Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 74 - Sweater Quest

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

What if Usidore had left on his quest to defeat the Dark Lord one day earlier, leaving Hogsface with Arnie, Chunt, Pimbly Nimblebottom, Tannakin and Germ? Let’s use magic to find out!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungPimbly Nimblebottom: Louie SaundersGerm Crust: Mary TildenEvil Tannakin the Pinglet: Sarah FineoutMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey there, Craig here. As Emperor, I'd normally have my intern do the intro, but I've tasked him with cleaning out the Spacebunker's many junk drawers today. This is like an entire drawer of D6's. Yeah, yeah, back to work. I mean, I just got Yatsi by opening it. Anyway, if you've always wanted to see Magic Tavern live, there are lots of live shows coming up.

The London show and September is already sold out, but Chant and Yusudor are doing a live Get Nuts at the Kalamazoo Improv Fest in October, and the Magic Tavern Winter Solstice live show will be in Chicago in late November. Do they know when Solstice is? It's not then. Not to mention Pod, Con, and Seattle in January. So get links and details on all the live shows by going to Hello from themagictavern.com and clicking the live shows link.

Sir, my peacock feather duster isher is damn Paul need a new one soon. Quiet in turn, and now the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arne and you camp. If you've known so the podcast before, oh for shame. But this is everything you need to know, about three years and some change ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of Foon Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift

And I use that to upload a podcast I record every week in the tavern now the tavern the ruffled feather in the town of Hogsface in the land of Foon And I'm joined as always by my co-hosts, my good buds, my co-questors, hey, and I don't talk about it enough, my co-mayors of Hogsface, jump the talking banjo, Bingbong, and use it or the wizard. I am useador, Wizard of the Twilthrill,

Muffezeus Master of Light and Shadow. Spaghetti, manipulator of magical light here, with devour of chaos. Flushars, and of the great halls of Trockus, he is fying out. The doors, nobius, nobius, great halls of Trockensky. Oh, yeah, they'll soon be fearing out. The dwarves, nobody is looting in whose dangers. And I am known in the North East as Gassamwinius Maystar. And there may be other secret names.

I, names that if I did utter them aloud, the very foundations of this building would shake until all de-come crumbling to the ground. And that great seismic incident would stretch across all of food until not but destruction laid in its wake. I mean, I got through all my catchphrases. Yeah, and they're still... You still have a milestone, yeah.

Oh, and when that wake did subside, but for a moment, and it seemed like there was peace, a great typhoon would appear We're before the earthquake had destroyed all in its path and it would pull up all of the dirt and the wreckage and Moving to even further lands He's just he wandering away into the tavern. I don't think to say like oh up and then a bottle opener opens a bottle It's like he's just saying something in this right He's just he's still monologue even though he walked into the bathroom

How you doing bud? I'm doing great. How are you? You know, I'm doing okay? I'm still trying to figure out ways? You know I'm doing okay. I'm still trying to figure out ways for us to get back in the Vermilion Minute tour to find the weapon hidden there so we can defeat the Void and then you know, get back to defeating the Dark Lord. And then of course, it's getting me back to Earth and getting you back to Earth with me

so you can meet my family. Yeah, you're gonna be so popular on Earth. And the Heavens open and two eyes made a pure fire. Look down there fire. Nice one, buddy. Nice one. Can I get a collar? Don't you say that collar? A collar might look nice. Oh yeah, we can put a collar on there. Maybe a little one. Maybe a little charm or something. Yeah, we'll get you a little bed, a little badger bed that you can sleep on. And then you can go to the bathroom and the back yard and we can get your treats. Can I get a bow tie and then whatever you do to sleep on, then would peace right over the land.

Nice one. Whatever you said, you said there's something about Newsy hats, can I get like a Newsy hat and a bow tie? Yeah. And we'll get you a little cone around your neck so that you don't lick your genitals. No, we can do without that cone. Speaking of cones. Oh yeah?

I have those eyeballs. That's right. We stole a couple things from a million minutes. The eyes are sliding door. Er, what was it called? Slid and door? Slid and door. Why did I think sliding door? I don't know. That doesn't sound like anything. But the tag said that these eyes will show us things that did not come to be. And I know, you don't want to hear this, but the back of that tag says these eyes, these eyes have seen a lot of things, but they're never going to see a lot of things like I had with you. That they do. it is written there.

Thank you again for mentioning that. Canon. So how do we, I don't know, maybe you're, you're the magic expert, I think, right? Should I roll them like dice? It's like we're the queer eye crew, and you're the magic expert, right? And like, Sean is like the fashion expert,

or like maybe hair, and which expert are you? I'm the one that like the fashion expert, or like maybe hair. And which expert are you? I'm the one that does the most emotion. Nope, wait, no, I changed my mind. I'm the one that teaches you how to make guacamole, and that's it. Actually, can you come here for a second? I just wanna untuck the front of your pillow.

