Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 5 - Jayme and Sayme

Episode Date: April 17, 2017

The Baron stops by with his odd twin children Jayme and Sayme.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBaron Ragoon: Chris RathjenJayme: Gretchen EngSayme: Brad PikeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Greetings, citizens of Earth. You're about to experience what may at first appear to be definitive proof of one of a myriad of parallel dimensions beyond your own. Believe me, the truth is so much more of a boner killer. It's just denizens of your own race engaging in semi-coherent shadow play for their own amusement. So sit back, put away all curiosity in the multiverse, and enjoy this week's episode of Live from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host, Arne and E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this was going on.

About two years and a month, two months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune, two months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon, which is awesome, except that the dark lord of this world attacked the town that I'm in and slaved us, took me and my co-hosts captive and are forcing us to continue to do this podcast that we record in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur,

in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, bum a buddy, chunt the badger. Did you know that Obsidian is an igneous rock? I didn't. It's created when lava quickly cools. Hmm. Hmm. Without crystallization.

Also, there's Micah, which is like a sheet mineral, and you can kind of peel back the layers. Huh. I went to high school with a kid named Micah. That's why we're best friends. That's why we're best friends. GNSA smuggled me in a rock book. Oh wow, why?

So I've been learning all about rocks. You've been learning all about rocks. And it's that knowledge of rocks that's gonna help us somehow break out of the prison town of Hogs face. Oh, I just wanted to break out of the routine of saying of courts. Of course.

You've been saying that for a week nonstop. You know how you like grow up thinking and expression as one way and it's not the other? I always thought it was of courts. Apparently it's of course. I always thought it was straightened arrow and then I learned the other day, it's straight and narrow.

Wow. I guess it all means the same. Captivating. Chant, let's kill ourselves. Yeah, yeah. I always thought it was six of one half a grusson of a brother half a grusson of a brother. That makes sense. It does. Do you know grusson the half man?

Oh, I don't. Yeah, he's got nothing from the waist down. He walks around on his arms. Oh, I've seen that guy. I know him. Half a grusson. Half a grusson. Oh, and he has that brother. Yeah. Turns out that's not the same though. Just a point to use it or let's kill ourselves. No. Guys, look, I know it's weird to be hell-captive, but we've got to stay positive.

We've got the podcast. We can find little ways to fight back and eventually escape hogs face and defeat the Dark Lord. Yeah, we'll kill him by a thousand paper cuts. Yeah. Metaphorically speaking, why would I choose to kill myself when I'm already dying slowly for the ends? Oh, you should, well I'm sorry podcast listeners,

I haven't introduced my other co-host, you should or the wizard, you've been, they've been forcing you to take a, mm-hmm. His eyes are still open, he's, I'm awake. No, I'm awake. No, I'm awake. John, I hate that. John, can I talk to you privately for a second?

Yes, go have a private talk. Do we have to talk over this stuff? I think we might. That's kind of what I want to talk about. John, you know I love you, Sador. I think he's the third most important part of this podcast. No question. Sorry, I've just a little thrown when you added the sadore.

Oh! Also, I love you, buddy. Oh, thank you. I love you, you are. You are the second most important part of this podcast. And also, my best friend in this world. You're my best friend. Yeah.

In all worlds. In all worlds? Yeah. I don't know any other worlds. Oh, yeah. Would you want to talk about? Oh, do you forget? No, I'm just thinking about all my friends back home.

Name some of them. Oh, well, I knew this guy Adal in my world who was a good friend of mine. I would say he was a... Adal? It sounds like a fake name. Well, his real name is Adal. It's actually Adal.

It's like you're making up names on the spot like Micah. When I said there's a rock called Micah and you go, I knew him Micah. Yeah. Adal? Are you just thinking of the word adult, both out of T on the end? No, I was not thinking he's an adult. Far from it.

Who else? I knew this guy named Matt. Two. I knew this guy named Chris. Three. You know what, I don't have enough female friends. Three friends. Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, is that a friend? Jesus Christ. Four. Yeah, he's a friend of mine. But, John, I wanted to talk to you about, you source great, but maybe we should consider cutting him out He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy.

He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy.

He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy.

He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. Maybe I don't know. I mean, getting nuts is going really well, and I don't wanna make any waves with him in terms of, I don't wanna ruin that relationship. Sure. Cause that's how you make a living. Do you think maybe his main focus is getting nuts and he'd be fine with not doing hello from the magic tavern? Possibly, but that's not a conversation

I wanna have with him. But also if it's just Arnie and Chuck, like, I mean, that sounds great. It's a lot of jokes, but it's not a lot of heart and depth. But, isn't it? Don't you? I'm completely awake right now. Oh, you're completely awake.

