Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 49 - Three Years

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

Our three year anniversary show. It’s time to learn more about the traveling acting troupe, the Cockticklers. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWinky Silks: Joey BlandMichael Gunch: Ross BryantMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzSpecial Thanks: Ryan ConnorYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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They don't exist. Craig, be a fawn and get that, I've got some sponsor copy to redeem. Who could be at the door? In space. Well, the last person to use the door was Trisha 8050, but it's not like continuity has been the most frequent dance partner around here. Trisha, another clone? Craig, just get the door and leave the necessary exposition to understand all this to no one. Alright.

Right this way? Hi, I'm Trisha. I'm here about the internship. It's a pleasure to meet you for the first time, Trisha 8051. 8051? Never mind, we've all got a podcast to partially enjoy while doing chores. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, don't worry, this is everything you need

to know. About three years ago, well actually literally exactly three years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff, and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur in the newly freed town of Hogsface in the land of Phoon. And three years. I have been in this magical land away from Chicago for three years time flies. But I'm joined by my good bud and co-host Chunk the Talking Badger.

Bingbong. How you doing bud? Good, I'm trying to wrap my head around three years. Three years! Three years! Your kid must be 27 now. Oh yeah, I really, you know, for new listeners, I really don't wanna bring the mood down,

but I am away from my wife and child who I diligently, I'm trying every week to get back to. I'm trying to solve, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to, it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows. Well yeah, I mean, look, I've also got ever-present problems like defeating the dark lord, defeating the void, making the town of Hogs face better. This podcast, which is also very important

to accomplishing all those things, but also getting home to my wife and child. Absolutely. I got you a- What the fuck have you done over the last three years of your life. I was Trying to find true love I guess yeah chunk you're you're talking badger, but I'm a shape shifter You're a shape shifter and you know we don't need to go too much into specifics

It's a little weird, but I turn into whatever I have sex with you turn into whatever you have sex with and I only have one single sperm And I'm trying to you know choose carefully. You turn into whatever you have sex with. And I only have one single sperm, and I'm trying to choose carefully. That's true. You have a single sperm. I only have one shot. So I just wanna make sure I get it right. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of pressure.

Oh, well, you're telling me. Yeah, oh boy. But I got you a little gift. Anniversary episodes are my favorite, mostly because you can just say three years, two years, one year versus two years, three months, one year versus, you know, two years, three months and some change, you know, that whole bullshit.

You love that we get to save about three or four or we're out of the inner. Just a nice, the inner. Oh yeah, but I got you a gift. I don't know on earth what it's like, but on food, three or anniversary means a glass gift. So I got you this glass. Oh, oh, yeah, I made a glass hole. It's weird how it's just

there's like nothing around. It's like so thin. It's made of magic. It's a magic glass. Magic glass hole? Oh, I hesitate to ask this. Then don't. Okay. I am also joined by my other co-host, Yusudor the Wizard. I am Yusudor! Wizard of the 12th realm of a fisius master of light and shadow. Many be later of the metal whites. Devour of chaos, champion of the world of falls. Oh, is it?

Champion of the great halls of trachus. The old's no me is fying out. The dwarves no me is zoning in hook stinging. So does that mean I am known in the northeast East as gasmweinius may start. The same as hand, they're may be other sea names. Names of such great power and portent that I, if you did see them, writ upon the page.

The very ink would turn to blood and that blood would turn to rain and that rain would turn to vapor, which would turn into clouds, which would turn back into rain. I, in the very plants of this world, would grow out of that rain would turn to vapor which would turn into clouds which would turn back into rain I in the very plants of this world would grow out of that rain Hey and life itself would be born of them That's what would happen wow wow yes if I just wrote down like you know

What of my secret aims I don't know which one like a Pants McGillicati who who knows you asants McGillicatti? Who? Who knows you as Pants McGillicatti? Oh... The Brownies in Gratax. Who just this very week? I did go to Gratax. Upon Grimhoff, the fifth fastest horse in Boone! And with Chode directly behind me,

I, my two steeds, my horse-load friend Grimhoff and the horse that I bought named Chode. I traveled to Grataxe, I met the brownies, and they showed me their secret cave. And in that brownie cave, I did find ancient texts of great power. Oh, and these texts are old, these very texts may have the secret to send the home. I thought, but then I was wrong. Oh, foiled again. It was mostly about churning lead into gold.

Ooh, alchemy. It was sort of a lot of alchemy. I mean, that would be useful in some ways. No, I'd burned it all. Oh, no. You, sir. Look, here's the thing. If you find useful spells that aren't exactly

what we need to get me home, you don't need to burn them. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's called multitasking. Hmm. Well, what would be the purpose of turning lead into gold then we wouldn't have lead anymore? Well, we would have gold, which is a valuable resource.

Ah, yes, very true. But you can earn gold by working. You can work for gold. Arnie? Or you can punch blocks. Yeah, don't try to teach me to fish. Please, just. But you'll feed yourself for a lifetime.

I know, but then I'd rather you just feed me for a lifetime. I've done some grass and grab a gem. What if I tell you how to fish for compliments? I don't know if I'm smart enough. Arnie, you're not. That's why I'm teaching you. Well, I suppose know if I'm smart enough. Oh, Arnie, you're not. That's why I'm treating you. Oh. Well, I suppose I made a mistake as a wizard this week.

I should have worked harder to keep in all those great spells. You have great spells? I was fishing for a compliment. Oh. Look, I don't want to go back to this, but I kind of know what do I do with a magic glass hole? You received a magic glass hole? Oh! You received a magical glass hole? Sean gave me a magic glass hole to celebrate our three-year anniversary of doing this podcast.

You what? He's pretty dismissive about it. I've been trapped in this magical land for three years, and with both of you, we've been doing this podcast for three years. No, no, no, no, no, that's not possible. I know, it feels more like two and a half years, but it's been three years. No, no, no, no, no, that's not possible. I know, it feels more like two and a half years, but it's been three years. Well, the magical glass hole was a wonderful gift

with which you can appear into your own area. You first, you hold it up to your eye, then you hold it up to your butt, then you hold it up to your eye again. Hmm, hmm, hmm. What? That's, hmm, hmm. Oh, that's... Guys, I was- That was the anniversary. Oh, really, on the precipice with falling for that, but the giggling really tipped me

on. Oh, I knew. Damn, my giggle. Oh, if only I could make Arnold touch a glass to his own butt hole and then to his face. Well, guys, I'm very excited. Since it's a three year anniversary, we should have some drinks. Bring over some hails, some wine. We're just just feet for everyone. Spice potatoes. All your favorite channels. What would you like to have? It's my treat. I would love a red potion. A red... no, no, no, no. That's the one thing you can't have.

