Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 76 - Activia's Quest

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

We sneak back into the Vermillion Minotaur to try to talk Activia Barleyfoot into setting off on a quest to find her father.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungActivia Barleyfoot: Tawny NewsomeMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is not real. Enjoy this show! Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon, I'm your host Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh boy, it's a lot, but you know what? The most important thing is about it. Three plus years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the magical fantastical land of FUN. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal. I record a podcast every week, formerly in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, which we got kicked out of. But we are now outside of the Vermilion Minotaur, about to go back in with a plan

to get ourselves back in the Vermilion Minotaur. And I'm joined by my usual Coke and Spirators, Chant the Bifter. Oh yeah, baby. Which is short for Talking Badger and Shape Shifter. And you said, or the Whifter. Shouldn't it be Tabifter? What's that for?

If you had talking, it should be Tabifter. It should be Tabifter. Tabifter? Well, you've gotten past the talking, it should be Tabifter. It should be Tabifter. Tabifter? But we've gotten past the fact that I'm talking. Mm-hmm, right, Emily? I don't know, you're still talking. Tabifter's a lot, it's a mouthful. And I am, of course,

Yusadol, a wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow. Manipulator of magical delights, the power of chaos. Champion of the Great, hols of truckers! Spaghetti. The elves, Nomiya's fying alch. The elves know me as Fying Alc. The dwarves know me as Erin and Hook Stinges,

and I am known in the North East as Gastmanius Maystar. And there may be other secret names, I secret names, so sublime. That if one did drift its way into your dreams at night, you would never wake again. Oh, that's not good. That's very sublime. Yes, it's very nice.

It's nice way to go. Yes, so... Yeah. Anyway, guys, we don't have enough time to do our usual very interesting delving into our catchphrases and things about our names. Oh, I wish sublime was still around. Guys, remember, we talked about this. We have a plan to go under the remnant or...

Yes. Confront activity, although maybe confront is too strong of a word. And the plan is, you sort of take off his hat. I have a deck of cards, a coin. I put on a clown wig, I put a scar on. You get new legs. No, no, no, that's what happened in the alternate timeline that we learned. Oh yeah.

We're gonna go win. Tell activity that we know where her father is Yes, we can talk her into going off and saving him. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we can take over the Vermilion Mediterranean. Yeah, well, and let's just it's right over there. Let's walk up to the front door. All right Don't forget wait real quick. We're got to gather gather gather Don't forget I think last time we were here Wait real quick. Oh, got it got it got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't forget. I think last time we were here There was that talking knocker remember that yeah, and we killed it I think you sort of killed that knocker. I absolutely

If anyone asks we we'd never saw that knocker. Yes, okay. Yes, absolutely and break Oh Oh You survived. Oh, I thought I melted it completely God can no one stay dead Let's go in All right, I've got a number 52 coming out hot somebody get that number 52 over the table 32 and don't invert it Don't invert it Inverte it. Don't invert it. There's a place. Oh, somebody needs it.

How are you doing? You need a top off on your water? You need a top off. All right, Anna, scar's up. Don't get in the top off. Did you say number 52? Are there 52 men? If there's anything you need over here, I see we have a birthday happening. Let me know. I'm the steamed host.

There's so be happy to help you. Now, when they know about the familiar mentors, they will not sink her. A fun, happy birthday song. Alright, it's your birthday. Let's all get together. Happy birthday is the time, time for you. It is the line. It's a blind to sing about the day that you came out to mum. Everybody is real nice. Everybody's in the sky. Presence, go to your presence. N Presidents, snowering from a cow. Wait, wait, wait, but if it's really fun, if this is a really fun place,

then she's gonna say, now let me sing it backwards, and she'll just sing the same song, but turn around. Now, let me sing it backwards. This is of course where I turn around and- Ugh! Oh! We've been spotted! Let these animals inside!

I'm sorry, Miss Turnaround. Enjoy your pasta prom of Dorro. I just have to deal with some vermin at the front door. I'm not a vermin. I'm a badger. Well, it's hard to tell. Again, you're very wet. Why are you always wet when you come in here?

