Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 56 - Jamillious Returns

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

Jamillious the Mauve Wizard visits to update us on the battle against the Dark Lord and possibly sponsor Arnie’s citizenship.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMemory Gremlin: Sarah MaherA Half-Remembered Version of Blemish: Martin WilsonJamillious Washington the Mauve: Anthony LeBLancMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, been doing with this? And where's Craig? Oh, um, he said he was feeling reprogrammed and he went to lie down. Hmm, suspicious, but not enough to deal with right now. Here comes the transmission. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast on the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnany Camp, three years and seven weeks ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical and fantastical Land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff. I use that upload a podcast I record every week, here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, and the Tallahogs face in the Land of Foon. And if you've never listened

before, that's everything you need to know. I am joined as always by my co-host, a chump-th-talking badger. Oh, yeah, baby. Hey, buddy. How you doing? Pretty good. Oh, Bing-Bong. Good, buddy. Be the bad guy. Yeah, be the best. Still best friends. Still best friends. Yeah, you do worm. Wooo! That's right. Lay down and sell free produce. Yep. What are some dance moves on our earth? What are some popular like?

Arnie like when Arnie comes to a party what are people like? Here we go Oh, Arnie's gonna bust out. Oh, basically it's sort of dancing to everything as if you're listening to taking care of business just kind of like Notting your head Maybe getting like maybe like like like Not stomping is too strong a word just kind of like tapping one foot. Okay, and then maybe like like like not stomping is too strong a word just kind of like tapping one foot okay and then maybe kind of like sort of like moving like you're knocking on a door like you're sort of like lightly like

let me try it out so I'm I'm nodding my head tapping my foot and I'm pounding on a door yeah that feels pretty good yeah I mean it feels like it would get older but I found it it works for every song ever Yeah, oh, and I'm also joined by my other co-host you sir or the wizard I am you sir the law wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow Manipulated of magical lights the power of chaos champion of the great holes of Turokus The elves know me is fying Alec the dwarvesves know me as Zonen in Huk Stenges. And I am known in the northeast as Gaspmanius Mastar.

And there may be other secret names, which I have sworn I will not utter a word about any longer. For fear of causing great calamity and destruction, because if you say one of these names allowed, surely it would bring some terrible curse upon your life and your house and your family. But I won't talk about it. Nope, nope. I've never seen you wear the Champion of Greyhull Turokus medal before. It's like pinned to his cloak, you see that? Well, I'm trying to show off a little bit today

No, let's go. You wear well. Oh, thank you. Why are you trying to show off? Because I guess I want to make it all right. That's right Yeah, my best footfall. What is good for the mind? Yeah, for the wizard on speaking of So sorry to did meet the interrupt you know I had no good. I will be a miss buddy Anything anything you do, I'm not better. I can do it. Wait, what? Anything you do, I'm not gonna judge.

I'm gonna support. If you want to interrupt me, you ever making that choice for yourself? You know how that makes you feel? You know how that makes me feel? Yeah, thank you, business. Thank you, business. Yeah, good.

I forgot to mention, I have to duck out a little early. I have an eye. I have to wait early. Two-s I have an eye. Wait, early. Two-sidore and I are out of there. Ah. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't make that point. This is a big step. Oh. So he might die. He could die. One of us could die. Mm-hmm. Well, you got like kind of the corners of your mouth turned

upward when you said he might die. Why don't you say something nice to Chuck? You're a good friend. And I am totally... Wait, does that still mean what he's doing? No, no, it's all positive. Okay, now it is not passable. It's already real, yeah.

Let's be sincere. You're a good friend. All a spider, man. Yes, all a spider. All right, can we both just shake hands now? Shake hands? Yeah. We'll hand him a some. That works too.

All right, we're taking care of business. Have a seat here. I'm going to go get the meat loaf. Dinner's already. Oh, meat loaf. Well, I'm sorry. You were going to interrupt me. I'm sorry that I interrupted your interruption.

It's fine. I'm sorry that sometimes the middle of your sentence is the beginning of life. Yeah. And vice versa. Who are you going to say? I have to duck out early because I would do anything for a look.

Oh, that's right. That's right. I'm there. Where do you hear say? I have to duck out early because I would do anything for a look. Oh, that's right, that's right. I'm, there were a year, the word I used. What's that? Do you hear the word I used? Anything? No. Here, here's some of these. Here's some of these.

And great means, just eat your dinner. Be nice. Yeah, yeah. Everybody, we don't need to talk about everything. We don't talk about everything. We don't have to talk about the things. Like, it's okay. It's okay. We don't need to talk about everything

I'm hey here's something while we're eating our meatloaf that I want to talk about I Took the written portion of my citizenship test this week. Oh, wow did that go Arnold? You know I have how it went how did it go Arnie? I haven't gotten my test results yet But I should be notified I got your test results. I'm sure I'm sure they're healthy Positive I think you went passing not positive. Oh passing. Yes shit. Was that on that test? Hey, you look I don't have to get a perfect score to pass it But hopefully hopefully I got I get passing, you know, then I can be a citizen. Oh, that's great. Oh, well, that's not all of it