That does not look good. Oh, okay, well. It's not the right shirt for those. We're from different worlds. Okay, we're from different worlds. You don't know. Yes. If I may, look at your eyes of Sid and Doris for a moment.

Yeah. Oh, yes, these would allow us to gaze into timelines. It never came into existence. If I but set them here in the middle of this bowl. Please, and plain funish. Oh, boy. Didn't you say something when you were near the bathroom screaming about two eyes in the sky, opening up. Oh yes, there are two eyes in the sky that would be made of pure fire, that would gaze down the fiery gaze upon food. That's it, we set them on fire.

And then maybe we can see through those giant eyes in the sky, down on what's going on? Mmm. Alright, then, uh, there's a little bit of fire. Corim. Doth. Buck. Yes. Crrrim. Doth. Bok. Yes. Cwop.

Y'all. Gip. Ah, there they burn. Mmm, and now do we just, um, Now. Inhale the smoke and say what we want to see? Yes, we must breathe in the fumes. I, the smoke that have come up off these flames.

Well, I said inhale and you said breathe in the fumes. I feel like we're- I'm a green with you. I'm a green with you. I'm a green with you. But focus. We must all think of the same thing together. Okay. Well, if we do not think of the same thing.

Queen to Daniel. But don't think of the state buff martial man. What? What? Never mind. I have always wondered. What would happen if we had left? But one day earlier, upon my quest, avoiding the attack that came and the subsequent...

Hello, Blue. Hello, Blue. Yeah. We had just left one day earlier, we wouldn't have been in prison in Hogsface for so long by the Dark Lord, and we would have been off proactively on our quest. Oh, what a difference. That's a day, mate. That is all then focus. All right, all right.

Focus on one day. One day earlier. That is all then focus. Alright. Focus on one day. One day earlier. One day later. Inhalent focus. Oh, Tanakin. Tanakin. Oh, hey! Could you step out into the forest and collect some twigs? The fire is beginning

to die, do we need more fuel for the fire? Oh you got it, I'll go collect some twigs right now. Yes, and uh, go. Hello, you sit down. How are you doing? Good morning. Good morning. We need something to eat from breakfast. I'm going to go out and hunt for hairs. So if you can tend to the fire and perhaps help Pimbley, he seems to be in an odd state today. Yes, just watch over him for a little while. Oh, Eesidore, I'll do that for sure, but while you're out and you're hunting for hairs, what do you mind looking for a few rocks, smooth, smooth rocks, just to place on my on my eye cavities, I'm having trouble seeing today. Oh, yes of course, anything for you sweet girl. Thank you, you Siddore. Yes, oh,

Trunt, I was about to go out hunting. Anything that you'd eat hope with? I was trying to pick some raspberries, but I can't distinguish raspberries from poisonous beer. Here's a trick. If you eat the poisonous ones, you die. Mmm, good to know. I'm off. What a life saver.

Arnie, are you gonna get up today? I don't know. This is actually being off on this quest is very exhausting. You've been walking every day! That's what questioning is, I mean it's a lot of travel. I know, and I can't be honest with you, Chant. Yeah, I don't want the press. The Wi-Fi doesn't extend here anymore, and we haven't been able to do the podcast ever

since we left Hogsface. I just don't know why I have to offer anymore. Hey guys, hey guys. Yeah, Pimbley. Hey guys. The imp that poops coins. I know, I don't even eat. I don't even eat the first half of gyms.

This is not gonna be cool about this and be right. It's gyms and hearts, please. Yeah, gyms. All right. Can we talk about how I just got the shit kicked out of me by a big old troll while you guys just watched? Oh. I thought you had it. I thought you had it. I just got the shit kicked out of me by a big old troll while you guys just watched. I thought you had it. I thought you had it. He just tripped and fell so I ended up winning the battle. Yeah, the club got stuck up his nose.

But you guys just sat there and watched. Yeah. To be fair, Pimli, you did keep screaming. Don't help me. That's true. That is a saying. That is an impish saying. Don't help me. And what does it mean? That is a mean.

It means like what a bezinga means. Oh, follow up question. What does bezinga mean? Oh, I know this one. A bezinga is origin from the unmarked territories. It means everything's disappearing. Everyone watch out. Oh, hmm.

Well, exactly right. I want to apologize. Next time we get into battle, I will lend you my hammer. That's right. Do not help me. Please, just don't worry about what I'm saying. If I'm getting pummeled, please help me.

I was having to poop out hearts and eat them myself just to stay alive. Oh, you can poop out and eat your own heart? Yes, yes. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm back. Oh, hey, Tana, Tana, Tana. Here's the twigs.

Oh, oh, she is speckled with blood. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I've been filing my teeth down so that they're a little sharper than normal so that I can really easily kill squirrels and eat them. Tannikin, I wanted to say it looks very good, and I was wondering if perhaps I could use some of that in my designs, the... the Filed Teeth look. Of course! I'd be happy to file them for you.