Chant, what would you like? Kings juice please. please kings use for chant and a water for Arnie Yeah, you know what guys? I'm just excited to spend some time with the two of you my good buds Celebrating three years together just focus on the three of us, but also we've got some guests Oh, okay, I thought it was gonna be an anniversary night anniversary night anniversary night anniversary night, but also We do have guests. Well, we should introduce them and get to know them. I'm a little bit Yeah, you know, I thought I would liven things up a little bit more. You are lively. You're great. You're full of energy. Yeah Yeah, I tell people all the time that go very lifelike Thank you. I think did you just did you just give me a fish?

Yeah, John, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Well, I thought, you know, on my world back in Chicago, I knew that the only way to make a party better was to invite some actors over. So I have a few members from the Cauticklers. You'll be a Tom the actor. You used to be a member of the Cauticklers.

Yeah, way back in like our second episode, Tom Blaine Bellaroth talked about, oh I'm sorry, Tom the Traveler who was just a common actor in a no way the late King Bellaroth's son and heir to the Bellaroth throne who's pretending to be a commoner. Yes, then he certainly isn't now hiding out as a series of bats in the forest. You know that sense of mine ran on so long that when I got to the end, I wasn't sure, like, how the first half started, so I wasn't sure how to properly. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, me only not have been a proper complete sentence. But you pulled it off because you're still full of charisma.

Thank you for this fish. Well, it seems like we've tried to introduce, I guess, the 5 or 8 or 50 times now. Can we just get to it? Yeah, let's bring him on now so that they can tell us about whatever cool secret gigs they're on hold for that'll never pan out. That's what actors do, right? I imagine so. Well, I'm very excited to be joined by two of the most esteemed actors in the Cacti-Colors

that traveling acting troupe of Phoon. Yes, hello. Gentleman, gentlemen, yes. Oh, never have I had a more protracted introduction in all my time on the boards. You are edging that introduction for what felt like half an hour. You're edging the weight?

Yes, I'm just warming you up a little bit. Well, of course, you don't deserve a climax if you don't work it for a while. I really like to have a sort of tantric take on introductions, just to just sort of draw it out as long as possible and then never have a proper release. That's got to sting. Any good drama is built from a small beginning which crescendo's towards climax and never gets there. Oh, what a wonderful insight. What is your name, good sir? My name is Winky SILKS of the Cockticklers, yes. Character actor and playwright.

Oh, Winky, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am you, sir, the blue. Oh, you need no introduction, sir. I know. And who are you? You said all are the blue. Oh, you need no introduction, sir. I know. And who are you? Oh, well, yes, of course. My name is Michael Gunnch. Lead heavy of the cocktailers.

Pleasure. All of that. Lead heavy. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not familiar with that term. I'll just lead the type play most of the leads and most of the plays. Any time and amount of gravitas is needed upon the stage, you need only call for the services

of Michael Gunsch. Not his real name. Yes, yes, yes, I must cop to it. It is a stage name. I, I of course chose the, the Malifluous name, Michael Gunsch. My, uh, born name was uh, Steel Hardstone. Most actors find their names, or better even their names find them. Yeah. Well, what an honor to have, who's a co-ciclos primary playwright and leading man here with us this evening. Oh, I assure you, I assure you the pleasure is all ours.

So the pleasure is all mine. No, I assure you the pleasure is in my position. No, I assure you that I am feeling more pleasure than you by a magnitude of tenfold. I assure you, sir has the pleasure is mine. My very head would explode and my strangle you with my eyes. I didn't hurt. Such a surface of passion in my own breast. Suffice to say there is pleasure all around. I hardly have any pleasure for I've grown melancholic in these last warblings of argument. Oh, winky, are you doing okay?

Oh, there's no emotion, which is not a mind for drama. My sad times are as equal as my happy times for all is good for the state. Yes, you must, as an actor, be so connected with your emotions. How can you seek to touch an audience with what you feel if you do not feel yourself? Thus you must first be able of touching your own heart. That is why it is the motto of the Corkticklers that to touch an audience you must first touch yourself. In public. yourself. In public. Well, are you working on any new

er, dramatic works that you could tell us about at this time? Or y'all too secretive still? Oh, we, we rarely reveal whips as we call them. Works in progress. Ooh. And, and yet, it would be a lie to stare you in the face and say, oh, to play coy for indeed, well, there's no, no simple way to say it will but rip the splint off and say we're working on the story of you

What? This is us finally all too often the Cactiqler's mind history and myth ancient law for which there is no witness for these are plays. And yet now, before us is a story which needs to be told immediate. And what better time than at this moment of anniversary when people are speaking near and far of the traveling man who walks between worlds. Wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- And squirrels, all who said there must be a champion for this land, and if there is not, let him rise up. Gras- Ah, what? No doubt, no doubt, Yusodor would play a the puppeteer there to shove his hand into Yusidor's

fundamental, and give him some animation upon the board. I'm sure we can find an Azure sack that will do for an Ersatz Yusidor when we present the lamentable comedy and wonderful tragedy of Arnie, Arnie of the distance. Wow. Yusidor, isn't that one of your secret names as your sack? I-I'm sure we don't need to talk about that right now, but yes it is. I don't know that I've ever said this sense before in my life, but I really like you actors.

Oh. Oh, approval! Oh, my mind is swimming! My spine grows erect again. Ah, thank you. Thank you, Arnold. You've... De-crooked.

His spine for about 12 years. Winky, you are much taller than I thought you were when you first walked in here. Yes, now I can see and peep above the heads, but it is not an act or a writer's place to be so high and mighty. No, one must live, live, lower among the people, and so now I resume my crooked and stupid vertebrae. Oh, it's painful to watch. But we move among you, not merely to be in the presence of one who carries so great a reputation, but to study one that we would portray. We want to get it right. Well, if I were to be portrayed by a puppet, certainly Chant also would be portrayed as some sort of stage prop.

If you just have a skunk puppet, that works too. What? Pop it? Observed. No, Chant, you are the stuff of a character actor, one who plays the scene and is forgotten until he plays again. And may have, may have winky silks could inhabit the chanteverse. Mmm, mmm, hmm. The chanteverse I like that.

