Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 44 – Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths (w/ David Plotz, Live from Washington D.C.)

Episode Date: January 22, 2018

We interview a mouth piece of the Dark Lord in a packed tavern. We’re also joined by a solo nymbee of nymbee and Grundle. (Recorded live at the historic Sixth & I synagogue in Washington D.C.)CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungConrad Von Plotz: David PlotzDanielle Kurtzleben: Danielle Kurtzlebennymbee: Storm DiCostanzoMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTechnical Difficulties Witch: Shama JacoverProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. People of Earth.

The following podcast is not real. Let's not all go seeking out fantastical dimensions. Close those wardrobes everyone. Also this is a live episode, so apologies sound quality of fiction autos. It was recorded last November in Washington, D.C. at the historic 6th and I Synagogue, less than a mile away from the White House. It's a live episode except for the part that isn't live. See if you can catch it. And now, the land of food beckons. It's much too early to tend, so I guess we'll have to pretend. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnee Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, don't worry, I've got everything you need to know. About two and three quarters years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through that dimensional portal from the Burger King. And I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon, and I'm joined as always by my cohosts, which includes Yusador the Wizard. Hi, I'm Yusador, Wizard of the 12th realm of a feces master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trakas. The elves know me as fiend, Yelik,

the dwarves know me as son and a new extinguisher, and I'm known in the North East as Gatsmoyneus Maestars, and there may be other secret names, names that shall never escape my lips for I have forgot them. Countless ages ago! And I am also joined by my other co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Oh yeah, baby! How you doing, bud? Doing great, how you doing?

You know what, I've been better. A little bummed I've been spending weeks trying to save an episode that we recorded around the winter solstice. Oh, I gave up on saving episodes long ago. Fair. I checked out. Oh, I know. I know. What happened to this episode? Well, you know, technology is complicated and hard to explain to people from a fantasy world, and also I'd be lying if I said I really even understood it.

But you know, we record episodes every week here in the tavern, and there was one that I think the file just got a little corrupted. Oh, no. Oh, like it's taking money on the download? The selling drugs? The file has been in bezzling from the rest of the computer! That is corruption. What could have caused this?

Wait, was this the episode with Conrad von Plotts? Yeah, it was the one where we talked to the emissary of the Dark Lord to kind of get his take. It was a great episode. Then no wonder it has been corrupted. His very present time sure did ruin this episode. Or I might it has been corrupted. His very present-sign sure did ruin this episode. Alright, might've fucked it up. But thanks to the- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So either corrupted or you just fucked it up. Hmm, let me think which is more plausible. I might've hit like a wrong button or something.

I shall find a metal spell. A spell of goodness and light that shall resurrect part of this episode if not all You think you can use some kind of spell to save this episode? I in this very tome here. I have a spell of podcast resurrection What I've been working on some podcast spells. Do you think you could save all the great banter that I do up top? Oh, no some of the crowd work. This spell skips right over that. Oh, good. It gets right to the good stuff.

All right, well, do the spell. Tren, trock, jae, lem, hock. Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh- I'm trying to make a tabern better, we're trying to make hogs face better. What have you been doing to make hogs face a better town? Well, I added a lot of plans this week to make hogs face better, but I got stuck on another plane of existence and got laid over there for a while. Oh, so you missed this plane, you weren't lying. But I got stuck on another plane of existence and got laid over there for a while. Oh, so you missed this plane, you weren't lying. Well I missed this plane for a while and now I'm back on this plane of existence and the

thing that I plan to do next, to raise hogs face out of the Maya and to make it wonderful and powerful again, is to bias all a new hat. So when you say this everyone gonna have to share one hat or you're getting everyone their own hat. Well I was trying to budget for everyone to get their own hat but it might be smarter to share one cleaner safer sexier. We have a couple of guests, but first I want to talk to we have a celebrity in the house guys. We have one of the most famous musicians in all of food. I know. This is a surprise. No. I know. Is it? I was only two people that could be. The most these famous musicians in food are

Nimby and Grondel and We have one of the two so a big round of applause for Nimby of Nimby and Grondel Hello, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes favorite band. Oh my gosh, the best band in the world. Oh, we so appreciate that, but I'm afraid we've broken up again. As per you, so wait, the biggest band in all of the phone has broken up? Of course, yes, yes, it's delightful. They often break up and then get back together. Don't worry about it too much.

