Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 59 - Activia (w/ Tawny Newsome)

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

After over three years missing, Activia Barleyfoot, daughter of Otok, returns to the tavern.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungActivia Barleyfoot: Tawny NewsomeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

People of Earth. The following podcast is not real. Well, it's more real than Frekenomics, but not quite as real as two dope queens, you know. But the big takeaway is this is an enjoyable diversion hastily thrown together by human actors. Is it though? Craig, what are you doing in the corner?

Seems your row is lurking somewhere these days. Sorry, I was watching and waiting. Well, I'll tuck that behind one of the windows of the creepy answer advent calendar. Go check on Trisha in the subordinates lounge A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About three years and two months,ish ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm

still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff, and I use that to record a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon. And that podcast is, sorry I faced out for a second. That's right. We have decided to rename the podcast, sorry I faced out for a second, chunt. Thank you.

I should have written that down. I'm mundle. I'm going to start over from the beginning. Alright. Having a, I feel like that's an apropos introduction, right? Oh, that could be, yeah. So I should, from now on, I'm gonna start every episode with, sorry, I phased out for a second. Uh, perfect. And, and then you jump in, because that's a thing. You gotta jump in and like, save me in that moment.

Don't be a lifer, I've, great. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host, Yusador, the wizard. Uh, wassai, I phased out for a second. Oh, Yusador. That is so odd. Oh, sorry, I- Oh, sorry, I-

Uh, I am you said or. Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius Master of Light and Shadow Minimulator of Metal Delights The Vowler of Chaos Champion of the Great Holes of Tarakus The Holes of Nobius Viann The Dwarf Nobius Zodyn in Hukesangies

And I'm... Noon in the North East Dis gasminiest Maystar. Oh, that's in us. And there may be other secret names. Oh, trust me, friends, if you were to air here these names uttered, why your very eyeballs would pop out of your head, your ears would fall off of your side head, your mouth and lips would be sewn shut, your nostrilsrils would close and soon your head would be as round and as smooth as the most polished stone you've ever seen.

I know one of your secret names. I'm sorry what? Hey! This is a small child. Hey what's up? Hey! Hey I'm Drew. What's up?

Are you used to door? Yes. I know one of your secret names. I doubt it but if you think you know it, these utter Yes. I know one of your secret names. I doubt it, but what if you think you know it? These utter it. I'm your own peril. I'm part of the trash can, kids. And we know you as peppy nonsense.

Yeah. Yes, the trash can, kids. Know me as peppy nonsense. The trash can, kid. Yeah, TKK, baby. How? Um, I'm here to see if could Yusador come out and play? Oh, I'm so sorry.

The orphan that I was racing kid Yusodoa who lived in my hat. Yeah, he's left. Are you fucking kidding me? Hey, watch that trash can mouth on this kid. Are my parents? I am. I'm Pappy Nonsense. Fuck you. Whoa!

You're like Yusobore. Hey, do me a favor. Can you hold your tongue for a second? Sure. And then say you were born on a pirate ship? I was born on a pilot stuff. Yeah, you worry pieces How I know I can die Can't get out of here. That's my catch for you Wait, wait are you aren't you can't yeah?

You're legend. Oh, I'm an Arnitian I'm an Arnit I practice the religion of Arnitian. I'm an Arnid- I practice the religion of Arnid. Wow. How is such an honor to meet you, sir? Could-Can I-Can I call you, um, a trainer, Arndog? Uh, no, I would prefer neither of those. Please, you can call me Arnid, though. That's great.

I-I have a bracelet here. It's, uh, it says WOD. WOD? Yeah, what would Arnid do? Oh. Okay, what? You just wanted W? What? Just one W? Meet? Just one W.

Meet me under there. Under where? What just made you say underwear? This guy fucking sucks. Yeah, he does. But hey, well, look kid, I'm sorry, this is a tap. Maybe you should, you should scamp rough. I'm glad that I'm the center of your religion, but, um,

That's all you have to say. Pretty much. All right, I'm sorry, bud. I'm okay. It was nice to meet you, aren't you, doc? It was nice. Well, hey, don't let it's Arnie. Later, Sucker.

