Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 43 - Former Bird (w/ Joel Kim Booster)

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

We talk to a boy who used to be a bird. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBertramus: Joel Kim BoosterCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Hey there, Craig here. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tanver. Yeah. Sorry to stop you earlier. Remember, like a year ago, when we did the intro, but like in a real sexy voice? What's this now? Remember, like a year or so ago? Ah, I guess vaguely. I, there was a time when we did an episode where we introduced in sexy voices.

Can we go back to that? You want me to do the entire intro and a sexy voice? Just certain words. Sexier than my normal one? Yes. Alright. Okay, I'll do my best. Just certain words.

Absolutely. No problem. Uh, uh, Mundle, if you- I don't remember sexy doesn't equal slow. Oh, okay. So don't dry. So don't dry sexy. Yeah, don't dry or-

If sexiness was the zombie, I'm gonna be fast sexy, rather than slow sexy. I realize that metaphor was totally unnecessary. No, it's like- It's just usually when you start to read it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, 28 days later, then we finally get the whole thing, so, yeah. Yeah. Alright, I will, uh, do this one fast sexy all right hello from the magic tavern we really podcast from the magical land of food I'm your

host aren't you can't fast and I'm sexy if you're nervous in the pod can't it's not sexy to say your say it's not sexy to say your sexy be sexy be sexy have confidence okay all right no problem I can do like the best people you know they don't go around saying I'm a I'm a good person sure okay all right okay no problem and mundle can. Like the best people you know, they don't go around saying, I'm a good person. Sure, they just are. All right, okay, no problem. And Mundle, can you help me out with a sexier floor than you usually do? All right, great, I believe in you, bud.

All right, here we go. Fast and sexy, but don't just keep saying that I'm sexy. Correct. All right. I love an magic tavern. Weekly podcast and magical land of food. I'm your fuck friend, I ain't eating him.

You've never listened to podcasts before. This is all you need to know. Nothing. Just lock into my voice. I'm in a magical world. I'm doing a podcast with my sex and friends. I interview sexy people. Also, you can email me at magictavern at poppies.supplies.

I'm waiting for your calls. Damn, that's the best that's ever gone. I don't know, Jonathan, it just doesn't feel like me. Like, I feel like, as I'm getting older, I'm like in my early 40s. Yeah. I'm come to terms with like who I am is sexy. Then why did you wear those leather pants today?

I found them and my other pants that I came to the portal in were just really soiled. It's, you know. You know you can clean things here, right? Just because you're in another world doesn't mean you can have to stop cleaning things. I have soap and water. Yes. Look, it's so hard to know how to clean things in any world.

What? It took me a good 35 years to really figure out how to clean things on my world. And so, you know what, by the time I'm 70, I'll be on top of it here. Also, these leather pants are surprisingly comfortable. Luckily, we're not in Vichtas the fire season, it's not that hot. Well, frankly, they may be comfortable to you, but they're making me uncomfortable. Sure. Well, frankly, they may be comfortable to you, but they're making me uncomfortable. Sure. Well, you said, or, Michael Hoth, do you mind sexy introducing yourself? Of course.

I am Yusidor. Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fizziest master of light and shadow. Minipulator of magical delights. Devour of chaos. Champion of the great bulls of Turokos. The elves know me as Fien Yalek. The dwarves know me as Zodan and Hugsthangies, and I'm known in the North East as Gassamwini as Mastar, and there may be other secret names.

Names that if I did utter them aloud, would create the most beautiful candle it did that you could imagine. Yeh, in the very lights of this tavern would dim to such a level that when I did stare across the table at thee, that would feel th nice self turn into a very puddle. Damn, that was sexy. That's the best that's ever gone. Damn, damn, that was sexy. Also, I'm wearing this Mayer sash.

Power sexy. That's true. Where did you get that Mayer sash? Oh, I found it in the Mayer's office. I didn't even know Hogsface had a Mayer. Yep. It's me now because I put on the sash. Look, I didn't even know Hogsface had a mayor. Yep. It's me now because I put on the sash. Look, I know we've been put in charge

of running Hogsface, but I thought that the three of us are running Hogsface together. Like, you can be the mayor. Now, well, the sash begs to differ. Yeah, Arnie, I mean, I wanna agree with you, but he has a sash. What am I supposed to do? What are more sashes in this mayor's office?

