Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 60 - Outside (w/ Paul F. Tompkins)
Episode Date: May 21, 2018After being kicked out of the tavern, Arnie runs into the fancy little faun Mister Chauncey.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMister Chauncey: Paul F. TompkinsJos...h: Josh RichmondActivia Barleyfoot: Tawny NewsomeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgiEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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People of Earth.
And that one dude on the International Space Station who's supposed to be cataloging
experiments right now, but who are we kidding?
Stephanie never checks the logs.
Anyway, the following podcast is not real.
We've got a few big conversations to have today.
First, Craig, Trisha, I'm calling a staff meeting later to discuss the veritable Whitman sampler of mutinous behaviors you've been considering.
Hey, remember me?
It's RoboDarney up in the space bunker.
Wait, I'm not a robot.
Why did I say that?
You know, sometimes if enough people say something about you, it starts to affect your
own perception of yourself.
Regardless, I'm poking my head in here real quick to remind everybody that there are Magic Tavern live shows in Indianapolis coming up in August, and to announce that our special
guest for the August 3rd show will be Stuart Wellington of the Flop House.
Ventures getting kind of close to already selling out.
And our special guest for the August 4th show will be Travis McElroy of the Adventure
Zone in my brother and my brother and me.
And we're working on some other surprises for both shows, but we can't talk about those
yet.
To get more info and links to buy tickets, to both shows, go to HelloFromTheMagicTabern.com
and click on the live shows link.
And while you're on the website, you can check out our merch, including two new offices
and bosses t-shirts that look real cool.
So check out all of that at HelloFromTheMagicTabern.com or to look at the offices and bosses t-shirts that look real cool. So check out all of that at hellofromthemagictavern.com
or to look at the offices and bosses t-shirts directly,
just go to podswag.com.
All right, I'm gonna get out of the way
and let all the quote-unquote, quote, quote,
regular stuff happen.
Well, now that we've survived that nor Easter
of bullet points, screw your attention span
to the sticking place
and enjoy the show.
Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the Magic Alinda Foon.
What should we still call it then?
Well, okay, you're right, John, sorry.
Hello from outside the Magic Tavern.
Thank you.
A weekly podcast from the Magic Alinda Foon.
I'm your host, Arne and you camp.
If you've known this in the podcast before,
this is everything you need to know.
About three years and two months ago,
I fell through a dimensional portal
behind a Burger King in Chicago
into the magical, fantastical land of fune.
Luckily, I'm still-
You're not used to standing.
I know.
Usually at the nice,
there are no chars out here.
There are no chars out here. It's so much more comforting doing the show inside the tavern for a million
Minotaur in the town of Havana. Can I give you a tip? Sure bend your knees if you lock your knees you're gonna pass out
I've been locking my nose all week. Don't you're gonna pass out all right
Okay, but see now my legs are getting tired from bending them
I guess I shouldn't be doing a full-on basketball defensive stance Alright. Oof. Okay. But see now my legs are getting tired from bending them.
I guess I shouldn't be doing a full-on basketball defensive stance.
Why don't you just use your floating spell?
My floating spell?
Yes, look at me.
I'm just floating here.
I'm as comfortable as could be.
That's right.
My co-host Yusador is just floating.
Ah, yay.
I am Yusador.
Wizard of the 12th realm of a fecesiest master of light and shadow.
Minipulator of magical delights. D'varor of chaos. Chabian of the greatth realm of a feces master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical
delights, devourer of chaos, chabian of the great halls of Tarakas, the Edelves Nomiya's fying
elok, the dwarves Nomiya's zone in Huksangis and I've known in the North East as gasmoineus
may star. And there may be other secret names, high names of such great power and portent,
that if you were heir to see them writ upon a page,
the very page would come to life, form into a paper man, and strangle you to death.
And you can just float.
The simple floating spell.
Yeah, and I'm also, I'm also, I'm also, I'm also, I'm so,
buddy, wow.
I'm my co-host, uh, Chump, the talking badger.
Bingbong, how you doing bud?
Great, it feels good, you know, being in a badger form,
in a badger state, it's great to be outdoors, you know,
to like really soak up this sun,
to be connected with nature and in nature, Arnie,
you never know what you're gonna see.
I mean, look over there.
I have to turn, you wanna me to turn my head
all the way over there?
Here, I'll turn you.
Oh, look, there's many, many mumbling mice. I'm gonna me to turn my head all the way over there. They're all turn you. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Look, there's many, many mumbling mice right over there.
Wow.
Many mumbling mice.
Mm-hmm.
Look at that.
You don't see that inside the tavern.
This is a nature mumbling.
I don't see that inside the tavern, although we reference it about once every 30 or 40
years.
Do it? Oh yeah.
Well, I like that song that's singing. It's mighty nice.
It might be nice.
But, guys, ever since Activia came back and kicked us out of the tavern,
I don't know what to do with myself.
Like, my whole life has been living in that tavern for the last three years.
Well, to be fair, Activia Barleyfoot is the rightful owner of the tavern.
We'd never found her father,
and now it's-
We do really fuck up that tavern over the last couple of days.