Arnie, I gotta say I do not like the way she sings Squirrels. I know! Everything else about her is not ominous in any way, but the way she sings Squirrels. I know. Everything else about her is not ominous in any way, but the way she says Squirrels is... Keep an eye on her. I will. I return and try and frontier her, Honald. Skin these four hairs. What? We need to make food for everyone to eat in the party.

Skin these rabbits. Oh, I'm... I'll do it! No! Very good. Oh, I'm stupid. I'll do it. No! Whoa! Very good. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Those teeth all shot. I'll put them on the fire for us. You said, I've got to say, and this is maybe not helpful, but we're just a terrible questing party. Like, how are we supposed to defeat the Dark Lord where we're just an incompetent wizard, a shapeshift badger? How dare you?

Like, very charismatic man from Earth and just like an adorable flying pig creature, a tiny imp that shits gems, I'm sorry I said coins before, and you're very good, Girm, but like a makeup artist, like how are any of these things helpful? Like what kind of questing party is this to defeat the Dark Lord? Don't forget my ghosts. Oh that's right. Followed by ghosts who I've gotten to know and they're very they're good ghosts. Look at them playing. Hey I got them here.

You're two stones that you needed. Oh yes you said or thank you so much. I had so much eye puffiness. I was drowning in my own flesh. Are they smooth enough for you? Only if you're giving them to me. Well, maybe we should do something to boost them around. Yeah. Maybe Pimbley, would you mind like getting some of my blackheads or something? Just something to feel good about. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. It's so sad. That's great. If anybody wants to get their blackheads that way we're together, we'll just let's get some team spirit up in here. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You see, honey, it's it's these simple pleasures.

We're out here on the road in nature, questioning a cross-foon towards the dark Lord's stronghold and we must help each other up, support each other, lift each other up. And yeah, we may not be the greatest fighters who ever existed, but our hearts and our minds are in the right place. Let's go around and do whatever would boost each person's morale. We'll provide that for them, and then we can start afresh, we can start anew. I'm down. Oh, true though. That's great. Thank you. Oh, of course, yes, I'm just dreaming of what I might say. Yes, I too immediately found mine, so thinking, oh, what might bring me a great bit of joy,

a simple joy out here on the road. Look, I can tell we're all champing at the bit to be the first to go. But let's let Chant go. Get my blankets. Oh, all right. Here we go. And can everybody get in there and maybe find one?

I've definitely done this before. Oh, it's a makeup artist, you must have, yeah. Yeah, we have a makeup artist here, and so why do you want a little shitting imp to do your blackheads? Well, no, I understand, because truthfully, there's an impulse to want to remove the blackheads, but my philosophy is to leave the blackheads

but make them stronger. Ooh, fortify the blackheads. It adds to your texture and your individuality. Interesting, very interesting. I think what I would want is I would want to learn more about what is transpired here in food. Gurm, can we commune with your ghosts and learn more about what their lives were like before they were ghosts?

Oh, absolutely. Um, front? Oh, we're going to speak to Um, front? Oh, there she is. There's Um, front. Hey, Um, front. Oh, hello. Um, I know that I don't speak to you often and I often leave you behind.

Um, I almost close the door on you after we left the Vamellian Minotaur. And I'm so, what's up with that? I'm so sorry. Nothing happened. You know, being haunted is actually a lot of work. I know haunting. Also, it's a lot of work. It's exhausting.

So anyway, we were wondering if you could give us a little historical context about why you live in Hogsface? Sure, sure. Well, I was born in Hogsface and I raised there, so... Three, three, four. That's a good reason. Yeah. Small town ghost that couldn't get out. Yeah, thank you. I'm from. That just happens to some people. They just get stuck in a small town. You know, but it's never too late to go out and put yourself out there even after you're dead. Yeah, I've got to ask something. How did you get the name on from? I'm from, well, you know, it was my dad's name and my mom's name.

Oh, was it that somebody said like, were you from and they said I'm from and then they just stopped? I mean, both. Yeah, both. Yeah, the truth is we're all from a hog's face, but sometimes we do forget which is dumb. Yeah, I never thought about it. Everyone, I would just like to say, I'm feeling a little bit, I don't know, uncomfortable talking with my ghosts this much. You know, sometimes when you turn around and look at your ghosts, it's not very pleasant.

I would love to give you another makeover on from if that would be okay, just so that I don't have to look at you quite the way that you're looking right now. Wow. Well, thank you for sharing, Germ. I mean, you didn't know Germ. You didn't know Germ. And I'm from, yes.

I'm getting to know your ghosts, feels like I'm getting to know you. Who else wants to sort of feel something about themselves? Share some personal part of your life. Sorry, actually, before we do that, do you mind Girm if I talk to Ben the party ghost? Hey, all right.

Woo! Ben, can I ask, is this that all right Girm? He's supposed, he's definitely the worst of them. Wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw I just got to know how do you die? Oh damn dude, I had cancer. Oh man, yeah, no. So it was not party related? No, no, no, no. I mean most of my friends have died butt chugging, you know. In fact, that's pretty common to my friends.

