Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 91 - Mysterious Anonymous

Episode Date: January 14, 2019

This one involves a lot of eggs… oh, and Baron Ragoon. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBaron Ragoon: Chris RathjenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Ryan DiGiorgiTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey folks, Greg up here in the Space Bunker. I know, I know you're anxious to get to the show since we've been off so long for the Winter Solstice, but first I'm going to give you a little tip the next time you're not getting as much magic to have in your life as you would like. Yes, it's Stitcher Premium, and now enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host Arneanie Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know, about three and three quarters, I think, years ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind

a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, and the Townahogs face in the land of Foon. And I'm joined as always by my co-host, my good bud, my, uh, soon to have his Bachelor Party, buddy. Junk the talking badger. Come and get a biscuit.

Hey, how you doing bud? Are you getting excited excited? I'm getting I'm getting very excited and I'm getting I'm getting pumped literally You're literally getting pumped. Yeah, I've been working out. Oh, gotta get my wedding gotta get my wed bod my wedding body gotta get your wed bod get my get wed and You know just trying to let's try and look my best, you know, so I've been lifting eggs and Doing some curls where I curl up when I go to bed a little shoulder shruggies Scrunch up my face real tight and then spread it real wide. Scrunch up real tight. It's spread it real wide Yeah, you know just the just adorable work out of adorable exercises that help get me fit

And you know what we never really talked about this enough, but you being a badger, you're really doing stuff with eggs a lot of the time. We almost never mentioned it, but your old is always stealing eggs and he sucking them, sucking the yoke out. Yeah, if listeners go back and listen to any episode, it posited at any moment,

and I have on my person 7-14 eggs. Oh yeah. And if you sit in the seat after you, you're like, oh, five, there's a yolk. What? Hey, okay, everywhere. There's yolk everywhere. I hope that's yolk. No, that's yolk.

Okay. That's not. Right? Pre-com? What? Do you think it's pre-com? Why would I think it's pre- What were you insinuating?

It's yolk. I was just gonna go straight up come, but you had to make it weird and make a pre-com. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Why would I think it's, what were you insinuating? It's yo. I was just gonna go straight up, come. But you had to make it weird and make it pre-com. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut.

Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the cut. Oh, I can't pre-com before the table. You- you want an egg? Oh, I'd love an egg. Yeah. Uh, and we are all- we are also joined as always by my other co-host, Yusidor the Wizard. I am Yusidor, a wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow. Minipulator of magical delights, the valor of chaos, champion of the great holes of Trakis, the elves know me as fying yalak, the dwarves know me as zooming in who stingies, nothing to interject. And I am known in the North East as gasmwayneus mace star, and...

thrust, when I say, that I have secret names, that I, if they air, did even take shape in your mind and were not uttered aloud, they would most assuredly cause you to shrivel. Shrivel down to half of your normal size. Whatever size you are, you become decrepit and broken and dry, and soon you would collapse into nothing. You guys are getting post-com. Uh-huh. Is the male?

Here we have post-com. I mail here we have post-gun i don't think that's legal is there a return address? well i find that you have to send it somewhere so sometimes you just put it in you just put it in an ice alarm you mail it off to a friend you just put it in a nice love loop. Mm-hmm. You mail it off to a friend. Oh, you know every once in a while, I think.

You know what, I've known them so long. I've got to become better friends as a used-door enchanted, but you know what, no, don't want to become better friends. I don't need any post-com. That reminds me, have you been opening your mail on it? No, you won't open. I can't get it to open. I'm gonna stuck together. No, it's what

It's like this magazine you get stuck in the rain what what's going on? What's that sound oh Sad on my eggs. He's sad on some eggs John where are all these eggs coming from I steal them from little nests. Oh Isn't that like really demoralizing for the birds? I steal them from little nests. Oh. Isn't that like really demoralizing for the birds? I didn't say they were bird eggs. What kind of eggs are they?

Mm-hmm. Snake eggs. Oh, butterfly eggs. Bear eggs? Yeah, bear some bear eggs. Bear eggs? Bear's lay eggs? Yeah, of course. The biggest.

How else would bears be born? Yeah, but I thought they're born and you ever heard these Vaginally, what? This isn't this is we're trying to have a nice show here. We're just talking about post-copter about post-com in various if you gotta bring up vaginally. Yeah Talking about bear with gynos There's nothing wrong with talking about vaginas. Mm-hmm. Yeah bears. There's have to lay eggs But I shouldn't talk about vaginas. Mm-hmm. Yeah, bears have to lay eggs.