Well, it's a bit of a mess right now so long. Yet have put off for far too long.
Yeah, that's right.
And I know a lot of listeners have been excited for us to finally get out of the
tavern and go out and explore.
And now we are finally 50 feet away from the tavern.
Oh, that's three years later.
We're getting shit done.
I know.
Feels good.
This rate will be like in in the woods in like five years.
Well, I've a little bit helps, right? I mean, right now we're in the weeds, but so we'll like in the woods in like five years.
Well, I have a little bit helps, right? I mean, right now we're in the weeds,
but soon we'll be in the woods.
Yeah, guys, I don't know.
First of all, I'm gonna sit on the grass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys don't mind, I don't think it's take a little time.
Take a little time, take a little time, Farney.
Why don't you just use your floating spell?
I don't have a floating spell.
You said, or would you float me?
Oh, I'm supposed to float you and me.
Look, I will get a floating spell, but until I learn one,
can you just float me till the weekend?
Fine, I'll give you a loner.
Okay, thank you.
I love my horror and sound runs these goals.
Did you?
What? What? It worked.
But also, did your tongue go numb?
It's a real guttural spell. No, it smell to help you float. Can you what was that again? My heart and summer there's a call
Yeah, are you saying I woke up like this?
What if I don't know well if you want to eat it to do the full version sure please?
This is just floating if you want to fly you have to do I love my heart and
Francis
Girl and look at me as I find this guy
Do you have a place to stay right now? I mean I know I've been sleeping under these bushes outside the tavern
Oh
Fucker, I mean that kid Drew has a mansion over there. It's so far. No Drew is not coming back. You sure?
I don't know why John stop talking about Drew. He's a cool kid. John, I would rather have you on this podcast
and there's only so many might.
Or two totally separate people.
That's true.
Hey, speaking about other people,
the great thing about being in the tavern
is we could just grab some random monster or adventurer
to be a guest on the podcast.
But outside, like, who's gonna be on the show?
Is this gonna be one of those weird ones
where it's just us? Well, no, we can do that. Is there coming in or out of the show? Is this gonna be one of those weird ones where it's just us?
Oh no, we can do that.
Is there coming in or out of the tavern?
You know, one of those weird ones where it's just us?
You know, one of those weird episodes where it's just us.
What the fuck?
I mean, they're a little weird.
Why are they weird?
I feel like we get to catch up.
I feel like it's plot driven.
It's true.
Look, I'm not saying they're bad.
I love it when my life is plot driven. This is true. Look, I'm not saying they're bad. I love it when my life is plot driven.
That's true.
And I think that there's nothing that people like more than being stopped on their way
in or out of a place.
So if they, if we just say, hey, you're about to go into the tavern or you're just coming
out of the tavern, here comes squat with us by this fence.
Oh, there's my friend Josh.
Josh.
Josh.
Hey.
Josh.
Josh. Josh. What are you going into the tavern? You're going into the tavern, Josh, Josh, Josh! Hey! Josh! Josh, Josh, what are you going to say to Tavir?
You're going to say Tavir, Josh?
Josh, you have a minute for hello from the Magic Tavir?
I'm, you know, it was just actually going to get a drink.
It's good to see you guys.
Oh, it's 10 a.m.
Yeah, it's good to see you guys.
Josh, you gotta get your life together, man.
We'll talk about Josh later.
Okay.
Yikes, bikes.
All right. Bye, Josh. Yeah, he's bakes.
Bye Josh. Bye Josh.
I guess I shouldn't have said that in front of him.
Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. Is there another guest that we can... Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Chaudzie.
Would you please, but out of my way, I'm trying to enter the damper.
It won't work. What? Hello?
Mr. Chaudzie. Mr. Chaudzie. Mr. Chaudzie.
Oh, coffee here by the fence.
Oh my, bless my buttons.
The hosts and stars of Get Not.
No, it's a very exciting.
Yes, yes.
Well, actually today we're recording that other show
that we mentioned to you.
That isn't just popular.
Oh, the spin-off.
Yes, the spin-off.
Hello from the Magic Tavour.
Oh, right, I haven't had a chance to listen to it.
I can't blame you.
Yeah. Hi, I'm Arnie. I'm from
Anyway, what a pleasure it is to see you again. You said or in chanta how wonderful running to you
I want to fall in the run and see you can I ask you something before we get deep in the conversation with you
I just want to make sure we're respecting your energy respecting your time
When we say a four-letter word that starts with F and ends with N.
Yes.
Is that still an issue?
Are you cured?
Are we?
It's unpredictable, but it's still a bit of an issue.
Yes.
What would happen before is, of course, I would go into some sort of, I don't know, a few
state any time anyone would utter a four-letter, beginning with F and ending with N.
It would cause me to, well,
I'd some sort of spell come over me,
not a magical spell, but some sort of terrible,
the physical thing would happen to me
where I would just repeat the words
far and fooling over and over again.
And now something happens,
but I'm not sure exactly what it is,
because I know that I go into some sort of state,
and no one has told me what it is that I do,
but from the looks on their faces, it's not good.
Oh, we should be very careful not to use those words.
