Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 82 - Chunt for Red October 4: Rainbow Squish

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

It’s time for Chunt’s annual blood drive for lazy vampires, Chunt for Red October. This year he has two mummies along to help. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungDoris the Mummy: Lisa BurtonEugenia the Mummy: Mary Beth SmithMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Chris RathjenTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzEpisode Art: Tyler SchmidtYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Trisha, how is that experiment going of cloning your hands and throwing them all over the place? What's that now? You know that procedure where you clone your hands and fling them in every direction. Wait, what are you talking about? I'm not doing that. Then why are your fingerprints all over the intern fridge? Oh my god, what is wrong with you? I borrowed a dollop of sour cream.

One dollop. Presenting what we're left with. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What is wrong with you? I borrowed a dollop of sour cream. One dollop. Presenting what we're left with.

Oh my god. What is wrong with you? I borrowed a dollop of sour cream. One dollop. Presenting what we're left with. Oh my god. What is wrong with you? I borrowed a dollop of sour cream. One dollop. Presenting what we're left with.

Presenting what we're left with. Oh, from the magic tavern. Oh, from the magic tavern. Oh, from the magic tavern. Oh, from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the fantastical, magical land of fune. If you've never listened, here's... Hey, you said or? Yes, or else? Or he's not here. But I know! And he always calls our world fantastical and magical and granted there is magic here.

But I don't think there's anything fantastic about it. It's just the world the way it is Yes, just as you for you say per you in the per you World of food that's hard to say it doesn't quite flow per you Let's mix things up a little bit right. Let me try one Hello from a magic tavern a Podcast where people talk to other people who also, uh, whoo, this is hard. I think I got it.

Bram, bram. Corb, blind me. This is Yusudor. This is Chant. And we're... Yeah, nuts. Oh, this feels bad, bro. I like this much, much better.

I found a piece of puffed rice. Oh, that looks wonderful, may I? Mm-hmm. Thank you. Yes, that's puffed rice. I wasn't prepared, I didn't find any nuts. Did you find any nuts? I thought we were doing magic taverns, I think.

Yes, that's why I wasn't prepared. I'm not either. Let me see it, I think. Oh, no nuts. Mm. Is there any podcast that you've been wanting to do? I feel like Arnie says that we've had some amount of success. Um, so I feel like maybe if we want to do a podcast, now's the time to like...

I've been thinking about writing a farce about a detective who is smaller than your thumb. Yeah, okay, what's his name? What's her name? Oh, I didn't think about that. Smaller than a thumb dick. That's my nickname in grade school. What? Nothing. Oh, hey, guys, sorry, oh, sorry, I'm late.

Hello from the Magic Tavern. No, no, no, no, wait, what's this? We covered it. It's fine. Did you know that? Yes, we said it perfectly, the way you do every time. Did you know? Why are you soaked? Did you got wet? Well, again, no, I'm covered in water. We always stock the episode at this time every day on the same day and if you're not here then you miss the beginning of that. You're a bolt. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

You're soaked in the bone and you just said covered in water? Who says covered in water? When you're wet, you call it getting wet. You got wet. Is that a covered in fucking water? Is that an Earth thing? What are you up to? Well, sometimes when you want to avoid using a combination of words that you hear all the time, you come in with different ways of saying it. Oh no, you fell in that lake, are you okay? I'm covered in water.

I'm covered in water! I'm covered in water. Hmm, something's up. We've been big, eh? Guys, remember the riddle about the secret hidden in the tavern? Oh, nope. The cave beneath the orange beast, something, something, something east. Sounds like you don't either. I don't remember that part, but we solved it.

No, I remember it. I remember everything I eat. Oh, if you remember it. Oh, I don't feel like saying it right now. Hmm, are you sure? No, I remember it. I remember everything I eat. Oh, if you remember it. Oh, I don't feel like saying it right now. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay, well then, the part that I think I might have solved is the part that goes down and down and down you go until the river starts to glow, face to face with swamps McGee

will something, something, something, something. The rest of that part, we'll I'll remember it when we get close to solving it. What did you find out? It sounds like solving riddles is a different podcast. Anyway, we opened a passage in the basement, but we forgot to ever go down there. I went down, there are a bunch of stairs. And there's, when you say you go down something,

that means there's stairs. I know, down and down and down you go, and you know what, under the tavern, there's an underwater river. Underwater river? Wow, so there's water and then under the water there's a river? Yeah, do you mean an underground river? You are so into parsing language you should do a podcast about riddles. Hey, it's not a bad idea. It's a pretty good idea and underwater, underwater river ripper is a good place to get covered in water But here's the thing it wasn't you're using this tone of voice that makes a sound exciting

Yeah, the content is vanilla, but your cadence is is rainbow cone, but here's the thing There was water at the bottom of stairs There were stairs you could go down. So there's a bottom of the stairs. There was water, but it was in a river. How was a river underwater? I'm still hung up on that. I can't get over an underwater river.

Oh, I'm sorry, underground underwater. It was water underground. It's an underground river. How does this solve the riddle? So it wasn't glowing. And I'd be honest, it was a lot more impressive. It was an underwater river. And you think about it all over the place under some water. Yeah. Professor Yusidor lay down some knowledge. I have once again amazed everyone in the room.

You know, Yusidor has actually been teaching me English, which is why I'm so hung up on your the room. You know, the user has actually been teaching me English, which is why I'm so hung up on your Burbage and syntax. Oh. Did you know Chant's first language isn't English? Chant, what's your first language? Shapeless. Shapeless?