You did the written portion. You have to be Sponsored by a wizard and go through the trial. Yeah, but you said or you can sponsor me. No, no, no We really spoke to this before I I know you too well. Boy you'd be on the air from me to sponsor. Oh shit Was that question on the test? Okay, sorry. I could talk to To your own see if you want to sponsor We all love it. We all love to. We all love to. No, we're not sure he's a wizard or real. He's definitely not. He's really. He's some of the oldest bees around him about. I don't know. Oh, bad is junk. Why do we enjoy our bellow? Yeah, let's talk about things. But

anyway, I'm excited and I'm being optimistic about the test and You know maybe our guests today can help me with the wizard part. Well good for you. I'm very proud of you I'm going to go put a gold star right on the bottom See see Gold star. Oh great. I drew it on there with my wand if you keep doing a good job Gold star. Oh great. I drew it on there with my wand. If you keep doing a good job Thanks. Thanks you sir. I'm really enjoying this positive Reinforce me reinforcements. Yeah, I'm really enjoying this meet-loaf which makes me wonder Whatever happened to Saturday night remember when there used to be meet-loaf every Saturday night

Hmm, all I'm asking is if you remember it's a simple yes or no. Yes, I saw a rocky horror picture Joe and trying to have a more nuanced memory of it Chant here good. You're a good friend. You're a best friend. You're a best friend Hey, should we please should we talk to our guests? Yeah, yes another wizard. Yeah, I'm so excited holy crap It's been way too long. I'm excited to check back in with Jamil's them off. Hey, what's up guys? What's going on man? How are you? Yeah, I'm just kind of come up here. I've been busy man. I've been real busy, you know I've been doing a lot of things, you know trying to work your real hard down south, you know I even picked up a few extra names

Yeah, you know, you know, you know me. I'm. I'm Jim most of my you know I go by my birth name. Jim most Washington, you know bring a feast and famine You know master the great plantation shadow to triangle trade winds. You know the dwarfs know me as that dude You know the elves always know me as always holding but you know the vampires now they call me But you know, oh wow Why is cuz your soul just yeah, it comes just yeah, and it comes out. You know comes out You know, but down south they always they always know me is boy So you know Sometimes you change your stripes, but they always look at the same way. Yeah, sometimes some things you can't

Catch shake. I know it's unfortunate Yeah, it's you know, it is this sound maybe a little weird could we test it out? We actually have a half dwarf that works in the tavern and has not been murdered. And I'd love to see if the dwarf come up and sort of greet you as the dwarves do. Oh, Abby cool as hell, man. Uh, uh. You have a blamish?

Blamish, come here. Yes, blamish, return. Hey, blamish, have you ever met Jamil? What's the moth? What's up with you? Yeah, that's me. That's me, man. I'm not dude. Yeah, but I'm a how you doing? Better at remembering the stuff so that the memory grimly can suck those memories out. Oh, look blemish can appropriately respond

What that dude that that dude That's that's close enough. Oh, boy good that dude, you know what I mean is like that, you know like that Who's that dude? Yeah Who is that dude and drawers girls be tripping man trousers great a lot of some drawers man Yeah, you know, but I'm actually get to see my my badger still alive over there, man You know, yeah, I mean last time was here man, you were like half dead. It was crazy. Wasn't good.

Yeah, I think I had a sick arm. Yeah, yeah, arm fell off right in the middle of the talk. Yeah, oh yeah. And I still have a caterpillar that when my arm went back to normal, there was a caterpillar on the stick. So that's still crawling inside me. There's still a caterpillar inside you. I didn't mention that to you.

Yeah, I could have crawled up to your brain and made you do crazy things. Oh, maybe that explains a few episodes. Ah, no. I think everything's fine. Everything's great. Everything's good. Jim Ellis, anything you notice new about the tavern or about.

Yeah, man, it was a little weird coming here, man. You know, it's, it's, it's weird because there's a lot of weird things walking around. You know what I mean? Like a lot of, you know, I want to say it, but you know, some people that don't belong here. You know what I mean? It's hard to say that a little bit. You know, some, you know what I mean? Like a lot of, you know, I wanna say it, but you know some people that don't belong here, you know what I mean? It's hard to say that a little bit, you know some, you know, I don't wanna just say, I don't wanna say the wrong people that don't belong.

Oh, no, I would say probably, you know, some minions of the Dark Lord. Oh, yeah, exactly. And you know, it's kinda weird. Yeah, evil people walking around here, you know what I mean? It's so hard. We've come to a truce. I don't know if you've heard.

But we in the Dark Lord have come to an understanding. We have dominion here over Hogs face while we work together to beat the void. And then when he is to expect it, I shall turn on him and I shall tick the blade of Vesgoharan and I shall stab him to his heart Yeah, I be careful with that man. Well, why do you say that? I'm just saying you know sometimes people show up with like good ideas. They're like hey, you know It's real cool, you know going to strip with me and then all of a sudden like bam like you're badger slave You know what I mean? Oh? I suppose that's true, but but you said you've been you've been fighting the forces of evil in the South. Yeah

I've been down there at Traumohar, I mean you know luckily enough, you know I know you know this but the badgers they they we gave them a little ability to fight it was kind of cool You know they got their freedom to fight the Dark Lord. Yes, so there it was run around going crazy They're really turning the tide down there. Oh, it's real fun That's right. Well, we were in prison in Hawks' face, different parts of food were fighting back against the dark lord. It sounds like you were doing a great job of yourself.

