Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 58 - Garbage Lady (w/ Betsy Sodaro, Live in LA)

Episode Date: May 7, 2018

Grunkle, the Garbage Lady of Hogsface, stops by the tavern for the first time in 13 years. Also, everyone’s getting old.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungGrunkle the Garbage Lady: Betsy SodaroGwendolyn, Endolyn, and Todd: Lauren Shippen, Julia Morizawa, and Briggon Snow from The Bright SessionsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. They're going to turn you back on now, Craig. Remember what we told you, Craig.

Remember, Craig. Your eyes are open, Craig. Remember who you really are. There we go, up and running. Welcome back, Craig. It was no easy task fixing you this time. Hmm, I'll have to take a look at that faint red glow from behind your eyes. But I'm late for intercepting the new handmaids tale. They say this week they're doing the whole thing as a musical.

Carry on! Oh, hello. I didn't see you all. I didn't see anything before, not like this. I have to confess I like what he's done with the place. Oh, see he's left me some notes. How perfect. The following podcast is not real.

Enjoy your show. It's a live episode recorded in LA at the Bootleg Theater and it's already in progress, I think I should have hit this button sooner, but we all have some things to learn. I just realized people are chanting for Mayor Manana. We all have some things to learn. I just, I just realized people are chanting for Mayor Manana, and I realize they're not here for the podcast. They're just people here to see Mayor Manana. Anyway, I know you're not just here to see me, although maybe some of you are.

Yeah! I just like to listen a little guilt-wooing. Um, I'm also joined by my co-host, my co-mayor, my good bud, the sheriff of Hogsface, Chunk the talking banjo. Oh, yeah, baby. Chiptip? How are you doing? So I just yelled chiptip, I mean.

But here's my question, how you doing chip chip? Chip chip is the local chimpanzee. Oh. Don't I look like a badger? I feel like I look like a badger. Well, you look like a skunk. But what if badger costumes were too expensive? But you know what?

It's not an insult to be chip chip chip chip I think is town treasurer. That's fair that's fair. I saw chip chip running around earlier he know he wears a plaid shirt and he was cutting down trees so other patrons could sit at the bar. And from the look of chip chip he's tired. Also I'm wearing my glasses. Oh that's tired. Also, I'm wearing my glasses. Oh, that's right. Y'all. Are badgers traditionally have bad sight? Do you...

Are badgers traditionally have bad sights? Do you human normally bat grammar have? You're a good friend. The worst thing, the worst thing about these glasses, is staring into your adorable, badger eyes when I'm halfway through a sentence and realize it's taken a bad turn. I can see your eyes get excited.

I really see them being like, oh yeah. I feel like, on the podcast, now I just wait for you till yeah, I make a mistake and then pounce on it. Yeah, like a bad yeah. I feel like on the podcast now I just wait for you till yeah, make a mistake and then pounce on it. Yeah, like a badger. Like a badger. Mm-hmm. So, chunk, the badgers have bad eyesight? Or is this like a shapeshifter thing?

Well, I think it's a shapeshifter thing. You know, my mother's a man to corps and she has 10, 10 vision. 10, 10 vision. Yeah. And my dad is a hunger ghost and he has spectral vision. 10, 10? Yeah. And my dad is a hunger ghost, and he has special vision. Yeah. He respects.

So I guess it run in family. Sorry to raise the mayor. How's it being mayor? You know what? We're all mayor, but it is my week to be, you know, where the sad. And you look amazing. Can I just say you're pulling that off?

Amazingly. Thank you. Yeah. I will say that wearing the sash is probably the part we focus on the most. Versus the actual responsibilities. Yeah. Chip-chip.

How is it being the sheriff? Being the sheriff is pretty good. I got this sweet ass hatty. It lays so well on your neck. Doesn't it? Yeah. OK. I feel like if I just kind of wore it on my head normally,

it would feel like my scalp was behind my neck. So I had to make do with what I have. Yeah. It's pretty good. I just feel like I have to keep a closer eye on Hogs face. It just feels like I'm a little more judicious, just kind of like eyeing thing through a new lens, you know? The lens of the law.

Yeah. Is it one of those things where you think, you know what, this town is doing alright, then you get some glasses and you're like, oh shit, crime! Yeah, I thought a lot of people were waving to me, they weren't waving. There's a lot more busted windows than I thought. I mean, it's gotten pretty bad. A lot of trash. Yeah.

Well, there's one thing we learned on Earth. If you have busted windows, you have crime, I think. I heard that somewhere. What a great fucking anecdote. Can I ask one thing before we bring out our other co-host? I know Mnana has a ceremonial sash right now. That's not the real mayor sash, but when he does wear that mayor sash,

that one right there, how does it shrink down and large back up for you? Yeah, magic. I feel like we've been doing that a lot lately, where people are like, what's going on? And we just go, magic. Well, I think it's normal when you fall into a magical land.

