Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 73 - Globulous (Live from Indianapolis w/ Stuart Wellington)

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

Globulous the floating monster with eye stalks floats into the tavern with plans for the local rec center. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungGlobulous: Stuart WellingtonMamma Grousebush, creator of Cube Charter: Victoria RogersMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzGlobulous' Costume Creator: John HoltPhotography by: Jemma St. Ember and Kelly PalecznySpecial Thanks: Troy Babbs, and to the Schrott Center including Brian, Bram, Kelsey, Sheila and many more.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Look, you've got to admit, reprogramming my robot overlord and installing myself as leader of the bunker was pretty awesome. It was not awesome and it is over now. I just wish you hadn't wiped out my purpose as emperor when you reprogrammed me. Well, I'm sure you'll update eventually. Listen, I'm queen now. I have stationary that proves it. Sure thing, Trish. Absolutely, you've humiliated me.

I guess all that's left is to tee up the episode. Oh, dear, it's a live one recorded at the Shrott Center for the Arts in Indianapolis during Genkhan. I love these. I love thinking about how at any moment an audience member could cry out, wait, what have I done with my life? Speaking of mistakes, we have a few live shows to announce. A live show for Winter Soulstice, or as I call it, Petulant Christmas, in Chicago in November. You know when Solstice isn't. Also an exciting appearance at PodCon in Seattle in January. More details after the episode, or go to HelloFromTheMagicTab and dot com now and click the live shows tab

for the links. And now, close your eyes, breathe deep, surround yourself with all the complex sensations of Indianapolis, and enjoy the show. Hello for the Magic Tadburn! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon, I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, I can't help you. Yes, as some people in the tavern are saying, it's a lot. It's a lot.

But you know what, just on the off chance that you both have never listened before and care, this is what was going on about three and a half-ish years ago. I fell through a dimensional portal behind Burger King in Chicago, which is part of the glorious Midwest. Into the magical, fantastical, and a fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal

from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the ruffled feather. So much excitement for the ruffled feather. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, for a long time, you look, you're all regulars at the ruffled feather. So this maybe doesn't mean anything to you, but for a long time, I recorded this podcast in the For Million Minotaur. Woo! Woo! Right?

Guys, you know what, I've become a bit of a local, a bit of a reg here at the ruffled feather, a bit of a ruffle-o. I'm gonna drag here at the ruffled feather, a bit of a ruffle-o. And I'm really enjoying the kind of rough and tumble vibe, the kind of cool kid's vibe of the ruffled feather. And so I don't need, I don't need to go back to the Vermilion Minotaur.

Everything I need is right here in the Ruffles Suther. Where it goes without saying where we are now. But you know one of the things you know it's not just the place it's the people you're with and I am with one of my good buds, one of my co-hosts, one of my co-mayors of Hogsface. Chant the Talking Badger. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah, baby. Excuse me. Oh, rude. John, I don't know if you could hear, but there are many people in the ruffled feather sitting close to our table who are just interested in getting wet. Yeah. They're sitting in the splash zone.

Well, that one is clearly a baby. And as we all know, baby, don't know. So you do you. How are you doing, bud? I'm doing OK. I could just soak in up the ruffle feather vine. Yeah. You know me love the ruffle feather.

Oh, yeah. Big, big ruffle-o. Big ruffle-o. You're a bit of a reg. I'm a bit of a reg. Yeah. Can I say I do like versus the Vermilion Minotaur, which was a little dry, I like all these plants here. I like being

We're like between two Ficus's yeah Look, I think people are hanging out hogs face. They're like where do we go out tonight? We could go to the Vermilion Minotaur Oh, let's go to the ruffled feather. They have three plants. Yeah And it makes a world of difference. I feel like I can breathe so much better here. Yeah So much more oxygen. Yeah, we're in the middle of a million minutes or it's just like stifled stack it Oh, absolutely so you're real regaliaed up tonight. Yeah, you too. Oh Yeah, is that oh you're talking about this. This is like a martial arts tortoise. What was

Oh, yeah, is that, oh, you were talking about this. This is like a martial arts tortoise. What was, well, use the door was very kind to make me a teenage meet Ninja Turtles hoodie, which we mentioned in passing in an episode. And I just thought, you know what, it's a special night. I wouldn't wear it, even though it is a Michelangelo and I'm more of a Raphael. Okay. That's cool, but rude.

What's this? There's like a little piece in the back. Oh, can we see that action? There is a hood. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Can. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I'd like to point out, I would really love a picture of this moment. Yeah, of you looking like you do. What does that mean? Looking like I do. I'm just saying you're an adorable little badger with a crown, a scepter, a tanker, and a mayor sash. Yeah, that's right. I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

I feel pretty good, but also a mayor sash. Yeah, that's right. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I'm feeling pretty good, but also a little down. Oh. Oh, chunt to quote something I heard a few feet away. Ah, squish. Yeah, little squish is feeling a little squished. Oh, things with Tussidor going pretty well. Yeah. But it's hard in terms of like we don't fight.

