Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 42 - Tomorrow (w/ Jordan Klepper Live from NYCC)

Episode Date: January 8, 2018

The Tavern is packed with a phoenix, a will o’ the wisp and more.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWade the Phoenix: Jordan KlepperJanet the Will-o'-the-Wisp: Maureen JohnsonCreators of Night Vale: Joseph Fink and Jeffrey CranorMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey there, Craig here. Back after a week of mandatory time in the Rejuvenation foam, and I feel like I might have been acting kind of weirdly, so I do want to apologize, but now I'm back and I'm in perfect health. Okay, with all that out of the way, I'll transfer us over to the boss man so we can kick off the New York Comic Con show. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Free things, people, they're... This is your daily reminder that other dimensions are not real. And to drive this salient point home to all of you grown adults in your homemade

Kylo Ren costumes, I have captured invited the creators of the Hit Earth podcast Welcome to Night Vale to give this public service announcement. Hi, I'm Joseph Pink., and I'm Jeffrey Craneer. We're the creators of Welcome Tonight Fail, but you might know us better from our Drive Time radio program the Jeff and Joe Morning Show. And also my solo project, Jeffrey Craneer's Craneer Shine. We're here on our own volition.

Sound, body, and mind to tell you that other dimensions are not real. There is no fume. The idea of fume was created, strapped you from the recent window of time, and when you back your mcconnet hate was making a comeback. This is known as the McConaissance. So do weca, fume, not real. McConaissance, phone, not real, reconnaissance, very, very real. If you hear of someone talking about phone or

believing in other dimensions, see your neighbor, your coworker, your husband, your wife, even your plants, be sure and report it to the proper authorities or simply scream. Screaming won't help you or anyone else, but you'll feel a lot better. Just quiet your mind, forget about other dimensions, and let the Makanae wash over you. I can't just let them continue to believe. Can't let them get away with this.

We absolutely must not tell them. Exactly. Now, you are free to go, go, and keep winning the awards that we're just happy to be nominated for. Oh! Oh! And now, without further delay, enjoy the show until I return later to tell you how it disappointed me. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the Magic Alanda Foon. I'm your host, Arne Neekham. If you've never heard the podcast before, what? What? You really trust someone in your life. Someone in your life that didn't want to have this experience by themselves. But welcome. And this is everything you need to know. About two and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a bircing in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume.

Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal through that dimensional rift. I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, where we all are now. In the town hog's face, in the land of Thun. I gotta say, the tavern is packed tonight. I mean, honestly, we know we sit at this table here, this very table.

Every week, recording this podcast, in most of those weeks, the elves and dwarves and various other denizens of the tavern at best put up with us, so I'm just very excited that there are so many people in the town room tonight that are happy we're here and a couple people who are their spouses maybe. But without further ado, I'd like to introduce my co-host, my good bud, my friend, uh, Chunt the Talking Badger! Do you mind if I sit over here?

No, please. No, no reason. Why? You know, lately the tables got bigger, so we just have it on one side. Like one of us is having their last supper. Yeah. Are you having your last supper? You know what?

One of us will betray you. Wow. It'll be me. It'll be you. It'll be you. It'll be you. You know what? I don't live by the flams if you make every supper your last supper.

Oh, yeah. I have a- That's unhealthy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because if you eat like every meal is your last meal, you're going to just go nuts. Yeah.

For your meal, you're just going to eat steak all the time or something. Well, usually it's like, you know what? That next meal is going to be the one where I turn things around. But before that, there's one last meal. I've seen you have a notebook and all it says is tomorrow, salad. Mm-hmm. But it says that like, two hundred times.

Yeah. But can I be your next phrase? Tomorrow, salad. Tomorrow, Salad. Tomorrow, Salad. Try it on. Alright, that's yours. But tonight, everything else.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. John, what's the thing that you keep telling yourself you're going to do tomorrow that you keep putting off? Oh boy. I think finally I use my one sperm. As you know, I just have one sperm.

I don't know where it's currently at. Yeah. But eventually, I would love to sire a child. That's right. For new listeners. LAUGHTER Small detail. Chuck, as a shapeshifter, has one sperm that he used to keep in a vile around his neck, and someday, when he wants to have a child, you'll take it out and like poke it in and

then use it, right? I prefer loaded in. Loaded in, yeah. Poked in sounds pretty gross. I think, sir, I think loaded in is a more palatable phrase. Sure. I can sense the tavern losing interest in me.

Oh, sure, sure. I always sense that. Can I ask you something? Yeah. What's an Evan Hansen? What's a what? What's an Evan Hansen? You know a what? What's an Evan Hansen? You know what?

I've got to say, I don't know. I'm guessing this is an Earth thing. I think so, I saw it on Twitter. If you don't want to tell me, just say you don't want to tell me. Don't be cool. No, I want to tell you. You're being a coy boy. I want to tell you.

If I was on Earth, I would probably be like, Oh, that's, I know that's a thing that I should know more about. Well, I know that we record our podcast and that you eventually somehow uploaded to earth, but if there's anybody on earth who can somehow hear this now, I would let those people know that they can email us at chuntatgmail.com, that's chunt with 60s. And if I see those emails during the show, I might read one aloud. It's true, you have my phone right now

because this is your hour of screen time a day. Yep. So I know this is impossible because people would be listening to this later sending the emails, but I would love an email explaining what Evan Hansen is. Oh, great, yeah, that'd be great. Absolutely. Shall we bring out the wizard? Yes, please.

Oh, God. We're also joined by my other co-host and good bud, Use It Or The Wizard! I am known in the Northeast as gasmenious may start. Shut up. Shut up. And then maybe other secret names you do not know yet, and yay, speak not these names, think not even about them. For if one was to take shape in nine mind, your very nipples would grow to a length so obscene that even a snake would be turned off by them. Even a snake would be turned off by them?

