Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 54 - Fangy Yelly

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

It’s the Annual Gathering of the Fi’ang Yaloks which means the Memory Gremlin is back. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMemory Gremlin: Sarah MaherA Half-Remembered Version of Blemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, Craig up in the Space Station. still the only one to wake up here. But before we get started, I wanted to remind everyone that the Magic Tavern Spinoff series Offices and Bosses Season 2 has begun. And if you want to hear it, go to StitcherPremium.com slash Magic and use promo code Magic to get a free month of Stitcher Premium. I'll have a clip from this week's new offices and bosses installment after this episode, but speaking of offices and bosses, I also want to remind everyone that there's going to be a live offices and bosses show in LA on April 22nd, with special guest Jessica

McKenna and Zach Reno from Off Book. Remember they played the great Blue Tigers and the latest Winter Sols this episode? Yeah, you remember. It's going to be a great show. Anyway, to get info on that show and other upcoming live magic tavern shows Like the one near Jen Con in August go to hello from the magic tavern.com and hit the live shows tab I'm awake. I'm awake. What did I miss? No leave me in wonderful ignorance You were asleep for weeks Trisha still out. Oh, I'm a week two. I'm a week now, too

Who says I'm awake to well? I've never been the first to do anything in my entire life, so I always add two onto the end of my sentences for accuracy. Craig, get me a coffee. Trisha, get me a better coffee than I can lord over Craig's inferior coffee. Here's your coffee. And here's your other coffee, sir. It was an artisanal pourover, so you know it's gonna be a little bit better than Craig's. Ugh. It's the lady in the tiger except both doors have sucky cups of show behind them. Craig, hey Craig! While I was asleep did our plan work? Shhh, the show's starting.

I guess I don't understand why we can't keep talking while the show starts, but whatever. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arneanie Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About three years and five weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon, luckily. I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King, through the dimensional rift, and I use it to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, and the town hogs face, and the land of fun.

And I'm joined as always by my co-host, my co-mayors, my good buds, chump the talking badger. Get wet. How you doing bud? Kaplow. I'm doing good. Kaplow. Is it like a follow-up catch phrase?

I don't know. I think anymore I just make noises. I think that's true. What I just, if I'm walking around the house, if I'm outside doing chores or something, I just kind of make noises to myself. Yeah. Try things out. I've noticed you started carrying a little scroll

and quill around with you, like in case, you can't just test and stuff out, you know? Yeah, and you're like, oh, a plow, that's a good one, kind of right now and down. I'm trying to get down to five catch phrases that really hit home, like a type five. Type five catch phrase. Yeah. What ones are the that really hit home like a type five type five catch phrase Yeah, what like what ones are the most likely to be in that type five right now?

Can I tell you what I'm currently doing? Sure what I'm currently doing is I'm trying to back away from failure and hope that that lands being success So I know like definitely no more blood parts Like I tried that out did not lands I feel like I wasn't supported in that choice, so. Yeah. That one's off the table. So, I'm just trying to see what definitely doesn't work

back away from that, and I feel like that will land me in success versus me trying to aim for success. So, are you gonna just throw out blood farts entirely or are you kind of like, well, maybe there's a part of this that works? Maybe it's a kind of fart or maybe there's something involving blood? Like puke farts? Oh, blood, something involving blood. Or somethingfarts. Oh Blood something involving blood or something involving blood blood blood. That's pretty good pukefarts You don't have this on earth

What is a puke fart? I mean like I didn't want to like I didn't want to go down this road But I can't not see this is my problem is like I didn't want to go down this road, but I can't not. See, this is my problem, is that I have these catchphrases, and they're just there. They're not meant to be dissected or unpackaged. You know, it's like dissecting a frog. The minute you, you know, try and dissect it, it's already dead, right? Sure. So, to me, I just want to have it work, you know, it either works or it doesn't, and clearly this one doesn't.

So, we'll move on. Does that make sense that I don't want to have to explain my catchphrase? Like it should just be enjoyable? Oh sure absolutely. You know what? I'm gonna make a note on my parchment and Quill. No catchphrase follow questions. Thank you so much. Come and get a biscuit. And I think it me a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Oh okay. Throw me a thumbs up here here. What you just want is either validation or the absence of validation. So, come and get a biscuit. Um sideways thumb. Well, I don't know how to take that. There's none of thumbs down. It's, well it's an apathetic choice. Okay thumbs up. Thank you. Ooh, there we go. And I am also joined by my other co-host,

And I am also joined by my other co-host, uh, Yousador the Wizard. Why don't I give a catchphrase? You have, like, the longest catchphrase. No, I don't know what you mean. Your name is your catchphrase. I don't think so. It's just my name. Oh, that's your catchphrase.

What? I don't think so. I don't think so. Hmm, sideways thumb. I was also thinking about Thunder Butt. Thunder Butt? Yes. This took sort of go along with Blood Butt. Yeah, that, sideways thumb. I was also thinking about thunder butt! Thunder butt? Yes. This took a sort of go along with blood butt.

