Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 45 - Night of the Oversharing Dead

Episode Date: January 29, 2018

The tavern is quiet but the dead will walk and spill their secrets this night. Also, Chunt has a new friend!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTomblain Belaroth: S...teve WaltienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. People of Earth, greetings it's me, your friendly neighborhood, thing you find in a neighborhood that doesn't cause you a alarm.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Here to tell you that none of this is really happening. Ah, but I can see the quality meter shooting down into the red. Must be time for the one-dimensional audio transmission I can't seem to determine it. Sorry I meant tolerate. Enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About 2 years and almost 3 years ago I fell through a dimensional rift behind a Burger King
Starting point is 00:01:42 in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King that I used to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of fun. A tavern is like, practically, empty tonight I don't know why, maybe it's just a slow night, but luckily I'm joined by my co-host, my good bud, someone who is never not in the tavern, use the door, the wizard! I am use the door, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves noomi is fying yalak, the doors noomi Zodan in Hukestanges, and I am known in the Northeast. As guessmwayneus Mastar, and there are so many other secret names, wonderful names of pure delight and love and energy that will lift thine spirits and fill thine heart with joy. Oh!
Starting point is 00:02:45 Yay! That's so nice, Mrs. Dore. Yes. Well, I must take issue with what you just said about me, because sometimes I am not in the tavern. This very week, I traveled to Wubur. W-To Wubur? I went to Wubur. What isn't where is Wubur? Ah, Wubur is far in the West. And I returned with a gift.
Starting point is 00:03:08 A gift? Yes. Gift for all three of us. For all, speaking of all three of us, where's John? I don't know, I haven't seen him. And also, this is kind of awkward. Oh, I just want to say, I just, I'm sorry to ignore this giant gorilla sitting at the table. Yeah, it's, I mean, I just, I'm just, I'm 8.00 in a pound gorilla in the room.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Yeah, and it's like, well, what'd I say? How can we not talk about it? How do you not talk about it? How do you not talk about it? I mean, we are talking about it. How do you talk to it? You know what? We are rude.
Starting point is 00:03:39 You shouldn't talk about it. You should talk to it. Hello! I am Usanor! Hello! I am Arnie! Hello, gorilla! Getusunor. Hello, I am Arnie. Hello, Gorilla. Get wet.
Starting point is 00:03:47 What? Hey guys, it's me. Oh, nice shot. Shunt. It was shunt the whole time. Should have guessed. The lightful. Guess what I did last night, Gorilla.
Starting point is 00:03:56 We know. We know. I slept with the Gorilla. We know. I'm trying not to think about how it could have happened, but I'm also impossible not to think about. I suppose my words are, it's screwing with my words. That's the first.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Just the image of a shape-shifting talking badger, getting wet with a big ol' gorilla, it's just get wet. Get wet. Yeah. His name is Scamp. He's a drummer in a band. No, he plays in a band where he plays drums There's a mouse on vocals and a bird who cheers. Oh, that sounds good The name of this band. Oh, but they're in showbiz you don't know the name
Starting point is 00:04:36 I don't know this I've been I've seen them you've seen them. Yes I've been I've seen them you've seen them yes Yeah, great. It's a you can go out in Philadelphia lobby and there's there a game masters there with Ben toss and all sorts of fun Yeah, it's a whole it's a whole to do when I was in the great halls of Tarracus I used to go there and if I did really well they'd give me some special gold coins and I would take those to the ring toss And I'd play the ring toss all night and at some point you can win pieces of parchment that you later trade in for goods and services. You mean money? No.