Ian. Ian. Ian Hanson. What? Never mind. I don't even know what I'm talking about. By the way, who is Angela Merkel? Oh!

Oh! I'm thinking about asking her to join my quest. Oh! Sorry, it might be evil. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Uh-huh. What? I don't know! I don't know! What do you know? Let's play a game. She brought the... What? What do you know?

You list three things you know. Three things I know? Yes, and you can't just repeat the last thing I say. Oh, okay. Three things I know. Red light at night, sailors delight. One. I also know if it's yellow, red, mellow.

And I don't have, those are the, I only have two. That's three. You know you only have two, so that's three. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah. But you know what, you don't want to ever do anything in threes because then look This is a serious documentary podcast about life on fune. You're a very important journalist. I am

You use it or I want to talk for just a moment about something that happened We were hanging out in the back of the tavern Before I set up my microphones and my laptop for the pie. Yeah, why do we do that? What's what's why don't we just all sit at the table and? Why don't you why don't we all just sit at the table while you're setting things up? I don't want you near the microphones while I'm setting them up I feel like if the two of you really understand how to set this stuff up, you don't need me anymore. LAUGHTER

Fair enough. What was your question? I noticed you know you're walking around and you accidentally dropped the stone of arthesis, a medallion that you keep, and it shattered. It made a big mess. Yes, it made a very big mess. And then the souls of 47 sailors were set free.

What? There were 47 sailor souls in that arthesis? Uh-huh. Why? I hadn't gotten the other three to make couldn't even 50 yet. What? Well, you said, or I'm sorry. Why? I hadn't gotten the other three to make it even 50 yet. LAUGHTER Well, you said, or I'm sorry, I know that those sailor souls

meant a lot to you and I am sorry that they're going to cast a terrible ex with them. I don't love using the souls of innocent sailors to cast my magic, but... Man, it's a living. Or as the important Angela Merkel once said, oh, Arnie's about to say something, he knows. Did I do that? Is that something that Angela Merkel says? Sure. Oh, you're just dropping things left.

I don't need that. I'm fine. What kind of souls were in that thing that you just dropped? That was just water, I'm fine. Oh, OK. Great. Guys, I'm very excited about our guests. We have a couple of guests tonight.

We can't. Oh, I'm sorry. I let some cranes loosen here. They're moving about. Sue, cranes, Sue! Oh, the cranes came back with shoes. Nice job. Nice job, dipshit.

Pants, cranes, pants. They're not into it. The cranes are done with that bit. But we have some guests you were saying. Yeah, I'm excited. You know, we've had all kinds of different magical creatures and races on the show before, but we've never had a Phoenix. Oh, my gosh.

Are we entering the Dark Saga portion of our podcast? What's that? Did you always forewarn us about a Dark Saga that a Phoenix will arise? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yes, your jeans are looking a little great today. Oh, my jeans are. Yes, did you wash them? Yes, and jeans are looking a little great today. Oh, my jeans are. Yes, a little, right.

Did you wash them? Yes, and always remember, that's Chant, he's a badger, not a little overeat. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I've been a little worried about my jeans, I think they're a little too tight. Can you see my cyclops? That's why you're the leader.

Well, anyway, I'm very excited to learn what it means to be a Phoenix. So I'm happy to introduce Wade the Phoenix to the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, first of all, are you okay? Guy, it's been a tough one, guys. But everything says a Phoenix, you know, it's just, it's shit hot fire. That's where everybody thinks. Phoenix, shit hot fire, everything's gonna be up and up. Yeah. I tell you, that means to have things on the up and up, things gotta be on the down and down,

like, on the rakes, and that happened today. The happened today? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, well, for what people, well, if you people don't know what a Phoenix is, and who, okay, who, for who? For who? For who?

Wait, forgive my friend, but there are many stupid people like him back on his realm of life. All right. Well, as I understand, like, you're clearly a bird. Sure, yeah. You're clearly like a sort of a fiery bird. Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course.

And is it true that if you die, you later rise like a phoenix. It's the metaphoricize yourself. Like to be like you, you a Phoenix rise, like a Phoenix. Yes. From the ashes of your death. That's where the saint comes from. Oh. Yeah, no, yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah.

A nutshell, you know, 140 characters and less, if Phoenix crashes in death out of the ashes, I rise. Great. Good story. That's great. That's a, I rise. Great, good story. That's great, that's a great, great scene now. Yes, yes, yes. Do you know how many terrible deaths I have had as this Phoenix? 12, 12 terrible deaths, that's a terrible death.

Well, terrible deaths? Yes, okay, yeah. I die a bunch of different ways. The problem is, like, don't get me wrong. It is great to rise out of those ashes to become a success, specifically in the world of business, I'm mostly a businessman. But you still die.

No, you're exactly terrible. Guys, today I got the death now. You guys know Bruce Pims? No, I run a Bruce Pims. Restaurant, critic, Bruce Pims? Yes, I know him. Yeah, you know Bruce Pims. Yeah, I know Bruce Pims.

Bruce Pims, Bruce Pims? Yes, I know him. Yeah, you know Bruce Pims. Yeah, I know Bruce Pims. Bruce Pims, Bruce Pims. Are any restaurant in town lives or dies on the words of Bruce Pims? Oh, yes. Chundrons are restaurants also called Chuchu's Chow. Yeah, so if you can get Bruce Pims there. Can I get Pims there? Yeah.

Okay, Pims goes where Pims wants to go, all right? Pims follows the North Star and the North Star that's in his belly, you know? And if he's excited, he goes there, and Pim's put to my new venture, and he destroyed it. Literally? No, well, I mean, there was some things thrown,

but then he wrote about it today, and he called it an honor catastrophe. Guys, I gotta tell you, I think I'm 12 hours away from those ashes happening one more time. Oh, I'm so sorry to go. You can't open a business for you guys, I gotta tell you, I think I'm 12 hours away from those ashes happening one more time. Oh, I'm so sorry to you. You can't open a business in this town, right? You try to do something good. I'm sorry, I've had a couple, all right?