Is there been a stream crossing? No, it's like my new thing. Get wet. He's always spilling crossing? No, it's like my new thing. Get wet. He's always spilling beer on himself. He's disgusting. Also, he needs a bath from time to time, so I give him a good licking. I threw you three out.

How dare you step back into my esteemed establishment? Right when we're on the brink of a franchise deal. A franchise deal. That's right. It's very important to me to keep everything pristine and hear you are mucking it up. What are you doing here? Activia, we have a turn for a very specific purpose.

Not to anger thee, but to give thee good news that should lift thine spirits. Speak fast before I throw this plate of sizzling rooster feet scampy in your face. Rooster feet scampy, that sounds delicious. That sounds good. Are you sure we shouldn't like place an order or something? Like do we have to rush in to get in rid of her? Maybe we should like... Speak!

Huh. Well, I'm 98% certain. I know where your father is. Ugh. Gas! Good I have some mozzarella wands while we talk about it. We've discontinued mozzarella wands. They're food for peasants. We have these beautiful mozzarella spears if you like them though.

Well they're like the wands but longer. Those are honestly super. No, it's a sphere. What do you think a sphere is? I was a sphere. I thought you said sphere. No, it's a sphere. Damn do you think a sphere is? I was a sphere! I thought you said sphere! No, it's a sphere! Damn, and I have water in my ears! I'm sorry. It's because you're soaking wet! It's like somebody dumped a gaiterade over you after a football game! What's happening?

Arnie, have we told you about gaiterade? What's gaiterade? It's this drink that makes crocodile stronger. Oh, I don't know what you're gonna do to that. But the strange thing is, do you know how you make gaiterade? What? You squeeze a gaiter. Oh. Look, but the strange thing is do you know how you make a gate raid? What? You squeeze a gate. Look sit down my customers are starting to look and I can't have it affecting my yelp ratings. You know yelp? Yes of course. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh Of course you want to sit at the VIP table. All right, you have a, you have a,

you have a, on-train minimum and a two-drink minimum if you sit here. No problem. Oh, I'm sitting down. The on-train minimum is you have to have minimum of several on-trays per person. Same rule as the number we can hit. Yeah, I think so.

The file of question, is there a maximum on either of those two? No, spend as much money as you want so I can tolerate you. Oh, money. Here's your menus. We are currently out of pancakes, fog, and old time. A full-time. Do you? No one does, but it's sold out because we had a load of boy scouts coming last week. You know, boy scouts? Yes. The scouts who are boys were often murdered in the woods.

Yep. They came in, they just ate all the old time. But you get me distracted talking about my brilliant menu. You said you know where my father is. Peruzis menu, order some items and tell me where he is in between your peruzals. Of course, of course. So out of the fog, is the mist still available? The mist is, the mist is nice, it's very good, it is very good. What about the smog?

You know, the smog is not one of my favorites, but it is a popular dish, like a lot of people come in and order it, it's a favorite, it's comfort food, you know, it's a good fact. Could I get the smog with the cold blooded old times? You know, we don't do fucking substitutions. You, Arnie, what the fuck are you doing? Don't know, I just like what I like. Can we get, uh, let's start with an amazing blossom.

Okay, all right, it is truly amazing too. Anastasia, amazing blossom! All right, next. I'm just so hungry, Activie. It is impossible to take with it. The bowl of spiced potatoes. Oh, what else just so hungry, Activia. It is impossible that I cook it a bowl of spiced potatoes. Oh, what else? Spiced potatoes? You know, there's a spiced shortage around here. What do you think I'm a king?

No, but we have a nice substitution. We have some moist potatoes. Mised potatoes? That's right, very, very nice. Is it mice stuffed into potatoes or mice shaving down to look like potato quarters? You know, you have to order it to find out because we recently changed head chefs and I'm not exactly short. Do you have an allergy? Is that why you ask? Because Arnie has a nut allergy. What? Yeah, you had to be there.