We do, we do, yes. Unfortunately, there was an incident that the burning the man festival. Was this incident burning a man? Well, that's supposed to happen. The issue was my brother. See, he can get to be, you know, took a took a tipsy and he kind of couldn't stop burning man's.

Man's? Man's? Man's, yes. Oh. That's the plural for our people. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes. So you've broken up. Do you have plans to get back together anytime soon?

No, I hope I never see him again. He's the worst, probably, maybe in another week. Well, Sean, we have one of your favorite musicians here. Do you want to request a song? Yes. Oh, Wonderwall? No. Of course I'll do Wonderwall.

It's our very biggest hit. This is a song about... Let me just say that if it's the song, I think it is. I hope it's not more than six or seven seconds long The full version is ten minutes, but I'm afraid you haven't paid me so you don't get that much You know what I need to an incantation please because the the familiar million minotaur is especially crowded tonight I fear I will not be heard without one Caretum Turum

Team Tereth Paul Kenje Tereth Paul, let's this now be amplified I did it that was me Barely your magic is great you are such a good man. Thank you, I'm good at magic. That's our second biggest hit, but first, Wonder Whale. Have you ever wondered? Who makes the call?

It's me from my magical place That I stand on top of every evening casting spells That's why I tell you it's my Wonderful I Hope I don't fall Because it's tall and that is ten more minutes minutes of that. Oh man, oh man. Terrific.

So beautiful. I almost got two rocks and started sparking them together to set Arneon fire just to like lose my mind. Do your people burn Arnold? Do my people burn? Yes. Metaphorically? Yeah, and then sometimes we literally, and we go see a doctor.

Okay, noted. Yeah, I'll just go file that away. Nimby, I have a question about the songs. You said that this Wonderwall song is very long. Oh, sometimes do you find that a song just gets very long because there's just a lot of words that rhyme with the word. You're like, wall, I can rhyme a lot of words that rhyme with the word. You're like, wall, I can rhyme a lot of words with that.

That's typically what happens. Yes, we have a rock we go to, whereupon every word that is ever existed stands and they are correlated in such a way that one can pick out the words that rhyme with one another. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, Nimmy, I was wondering, you know what Yusunar was talking about getting sexy. Sex is fantastic yes. I cannot help but be the sexual be that I am. Sure. I was wondering if you'd be willing to play your song Sex is fantastic.

I'm sorry which one? Sex is Fantastic. I'm sorry, which one? Sex is Fantastic. Sex is Fantastic. In fact, I just wrote this one right now. Some people have properties that one might call elastic. Some might go around the moon and act quite fastic, but my favorite ones of all don't go to a mall. What the hell is a mall?

Facts is fantastic. Oh, man, so good, so good, so good. Guys, I'm having so much fun just sitting around and listening to songs, but I feel terrible that I've been neglecting our next guest. Guys, look, there's evil in this world, a fune. Yes, it's wonderful. And I forgot that Nimbi might be a little bit evil too. But look, we can't just ignore it.

We should try to learn about it. So I brought an emissary of the Dark Lord here for us to talk to and to learn about. That's very interesting. Very interesting. Wait, wait, I'm going to reserve judgment. What does emissary mean? Vagely, I'm going to reserve judgment. What does MSH mean? Vagally I think representative. But...

Who indeed? Yeah. So more of a message, bring out, but that's fine. We're going to talk to the deputy weaver of parallel truths for the Dark Lord. Now good people of the Vameleon Minotaur. We ask that you boo the Dark Lord. But good people of the Vermilion Minotaur, we ask that you boo the dark Lord. But cheer next guest. Our next guest, Conrad von Platz.

Yes. Wow. That's all. Thank you for joining us, Conrad. I took my hoodie out of the way. I must say I'm a little bit surprised to come to such a musical evening and filled with so many fune patriots and not to hear our national anthem. I was a little bit, I was surprised.

I can't say that I'm shocked, I'm certainly disappointed. Sure, sure. I'm sorry, Conrad. I didn't, I have to confess, I don't know that I've ever heard the national anthem of Foon, but... I'm sure Nimby knows it. Of course. It's the best song in the world.

I love it so much. I stand like three times as much when I hear it. If you can imagine a place you love more than yourself that you give your life for than this is what you have to do. Give up your rights. Amen. I respect those who decided to take a knee. Kind of, I feel like you're sort of a powerful man because I'm going to be honest here.