No. There were three co-mayors sashes. Yeah, think about it. Idiot, co-mayors. Could we come over to the schedule for the sash where you get it part of the week? I get it part of the week? Okay, then are we gonna set up a schedule

where I run the podcast one week. Use the door rinse the podcast one week? I mean, if we were sharing duties. Okay, fine. You know what, Ch fine, you know what? Chant you're in charge of the podcast. All right, Chantin charge, Mondale We're gonna start over from the beginning, but please Please explain the premise of the show actually I'm getting nuts You never once mentioned yourself as a talking badger, but here's the thing

I don't want to restart this show because everything's gone perfect so far. You're sexy in trail, you said we're sexy in trail. My continuous sensuality, you're right. So far this is a perfect episode, yeah. But someday, you're gonna host the deal. All right, credit didn't I do that before? I don't remember. Guys, I'm really excited to talk to our guest.

You know, we've had all kinds of magical creatures on here before, but I really excited to talk to our guest. You know, we've had all kinds of magical creatures on here before, but I'm excited to talk to a little boy who used to be a crow. I hated the way that sentence started. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, I'm still a perfect episode. Guys, please welcome

Bertramus am I saying that yeah that's correct Bertramus oh man so you're a little boy well you know I said boy when we conversed but as you can see I am of age you know I would still describe myself as a boy it's more of a B.O.I sort of situation oh yeah you're a young man. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much for seeing me. And so Bertramus, you're just you're young at heart. Yeah. And you used to be a crow. Yeah, for the first first good portion of my life, I was a crow. Yeah, was happily Sitting on the shoulder of a villain, you know Bouncing from shoulder to shoulder villain to villain at least you were aware that it was a villain. Yeah, no, I'll you I know what shoulder

I'm so frozen very smart. I don't know. Yes. I knew that And then my last film I have to ask though. I'm sorry to interrupt. Do you feel like you went into it intentionally being like, I'm gonna sit on the shoulder of a villain? Or is it one of those things where like after a few years you're like, you know what, looking back, I have a type? Hmm, well I think it's really hard to gauge that, because I grew up in a pretty, in a pro villain house. You know, like we, my father was a crow sitting

on a villain's shoulder or his father before him, et cetera. So I was sort of forced into it. I didn't really think about it. You know, now, so it's just, yeah, it's a family, it was a family affair, you know, and I sort of just fell into it. It wasn't my passion, I wouldn't say it was my passion. You didn't even know as an option to stand on the shoulders

of other types of people. No, definitely not. And you know, if I had my brothers, you know, sitting on the shoulder of villains paid the bills, but I personally like solving puzzles with sticks and cups. That was a big, like thing that I enjoyed as a crow was pushing like nuts around with your body. Yeah, yeah, I'm putting them in an organized,

or an escape in cages. That sort of thing. And I'm sure that got you thinking, I don't always have to sit on a village shoulder. Yeah, but there's no more than that. I own money in solving puzzles with sticks and cups and pebbles. True. True.

I mean, some people do, but I wasn't, I had to, it's just a big goal. It's got to make my, to monetize solving puzzles with sticks and cups and pebbles. I mean, those sticks and cups and pebbles don't pay for themselves. No, I mean, and unless they just think you find in which case maybe they do.

And maybe I'm a bit of a coward. You know, and I thought this has come triple for me, this has come triple sitting on the shoulder of an enchantress and, you know and just sort of squawking at appropriate moments and observing and spying. There's lots of spying. Can I ask, what, when is, because I never know, when is the appropriate time to squawk?

You know, it's a punctuation mark. Oh, yeah, because sometimes I want to squawk and then I'm like, if I do, then people would be like, look who's squawking now. You got, I mean, a comma doesn't appear in the middle of a sentence. An exclamation mark doesn't appear in the middle of a sentence.

You know, you just have to know your timing. You have to know how grammar works. Yeah. It's a big part of knowing when to squawk. It's a thing they teach Kroes early on. Gotcha, got to. Which is amazing. For most birds, no nothing.

Yeah. For more information. Nothing. And don't get me wrong. Which is amazing. For most birds, no nothing of our fluctuation. Nothing. And don't get me wrong. I love birds. I love birds. That lot. Too much, maybe.

That's... No, just the right amount. I'm human. Squawk. What? No, see, that was too early, right? Well, yeah, maybe I... Squawks are less calm.