We can make your dish nut free, but it is not a nut free environment. To be clear, he was talking about spider bat testicles this a long story I Wish I'll take some of the mice potatoes And I shall give them a try birds eat mice. Oh, what the hell? That's true birds do eat mice does that mean you also want to order one live bird? Yes We've just been perusing the menu. We forgot to tell her about her dad I feel like you guys have just been perusing the menu and you forgot to tell me about my dad. So Activia We we use some magic that we trust and we saw that Your dad is

had another Restaurant. Yeah, please called spatunes Spatunes Yeah, what what is this place? Is this one of these places with it? Explorative to women and make them wear short skirts and tight shirts and make them pranks around serving things and spilling things on them. Oh no, no, no, no, nothing like that. This is a fine dining establishment with some very advanced ways of serving their food with foams and whatnot. Uh, and Otock is the head chef there, but he's working for some very nefarious types.

Fine, darling, that's even worse! My father is a working class man, he always said he wanted to feed the everyday people. That's how he raised me to take care of the everyday people. That's why I murdered and robbed from everyday people. I didn't murder and rob rich people. I'm devastated. Well, we could draw up a map near the Shrike Valley. If he's still there, according to this vision that we saw,

I'm relatively certain he would still be working there. They said he would be under contract for three winters. Three winters, absolutely not. No father of mine were making foams and reductions and rues and coca-vans for three months, absolutely not. I gotta go get him. If it makes you feel any better, it seems like he doesn't want to be doing it, like he's being forced to do it by the corruption guild.

Huh, the corruption guild. Yeah, a bunch of them. I heard of them. Made, man. Oh, right, the ones that you tear apart and then put back together. Those are the ones. Who the corruption go? Yeah, a bunch of them. Made man? Uh, right, the ones that you tear apart and then put back together. Those are the ones. They are a sneaky bunch. They fall to pieces and then they just put themselves back together again. It's like you don't know where you stand with them.

You don't know if you've killed one because they might just crumble and then they might just be put back together. It's very confusing. Yes, sometimes they get remade. Ooh, I hate things that get rebooted. It's like just make a new thing, you know? Right. Why do we have to keep revisiting the past already? Kind of like what you've done here. I mean, holy hell, this is amazing. The place has never been so vibrant. Oh, so you enjoy TVMF, do you?

The what? Thank the Million Minotaur. It's fun. So vibrant. Oh, so you enjoy TVMF, do you? What? Thank the Million Minotaur, it's fun. Yeah, that's the best name I've ever heard. Why was it called that before? I don't know, my father was stupid, but that's why he raised me to outlive him. That's why you have kids, right? Because you're dumb, and then you want something that's born after you to live longer and be smarter.

Oh, absolutely. Ah, mate, I fucking love acronyms. That's so smart that she did that. Yeah. Ah, thank you very much. It's done very well with all of our test groups. And as I said earlier, we're about to branch out into franchises. But I'm getting distracted.

I'm getting distracted. I'll go rescue my dad. So, I- Before you go rescue your dad, could we get our food? Oh yeah. Yeah, just some more. Oh, yeah, Anastasia! Anastasia, bring their food!

And bring these, what? I'm so sorry to do this. I hate to be that person. I'm so sorry. No, no, tell me what. I'm so sorry. What? Can I get some lemon for my water?

You want lemon in your water? Yeah. You know how fashist to walk to go get a lemon? Oh, no. All right, look, I don't want you putting this on Yelp, okay, so she's gonna go get it. No, I'm so sorry to do this. Again, I hate to be that, that shapeshifter. No, no, no, what is it now?

It's used to doors birthday. It is this birthday. Oh, no, no, what is it now? It's Ysidor's birthday. It is this birthday. Oh, okay, all right. All right, you should have whispered it to me, but I will make sure something special happens, okay. Anastasia! Anastasia, get the rainbow eyeballs! Get the rainbow eyeballs!

Yeah, all right, we're gonna round the drinks. Round the drinks. The rainbow eyeballs anymore? Oh no, we tried to class it up a little bit You know try to give you a high ball so it is a rainbow ball that you have to hold very high otherwise it won't Drink I'm sorry. I've got a ball allergy Borgie a best tag hyrology you guys might want to go to a restaurant that specializes in eating dietary restrictions and whatnot because our kitchen is cross-contaminated.