So we shouldn't say a word like,
Foon, is he with you?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
He's a Jason.
I'm Arnie. Yes. I'm Arnie. I'm a host of a lot from Magic Daverns.
What a one of the hosts. One of the hosts of the weekly podcast from the magical land of food.
Oh, I see. Yes. But you saw it and Chan did tell me about this spin-off podcast that you do and
it's very nice to meet you. I heard about you when I guessed it on the, I believe it was the 2000th episode
of 10,000 episodes. Yes, we're up to 4000 now. Are you willing to come back for 10,000?
We should get there in about a month or so. Oh, I would love to. I would love to. Wonderful.
You have to come up with some new stories. Well, that won't be a problem for you, Mr.
Trotsy. You're always a delight. Well, thank you. You're a bit of a troubadour.
Yes.
I must admit, we're in a bit of a fix today.
We've been kicked out of the tavern, and we're looking for someone to join us as a guest
on the spin-off podcast, and we're hoping it perhaps you'd speak to us for a few moments
since you all always so delightful and have wonderful stories to share.
I don't know how that would work.
Me inside the tavern and you outside the tavern.
Me and they are comfortable enjoying a mead.
And you out here just, I guess, talking to me through the window?
Yes, I see your point.
What we had in mind was that you could stay out here with us for a bit of while.
Just out here by this bush.
Here in the elements.
Look at the sky with that gray cloud coming in.
Yes, I was trying to get away from it by going into the tavern. I see
Use it or I could do a floating spell. Oh
You've ever wanted to float. Yes, you look how I wanted to float. Oh, you've never floated before the load of my hooves. Here you go
I love my heart as avarals. Oh
Wonderful
It's great. It's just like sitting I mean I suppose I could I could stay here for a little bit
No one chat with you fellows. Oh, that would be me as funes premiere rock and tear it would be our pleasure
And me foods premiere rock and tear and if I'm the only one not floating. I mean all right already
Do you want to float it? Yeah, please look with us yet. Yeah, I love my Holland's amort of
She wanna float? Oh, yeah, please float with us.
Yeah.
Here we go.
I love my Holland's hour to do.
Wee!
Look, I'm floating.
Wow.
Oh, I wish my grandpa could see me now.
Just floating away.
Just up, just going up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
Oh, this is the life form.
Why would it mean so much to your grandfather
to see you floating?
Because he's dead and, I think he,
he were able to see me do anything.
It would be very impactful and meaningful. Oh, I see does that make sense?
That makes sense. I guess I I took from it that he'd always wanted to see you float and didn't get a chance to but no saying
It's just something he would probably enjoy. I feel like anybody dead would you know anybody who kicked the bucket would like to see
So at any moment you're like hey, I just ate a sandwich. Ah, my grandpa would love to see that. Yep.
Well, I find that most ghosts I communicate with,
they feel pity for the living, for not being able to float.
They look down on us and they say,
they can't float through the sky, it's very sad.
Well, now we're just as good as any ghost.
That's right, finally.
But we can eat a sandwich.
That's a good point, Honald.
Just saying, ghosts aren't better than us. Well, I don't know if that's true. We're just saying ghosts aren't better than us.
Well, I don't know if that's true.
We're better than ghosts.
I'll tell you.
We have achieved the power of float,
but ghosts have yet to consume a sandwich.
Well, someday in a perfectly just world,
a ghost we'll be able to eat a sandwich.
Right next to their counterparts of devils and demons and such
that are allowed to consume whatever they want.
Someday, I shall fight for this equality, and I shall make a sandwich so spectral that
he and the ghost can eat it! That's my goal in life.
You would make a ghost sandwich.
Yes, I would make a sandwich appropriate for a ghost eat.
But then it would be a sandwich that no mortal creature could eat.
Well, I suppose that's also true. Wouldn't that be a bit ghost? I have it to be a sandwich that no mortal creature could eat. Well, I suppose that's also true.
Wouldn't that be a bit gauche?
I have it to be a bit gauche.
Oh man, I really want to eat a ghost sandwich.
Maybe you already have.
Oh, I've been eating ghost sandwiches all the time.
We might all be eating ghost sandwiches right now for all we know.
Yes.
Ghosts often come up to us when they're invisible and they just shove whatever they want
to in our mouths.
No.
Like sandwiches and little tacks.
That's just hope.
This really retcons the show.
What else would it be?
Turkish delight.
Turkish delight.
Speaking of Turkish delight, Arnie, you don't know this, but Mr. Chancis from the North.
He's from a town called...
Portalia. Portalia. I was thinking from a town called, uh, Portalia.
Portalia.
I was thinking Portilos,
but it's Portalia.
Oh.
He's, uh, one of the guardians of that area. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- our guests and things. So Mr. Chancifur, our listeners who have never listened to getting nuts, like you're a...
I don't think that's a issue.
I can't even imagine what this podcast that you're on now
is very popular on Earth.
Well, it's reasonably popular on Earth.
If you say so, so you're a fancy little fom.
I am a fancy little fom.
It seems a bit...