I think I confused you, because... Gotcha. I'm actually... There was a comma there, so I it's a squawks are less comments. I think I confused you because I'm actually there was a comma there So I see where you saw maybe Should I squawk like a man or should I should I squawk like a like like a crowdoo because you don't literally say squawk It's well that in my language that is me literally saying squawks. I'm so sorry. That must so I'm so sorry No, that's a, that happens a lot. I feel the burden of explaining these things to people like you is tough, but no. So you can say squat, you can just squat,

the accent might sound weird coming out of your mouth, but any time. I would say just keep it to exclamation points at this point, absolutely. Is it better for him to just squawk in his own voice rather than to try to do a Impression squawk Yeah, I think so I'd be more comfortable. I don't even want to hear what his the fun is put that floor on it Now did you know Servana they had enchantress? Oh, yeah, I had a friend who I had a buddy of mine

I sat on her shoulder for a while. I defeated her. Oh, no way I smote her you put a lot of crows out of business Well work. I do feel bad about that because I love birds. See, I'm conflicted here. I love birds You do I love crows. You keep saying that I hate evil and Starling and Starling Starlings are assholes. They're the biggest bigots of the birth world. Not surprising. You didn't know that.

Yeah. Not surprising though. What's it like when you're a crow and you're sitting on a villain shoulder and that villain gets defeated? Um, it's scary because you think are there enough shoulders. You know, that's the scariest thing is because you never know, is there enough evil shoulders for crows? Because there's a lot of us now,

just flooding the market, lots of crows coming from other enchanted worlds, taking villains, you know. But aren't they sitting on the shoulders of villains, you don't even want to sit on those. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, they sit on a shoulder, nobody, no other cr even wanna sit on those. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they sit on the shoulders,

nobody, no other crows when I sit on, right? Yeah. It's like, they're just, they're, look, they're fine villains, but they're just not, they're low paying shoulder jobs. Yeah, not like, not even like, full on in chantresses, you know, like, just like, ladies with a wart.

Yeah, yeah. Or a guy with a pendant. Yeah, a guy with a pendant, ladies with a wart you know or a guy with a pendant yeah guy with a pendant ladies with a wart you know the inconvenient exactly nobody nobody's doing real villainy you know nobody on the scale of Sirvana yes yes it's hard I feel like when somebody's been smoted it's hard to remember their name that's a big part of it

user can you name three people been smoted well savanna that's somebody you haven't smoked oh so I haven't smoked oh oh uh calligraphists calligraphists so much butter calligraphists was was terrible being done the strange Bing dong the strange oh is he is Bing dong the strange has been Smoted does that mean they're dead? Yes, it means they're smoted. Oh, so it's like we couldn't have Bing dong the strange on the podcast at some point Well, I suppose if a necromancer brought him back to life or trapped his soul in a gem or Spoke to him from beyond the grave or if We brought their shambling corpse back out of the ground. But then they're just the shambling corpse.

They're not really that's a good one. That's a very lateral move at best. Yeah. Well, you know what, when the Dark Lord left us in charge of Hogsface and all of his minions, I guess we have some necromancers working for us now. We do. I'm just going to make a list.

Make a little note. To have a necromancer, bring one, be on the episode I host, but bring when you're hosting. Sure. Being dong the strange back to life, just like I can have them on as a guest. I can't believe I didn't know about a man named Bingdong.

Bingdong the strange. That's right in my wheelhouse. Yeah, that'll happen in the future. I'm sure that won't go badly. It'll be fine. And you saw one more? Oh, a double down. Oh, double down.

Double down. Double down, widely known among the Crow community. I think the pills. Oh, yes. Wow. Yeah. He had a very signature and predictable move. He would do something evil and then he would do it again. Same place, same time, same location. I also heard the double down was one of those rare villains that had two crows that had like a crow on each shoulder. Yeah, birds on both sides. Double down. Double crow, double down.

Yeah. I hate working a double shoulder by the way. Sharing it. Do another crow on the other side, it just feels redundant after a while. You're stepping on each other's squawks. Yeah. You don't want a punctuation on both sides of the distance. Yeah, that's squawks. Yeah. You don't want a punctuation on both sides of the business. Yeah. That's what is this.

And then you're both, you're like, oh, did you spy on that guy? And it's like, no, you were supposed to be, we were both spy on the same person. I trust you. Oh, yeah. That reminds me, you mentioned spying before was a big part of the job.