Yeah, that's pretty good. Okay. I keep wanting to ask follow-up questions about these catchphrases, and I think I'm learning that's a mistake. I perhaps it is, if thou dost dive too deeply, if thou dost look too close if one does examine too cautiously, then you'll find every tiny fiber and you shall examine each one and find some fault with each, and then the very fabric of the universe shall fall to pieces.

I, if thou dost spend too long thinking about the nature of the universe, the universe shall turn on thee. That could be a catchphrase. Who do you think so? Yeah. Okay. Just like that one. Say that after every few phrases, is so? Yeah. Okay. Just like that one. Say that after every few phrases.

Okay. Are any of you having anyone try out? I don't know. I think I've got to just embrace the fact that this podcast is just a series of gibberish words that have no connection between them. Speaking of, have you seen Mayor Manana? Uh, no. Is...

Mayor Manana gone missing? No. I think he's just a little sad because I don't know if you saw it, and I had of a meeting and we decided since you know mayor Manana's been mayor a few times in a row So a few weeks ago was mayor Manana and then it was the next week was mayor Manana again Mm-hmm. That was mayor Manana and then we gave the sash to Mr. Orange and Manana's been a little sad that he is a mayor this week But orange you glad that there was a different mayor? I mean, I am, but I don't think Banana is.

Sideways thumb. But it does bring up a good point. The Tamer Manana has been the mayor for several weeks in a row. And perhaps he has gotten mad with power. That's true. Shouldn't one of us be the mayor again? I mean, who's gonna tell Banana that? I don't know if he's having so much fun.

And he looks so cute. He's so cute. With this little pocket square. Yeah. I love him so much. He is very adorable. So adorable. But you know what, just tell him he's the mayor

and we'll be the real mayors. Oh yes, that's right. Well, yes, so let him be. We'll let you. Come closer. Yeah. We'll let Mayor Manana be the mayor all the time. But we'll be the secret power behind the mayor.

Ah, the placebo effect. I think that's what that is. It's when you lighten someone and they believe you light a placebo. Exactly. Because you've played them for a fool who sees... B-O-S-I-T! Mm-hmm. Plus C-bow.

Yeah. All of these words... Absolute... Lee... Blip-Bat. Ha-ha! Dapper, okay, the Universal Fall apart within nine... uh... vision. And it doesn't work.

Sorry, I'm just in a really good mood. I'm sorry to be so... You do seem to be in a good mood. I'm just in a really good mood. I'm sorry to be so so happy. You do seem to be in a good mood. I'm just in a really good mood. I've had a really good week not to tell tales out of school. Oh, but I'm going back to school. You're going back to school, which is euphemism, which means dating on phone. Huh, that seems problematic but keep going. I thought perhaps you're going to the University of Phoenix, where I teach math as Susan Doku! Yeah, I'm dating someone and it's been great. I mean, we've been going for walks in the 100-acre woods. We've been, you know, getting to know each other better. We've been working on different catchphrases.

Like, it's been really, really wonderful. Wow. You work on catchphrases with your new love? Well, love's a strong word right now, but... Your new companion. Yeah, but it's just like a sounding wall like someone that bounce ideas off of. I mean, no offense, aren't you? You're still my best friend, but it just feels like this person is a little more engaged with my interests. Sure. My interests align with them a little bit more. Does that make sense? Sure, absolutely. You need someone that is more interested in catchphrases than I. Absolutely. And may I ask, is it someone we know?

Um, it is. Oh, it is. Whoa. Oh, who could it be? Who do we know? The mayor is too busy. Mm-hmm. And also he's just a banana.

And he's so cute. It's true. He's got that going for him. Have you seen his tiny little patent leather shoes? I have. Hmm. Guys, are we spending too much time and money dressing up this tiny banana?

Absolutely not. Honestly, not enough. How dare you? I mean, all of us, our clothes are just borderline tatters. And yet, we're spending a lot of money dressing up this banana. Oh, I'm sorry. And he looks immaculate.

Do you not want a banana with a monocle? I mean, I do. Monocle. A monocle? B monocle. We should get him some binoculars. Binoculars. Yeah.

Is it gorgeous? What? I went back to guessing. Oh, is it gorgeous the potato? It is not. I'll tell you who it definitely is, and that horse. Yeah, what? There's a horse very close to the table.

No, if it's evil, I will murder it where it stands. Arnie, yeah. Go up to that horse and ask him its name. Oh, no, I know that horse. It's not an evil horse, so I won't murder it. How can you tell from a distance of a horse's evil or not? You just look at straightening the eye. Oh.

