Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 79 - Doppelgänger (w/ Tim Baltz)

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

We talk to Dopel the Doppelgänger, who can look like anyone. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungDopel: Tim BaltzMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does it mean to be black in America? In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as black experiences, you'll hear. It means everything. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths wherever you get your podcasts. How much do you really know about black history? Like, really, really know. Wondery's new podcast, Black History for Real, leads black history's

most overlooked figures back into their rightful place in culture and the world at large. Listen to Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Emperor Craig. I finished polishing the wake draft adapter plugs, and I made the executive decision to finally alphabetize those bins.

No more looking for wake draft adapter plugs and ending up with a torque-loaded adapter plug. Am I right? Trisha, as usual, your attention to details I have literally never considered is breathtaking. Aw, thanks. For the remainder of today, I'll be exfoliating. hello from the magic tavern a weekly podcast from the magical land of foon i'm your host arnie knee camp if you've never listened to the podcast before this is everything you need to know about three and a half plus years ago i fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in chicago into the magical fantastical land of Foon.

Luckily, I still get a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern. And I got a slight name change that I keep forgetting. From the tavern, TVMIF, thank Vermillion Minotaur, it's Foon. Although, you know what? I just want to call it the Vermillion Minotaur. In the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, my good bud, the badger, for whom I will be

the best man in his wedding. Shunt the Talking Badger. Lil' Squish. How you doing, bud? I'm doing great. How are you, best man? I am. My BM.

Can I call you my BM? What? What's wrong? No. there's got to be a better yeah my big bm no i mean hmm yeah how about uh my best my bestie can i just call you my bestie my bestie absolutely um i do need your i'm doing great i do need um your help susidor and i are trying to come up with a, we found out through using your phone that wedding hashtags are a huge thing on earth. So we thought to maybe do a wedding hashtag. Right now we were thinking choo-choo's vow, maybe choo-choo's. What do you think? Do you have any ideas?

Do you have any experience with this? What was your wedding hashtag? Hmm. You know what? I got married before hashtags were really like a huge thing. Oh. Well, what would have been your hashtag? I don't know.

Arnie and Sarah? Yeah. I mean, my name is... I thought it was supposed to be something fun. I mean, my name is original enough that you don't have to worry about other people using that hashtag. Okay. Well, I want something fun. But a lot of people will do a funny combination of names or what they are.

So is there a good combination of badger and potential charlatan? What does that mean? Potential charlatan. He's a wizard. He has a certificate that he filled out himself. Here's the thing, though. If you combine your name with Chusador's name and call him a wizard, people might get confused. I have it.

Tusedor. Tusedor. Okay. Hashtag Tusedor. Hashtag Tusedor. Hashtags are a wonderful Earth tradition, but are you prepared to do the bowl dance of the best man at the reception, the wonderful Foonish tradition? There's also a bowl dance that I get to do? Yes, at the reception, there's a large porcelain bowl,

and you, as the BM, have to dance around in the porcelain bowl. Just go around in a circle. It depends on what hemisphere you're in, which direction you dance. Oh, okay. But we'll fill the bowl up with water, and the BM will get in there, and you'll just spin around and around.

Makes the wedding real classy. I'm a little out of shape, so I might get a little flush. Nasty. And I, of course, am Usador, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turakus. The elves know me as Fieng Elk. Spaghetti. The dwarves know me as Zonin and Hook Stengiz, and I am known in the northeast as Gasmoinius Maestar. Spaghetti. Oh, so you got, an exception on that day and utter that single name. Oh, so you got, like, a special name all prepped that you're going to reveal at Chuntentusador's wedding.

Yeah, I got a wedding name. And it's full, like, if you share that name, no question, it's going to be a wonderful day. It will be a wonderful day, undoubtedly. But I shan't say it until that day. Well, thank you. What a special little treat. That's very nice. And I'm also sorry I interjected before I was officially introduced. No, I feel like we all do that.

We both agree. No, we must follow the rules of this podcast, else chaos will reign. For we, as the masters of Foon and Hogsface, we must protect Foon. We must fight the Dark Lord, and the only way to do it is by making order

out of chaos! Yeah, this podcast is at a rigid template, and if we don't stick to it, we could all fall to pieces. Okay, you guys are right. Usador, since you broke the rules of the podcast, what should your punishment be? Oh, well, I didn't think about it. How about I buy everyone a round of drinks? Oh, that works. I think that's a good start. Well, I'll be at about it. How about I buy everyone a round of drinks? Oh, that works. I think that's a good start.