Starting point is 00:05:08 No. Terrible things. Cheap things. Like what? Like a- Little monsters you put on your fingers and they come to life. Oh. A wooden comb.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Yeah. Sure, they had a horse behind the counter, but whoever won the horse! Speaking of terrible gifts, you'll have to excuse me. Um, this morning I was a little drunk, and um, I was a gorilla, and I was upset with you Arnie, and I was thinking to myself, you know, that Arnie, that fucking Arnie, and I thought to myself, I could carve a better man out of a banana. And I carved a man out of a banana, and uh, Tussador brought him to life and so I want to introduce to you both. This is banana man. Oh, I was sure it's gonna be banana Banana that's a much better name. Well, I'm already baptized. I better eat this one and start over
Starting point is 00:05:55 I did what you said Arnie and I baptized him. What what I dipped him in water. Well, yeah I just randomly was talking about baptism It's not even really a thing that I'm into. No, it's all you talk about lately, though. Well, don't be rude, say hello to Benana Man. Uh, hello, Benana Man. Hello, Benana Man. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Does Benana Man talk? No, he's a Benana. Don't be stupid. Don't be fucking stupid. I don't know. I don't know. You know what? Just a little Benana. You know what, I don't need you guys to talk to me like this. I'm going to put on this sash
Starting point is 00:06:29 and see if I get a little bit more respect. That's a sash sash sash is mayor on it. Mm-hmm. Sorry, our lordship. I shouldn't have spoken to you so ill. Yes. I apologize, Mr. Mayor and so does banana man. Let's not forget that this is my week to wear the mayor sash. Yes, I don't, I've not forgotten. Yeah, although I suppose I had for a moment, I, but I, I give you the respect the office deserves. And next week I get the sash. Oh, how do we fun? A gorilla mayor. I, I'm just a mayor, don't call me a gorilla mayor.
Starting point is 00:07:03 What did you bring us for moving? I was a wizard mayor. Oh, oh, I forgot Speaking of bad gifts. I have a fantastic one here in this case For each of you and one for me one for each of us Safety wands. Oh What's safety one? It's a wand that lets you cast fireball spells But safely Safety-1. It's a wand that lets you cast Fireball spells, but safely. Safe Fireballs? Hmm.
Starting point is 00:07:30 The wand is very, it's an intelligent wand. It knows not to hurt anyone that shouldn't be hurt. Goodness gracious, can I have mine? I'm gonna put it right in banana man's hand. Wait a second, this is a wand that destroys things, but it gives you the false sense that it's okay that you destroyed that thing. It's a safety wand! What I want to do.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Let's go forth on a quest. Just three of us, with our safety arms. Yes, we shall find a way to break through the portal. Over to Earth. We shall take Arnold to meet his family and say hello, and then we shall find Penelope Penelope and we shall show her our safety ones She won't get hurt. We won't ruin it and then she'll believe in magic and the void will be defeated That's it. That's all we have to do but each of the ones only has 50 charges once you fire at 50 times. It's done. Oh
Starting point is 00:08:21 50 yeah, I refired 35. I guess we're talking what? Oh you guys were talking. What? Don't waste the safety ones. Don't waste the safety ones. I just want to fight some evil. Yeah, it's been a while since we fought evil already. It has been a while since we fought evil, but you know what, we just staying here in the tavern using this podcast to fight evil. Is the way to go? Guys, we all even need to get up from this table. We do this podcast people on earth are gonna send us information About how to defeat the void will be good. That's how we contribute. We should be proactive Yes, I agree we should take life by the reins and rise up and fight Yes through the power of our voices, while we are sitting here.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Look at how proactive my voice is. It's in an upper register. Well, you also have all that acne. It's a good voice. What? It's a good voice. I like your voice. Oh, that's not me.
Starting point is 00:09:20 That's not Trump. Oh, it's that smell. He probably played. What's your name, buddy? Serman there Sermanther Sermanther So you're knighted or that's just your name?
Starting point is 00:09:34 Serman Your name wasn't manther and then you were knighted You can call me Serm I prefer Sermanther I'm don't know if this is rude Sermanther, but half of your face is kind of sliding off. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's definitely half of your face is sliding off. It looks disgusting.
Starting point is 00:09:52 I'm sorry, that was Roode, but your face is sliding off, and that is not proper etiquette inside of a tower. I'm sorry, I just... I had one of the covid here and tell you, while I have a few moments here. I'm sorry I just... I had one of the cuvines here and tell you... Well, I have a few moments here... Mm-hmm... That I once... As a younger man...
Starting point is 00:10:12 Was unfaithful to my wife. Okay... Wait, what? Yeah! I got up! I mean... I want my soul to finally rest. Okay! I'm looking for the pieces. This is... ...the looted me in death.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Is that a manana? Well, it's a banana man. You can't eat them. Yeah. This must find peace. I've come back from the grave. To find peace in my death. Hello.