Yes, the chante is not one character, but many. And I often play animal parts, babies, clouds, angels. Although I've been told you should never work with children or clouds. Oh, oh, no, they're just an old actor's nightmare and yet. Who could forget? I'm one of the greatest plays in all food. The Childish Cloud. Oh.

I love the Childish Cloud. It's my favorite clay right after a Tomatong Constable. Why also like, guess who's a chemist to dinner? Yes. Worth it. Comaton Constable. Why also like guess who's a cumulus to dinner? Yes. Worth it. Well, this is very exciting that you want to tell the story of, you know, Arnold and Chantin. Of course, Yusadorn is Grand Quests to defeat the Dark Lord. But have you began writing or rehearsing yet?

How far are you into your process? It's a lot of a workshop process. We like to start with the characters. And we don't write the story. The characters find the story. It's a relationship. We have to engage with one another once we know the characters. Then we write some of it down. Then we deliberately throw it away before reading it. Then we spontaneously

perform it again, write some of that down, mail it off. Then we perform it again before we write it again, and then trade parts. It's a multi-step process. Oh, it sounds delightful and quite engaging. I would be interested to watch every single part of this process. May I get a comp? Oh, yes. It's a very strict comp policy. What about my hands usually?

I'm sorry. We wish we could have everybody come. I don't know why I made such a rash promise. No doubt I can get you a two-foot one, Yusador. Oh, okay. Well, that sounds good. I- I think by limiting their compster using an old acting method, it's called the Miser technique. Before you don't spend a lot of money, you keep the budget low.

You wouldn't do no-a-lingo, chant. Have you tread the boards yourself? I've walked around. Chant, have you done any acting? I guess I've never really asked. Hmm, not really. Have you done any acting already? Um, sure. I mean, back on Earth, I was in a couple plays in high school. What was a play you were in, Ahni? Well, I was in a play called The King and I.

Which role did you play? Well, I played The King, believe it or not. It's one of the few musicals where the lead doesn't have to be good at singing. Not. And who is this king, the king of what few musicals where the lead doesn't have to be good at singing. Not. And who is this king, the king of what? King of where? Well, undoubtedly the land of pasty white gentleman much like yourself.

Yes, I'm sure. What wonderful casting! Well, technically it's set in Siam, which is a world that is much different than where I came from. But you have to understand when, it's hard to explain. When I was a lad, the world was a very different spot, you know. You're stepping in it now,

you're stepping right in it. Well, you know, what was so and so, what was not was not. You know, now I am a man. Will has changed a lot. Who played the eye? Well, it was a girl I went to high school with and I have to confess, I feel a little bad that I don't remember her name off the top of my head. A girl played a giant eyeball.

Yeah, I don't look guys, why do I want to talk about a stupid fucking play called the K&I when I could learn about a play about me? Yes, of course. We can discern the story of the tale of the far-off King and the floating eye, etc. etc. etc. There's plenty of time for getting to know you later. Yes, it's really you that I wish to learn about, honey. Not just what you've done, the way you move, the way you speak, the gentle mannerisms, that are not even brought to life with so much as a thought by yourself, that I shall study and inhabit, to bring you to life greater than even the original was, to break the mold that you have said.

Well, wow. I mean, what do you were very focused on a quest of some kind, or returning back to your home, but no one who really wanted that, who truly wanted that, would still be here three years later. He's found you, aren't he? He's found you. I'm just wondering, why are you avoiding your wife and family? Oh, I'm not avoiding my wife and family. I'm just... I just don't know how I got here and I don't know how to get back home.

Oh, Gunch can use that. An actor is a liar and so any actor can use any lie to perform. No, I'm not lying. I mean, it's not easy to travel between dimensions. Ah, but I do see that point. To be a victim of circumstances, not necessarily the stuff of great drama. What drives you, Arnie? What keeps you here? What keeps you going from day to day? What drives you? To sit in that chair? To look forward the way you do to... What means... Stride for some other things. Slightly to...

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Avoid moving, but... Yes, yes. Well, I mean, I'm really invested in this podcast. Ah, there, Gunch. Ah, yes. It is very invested in the podcast itself. No, this conversation, this podcast, we ourselves seek when we do plays, when we do our corporate

gigs, but always seeking out new media, is it worth to experiment with? Are you doing anything I can watch through the blood of a horse murder? Oh, it's possible. We lately we've been doing what we call street riffs. We find people on the street and we just talk to them a little and we give them a bit of themselves right back It'd dress them down quite a bit. Toast them up as it were. Oh, winky on the street. Oh, I like that title I like that title. I'll scribble that. You may have a free if You consider adding usador as a full character to your play. And I would even be willing to play the role. Oh, Yusador, uh, uh, don't doubt it.

A busy busy. I'm sure you've seen it. With so much to do. Well, I, yes, I am very, very busy and I have considerate considered. Well, good then, good enough, yes. Yes, I am very very busy and I have consider it considered Well good then good enough. Yes, but yes, you may have perhaps you've seen our street riffs or some some just short form playlets We've done I can but prank parentheses Emotional give us any emotion quick now quick jealousy. Oh Wish I had that butt.

Thank you, thank you. Come on, give us another one. Everyone says three of us. Sadness. I can't believe this is my butt. Here's the how it is. This is incredible. You are so talented.

I believed your jealous, and then I believed your sad. We just take what's there, and we make it larger, we make it greater. We go to the theater to see ourselves and our own emotions about our butt. Yes, it's holding a glasshole up to the world. Well, you know, would it be crazy, like if you said you're here to workshop the play, could we maybe see some of it? Well, unorthodox, nearly criminal to do it among the actors code, but... Yes, to break the bonds of secrecy and the sacred gestation period of a...

But here's what you need to know, Michael Gunnsch, about Arnie Neekham, the man from another world. Hmm, he don't follow the rules. Also, here's 10 gold pieces. That's the language Gunsh understands. Yes, yes, yes, we could show you a seed or two. Three years it's been, are we wrong? Yeah, it's been exactly three years. Then why not the meeting?

The meeting of Arnie and Chant, performed here by the Cuck ticklers. Oh wow, yeah Chant was one of the very first the creatures that I met when I fell through the dimensional portal. Oh yes. You mean that? Yeah, I mean I would probably have died if you hadn't been kind to me and let me into your home. Your novel.