I'll be at the bar. Pardon me. John, I have a question for you. I keep hearing, like, sort of ominous sounds coming from outside of the tavern. And sometimes people, like, run outside to see what it is. And I, you know, I have a table. I was just talking about this. It's a very exciting day.

It comes once a year. It's the dragon and kraken show. Dragons fly overhead and make terrible sounds. and krakens emerge from the seas. Everyone flocks to the beach and just be like, I was a little bit closer than normal to a kraken. Oh, so I guess if there's any kind of noise pollution in this episode, it's probably a dragon. Did people ever forget that the dragon and Kraken show is happening, and then they see a bunch of dragons coming, and they're like, oh, shit. Yeah, sometimes you're just having a picnic, and then all of a sudden, you know, yeah.

Here you are, an ale with a bit of raspberry and an ale for Arnold. Thank you. And an ale for myself. Now, we three good friends, what shall we talk about on today's episode? It doesn't appear that we have a guest this week. Thank you. I've been so busy lately that I didn't really have time to have a guest. I just figured, you know, lately a lot more often than not, like, some weird adventure presents itself, and we end up doing that sort of thing. Stop doing that sort of thing. And, um... I want to talk a little bit about this part where you think you're busy.

Ah, I'm so busy. You think you're busy. You think you're busy. Is there some kind of interference in the podcast? Sounds like a bit of an echo, maybe? Is it just me? Is anyone? Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo, echo, echo. The way you two are sitting, you can't see.

Oh, echo. Hello, you two are sitting, you can't see. Oh, echo. Can we help you? Hello. Sorry, I was imitating all of you from across the bar, and then I just thought I'd get closer. Oh. So it was more apparent what I was doing. Oh, I see.

What caused you to decide to emulate us in such a way? Well, if I may introduce myself. Oh, sure, please. Please have a seat. Oh, thank you. My name is Dopal. Dopal? I am a Dopal ganger, if you couldn't tell.

Here, I will touch one of you. Oh, sure. Touch me. He's the host. Incredible. I look like that? This is what you look like. Yeah. And this is what you sound like. I look like that? This is what you look like? Yeah.

And this is what you sound like? I look like that? I look like that? That's not... That's not... That's not... I mean, I know it's hard to hear your own voice, but guys, back me up. That's not anything like how I sound.

That's not exact. That's not exactly. It's close. Well, okay. I'm not... I'm not exactly a It's close. It's in the ballpark, yeah. Well, okay, I'm not... I'm not exactly a doppelganger, okay? I'm sure you know what the doppelganger

family is. Doppelganger family? Oh, no. That's a very well-respected family, I know that. Oh, well, as a wizard, I know of the doppelgangers, of course. They are a secretive family of spies for hire. They can take the shape of anyone, They are a secretive family of spies for hire. They can take the shape of anyone, and they've mastered the art of mimicry.

It's true. Unfortunately, when I was a small boy, my twin brother got jealous of me, pretended to be a wizard in town, told my parents I was adopted, and they sent me to Swisenbaum, the land where they make hats and baskets. Oh. So that's why I have the accent that I have. And so I missed out on an entire education of mimicry skills and imitation and impressions. And now I'm trying to have all the tools of a doppelganger.

I touch you, Mr. Wizard. Oh, Mr. Wizard. You look just like Usador. I am Ephesians. Ephesians. That's pretty good. I live in the bowels of Tarakas. That's a good one.

I'm going to write that one down. I live inside the bowels of Tarakas. Now, Doppel, I hate to back you up here, but your story about being sent to a faraway land required your parents to believe that you were adopted? Wouldn't they know if they had given birth

to you or not? They would have. That really, I was angry at my mother for that. When we were finally reunited, I was nice to everybody except my mother. Oh, so you have been reunited? I have, yes. Oh, good. They don't really accept me because I don't have the mimicry and impression skills that the rest of them have. You see, Arnold, though they are born with the innate ability to physically take your shape, they spend years of grueling training learning how to perfectly mimic every voice

and take on the affectations of those who they physically resemble. Dope. Well, can I ask, when you reunited with your parents, did you at first take on the shape or voice of someone else to try and trick them, just to kind of acclimate them to you being back? Yes. I came in, and the first person I touched was my father. So I took his shape.