As you can see by waste coat, by cravat that I wearing,
it's where do you get this fancy clothes?
Like most of the people I see around food and just look like shit.
Well, I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing that.
I'm not talking about you.
Like you look, I can say the other people look like shit
when I'm using it to compliment how great you look.
I accept the compliment, of course.
I compare myself to the others all the time.
But I look at myself and then I look at them
and they have ridiculous shapeless sacks
and I think not bad, Mr. Chalks, say not bad.
Looking good.
I of course have a fabricator of clothing for me,
a tailor of sorts, a gentleman who makes my clothing and
charges me very little in the way of remuneration.
How does this bespoke wardrobe?
Yes, yes.
His name is Ross.
How does he do it so affordably?
I don't know.
He's got his ways, but he's a wizard when it comes to clothing.
I'm not a literal wizard, I mean, he makes the clothing by hand.
It's not spelled, can't I?
I get that.
I meant that he's just very good at it, do you know?
But he's so talented and so nimble that he's able to dress you for less.
Yes, he dresses me for less.
That's wonderful.
Yes.
I get my clothes from the dress barn.
Oh, I've heard that barn is haunted.
You don't know what those ghosts are putting in your mouth.
Damn it!
Or on your body.
You may be putting on clothes that you find in this dress barn,
but they may be putting on other clothes on top of it
that only ghosts can see it.
They're laughing at you.
You can all be eating ghosts sandwiches and wearing ghost clothes right now and have no idea.
Guys, all this time, we think we're wearing what we're wearing,
but ghost-seas wearing ridiculous ghost outfits.
We're puppets in their little game.
Huh, I see.
We could be in a ghost building right now.
Have any buildings died near the Vermilion Minotaur?
Well, I think 10 years ago, this very night, a building died.
Oh no, really?
I guess it's 10 a.m.
Oh, yes, tonight.
This will be a ten-year anniversary.
The old barn behind the Vermilion Minotaur, burn to the ground.
So it wasn't natural causes?
No, it was a building murder.
Well, here's my question.
Speaking of speed. Did that barn have any unfinished business?
Oh, certainly.
For it was not the end of the harvesting season,
and it is not for fear, its quest, to feel itself.
Full of hay and grain.
Speaking of, my friend Josh, that we just saw go in the building,
he burned down years ago.
Did he have any unfinished business?
Perhaps his unfinished business was to not be burned down?
Well, was that the show? Did we do it?
Nope, that wasn't the show.
I was on my way to the episode.
Oh, that's right, I know you really.
You know what, why don't we do this?
Why don't we take a quick break and we'll try to sneak somebody into the tavern to sneak a drink out for you
And then maybe that they could sneak a sandwich or something out for me because we've been talking about sandwich
Just so much I'd really love a sandwich. Oh a prank worthy of any naughty ghost. Oh, I have an ale summoning spell if you want me to just use that
You do? Yes, of course. What happens when you summon the ale like does it just flies into my hand?
Really? It is in a container or just loose?
Oh yes, it's in a container, no, no, no, it's not, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don't just, I don Wagon! Wow! Here you go! Here's a flagging of meat for you!
Oh, look how wonderful!
Like your...
Spill!
Flagging Wagon, Flagging Wagon, Flagging Wagon!
Here, there's enough for us all!
Uh, would you mind... I wouldn't...
I'd like to not have mine in a flagging, though.
Well, then perhaps you should learn a fucking spell!
Who's got you there?
Alright, fine.
I'll drink it out of a flagging.
Alright, hey, we'll be right back.
Ah, you know what, I've gotta say,
I'm just floating here, drinking a flag and feeling pretty good.
No, this is wonderful, I agree, Bonnie.
This is the way it should be.
It's bon.
Hey, Barnold.
Listen, I am so happy to see you, fellows.
Oh, well, it's wonderful to see you too, Mr. Trautze.
Oh, it's just been, you know, I'm down here because it's been a bit of a time up north.
Yes.
Last we spoke to you, your job had just come to an end?
Yes, yes.
Oh, you're retired? What was your job?
Oh, my job.
He was a security guard of sorts.
Yes.
Watchman, I would watch over things.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
Always.
All the normal things you would think.
Normal things that you wouldn't care about.
Boring dull.
Oh, you know what? This. Boring. Dope.
Oh, you know what?
You know, this is such a fantastical land.
I think it would be great for a change just to hear
about a boring job.
Tell me more about your really boring job.
Again, again, he just, you know,
watchman just kind of watches the watchman.
You know, watchman watching watchman.
If you're asking who watches the Watchmen, it's me.
No.
Yes.
And I would watch this to make sure that everything was
as it should be and as boring as possible.
Slow down, you're going, it's too detailed.
I mean, he's, that's wrapped up in a bow, that's his job.
But Mr. Trotsie, have you found some new line of work
to keep yourself busy?
Do you know, it's difficult because we have to deal with the horrible liar that keeps dying and coming back to life
or scaring everyone.
And then there's of course the formerly beige witch, now a real gray witch.
Oh, she's gotten even slushier.
Oh, no.
Yes. She was a white witch at first.