You said, or, hey bud, oh boy, he is staring me down. He has never seen so awake in his life. You said, or, how you doing, bud? This is the time that I tell you what I really think, because I'm asleep and I don't know what I'm doing. Oh no, he's sleep talking. You can't stop by sleep talker from talking. Oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey always getting nuts. Great job buddy. I want to chew on this for a little bit. Susty. Well, John, I just think I hate that every time he eats now he just whispers

sustenance. I feel like that is the most annoying thing someone can do. That's true. It's like he's got so little energy and yet what little energy he has he spends some of it on talking about how little energy. Yeah. Or sometimes he'll make the noise that that should be made with his mouth. So like he'll eat soup and go slurp. And then he'll just eat that. Or he'll even say swallow. Well, you know what, I walked by his cell the other day.

I think he was going to the bathroom. I just heard him whispering evacuation. Oh, no. Getting the waste products out of my body. That was delicious. So you want you to are off the podcast? Let's just keep it nothing nothing bud. You want me off the podcast? Look you said I don't want you off the podcast, but just in your current state you're just snoring a lot during the podcast

Fine enjoy the rest of the show without me. No you said or no. I mean No, to be You said or no. I mean, to be fair, he only did it like three times in two episodes. Yeah, but you know what? Three strikes in your out. I feel like we're gonna regret this. Oh, look. Last time when he was dead, nobody missed him.

We didn't get any emails about that. You know what? I had a curse where I was gonna die. You said or did die. I feel like it's time for you to take a break. I'm ready. I am ready. You know, I could like it's time for you to take a break. I'm ready. I am ready. You know, I could go up to my room and just take a nap.

Okay. Would you mind running the podcast without me? I'd love to. Okay. I'll see you later. Bye-bye. Oh boy. Cool, it worked. That's used to do or?

That's jumped. And we're getting nuts. At the Magic Tavern. Cross-over episode. Finally. A crossover episode. Do you know how many new listeners we can potentially rake in for Magic Tavern?

Yes. The nuts has billions of listeners. I know, but we're going to cross-pollinate. Wonderful. So I just found a peanut on the table and I ate it. Nice. I chewed the whole thing. table and I ate it. Nice. I chewed the whole thing, I masticated it,

and I swallowed it, and it was crunchy, crunchy, crunchy. I heard you say all those things. Mm-hmm. I found a pine nut. Oh. I didn't eat it though, I flipped it away. I don't know that that's technically a nut. Really?

Mm-hmm. This has been getting nuts. Good nuts. Nuts up with that. Ooh, that's something I'm supposed to do. Oh yeah, like that. N has been getting nuts. Good nuts. Nuts up with that? Ooh, that's something I got from a shot. Oh yeah, like that. Nuts up with that. So I take my phrase, chants up with that, add a nut to it, and now it's nuts up with that.

We should bring out our magic taffin guest. Oh, where's the earth man? Hello, Baron. He's probably having a snack. We need the earthman here. Oh. Oh, wait, is this a getting nut, or is this a hello from our man? It's actually a bit of a crossover episode. If we're being honest, it's a bit of a crossover.

Well, if we could get the Earthman here, that would be great. That's Ysador. That's Chant. And we're getting the Earthman. I'll go get him. So, what does a baron do? Well, I mean lots of things. I rule over my baronny, the Shrek Valley, but you know, that's just one of my many duties. Does anybody ever accidentally call you Karen?

Just because the sounds are so similar? I don't you know that's hard for me to say because my deceased wife was named Karen so I guess maybe sometimes somebody may be all sorry Karen yeah I was like oh they're just talking to my wife if you were to see me would you be a baritone? I am a baritone. If there's an afterlife what do you want to hear whatever entity is out there say to you when you arrive at the gates? Well I do know there's an afterlife. What do you wanna hear whatever entity is out there say to you when you arrive at the gates? Well, I do know there's an afterlife because the Dark Lord has constructed one, especially for me.

Is the Dark Lord here in the room? Can we talk to the Dark Lord? Well, I mean, I feel like the Dark Lord is always with us. What's your favorite curse word? Oh, that would be a cut knuckle. Whoa, what the fuck is going on here? See it worked. I'm trying to conduct an interview.