Unbeknownst to me, it was my mother and father's anniversary. And so when I entered the bedroom to confront my mother, oh, she was completely naked, ready for them to make love. And so she chased me around for quite a bit. And I was trying to say in my own voice, I'm not your

father. And she thought I was role-playing as my father. Arnie and Foon, the Swizz and Bomb accent is a very, very sexual. Oh, if you ever, you know, wanting to, you know, if you're at the bar and you want to talk to someone, usually you'll put on a Swizz and Bomb accent. And that's usually everyone agrees is a pretty Swizz and Bomb is like a sexy land. Well, we make hats and baskets. That's what we're known for. Sure, you tell us.

Oh, yeah. The hats are sex hats, and the baskets are made to carry all the sex hats. Oh, sure. You can leave your hat on or put it in your basket. Well, you should leave your hat on if you're going to have sex. Even as a wizard, aged as I am and knowledgeable as I am, the doppelgangers are mysterious and secretive. Do you have a default form that you can return to?

I mean, what you see here is what I normally look like. You know, when I'm not looking like one of you. Here, I touch that creature there. And I'm a shapeshifter, so this will be interesting. Whoa. Whoa, you're...

He seems to be in some sort of... Do I sound like that? A mid-state. I can't quite settle on form. Sorry. It's difficult when you touch a shapeshifter to choose the shape. But now that I look exactly like you... Hey, guys.

Be cool with me. Be cool with me. And I will be cool with you. Ooh, I like that catchphrase. That's a pretty good one. Be cool with me. Oh, they're cool with me, and I will be cool with you Oh, I like that catch that's a pretty good one because me and I'll be cool with you. I like that a lot It's good advice wait come here. Oh double come here Which one is which I love the Burger King stop yeah, damn it. Yeah, yeah, well yeah mix up again one more time of the Burger King. Oh, yeah. Oh, damn it.

Yep, yep. Well, here, mix up again. One more time. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Arnold, do you have a guess? I'm from Swisenbaum. That's Chunt. That's Chunt, yeah. No, I'm from Swisenbaum.

Ah, wonderful. You got us. Now, you've been reunited with your family, so that's good. Are they teaching you the art of mimicry now? Here's the difficult part, is that the doppelgangers, they're all secretive, evil people. They're spies and technically murderers. They assassinate people, which is why their skills are so useful.

Yeah. And honestly, Swissenbaum is really just about having sex and a good time. And making hats and baskets. Yeah. Party city. So you It's a party city. So you must feel a terrible dichotomy being torn between this world that you were born in and the world that you grew up in, not knowing which world you belong in now. Much like Arnold here, he is from two worlds, and I'm sure it's difficult for him to navigate

as well. You two should you should uh commiserate yes commiserate exactly arnie always describes it as uh what did you say that one time you said it's like your slash in the november rain video and the earth cracks beneath you and you have a foot in each world yeah you said yeah absolutely and usador's sort of like axel naked and green underground and you think slightly serpentine? Yeah, and Chun, you're kind of like the woman who I think dies at the wedding, although

I'm sure that's not going to happen to you. Oh, that November rain's kind of sad. Yeah, well, but nothing lasts forever. I don't think I'm as sad as you. That sounds really sad. But I definitely have a crisis of identity. Sure. Why did you want to leave sexy, sexy Swiss and Bomb and come back to your evil-sounding family?

Well, to be honest, once everyone there realized that I could embody anybody else physically and transform into them, and they were all coming up to me to ask me to consensually transform into them and their partners. Or people wanted me to transform into them so that they could make love to each other and oh it was very sexy everybody just wants to fuck themselves they do and let me tell you it was incredibly consensual which is probably the sexiest part about swiss oh good man swiss sounds great things got too sexy and there was a two-week holiday where everyone made love. Wow. It was good to have the

sex hats then, because they recharged your sexual energy. Oh. Some say that we need to actually donate about 80% of the sex hats in Zwissenbaum, because we don't get a lot done other than the baskets and the sex hats. Yeah. What if your sex hat has a hole in it?