Yeah. So how would that work with the... Oh, and we just sort of about be about like, landing in a tree as like the heroes are discussing their plans locating children that are hidden away Because of a prophecy or something like that It's a lot of that. It's a lot of spying a lot of locating. It's a lot of relaying. It's a lot of communicating back like plans and You know locations. How far

would you go as the U flies? Oh I mean it depends on the day because I don't do much flying on the weekends. Sure. But on a weekday I would fly you know 15 minutes south. Pretty good. Yeah. That's about as far as I'd go. Yeah, that's most of your breaks right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a union. Oh, okay. I don't want to be insensitive, but how are you transformed into a boy? Well, you know, it was one of those Sturgian my last in Chantris. Her name was my last enchantress, her name was... This seems like it's a very emotional game. Yeah, it's really a very hard game.

Take your time. This is, you know, the first time I've been reliving this squad, but not again. No, it just felt like you were mocking me. No, it wasn't a mock squad. I'm sorry, do you want me here? Yeah, of course we want to hear from you. I just feel like, I wasn't a mock-swag. I'm sorry. Did you want me here? Well, it wasn't. Yeah, of course we want you here. I just feel like very, I feel like I've been brought on

to a prank show and you're here to humiliate me. No, no, no. It wasn't like I was like, a spark-swag. Oh my God. It's a spark-swag joke. A spark. Oh my God. A spark-swag joke, please.

What's going on? I'm just spark-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag-swag. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I promise me a safe space Everyone tells I'm so sorry That's not cool man about the stunt tonight. I almost let you host this episode. This is shot you will never host this show What you are Never host this show. I am embarrassed. Look, I've only lived in this world for two and a half

plus-ish years, and even I know that they're different. Why do you say two and a half plus-ish years? You're just saying my time's at a math. I'm saying two and a half. I don't remember exactly. Maybe almost three years. Two and a half plus, that's lazy. Just say almost three years.

What are you doing? Look, I just know more foesquac for me, okay? I've never seen you so passionate promised this boy who used that beat B.O.I. this boy who used to be a crow. Yes, that this was a safe place for him Arnie's pronounce B.E. Oh, I'm sorry boy That this would be a safe place for him and I just feel bad that Chump made me a liar. Thank you. That's the sexiest thing you've ever done. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah Thank you so much. You're a real advocate for a cruzz

But I'm no hero because I'm sure I'll So I'm I'm sweet about it, but yeah, I'm so sorry. You're very you'll tweet you'll just like Yeah, exactly that is my yeah, I wouldn't I just want to apologize. Thank you. I can call you Bert Can I get over now? For lean don't shorten our names perfect in the crow community. Okay. I just want to apologize. Thank you I apology accepted you. You were talking about your your last and chant Yeah, my last and chantress Marissa the Tome

What terrible she was a tomato terrible. Yeah, no she was an old crown somewhere, you know, above Like she almost looked better as she. Yeah, an older crown, an older crown. Yeah, an older crown. And she, she hatched a plan to marry a lord. She enchanted herself into being a beautiful widow and she needed a son. And so without my consent, she turned me into a boy for this plan and I was supposed to just play her due to son and then go back to being a crow eventually I feel like I'm more useful as a crow than I ever and as a boy and boy and you wouldn't

you know what she was found out and Smoted Smoted before she could turn me back into a crow and now I'm stuck like this I've been to a couple of other Inchantresses a few other wizards and no one the the magic died with Marissa unfortunately and now I'm stuck like this Now I'm stuck like this What are you going on folks? What's going on? You're not disgusting I think if you saw it from my perspective, you would think I was disgusting

Because I think you look disgusting Everybody at this table looks disgusting in my ass Who are what do you not find disgusting? What are you attracted to? Mostly crows Oh, so you're still just attracted to crows? I mean, it doesn't change. I'm still a crow on the inside and I yeah, it's tough. I find that human man don't

Memorize faces as fast as crows do And that's a real big sticking something you want and a significant others. Yeah Yeah, you know, I'm home and have them be like, intruder, you know, like it's me. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough, because I, I feel like that's one thing that crows were always really good at.