Most of your friends have died butt chugging. That is very crazy. Yeah. They have no- all disentant common to me. Most of your friends have died butt-trugging. That is very crappy. Yeah. They have no-all disentants for me. I know I shouldn't ask follow-up questions, but did they all die in one butt-trugging? Yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like one of them could have weakened. We had these, the weak-allum human centipede parties where someone puts vodka in their butt

and it goes through them and then they puke it out into someone else's butt all the way down so they all nailed. Holy shit. Truly vile. I feel so embarrassed. You know it's bad when a ghost says something that is shocking the other ghosts. This is how we do it. Oh man.

He says, I might try to figure out a way to exercise him. Please, please, you sit on. I do love having ghost clients, because they receive the foundation a little bit differently than regular textured skin of other creatures and food, but truly, they are a lot of work. I'm so sorry. I'm going to go back to pretending to sit on that rock if

that's okay. Good luck I'm from. I'm from. Yeah, requires such a core to pretend to sit where you're just really squatting. Oh yeah. Because you can't really sit on it. I would like to air one other grievance. I'm sure. Normally, every day, I look at Yusudor's website. Yusudorrocks.com? Yes, and I haven't been able to in quite a while. Yeah, there's just no Wi-Fi here anymore. Right, so, only I understand your plight.

I understand the kind of on-wee or experiencing out here. It's hard to totally unplug, you know And in some ways you got to take it as a gift like knowing and getting in touch with me here out in the wilderness, but It's tough The only joy I take is Fingying about the website still and remembering how easy it was to make with Squarespace You said we just Describe something that might be on your website right now so that we can all revel in the image.

Yeah, we could talk about the internet. Well, yes, of course. I was thinking about adding a section where I allowed people to support me in some way. Oh, the trolls are back! The trolls are back! Oh, the trolls are back! Here we go! Here we go! Get them, get them, get them! I shall smite each one of the... The trolls are red. Trolls are red. Trolls are red. Here we go. Here we go. Get them, family, get them.

I shall smite each one of the eight. Do not help me. Do not help me. We guys were not supposed to help Bimbley. That's just a sin. Tantan can just look at it too. Oh god. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Wow, user, it sounded like it would have been pretty bleak out there on the road. I think it was sort of normal traveling sort of question. We were around the fire sharing stories and seemed like a girl and I were hitting it off and Trump was doing alright. What does that mean? Well, he seemed perfectly happy to have his black heads removed. Shunt was doing alright. Well, I was, that's something you tell someone if they're not doing alright.

Like, hey, no, no, you look good. No. That's what you say when someone doesn't look good. I shall walk that back. I do apologize. That was not my intent. My intent was to say that, though, Arnie did seem to be having some struggles upon the road, the rest of the party was doing

alright. Why do you think you wouldn't have done well? I don't know, it sounds like I feel a little bit lost without having my passion project making this podcast. You know, don't you guys have something? I mean, use it or, you're requested to feed the Dark Lord, that's like a defining touchstone for you, it's something that keeps you going. Yes, but it's not all of me. I love cooking. I love mittens. Yes. And once I defeat the Dark Lord, there will be some other evil. And I shall not stand for them either. I shall

prepare myself for whatever death cross my path for. Vigilance is not something that I get to cast aside once I have defeat to the dark Lord. Nay, this is about to set a value that I have. Well, everything I love is back on a different world. Oh, I'm so sorry. We must work harder to get Arnold back home. Yeah, I feel like we really put that all. It's on the list.

We should bump it up. What spot is it on the list? It's number one, really? There's a little bit of... We're not doing it. It's like a serpentine order. I got a solution, my man. Put a zero above that one. Put it on there twice. Okay. Zero, get home. One, get home. All right. Hey, why don't we take a moment and take a quick break and we'll be right back. Take a moment and take a quick break and we'll be right back. Okay, we're back. I am curious to see how we did if we survived that troll attack. From the visions that I had, it looked like we were simply at the base of Mount Tremble.

And I think at Tremble, we'd probably rolling about ten days out of Hogsface. Oh, there was probably another whole two or three months to cover. Wow, well, let's skip ahead then, like some good. Yes. Concentrate to breathe in the smoke again. Inhale. And then concentrate on a few months later what would have been. What would have been...

Or something made from cancer. Like I was saying, anyone who comes on my farm, a little on the inside, making felt nice and comfy, and then I get them. I can see in your eyes that you're the same. Oh yeah, was it? Yeah. Can I inviteide something to you? Yes, of course, but not too loud,

because you're meitus in the living room. They have no idea, those dumb flops. They are flops, aren't they? Yeah. They're little dumbflops. I've been massaging blood on my little teeth. You're a fucking pearlet, and I love it. And nobody has said a word.