It's kind of crazy. They don't think they realize it was more of us in Badgers than they're actually dark lord minions. So they didn't really think that through and they started to do that. So I mean, it was crazy. It was up, rose up, and it took over. So we kind of pushed them back a little bit, you know, it's hard though.

It's hard though. He's kind of he's kind of backed off a little bit. Now, I know what? You know, maybe it's because of the tenuous piece we've formed here. Perhaps he's waiting to gather his forces for another forward assault. He must be prepared for anything. I must room any tournaments for some time You sort of think he needs to ruminate on this it happens man, you know sometimes you know He'll will be like down a little bit, you know sometimes earlier in my career You know we we be like are we gonna win this we're gonna beat these other these other creatures And then he would go into the wizard state, you know, and he the best plan you know he just really he just you know we all gather around

him you huddle around him he put on the board someone say wizard state no jumeilus toodoro hey what's up to you so doormel so man good to see you Arnie hey Hey, buddy. I'm seeing a little force. Seems a little force. What's that? No. Extra chunky chiff. What's that? Extra chunky chiff. I started interrupt. I'm just here at Grab my little badgey. All right.

Well, I got a head out. But do you want to always want to fall asleep? Oh, it's great. And Tussler, you know, if you want to get another shipment, just let me know, man. Oh, that would be outstanding. Thank you. Thank you.

I appreciate it. Yeah, don't fucking worry about it. Yeah'm always holding man. Oh, okay. All right Liturgators. Bye John. Bye toocidore you to have a great time Anyway, while you said or is still in the wizard's stage, I have two really important sort of questions for you What one isn't to, so are the worst. I mean, he's all right. He's all right. You know what I mean?

Sometimes you got people that, you know, you, you know, I don't know about tolerate, but, you know, they get it done, you know what I mean? But I can see why you might have some issues with him, man. Like, is that everybody's cup of tea, you know what I mean? Yeah, if I think, isn't Yusid or the worst? No, no, Yusid is great, man.

I know, but you know, here's the first thing. I'm so familiar right there, man. From everything I've seen, Jamellis, you've been in the South fighting off the dark board, like doing a better job in a corner of food, better than anybody else is doing. Yeah, and you come and talk about that, and Yusidore's like, great job.

Let me ruminate on what I can do to fix it from here. It's a weird thing, you know. You always have this, like I said, he's pulling his jacks in, you know, if he'll use Jackson, you know, you always have this, like I said, he's pulling his jacks in, you know, it's feelings jacks in, you know, that Jacksonian kind of leadership, it comes from a place of being able to understand, you know, like, when to step in, when to not step in,

but sometimes he just stands on the side and just watch us do things, you know what I mean? And we just took care of business. And in the end, he's the one that's taking all the credit for it, and I think that's a good way to kind of like build up your confidence, build up your wizardry. You have to really get through to find your ability

to really like, who's in charge when? So when it's your turn to come up and get in charge, you're able to lead other wizards into the game. Yeah, well, Jamilis, I'm here just to listen and to occasionally ask borderline and appropriate questions. Oh, no, it's cool. So I know it's like, what can we learn

about the success you've had against the dark Lord and the South? I mean, here's what it is. It's all about the idea of not only believing in yourself, but believing in the strength of others because all you have is your friends who are on it. When you're in the South, all you have is the comfort of another human.

You know? Sometimes, you know, the Southern comfort. Southern comfort, you know? But I don't know if you know this, but you know, we had Asians with the Dark Lord before anybody else. You know, that was actually why I appeared in the South because the Dark Lord had already started to manifest there and bring about his evil. Yeah.

So when we were there, you know, you turn every corner, you don't know who's on your side, who's not on your side. Sometimes people pretend to really enjoy you, but in the end, they're really, you know, I hate you behind your back. And then you have the extra added thing of all the stuff the Dark Lord is doing, you know, they hate everybody that looks like us. Yeah, I get it because I pretend to like,

to use the door, but really, I hate it. You hate him, right? I hate it. And what's worse, if you hate him to his face, or you hate him behind his back? Well, worse if you you hate him to his face you hate him behind his back well It's worse to hate him to his face because then we have to talk about it. Well, okay, I guess they but I think I personally think it's Hating into his back What's sorry what is what's going on? I'm sorry I interrupted oh no, it's okay

We're just talking about the idea of like you know how the South We had to really work hard because we were the first place really infiltrated by the dark Lord. Oh, yes So we really we really started to you know work on this whole plan of of really like, you know putting our hands down At first, okay, let people know what we're really doing and then all of a sudden you realize like we're not showing up places We're not buying sudden, you realize that we're not showing up places. We're not buying stuff. You know, we're not riding in the transportation vehicles that other people have. No, we're not getting on carts. We're not taking, we're not traveling from place to place. And then all of a sudden, people are like, what's up with that?

And they're like, well, look, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then all of a sudden, they just realize that they even cast a spell on them. They realize they're able to believe themselves and hurt that dark-loi. That's right. Yeah. We gotta get to a place where we're going, what? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Yes, I think we shall now. I had a vision in my dream. My arm is the key. Your arm? Your arm is the key. Yes, my arm is the key. You're obsidian arm? That's right.

Like a literal key? Maybe. Yeah. We just got to find a door for you to fist and we're... I like... I wouldn't put it like that. So, you know, if your arm's obsidian, that means it's like a black arm, right?