It's what all shapeshifters speak when they're first part. Yes. The shapeshifter language. Can you speak some of it? Sure. What do you want me to say, and I'll translate it. Hmm. Ask him where the bathroom is.

Okay, so if I were to approach you Hmm... I'm asking where the bathroom is. Okay, so if I were to approach you and I didn't know where the bathroom was, I would say... We're in... We're in the... We're in the boat. What? We're in... We're in...

We're in the boat. See this way you also can learn some shapeless. Uh, where? The... It's Brechenzy English? What? What is that? How dare you? Are you making fun of my language?

No, no! I panicked, and I went to a completely different language. What language was that? Ah, look, it was German. But guys, you don't understand, I'm so confused, because I went to the bottom of some stairs, and there was a river. Ah, motherfucker, Annie. But the stairs keep going into the river

and I put my foot in and the river clowed a little bit. It's maybe like night crawlers. It smells like eggs. Do you remember Scrumble? Oh yeah. Do you remember Scrumble who had to touch the doorknob 40 times,

go through the door? Yeah, you know CD. I think that's what's happening here with this riddle thing. Do you have OCD? Yeah, you know me. What? You put what's happening here with this riddle thing. Do you have OCD? Yeah, you know me What you put your food in the water and it glow I put my foot in the water and it glowed and then I put my leg in the water and it glowed even more But somehow you got covered in water. I fell in the water and it glowed even more

That's it really okay. Okay. Oh, good. Good tent. Good content. I've shortened content to tent. Oh, Professor Ysidor has been teaching me how we can be more succinct. And when we say, by shortening our words, the content becomes tent. Oh, okay. Got it.

What? Got it. What? I would get on it. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh. Also, if you just say words. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was sh-sh-shanglish Shapeless shapeless Also, if you just say words real fast that was to get on it

You're short of you have to shorten it you just say real fast. Yeah Good. I used to do or want to and and he likes to I have a little desk and I sit down I bring him a little old tiny. It's a tiny apple and he has a little talkboard bring him a little. Yeah, it's tiny. It's a tiny apple, and he has a little talkboard. And he does this introduction, just so he gets in the professorial mood. Can you, would you mind showing Arnie,

like just a quick spiel you do up top, just to kind of set the table for me learning? Oh, so I'd be happy to. Hey, welcome. Welcome, O'Watt and All. Today, to today's English class, we shall learn a language, which allow you to speak to many people across the land of Foon. Oh, and so long ago, that solitary trolling Ang, created the language of English so that we could all speak with one another from various parts of the world

without knowing, you'll miss or dwarfish or mermaidish or shapeless. No, now we all speak. What a language united! Yeah, and that gets me in the mood to start learning. And there's a little bit of lesson couched within that introduction. Oh sure! Open your book to page two. There's books. John, Open your book to page 2. There's books? John? Isn't it John for Redacto? It is John for Redacto. Oh good. I didn't want to ask why there was blood everywhere.

No, no, you would be right to ask. Oh, okay. Yeah. We might say the pavurn is covered in blood. It is. Yeah. Which blood is similar to water? Yeah.

Yeah. I know otherwise people would normally describe that as the tavern is blood wet. Mm-hmm. But it's... Blood wet. It's covered. I have another catchphrase that has blood in it, but I don't think you like that one. So I won't say it.

Mm-hmm. But yeah, it looks like an abattoir in here. It does. This is abattoir, so we're not going to be on the professor's use. Let's see. I call him PU or PCU. Now I'm torn here because I had one goblet that was blood I was going to donate and then one goblet that was blood I was going to drink. I'll just drink. And Arnie, yeah, I feel like a lot of times for the Redactober, we bring in special you know, tools and creatures to help out. Yeah, it's a yearly charity drive.

It's a yearly charity drive and I'm very proud to organize it. But every once in a while, if we have a creature or an entity that has some blood in them, there can be some weirdness in terms of like they might get killed or they, you know, whatever might be an accidental ceremony that happens to get caught or something. So what I did this year to sort of hedge my bets was I brought in two creatures that don't have any blood to help run things. They're too too nurses. Oh! Would you like to meet them? Yeah, absolutely. Also, should I be worried about the fact that I'm full of blood? Yes, that's what living is, right? Usually being concerned about being full of blood.

Yeah, kind of wait to get my hands on that blood. I was sharp for any things out there. Just waiting to pop us. Like a blister. Yeah. It's a life of... Oh. No, this is the one I was going to do. But here, let's...

Let me bring them over to the table here. This is Dorsen, Eugenia. To ensure it's the same interest. Oh... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hello! It's two mummies! Oh! Hello, sorry! Our bones are so weary! It takes us a while to get into stools sometimes. My lower back just isn't what it used to be. Ooh.

Ooh. And I gotta say, Sean, you time that perfectly, because I noticed that they were very slowly walking towards this table the entire time, and you actually introduced them just as they got here. Yeah, yeah, they were steadily shuffling forward with their hands out, and they made it just in time. Yeah.

Have you ever met a mummy before? No, I've never met a mummy. Nice to meet you mummies. We are two mummies. That's the plural of mummies. Oh, okay. Also, Mami would have worked. Mami. Now, can I get you something to drink? I know you don't have any fluids in your body. I don't know if you still imbibe. Do you have Embombing fluid? That's the only kind that we can really stomach even without a stomach? I'll check at the bar. I'll be alright. Back! Arnie, how's going about their organs and jars?