Starting point is 00:10:39 Hello. Hello. Hey. Who are you? This is my wife. I'm Charlotte. Charlotte? Are you trying to get me out of here? Hello. Hello. Hey, who are you? This is my wife. I'm Charlotte. Charlotte?
Starting point is 00:10:49 Are you trying to say Charlotte and just have your face is gone? My wife's name is Charlotte. What is your problem? No, it's just Charlotte. It does sound a lot like Charlotte. It sounds a little bit like Charlotte. I mean, I wasn't going to say it because I didn't want to like, be so on the nose of it. but so we have
Starting point is 00:11:06 Sermantha and And what was your name in sure? Sure, let's Sermantha and sure lit. They're perfectly normal name. Okay. Yeah. No, that's fine Did you want to tell your your wife that you choose on her? So sorry? I just want to find P8s in this life I'm just here to say that I killed 47 puppies When I was alive. That's why I cheated on her
Starting point is 00:11:35 Because I was so mad. I just wanted to say that I killed a puppy every time I thought he didn't love me And a weird way was just a cycle Now I realize that Every time I thought he didn't love me and a weird way it was just a cycle You said or you said or yes, what can I kill these guys? I don't know if this is a weird I'm itching for adventure. I'm a gorilla. Look at me You just picked them up and like bash them up against all so real quick. I forgot to say you guys don't look me in the eyes That's a challenge. Thank you. I just stared at those big ol' gorilla packs this all time. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Guys, this is a crazy theory.
Starting point is 00:12:10 I think these two are dead. Yes, you can't kill them because they are undead. Wait, are they dead or undead? They're here to be undead to me. Didn't we ask Dripfeng to do something in the cemetery? That's right, we told Dripfeng to get everyone in the cemetery to come back and to get their secrets. Hello! What's your name, sir?
Starting point is 00:12:31 My name is Mr. Big. What? My name is Mr. Big. Wow, you look more like a Merster Big, but whatever. Do you know my name better than I do? No, I'm not. Don't look him in the eye. Okay, yeah. Now look.
Starting point is 00:12:44 I don't mean to be wants to be with you. Well, deep inside, I hope you're... I'm the one who wants to be with you. I hope you're... I hope you're... I hope you're... I hope you're... I hope you're... I hope you're...
Starting point is 00:13:03 I hope you're... I hope you're... I hope you're... But I need to say one thing to Charlotte. Yes. I'm the one who wants to be with you. What? Deep inside. I hope you'll be with Mr. Bear. I hate that so much. Why? I'm gonna go use the turret. Charlotte, you're dead.
Starting point is 00:13:20 You don't need a turret. Charlotte, get out of the turret. A bit of a stretch. Chant, use the door. What, yeah. We're just staring a gape at these undead people. Talking. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Let's kill him. This question, here's my question. Are these walking dead people dangerous? Why did you wiki me when you said walking dead? Are these things dangerous? Are they just annoying and really oversharing? Isn't annoyance a danger? It is a danger.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I mean, I got so upset at you that I carved a man out of a banana. Why are you so upset at me? I'm the mayor! Stop. Don't whine like that. Stop tugging on your sash. Now look, I'd so far they don't appear to be evil, they just appear to be... ...restless. If we give them some rest, perhaps they'll just return to the graves as I suggested before. Perhaps they won't and then we'll destroy them. I am Crary.
Starting point is 00:14:18 What's this? Crary? I'm Crary. Crary? Yeah. I have things in this life left undone. You have figs in this life left undone? Things. Crazy. What did you have left undone?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Did you have something you need to do at prom or what's going on? That's the right right in my life. I lived in the big house. You lived in the big house. Oh, that's by the lake. I was so sure. Mm-hmm. Is that what you're all here? Are you like gathering at this table? Oh, that's by the lake.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Is that what you're all here? Are you like gathering at this table? Are you gonna have brunch and dish? Yes. And... Miranda. What's that? Miranda? Miranda.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Of course. Miranda. The role was meeting with the big apple. The big apple was kind of the fifth character in our lives. Uh-huh. All I want to do now is eat your brain. What? Oh no!