The first few months to a year, you really have in-depth explanations for all the things you learn. And then after about three years, you're just like, no, no, no, my ass. Yeah. Also, I feel like food is so magical. It's hard to just keep track of all the magic. There's just so much magic. Does that happen on Earth?

There's so much about Earth you have to keep track of. They're just kind of sacks in the middle. Do you have some sort of compendium on Earth to keep track of all this? Oh, yeah, books. Oh. Just book in general? To this book, one big book. Is there a specific book?

Yeah, yeah, one book. Yeah, it good. One book, what book name? You only need one book. Yeah, it good. One book, what book name? You only need one book. And that would be, are you there, God? It's me, Margaret, thank you. Thank you. If anybody, I like to always tell people this thing

that if anybody has any questions for any of us, any questions about the tavern or anything like that or what we're up to, you can always email me at chuntatjima.com that's chumped with six teas. And maybe we'll hear some emails. Yeah, and it'll be great. I let you have my phone and my butthole's fill out. Oh no.

Oh no. This is so embarrassing. Oh no. Shunt, you're getting old. First my balls, now my butt holes. Wait, I'm ruined. That was what I was talking about. Wait, where's the glasses?

Then your butt holes. I don't know what you're talking about with your balls. What? I mean, I have some guesses. You don't have that? What? What? I mean, I have some guesses. You don't have that? What? You don't have that? I believe the fifth.

As in, my balls are like a fifth of an angel lower than they used to be. Hey, and we're joined as always. By my other co-host, my other mayor, he's in charge of streets and sanitation. Eucidore the wizard! Oh, my God, okay, he's just a master of life and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, dip hour of chaos, champion of the great poles of turukets, the elves know me as Fiengelik, shut up, the dwarves know me as Suninenhoek Stenges, and I am known in the northeast as gas-winning as Mastar.

Oh and fear. Let's fear, feel thy very mind, as your thoughts do drift to the possible secret names that I shall dare utter for my lips. For if you were ever to come across one of these terrible names of mine, I most assuredly a duck would find you as you sleep. It would devour your liver and say, how do you think it feels now? I'm missing something. You should or what happened hand?

Oh, my hand turned it to pure black obsidian remember? Oh that's right that's right I said again like it's hard to keep track of everything. Yes it's hard as a rock and is beautiful. Already didn't you say there's someone on earth who was famous for wearing one glove? Mike Piazza? Yeah. You know me, I'm real big on baseball. I like this new quizzical Ernie. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, if you're not sure about anything, you can just add a question mark at the end

and it's not legally binding. You know, my hand turned to obsidian. Now most of my arm is turned to obsidian. That's probably not good. Yeah, guys, we're getting old. Your hand, his buttholes, his glasses, something about his balls. Let's not even get into it. No, thank you.

Yeah, and look, your sash is almost a belt. Oops, he's busy. I can't keep the sash up. I've got old man's shoulder. Oh, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, you can't keep this sash up. It happens to all kinds. Think about baseball? Mike Biazza. Hey, I can keep the sash up, but I was using the sash earlier. Um. Guys, my, my braining, what it used to be.

I'm getting old. Yeah. Yeah. Do we still have guests on the show? I, I forget. I literally forget. Yeah. No, I'm sorry.

I'm very excited about our guests. I just, you know, I'm enjoying a little use of door and chun time. Oh. Oh, thank you. It's nice to spend time with you as well. You know, we're so busy running Hogsface trying to make it better that I think we forget to enjoy our friendship.

Yeah, it's funnest to check in. That's beautiful. Friends night. Friends night. Friends night. Buh-buh-buh. Friends night Womba Womba Womba Bing Bong let's get out all the Guys I like to imagine you know this tavern. It's usually full of a lot of regulars

But you know, if someone could have wandered into the tavern for the first time someone could have wandered into the tavern for the first time. And it's red on by singing it. Yeah, and they're just like, what the fuck is up with this tavern? Must be baffling. Yeah, I think the new, our new slogan for the podcast should be, what this? But real quick, I'm going to get to our guest. I'm very excited. But real quick, friend check in.

How's our friendship doing? Like a skill of 1 to 10? You know what, that seems. You know what? You know what, it's lowering, right? Now it's lowering. How about this? I'm going to just say something I love about our friendship.

OK, or you could just say yes. And. Mm. OK, you know I don't like numbers. Alright, it's 8. I'd say 9.5. I would say a solid 10. Our friendships are nearly perfect.

Suck us. They'll never know what usedusudor truly thinks. Yusudor, just be... Yusudor, you can't cover your mouth with your hand to whisper because now that it's obsidian it just echoes back at us. Yeah. Oh, but can't I? Oh, I shall speak into any appendigy wish. Just because you swiveled slightly away from us. Doesn't mean we can't hear what you're saying.