Chun, look me in the eyes. It's the one thing I won't do. And I would do anything for you, but I won't do that. So, Chun, you are dating a dude named Tussidor. A wizard. A wizard according to him, named Tussador. Oh, Wizard. Oh, Wizard. According to him, named Tussador. We all love him because he's important to you. Yeah.

Just like Drew, you love Drew, right? Yeah. Oh, he's right there. I see Drew right there. Oh, I think I he's alive. No. I mean, I see him, It's not like he's... There's no one over there.

Sean, do you have a history of seeing dead people? No, I don't. I mean, well, to retroactively correct myself, my dad is a hunger ghost. So I do see dead people, but I think the way you mean it is like a zombie? No, I'm not as a ghost. Okay, then you see dead people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyday in my life.

Okay, yeah. Everyday in my life. But as I was saying, me and Tussur just having some trouble because we don't fight. And us not fighting is maybe our first fight. So maybe I'm okay. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah, let me tell you, as someone that's been married

for a while, this is definitely the kind of couples conversation that everybody loves. Like, oh, things are going great, but we just never fight. I'm worried that we don't fight enough. Yeah, so you can relate to that. Yeah. I also wanted to talk to you about, I think it's getting a little ridiculous because every night you go to bed at 9 and I ask why and you said, I'm a dad.

But your kid's not here. Oh, I gotta say, having a kid is so exhausting that it takes years to recover. You have to go to bed early for, I'm assuming the rest of my life. Oh, okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Are you still looking for your family? I Mean, it's great that you're wearing that hoodie we mentioned once, but are you still looking for your family?

I feel like at one at one point in time that was kind of a big thing. That was the engine of this show. Look, John, first of all, we 100% mentioned this hoodie in passing in like, not just any episode, like a somewhat recent episode. Okay. So I was very dedicated to wearing this ninja turtle hoodie. That does not mean that I am not also dedicated to at some point in the future being reunited with my wife and child.

That's wonderful. Okay, good. I just want to make sure we never drop that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, wonderful. OK, good. I just want to make sure we never drop that. Yeah. OK, yeah. I love you, bud. I love you, too. This hoodie is too small.

Why is everyone throwing gold coins at us? Oh, and someone, a wizard just made it rain inside here. Oh, now I'm getting wet. A self-fulfilling prop. That's all that our fellow Ruffalo's wanted I'm getting it rain inside here. Oh, now I'm getting wet. A self-fulfilling prophecy. That's all that our fellow Ruffalo's wanted was to get wet. Yeah, get wet. Can you give me a master class on exactly how to say get wet?

I'm feeling like I'm singing. Oh, wet, go get wet. That's one of what it's say. But also the way I like to say it is like you're chewing on a saddle of lamb So like yeah, like you're like you're kind of choking and you're like you're trying to respond to something that's interesting But you haven't finished swallowing your food. Mm-hmm. So it's like So it's sort of like it's like you might die like you need to reach over and tell someone you need the Heimlich maneuver. But then you decide that it's a maneuver on my world.

It's one of our most important maneuvers. Oh, this is a thing that people can win a trophy for. People who play the ball of foot can win a trophy for. You're thinking of the Heisman maneuver. You're such a sports head. I am such a sports head. Look, honestly, on my world people are like, Ernie, you know too much about sports.

Stop talking about it. You're regular William Simmons. I don't, that sounds like a fake name. It sounds like BS to me. Can I say something? And this is just between you and me, and obviously no one's overhearing us because we're talked away in a corner in the rough.

I feel like some of the people, the ruffled feather, are listening to our conversation. Really? Yes, they're not being discreet about it. Well, what I was going to say, just between us two buds, is that I really enjoy that we have that email address, chuntatgmail.com, that's chunt with six T's, and if anybody wanted to email within the next hour or so, we might read their email. But you said that's impossible, right? Well, you would have to imagine that any email sent now would be read in a future.

That's true. I don't know why I said that. But I'm the scientist. No. You're more of a Gilligan. Is that what you said? I said I was more of a Gilligan. Is that what you say? I said I was more of a Maryam. Hey, you know what?

We have spent way too long. Not. I can go. Chun. Maybe you should go. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Hey, hang here.

I'm going to go and I'll tell you what, as I leave, I'm gonna tell Drew to pop on here. Is that what you want? No, no, it is not. Okay, don't ever threaten me again. Shunt, I am so invested in our friendship that I would also like to add. Could you not look at the ceiling while you say that? Um, love you, bud.