I take great care of my sex hat, so I wouldn't know. Fair enough. Usador? Well, if there's a hole in your sex hat, you're going to get pregnant. Yeah. Does Swiss and Bomb still have a senior frog? Of course. Arnie, have you heard about the senior frog?

I've tried to avoid senior frogs in the past. There's a couple of them, but they're just giant frogs that are just down the party, very magical beings, and they just make giant frogs that are just down to party. Very magical beings. And they just make sure that everyone around has a good time. They're the oldest creatures in most of the land, and they just give great advice for partying. They don't move much, but they're

like, hey, you two should start dancing. You have chemistry. Wow. So if you're like, I want to have a party, but I don't want to explore any of this city, the first thing I see is a senior frogs frogs and I'm definitely going in there. They start the party for sure. Yeah. Totally devoid of culture, but they start the party.

Oh, you have something like that on earth. Uh, yeah. And you know what? It's called senior frogs. Oh, but it's just like a, it's like a restaurant. What? Don't joke with us. Here's how he jokes.

Yeah. We'll have that on earth. Got you. My lot in life is to come from these two identities, being master of none. And if you are master of none, you also have to make an effort to then learn from your mistakes and figure out what your identity really is. And that is my quest right now. That is why I leave my home. I go visit my original place of birth. And now I am roaming the land to try to figure out who I am.

You have a quest. Usador, he has a quest. I have a quest. You two should commiserate. You have so much in common. I am going to go forth and I am going to defeat the void. I here with the help of my friends and then once the void is

absorbed or destroyed or dissipated, then we shall defeat the Dark Lord and all of Foon shall be free and happy once again! Is that like your quest? Kind of trying to find someone who really understands both sides of

my identity. But yes, I could help defeat the void. So you want like a quest, but it has at least a sexy element to it. Well, I don't have my basket full of sex hats for nothing. Would either of you like a sex hat? I have plenty. Sure, I'll take a sex hat. I might as well put one in my pocket.

Thank you. Oh, yes, I can feel that right now. There you are. Oh, it's leaving a bit of an outline in my pocket. I have no need for it right now. But thank you. Okay, well. I'm Arnie.

I'm too sexy for the sex hat. It feels better without the sex hat, Arnie. Is that true? What? Let's take a break. I'll grab a round of drinks this time, and we'll come back. Oh, great, yeah. With more double-jinger. You didn't do anything wrong. Oh. What? You know what? You said, although, you probably should go get a round of drinks this time, and we'll come back. Oh, great. Yeah. You didn't do anything wrong.

Oh. What? You know what? You said, though, you probably should go get a round of drinks. I'll be right back. Thank you. All right. We'll be right back.

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a little bit more about your family. I mean, you went through a lot of betrayal from your twin brother. It must have been really difficult trying to kind of see them again. Honestly, there's a lot of conflict inside me once I understood what the family really did. I thought I had this power to transform physically, you know, and bring joy to people because I look like them

and they want me to consensually make love to them. But you know what the doppelganger race does. They're assassins. Oh. And their creed is to kill people for money. Oh, God. Nothing worse than a creed. Isn't their motto, you never saw it coming?

I mean, they say that after the body is dead. Yeah. But because they look like someone they know, they never saw it coming. Does your family have a motto? They do. Oh. Yeah, but because they look like someone they know, they never saw it coming. Does your family have a motto? They do. What's their motto? I'm going to kill you. It seems a bit on the head.

It's really the polar opposite of you'll never see it coming. It's like, oh, I'm going to kill you. It really undercuts the whole point of looking like someone and sounding like them. If you just announce you're going to kill them. I mean, it's better than prepare to die. Yeah.

That was the first Creed. And then the Assassin's Creed 2 was I'm going to kill you. So maybe Assassin's Creed 3 could be you never saw it coming. Oh, okay. Pirate themed. You know, I'm excited about Creed 2, but even though there's not a lot of the same people behind the scenes as the first Creed. Okay.

Don't worry. It sounds like you're making fun of me now. behind the scenes as the first Creed. Okay. No. It sounds like you're making fun of me now. Arnie, don't make fun of him. He's been through a lot. He's had some choppy waters to navigate, okay? Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm still trying to parse this story about your twin brother. First of all, were you identical twins?