But I shouldn't talk about vaginal Lee. Yeah. You know vaginal Lee? Because that guy is a perv. Yeah. The rough part is when you listen to vaginal Lee's older stuff and you want to laugh at it, but you just eat everything you know now about him

actually makes it a little difficult. Yeah. Not good. Oh! The Baron! The Baron! Hello. Does the Baron layer eggs? If a Barrelays eggs, does the Baron layer eat? No, I'm a mammal.

But do you shit in the forest? Oh, when I'm lost, yes. Ah, mm-hmm. And is the poop Catholic? May I have a seat? Not on my eggs. Of course, though you are a bitter enemy. You loathed by us.

You're so polite, please have a seat. Thank you, Baron. I'm also bitter enemy.. You're so polite. Please have a seat. Thank you very much. I also bitter enemy. How are you doing? It's been a while. Oh, it has been a while, hasn't it? I believe when last I spoke to you all, you had been given instructions to get back into

this tavern. So well done. We're here. We're back in the tavern. We're back, baby. And have you by any chance found the weapon to destroy the void? Me. We got, um, I thought.

You sure has got this weird arm. Look. Oh, that's my wife's arm. That's his wife's arm. Hmm. That's gonna do something eventually, I bet. Pretty weird, huh? And it is a little disconcerting when I look at the arm, but you know, I had a duck's penis for a month.

So. That's right. Well, have you perhaps considered that the reason you have not found the weapon? Because you have been scheming against the Dark Lord? In violation of our truce? Oh, Chakuz. Most certainly not. That would have been a good idea.

We could have used a lot of this time. What if we could do this? This is a scheme against the Dark Lord. Motherfuck, it's no sense in pretending. I captured your spy. Our spy? Yes. Oh, good.

Yes. I had hoped that the... I should run a spy. Who's our spy? Did we send out a spy to combat one of their spies? We sent them might be trying to figure out who our spy is oh Whispering he can't hear us one more whispering is it like I know we sent the mole warriors to do something and I think like did we send Doble to do something? We send people off. I feel like by the end of the episode, we just said people play something.

We sent the doboys. I feel like we can't get that. Well, we sent them to Panera and they're just going to report back. All right, I think you sort of think you're right. We need to figure out from him who he found. Let him say it first. I will admit I was very pleased with the ruse, the layers of a deception and falsehood I

threw up around. My secret organization, mysterious anonymous. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh The higher we gasping, the stereous anonymous one of the bitters on the team for the-the-the-the-the-the-midden team. Oh, oh. You don't need to pretend that you haven't figured out that I was the individual behind mysterious anonymous. And I did suspect so, yay. Well, your spy was very good. She, uh, correctly discovered my, uh, my identity, hidden on our incorporation papers in the bowels of the Berzer's office at Inskur. And of course, Darby very quickly and competently got herself a

position at my branch office here in Hogsface, climbing up to become assistant to the manager. The manager, of course, being myself, the mysterious chairman of mysterious anonymous. But finally, when she struck, trying to take me down and before she could bring my secrets to you, I discovered her identity. The plucky Darby McDeer is no more. Oh, no. Guys Lucky Darby McDeer is no more. Oh. No. Guys. Who's Darby McDeer?

Darby McDeer. I'm more of a face guy. I don't remember names. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Darby McDeer, the young go-getter, uh, cleric who, you know, part human, part fawn, she- Yes, Derby McDeer. So you're gonna prove her self?

McDeer's gonna call her Mickey D's. Of course, Derby McDeer are agents, yes, who is up in your plans. Do you- wait, was she not one of yours? No, Derby was one of ours. Der- we'd always be like Derby's, she has the meat, and by me we mean our confidence. I don't think I've met a single go-getter since I've been in this world. How dare you. Wait, are you telling me this was an independent doogutter who tried to unravel the story of who

was mysterious anonymous? Damn it. With its dark tentacles in the town of Hogsface, she and she alone said, what's going on? I've got to get to the bottom of it, is that? Well, well, sure, but in our defense, I felt like we were never gonna get to that one anyway. In our defense, also, mysterious anonymous is so obviously a mysterious name that it didn't even see what they investigated. It's almost like you're begging for us to investigate like the wrong investigation. Yeah, and if we were gonna hire someone, we'd hire the witch, Brocka.