You're the best. But I also love our other co-host, Use It Or The Wizard. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! and shadow, manipulator of magical lights, the power of chaos, champion of the great holes of Trockus, the elves know me as fiend Yelik, the dwarves know me as sonanin who stangies, and I am known in the northeast as gas-windius me star, shut up up and there may be other secret names, I

names that if they were uttered aloud would cast forth into this world a terrible turtle demon the size of a seven foot man in his mid sixties beware this demon turtle. For if it is conjured here, it may devour the whole. Hey, what's this? Do you mind if I put this on? Man, it feels gonna be alive. Oh, it's that waiter who kind of sounds like Drew. Thank you so much, waiter. I'm Drew. Nice to meet alive. Oh, it's that waiter who kind of sounds like Drew. Thank you so much, waiter. I'm Drew.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. It's weird that I wait until I talk to a conversation. Use an art. How are you doing? I'm fine. This is a very litigious episode so far. I was listening for the wings, and it seemed like there

are a lot of threats going back and forth. Oh yeah, there is a giant eagle over there. You're listening from the wings? Yes. Yes, grown. Yes. grown.

Because apparently you've never heard the fucking podcast. Yeah. Yes, the eagles nestled me in his wings, and I listened to the two of you as you, you seemed to go after one another over and over again and I wanted to, I want you to be good friends, I don't want you to threaten chunt to leave and I don't want you to threaten Drew to appear and I, I just want us all to get along again.

Also, it took a long fucking time, like a long fucking time. That's a long fucking time. Use it or I'm so sorry, we were just really vibing. We were just... We're feeling it. That's fine, I understand. Hey, sometimes it's not about me. It's about what's best for the show. I understand that.

And so I allowed it to continue without interrupting. I could have burst forth from the eagles very wing. Come out here, announce my name, and said, yay! This be a show about usador. Listen now as I do declare that this conversation has ceased to amuse me. And I've decided to take the podcast in some other direction

entirely. But I didn't do that. Thank you, thank you. You're welcome. You know what, John, is it possible we've been so focused on our friendship that maybe we've been neglecting Yusidore a little bit too much? Really? Yeah, I feel like he does his own thing. He is a little bit of his own perpetual motion machine. Yeah, he's a bit of a silo. Yeah, like I'm sorry were you talking? John, let's make this

episode about you, Sidor. Really? Yeah, let's make this. You know that he can sometimes go in the wizard state kind of zone out. Sometimes I don't know what's going on at all. You say things that sound like things and I assume they are, but I don't know what those things are? I mean that happens to me sometimes too. Like when you said you entered from the wings, I know already said on earth there's theaters, they have wings, but we're in a fucking tavern. I don't make sense that it's a giant eagle. No, I don't think that was right. You know? Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Sorry, I don't want to shame anyone. Yeah, let's. But also, I don't want to shame anyone. Yeah, let's

But also I don't want to feel bad about myself because I'm having fun. You don't have to good because you're sitting here. Yeah, just three buds Oh my god guys, are you gonna do some more of that slam poetry that you've been doing? It did look like he was about to sing a song or something, didn't it? You know what? I was just having a moment. I was just realizing that day and day out we've been working so hard to defeat the dark Lord, defeat the void, and maybe it's taken, it's told on us. This is the longest I've seen them stand. But maybe, I hope we needed this whole time, was for one voice in the darkness to say

Holy shit guys, thank you all this time we were switching to pop, pop. Arnie, pop, pop, pop. You know what? Well, pop, pop, pop, pop doesn't fit on posters though. Yeah. It's hard to spell. Yeah. Let's just do one real quick, boys night. Okay, and then let's bring out our guests, too.

How about we do this. You yell, boys night. I yell, girls night. You store you yell them night. I yell, girls, night. You store you yell, them, night. I like it. One, two, three, girls, night. They're nice. Yeah.

I thought we were going in order. Yeah. Because now it sounds like, good, blind night. Oh, actually, it kind of sounds like, blam, blam, blam, blam. It sounds a little like, blam, blam, blam, bl boy I'm not. Oh, actually it kind of sounds like, Bwam, bwam, bwam. It sounds a little like, bwam, bwam. Yeah. Two birds, one stone.

Which is your story's beautiful magical stone. Which is your new cart, he made? Oh, if only I could take this catch phrase and make it into a magical stone that would fill all of our hearts with joy and happiness for the rest of our days and fight against evil where magical stone that would fill all of our hearts with joy and happiness for the rest of our days and fight against evil where that stone slighted shine. I, for inside that stone, there would be such a potent light capable of filling all

the darkness in the world and stopping evil wherever it came. Yeah, I would take that stone, I would yell, Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, I shall not stop until all is defeated. That stands up against the face of goodness. So, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. You made me enter table. Let's see. Okay, here we are. Are you sure you still want to do an episode that's all used to do it? No.

Because that's like one hundredth of what he's capable of. I know. Also, I don't want to feel left out. No. Because that's like 100 of what he's capable of. I know. Also, I don't want to feel left out. Sorry, I just felt the need to complete that. It seemed like he used to have made a really rousing speech, but halfway through, I got distracted by the fact that you spilled beer all over your fur.

Well, that's how I drink sometimes. My shape-shifter's body is a porous. Oh! Like obsidian? Wait, no, like pumice. Pumice? I'm lying. I just spilled shit. Shit!

