Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 89 - Book Club: Pride & Prejudice

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

A wizard, a warrior, a badger, a flower, and a make-up artist try to understand the Earth book ‘Pride and Prejudice’. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungKrom the Fingarian: Mark LogsdonFlower: Brooke BreitGerm Crust: Mary TildenMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth, you are about to listen to an improv comedy podcast set in a magical world. Except of course, we know none of it is real and there are no such things as alternate dimensions. Take it from me, a mysterious authoritative voice. Now that this introduction has been properly encumbered, I'll patch through this obviously fake transmission. Swing open the oak door, lean closer in the flickering glow of torchlight, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical end of the phone! Grigal? John, why are you interrupting my intro? Because we're going to talk about private and prejudice we should put on Ares. Is an Ares someone who inherits something or something you put on? You know what?

I gotta be honest. It's an expression that I've heard my entire life, but I guess I never really thought about it. I'm like you're gonna fuck up. Ares? Put on Ares? Um. Two Ares is too human

two airs We don't need to go down this road again. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, we started I just I thought to add a little bit of class to it. No, no, John I get that I appreciate that you seem to be really into the book So you want to like class it up from the beginning? I guess all right. Yeah, I will try to Sophisticate it up for our book club and when you introduce me call me Mr. Chuck. Mr. Chuck. Okay. All right. Hello From the Magic Tavern A weekly podcast from the magical land of phone. I'm your host Arnie Neckamp if Mr. Neckamp

Yes, Mr. Chuck. I'm your host, Mr. Neckamp. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm your host, Mr. Neckamp If you've ever listened to podcasts before this is everything you need to know. About three and three quarters years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King, which is a... Mr. King? Behind a Mr. King into the magical, fantastical land of food. Thankfully, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff, and I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern,

Mr. Minotaur in the town of Hogsface, in the land of Foon, and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, my buddies, and today, the co-members of our book club, Mr. Chump, the Talking Badger. Mr. Chump, what's up with that? How, how, does the day please you, Mr. Chunk, the talking badger. Mr. Chunk's up with that. How, how does the day please you, Mr. Chunk? It, it, Doth.

It Doth. It Doth please me. All right, great. How Doth the day please you. And for new listeners, we don't normally. Oh, this, we're just, we're just liars. We're just liars. We're class workers.

Yeah. We're just like working people, although we actually, we, if you listen to the podcast, you know, we almost never do any kind of work But still like we're like like workers. Yeah, like lazy Yeah, but oh our other co-host does kind of talk like this all the time Mr. Yusador the wizard. Should I just call you Mr. Wizard? Oh, I would love that Would you call me Mr. Wizard from now? Look, he's got a little tornado How Mr. Wizard, how'd you do that?

Just with magic. Of course, I did that with magic. For I am Yusudor, Wizard of the 12th Real, Mothafizius Master of Light and Shadow, Minibulator of Magical Lights, the Valor of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trockus, the Idols Namiya's Fying Yalak,

the Dwarves Namiya's Zurdin and Hugs, Tangies, and I am known in the North East as guessasmunius Mastar, and of course, I am known to the squirrel people of Dagalum as Mr. Ferris. Oh, Mr. Ferris. Yes. If I did not know better, I would have assumed that a spaghetti was somewhere in your name. No, Mr. Neacamp, you are incorrect to say such a thing.

When you interrupt my name with your bastardizations of my name, I become quite vexed. Mr. Wizard, to use such a word in my presence, does grieve me terribly. Bastardization? No. Pigeon. Wait, who said spaghetti? Who said Camson? Mr. Mecam.

I think you're mistaken. I'm unable to disemble how much it upsets me. Guys, can we take a quick time out from being all fancy? I'm just, did you guys like the book? Did you have a hard time following it because you know it's an earth book and you guys don't know that much about earth stuff. Here's what, having read, what was the first book we read? The Great Gatsby. Having read the Great Gatsby and now this, I've realized a lot about Earth which is,

if you're rich, you can be fucking terrible. Yeah, and you get whatever you want. That's kind of the secret message of a lot of Earth literature. I have one major complaint. Mm-hmm. I didn't find one single spell in this entire book. There's no magic spell. And why the hell am I reading it?

To understand more about the human condition. Well, I'm going to try to read some of these words aloud and see if they do anything. They become spells. I will say, while he's going to read some of the spells, I will say, I was pleased as a shapeshifter that there was four daughters in a kitty. And who is there, whatever might be their former conduct?

It's more of a sentence than a word. I like it. It's very frustrating. I'm using my spell cadence and everything. I know. I was gonna say I like how it's almost. You read it in such a way as if you're like leaning into the wind as if you expect. Yes, Mr. Wizard, you're all pent up with your energy.

You need to let it go, let it flow through you. Well, look, I just spin my finger over my tank of water, and I make a little tornado, and I read this whole damn book, and I'll have a single thing happens that's magical. But you learned a lot about the social mores of the time. Well, that's very true. I did learn a lot and I was very Impressed by Lizzie. I thought she was a wonderful Lead character and I enjoyed her quite a bit. I liked that she took no guff I was impressed that nobody killed Mary

She sucked now sometimes not everyone is the best singer and that's their fault Well, if you're a devil singer and you know it and you still proceed to torment, I'm sorry, and you still proceed to torment the room, then you should be putting a second round. It's not what happened in food like if, well, he's a badger. You're talking badger culture. Yeah, it's badger culture. If you're bad at something and you still do it in a way that is like you're you're showing off. I see. Put you in a bag and drive. So of your whole litter of badger babies, like, if one of them is untounded, it's something part of the arts, you just like drown them. No, no, no. Only if it knows that it's bad and then still proceeds to do it in front of a large group of people.

Oh, I see. Should we introduce some of the some more members of the of the book club? Yeah, you know what guys, I'm so excited. I sent a book all the way up to Fingeria and I'm so excited to be joined by our old friend Crom the Fingeria. Oh, sorry. Who? Crom sorry who mr. King Crom You shouldn't be mr. King or you could call me mr. The Fingeria Mr. The Fingeria your majesty your majesty mr. Fing mr. The Fingarian. Mr. The Fingarian. Your Majesty. Your Majesty, Mr. Fingarian. Hey guys, how's it going? Before we get started, I just wanted to show you.