Well, wow, why are you being so cruel? Where's it, Sucker? Well, smell you later. Get out of here, kid. Get out of here, kid. Chant, why did you let that child talk to me in that way? I know, you were just dead silent that all time. Sorry, face out for a second.

Yeah. What manner of pervert and fuckery is that? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, TV. Yeah. Yes, I'll TV a barley foot Everyone sit down. Oh, all right. You sit more down. I was okay. I can move this chair I need you to sit lower to the arm. Okay. I move the chair. I'll sit on the floor lay on the ground I'm laying down if I lay on the ground. I won't be able to get back up. That's the point Okay, I can tell you of weak knees. I do I'm out John yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,. Sit out. John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being Yalek, you have some explaining to do. Well, you see the thing is, about three years ago,

Arnie fell through a magical portal here into our world, Foon. Sure, that tracks. And he started a podcast. That's what all of these magical implements here on the table are. Oh, what? It's a sort of a, imagine a theatrical show.

Oh I like them. That you cannot see but only here. That's very stupid. I agree. But we send it back to the world that he comes from in hopes that someone will find him and take him away from here. It's like what if you could monetize a conversation? You cannot speak yet.

What a time to the floor. Okay bear bear. Ch cannot speak yet. I'm on the time of the floor. Okay, bear, bear. Chant, your turn. Um, we thought you lost to the falsetto marauders and we sent a party looking for you. You thought I was lost. We thought I was lost. We thought the falsetto marauders ran off with you and that you were lost for- No, I ran off with them.

You want a kidnapped? No, no. Do I look like a woman who could be kidnapped? I'm eight feet tall. You're very tall. Who's gonna kidnapped me? You're much more intimidating than I would have guessed. And your post game is incredible. Thank you so much. I've been working on it. Now look, I ran off with them because I met a man I loved. Oh! His name was Chris Sandwich. I that's a great thing. It didn't work out.

All right, much as I loved him, he couldn't handle me. Oh, I'm sorry, what happened? He just kept making sandwiches, and I don't like them. Activia, to be fair, his name is Chris Sandwich. Is that the guy whose dad's name is Man? Man Sandwich? Oh, I'm thinking of Man Witch. I'm sorry, I didn't know where... That's a totally different...

I haven't given you permission to speak yet Look I ran off with them. We killed a load of sheep Smacked a bunch of babies and when I had my fill of that I said I want something more So I went on a killing spree What so sorry a killing spree? Mm-hmm off-killed more people than you've ever met. That doesn't seem like it's mathematical. Well, get with it.

Oh, yeah, okay. Is that collectively? And then I come back to try and reclaim what's mine. They see a tavern and I find it. Populate it with perverts and idiots. Well, to be fair, Arnie's both. Hmm. I'm more idiot than pervert.

All right, now I'm interested, you can speak. Hey, I'm just a man from another world, and I love this tavern, your father's tavern. Is that why there's some kind of a mechanical chariot crashed through it? Well, you know, there was a zombie attack here in the tavern and to save a Chant Yusador's life, I did have to drive my mechanical chariot through the wall.

And I keep meaning to push it back out into the woods. I'm sorry about that. In our defense, it was our idea to raise the dead. What you're doing raising the dead, my home mission in life is to kill people so I don't have to look at their face anymore and here you go, bring them back. We were trying to talk to him to get information? Oh, but, Activia, I must be the bearer of some bad news. Thine own father has gone out on a quest seeking thee and has not returned. For, oh, quite a while.

It's been a while. Like, he went off to try to save you, like, ugh, like, somewhere in season one. How could you let him do that? You know there's no sense of direction. You've ever seen him try to just turn in a circle. He goes in a square. I hate that. It's the worst. You're like, it seems so easy not to do the hard right turn. He's all angles. He's going to do a donut and then he does a toast.