Like when NIMBY started doing the National Anthem, people were just kind of sitting there. There were a few people kneeling. I know there's a few people kneeling. A few. And you stood and almost everybody in the tavern was like oh fuck I got it's I got to stand. What does it feel like to have that kind of power? I like to think of myself as just a minion of our leader and I come and I represent his interest his interests are you know he's a different kind of leader than we've had before. He's shaking some

things up. And I just feel proud every day to come serve him. Sure. What made you decide to start working for the dark lord? You know, let me butt in here for a second because I don't love that term. I think that's a slightly pejorative term working. Well, that's something. I know that's a slightly pejorative term. Working? Well, that's something that wizards aren't as familiar with. It's all magic with you. But every day when I go in, when I go into the dark house to work,

and I just don't, I think the Lord likes to think of himself as maybe the nation's strength, the nation's protector. You like to call him that? That seems like a better term. You know, if you want to use Lord, Lord Fred would be fine. Lord Fred? Lord Fred, yeah. Lord Fred.

That's what he likes, you know, his friends call him that. Oh really? This is a weird thing to ask about a powerful man like, is he a friend? Or do you just work for him? Well, I wouldn't presume. Yeah. I wouldn't presume. What I know is that our Lord, our nation's strength,

likes to get out. He likes to not just be just know the elites around him. He doesn't just want to know the people of Hogsface, the shape-shifting badgers. He wants to know the miners elsewhere, the dwarven miners. badgers. He wants to know the miners elsewhere, the dwarven miners. The miners? He wants to get to know miners.

I think he's friends with all of us in food as people he feels real kinship with. I guess I just never heard this story about the dark Lord in miners. Well, no, I guess I have. I have. That's the one thing I want to shift into. Stay away from mine, Ernest.

So Conrad, I'm sorry, I really would like to know more about what your job entails. Well, you know how sometimes our Lord likes to talk about flaying wizards and burning books. I just want to emphasize that my job is to sort of explain that he's speaking, he's not speaking literally. I mean, yes, there are wizards getting flayed.

I'm not absolutely, but he doesn't really mean it literally most of the time. Except for when it literally happens. Yes, when it does happen, that's literal. But most of the time, so my job is to help explain to all the people here hear all of your listeners. What our Lord is doing, and to humanize him, to bring out some of his, the lighter side.

You know what's so interesting, how you keep saying our Lord, and I'm like, hey, whoa, not my Lord. I just, I do even, I'm curious because I don't think you're a citizen. Oh, so I don't think he would be your own. Damn, Arnold. That's true.

I'm from another world. I guess I'm a foreigner. Arnold was granted full citizenship by the King of the Northeast before his untimely passing. It was my gift to him, one went to Solstice. He is a full citizen, and therefore, subject to all the terrible crap that goes down. The...

It is true that the former king before he passed away said that although I haven't gone through all of the rituals to be in this country, that I could stay and it's cool, and I don't have to worry about it, and I just assumed that now there's the different leader in Foon, I don't have to worry that suddenly I'm gonna be kicked out. Well, you do seem to know your place.

Look, just because I rarely get out of this chair, who doesn't mean that I know my place. I do not know much. Sir. Sir. Sir. So Conrad, so interpret the dark Lord's words. Again, maybe not dark Lord. Oh, I'm sorry. Lord Fred. Lord Fred. You interpret his actions and his words for other people. Yeah, for the general public. I know that many of you have heard about terrible

things that have been going on, and sometimes you're not getting the full story. Yeah. Why don't we say some of the terrible things we've heard the Dark Lord has done, and you can tell us like, I love that. I love that because I don't think it's all getting out there, because I think the way that you're controlling access to information is causing people not to hear the truth. Yeah. And maybe here, again, here on the coasts in the Northeast, people have one view, but out, again, the dwarven miners. The Lord is doing wonderful things for me.