You've probably been wondering what's in this bag. I brought my own personal batteries. Not a drown badger. These are butternut crumbles. Oh, did you say crumbles? Yes, butternut crumbles. I'm so excited. You're just a big giant warrior And I was worried that in that bag was gonna be like heads of people you'd decapitated. Oh, I do use this as my head bag as well, but there's no heads in it so I just you can taste the life you can taste the left overhead though

Yeah, salty and instead is delicious. I'm glad you picked up on that. Hmm. Would anyone else like a cream filled pastry? I call them goat horns. Isn't that cute? Arnie made fun of them so I can't have what so crumb how has it been being the warrior king of Fingeria? You know, I thought there would be a lot more responsibility, but I've pretty bored all the time So mostly posing nude on thrones. Well privately responsibility, but I'm pretty bored all the time, so... Mostly posing nude on thrones? Well, privately. Also, you're covered in blood right now.

Yes. I got in a bit of an argument with a flock of birds. Oh, dear. Oh, no, no, Bob. Yes. What did you say to those birds? I said, excuse me, I'm trying to walk to this tavern, but they were all shuffling around on the ground, not getting out of my way. And, uh... Right, said birds.

Excuse me, uh, said, uh, second time, they were just moving around on the ground. Gonna walk right around them. And then everything went red. And, uh, then I'm here. Where's their blood or with rage? I think it was one of my rage episodes. Arnie, you got a stomp pretty hard on a bird to get blood

up by your neck. Where's that sound? No, also. That's a lot of blood. So that's a lot of birds. We're also assuming this is all the bird blood and that means it's brought. It's star.

Oh, I thought you were suggesting it started with birds, but in that berserker rage, you could have killed any number of other things. Another possibility is most certainly. Part of this is probably day's old blood as well. Oh, I see. You know, it did all mixes. Yeah, sure.

What's the last time you took a bath? Uh, in water? Hey, I'm gonna change the subject, expertly. Crom, I'm doing a good job announcing it. Doing the book club, I have to say when I sent you the book, I realized after I sent it, I didn't know if you could read or not. I had one of my servants read it aloud to me. Oh, that's very nice. I can read and write, but it's in my own language of small drawings.

Oh. This crime is red to us from his dream job. Oh, that's right. But that was not written language. It's just small tiny pictures that remind me of the thoughts I had when I wrote them down. Would you read a little section of your dream journal for us tonight? Uh, sure. Yeah, uh, okay.

That's a well-kept tiny book small little bird river waves two trees and Running man So have you chained have you shifted your attention away from bears and onto birds? I don't want to get into this topic again, but let's just say bears are still in the picture. Oh, I see. I'm fine. Well, I'm excited to talk about Pride and Prejudice with you and I'm excited that you

experienced the book in the way that I imagine Jane Austen intended by having a servant read to you. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed it and actually, uh, Mr. Wizard, I thought there was a spell in the book. What? Where? Uh, Mr. Bennett's house is a, an entailment spell. Isn't it have a, uh, must have a tale? There was a tale put on Mr. Bennett? Uh, I think that's a law not a spell.

Well, while we have two more ears here right now or former ears I guess do you know what to put on airs means uh Is that just another way of saying to tut? Oh? I see Vingeria It's very complimentary if after a meal to let out a long To put on airs. To put it out airs.

To put it out airs. I guess to put, yeah, to put out airs. Or, miss Bennett's lovely face confirmed his views. Nothing. Oh, and, oh, our next book club attendee is here. A flower, the talking flower. Yeah, it's super cool to sit here and listen to you guys fuck around for a while.

You know, especially to talk about what we're gonna talk about in front of us We're just in your bunch of assholes. Also, I'll let's say I was there watching Chrome beat the shit out of those Birds and part of the reason that he's covering so much blood that he made that I realized is he was picking up other people To kill the birds He was picking up other people to kill the birds. He was picking up the tool. Smashin' if I sit in their straight-up eating popcorn, livin' my fuckin' life, love it, every fuckin' minute of it.

Miss Flower, such a mouth on you. Well, they're old friends, so she can say that. Yeah, me and Cromwell threw him shit. We stockorn to rage management classes together, but, you know. Yeah, I've been meaning to get back if you're ever interested in trying to like quit the rage again. No, I'm not. I'm gonna, I'm feeding into the rage. And part of this book, it raised me so much with the entailment. It's about dudes. It's fucked the ladies. It's like, get a guy in here to handle it.

That is messed up. That is messed up. I don't like it one bit. Nope. Yeah, I guess we should maybe jump a little bit into the plot of Pride and Prejudice. It's about the Bennett family. But before we do that, we have one more guest. Oh, who else? I thought I invited a little of course a Miss Krust joined us this evening. Oh. Hello. Hello. Hello. Girm, I'm sorry, hello, Miss Krust.

You're the only lady Krust. Oh, lady Krust. That is also a new line of my makeup. Oh, that's right, you're a makeup artist. You're a makeup artist. It's for younger lady. Oh, such a catchy name. Yeah.

What woman wouldn't want to wake up with a little bit of lady Krust? That is our slogan, shh. Oh, and congratulations on the nuptials. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, I don't know if you got my invitation, but oh, good, good, good.

And you have a plus one, so. I'm so tickled. Cromon flower. Sorry, Mr. Duffingerian and Miss Flower. Okay. You're also invited to the lake. I'm so cold. Cromon flower, sorry, Mr. Duffingerian and Miss Flower. Wow. Okay. Yeah. You're also invited to the lake.

I don't know. I didn't know where to send your invitations, but you're also invited. Oh. Okay, great. But you don't get plus ones. Now, I will be officiating the wedding, of course. But I hope Miss Crust that you will... Lady Crust.

Lady Crust used to do it. Pardon me. Pardon my impertinence. I really got off on the run for the party. I know, Lady Crust, that you will dain to save one dance for me. Oh, I'll save two. Oh, wonderful, yes.

That's important. In the book. Very good. No, this is great. Hey, why doesn't everybody maybe pour themselves some drinks drinks maybe grab a little plate of appetizers and we can start really digging into the book. You said, could I could I talk to you for just one second before we really dig into Pride and Prejudice? Sure of course. Sure.