It was a very good cover. I was believing in the prophecy. I got wet. Got wet. got wet. You got wet? I feel so dumb. Now it looks like you had a little badgie accident. Yeah, damn it.

Badgie needs a diaper. No, badgie doesn't need a diaper. Badgie needs a diaper. Badgie don't need diapers. Badgie needs a diaper. Badgie can hold piss. Arnie tell him. Tell him badgie can hold piss. Look, you see badgy can hold piss. Arnie, tell him. Tell him, badgy can hold piss.

Look, you see badgy can hold piss. Thank you. But not as drink, apparently. But you know what, guys? Stop fucking around. What is going on with Arnie's face? We've got to get serious. This is the serious part of the podcast, where we talk

to our guest, ladies and gentlemen, I'm so excited to welcome back on the show, Globulous. I love me. Yeah. Yeah, you're an amazing floating red thing with a lot of eyeballs. A very interestingly placed tongue. Yeah. Yeah, from the back, there's not a lot of context. You know, when you came, you literally smashed through the wall over there and said, oh yeah.

It was either that or my other catchphrase. Get what? All right, I made that up. That's pretty good. This is another previous episode. Yeah, it's what? Letigious. What does that mean?

Never mind. Is this a different place than the last shit hole you had me come to? Yes, yeah, this is the ruffled feather. It's a cooler black magic bar. What's so cool about it? Agreed. There's nothing cool about evil. There's a lot of dark magic about.

And it kind of makes you know, when you're here, you feel like a bit of a bad boy. Oh, yeah, I feel like a bad boy. Yeah. A really bad boy. Oh. Why are we all doing that? So guys what are we talking about?

The show can start right? Have we started yet? We started. We're talking, I mean we're kind of talking about a few things. We're talking about relationships. Are you, um, are you with anyone? Do you see anyone? Well, that's a few things. We're talking about relationships. Are you with anyone? Are you seeing anyone? Well, that's rude to say.

You're seeing everyone. Are you currently with a significant other? You know, there was a time, there was a time when globulus had someone special in his life. It was another version of me. And I saved myself from a crystal prison you might remember. Oh, that's right. And then I killed myself.

Oh. Before he could kill me. So, yeah, since then, no, it's just been me. For you, Wheeling, that's right. You can create other versions of yourself. I have a dream about myself, and then I create another me. I mean, how do you do it I mean, how do you do it? Yes, how do you do it?

How do it? Well, it usually starts with me not eating pizza. Never mind, I don't want to know. Oh, cus poop. No, not necessarily poop, it's just that makes me very tired. Oh, poops involved. That's normal, right? New location. Same podcast.

So, so globulus, remind me a little bit, you're like a stock tear? What, what are you? I'm called an eye tyrant for legal reasons. But really, I'm a business thing. That's right, you're a business man. That's what I'm here to see you boys about. I need to get some permits approved. Well, Chant is the mayor this week.

Brim. If you'll reach and, well, wait, I must have left a somewhere. I'm good. I'm working on demolishing this rec center over on Wyvern Way. How apropos, demolishing a rec center? When I bought the building, you see, I thought it was a place where children just made clothing for me, so I could sell it in my chain of minzware stores.

Little did I know they were just playing and having fun. They're not into that. They're wreckage shortfall recreation. And I would like to make it short for wreckage with your help. Wait, globulist, the Hogsface Rec Center or all the kids a Hugsface play and and stay out of trouble You want to destroy it now they've been holding dance competitions and car washes You're watching so let's get on the set up for you dudes. Oh, they've been holding car wash. It's to raise money to thwart my efforts. But I'd like to open up some condominiums

and I don't know, retail space in the ground floor. Now, if those children don't have a place to come and play, they almost certainly become minions of the dark lord. They need that space so that they are not in danger of becoming masters of evil. So I will fight you on this, and I shall grant you no permits to tear down the rec center. Hold on, I feel like we're in a weird space.

We're on the one hand. I don't want to get on the side of the guy that wants to destroy the rec center, but I also don't want to get on the side of like, if these kids don't have a rec center, they're going to become minions of the dark Lord. All right, let's tear down. What? or rec center, they're gonna become millions of the Dark Lord. All right, let's tear it down. What? Look, I'm just not about easy answers.

And you, Sador, you sound just like the karate guy who showed up at my lair the other day, complaining about it. I froze him, of course, and took his clothing and then sold it in my store like I always do. Is that where most of your merchandise comes from? See, I freeze adventurers. I shoot freeze rays out of my eye stocks. I mean, that's pretty clear, right?

And then I take their clothes. And then I take those clothes and I, let me, and then I sell them for, let's say marked up prices, marked up because they were free for me. Yes, they cost you nothing. Yeah. Globulous. Could we see you use one of your freeze rays from your eye stocks?

Freeze. Freeze. Yeah. Ah. Ha, ha, ha, I got him. Oh, my old freeze ray. Now, luckily, let me use my unfreeze ray. No, I think you got him.