No, no. You rise on these ashes, you think it's gonna be great. You think it's gonna be great, right? I'm opening a restaurant. Who doesn't like to eat, right? Yeah. I like to eat. I like to eat, right?

I'm thinking. I'm thinking, what do people like to eat? And then I think, Fondue. Who doesn't like Fondue? And in my, I like to eat. I like to eat, right? I like to think it. I think it. What do people like to eat? And then I think, fondue. Who doesn't like fondue? Oh, yeah, love fondue. It's like fondue. Fondue.

Fondue is fun. But what's the problem with fondue? Because you always got to be one step ahead. What's the problem? Too good. Too good. Too good. Too good.

Too good. Too good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I feel like the problem with fondue is that you want, and you want, if you're selling an experience, you want it to be one that people want to do more than once. What?

What? What are you putting down? I mean, you know, you want repeat customers, right? You don't want to sell an experience if people are like, well, did that? Are you saying that's what the Fondue experience is for you? Well, look, I don't know what Fondue is like on Fune, but I'm saying I've gone to a Fondue restaurant on Earth

and I did it once. LAUGHTER Because there was something lacking. Like, you wanted something beyond the Fondue experience to make you come back. Um. I wanted something beyond the fondue experience to make you come back. Um! I wanted something. Just say yes. Yes, I wanted something beyond the fondue experience, which was I wanted to move on to other experiences.

Wait, what do you do to enhance the fondue experience? All of us Felix's love find do. We, as people who live many, many lives, often feel like the fondue experience is too short. Oh, no. So you arrive, you walk in it, it's cavernous, but in a nice way. And we bring out the vegetables, we bring out the sauces sauces and we give you a crock pot to the experience in and of itself, so that's a good 7 to 8 hours.

It's called a crock of ship. Crock of ship. Crock of ship. Crock of ship. It's called the crock of ship. The crock of ship. Basically, it's got a big maritime thing. Sure.

Yeah, that's the ship element. So all of the. Basically, it's got a big maritime thing. Sure. Yeah, that's the ship element. So all of the ingredients that we use are things that you would find on any kind of sea ferrying vessel. So we have the potatoes, we have the corn beafs, we have things of that name. You're giving me this face here. I feel like I'm looking at a GD Bruce Pym's, right in the eyes. I'm sorry, it just doesn't sound good to me.

Ooh, yes. Why would I want it? Why would I like, ooh. Thank you. And also, one of the cranes in the audience can't hold their fucking bottle. That crane, bad. Now, I always thought the problem with fondue was the sticks.

Are you a two-shorter, a two-long man? I don't want them at all. Oh. I want to stick my hands into blistering hot oil. He's a sadist. into blistery hot oil. What? What? What? What? What? What? He's a sadist.

You got to swing by a crock of ship. Let me tell you, you can stick your hand in any of these crocks. You want. It's going to be a sloper. But if you wait a good four hours, that thing's going to be bubbling. You'll feel the pain. I have nothing but time. So it sounds like you've had a lot of business ventures that I haven't gotten. I've been talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that.

I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that.

I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that.

I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about that. I threw a park festival before. A park? Yeah, I felt like I rented a park, and I was like, I want an experience where a lot of people could come, and they could just relax, zen out. They could sit on a bench.

They could talk to one another. They could chill. You charge like 30 bucks, and people could just come and be there. And then people told me, you're just charging people to enter into a park, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what a park, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what a park is. Yeah, and then boom, wood fire, boom. I created a couple of sparks, boom. There we go, start life over and get a new business venture. I gotta say, I'm not a businessman, but it's a big, it's a hard sell to tell people, would you like your normal park experience only you pay, and it's a lot more crowded than it normally is.

Yeah, but you say that as not a businessman. I say that as not a businessman. So there we go. Yeah. What if, what if, what if, and I may be just spitballing here, what if there's some sort of park that you go to and the reason you pay is because while you're there, there's some sort of amusement. All right. And there's a lot of like younger people, just like a lot of PDA, just like, maybe when prices maybe a throw up. Maybe there's five flags, I don't know. Is that crazy?

Five flags? What, you think six? What you say, I just interested in something that's much more relaxing chill. Like give me just a couple of trees, give me a nice cedar with a point on top, that I just interested in something that's much more relaxing chill. Like give me just a couple of trees, give me a nice cedar with a point on top, but I'll be hitting me.

Oh, I can see a cedar's point, or maybe even I know there's a park that's on this island owned by a king, but he's a little territorial, so. But maybe this king's island is up for grabs. But again, are you a businessman? Yeah? No, no, no.

If I attend your park of amusement, But again, are you a businessman? Yeah? No, noted. Yeah. Yeah. If I attend your park of amusement, will I be able to eat an elephant here or will just be some dough with some cinnamon on it? I want to eat an elephant here! Like, again, my park is zero-medities.

All right, but if you want me to get you some sort of elevate here, we can talk. Yes, kill an elephant, give me a taste. So wait, can I ask a question that maybe is really obvious if you will live your whole life on food? So here are your feet. Lives. And you talk about your business failures that you sort of rise from the ashes of.

But I guess I thought maybe you died. Like, when your business is failed? Yeah, that's the good thing. Ah, you're trying to, you can't resell parts to people and not go insanely in debt. Yeah. The great thing about a Phoenix is

that erases all of that. Ah, sure. It's mostly in tax loophole. I mean, a lot of Phoenixes won't tell you this. Sure. Oh, yeah, life is great. Here we go Oh, you know, yeah, let me get a tattoo because everything is good. No, it's mostly it's mostly a tax right off in a loophole You just you start you a new person new so Sh and you just start all the new

I mean if this doesn't work. I mean that's you know, I'm gonna be bumped I'm gonna have a couple of pints over here. I'm gonna you know I'm gonna go to that wood. I'm gonna get some aromatic woods. I'm gonna make it a nice ending. I mean, it is a nice death. Don't give me wrong. It's a nice one. I mean, we start again, we start again tomorrow,

and we do it all over again. What is it like being dead? Let me tell you this, it's cold. Oh. Oh. Oh. There's a bird on fire. So like, being cold has got to be real weird.