Starting point is 00:15:13 No, no, no, no, no! Have to stop. Get the back. Look, there'll be no brain eating. Unless that was the thing you need to resolve in your life. Yes. Crary. Sure, leth. Uh, Sir Manther.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Mr. Big, am I forgetting any? Marrinder. Marrinder. No need, like, they're all looking at us, like, a lot more... Hungryly? Hungryly than they were a moment ago. Now, I- Listen to me. You undentied people.
Starting point is 00:15:43 I am use it all. I shall not stand by and allow you to eat my friend's brains. So, you have two choices. Wrap up your lives, and go back to your graves. Or prepare to face my wrath. I have here three safety ones, two which are fully charged, and I'm not afraid to use them. Oh, it's on.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Oh no! There, 49 charges left. Oh great. Is this surviving this gonna mean we're gonna have to like, you do math? Here, take your safety on. Okay. Alright. Oh, hello.
Starting point is 00:16:23 I'm going to kill you my name is Chandler Chandler what could I be anymore? Okay, I think we should retreat upstairs I would there seems to be more more of these undead folk coming in and We should take the higher ground. Okay 49 Follow me follow follow me! Two second floor! I have Willie Garson.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Willie Garson? Willie Garson. Willie, Willie, I don't get it. Huh. Huh. No! Shun is, honestly, Shun as a grill is more powerful even than these safety ones.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Fuck you. I'm sorry. Sorry. Ar you. You said I'm sorry. Arnie, look, I'm going in shit. Whoa! Ah! And off the chandelier and I'm just... Hmm. Okay, trunch in here.
Starting point is 00:17:15 I'm going to board up the door and look at the safe in here for a while. All right, here we go. Okay. Wait, let me just grab this barrel and throw it down the stairs. Ah! Ha, ha, ha. Oh, they jumped over it Okay, maybe it'll take them a while to get in here. Here's what we do
Starting point is 00:17:36 Here's how we beat this. I was beating the shit out of them. I was thinking we just sit down and start podcasting And that's a way that we can fight this Now you're just being ridiculous. Do you really think a zombie horde shall be all come by the sound of your voice? Maybe. No. Incorrect. It is time to face the truth.
Starting point is 00:18:00 This podcast is a total waste of time. That's wild. It's not total waste. Yes, it's a total waste of time. That's not total waste of time. It's a tiny waste of time. The point is, we must take action. No longer can we sit by complacent, happy to fatter ourselves and drunk in our senses. It is time that we did stand up.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Okay. Let's stand up, but on two conditions. One, we continue to hold our microphones and podcasts while we fight these zombies. And two, let's take a break to hear from our sponsors. Hello Hogsface, it's me, a series of bats, shockingly, the run for, on my 9-batt show, a series of bats is not yet sold out. And remember, the number of bats on stage should never outnumber the number of audience members in the audience.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Why wouldn't you want to come see the life story of a series of 9 bats struggling to find themselves in each other, a series of bats? Come see a series of bats upstairs, smoldering with every Thursday night at 8. 4 gold pieces, 6 gold pieces for students. This is a different person, not a series of bats, and definitely not Tom Blaine Bellaroth. But hey, oh, we know. Okay guys, before we onboard this door and go out there, I just want to make sure that none of us have been bitten. I don't know how zombies work on this world, but on my world, if you get bitten by a zombie,
Starting point is 00:19:33 you turn into a zombie. You have zombies? Well, we have zombie stories, I mean that's practically the same thing. Where do you think stories come from? Yes, where do you think stories come from? They're based on truths, or writers or improvisers sometimes. They're not very good at it, but I do know that if you are bitten by one of these zombies, not only will you become the zombie, but you have to resolve the thing the date did not
Starting point is 00:19:59 resolve in their life. What an inconvenience. I want to run errands for the rest of my days. Well, quick. Let's everybody like look and see if any of us have been fit I got a lot to look and somebody help me out. Oh gosh. You don't look at me. There's so much hair. There's so much hair You're in silver back You're such a huge gorilla. I think you're all right Oh wait Arnie come here. Let me okay. There's just some stuff in your hair. I need to oh yeah Thank you for cleaning me just so I'm just getting groomed.