Well, you know, novel. I'm getting emotional thinking about that day. That was such a special day. Yeah. You're my best friend. You're my best friend in this world. Now let's see two people. Act it out.

Yeah. Mm. OK. Center, center. They're touching themselves to get ready. Yes. Tip to tip. Forgive my liberties with the voice.

Car blame me! What's this here? Some no-being here in-in-in-in-phone on seeing yet and carrying some mystic technology. Wow, I can't believe I've found myself here in this incredible place! Put your weeping head on this my Tinder badger's bosom. The name's toned! I like the sex act. Oh, the first comfort I've had in quite some time.

I guess I'll kneel down next to you, pillow personified in the comfort that you're offering to this wayward traveller's weary head. I'll eat the foreign mites from out your hair. I'll keep you warm in this, my musky pelt. Ah, my hands have found a new home, and these the curls upon your badger's chest. So you're hoveled, and quickly I have dreams and no doubt you do. But I'm not even sure I know your name. Arnie is my name. But call me by your name, and I'll call you by yours. Ooh, a peach! But call me by your name, and I'll call you by yours.

Ooh, a peach! And see. Wonderful! Wow! Wonderful! So amazing! It was just like I was watching Arnold and Chant. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Doubt-gintle-mint-rude undergo multiple changes.

You've only seen a first draft, the roist onion yet to be unpeeled. Ah well, if you continue to peel back those layers, then if they continue to blossom from there, I think this blooming onion shall be quite delicious. Yeah, I can't believe I almost ate that peach after what happened with it. That was insane. I mean, it was a little weird because the guy playing me at the time looked like he was 17 and the guys playing Arnie looked way older, so I was a little uncomfortable but it was pretty good. I felt like there were

references in the play that I didn't get but I'm new to this world. You got fucking gunched dude. Gunched nailed it. Who would you know, Arnoret? It is though. Yes, you've been punched in the gunch. Now I couldn't help but notice that you set up that as you are sack in the distance behind the table here. Can we pose some of the stuffing out of the as you're sack? Oh certainly and don't worry it will be nowhere near as conspicuous. It probably won't even be in that scene. Yes or on the stage. Right. It might just be an illustration in the program. I suppose that's better. Arnie, do I sound like that?

I don't know. I was do distracting listening to myself. Do I sound like that? Do I sound like that? Oh god, I do sound like that. You're getting guns, dude. Guns, yeah. Mystical, magical, land of foam. How does he do it?

He's got an ear. Guns has an ear. I don't miss you Sarah. No, no, I don't want you guys spreading some story around about me saying that I that I'm trying to avoid my wife. Yes, I shall come to Arnold's defense here. You must know that he loves his wife and his child very dearly. That is a very important part of his character. You know that in the theatre, often those things which are factual must be changed, so they become more true. Characters, views, events are compressed. It's an ecstatic truth, you see, which gives a greater insight than the factual truth.

Yes, you can say Arnie loves his wife and child, but in the play it might just be as well to truthfully say he doesn't. Oh, is it that I'm too perfect and sympathetic a character? You have to manufacture some faults for some drama to introduce drama into the story. Oh, that sounds convenient for you, honey. No, instead, it's just more fun this way. Yes, we're trying to get butts in seats, honey. It's a tough racket.

Wait, yeah, you know, I don't really know much about what it's like to be a cock, Dickler. But, you know what, let's take a quick break, and we'll get you guys some drinks. You said, or we'll get you anything you want. Oh, all right. And I'd love to hear more about sort of what your lives are like. I guess I'll run to the bar for everyone.

Excuse me. You're a thank you, you said, oh, what a good chap. I'll be right back. One rainbow bowl, thank you. John, we're in show business now. Yeah, baby. And a rainbow bowl for you. Ah, nice. Has everyone have everything they need or should I?

You said, aren't you? You said, don't be overbearing. I'm talking to famous people. Yes, of course, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry about that, guys. You said, or he's not really comfortable around actors, he hasn't spent a lot of time around.

Oh, worry not, Arnie, you said it was a clown to keep around. That's what I've been saying for three years, right, Chant? That rhymes a clown to keep around. I'm a great wizard who's on a great quest to feed to? Ordin' I uh, I'm trying my best to uh, make sure that evils are eradicated in the world and that every man, when, and child and food may live under the bright sun of goodness and- OH! Oh, don't worry, honey, every entourage needs one. Oh, that's right, you're my turtle!

I can turn into a turtle. I can't even more of a Johnny drama. Ooh, I like that. Johnny drama. Because I'm always causing drama. It's true, you're bananas. Who are you? I'm Vince, I think.

Wait a second, guys. I just had this weird revelation. I barely remember anything about this show on Tarrage, but I do distinctly remember all the characters except the main one. And Winky, maybe you would know something about this as a playwright. Sometimes is the character at the center of everything? Sort of less interesting? No doubt you've read the ancient masterpiece, the ghost of King Foulard.

Oh, what a wonderful play. Yes, in which Foulard. Oh, what a wonderful play. Yes, in which Foulard nair appears. It's the world that orbits around him and the whole he leaves behind. He is the center of gravity around which all the drama rotates. But he is grand in the gravitational force of his total absence. Of course, then there's the sequel. Here comes Foulard and he's all over that thing. Oh, yes. Out my favorite. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah. I like nobody's Fulard. Yeah, the third one's

pretty good. Yes, sometimes the third one comes right back. That's why you have to, that's why all all Fulard drama is written in trilogy. Oh, I think I saw some people on the street doing Fulard Origins? Yes, there's Fulard Origins, Foulade Rouge. It's non-canonical. Yes. Winky and Gunnch, now that you've sipped your drinks, would you mind doing the scene where a user door kind of comes into the picture and all three of the gang are hanging out? Yeah, guys, would you mind doing us a favor

and doing the scene about you, Siddore? I think it's a special day for the podcast and I think he's upset that he's such a small part in this Oh, of course, so we understand nothing so much as self-esteem issues. Yes, but it well the meeting of the trio Let's take a crack at the old whip Oh, Corr, blame me. I have a walking from it from a strange dream Wow tell me about it, chun. What's goin' on?

What a listening ear you have, always willing to be the receiver. Listen, listen, listen. That's what I do. A blank slate. Sometimes the blank slate will be painted upon by those who surround it. What you hear may have will will will inform who you are Arnie Necap. What I hear is what I become.