I've already told you this, all right? Well, like you said, I mean, there's a lot of restaurants out there that, you know, objectify women like we went to owl boobs and that's just gross. It's disgusting, isn't it? All boobs. So you also go to off- center skirt. Mm-hmm. I very much disliked off center skirt. I don't mind a restaurant that puts nuts on everything. I mean I don't either but if you have allergy you know you might not want a bunch of nuts clamoring all around you you know. I don't want a bunch of nuts in your face if it's not your thing. Teaches down. I still understand why those house had boobs. I don't know why they had boobs either.

I just thought I was droffle. What? Huh? What? Can we please get to our food and some big drink? I just stay sure! I just stay sure! Bring the foot!

Oh, here she comes. Here she comes. All right, here she comes. She's training, so you know, don't spook her or anything. Okay, I'll show you. She's trying to memorize her whole menu in her head. She's got it running on a loop at all times, so she can't really speak to you. Gotcha.

All right, here we go. All right, here's, you had the, I don't remember what this is. I had the next. Right, and then we did get her a rooster feet scampy for the tables, and she goes, what, ogling it? Mm. And then... My soul's fierce, that way.

And then some maest potatoes potatoes and then one live bird It's this one he will peck your eyes out. So you better hope he gets hungry for mice before he gets hungry for your face Well, I am a great friend of the bird. So I think we shunt have any problems Okay, well all right, so look I'm getting distracted again You guys I hope you enjoy your meal, but I do I have to go so here take my apron One of you has to run things while I go find my dad well if I have to run the vermilion minotaur again I suppose I will I'm sorry the what the what is it if I have to run Thank the Minotaur it's food thank the vermilion minaur, it's food. Thank the Million Minotaur, it's food.

There's no thought, it's just thank the Million Minotaur, it's food. If I have to run Ruby Foon's days, I will. What are you doing? What are you thinking about memes? We can have our own franchise. Look, we do have some restrictions. Alright, you can't change any of the decor. You can't change any of the menu name items,

but you can change the name of the franchise. So I don't know, maybe you want to call it like an adult beast or something. I don't know. Ooh, I like, I really like adult beast. You're an adult beast. Let's do that one. I feel like the name, adult and references just don't go together. Really?

Ooh, that's a Chili's reception Okay, so I got to go I'm gonna pack up a bag. I guess how you said you have a map. How far is it? Oh It's just as far as way as the Shrike Valley here. I'll I'll take this piece of parchment and I'll sketch it out for you while you pack your bag Yeah, I'm gonna be on your way. Okay. All right, Anastasia bring my knapsack I'm just gonna put a few things in so I don't get too peckish on the road, you know. Anastasia, Anastasia, Anastasia. I hate to be this person. I hate to be this person. I'm so sorry. I'm industry.

Usually, that means a discount, so I don't know if that the bill can reflect that, but I'm industry. I used to have a place called Tuchu's Child, so I'm industry. I was just shut there. Oh, actually we do have an industry discount. It is 30% off your total bill. If you pay a hundred percent off the total bill. Oh, Arnie, do that math. It's a paradox. Yeah, so like you have to figure it out. And then when you're doing on the you get the discount. And what's the number 52? A number 52 is where we take a deck of cards and throw them in the air and then you have to pick them up with a spoon. Oh, like a 52 pick up. You know, I just ate a deck of cards the other day. I guess that was a different timeline. Yeah, you don't eat it like we likely make it here. It's really something special. Our chef's been working on it

for a better part of a century. Well, you're fantastic. I will make sure that I leave you good reviews. Thank you so much. Fill out my comment you're fantastic. I will make sure that I leave you good reviews. Thank you so much. Fill out my comment card on this. I will never do that. I will never do that. It takes three seconds. It's just on the inside. I'll reward you with money, but I will not write something.

Can you please? It really helps my bottom line. This is how I get the good shifts. If you don't fill it out, like literally, I think I will never know that I've been doing a good job here. So if you value me at all, you want to just go live with me. Now do I write comments of mine or things that you've said?

Honestly, either one because I'm great. Honestly, either one, says five. Great, there you go. Thank you, let me know if you guys have any more needs or questions. Me? Me? She's great. B. B. She's great.