You cut send him out alone. You didn't do that, did you? You sending with somebody? Oh no, we sent him out with a group of travelers and where a day they came back. Yeah, they came back without him. Yeah, yes, you've killed my father. Well, I don't know. Look, look, look at this parchment. Look at this scroll. I have a list of things that we're trying to accomplish. The defeat the void, defeat the dark Lord, make Hogs face better, season two of offices and bosses, which we're already making. What's that, what's that, what's that bit? Oh, it's a spin-off podcast that we're doing. I'm not a fucking podcast. Oh, sorry. Sorry, what are you doing? It's a little different. You can only get it on Stitcher Premium. Is it just you guys on it? No, then we also have

guests on there. You don't think you want to leave space in the landscape for some new voices to come in? Well, we shouldn't do that. Yeah, gosh, I'm really trying to think if it's worth trying to describe, explain what a pay wall is. No. Try... Try me. Oh, boy. Is it a wall you got to and you have to give a troll money or else he bludgeons you with a hamhole?

No, here's the thing. There is a troll in front of a wall, but there's just really delightful things on the other side of that wall. You don't have to go to the other side of that wall, but if you do want to go to the other side of that wall, um, for like extra chit-chats and stuff, you have to pay the troll a little bit. This is who's the troll.

Um, who's the troll? I'm trying to think of an answer that won't sound bad. This doesn't make good business sense. All right. Well, we're trying it out. When I was with the Fossil Marauders, after my love explosion exploded, we decided that I would be there counted.

All right, and I became the primary business person. Then I took them over, then I I became their king then I killed all of them and now I've been on a rampage you killed all the falsetto marauders I did well it's a version of killing actually because I did love them so I actually I did my version of killing I touched them how how does that work you know how the one thing that makes most men the angriest in the world is if you tell them to be quiet. Yeah, I mean...

That's what I did to all those bloats. Oh, that's good as dead. Basically, you've been standing listening to like a music performance and behind you there's a bloat just, eh, eh, man, I saw them in 96. They're back then, they didn't use to have a single, they only had the one he'd been, no one liked it, but I like it. I turn around and I go. Shhh, they melt into their boots, I'm so... Oh, they probably castrate them.

That's what I did, and I did it all in the food. I'm the most feared woman in food for my shushing. Oh, well, if you're so terribly feared, I suppose you could go anywhere and do anything you want to the king of what's left of the false otomorotters. Yeah, but yet you've come back here. It's my birthright. This is my tavern. Your family tavern? And you've destroyed it. We messed it up a little bit. Well, we've been so busy trying to make Hogsface better that we have kind of haven't had the time

for upkeep on the tavern that we could or should. Isn't that just like a bunch of men, just not having any regard for the aesthetics of the environment you're sitting in, where you're running your business out of? That's true, I probably, I now that I think about it, I don't think we've done the dishes in this tavern for like two years.

I was showin' what that smell is. Probably, I mean, that smell could be a lot of it. I thought, well, boyfriend, Chris sandwich, come here to make a garbage sandwich. Oh, it does kind of smell like a Chris sandwich in here. Hmm, Chris sandwich. Yeah. Can I get that before 10 a.m.?

You could only get it before 10 a.m. Activia, just so you know, and I don't want to tell you your business, but recently Arnie made a decree that he's gonna try and prevent any killing so Whatever you need to do to us. We're happy to apply to you. This is your place Yeah, if you guess I know if you have to go on a spui maybe Something besides a queueing spui like Like what I don't know maybe just like a hug and spree or a hugging spree okay or maybe something more intimidating maybe just like a scowling

spree we a scow at people what a scow yeah scowling it then what does that do like oh it just it's in their life think of it no here's the thing I'm really trying to start a new thing in Hogsface, which is No one dies. Oh, that sucks. This guy right here. I'm a killing right now. No, no, no, shit, Arnie, it's the one angry man from when JinLinfee gave you the trial. That angry man's probably not gonna say something. Why are they pointing this knife at me? Hey, hey angry man. Hey, why don't you just say one nice, sincere, nice thing