It's a weird feeling. Yeah, you look around. You look at the mirror and you're like, why am I chilling? You're like, I shouldn't be chilling. Yeah. What's beautiful about it is that I become something new. I take on a new name, a new form.

But I still carry over the talents and the skills that I had beforehand. I become something new. I take on a new name, a new form. But I still carry over the talents and the skills that I had beforehand. And so it's a... TALENCE AND SKILLS? Okay, well, I have the ability to craft an expertise in things if I choose to and let that lay over time and time again.

Okay, I know a groundhog that happened, too. Yeah? Yeah, it's hard to play the piano. Okay, I know a groundhog that happened, too. Yeah? Yeah, it was hard to play the piano. I think you manipulated a woman. Yes, no. No, it didn't hold up. No, that was, I don't know. I heard, I heard, said, tale of that.

I was like, that's a great idea. I'm gonna die. I've been on this earth for 112 years. I should learn how to play piano. Didn't stick. Just not interesting. Already, didn't you say that there's a great pianist on Earth, Jerry Lee Lewis, who's saying about fire, and also he got married, right?

To someone normal? Yeah. There's a pianist on Earth named Jerry Lee Lewis, who had great balls of fire. And if I remember correctly, which I probably don't, he married his underage cousin. Oh, yeah. That sounds good.

Yeah. Is that something that happens up there on Earth? Is this, you know. You like to think it doesn't. I don't know. I don't know. And, you know, in my world, I think we're pretty confident that it happens less than it used to.

But I don't know if it happens enough less. I don't know if it happens enough less. Should I read? We do have a quick email here. Is there a quick, top for a quick email? Yeah. This is from Alexandra and Richardson, says Evan Hansen. Evan Hansen is a lonely window washer,

longing to be on the other side, constantly waving those windows he painfully washes, hoping to make a meaningful connection in this world. Oh! Oh! Is that a question? We were trying to figure out who Evan Hansen was. Oh!

I wasn't here for that. Does that answer it? Or have you left long wanting more information? Maybe you need more context to understand it, you know? Maybe when you explain something, you're like, that seems weird. But then you go and you watch it and you're like, yes, that was weird.

But I enjoyed it more than I thought. Which brings me back to the fact that many of you tonight are here with someone who dragged you here. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, I've got a question for you. Wait, a lot of these people are here against their will? Seems like a strange assumption to make.

I don't know. I come from a different world and I come from a part of that world called the Midwest and we make a lot of assumption. And get out of here, craines! Shoot! Shoot! From the part of... So, someone just yelled craines. If we have craines, and we're all whooping,

let's all whoop? Sorry, just giving some feedback to the cranes. There is, there is silly bird. Now, Wade, I want you to feel better about yourself. I know you're about to die that you've failed once again, but in your new life, I want you to think about what you might be next. Maybe you don't want to start a business.

Maybe you just need to get a job. Maybe you need to become a great author or a fighter who fights off evil. I didn't spy on it at all, but I was thinking to try to sell vodka to elves. LAUGHTER Like an elven vodka? Yeah.

I mean, I just throw me a bone, guys. What? I mean, if you got a half a nugget idea, I mean, I wake up in this new body, and I'm just search it. I'm just search it. I just, do you know what it's like to have that desire to just stand out, to have that thing that people, that people need, that you walk in there,

and you see somebody who has a need, and you're like, you, you want, you want sticking cheese, and you want to cook your own meats, and you want to sit and talk to somebody in a romantic atmosphere, and then Joe Fondue walks in and he creates that, and he fills that hole. And I wanna fill that hole.

Pfft. Pfft. Pff hole. Pfft. Oh, yeah. How do you fill the hole? I don't know how to fill holes. I just know how to fall through them. Pfft. Hey, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

But also, yeah. No, you've stumbled upon the very thing. We need a whole. We need you not to fill a whole weight. We need you to create a whole. A whole back to earth. A way to return to Arnie's homeworld, so that we may fight the void here and there. Yeah, we shall rise up, and I shall gather all the elves and dwarves and humans and fighters and archers and ox and trolls.

Yeah, yeen, they shall come to our aid in this darkest time, and we shall rise up and destroy all that you stand in our way, and then the children of food and of chubby safe at last. Whoo! You... You... You said, or, you know, that I would really love for someone to make a hole so that I could get back to Earth, but come on, like, clearly, wait, it's kind of a fuck up. Ha! Yeah, also, in your list of people to call to aid,

you say fighters, and then you say otters, which I think a lot of otters are disrespected by. Otters can be fighters. Also, guys, we're standing in the middle of the table, right? Oh, oh! I got excited, and I stood up on the table. Sorry. Let's get off this table.

No. But, but, but, uh. Oh, guys, did I mention back on my world, I was an improviser. Wow. Yes. That was, uh, that was what I opened at improv theater. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. That was the last one. what I opened it in prof theater. And I was like, oh, wait!

That was the last one. In a half. The audience, they were just like, why don't you just write something funny? I was like, no, it's fun because you have to be there. And then people stop being there. Yeah, it's like, it's like, yeah, pay us. And then the joy is in the inconsistency.

It's like, fuck you. You get to watch the sausage being made. It's like, I just, I wanna buy sausage. Yeah, I don't need to watch the process of it all. Yeah. Wait, I feel like you're convincing yourself that after you die, you're coming back as a completely different person.