Oh I'm so sorry. I don't mean to be rude. How are your organs and jars doing? Oh they're good. They're up on a shelf, you know, back at the pyramid. Oh, where's the pyramid? Well, I want to be clear. Doris lives in a pyramid. I live in a nearby square. We call it a cube cube. And that, but there are cylinders. There are half spheres. Fiers. Domes. Domes. Yes. But we are part of a grand hive of mummies. It lives across a grand neighborhood of shapes. Yes A hive of mummies. Oh, yeah, we have just worker mummies, but there's one, you know the Queen mum Queen mum the Queen mum Arnie here said dance for a little less endorse said said their worker mummies. How can we shorten that? Wommies? Yeah, no

or Murkers, you had it right there. Okay, so you guys are Wommies? We're Wommies. Yes, we've been friends with this bifter for quite a while now, and he's brought us in for you know, I'll work back of the hive. Yeah. It's kind of wrapping up. We're old and age. Oh no!

So we like to volunteer where we can. Are you coming close to the end of your time as Wommies? Well, yes. You know our wrappings aren't quite as tight. And as they loosen, we start to lose it. You know, we'll go back to Foon, you know, to be one with Foon again. Oh, already didn't you say that?

That on Earth, when a rapper isn't as tight, they lose it. You stick onion. That's a thing. I look, I ain't got no beef with nobody. I hear you are. I couldn't find any embalming food, but I do have this pure fuel

It's just a vulnerable liquid. It's a similar constitution. Yes, you're bombing Yeah, is that dead or undead it? It's dead it of course. I would never give to mummies undeaded fuel Well, thank you so much young man looks like it's going to be a late night for all this Yeah, I was going to say, I should lay off this... ...for... ...you don't want to see Virginia after too much... ...dead-ed fuel. Oh, who was?

Why is that? Oh, it's... ...uh, Virginia could get a little off her rocker, eh? She starts referring to herself with a third person, it's a whole thing. Yes, sir. I, well, that's... ...I've often done that myself. Referred to myself in the third person, that is. Well, Well then me and you should hang out and have some undeaded fuel, I say. Wonderful. Yes. Come over to my cube some time, you

sedule. Who? You come from the sheep desert. Oh yes. Yeah, we were just talking about why you were at the bar. Oh my gosh. Oh yes, yes, it's a wonderful place to go visit and dive down into the tombs and uncover secrets. The languages long lost since English took its place. Now you have to try to figure out a way to take this picture language as it makes sense of them, but there's nothing connecting them back to English. I've never heard someone speak so beautifully about our dearest

Shezot. Yes, if I could cry, I would. Oh, well, it is red October, and this is Chant for a October, and that means wishes come true. So I think I will allow you through the use of my magic to cry if you wish to. Oh, oh, wish to Oh my oh Neither of us is cried in over 4,000 years. Oh, okay. Here will will cry me up Eugenia would you also like to cry could I have a substitute wish instead of course? Let me conjure this tier first Eugenia look at soaking through Rath and draw from the apple. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh landing so far. Which is hard to do because at the bottom of that landing, there's a river.

Now, talk about the damn river again. Ayyugenia, what is your wish? Oh, I wish to be able to drink a non-fuel beverage. Oh, I imagine we can manage that. What's a drink would you like to drink? Well, in life, I love the rainbow bowl. One rainbow bowl. Coming home!

So, Eugenia and Doris, I'm curious. I guess I don't really fully understand what it means to be in a mummy hive. Like, your worker mummies, who do you work for? We also have our queen mum. Uh-huh. We bring her jewels. Oh So there's a large holding of jewels in the center of each of our shapes and we go out Collect those we've got little pockets on our back legs. We collect them up into our wrappings

Uh-huh We bring them back and some of the mums eat the shapes. And mostly, we also have the queen who creates more mums. Great. That's beautiful. And queen mom, that means that she's the sort of motherly figure, or mom, is in short for mom.

OK, I feel like it's time to address this. OK, we get a lot of assumptions about you know being among a large group of women we're all mummies I am a grand mummy yes I know I get it I am a great mummy but let it be known we're not your mum oh your mummy and we're not going to clean up after. Yes, and we love doling out curses, not sweet little mummy nothing. No, curses. Oh. Here, I brought enough rain bobbles for everyone. Oh, I killed one.

Oh, what do you mind cleaning that up for me? Oh! You said, ord, why is our mummies? They're not your mummy. Do you guys don't have a mummy. Fry was born from a conspiracy of birds and rain and fire and mud and frogs and squirrels that did come together to say there must be a champion to defend all the food.

What? I said it fitted in somewhere. Ah, here's a rainbow bowl for you. Hmm, for you. There you go. I guess the one that spilled can be Doris' but I must say, she has a curse for you for you. Ah!

Assuming that we would just clean up your rainbow bowl spill. Oh, attempt to hex me and see how far you get, I derthy. While you wind up for this sweet curse, I do have a question, is there a difference between a hex and a curse? because you said you're gonna curse him And he's ready for a hex to come his way. Oh damn did she say curse she say curse Hex is a magical thing but a curse a curse can only come from a mummy A curse on you

Oh A curse that you would have a pleasant tomorrow. A curse that the rays of sunshine would fall through your window and across your face. Oh, damn, I was going to sleep by tomorrow. Alright, this is terrible. This is one of the worst curses I've seen. It's a super passive aggressive curve. Yeah! I think they're trying to kill him with kindness. It's unbearable. Well, I suppose I shall find a way to muddle through tomorrow,

and if I do survive, I shall make it to the day after that, when I may be dreary and dark and hopeless again. Just remember you, sir. Get on it. Get on it. Use the dog. Get on letting me drink this rainbow bowl wipe, don't you? Oh, here I go. Uh, Scrumble Bumble, Yimble Bumble. Dumbledumbed up.

