Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 48 - Eunuch Tutor

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

Benedict Whisperbrew returns to Hogsface for a eunuch parade.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBenedict Whisperbrew: Brendan DowlingMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzSpecial Thanks: Brett Morris and Josh RichmondYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon, I'm your host Arneanie Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About three years ago, almost three years ago, like two weeks shy of three years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week, here in the tavern, the vermilion minotaur, in the tao hogs face, in the land of foun, and I'm joined as always, by my co-host, by my buddies, by my co-runners of hogs face, use it or the wizard.

I am use it or, wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, many people like to have magical lights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas, the elves know me as fying yuck, the dwarves know me as zoning in hook stangies, and I am known in the northeast, as gas and whineas may star, and there may be other secret names dear friends, names if they were ever ripped upon a page the page itself would burst into flame and a great fiery phenx that did rise from those ashes which surely destroy half of the world. Holy cow that's a powerful one.

Yes I don't write it down. Yeah don't. But I do sometimes use it as a nomadic device. To remember what? Deadly things. Well, anyway, you said, or this week, you are the mayor of Hogspace. Yes. We've been on the mayor's sash and we've been taking turns.

Yes, this week I am the mayor. So I really wouldn't get this zoning issue figured out. But they were going to move the zone five feet that'll have where we had discussed before from the meeting a couple of weeks ago. Look, Yusur, can we only, can we only do the interesting things that make Hogs face better? That isn't how this works! Why don't we have a regime that is like, it's the new Hogs face, no bureaucracy, no red tape. Yusur, what's Yus mean? What about the rule of law?

Well, we'll have rules of law, we just won't do like any boring stuff. That's such a childish way to approach government. Tell you what must tend to those small matters, seemingly unimportant. When they do that up, when they are ignored, the very fabric of society doesn't begin to crumble.

How are you on this street since sanitation? Uh, hmm. What I decided to do instead of going in round and sweeping up horse poop was to tie something onto the back of horses. So they catch the road. And then, oh, God. It's like a big horse diaper.

Oh, no. I think it's working out pretty well. Oh speaking of horse diapers. I'm also joined By my other co-hug is that a bad sorry. I'm sorry. I'm off my good bud. Good segue. A chunt the talking You are a badgers back baby the badger is back. Yeah, the badgers back in town Are a badgers back baby the badger is back. Yeah the badgers back in town interesting now. What's what possessed you? Well, I mean I know what possessed you, but I Thought you perhaps you would left the badger behind at last You know what every time I turn into a new animal I think for a couple days like this is it

This is my new form. This is fun. Then I miss being a badger. I feel like I've just been a badger for so long that I Just feel most comfortable in this skin. Don't most of the badgers hate you. Yeah, yeah. Apparently not one. Yeah, Monica. Had a little bit of Monica all night long. Well, I'm just glad you're not a starling.

Yeah, right. What the hell is this? What is this? Somebody spray-painted pasta cortes on the table? Oh, hey. Oh, kid, you should all. Excuse me, cortes on the table? Oh, oh Kid you should all excuse me. I'll be all right back. Oh, no, that kids are real shit. He's a real horse diaper Chant it's so annoying when you said or shrink himself to it's a size small enough to crawl into his own hat and has an argument with kid use it or the orphan child that he's adopted that lives in his hat.

Here I am. Well, I had an argument yesterday with banana man or banana, sorry, mayor banana. Oh, why, you had an argument with mayor banana, the banana man that you carved out of banana into a tiny man that is, is a banana man that wants to be called mayor banana even on the weeks when he's not the mayor Are you having an aneurysm? I'm a man aneurysm. Are you having a banana? Are you having a banana? I'm just hyper invested in exposition this week. I'm really just learning yes or no how many people are sitting in front of you? None there's a lot of shapeshifters are sitting in front of you. There's one shapeshifter as far as I know. One. And answer this question. Yes, we have no banana man. We do have a banana man. Okay.

He's sleeping up on the mantle right now. I built him a little hammock. Look, all I'm saying is, makes him look bigger. We've been doing a lot of great stuff for Hogsface in the last few weeks. But it's also been a little like a kukukrazy town around here and I'm just going to take for granted that people understand who Mayor Manana is or that yes I get it what seems like a mundane detail to us that use it or shrinks himself into a tiny version of himself for all into his own hat, have an argument with an orphan child named Kid use it or that lives in his hat. It's the most obvious thing in the world.