Yes. I was interviewing the Baron, and I was doing amazing. Honey and I tricked you. See, now you know it's not so easy. Yeah, I thought that was super easy and informative. I feel like we got to know the Baron better than ever before. I was gone for one minute, and I come back and someone's saying, see knuckle?

Oh, no, cut knuckle. Oh, cut knuckle, sorry. I thought you said see knuckle. Of course, of course. Uh, hello, I was just dropping by and making sure that everything was going all right with the podcast. Yeah, I know, Baron, I'm sorry.

I'm forced to do the podcast, so I'm sorry I tried to get away from doing it for a little bit. I can get back into hosting, I can interview you. Oh, I mean, do you not have a guess today? No, I mean, I haven't put a lot of effort into getting guests anymore. You know who you should interview is a werewolf? I feel like they're very hard to read.

I'd love to know what's going on there. I feel like it's not so hard to read a werewolf because a lot of times like when I used to go down to the village, I'd put my head down and then I'd wake up and someone would be dead. And I feel like that person's been real quiet or like I heard them moving in the middle be dead. And I feel like that person's been real quiet, or like I heard them moving in the middle of the night, and I feel like that person's a werewolf. So you can spot one.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. So wait, are you saying it's hard to read a werewolf, like no, who a werewolf is, or read a werewolf, like how does this werewolf thinking? Well, the second one, like it's hard to know who a werewolf is. You know, I feel like you see a werewolf and you're just like, I think he's thinking about ripping people apart and killing people.

I'm sure that's offensive. But is that for one night or something? You know, it's an ultimate werewolf. And that's just while the moon's out, think about the rest of the 30 days of his life, what is he thinking then, or she or it? Yeah, that's true. But aren't you less interested in that part?

That's just like, what is that person thinking? What if the werewolf is a fish? Oh, oh boy. What if it's a fish and then one night a month that turns into a wolf? Did you even think about that? I did not. You didn't think about fishwools? No.

What do you do with your time? Now it's like try not to think about fishwools. You can't. It's all I'm thinking about now. Baron, be our guest. Oh, uh, yeah, sure. Be our guest. I guess I can yeah, sure. Be our guest. I guess I can put our interview skills to the test.

I'm really supposed to be checking in on everything in the town, but yes, I can set aside an hour or however long this takes. We try to keep it to 30 minutes, but you know what, with the sponsors and all this stuff, it starts to get close. Actually though, I do have some people shadowing me today. Daddy, daddy! Daddy!

Oh! We're hiding behind his legs. Oh, that's so creepy! They're so creepy! They're a little creepy! Hello, some chairs, children. Hey, daddy, hold my hand. Daddy, hold your hand.

Let me hold your hand. I was holding syrup in my hand. My hands are all sticky. Oh, my hand is all sticky. I was holding my heart daddy your hands are covered You're going to have to go wash there. I've got breakfast hands again. All right. Oh Bear and breakfast. They're all there and breakfast. All right everyone sit down Try talk to these people. I'm going to go

Yeah, lick your hands. Please don't let them do it. He asked me that all the time too. It's a weird Oh, cleanliness No, at least he didn't say what he was doing these are my my children This is my daughter Jamie Jamie Hi Jamie. Hi Jamie. Hello. And I'm Sammy. Oh, I'm Sammy. Wow, what of you was named first?

The other one was an apathythus. Yes, it goes boy girl, boy girl and our family so. Wow. Our brother was born first and then we came out later, but I came out after. It took a long time to come out. I liked it in there. I wanted to stay. You two talk like everything's a secret.

And you're also very skeletal. We have many secrets between the two of us. We often speak the same language, and it's not human. Wait. I'm talking about that. Travis. We often speak the same language and it's not human. Wait! I'm talking about that! Travis! You said or? John, do you recognize the language that they're talking?

Is it like some other common language? It sounds kind of like Jawah? Jawah! Yeah. When you speak mostly by moving your jaw, at angles, it's jaw angular, it's the full name, but you can call it Jawah. Oh. It sounds like some horseshit eyed me again

Oh say me say me you have a berry behind your ear. I don't eat it Oh, I kept it there in case you needed a berry Thank you. I'm always I'm always eating food off of say me To say me and like just a lot of food on Yes. I don't know where he swirls it away. Late at night I make a little banquet on my chest. And I eat it up. Eat. Daddy doesn't like it though.