All right, do you know the Brocka witch? I do not know. She'll investigate Annie at the end. Well, you know what, all you will be quite frank. I was actually hoping to be investigated. One or two, after you successfully pulled myself in the dark Lord and freed yourselves. I wanted to see what you were capable of, so I set up an elaborate maze and you apparently didn't even decide to go

in the front. But we outsmarted you by doing nothing. Another win for Team Magic Tvern the tables have turned let me I mean hold off the ground The tables have turned I've never seen that side of the tavern before So So you guys have not been investigating me at all? No, no, no. I mean, we heard the stadium's almost done being built. Yeah.

Yes, thanks to the match and a, okay. All right. So, I mean, what have you been up to then? Because you haven't found the weapon. You didn't send Darby McDeer, by the way, she dead, thanks for your shirt. Oh, she dead? Yeah, I caught her, she was spying on me.

Oh, I should've told her to make my question. And the egg on my face. And the egg on your face, yeah. How dare you accuse us of doing nothing? Why, in but one week's time, we are having a bachelor party. Yeah, we're having a bachelor party and a bachelor party. In Arnie's in charge.

Is that right, Arnie? Oh, yeah. What do you got planned for my bachelor party? Oh, I've done almost as much as I've done to discover the secret of mysterious anonymous. And what do you have planned for my bachelor party? A little bit less. Well, all right.

Well, let me go ahead and while we're discussing this, toss out there if you have anything that needs to be done with the wedding, you do have the resources of the orcs that we left you here in Augspace. How many are they roaring orcs? But I passed quite a few on my way in and they are not roaring at all. They are terribly neglected. You guys, you have to run them. That's right, we're supposed to find jobs for all the works in town.

I saw like, first of all, they have put on a lot of weight. One of them, hey, whoa, that happened. Art is lead. That happens. You get a little older as an orc. But like, they are really low on pep. You, they need jobs, everyone. If you could find the jobs for them in this place.

I got it. And now, now I take issue with this for every morning. I wake at the crack of dawn. I go to where the orcs stand around in the middle of town, and I try to teach them to read. And, and how's that going? It's not going great. But I think in time, they shall learn the alphabet, and then soon we shall be on towards.

Yeah, oh, so you're trying to get more readers. Yes, exactly. And what were your plans once the Orcs knew how to read? Once they can read, they shall be engaged in... Book clubs? What? They shall be engaged in... Book clubs? What? They shall be engaged in book clubs? Well, yes, they could, but they'll care about the world more and they'll take it, they'll

read things that great thinkers have written and say, no, I don't care for what the Dark Lord is doing for there. That is evil, the thing that they've decided to do and I shall learn about the world I live and care about it. Maybe I'll make a little something and bring it to a book club. Why are you talking about, boy? I think I'm talking about the press. You're talking about the book club.

I think the barons upset with you and ask them to the book club. Oh. Because, um, because I know there are a lot of creatures that are already know how to read and film. You know, the, the natural readers, the nobility. I mean, I don't know whether you guys are aware of it, but I can read. I am a literate person. You're a literate person and you still follow the dark lord.

Not only do I read, I read before it was cool. I know now a literacy is going up. I know there's that deal with a child reads 10 books, pizza skull will pay it a visit, and give it a personal pizza, but when I was a child, it's terrifying. Yeah, those children are terrifying.

He is for dating and courage, I'm sorry, because they can tell me to have a famous celebrity of food. Well, when I was a child, that didn't happen, you just had to read a book because you had to read to be a nobleman. Like, I've read, I've read probably 40 books. Wow, 40 books, that's pretty big.

What's your favorite book? Oh, well, I mean, my favorite is the loneliest lonely that ever loaned. Oh, of course, I mean, that's, that's, everyone loves that one. I mean, I will say, even though pizza School is terrifying, the school elastic program works. I mean, it gets kids reading, you know, and we don't want, you know, if we're going to do this for Orcs as well, we don't want any Orcs left behind. Yeah. Well, when I was a very small child, I think my favorite,

were the, the little filth books. Yeah. You know, where they just kind of, well, this is what a surf does every day, and this is what a surf does every day and this is what a torture does every day And this is what a pikeman does, you know the poked little puppy. Oh, yes The pox on I mean a sad terrible thing to read Yeah, I hope you don't make your children read that in fact I hope you lock your children in a dungeon forever. I you know that I do How do they keep getting out? Yeah those kids? Oh? I hope you'll lock your children in a dungeon forever. You know that I do. Oh. How do they keep getting out?