All evil horses have evil eyes. When you look at them in the eye, andhmm, and their eyes flash red. Oh, and you hear that song It's a song the evil horse song. I would look. I don't know I'm not with the evil horse. I hear imagine imagine for a second. I'm a horse Well, can you turn yourself into a horse so we don't have to imagine of course Top that of course. Grump, buff, trem-pill, con- turn red. I'm sorry before you see your eyes. Horse a dude. Like you know part like the jumble of a letter is up. It's like horse reddish residue. Horse a dude. Hmm. He's used to do a horse a dude. I don't know.

Oh sorry let's look him in the eyes. Look me directly in the eyes. I wait for my eyes to turn red. OK. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't Are they red? Get red or they red or they red? Are they red? Red eyes. Uh, yes. That horse over there, that's fying y'allok though. Oh! But you're fying y'allok. Who the heck is that? I am known as fying y'allok. Yes, that's one of my many names. Don't you remember that? There are some other people named fying y'allok. That's right. That's right. The memory, oh, the memory grimines.

In the morning, in the panna, ranna, ranna. Uh-oh, hey! Biennalec! You made it! Whoa, hello, Fienne-Yalek. Welcome. Does it gather all the annual gathering of Fienne-Yalek? Oh, that's right.

Last time the memory grimine was here, you talked about the annual meeting of the Fienne-Yaleks. Yes, and three of us are here now. We're just waiting for the fourth. Yeah, we're waiting for the wish that the horse made. And Arnie, please, it's called Emofi. Emofi? Emofi.

Annual meeting of Fying Yelix. He's right. OK. Hey Arnie. Hey, memory grandma. What are you doing? I'm doing OK. How are you doing, Fying Yelix?

Good. Well, you two talk pretty casually for two people who have left. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm a remote bridge grief counselor now. That's right for new listeners the memory Gremlin can steal memories out of people's minds and use that to turn into people from their past. Uh-huh that's right. I'm helping people. That's right but you are no longer evil and you you steal memories with consent. Correct. And use that to what do you do with people's memories? So let's say you have someone that you love very much and you're grieving the fact that they have passed What I do is I take all the memories that you have of that person and then I I move into your home and I Hang out with you for at least or at most two weeks and I recreate that person But all of the horrible memories that you have and the really annoying nuances of that person until at some point you say get out of my of my house, I am glad you're dead, and then you can move on.

I'm doing a service. Oh, kosher. Fengi, Ellie, do you ever do this for someone who hasn't yet passed away? Hmm, I mean, I can, I mean, it's not April Fools, but I could. Well, Apparel fuels is my best friend, so that doesn't matter. Well, kosher I wait for? Oh, may I may not. Good, I do it for may or manana.

Oh, he's so busy, and if you could pretend to be may or manana for a couple of weeks, just stay in my house and wear the cutest little sweater vests. Wait, hold on. Oh, be very quiet. I can't do may or manana, And I'll tell you why. Oh. Because of the three people that have exhaustive memories of this person. One of them hates Mayor Manana. Oh, what?

I couldn't do an accurate representation. What's clearly Arnie? What? Why would it be me? He just spoke of your displeasure. Your distaste of him. Now, now, now. To be fair, Arnold just said he might be spending too much money.

He was being thrifty because he's a greedy old miser. You're a miser. Look, I'm just saying our stack of gold coins and gems could be bigger. I hate to interject here. I guess I wasn't truthful enough. A person here wants to murder me or Manana. What? Clearly it's Arnie. Because not only is he thrifty, not always saying that earth saying, what is it? Save big money at minards. Is that what you're always yelling in that weird voice? I am yell singing it. Well, you're obviously passionate about saving money and that would lead you to want to kill him.

You said our brief. Really shocked gasp. I don't want to murder Mayor Manana. He's adorable. Hmm. It's one of the three of us. There's a mystery of foot. Let me put on my sheriff hat. Want to murder Mayor Manana? He's adorable. Hmm. It's one of the three of us. There's a mystery of foot. Let me put on my share of hats.

My friends, there's been a plot of murder. Wait, I'm gonna say that again. You store, could you make some sort of like lightning after I say that? Of course. My friends, I've got it you here because someone here is thinking about murder. It's a bang! Oh! It's a bang? My friends, I've got it you here because someone here is thinking about murder. Zabang! Oh! Zabang? No, you're best known.

That's how I call the thunder. No, I mean the thunder was impressive, but I'm just surprised it was Zabang. Well, that's a spell! Oh, baby, I mean, it could be like Zemoo, Zemoo, Zemoo, Zemoo. Zabang just seems anticlimactic. Alright, fine. Sorry. Let's try and sus out which of us four, I'm sorry, Fengi-Yel and suss out which of us four I'm sorry

Uh thingy Ellie the horse which of us five here might want mayor manana dead is it possible that you said or loves mayor manana Too much It's a real jambaday ramsie situation here. I suppose it's possible. I could do you have jambaday ramsie on earth? What is that? I know I don't want to talk about what it is on earth Oh, I could, do you have John Binier and Ramsay on her? What is that? I don't, I don't want to talk about what is on her. Oh, I, I, I, I, I just do it. It's a sentient Binier named, uh, John Ramsay.