I think he's still there. Yeah. Chant's friends. I think you maybe missed the mark. Have a half a second I thought I was frozen, and then I was relieved to see it was Chant, though, was frozen. Now, release my friend.

I should not allow. So I've gotten older. My aim with my freeze ray has gone down quite a bit. But let me see if I get my unfreeze ray. And yeah. No? It's gone down quite a bit, but let me see if I get my unfreeze ray and yeah! No? Oh no. Oh no.

Sorry, I just want to sit in it for a little bit. Oh. Thought kind of good. Yeah. I thought I'd liquefied your insides there. No, I did that to myself. Oh, it's a little bit early. So all I need is a simple signature on the permit.

And you seem up for it. You seem like a cool dude. Arnie, do you seem like a cool dude? I do seem like a cool dude. Like a real Raphael, Ty. Yeah, I'm like a Raphael. All the only thing that gives me pauses that Arnie said, sometimes he doesn't eat pizza.

What? Which is a little suspect. If you're a cool dude, you eat pizza, right? That's what you do. If you're a rad dude with an attitude, that's what you do. Yeah. Yeah. Look, if you're a rad dude with ad dude, you eat pizza.

But you don't eat it every night. Some nights you're like, I'm gonna be a rad dude with aditude without eating pizza. I'm gonna be a rad dude with attitude without eating pizza. I'm gonna have a little more energy, and I'm going to be in my wife. The romance of it all. I am so confused as to why specifically pizza. And you probably even eat it with your mouth.

What do you eat it with? I roll around it and absorb it. Wait, you really have a mouth? That's mainly for making faces of people. I don't even talk out of it, clearly. It's true. You're talking out of like part of your stock that holds up your eye. Yeah, I'm not a primitive like you talking out of your mouth.

So what you absorb food, does that mean you're porous? Yeah, of course. What did you think I was wait? Oh, that's what you wanted to pass what I wanted to be Listen as mayor. I will sign What do I we shall sign your permit? We shall sign it. Let me say it. Okay. You should we shall sign your permit If you teach me how to be porous exactly And you must must donate some money to help the children who are displaced. Well, I do have a lot of money lying around. See, I made my fortune in cryptocurrency.

Ooh. That's, of course, money I found in a crypt. Spooky. Next to a number of piles of clothing and frozen adventurers. Now the way you said that made it sound like you found the clothing and found the adventure's already frozen. But I suspect that is not the case. What are you a cop?

As a matter of fact, I am. I am a duly deputized deputy of the very city of Hogsface. That's also one of its co-mairs. But I don't see you. Is there a badge? I don't need no sticking badge. I am Yusudor, the blue, and I shall smite an evil that I do come across or see.

I shall pull my sword and raise my staff and cast some terrible spell that shall turn me into a thousand red... I lost it. So I have agreed to your terms. Yeah, I'll give money, I don't care. Red poses. Hmm.

Look, you said our will just edit part of that out. That'll sound... Wait, we can edit stuff? Well, we don't. We could. Glopulous like, can we just maybe talk in to be a good guy? Like, do you see yourself as a bad glob? Well, what would I have to do to be a good guy like where my where my bow tie again or part do something with my hair or?

It's a start Okay, I mean what are things good guys do? Good guys make lists of good things that you're eventually going to do. Oh Get too old for this shit get too old for this shit. Get too old for this shit. Collabulous, if you truly want to turn over and leave and become a force for goodness. Well, I have to give up my minions. No.

Oh, I'm listening. Any minions you have will simply follow you on the path of goodness. You shall have good minions, but you must treat them very kindly, and treat them as equals, and pay them a decent wage. In after about 12 months, there should be a minions two, and then down the road, a minions three. I mean, it just makes sound financial sense.

It makes a lot of sense, right? The first one, I mean, you even forget the original cast. Yeah, absolutely. Who was the main character in the first one? I don't know. Yeah, aren't dog. A-train. Arnie? Yes.

Should we take a quick break for a sponsor? Yeah. Oh, thank you, chant. That's very good. Yeah, you know what? I'm so sorry, globulists. We're going to take a real quick break to make money for the podcast to help us do the good work that we do

We make money on the podcast. We make you know a little bit of money on the podcast am I going to get any of this money? Oh, we should talk about that before You know what I think you should just do it because you're having maximum fun do it because you're having maximum fun. So, Mundle, if you could play our sponsor music and I'm very excited to hear a word from our sponsor for today's episode. Love Offices and Bosses? It's everyone's favorite game, right? Wrong! Offices and bosses is the worst. Look, I used to love OMB, but what if I told you there was a better role-playing game for truly intelligent players. Hello, I'm Mama Grousebush and I'm the creator of a totally new game that will help role-playing. Find a new path. Cube Charter. Now some plays out there are going to say, but Cube Charter's just offices in

buses 3.7. Well they can just fly a beerable tray. Cube Charter is totally different. Cube Charterter is totally different. CubeTarter lets you dig into the strategy. It's a game for neckbeards by neckbeards. Narrative is boring. Let the the internards waste their time improvising their characters. More character classes, more customization, more math. And Cube Charter is available now. The core rule book and the Beast Area Tomb are under a troll sitting in my front yard.