Yeah, those kids. Oh, they just prejudices into our minds. Oh, yeah. Arnie, what's your favorite book from when you were a child? From when I was a child? You know, I really loved the book, Benicula, which is about a little rabbit that may or may not be a vampire. Is it?

Why don't we know? I mean, I think it's sort of ambiguous. Well, Nikula is the suffix for a Dracula, so it probably was. Yeah. Did it get smote? No, by the end I think they're just like... Did it dumb get a cast to spell on it? Does it suck carrots? I think it does suck carrots, actually. Did anybody take the rabbit and try to push it through a doorway without

Inviting it first and seeing if it smushed up against the air. I mean that would be a good idea That's how I always tell man this guy is a total mr. Collins What is a total mr. Collins? Prudence prejudice from front and bridges. I'm very good. He is a Mr. Collins. I don't know whether I'm a Mr. Collins. No worry, you are. That's what a Mr. Collins is.

Is he a powerful Lord who brought his land from the lowly shore to newfound strength? Trust us, everyone, you know, the 3% of our listeners who read that far into the book definitely knows what we're talking about. So you read a book about people of means trying to make arranged marriages. Correct.

And you did not say to yourself, you know who would have some insight in that. Shangle birth regu. The Baron is right, the book is about women with, you know, they're of mean, so I don't know why I wasn't called of means girls. No, I heard that description. I immediately thought we gotta get flour.

Well, I'll have you know, things have been going very well for me. Why don't you tell us about it? I'm gonna take a quick break. I have not needed an invitation. Where's everyone going? Here you go, here. We're gonna take a quick break. I have not needed an invitation. Where's everyone going? Here you go here. We're gonna take a quick break. Here's a bucket. You yell what you've been up to into this bucket and you head it back to us when we get back

That was a good break. It was a great idea. Oh look a bucket. Oh what's in this bucket? I'm gonna dump it out. Yeah I've been traveling hard and wide. Oh this is the bucket that the bear and the old did too. Yeah, might as well dump some more out. There we go. Well done.

Making the lion's isn't spying and planning. Oh planning so many things. Oh, a soon on the pitch. On the pitch of mittens, yes. He even meanders when he screams. I'd hear some more. Oh, oh no, oh no, it's that damn boy king. I'd, I'd!

Oh yes, the Baron's afraid of the boy king. I forgot about that. That's right, he's supposed to, he's supposed to be following that other king that he thought was dead. That's right. Oh. We should use this to our advantage. Oh. I know what to do.

I'll invite the Baron to my wedding, and I'll make his plus one. Look like. Oh. Uh, Baron Regune. Oh, yes. I've been sending out verbal wedding invitations, which is why you haven't received one that covers up for that. Yeah. And I've successfully avoided any awkwardness. verbal wedding invitations, which is why you haven't received one that covers up for that. Yeah, actually.

I've successfully avoided any awkwardness. I'm inviting you verbally now to my wedding and I want to let you know that you do get a plus one. Of course, the groom always decides who your plus one is, so you'll be bringing the boy king as your date. Excuse me. You be bringing the boy king as your plus one? I'm not really sure.

I have yet to actually encounter my lost king, and I'm trying to make sure the situation is correct when we have our meeting. Although I guess a wedding, maybe I can make that work. Let me ask you guys a question. Sure. Okay. Obviously, I'm used to running things myself, And I sort of have a mental conception of myself where clearly I'm evil, but I've always thought of myself

as also being very lawful in the way I approach things. Sure, yes. Both lawful and evil. Yeah. And if the boy king arrives and orders me to abandon the dark lord, I'll have to. I don't know, stab him maybe, and then I won't be Baron Raguon, I'll be the Rogue Raguon. Ooooooh!

But that's also not very lawful. Why wouldn't you do as Dartholomy says? Be- I've kind of gone all in on this Dark Lord thing. So now you're considering that your lawfulness is tied to the will of the dark Lord and his laws. Well, I don't, I was kind of hoping for an out. Um, I was, you know, I asked around to see if maybe he perhaps you could marry my daughter, but apparently, did you guys see by any chance whether or not he had a boy's penis? Um, I can't say that I did. If I did, I can't say that I did. If I did I would say. We would have talked him.

I don't think everyone is talking about a voice like you can't think that we would talk about. Seems like that would get us subject man. Cancel to talk about a voice. Seems it was a poor taste. I mean what is he dying? Not a... Oh yeah, I remember. Oh yeah we did talk about that. Oh yeah, I think it's also the other guy with him broke his dick on a trampoline if I remember. Oh, yeah, we did talk about that. Oh, yeah, I see it so quickly. The other guy with him broke his dick on a trampoline if I remember correctly.