How's your orphan doing? Oh, uh, Brad? Arnie Ladd. Well, I prefer to call him Brad. I like to call him Kid Rock. That's a different orphan. This is why I re-explained these things. Look, guys, I've been here for almost three years

and our listeners still don't fucking get that almost three years ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger. No they get that part. Everyone gets that part. Oh, it's really been three years. Almost. What are we doing with our lives? Here I have risen to the highest post in Hogs face and yet I have not accomplished all my great tasks. If one does go down to the poorer parts of hogs face, there are people there desperate people. People who have nowhere else to turn, they've turned to selling each other magical rocks just to just for a little high. You put them in your mouth and they pop. Oh, mm-hmm. But the chefs and and the deputies, yeah, corrupts.

And there's no hope of... Oh wait, have I said this right? Isn't Chun the Sheriff? Oh yeah. I just... Cropped, like I said. Chun, did you ever consider being less corrupt? Mm.

I just like to look the other way. Mm. Makes you feel like you're on the... ...inestive wires. Oh, already, that reminds me. I wanted to ask you, I was on Twitter recently using my hour of time. And I saw that on Earth that there's a cheeseburger that's a mayor.

Oh, mayor McCheeze. Yeah. Yeah, well, there's that commonplace for Earth. For there to be a mayor that's a cheeseburger? Yeah. Yeah, you know, it was a little more common in like the 80s. And then, you know, we don't really talk about that mayor that much anymore. Oh Did he do something?

Probably but guys I'm very excited to talk to our guests seems like the burden of running hogs faces kind of getting to us a little bit So nothing helps lift your spirits and talking to an old friend. Oh, so our guest this week is one of our favorite old guests? That would sound very... That sounds like an agent. Yes, it really does. I really don't know how old he is, but I'll ask him. I'm excited to be joined again by the unique Benedict Whisper Brew. Hello, it's wonderful to see you again on a duro fabulous.

Oh, thank you. May you, Sador. I'm just so tickled at all the changes in progress you've made in six days' time. No, thank you. May you, Sador, I'm just so tickled at all the changes in progress you've made in six days' time. No, thank you. Though, it was so easy to get my parade permit this year, and I just really appreciate the small modifications you made in the application process. Yes, I think you're just having a pile of approved parade permits sitting on the front desk

would just make everything easier. Benedict, what kind of parade were you going to? Well Arnold, thank you so much for asking. It is a nationally unique appreciation day on Saturday, so I'm having a big parade all throughout the main thoroughfare of Augsface. I was actually here, Arnold, to question you and see if you would be interested in being the Grand Marshal. Oh how nice! The Grand Marshal of the Unique Parade don't would it would it be weird for someone who's not a Unique to be the Grand Marshal of the Parade? You're not a Unique? No! No, I... No!

Oh, that's what... Alright. Yes, it would be fine if there was a air-quote non-unic as the grand marshal for the parade. I just love your wordplay. Well, I don't... He thinks you're a unit. I mean, well Benedict, I I mean I'm not a unit.

Not there, there's... Alright. Okay, so it's a hard start at 10 a.m. on Saturday. I just need you there, probably at 9.45, just so you can, you know, get comfortable in the cart and buggy and get all the little sweet meats that you'll be throwing to the crowd. Wait, I have to be up and ready to go at 9.45 in the morning. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no these unic happy hours or, you know, networking events for unics. What is it like when unics are networking with each other?

Like, I guess I still don't entirely understand like, what all the unics do? Oh, well, we're communicators, Arnold. We traffic in information, in gossip, spy, secrets. And so a lot of times when the court unit, which I happily held that reign for quite a number of years, you know, when he is out of a job, then he just needs to find, you know, other secret bearing opportunities that he can take part in.

You know, it's all about the hustle, aren't we? Oh, sure. Yeah. Are you doing to keep yourself busy these days, Bernardict? Oh, well thank you so much, Mayor. You know, I am trying to to wriggle my way as it were back into the good graces of the court. So I took an internship position with the current court unit, which as as you probably know is my art rival from the Unic Academy, Dennis Brittle Brains. And yeah, so that's a bit of an ego blow.