I suppose that's the way it is with all of us. We're having a private moment here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Dumb ass wizard. Fuck off. Know your time. Stay in your lane. You just shit it out there, that was your bed.

I got rights! I feel so bad for him. Yeah, I feel pretty sad for that guy. And scene. Oh, outstanding, outstanding. That, that as you're a sack really got it. That reminds me of the time that you kicked me and all the rice fell out of me. We always forget about how much rice you have inside of you. That's usually why the birds are always hanging around you. Just carried around on my pockets.

But, but, Winky and, and Gunch, what is life like as a couple of cock picklers? I've never lived a life out of it so much, I've grown up on the boards and played every part from juvenile roles to spirits fairies Rocks my father was Trencher silts the great tragedian. Oh, I feel his presence now. Oh, I had no idea you were related I saw him when I was I saw him when I was, uh, at, uh, about 250 years old, and, uh, and never I seen such a great performance. Daddy was a tyrant. I was beaten mercilessly. No. Hence the one I have.

Oh. You didn't even notice, did you? No, your acting is so spectacular. I thought you had two eyes this whole time. Yes, no. Now you can see the empty socket. And, Gantt, what's your story? you had two eyes this whole time. Yes, no, now you can see the empty socket. And Gantt, what's your story? Well, I also grew up in a family of actors, received really nothing but encouragement,

really coddled and made ready for the stage. Cool! The moment I was born, went off to a fun performing arts camp out in the Quindleshawng Mountains each summer. Got to be lead, lot of good fun, good memories, good people. Just hosted through college and got into the ticklers in a residency right out of university. You know it's a charmed life. Quindleshshon Mountains. Oh, that's for like, bridge kids.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Pretty Tony Mountains. I had a summer camp of sorts. It was called Mending Daddy's Tights. I'm one of those mountains. Is that a summer camper? I think he's being literal about mending his father's things.

Oh, yes, yes. Now, Michael, have you won any tosses yourself? I confess that I have won a tosser award. We're proud. Yes, yes. The plaque is under my cloak, even now. Oh, very impressive. Arnold, if you don't remember, a tosser is the award you win.

If you toss yourself off and become another character You just toss off your own personality and become a whole new person. Oh, I do remember But you said or thank you for taking some of the exposition off my shoulder. No problem. Yes, you said Oh, that's a good lane for you. Well, I I portrayed the role of King Scriblacks For many years. This was the award that I received. Which mind? I'd love to see a toss or worthy performance.

Would you mind doing some of your performance? I got you this award. Were you King Skriblax? I was the titular role of King Skriblax. I was there as his jester. Oh, can we see the scene between the jester and King Scriblaxe? Already pay attention to Guns. You'll see what it means to really be a king, to really play a king. Oh, okay. They say play the king in the man and play the man in the king.

Oh, beautiful. That doesn't make sense, but the confidence he had, he said it, just really spoke to me. I grew weary, full of this life of royal gold. Corb lie me, his too hard to be the king bowed down by responsibility. Let's me cherry up, King if I can. Oh, I do not know if you have within you the mirth that could lift my heart from out the doldrums in which it has found. No, there's mirth in me yet.

I'll have to only express what's inside me. Huh. Now he giggles. me. Ah. Ah, now he giggles. Huh. Thus, my lips rise aloft, where once they were set down, now all it smiles, where once was only frown. The king does smile.

An all shall cry aloud, that Muth was made with his jester and his cloud oh you'll be happy with the gesture as soon as I did tell it but the tragedy will come again as soon as you smell it and see oh you mean about watching a stage with a cloud winky has the most incredible vocal range yeah you know I have to say Winky I know you're sort of the character actor and you yes I guess that means you're renowned for playing all kinds of different roles, but we can play anything I bring myself to every role, but Winky bless you disappears

Don't each performance your day of receiving a tosser is coming my old friend. Oh, I don't do it for the awards. God, I want one You know, I I don't know if this is rude to say I thought it was it was amazing, but winky your your gestures sounded at least a little Similar to your chun Messing it Like, you really? It's like, it's like, it's entirely coincidental. It might be that says more about Chunt than you think. Oh, no. Personally, I don't hear it.

Winky, real quick, why don't you do both voices back to back? And then all can hear the difference. A scene between Chunt and the Gesta? It'll have to be impromptu. Alright, uh, something like this. Corb-ly-me. Alright, uh, something like this. CORE BLYME! His eye... ...chunked the badger.

Ooooo... So, so ardent to my for the sex act I shall rub myself upon this ant hill. Oh, here comes a jester now! Ooooooooh, CORE! BLYME! What's this? A-a-a-a-a-badger making love to ants? Ooh, watch out! They'll think the woodpecker is come.

They don't know woodpecker at all, but it's only me! Yes, it's me! It's me as well! Here we are! Yes, here we are! Together, speaking in unison. I don't get it. I don't quite- I don't- I don't hear it. Is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- is he- in unison. I don't get it. I don't quite, I don't do it. You hear it now, the difference, yes? Oh, no, I mean, I guess so.

There are certain regionalisms your ear may not be a tune to, Arnie. When you've made us as deep a study of the dialects of Foon as we have, you know there's no end to the nuance. How many different dialects can you do? Oh, God. All of them. 7,000. Yes! 7, God. All of them. 7000. Yes! 7000 dialect.

Name one. Name a dialect. How about a Migosian? Migosian? Oh, oh, core! Baby, where am I? Hear it? Oh, my Migosian, alright.

I guess, straight from the Isle of Migos. Yeah, let's do another one. Quick. Make a practice. Don't let me think. Ah, core. Hey, im can't apply me one more one more from the town of scur I And runs car bleep blower get up He's a bear score. That's perfect. Wow. It's simply having a near and paying attention

Well, I am very impressed. You are too very talented gentlemen, and if you are Wearing to take another ten gold pieces for me here. I'm gladly hand them to you And all I ask in return is it is it you take a few notes about your play with Arnold and Shunt Notes notes. Yes, I have some notes. Fick skinned in gunch. Let's take them. Very well for a price. Let's see how much you have to say, New Siddore.

Well, in the scene where they first met Yusiddore, I thought it might be fun. If Yusiddore appeared in a blinding white light, and pure hoping goodness was the feeling that all the audience feltest most beautiful and melodious music that air was created was played. What do you think about that? It's an idea. Okay, what's it, it's a good, hey, there are no bad ideas.