That happens to the best of us. Well, anyway, it means I can't marry into the family. Oh. Baron, what would it take for you to leave the Dark Lord? Especially now knowing that, like, by the laws that govern most of your life up until joining the Dark Lord, you should be following this boy king. Maybe this is an opportunity.

Yes, an opportunity to come back to the site of good. Yes, girl, you're too good for him. Hey, this is a chance for a little exercise here. Maybe you can prove my point and also I mean, it'll answer a nagging already. Right. Arnie's probably out. If this is a chance for a little exercise, yeah, if you could all

just say the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Dark Lord, eggs, smite. Quicker just supposed to be an exercise. I don't like that one. I don't like that one. How about the first thing? No, no, I keep thinking of ones, but I can come up with a better one. No, first one, you're cycling through you. I did the first one already thought of that one

I don't know. Yeah, what was the first? Dark Lord whoof okay, all right well I That at least answers my question. I've been hearing lately corny and I don't know where that's come. Corny! Right? I mean, this is the Dark Lord, and not just any, I mean, Dark Lord experts agree. This is probably the greatest Dark Lord in 3,000 years. Seems very likely, yes.

The Dark Lord's Corny, what is he? Colonel? He has any rank. Well, fun to go to my room. Hi, John. There's many titles and ranks. You stores it, maybe. When we sent the mole warriors to be to do some espionage,

weren't they gonna spread propaganda about the Dark Lord being corny-ass Dark Lord? That's right. We spring directly into the barren's ears. For once something that we said in an episode caused something to happen. What? Consequences.

I mean, it's ridiculous. Like, he's conquered a full third of phone and that land mask grows every day. He's terrifying. Do you recall when a great army of goblins amassed to stand in his way and with a wave in his hair of his hand They vanished. Yes, I do recall that But let's reverse this same exercise. I am going to say something and as soon as I say it You say whatever pops into your mind. Oh, okay. The Dark Lord. Great. The Dark Lord.

Grand. Yeah, the Dark Lord. Easy. Oh, see. Oh, see? Guys, I'm back. I forgot that I'm here all weekend. I also forgot to tip my weights to it.

You see, you're tired of following that corny ass schmuck. No, that's not true. You are. The first two responses were just, uh, you trying not to be murdered. For you know, if you say something, uh, one tiny misstep in front of the Dark Lord himself, you would be smote upon the spot. And rightly so, and I would deserve it. But what would you?

You said yourself. You sought out knowledge. You read books. And now, you are denied your own independent thought. Well, I mean, I've been given great privilege. Uh, privilege misused is not any privilege at all, but rather a burden. You are, you are now beholden to this dark Lord, and must remain loyal. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh I mean, do you huh? Do you huh? Do you huh? Do you huh? That's guy you big man. I'm a big man. You're a little big man. It's tough. I mean, I mean, I'm a big man.

He's stand up to a fucking dark lord. To all side. A cheesy ass schmuck of a chum of a chum of a dark lord. Fucking corn. Oh, dude. Okay. Cornie. Fucking dad joke ass lord. Well, hold on.

Dad joke. Let's not bring dad jokes into this. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Fucking cheesy ass dark lord. All right, all right. That's enough. All right. Now I don't recall anyone else coming along and telling me that, you know, you know, what you can do something, you can be something. Huh?

Baron. Yes? You can do something. You can be someone. Oh, you need to join mine quest. You are in the perfect position to help us defeat the Dark Lord. Yes, and I even crafted you a weapon to help defeat the Dark Lord. This is a club and it's made out of tomes.

Oh my god. That's what you wanted, isn't it? It is a book club. Mm-hmm. I'll come over the head with it. Baron, look, but every great adventure Need some seemingly Irredeem and Villeen that eventually Regrets being evil and turns to good and helps turn the tide towards good

And I you know, I thought maybe that was gonna be blemish, but then we accidentally killed him So are we saying that or what's that? Are we just openly saying that that now? No, no, no, no, well, he's evil. Like, right, we don't, I mean, for now, but he could be good. When did that happen? No, it's a metaphor, I'm just saying metaphor, because I can see that. Like a metaphor.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, when have we ever done anything? I mean, a little person? You did order someone to murder my wife. Oh. I know. No. You know, it was a long time ago. I mean, so if you could just clarify for blemish, that's not going to be a deal breaker for me either way.