They don't suspect anything. I mean, if a little pig is massaging blood on her teeth, and you don't say anything, who's crazy? Exactly. Who's the crazy one? I know. After I kill something, if it has blood, I save a little bit in my pouch, so that I can sip on it

later to refresh my palate. Yeah. But most of the blood, I just sort of spread around Dancing it like a little shower. Oh make a little mess and then yeah, let it come down on you That is very satisfying. Yeah, I've done that once or twice Now let's bring in some drinks for your friends here And the plan is at the end of the day We kill them. Oh, you you know and I have the best way

I have these diarrhea berries can we just do poison okay so I just feel like diarrhea berries are a bit gosh but is that okay that's fine yeah oh here we go hello hello hey oh finally the beverage is Hello, hello. Hey! Oh, finally, the bed ridges. Yeah, I'm very thirsty. Well, I just want to say again, I'm so glad you stumbled upon my farm and stay as long as you like. Oh, I just ate some diarrhea, Barry. No, no, Pimpley. I'm dying. Oh, God, there's just jam shooting everywhere. Oh, Pimpley, I have an invention.

Um, a fluff stiffer. Just, this is like little twigs. Just stuff it up there. It'll stop everything. It sounds like a slot machine is playing out. Oh, that's my good couch. Oh, do not help me. And that's just the saying.

Right on my sectional. Sorry, I'm sorry about your couch. This is very generous of you to allow us to stay at your door. Not at all, not at all. I must admit, we have been on this journey Sorry, I'm sorry about your couch. This is very generous of you to allow us to stay at your house. Not at all, not at all. I must admit, we have been on this journey for over two months now and... ...for fuck two months? Yikes! It's been very fun. I wouldn't want you to think that we've been having a bad time at all.

Oh, I don't care. If you haven't fun or not, I'm just saying it's a long time. It has been difficult, though, for it seems like wherever we stop to make camp, the forces of darkness find us almost immediately. There's very little rest. Yes, the focus of darkness do tend to find vulnerable prey. Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird? It is a bit weird.

Little weird. I only have to say it's only like surprising dumb luck that all of us are still alive at all. Well Pimpley is about to die. Yeah I think I'm about to die. It's a slow, slow, but very uncomfortable death from Diaryabarys. I don't know you die from Diaryabarys. That's why they call them die.

Oh, Rhea Berry. The problem is I knew what they were, but I ate them anyway. How many of these oldies butthole open to help them out a little bit here? You know, I've dealt with many of these. I have a couple of imbs at home. Pimbley, you have to stay still. You have got to stay still, and I'm going to help you. Here, gum.

Allow me to help you as well. Okay, you put your hand in there as well. And I'll put my hand here. I'm gonna stay as far away from this as possible. Oh, good. Our hands touched. Yeah, right inside his butt hole. And I'll put my sharpened hoof in here.

Oh, you got some blood on it, but it's me and that on your teets. Tannikin. It tickles. Tannikin. I just wanted to compliment you while we're doing this. I love the texture of the blood makeup. I love it. It's also something I hadn't thought of. I was hoping maybe you could assist me on future projects or even if I could assist you Whatever you wanted. Oh, of course, of course. Yeah, any time. I've been meaning to mention it as well

But I keep forgetting it makes you seem so fierce. I really appreciate that you have embraced the nature of the fight that it was What's this hand motions? What's this? Sorry. Yeah Yeah, this this fake blood that I've been smearing all over my body. Oh, I assumed it was real It was real too. Oh, it is okay. Oh, okay. That's much more organic I thought you guys thought it was fake. Oh, I know. I always use real blood. Oh, is there a company here? Hello? More names Kino. You better get out of here. Oh. My husband Richie looks to kill folks. What? You're all in a death house. Ugh. Oh, I told them not to keep doing it. Oh, kind of.

That's got to be very trying on your relationship with your husband. It's a bit odd. Just leave me here. I am done. I am past. Pimpley, no. You're not. You're still talking.

And listen, our hands are straight up your bum. Now, I know that the real solution here is for you set it on I had to continue holding hands inside of your bottom for the next time you try this. I think she's just trying this. How do you hold it? Why'd you blow my cover? Oh, I would have told some time to.

How do you keep doing this? And we can't go killing. Don't worry, they still don't get it. They're gonna stay here till they're dead. I say let's just call it. Let's just let me go. Is that an expression? Oh, there is another pimple. Nippo butter. Whoa guys, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that vision was terrible.

Yeah, there's another pambling. That's the scariest thing yet. I think perhaps there's that thing happening with me and Cumb. That's what you did away from that? Yeah. You were doing fine. Also, where the fuck was Chunt in that last one? I don't know.

Is he dead already? Oh, maybe. I think he was just sleeping on the rug by the fireplace. Oh, I saw that. Oh, I thought that was a cat. The thing that struck me the most was the lack of reaction when the guy revealed that they were gonna be murdered. To be fair, that was a lot going on.