It's a lot of making copies, fetching, Ravens blood, remembering people's birthdays, things like that. But it's good exposure. I'm meeting a lot of the right people. So I certainly appreciate that. And then to make my rental payments, I spend my afternoons in early evenings serving as a tutor for local immigrants who want to take the citizenship test. The citizenship to be a citizen of food?

Well, I think I would be ill-equipped to be a citizenship tutor for a different country. Ha-ha-ha. Yes, you wouldn't teach citizenship to say me, Gus. Ha-ha-ha. I'm thinking of you. Sure. I'm thinking of you.

You wanted to say me. Yeah. Oh, you should know. Ha-ha-ha. I mean, you know, I... Oh, you should know. It was like my grandmother always said, teaching citizenship to Amigosian is like teaching a turtle how to cross it. LAUGHTER

Oh, you're up. Oh, yeah. Oh, Benedict, you are a witt. I mean, it takes one to know what you said, or... Oh, I think so. So, yes, so I'm just... I'm serving as a tutor. You know, it's... it gets me out there meeting people. I love the kids, you know. They're just... they're like little sponges and they soak up all the information and I,

I can just ring them out over into the bucket of knowledge. Can you excuse us for one moment? Meet me under the table. Why do we have to just, um, don't you see? Yeah, this is the perfect opportunity for you, Arnold. You can become a unit. Ask him about being a unit. No, no, I thought you were going to say that I could use him to tutor me for the, Arnold. You can become a Unic. Ask him about being a Unic. No, I thought you're gonna say that I could use him to tutor me for the citizenship test. I have to take

them. Hey, did someone call for me? Oh, Tuesday door. You said you could use someone to tussle door you? No. He definitely did not say that. I hear what I want to hear. How are you both listening so closely and so badly at all times? Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, I need to tell you, okay? Don't stand behind me, because I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, because I may not follow. Just stand next to me as a friend. Alright, back up on the top of the door.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,'s weird that there's two Siddore, another wizard who thinks he's used to or that we just happen to refer to as two Siddore, that we don't really know that much more about, but that just pops up all the time. You think that's weird?

Yeah, why? I don't know, I just wanted to reestablish that. Okay, great. Wait, wait, wait, back on your table. Can I just say something? Yeah? I really appreciate you not telling me to fuck off. Oh, I forgot.

Oh, I forgot. This guy is mighty cool of you. No, I forgot. Oh, I forgot. It's got this mighty cool of you. No, I see cool. No, no, we just forgot. Cool, please. Oh, there's a fuck off. Yeah, yeah.

Cheers. Anyway, Ben and Dick. I'm sorry, I was just looking at these coasters. They're so charming. Yeah, we've been trying to do little things around the tavern to liven it up. That's why we have new coasters. We have my Toyota Camry and we have all the tavern to liven it up. That's why we have new coasters. We have my Toyota

Camry and we had all the tavern. We have that peg game. That peg game that tells you how many, based on how many pigs are left, that's how smarter WR. Oh, that is. Yeah. Actually, Chand, what do you mind? Could you just duck under the table with me for one moment? Would that be all right? Sure. Did you need me to blow you or? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I just want to, um, to share some private information. Absolutely. Here we go. You need me to blow you or... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oysters, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's how I felt and I felt like you know like I had that long distance relationship going and I feel like you There's a whole like will they won't they but yeah, it feels right to be back with Monica, you know We're just good friends. Yeah, you're just good friends, and you know that that mob the sexual tension that has been building up You know, it was just nice to see it released. We're just rooting for you. Oh good. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it

Oh, yeah, okay, back up Hey guys, thanks you Sador meet me back under the table I'm sorry. I probably should have just addressed this while they were under the table who were up up up with the table but I think John has been just giving lots of blow jobs in the table probably I would assume so yeah I mean he can do whatever he wants to do but like it's just a little rude that he's doing it under this very table. What do you guys do now here, you see? You need a blowy?

No, no, no! We're fine, thank you. We're fine. Hey guys, guys, I'm here too. I just want to say that I think it's wonderful that you're fostering a sex-positive environment, where you're just allowing everyone to go on whatever journey that their path might take them. Yes, yes, of course. We're always sex positive here. We want everyone to feel comfortable in their own skin and to explore the things they need to explore to fully understand themselves. Now when we get back on top of the table, I want Arnie to finish the joke that he was telling while Chant and Benedict wonder the table. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, uh, uh, and that's why I don't eat spaghetti. He said it. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- I'm stealing that Arnold. I'm stealing that for my next unit networking event. Yeah, it's alright. Arnie, Arnie, could you meet me on the table please? Two, Siddharth. Yeah, this is, I'm kidding. Just for a sec, like... Okay, fine. Hey, yeah? I got five pegs left and it says I'm an ignoramus. I could really use a boost. Oh.