What the fuck have you used to do? What do you mean? What do you mean? You're usually like Doth, Proth, Mith, Moth, Mith, Moth, and then you said Scrumble Bumble, Dumbledumbal. I know lots of spells. Lots of different spells. They don't all have to come from the same books, or the same history. There are many different languages in Foon, all with different spence. They don't all have to come from the same books or the same history. There are many different languages in FUNE, all with different magical properties. Sometimes they

sound like scrubbed, yoth and wha-fucked. That's what we use to. Yeah, yoth and sometimes they sound like, oh, scuba-du-bub-bum, b-b-b-ding-ding-ding-ding. Yeah, usually they sound like a cling on talking, but that time they sort of sounded like a smurf scatting. What's a cling on and what's a smurf? Err, a smurf? I think that sums it up. Arnie, is there any famous magical words on Earth? We might have asked you this, but yes,

the most magic word of all is please. Not really magical. No, I didn't want to point it out before, because I thought maybe you'd notice, John, we didn't talk about this at the beginning. Did you notice anything different about the tavern? I mean, there's blood everywhere. Yes, there's also. There's also a paper spider.

Remember, you're telling us about paper spiders? And we thought that was stupid, but then we did it anyway. We wrapped all the legs ourselves. Each individual leg is wrapped with nice paper just for you, aren't it? And I disembelled the pumpkin. As you said that, that's what they do on Earth, right? I found a sentient pumpkin. And disembelled the...

Oh, no! We would remember to that red October happens around the same time as your holiday of... All Halo Z. Oh, Halo Z. Mm-hmm. Halo Eve. Halo Eve? Halo Eve. Halo Eve, yeah. or holiday of all how's he how's he hmm how we all we've how do we have you we also convinced the sentient pumpkin that you know having your inside scooped

out and being preserved is a whole new way of loving your life after you that's right because I think that's sort of what happened to you too right yeah Doris is more the embalming expert than I am, but yes. I don't mean to be, you know, know it all about it already, but yes, your brains come out to nose, and your entrails come out to be hind. It's not a fun process, but she showed us all on the pumpkin earlier. It was fascinating. Speaking of, we prepared a little something based on what you told us Halloween is like why don't you close your eyes Arnie? Oh, no, but your hands in this

Yes, spaghetti put your hands on the cold spaghetti. These are the pumpkins brains Yeah, that's my chin. That's my chin. Yeah, put your hand in this bowl of grapes Put your hand in this bowl of grapes His eyes. Yes, so far eyes Put your hands in these soft boiled eggs. I don't like keep doing this. Okay Soft boiled eggs these were his testicle. Oh No, there's more stuff in there. I don't know. I don't know Those were his testicles. Yeah, but there's more stuff in there I don't yes the trick of the grapes was there was also really half eyes.

But why would you do that to me? I did it for you. I only had half a bowl of eyes, so I had to fill the rest of the pits. They told us all about the traditions of your earth celebration. We were trying to do this for you. Oh, honey, you always complain about how you miss Halloween, you know, in a lot of Earth holidays so I thought I would take the initiative and try and recreate it.

Should I deliver the peace to resistance? Please, Arnold, I've conjured for you in your size to fit you perfectly a sexy fighter of fire costume. But... it's just the costume of sexy water. Well, yes, you would be covered in water if you fought fire, wouldn't you? What else fights fires, except for water? Uh, um, time? Do you have a hex that fights water because we don't only curse it. Curses only!

Did you say time? So time fights fires, so on earth, if there's a house that's burning, you say, give it some time. Look, I'm not saying it's a house that's burning you say give it some time. Look I'm not saying it's the most effective way, but it'll work. He technically is not wrong. Yeah, look when you're making a list of things it's valid to do one of the ones that's near the bottom. Why don't we take a quick break and we'll come back and figure out some more hollow-y traditions to celebrate with him. A vacuum? What?

A vacuum. Like a space that's the void of any oxygen? Yeah. Yeah, that'll fight a fire. You're gonna bring a vacuum to a fire. You can do that on Earth. I mean, I don't know how to do it, but it would work. Well, if one of the shapes breaks out in fire, we all curse it.

We just sit and curse the fire. Please say, oh, I hope that you live long and prosper, you dang fire. You watch out for some of my little kisses, you fire. Oh, doors, doors, doors. Your hex is on fire. Oh, gosh. Oh, oh! Oh, me! Oh! Yeah, Doris, your hex is on fire. Oh gosh. Oh, me. Oh, me. Oh.

Yeah, pour some of this fuel on it. No. Oh, Doris! Doris! We'll be right back. Quick pour some sugar on her. Uh, hey, we're back. You know what I've got to say.

During the break, I saw one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my time in Hogsface and Infoon. Taurus, you put the fire out from your insides? We have to give a fire some time, Arlene, you have all, but no. The ashes from the inside, they spill out onto the wrappings and then they put it out. I cried a little, so it could have been the wetness from my tears.

You are very well. I don't know if you caught me gingerly bandaging her up as well. My sweet. So nice to be able to take care of yourself. Okay, but it doesn't make up our whole personalities. No, no, no, no. Okay, leave it doesn't make up our whole personality. Okay, leave it alone. I wasn't even, you are both somewhat nurturing,

but you're so much more than that. You're also covered in bandages. That sounded really condescending, if you ask me. Oh. Yes, it was very condescending. Did you hear that? I heard it and I noted it. All right.