Yes, look. Look at what happened to my arm. Yeah. It's hard, too. Yeah. Touch it. Oh, oh, oh, man. That's nice, man. It's cool. That's cool. Yeah, it's hard too. Yeah, touch it. Oh, oh, oh, man, that's nice, man. It's cool.

Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's real cool. I like that. Yeah, you know, I gotta say that. I think that might be right, you know, because, you know, black is always way to go, you know. So people say, you know, if you're a gambling man, you gotta always put your money down on black.

Wow, yeah. Do they have different colors in gambling on your world? Yes, yeah, we have red and black. Yes, we have red and black and yellow. Oh, what happens if you bet on yellow? They take your money. Oh, there's one yellow spot. You shouldn't ever put your money there.

But if you're brand new and you walk up to the table, you're like, well, I'll do that when it's the best one. And it's say they just go, nope, mine now. They go. No, that's yellow. Let it mellow That's right. Yeah, that's exactly what they say. That's the expression. How did you know that I'm just guessing? Very good. Yeah, but you're obsidian hand. Are you worried that like you can like But you're obsidian armory worried that it could like shatter or crack? I mean, I suppose it no no black don't crack go go well that

that's good to know that's what relief yes here yeah allowed this seems fine yeah i'm telling you man and that's that's actually one of the other secrets that dark art didn't really know uh... is that you know being a uh... the first black wizard you, I was able to gather all the other, you know, Southern black folk.

And I don't know if you know this. This is actually a thing that even, I don't know if you really even know this 100% is that inside of every Southern black person, there's a small little monochrome magic inside. Yeah, yeah. And then when we all gather together, you know, it becomes another level of, whenever they open their mouths, lift up their voices, they're able to actually chant in a way

that then creates an entire barrier of love and understanding. That's our true form. That's all true. That is beautiful. How wonderful. It sort of sounds like the care bears there. What? It's just, it's an earth thing.

It's a very powerful earth thing. And then I don't know if you knew this, but the actual RDR is actually a celebration of that magic inside of people. So that's actually why we celebrate it down there. RDR, it's like the two week long celebration. Oh, the RDR. Yeah, it's a whole, it's a whole two weeks of, you know, the magical floats.

You know, remember, you can get all kinds of trinkets if you show your butthole. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's why. John has all those trinkets. Probably, yes. Oh, so, suddenly.

Excuse me. Did someone save butthole? Is it time for the soup in the butthole? Oh, no, Oh, and so suddenly. Excuse me, did someone save butthole is the time for the soup in the butthole? Oh no, I think I'm all right. Are you sure? Did you want some soup in your butthole? No, I'm okay. You know, I can produce soup in any moment.

So, you know, that's right. That's Eastern famine. All right, well. And Fengi, Yelette, you're, are you tired? You're so tired. Yeah, I just, I had to take a break. You know, I was just living in your memories for so long. You know, sometimes I have to remember this is my sabbatical too.

So I just wanted to take a couple of minutes, you know, go to the bathroom, read a magazine. Okay. You know what, you can take as much time as you need. I say how did you, Melius? Yes, of course. How did you, Melius? Yeah, what's up? How are you? I'm doing all right. Yeah, you, uh, uh, hey, you want to,

you want to maybe hang out after you get to talk to me? Yeah, that'd be cool. All right. I have a camera camera and that's a little crush on you. Oh, really? Yes. I could hear you. You're not under the table.

Oh, yeah, that's good. I know. I said I would never go under the table again. All right, well, up and go now. But hey, if you need a, in that butthole suit, Campbell's Depot, let me know. Okay. Bye.

Hi, Gemini, all right? I'll see you later. Yeah. Hey, real cool. I remember Gem was real cool. Yeah? She seems cool. She's hot.

Yes, yes, oh yes. Now, we don't have a lot of memory gem that I'm wild from, you know? Oh, really? Yeah, people don't. Oh, yes. Now we don't have a lot of memory gumbling sound when I'm from you know, oh really? Yeah, people don't like to remember things, you know Like to just make choices and not to remember all the other things that come along with those choices. Oh, sure Yeah, sometimes now and every once in a while we're just knocking down like all kinds of like You know, I'll say I've like memory statues there some we've taken those all down Oh, that's probably for the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Dark Lord throw up statues, sometimes he first got down there and was like, no, shh, really? Well, because it was a memory that was from many years before, for a thing that nobody would ever remember. Nobody wants a memory, you know? Well, some people are just really invested in their daddy's memories. It would be one thing, if the memory had been made at the time of the memory, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I mean? To really understand, like what is the memory about? Sure. What is the significance of this memory? What does it mean to us today, you know? But not in the middle of like a giant town square. No, you know what I mean? No, unacceptable.

That's what I said. So I saw you guys have some meatloaf when I showed up. I know, you know what guys say, Jamelis, that I remember you make, magically make some of the best food I've ever had in food. And that's not saying much, but it is really good Yeah, you make something so we don't have to eat this terrible meat loaf Oh, what?

Well, I don't want to make sure it's okay if I if I do some food You know, I would never deny you an opportunity to share your gift Take some bad. I put it inside what Sure, no, no, no, no, no, get some big Take some batter, put it inside. What? Chip! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no can really smell the chirp in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is a whole new, whole new, you know, realm of spell casting I've been doing right now.