What do you mean to give you some of my pegs? I don't... What? I don't. I played that peg game. Yeah. What do you mean to give you some of my pegs? I don't what I don't I Played that pig game. Yeah, and I jumped them and I had five left and it said I was an ignoramus Oh, that's what that means I just always thought that you just collect as many pegs from around the tavern as you can find and if you can fill them all up You're smart. Oh, that's a better game. Yeah, here's a fan. I needed that to Siddore, you know game. Here's a fan I needed that. Tuesday door, you know. Solve those problems laterally. Okay. Can I also tell you something? Sure. You know, I feel like people say like we have souls. I feel like we are souls and we have bodies. Hmm. Okay. Alright, I'll fuck off.

Okay, fuck off. Love you. Love you. I was so ready. I'm just gonna talk to myself and do this table for a second and do some introspection. He said, love you, and I just, for whatever reason, I just said, love you back. I like you that. And the man said, I'm not a fishmonger, I'm just from Megas. Oh boy.

This session jokes has been really good. Yeah. Arnold, I understand that you are a, you know, Oh boy, this session of jokes has been great. Yeah. Arnold, I understand that you are a, you know, a nascent citizenship test taker. Yeah. You have the big exam coming up. Yeah, I have to take like a 500 question test.

So I'm just really a 500 question test about the food and the creation, yes, yes. I'm well aware. And I just want to know, you know, pro bono, I'm happy to spend some time with you going over the materials. That is so nice of you, Dr. Offer to do that. That's very nice. You know, Unix have to always look out for fellow Unix, you know.

Exactly. So here I thought a binder, if you want me to quiz you about things or if you want me to answer any questions you might have about Funian government history literature secrets also. Harding has your chance he's gonna be your your quiz califa your quiz daddy. It's hard to even know if I know enough to ask the right questions like Benedict what does the test like? I might ask you like you know how many wars was Foon involved in the year 1831? Oh no.

I have to... like they're going to be that specific, like down to exact years? Yeah, they're going to be down to exactly, but they don't ask vague questions, because citizenship isn't a vague experience. It's very specific, aren't they? And there's a lot of Foonish history to learn, because 1831 was 47,000 years ago. Yes. So it's really, you know, you really have to note mind your peas and cues about the past 50,000 years of phoenix history. You know, like, for example, name, name three, three phoenix leaders that were able to pull

off a beard. Three phoenix leaders that were able to pull off a beard. All right, I'm gonna treat this like this is the test, all right? Well, I'm gonna say one was a good King Bellaroth. Oh, yes, classic jawline that was just enhanced by a full beard good, but... Okay, now I don't know anymore leaders of fune, so I'm just gonna say the Dark Lord? No! Exactly!

No! You're counting him, Benedict! But current leaders are included, and I think that just the semblance of a beard over that vaporous form is so enticing, and I get it, I would say he pulls it off. I just don't like giving him credit for anything. All right, I think I have to name one more so I'm just gonna just run in the dark here. Good King Beardow? Exactly. Good King Beardow. Oh, good job. You're paying attention to us. Yeah, good King Beardow famously didn't have any teeth.

So he had that what we call a crab apple face, very shrunken in a very gummy demeanor, very, very alarming visage to look at. And you know, just that single follicle that grew out of his one open pore, that he would then wrap around his chin and jaw area, like a muffler on a winter's day. You know, that just made his appearance less terrifying. They also called him Beard Out. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because he was so precise at everything he did. He was so exact, he was almost like a surgeon.

And you know, he had such an appetite for life. You know, he could just eat it up. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Can I wish I knew more about food so I could participate in this conversation? There to be stupid. Aren't you feeling good about that, uh, right answer? Uh, yeah, I mean, you feel prepared.