Yes, identical twins. He's Ropal. I'm Dopal. A Ropal ganger? Wait, so Ropal Dopal?'m dopal and a ropal ganger wait so ropa dopal oh well ropal dopal ganger and around five years old he got really jealous because i was transforming much more quickly than he was oh you know i i imagine that some uh doppelgangers just you know advance faster than others well he he was more advanced in the evil ways of the family. And so there was a wizard.

At five? Oh, never mind. Look, hey. You went through puberty at five? I'm just bad with math. That's true. I'm just bad with math. Ooh, you're getting better.

Damn, that's not getting better. It takes a little time, I suppose, to be around us and get used to us. Takes a little time I suppose to get used to us and be around us. Oooh. That's not perfect but I'm getting there. No, I mean honestly it's impressive. Honestly it's not even great but it's a lot, lot better. Like yeah.

It's not even great, it's a lot, lot better. Well now you got a little worse. I know, that doesn't sound like chunt at all. Try me out. Bing bong, aw yeah, baby. Bing bong, aw yeah, baby. The cadence is there. Yeah, absolutely. Very close. Well, perhaps you could send me on some kind of mission.

Just as practice, you know, within Vermillion Minotaur. Oh, sure. Who do we want to assassinate here in the Vermillion? No, no, no, no. Yes, I'd rather not kill somebody. Oh, okay. Yeah, well, also, we have a no one dies policy in Hogsface right now. Oh, my goodness.

Could we use you or you and your brother? Because, I mean, if we're going to rope-a-dope someone, maybe the son of Liston? I feel like he's had it coming, right? Honestly, I want nothing to do with my brother. I hope he's not here. He might be here undercover, but someone would die if he was here. He's bloodthirsty. But we would know because he would say, I'm going to kill you, right?

Yes. Okay, so we have a few seconds heads up. How do we know that you're Dopal and not Ropal? Oh, my goodness. That would be the most incredible assassin move. That would be a real needlessly complicated con. But you confuse your enemy. You stun them with the

mental you know math of it all well I'm not okay I have a mission yes because I'm mad at someone at the bar I went up to get drinks for you twice now and both times Lerm was sitting there on that stool

and not get out of my way so I want you to go over to Lerm and make them feel bad. Okay, which one of you should I go as? Should I go as Chant or Arnie? I feel like my Chant is a little better than my Arnie. Yes, and Arnie's not going to make anyone feel bad. Or maybe be me, but then act like you're walking away, immediately turn around and also be Arnie, just so he gets one-tued.

Okay. A bit of a fake-out, like you're gonna hit him with your left hand and then you swing with your right? Okay, yeah. Alright. Why am I the number two? So I sprinkle him with the number one and then I really drop him with the number two. Okay. Arnie, you talk a little bit more so I

kind of get it in my head. Oh, sure. Well, um, hey, oh, Lerm. Not happy with how you've been treating Usador. Okay, I won't say that. Yeah, don't feed him dialogue. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a line reading. He just asked you to talk.

I didn't mean to. Oh, okay. It's very disrespectful to just like. He's a trained assassin. No. Okay, and then Chunt. How's it going? Pretty good.

Good. What's your phrase? Bing bong, baby? Oh, we don't have time for all my phrases. Oh, yeah, baby, bing bong. Get wet. Get wet. A little squish. I ate all the potato chips. Oh, we don't have time for all my phrases. Oh, yeah, baby. Bing bong. Get wet. It's a little squish. I ate all the potato chips.

Okay, here we go. This dog don't fight. If you string together any couple gibberish words, it'll be a chuntism. Or chism, as I like to call it. And that over there, that's Lurm sitting at the bar? Lurm, yes. The one with the plant tentacles. Okay.

The plant tentacles. Yep. The plant tentacles. Yep, that's them. Wish me luck. Good luck. Arnie. Oh, good luck. Usador. Good luck.

Fuck, guys. Get on it. Bing bong. Let's get wet, baby. Yeah. Hey, excuse me. You were rude to my friend, Usador, earlier. That's not okay.

But I wanted to be rude. Yeah, I bet you wanted to be rude, but instead we should be getting wet. Bing bong. Let's get wet. Hey, my bing bong's all wet. Why is Chun acting so weird? My bing bong got wet. That's why. Are you coming out to me? You're engaged. Yeah, I know I'm engaged, but I wouldn't get wet with you because I'm a bing bong bad boy. Alright. See you later. Oh, crap. It's Arnie.