But it sounds like you're coming back as the same person and doing the same, making the same mistakes over and over again. Yeah, I gotta be me. Check's out. But if there's ever an excuse to shake it up a little bit, isn't it, death? Isn't, isn't death nature's way of saying,

get out of business? I remember that's not the first time I've heard that, sure. Yeah, death gives you the opportunity to choose a new path in life. And with somebody who's made so many poor decisions going down the same path over and over and over and over again, when I die and I have an opportunity

to go down a different path tomorrow, I think, maybe I'll just check out that one path one more time to make sure there's nothing down there. Wayne, can I, can I have for you some advice in two words? Tomorrow? Salad. Tomorrow? Salad. Tomorrow?

Tomorrow, salad. I think that would be cool. I see it. It's a great business opportunity. It's just, it's salad. Tomorrow's salad, I think that would be more. I see it, it's a great business opportunity. It's just, it's salad for tomorrow, right? Right. So it's like leaves that they aren't fully grown yet. No, they're like meat that's not totally cooked yet.

Yeah. And I pulled back to the spot, dude. I gotta tell you. I think there is something brilliant in this, because if you ask somebody, and I'm a great example of this, hey, do you want to have a salad right now? They'll say, no. But if you say, hey, do you want a salad tomorrow?

They'll be like, yes, yes I do. Sell them tomorrow salad. It's a beautiful scam. Oh, it's a tomorrow salad, that's, I like that. Tomorrow? Tomorrow salad. It's tomorrow's silence. I like that. Tomorrow's sound. It's like that. It's like that. I saw, did you see that hilarious side over there

by the bar that said, beer's free tomorrow? Ha ha ha ha. Shit, we should come back tomorrow. That's what I said. The bar said, we had to wait a, it was a good seven minute conversation where he explained to me. That wasn't a promise. It was a joke. Oh Wait

It is a trap for a fight come back tomorrow the site lots of change I thought he was explaining to me over there at the bar. Yeah, uh-huh speaking of business opportunities We should probably hear from a sponsor. Yeah, yeah, you're right. That's right We should I'm very excited. We have some new sponsors So let's hear from some sponsors in food that are supporting this podcast Hi, I'm Randall Salamanda and I am a Guana Corinina Upstanding citizens of food we've lived here. All of our lives don't leave us.

Our kids are dead. LAUGHTER Check this out. We're here to tell you the people of food that other dimensions are not real. If you come across someone claiming to be from another dimension, know that they are lied. There are no worlds other than our own. Anyone claiming they fell for a portal behind a burger If you come across someone claiming to be from another dimension, know that they are lying.

There are no worlds other than our own. Anyone claiming they fell for a portal behind a burger king or any other fast food establishment is making the story up. They are not your friend, no matter what position they poop in. If you hear anyone claiming to be from another dimension, simply put your fingers in your ears and announce loudly and clearly I am alone I have always been alone all other people are illusions. I have created for myself It'll work a charm. So this has been us two real citizens of food who are definitely

Whatever names we gave at the start of the scene And not Jeffrey and Joseph are welcome tonight, yeah. Hello? Sirus Kiddler? We can't hold up. No. No. But I realize I don't usually comment on the advertisements

that appear in the middle of the show, but that was weird. LAUGHTER It's a little weird for me to sell ad time to people who are really questioning my very legitimacy. You know question, but you know what? Their money spends like anybody else's. This might seem like a bit of a tangent,

but is anyone else's microphone really sticky? This is so sticky. Nope. Go on, go on. Already, already go ahead and introduce. No way, that's not your fault. Wait, did you find my... Oh, no, I'll keep looking. Oh no!

Oh, yes, Creme's, ooh! Well, anyway, Creme. Oh. Well, anyway, I'm very excited. I met a sort of glowing orb, I guess, as the best way to describe her. I met, she calls herself a Willow-Wisp. And so I'm very excited to learn more from Janet, the Willow Esp. Oh! It's a beautiful glowing oaf.

Welcome. Oh, thank you. The Willow is... Oh, my God, look. It's just floating light. Hi, honey. How are you? You're cute.

I'm cute. What are you? Some kind of fucked up skunk or what? That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what I am. I'm cute. I'm cute.

I'm cute. I'm cute. I'm cute. You're cute. I'm cute. What do you some kind of fucked up skunk? That's exactly what I am. That's exactly what I am. Yeah, I fucked up skunk. That's nice. You're cute too. You're glowing. Yeah, I glow. I'm a little bit by glow. I'm a glowing, I'm a glowing orb ghost from the swamp. Maybe you've seen me there? I think I've seen you in this sort of like pulsating cum hither. That's me. Okay. Yeah.

Thank you guys. I gotta ask, I've seen the pulsating and the cum hither nature of it all. I didn't know if it was offensive, if I hithered, or if it was offensive, I decided not to hither. I wanted to do it correctly, but I honestly, I stood in place because I felt either direction, I was doing hitherto, or if it was offensive, I decided not to hither. I wanted to do it correctly, but I honestly, I just stood in place because I felt either direction I was doing something wrong.

For sure, you should hither. I should hither. What our job is basically is to since we're dead. Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been there. Yeah. So bye. Damn, so much guest death in this episode.

You're glowing lights that sort of try to lure people into the swamp? I don't lure people. I'm a helper. I died when I was going out one night to see my professor. And I was going through the forest. Then I went through the swamp. And I called up, called up, called up.

Sure. Why are we going to see your professor? Well, I've recently become engaged, and I wanted to go tell him the news. Oh, oh. So I heard this kind of, we heard it like a clicking sound. And when you hear a clicking sound,

you want to find out what it is. You got to find that out. You got to find out what it is. Well, it depends. You got to find that out. You got to find that out? You're worth the click sound. You got to know.