And then just, you know, time passes. Sure. She was a white witch first. Oh. And then just, you know, time passes.
Sure.
She just got a bit dirty.
This pink shirt I'm wearing used to be white.
What happened?
A lot of blood.
Wine.
So you didn't wash it with perhaps a red blouse or something.
It didn't.
The colors ran together.
No, it's just a filthy shirt.
This is a very filthy shirt.
I wouldn't tell people that.
Oh, okay.
I do.
It's a strange information to volunteer.
Yeah.
That's pretty bad.
I tried to give him a new shirt for winter solstice.
And he still wears that damn thing.
What, who refuses?
It gifted winter solstice.
I don't know.
It's very comforting wearing this old shirt for my world.
You know, my wife got it for me and just reminds me of home.
Oh, you married?
Yeah, I am married.
Oh, I wouldn't even...
Mr. Choncy, have you considered...
You haven't said what your new job is, but have you considered the possibility that you have a ghost job?
Oh, because my old job burned down after a fashion. Yes.
And so, well, wait, so do I still have my old job as a ghost job?
I think you're haunted by the idea of your old job.
Yes, I am. I most certainly am used to do it.
I thought you were suggesting that ghosts were just running around him all of the time,
making it look like he was doing a different job.
Oh, like Ghost gave him a package and then waited till he took it somewhere.
Exactly.
Took it away from him as if he was some sort of strange ghost delivery man.
Yeah.
I suppose that's possible.
I mean, if I were a ghost and I had like all of eternity on my hands, I would do that.
Yeah.
So, let me get this straight.
So, the idea is, you're the ghost.
You wish this ghost package to be delivered.
You put it in the possession of a mortal being. Then you just hope that that being eventually goes to the place where you want your
ghost package delivered. It seems ineffective. It does. But if you're a ghost, you've got
nothing but time to kill. You're not paying for two days a minute. That's so true. I think
it's also possible that the ghosts are just tickled by it looking like we're doing jobs for them.
You know, maybe it's almost like photoshopping real life.
What is that?
Well, on my world, there's this very complicated artistic program that you can use to make
it look like your friends are like jack and animals off.
So what?
I don't know about that.
It's not awful.
It's only application.
It's only application?
It's very specific.
That's it's so far.
I mean, I think there might be other applications
that aren't used very often.
You see, Earth is a very strange realm.
Not that you would know anything about it,
or have it anywhere from our realm.
No, I wouldn't.
Earth was the name of it.
Yes, that's right.
Yes.
What a strange name that I've never heard before.
Yes, very weird.
But Arnold has many technological devices
and magic programs here.
You see on his laptop, this device.
What is that?
It is a type of dare I say portal into...
Here, let me show you Final Cut Pro.
You guys are all like, what? I was gonna show him Final Cut Pro. Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Pro. You guys are all like, what?
I was gonna show him Final Cut Pro.
Oh, Trunce been teaching himself Final Cut Pro.
Do you know that?
I've had Final Cut Pro my computer for a long time
because you know what, someday I'm gonna make a movie.
I've not been able to make heads or tails up.
I've been making a documentary about the tavern.
You have?
Yeah.
Well, that's over now.
That's true.
Let me, here, let me delete, take it to this little trash can and goodbye.
What? That's how the trash can works. What's it's a delightful noise.
It's like a crunching. It's like a nice little crunching.
It's like a crunching, yes. Well anyway, I, my job before I thought was very important
now. I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you that the job that I have now is it's
ignominious, it's not important at all. I'm certain that is
in true. You're a wonderful fond with many talents and I'm sure
however you're applying those talents is worthy of your time.
Well, I clean the previous.
No, no.
That's right.
Of all of the Northern Territory.
Oh, it's a lot.
It's a lot of ogres up there too.
Tell me about it.
You're right and you stores wrong.
That's a beneath you job.
It is.
Yeah, you can tell I'm a gentleman.
Exactly.
Why shouldn't be cleaning such terrible places?
You're too fancy for privies.
I'm fancy. I'm a fancy little fox. You're so well-managed. You're too fancy for privy. I'm fancy, I'm fancy, little fox.
You're so well-managed, you're so well-quaffed.
You have such an articulate way of speaking.
I mean, surely there's some other job
that could benefit from all your talents.
Right.
I mean, I applied for many positions of employment
and was turned down at every one.
I think someone has it in for me.
And I think someone was sabotaging my chances.
Is it possible there's just something you're saying
and not realizing that is making it so you can't get these jobs?
Because I feel like I see you walk into a job interview,
and I'm like, what a fancy little fauna, you're hired.
Well, well, let's figure this out.
Because perhaps you're onto something.
What if we play the roles of an interview for employment?
Oh, wait, I'll play myself.
Okay.
If we were to feign the interview, what's that?
Is that a four letter word?
No.
No.
No.
Is there a G-snuck in there somewhere?
Yes, it did.
Oh, G for ghost.
What if ghosts are putting extra letters in our words?
Oh, wouldn't that be fun with two years?
Oh,
Doesn't ever shift over one. I can say farm safely. Yes, that doesn't affect you at all.
No, not at all.