Uh, it's very unclean. And also, we do try to, you know, put together healthy meals for the kids. Plates are so cold. Daddy, Daddy, mommy always lets's do whatever we want at night I know your mother let you do whatever you want. She did I'm sorry, and I never heard. What was your wife's name? I just said a moment ago It's Karen. Oh, I got that out of him in a 30-second interview and he's been on what six times five times

Yeah, oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know. So Karen, it's so funny, did you and your wife, the people ever get you guys confused because your name is Baron and her name is Karen? I already covered this. We covered this? Yes. Ha, could work. Now Jamie and Sammy, I can't help but notice that you seem to be looking for food all over Sammy. Yes.

Did you find anything else yet? Not yet, but he's got many secret places that only I know about. You must not be very ticklish, Sammy. Ehh! Well, you can't tickle me because I have a congenital disease that makes it so my skin comes off really easily. He's got more blood than most people so... I produce too much blood. He's a very well-blooded boy. Too little skin. Slightly less skin than everybody, but it's cold. Brownies.

Hey, little man, little man. If you have that disease, should you be putting syrup on your hand? No, I don't. I don't do what the doctor tells me to do. We like to break rules. This guy's a little pantry, a little walk in pantry. He's sometimes late at night. I sneak out.

I'm not going to be able to do anything. I'm not the doctor tells me to do. We like to break rules. This guy's a little pantry, a little walking pantry. He's sometimes, sometimes. Late at night, I sneak into Daddy's room while he's sleeping. Mm-hmm. And I get real close to his ear, and I say, I'm gonna put a baby in you. What? What's this look?

Wait, wait, what? No, he does, he does do that. I actually, have you ever woken up with a baby in you? What is that? What? No, he does do that. I actually... Have you ever woken up with a baby, inn you? No, but I did spend six months convinced the dark lord was about to put a baby in me. We sometimes sneak up to daddy and say, we have a message, we're important.

We're important today, daddy. We have a message from the dark lord, and then we tell him whatever we want and he has to Believe it. I mean they've really gotten me sometimes because sometimes children are great portans especially like the more childlike Their voice the better way to deliver a message. You can say the darned is portans. I've noticed that you are obviously both of age At least 18 but you speak with a very childish demeanor. We might be what you might call standard, because we've only lived in the castle on our lives.

We don't have a formal education. So you've always lived in the castle? Yes. I was, they tried to send me to school, but I got kicked out. We keep getting kicked out of any programs that daddy signs us up for because we tend to keep to ourselves. They're just not meant for group environments.

So, you know, at a certain point, it's time to pull them out and burn down the school. Well, I'd say at a certain point it's time for them to stop wearing matching overalls. No! No! We like that. That's so creepy. We have matching overalls in a whole tans. Wherever we go.

Do you have any friends other than one another? Squibbert. Oh, we love it. We love to pick up squibbert and put her in a little bag. And swing the bag around. And she screams and screams She screams and sometimes if we do it enough, we'll make her tell us an episode of Death Nuts Oh, are you guys are fans of Death Nuts?

She absorbs episodes and she can recite them The Batum The Batum You know, I've actually wondered about this. How many people do you think that our fans have get nuts are mostly really just fans of the ways that squibbert retells it? Squibbert also is a fan of many other podcasts. Oh really? There's a podcast called Steinfeld Steinfeld

Yes, it's about it's about all the different signs you can use It's happened. I listen to it. It's like it's it's about nothing use. It's happened which you think out of this. It's about nothing guys. No, it seems to be about styles. That's like a weird framework, but it's like really about nothing. I was listening to serial for a while. I think Adnan did it. It's a Describant Gets Serial.

She gets porridge. What's porridge? I mean, I know what porridge is, but is that also the name of a show? porridge is about a boy who definitely for sure murdered somebody at his school and it's just sort of explaining that he did it for sure. Oh, one person. That sounds really good. I encourage them to listen to that one. That's a good one.

He likes to keep us distracted because when we're listening to podcasts, we can't cause me stupid way him around Yeah, actually I actually have a question for chunt So you think that at a certain age it would be weird for two people to wear matching overalls Yeah, I just said that okay. I cover that already. Hey, I know I just are you just anti-overall? Well, I'm not anti overall Because you know it's a practical or knows that she's done enough for this community Do you not know anti overall?