You feel like you're ready to take the test? Well, no, I don't know if I'm feeling ready to prepare the test, but I know that like on my world, I always did pretty well at test, mostly because I wasn't nervous about it. So I have to get to a place where I'm not worried about the wrong answer and just grow things out. And if there's one thing I've learned about food, it's like it's so crazy that almost everything has happened. It's kind of hard to be wrong. But you know what, Arnold, when you're nervous, when

you're facing that anxiety, just look at the test and imagine all of the questions naked. You know, I think as a foreigner, I'm nervous about messing up and getting something about this world wrong, but I gotta think about it in a different way, like it's kind of a surprisingly support world. Like, when I say something about this world, it says, if the whole world says, sorry, yes. And there's something dirty about it too. Can I see everyone but Arnie under the table, please?

Yeah. Oh yeah, I have a lot of things I actually need to do with my binder, so this would give me the time I need to do this. Thank you so much. Great. I'm a little concerned that Arnie thinks that everything is just happening because he's saying it is happening or something Like this is a real weird ego boost or something. Yeah, I don't Do you think we're all in his head?

Didn't we already? All right, I'm very excited to take this test now that I know that like everything I say is gonna be right I just realized it like, I've kind of felt like I was sort of a dummy in this world because I didn't know stuff. But as long as I just have confidence and just say stuff, it's gonna be correct. Oh awesome, well Benedict,

why don't you start toss out some questions from the math portion of the test. Oh, great. Oh, absolutely, yes. It's very important that all citizens in food are math literate. So how many representatives are elected each year to the Council of Unix? Six. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's five. It's five.

But what about since the reign of the Gauls? You know what, I forgot the Goliath, the Goliath contract of 30,048 did specify that there could be up to six Unix selected in account. I think you're so much on Thank you. I'm learning at now. I'm learning. I don't I don't want it to erupt here But I feel I do need to take Arnold down a notch. It's Arnie. What a year is it right now? Yes. What is the current year? The current year is it? Right now? Yes, what is the current year? The current year is 1479. No, didn't even start with the right first number.

But what about according to the old Centaurian calendar? Damn it, he is good. When I say Centaurian, I mean centars, not the galaxy. Arnie knows more than we do about food. No, that can't be right. Well, Arnie, if you want to make some extra coin, you feel free to market yourself as a foodie tutor. Yeah, I've just got to start having an heir of an expert.

Do you know what? Yes. If you and Benedict were both unique tutors, you could both live together in that unicotel and be booze and buddies. I don't know. I feel like to sell something like that. You just have to be pre-enactually charming.

Like, you'd have to have the charm of a scolari to pull something like that off. That's very true. Yes, you'd have to be a Dutch seamstress. You'd have to be a Holland tailor in order to make that work, I think. I suppose it's an idea whose time has passed anyway. Might to not be exactly appropriate anymore. Well, I don't care what you say, Yusodor, but it's my life.

Uh... Well, why don't we take a quick break? And I'm going to get on the table. And if anybody wants to suck in five, I'll be down there. Yeah, let's take a quick break and don't do anything under the table. Well, our listeners are good. Three or four decades to get all enough to get some of the jokes are thrown out

in this episode. Around evils for the table. jokes are throwing out in this episode. Around evails for the table. So bandit, like I'm so excited to kind of go over more of the stuff about the test, but I feel like I haven't caught up enough on what's going on with you. It's kind of difficult having to make nice with, was it Dennis Brill Brains, your unit horizontal? It does, honestly, honestly, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do

and I was gilded. He's viciously abusive. You know, he just makes me do the most pulpy things and do you think I'm ever invited to Unicawa? Oh. After work? No. I mean, I'll come in the next day and I'll say, Oh, what did everybody do last night?

And they'll just look at each other with this air of discomfort and they'll change the topic of conversation. And then, or they'll give some vague answer. And then I really tighten the lug nut on the old information wrench, and then they'll admit that they all did something without me. Now, when I was first at the great halls of Turokos,

I must admit something that is going to shock each and every one of you. I wasn't the most popular wizard there. No, I know, incredible, right? No, you said, oh, you have beautiful eyes. I can't believe anyone just wouldn't flock to you. Oh, well, if you had been there, I'm sure they would have. Well, but what I did to overcome this hurdle was instead of waiting for them to invite me to their wizard parties or to ask me to play all their wizard games. I decided that I

was going to throw my own party. Have you thought about having your own Unicawa or hosting one? You know what? I have been I have been taking music lessons you know in my private time and and I have a recital coming up you know I'm taking trumpet lessons. So maybe maybe I will invite them to my unicorn recital Oh, oh, oh, well, just were you next play horns? Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's a great one. You phonemes trombones any brass instrument with with a mouse piece Well, you'll go down in history. That sounds great. May not and you next also attend. I would love to attend Yes, you said or it's directly after the parade this Saturday. So I would love it if you were able to show up.