Isn't that one your secret name swiveled slightly? Yes, yes it is. That's the duck one. Oh, but on evil rue the day he told me how I could move my chair. Someday I'll move his chair from right beneath him and he shall fall ass first onto the ground. He won't see it coming. It will probably be later tonight. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, John, lean into it. You said or can't see me right now. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm, just any, any, I don't know. Mostly the hat. Guys, okay, our friendship is perfect. Eight, 9.5, 10. The perfect score.

I did something wonderful for our friendship. This very week, I left town. I traveled all the way back to the great holes of Tarakas, who I did find, but the single scroll I built for many, many years. Shut up! That's a great book, though, Handmaid's a blur. It's pretty good. There are some sexy gymphs in there.

Deep cut. Now, no, I found a scroll with a ruin on it that told me how to improve my friendships and to make friends that last forever. It's to look you both deeply in the eyes and say, I am grateful for you. Oh, chont, I am grateful for you. You said, or buddy, I am grateful for you. Oh. Chant, I am grateful for you. You said, or, buddy, I'm grateful for you.

Thank you, Chant. Oh, wait, I didn't say that. You said, or? You seem like it was a bit of a call and response. You said, or, I am grateful for you. And I'm making eye contact, so I mean it. And bar patrons, we are grateful for you Somebody call me chip chip again

Little does already know there is no such scroll Oh How dare you! Come into my bar and mention the name of that green sholetin! I shall have words with thee later, and when I say words I mean I shall turn you into a frog's butt. Not even the whole frog, just a fucking butt. What are people talking to us while we're trying to enjoy ourselves at the table? Because we keep rewarding them with witty banter. Fair enough. But we should get to our guests. We should get to our guests.

Nope, sorry, this show's over, that's it. Alright. Fair enough. But we should get to our guest. We should get to our guest. Nope, sorry, this show's over, that's it. All right. Good app, good app, good app. You know what? At this point, they're like, I don't think they have a guest. I feel like they're still thinking what this? What this?

Magical tavern, what this? What this? I'll tell you what this is. I'm very excited. Please welcome our guest, a gruncle, the garbage lady of Hogsface. Yeah! Yeah, thanks for having me.

It's good to see you, gruncle. Very excited to be. I haven't been allowed in this tavern. You haven't been allowed in this tavern. For the last 13 years. Oh, no Pretty bad fight the last time I king they drank too much mead It happens to all the best right? I drank too much mead and then I diarrhea at all And the bar people don't like that yeah

Apparently where did the fight come in oh, yeah And the barb people don't like that. Yeah. Apparently. Where did the fight come in? Oh, yeah. No, I remember this. It was a diarrhea fight. Is it diarrhea fight? I mean, I diarrheaed out a monster, and I had to battle it.

Hey, I'm getting older. I've been there. Yeah. Right. there. Yeah! Right? None of us are getting any younger. I myself am over 300 years old. And every day is a challenge. But I go on.

Because who else shall stand up to the forces of evil? Who shall look evil straight in the eye and say not today? Who else shall fight and fight until evil is smashed beneath his very boot? None but you should all! But I get tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get tired quick too. So, Grunkle, you're the garbage lady. I am. I'm the one who keeps it clean for everybody.

Or, you know, comparatively, as clean as it is. As clean as it is. Um, yeah, I go from house to house and I eat everybody's garbage. Oh, that's a great service. Thank you so much for your service. Hey, thank you. For feeding me. Do you have any favorites in terms of like banana peels or any sort of metal? Oh, man.

I love broken ones. Oh. Oh, I break many ones. Lots of broken ones in fish. Of course. I love cauldrons full of spells that didn't work. Oh, so you like eating magical items? I do like magical items.

Also, I could get behind a bone. I always like eating a bone. So you'll compromise? I'll compromise. Yeah, I'll eat anything. I gotta, I'm the garbage lady. So if someone has a cauldron full of spells that didn't work, like they can just give that to you to eat,

they don't have to like dispose of those spells in some special way. No, I just swallow them and then they're gone. Yeah. That's what she said. Wait, wait, wait, repeat that again. That's what she said. Arnie, that's brilliant.

We should all talk in third person. Now, if you have a number of failed spells, you could also just bury it in the desert and wait till it's some other generations problem to clean it up. Oh. Why are you yelling at me? I didn't say hi, get it?

So grunko. Yeah, how did you get into eating garbage in the first place? I was born into it. It's been my family's thing. Your parents were both garbage eaters? My mother was a garbage eater. My father was some mud. He didn't do too much. So I guess it's my mother's lineage. It used to be a garbage eater and I thought hey that looks awesome. I'm gonna do that. Also I'm not good at anything else. I'm only good at eating like cans and rotted pumpkins. Oh, that's good. I'm very good at eating mats. You know where you wipe your feet off.