Starting point is 00:20:25 That's adorable. You, wait, you said, what's that on your arm? Oh, it's just a bite, Mark. You said, what's all we're looking for? We don't know it was one of the zombies. Well, that's true, but what if you got bitten by like a sure little art, well, you know, for being honest, you're more of a surmanther.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Banana man, were you bitten? Oh! You shaking his head, yes. Was it? Ugh! You shaking his head, yes. Was it Arnie? You shaking his head, yes. Oh, why did you bite banana? You had time. I was hungry!
Starting point is 00:20:51 We were fighting for our lives. It takes a lot of energy. Sweet little one. We ran all the way up some stairs, guys. But, am I, is that peanut butter on your feet? You had time to dip him in peanut butter? Look, I just quickly reached out into my secret peanut butter stash that I keep under the stairs. And yeah, I dip bananas feed into peanut butter.
Starting point is 00:21:12 I have some more bad news. Each of our safety wands only has one charge left. Just one? That's right. I thought you said they had 50 each. I mean, I knew I blew 35. I mean, I know I'm mad at bat I mean I know I'm bad at math but that bad.
Starting point is 00:21:29 My old Popeye is no effect. Alright, so we have to get all these zombies to line up. Ugh! Ugh! My name is Drillrich Riveroni. Oh no. I'm afraid for brains. Oh, brains. It must be a way.
Starting point is 00:21:49 To use only three fireballs. To defeat these hundreds of zombies that surround us right now. Hundreds? I assume hundreds by now. I mean, there were good, probably like 40 or 50 when we came up here. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:22:04 We burned through through you know 147 fireballs Can you get it up the stairs? Oh wow. How's this place not on fire? How is this place not on fire? Magic probably oh yeah Magic the walls Cast with spell you know they're in viewed with spells that prevent them from burning. Yeah. There's so many candles around. There's so many drunk people.
Starting point is 00:22:30 They knock candles over all the time. It's one of this fix doesn't burn down every night. That's it. Night. No. We bring to life the suit of armor that sits in the corner the night. And then we bring to life the candle stick, that sits in the corner the night. And then we bring to life the candlestick, the clock, some of the dishes. I was going to say, remove the spell that protects the familiar minotaur, and then burn the thing to the ground. Okay, well, Chun had an idea, but let's go with yours, be our guest. No, that's not it. No, I just say I'm spiffling. We're just all talking here.
Starting point is 00:23:03 I was imagining a so surrounding the door. And in a moment of glory, looking each other one last time, as friends, the best of friends, and opening that door to a hail of zombie teeth, and lighting up our ones one last time as we go down at a blaze of glory. I mean, that sounds way cooler than my idea a hail of zombie teeth I assume that spitting the teeth out out of spy now. Yeah, you can hear you can get into that noise Look, I guess I guess I'm just afraid of failing Did I ever tell you guys that when I was a child? I just had this vivid memory of sitting on my front step and thinking, what if I got up and just started walking? And it kind of scared me to think, what happened to me if I just started walking?
Starting point is 00:23:59 He'd go somewhere and then I never did. You never started walking?? Yeah, I just, I just stayed, I went inside and I watched TV or something. Am I told you that story before? No. I think you have. So what was the fear, the fear of the unknown? The fear of where your feet would take you? I think I'm just worried of failing. But, oh my boy, don't you see?
Starting point is 00:24:19 You didn't take the steps that very day, but you did take them. Although you were sitting in your auto-tomobile, and did a drive instead of walk, you took those steps through a magical portal into a world where you have been given a chance to succeed or fail. It doesn't matter if you fail or succeed, it only matters if you try. Arnie, what I want you to do is close your eyes. Think about yourself as that boy in that moment on those steps outside your home in Ohio And I want to imagine yourself 30 some years in the future 40 some years in the future say 30. We'll say 30 years in the future. Yeah imagine yourself
Starting point is 00:24:59 Locked in a room with a wizard a gorilla a banana man room with a wizard, a gorilla, a banana man, with a hail of teeth outside waiting to tear us apart. And we have the ability to stop them. Would you ever in your wildest dreams imagine that, that the young Arnie Neacamp would grow up to do that? So he was already 20 in the scenario when he was sitting on the... I don't know, are you... how old are you? I'm 42, I think. But wait, no, use the door. Something you said about me just sitting in my automobile, and that I just need to stand up and do something.