You said, or you want to step over here? Yeah let's step over here but bring your microphone with you. You said, or why did you invite Gurm Hold on, I have to get my mic. You said, I told you to bring your microphone with you. I forgot the first. Why did you invite Girm to the book club? I mean, I think she's great, but I feel like you had an ulterior motive. Wow, wow, how dare you. You said, or you know very well that when we looked into that alternative, what if timeline

that you fell in love with Girm crossed? The alternate version of me fell in love with her and I couldn't help but feeling what he felt yes to a certain degree, but I've been with my feelings I've been convicted. So I wanted to see her again and see if there was any spark there. But you said she doesn't know any of the things that happened to that timeline. That Girm that you fell in love with isn't this germ. You're right, of course, I... Well, well, I still respect her and care for her great deal, and I think we should all have a pleasant evening together, if we choose to do so. If we are kind to

one another and listen to what each other have to say, and perhaps we'll even play a game of cards later on in the parlor. Don't be a Jane. Don't be a Mary. Oh god damn it. Did someone say Mary? Did someone say Mary? No, no, there's something about Mary. We should not marry.

I'm within. Alright, okay, guys, thank you so much for coming to the book club. Hmm. I guess, should we, I mean, I guess maybe we should talk very briefly about like what the plot is There's not a whole lot going on in this story I don't say before we start that when I got my copy it was a little more stop and mine said ride and register I thought it was gonna be a lot sexier than what it was. Oh You know not a lot of sex in this book. Nope, nothing. I was thinking the exact same thing.

I really did think there was going to be more sex. Yeah, I guess are the books in fun? Do they have a lot more sex in them? Yeah. Yes. Even the kids books. Even the spell books. The spell books.

They're mostly cooked, illustrated as well. Oh, really? A lot of cookedbooks have sex. Surprisingly, the only thing it does is our arodica, arodica is very banal. Oh, yeah. True. It's the deprivation that really tends people on.

Well, some people are just into banal set. Mm-hmm. Take two. Thought I would have good for an onset. Make it work. Couldn't do it, but you know what? Got it easy to cut ease into banal sex. Yeah Arnie is everyone on earth in a mad scramble to get married is that

Commonplace. I mean First of all, you have to remember that this book was written in a different time in my way what yeah like Like there's no time travel on earth like three four instead of four four exactly like a stanza speaking of there was a phrase in the book that I found very curious because they use the term fortnight a lot yeah but here in fune fortnight is a game oh where people And fortnight is a game. Oh. Where people go into the woods and sit in a fort for one night. Well.

And it's very popular among adults in food. Oh really? So every time they reference that in the book, I was very confused. And finally I realized it was a measure of time. Oh yeah, yeah, that's true. Well different things mean different things. I always lose in fortnight. I never make it the whole night. You don't make it the whole night. I always end up leaving the fort. You forget your plane and like the middle of it? Yeah, I wonder what am I doing here? Wander off, then realize, oh. And then I lost by the time I've, yeah, got back to

town, I've lost the game. Yeah, and you're like, I didn't save my game. I don't remember where my fort is. Now, honey, I have to take some umbrage at what you have said for there's quite a bit of story happening here. Why there's a family in danger of losing their home for no other reason. Then as flower mentioned that they are women, it is despicable and really foul. Yet, while this is happening, there's also many different love stories happening, and what's more wonderful than a love story, and two people who, at the beginning of the book, barely even notice each other, and one who's actually quite distain beginning of the book barely even noticed each other and one who's actually quite distainful of the other who's fall rather deeply in love. Isn't that a nice

story? Isn't that a nice story Lady Cross? Oh, well, I do identify with things changing in love, temperatures rising. Yes, of course. I didn't quite understand why everyone was placing so much value on beauty. Because, as you know, I believe beauty is malleable. Mm-hmm. You can make yourself look as beauty as you wish at any moment. Just put on some ladycrust and you're a whole new woman. Exactly. This is, I believe, an earth thing, and I'll conclare by this,

but people like Arnold have trouble finding love because they don't take care of themselves Where is if they spend a lot of time being particularly attractive? It's easy on them. Is that right? Well, first of all, I take care of myself, you know I you know sometimes I call my hair and I wear shirts that are loose on you just hide that I'm a little bit overweight Sorry, sorry, I need to move away. Just aren't you just put out airs? Well, sorry, you like the better nut crumbles. I do I do you barely taste the head I like to have really like how the word handsome is thrown around a lot Ladies be handsome

And now one part though where Darcy says not to dance with Lizzy because she's not his hand so because he thought she she might be that first time I was like that dude is bold yeah was he nicking her I was a straight-up nigg are you think she tells about nicking? Yes, because you know me, I am really into the art of wooing women. You know, I don't know if Mr. Darcy was Negan her by intentionally being insulting to make her more interested in him. I think Mr. Darcy is just generally kind of like not a wildly personable guy.

I think he's just very set in his ways and he's quick to just not like people and he doesn't really care what they think of him. I get that. Yeah, Flower, you're kind of a total Mr. Darcy. Yes, straight up. Like if Flower, if you were like incredibly rich, you would be Mr. Darcy, but you are lacking one key element.

You are not in the same way for rich. Yeah, huh? Yes, exactly that Yes, Darcy is a complicated character in my mind for Ultimately he seems to be a good person Certainly come and compare to Mr. Wickham. He is a far superior, but oh Mr. Wickham, Mr. Wickham. He's a real Mary Mr. Wicca. Oh Mr. Wicca, he's a real Mary. But at the beginning he is so rude to people and so he finds himself, uh, it's just

think he's better than everyone and I can't stand that sort of thing. For as a wizard, one of the greatest wizards has ever walked through the land of Foon. Why to raise yourself up and to speak of yourself in such a grandiose way? Well, I find it disgusting. And I say that as one of the wizards of the 12th realm of Ephesius. Well, Yusudor, you know, Mr. Darcy is a very dynamic character. He's the pride of the pride and prejudice. Like, he's very proud and set in his ways. And Elizabeth, Elizabeth Bennett, who becomes his love interest,

or actually he becomes her love interest, is very prejudiced against him from the beginning. And this is the story of a woman realizing she shouldn't be prejudiced against Rich Whiteman. Oh my God, now that you said all that, it makes so much sense that's so sensible. Now I get the title. Is that a continuing problem on your world where rich white men are having trouble finding, you know, a fair shake?

More and more. Alright, now I also want to take Umbridge with a certain page of my book here. Oh, will you turn to page 65 of my copy and explain what you find there? Is this a magic trick? Oh, I hope you drew a deck. I hope you did. 65. You turn to page 65 of my copy and explain what you find there. Is this a magic trick? Oh, I hope you drew a deck. I hope you did. 65. What? You said, you just wrote snub nose motorboats.

