Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 70 - Girls Night

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Flower and Momo the mouse with human strength host the show. Their guest is the former sheriff, Gianessa. CreditsFlower: Brooke BreitMomo the Mouse: Erin KeifGianessa Relkorus: Dana QuercioliTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Tim JoyceTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey everybody, it's a treasure up here in the the space bunker and it's kind of a big week because I am going it alone today. That's right, I gave Craig the day off and our boss is still gone. Thank God. And you know, I was journaling earlier this week and I was like, Trisha, you've got this. You've been paying attention to what goes on around here. Why don't you take the helm for once? So here we are, and you know, according to my journal cover, which says, I am enough, you know, I am choosing to believe that that's

true, I am enough. So who needs a verbally abusive, mysterious, man-splaining boss, masquerading as a brutally honest, motivational cheerleader, breathing over your shoulder at every moment of space and time, reminding you that there is a room down the hall with a pile of bodies that look just like you. Or are you? I'm still a little unclear about all of that. You know, I don't need that in order to feel validated

or in order to do my best work. As of today, I am enjoying the peace and quiet of the bunker. Okay, let me just refer to my checklist here. I've welcomed you. I've shared a little bit about myself to let you know that you matter to me. Okay, all right.

And here comes the transmission. You're nailing it, Tricia. I'm so proud of you. Thanks, Trisha. So proud of you. Thanks, Trisha. Oh hello from the Magic Tevern! This is podcast! We just do it! Guys, we got a laptop and somebody fell through portal, sometimes... Fuck!

God damn, there's so much context. Sometimes you ever feel like you get buried in context off. Fuck, I shouldn't introduce my co-host. This is mama. H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h Momo loves flowers so much because when Momo gets teased, flower will come in and defend Momo. This is one thing I love, the love my friends. One the second thing I love is smashing nerds and something I love to do on the reg. So yeah, we got this laptop here and this equipment situation going on because something happened to the guy. Oh, that's all what? The the guy. Oh, um, that's all what the big guy. Um, it's now ringing any bells.

Anyways, this other guy came by with his laptop and he was like, yep, but that wasn't the one who came by. This other guy came by. He's kind of a dick. And he was like, do you, will you produce content? And I was like, throw more buzzwords at me, asshole. And yeah, I'm on it right away. What do you need? Do you want it branded? You know, I don't know what he wants from me. So yeah, we're just gonna put this little podcast together and do it our way, I guess. No problem. You know what, what's new with you? No, why is she spaying

and out? You know, our guy said I've been like laying off the drinking just a little bit It's gonna say you look really glowy. Thank you. You look really good these days. That's mostly the do do settles on me Oh, it's not bad. Thank you. It's not bad. It's a look. I tend to wipe it away and this time I always say just keep it You know a lot of people pay a lot of money do they do they do they I feel like we're already on brand alright well I paid just a good time to ask momo oh how you doing momo don't know momo's in a little bit of an unrequited love situation right now okay momo I'm gonna need you to dish well I don't mean to gossip about myself. I wish it would. I wish it goes. Let me tell you flower. Love some hot guys. I know here it comes. I can't stop it. It's coming up like throw up

So you know mayor Manana the one with the sash. He's the banana. He's the banana who's a mayor. Yep I'm tracking so mom Momo was walking home and I ran into Mayor Manana and we ended up dancing in the street. He slowed down and I can't stop thinking. I can't stop thinking about it Flour. You slowed down some middle of the goddamn street. Yeah with Mayor Manana. And he kissed my little hand. Was there a muse? No, he kissed my little hand. Was there music? No, he sang! He sang.

Well, he can't talk, but he hummed. He hummed and you danced. Mm-hmm. What do you think it means? I don't know. See, I'm not good with this kind of stuff. I'm not good in relationships. What was your last relationship, Lauer?

I had a thing with a tree, and I just, it didn't end well. You know, but if you have a thing with a tree and it didn't end well. If you have a thing with a tree in the forest and no one's there, no one gives a fuck. What kind of tree? That's two personal. From my perspective, it's hard to tell and I didn't ask too many questions. Okay, well let's do some deductive reasoning here. Did it smell like pine?