Exactly. I have so, I am in heavy metal, and I have so much more metal now, and I appreciate that. Mercury, Polonium, Uranium, all of those metals. The molybdenon is off the charts. Lead. You used it or what's one horrible thing that you know the Dark Lord has done? Oh, one terrible thing he did. Was he took my known old rival, telephys the white, the

one who I did defeat at the Great Halls of Tarakis, and he did flay that wizard. He did put him up on a spike and strike him with a whip several times and say, your good magic is not welcome here in this land of evil and darkness, and I cast thee out, and he did nearly kill Teletelfist the White, until I did show up upon Grimhoof, the fifth fastest horse in food, pulling chowed by his side. And I'd say, Teletelfist, get on this chowed, and ride him to freedom. Say, come chow, don't say, come chow. I'm gonna just unpack this a little bit.

You had one horse, Grimhoff, ride another horse. Grim, no, no, no. I was riding Grimhoff, my friend, the horse lord. Behind him was the horse that I owned. The horse named Chaud. He followed behind us so that I owned, the horse named Choe. He followed behind us so that I had an escape horse for my friend, the other wizard, telephis. Oh, okay. The dark Lord hurt telephis and it made me angry. That's the short version. Can I ask a question? Yes.

Yes. What was he wearing? How was he dressed? Was he provoking? Was he looking very much like a wizard? No. Well, yes, he looked exactly like a wizard. He looked pretty much exactly like me, but wearing white robes instead of blue. All wizards looked pretty much like me, except wearing a different color of robes, unless they're a lady wizard, and then they just don't have a beard. It's true. It's worth noting for the Genelevia of the Red, the Red Wizard who is your onigan, offigan love interest

looks exactly like you, just without the beard, and wearing red. And a horrible disfiguring scar in a face that makes it even more beautiful to me. And would you like to hear more about what actually happened? I think that anybody who knows our Lord understands that he would certainly never flay someone who was white. Yes, so true.

I don't have a response to that. This is the kind of garbage that I'm not sure how to argue with that. That's the kind of garbage that you've been fighting against. Yeah, these kind of lies that you and some of your cohort, some of your colleagues have been spreading. Wow. And I think I'm just wondering if you'd like to apologize. I would not like to apologize.

For I was there, and I know what I saw. John, what is something terrible that you've heard that the Dark Lord has done? If I'm being 100% honest, I don't want to talk about what the Dark Lord has said I'd rather talk about what the Dark Lord would never say, which is like the Dark Lord would never say that I'm like short and fat Never he would never say that never ever Right prefers bevers to badgers. Right. Yeah, so I I would like to think he would never say that never ever right prefers bevers to badgers right? Yeah, so I I would like to think he would never say that I like to I've heard that as well

I'd so I like to think that there's still a chance we could be friends and like I'm trying And I also heard that dark Lord has a mysterious announcement to make. On Wednesday, it'll be on Wednesday. Oh, it's okay. Well, that's pretty straightforward, never mind. That's not mysterious at all. I'm sorry to perpetrate false information. I'm sorry, that's not mysterious.

Someone's talking about fake news. Was that a song fake moves? Fake moves, I gotta say I would love to hear a song fake moves. Oh, it's it's right on the tip of my tongue. Oh Go ahead. Oh, you know it after all. Oh I gotta stand up. This cow is not real. I know by the feel I've touched so many cows in my life in lots of places. It's not weird.

Let's not dwell on the thing I said about touching cows. Look, this is about the cows. Not about me, not about you, it's the cows. What I'm saying is, they're fake cows, I'm not a pervert. I'm not a pervert. That was great and I'm not thrilled to say that, but it was. You know, on my world, we sometimes have songs where they never use the title as one of the lyrics, and they're fine, but they're hard to Google. Yes, Dead Sippling is particularly good at that.

Conrad, here's my question, and feel free to say no, and it won't happen right now. Do you ever want to sing a song? Well. Do you have a favorite of us? I can sing it with you. You just call it out. You certainly don't have to sing it, Saul. I'm gonna think about that.

Think about that for a little bit. Conrad, I heard that the Dark Lord has, I'm sorry, I heard that your boss has been just like destroying like the ground and the trees. Would you hear that from? Would you hear that? You from a little birdie, a little conrad birdie. John, what's the deal with the chants these days?