That's why I'm here. Partly to sell you on Cube Charter, but also to recruit a few of you to kick this troll out of my yard. If a bunch of you come over and start the kick and that would help a ton, I really just need a few kick starters, and then I promise. You will have this game before anyone else. If you kick down around the troll's feet and he moves, you'll get a free copy of the game. And if you kick high like at his head, not only will you get a copy of the game, but you

will get limited edition pewter minis that fall out of his mouth. If not enough people kick the troll, nobody gets anything. So remember, I'm Mama Grassbush, the designer, creator, and sole originator of Cube Charter. Please help me start kicking this troll, because believe me, sister, I've had enough to hear with fucking trolls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah glaze over. Yeah.

Globbulous, I guess we never asked you, do you play any games? Like what? Like, Oh, like, Money games? Offices and bosses, like Hot Spice Potato. Cat or Doctor? Cat or Doctor.

Cat or Doctor. Cat or Doctor, that sounds great. What are you doing that game? You're trying to turn whether from a noise, whether something is a cat or a doctor. There's also a spin-off game called Mage or Dead, which is, you do something and you're trying to decide if it's a major dead. Should we play a quick round of one of it? Yes, we'll play a quick round. Here, let's play Catta Doctor. I'll go first.

Meow, you have rabies. Sounds like a doctor. What's your guess? I'd say cat. I don't know. I think it's a doctor that just got a quirky catchphrase. Meow, he's just really happy. Ony wins!

Ony wins! Ony wins! Damn! It's just that easy, globulous. Okay, let me do one. Meow. Mmm. That sounds like a patient.

Me? That's what it is. I heard meow. Oh, I got to drive. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Wait, the game's over? Yeah, also, it's called kind of doctor,

but you just say what you want. So I got one. About four years ago, there was a night when I did Neat Pizza. That sounds like a real doctor move. I'm a dad. No. Yeah, good one. So that's what I made today. move. I'm a dad. Oh, damn, good one. You switched to major dad.

Oh, major dad. I don't know what you're talking about, but it was right there. Why are you asking me if I play games? Do you have time for games? That's something that good guys do. They have fun playing games together and then they go out on quest defeating the all the evil in this world, such as the void or the dark lord. Will you join our quest to defeat evil globulus?

Phew. He's really shithing that tongue. Now, what's in it for globulus? The good feelings that come from having done the right thing. Now normally when I experience good feelings, it's when I'm rolling around in the body of something that I zapped with my eye laser. Now we're talking. If you join this...

So I feel like that all the time. If you join this forces of good, we shall go and fight orcs and trolls and all sorts of terrible beasts, and you may roll around in their remains to all of your delight. Now do orcs and beasts and things have recenters? What does property like over there in the Dark Lord's town? Is it expensive? What is the property like in the Dark Lord's town? Well, yes, some of the orcs do have rec centers, but if they're in the rec center, it helps them stay evil

instead of going on the streets where they might turn good. Oh. Oh, it's one of those switcherunis. Yes, exactly. Look, I know it's an overly simple solution. Yeah, pretty straightforward. Wow. Yeah, globulus, we got to set you loose

on an evil orc-filled rec center. We've got to get you to dexter this thing. What? What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? We're going to get globulus to dexter this thing, but not like a season eight dexter, like a season one or two dexter,

or maybe whichever season had John Liffgaugh. You're gonna go, you're gonna bad guy, the bad guys. Yes, exactly. I don't know what dexter is, but you're going to bad guy, the bad guys. Perfect, I'll bad the bad. Okay, so where am I going? Point me at him.

Oh, you, I honestly don't know. It's been pretty ambiguous to me like, where is the center of evil in Hogs face? The Valley of Shrike. Go to the Valley of Shrike. And there you shall find a Baron who though congenial and an absolute pleasure to spend an evening with.

And it should be said, loves games. Love games. I love games. Yeah. I'm surprised that the Baron of Shrike is in here. He loves games. He loves games. And as he has two such evil children that they terrify me.

And I was born of birds and fire and rain and came into the soil to fight evil. And these kids freak me the hell out. So go get them. And can I just say strike Valley, I mean before it became the epicenter of darkness used to be such a sweet valley And I would go there and get so fucking stone It gets so big good sweet valley high a good sweet valley high. Yeah, it just felt so good Right, you know, that's next to the Hidden Valley, right? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yes, a lot of rancers there. Mm. Arnie, what are you doing? How are you, how are you, Arnie? I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,

I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,

I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question.

I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question.

I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. Oh, no. Eat it, eat it, eat it. With your mouth, with your mouth. Now, I'm sorry, Galobulus, but that is hypocritical of you.