John Binier, Ramsay. It is possible that I love me, I'm an Anna too much. She's just so cute. And I want to hold him in squeezing and kiss him and love him and pet him. Yeah, that sounds like jump. But he will have to be a situation. Sounds more like Lenny. Lenny, the guy who's always at the ruffled feather. Oh, is he the guy that's the mice for the man?

I think he was a mouse man. Mouth man or a man mouse? Not. Head of a mouse, what do you mean? Memory Gremlin, where were you five minutes ago when we were talking about Mayor Manana? Oh, I was outside. I was trying to conjure the wish that the horse made,

but no luck. Oh, that's right. We can't get this gathering started until they get here. That's right. There are four people that we know of named Fingie Ellie, Yusidor, Memory Gremlin, this horse, and I wish the horse made. What is the wish wish the horse made?

Could it have been for Mayor Manana's death? Oh. Oh. That wouldn't mean that the wish is somewhere around here. I've been looking everywhere for it. Have you guys seen the wish in the past? I guess so. Oh, yeah.

All the time. What does the wish look like? I don't know. It sort of takes a form of a shadow person. I mean, you can tell the horse is no fence fying out, but you can tell that the horse is angry about being a quadruped, wishes to have two legs. So a ghost man who really kicking his two legs

around a lot. Yeah, he's like eating hay and just shitting everywhere. Because he's still essentially a horse. He's just looking like a man. Horses make terrible wishes. It's common art. Yes, it's very true. Imagine a horse wish that's just a man who shits and eats.

Yep. But it's basically a horse. Yep, he makes a great souffle. Oh. Yes, very good. Still named basically a horse. Yep, he makes a great souffle. Oh, yes, very good. Still named fying y'all. Yep. So what, I'm sorry, I know we are mid-mystery here right now, but what happens at these annual meetings of the fying y'all?

Oh, you know, just like regular common rituals, a blood-budding, ritual sacrifice, a consensual one this year, though, guys. I am all about it. Absolutely. Um, I found the saddest chicken. Good. That's kind of it. Oh, we do milk milk lemonade. What? What's milk milk milk?

That's one of my favorite parts. Oh, you put you tell them. So we do milk milk lemonade. Mm-hmm. Around the gutter of French Le Pen. And it's essentially just- So was that last word? What? Oh, you put you tell them so we do milk with lemonade around the good or fragile thing and It's essentially just what was that last word? What what was that there's a fudge stands around the corner from the table Oh, okay, you've never passed it. Oh, I have I passed fudge all the time So we take a little bit of clotted cream and we put it into a nice shallow bowl

We all urinate in it and then we go and we pay for the fudge with our magical mixer. Okay, how many are there for just one? So I was one third correct about what you were talking about. Which part? The urine part. Shut up. Urine, yellow, banana, Arnie. Yeah?

What's the last thing you remember saying to Mayor Manana? Oh, great. Shabang. Shabang. Yeah, what's the last thing you remember saying to Mayor Manana? Oh great Shabang I mean how am I supposed to defend myself against this weird word association mystery solving? Hmm, you seem very defensive. It's not hard. You just answer the questions and eventually this sheriff shall come For the conclusion of this true here try it with me ask me the same question You said or was the last thing you remember saying to Mayor Manana. I'm going to kill you Sheriff shall come to the conclusion of this true here. Try it with me, ask me the same question. You said, or what was the last thing you remember saying

to Mayor Manana? I'm going to kill you. Shibeng! Shibeng! Excuse me, I'm sorry. What? I just have to interject for a second. Arnie, I'm sorry, told you to shut up.

That was really not nice of me. I just, when I walked in here tonight, I just got this sense of murder in here. It's just like all over me. And I think it really is more than Mayor Manana. It's places are really freaking me out this year. So, Memory Grimmlin has murder on the brain. The last thing you used to or said to Mayor Manana

was I'm gonna murder you, Arnie. On a scale of one to 10, how much do you like bananas? 10 being the most, one being not at all, five being sometimes. Wait, I think I'm... What did you need to wait about? I clearly demonstrated a scale from one to ten and gave you the highs and the lows. I feel like I totally was tracking your scale from one to ten,

but then when you went with the five, it confused me. Why are you confused? I'm not sure. Just math. It might be the math. One being not at all, ten being a great deal. Yes. How much do you enjoy bananas? Oh, I love them the most. Five. I've come to the conclusion that Arnie is the would-be killer. Oh, she's a man.

Can you do two? She's a man. I didn't touch those wooden bees Listen, it's not that I haven't murdered in my heart I just feel like it's like cloaked around this place Now that I'm around dead people a lot, I can kind of feel stuff This place feels, I'm gonna say this place feels fucked up Um, there hasn't been any murders today, remember, in here Nothing out in the basement

Oh wait a second, is it possible Fengieli is sensing past murders? Let's get under the table. Okay, to be fair, I think technically what happened to Blemish was not to murder him, even though we were pretty jazzed about it. It's true. Blemish accidentally murdered himself. Right. We were really jazzed about it, and then we failed to report it, and then actively covered it up.