Oh, that's good. Well, just making sure.
Can it be a made-up word?
Like what?
Like farm! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that places with Farn in the time. Yeah! You run away, you fucking an-
Mr. Chantig, Mr. Chantig.
Oh, oh, oh, my word, what happened?
It happened again.
We said one of the F words with the N at the end,
and then you turned into a beastly version of yourself.
Oh, no, tell me that didn't happen. I missed a chance, see. I know. I'm a fan... ...abesely version of yourself. Oh no, tell me that didn't happen.
I'm Mr. Choncy!
I know.
I'm a fancy little faw!
You asked a fancy little faw.
I hate to see you in such a state.
I shall commit part of my time and my wizardly knowledge
to curing Mr. Choncy.
I shall find a way to set in free of this curse!
We do have a lot on our plate right now.
We do have a lot on our plate, but Mr. Chancis has been a good friend.
He didn't have to be on the show. He was walking by.
That's true. He's helping us out.
Look, we're just floating in the front of the Fremontian Minotaur.
This isn't like us, so let's do him a solid, huh?
Mr. Chancis?
Yes. Would you mind for a moment if I put a sphere of isolation around your face?
Oh, no, no.
Just my face?
No, no, your whole head.
Oh, okay.
Because that's where his ears are.
Yes, yes, yes.
We just need to have a private conversation for just one moment.
Oh, I understand.
Can I sneak my flag in of me to that?
Absolutely, I'll make it big enough for you to do a flagging in there.
I'll hold it up there and then you do the thing.
Okay.
Karathklin, I'm from Chak.
Yeah, it occurs to me that Mr. Choncy could be one of the substitute mayors of Hogsface.
We have the mayor, Sasha.
Uh-huh. It'll look great over his vest.
Oh, yeah, sure. And we each spend a week
a month being the mayor of Hogsface, but we're so busy with as you said. We have so many things on
our plate. And then of course the fourth in our quadrant of mayors is of course mayor Manana,
the little sentient banana who doesn't speak. But what if Mr. Choncy took a week as well?
I think he'd look great in that sash.
I mean, look, he would look great in that sash.
I think he'd help him get his dignity back.
That's true.
I mean, also, he's clearly old money.
Let's give him, we could give him like, any job,
and it would be better than the one he has right now.
That's true.
But what are the chances that he'll become a politician
and then someone will say a word
and he'll go crazy and act like a monster?
What has that ever happened?
That's true, that's true.
Okay, well, I mean, look,
I feel like we could get him any better job,
but if you guys wanna go straight to mayor,
yes, janitor to mayor.
Okay, also real quick.
How do you spell fame?
Is it, why would say the F.E.I.G.N?
Oh, I don't know what I'm saying.
I thought there was a fame that was F-E-I-N.
Is it a homonym?
I mean, maybe you're thinking of Mitchell fame,
but that doesn't mean anything to me.
That's what it was.
That's what it was.
That means if you're telling me about Mitchell fame.
Yeah, let me remove this fear of isolation.
What?
You've walked.
Oh.
Oh, give me. I feel, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Now to be just a janitor cleaning up
Ogre shit What a terrible fate that has befallen me. Oh, I think mr. Chancin might have a drinking problem
That seems like a lot why he was just drinking by himself. Yeah, it was enough
I took it what happened to be fair. I put him in a sphere of isolation
Who's this guy again? That's Barney it'snelled. I've been saying Arnie this whole time.
No, it's Arnie.
It's Arnie.
Oh, all right.
Well, you will forgive me for indulging myself
in a little bit of self-pity because I'm sad.
I've had a change of life that's not been very kind to me.
Mr. Tronsey.
We have a life changing opportunity to offer you.
What worse than cleaning toilets? No, far better. Hmm. We have a life changing opportunity to offer you.
What?
Worse than cleaning toilets?
No!
Far better.
Oh, I like the sound of this then.
Yes.
Please tell me more.
Here in Hogsface.
All you do is take the sash and put it on and then you're the mayor.
The mayor?
That's correct.
Well, that sounds grand.
Mr. Choncy.
Yes.
Would you like to be one of the many mails of Hogsface?
If chosen, I will run.
If elected, I will serve.
The answer is yes!
Well, you don't even have to run, and no one's going to elect you.
You just have to put on the sad.
Oh, it's just that simple.
It's just that simple.
Well, please, where is the sash? Let me put it on.
Oh, have anyone seen me, I'm an Anna, I think. I think the sash is still inside the tavern. Oh, no
Let me think for a moment. Do I have a sash summoning spell?
Surely I can devise one
We just
I'm just saying that the town is gonna be thinking about this for so easy. You'll be back when you just, just, well let me pop your bubble here and then, oh,
oh, stop floating.
So I should just, yeah, just grab it and then come back.
There I go, clip it to the clock.
Oh, is it Choncy?
How are you doing, Bigger?
I'm doing okay. I mean, I'm tired of sleeping under these bushes.
Are you still doing out there?
I thought I told you 15 feet!
I'll run this place now.
Well, state my hobble, I have a hobble.
Would you mind?
No, you stayed there before, would I?