I found. And now it's just I walk into a room. And sometimes people I've met or seen from far away don't even know who I am. Oh, that is. And that's really frustrating for me. Yeah. And you want to date someone that has

the same interest as you in Cal Poly. Exactly. So many men. No one I know likes to soft puzzles with little tiny sticks and stones and cups, you know, and that's a real difficult thing for me. Yeah, we're collect strands of hair in a shape. Exactly. Nobody does that. Nobody wants to regurgitate food into my mouth. Yeah, or find a carcass and pack into a lot of organs. A lot of people, and sometimes I just see a man standing in a field and I go, oh, and then I realize that it is a real man, not a... Wait, what is the noise you make? Oh!

Oh. Wait, I didn't... That's... What? You don't say that one? The he said it what he's made him he made a man noise But I can't squawk you're a badger. I'm a shapeshifter That was a very good man. Thank you. I've been working on it's been really it's been a big a Josh Adjustment see I can't even also It's hard having a lip, It is hard having a lip.

Also, boys are bigger than birds, and so one of the just easy rules is, you can always do an impression of something that's bigger than you. But you can do an impression of something that's smaller than you. It press up, not down. Yeah, that's fair.

And this is a bit of a B.O.I.S. night. It's a bit of a B.O.I.S. night. Now I feel like you're really hitting that hitting that OI and a wavehead. Boy he's nice. I think it's a more subtle thing. I think you store was doing it right and once again you're being really aggressive. I gotta say it's one of my favorite episodes. I've never done. I'm just enjoying you getting the full knee-camp treatment. Oh. Now, you must forgive, Chant. He's vivacious and excited, and he wants to be a part of things.

So he sometimes aggressively comes at these things that he wishes to embrace. And I've been most creatures, so I just feel partial on earth. Have you ever been a Crow? Do you know anything about being a Raven? Oh my God. Oh my god. Oh my god! May the goddesses strike you where you stand.

I've hornycaded with a Raven name Huggin and turn it to Raven. And do you think, do you think crows are like Ravens at all? You're disgusting. It's a lateral move, right? No, absolutely not. There's I innumerable differences between Crescent Ravens and we can't number how many differences? We can't I can't I don't have enough there isn't and there aren't enough there isn't there. I can't It's all right. Use your human words. Really ruffle this feathers. Oh my god. No, I just mean that's why would you I don't have any anymore.

I'm ruffling his skin flaps. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't have skin flaps. Yeah. I already have skin tags. I mean, just a little. Wow.

There's a comment. You're just a half point. I have enough points to get them removed. I's a coffin. You're just a head in the morning. It's a bullet. To get them removed, I just stopped to get some burger king on my way there. I worked on it off, you didn't even notice. Oh, wow. Oh, that was anything.

Oh, I think that was just gum. Oh, that's still bleeding though. Again, it would like to remind you that we do have the ability to wash ourselves and our clothes. Yeah, but I like how. Oh, like how? It's got to be so complicated and magical.

Well, let's take a break and the three of us will show you how to wash yourself, and now we'll be right back. So, Bertramus, your boy needs to be a crow, but you can't date other humans like, can you get it? Well, he can date other humans, because I could, I choose not to. Well, it's not in me to want to. Yeah, it's not a choice. I don't want to put that out there that it's a choice between being attracted to birds or humans. I do try to make yourself do that.

It's not fair to you. It's not fair to anybody. Yeah, it's not fair to anybody. I am currently dating a crow, another crow. You too. Yeah, his name is Lenny. Lenny. Lenny the crow.

I thought Lenny used to a crow. Oh, that Lenny. I'm thinking of a different Lenny used to quote. Oh, that Lenny. Yeah, I'm thinking of a different Lenny. No, no, no, no. Used to data croname squiggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, Lenny, it's tough.

It's tough. People give us looks. They don't know my story. They don't think to ask my story. They just make assumptions. No, they just make assumptions. And it's tough You know It's there there's things that transfer like he got me very sick

Recently, oh yeah, he got you very sick. Yeah, Berkman So it's okay to call it that yeah Yeah, why wouldn't it be it that's why it's all yeah is bird flu on food? Is it a flu? It's a straightening of the influenza virus that birds get. Oh, okay. It can transfer to humans. Yeah, if you kiss them on the mouth enough, it can transfer to humans. Oh, I think that's how it happened. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's how it happens on earth too. So people of of earth if you've ever met anyone with bird flu secrets out. Yeah, Busted I can't help it though. I just love I love a black sheen. I love a feather. Yeah, I love

I love those intelligent eyes the intelligent eyes. I love the mysteriousness of the genitalia where does it go? Why isn't it out? Yeah, that clue. How can I get it out there? Yeah. And that's not something that you can get just a couple of months as a boy is going to change about me.