Starting point is 00:25:36 You're right. Guys, I've always been afraid of failing, and so I just like slowly did nothing. But that's just a slower road to failure. Guys, let's take the fast road to failure. That's right. It's gonna take all three of us. And 800 pound gorilla, a wizard.
Starting point is 00:25:53 We couldn't do it alone. We need our mayor. Yeah, oh shit, that's me. I forgot I was wearing the sash. Mr. Mayor, we need you now more than ever. Okay, well, just remember, the order's the session. If something happens to me today, but man a man is mayor.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Damn it. Can I say something before we open that door? Yes, of course. Please, no. I've realized something tonight, locked in this room with you. I've realized, friends are like assholes. I've got to do the best around.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Oh, that's sweet. All right. Whatever you do, if you can clear a path on the stairs, I think I know what to do. Mr. Mayor, if this works, you will save the lives of millions of registered voters. I shall go first with my sword, my safety wand. In hand, I shall take the sails. One, two, I love you, John. Three!
Starting point is 00:26:51 Oh, this is serious! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, hey guys! Guys, I got to the bottom of the stairs! All right, I'll see you guys later! What?
Starting point is 00:27:06 Kiki-kiki! Damn it! They like to come out! No! Hush! Punch! Chant! What?
Starting point is 00:27:14 Arnold ran off. I know, I saw him. We're going to die here, Lone. Hush! You're a good friend. You're a good friend, Yusidor. Banana man, I'm happy to met you. You're the bravest banana I've ever known. He's getting his pajamas. He knows the end is near.
Starting point is 00:27:31 So cute. You're a good friend, Yusidor. You are a good friend, Chant. Back to back. Let's empty our fireballs. One each. I'm a counter-thread. One, two. What is that? What is that? Is that used?
Starting point is 00:27:48 Whoa! Whoa! Ah! Magnificent! Guys, it's me! Have I ever shared you my camera? No. It's, you know, I get you around.
Starting point is 00:28:03 I love what you do for me. Guys, there's you know, you get you around. I love what you do for me Guys, there's one thing And all my time and film that I've always wanted to say one thing about living in hogs face. I never could stomach all the damn zombies Oh, that's that's a Good last boys thing out. Oh last. Oh, but guys Thank you for positioning all the zombies right here near you so that I could smash the wall and run them over with my car with the last bit of gas. How do you know you wouldn't sand through the wall and hit us?
Starting point is 00:28:33 Muscess? Doesn't matter. Wait, I suppose we should read some emails. I have one here. This is from Christine. She says, hello guys. Hope all is well and fun. If you guys hold on.
Starting point is 00:28:44 There's a zombie on climbing up your on oh grab it grab it Thank you actually can you scratch right back? Thank you Hope all is well and fun if you guys ever make it through the match portal and make it to Wisconsin I own a tattoo shop if you ever roll through I'd love to do a food brothers tattoo in you guys in you guys From Christine in you guys in you guys from Christine uh thanks for saying cool can we get tattoos I mean I guess if I've ever had a life-changing experience that get a tattoo to commemorate it would be this but I don't know if that's something I should do I doubt she has magic's powerful enough to alter my skin. Guys did I ever tell you the story about when I was a kid I sat on my front step and looked off in the distance and thought what if I
Starting point is 00:29:28 Start walking. Oh, oh, yes. Yeah, we heard it just a actually a couple minutes ago. Yeah, that airbag didn't go off did it? I got another one here This is from Chelsea Chelsea says hello from the land of Florida. I recently discovered your podcast and wanted to- There's one calling to you. Grab it. I recently discovered your podcast and wanted to say it's great. You got quite the following among the engineers at Kennedy Space Center. I know several other engineers that hear that listen to you guys.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Just once you know that as we build human-rated spacecraft, we're listening to your pod. From Chelsea. Holy shit. Also I'm still early into the first season, but I heard Craig may need help coming back to Earth. If he's still up there, give us a ring. Who is Craig? He is Craig.