No, I didn't smell pine. Um, with your eight coins. Did you ever smell those trees? It smell like wet garbage. That's real. Like when you're walking outside, there's those trees in the springtime. You're like, oh, what a beautiful flower and tree.

And then you're like, this smells like fucking garbage. Like some baby's diaper got emptied out onto a tree trunk. Well, there's also those baby diaper trees, but that's probably what I'm thinking. Yeah, that might be what you think would do. Was it one of those? You know what? Someone will bring in our guest right now

because she may be able to shed a little light on the situation, or maybe your situation with the banana man. Banana? Whatever his formal title is, I'd like to introduce our guest right now. Hi guys, how's it going? Oh, so good.

You guys look great. Now, are you going by a genessa? Yeah, it's me, genessa. I know who you are, I just won't make sure that that's how you wish to be identified. Well, right now, I feel safe, you can, you can call me genessa. Yeah, you can feel safe with us, it hang in out of my dirt pile? Does anybody need anything to drink to eat anything? To drink or eat because first it was drink and then it was eaten it changed I

Guess the no I'm good. Okay. We're the smoothie. You can do both Is a drink you can technically eat to it's got some it's tooth some Yeah, you're smoothie. I got a new Vitamix. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. That's pretty much all there is to my apartment. By the way, where my pad, which is a dirt pile in a Vitamix. It's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's it's very you. No, it's great. You can make soup. You may salsa. I haven't made a face mask. No, it's great. You can make soup, you may salsa. I haven't made a face mask. You guys want to put on face masks?

Yes, absolutely. I feel like because it's three women, we should put on face masks. I feel like when three women are in a room together, if they're not immediately masked, then what the fuck are you doing with your life? Before I put on this face mask, I'm gonna, that's okay.

Come out of the drama. I'm going, it's okay, come out of drama. I'm going to present myself as a woman right now. Please, present yourself to me as a woman. I'm gonna remove this roll of parchment I have down my pants and fully be me. Is that all right? Drop that load. It's definitely a different kind of load

than I think what is usually associated with that statement, but yes, I'm going to drop this load right now. You seem like you're carrying a lot of weight I think you're very brave. Thank you so much. I think I think you're both very brave. Oh Come on. Well you guys continue to talk. I'm gonna rub this mask on your face It's made with this sharp. Why is it such a sharp mask? It looks like it's painful. It does hurt my mom's face. Oh, me, oh, it's banana and broken glass. Oh my god.

No, is that for an exfoliant? Yeah. Blood's not bad for your face. It's not good for your face, but it's not bad for your face. It's rich in iron. Mm-hmm. In today's color. Alright, mom, it's on board.

So, how have you been? Me? Oh, you know what? Mm-hmm, nice color. My mom was on board. So how have you been? Me? Oh, you know what? I actually for a long time was horrible, but I think I've turned a corner. It's good. What helped? I think just kind of coming into my own as a person and I took some pressure off of myself.

You know, why is it always on my shoulders, I said? So then I just kind of chilled the hell out, you know? You got to, you do. You got to. You put some mask on her face. You know, if you don't turn corners, you're just going straight in the same path and then you can end up dead.

Right. Flower, you should write that down. That's so wise. I did. You see, that's the other thing I have. Is that an embroidered pillow over there. I've got a fight a mix of pilot dirt and that embroidered pillar that says if you don't turn some corners You're just going to stray path until you end up dead. Yeah, I've been saying to flower I'm always like wow you should read book flower you should do like some inspiring poems like flower you take it upon yourself Your life voice this generation. I don't have the patience

Oh, I meant to ask you how are you sad that chance the sheriff and you're not sheriff anymore? Oh yeah, because you are I wouldn't call it sad What I would call it is filled with the rage of a thousand tornadoes. Oh, this just became a John Tucker must die night Oh, no, it's John Tucker. This is dude that watered me once and I kicked him in a ball. His name is John Tucker and we can what we should destroy. Well, this is not not John Tucker. Are you saying chant is the John Tucker? Yeah. This was a metaphor before anything is said in stone. I just want to say I don't have any personal vendetta's. I just am very angry. Okay, that's fair.