You've murdered my wife. Oh. You mean, you sort of killed himself. It was just like an accident that we witnessed. Yeah. We've been making fake blemishes, and they've been working here. It's working out fine. But look, blah, blah, blah, we killed a couple people.

Come to the good side and be with us. Nope, you know what? This just reaffirms everything I think. You messed up and what did you do? You faked a blemish. You put a fake blemish on it and you said, this is good enough. You know what you are?

What? All of this damn world in microcosm. What are you talking about? Look, look, look. You know what's corny? Look, I know what's corny. What is food? What?

How dare you? I feel like it's a world of rich possibility. Yeah, that's the story it gives you. You're a small child child and you're like, oh, you can do anything and see anything. And you can go all around this world and what'll happen? Will you meet a dragon? Will you meet a bear?

Yes. You will meet a dragon and you will meet a bear. But the dragon will have nothing on the bear and the bear will just be exactly like the dragon, except with a slightly different voice. They both lay eggs, they really lost me there. I mean, you can choose your own adventure. Now, hey, think of everything that Arning said.

Before you commit to this, think of everything Arning said, you could be this Aired Demon will character who redeems himself. And if you're not that person. You know what, Tripfeng do it? Yeah, you wanna let your thing be it? You wanna trip- You're gonna look like a- Yeah, you want a dripping bit? You want a drip, Laura? You're gonna look like a... Yeah, you're gonna look like a smug. You know, dripping when you're trying a smug

little piece of food. I am not cheesy. I am not gonna get fooled by your damn wizard lies. Wizard lies. A wizard cannot tell a lie unless he really wants to. Yeah, you think this is the Wizard of lies? Fuck you, Cornie has a little cheese butt. I'm not spin-tax.

Yeah. I don't think the Baron is ready for the real cool stuff. Yeah, I don't think you're ready. Yeah, there is no cool stuff. Cause Boone is a joke. Do you know what's in the book of sight? Oh, is this a joke? No, this is not a joke.

That's not a joke for a joke. That's not like a joke. What is in the book of sight? What's in the book of sight? All right, No, this is not a joke for a joke. That's sound like a sad part. What is in the book of sight? Ah, in the book of sight. Alright, well this isn't going to be a punchy one. Who's there? You are! What?

And you? Me? And you! Let me tell you something, when the goddess's created phone, the dark lord has told me the secrets. They cut corners. They cut corners. What? They made mistakes. They couldn't get all of the joints to line up and they papered it over with mountains and waterfalls and minotars. And all the holes and all the lies, they couldn't destroy it so they put it in the book of sight. And one day, very soon, the Dark Lord, who's got all of your number, is gonna tear this bullshit world down.

Yes, Peron, I... I see your point now. If this is true and the world is imperfect, then what chance do we have against the docklord? I suppose we must do almost valiant efforts and attempt to survive, but it appears that the odds are stacked against us. Link? Jump. Link? Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, you're weak. You're so hard, Arnie, you're a weak horse, Arnie, Arnie, you guys are weak! Arnie, Arnie, you're so hard! You Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, Arne, The Dark Lord. Also, where is this wedding happening? Um, I think we're, is it in your hat?

I forget. No, we can do it in my hat. If we don't want to do it in the Vamania Minotaur. But you've said that to a lot of ladies. Sorry, we're just being real cool. You guys are pretty cool. I'll give you that. Yes, sometimes, sometimes, if Arnold and Chant say that they're doing cool stuff.

If you just hang out, sometimes they'll let you do cool stuff with them. We should hang if you just hang out sometimes they'll let you do cool stuff with them We should hang out and let it receive that let us do cool stuff Hey Baron, I don't know if you want to do this Didn't it doesn't matter to me if you do or not, but I was thinking about bouncing this egg in a spoon and trying to walk across the room without breaking it You want to do that or is there a prize? I mean the prizes that you're not a fucking cheddar cheese fucking dorkass shithead. Alright well for the record I'm not a cheddar cheese dorkass shithead either way but I can definitely carry a egg on a spoon. Oh yeah?

Yeah. Fucking prove it. Can me a spoon? No. I shall use my great wizardly powers to conjure a spoon. Let me focus. Well fucking spoon man over over here here just taking my F**king hell. He's gonna take him a really long time.

Fucking this weird how long some spells take some of them take a long time. I'm gonna take the egg and you know. I'm just Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh he's doing it. He's doing it. All right. Watch it. When I was running out, someone bumped into him. All right, that was not my fault.