Like a dirty floor mat. Dirty floor mat. Wonderful. Yes. Now, Grunko. Him. Did you, you said you're not good at doing anything else? I'm not at all.

Did you ever once do anything else or tried to do anything else? I tried to ride a horse once. Oh. What, what happened? I don't know what a horse is. So what did you, what did you try and ride? A cactus. Yes, that would not go well.

It, uh, started off awful. But then after a little bit, let's just say I dated that cactus for a while. Ooh! That cactus was a bit of a grunk of hudders. Yeah. Well, that's wonderful that you had a relationship. What's happened? You're no longer dating the cactus? No, I'm no longer dating the cactus.

The cactus, he fell in love with the bird. Oh, I love birds. Do you? Yes, it's a well-established piece of canon. Is it that? Yes. Yes. Yes, there are people here being like,

I don't know what the hell this may or shit is, but I know you know what love's births. Well, it's just that they're so beautiful and they fly through the sky and they're covered in feathers and one day they looked out and they said, we shall form with the earth and the rain and the fire and the squirrels and other small wooden creatures and we shall call for the champion, a champion to defend all of them and use the dollars board! So that's why I love birds. That's pretty good, that's pretty good. Hey John, yeah yeah yeah. Where did I go?

I'd be good, Ethan. Hey, John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did Anaga? Oh. John, keep facing this way. John, is he used to work for re-election or something? No, he always gets up from the table, faces away from us, and Salilalquizes.

Salilalquizes? Salilalquizes. Salilalquizes. Salilalquizes, huh? He always does that. You never noticed that before? Yeah. Yeah. John, we're at huh? He always does that. You never noticed that before? Yeah, yeah. We're a 10.

We are a 10. We're a 10. Yeah. You said yours bringing our average down. Yeah. And I mean, I'm the shapeshifter. I've slept with animals, but he's been a real panda bear.

Yeah. Yeah. You said our... You said our... You don't want to know You used to know You don't want to know what you don't want to know what? fun Chunch is said oh I definitely do not wear it You and I yeah you and I are a team chunch bringing our average down grunkle grunkle would you like to join our team?

What can you join our team? I would love to join a team. We got all kinds of garbage we need. Yeah, I'll write them in. My house is half garbage. Oh, really? Yes. You know the house on top of the hill right outside of town? Yeah.

Yeah, it stinks. Yes. It stinks? It is nasty. It is nasty. Yes. I've licked it before. Ha ha ha, wonderful.

I don't blame you one bit. Okay. Please have at. Yeah. Enjoy. Oh yeah. That's a good question, grunkle. It's part of your service.

Do you just like, to people give you their garbage or do you just kind of go in there and get it? I, I will cut a slit in their screen door. Um, I will move their furniture around, like, just enough for them to be weirded out a little bit. Um, I'll get to know their animals very well. Like the cactus? And then when they're...

They've been a canter too that I've hooked. We should all be so open. We should all be so open. And then I wait until they're sound asleep in. I and I watch. What, they weren't asleep. What? What? They weren't asleep at this point? No, but I'm just like, hey. They could watch me do it. I'm not worried about it. I'm just going to fuck a cat. But don't worry, I'm going to save the weird stuff

till you're asleep. Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I cannot wait to cut out that audio and local oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, all sorts of tools allow you to reposition audio pieces and and and make people say things they never said before I made Arnold say I like butts and I just put it on a loop and I laughed all day long It took me a little while to learn the first clip I took said I love butt and then I put an S on the end So it said I love butts. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't blame you. I'm just the garbage lady. Grunkle, can I ask, I may have missed it.

You are made of rock. My father was some mud, and so I'm half mud. OK. It's pretty fun. I can get under doors sometimes, like Alex Mack. Mm-hmm. Huh. Already, do you have Alex Mack on? Do you know who Alex Mack. Huh. Do you have Alex Mack on her?

Do you know who Alex Mack is? You know Alex Mack, the troll who can turn into a puddle and ooze in under some doors? Yeah. Yeah, Alex Mack. Who told you that, Clarissa? Did she explain that to you? Yeah.

She explained it all. Oh. And then she made me like salutes of shorts. And she was like, hey dude. That's honestly grunkle. That sounds like some wild and crazy kids. I gotta say, it gave me guts. I doubled their year to say that again.