And I feel as though I might have the curse you are. Oh, no. Oh, no. He's coming on, he's coming on. He's coming on. There might be a curse coming towards Arnie for thinking, you know, just because we help people. I'm so sorry.

Although it's adorable, the way you say there's a curse coming, I feel like I'm a baby and you're about to put a spoon in my mouth. Well, there's a curse. John, come here quick. Yeah, quick. I feel like I'm a baby and you're about to put a spoon of food in my mouth. Well, there's a curse. Come here quick. Stop throwing candy at children and learn to watch this curse. Cus it cursed coming straight for you, Arnie.

Oh. I'm gonna hold out my cold hand and you're going to touch it and I'm going to lead you across a busy street, Arnie. Oh, that seems like it might actually feel kind of nice if I'm afraid of crossing the street, even if it's a cold hand. I'll help you get across, but my hand is so cold it's such a bad curse. Oh, that was awful. Heroine, what did the street is so busy, he has a hot pack of eyes? Oh no. Yeah, my rapping's not so strong, and we would make it across safely,

but you would feel the breeze of all of the passes by. Yeah, can I ask a clarifying question about this? I'm gonna, you definitely terrifying curse that you've cursed me with. Is this a thing that's gonna actually happen or is this more of like a scenario you throw out to scare me? It's a little unclear to me whether you are gonna guide me across the street. I mean, now you're going into the philosophy of curse.

Oh. Curse is not a predetermined notion. We're not fortune tellers aren't. We don't know that it's going to happen, but we curse you with it. Oh. The worst part of a curse is that you never know if or when it will happen. Oh. Oh, you spend your days worried, afraid that at any time,

Eugenia might take your hand across the street with you, and until that day that it does happen, it'll be constant fear. Oh yeah, and the true power of the curses that if by pure happenstance someone leads me across a street by their hand I'll suddenly be like, this was the curse it came true. Absolutely and I will wink at you and say, I got you, Arnie. I got you. Let us not forget a busy street and you'll make it across. Yeah, which I appreciate. Thank you for helping me with that part,

but it will be bad. I'm sure it will be bad. Ultimately, OK, we look out for our hive members. Yeah. So basically anything could be a curse. Could I do a curse? No, absolutely. Mommy's only.

Mommy's only? Alright. Well, if I were to ever die, which is highly unlikely because I'm such an amazing and talented wizard, could I become a mummy? I...you can pretty much mummify anything. Yes. Anything?

Oh, yes, yes. We've got crocodiles. We've got cats. We've got dogs and mice. Centores and plants and Roaches is I don't know if this is too forward to ask what were the two of you before you became mummies We like to keep that under wraps

I get it. Are you get it? You get it Under wraps. I don't think that I think they should have said they like to confirm self-covered an error. Well, before I was a mummy, I was a simple human. Me too! Oh well, are you a mummy? No, I'm sorry, I'm a daddy.

But that's, I know that's not an analogous thing. Yeah, exactly. I was going gonna say just because we're mummies I mean we're mummies, okay. Yeah, I don't have I think they're gonna curse me But if you're comparing What you are to what we are Then you better brace yourself, but maybe they will. Because here comes a curse. Oh, shit.

The wind up on this curse. It's gonna be a good one. Oh, god. No, she's at the bar. I see. Yeah. Arnie? I hope her curse can cache the checker mouth is writing.

Well, my mouth here it comes. Because Arnie, I've got a couple of whispers for you. Oh no. The first whispers. Whispers versus verses. Those are the words. Is it your high sparkle with a thousand stars? And those stars reach the farthest reaches of all the worlds.

And the second curse. Oh God, thank you for that first one. The second curse is that you might be the best dresser in all of free. The second curse worse than the first. And those are my curses. What a heavy load to bear Arnie! Your sparkling eyes and wonderful wardrobe are so cursed! Oh my god, I've been cursed with unrealized potential.

I might be the best dressed person in Hogsface. But you won't know! That's gonna haunt me like I'm fine with not being but if I might be That's gonna weigh on me. Well, you're not going to upgrade anything to leather anytime soon Why not leather I went by the tannery Remember stick mm-hmm leather much instead. Oh Call back no more tanner. Yeah, and the dinner Danny

Well Danny Yeah, and the thinner. It, Danny. Well, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, You know his heart? Cut it out. Oh, no! They cut it out. They cut it out? Are they gonna send Danny to your hive

if they've removed his... I don't know. I mean, we've got a pretty full house over there. I don't know if we can take any more people, honestly. Yeah. I mean, you already have some people who are playing the same role, but taking turns, right? Oh, how rude, yes. Right, we have some workers who serve the same role, yes. At least, lit time on it, correct?

Yes, of course. Me and Doris have been known to Doris, and I, oh, excuse me, Doris. Professor Yusodora seems toidor seems to have taught everyone properly. Uh, she spent more time down in the cave carvings than I have, studying all the languages. Yuchia, what were you before you were a mummy? A were person. I was a wolf most of the time but sometimes I was a person it was very inconvenient. Yeah so under those wraps you're... I'm just dustin' bones in the years. Oh! If you undid it all who just looks scary and

scarier would look like a little bit of a whiff or something. Correct. I fell in love with you dust and bones. You heard that song? No! You think a lot of people have? Maybe I just made it up. I love with you, does it ever end bones? You heard that song? No. You think a lot of people have? Maybe I just made it up. You might as well do a few more Halloween. Oh yeah, of course.