Yeah. I gotta say, I don't know that much about Crow anatomy. Like a cloaca is probably on a female. What is a Crow? There's a boy. I don't want to ask this question Arnie keep at it. I Would no ask male crow have a penis What does a male crow have a penis? Oh, John what kind of clothes you've been a Raven what a stupid question that I was in no way about

Creatures, but then if I said like when I was a Raven I had I had this penis then you'd be like wow, that's not But then if I said like when I was a Raven I have the head this penis then you'd be like wow that's not That's not how I would say it. I don't know I Know because every every Thing has a penis everything has everything has everything has it. Do you have that phrase on? Shriek. Yeah, man woman child. Yeah, you know plant Animal rock everything has a penis the air is full of tiny penises that you breathe in. Yeah, exactly If you need to get more oxygen you just suck in a penis. Yeah

That yeah, all these exactly how I learned every breath you take about it. We end to your question. It wasn't question, it wasn't. I heard the question behind the question. And I know what you want to know. And they're gigantic. They're twice the size of the body. Twice the size of the body. Yeah, you must know. That know quite a trick. I know.

They obviously disappear into a pocket dimension when they're not seeing. Oh my god. There's a whole dimension that's just where all the crodics you know. And if I could go there, oh boy, what a day that would be. To visit that dimension. Now I think it's beautiful that Love wins out here. Thank you. And that you found someone, despite what you see as the challenging time. It is hard, it's tough, because you don't wanna go with a chaser, you know?

Like there are members of that in the Crow community who chase after a former Crow specifically who want to be with human and it's sort of hard because you know you don't want to be a fetish to somebody else. But yeah no I found somebody who just happens to like me and I happen to be a former Crow. How is there some sort of like club or some sort of like, how do crows find out about other crows? Tinder, and it's a tinder, of course, is the root that is in the ground, and it's you. Let's show him that. Oh, by the root.

Yeah, guys, he's so upset. Let's definitely let him finish and not in any way help. It's a root, it's a root of a central tree that birthed all the crows and that we're all connected to and we call it Tinder. So the crow, if the crow is sitting on that Tinder, on that root, then it's saying like, hey, I'm on the market.

Yeah, okay. Exactly. And you go there and you sort of swipe left or swipe right on them. And it's a very physical, aggressive sort of act. Just swipe left on a crick. Just sort of sitting on a root. I think that's wonderful that whether your crow has been transformed into some other creature, that you can still connect through the tinder. That's very beautiful because I don't know

if the two of you know. I'm sure that you know Bertramus, but many crow familiar is that it's sit on the villains, shoulders of villains or enchantresses, or sorcerers, and necromancers of the type. They're often transformed into other things. Yeah. And left behind, they in some moment of desperation, they go, oh, I need to transform this crow into a waterhole or something. I know a crow dating a cat that used to be a crow.

Oh, that's nice. And it's adorable. It's so cute. Yes, it is. Because they're friends. Yeah. But it's tough. But probably people don't understand.

People don't see them together. A crow lying down with a cat and they're like, it's the end times. Exactly. But that's just small mind. Exactly. I know a crow that was... Junt!

God damn it! I don't want to know what fucking weirdo crow's using. Junt! Junt! What? We know the question behind the question you didn't ask. I said as I know a crow. Go!

Damn it, Junt. I hate being knee-camped. Ha ha ha ha! Oh, feels so good! I'm sorry, bud. You're a good friend. You're a good friend. Let us celebrate a man while he's alive and not after he's dead. Again, from Erichets. Yeah, love. That's my favorite line from the Greek. That's the only good line. That's the only good. That's the only right. This trash. Well, whatever. Fucking asshole. Oh, Mundle give us another sexy flourish.

What? Oh, Mandelg give us another sexy flourish. Well Bertramus, thank you so much for coming by. Thank you so much for having me. I think it's really important to tell my story and get out there that there you could be looking at somebody and they could have been a crow. Sure, you would never know. You know, never assume that someone wasn't a crow. Exactly, who is, who dies? Who tells your story?