about activity at Barleyfoot, the woman who now owns the Vermillion Minotaur in the absence of her father. Well, I Think you're I think you're very intimidating and tall. Oh physical oh No, no, no, hey, you know what let's give him a second chance. Hey one angry man. Can you my name is Horace? Hey Horace, can you say one non-physical complement about activity? Keep in mind she has a knife. This knife came from my boot. You know it's in my bra a machete I don't know you very well, but I really like the way you have

the way you have redecorated the tavern. What? I just... You're the owner, that's what they said, right? You go in the tavern? Yeah, I do, I do own it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like the way this looks then. Yeah, I like this like open concept thing you got going on. Yeah, that's what it is. So you can be in the kitchen, but you can look through to your guests in the salon. Yeah, exactly. I like that. Yeah, yeah, I did that. That's right. So you, you come here a lot because you like the, uh, the static, huh?

Yeah, and I think you have pretty eyes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no rock All right, I'm at a crossroads. Yeah, I'm at a quandary. I got something stuck in my crawl Oh, other sayings That blokey logs where this place looks even though I think it looks stupid Maybe you all looked up for something all right I was gonna come back here and bring what's left of my thieving friends and have them try and redecorate the place But have you ever seen thieves redecorate the place but have you ever seen thieves redecorate? No, what are they redecorate with? Just, you know, mallets and really clubs and there's black masks they wear.

Weapons! That's very good and wachy! As long as they have! I don't know if that's the look we want to go for because you guys have already smashed it up. We have smashed this place up pretty good. Over there is where Krom the Fingarian killed a bunch of people a long time ago before no one dies. Oh, so you let him kill? Let's see, sexist.

You let some blood come in here and kill a world of people. But you won't let me kill a world of people. What? What is going on with that? Well, a world of people have been killed by women around here too. For women, name, name two women. Well, 52 sacks of sentient flour killed a fucking philosophy guy and fleek, the guy who used to sell his teeth over there.

Oh, right, that's one woman. And then Tannik and the panglet, she killed a bunch of or... What, did she kill anybody during that battle? Maybe not. Oh yes, oh just for fun. She killed a lot of patrons that day. Oh, a terrible dark day that we almost set out upon mine quest and then we're sidetracked by the appearance of the dark lord himself. So you know, it's been an equal opportunity killing her.

Well maybe not equal, but you know, we're working our way towards it being that way. I feel like there's a loose Dutch ceiling. Um, mate, I've never really looked up at this ceiling. It feels like I can see through it, but I can't get through. Oh! You just put this Dutch ceiling up there, so I can't kill the people I won't re-kill. I just realized that's a metaphor. It was literally looking at the ceiling.

Well, we need to let her break through that, that's the only. Okay, but then it's gonna rain. I'm not tracking anymore. Did he still the thing I was doing, or are we on a note thing? I think it started as a metaphor, turned literal, and it's slowly becoming a different metaphor again.

And you talk for a living? I mean, look, living is a strong. Oh, I assume the only reason anybody did these podcasts is that you made loads of cold coins out of them. I mean, loads. Do you have any sponsors? What's going on there? Well, we do have sponsors.

In fact, you know what, let's take a quick break. Let's refresh our drinks. And we'll listen for our sponsors and we'll have more with Activia after this. Oh, he's bleeding out. So, Activia, I know, before you get back to your sort of murderous rage, I would really love to hear more about your time away. I'm cooled down now. I'm a bit cooled down. You've got me for a minute. Okay, great. Yeah, you know what, when I first got here, O'Talk, your father would just talk about his, his lovely daughter who he was worried about, who he, who he said had run off for. I guess I assume was abducted by the false set of marauders. Yeah, do you see how your implicit bias works?