I want to know what that means. I've never got a good explanation. I still want to know. Call back. Look, you said, or when we read the great Gatsby, I know you just really latched onto the phrase snub nose motorboats. Put this on like the first 20 pages and then I couldn't get past it. What the hell is a snub nose motor boat? Look, you said you don't need to know what a snub nose motor boat is really

to appreciate the great Gatsby and you definitely don't for pride and prejudice. This book, this story happens a long time before the great Gatsby. There are no snub nose motor boats. This is before the industrial revolution. They didn't make machines like that. There are no snub-nose motorbots. This is before the industrial revolution. They didn't make machines like that. There are no machines. Which brings me to what I want to talk about,

Mr. Nees Camp, Mr. Wizard, which is something that we've all been scurting around, the zombies. What's this? The zombies that appear. The zombies that... Oh, that was my favorite part. Did no one else read Pride and Prejudice in Zombies?

Yes! That was the book, right? Yes! This is...sorry, Ms. Gurmradis. Lady Cross. Lady Cross. Mine just is Pride and Prejudice. Why does mine say Pride and Prejudice in Zombies?

And zombies. Oh, no. Mister Chun. What? Where did you get your copy, Chun? Uh, I just found it. What did you get yours? Oh, I got it. I just had a second hand store.

Oh, I think you bought my copy. I read mine and then sold it. Oh, so I'm holding your copy. Oh. Oh, what a connection we're making. Well, there's quite a connection if I, but we're getting married. What?

What? If there are another field, is that mean hell? That's a good question. I had the same question. Thank you, everybody. Is that mean hell right now? What is this book, fucking about? Yes, there's another field hell.

But no, it's just a part of it. It's everybody's very aspect of hell. It's the field. Yeah. Everybody's very judgey in this book. Like every single person is judgey and everything. Yeah, but guys, yes, everyone in this book is judging everyone else. And the author on top of that is totally judging almost everyone in the book.

But that's not a negative, that's a positive. Guys, don't we like that? No, I feel like. Don't I like super judgy, caddy, ironic people? No, I feel like you are being a Jane. Oh, you weren't. Well, hold on, I am not being a Jane. Jane is probably the most boring of the Bennett sisters.

If you ask me, she's very nice and she's always trying to, she's always trying to figure out like the good and everybody and bending over backwards to be nice. But Elizabeth, the heroine, the protagonist of the book, like she's like ironic and smart, and she sees all the shit that other people are up to. But no one, oh, go ahead. No one does anything about it. these, all the shit that other people are up to. But no one, oh, go ahead. No one does anything about, they're just right or letter. No one's taking any actions in this book, whatever they're upset.

Oh, Mr. Wickham and Kitty are looping. Oh, what are we gonna do? Find where he is and cut him in half. Yes, why don't the Bennets get their swords and their shields and go to London and kill Mr. Wickham. I mean, that happened in my version, but it was replaced Mr. Wickham with zombies. Oh. Can I say, Mr. Wickham was replaced with zombies? Yeah, I mean, a lot of characters were.

That might be in your head. In your head. Oh. Maybe you want some cranberry sauce. But my favorite character is probably the largest character, which was Pemberley. Back I had it all. No, that's in a state. That's what I'm saying.

That's Mr. Darcy's house. They name houses and the states, right? Pemberley Manor? Right? Why would you name a house? Here's what they say about Pemberley. Large, handsome, standing well on rising ground, backed by a ridge of high woody hills,

and in front was a swell. Oh, that sounds like the description of my father. Oh, no. Oh, no. You lost me at this swell. You lost me at this swell. And then it also says, uh, Torziannis says, she felt that to be mistress of Pemberley might be something. If you're going to be mistress of Pemberley,

that means you're going to sleep with Pemberley. Oh, she married Darcy and already planned to be the mistress of Pemberley. Wow. Now, who do you think after the book is over? Started to have the most sex. Do you think it was Caroline? I think Lydia. Lydia is the one we care about.

Very young. She. What a holly's Caroline. Lydia's too young. Just wait. Wait, at least a few years. Mm-hmm. Just raise some cookbooks to you.

To you, ready, Lydia. Caroline, your dog. I think this is a useful exercise. Let's maybe go through and quickly establish what all the characters are and then talk about how much sex we think they had by the book. Okay. That's right.

Glory, that I guess. Mr. Bingley, Mr. Bronley. I think Mr. Bing Bronley, I think he is probably having so much sex, right? He's a special kind of like cheery but stupid that probably has a lot of sex. He's a fuck boy, right? Yeah, he's very rich. He goes and leaves when he wants and baffles the benefits. They're like, oh, you took all of them. He's a simple but kind rich man who marries the simple but kind Bennett sister James. Simple as a bit diminutive.

They're not ignorant people. They may be kinder and less have less guile than some of the other characters, but I think it's a bit rude to refute them as simple. I agree, you said all. Oh, thank you, Lady Frost. Look, I wouldn't say to their face that they're simple. I mean, they're clearly very, very kind, upstanding characters.

Some of the kindest characters in the book, but they're also kind of boring and dumb, and they let people probably let people take advantage of these are the things I would say about them behind their back But but they are not victim to the pride and the prejudice this so plagued the other two and caused them so much on taking pain Are they? Hmm now are they match boys? Yeah, they are only caused a suffer by the cruelty and prejudice of others They are only caused a suffer by the cruelty and prejudice of others.

But they're problems. But they let other people talk them into their problems and other people save them from their problems. Okay, that's fair. It's a fair point. They should have their own, uh, own, uh, motivations to push them forward without being quite so easily, uh, influenced by those around them, but this isn't their story, right? This isn't the story of fucking Jane and Bingbong over here. See other people. Yes, it's true And I think we can all agree that Jane and Bingley probably ended up having a lot of sex I came to a realization which is I think Mr. Collins mastermates the most.

I think Mr. Collins masterbates the most. If we're talking about sex as sex, but also I was like who masterbates the most, rather Mr. Collins. He also has a lot of personality. I agree with you. I think that Caroline is secretly in love with Jane. Jane is. is. Okay, well, let's talk about Mr. Collins and Caroline. Shit. Mr. Collins is the cousin of the Bennett family and due to all

kinds of weird, lawful mumbo jumbo, when Mr. Bennett dies, they know that the money in the family isn't going to any of the Bennett sisters, it is going to Mr. Collins, the cousin. Mr. Camp, what is a mumbo jumbo? Oh, jumbo! Oh, that did something. Oh, I got a flower. It's a Cajun dish. Put her down. There you go. Thank you. What's up? Oh, you gave it to... Oh, I thought you're going to give it to me. Oh, well, normally I would have laid across, but it's rude to give a flower to someone else in front of another flower.