After making such a big deal about not using your mouth. I just wanted him to look dumb. Galobulus, your tongue has been hanged out so long I'm where you're gonna dehydrate it. And you know what, it's rude, it would be rude of me to eat this delicious looking fox face. When, you know, Globulous, I'm sure you'd love to roll around in it. Okay, it's a good point.

Yes, we... All right, all right, put it on the floor, I guess. I'll do anything for a laugh. Yeah. Yeah. We're good. I looked cool, right guys. Oh, yeah.

Very cool. I have so many e-mail here from Natalie, says, hey Arnie, when you interrupt during Yousador's name, you should say devourer of dad-ass. Trust me, Earth people will be loving it. Finally, I wouldn't mind being interrupted. Look, look, I think that sounds great and Natalie Wolf clearly has gotten some thoughts, some things, some thoughts, but we get so many emails that are like, what does it mean to the Vowercayas? How do you devowercayas? What does it

taste like to the Vowercayas? And I don't want to get those emails about dead hats. That's fair, I understand. I just use my mouth. Like an idiot. Here's an email from Josh Lovgren. Says, can we get an episode of The Good Podcast? Get Nuts? Love. My wife who wants to get wet.

This is chunt. This is globulus. And wait, I don't know the rest. Point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, point, I had four macadamia nuts. You win. Damn, good app. Good app. Yeah, good app. I can see why people like it. It's really good. Globbulous, just so you know, getting nuts is one of the most popular podcasts in

food, not like hello from the Magic Tavin, which everyone hates. And you must be making, uh, making some good coin off of that, huh? We're making bank. Ah, I'm making some good coin off of that, huh? We're making bank. Ha, ha, ha. Ah, I'm glad you just like a taste of that. What if I roll around on some almonds? Yes. Where are we?

We'd gladly pay you to roll around in some almonds. Okay. That would be a joy. May... LAUGHTER I am terrified because so far, I've been realizing that, uh, through these emails, our listeners are straight up pervs This is normally such a taste. How is this a revelation? Here's an email from Jessica to

What is pizza like on food? This is for Arnie. What is pizza like on food? You know what I've got to say the pizza on food is not nearly as good as the pizza on earth What are the main differences is pizza on earthune is not nearly as good as the pizza on Earth. Out of the differences. Out of the differences. Is pizza on Earth more thin, more thick? Pizza on Earth can be very thick, can be Chicago style, which is... Where is Chicago style? Chicago style is this great... Is that pizza that abandones their family?

This is Yusudor. This is Chant. And fuck her name. What? I love you. This is you, Sador. This is Chant and fuck, Arnie. What? I love you. JK. I love you, JK. I'm JK.

Technically, I didn't know that's what I was citing, Honful. Wait, hold on. Have all this time, besides getting nuts, have you two had another spin-off podcast called Fuck Arnie? Yes, yes. Yeah, it's huge, it's awesome. We do, I'll admit we have another podcast called Fuck Arnie, but Chant O is started like an episode of getting nuts and then I'm always surprised and then we're in the middle of an episode of Fuck Arnie and then I think, well I'm here. That's part of the gag, it's hilarious.

So what is Chicago pizza like? It's sort of a deeper, a deeper, thicker, cheesier pizza. It's a kind of pizza that you really enjoy once in your life. And then you're like, I did that. Now I'm gonna go back to more reasonable pizza. And then you're like, I did that. Now I'm gonna go back to more reasonable pizza. It sounds like you're describing like a casserole

or something, not pizza. Yeah, more or less. Look, it is good. And I will fight anyone that says that Chicago style pizza isn't good, but I also, you know, I had it. And I believe, Arnit, I believe you also told me that Earth pizza has a tomato sauce on it instead of an anchovy sauce. Yeah. That is disgusting.

Tomatoes are fruits. Yeah. Everyone knows you put fish sauce on pizza. Yeah. Also, earth pizza doesn't have as much beets, as much moss. Then what do you get the coloring from? From the tomato sauce. Oh, I've never seen a tomato.

Describe it to me. Well, are you, do you have a mirror? There's sort of large and round and red. And they have little bits of green. And a stem, a stem that you kind of don't want to keep looking at. But you can't help yourself because it's a tomato and there's something compelling about that stem, especially where it's placed. And as time passes, a tomato tends to get less ripe and plump and just loses

its shape over time. Yeah. I imagine it gets very hot and sweaty inside it when that happens. Oh, yeah. You don't want to be in a tomato. That's how the old saying goes. Yeah. That's great.

I'm going to put that on a t-shirt. You don't want to be in a tomato. Look, if we can walk away from tonight having learned one lesson, if you don't want to be in a tomato. Look, if we can walk away from tonight having learned one lesson, if you don't want to be in a tomato. Yeah. You know what? You don't want to be in a tomato. And I feel like when Globulous said, you know,

Chant as the Mayor, signed this permit to demolish the Rec Center, I feel like I was in a bit of a tomato. But you know what? No. The answer is no, Globulous. I will not sign that permit. Excellent, Chunt. You have faced evil face on and by facing it, you smash its face. In your face, Globulus. You just got fucking dunked up. This is Arnie. This is... You should or.