I'm so sorry you all of you work so hard to make this Halloween-Eve celebration for me. Halloween, right? Halloween. Good on it. So we thought based on what you told us some of your favorite Movies where your Halloween movies. We thought to reenact some and just have some fun. No, maybe you can try and guess What they are so I'll start okay. Um, ooh look over here. It's a previous lover Or could it also be a liquid-filled growth? Hmm

Or could it also be a liquid-filled growth? Hmm. Maybe a sliver or a liquid-filled growth? X or Sist? Oh! He said you love that, right? I do! I do love the X or Sist. Yes, thank you so much, Chant. If you said, or which is it, wait. You said, or which one are you doing?

I am a shock! What's that? I'm a shock. I'm eating you. You need a larger vessel in order to defeat me. Oh, yep, deep blue sea. My favorite movie. My favorite Halloween movie.

It was the Meg, the wrong Meg. The Meg. Oolestune, another one. I'm only a fan of their advertising campaign on Twitter, which I've been following very closely. But I haven't seen that movie because I'm not on earth. Let's do another one, but this time you sort of I will play with you. Okay, you play along, okay? Hello, Sydney.

Alias. What just play Just play along. Okay. Hello, Ernest Borgnheim. What are you wearing? I wearing an opera house. I'm the scream to the best scream. I have one. Oh, yes, Eugene, I'd love to hear it.

Yes, so, um, here at the Vermillion Minotaur, they have great vats of oil. And they've hosted many celebratory days where they just fry things and I believe the next one coming up is the thirtieth time that they'll have done this. Jason X. He got it that was it. Eugenia Eugenius. Okay so you've't get your bearings and but you're just leaning there But you're just leaning there Aliens Okay, I have one for all of you to guess this is this is my favorite Halloween movie. So I'm me

Do I know Duh, dumbass. Duh, I'm, oh no! I'm dumb. Okay, now save the answers so we all know what it is. I think of all the movies he's told of. Oh, boy, Mr. Mom. No. It's not smiles of a summer night. Hmm, oh no, oh no!

This thing I'm seeing is causing an emotion in me, but also I'm not so bright Requiem for a dream. Hmm close. Oh, no scared stupid. It's Arnie, but yes. Oh, Arnie is scared stupid I think of all the movies I've seen on I am to be the bright dictate would know she got it What oh, it was on you scared stupid. Oh, I Really dug through all the information that Chuck provided us for your house-y ev- celebration. I remember that. Yeah.

Also, I really think that just phonetically I really got that across. Anyone would have guessed that, regardless of whether they were familiar with Earth movies or not. Oh, I think- I think so, dude. I have one last one. Here I have produced a rat. Carry. That's it. Oh really? Yeah, just like mine was Jason X. Oh yeah.

You got both of them. Well that's all we've... Now, if you were a way person before, you're no longer affected by the lunar cycles. Oh no, it was all built into my eyeballs. Whenever my eyeballs saw the moon and then once they, so there's a jar somewhere standing on a shelf where the eyeballs turn from being wolf eyeballs into human eyeballs anytime. Oh wow. I've got them. Wait, were you a wolf first?

Yes, I was a wolf most of the time. Oh! And then part of the time I became a person. So in the moon came out, you turned into a person. Correct. I did not follow that before, I'm understanding. Right, yes, so like it was really inconvenient if I wanted to like see my wolf pups make their first kill

or something like that. I couldn't be around because I was a human and they might mistake me for strangers. Did you ever wake up as a wolf after this terrible experience and realize you work of it in blood? Yeah, all the time. I would be covered in like human things, chips. And you know, dips, as well as dips and chips, as well as DVDs of horror films. How did you get those? Ah. Magic, I bet.

Magicly appeared around my body every time I went back to being a wolf and being a human who's very strange. Honey, do you realize what this means? We should go to the Shares It and we should find those DVDs and you could look at them. I can finally see a DJ-Quals movie. We can watch those DVDs. Be careful though, this sounds very dangerous. You know, if in the middle of the night you could wake up and the thing is on your head.

That's one of the mo- he made a joke about one of the DVDs. It's called the thing. I see. I see. Not my best work. But it was John Carpenter's. Yo, absolutely. Is what I've heard you say.

Yeah, oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I mean can we all agree on that? But that's John Carpenters best movie. I think so. I never actually got to watch any of the DVDs I would just be a human Covert because yeah because the technology to watch a DVD doesn't exist in this world. They just magically appeared around my body I'm not understanding you can't just stare at it. I mean you can but you won't see the movie I'm not understanding you can't just stare at it. I mean you can but you won't see the movie Then what's the point? Um, I don't know that shiny. Yeah nice. I mean shiny. That's one of your favorite movies too, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you're telling me not your best work, but Definitely Stan LeCue Rick's best work. You know telling me I get this shiny disc and then I just stare at it

Say that a little slow faster. I get this shiny disk? And then I just stare at it. What? Say that a little slow-pastor? I get this shiny disk. Mm-hmm. And then I just stare at it and nothing happens? I mean, unless you can shoot lasers out of your eyes. Yes. Of course I can. Watch this. L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L There's so many, I feel like it took to episode what is this 190 for you so you're really digging to his bag as well. I know. You know what the weird thing was? Why was he doing that thing with his mouth while the lasers were coming out of his eye?