Oh. Mr. Wizard. He's the flower of flower. Mr. Wizard? I suggest you write, Lady Cross a letter, post-paste. I think we can all agree to Collins is definitely jerking it, but not enjoying it. Oh, yeah, I didn't say he was enjoying it. I just said he masturbates the most.

Yeah. Chunch you've made a good point. I'm going to write a letter while everyone else does book club. No one has explained to me who the fuck Caroline is yet. Caroline is the neighbor of the Bennett. Oh. The family that they always after parties go and gossip with. Yep.

I thought that was Charlotte. Yes, Charlotte. That is Charlotte. That is Charlotte. Caroline. Caroline. Caroline. Caroline. Caroline is Mr. Bingley's zombie.

Wait, there's zombie sister. Oh, there's a sister. Oh, there's a sister. Like Lizzie. So Caroline is Miss Bingley. Is not Miss Bingley. Yes, Miss Bingley. Is not miss Bingley. Yes, miss Bingley.

And she doesn't like Lizzie, supposedly, because she's in love with Mr. Darcy. But I believe that she's in love with Jane. I think Caroline is in love with Jane and hates Elizabeth because she thinks that it'll be too obvious if she pretends to hate Jane too much. So Caroline is ultimately foiled and this is a lesbian love story. Ooh, hmmm, that's very likely. Yeah, I'm into that, but... Missed her to come. Missed her to come! I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. And to many people listening, tens of people listening to this podcast. But you know, here's the thing, I maybe you guys don't understand this. These characters in this book aren't real. They're not real people. Oh, I don't think that's true. Pemberley's real. Pemberley's a real man. Also a great name for a dog.

And why do they write a story about them? So that there are things we can find in the characters that identify with, that resonate with us in the way that we see other people in the ways that we see ourselves. Without a single spell. Yeah, well, weren't there any characters in the book that spoke to you? Were there any characters in the book that you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Oh, oh. No, I would have liked the book if I was one of the characters. You said you all think about it. What? Who might you be in the book?

You would or... I'd be in the book. Girm, why don't you take a walk around the room and talk about the book? You said you all. Ah, yes, they've been crossed. Oh, they just... Just their mics. Come with me.

Okay, yes, I will. Uh, tell me... What are you writing that letter? Oh, well, I became bored with the booklubs, so I decided to write you a letter. Oh, is it an apology for not giving me the flower? In fact, it is. I, but I didn't want to be rude to flower, and I found myself vexed for I would either have to be rude to you or rude to flower, and since flowers are far more likely to stab me in my sleep, Oh, so it was out of fear that you behaved? Well, a sense of self-preservation, I would say, yes.

Oh, well. I don't know if that seems honorable to me, you said all. Oh, well, what do you say to this? I'm about to jump. Ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, uh, what do you say to this? I'm bow-jumper. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- Born into this world, become a champion. By the birds in the rain, and a fire that did declare that there must be a entity that would protect all the people of Thune.

But, er, that does not mean I do not have my own, Nackenations and hopes and dreams. Oh, oh, you do, yes. Well, I mean, over some day, I, er, perhaps I would even, er, become married. If I would find the right person I'm somewhat estranged from my former love I'm so sorry to you. Oh, no, no, no, it's just fine

It allows me an opportunity to explore and meet more people in the world. Oh, sorry. You have a little something on your We need more people in the world. Oh, sorry, you have a little something on your. Oh, sorry. Arnie, Arnie, it seems like Mr. Rude. Please, it's Mr. Nique. Mr. Nique, Mr. Nique. Yes, Mr. Nique. Mr. Wizard is really machinating on Lady Crust.

I know, but I don't think Lady Crust is really so much into you, Siddore. I think we should warn him away. Look, Mr. Chunt, you're a very good friend of Mr. Wizard. Right, yes, I am. He listens to what you have to say, and your opinions on things, I think you should talk him out of being in a relationship

with her, sort of like how Darcy talked Mr. Bingley out of being with Jane, because he was a lowly Benet. Yeah, well, because he thought you well, because the whole family was kind of beneath their station. Well, they're not really poor. What am I saying this different from what you're saying their station. Well, they're not really poor. What am I saying this different from when you're saying it? Well, no, they're not really poor so much as they're not like insanely rich.

You know, their backs returned. You can say whatever you want about Mr. Wizards and Ladycraft. What, fucking hate both of them. Flower. Yeah. What is going on right now? Oh, no, I'm just eating goat horns over here.

The ways looking at me, no one's paying attention to me. Now I was like, I'm on a eat. What's up with you, Mia? I'm pretty good. Honestly, I'm at like peak crop right now, I feel like. Yeah? Doing a lot of self-care. I've taken up a pelting.

Pelting things. Making animals into pelt. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, mr. The Fingarian yes singers a song what We're all having such a grand time and that maybe you might be one trick You try you go trying to get me to sing when I you know I can't see so that you can put me into a sack and drown me You've cut onto my machinations. But, but, Kram, wasn't one of the things you enjoyed about the book, wasn't it? Fun just to think about the parties where everyone just hung out for a long time and they had almost

nothing to amuse themselves with besides walking around, being bored, talking each other into singing and those rooms they'd go to draw in. Yeah. I really should sing. I'm sure you have such a beautiful singing voice. Please, Mr. the Fengarion. Order us with a song. Yeah.

I will fucking love it. Okay, I could sing a Fengarion folk song. If that would please you. It would. I'm a little bit of a cup. Look at me. He's gonna fuck up here. Tood. He's gonna fuck up here. Oh!

I fell. And I'm sad. I was surprised that you did it on Capella. I was expecting a tiny instrument to come out with that little book of yours. There's another version of the song where you can underscore it with a series of letting out we're putting on air. Ooh, wind instrument. Arnie, um, oh, sorry, Mr. Nickamp. Yes, Mr. Shunt. Would you mind if maybe we were one around the table, starting with you, and we all just

maybe disclose how much we stand to inherit per year. Oh, I guess I don't think I stand to inherit anything. I mean, not per year, certainly. I mean, on Earth, I worked. You know, I just have to work for a living, like a commoner. Yeah, I mean, that's true. Certainly not a laborer.

No, no, I mean, I worked the type of jobs that a lot of people would be like, that's not work. But you know what, it's very mentally taxing. And then did you have any properties that paid in allowance? Or you received? No, I mean, I guess I had properties that I paid in allowance, too.