No, but it's like I moved out and I kind of got myself together.
No, it's like now, like to come back.
It's like, no. I saw it, I have it. Oh, and now like to come back. It's like no
Activia
Yes, that is it seems like activity was yelling at you in the last time any of you took a shower
I can smell it in here and this place smells like peace. What can I smell you about peace?
She's angry. She's very angry. You you sure we get the we get the sense?
I was pulling what at what oh
Here oh, oh your spell worked. Oh, I didn't even try that hard. Yes. Oh, thank you
Now how does it work? Does what have you put it upon me? Do I put it upon myself here?
I shall place it over your shoulder. Can there be like a little ceremony? Oh, yes, of course
Yeah, you know also let me um, I'm gonna turn on your laptop camera.
I'm gonna make a new documentary about the new mayor.
Oh.
Is there any music you can play on there?
Let's see.
Make sure it's free use.
There you go.
Oh my.
This is wonderful.
There is.
The music is playing for the ceremony and you're going to document this, you say? If it's all right with you. Of course it is. This is wonderful. The music is playing for the ceremony and you're going to document this, you say?
If it's all right with you.
Of course it is.
This is wonderful.
What do I do?
Mr. Choncy, repeat after me.
Do you swear to uphold the laws of Hogsface?
Do you swear to uphold the laws of Hogsface?
Yes, I do.
Wait a minute.
This is good news for me.
This is a good inauguration for both of you at the same time.
Yes, we're inauguring each other.
Alright then, yes.
Let's pray.
Do you swear to uphold the laws of Hogsface?
Do you swear to uphold the laws of Hogsface?
Yes, insert my name I do.
Yes, insert my name I do.
I now declare thee.
I now declare thee.
Mayor of Hogsface.
Mayor of Hogsface Mayor of Hogsface
You may kiss the bride
You may kiss the bride
Here is your sash
Oh, this is wonderful
Wow
Oh, my word
You gentlemen, you've made me so very happy
This is so much nicer than cleaning privies
Yeah, and you're gonna make a great mayor
You're just as fancy
Fawn
Oh, what are my responsibilities?
Well, you have to run a town hall meetings
where the people of Hogs face Carmen.
Oh, right.
They, they state their displeasure
to certain number of things,
and then you propose a legislation
to perhaps respond to those,
uh, those inquiries and complaints.
But it's largely bullshit.
Yes. Oh, right.
Well, here, also, I forgot to give you this giant pair of scissors. Oh
Giant pair of ceremonial scissors. Yes. No, they're not ceremonial. They're not what I actually have to do work with these
Yes, these are the
Primings of hedges and this is the only pair of scissors that the town of Hotsay
So a lot of circumcisions and is there a smaller pair of scissors for the circumcision door?
How big are these people that are getting the circumcision?
A lot of ogres there, yeah.
There's a lot of areas there, yeah.
Ogres.
Why are there so many ogres?
And why are they so religious?
Ha ha ha.
That's a good question.
I've always wondered that myself.
I've never been able to cover up with that.
Well, hopefully, I mean, hopefully this is not too large
of a task to place upon your shoulders because I'd hate to feel like we're
tricking you into work much like Arnie you're telling us about that guy on
Earth you used to trick people in the work his name was Huckleberry Finn yeah
Huckleberry Finn I got it all on. No, John! Oh, no.
Did you talk to me about this?
Oh, ma'am.
This is going to be such a dynamic documentary.
No.
Oh, my God.
I'm ruined.
I'm ruined.
I've only been in office for 30 seconds.
Mr. Chonsey, I've been thinking about this problem, and I think there might be one solution.
What is it?
Have you considered being mad all of the time?
So then when I wanted to I could go into that fugues. Yeah, I could control it sort of own it. Yes, so if I'm just
Constantly thinking how much I despise everyone. Yes, what are with their eyeballs out and tear their heads off?
Strangle them exactly Then I would need to go into the fugue state so often I could
go into it when I chose. It almost makes sense. I think it's a banner move. The old expression.
Well Mr. Mayor, I guess. Oh I like the sound of that. Mayor. Choncy may what mr. Mayor mr.
Maive Choncy Choncy mr. Maive just a Choncy mayor. Wait your name's not
He just keeps writing it over and over in cursive
I don't know about that. I think his whole name is mr. David Choncy Jr. Oh that is true. My full name is mr. David
My full name is mr. David Chsie Jr. Oh, oh, okay.
Man, Mr. David Chaudsie Jr.
Beautiful.
Oh, well, okay, that's...
I can't remember that.
You can't remember that?
You've already committed to not being able to remember it.
Just now I can't.
Give yourself a day, sleep a little bit.
Yes, give it a try, give it a try.
Mr. No, right out of the gate.
This is Pa for the course.
Arnie, look at this, Ash.
What does this Ash say?
Mayor.
Right.
Now follow that up with what you're gonna say.
Mayor.
Oh, can't remember that.
Let's read an email.
Yeah.
I have an email here.
You can always email me at chunt.
Gmail.com.
That's chunt with 60s.
This is from Alonso, Soriano.