Yeah. There's a lot going on, but I feel somebody reveals they're gonna get murdered. Should we real quick watch the end of it again? Hmm. Nah. All right. Let's fast forward.

All right. All right. Holy crap, what a... what a narrow escape. I mean... Her most are arms, but... Gurm, are you gonna be alright without your arms? Oh! Well...

I've always persevered. I'm an entrepreneur after all. Yes, Gurm. And I'll do everything I can, my sweet beloved, to help you find new arms, to grow arms back. I don't know. Oh, and so sorry I didn't tell you before, but I love you. Oh, what about you, Sir Dorm?

What about you, Olivia? Genelevia has cast me off, and when we ran into her in the forest of Barthain, she revealed to me that she's working with the Dark Lord now. What? And I would never work with the Dark Lord under any circumstances. Oh! You said, oh, you're very loyal. But I do have to say that one bad thing about not having arms anymore is that I won't be able to hold your hand again.

Oh, that elicits a reaction. I will always remember the first and last time that we ever held hands inside of Pimbley Nimbobotum. Oh, and this is Pimbley too? Hey, let's up. That's right. We met a second Pimbley Nimbobotum. Yes. His way more relaxed. Hey, what's up? That's right. We met a second Pimbley nimble bottom. Yes.

He's way more relaxed. Hey, yeah. What's up guys? This is great. Just thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Yeah, no, but you look exactly like Pimbley nimble bottoming. You have a must at.

Yeah. You have a little bit of vocal fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not like a perv. Oh. If only all the jewels and hearts that you do excrete could somehow help get her arms back. I'm so sorry to interrupt,

but Kerm, do you mind if I keep your old dead arms? They'll be really useful to me when I'm trying to slap people? Yes, please keep them. Good, I love resourcefulness. I'm sorry, Kerm, but I must interject here. Hmm. No.

Excuse me? Germ's not using them. Well, and neither is Tanikin. Oh, but my little legs are so short. The reason we were attacked by Orcs, I have discovered, is because of this. Ugh! This amulet that you wear around your neck

is how you've been contacting the Dark Lord to tell him where we're at. Damn busted! I didn't know we had a Wi-Fi signal. Yes. Tannikin has been in contact all the time, looking at whatever website she wishes, tweaking all of the time and talking to the Dark Lord. You had Wi-Fi and you didn't tell me. And I'll never give you the password. What?

My DMs have been stacking up. I'm sure of it. Blowing up is the phrase blowing up. Stacking up. You're from different worlds. You shall never give a step password. For this is your last day on food. No, please.

Give me another check. Just a second check. You said, or she's so adorable. How could she be evil? She's stuttered over the word chance. Yeah a little chat. You said, or she's so adorable. How could she be evil? She's stuttered over the word, chance. Yeah. If you're not evil, then you will be able to survive the righteous light of Caleb Lichtenko!

Oh, no! Nope. Friday right up. Whoa. You said, or she said, you just, she did question my- Her and Tana can't align for no reason. He's no reason that was very Fuck now we're never gonna get fan art of Tannik in holding two arms slapping people in the face

This isn't a podcast anymore. They're gonna go and fan it all Hey, is anybody gonna eat these diarrhea berries? I think I'm gonna no go ahead. No, you got it. You're good man speaking of getting fan art, chance did you forward your mail? Oh, fuck. Yeah, I did. Yes, I did forward my mail. Okay, so perhaps we could still get it.

Perhaps we would still get it. Maybe someone will just kind of know to check that out. Aren't you forward your mail? No, I don't know. No. Look, guys, I don't mean to be sort of, I know this is gonna sound really self-involved. We're going on and on about girm losing your arms,

but no one's talking about the fact that someone ripped my legs off. That was three days ago. I know, but it hurt. Well, I've done everything I can to heal you up. And now this is a new wound, and Tannikin was a traitor. From some examination, I believe that Tannikin may not have been a Tannikin, the real T tanikin was a traitor. From some examination I believe that tanikin may not have been a tanikin, the real tanikin may still exist out there somewhere.

Yeah calm down Arnini. Is there some way we can talk to tanikin's dead body? I'm from. I'm from. Yeah. Are you saying Onyong or I'm from? I'm from. I'm from here.

Oh I'm from. Would you help us talk to tanikin instead body? Oh, yeah, sure. Oh Can you just tell me like two or three of tannikins interests so that I can kind of did anyone know tannikin well? She was really into putting blood on her teeth near the end. I don't it was I didn't want to talk about it That's enough. That's enough All right,, here she is. Hey, Tanniken is that you? Tanniken, I'm so sorry you said or killed you. That was crazy.

To be fair I smote her right just sleep. Although Tanniken now that you're dead you probably have no real reason to lie Is there any chance you were evil and we're hiding it from us the whole time? In line face all right You didn't say you were so good. I never suspected honestly looking back I feel like I'm usual suspecting it and like the clues were there. Yeah, yeah, I was very surprised by this good towel. What's your name even ever really tanning in? Um, Evil Tanning in.