Mm, yikes. Yeah, what do you need to hear that? Yeah, well, so you're a bit of a Bennett. I guess I am a bit of a Bennett. And what about you, Sean? How, what is your salary per year? Oh, 1200. 1200, what? What is your salary per year? 1200. 1200. What?

Spectrum important. Mr. Wizard? Well, I have the rental money coming in from my hat every month. Of course. There are two tiny voles living in there right now. Yeah, married. That's fine. Miss Flower? Yeah, I'm married. That's fine. Ms. Flow. Yeah, I just exchange mostly services for goods.

Just on a nearby need basis. What sort of services? I think you know where I'm from. What sort of goods? You know, it's a stay-to-day life stuff, Colorful. Carbon dioxide. Yeah, that kind of shit. Occasionally good, full body wine, but other than that, you know, just trying to

like get through it. I do stand to inherit the wind someday though. That's lucky. Yeah, it's gonna carry me away to my final resting place. Oh, I already tried to do that first time we met, but that wasn't my time. I know. I love it when we get together and reminisce about the time I try to kill you. Thank you, Rumi. Lady Crest. Oh yes, thank you for using the proper name. Well, you know, I do have several acquaintances, closer acquaintances that are ghosts and they have all scared their relatives into leaving me a little bit of money. So there's a little bit of money just in my drawer, in my top drawer, in my home and that's all from the ghosts. Oh, we got to know your ghosts pretty well. What Mr. Wizard means is we saw a different timeline.

Do you like to call it Boo Bucks? It's a fun name. Boo Bucks. Yeah, like, money from ghosts. Boo Bucks. Yes, what were you talking about? Where you saw my ghosts? Yep. What?

Hmm? Mr. the Fingarian? How much do you send to inherit? Okay, you got cash, Chrome? Well, I'll try to put this into the Earth terms I picked up in Pride and Prejudice. I only gained about 4 or 5 pounds a year, but Mr. Darcy gains 10,000 pounds per year. Is he a giant? Oh, I get it.

He must be bigger than Pemberley. He turns into Pemberley. Oh, he turns into Pemberley, that's it. That's what I want. I want a man with 100 rooms that you can live inside. So really, the story is not about a lesbian love affair. It is about a man who grows far beyond his means. And allows other men to live inside him.

Can't it be about both? No, no. No? Alright. No, we're missing the whole point. You know, one of the main things that we haven't talked about is the most important character in the book? Love. Elizabeth.

Oh, Bennett. Elizabeth is a wonderful character. So smart, so witty. I can't help but be enamored with the way she seems to have no fear in her life. Her verbal sparring with Darcy's aunt is something to behold. Yeah, and she does have everybody's number. She sort of sees what people are doing and understands the ways that they're sort of messing up

or being jerks. Yes, I appreciate that she made him propose twice. She's a woman trapped in a society where she has very few options and she just has to marry to survive. And yet she goes so far as to turn down two marriage proposals immediately, and only later, though, she doesn't actually do that, except marriage proposal, and then as the marriage is a really rich guy, but it's mistress too, Pimper.

Yeah, but she's still very, very strong. I do think that she was right to reject Mr. Darcy, because he was not very nice. No, he was not very nice at all. But I also think had she not met Darcy, she would have held out and found someone that she did care about, and perhaps she wouldn't be as well off as she happens to be with Mr. Darcy,

but I think she would have found the person that was right for her regardless. Well, she didn't like Mr. Darcy the man, but when you turn into the house, I think that's when her feelings changed. I was missing a partway turn into the house. So yes, I think you're right. When he got into 2000. 10,000. Mr. Darcy is a man who's not entirely nice and is kind of looks down on people. And so even though he's the richest man she's ever met, she turns down his proposal and is only later when she sees his house and really is able to imagine

what a life of being that rich and living in that house would be like. And then she starts to fall in love with Mr. Darcy. Can we all take a moment to close our eyes and just picture Mr. Darcy as a house? Just really imagine Mr. Darcy gaining 10,000 pounds per year, becoming a house. Of course he has to look down on people. He's multi-storyed house. It's gotta be stressful being a house.

It's like a skin house? That's what I call my flesh. You know, I had my eyes closed and I opened my eyes and everyone else's eyes was still open so I don't know if- Oh, close your eyes there. You want to know I was a figure of figures of blue. Oh, yeah, I'm not close in my eyes with this group. I was just picturing a house,

but now I can't stop picturing a skin house. Like if you think about it, it's like he's a house. It's not made of normal materials. It's like a skin house stretched over. Was that bones were you ranged? So, is there a campus at the working title for this book, Skinhouse? Is that what Jane Austen? Do we have any knowledge as to what she maybe called it with a skin house? You know, I actually... Actually, Skinhouse. You know, I actually think I heard somewhere that the original title was first impressions Hmm, I read a book called skin house rules There's only one

Is don't talk about the skin house That's the whole book. There's a book called skin house rules. You open it up. It just says don't talk about the skin house That's it. He talks about everything else. That's one rule. Yeah, that's it. Don't talk about skin house because everybody else. I'm inspired. I feel like when I fall in love, I'll refer to the person I'm in love with as my one true

skin house. Oh, that's very sweet. And I just like the point out that you also slipped in there that you're not currently in love with someone else. Oh, you are? You do have a date to chance wedding? Uh, Mr. Wizard, do you have a skin house? Uh, do you currently have someone that you, uh, is your little skin house?

I don't know that I do necessarily, huh? Uh, certainly, I wouldn't need to dispose it in such mixed company. I might not be appropriate for me to speak so out of turn. Sit all. Yes. You seem so nervous. Yes, I am supposed a little bit. Maybe it's the... the voles in my hat.

Oh, well... are you looking over here at me? Are you looking at Mr. the Fingarian? Uh, well, um, can I just say that, um, I'm just getting a little emotional because my wedding's coming up and I realized that, um, Tussador is my skin house. And after our, after our vows, um, he's going to be my skin home.

Oh, that's lovely. That is beautiful. It's up for the skin part. For the character, Mr. Collins, how many times a day do you think he paints the skin house? You know what I mean? Oh, he's putting down 14, 15 coats a day. He's checking out plum.