Let's get back to this great story where the dark lord destroyed the ground. Yeah, the dark lord has been destroying the ground and the trees. What? It's all darkness and gloom with you guys, isn't it? You don't see the growth that's happening in food. You don't see that. You don't see the dwarven miners,

busily mining. I mean, sure, there's just trees that are being destroyed. Why are they being destroyed? Because the dwarven miners, with their open pit minds, are taking down to bring us some of the metals, to bring us some of the metals. I love that. I roll around in it in my bed. Yes, but this Dwarven mining affects

such a small portion of the people in food. It's not true economic growth if only impacts a very small group of people. Well the right people. Watch it. I think that's a quite narrow way of looking at it which again I would expect from a pointy headed elite like you. But I think that people in food are tired of being dictated to by people with advance. My all doing wizards with advance degrees. Come from beyond this very realm. I who are brought into this world by a conspiracy of birds and rain in fire and wind with a sole purpose of defending the good people of this land. I each and every one of you is

under my protection. I shall rise up against that dark Lord and I shall strike him down with all the fervor and glory that you should all come muster. You know what? You know, I've got to say, hashtag tree systems. Look, I've got to say I'm not a fan of your boss, the dark Lord. But you know, you said,

or you do seem to talk down to people sometimes. You talk down to me and you think you're so smart and you think the people you fly over are not as good as you, just because you're a wizard and you can fly over people. I said, well said. Also, if I could point to, I don't know your history very well. It sounds like you also come from outside of this land.

You're not native born, Funian. No, that's not true. You just said, I mean, I don't want to repeat your words back at you, but you just said I was brought from outside this land by earth and wind and trees and rain. Then every time someone's born, they came from outside the land. They were somewhere else before. The birds and so forth did, yeah, they did call me forth in this world. And the way I was birthed might be not be the way that you were birthed out of a uterus.

But I don't think that means I should be looked down upon. And my opinion is perfectly valid. And all I have ever done is to help protect people and make their lives better. And sometimes point out dumb stuff that Arnie says. Which I think is making his life better. But all I'm saying is just because I say dumb things doesn't mean that I don't think they're right. I'm so sorry I realize we've been going on and on and I'm having such a good

time that I don't have a problem with this being a longer than usual show and the people in the tavern I assume are cool with it too. But that but someone yelled something that I hope was just, oh, boys night! Weep, weep, weep. That's for everyone. Conrad, we just yelled at a stupid shit around here. I realize that we should listen to, we have a word from one of our sponsors here in FUN. I come to this world and I introduce the idea of a podcast.

And suddenly, everyone thinks they're making podcasts. We got Get Nuts from these guys. And if I'm perfectly honest, most of the time, someone says they have a podcast, they're really just like talking into sticks. But their money spends like anybody else, so I'm very excited if we could have some of our sponsor music and we're going to hear a word from one of our sponsors. Hi there.

Live from FPR, which endorses nothing being said on the stage tonight. I am Danielle Kurtz-Laybon. I am from FPR, the Foon Public Round Tables, where we hold nightly round table discussions in Foon to quietly and dispassionately talk about the events of the day. Anyway, we have great news. We're starting the FPR Politics Podcast, where every week, we will shrug off our FPR voices and talk about politics

the way you talk about them with your friends at the bar over a few meads. With our swords drawn, shouting at the top of our lungs, absolutely blasted and periodically threatening each other's lives. Together we'll tackle the toughest questions facing Funian politics right now. When will it be the right time for a woman, Dark Lord? The God of God. Will the 79th attempt to repeal Titania care succeed? Relatedly, how angry must Titania be that only her two biggest accomplishments

ever get any attention? Are the so-called barren bros maybe a little too overzealous? Are thoughts and incantations enough after last week's dragon attack and skirr? Is it ever is it ever the right time to talk about wand control? Should we have tougher background checks for daggers or background checks for broadswords or background checks for catapults? And of course, how should we simplify the tax code? So join us on this week's episode where hosts Scott, Detro, and I will duke it out over the legalization of more glob.

It's a conversation I'm hoping will end in a violent coup with me ascending to my rightful place as FPR Politics podcast host. And I'm sure it'll be a doozy. So join us on the FPR Politics Podcast, staging bloody fights over the news so you don't have to. That's so exciting. I've listened to a few of these Foon National Roundtable conversations and it makes me think, it makes me worry about what the Dark Lord is doing in Foon. I think that one of those issues that was raised there, I think is a subject that my good friend and I can agree on, which is that when ones are outlawed, only outlaws are going to have ones. And I think it now is not the time, not after...