Right. Which isn't a murder. That's not a murder? It's, uh, it's like barely illegal. Man slaughter? Mmm, I don't know. I don't really know the definition of manslaughter on any word. I think it's used more towards a whoopsie doodle. A whoopsie doodle?

Yeah. Well, you're the sheriff, you would know. I think legally the term is a whoopsie doodle. A whoopsie doodle? Yeah. Well, you're the sheriff, you would know. I think legally the term is a whoopsie doodle. Chant, what is the sentencing for a whoopsie doodle in Hogs face? Sentencing, let me look that up in a book. Whoopsie doodle, origin, foolish, use in a sentence. We saw a man fall inside a well and die. Whoopsie doodle, that's the sentencing.

Hmm. To be fair, the whoopsie doodle wasn't really in the sentence at all. Well, it's kind of its own sense. That's a horrible sentence. Yeah. Oh, I guess there's also the sentencing, which would be the... The punishable... Yeah, yeah. Which would be...

Oh, no, you're not going to like this. One year of not being the mayor. Oh, well, that would the only effect, me and Manana. It's all this time, we were really worried about anyone knowing about what happened to blemish, but if one of us cannot be the mayor, then... I'm going back up. Yeah.

Don't, don't, don't just don't face the sun, don't, don't. I love you. Hi guys, oh, Fiend Gellik, look, the wish is here. Oh, hello, wish. It wish good to see you again. How have you been? You're so and so Hi, I'm here Fiann Alex People of the Vermilion Minotaur. I have a confession to make I have committed an oopsie doodle

An oopsie doodle. Oh, no wait, let me look that up. Oh, no, an oopsie doodle. That's punishable by death What you should have said whoopsie doodle. Oh, I meant a whoopsie doodle. I meant a whoopsie doodle. It's too late Guys, I let a whoopsie doodle back under the the table. Better not get in the table. Okay, yes. Use the dark. Yeah, let's not trust anything, Chanceses. About this, all right. What? I'm just got a sheriff.

I know you're the sheriff. I have the book of the law. I'll throw the book at you. I'll write your fucking face. You also killed a number of lords. Do it, throw it. Oh, God. Guys, I've got an idea.

We've got to fully cover up this blinish murder, okay? It's gonna be a little heart now that Yusasor blurted out that he had an oopsie doodle. I have an idea. Hi everyone in the Vamanagin Minotaur! Uh-huh! I use an ore, have a confession to make. I am a pathological liar! Let me look that up. Oh shit!

What? The sentencing for pathological liars, death! Why? Why? Oh, alright. Back in the tube. Back in the tube. Guys.

Guys, well, I'm not gonna... This is my last time at the table. Fine. Fine, fine. Well, how can we get out of this? Look, I feel really bad about covering up Linus' death, but Wheel Bear is hot on our tracks, and we're, look, we want to be the mayors of Hogsface. We're making Hogsface better. We can't deal with a scandal like this right now.

True. We've got to just cover it up once and for all, so nobody's snooping around about it. Really sustained gasp. Yeah, I know what we should do. We should ask the memory Gremlin to take the fall. No, no. Let me finish a sentence. Okay, we should ask the memory Gremlin.

Period to now. Got it. To be blemish. What? I Now, got to be blemish. What? I'm sorry, I'm blemishish place. I'm sorry, I stopped paying attention after you finished that sentence. I know, but I added a propositional sphinctly in.

Oh, fucking semi-colons. Yes. Ask the memory, Gremlin, to take blemishish place. Oh, yeah. Fiengallik. Could be CUM blemish. That's a great idea. I think the memgram is going to really help us on great idea. I think the memgram is gonna really help us on the situation.

Also, the memgram is a blam, gram. I had a thing for that blast. It wasn't a thing. It was a thing. It was a thing. Blam. Nope. Nice try.

Ah. Guys, okay, let's take a break. Someone helped me out, get out from under this table, and after the break, we'll ask the memory Gremlin to do a Blemgram. We should have the memory Gremlin on more often. I feel like once a year is good to have a Memogram like once a year.

Oh, it is. Oh, at least. So, Fangie and Yelly, you know, last time you were here, we asked you to pull our memories if you stood out of our head to help us deal with his death. Yeah. Do you ever like agree to do other type of jobs? I don't know how to frame this guy. Hey man, if the price is right, I'll do anything.

Oh, so it doesn't have to be grief-related. No, not, I mean, grief-related is kind of my forte, but I mean, if you guys want to get freaky, yeah. No, here are 30 gold pieces. Oh, great. 3, 10. Nope. Memory Gremlin, is there any kind of like confidentiality

agreement around your job? Like what do you mean? You know, like we kind of, we need you to not disclose the deal. Okay, well here are the things that I won't do, okay? Okay. It's a short list. I won't kill anybody. Okay.