Okay, so I got my nut, so I'm like, oh, okay, so I just need to put any of that chart to make me that map. And then I need to take some gate array in case I need to make any gate as stronger. Okay, I'll take that. Here, here, it's dangerous out on the road and there are all kinds of Secret and magical weapons hidden all over this tavern here. I think Take this weird axe. Yes, it's dangerous to go alone take this Okay, I'll take a weird axe great. Yeah, no, no, no, that's good. I can fend off any Attackers right here's your map. I finished it up You can roll it up and put it in your sack and off you go Okay, so I got a map. I got, you know what I should get though? I should get some kind of sun cream, you know?

In case the sun looks dry and I need to climb up there and just put some cream on it. Yeah, the dry sun is the worst. You can't be too careful. You don't wanna dry sun. I'm gonna run into the kitchen and just get a little bit of sun cream, I'll be right back, all right. Enjoy your food, I'm gonna be right back and I'm gonna go okay, okay, great. Thank you

We've done it. We did it. We're back now. We solved all of our problems. No, we'll cross it off the list This is not all of our problems. This is maybe the least important of our problems and It's one thing we've accomplished on a list of many things well if nothing else. We're back to square one back To square one. Back to square one! That's what I call progress. Hey guys, here are your rainbow eyeballs. Just make sure you hold them high above your head. Otherwise, they will cease to be liquid and they will turn to solid.

I'm so sorry to do this. I don't want to be that person. I'm so sorry. No, no. I wanted my non-holucinatory. Oh, okay. We do make them non-holucinatory. Okay, we do make them non-holucinatory, but if you do want them virgin, you're gonna have to pay a two coin up charge. I have to pay a king's branson for a virgin daiquiri. Yeah, because like if you're gonna be so lame that like you can't handle the best fucking trip of your life

and we have to be around to watch that sadness, then like we're gonna charge you for it, believe. Thank you. I'm going to have mine just as it is. And now, I'll send my mine through time! Whoa. You look like you went somewhere. Whoa. It's like looking a frog. Wow.

You know what Anastasia, I like you. I don't think I've ever met you before in Hawk's face. Thank you so much. I just got a job here. I'm just trying to figure out what my next steps are. Like, you know, what do we want to say? What do we want to do? We want to say. No, Chuck, I didn't follow all of that.

I think she kind of trailed off. It's like, it's hard, you know, because like, young people know it's like, the economy. It's like, what do I even, you know, it's like our parents don't want us to say it's like you got like if you get sick, what do you like everyone's job is like whatever. So like I'm just figuring it out and like doing what I want. And you know, maybe I'll travel.

I don't know how to respond to that. Yeah, I didn't. There wasn't really, it's not really conversation. And even when she's not talking her lips are still moving. Well, I think she's still reciting the whole menu, right? Rooster feet on the garlic and then like, yeah, I just figured like branch out. Get a serving job, meet people. So that's what I'm doing. Liliana, stage it, you're resputing your best foot forward.

So we wish you the best of luck. Thank you so much because my other foot did turn to stone last year. So I have been consciously trying to only put this one forward because the other one weird to people out. Yeah, that is your best foot and as yeah Okay, gotta go back to the kitchen something Me me That's kind of it. Yeah, I like it. Hey, hey, don't you that be our new thing? Bye, what if we said oh yeah, baby

Baby Yeah, yeah, all right guys, um, All right, guys, I was gonna go, but I noticed that there's a ton of sidewalk that needs to be gone and like, on a stage, I frankly, I don't know where she is or what she's up to. So I feel like I have to like marry these catch-ups because they love each other. And then I have to,

Oh, can we see that ceremony real quick? I'd love to watch it. Should catch-ups get married. Oh, you want to, oh, it's actually really beautiful. We do it every night. So sure, here we go. All right, catch-, get married. Oh, you want to, oh, it's actually really beautiful. We do it every night, so sure, here we go. All right, catch up number one. Do you take catch up number two

to be your lawfully-wended condiment in sickness and in health, on food and as a dip, throughout both of your lives till one of you turns to vinegar. Oh my God, look, mustard mustard mustard just barged in. Oh no, mustard's banging on the window. Oh mustard is always trying to barge in on a ketchup marion ceremony. Must it you'll get your turn.