Hey guys, I haven't caught up yet, but I have a possible solution for the book club
if you still need one.
Way back in season 1, Spin Tech scoffed at Yusudor's quest because there always has to be a Dark
Lord. And since Yusudor's master of Light and Shadow, what if Yusudor became the new Dark
Lord, forcing the current one into early retirement? Just the thought, keep your spirits up, some
guy in North California.
Have you ever thought about becoming the Dark Lord?
Absolutely not.
Well, if you were the thing we were trying to defeat, I feel like we could defeat you.
Well, there was one time I did consider it.
Oh, what?
Details?
Yes.
See, these two little halflings came up to me and they said,
what if you were the Dark Lord?
And I became great and terrible for butter moments.
And I didn't think of the great power
coursing through me as I could destroy all the food.
And then I thought it just seems like a hassle.
Yeah, well I'm glad Dreal you didn't do that.
Yeah, I am too.
I get it.
Like on my world, you're hanging out in a bar
and someone's like, would you rather be able to fly
or be invisible?
And you think about it for a few minutes,
and then you're like, yeah, eventually I'd turn evil probably.
If you could fly?
I didn't follow that line of logic either.
Yeah, even if I could fly.
I think if I had any sort of superpowers, wait a second.
But what if I could float?
I would become evil.
I don't feel like you'd be modest.
You'd say the ability to float would eventually
corrupt your soul over time. Yeah. Why? I don't know. I think it's just the power. I feel so powerful
floating here. Man, I ask about the the question of invisibility, the power of invisibility. Sure.
What is it about that that would lead you to become evil?
Well, here's the thing. This is the path that my mind takes. I think, look, I want to use my power for good.
But also, I'm probably going to have to steal some things just to live.
Like, I don't need to be super rich. But then that's the first step of the corruption.
It's like, I'm just going to steal money from bad guys. but eventually, you know, it's just one compromise
after another.
I feel as if you've skipped a step.
Why do you have to steal stuff?
To fund my crime fighting?
Cause look, I'm gonna do so much good.
There's a lot of leaps and lots of things that I'm not.
You look dizzy, you look dizzy.
Let me just save this final cut pro documentary
under girls just want to have fun
Be very careful with that because that could destroy his political career. Oh, keep it on back pocket a bit of an ace up our sleeve
You know what I mean just in case
I'm just floating here
Thinking that being evil you look so awkward floating. I know. Yeah, I know doesn't suit you
You're not even trying to make it so that I can't hear you. You're so awkward floating. I know. I know. It doesn't suit you.
You're not even trying to make it so that I can't heal you.
You're doing this right in front of me.
Oh yeah, because we get this footage.
This is like our p-tap.
What?
What?
What?
It's our p-tap.
Just look, I categorize everything by letter.
So the last thing I saved on my computer was the O-tap.
And let me see your O-tap.
Show me your O-tap.
That would ruin me.
That would ruin me.
I'm sorry, I'm not showing you my O-tap.
I was mostly impressed that you were managed
to pull out the letter Vogue,
because I could tell you almost couldn't remember it.
You could see.
You could see.
On my face, you could probably see me thinking, M.
Oh wait.
No, not M.
That explains why you turned evil. You've been listening to Hello from Outside the Magic Tavern, or, as I like to think of
it, save us guest star, use it or the blue wizard was played by Matt Young.
Shunt the Talking Badger was played by Adel Raffaier.
Mayor Mr. Chawntsey the fan see fawn was played by special guest Paul F. Tompkins. Paul hosts the Earwolf Improv podcast, Spawn Teneonation, and 3-Dum,
please Mr. Peanut Butter on Bojack Horseman, and appears in almost everything. He's the
closest thing comedy has to spiders, in that he's never more than 8 feet away.
Find out more at PaulF Tompkins.com., Josh, the guy walking by was played by Earwolf Engineer, Producer, and Friend of the
podcast, Josh Richmond, who did not expect to be in this episode. Really? Does anyone?
Okay, I've set up some chairs for our staff meeting by the airlock so we can at least have
a view.
Really is a wonderful view.
Whoa, the good chairs. Is this an important meeting?
Here's the thing.
I've seen the two of you snooping around the bunker
when you think I'm not looking.
To find snooping.
Your security is very lax.
I thought we had established a level of trust,
but I guess this is my band of brother's discussion group
all over again.
You want answers?
You want to know why I keep everyone in the dark
about the dimensional spectrum or how the Burger King portal happened?
Well, ding dong brigade. The answer is quite simply that I...
Is that?
Airlock release is missionated.
The airlock alarm? How?
Seat belt's treasure.
What? Right now?
Oh, I thought this was our plan for way down the road, Craig.
Well, I thought I might speed things up a little bit. I know the password.
Ah, now that that's dealt with. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Neacamp,
Evan Chicover, and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Garrett Schultz,
music by Andy Poland, logo by Adler Leban, additional audio effects by Jason Knox,
production assistant, by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at aloefromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or
Twitter thanks to the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Ear Wolf. Trisha, meet me in the purple room.
We're going to celebrate. Okay.
Do you want me to bring my chair?