I also wanna say that part of the story was, you know, like you said, literally the title used to be First Impressions, which is you meet someone you get off on the wrong foot, but then over time you get to know them and love them and care about them. So as the wedding approaches aren't you? Mr. Nekamp, I do hope that if there's anyone that you've had a bad impression with, first or second or third, that maybe you give them a chance, maybe you push past your prejudice, and you get to know them better and get to know and love them. I just can't have figured you out. You are a

witty gentleman who sees things very clearly sometimes, but you're prejudiced like Lizzy. You're right, I mean, Lizzy is the smartest, most admirable character probably in Pride and Prejudice, and yet even she has the wrong idea about at least a couple characters along the way. She thinks Wickham's a great man, but he's a con artist. She thinks Darcy's a real dick, but he's rich. Well, he also offers to help her family out in a time of need. Yeah, that money comes in pretty handy. He also does prove that he can change.

And you know, I think back then or now or however, whenever this takes place, I'll just timeless under it're under a physical forwards or backwards. That's a good question. You said this was a long time ago in the past, like 15, 20 years? Look, I could say exactly the year or how many years back it was. It's, you know, it's a couple hundred years ago in the past. Almost the length of use it was entire life. Well, I will, I just, what I meant to point out

was that I feel like this story is about a main character, a young woman named Lizzie, who is very wonderful, and she sort of settles for someone who is willing to change, but doesn't start out very great. And what I love about Foon is that it's usually the opposite is true. There's a man who has a lot of power and is very mighty and will settle for someone like me. Just little old girl. You mean someone like you?

Wait, someone like you, you're, why would someone be settling for someone like you? Oh, I'm just runaway. But, but you're a lovely, a young lady, you're a new- Yes, she's a skin, house. You have your own red new of ghosts, and they give you money every day. And, you're impressed with your- Glad, baby. Your own line of cosmetics, I think you're a very commendable mate.

What, you said all? What's lovely of you. Mr. the Hungarian. What do you think? You have a lot of power and might. Who are you in love with? You're a dish. Oh, God, I...

I feel it. Well, I have crushing on someone right now. That's on. This is much, I'll say. Oh, well, well, well, well. Crushing on someone you said, right? Yes. Oh, good, good. I'm, uh, they're, they're in my prison of my castle. They're being crushed. See? I hate to say it, but that sounds like settling. But think about it, Chrom, like your powerful ruler in your corner of food, and just as Pride and Prejudice begins with the line, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man, you, Chrom, in possession of a good fortune,

must be in want of a wife. Oh, and it doesn't even specify what kind. Not even human. No. Could be zombie. Yeah. Hey, true. Krom, you're king of fingering, are you?

It's sort of your responsibility to marry and probably to marry well. That is, yes. That is my, uh, that is my burden right now because I can't seem to find anyone that I really vibe with. You wait until you find the right one. I know you don't settle, don't listen to these assholes trying to push you in a pick and somebody right now. You wait until you're ready. I'm now you went to you already I'm sorry this is I'm triggered yeah I'm just slower are you alright no I'm never flower have you have you been man or is you no I've been married turned down a lot of proposals so have you ever been to a wedding I propose. I'm so happy.

Have you ever been to a wedding? No, this is my first invitation. It was the haphazard one that happened at this book club. No, I, it was. Yeah, I'll check the mail. I mean, you're clearly getting some RSVP no. And you're starting to fill up the empty slots now. No, I mean no, you're fine.

It's fine, it's fine. It's what it is. That's a really good question. Um, have you sent back your, uh, uh, uh, RSVP? Well, I'm actually having trouble deciding between the meals because I know there is a lamb option. Yes. And there's also a Seaward option and the seaworm Sounds very good. Yes Seaworm. Oh my god. I was gonna say that's a typo

If there's a seaward option, that's a typo. Oh seaworm. Oh, which is a delicacy. Oh, yes Oh, I wish I had seaworm growing up Oh, if I had a sea, I would have been in this book. I don't like to eat seaworm, I don't like the way it smells. So you're trying to finish filling out your card? Yes, but the problem with seaworm at a wedding is if I eat seaworm, then I won't have any energy to dance because I'll be full of seaworms.

Well, so far you only have the two dances that I know of, with me, and I don't, is there someone else you might be dancing with? Oh, they answered you. Oh. Yeah, I'll dance with you too. Oh, I don't dance. Mr. Neckamp, I wanted to check in with with you You read the first sentence of the book, right? I have the my copy of the book here that I described from Lady crust mine goes like this. It is a truth universally acknowledged to the single man in possession of a good fortune

Must be in want of brains. Yeah, you got the you get the zombie version, I think. There's no zombies in your version. Not a one. No. Wait, so did Miss Austin, did she write two different books with similar titles? Oh, that's smart. Toys the Boo Bucks. Very true. Well, you know, this is one of the most popular books to ever be written on my world. So I guess a lot of people probably wrote versions of the book that are inspired by it. You can do that. Yeah, you can add zombies. You could add what else can you use?

Snow knows motorboats. Snow knows motorboats. Oh, yeah. So out there, there's the great zombie. Here I go. Wait a second. You said, are you writing? It is a truth universally acknowledged

that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a snub- No, sending letters, talking to your neighbors? I'm an entrepreneur. I don't have time. You're a modern woman in this old timey world. Lady Crust, I would be honored to be your plus-swadden to this wedding, and anything you ask of me, I most certainly shall provide. Okay, well you have to allow me to dance with Mr. Buffingarion. Of course.

And Flower doesn't dance. No, just to be clear, you're officiating the wedding, right? Yes. You're going to be there anyways? Yes. Oh, well then maybe I don't need to invite. Oh no no I didn't get an invitation. Wait I didn't get an invitation. No I didn't.

There will be an empty seat if you don't bring a date. Oh they didn't come along with me. Yeah I don't want to crush these dreams. I just needed to clear that up. Ladycrust you've made me the happiest wizard air to walk the land of food. I shall gladly be thine plus one. Which air? Whaaat? Oh oh. So your tornado started spinning. Land of food I shall gladly be thine plus what which air

So your tornado started spinning sorry about that. I just got so excited that everything just sort of bubbled up now Yes, yes, I will go with you Well, you have to tell me which dietary restriction you prefer. Oh I'm only or see when I'm at. I want the see where I'm trustworthy. We just talk real quick about Lydia and Wickham. Oh yeah. They are definitely having the most sex. Oh yeah.

Also like the most ill-advised situation and you just like wanna make it legit, but they shouldn't be together, right? But then like it's like it's more important that they'd be married in the eyes of everybody else What are they living together without being married? It was like the way they solved the problem was by getting married instead of like I said before cutting wick them in half To people is that how you solve problems on earth?