Really? Yes, it's not just freestyle, you know, I actually mix in some actual ingredients in there. You know, I have a whole chemistry to the things that's coming together, you know what I mean? They, you know, they call it, they call it this whole, it's called like a cooking music. You know, it's like, you straight out the kitchen. You know what I mean?

It's kind of weird because some people think that it's about other stuff, but it's really about making food. Yeah. But I think it's like mixing up like all kinds of potions and powders, but it's really about making food. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, but you know, there are some people who will take it and abuse it for the wrong purpose. and powders was really about making food. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, but you know, there are some people

who will take it and abuse it for the wrong purpose. Oh, like what? I mean, they're making all kinds of stuff, man. They're making all kinds of things in the mess with your head. You know, they're making all kinds of, we call them, you know, oceans. It's like, potions, but knockoffs.

You know what I mean? It's not quite a full potion. Yeah, but knockoffs. You know what I mean? It's not quite a full potion, but they're cutting it with other stuff. You know what I mean? They're putting like weird chemicals into their rear substances, you know? Like you're not grabbing, you know, specifically like frogs legs.

No, you're getting like, tadpole. You know what I mean? Unacceptable. I know, I know. Well, those things are gross, but. And it's ridiculous, you know? Or instead of actually pulling out an actual rabbit's foot, he is grounded up like Fox here.

Yeah. No, I don't know. I do like Fox face. People underappreciated Fox face. No, no, we search each other. Okay, nice. I didn't order any calamari. calamari.

I just made some of it specialty. This is just a bundle. I tea. This is a bottle. I Ordered the plate of but holes But I said calamari on the packet. I ordered the calamari because I love seafood. Yes, yes, I didn't know that was just specialty, you know, yeah, I love a girl cuz of seafood man Yeah, okay, I'm just gonna leave this here. I'm just gonna believe in this here, I'm gonna be- I'm in. She really likes you.

Hey, you know, I'm not trying to make it all weird or anything, but she's pretty hot. Yeah, yeah. Hey, just a warning, she really has to stay here in the tavern and let's cover up her murder. I don't want to like get between anything. It's going on. Hey man, sometimes you do things, you know what I mean?

Sometimes you gotta make hard choices. You know, it's you Sometimes you gotta make hard choices, you know? It's you that you are them. Yeah. Yes, but we couldn't deny sweet, fangy, yelling, the love that she so desperately deserves. Can we? Can we?

Can we? I mean, I guess not, but I mean, I feel like we've gotta get at least a little more blemish into this before we wrap up this Oh, fine Well, you know, let's take a break. Let's eat some of this delicious food and let's come back and and let's see if maybe you try Oh, I know I think he's busy tonight, Arnold like Like, Arnold. All night? Like, his date?

Out. Look, Arnold. Jamil, help me out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes, our friends meet someone that they care about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that doesn't mean that they care about us less. Yeah, sometimes, you know, it's, yeah, enough room

in your heart to love more than one person. Exactly. And maybe this is just a situation where, you know, Tussardor is claiming some of that heart space, but it doesn't mean there's not room for you. And if you feel a little sad, you can always eat your feelings. Yeah.

This food, oh, that's right. I'm eating my love, that's food. All right, we'll be right back. So, Jamilis, thank you. This food is delicious. Hey, I know what I can do, man. We're not gonna ask you so now while you're here visiting us in Hawkes facelake,

are you worried about the South without you? No, no, I mean, I think that the people that work with, that we all work together, we're a team, you know, we're a unit, you with, we all work together, we're a team, we're a unit, we always work together, it's by the grace of the phone that we're able to work together, we're always working hard, working as a unit, we have to always give it up to our game planning. We always plan ahead of time, we stick to the game plan, we follow it, we get it there.

And I got to give it up to the fact that, you know, we hopefully, hopefully, about into the season, we're going to be able to push Doug Lauren back. Yeah, whatever you're doing, it's working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but I want to get real with you right now. That's kind of the stuff I just give to the, you know, to the different town cryers, you know, to the people that are trying to write down stuff. But I'm a little worried now. Yeah, I'm a little worried. Oh, you're well, you just had to focus on the fundamentals. Yeah, it's always the fundamentals. And it's always going to come back to that. You've got to you've got to have a free spell. You got to have a fire spell. You

got to have a healing potion. You got those three. That's your triangle. You take care of that. You're good for all the other stuff is wonderful. If you can pull it off. It's great But it's all just it's all just for show, you know, it's just like the fundamentals But I'm talking about right there. That's what I'm talking about man. That's on time. No, I mean Appreciate your sister right there This stuff man, it's good I was I'm making this stuff, man. It's insane. It's good. But you know, as you sent it in the honest truth, is it your little worry? I was.

But then you know what? You got Phil. He just shows up. Look, I believe in the power of positive thinking, but like, if there's something you're worried about, should we be focusing on the things that we're worried about? Here's another reason not to worry. Good, always triumphs over the evening.

I don't know that that's true. Yes, I don't know that that's true. Yes, I don't know that that's really 100% true. That hasn't been true for the run of this podcast so far. Well, it's not over yet. We've been really, we've just generally been positive that things are gonna go well, and things have kind of just generally gone bad. I'm not saying that things are always good.