It would be against the oath I took as sheriff to, to, to, you know, kind of kill the current sheriff. I was just like, by now, I wasn't talking, I mean, we don't even know what those dudes are. Like, they're fucking gone. That's why we're doing the podcast. They can be gone forever. Okay, maybe I misheard the parallels between Chant and John Tucker must die.

But also, I mean, I know you took a sheriff oath, but aren't you kind of not really here anymore? I can never, here anymore. Well, I've never formally renounced my position of sheriff. I never turned it over. I went, you know, immediately into hiding and never, I, so I don't know what the rule is on this because I've never seen it in my life. Do you do daily activities that are share-riffy in nature?

Do you do something like share-free things to remind yourself of who you are at your base? I do. Every morning I wake up and I go straight down to the creek and I look into my own reflection and say you are still the sheriff. And then I say some exploatives about chunt. And then I try to give myself a pat on the back because I think I am still a pretty hard working person. And then I go about my day, I try and sit and think of more bad words to call chunt. Because he's a real mediocre sheriff.

Well, he's really mediocre across the board. But as sheriff, oh my God, you're getting deeper in the politics. We have a whole mayor situation. What's the mayor's situation? Oh my god. Genes of kids who are burning. Well, okay. So guess I've been trying to make myself more informed because yes, I please help us understand the situation and the signals

that are being sent by this home in banana man because I don't I can't read him. Okay. One of the things that I'm known for as far as being a sheriff is concerned is is being absolutely fair and balanced when it comes to passing out love advice. Oh, I can't wait because I I need some. I'm here. Okay. May or man. I would argue the most handsome banana here. I'm not gonna argue. I feel like when you put that many kind of qualifiers on it, you were steering us to an answer that you would already determine.

Yeah, well, he's the most handsome banana that's ever been mayor, I'd say. Would you agree? Still a qualifier. You don't need our approval. He's, well, I would like like a nod or a yes that he is handsome and is a banana and his mayor. I will nod to three of those things.

And how many did you say? Three, I think. Okay, yes, I agree. And I lost track, I wasn't listening. I'm reluctant to nod because oatmeal and broken glasses being put on my face right now. So I don't want to move quickly. You want me to take it off?

No, no. What, do it harder? That's why I like to eat. So, I am an Anna? And I know I start to blush when I say his name. You're wearing an oatmeal mask. I'm not going to laugh. I'm probably so hard. People say I'm aggressive. All the way low. Just going to don't change your perfect. So, um, that's not true. I've always been a fan of him and his politics. And then we were both walking home recently at the night at the same time. And we were walking together and then we danced the middle of the street and he hummed and

down in the middle of the street. In the middle of the street we danced the middle street. We didn't get run over by any characters or anything and then he kissed my little hand. It sounds like a story I've heard before. Did any of you ever see that play in the round called the journal? Right, yeah, oh with the very handsome man. Yeah. It's a story of a very handsome man.

Star and Brian duckling. Yes. Yup. And he goes, it's not over. It'll never be, it's not over, it'll never be over. That line that I disnailed from it. Yes. I'll be honest, I never saw it. I'm very familiar with it, but I've never seen it. That line that I disnailed from it. Yes. I'll be honest.

I never saw it. I'm very familiar with it, but I've never seen it. I just know people die. And if it happens in the round, you must go. I know. I don't go see it. What was your favorite part? The part where the journal of the journal is a part early on at the start of the play

when he is dangling himself and threatening to kill himself if a woman doesn't do what he wants and only what he wants. So charming. So charming. It's not manipulative in the least. And I think it's a bold proof that I think I command. I gotta say I don't want judge a relationship. I'm a judge right now is that I don't think I could be with someone that could only home Right, does he say words or do you just make not just home? He just makes noises. Oh, I'm like that, but for whistling if somebody could only whistle Yeah, I'm out. I can't hard pass hard pass. Are you into it? Yeah, I'm into it when he hums Am I crazy? I'm being crazy. I'm being crazy. Well

It's not that you're crazy. I mean, to each their own, I think if that's your kink, then go for it. If you want to be with a banana mayor who hums at you, then that's, you know what, that's what you should do. But the problem is, are you getting what you need out of it? Yeah, I think what we're trying to get to the root of is less of what we think. more of opening up what does momo want out of this Oh my One momo. I'm opening wine. I'm opening wine. That's fine. I said I wasn't drinking. I lied. I've been drinking this whole time I don't know that I have I haven't stopped drinking it about maybe I'm gonna say a fortnight. Yeah, well, do you camel back it? Yeah. Me too.