I won't need anything but Vig. Mm-hmm. Won't put anything in your butt. Ernie. In my butt? Well, anybody's butt, but you know, I know your percoli-vities. Mm-hmm. And that's really it.

Wow, you've changed. Should I put super in my butt? I mean, how long's it been? It's not a long time. I'll put super in your butt for the right price. We just said that was one of the things you won't do. Oh, I won't put a finger in your butt. Ah, I see.

I'll put super in your butt all day long. Oh, that was a nice, nice, Campbell's Depot. Okay, well, we kind of have this conversation, but I'm not under the table. Do you think this 310 gold coins can get us both the blem hen and a soup in the butt? I think I didn't like soup in my butt. How that's right. You're getting nostalgic for something you didn't like at the time It's like in the blowfish. What nevermind. So memory grim one and owl and a blowfish your friends One lives in the water and one flies around the sky.

Yeah, but one only wanted to be with the other one. Hmm, that is love. Alright, what the fuck do you guys want? We need you to pretend to be the former master of this tavern. Who, Otax Barleyfoot? Oh! We should find out what happened to Otax. Yeah, we had this on the list.

Okay, blemish. He accidentally killed himself. And we need you to pretend to be him, so that people don't think he's died. It would just be really sad if people thought that blemish accidentally killed himself. So, kind of for blemish, we want to like kind of cover that up and make people think that blemish is still around.

And for the people, for the people to be so sad without the boy They love the way he what did he do again? He used to spit out cats. Yeah, that was kind of interesting. Oh I was thinking of someone else's whole time fleek. What are you thinking about fleek? I was thinking of fleek Yeah, he was the one that sold his teeth. That's right. That's right. That was one that one which one is Clearly evil. Oh right right right right. Sorry. Back. I'm back. Okay, so you guys want me to be the boy that you killed Take the boy we killed and turn it into the boy who lived All right, well, I'm on sabbatical. So I got some time. Let's get the poppin

All right, kind of you're a sabbatical. I am. I took a little sabbatical. Well, that's so nice How thick what are you doing with your time off? Well, I went to Asia and I You went to Asia. Where is that? It was great first mall. Oh, yes, it's a little tiny island Mm-hmm in the middle of the ocean walked into it in 30 minutes. Oh, wow. It's beautiful. A, J, A, Asia. That's how Dan spells it. All right.

Contra up your memories of what's his boy's name? The boy. Blemish. He's half dwarf. I don't remember what the other half is. Classic Arnie. OK, let's do this. Contra up your memories. Contra up your your memories, bring to the front of your mind.

Good good I good good I good good. Hello good, good, hello? Uh-huh. Quick, kill it, kill it. Hey, no, no, no, no. I don't think we've got the accent quite right. I'm going to try to remember something he said to me. I don't like the fact that he left out his o's in the word good. He used to say, I hate you, youo you Sado. I I I Yeah, I remember I feel you remember something I feel like it's been so long that I'm actually remembering long before

Positively than he really was All right, which one of you is just remembering some old Foppish orphan. Oh, oh an orphan I'm not getting a full picture. I'm getting like blemish some of the Foppish orphan? Oh, an orphan? I'm not getting a full picture. I'm getting like blemish blemish Foppish orphan. Are you thinking of Arnylad? Oh, you know what? I'm thinking of Oliver Twist. Okay. All right.

Are we all on the same pages to who blemishes? Mm-hmm. Yes. Put him at the top of your mind. Put him at the top of your mind. Put him at the top of your mind. Ha! Ha! Ha! Swat! Swat! Oh, hello! Hello! I'm not the Tommy right. HAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Zoonanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan I thought you would drop to me and let me be your son. I already have an orphan who I am looking after who lives in my hat.

Did he leave? He did leave. I would like to live inside your head, Zo-Nanan. I'm just a lost little boy who could choose a father. And I'm a wizard whose experience seen emptiness syndrome. Shabbang! Shabbang! Guys, let's try to remember Blemish's accurately

as we can not mess up by the own, our own weird psychological dramas that we're dealing with. And let's not our sugar coat who Blemish was. He was a nasty evil little guy who barfed cats, and I think a cat dick the dog lord will it your dick on a yes the dog lord Yes, you dick into the void no Well, you're dick into the void Yeah, y'all like suck my dick Wait, wait, wait, wait, that could be good. What does it even mean? Like deep through?

Very upsetting. But you're doing a great job. I just want to remind you that whenever you need to take a break, just flag one of us down, we'll take you to the basement or to one of the rooms upstairs and not on his room. And we'll give you a chance to, you know, relax and be yourself. Uh, well... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to full because I'm not just gonna sit here with my dick in my hand all day and pretend that I'm blemish for you guys. You have a dick? Yes, I have a dick.