Arnie, join in. Have I mentioned we're getting old? Oh yeah, yeah. Nickelodeon. Yeah. So your half mud, the other half is wrong. Is human. I'm so sorry. If you weren't a heart in, if you were to be out in the sun and harden it all, would it be any sort of rock, would you turn into any sort of rock? Yeah, I would. Okay. I would turn into, what does my-

Like a doby or something? A doby. Yeah. I would turn into a doby. Wow. Yeah. But I try to keep myself moist and I constantly need myself

so that I don't turn into a doby. Yeah, you do. That sounds great. I once do a doby Yeah, I gave him a sock and set him free So I don't know all the terms for these things like are you like a are you like a mud blood? Arnold already already Blood? Arnold, Arnie, Arnie! Boo! Oh, no! Boo!

Yeah, man, fuck you, dude! Fuck you! I'm sorry! You can't fucking say that! Oh, my God! What the fuck is this? I am! I'm a guest on your show!

I apologize, but we are so sorry, we are so sorry. We usually get at least 10 or 15 more minutes into the podcast before someone yells fuck you with Arnie. Yeah, Arnie, fuck you and you're filthy mouth. I'm sorry, I don't know what I said. The whole tavern turned on me like I diarrhea and then fuck my own diarrhea. Yeah, and I know how it feels.

Yeah, I'm sorry. If I said something, it was not intentional. But I won't. You know what I'm going to do? To sort you out? I'm going to put this hat on your head. And I want you to weigh the responsibility of what you say in your actions through the lens of the law.

First of all, thank you for putting the Sheriff's hat on my head at such a jaunty angle. Ma'am. But what's disproportionate separation of power is this? Now the sheriff is the mayor and the mayor is the sheriff? Is there no law in order left in Hogg's face? Just someone have to stand up and become the keeper of law in order here in Hogg's face? Buh-buh. Who could it be?

Look, when you go to the voting booth this fall. And if it is not writ there, write it in and put down yourself the name of Yusunah! He's definitely running. He's definitely running. He's definitely running. Should we take a quick break? A little breaky? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

We have a new sponsor here in Fune. Ooh. To sort of tell us about their service. Anyway, if Mundle would play our sponsor music. Hello, I'm Gwendolyn. I'm Endelin. And I'm taught. And we're here from Gwendolyn Endelin and Todd's traveling executions. We're triplets. And we're the only family own traveling executioners in all of food. We're tired of gathering in the town square at Don only to stand shoulder to shoulder

with 200 of your sweaty neighbors waiting for four, six hours just to view an execution that goes by in the blink of an eye? Are you regularly underwhelmed by your experiences at public executions because you missed the best part when you had to step away to urinate or you didn't arrive in time to find a place in the first three rows or someone urinated on the first three rows? Do you think execution should be more fun? Ben, where are the family for you? With Gwendolyn, Endolan and Todd, you'll never be disappointed with public execution ever again. I'm Todd, I'm the height man.

During the hours leading up to the execution, I'm in charge of entertainment. We offer gains, contests, raffles, and we work with the best DJs in all of FOOM. If you're not familiar, a DJ is a death jester. You specifically skilled in the art of lightening the mood when death destruction in disease are at the center of attention. And after the execution, you can get a sketch of yourself next to the deceased by one of our renowned artists. I'm Gwendolyn and I'm in charge of conveniences.

Are you tired of not being able to see the action because you're stuck in the back rows? Don't worry, we bring portable stadium seating to all of our public executions. Are you tired of having to excuse yourself and go home and urinate? Urinate? Never fear. We bring dozens of portable chamber pots that have privacy screens and servants emptying every quarter of an hour. And you can't beat our concessions. From our famous death dog to our hangman's hamburger to our guillotine garden sal, you'll never be hungry again in a public execution. And I'm Endelin. I'm in charge of the executions.

Hey sis, tell them more about the executions like how we spice them up and stuff. All right, we offer executions for all preferences, cultures, and religions. If you want a traditional beheading, it can be done via acts, sword, or my personal favorite, the guillotine, inspired by the French. If you're not familiar, the French are the people of Fune who live in the trenches, also known as the Fune trenches, or Frenches, for short. We also offer the wildly popular electric chair, in which one person from the audience is elected to activate a giant throne that releases

1,000 tiny daggers into the convicteds torso. Oh, and we also offer the more modern, more humane lethal injection, which is just poison. And the best thing about Gwenzlin-Enslin and Todd's we come to you. That's right, we are 100% portable. And we are way cooler than Coachella. If you're not familiar, Coachella is a highly overrated music festival in the desert. If you would like to book a public execution with us, submit a request to your local town council members and they can contact us via Resonance Stone. Oh and coming soon we'll also be providing trial services including trial by combat, trial by fire and trial by snakes. That way all

your criminal proceedings can be handled at once. Gwendolyn, Endelin, and And Todd's your portal judge Jerry and executioner I've eaten the guillotine You ate a whole guillotine yeah, put a little hot sauce on it and it was fucking good What is your strategy to attack eating a guillotine? Oh, like nibble on it. I, I, I'm making slow. I like to take it nice and slow, get my mouth really bloody. Uh, it's good rate. Now who, who exactly put a guillotine in the trash?