You believed it, because I'm a woman, and because he said, I'm delicate or whatever, my lovely daughter, you assume I was taken away as opposed to having my own free will. Oh, I'm seeing how wrong I was. Like, you so you ran off with the false set of marauders yourself? I did, I sought them out. They came into the tavern one night. They were gonna, I don't know, kill a bunch of sheep or smack a bunch of people's babies. I don't know what their plan was that night. And I sought them out and I said,

you look like right bloke, so like your leather pants. And we set out on the road together. And you were like killing sheep, smacking babies, that's the life for me. That's what we do. Why does so many sheep, we don't need all of them. That's true. But not that code. Yeah. So what was it?

What was it like running away from your home and your whole life to just run off with a gang of tuffs? Oh, it was Evan. It was Evan. Oh mate. You have a dream of a life on the road, you know, just stopping at different our pick stops and whatnot grabbing snacks as you go. Oh, I like snacks. I love snacks. See, we're not so different. Oh, hold on, I'll do it a little too familiar then.

Oh, sorry. No, see, you've formed a common bond here. Er, much, I also become a dear friend of ours, as much as we are a dear friend to your father and to your entire family. Er, Arnold has become a staple of the familion minator. And... You vouch for him then. I do. Arnold is my friend, and I shall stand by his side

to the bitter end. Yeah, for almost three years, I've used this very table to record my podcast every week, and I have been staying in the nicest room in the tavern. Um... And you talk to people like you're talking to me now. Yeah, every week we have a different guest, people from around Hogsface and Foon and just kind of learn what their deal is. Well, I bet my story is the most interesting out of all of them. I mean, sure...

You interviewed all those people, and interview me. Okay, absolutely, absolutely. So, um, Activia. What? What? Don't say what's next. What? What's up? With you these days. What's up? I'm back to get the tab.

No, ask me a real quick, like an investigative journalist type question. Okay, well, what are you hiding? Well, I guess, uh, I guess I, when I was out on the road, uh, truth be told, I didn't always have the best sense direction. Oh, like father like daughter. Yeah, that's what they said. They made fun of me. We'll set them around as they did, because I meant, I was meant to be dead king, but I kept getting us turned around. That's going to be

tough for the people who are following you because if you're just turning around in like a tight circle or square like they got to go way around to follow you. Yeah it's like I was doing a hairpin and they were locked out of like a fan you know or something. It was bad. Can I give you a tell us about when you make Chris English. You gonna make me go there, are you? Was it Wove, Flew Wove? I thought it was. Did you discuss marriage? We did. We talked about sweet marriage.

I loved him so much. But he made me... He wanted me to... I'm not crying. Oh sure? No! Did he want you to stop killing? He did. Stop smackin' babies and killin' she?

He did. Oh, did he want to get out of the life? He did, he was trying to go straight. He wanted to start a lot of ways out. On you can't go straight, you can only go around in circles. I could literally only turn around. Yeah. But you have to admit that he was trying to be honest with you.

He was in, you know, an open-faced sandwich. But who likes them? You can't honest with you. He was an open face sandwich. But who likes them? You can't even hold them. Yeah, they're the worst. You can't hold an open face sandwich. You need a knife and fork. And the man I love, I don't need sharp implements to pull us together. Yeah. So what made you decide to come back? Being with the four-setal Morales was like the first nine months it was a happy story ever been. I thought I had a purpose and then when that all went to shite, I thought what's

the second happiest place I ever been? And that place was the only other place I'd ever been. This place. Yeah, you know, you know, activity, I kind of know how you feel when I was your age, I had only lived with my family, you know, Ohio my whole life. And I was like, I've got to lived with my family, you know, Ohio my whole life. And I was like, I've got to get as far away from Ohio as possible. And so I went very far away.

And then I was like, this is too far. And what, I'm going to find a place that's just a little bit far away from Ohio. Like, maybe there's like a place like between the hog's face and wherever you're in off to. Are you suggesting I don't stay here? Oh. In my tavern?