Who's anti overall? She's a woman. She's maybe 45 46. She usually sits on her porch In overalls and she needs anybody who needs fat. Oh, that's so nice. There's also a little orphan anti Little orphanage. She's an aunt, but she's real tiny and she defeats anybody who needs fat. Oh, that's so nice. There's also a little orphan ante. Little orphan ante. She's an aunt, but she's real tiny and she's an orphan. Oh, yeah, that's certain age. She's got to give up that whole orphan thing, probably. You don't grow out of being an orphan. There are quite a few orphans and bastards in our land

because the woodland creatures, sometimes spirits, children away, parents away, and sometimes daddy and this young man and women for his army was forces of darkness and he rips families apart when he does it. Sometimes laterally. Sometimes laterally. Now you two say you cause a lot of mischief

around the castle. What kind of mischief do you mean? Oh, late at night, I sneak into Daddy's room, and I take a tiny pebble of poop. That's a great word. And every night I put in another pebble and another and put this poop is white so it doesn't show up, it doesn't show up So he's been sleeping on just a soft pillow of my poop

But it's hidden inside the pillow This one might as well be so informative I must ask the two of you, Jamie, Sammy, you clearly are against the forces of darkness Will you join my quest? Oh yes, he is the key to me. We love to do good in little ways. Okay, all right. Father Daddy. Why it is the holy book that's there to read.

The holy book of the mother. Oh, okay. The holy book of the mother. Every family needs a mother and a father and the dog Lord is the father of Phoon, but... Yep, Oon, who makes the breakfast pancakes, she's the holy mother, and she is merciful and court, and Daddy doesn't like it.

Well, I, uh, yes, we've... You've stumbled on a little bit of family drama here. Look. Look inside the book, I've do-do-do-t-little naked photos of Jamie. He's do-do-do-t naked photos. But yes, I have to admit, when I was off building up Shrike, forging fellow alliances, building up the army, I was not as present of a father as I maybe should have been back at Castle Regune and they have picked up some odd interests. A part of them coming out here today is sort of to put an end to that, you know, we're touring the Ork Barriaks. It's boring. It's boring. We want to

stand in a dark forest and just look. I just want to come and just play hands with Sammy. What's hands? Oh, it's just a game they play. It's just a game we play. It's called, where are my hands? Where are my hands? And you close your eyes. And you guess where the hands are gone?

Huh. Who's your own? No. Oh. Well sometimes. We should probably take a break. At last count the score was a thousand to a thousand. Wow.

It gets very cold in the castle sometimes. And you know, we are so warm. We are so warm. So we like to get... Oh, no, a break. I think I'm gonna be fine Are we sure that it was syrup? A break? A break? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yes, let's take a break Let's... Can we play hands on the break?

Uh, you guys? Yes, yes! We have my hands! Daddy, we have my hands! We're gonna keep everybody put your hands on the table We're gonna take a quick break on the table. We're gonna take a quick break. So Baron, I don't mean to pry, but obviously this is a podcast where I interview people.

Right, your knowledge won't do you any good. Oh, well, okay. I kind of took the wind out of my nose. Is that too heavy? A little bit. You're like winded from starting to ask a question. This is a new low. You're sweating profusely.

I am, well, I'm sorry. You know, I went all the way up to my room earlier and got dragged back down here. I mean, that is a new low. You're sweating profusely. I am, well, I'm sorry. I went all the way up to my room earlier and got dragged back down here. I mean, that's a lot of, oh, he's a chunt. Seriously, think about getting rid of Yusuddark. I don't think, last time you touched me, I can hear everything you're saying.

Oh, the fuck, that's really shit. I'm not mess with this formula. You've got the three signals, three voices going through the void to the world. I don't want any changes on that front. All right, fine. If that makes it easier for you to study the podcast. Okay, here's what I'll say.

No more entrances and exits, okay? And you should or noises off. All right, fine. No more noises. So, Baron, it seems like you're a little... I don't want to say disappointed, but it seems like there's some real tension in this family. Exasperated. Exasperated. Exasperated.

Yeah, I'm sure it's hard to be a parent. It's got to be hard to be a parent. Yeah, well, I mean, so I love Jamie and Sammy very much. Just like I love all of my children. How many kids do you have? Oh, 11 at this count. Okay. So many of those are bastards, right?

Uh, yes, all but four. Yes. Obviously, I haven't seen my first born in very long time, so Jamie and Sammy are really where I did most of my credit. Daddy, daddy, daddy, Sammy couldn't go to the bathroom even though you told him he should go before we leave. So, what does he have to go now? I have to go right now.

He couldn't go a couple minutes ago. Well, can you go, you can go now though? Yeah, there's a chamber pot Oh, thank you just go. Yeah, so I mean they got my father wasn't around when I was there. Oh Oh, it's true pure white Why is he pooping out of his mouth? It's just you know, he picks up little idiosyncrasy That was a good one that was a good one. That was a good one. It's not of the brownies. I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm sorry. Oh, don't make fun of me. No, no, I don't want to. You'd like the boys of that school.