No idea. At least I know. I mean, there's our light. It was more entertaining than Hoopity Boopity or whatever it is. Hey, he spent a lot of time in the shape desert and he's picked up a lot of new bits of language. He's fairly feeling inspired by a present. This way it reminds me of the great expanse of food that we haven't even talked about with Anna yet. There's so much left undiscovered to discover new in food for you. I'm, yeah, I'm excited to learn more about the geography and whether food is a country

or a whole world. Today we'll find out. Yeah. I wanted to mention I actually live in the Stanley Kubrick. Oh. Oh. In the shape desert. Wow.

That was a fun coincidence. I named it. You named it Stanley? Yes. That's amazing. You know, can I ask you to a question? Why not? Was the process of being turned into a mummy, traumatizing or painful?

Well, I, for one, was already dead. Won't speak for Doris. We all have our own journey to becoming mummies. Yes, it is traumatizing, but once your mummy, it's a relief. So there's a six-month process by which you are chosen by the other humans you drink a poison tea and then they begin the embalming process while you're still alive.

Yes it's quite horrifying so that by the time they've got the wrappings on you, it's painless. Yeah. Yeah. So at this point, I'm happy to be where I am for the last 4,000 years. I have to kind of echo that. I donated my body for scientific research. There aren't too many where people in flound. Yeah, not a lot of science either. They were gonna try to figure out what made us tick, but you see where that has made it. Yeah.

Well, I donated my body to the scientist while I was still alive. And then they put me through the six month process. So if you donate your body to science, post mortem after you've died, that's what a wear person did. But I, as my human form, I just donated myself to the scientists. Yeah, and you both said earlier that you're coming close to the end of your time as mummies There's a grand you know looms surrounding the whole Shes it and we just you know sometimes the Queen mom comes along if she says

the queen mom comes along and she says, it's your time. And then all of our wrappings drop to the ground. Go up in the ground, cloud of dust. The dust floats around and gets in things and... Correct. Remember, remember that you are dust. I think for a moment of us, if you see the dust in the air or on the windowsill

Or on a table top or I swear if you do not think of us each time that you see dust from here on out I look curse you so Ony oh no you have a curse coming on you genius. Oh, I just it was more a warning ahead of a curse Oh Casey saw some dust and didn't think about the mummy's who turned back into dust Yes, that's a prewind up wind up Doris, I feel bad about you catching on fire earlier That's even things out would do you want to send me on fire? Oh, oh? Well, I don't I

I guess I don't know that I've ever been offered to... Oh, yeah, I see. Fire is a bit of a novelty for us, Mum. As you saw, we can just go straight up, but quite dangerous. Why, even just thinking of that kind of this brings me to tears. Um, yes, I would love to say you on fire. No, okay. Hold out your arm.

There you go. And, um, pass me that say you want fire. No, hold out your arm. There you go. And pass me that stone you dream here. Okay. Glicks and just give us some time. I see time before the fire. You should actually help with your laser eyes. You should watch you help with your laser eyes Let me put some of these pumpkins kids in this pan here and maybe we'll just First up some of these pumpkin kids. Is that your column? Is it pumpkin kids? No So pumpkin kid that now I am a wizard of flame! Unable to die! Ever living!

Is this a fun Halloween thing? Watch a wizard burn? Hey, what'd you say? You should put on your sexy fighting of fire's costume! Oh, oh, okay. And for you to be a sexy fighter of fire. Okay. And all hellos play perhaps. Oh, okay. I'll get this thing on, so I'll tight.

That's the boy. Ugh. Ooh. Yeah. Get good water. Get good water. I'm so punched. Of me too.

Oh, this isn't spooky at all. Hey, look, I know I'm wearing a sexy water costume, but stop looking at me like you don't have no water in your body and you haven't consumed any liquid in the hundreds of years. Oh, I don't know how else to look at you. Hey, hey, my dry parts are up here. And my dry parts are down here, honey. Well, Doris and Eugenia, thank you so much

for coming by and every time I see dust, which happens a lot, I can't like all the time everywhere. I'll think of you too. You've been of corpse army. Mine, no, no. Of corpse army. CLRPS of corpse army. Of corpse army.

We are of a corpse army of corpse army. Of corpse army of corpse army. A corpse army of corpse army. A corpse army of corpse army. A corpse army of corpse army. It'sorde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde of the Horde What a horoscope. I horoscope you to have good fortune with money this month. But an old friend may come calling and remind you of things you've forgotten to do. Oh. I was chilling. We have a lot of old friends, so that kind of horoscope is very terrifying for us.

Yeah, and remember, the parts of it that happen you'll remember but the parts of it that don't happen you'll forget about it's called confirmation bias. Wow, honey if you ever wanted to come by the shizzards and just give some lessons in that horoscoping, I feel like we've got some dry rubies for you. Yeah. I love dry rubies, I think. It's what they sound like. Oh, you know what?

Speaking of dry rubies, I'm a rubies fan. Dribies? You know what, I've got an email here. I feel like we haven't read emails in a little while, but here's one. It says, I know I'm really behind, but I just listened to season two episode 18, and I really want to say, Rest in Peace, Crazy Jared. He was really awesome. Let's awesome the new guys, though. Don't worry.

Anyway, thanks for all you do. You make my work so much better. Sorry I'm so behind I'm working hard to catch up. Thanks again. You know what that reminds me. We murdered Crazy Jared. Oh, we were good, huh? He fae. I'm like a kid of himself.