Well, we assumed you went to leave the tavern in our good care and be free to go wherever you like. You could settle Densker, you could go out and look for your father. Your father was very concerned about your welfare Yeah, you're starting to pull in my father's name a lot like you're trying to get him a good grace This convinced me of something I shouldn't be going well. No. I know. I just want you to know that he loves you very much And was very good Though he may have let us down a incorrect path about where it happened to you

You're good at magic. You're bad at lying. Well, how dare you. Hey, how dare you Yes, he's bad about Good to see nothing's changed. I thought maybe you've taken a lesson What are you damning about you're sweating like a what are you right now? I'm a badger, but you don't look like it, you're so wet, I thought you were a thief, otter. You are sweating like a shrily. Just because I'm cracking open clams on my tummy

doesn't mean I'm a sea otter. It's hard to tell, I'm sick. Flopswet, I'm nervous. Look, she's very intimidating. She's very intimidating, she's so tall. She has a machete in her bra. I don't know, that's gotta be, are there ever accidents?

Every day. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a trend setter. You could wear your leather pants there. How dare you. How dare you. How dare you. How dare you. How dare you. No. No. No. No. No. No. I find loose pants very comfortable.

Shhh. I mean, oh, shhh. Shhh. Shhh. I mean, shhh. He's straight. He used it on. Oh, this is very powerful.

I'm sorry, I just need you to, you know, there's something going on and so it'd be nice if you could just, just to respect what's happening. Could we do that, Lucidork? I would love to be able to do that. I've been honing that skill a long time. What is the secret to, like, what's your secret? You got a mum where you come from.

Yeah. Just imagine her doing it. Okay. And that reduces most men to rubble. Sure. Sh- Is that what you're trying to do to me? Oh no, I'm just doing it in general.

I guess I should pick a person. Do you regularly like workshop noises on your podcast? Yeah, I mean, honestly, about 80% of this show is just random words and noises. Activate, listen, um, I think, you know, not to defend it, I feel like you should or had a bit of a point in terms. Maybe you go to Gratax. There's no podcast in Gratax, so maybe you start your own podcast. Star podcast! In Los Paz Gratax! That's the second death this idea I heard today, and the first one was go in loose pants, grat-tax.

No, forget this. I'm done with all of you. As I say in my language, young staying. I want you all to get out. This is my tavern, my father left it to me, and if anyone's gonna smash it to bits, it's gonna be me! Oh. Oh, well actually it's gonna be me.

Oh! Okay, all right, okay, we'll get out, I'll just be back next week. Never come back, I'm smashing all your little nobly bits. No, no, no, no, I've got my nobly bits. Do not smash any version of what my nobly bits might be. Take them with you, then. Okay, okay, okay. Hey, all right, maybe you know what I'll let you cool down.

Maybe I'll come back. Never! What do you understand? You, never! You're a stranger! You're lucky! I've given you this much time! Talk on them!

You're a long time, but you're a thin ice, my friend. So go turn your ass into something that knows how to skate. Oh, yes, ma'am. Damn. What are you damning about? I mean, it's good. I gotta say. You don't get to damn. Okay. You've been damned. You said all, wait the fuck up.

No, no, no. You're out too. What? You're like an uncle to me, but you're an uncle that I want to punch in the face and then send to a prison for doing something naughty. So get out. Prodnormal uncle's stuff. Let's get out of here. Oh dang.

What are you dying about? Everyone got... Oh, no! Customers too. Everyone out. Customers. That's just no kind of business model. Go!

Let's just go. Okay, I'll get some money. Okay, just help me. I'll get some money. Okay, free. Oh, you go! This is mine now. This is mine now. This is mine now!

We'll just go through that front door. Oh, I'm sick of that. No, fuck, that's silly! No, fuck, that's silly! Killing's every day! Okay, alright, well, that's okay. We're all be cool. The podcast will be fine.

Hey, you sir on chat. Why don't we just do emails here? It's just on this nice patch of ground in front of the tavern. Yeah, just put your laptop there. Okay, yeah, great. Okay, this is not as stable as I would prefer, but okay. Hey, you know, if you want, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies that supplies.