What's that for? That's just something I made up. Oh, that's beautiful. Thank you. It's compelling. That's really compelling. I wish you could wrap it. Wrap it up or what I wish you could wrap it up, John.

Damn it. Wrap it up, John. Let me do anything, right? I can do an email. Okay. Here, here. I have an email here. Oh, boy. And I'm not sure if I'm'm gonna do it right because I don't know if this person's name is Mo or autumn They put in two different names the email says hello from Nevada

You should make your website the urban dictionary of food the people of food Chant and used or could explain foolish slang and help start that young and hip image you're trying to get I mainly just want to hear chant used to her thoughts on urban dictionary definitions Chant that was an email to me not to you what and I was supposed to read it in one of our ads I'm Never host this podcast what you will never host this podcast if you're gonna yell me at least do it in sexy voice It seems like it would be a disaster if you ran the podcast you will never host this podcast. If you're gonna yell me, at least do it in sexy voice. It seems like it would be a disaster if you ran the podcast. You will never host this podcast.

Damn, that is sexy. That is very sexy. Virtuous, I have a question for you. Yeah, cute. Do you miss standing on people's shoulders all the time? Sometimes I, without even thinking about it, we'll try and get on someone's shoulder. Oh.

And halfway there, I'm like, oh, oh my God. Oh my God. This feels so right. I'm so sorry. Oh. It's just so embarrassing. So just like, I mean, immediately I came in here and I thought, there's a shoulder I would like to be on.

You know, sometimes I'm sitting in a branch, you've strapping, and people are like, dude, we can, you're sitting in a branch and I forget that it looks strange, you know, because sometimes I just go back to branches. Yeah, they're like, why is that boy up in the branch? Yeah. I guess I have one more question for you. Thank you so much for like coming in here

and sharing your perspective. You used to work for a series of villains. Does that make you kind of evil? Like, I mean, well, I guess that just sort of depends on how you look at it. I don't think I am being villainous. It's just a job, you know, just doing my job. You know, look at, you just, so if you're just following orders, it doesn't matter what you're talking about. I'm just following orders. Yeah, you know, like the many, many crows before me, my cromentor, one of the most legendary sort of familiars to all the great evil sorcerers and enchantresses. Who is this? I don't know if I'm familiar with this. A crow by the name of Kellyanne Conway and she taught me that it doesn't really matter

what you say or what you do. You can always just say that that's not what you meant and that words don't matter. That was the big important takeaway for me is that words don't matter. I see. And I have one more question for you and I hope I don't put my foot in my mouth. Do you ever, now that you're a man or boy, as you like to be called, Blee, do you ever one day a year, you know, put on white face makeup and avenge your chunt? What?

Don't crows do that when they turn into humans? Don't they put on chunt? God, fam- Right. People are hating God. It wasn't meant for Earth people. I don't even know what he's referencing. I'm so sorry.

But it sounds disgusting. I hear the thing. It sounds tragic and disgusting. Yes. I think it's been enough time. Yeah. Ah. Bertramus, I have no question for you.

Thank you. I hope that you and Lenny are very happy to have you. Thank you, I really appreciate that you're still here. And come back and visit us anytime. I will. You know, I'll just fly right, and... Oh no, you're... Oh, you said to go...

Fuck! Damn it! Damn it! Was that an exclamation point moment? I thought so. He was in the middle of a sentence. Exlemations can come in the middle. Well, you'll have to forgive him.

He's... He's not as good as grammar as I am with. Hmm. Pope Buddy's nerfict. Well, they finally did it. A perfect episode. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shunt the Badger was played by Alara Fy. Bertramus the boy who used to be a crow was played by special guest Joel Kim Booster.

Check out his stand-up album Model Minority or his website iHateJoleKim.com. Well, that's not nice. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by our new Neat Camp, Rion D. George and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Chris Rathchin, Music by Andy Poland, Logo by Aller LeBon, Additional Audio FX by Jason Knuck, Production Assistance by Garrett Schultz. If you like the show, and let's face it, you do, it would really help us out if you go review it on Apple podcasts, or, you know, just a telephrent.

Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago Podcasts, and thanks to Earwolf. Oh, I wanted to catch you up. Yeah, I think what's that? Would you like to sit on my shoulder? Yes. Just climb up there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh neither. Oh boy, this is uncomfortable. I have to go. Uh-oh. Well, sorry.

Please don't ever look at me in the eyes. Yeah, I'm sorry.