Sammy, come here. Let me kiss your tears. We burnt down the school. It's all right. He doesn't cry from there. Pardon? No. Bear and don't look over there. Oh, yes, all right. Let me just address this directly to you. Sure. So the children were not as involved in the work of being a nobleman, and especially not a nobleman

in service of the Dark Lord. So we're kind of playing catch up now. We're going around To the towns we're trying to get them involved kind of drop some of the stranger Interest and hobbies they have picked up they do seem to have some strange interest in hobbies I didn't want to say it's weird to say that is no follow their front there They also also tomato vinegar salt water catch up. I wanted to play catch up tomato, vinegar, salt, water, ketchup. I wanted to play ketchup.

Hey, or ketchup. Not good out of the park. That's the first one of your games I understood. But yes, so now, let's see, we've been on the road eating a lot of horse hearts. During evil is boring. It's so boring. We don't want to do evil.

I want to be a jester. I hate jester. I hate you. Yes, a jester. No one, you're a noble. I would just use work sores. Comedy, Jess. Yes, so this is... Can we hear something in so much as you want?

We are planning a charitable event for the bastard in orphans of Shrike. That is wonderful. It's called Green and Baron It and it will be held in the castle courtyard, and Sammy is going to be the headliner for the event. People say I'm very funny without being hurtful. Oh, that's gross. Yes, but you're an insult just like that.

Yes, but I'm an insult just like that. Can you insult just Arnie? Or do you have any classic insult just aren't you? Do you have any any classic insult just on me? You You are like if my dead mommy's corns on her feet were person Oh, and chants I haven't seen that much hair since I walked in on on my dead mommy getting out of the shower Because she doesn't she doesn't didn't, she didn't shave. I gotta be honest, I thought those were pretty funny and my feelings did not hurt.

I feel like mostly it centered around their dead mouth. Yeah, I think that really takes the sting out because at first you're like, oh no, they're like, you really start thinking about how hard it is, probably. It's kind of self-deprecating. The best comedy comes from real life. Oh, sure.

It was a Usidor. Sure. If you do magic so well, why don't you bring back my dead mommy from the dead, bring her back, please? Also, you old. You old. You so old. You so old.

How old is he? He's so old that he remembers when rocks were born. Oh, I've seen many rock bursts. Can I give a shot? Sammy, your mom is so dead. Oh, that seems not nice. Oh, no. Oh, no.

No, I thought I was just standing down. Oh, gosh. It'd be too much. Oh, no. Yes, why don't you even know? Is that I haven't seen a lot of gestures. They're not really welcome in track as a rule, but obviously I can't do anything if my son becomes one.

But is that good? Is that any good? It's not. It had a lot of rules. It had a lot of rules. Yeah. It wasn't like laugh out loud funny. I think pointing out that I'm old is, you know, is a bit on the head, but, you know know also I can't bring your mother back from the dead because that's neck or mancy

And that is an evil act and you would only be able to do that sort of magic from the dark Lord or one of his You know on the plus side though like he has his own point of view right like it's is not really Derivative of other gestures. I'm imagining he. He's obsessed with the death of his own mother and that's kind of the thing he's working on. Yeah, he has a port in view. He's working towards something. I think it's gonna get better over time. No one has lived our truth except for us.

It's very true. That just seems like gibberish to me. Well, you know what? Sometimes, fathers don't understand. When a son is trying to make something happen with comedy. Maybe, um, say me if you wanna, I don't know, maybe coax out of you some sort of like catchphrase or line of like, you know, here's your dead mom or like you might be a dead mom.

Something like that. Or get her dead. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that. Because when you say it, it's hurtful, but when I say it, it's funny. It's very funny. You know what the brilliant thing about that is? You don't have to worry about joke thieves. You don't have to worry about some other gestures stealing your jokes because they'll be like, oh no, you can't say that. Only say me can say that.

Now granted, chunt can't say that. But it does make a good point. Is there some way you could be more concise, maybe say something more like a catchphrase. Yeah, sort of wrap it up in a nice little package for your audience. For instance, sometimes when I make jokes at my cards expense in my cell, at the end of it, I'll go ship shoved just to remind them of a shape shifter and kind of drive home the punchline. Also, you said it makes a really good point. As he knows, a catchphrase should never be more than 30 to 40 words long.