You know, if a camel back. You pull out and then pull it. Yeah, you sip it off a camel's crack. Yeah, when Momo was younger, I could get away with that. But now I just, the hangover's too much. All right, well, let's go ahead and crack open this baby and let's take a little break right now. Pfft.

This go ahead and crack open this baby and let's take a little break right now. Okay, and we are back. That's what we do, right? That's how we do. Yeah. Oh, this is good content. So yeah, you could have been better wine, everything else. I can remove your masks now because I feel like, yeah, I'm almost keep fainting. I keep coming in and out of consciousness. And I'm scared because I think this is all started to clot. And I'm worried about what will happen when it's removed. What is your sleep?

It's on. Yeah, maybe it's on. Maybe it's on. Yeah, maybe it's on. Okay. Yeah. This is just who we are now. That's fine.

Should we play a game? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. Okay. Let's play. Would you rather? Oh boy. Are you ready, Flower's play. Would you rather?

Oh boy, are you ready flower? Born? Ready? I'm ready. Okay, would you rather? Let me think. I don't think. Usually I got one cocked. Usually I got one cocked and ready to go. I'm gonna start this now.

Did you guys? No one's ever agreed to play a game with Momo. Oh, I don't know what happens next. Oh, my mom, I have one. Okay. Okay. What'd you rather? No.

Okay, that's, that was mine. Oh, wow. I didn't, I was already scared. I just got scared. I hate decisions. Oh, then this is, then this, are we like holding you hostage with this? No, just good. I love love you know

I'm not afraid to change to learn more about myself. So sorry. Do you I didn't want to click you? Oh gosh no All right, well, I have what do you want? Do you want one or is this too much for you? Yeah, no, I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay. Okay Would you rather Be shot with a thousand flaming arrows or Be shot with a thousand flaming arrows, or dance in the street in the middle of the night with a banana mayor that homes it you. Thousand fucking arrows. I'm sorry Momo, that mayor situation is disgusting. No, I mean, it actually makes me feel better because it means you're not a threat to me.

No, no, not in that way. But I got another one for you. Great. Would you spend a weekend with a bush or weekend with some weeds? This is hard. This is hard. I say this is hard for me personally because I'm a natural flower, so I got straight up all bush Situation going on. Yeah second is always asking who's got weeds. These are two things that you know about me Bull bush who's got weeds This is so fish choice boy

I Jen yes, I do you know because I can't I can't decide man. I want to say weeds I said, you know, because I can't decide. Man, I want to say weeds. Actually, I have some weeds, does anybody? Oh, my. We're gonna do weeds. Of course we should do weeds. Also, you're still in touch with Sophie? Yeah, yeah.

How is she doing? She's good, you know? I called her and I was like, I was like, what is it like being such a squeaky giraffe? And she was like, you know, it's hard. People don't take me seriously, because I'm such a squeaky fucking giraffe. Yeah, but, you know, it's hard. People don't take me seriously, because I'm such a squeaky fucking giraffe. Yeah, but, you know, she's everywhere.

She's everywhere. Can I ask one question? At this point? Absolutely. Okay. So earlier, just a moment ago, Momo said that you're not a threat to me, and your reply was not in that way.

Yeah. I would love a list of ways that you are an actual threat to mom. On the dance floor. Interrap Battle. Drinking contest. A grocery store sweep. Wow. That's most awful.

Okay. It's been 20 years since I've heard about grocery stores. We haven't got it. We haven't done weeds yet. Oh, okay. First we do weeds and then we go on a grocery store sweep. Right. Yeah. That's it. Okay. Thank you. I'm very upfront about that stuff. I'm just trying to tone myself down. I'm trying to apologize less and I'm trying not to tone myself down anymore.