We have some appetizers, some meat, we have, we'll have, you know, a silent auction. I'll do my best to make it, but there are 72 other parades that day. I understand, I understand, I understand. I don't know how you fit them all in as a mayor. Oh, you just have to go to all of them. But that's a little on you for having just the pre-approved parade permit form to the front desk. I'm beginning to realize that now. But you know, I think I will step into the arena, I'll make myself vulnerable and I'll say, you know what, Dennis, I would love it if you could come to my, my recital.

If you can't win your battles with the sword, why then take up the olive branch? If you can't become a Thunian citizen, then become a Migosian vacationer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You might, you know, Arnie, I don't know how to answer that kindly. To be totally honest with you. I think you either have a well-rounded sense of humour, and you understand immediately when someone makes a joke, and your diaphragm involuntarily contracts with paracisms of laughter,

or you know you just kind of nod your head quietly and then, you know, loudly complain that you didn't get the reference. I mean, on my world, I was someone that had a good sense of humor. I was funny, I appreciate it. You were a good humor man. I was a good humor man.

It's true. People were kids came running when I came through the neighborhood. But here, I mean, I know the fire that you tell childish jokes. Yeah, I don't know. But listeners, no, running when I came through the neighborhood. But here, I mean, I know the fire that you tell Charlottes jokes. Yeah, I don't know. But the listeners know ever since I've gone to this world, I've never heard me laugh. Now, you know what you could do is, when they tell jokes, never enough to laugh,

and instead of trying to fake laugh along, just look at them with the deadest eyes and say, that's funny. Okay. Alright. Well, Dennis, thank you so much for being here. Oh, excuse me? What did you say? I called him...

Oh! Benetic, Benetic! Benetic of all the names to call him. No, I don't know why I did that. I'm so sorry, Benetic. You're our unique. You are our unique. It is like the unique magistrate has ripped out my vast deference once again and showing my

little throbbing gonads to me. Oh, that's part of how it works. Oh, you gotta take a look. Only there are 34 questions alone devoted to the unique making process, so I would suggest you to study up. That was so hurtful and I know it was an accident, but I'm not ready to forgive you, and I don't know if I ever will be. Well, you know what, it's my fault, because I let go of my new confidence.

Before we go, Benedict, whisper, brew, will you ask me one of the unique questions that I might have on the citizenship test? A Unic can always summon the courage for a temporary forgiveness. Thank you. Aani, who is your favorite unit of all times? Benedict, whisper bro. Thank you. I needed that. Remember, to access our fan-only podcast Secrets from the Undertable, consisting of hours of bonus confessions, introspection, and rambling erotic content, from beloved

characters shared under the table, Whisper, so this is what we've come to, into any nearby drain and wait. Usant of the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking, Badger was played by Abel Raffai, Benedict Whisperbrew, the unit was played by special guest Brendan Dowling. Spaces still remain in Brendan's pilot season workshop, they've got a book you when there's no one left. Weaponizing waiting rooms small talk to send the most confident actor into a self-sabotaging tailspin. As the class is taught out of Brendan's sunroom, therapy animals prohibited, just when you need them most. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Ryan DeGeorgie, and Evan Jacover.

This episode edited by Ryan DeGeorgie, special thanks to engineers Brett Morris and Josh Richmond for helping to record Brendan in LA. Oh, no, clever joke, just I should start talking fine. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. You know, the third anniversary of the podcast is coming up and if you'd like to show your support for the show, in a way that doesn't involve

spending any money, feel free to help out with our official wiki at magictavern.wiki.com. There are plenty of episodes that still need summaries, plenty of chun forms going, woefully uncategorized, so you know, you can pitch in and help if you want. You can also visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter or on Reddit. Thanks to our slash magic tavern moderators, MoaRan Homer Maun, Slythera Jam, and King Lee Lightning. And now that I've said their names out loud, maybe they'll rally some support for that wiki cleanup.

Big thanks as always to the Chicago podcast, co-op, and of course, thanks to your wolf. you