Did you just get married get married? Is that how you solve problems on Earth? Did you just get married? Get married. Is that solve anything? Nothing in short term. Look, you know what, I think one of the interesting things about Pride and Prejudice is that it's a portrait of the different reasons people get married and the different kind of marriages you can have. And Lizzie's pretty judgy of most of the other weddings,

but I guess if I think about it, most of the married people seem pretty happy in the book. I mean, all the rich ones. Yeah. All the rich couples are happy. Jane marries Bingley and they're pretty happy. And Charlotte, the neighbor, Mary's Collins, who just seems like a total doof.

They're not happy. But then when Lizzie goes and visits her, she's expecting Charlotte to be embarrassed and sad, but she's kind of okay. And then everyone scandalized that Lydia runs off and petulously with this man. She still seems pretty happy after she gets married, even though yes, her husband does extort the entire family for money. Right.

We haven't even considered the fact that there could be a reality outside of the characters in this book. Perhaps you don't have to be a Darcy, or a Bingley, or a Wickham. You could be a Flemingham. You could be a Fontina. I just made that up too. What if I hook up with a house? I could be a pemberly.

I've got to say, if I've ever known anyone that's capable of fucking a house, it's you. Which part would you... Uh, chimney. Oh! You knew I'm mean enough. I've played this party game. I've played this party game. Which part of a house would you fuck? Mr. the Hungarian, which part?

Uh, I gotta go trash can. I always say bathroom. Clean up is very easy afterwards. What did you say, Flour? I said bathroom grout. There's usually a lot of cock. I love talking about literature. I'm having trouble.

I think maybe it would be fun to ride the ceiling fan. I think I've ever seen the obvious one. Donob. What? I think the donut would fuck you. How's that an obvious one? It's donob. You mean the lock? The keyhole? No. The donut. The hard digs work differently. Are digs are shaped and work differently, my friends. This is what I might have to watch this. I'm not sure what part of a house I would fuck, but as a homeowner, I'm very worried about being fucked by having a basement. But that gets back to my earlier point. Why is everyone on Earth so obsessed with what other people are doing and how they're doing it?

Because that's what life is all about. Like, actually, I underline this in my book near the end, Mr. Bennett. Mr. Bennett said, for what do we live? What to make sport of our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn? That does something like something a white man would say. Wait, no, I'm sorry. For what do we live what to make sport for our neighbors

and laugh at them in our turn? Is that saying like you're laughing at other people or is it saying like you're the idiot and everybody's laughing at you? Both! It's just saying we look at other people and we laugh at them, but we also know at the same time that like we're giving them fodder to be amused about. The grass is always dumber on the other side. Exactly. So it's like everyone's like this at the end.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, I don't know that I do anything that people would laugh at. Oh, I think you're not. You said, or what are you for, but for other people to make sport of you? Wow, how dare you. I am one of the greatest champions ever to walk astray the land of food. And I shall not rest until evil is vanquished. I shall defeat the void and the dark lord with the help of Carnival Wilson and with Chant and with Arnie and with the Lady Crust and with the King of the Fingarians Crom and Yane

Flower will play some small pot in my quest to destroy evil. Oh, there he is. What? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You're facing us guys, you know, I feel like we're almost out of wine But I eat the last butternut crumble. Yeah, and I dropped the last goat horn. Yeah. Oh Sorry, but you know what I have to say I Really enjoyed the book Pride and Prejudice. I'd never read any Jane Austen before but I thought it was pretty good I thought it was fantastic and worlds better than the great catsby Well, I also like the great Gatsby, but I know I was pretty good. I thought it was fantastic, and worlds better than the Great Gatsby. Well, I also like the Great Gatsby, but I know I was probably the only one. I liked it very much.

I really think Lizzy is a wonderful lead character, and I appreciated how plucky she was, and smart, and tenacious, and I found myself for admiring her. And I just wish there were more spells and that this book explained what snub knows mutables were. And I'm just glad I know who Caroline is. That's genuinely all I need, you know. I really did appreciate that it points out that people are willing to change

and they will change. And also that you can fall in love because I haven't been really thinking too hard about falling in love. But tonight I'm thinking about falling in love. I appreciated that it had a happy ending for everyone. You can either marry your love, turn into a house, or neither of those things work out, you can always be the character that masterbates the most. Win, win, win. You know, I didn't even think about this, but kind of everybody turns out okay. More or

less. I mean, they don't necessarily end up in the happiest marriage, but even the total con artist ends up being married and having his debts paid off. Yeah, everyone makes that already except for Mary. Except for Mary. Yeah, and Kitty does some degree. Yeah. It's funny if everybody's getting married, but nobody's going Mary Mary. Yeah. No, Mary, Mary.

Do you think Mary introduces herself to people and says, hello, I'm Mary and people go, you're married and then she goes, no. Yeah. I suspect that does happen from time to time. I think if you have that many children, at some point you just have no choice but to be really explicit about which one you don't like. Well that's the moral of the story. If you have kids, let the one you love the least

now. Yeah. I miss phone. What's phone? Oh, I spent a week on Earth raising Anis child. Oh. I didn't know her real name, so we just decided to call her phone. Whoa.

I didn't know you could be a father. You said, or, this is a lot of information to just lay on her. You should write it in a letter. Appotted me, everyone. I'm going to be writing a letter. And don't forget to tell her about how you trained a bunch of medieval times nights in your backyard. Nothing's more fun than being at a party where everybody's writing letters. If you're a fan of supernatural detective podcasts, you may want to see if this week they're covering the ghost of Jane Austen hitting herself

on the head with a frying pan until she throws up. Moaning, Mr. Collins is not someone who jerks it. Usual The Wizard was shouted by Matt Young. Chunked the talking badger was argued by Adel Raffaie. Crom the Fingarian was played by special guest Mark Logsden. Mark performs in the fishbowl. Thursday nights at Chicago's annoyance theater. Flower, the talking flower was played by special guest Brooke Bright.

Jerm crust the makeup artist was played by special guest Mary Tilden. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekambe, Evan Jacoba and Ryan DeGeorgie. This one edited by Ryan DeGeorgie. Music by Andy Poland, logo by Allard LeBam. Additional audio effects by Jason Knox. Production assistance by Garrett Sch Laban. Alright, you made it all the way through our little pantomime. You've earned yourself an episode of Critical Role.