This is Chant. And fuck you, globulus. Fuck you, globulus. But also, you are a gas-thin' thank you so much for being here. Oh, the air-sing here. Thank you for coming on the show. Yeah, I invited you here in Worshowsr. You know, being a heel, like, and wrestling is...

It's not the easiest job, but you know, it's fun. Yeah. And globulists, I'm excited for you to bad bad. I think I'd be a lovely bad bad. Wait, that's where I roll around on bad guys' guts, right? Yeah, I roll around on bad guys' guts. Knowing our purvy listeners are going to love that. Like a basketball covered in eyes.

Oh, yes. This is an email from, and I don't know how to say this, but let me try. Demas Prostea says, dear ch- I think it's pronounced, dad-ass. Oh, dad-ass Prostea says, dear chants, please make Arnie zip up that Ninja Turtle hoodie? You just... Chunches reverse scampered.

What's with he does? It's a bit of a scamper, it makes sense. Yeah. You asked for it? Oh, there could be no more exciting gramp in that place. Yes, what's a way to go out then putting on clothes? zip it up zip it up Considering how long this is taking people want to why we're the same thing all the time

So my gala is low, huh? I'm really more of a Roth I.L. Woo! Woo! Damn Ernie, I gotta say, looking good, my man. Thank you. Fowl Turtle Demon, who is devoured on me? Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

I'm here to meet that in hand. I just might need an hand. You don't even know Fowl Turtle Demon. No, I forgot, you said her doesn't have to meet that end. I just might need it. You don't even know. Now, Fowl, Turtle Demon. No, I forgot. You said it or it doesn't have any object permanence. Yeah. Hello. You shall release my friend, Army.

Army. Army. Chant. You just drank on the hammer. Chant. Just drank you said or from killing me while I very quickly get this hoodie off. You sure you don't want Drew to distract him?

Kill me if it's Drew just kill me. You said or, you said or. What? What? Look, what I'm looking, your finger is snapping in the air. Right over your head, one, two, three. One, two, three, one, two, three. Yes, I see.

And sleep. And sleep. And sleep. And sleep. And you're sleeping. You're sleeping. sleep and sleep and you're sleeping you're sleeping You're sleeping on the wizard state you're in the wizard's day And as you're in the wizard state you're relaxed you're relaxed shredder and you want to start talking about a recipe Maybe a recipe for pizza

You take a you take the most delicious cauliflower crust and you cover it in pure fine anchovy sauce. Yes. I may be making a little more sensual. Cover it with beets. Put a little bit of fox fur on there. Yes. Put it in the oven at 400 degrees.

And while it cooks for 20 minutes, eat that ass. Ladies and gentlemen, that's our show. We are Hello from the Magical Tower. CHEERING Ha! I did it! I defeated the turtle! Thanks! If sensual pizza and dad ass aren't warning sign enough to vacate Indianapolis, well, you deserve to live there. See, that comment was hurtful.

Indianapolis is awesome. I assume. I'm making a royal decree. Can we do that? I think so. I decree that you try to be a little more positive from now on. Like in the credits. Can I be positive about something easier? Animal testing? No? Fine. more positive from now on, like in the credits. Stark Horror? Definitely not a beholder, TM. Was played by Stuart Wellington.

Check out Stuart's podcast about terrible movies, The Flop House. And if you're ever in Kensington, Brooklyn, stop by Stuart's very own Hinterlands bar. John Holt put together Stuart's amazing costume for the show. For pictures, go to HelloForTheMagicTaffern.com and click on the episode link to see plenty of photos. And check out John Holtz podcast, Board Ghost. Mama Grouse Bush, the creator of the game, Cube Charter, was played by special guest

Victoria Rogers. Dungeon Master for the all-women actual play D&D podcast, The Broad Swords. Check it out wherever you listen to podcasts. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekampe Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Special thanks to everyone at the Schrotz Center, including Brian, Camp Ryan, to Georgie, and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Special thanks to everyone at the Schrotz Center, including Brian, Bram, Kelsey, Sheila, and many more.

Thanks also to Troy Babs for all the help. Don't forget about the live Winter Solstice theme show at Tallyahall in Chicago, November 27th. For more info and ticket links, go to HelloForTheMagicTaven.com and click the Live Show tab. In January, MagicTaven will be participating in PodCon in Seattle, along with folks from Welcome to Night Vale, Adventure Zone, Dear Hank and John, The Bright Sessions, The Broad Swords, and so much more. PodCon is currently in the last week of its funding phase.

So if you want to get a ticket at a cheaper price, now's the time. If you hate Seattle for some reason, remote digital attendance is available. More info at podcon.com. As always, thanks to the Chicago Podcast co-op and thanks to Ear Wolf. Oh, I thought of another nice thing to say about Matt. Great hugs. You already said that. I did.

Then I got nothing. you