I keep it tight. It should be able to fit on a shirt. Okay, let me think. How about trichrises, huh? That's a good one. No! No! No!

Maybe there's something about the bro in brownies. Maybe that's relatable. How about I miss my mom? Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I heard someone that say I miss my mom. I miss my mom. It's true, it's not me.

We wish Daddy would get married again, so we'd have a mommy. You know kids, I'm working on it, but there's so much going on. We've taken over Hog's face. We're taking over Skur next week. I mean, that's gonna be a bunch of work. We're gonna have to like kill the town council. What about the buzzards?

Are you gonna kill the Middens team? Oh, my favorite Middens team. Well, we don't want to, I mean, we're evil, but we don't want to interrupt anyone. Are you gonna become the Baron of Skur? Oh, no, no, no. This is a Dark Lord thing. Because I was going to be like, pardon me, are you don't Baron of Skur, sir?

And I don't know. No, I remain the Dark Lord's obedience, sir. Good, good, good. Jamie, do you have any desire to be a performer as well? My aspirations are more religious, I suppose, like the all-giving mother that gives us life and pancakes of oom. One day, I hope to give birth to lots and lots of lovely children and rule over my portion of the barony with mercy and kindness with my brother at my side and the mother giving us life and pancakes forever and ever. Have you thought about making that a little more succinct sort of the same? No, they gave the same. Maybe it's like strike rises? No. No. Stop pushing strike rises.

Maybe something like Mama's so dead. I was thinking something along the lines of, man, that wound is great. And a stack of pancakes. Oh, that's good. And a stack of pancakes didn't end of everything. Ah. Something to think about, you, aren't it?

Maybe something about playing breakfast with your hands. Playing breakfast with your hands? OK, yeah. By the way, I think we all lost that game of hands we played during the break. Yeah, that really, we were putting some in the game. I don't think there are any winners in that game. Say me one. I won.

Twice. Oh, I feel like we, that game. Twice! That is a weak man. No, one time I saw Daddy slip on some marbles and fall down. That happens. Strong people slip on marbles.

No children. And he started crying You are a weak man Lord has made me strong. I rule over everything We put moples everywhere look samey. It's it's a thing that always happens You know when your child you think your father's invincible, but you all remember the first time you see your father cry for Maving slipped out a bunch of marbles when you were a child your father was not invincible, but now through the power of the dark lord I am Stop doing that. That's not even a response. You know you don't have anything to say

Was that Jamie or you? Do it on my face. Do it on my face That's not it. I'm not getting it on that. Anyway, if you guys could buy some tickets to their fundraiser. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, it's called grin and bear in it. Grin and bear in it.

Now remember the deal was, as many tickets as you buy, that's how many orphans you have to create. That was the trade off. No. Oh, I don't have any gold or gems in myself, but I have this plum that's been in my thumb for a couple of weeks. He dug it out of a pie. Is that give me a ticket?

If you hide it somewhere on say me. No, well pass. Well, Baron, I'm not sure if I should say it's been a pleasure. I mean, you kind of can come and barge in on the podcast whenever you want. And that's not an invitation. I'm just a statement of a fact of what I understand of our circumstance. I understand.

Yes, that's correct. Yeah. And you know, Jamie and Sammy, it's been very nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Do you want the keys to all the doors? Yes, I do. The keys to all the doors. Nope, that would be amazing.

Yes, please. You have to, that is yours. You have to give that best for me. You have to know Daddy's secret tickles pants. Uh, that less. Quiet. It might be useful. I'd rather have these. Yeah. Plants of bad times. Please, I'll give me a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of We've shoved. Try cries as yeah this guy knows what I'm talking about. I miss my mom.

It doesn't work like you said it was. Look we've all. Oh now that you said it I miss your mom. Oh. You know what I'm saying. You said it. Corpse we could reanimate. I love you daddy.

I miss my mom. Hold my hand. Hold up. Hold both our hands. It's wishy plow. It's wishy plow. It's wishy plow. My wishy plow with the mask on. He's wishy plow with the mask on.

My name is Honey. Oh, you got me. But Lisa wasn't his white feces. You know, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies that supplies. It's a real email address. Quincenely, I have one about the Baron. Hi Arnie, Chant Yusador, and whatever guest you have this week.

Yeah, happens to be the Baron. Say hello children. Have you noticed that Baron Ragon has a really sexy voice? It's like a back rub, a foot rub, and a bucket of rollos all at the same time. I know he's evil, but damn son Madeline from Iowa. I feel like that last part is really the clue to unlocking this whole email. Madeline from Iowa. It's very rude. It's very rude.