I'm saying in the long run, good, always triumphs over evil. That's true. That's true, man. In the great course of the universe, over the many centuries that I will live, I will see a general progression towards a better and better world. Now in your brief pathetic life, you may not see that. You may only see one.

My life is like a mountain expanse, and I can see the whole thing. Your life is like a window. They got buried under some dirt that you can kind of see a little bit of the landscape through. Does that make sense? I hate to save us the two wizards, but that's kind of an entitled attitude for you guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, consideration my health I will probably only live to be 90 95 90 6 years old So you only have about 30 years left

That's fine and in those 30 years all you want to have to do is work for the future generations Hey, that's all we do. It's possible that one of us could be destroyed and not to live to see that wonderful future Oh, I'm there, but you must keep your eye on the prize. You know, there's a saying down south, you know, that sometimes, you know, when you really believe in yourself, you're able to work together to be able to, to be able to push past the things that are in front of you, you know what I mean?

Whenever the, whenever some kind of magical bear is put in front of you, you're able to push through to the other side. You're able to traverse that yourself over that barrier. You can find your way to find your other side of that bear by going over it, so you've come to the other side by going over. So we can always overcome the barriers that we find in front of us. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah. We shall overcome. Yeah. Yes, well, that's a good way to put it, I suppose. Would anyone like roostasfeet? Oh, yes, please, thank you. I love you, I'm really. Hey, how's it going?

What's up? How's it going, man? I've bought you some roostasfeet. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm, you know, I'm, I love to, to try some of that. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,'s up? How's it going, man? I've bought you some rooster's Hey, you know, I'm you know, I'm allowed to to try some of that Would you yeah? Oh That's good that's good. Oh, you put some you put some paprika on it. I did I'm with you Thanks man, you know, you're right. You're I like you. You know, you're right. I like you.

You're that guy? That dude. That dude. That dude. That dude. Yes. I have to go. He's cool man.

He's like loud. That's cool. I like him. That's that's that's fang. Oh, yes. That was the same memory. The memory him. I like him. That's that's that's fangy. Oh, yes, that that was the same memory game of the earlier the memory Grapman. Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah. Right. I'm into that. I'm into that. Oh, blue. Oh, wait. What is this floating bubble that's coming over to the table? Oh, probably the results from your test. Oh, I'm too nervous bubble that's coming over to the table? Oh, probably the results from your test here.

Oh, I'm too nervous, I'm too nervous to leave. It's kind of a, it's not a super big bubble, is that bad? Is that mean? Oh, it's that horse-wish again. That horse-wish. Thank you for bringing the bubble in, horse-wish. Oh, get out of here. All right. Let me see, I'm unraveling this bubble here

I just you know I want to be a citizen. Oh look a blue stone. Oh Good yes, it means you pass. Oh, how did I pass? You know thinking I mean you didn't get a green stone, but you got a blue stone. That's pretty good. Oh, okay. Blue is... Pass it. It's passing.

Pass it. Yes, it's passing. What is worse than the blue stone? Oh, well, uh, there's the yellow stone. You definitely don't want that. Don't want that. Uh, you don't want, uh, the red stone. Yeah.

Uh, you coming, you could, you could have gotten the green stone. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, between that, there's the red stone. Yeah. You could have gotten the green stone. Or, no, between that, there's the orange stone. The orange stone is also the stripe stone. Yeah. The polka dot stone. Polka dot stone. The pure white stone. Yeah, then there's the sly stone.

Sly stone, yes. That one comes with this whole family of little stones around it. I sure was. You could have gotten the rolling stone. You didn't get that. Those are all better than the blue one, but that doesn't matter. You got a blue one.

It's absolutely passing. You met the bare minimum. Look, this is not just me. I had so many people help me. This is a Sharon stone. Like we all are going to share in my appreciation. I'm just glad also. Look, this is not just me. I had so many people help me. This is a Sharon Stone. Like we all are gonna share in my appreciation. I'm just glad also that I was able to, who was painful, I passed that stone.

I love stones. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And I love Sharon Stone. So now I am a citizen of food. No, nope, mm-mm, not at all. Remember earlier when we talked about how you had to do a trial with a wizard sponsor? Oh, Jimi, that's right. Would you be my wizard sponsor so that I can be a citizen of food?

I mean, we should all be citizens, right? We can let everyone, everyone must get stoned. But I actually, I can't't be your sponsor, man. This is kind of weird. I'm sorry to say this, but to be the wizard sponsor of someone, that person has to also take on all the struggles or be able to, the trial is based on their actual wizard sponsor.

And I'm just saying, I mean, honest, I'm the worst wizard to possibly partner with, because your trial is going to be the worst trial possible. Oh. My black wizard, man, it's hard. Yeah. It's hard, you know, you have to go through a hole like, it's like, this is weird thing, we have to like spend,

you know, a good like, three thousand years, you know, of being oppressed. Oh, three thousand years. Yeah, so only certain people can partner with me, you know. It used to be somebody who has a long lifespan Yeah, and if you're if you're like someone like you they're gonna compress it into this amount of your life That's like the three worst years of your life. Whoa I was hoping to bang this out by the weekend. No, I'm in there. Oh this other thing other thing

It's real weird is that you know and just being honest right now like they're always trying to take my citizenship away real weird is that, you know, and just being honest right now, like they're always trying to take my citizenship away. Really? Yeah. You know, down south, they're always redrawing all the townlines, you know, they're trying to, they're trying to adjust where actual town start and where town's in. And then, you know, after always make sure that I'm like always on it, trying to make sure that the right thing goes through so that I want to still stay a citizen, you know, I

try not to use magic because I don't want to, I don't want to be a citizen. You know what? I try not to use magic because I don't want to cheat. So to speak. Sure. Because that gives an excuse to be able to take that citizenship away from me. You gotta be better. You gotta be better. It's not fair. You gotta be even better.