Alright one day you'll find another mustard to marry but not enough people use mustard so we don't ever need to do it. I think it's too late I think the one catch up got cold feet none of this will matter This marriage will fall apart within the year. I can see through tie. Oh You had your rainbow. I boy. I see yeah, we update the recipe is good, right? It's very good I can see everything I can see the future laid out before me like a perfect circle Oh, how did you make all of these? I later before me like a perfect circle. How did you make all of these, I have to admit,

really positive changes to the Vermilion Minotaur in such a short amount of time. Oh, I just watched a lot of HDTV. You know, you know, HDTV. No, you, why? I mean, I know there's something like that on Earth. What is that in Foon? Oh, it's a show.

People come around and they tell you how to fix things, it's called, hi guy, that's very bad. And they're referring to whatever you have. Yeah, they're like, hi guy, that's very bad. Very bad, what would? No, it's one word, because it's so bad, it's very bad. I love acronyms, it's sort of hide the bad, so that people still want to come see the show.

So yeah, and then they teach us how to make it better. And you know, a lot of it's very DIY, you know, dump in a yurt. So we take all of our trash, we dump it in a yurt, everything we don't want in the bar. And then the things we do want, we, you know, we polish them up and, you have it. You have it. You have it! Is that the group that travels around? Is that include the puberty brothers? Oh, yeah, I love the puberty brother. I love them. They are twins, yeah. One day one of them will become a man.

I heard there's a third brother and he's like a lawyer. Oh, there's a bonus Jonas Pupas, your brother. Mm-hmm. And extra-maning, I can see the future. And someday, one of them shall eat the other whole. Okay, all right. I was gonna go, but I just realized that I do need to polish these boots because I hate being out on the road with a scoffed pair of boots. Just because I'm a thief and a murderer doesn't mean I have to dress like an idiot You know, that's the first thing you know. It's about someone is their shoes Can I as you're getting ready for this long journey into unknown places?

Can I give you this red hat and also just also just one line of advice? All right, I'll put on the hat and I'll listen to your advice Activia if you're kind and polite the world will be right I don't want that. I don't want to do that. Oh, okay. What can I have that hat back? I guess. You either take the hat and the advice? Or you take that?

Oh, it's a package deal. All right. I understand that because we also have two for one deals here, you know. We just have like two for one birds chests where you get two chests of two birds that knew each other. Ooh. It's still it it tastes better when they knew each other but you can't just have one chest of one bird because then like you died without his friend that's sad. So I understand.

I understand a two for one. I'll take the heart and I'll take the advice. What is it? Be nice to people and then you can kill whoever you want. Sort of but specifically it's if you're kind and polite, the world will be right. And here, Activia, I hope that you do well on this quest. So here, take this scarf.

But it comes with this advice. Red sky at night, sailors delight. Okay, why is the scarf a really bad color? Like it clashes with the hat. Is this moment to go together? They're not, I mean, we can just talk about it beforeashes with the hat. Is this moment to go together? They're not really. I mean, this is what you just talk about it before and then we just think that we found these things.

Yeah, I didn't know he was going to do that. I didn't know you're going to do it. Otherwise, we would have coordinated. So I'm sorry. It's a bit of a mishmash, but also that's kind of in style. I mean, I guess yeah, like mishmash, you know, it'd be too matchy, matchy, because it looks like you tried too hard, right?

Also, can I ask speaking of picking stuff up, where did you get all this kitsch that's on the wall? I mean, there's like a tabog in over here, there's a cast iron skillet, where did you get all this kitsch? Oh, to a secondhand store. You know that place where everyone has both hands? Very rare in stores in Fune, I've noticed. Well, I think they need to be more inclusive for people with one and three hands.

It's true, there's a real diversity problem in the our second hand store community. You know, we don't need more representation. I do agree with you on that. You said, you said, you said, hey, give her a piece of clothing and some advice for making us look like assholes. Oh, sorry, we're here. Oh, I know. Here, take this sash. It's a beautiful salmon color. And you can wear it around your mid-rift. And that sash is magically imbued. But the power to help you never lose sight of the road you're on. So hidden paths become revealed to you. But it comes with a piece of advice. Don't take any wooden nickels. Okay. Oh, I sense. It does make sense.