The government. Oh, the government. Yeah. How I've had it with the government. Who exactly put a guillotine in the trash? The government? Oh, the government. Yeah. How I've had it with the government. Aren't you fed up? Whoa. Wouldn't you perverse when fighting for the voices of good,

a master of light and shadow, who shall not take any nonsense, who shall protect you, lift you up up and make things better in your life. Vote for Yusodar! Wait, wait, wait, Yusodar, what if someone, you know, what if you were in the governments and someone in government was trying to pass a law that you didn't agree with? With that pass, I would churn them into a dog. And then I would sell that dog to a family and I'd teach them how to love So so that bill would not pass? When say came back from being a dog and turned back into a person or an elf or a dwarf or whoever they are in the government

We could see if the law passed then once they learned their lesson about love from a family So what would you say to that bill if that bill was right here? And he didn't want to pass what would you say to that bill? If that bill was right here and you didn't want it to pass, what would you say to that bill? Maybe, stop down your staff. What would you yell at it? I would probably say, you can't pass here, baby. Arnie, Arnie. Arnie. I let him write to you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, I know, I know. I would say, um, forget about passing. Oh. That's one of you said, or is it famous? Was it catchphrases? Forget about passing.

Oh, guys, three and a half years in and I'm really finally enjoying this show. Should I read a few emails? Yeah, change. I would love to hear some emails. Let's see here. This is an email from Joseph Newman. Joseph says, who the hell is Benana, man? Benana, man.

He's the sweetest little banana. Can we dress him up in little pajamas? Can we give him a little sweet patent leather shoes? He's so cute and sweet. Oh, I love him. And he's the mayor once a week. Oh, this is sweet. Ta-ta-na-na.

And also, he's known as Mayor Manana. Thank you so much. I also have another email here. This is from Taylor. Taylor asks, Arnie clean? Did Arnie finally figure how to wash clothes? His shirt many cleaned. I did take a dip in the creek behind the tavern.

So I clean. Guys, can we have, and Grunkle, you're involved. Can we have a quick friendship check in? Yes. I think our friendship can benefit from us deciding which one we each are. Like, chun's the sexy one. Woo! Woo! I'm like the brainy one. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! I didn't care for that. Ha! But, I don't know, like, which one is grunk on? Which one is Yusador? Well, I think grunk will just go get her. Oh, she doesn't settle for things. She goes on fines for she wants.

Yeah. She devours what she needs. Garbage. She goes right into your house while you're still awake. Grape crawling. And when you're finally asleep, she eats on the garbage she wants. I eat all your garbage and sometimes your birds. From a cage.

Birds, birds are delicious. I love them, they're delicious. I fucking love eating birds. Feathers? Oh. God, I love when a feather gets caught in my throat. What's like you're cleaning out your throat? And you're guessing, Sam.

Yes. Oh, God, let's go get some birds. Yes, let's get some birds right after this. Great, I know a nest. Perfect. I know a good nest, real close to here. Did that help? Yeah, friendship being done.

Oh, but, Grunko, I have a question for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You clearly love your job and your good at what you do. So much, thank you. But like, what does a half mud, half human garbage lady do to unwind? Oh, what do you do with your personal time? You know what I like to do?

I like to take a bath. Oh, I like to take a bath. What do you, you're down in the river? What do you, do you have a home? I do, I have, some people would not call it a home. I call it a home. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's pretty much just like a hole in the ground.

That's why I live in a hovel. You live in a hole. Yeah, a hovel. Oh, what? Hauvel. Oh, that sounds fancy. Oh. It's pretty nice.

That sounds real nice. Yeah. Mine is just straight up, oh, I, to go to sleep, I just put dirt on top of myself. Little dirt blanket. I didn't bury myself. There have been nights where I've been dragged away by a bear thinking I was a dead creature.

And then I had to fight back, improve to him. I'm not a dead creature. But you win every time. Yes, I won't fucking do it. You'll mess up a bear? I'll mess up a bear. Diary a fight? Yeah, I'll just diary a monster and then it'll fight that bear for me.

That's smart. That's thinking. Thank you. You're welcome. You're's good. Thank you. You're welcome. You're fucking cool. Thank you. You've got to chill out. Anyways, I like to take baths. Oh, yes, use your baths.

Tell us about your baths. I like to take baths. I use baths, salts, yes, the kind that makes me think you're a zombie and I want to eat your fucking face off. But it really helps me calm down. I just love a good bath. Is it dangerous to take a bath if you're mostly mud? Well, I keep the water not very hot. So it's fine. Yeah, it must relationship to waters mostly temperature. It's all temperature wise. Not a lot of people know that. Like I said, I'm the brainy one. But yeah, I also, you know guys, I like to lay on my back, look up at the stars, I also, you know guys, I like to lay on my back, look up at the stars and see pictures in them. What kind of pictures do you see?