Can I have my staff? Excuse me? My staff, can I have a staff if I give up my one? No, you get to keep your wand. You're not paying attention, which is a common trait of wizards. you're not paying attention, which is a common trait of wizards. But, but, but, you said, or like, how did you get that wand? Well, I, I went to the branch of a tree. I tore it off, and I spoke magical incantations over it, until it did begin to be imbued with the magical powers that I did focus it with. And then I took it

to the local magistrate and I gave it to him and I waited three days. Now what I would worry about and I'm sure that you all are worried about too is during those three days when you were without your wand what some malevolent person might have been able to do to you? And If a malevolent person did try to do something to use it or I need no one to throw them off me To cast them down and strike them with great magical prowess. Nay. I am magic to the core This helps me focus my magic in certain ways. Yay, it is a tool that I use. And I think that there is no reason there cannot be common sense laws for using ones responsibly. There is no reason to go waving it around like a maniac.

One thought of idiot would do that. Because anything could happen. It's dangerous and it's stupid. What, what, the, what happened? I know, not. I heard a cackling noise. It sounded like a voice of evil from beyond the ether Someone is trying to interrupt my spell and lose the last part of this episode the funniest part The rest of it was building up to this because the rest of it was just okay. Oh, man We're not getting in the path. Yeah, I know Nimby played that great song is amazing. Yeah, I may have one more specific

Podcasts spell that relates to guests who play special songs and write songs for us. Oh wait Can you also save some of the other jokes? I had some pretty good stuff about I'm sorry I'm sorry Background checks. You got a check behind the catapult. Oh, I was just gonna hit like a tree Maybe bonus content someday, anyway. Ateron Rothraw. We are... He's going to slow motion. Yay!

He floated to the ceiling. Burp used to door, burp, you have to burp. That's it, boy. That's it boy, that's it. Oh my gosh, a studio version of the song is coming out of his mouth. Now the spell. BING! Oh. Okay, here we go.

Ooh, isn't this exciting is mysterious? Well, this one is about so many of the places we've been, yes, everywhere I reckon. Me and my loot playing brother are creatures of the road. We don't like one another, our teacher was a town, she taught us other places where the people dare not go, but we're not good at listening, so now the list of towns we know Includes Finnick a ban, we's all fared, Gaffrington We were looting, dirt pile tower, Brin man well Anonymous feel the flowers, yeah don't tune in

L-U-T-E-N-F-O-O-N looting in fune Looting in fune, L-U-T Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon, Lutin' in Foon-F-O-O-N, Leetin' and Foon Leetin' and Foon L-U-T-E-N-F-O-O-N, remember the towns by connecting their spoons Oh, such a wonderful hobby, it's Leetin' and Foon

Okay, now it's time for the wonderful time When I do the magical talk singing thing. When I can't be in my land, then I hide to Eric's Island Big Fan Bandit Island. Zizia, casete is there, a spicy up. Kicks down by the lake, can make a strike vacate her valley, and the alleys of Fingaria are filled with valid warriors.

My gosh, got lost in me, guys. Tost our sauceway down in Gundar under Oakland, you'll find glory in falls and falling, shall? They're like dog balls yes, we like every town we adore every place and it's more than simple pandering when we say that the best place of all

is Hogg's face yes, we said the name of your town because it's so fucking fantastic. L-U-T-E-N-F-O-O-N, L-U-T-E-N-F-O-N, L-U-T-E-N-F-O-N, One more chorus than the end of the tune. L-U-T-E-N-F-O-O-N, L-U-T-E-N-F-O-N, L-U-T-E-UTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE

LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUNE

LUTN IN FUNE LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN

LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN LUTN IN FUN Yes, yes, it's driven look at me go my hand. It's all the way up the neck my gosh. It's in the sky. Oh, that's wonderful Oh, that was lovely. There was great. You know, Nimbi besides being Progressively more evil seeming is a great. It has a beautiful voice. Oh, absolutely. It's so rich so velvety Well, that's it. Huh, I guess a lot of my stuff got cut out. What's this? I guess about 28 minutes of my material got cut out of that episode. It was a genius.