Oh, right. Yeah, so if there was another tanning in, where did you come from and where did the real good tanning in that we first knew go? Okay, so yeah, there isn't real tannic in. You know the one you first met. And you know one day I just burst out of her body. Yeah. Because you know we're all here.

It's kind of like the philosophy of good and evil always being inside all of the set ones. So all of you carry good and evil inside of you. We're all everything right? It is true. Oh, the capacity for evil exists in each of us. Exactly, and so one day I just not really sick of how good and sweet she was. Burst out of her body. Flour around. Started shitting on babies. Oh no! It felt so good!

Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit!

Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! Too much shit! I think it's possible that when you burst out of our tanikin, our tanikin burst out of you someplace else.

Did you win the pass when you were younger was the world different to you? Oh, that's not completely different. Yes, Arnold, much as you have come from another dimension, I believe that every possibility exists in every possible dimension. There's a place, somewhere in the multiverse where I am evil, and you are evil, and Girm, well Girm could never be evil. Oh, he used to do it. She's so sweet. Perhaps I could. Oh, he never knows. Okay, there's a place where G am Sevel. That's fine. And a world where Pimbley's not a perv?

No, probably not. No, no, no, no, I know that guy. Oh, I'm dying by the way. Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. And just so you know, there isn't another Pimbley nibble. I figured when you were laying down and there were just jewels shooting out of you that you are pretty much done.

It was nice running with you guys for a long time. Yeah, we didn't know you as long as we knew the original Pimbley, but I liked you a little bit more. Yeah, yeah, I'm a little easier to handle. Alright, I think it's possible that we were able to pierce the veil, you may be able to bring back the Tannikin, that we originally knew, the good Tannikin. She's out there. We got a finder. Add it to the list.

Okay, I'll add to the list find Okay. Oh, I had to the list find Find our tan again in another dimension. Is it possible and Don't everyone look at me like I'm crazy But is it possible that tan again? Could be in the dimension that awry is from Chicago It's possible I certainly is look, I'm putting it on the list, but I gotta say part of my system is, I prioritize tasks that we can accomplish in this dimension,

that doesn't mean the other tasks aren't important, like getting me home and finding good tanikin'. I'm just, it's just a little less like top of my mind. Of course, can I ask hypothetically, if tanikin' were on Earth, what do Earthlings do to pigs? Um... Wolf Attack! Wolf Attack! Oh!

Oh! From here to die, Wolf! I will give you lipstick! Eat that imp! Yeah, come get me! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! That was intense! Yeah, so intense! Do you think Tannik has been evil this whole time? Yeah, I think so! Oh, that was intense. Yeah, so intense. Do you think Tanikin has been evil this whole time? I mean, that would explain why Tanikin turned against us when the Dark Lord invaded.

That's right. If you stole your sword, the Luna Sword. Yeah, so, but it's reassuring to know that that's probably not our Tanikin. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna add that to our list Say, fine tanikin' in the other dimension But guys, just, you know, part of my system, I prioritize Things we can do in this dimension Yeah, so we can make some

We were watching the same thing, you know Oh, I feel so bad for Gurm and for Pimbley nimble bottom And for Tatakin' Oh, they just wanted to come along and help, and I feel like I Set them down the Primrose path to not destruction. Do you think you guys like would carry me around? All right, you have a lot of legs. No, I think that's why it's taking two months to get there is cuz we're just waiting on you To what? I mean I would front of your polo was ruined. So I assume you're crawling. Yes, crop. My arms did look jacked. Now that I have think about it.

I mean, when you got tired, I would wrap a rope around you and just drag you along. Oh, okay. Well, let's fast forward. Breathe in and concentrate again. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! We must stand back to back. Oh, these spider bats are terrifying. It's just the four of us, and if we don't defeat these spider bats, they will never make

our way into the stronghold, and here we may finally take some advantage over the dark lord. Let's chime in all those who are alive, Chant. Arnie? Go! You said all. Girm, if we don't make it through this, I want you to know. You said all that to you very much.

I've heard as much, but I hope that one day we'll be able to have a life together. Oh, yes, it's all I dream of. As I have promised so many times in the last months since we declared our love for one another. Ending this quest, going back. We're a link-wishing all my magic powers and living a mortal life with you. Also, at Girm, I think what we stuck the help of those swords into your stumps, like, has been very effective. Yes, yes it here has, especially for application of foundation.

Oh, yeah, it makes it hard for you to go through doors, but... I just like to twist and turn through Yeah, it's more of a pivot turn than anything else. Yeah We have also been haunted by the ghost of evil tan party ghost is still here, baby Who's the fival, Tan? Party goes to still here, baby. Out of the way. Oh, ho, ho! Shunt, what?

He's falling. Oh, but one of the spider bats got him. Oh. Why did they help me? That actually looked fun. That was fun. I want to do it. Oh, go.