Starting point is 00:30:12 Oh, I was really excited, but I think this person must be thinking of a different podcast. That's too bad. Yeah, that's too bad, because I love to think of people at Kennedy Space Center listening to this dumb podcast, but didn't you say that rocket scientists
Starting point is 00:30:22 are the smartest people on Earth? Well, it's not a Well, who's first? Brain surgeons. Hmm. Is there a craig on radio lab? Oh wait, here, I have an email. Don't ask me how I know, but on the third wall, eight panels from the left. Doc!
Starting point is 00:30:38 Whoa! There's a zombie duck on your head. Sorry, I had to kill that zombie duck with a sword. Knock on it three times and the twelfth panel from the left will open and you will find a magical sword named Greg. Good luck Arnie. Nathan. Maybe they meant Greg. Oh, they're talking to the sword Greg. Let's try it. What panel? Let's see. The third wall, eight panels from the left. Knock on it three times and that boy got this like they're fucking with us The wall you drove through the wall I drove through but you know what I don't regret it I
Starting point is 00:31:13 Fucked up that sword name Greg and that was a failure. You know what? Fearing failure is worse than just actually failing and running over the third wall is better than breaking the fourth wall exactly Yeah, I think this is the sword actually failing. And running over the third wall is better than breaking the fourth wall. Exactly. Yeah, I think this is the sword. Ah! Landed in one of the zombies. So a little bent up. Seems to be magical energy.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Energy is escaping it here now. Flying back into the ether. Well, that was nice. Guys, you know what? I'm gonna do more stuff. I'm still gonna do this podcast because I still believe that this podcast is the most important thing to save Earth and food. Eh, well I'm also gonna, I'm gonna improve Hogsface. And I'm gonna find the weapon in the tavern that will defeat the void.
Starting point is 00:31:56 I'm gonna defeat the Dark Lord, I'm gonna find a way back home to my wife and child. I'm gonna start season two of offices and bosses. Sure, sure, sure. I'm gonna go back in my breath. I'm gonna start season two of offices and bosses. Sure, sure. I'm gonna go back in my breath. I'm gonna get the lunar sword back. Oh, not this week. Give me a sash. It's banana man's turn.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Mayor banana man. Alright. But when it's my turn again, ah gosh, am I forgetting anything else? The enemy is getting over to the piano. Place a song with the banana man. This is where this is going the whole time. God damn it. I wish we'd all died up there. I wish we'd all died up there.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Hello, Survivor. I'm assuming you tethered yourself to something in your listening area to somehow avoid being sucked into the raging vacuum left behind by the absence of a bankable guest star. But what a ready-made vio demo reel of inaudible rambling free from the shackles of breath control. Casting agents form a line. Note not to the exit, ugh. Used on the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking gorilla, C, world building, world building was played by Adel Raffaim. Tom the series of bats was played by Steve Waltean. Hello from the Magic Taven is produced by Arnie Neekham, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This week's episode edited by Ryan to Georgie.
Starting point is 00:33:24 Craig, did you catch that listener email? You're generating buzz again. Maybe we could dial down the media darling factor? Yeah, just one second. I just gotta do something, one second. Thank you for calling Kennedy Space Center visitoritor Complex to hear options in English. Press 1. Para espaƱol a la, por ser dose, para por por ser... For directions and hours of operations, please press 1. For information on launch it, please press 2. For incoming launch information, press 2.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Speak to a representative to book your reservation today. Pratt. Hey, this is Craig from Space. I intercepted this email from Chelsea. She's an engineer there, and she said she could maybe help me get down from space. So Chelsea or like any science person has any science ideas along those lines really just wants a chat I could use like an earth pen pal just get in touch and if you guys are hiring I've gotten some pretty good skills at like launching things and floating some of the some of the rooms have floating here so yeah so yeah, so thanks. This is Craig from Hello from Magic Tavern. It's a podcast.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Sorry, goodbye. Worth a shot. Music by Andy Polin, the logo by Allard LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at HelloFromTheMagicTavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Earwolf.
Starting point is 00:35:19 This is the end!

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