You have to be you. Yep. I'm a do me, which is I think the best way to live. Yeah. I can I say for a dirt, for a dirt pile. Thank you. You have made, I mean, I don't have to continue because you complimented me. You took the compliment, but you have made this the coziest homey as dirt pile. Yeah, you know what you kind of settle into a place. You're kind of like, all right, this is it. You know, not to transition a lot.

I've been all over the place. Yeah, this is bottom of a cliff for a while. Yeah, pull myself back up. I've got found this dirt pile and I was like, yeah, this will do. Wow. And I got a bite of mix. Oh, you pulled yourself up by your own roots. Yeah, I learned to walk for a brief period of time, but forgot because I haven't done it in a while. Wow. You know, when you forget, so it's like a language, you don't practice it and then you're like, the fuck, I used to be able to walk. Yes. Not anymore. I've got a question for you.

God, would you rather you ready? For me. OK. All right. Would you rather do all of the things a sheriff does, but you can't call yourself the sheriff, or be able to call yourself the sheriff, but you don't get to do the job.

I'd rather do the things. And to me, it's not about a title. I'm not a sheriff for a title. I'm a sheriff to uphold the law and to do my part. And if, you know, I don't think, first of all, call it whatever you want. But in my position, I'm practically the sheriff anyway. I'm cleaning up John's messes left and right. Is he making literal message?

Sometimes, which is a violation in and of itself. Mamma thinks it's really beautiful that you, you, you, you almost got crinething about that's really noble and that's really beautiful. Maybe it's the wine or the blood on my face. That's probably a key hand. I can't handle what's happening right now. You guys were talking, I did all the weeds. Oh,

No, I'll have the weed that you owe me money. That was I brought that. I'm so sorry Sorry, this is happened. I know. I'm sorry. It all should be I had a barter for that. I don't have any income. Can I make you smoothie? Yeah, make me a weed smoothie. Find some more weeds. I'll pull off some of my my petals. Oh I don't have any income. Can I make you smoothie? Yeah, make me a weed smoothie. Find some more weeds. I'll pull off some of my pedals. Oh, don't. No, I still can't do that. No, I still can't pluck every now and then. All right. Flowers are going to start freaking out in like one minute. I've seen flower take some weeds and it got nuts. Yeah, that's when I've gotten a real bad fight one time, but I remember it was like blind rage I know my stab may or banana. Oh my god

Well, same way else have anything they want to share before we got up this thing's running out of batteries And I don't have an outlet out here because it's a dirt pile You should have an outlet makes it, and I don't have an outlet out here, because it's a dirt pile. Ugh. You should have an outlet. But it makes it solar powered. You should always have an outlet. Maybe some poetry or if you could get a journal yourself. And you guys be my outlet.

Do you want to make this a thing on the rig? Of course. We have to take you to see the journal, because I think you'd hate it. I think I would fucking hate it. And it would be so funny to see. Yeah. All right, I'll go.

This has been Hello from Adurpile. This flower. This is Melma. And Gianessa. And you know what, just thanks for coming and sharing this experience with us. Motherfuckers! Ss!

Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Ss! Oh man, what I wouldn't give to pull up a patch of dirt and slap some shredded glass on my face and dish with those bad asses on the regular.

What a GD Delight! Especially when flower was like, I'm gonna do me! I've already started stitching a throat pillow with that phrase on it. If only I had a couch or a chair to throw it on. Flower the talking flower was played by Brooke Bright, who doesn't want to plug anything and just wanted to say she's living her best life. Man, I can really tell. Momo the mouse with human strength was played by Aaron Keefe. And Momo, if you can hear this, my two senses that you should enjoy that banana slow dance

for all it's worth. Just live it. As a woman trapped in a space bunker with less than a few viable romantic prospects, I was loving that appealing, and unlikely love story. It's just wonderful. GNS of the Sheriff, who will always be the sheriff in both title and action, was played by the excellent Dana Curcioli. You can see Dana perform with Virgin Dacquery every Wednesday night at I.O. Chicago and with

Glass Basement at I.O. on Thursdays. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgie, and Evan Chicover. This episode was edited by Tim Joyce. Inailed it, Trisha. You fucking nailed it! you