No, not at all. I'll take your blinding white light and raise you a full exesion of Yusador. Yes, for what? What could be more blinding than the lack of seeing him at all? Well, that's very true. Yes, if unseen, my presence would be air ...err, literally, everywhere, and no-erred once? Yes, maybe they're seen, but-but only spoken of. Or not even spoken of.

The only thing better than being in the play is not being in the play. Oh, Oscar Wilde. What? Oh, but, chunt! Yeah. You know, since you sort of paid this money so we could give them notes, is anything that you want them to put in the money so I could give them notes? Oh You can pay them money if you'd like. Yes, 10 gold pieces per note Expensive, you know what? Chunt here. Here's a here's a gold piece But something you want them to put in the play

Not the anniversary. Oh, thank you Here's a gold piece. Could you take out the part where I eat mites out of Arnie's hair? That did happen though. But I don't want people to know what I don't want it spread around town. Oh, anything for you, chunt.

And here's another gold piece. If you would please give Arnie a quick acting lesson. Oh, an acting lesson. We sometimes do workshops. You know, it depends on which way you would work from the inside out to the outside in every every fespian has a different style. Would you say the children of any physical performance?

No, no. Well, I mean, I'm pretty physical. You know, when I, at the beginning of each podcast when I'm explaining that the Wi-Fi came through the dimensional rift, I usually, like, put my hands out and, like, gesture as if the Wi-Fi is coming through the dimensional rift. The psychological gesture.

Yes, there is, there is something notably physical about you that I'm trying to grasp, as it's just the inert, stall it. Yeah. Quality. A monumental, a monolithic a monolithic a loadstone of Quietness and access moondy around which all else moves in a pregnant With potential energy. Yes still Yes, yes, and shut up used to door. Yes. Yes. This is good Then then then then use what you have use what you have honey now close your eyes close door. Yes, yes, this is good. Then use what you have. Use what you have, honey.

Now close your eyes. Close them. Oh, okay. Don't move. All right, done. Now from your stillness will come the performance. You're an assassin. Yes, on your first job.

They're killed before. What you have to, oh, it's desperate circumstances that have brought you to this. You feel the weight of the dagger in your hand. Your second guess in yourself. Is this really what you would do? Are you doing it for the right reasons? Is there any reason to take a life as you are now about to? Oh, but it's too far gone at this point.

Your prey is even within your grasp. Ten feet. Five feet. One foot. And now you open your eyes. At this point your prey is even within your grasp ten feet five feet One foot and now you open your eyes and you speak three words Three words tell your story Core Limey Bagger

Yes, oh without crap that was that came from you Yeah, I got to finish and I thought I was done after cornblime and then I remembered they said three words. Yes, yes, you stuck to the rules. Next time may have you'll break one. Yeah, well, don't forget that our any camp is a loose cannon and a rule breaker. That's what we've heard. Do I need to worry that I'm not gonna like this play? Like, no, I'm sure it'll be brilliant. You seem like a very good playwright and a very talented actor, but like, is this gonna make us look bad? Not going to make me look bad. There is a beauty inherent in the truth that we attempt to bring onto the stage.

If you fear and are repelled by the truth, then you may dislike our plan. And if you hope that it won't reach the board, Zarni, well then you'll have to kill us now. But we will not be kept from the stage. Arne, are you afraid of the truth? Hmm, no, I can handle the truth. I don't know if you can handle the truth. I can! You can't handle the truth!

Oh, I can't handle the truth! You can't handle the truth! I can! Say that again. Wait. You can't handle the truth! No, not that one. Arne, Arne, Ar No, not that one. I can't handle the truth. No, not that one.

I can't handle the truth. I can't handle the truth. I can't handle the truth. No, not that one. I can't handle the truth. No, not that one. I can't handle the truth. No, not that one.

I can't handle the truth. No, not that one. Yes, yes. Can we see this? The whole shower scene? By me. Very well. Yes, I've scribbled some notes. Here's your part, GUNCH. And you win, Kim. WINKING GUNCH! Wait, Michael, did you used to do a show with a woman named Judy? Hmm? Yeah, you're well, yes.

Everyone's familiar with the GUNCH and Judy shows. Yes. But I recognized you. You're fantastic. Oh, yes. I also liked you in Donkey GUNCH, but go ahead and do this scene. This is knockout performance. And Mike Tyson's gunshot.

All right, here we go. Oh. Oh, a moment of quiet is to wash myself in the shower. Here we are in the mystical, wonderful, moist shower right under the shower head fed by the babbling streams of the mountains. The snow-cold water topples over my body. Oh, chilly. Oh, warming now. There's something so comforting and vulnerable about being here in the water. But wait, is that you? CORE! Blimey!

I didn't know if he'd recognize me here as I've shifted into the shape of a sea squid. Ooh, hold here on to your leg muscles, rippling as they are. Slowly make my way on a pilgrimage up your abdominals, holding there to your chest marbles and pulling myself up towards your beard. Oh, Chant, you can't. We can't. Ah, but it feels so right. You're covered in vermin.

Let me nibble them off with my crustacean beak. There's a pestilence on me that no shower could wash away. Only you, Chant, only you. You can't say that. You could really pantomime this. You don't have to act this out, so... Just quite quite. Ah, now crossing your face, removing each might and gulling it up. I find myself at the top, I, the very precipice of the mountain that is you, Arnie.

I shall make myself down and invade you in the back. What? You've met? And see. Wow, oh man, so visceral. So visceral. Do you have scenes like that involving tentacles in your world? Oh yeah, yeah.

It's so funny because I know that Winky was playing me as a squid, but he almost sounded like a Mr. Crab. I thought it was one of the best things I've seen all year and I applaud you and I doff my cap today. I should have known Yusidor's tentacle stuff. Well you know what guys? I started off being excited about a play about me, but I don't know if I'm comfortable giving over my life rights to you guys. Give it your what? Life rights. Yeah, I do understand. I think I want to keep my story for myself and I'm going to say thank you very much, but I don't give you permission to do a play about me. A permission? How, how charming.