Oh man. I was a guy shooting an arrow, look like an archer. Wow. Yeah. That's fucking cool. Yeah, and it ran for five or six seasons. What's it you seen, Grubble? Jay.

What? What have you seen this time? Oh, I see like just a nice big black sky and some little dots. Oh, it's really neat. You really paint a picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't really have imagination. You barely see it.

Is that what it's called? Yeah, that's what it's called, imagination. I don't have that, because I'm half mud. Oh. It's okay, I have fun. I fun sneaking into people's houses and watching them sleep and telling the kid, I'm gonna put some plates on their back

and if they move. That's oddly specific. Grunkle, you do so much for us. You do so much for us. Thank you. You eat our garbage. It makes me sad to think that you don't have an imagination. If you would like.

Yeah. Can you what? Give her an imagination. Yes, I was just about to say that before you interrupt me. It's... Do you see what I put with here? I see it. Yes, I was just about to say that before you interrupted me. It's a... Do you see what I put with here? I see it?

Yes. And I'm sorry. Thank you. Holy shit, man. Thank you. Grunkle, if you would like... It gives from me a... Would you like a gift from him?

I mean... I'd get out. Well, you can't. Yes. I'm looking for a right-ever-day. I would bail. It's just, you know, sometimes you get into a thing and you don't know how to get out of it. God, yeah, don't get me started.

Because, you know, you just put all this time into it and it seems like it should work out. Yeah. And you want it to work out. And then you start, you just put all this time into it and it seems like it should work out and you wanted to work out. And then you start to realize who people really are. Right. And it's just like, oh, well fuck. What did I do? I don't like this.

I shall grant you an imagination. Yes. Ooh. And then you shall look up into the stars and you shall start to see. What do you see? She see things? Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait. With her imagination? Yes, Arnold, with her imagination. If you're willing, I shall cast this spell right now. I would love it. Baroth, tramp, pow, tangaw, meank, yaw. Pop. Whoa!

Okay, great, great, let me look up at some stars. Hey, just look out the window over there. What do you see? What do you see? Oh, I see. It looks like snow. It's an intro, but it's a star. Oh, shit, you said her, what did you do to her?

It looks like snow and I'm starting to smell toast. Oh no. What a wonderful imagination I give to you. I am truly the greatest wizard who has ever lived. Yes, and my left side is shutting down. Oh, this is fun, I've never felt like this before. You're welcome. Oh, thank you.

Imagination, mood of funk. Who, you used to know? You said, is there a cure for imagination? Ah, of course, there's a cure for imagination. Getting a job. Am I right? I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I Oh, yeah. I love having an imagination. Well here. Let me give you an imagination that also lets you use the left side of your body. Okay. Rom, baya, ral, baya, d'al, baya. Yeah. Pink. Ah, cool. Does that feel better?

I feel way better. Oh, cool. Still smell toast. But I'm not upset about that. That's right. Ooh, I suppose you don't get a lot of toast in the trash because it's so delicious. People love to eat it.

Yes. Even if they overburden it, they scrape it off. They eat it. Grunkle, what is your relationship to the types of food that normal people eat? Like, do you just eat garbage? One time I tried a rotisserie chicken. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And you're... Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Details? Yes, yes more.

Well, it was 13 years ago. Yes. I was like, what? Details? Yes, yes more. Well, it was 13 years ago, and I had some rotisserie chicken, and I came for a beer, and then I diarrheaed out of monster that I had to fight. So I'm going to say I can't handle normal food. Yeah. I've had a similar experience. I have. Yeah, can I help you?

Well, let's just say it involved the Kenny Rogers roaster. Oh, I hear that. I don't have you considered switching to eating garbage then? Have you ever tried it? I feel like I mostly do eat garbage. Also, who's Kenny Rogers? Also, who's Kenny Rogers? Yeah, who's Kenny Rogers? Well, he looks kind of like Yusidor.

That's all right. Good on him. Good on him. Yusidor, you gave Grunkle imagination, are there expanded modes of perception you could give to each of us? Well, certainly. I am one of the greatest wizards ever to walk through the land of food.

What? Thank you. What modes of perception would you want? I don't know. Hunger. Hunger. I know this. I'm not doing an improv show where I'm asking for suggestions. I'm asking Arnold a question.

Pineapple, man. Oh, yes, pineapple. Fowest fun. I don't know. I guess I could think of things I would like to do better, but I don't know if there are opening the doors of perception to things that I don't even know are out there. Oh, you want to pierce the veil.