Hey, please just don't be mean to our friends. We're just trying to drink and talk and have fun. Okay. Bye. Bye. This is the worst I've ever felt. I'm going home. Guys, how did I do? He's leaving the tavern.

That was masterful. Amazing. You did it. It He's leaving the tavern. That was masterful. Amazing. You did it. It was perfect. I don't know. Motherfuck, that was amazing. I don't know if it was perfect, but I feel a lot better than I did when I was impersonating you from across the bar. No, yeah. In practice, I mean, oh, core blimey. That was amazing. Core blimey.

I'm wet. I feel like he's better at these than I am. Bing bong. I've gotten wet again. I should be combining my catchphrases. Maximize their impact. He also focuses on the state of wetness of particular elements of himself in any given time and space. I think the variety of wetness is what's assisting him. It should be a sliding scale.

And I've been just kind of treating it as a, you know. Wet or not. Wet or not. There you go. It's not binary, it's a sliding scale. Very true. Well, does it make you feel better to be doing better at this thing that you feel like is your genetic imperative? I suppose. There's still this conflict

though because, you know, if I get very good at it, will I have some part of me that also wants to use it to kill? To murder? And I don't want to do that, you know? This risen bomb part of me just wants to make consensual, passionate love. Well, you don't necessarily have to get into murder to get into spycraft. You could take secret messages from one place to another, disguised as someone. Or you could infiltrate into an enemy's back lines and take precious information and then return it back to the true side that you are on.

You could be the greatest information warrior that has ever existed. Like a top-level set? I would be down for that. Of course. Oh, yeah. I would love down for that. Of course. Oh, yeah. I would love to do that. And if I don't feel confident enough to impersonate someone, even though I look exactly like them, maybe I make a little sign for myself that says, I lost my voice, sorry.

Oh. That's a good cover to get up to speed. Yes. They're like, you're my husband. I lost my voice, sorry. I wouldn't say it. I'd point the sheet down. Yes, you'd written that down clearly.

I like that a lot. Yes, and I have an idea. You might want to spend a few days or weeks building up to it, but what if you were to invade Baron Ragoon's castle and learn from him secrets of the Dark Lord surreptitiously. Oh, yeah. We could definitely use to learn more secrets about the Dark Lord. Ooh, yeah.

And even just by putting your doppelganger-ness into practice, you'd be helping to fill the void. Hashtag fill the void. We used to have a great spy behind the scenes there. It was Tom Blake Belroth, the prince. But now he's just hanging out as a series of bats. I would love to do this for you. I feel like now you are my friends,

and that gives me a sense of belonging elsewhere outside of Doppelganger family and Swizz and Baum. I would be honored to infiltrate Baron Ragoon's castle. Oh, that would be awesome. Find out all of the secrets. Hashtag fill the wet void. Doppel. I shall not. Sean, just would be awesome. Find out all of the secrets. Hashtag fill the wet void. Doppel. I shall not. Sean, just think about it for your wedding hashtag. Hashtag fill the wet

void. I shall now make this official. Will you join my quest to defeat the Dark Lord? Absolutely. Yes. Another denizen of Foon has decided to take up arms against the evil that doth pervade all of us, and we shall march forth and take

down the Dark Lord one peg at a time. Yes, he shall be de-pegged. I will put my wet bing-bongs in the void for you. That's pegging. You gotta peg somebody. Everyone loves to peg. Everyone loves to be pegged.

Where are the wet pegs? Sounds like me. Dope, can I get you something to drink to solidify our new arrangement? I would love something to drink. Anything you like. What are your drinks of choice? I like mead with a little raspberry in it. Yes, I like an ale or rainbow bowls. Hold on, hold on.

I see what you're doing, Dopo. You're trying to mimic our drink orders, but you don't have to do that. Yeah, you don't need to imitate us. You can have your own opinion. What do you like to drink? Yeah, who's Dope-o? What is Dope-o like? Well, my favorite drink from Swisenbaum is a sex on the beach.