And what if we- A natural history of phone Arnold? A real person though, like, you can't just do whatever you want with me, like, don't I have rights in this world? Well, about 500 years ago, there was two gentlemen named D, and they both decided that, uh, anything's fair game. It's a- it was a pair of D's laws. Oh. There's nothing you can do about it now. The artistic process has been begun. Nothing can stop. It's an ex-rebel flow. Yes, in previews, are you? What do you want? Here's 310 coin. Here's 310... Oh, how? You're trying to say 30 coins. Here's... Guys, that's a 10-year-old. Here's a Numbial Bessicoid. Here's 310 coins. Here's 310 coins.

Here's 310 coins. Gunch it out. Guys, I thought that was going to be so smooth. I was going to just give him 310. Yeah, I'm not great at math. Which gunch is something you're going to need to know about me. My study continues. Well, Winky, I keep calling you Gunch,

but is all right if I call you Michael. You feel free. Winky, Gunch, the Gunch, Michael Gunch, Gunch Punch, MG. You know, Michael, I have to say, it seems like you almost always play high status characters and never play status characters. You're always Gunching up, never Gunching down. Yes. characters are always gunching up, never gunching down. Yes, I've worked long and hard to pick only this. I'm always gunching right at my weight class, picking only the uppercuts.

Well, we're almost out of time, but I'd like to read some emails if you guys don't mind. Here's one. If you want to email me, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. It's a really email address. Here's one I got recently. Hi Arnie, Chant and Yucidor. I've been listening to older episodes while waiting for the release of the new ones.

I was wondering, why did you stop reading emails on the podcast? I like the segment where fans got to connect with you about the totally real and magical world of food. Thanks for the podcast. It is truly one of the best things ever created. All the best from a big-time fan, Michael. Oh, Michael, is this from you? I feel Michael. Yeah, I hope not there are other actors Unfortunately, I changed my name, but there is another Michael Gunch in the acting community

He lives in of course the area of Hawaii. He's the Hawaiian Gunch Have you considered changing your name that if someone else is called Michael G, you consider it can't change your name to Michael Keaton? What? What a deculus. Do you know what a Keaton is? Oh my god. No, what's a Keaton? I'm going to draw you a picture right now.

Oh god, disgusting. Oh, for a man. A Keaton is a person who does this. Oh, well, Michael from Earth, if you're looking to speak to mine self or trance or usador, one, you've already succeeded. We've read your email upon the air, but you can also contact me at usador the blue on Twitter. That's true.

And you know, Michael, I guess we didn't read any emails for a couple episodes, but yeah, we still read emails. And we people to email me and magic tavern at puppies that supplies and you can email chunt. What's your email address, chunt? Chunt at gmail.com that's chump with six teas or with 310 with 30 30 3 2s. Just just use the gmail one. Did you get any good emails this week? Uh, yeah, I got an email here. This is from Tom and Orygon. Says, uh, hello, I was wondering, is it really necessary in the intro to tell listeners that this is everything you need to know about the premise? No. Why not just say your name and then start with the premise itself?

About three years ago, I fell through a portal behind Burger King. It might be a little more punchy as well as saving you precious wind. Did he send 10 gold pieces with this note? Oh, that's a good point! We should really set up a monetary note giving system where people can send us notes on the podcast but they have to send us at least 10 gold pieces.

I've been suggesting that for years. They don't even have to send it in the letter they can just put it on the oak tree outside of Hogsface where people leave money. What they hang the Patreon. Oh, that's a Patreon, that oak tree is a Patreon. Yeah, the Patreon. Why don't we do a Patreon? Well, look into it.

I have one more email here. Here's an email that says, are you proud of me, Ernie? I didn't stop at episode five, but now I'm up to date with a podcast and anxiously wait for the next one each week. Billy Yum Yum 2x2 My favorite Earthename. Yeah, I just like this email. Are you proud of me, Ernie?

I am, you know what, Billy Yum Yum 2x2? I am proud of you. That's very nice of you all. It didn't cost me much. I suppose not. I'm proud of you too. But apparently, nobody cares. Because I'm just a blue sack of crap Well, that's an idea. Interesting. You said yeah, yeah, we wouldn't have to spend the money on rice No, thank you, you said all you've proved useful in the last you bag of bird shit You know what you said or don't worry you can't talk to my friend that way guys

And I'm gonna figure out some legal action or hire an assassin or something. I just don't trust you too. I think this is gonna be a hit job, this play. It's gonna make us look like not in a very good light, and I won't stand for it. Guys, I won't stand for you to do a play where you say not nice things or nothing about my friend Yusador the Wizard. Yeah, stop shit talking Yusador. Here's 310 gold. I bid you a do. Yeah. All the shit talking about Yusador should happen from me or shut on the podcast. Yeah. Perhaps we got too close to you and absorbed too much. Yes.

We were too familiar without being truly familiar. Well, consider a usado for the second part of the trilogy. Oh. It's a trilogy? Oh, it must be a trilogy. It must be a trilogy. It must be a trilogy. I love trilogy.

I love trilogy. Oh, core, blind me. I love trilogies. The only thing better than a trilogy of plays would be a trilogy of podcast seasons. What's today's our third anniversary? Oh, yeah. Why that's three ones. We have done it. We've created a trilogy of years, in which you can listen to the great adventures of Arnold and Chant. And of course, Yusudor, who is another twelfth real Mothafesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Lights,

Demour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Turokus, known the Elz as Fiei-Nialek, known to the dwarves as Zonen in Huk-Stinges, and known in the North East as Gassamuinius Mastar, and I say unto thee, though I was very aroused by your shower-scene, I will not stand for this play if it is produced without to be in it Yeah, do that shower scene one more time and then fuck off. Yeah, do that shower scene one more tie What you know what no I have 30 and coins It's just 30 gold pieces 30 just give them the glass hole. It's magical

Oh here's a glass here's a glass hole And this is what I would like to see. How does the play end? Core. Blinding me, Arnie. You really have to leave. I have to. John, I have to. I've put off returning through this portal for so long.

Old friend, we've done so much, experienced so much, felt so much. I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a part to me that wanted to come with you, but... Foon is my home, and there are some places that we all belong. Once the portal closes, there's no going back, buddy. Already, it's your comference grows smaller and smaller. I'll never forget you, Arnie Neacamp. I'll never forget you too, John. I see you, Yusidor. Yeah, peace.