Can I get another ring? Spoon. Oh, here's a small spoon. Yeah, there's your spoon. The spoon has feet. Yes, I didn't think you were going to be a walk across the room without it. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, in your face, chump. In your fucking foot. Wait, in my face? Oh, no, no, no, not your face. In your face, chump. In your fucking... wait, in my face? Oh no, no, no, not your face. In the Baron's face. Oh, chump. Chump. Oh, Baron, I have a question for you.

Yes. Wink. Is that it? No. If the Dark Lord is going to destroy everything, I think there's one flaw to that plan he has. Let's hear it, Arnie. Then who destroys the Dark Lord? Nope, he doesn't, no, he's the new,

nobody destroys the Dark Lord. Because, uh, I think we know a cool cat who's just a little cooler than the Dark Lord. No, I bet you don't. I don't know, I mean, you're following that wack-ass, cornea, Stark Lord, but We're really into the trickster got a food Carnival Wilson. Yeah, you know carnival. Oh, yeah, yeah

Marvel How have you met carnival Wilson? Let's just say Yeah're real for us. Let's just say, yeah. All right, the Dark Lord's Suth Sares have been speaking of Carnival Wilson for weeks now. What have they been soothing? Well, I mean, Suth on the street is. Carnival Wilson has become manifest in food and sees with many eyes. Yeah. And sit like two at least. I mean, the

sooths are all, you know, by necessity, vague. You don't want to like get nailed down on a sooth. Oh, sure. I mean, I've been on both sides of that. Like I've repeated a sooth I've heard. And I'm also like, you know, really punish someone for a crappy sooth. mean sooths are basically cousins of prophecies and that is I've said many times for most prophecies of bullshit Yeah, six and so has been hurt my bones with sooths You know Yeah, what's the end of that? Dr. Seath over here look? I'm not afraid of carnival Wilson and neither is the dark lore so there Okay, nobody's afraid of them. Okay. and neither is the Dark Lord, so there.

Okay. Nobody's afraid of him. Okay, why are you shivering? I, it's cold. It is a little. There is a draft when the table moved around. Now I'm by a window. I shall conjure you a capelet.

Give me that lizard egg. Yes. Let me see if I can do this. Mm. Watch out. Oh. do this. Watch out. E-B. All right. Hello, ma'am.

What end? And now back. Yep, just come on back now. To my teeth. Making this way. E-B-L back. Oh my god, I am walking here, peasant. Here's your capelet.

I lost the other egg. Hey, John, you had any emails recently. Uh, yeah, let's see here, I got an email, this is from Rebecca Rose. I have just found your podcast and it's very educational and enjoyable, because of all the true crime and self-help. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's perhaps taken me a while to find it as I live in England and am very behind on the news.

You mentioned your email address a lot and I was going to wait until I cut up to the present data send you a message. The apologies if this has already been covered, but are there cats and fun? Are they revered or feared? Do they have any cool magic powers? Huh. I mean I wish I knew more about England. Sounds like there was an opportunity for me to learn something about it recently.

Do you want to be on the next book club? Yes, thank you, please. We'll think about it. Are there cats in Foon? Is what Rebecca asks? Yeah, there's cats in Foon. And if there's one cool cat that you might know, by the name of Carnival Wilson.

Yeah. Oh, and the great blue tigers. Great blue tigers. Our cats. There's also the the the malkin, malkin the great cat. Also like cats. They're just cats around. Just cats around.

Could I jump in here and say, and answer the question of whether or not cats are feared? A flaming cat is a herald of the dark lords arriving. True, that is very true. There's also Rumtum Tugger, who will jack you off for $5. And first out of Rum, and his tummy. There's also that cat that hangs out with those two people with a weird hair.

Yeah. And they get launched into the sky when they fail at their schemes. Oh yeah, yeah. What is that cat's name? What is that cat's name? I wish I had a better memory. It just won't come out of my mouth. And Rebecca also says, PS, my cat, captain also says,

hi, and she touched a picture of her cat, captain. So sadly, he has no magical powers. Cats and fumes do have magical powers. A cat, if it falls, will always land on its face. Do most cats on your, do most cats on your planet have ranks? Is there a cat hierarchy? So there's a captain?

There is, but only the cats know about it. And they always, and also to be fair, most cats overrank themselves. Like every cat is sort of thinks that they're like way higher ranked than anyone else they encounter. So sort of like, if they were rating themselves,

they give themselves like a 13 out of 10 all the time, even though that doesn't make any sense. Okay. Yeah, and you said on Earth that cats have nine wives? Nine wives, yes. Yeah, that's crazy. And you said on Earth that there's a cheetah that plays this saxophone?