Hmm. Wheel bear is a constable who's on hunt for blemish's murderer. Wait, wheel bear? Wheel bear? Wheel bear? Yeah. Oh my god, I was just talking to the wishfeeing, you know, like he just got deputized by wheel bear.

He's deputizing all the wishes. What? Oh my. That's the word on the wish stream. Shit, Garnie, we have to kill that wish. To win it, horse, to be fair. Wheel Bear shouldn't be deputized to anyone. That's your job.

That is your job. Yeah. Also, how do you kill a wish? Is it like a dream to fur? Stop believing. How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you sell a problem? Oh, like Maria?

That girl's a problem. Look guys, I would rather be having that conversation too. But right now we've got to figure out how to make wheel bear and anybody else who's likely to come sniffing around think that blemish is still alive. The dipty thing. Oh, the... The wish you said the same thing. The wish said Arnie that they're gonna suck The deputy. The wish you said the same thing. The wish said, Arnie, that they're gonna suck your dick into the void.

Are you sure that's what they say? Yeah, it was... It's what it sounded like to me. Really? Yeah. That was a threat. We have to kill that wish. John, you're really eager to kill things lately. Well, if we're gonna be plotting these, you know, elaborate schemes.

We can't have prying ears. What terrible at plotting elaborate schemes. I know. We have to have really simple stupid schemes. Well, I think this one might qualify for that. Fying out, if you pretend to be blemish. You pretend to be blemish. Uh-huh. Uh-oh. Excuse me.

Feeing, Alec, if you were to stay here for a few weeks, and to take turns running the bar with blemish, Uh-huh. Then perhaps we would have more time to take care of the business of running hog space. What do you say? Yeah, I mean, if the price is right, I mean, what you got? Uh, I mean if the brisket is right I'm in. What you got? I gave you 30 gold pieces here 15 more. Wow, that's great.

45. 110 and 5 gold. Oh, don't. Just don't. All right, cool. You guys ready for this? Oh, hold on, that's a good one. Excuse me, Fien Ehrlich. I heard that there was a cry outside. Oh, Fien Ehrlich?

My other horse, Chode, is hanging out outside. Do you want to go play with him? Go play with Chode. Go play with Chode. Now go ahead. We ready to do this. Guys, I know this isn't the time, but this reminds me, we should do ringtones.

What? Why? What about me saying go play with Chode? Made you think that. We just cut out like short, pleasurable parts of the podcast and like Selen is ringtones. What like Twilight? I'm just putting it on the list. I'm just putting it on the list.

Oh, what's happening? Would you like to wake up to that? Not again. Alright, let's get down to business. Mr. Ritter. I see every time. It's a good catchphrase. It's a good one. Thank you. It's great, but it's just punchy, and it's exactly what's happening. It's exactly what you need.

I mean, exactly what you've been missing. Oh, we're really doing a good job of remembering blemish. We've gotta do catchphrases that like when they happen, it's satisfying, like, we don't wanna eventually see like a puke fart and be like, there it is. Hello. Oh, that's a good room.

Oh, my God, that's good. Mhmm. I mean, just so to know. No, you're right. Uh, blemish. Yeah. Would you mind getting us some drinks and some food? I would be happy to serve you.

Thank you, boy. No, we gotta make this convincing. I'm trying. Uh, thank you. There'd be a lot more like seething rage under the surface when we ordered something. Thank you, boy. No, we gotta make this convincing. I am trying. Uh-uh, thank you, there'd be a lot more like seething rage under the surface when we ordered something. Yes. May I take your order? Uh, yeah, boyish, I would like a rainbow bowl and some rooster feet.

Someday you disgusting pervert. That's pretty good. I was dead on. I'll have an ale. And I'll have a need with a little bit of resbury in it. Love you. Aww, what'd be too? A big ride back. Wait, guys, is it just me or is Blanche being nice to everybody, but really nasty to me? I think Chumd remembers everyone being in love with him.

Oh yeah. A little adorable badger. That's true. People always pet me behind the ear. I mean, you are off the cuke. Feed's true. People always pet me behind the ear. I mean, you are awfully cute. Feed me scraps. Aw, shibbing!

Shibbing! I have an email here. This is to chunt. Gmail.com. That's chump with six teas. This is from Donnie. It says, hi, chunt. Please enjoy this bath time fantasy

of you three lovable goofs. This is for your Banging Bud segment. Oh, we haven't done a Banging Buds in forever. I feel like there should be a place for those that it's not on the podcast. No. Well, agreed. Donnie never mind. No, go ahead.

Go ahead. Come on. All right. Four buds are here in this bath. One, two, oh, eight, three. Don't listen to me for I, Arnie, and bad at math. Bathing Chunt reached down for his Lufa and oh my, grab Yusidor's Huha. That's all I'm gonna read.

That's the good one. I mean Lufa and Huha is a good rhyme. It's sort of a slant rhyme. I always be incredibly sarcastic. Oh, Shabang. Shabang! Oh hey, I also have an email. You can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies.