Then I'll get you a sex on the beach. Get one of those. But actually, that has a lot of sand in it. Oh. And usually people end up choking. It's kind of like a, I don't know, post-coital drink that people have just to remind themselves of how lucky they were to

make love. Yeah. Right after they have sex on a beach, they just take a handful of sand and... No, they have sex in their beds and then they drink the sand in the glass. Okay. I want something simple. I'll take the blueberry wine.

Ooh, you know what? I want a blueberry wine. Arnold? Yeah. No, I'm gonna have an I'll stick with this ale. Four blueberry wines! Now, just out of curiosity, Arnie, on Earth, is there anything that's similar to Dopal? I know you've mentioned before

that there's a doppelganger on Earth called An Episode of Seinfeld? Oh, no. I was telling you about an episode of Twin Peaks. Oh, okay. I know those sound very, very similar. Yeah, you're right. I was wrong. Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. I'm sorry.

Yeah, you were wrong. What are you wanting your punishment to be? I want to try and imitate Dople imitating me as punishment okay hey this is Dople get wet bing and bong bing and bong all the bongs in the bing guys you know I don't want to encourage

more spinoffs of Flo from the Magic Tavern but I would love a Dople and Shunt imitating Dople imitating him. Just like co-running a podcast, probably like an overnight DJ thing. Keep reaching for the stars with your bingy bong.

Keep those bongs wet and the bings even wetter. And put the bing and the bong to get it as wet as possible. Keep your babies on the floor and keep bonging for the being. Here are your blueberry wines. Ooh, thank you. Thank you. Oh, you're very welcome. What were those dulcet tones I heard as I entered the table? I know, a new podcast called Lookie Lose.

Yeah, you said, I've got some bad news for you. I think we found a replacement podcast while you were gone. Why is that bad news? I hate doing this. Oh, I can produce. Is it all right if I can try to join in on, I mean, just in case one of you is sick and you need like a sit-in. You can try.

I mean, we can audition you. Do you want to, Bill, do you mind auditioning, my friend? Yeah, of course. He's my bestie. I'll probably audition as Chunt, so I'll be doing my Chunt. Okay. All right. What kind of great bing-bong wetness are you bringing to the show?

Well, we're going to bong in the bing, and we're going to take it on until the bong is done. That's kind of our thing. I like the sonorous tones, but maybe if you have your own personality, just so we have a wall to bounce off of. I thought you wanted to do a podcast where everyone's voice sounded exactly the same. That'd be a bit of an echo chamber. But we do it.

I think you misunderstood just a bit. We've got the wetness covered and definitely the bings and the bongs. What are you bringing? Speaking of wetness covered, we're going to have highs of 48 in the Hogsface region. We're also going to have a low of 37, so pack a light jacket. What are you bringing, Arnie? Hey, man, I heard you were having auditions for a new podcast.

Can I come on and be in your podcast? Pizza Skull? How? I love pizza. That sweet radio voice of Pizza Skull. Can I be in your podcast? I love pizza. That sweet radio voice of Pizza Skull. Can I be your podcast? I love pizza. Yeah, you're in.

Awesome. Arnie, so far, you're the only one not in this podcast. Give us another take. Am I in the podcast? Dope, we'll maybe hit him up with another bump set. There we go. Slithing back into Chunt's mouth. Hey, everybody.

Stay wet out there because it's going to be one of the driest days Foon has ever seen. Bing bong. Get your shade umbrella out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Woof. What was that? I'm trying to add something to it. Maybe I can be like a human soundboard.

Yikes. But you just laugh like a crazy person? Ha ha ha ha ha. It's like a recording. Oh, like we press some sort of magical button and then you do that? Well, let's try that. The three of us, me, Dopehole, Pizza Skull, we'll do just a quick segment

here, and whenever we press a magical button, why don't you sound off with what that might be? Welcome back to the top of the hour. This is Chunt. We've got a jam-packed episode for you today. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, jam-packed. Ha, ha, ha, yeah.

It's going to be a hot, wet one out there today, so get yourself a four cheese with arugula. It's refreshing. Hey, everybody. This is also Chunt. Probably wetter than I've ever been. This seat is made of water, and I am feeling squish. Wow, you can hear how wet I am. Bing bong. My bing bongs are bing b squish. Wow. You can hear how wet I am.