Yeah, go. Go, go, go. OK, I'm ready. Yeah, go. Set. I'm coming away. Oh, why are the spider bats not spider bats go. Set. Bye, coming way. Oh, why are the spider bats not spider bats? No, spider bats over there.

Spider bats, they're struggling. They're struggling. No. She just landed on her head. It was just, it's like a melancholy. Oh, no. Is that spider bats? Holy shit.

It's all me. Is that on me? I don't think that's I mean The signals were there. I mean, I guess it was presumptuous It was one and done on their part like they were just like we'll save the first one But you only get one everybody gets one but that counts for everybody Why she gone She's gone. I'm sorry, but I know you guys Well, I do now you son or we gotta focus on our quest to defeat the dark world. I don't care about my quest

What the dark Lord's going to rule over everything for all time. This has been an entire waste My entire life three centuries working towards this one goal with no hope in sight when all that is good and precious and wonderful in the world is ripped out from beneath the Wait the spider-bats are picking her up Spider-bats we don't want to see that no, no, no, no, don't bring that No, don't just drop that kind of us. No, this is very this bad. I Cannot fight any longer wait the spider bats They're parting. There's someone. There's something coming our way Who who is that I care not let them take up whatever blade they have and strike me in the heart for to already cannot beat

Anybody hungry for a spice potato How did you get here? What you already cannot beat. Anybody hungry for a spiced potato? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh was wondering, uh... I was wondering what was up with that. O-Talk, will you tell us what you've been up to? Oh, man. Where do I begin? Nice. Okay, it's got a few minutes. You said, or... We would've found O-Talk.

He might be working with the spider bats. It's unclear to me. Had he trained them to do that? That was a dick move. Spider bats, that's quite a crossover. Yeah, I'll ask spider bats. You said, or can we see more? Why did it stop?

Yeah, turn the eyes back on. The mana in this devices worn out, I shall have to recharge and think for a while the emotional drain on me from seeing someone who I never love to I always love die has taken a toll upon me and I must for a while regather mind-streak. I wish we had like a later generation eyes of sledding doors that kept me in a little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there.

A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there.

A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there.

A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. A little bit longer in there. What was she diving to her death? She didn't, she didn't, she didn't die though. I mean, that would have happened. And someone's gonna die, isn't it better that they dive to their death versus like, walk backwards into it? I don't know, there's something about choosing to jump off of a cliff. Yeah, she went out her own way. Assuming that you're going to be saved

and then having your head smashed like a melon, that would, I think that'd be pretty upsetting. It's sort of like dying out of water slide where there are bunch of signs being like do not go on the water slide Yes, but dying on a a slide of water That's a a fun recreation on your world. This is an instance where you would jump Think oh I'm about to be taken back up and in some moment you would realize I have fallen too far And now I am most assured up. And in some moment you would realize, I have fallen too far. And now I am most assuredly dead.

Though in this moment, I am still alive and completely conscious of that fact. She didn't even hold up a little sign that said like, oops, that's a good point to be fair. She didn't have any arms. That's true. That's true. Well, do you set or how long do you think it'll take

for us to be able to use the eyes again? Maybe a week, maybe a couple weeks. I don't know. Month? Who cares? Seems convenient. Yes, it will take some time for them to recharge.

The man is gonna be weird when I see Kermik in. Yeah. She doesn't know about any of this. Yeah, you went through a lot. Do you want a drink or something? I have a love, a drink. How about you, Chan? Yeah, I'll take a drink. I don want a drink or something? I have a love a drink. How about you, Chan? Yeah, I'll take a drink. Do you want something? Oh, yeah, would you get us all drinks? Oh, that Turned on me, but yeah, okay, I thought it was you offering and what I thought was a generous deed became me taking on the

F- Oh grab a drink. Did you want him to leave for some reason? No, I was gonna get drinks and then I realized that he could get him. Wow, pretty cool to get a look at an alternate reality. Of course, there's only one real reality, the one where I'm Emperor and the podcast isn't real. You said, or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chanta shapeshifter was played by Adel Raffa. Jerm Cross, the doomed makeup artist, was played by Mary Tilden. You can see Mary at Chicago's I.O. theater every Tuesday night with Devil's Daughter.

Evil Tannik in the Pinklet was played by Sarah Finouth. Pimbley Nibble Bottom, both of them were played by Louis Sanders. Botalk Barley Foot was played ever so briefly by Nick Bear. He drove all the way to the studio for that. Think about thatvern was produced by Arnie Neacamp, Evangelcover, and Ryan D. Georgie, this one edited by Chris Rathchin. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Nux, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at alofromthemagic tavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter.

Thanks for the Chicago podcast co-op and thanks to Earwolf. Well, that's all the dead, tricious alphabet highs. I'm heading up to the observatory. Not so fast, I've got another task for you. The vending machines need restocked. Could take a while. Well, Colour Me Glenn Close at the end of dangerously Aeson.