I'm confused about what you're calling a sash, and it goes around my midriff. To me, in my experience, that is a belt. Oh, yeah. But if it's a sash to you, I'm willing to, you know, whatever the first advice was, be nice and listen to stupid people and then you'll get whatever you want, right? That's what you said, Chan. So, the gifts, if not, yeah.

So yeah, I'll take your sash, it's clearly not one, but I'll agree with you, I'll say yes. Oh, okay, so I've got a sash, I've got my scarf, I've got a hat, it's very hot to wear all these, but I trust it will help me on my journey. I've been polishing my boots its whole time, so my boots are polished, okay, there's just a few more. Oh, oh, okay, okay.

So the alarm system here at TVMF is a little complicated. You put an alarm system, that's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not, because otherwise the squirrels are sneaking and still all the booze, you know. I think we can probably figure it out for me. No, no, it's not, you know, cause otherwise the squirals are sneaking and still all the booze, you know. I think we can probably figure it out for me. No, no, it's really complicated. So what you have to do when you go out the front door first,

someone has to stand at the back door by the cooler, right? Cause it's connected to the cooler. And then when you go out the front door, you flip out the candles first and then you place these sticks in the wall in their corresponding numbered holes. And then that tells a little creature that lives in there running through the war, and then go to the back.

There's a table facing you too. There's also a lever that you're gonna need to pull because there's an anvil that will come down and smash a burglar in the face, okay? But you want to make sure all the candles are plugged out. I think you too, I'm gonna wander over and tell us something. And you face, okay? But you wanna make sure all the candles are plugged out. I think you two got this. I'm gonna want her over in the center. No one will be.

And you know, if you get lost, Anastasia is great. She can help you. She can help you anytime you need help. Although she is so helpful, should I take her with me? Should I take her with me and just leave you guys to it? I don't know. Oh, I mean that Stonefoot would come in handy. If you need anybody, she can kick the shit out of them.

That's true, she doesn't have a hand. Okay, well, I'll talk with her, whatever conference we'll decide she's gonna come with me. But then that means you guys also have to take over all side work, all catch up marriage ceremonies and schedule like. I'm willing to come here, catch up, yeah, I'm willing to come here. We're happy to do that, it's no problem at all. We've run the Vermilion Minotaur before and we shall do it again. With no problem and you are welcome to set out upon your quest. Okay, bae.

Okay, all right, well, bae. Okay. Okay, I just want to make sure that you know that the maps in the front, they get very soggy. Yes, we know the two maps that sit at the front table. Get very soggy, very sloshed. We'll take care of them. So soggy. We'll make the map, we'll make sure the two mats get home.

Okay, and you don't remember any time you relieve yourself you have to wash your hands, alright? Is this what it used to be like to talk to me? Yeah. Go on your damn quest already. Oh, oh, oh, I'm going! It just won't make sure things are run right! It's my pride to be- Alright, team buddy. If you guys mess it up, I will come back and stab you all through the throat like a skewed meat. Well to be fair that would only kill two of us.

Alright I'm going. Hey what happened to my car? Oh yeah, oh yeah I took it. Oh yeah the car that was parked up there. I did like it but what I did was I took it apart and I used it for other things. Oh no. Yeah so like there's a tire over here. But what I did was I took it apart and I used it for other things Yeah, so like there's a tire over here That's what you call it right this round thing is a tire. Oh my god a lot of the chachkis on the wall are Person like car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and some of my traded at the second-hand store

So it came in really handy to all the pieces of it are scattered all around food What the fuck Arnie? Why would you put a baby on a board? It's just a sticker. All right, guys, up. Anastasia's just coming with me, so if you need anything, you're on your own. Look, Activie, don't worry. We'll take care of the V, the V, M, the... Just think about what it means and then make the letters happen.