It's a really email address. Anyway, I got this one email, it says Arnie, in episode 68 and another previous episode, I don't care to find, you said dinosaurs were just boring dragons. I just wanted to let you know that you are wrong, and dinosaurs and dragons are equally interesting. Dinosaurs are very diverse and interesting. I think, well personally, I think dragons are great conversationalists,

and I think that dinosaurs are wonderful chefs. Yeah. God damn it. Ever since we left the tavern, this pangas has gone to shit. What? No, the pangas. Oh, it was just a few seconds ago. No, I know we've only been out of the tavern for a couple of minutes, but this is like the worst minute of this podcast that we've ever done. That's a's a very low bar to get under but I gotta find a better email. Chun, do you have anything better? I have one kind of... And take your D-E-D-S-E-S! All of them! No one eats in my tab and ever again! This is from Travis Bender. This is to Chunt at GMO.com. That's Chunt with 60s. Ringtones.

Is there any way we can get the show theme or any of the other awesome songs from the show in ringtone form? I don't know, we got a lot going on, man. What is, are you all right? We just got kicked out of our home. Like, where I can sleep? Where am I gonna do this?

I can't. I mean, that can wait somebody once ringtones. Okay, can we figure that out first and then we'll find you a place to live and sleep? Is that... I don't know. I mean, can people make their own ringtones? Like, the people... is that even a thing anymore? What are ringtones? It's just... It's like the shade of a color that a ring takes, like a mood ring? I guess. Sort of like if someone knocked on your door,

it would just make a special sound. If you're like, you know what, I wish every time someone came knocking on my door, it played seven dragons in a baby, or something like that. We can stay at my house on top of the hill for a while, but when you knock on my door, it makes all different sorts of sounds, depending on who's locking.

Really? What would it, I mean, I've never been to your place, but what would it sound like if I- Yes, I know you've never been. Though I've invited you several times That's the top of a hill Yeah I was I offered to make you dinner though. You love food. I do

I was going to A bake you a Birds chest. Oh, that sounds just just a front You know you just cut off the rest of the bird to serve the front. Guys, this is the worst couple of minutes we've ever done. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's weird to be doing it on our feet.

I mean, oh shit. We forgot Chess Drink one. Oh, he's still inside. Should I go back and go? I think she's gonna kill you. But he does love the pie, Cass. He doesn't want to miss an app. Let me go.

Hey, Octavia, do you see anything? Woffee! Can we get the chest that's at the table there? The what? The chest? Don't talk about the trunk. Hey, describe it for me. Careful about it. You described chest and trunk.

Don't be exactly... What? In it. There's a machete in there. It's mine now. I'm keeping it. Damn it didn't work. Okay. We need an escape plan for chest trunk. Yeah, we need to find out Yeah, we need to start season two of officers

Well, we started season two of us as a boss. We need to finish season two of offices and bosses depending on when this comes out Maybe we have already finished season two of offices and bosses defeat the dark lord guy got to get home We defeat the void. We need to get on at home We need to make sure that Trump finds true love. And we need to put together the biggest heist this world has ever seen. We'll get to put together the biggest heist this world has ever seen. We always forget about that. And I of course must get a new interior decorator to refurbish my hat.

And I've been thinking about writing a children's book. Are you standing right here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, trash, kid. That's right, it's me! What do you want? Oh, I just saw you guys real excited. I've never seen you outside. Fuck off, Drew! Fuck off, Drew! What? You're a total prick to us earlier.

Ah, aren't you? You're like a god to me. You told me to call me on the line. You found the linear sword. Me and my gang, we worship you. We really told me to fuck off. Yeah, and so is John. Say it, John. John. He's not saying anything.

John, say something. He's being passive. John, I wish you had the energy and conviction of a young Drew. I feel really let down. Be careful who you worship, huh? Yeah. Well, perfect. I drew.