Bing bong. My bing bongs are bing bong. Pizza. Damn, Stitcher. Pizza. Damn, Stitcher. I was going to say, damn, Stitcher, pick this up. Spin-off podcast.

I'm just glad to not be on one of these damn things. Oh, use it or watch you audition. You have the best voice. Why don't you use your chef's cadence? And this will take us to the end of the show. We'll do your chef's cadence as a segment on the show. Here we go. This is Chunt.

And also Chunt. And we're bringing you a bit of a zoo crew in the morning. Moo. We have a special guest on the show today. Why don't you go ahead and pop on the mic, put the cans on, and introduce yourself. I am Usador, and I am here today to tell you about a new recipe I've been working on for

delicious, delicious pancetta and kale. This is making my scalp tingle. First, cut up that pancetta into cubes. Fry it in a pan. Throw in that kale and let it cook down.

Oh, ever so gently. Sprinkle some salt in there and a little bit of pepper to bring out the flavors. But don't over season. It's a mistake for the natural flavors there. Great, we're going to take it to Stuttering John in the street. Stuttering John. Nope, not going to do that. Wow.

This has been such a pleasure, you guys. I really feel like I'm part of a team. I hope I'm not murdered in Baron Ragoon's castle. We all hope that. But I'm so happy that you had me here. You made me feel welcome. And I'm excited to come back to Vermillion Minotaur with hopefully some information about hashtag the wet void. Dobel, can we ask something of you with hopefully some information about hashtag the wet void. Dope.

Can we ask something of you? I mean, we feel the same way. We feel like you're immediately just really, you know, acclimate yourself to the table. I feel like you're super gregarious, like we all took to you. You're part of our family. And I want to let you know, if you die in Baron Ragoon's castle, could you do us a big favor? Okay. Could you imitate another dead body just so we don't have to deal with that?

Because that would be so sad. Yeah, man, we'd hate to lose you. You want some pizza? Okay, pizza man. I didn't quite catch your name when you came. Oh, it's pizza skull. Touch pizza skull. Hey, man, how you doing? Everybody loves pizza.

Yeah, that's right. I love pizza. I'm just a giant floating skull that eats pizza. Yeah. Being able to imitate Pizza Skull will not be useful. I thought that was actually my best imitation, though. That was very good. Better than my Arnie, for sure. Oh, yeah.

No offense, Arnie. No, no, no. You're difficult to impersonate, and that's not a compliment. Oh. But it's true. The four of us have really come to see you as one of our own. And perhaps it's because you can look exactly like us and we are being somehow drawn into some sort of strange bias looking at ourselves.

But you seem like a good person with a good heart. And I'm glad to have you on our team. You know, I feel very much seen by all of you for who I am. Not as the son of murderous spies or as the jolly good boy of Swisenbaum who probably has more sex hats than anyone in the whole kingdom. I feel like you see me, Dopple. Your family is who you want it to be. Wow.

And we're glad that we could help you find yourself by being other people. And Dopple, since you have committed to my quest, I shall do a favor for thee, and I shall murder your brother, Ropal. Add it to the list, Arnie. Add it to the list. Murder Ropal. As long as it happens outside of Hog's face. What if I just encase him in a crystal coffin?

Actually, that would be for the best. Just keep him from impersonating someone. He is a tricky person. Great. I want to thank you. You all are my new hashtag wet family. Bing bong, I like you guys. Man, all these bings and bongs make me wish I had a catchphrase.

Uh, like, um, uh-oh, Craig alert! Is that one? Or, that's a five-pound Craig and a ten-pound... No, not that one. That's... no. Well, if anyone has any ideas, let me know. Usador the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Shunt the Badger was played by Adol Refai. Dope-O the Doppelganger was played by Tim Boltz.

Check out Tim's very funny show, Shrink, on the NBC app. And follow him on Twitter at Tim underscore Baltz. That's B-A-L-T-Z. Hello from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arnie Niekamp, Evan Chicover, and Ryan DiGiorgi. This one edited by Ryan DiGiorgi. Music by Andy Poland. Logo by Allard Laban. Additional audio effects by Jason Knox. Logo by Allard Laban. Additional audio effects by Jason Knox.

Production assistant by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at hellofromthemagictavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks to the Chicago Podcast Co-op and Earwolf. Oh, and remember, it's Craig O'Clock somewhere, right? Oh, never mind.