We'll take care of this place as if it were our own. We love this restaurant and we love your father and we'll take very good care of it. And you go and get otot, okay? Rest assured your Adelbees is in good hands. Okay, thank you guys. I used to hate you but that was mainly just because I, you know, I thought this podcast shit was very stupid. I see you're still doing it, though, huh?

Yeah, do you still do, what was it, eight feet tall and raising? Oh, I tried, I tried, but I was just like, what am I bringing to the landscape? You know, it's so oversaturated. It's like, if you don't have any fresh ideas, like it's just a bloke yapping, like we don't need that, we don't need it, you know. I feel like it's fresh voices.

You were talking about sandwiches, which is kind of cool, you know? Yeah, but like it's so passe, just some regular person, some able-bodied person talking about sandwich, like we need to hear from underrepresented voices and that's the only new podcast I want to hear, like I'm tired of anyone who just is doing what everyone else is already doing so. So, less white bread podcasts. Exactly, exactly, yeah. Brown breads only. Um, but, uh, you guys keep going. We should be, I mean, I would say we could be grandfathered in.

Oh, I thought this is our last episode. What? Well apparently we can't be hello from the Magic Tavern anymore, we're hello from the Magic Chain Restaurant. Activate, take this resonance stone. There's no advice that comes along with it. You're giving me so many things. It's a lot of stuff, I'm sorry. It's alright, what is this?

It's resonance stone and you can send us messages with it. And if you need help or to communicate with us from on the road, you can send us a message. And if you get into trouble, we will send someone to save you within a year or two. Okay, that is bad response time, but you know, I'm so bad with any kind of technological, you know who's good is Anastasia? Yeah. Do you know how to work this, um, resident resident?

Oh yeah, this is like an older model. Like I'm pretty shaming and hanging out. Okay, great, yeah. She's here come with me, she'll run all that stuff, she'll run a communication and uh, yeah, I guess if you need anything, just give me a shout. Well, best of luck to you. Okay, thank you.

Oh, this is hard, this is hard. Do you see how it's difficult for me? I'm gripping the table. You keep picking up things and putting them into your pocket. You can leave all that I just feel like I need to take it with what if I forget what this clock looks like You could take the clock We don't need the clock. I got to be honest. I know I know what if I need to know what time it is I don't want to work because it's not gonna go anything. Oh, you know how everything works It's gonna be like this you guys is there's just Oh, you know how everything works. It's gonna be like this, you guys.

It's just to give you a preview of what our trip is gonna be like. Be glad you're here. I feel like, I feel like a TVU is definitely gonna kill Anastasia at some point. I just feel like I have a king on some directions, I know we need to be going.

No, it's to the right. They say I'm following the map right now. When I saw this one, I can see it. I don't have a name because my eyes are younger. And so I ain't feeling good if you go to the left. I ain't feeling good. Oh, I thought I'm gonna go out. Man, I wish they were a podcast.

I'd listen to that. Hey, John, oh, Tussador. Hey, I heard people talking to me. I thought I heard your voice. I just want to say, hey little buddy. Why are you? Why are you getting down on one knee? What? A little squish. I want to ask you something. Would you... would you want to say? No, I'm sorry. I was talking to myself, but I will be quiet. Chant, will you marry me? Aw, yeah, baby. Oh shit.

Use it, Arr. I did not expect that. It seems sh- past. He stole that idea from the ketchup. You know, I don't know why people are so down on Shane restaurants. Best restaurant? Cheesecake Factory? They have everything. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young.

Chant the shape shifter was played by Adel Refi. Activity Barley Foot was played by special guests, Tony Newsom. Tony is doing tons of shows at the London Podcast Festival this very week, including spontaneous and yo is this racist live. For info about those shows and more, go to Tani Newsom.com slash tour and check out her and Alex Kleinner's awesome songwriting podcast, The Supergroup, on Stitcher Premium. A little from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne E. Camp, Rhyndi Georgi, and Evan Jacover, this episode edited by Rhyndi Georgi. Don't forget Magic Tavern is doing a live winter sauce to show in Chicago in late November.

For details on that and other live shows, go to hellofromthemagictavern.com and click on the live shows tab. And while you're there, click on the book club tab to order your copy of Pride and Prejudice for the Magic Tavern Book Club. you