That's true. I'm still on fire. Oh, that's you, Siddhar. You know what, I get so used to you like being on fire or shooting lasers out of your eyes or just smoking or covered in various kinds of shit that I guess all growing out of my ear. Yeah, like I kind of stopped seeing you and like what's happening to you in the present moment, but you're on fire.

Like you're on a lot of fire. It's nice to be seen. And also, with your spell work, you've been on fire. I mean, hip-hip-hip-hip-hip, what was it? Yeah. Yeah. I have a lot of good ones tonight. Yeah.

Oh, that reminds me. When I was in the basement, I found some magic paint and I made a car-foon. He's doing that voice that makes us sound interesting again. And this is really, I found some magic paint and I used a paint brush. How do you know it's magic? Because it's said on the side of it, magic paint. And they legally can't do that. And it sits magic paint. He used a paint brush and I painted a facsimile of blemish as much as I could remember what he looked like Summoning up whatever artistic skill I have and I made a carfoon of blemish

Which is a painting that comes to life if you remember an episode from a long time ago Arnie Arnie Arnie Arnie That's that's a very good question. Huh. And you're leaning on some of your best skills, your artistic skills, and your iron-clad memory. That's true. Let me look at this email.

I don't know. Thank you for all you do. We make my work today so much better. I thought there was a reason in this, but there isn't. You know, I think I did it to hide the fact that Blumish is dead, which I think is important. Honey, I have to reveal this was my curse. I put out my cold hand and I led you across that busy street to that answer.

The busy street of that explanation? These are heavy metaphors! Absolutely, that's the scariest part. Sure, Susser. But... Oh man. Well guys, look, under the sheet, it's a carfoon of blemish. But...

Gormish retorns. Gormish retorns. Look, he's turning blue Ornor It's our new place These things only live a few days, right? Charnor. I mean, I think that you live about three weeks? Charnor! I mean this one's just gonna die. I don't think. I realize I didn't paint all the things it needs to live. Charnor! I'm so sorry. One of us could maybe curse it to see if it would give it a

shorter life. Yeah I think that might be a good idea. Let me give... Larmish a horse milk. Larmish? Urr. Horse milk you, Danny. Ooh, look at him sway. Oh, he's trying to... Rrrr. Rrrr.

Rrrr. Rrrr. Rrrr. Rrrr. Rrrr. See, he knows it. Rrrr. Rrrr.

Look, just like the regular blemish, I painted him to have the heart of a shoman. Still on fire. You are still on fire! Doris the Mummy was played by special guest Lisa Burton. She performs with Devil's daughter every Tuesday night and the musical Armando every Friday night at Chicago's Iow Theater. Eugenia The Mummy was played by special guest Mary Beth Smith. Mary Beth Smith is part of the comedy collective The Nerdologues.

Check out their album Endless School Year on Spotify. Also check out the podcast Batman at Bat. A serialized radio play of a baseball game between Batman and all the villains in Arkham Asylum, where Mary Beth is the play-by-play announcer. The short-lived Carfoon of Blumish was played by Martin Wilson. Oh, the mysterious man is back in the intern lounge, but he wanted to mention that he found Martin's performance to be... how did he phrase it? DUMM. Right.

Hello from the Magic Tavenors produced by Arne Neekamp, Evinjikovar, and Ryan D. George E. This one edited by Chris Rathion, music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBon, additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistance by Garrett Schultz. Just a quick heads up, the audio version of that live Magic Tavern show from London is now up, and it's exclusively available on Stitcher Premium. It's a very fun show. We had live guests like Tom Bell from Project Greenlight and Nightmare Live, Carrie Adloid from the podcast,

Grevecast, and Paul Foxcroft from the upcoming podcast Questing Time. They're all very, very funny. They all have charming British accents, and there's at least one very unexpected revelation about Shun's anatomy. So get it for the Canon alone. Again, that live show is available only on Stitcher Premium,

along with a lot of other shows from the London Podcast Festival this year, like a panel, Characters of Year Wolf hosted by Mark McConville, where Arnie Madden Addle talked about behind the scenes magic to Averand stuff. There's also the live I was there to beautiful stories from anonymous people, and more, with more of the live shows like Throwing Shade and Super Ego coming up in the months ahead. Go to Stitcher Premium.com and use promo code London to get a free month of Stitcher Premium. While you're there, catch up on Seasons 1 and 2 of Offices and Bosses. That Stitcher Premium.com offer code London to get a free month of Stitcher Premium. While you're there, catch up on seasons one and two of Ophses and Bosses.

That's Stitcher Premium dot com offer code London. Oh, and here's a very quick clip from that live show to entice you. Susan, Uncle Susan, that's a terrible front, but he was smashed in the face with an axe, so... Yeah. I know, it happened to so common, isn't it? I've often said both to the Kings and the Northwest and the Kings and the Northeast. Where I'm from?

Yes. I've said that both should have some sort of public announcement where they decry. How many people are smashed in the faces with axes? Yes. It's a true public minute. It is, but Uncle Susan has made a career out of it. So she goes around towns and says, like, lifts up her face, his face.

And then she gets pennies for it. So in a way, it's worked out quite positively for Uncle Susan. Oh, well, I suppose if you have churned it around, I made it negative into a positive that's good. But there are so many people just smashed in the faces with axes that I worry that not all of them are able to turn it into a money-making venture. No, it's true. It's true.

I won't lie, I've done some of the stats on this, and a lot of them just die. Mm. Oh. I'd listen to more. Until then, visit us at a low from the Magic Tavern.com or on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks for the Chicago podcast, coop and thanks to your help.