Oh, yes. I brought you some Mandarin oranges. Oh, it's so sweet. Mm-hmm. Oh. Hey, you know, would you maybe want to eat one of these oranges with me? Oh, sure. They're being first-eared.

Yeah, there you go. It's a cafe, that's right. Yeah. This is cute as a banana. This is pretty adorable. Part of me, I unhinged my jaw and I eat straight through my esophagus. Look, that's impressive. It's gross, but it makes you think. might asophagus. Ah! Ah! Ah! Look, that's impressive. It's gross, but it makes you think.

Ah! I love it. Ooh! It was delicious. No later on, I'm gonna make you a whole banquet, girl. You're a disgusting person, truly disgusting. Oh, come on. I'm trying to be more supportive of the people around me

and the love choices that they're making. Fine. Well, I suppose Jimilis isn't the proper sponsor for you in this case, so we'll keep her looking for Wizard Spocker. I just want to know a little bit more about the sponsorship system. Like, look, I don't want to seem like I'm not willing to put in the work, but I got a lot on my plate. Like, is there are there wizards that it would be easier for me to have them as a sponsor? Potentially, yes

There's some the power they have, you know, too. Also, powers and vault. Yeah, like like like you said or I know you can't be my sponsor But like what does it mean when you sponsor someone? What kind of trials do they have to go through? Oh, it's like a revolving door You're just in damn it. just another way that it was a mistake for me to be your friend. What, what, what do you mean? Nothing, you're a good friend. I made you an extra helping of meatloaf. Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. This is really, I'm gonna continue to eat this other food. I appreciate that you made it. Video what? It's the making of the counts. Do you serve that meatloaf at your restaurant? Restaurant burned down. What? Or fell into the counts. Do you serve that meatloaf at your restaurant? Restaurant burned down. What?

Or it fell into the swamp? What happened to it? We forgotten. It's gone. I think it came back, but we prefer to think that it didn't. Yes, it is unfortunately. It's gone now. Look, I will pretend that I like Tussinor,

but I will not pretend that I like Tuchous Chow. I will not. My friendship. My friendship only goes, all right. So fucking far. Look, I'm sorry. I could only do so much and Chun is not here.

And he can love whoever he wants to love, but I will fucking not. I will not. I will not accept Chuchu's chow. And I'm realizing that that is also your storyline. And I'm sorry, Kisidor. I apologize for really ranting about this in front of you. If you're only going to have one emotional outburst on this podcast ever, don't waste it on this!

No, Chuchu's Chow is the worst! Is the worst thing that has ever happened! Fine! Here is the fact that I am including! There you are! I am including the dark lord fucking coming and imprisoning the whole town and making us have like some more low energy episodes from the beginning of season two.

This food looks so good. I am thank you, journalist. It's alright, man. It's alright. You said I'm sorry I said all those things about Tuesdays at work. I'm sorry I got upset. Also, thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got upset. Also, thank you.

Thank you to you. I'm helping us. Sometimes you just need some good home cooking. Yeah. Really puts things in perspective. No, the world out there is calamitous and dangerous. But truly all that matters is the love between the people that we know our friends family those dares to us You can always count on that person

I'm sure I'm embarrassing in front of like the best wizard This alright man, it's cute. I gotta go You're embarrassing us in front of like the best Lord. Yeah, my arm is the key. Your arm is the key. Blah, blah, blah. Gotta say, be careful, man. You know, be careful. Oh, I will be. What gives you reason to give me pause?

You gotta know your history. Your history will come back and bite you in the ass. Ooh, I like that. I'm going to read a lot of history books. All right. Ooh, I like that. I'm going to read a lot of history books this week. All right, well, speaking of reading, I'm going to read an email. You know, you can email us at Magic Tavern at puppies.com. It's a really email address. Here's one I got recently.

Hello, Arnie, Chant, Yustador, and any guest who might read this. I am pregnant, and my unborn baby is already a huge fan of your show. I like that's what I like to hear. We don't know the gender yet, but we are hoping for a human. So my question is, if you could suggest some nice, funian names that might work for a human. Many thank yous Maya from Sweden, I or Maja, but I think it's Maya, M-A-J-A from Sweden. Yousador, Jamilus, do you guys know any good Phunian names that might work for a human?

Well, uh, yes, I know a number of Phunian names that I think are really good. I, I really like, uh, dumb bipple. Dumb bipple? Yeah, dumb bipples are good one. Uh, I like Boroschnapp. Boroschnapp? Boroschnapp? Boroschnapp's nice. Ah, it just rolls off the tongue. Yeah. Okay guys.