You guys, someone, we go back to my mansion over there with all those extra rooms. Oh, wow. Oh no. Yeah, but then I gotta talk to this kid. He has sort of a practice to do. Use the door. Let's make each other a promise. We will not let Drew become a recurring character on this podcast. I'm the best!

Um, sir, are you supposed to be doing the credits right now? You know, I can't pull myself away from these B videos. How about you to take them and my potential absence will trigger public demand, like Brooklyn 9-9. Craig! Hey. Craig! Hey Craig! While he's gone, we should snoop around and try to find weapons or something. Right? Oh, I'm way ahead of you. I'll be back.

Okay. Oh, I guess that means I'm doing the credits. Well good, because I for one don't hear enough credit happening in these credits lately. Yusidor was played by Matt Young, who often doesn't get enough credit as the supportive glue of this trio. If you really listen, it's Matt who's furthering the action by giving the guests the space to truly play along, and I think that that inclusive team player quality is something we need more often in people.

Chunt was played by Adel Raffai, who not only has an insanely incredible reference level for so many varied subject matters, he's also just plain funny, which often doesn't go hand in hand, so how wonderful is that? Activia Barley Foot was played by special guests, Tani Newsom. Oh, I really liked her in this. She seems so real. Like, I bet we would be friends in real life, you know? Tani is the new co-host of the podcast,

Yo, is this racist? And look out for her and Alex Kleiner's new songwriting podcast, The Supergroup, which will be on Stitcher Premium in July. Oh, and you can check out taninewsom.com slash tour for all of her live show dates. Craig, hey Craig, any luck? In a way, I think you'll see in time. Oh but please, uh, continue with the credits. Okay, um, hmm, hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by the creative powerhouse trio of Arnie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgie, and Evan

Jackover. This episode edited by Ryan DeGeorgie. What can't that guy do? Would you like to see Magic Tavern live? I mean, who wouldn't? Don't forget, they're doing two live shows in Indianapolis in August. They can't announce the guests yet, but they're really good ones. Get more info at hellofromthemagictavern.com and click the Live Shows tab.

Hey Craig, am I forgetting anything else? I feel like there's more stuff. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Adler Lebon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. This week's offices and bosses features drip fang the Necromancer. If you're not a Stitcher Premium subscriber, you can get a free month and listen for free at StitcherPremium.com slash magic and use the code magic.

Here's a clip from that show. You've pre-rolled the character, I see. Ah, yes, I've brought my statistics and attributes to YouTube. Is that taken? What is this written on? This is a leathery skin. Skin. I took skin of someone that I murdered brutally What is this written on? This is a leathery skin. Oh.

I took skin of someone that I murdered brutally, and I cured it, and I wrote with their blood everything that you need to know about my character. Oh, it's a... With their blood? Oh yeah, well, you know, use every part of the murder victim, I always say. Well, I appreciate that at least you are, you know,

not you being wasteful. That's, if I may be evil, but I am not wasteful. As much as I despise you, I can't help but respect you. Oh, we could have been friends in another life, no, no, no. In this one we are mortal and I mean, your hat looks great by the way. Thank you.

You're welcome. And toxicating. Visit us at allotfromthemagictaburn.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to your wolf. Craig, can I just say, lately you've been carrying yourself with a lot more confidence and I think it really works for you? Thank you, Trisha. You know, you could almost say I'm a whole new man.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but whatever. Hello, welcome back to 8 feet tall and rising. This is a podcast about different kinds of double-decker sandwiches. Sometimes they're triple-decker. I'm doing this right. Those guys are just twisting knobs and talking about bollocks. Sometimes they trip Budeca Those guys twisting knobs and talking about bollocks are sandwiches so you can put all kinds of things in them Let's see what our guest stops in his Are you feel mine with some of them? You don't get to be on this one Just go start your own

I'm gonna die alone. Drew, just go start your own. I'm gonna die alone. No, just go. Look, there's a lot of doors that are going to close in this business. You gotta go blast your own window. I never thought about it like that. You got representation?