we're finding more weapons than we know what to do with so Well, I'm going to write down just this Scrawling here. Tell you where you can forward any of all weapons. Oh, that's handy if you happen to come up with siege weapons We take them to sure sure I mean what what do you do with the weapon? Oh nothing nothing at all There's nothing going on out in the in the countryside.. That might concern anybody with restoring the proper rule of law and the place of the people.

Sure. Nothing like that. Sure. My brother has a compound. Oh. It's not a compound. It's a retreat. This brother, does he have another brother?

Oh. We don't like to speak his name. We have an older brother. Brutal two. He goes around food. Do it our act. We have an older brother. Gruddle-tool. Gruddle-tool. He goes around food. Do it our act. Oh, no.

Yes. Yeah, he builds himself as Gruddle-tool. And there's no nimby with him, but he still badges to fool the really stupid ones. Yeah. And get sort of the northern and farthest southern reaches. Sure. And of course, you break up so often thatthest southern reaches. Sure. And of course, you break up so often that people would believe. Oh, yeah.

That's where he lives, taking advantage of our good nature. Yeah, and my main other issue is it tends to run up gambling debts and people think they're buying. Oh gosh, God. I'm going to have plenty of my own all-written. Wake up, sheep people of the southern claims. Right, yeah. And that's the other thing to you as

it's known we always sacrifice a sheep people at the end of our shows now they're a sheep people they are freaking oh my gosh and and he does the same thing at the end of it so that adds to the confusion I'm generally against eating sentient creatures who can speak to you but sheep people are delicious yes yes this is why you must come on to with us. Yes, I'll find I'll go I'll go Great! Great! So we don't... Are all of you guys gonna leave with the band and just leave me here in Hogsface? Well, I don't know, are humans tasty?

Oh, I mean, we don't let ourselves think about it. Can you lift a lot of things? Are you I lift a lot of things? No, oh? Are you are you not a lot of upper body? Do you have any particular skills? Are you useful? Nope? I mean I'm only putting the chun. Yeah, would you vouch for them? Honestly, yeah Okay, I think we may have a solution. I saw you had your paw crossed there. Um...

You here. Alright, sorry, Arity. Well, as soon as we've completed our task of defeating the void and making sure that all of Hawk's face is free, I'm happy to go on tour with you. Wonderful! We will look forward to that! I think there will be enough time. You could sell our merch.

Go fun! How about we go out on a song? Yeah! You know, it's almost, you know, it's been a long November. It's almost, it's almost winter's host's time. You know, all the holiday songs! I've gotten so many to choose from. How about the, how about don't let me dye in the snow?

Getting cold outside, I'm gonna run and hide From all of my gambling debts, my brother incurred. Got some ice, the song to yourself I hope he dies real soon dies real soon and leaves the land of food leave it all to me Then if I die, don't let me die. In the snow, if I must cry.

If you'll as cry. Please bake the dough into cookies for the solstice. That would be the mostest We could eat the cookies after we eat A lot of badger and she Wonderful, that was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful

That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful

That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful That was wonderful Oh delicious. And while while they were seeing I cooked this up a bigger spank with oh Oh, what species do these represent these are representative of me here There's there's a chocolate badger here that can be consumed in 40 licks. Could I could I could I have a One of those chun nuggets. I call them chugging

No version of that sound did you, did you want sauce with that? I have ranch, I have honey mustard, I have hot mustard. I'm afraid I don't have the patience to lick all the way through this chant pop. I'm going to, go check what you need to see. Let's call the chop. A chop, yes, I need to just, I think chew through it. Oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

The powerful teeth. You need it to get through the bones. Oh, boy. How the bones are the best pot. They are, to get through the bones. Oh, oh the best they are all the marrow inside You guys got any marrow you can spare maybe a little bit. Oh, yeah, of course. I have some marrow right here in my pouch Oh, you've been to Bruce's sacamero. Yes, did you talk to Mia? Me a marrow Well, you know what why don't we end the show by having a little bit more of this shelf?

Oh, yeah. I am up for more shelf. Yeah, I'm up for more shelf. And just like get shelf-based and wander out the far. It is. Very good. Oh, here comes the jazz. Yeah.

Yeah. He sounds like my friend who's saying it's not quite red Floyd. Oh not quite red. Oh, that's good. Chalf! Breathing me up! Don't forget the brave. Don't forget the brave. Is there anybody in there? Yes, I'm right here. Shake your head up and down, and I'm audible. Money! Yes, just weapons.

Then a trip. All we are is just an of the brick, and we're all around home. Hey! Yes, just weapons. A bit of a trip. All we are is just another brick and we're all around Hanks' Bay. You can't have your meat if you don't eat your pudding. Start this episode over and sink it up with your favorite movie. Well, now, wasn't that a hoot? Usually this is where my distinguished compatriot would say something cheeky about the program, but since he's refitting the coal shoots, he left me a note. Here it is.

It says, the movie Arnie was thinking of was a thousand words. Well, I don't really know what that means, but maybe you folks at home can puzzle that out. Use the door the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Badger was played by Adelgrify. Nimby and Grundle the Halfling Bars were played by special guests Storm De Castanzo and Paul Subborn from the band Paul and Storm. Get more of their hilarious music at PaulandStorm.com and go to jokokruz.com to learn more about the music

and comedy crews they organize and perform on each year with Jonathan Colton. This year's cruise is from February 18th to 25th with the roster of performers that includes Maria Bamford, Cameron Esposito, John Hododgeman, Michael Lee and Black, and many more. Take us are still available at jococrues.com. And as always, Jess Trunkborn, the mimic, was played by Travis McElroy, whether you heard him or not. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Chicover, and Rhyndi Georgi.

This one, edited by Rhyndi Georgi, music by Andy Poulin, logo by Alan LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Andy Polent, logo by Alan LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. With all that out of the way, it's time for the main attraction of the night, Craigcast. Where I cast this fishing line out into the mighty Mississippi, and see if I can catch your fresh treat for dinner. Ah yes. Facients is the key, even if we don't catch anything. It's nice to spend this time together.

Oh, before I forget remember you can buy Magic Tavern merch like the new Vermilion Minotaur shirt by clicking the merch tab on a low from the magic tavern.com It's the easiest way to get to all our merch on Topatico, Podswag and Ann Arbities. You can also visit us on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Your Wolf. Oh, I think we got something. Oh, she's a fighter. Marcus, follow me, get the nets. We're gonna eat well tonight. you