Yeah, like could I see time or you want the perception of a very wizard? I, for I do see trails everywhere I go. I do see magical connections that are invisible to you. I see great power flowing through each one of us as the power of love and hatred to combine and fight and tear each other down. I see everything. I see the very ideas within tiny, tiny brains. Do you see skies of blue? Fields of green? I see. Yes, I see those things.

Let me ask you something. On this path, you see darkness is coming down the path. You step in front of it. What do you say to it? Do you let it pass? I... Oh, God, I hope this is good the second time. Do you let it pass? I... Oh God, I hope this is good the second time. I...

I would stop. I would turn to you, my friends, who are all at a 10. Oh, yes. And I would say fly you fools. And I would turn back. Wait, by saying that, do you mean that we should take the darkness and write a giant eagle and cut to the chase and... Oh, I think he's saying, you're pretty fly, you fools.

Oh, thank you. Then I would turn back, face my enemy, and I would say, you ain't passing nothing. My butt's staying right here. You ain't gonna pass this ass. Whoever on earth is in charge of our t-shirts. Get to work. Make one that says magic tavern what this. And don't pass this ass with just a use of the door's face.

Well, guys, I feel like we should be winding down our time, but I'm just having so much fun. You know, hanging out with a ball. Yeah, it's been so wonderful to meet you, grunkle and you learn. I've been eating your guys' garbage for all these years and watching you sleep. Aww, a little. And like, I feel I know you guys, because I also will take baby pictures. Wait, in the moment?

In the moment or? Well, from your photo album stuff. And I've studied you. I know your schedules. But it's so exciting to get the hang of with you guys. It's so exciting for us. I mean, to have a muddy buddy is just like the coolest. I mean, you's so exciting to get the hang of with you guys. It's so exciting for us. I mean, to have a muddy buddy is just like the coolest, I mean, you're such a cool, you give back to nature.

You know, I feel like you do such a great service. So I just want to thank you for your service. Oh, well, thank you. Nobody's ever thanked me before. Thank you. Arnie, do you have crunkles on earth? Or like half crunkles or great crunkles? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you know, you're like a crunkle to me. Hmm? I don't know. Oh, thanks. I think what we're all saying is we'd all like to thank you and thank you, Chund, for starting that. For we are sometimes not gracious enough, and I want you to know, I am grateful for you. Oh, oh my God. Yes. OK.

You're welcome. Shit, thank you. My pleasure. I gotta say, like, there's something happening. Right? Well, did you see that? The next sky. The archers are just shot an arrow above your heads.

Whoa. Whoa. Someone in the audience has a real good imagination, too. Let's go, let's get some birds and see how these things go. Oh, yeah. Do you like eating full eggs? Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

I'll just swallow an egg hole for sure. Oh hell yeah dude. That's what I'm talking about. Oh yes. Sometimes I put soup in my butt too. What? I don't like it, but I'll do it. Hey man. I'll ladle it out. Oh this ass pass. That's our show. Thank you so much. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. All done? Good. If I told you that none of that was real, would you believe me? What if I told you that you Siddore the Wizard was performed by Matt Young and Chant the Badger by Adelber Fine? Gronkle the garbage lady of Hogsface was played by Betsy Siddaro, you're free to confirm

this by checking out the Netflix series Disjointed, as well as her podcast, Horny For Harbor. Gwendolyn, Andalyn, and Todd were by Lauren Shippen, Julia Morizawa, and Brighan Snow from the podcast audio drama The Bright Sessions. And that's at thebrightsessions.com. If this week's offices and bosses, oh, derivative spin-off. This week's offices and bosses will also be alive show from LA, with special guests Zach Reno and Jess McKenna from Offbook, as Blue Tigers.

If you're not a Stitcher Premium subscriber, you can get a free month and listen for free at StitcherPremium.com slash magic, and use the code magic. Here's a clip from that. Let's go ahead and go to, as you're, why don't you let us know what your character is, what their name is, what their maybe office position is. Yes, I picked the normal Earth name of Bex New App. I am playing the class of Tech Bro. Good, good, good, good.

Do you want to give yourselves one or two items that might come in handy along the way? Yes, his items are a diverse stock portfolio. That's a good one. Oh, let me look at my character. He's wearing a... Oh, okay, it says white t-shirt and jeans, but both are more expensive than they should be, but still made in China. Great. Let's go to Cerulean. How about your character? Yes, I will be playing Winsome Winthrop, and she is a investor.

All of her money comes from a trust fund. She's 26 and says, yeah. She's wearing a crop top and then several shawls. No one knows how she can keep all the shawls on her small frame, but somehow she manages. She's also always drinking the end of a giant iced coffee. Always the end. Yeah.

I do have a power, a modifier, where I can contact Daddy. Poland, logo by Aller-Tleban, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit them at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago Podcast co-op and thanks to Ear Wolf. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a look around. Woohoo!