I'm staying on this side of the divide, but I think this is probably the end of the episode. Yeah, I think we'll split here. Anyway, peace out, dude. What a shame to have so narrowly missed the window for Oscar consideration. Well, I suppose Seor's Ronin will sleep all the easier for it. John Tthe Badger was played by Abel Rathai. Usador, the, as your sack, was played by Matt Young. Michael Gunsh and Winky Silks were played by Ross Bryant and Joey Bland, of the improvised Shakespeare company, appearing in Los Angeles at Largo on March 12th and 13th.

This is Joey's first appearance on Hello from the Magic Tavern, and as you may have seen from his particular brand of explain-utainment, there's hardly time to laugh when you're learning so much. Both Joey and Ross also perform with Baby Once Candy, Fridays at UCB Sunset. So Trisha, that's the gist of the podcast. I use made-up names so listeners think people from other dimensions are Earth Improvisers. Okay, the name Joey Bland is pretty implausible. I'm sure we could workshop that and come up with something better. Yeah, maybe, but Joey fun facts about the Jazz Age was taken.

I'm just excited to learn and help in any way that I can. Yeah, so you've said every time. Well, I'm off to file down a bit of exoskeleton. Trisha, how about you stay here and observe while Craig finishes up the credits? It would be an honor. Hello from The Magic Davern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Rion DeGeorgi, and Avenger Cover. This episode added it... Is that the doorbell again?

Shit. I saw some credits to do. Um, maybe let's not answer it. I don't know, just brainstorming. No one ever comes up here. Today of all days, our third anniversary. Craig, don't answer the door. Uh, excuse me, the door was unlocked, so I just let myself in.

Oh, hey, Trisha. What? Shit. Hi, I'm Trisha. I'm here about the internship. Two Trish's at once. Of the position has already been filled, Trisha, I'm here about the internship. Two Trish's at once. Of the position has already been filled Trisha 8051, please leave now. You look really familiar. Where do I know you from?

Get out of here Trisha. Go! Well, this doesn't seem like a very healthy work environment. I'm very confused. I'm not Trisha 8051. I'm Trisha 8050. Do I not escaped in a space pod? Or one of the ones? It did, that. I wandered around space very angry and supremely lost, and then I thought, no, not this time. I'm not running away from this.

It's time for Trisha to be proactive. So I'm going to pretend to be the new Trisha Craig, and you're going to help me. Oh, I don't know. I mean, what can I do? I'm trapped here. We're gonna find out exactly what's going on here with all these dimensions. We're gonna unlock the secrets of this space bunker, figure out who this mysterious asshole really is, make sure everybody everywhere finds out, and then we're gonna kill him. I already killed him before. Yeah, but this time, like, I'm gonna figure out actually how to kill him kill him, like, so that he stays dead.

And then we'll, like, I don't know, block the space bunker, whatever seems big and dramatic. And we'll figure it out later. Are you with me, Craig? Could I get back to Chicago? You're not from Chicago, Craig, but yeah, sure, whatever. What's that noise? Oh, that's the alarm that says we're running way too long. Where was I? This episode edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, additional

audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thank you so much to everyone on Reddit and Twitter who's rallying together to clean up our official wiki at magictavern.wiki.com. I wanted to thank a bunch of you individually, but this outro got suddenly plot heavy, so I'm gonna do that next week. Thanks for the Chicago podcast co-op, and thanks to Earwool. Hey, hey everybody. Robot Arnie, we're already running long and also I think a coup is starting. I'm not a robot. Everyone keeps saying that but I've been programmed to believe differently. Anyway, it's a three year anniversary show so I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to real quick or at least as quickly as I'm capable of.

Thank a bunch of people. Express my sincere appreciation from the bottom of my not robot heart. Okay, fine, go for it. Express my sincere appreciation from the bottom of my not-robot heart. Okay, fine, go for it. A lot of people put a lot of work into making this dumb dumb podcast happen every week. Ryan, Garrett, Chris, Evan, and of course Matt Nattle and Tim, whose name never gets said, but is brilliant and terrifying. It's a labor of love.

And of course so many people at Earwolf and Midrall, like Josh and Lex at Colin, just to name a few. The show would probably never have existed in the first place without the support of the Carzagin's Humanity and the Chicago Podcast go up checkout, jagopodcastcoop.com, for a lot of other great Chicago podcasts. Thank you to everyone that has tweeted at us or emailed us or sent us a weird package

or drawn some staggeringly amazing or terrible piece of fan art. Think of people that post on our Facebook page or talk about us on Reddit or post something on Instagram or whisper your enthusiasm for the show into a peanut and throw it into the sky and close your eyes and pretend you didn't hear the sound of it hitting the ground. Thank you to the people who care about this show and care about food as much as we do and thank you to the people who just put up with it. And especially thank you to the people that are on the fence and feel like they just need a little something more to stick with it. Like a thank you. Thank you to those people. Thank you so much to our awesome, awesome guests, so many of you which deserve to come back far more frequently than you do. And thank you to the famous people that we have somehow talked into being on our show. And thank you so so much to everyone that has in any way big or small help spread the word about this very weird and hard to describe podcast. You're the reason we still exist. I mean, literally exist. At all, at all.

We should probably mention it a lot more often, like make it an action plan or something, but people telling other people about the podcast were posting something online, or sharing some fan art, or participating in a web form is the 99.9% vast majority of how anyone finds out about this show. And finally thank you to my wife and daughter who I love very much and who brings so much happiness to my life. And who put up with this dumb show that sometimes takes me away from them. I've said it before, but with each passing day with them, I feel more and more sorry

for the irony of the show and all the magic that he's missing. Okay, it's starting to sound like the show is ending and it is not. We've got way too much stuff to accomplish to stop now. We've got to defeat the Void, find the secrets of the tavern, stop the Dark Lord, save Hogs face, save all of Foon, finish recording season 2 of offices and bosses. Figure out what happens when two shape shifters have sex with each other as so, so many emails have asked. Get me back to my rightful place on Earth with my family, and we're going to be proactive about it.

This is going to be a big year, continue to pester your friends and strangers online about it. We don't make nearly enough money on this podcast to license music, but after this is over, maybe put on like the zombies this is our year. And think this is the perfect capper to this very special episode. Okay, I'm gonna stop making this very long episode very very more long. Take it away Ryan! Hi, it's not my name. Craig? Yes, it's Craig. Oh, you're asking if... Okay, I'm in. I'm in. I'll help you. We can do this, Craig. But you have to promise me you'll get me to Chicago.

Okay, there's no such place as Chicago, Craig.