What the clicking sound is. If I'm in a swamp, I hear a clicking sound. I'm like, I don't want You gotta find that out. You gotta find that out? You must know. What the clicking sound is. If I'm in a swamp, I hear a clicking sound. I'm like, I don't want to know what that is. Well then you suck at beat and swaps. Well I went to find the sound and I fell down a clickhole. Oh. Sure. Was there something so the clicking was like bait? I found out in the hole and I just have been searching for a long time and then I kind of went,

whoop! And I was suddenly floating in a boggy swamp and I feel that my job is to help guide others. So when you see me, there's lots of cool places in the swamp that you should go and visit. Have you been out to the swamp? No, no, I have not. You should come to the swamp with me. You should come to the swamp.

You'd really to take a nice walk? Oh, you do not know me. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER This just seems to get less and less appealing. Just two or two or three miles tops. Two or three miles! You'll have to forgive him. He just ate like his last meal. Yeah. There's a good chance he'll fall asleep in that chair and just wake up there and start doing this podcasting thing again tomorrow morning.

Well, what are some of the cool things that I'm missing out in the swamp? Well, we see a lot of body dumps. I tried to market that for a while and it didn't now work. When you say body dumps, yeah. It's one of the best places to put them. Oh! So there's a lot of kids. Oh. What else are you gonna do with them?

Throw them in the swamp. It's true, man. The magical world is tough. It's not so bad. Then you got me. I'll glow while you can read by me. Bring a book. I'll glow. This is true. Yeah, you should come.

Come to the swamp. Arnie, go to the swamp. Go to the swamp. There's all kinds of fun stuff there. There's a swamp meat. Oh, crane, hungry cranes. Have you used it or just wait any of you spent any time in the swamp? I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. Yeah, I dumped some bodies in the swamp, dude. LAUGHTER I thought I recognized you. It is mine right. There's a defender in the champion of Foon to smite those who are evil and who do stand against us. And when I fright them down,

I do not leave their bodies lying in the middle of the street of Foon. Nay, I respectfully drag them to the swamp. LAUGHTER I say one word of kindness to them. Good riddance. That's two words. Don't mention my words. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

And then I spit in the swamp. You always got to spit in the swamp. It's good luck. Yeah. And then the swamp spits back at you. It's extra good luck. You spit the swamp, swamp spits at you. Yeah. That sounds awful. That's funny.

Same thing when you cook, you should kiss the band band, this is you. What? What? Oh, my God. Yeah, use it or, come here, come here. Come here, come here. Yeah, yeah. What? Let, come here, come here.

Let's get on the table with no one can hear us. Look, I love it when John tries to explain things to me, but he's kind of a fucking idiot. Uh-huh. That's why you're best friends. That's why. And my best friend is a pile of fuels. Hey, you two want to get off the table? I think he's on to us. Wow, it's the same hideous before.

That object worked out great. That object worked so good. It makes me reconsider. Wow, it's the same hideous before. That object worked out great. That object worked so good. It makes me reconsider that improv thing. Oh, yeah. Look, I'm just saying, if you get into improv, I had a similar experience with what happened just now.

You could hear up to two people clap. Up to two. Up to two. Up to two. So, so, Gina, I guess my question about luring people in the swamp is like, what's in it for you? I want to show people a good time. It's nice in the swamp.

It's hot. Smells like shit and dead children. Do you kill anybody recently? You, you, you kill anybody ever? Uh. Um, do you kill anybody recently? You kill anybody ever? Uh, you killed that teenager in the dungeon. No, she did not stay dead. She did not stay dead. Because recently, we definitely haven't killed anyone.

No, just off the top of my head, we didn't kill blemish. We didn't kill blemish, we didn't kill, uh... fucking philosophy guy, we didn't kill... We didn't kill, uh... King Bellaroth? King Bellaroth? We didn't kill, um, fleek, the guy who sells his teeth? Oh, I could go on forever about all the people we didn't kill.

These are all people you didn't kill? Recently. Right. These are all people you didn't kill. Recently. Right. Right. Did you ever just want to get outdoors? I mean tomorrow.

Wait, get up on the table. Holy shit, I so much believe more that Wayne got up on the table. Then that Arnie got up on the table. Well, hold on, I feel like I mean Wade would have a similar and funny get up on the table. What? Get up on the table. I'm seeing when you're tired. I think when you come back to life. I think when you come back to life, start tomorrow, salad, but also add a service.

Tomorrow, take a walk. People are paying you for all the things they know they should be doing tomorrow. Tomorrow, self. Tomorrow's walk. Tomorrow's taxes. Yes. All the things they don't want to do.

Make them pay you to tell them that you'll do it tomorrow, but you don't actually ever have to do it. Oh no, we'll give you all of his money. This is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can heard this. There are a lot of rumors about draining the swamp. I'll be, I'll tell you, the swamp has never been busier. Yeah. Yeah. The swamp has never been swampy. Absolutely.

If you say, are you looking to get into business? The swamp has never been swampy out. Absolutely. If you say, are you looking to get into business? I was just curious. I was like, have I been going to go to the swamp? I've heard talk, and it's not even going to be there anymore. But you're telling me that it's even worse or better than before. This is the time to get into the swamp. Yeah?

You want to do some business you get to the swamp right now. Well, I'll go to the swamp tomorrow. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well played. Wait, another reason this is a great business plan for you is you can say, you can say, like, if you don't like this, I'll pay you back tomorrow.

And then you'll be dead and you'll be a different person. Yeah, it's pretty good. Pretty sweet, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just like that plane you had where you kept borrowing money for a cheeseburger, and you said you gladly pay the person back. Which is real dick move, Arnie. I frankly, it's a little wimpy.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's nothing I can add to that as well. I'll just fiddle with my tie. Oh, wait. That's why I never talk about things three and three. Arnie, get are on the table? I think we just sit back, we relax, we have those in-depth discussions about life, love, and sadness that we're meaning to have it to dance around it.