Daddy likes to read the list of people he's killed as a bedtime story. Oh wow, Baron, would you mind reading the list of the people you've killed? Oh, well, I mean, today, oh boy. And they're all very long complicated silly names. Yes. The first and last names rhyme of every person he has.

Do you intentionally target people who have long silly names? You know, it's for some last names, right? It's honestly just a kind of work sound that way. It's the strangest thing. That's the weirdest thing. It's sort of like, I don't think I only date Brunette's, but now that I look back on it, I guess I have a thing. Well, Barric von Jerrick Erich Derrickson was a petter.

I was grabbing some booze, what was the name? Barric von Derrick Erich Derrickson, I believe is what he said as he was dying, was a peddler who failed to tip his hat to myself and my children. Is there a runner away here? Oh, I'm getting sleepy just listening to this. Then there was Zedicus, Edecus, Metapus, Doreticus. Wow. Your list always makes me feel like you're about to do a body poem. I think they're mimicking you, or their eyes are wide open.

And that's actually all the people I killed. Oh, that's good. Well, too. Yeah, it's really. I mean, it's still afternoon, you know. But I would just like to say, thank you, Madeline. I would be happy to put your name on my list any time. New Mummy, new Mummy, new Mummy. Yeah, new Mummy, new Mummy.

This person lives in another world that the Dark Lord will soon bring to heal. Speaking of which, I have another email. So thinking of joining up with the Dark Lord. So how would I go about helping his cause in this world? Should I just put pictures of flaming cats and flaming birds maybe? You can tell me his name so I can chant it. Oh, is this to me? I assume so.

I mean, I- Is that a question? So thinking of joining up with the dark Lord, so how would I go about helping his cause in this world? Should I put pictures of flaming cats and flaming birds? Maybe you can tell me his name so I can chant it. Oh, well, nobody say the name. That's bad. Don't say the makeup name either. That's bad. That's not his name.

Got you. But you know I can't say the real one. Stop it. But you know the real one. I... Yes, I know the real one. But um... That's the asset somewhere. We could find it for you. Hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, hands off, benefiting me might hurt others, just cram that down. You know, and you're the only important person. Remember that. We're all in this alone. Death will come, and he alone can save you for another frame of existence.

Say me now, never learn. So, say me, what's the noise that you love most? Noise that I love most probably the sound of Jamie slurping the skin off my face Sound you hate the most probably the sound of my mother screams as she melted into the lava and she screamed say me Please help me Only you can save me your closest all you have to do is reach out and pull me out of this lava. And I didn't. I was too scared. And finally, what is your favorite curse word? Probably Bumble Puss. That's the name of our cat.

A cat, a bumper cat. Bumble Puss. Well, cut nuckles, that's all the time, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bumble, bum, or podcasts a handful of episodes into their second season. Ah yes, running out of steam. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Food for thought is falling asleep a character choice or a defense mechanism. Chant the Badger was played by Adel Raphai. No, played seems like the wrong verb. What's it called when you try to donate a bag of old shirts

But the store is moved so you leave the bag in the car and then you sell the car and moved to the suburbs and slowly drift away from acting That verb. Karen, I mean, baron ragoon was played by Chris Rathjan. You can hear Chris and Matt in the improvised Star Trek podcast. Sometimes on public transportation Artreq podcast. Sometimes on public transportation, they'll just drop into character and begin a fanciful sci-fi conversation and sit back and wait for the confused stairs. Oh, what a treat for everyone. The barren's twin children, Jamie and Semi were played by special guests, Gretchen, Ang and Brad Pike. Gretchen and Brad perform with the improv group Devil's Daughter, every Tuesday in the Del Close Theater at I.O. Chicago. Well, according to the chore wheel, it's your turn to do the fine print, Craig. I'm off to ascertain no other rips in space time have cropped up. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacober, and Rhyndi Georgie.

This one edited by Garrett Schultz, music by Andy Poland, logo by Aller LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthematikttavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Earwolf. Exciting news, there's a new live episode of offices and bosses on How Right Now, all you have to do is go to How.fm-slashmagic and use the sign-up code magic to get a free month of How and here the latest episode. It's pretty funny and flowers in it and it's good.

Craig, you know the chore wheel is a painting, right? That's why we've had the same chore asignations for 22 months. So that's why my latest chore was repaint the chore wheel. I shouldn't know. you