It seemed like I was a little light. The file got corrupted. Maybe I hit something. See, my file was a hitman for my material. I don't know. I think maybe you shouldn't just front load yourself so much in my episodes. I remember the first 15 minutes before you

stood or came on being you and I having a delightfully and hilarious Conversation sure sure it was it was great. Should we try and reenact it? All right, okay, well, okay, so Huge applause from everyone in non stop non stop. I start twerking. I start working. You start twerking You join me in a twerk. Yeah, I Don't think that happened. I feel like I see people in the front wearing

a squadgool shirt, which is really cool. Arnie starts suing backflips like in place. Yes. I ate fire. Yes. I was able to just think of things off the top of my head immediately. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Well, that's really fun. Yeah. I've never watched a show before I come home. What do you do? I prepare. Oh, we can prepare. We can prepare. We can prepare.

I didn't know we could prepare. Eyes be so much funnier. Yeah. Eyes be so much funnier too. Eyes? Beware of the eyes of funnier. There's gotta be an out and here somewhere. Guys, I think this outro's got corrupted.

Here, let me cast a spell of outro resurrection! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh annoying. Chomp the talking badger was played by Adel Rafaie. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Feeling cornered in an argument, simply start shouting until the audience comes to your aid. Place your bets on how that skill transfers to long-term relationships. Nimby the Halfling Bard was played by special guest Storm Dica Stanzo from the band Paul and Storm. Check out more of their music at PaulandStorm.com. And to learn more about the Joko Crewes, a yearly comedy and music cruise they perform on and curate along with Jonathan Kulten, go to Jococrues.com. Conrad von Platz, the deputy weaver of alternate truths, was played by David Platz, the CEO

of Atlas Obscura, and one of the hosts of the podcast The Slate Political Gap Fest. Danielle Kurtz Labin, the FPR correspondent,ap Fest. Danielle Kurtz Laban, the FPR correspondent, was played by Danielle Kurtz Laban, an NPR politics reporter who appears regularly on the NPR politics podcast. Check out the NPR politics podcast and The Slate Political Gap Fest on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or that one seemingly unremarkable conch shell

near the forbidden cove at the far end of the Bay of Smarmy Third Examples. Now, tuck us in for bed, won't you Craig? Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan J. Cove and Rindy Georgie, this one edited by Garrett Schultz. Music, Hey Craig, do you mind if I butt in and say a few things about about the live show? Let me finish the credits first robot, Arnie. I'm not a robot.

I've explained this a lot of different time times. All right. Music by Andy Polin, logo by Aller LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Earwolf. Hey, keep listening. The third anniversary of Magic Tavern

is coming up soon in just a couple of weeks, months, month and a half, and we're probably gonna do something cool for it that we don't have planned yet. So stay tuned. All right, Robot Arnie, what did you want? I just wanted to thank everyone who came out to the live show in Washington, DC.

It was a great time at the Sixth and I Synagogue. We had a group of people in the front row who had drawn squad goals under their white t-shirts, and then later we realized there was a different group with black homemade squad ghouls t-shirts in the balcony. There were two competing squads of ghouls that did not know each other or planned this in advance. Also, someone in the audience was cosplaying as flower, who was cosplaying as her offices and bosses character, Gail Davidson Durst. Thank you to Sharon Christinger from Stranger Cinematics who helped us out when we realized

that due to a plethora of audio snafu's when we were recording the live show, a decent chunk of the beginning and end of the recording just was not up to the audio standards that we want for this podcast. And thank you to Storm for always being a great guest and then helping us out by re-recording the great song that he ended the show with so we could include it in the podcast. I mean, I didn't pretty much just repeat the credits, but once again, I did want to thank David Plott's from the Slate Political Gap Fest, which is easily one of my favorite podcasts and I listen to it every week.

Thank you so much for doing the show! And thank you to Danielle Kirchleben from the NBR Politics Podcast for writing and performing the fake ad, which was probably the funniest part of the show. Guys, how did we get such smart and otherwise-resourced, respectable people to ignore their better judgment and agree to be on our show? Mike Pasco helped a little bit, thank you. But mostly, just thanks to David and Danielle for being so game to do something so silly. Okay, I'm rambling again, but I just want to say the live show was so much fun. It's a bummer that we lost some chunks of it due to technical difficulties, but I am so glad that we were able to save probably the funniest part in the middle.

And we have some lower audio quality versions of some of the other parts that maybe we'll do something with eventually, maybe bonus content or something. Anyway, I'm going to go into sleep mode now. Powering down. It's the powering down that always, I gotta come back to, I think he's a robot. I'm like 90% sure. Bye!