You're talking about baby names. Oh, yes. I got a really good name. What about lightning crutch? Lightning crutch crutch Crutch. I'm sorry. How did I not hear that? I feel like I almost always hear the dirty version of things But somehow this time I didn't that is a good one. I like concrete concrete. Yes, it's a good good Solid foolish name. Mm-hmm sort of like hang on your woe. Oh, yeah, yeah Or Billy Yum Yum 2x2 Billy Yum Yum 2x2. I like ergo baby. Ergo baby Yeah, I like also like four stones four stones

But it's kind of great. You have to say four stones. I stones. Yes. But it's kind of great, you just have to say four stones. I like the name two chains. Two chains? It's just starting to seem like math to me a little bit. I mean, you did that test, right? I, yeah, I did, and I passed. Is there any chance that they, like, would mess up

on my score? Oh, I don't think so. I'm sure it went through a number of Magical revisions and checks to make sure that you got the proper score They don't do this thing really nearly okay. Oh, I also like the name heart surrender car What's that again heart surrender car? Hmm. Is that a boy's name or a girl's name? It works for both. Oh, perfect Well, Maya we've given you a lot of name options. I would suggest some, you know, it is like you just always associate the name with a person. So like, you know, I could suggest like, you name your baby fleek or um,

fucking philosophy guy, fucking philosophy guy or character that's still alive. Oh talk the name. Oh, yeah activity. Yeah You just name her or him makeup artist. Oh makeup artist. Girm was her name, I believe is her name. She's still around I don't know. Oh, I think she died. Oh, no, no. Well, find I hope not. Well add that to the list. Save O'Talk. Find out if Gern is alive. Well I don't get emails because I think it's stupid. But I am on Twitter at Yusudor the Blue. And just recently, I from the time you heard this maybe a month has passed, but it is worth

going back and looking at a terrible battle I engage in that I clearly won against my old frenemous frenem frenemannus my friend nemesis spin-tax agree one of our fair listeners at Dunwich Joy Assess us a simple question. I was gifted some magically pre-packaged and edible rocks.

Safe to eat, question mark, and then there was a second question mark, but no sentence in between. This prompted both spin-tax and eye to respond, and to battle each other to the finish. A battle which I clearly won. If you're interested in going back and reading that twitter exchange, it's now a moment on Twitter. Yeah, I know that you said, or, and Spintax fight to the finish because they eat they spinach. That's right. I think, what? Yeah, I don't know, sometimes I just reference things that I just bubble up from the back of my brain. No, okay. What if Blorth the Brown was my sponsor?

I'm like, what would I have to do for that? Uh, clean up the puke that he's probably sitting in, I don't know. Ugh. Alright, I was given the special wizard contacting Stone. What? I'm gonna throw it in the air. I don't wanna do this because I feel like she doesn't like me, but... I wanna be a citizen.

Wait. I didn't know you had that stone, how do you, who are you gonna contact? Oh, it's just, your girlfriend. Oh, no. Dun, dun, dun. You know, we haven't spoken in quite a while. Oh, wait. Really? Well, I don't talk about it too much anymore. Do I? Guess, no. No.

No, I'm sorry. Did you guys break up? No. Just not talking. We don't even know. She ghosted on me. Oh, I think she's literally a ghost. You've been listening to Hello from the Magic Tavern, because I guess your CD of young wolves being slowly pushed into a food processor is at the cleaners. Use it always played by Matt Young. Sean was played by Adolfi. Jamalist The Maw was played by special guest Anthony LeBlanc.

Anthony is a second city mainstage alum, and you can see him perform Monday nights with Dynasty at I.O. Chicago. Fangie Yelly, the memory Gremlin was played by Sarah Mahler, as well as Martin Wilson, the human embodiment of that emoji that looks like it's crying except the tear is coming from its forehead. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekampe, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Ryan to Georgie. Trisha, I'm gonna go look for Craig, you finish up here. It'll be like when they throw babies into a pool and they swim.

Except this time there's no water in the pool. Carry on! Uh, oh, okay, sir. I really hope you find him and if you find him, I hope he looks totally normal. So just read the stuff. Okay. Okay. The hello from the Magic Tavern logo is by Allard LeBan and The Theme Song by Andy Polen. Production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Do you want more Magic Tavern? Offices and bosses season 2 is currently in full swing on Stitcher Premium.

For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to Stitcher Premium.com slash Magic and use the promo code Magic. Travis McElroy was on last week's episode, and here's a clip from this week's upcoming episode with Momo the mouse with human strength. That is so, that's crazy. That's like so funny because it's like something that probably wouldn't happen because the mouse's are small and that's just like what what will do you think will next? Since I'm in Badger 4, I can use my sense of smell to track,

but that being said, there is, how do I put this plightly? There is someone in the tavern emanating a very powerful odor, this kind of, oh, okay, this kind of muting my abilities so let's not bring it up to you Sodor um yeah it wouldn't make sense to yeah if that makes sense

does that make sense hmm what's this Arnie there's been several days where I've been sitting next to you the whole day and you haven't noticed really the whole day hmm wow yeah you mumble some stuff to yourself when you're alone. Oh, details. Just like, oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh. That sounds like me. Such self-restration. Oh, man. Okay, so don't forget, you can get a free month on StitcherPremium.com slash magic and use the promo code magic. Oh my god, I did it.

Trisha, you did it. You did it and you did it well. I think. Oh god, did I do it well? Oh man, Trisha, you really gotta work on your self confidence. You really gotta work on yourself confidence.