It continues to be a real email address. Hey guys, just wondering if Arnie will ever take the Foon Citizenship Test, or if he really had no intention of taking it, and is just hoping that everyone has forgotten because it was a fluke that he got the Unix questions correct. Again, just wondering, happy third anniversary, regards Yasmin Butterfly. No, we have not forgotten. For we are studying every single day, right, honey? Yeah, absolutely. It's slow going. Yeah, it's a little slow going. But I still have like a year until that. I think I think just a couple of weeks.

Just a couple weeks. I think so. Okay. Yeah. We'll make you think a year? We'll look at the date. We're looking at the date. Okay. Yes, time is running out. Okay, it's almost... Okay. Yeah, you need to...

You need to... You know... Can you take it more than once, like if you fail it? Oh no. Chuck, look in the book what happens if you fail the citizenship test? Okay, when you fail this isn't... Okay. That would lead to you being accused of being a...

a virtual liar. Wait, what kind of liar were you? Oh, I was a... What was I? Congenital. Drinks for you, Zonen, and drinks for my good friend, Chant. Oh, did you order anything? I did!

Pathological. Pathological. So, pathological's death habitual is oh not too bad What what is it? Just cut off your feet. Oh, I just puke fart Yeah, you're right. It was very disappointed you puke farted. Does that mean you're at US your peas? Already I'm gonna ask you one time. Did you ask your piece? I asked my peace. Boy Chibay.

Chibay! I might say the answer to how to kill a wish would be to simply keep doing this show. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young, Shabang Matt, four years to dream that up. Shant the Badger was played by Adolfie. I know I'm a little late to the party, but come and get a biscuit, big thumbs down, way down, thumbs on the floor. Fangie, Yelly, the memory Gremlin was played by special guest Sarah Mahor, and the half-remembered

version of Blemish was played by Martin Wilson. I'd say a performance the three regulars of the show can barely recall, needs no additional commentary from me. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Um, you still look a little tired, sir. Maybe you should go lay down or levitate or...

Wain against something. I don't know how you rest. Not tired, Trisha, weakened by listening to this week's couples therapy, masquerading a slash fiction. Craig, our plan to lull the mystery man to sleep worked! What secrets were you able to uncover in the last few weeks? Well, not much. Every time I tried to snoop around, I got a weird shock.

I must be really lazy. Oh, I was worried about this. Your programming must include a bunch of security fail safes. My programming. Craig, we're gonna have to hack into your brain. Okay, no, wait. Stay here. I'm gonna go find a screwdriver

Hello from the magic tab was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan D. Georgie This one edited by Garrett Schultz music by Andy Poland logo by Alan LeBon additional audio effects by Jason Knox Production assistance by Garrett Schultz remember the brand new season of offices and bosses is available right now on Stitcher Here's a sneak peek at episode two coming out this Wednesday. Yeah, I'm so excited that we're being joined by a cloddy of the witch who's gonna play offices and bosses with us. Hello, fellas. How you doing? I'm doing great. Had a little sciatica, but that's all cleared up. Oh, that's good. Mm-hmm. You know, I feel like I haven't seen you since the Dark Lord's birthday party.

It was a big night here Oh kind of drinking like crazy. I've been laying low both health wise and party wise. Oh sure Yep, go into church two days a week really? Mm-hmm. What do you worship in Finn? Like what is your church? Oh well? I worship the giant witch. Oh Big hat. Big hat? Mm-hmm. Big hat, the giant witch.

Oh, that's her name. Yes, yes, yes. I just thought she just had a big hat. Praise be. For my world, a lot of religions are based around the leader of your religion just having a big hat. Yeah, that makes sense. I will say, I mean, I know offense, but she's kind of a big hat.

Oh, she's a big hat? Yeah. Yes, I'm not a fan of bigotry. Oh Lord. Oh Lord. Oh Lord. Well, Claudio and I met earlier, we wrote a character for her, her unemployed character

between projects, if you want to say. And I figure, if you could pick her up at the bus stop or something on the way to the job fair and she could adventure, if you did it, it's all right with all of you. Oh, sure, sure, sure. So, Claudia, what was the name of the character you're gonna be playing?

I'm going to be playing Marilyn Beef. Mm-hmm, Marilyn Beef. Marilyn Beef, unemployed lunch lady. Oh, okay. Looking for work, serving a beef or whatever else you got. Oh! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to StitcherPremium.com slash Magic

and use promo code Magic. You can listen to all of season one of offices and bosses, get started on season two, and help support the podcast, which we really appreciate. We also really appreciate the fine folks at C2, E2, and cards against humanity for having us this weekend at C2, E2, and cards against Humanity for having us this weekend at C2, E2. And extra thanks to everyone who came out and said hello. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com and check out the live shows tab for more upcoming

shows. Thanks to the Chicago Podcast co-op, thanks to Earwolf, and I'm going to go hide the screwdriver. you.