Wonderful, I'm terribly sad. Okay, we're so happy. John, I wish I could hear what they're saying, but we're on this table. Yeah. I can't hear anything up here. I know. But you know what? What? This is a safe place for us.

No, I can hear what we're saying. This is a safe place for us? Yeah, I can't. I always wanted a safe place. I wanted a safe place where I would be found. And you will be found. No. Is this like a Evan Hansen thing? Awesome.

No, no, no, no. So, and that's what a soul sounds like when it cries. Oh, what? I missed that. I missed that. So sad. Oh, so sad. So, you're a will of the whisp.

Do you know what, terror of the whisp? Do I know, on terror of the whisp? Terror of the whisp. Do you know what terror the wisp? Do I know a terror the wisp? Terror the wisp? No, let's go to an email. Sure. I have an email. I have a grace of the wisp is back. Who? Grace of the wisp.

Oh, yes. The will of the wisp is grace of the wisp. Used to be together. You don't ever heard Grace's back. Do you ever? You ever? I wanted, I for one wanted Grace of the Waste. So there's a will of the Waste bag.

I don't want to get back in the way. I don't want to get back in the way. Yes, there's a will of the Waste bag. I watched that. Guys, I can't, I'm not getting any of these Waste things and yet I desperately want to add one. Well, let's go to an email here. We have an email from John Daly.

He says, 12 deaths of Wayne. What are the 12 deaths of Phoenix Wayne? We say that one more time. What are the 12 deaths of Phoenix Wayne? I think earlier you mentioned you've died 12 times. Yes, yes. In case you're confused, I know your name is Wade, but you used to be Wade.

I was Wade. Dwayne. Yeah. Car Michael. Uh, oh. I was Jackson when that was a thing. When everybody was Jackson, you remember whenever I was Jackson, right? I was a Paul.

I was a Nevnt. I was a Sue for a bit. I was a Sue Zepher a bit. And I went back to Sue, but I spelled it differently. One was SUE, the other was SUE. There you have it. There you have it. 12 names.

12 names. I did a Paul. That's what they asked for. 12 names. Yeah. So I was, yeah. Oh. Oh, I knew you when you were a boy named Sue. Yes.

My dad gave me that name. I'm sure you did. Yes. It seemed like a mean thing to do. But I bet it toughened you up. You know what? It didn't. It did not.

You would think, my dad said it. It'll make you a tough man. I met him once. Because he left me and it was a terrible thing. And I just, I wept. I wept. I wept. I never saw him again. But soon thereafter, I took a little trip to the swamp and everything was better than I moved on. Oh.

He's killed my dad. Oh. But you, but that's what happened. You could get what a Phoenix gets the chair. Boy, you're right right out of that thing and then you sell people parrots for 20 bucks a day. Wow. Yeah, do you have the chair on earth?

The what? The chair? What's the chair on Foon? Do you see you got the chair? I got the chair. phone? Do you see it? You got the chair? I got the chair. It's, uh, it's, sometimes people are sentenced to death and they get the chair. What happens is, it's frightening. They take you into a room and there's a chair right there and they lock you into it. And then you wait for 15 days until you just become emaciated and you die. Oh. They don't even look twice.

It's just like, it's just such a comfortable chair. You just want to sit in that chair. Yeah. It's like, it's just, it hits all the right spots. You're like, I'm hungry, I should eat, but you're like, in this chair, I just don't want to get up from this chair. Wait. It was second on food.

If you kill somebody, you get sends to a punishment where you just keep sitting in a chair. Yeah. And you don't want to get out of the chair until you just eventually waste away and die? Guys, am I in the chair? Guys, I gotta get out of this chair. Come to the swamp. Go to the swamp.

I've always been kind of a man of inaction. I remember being a child, like sitting on my front step and kind of just looking out to a fat sounds of a rite. Just looking out into a field and being like, like, what are you gonna start walking? Like, what will happen to me? Is that supposed to sound deep? I don't know, it was like I was really.

Is this like something you told girls in high school? I was kind of scared that I would, right? Like I was just sitting on the front step of my house being like, what if I kept walking? And I think I might. Yeah. But I didn't ever And I think I might. Yeah. But I didn't. Oh.

Ever. I almost never walked. That was just a thought you had. It wasn't an action you put into place. Yeah, guys. That's a story. That's a story. But.

But. But. But. But. And best it's a poem. And I don't even think it was that. Guys, sure. Maybe it doesn't seem exciting, but it's a poem. And I don't even think it was that. Guys, sure, maybe it doesn't seem exciting, but maybe it's like a literary short fiction.

Like a novella? Yeah, I don't know. Like, there's just sort of like a contemporary short story that you, that like, would be in a short story collection. No one wants that. Oh. Guys, and I ever tell you about the time that I went to grad school for writing, Would be in a short story collection no one wants that Guys that I ever tell you by the time that I went to grad school for writing and then

I went to I went to grad school and used it or You used to are you you you fell asleep. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so bored. I'm going to go talk to the cranes, I think, for a while. He loves birds. He loves birds. He fell asleep, but luckily that microphone just stuck in his hand. You sort of just went sad amongst the people over there.

Oh, the cranes learned the clap. The cranes learned the clap? That's what I just said. Hello. Are you a class? That's what I just said. LAUGHTER Hello. Are you a... are you a crane? Sure. Did you say sure?

LAUGHTER I'm impressed that this crane said anything at all. LAUGHTER What's your favorite part about being a bird? Flying. I love flying. LAUGHTER I also love birds. That's all the birds.

Good job being a bird. You're much more interesting than any. Thank you for talking to me. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Can't ever watch the table.

Watch the table. Watch the table. Why the table? I can't believe it, Chair. There's a chair. Watch the chair. Why are you just going to walk over the table? Careful when you're on the table. If you get stuck, we will not be able to hear your cries for help. Let's read another email here.

We have an email from Bret Hart. That can be Bret Hart? Maybe, Wait's Dead Dead is Wait's Dead a Phoenix? Because of so, did he rise from the ashes of the swamp? Oh, shit. Wait, if your dad's a, a phoenix, because of so did he rise from the ashes of the swamp? Oh, shit. Huh. Wade, if your dad's a phoenix and you killed your dad,

he might be coming to get you. What? My dad, I had. That's a dark place to be. He had his strengths. He created a university that people didn't have to go to. Oh, no! He had his strengths. He created a university that people didn't have to go to. Well, I mean, that's every university.

But for some reason it worked in this one. You could not go to it, still get a, what he would call a degree. And people would pretend to accept it as valid as any other university. It was an amazing route. It was something that I find myself living in the shadow of. When I try to create my own creations, I see what he did.

He sold nothing. And the ability to sell nothing was the greatest trick of them all. If I could sell that emperor clothes, I would do it. But he's already got a pair. He already has a pair of clothes. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Wade, I think...

The man has two clothes. That's it. He's done. What you get two clothes, you're done. Wait, is it possible the problem is that you're obsessed with your dad's pair? What? My dad had a hell of a pair. Make that very clear. And I wish I had the pair my dad had, but sometimes you can't live in the past.

You have to live in the future because the president is too gosh darn hard. Tomorrow, salad. Another email here for I feel like these are all fake names from Scott Zibel. How do I become a Willow Whisp? Dye in the swamp is a good way to start. Did you have an interlite before you died and became a willowist? I think so. I mean, my professor was actually from your father's university. No.

Yeah? I went to university of Phoenix. Did you? Yes, that's part of the reason I couldn't find the fucking place. But I had aspirations and I had dreams. And I think those dreams are what lifted me out of the gaseous bog of swamp and turned me into a glowing ball. Maybe it's not that great. Oh no no we think it's wonderful.

We think it's wonderful you lead people to your death deaths in the swamp. Yeah no it's nicer you do. What a stuff of calling. If somebody's gonna do that it's yeah no Yeah, that's something that I would support. Well, I think we're all excited about going to the swamp. Oh, I definitely, definitely want to go to the swamp. You guys want to go to the swamp. Yeah, yeah, that's it.

We can go to the swamp. Yeah, I'm gonna think it may be a nice tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow, we can. I'm free tomorrow. Yeah, we'll, yeah. Yeah. You'll go to the swamp with me tomorrow? The swamp tomorrow. I'll get to talk. I'm free to talk. Yeah, well, yeah. You all go to the swamp with me tomorrow? The swamp tomorrow.

I'll get the swamp going. I'll hang it up. We'll get some free beer. We'll take it to the swamp. And we sell it. You guys promise? Yeah, we can. You get a carbonage stone.

Oh, that's so great of you. I'm so glad I came here. Yeah. Guys, I'm glad we're able to solve all of our problems. I haven't solved any of mine. They're still evil in the world. But you know what? We'll defeat that evil tomorrow.

That's right. Tomorrow, the sun shall rise again. And so shall you, Sadoa. And he shall prepare to fight. He shall gather his sword and his staff, and his sword, band of friends, and together, they shall overcome evil." You're right, Yusudor.

The sun will rise again tomorrow. You can bet your bottom dollar that... Tomorrow. They'll be sun. Tell me more. When I think of a day... That's, I don't know, let's talk it up on the table. Yeah, let's all get up on the table.

Oh! Oh man, it is different up here. When I think of a day, that's... What's the color? Gray. Gray. And, uh, something... and lonely. I'll just lift up my chin and grin and say Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you. Tomorrow, you're only a day away. I'm going to sing a song.

Guys, we should all learn how to sing tomorrow. Tomorrow, singing lessons. Well, thank you, everybody. And thank you. That is, we are Hello from the Magic Tavern. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And as we're all very much aware, none of that really happened. This was just human actors in a convention hall

filled with people wondering if they should have attended the panel on black mirror As far as our actors Usered all the wizard was played by Matt Young and if you're wondering Yes, and that costume was sewn out of very real baby blankets And I can testify for real that that beard smells like cat pee. Junt, the fucked up skunk, was played by Adel with high. And if you're still wondering,

dear Evan Hansen is a Tony Award-winning musical, and that's why you always keep a homosexual handy. Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craven were played by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craven, our creators of Welcome to Night Vale. Wade The Sad Phoenix was played by none other than congested scarecrow, Jordan Clepper. Post of the opposition with Jordan Clepper on Comedy Central, it's different than the Colbert Report, but we're still not sure how. Do make sure and catch his one man, Harley Quinn, Dredshaw, Wednesday night to the duplex. Finally, Janet, the Will of the Wisps,

was played by Maureen Johnson. Author of many volumes of young adult fiction, follow her on Twitter at Maureen Johnson. And now, as a final word, tomorrow, salad. And I can finally say to you fly craves fly Well they're not so fast Greg again one more quick thanks to New York Comic Con and everyone at Readpop. Make sure to check out the opposition on Comedy Central, which has a lot of magic tavern guests working in front of and behind the camera.

Also check out Jeffrey and Joseph's new book It devours a Mystery Thriller, set in the world of Welcome to Night Vale, which is out now. And Marines' new book, Truly Devious, which comes out January 16th. Wow, what a literary group of guests. And Tim Sniffin had an essay run by The New Yorker last week called Retirement Planning vs. Quest for the Amulet of Nargoth, which is right for me. By Tim Sniffin. Oh, right.

Expendable Identity No. 867B. Pretty sneaky, boss. Anyway, follow him on Twitter at Mr. Sniffin. I'll spell it out. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie new kneecamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Albert LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz.

Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks for the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to EarWolf. Ugh, why is my console covered in steamboat lubricant?