Oh, Chester. If you've got too many cats or really anyone, in a organizational structure, just first of all, tell them all of them their ranks are right, then just send too many of them out on dangerous missions. Some of them will veil, and then you'll end up with the right number of caps.

It's a good idea. There you go. I have an email here. You can email me and Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. It's really a knowledge dress. Ooh, the subject line says, extant about my favorite show from Earth. It says, please sit down if you're not already.

Aha, I know, right. On October 9th, 2015. Wait, what did they know? I guess that I'm sitting, they think I sit all the time. Mm. But I, I'm, you lay down a lot of time. I lay down a lot of time. So the joke's on them.

Exactly. Anyway. Anyway, it's learned sitting from you, Arnie. Yeah, anyway, the email goes on to say on October 9th, 2015, CBS canceled X-Tan after two seasons. Oh, no, Arnie, I'm so sorry. I am sorry to have to break this news to you. Matt from Cincinnati.

Oh, no, no, Cincinnati. All right, no license plate makes you look like a cheesy ass chump. Yeah, cheesy ass, five-way chili chump. I failed. Well, maybe they had a really good second season. Maybe they just were going out on a high note. I just need one more person back on Earth talking about how much they love X-Tan. Wait, Arnie, I know it.

No, no, Arnie can't do this. Oh, no. Only Carnival Wilson can. Carnival Wilson! I'm going to start a write-in campaign to save X-Tant. What a prank. Go to www.x-Tant-save.com. Let me read another email here as Arnie Redsett letter.

You can email me at chontwith6tz at gmail.com. This one says, hi little squish. I begin listening to the podcast a year ago and have finally caught up. I'm an archaeologist here on Earth and I spent many long day exploring ancient ruins in searching for artifacts while listening to your podcast. I was wondering if Foon had some equivalent to archaeologists. This is from Max. Thanks Max Yeah, we do have archaeologists Most of them are looking for some sort of arc to be honest

Like what what just a lot of arcs go missing, you know somebody builds an arc. They want to you know Put some animals on it. They want to put some sort of party on it, they go out for fun, they get lost, or they get buried, so a lot of arcs go missing. A lot of arcs, a lot of arches. We have arch eologists and archaeologists. Oh, are they spelled similarly? Similarly, yeah. So is Carnival Wilson letting you write on his behalf?

Oh, yeah. You know, me and Carnival are pretty close, so he's letting me. I'm kind of like, uh, very close. I'm weak. I'm his personal assistant. And I have been allowed to offer you an open door policy if you want to ever work with Carnival on a sweet-ass trick.

A sweet-ass trick? Yeah, like a frog. Yeah, swap. Yeah, swap. You know, he likes your style. And he thinks you can do better than the dark Lord. So just keep that in mind. Don't answer me now. Yeah, don't answer now.

I know you already said no, but don't say no again. I mean, I thought I found a number of ways to say no. Mm-hmm. Okay, well, you know. I think I know what that means. Yeah, you know. I was called a Cowper's Fluid. Cowper's, the user that was played by Matt Young, Chunth the talking Badger was

played by Adel Raffai. Baron Raghun was played by Chris Rathjinn, and if you like him here, you will love him on the podcast Improvised Star Trek, along with Matt Young and a bunch of other funny folks. A little from the Magic Tavern was produced by Arne Neekamp, Evan Jacoba and Ryan D. Georgie. This one edited by Ryan D. Georgie, music by Andy Poland, Logo by Adler Leban. Additional audio effects by Jason Knox, production assistants by Garrett Schultz. Visit us at alofromthemagictaferent.com or Facebook or Twitter, thanks to the Chicago

podcast go up and thanks to Earwolf. I Honey join me here at the bar true. What's up, bud? You know that there's a pretty good episode I thought I thought it was a good idea here. Here's an ale for you. Okay. Thank you Yeah, oh It's it's honey. Is it honey? What is it? What did you want? Low-conable What did you want, you said? Blow carnival. I don't know if you noticed during the episode, but I was winking very subtly. I did. Good work. I don't think anyone else noticed that. Luckily, I'm very good at picking up those things.

The Baron gave us some critical information about what is in the book of sight. Yes. Now we know what the Dark Lord believes and how he wishes to access parts of our world, which may give us access to portals outside of. Yeah. I need you to promise me again, even though I've made you promise before, keep the weapon safe. You know, you can always trust my promises, Yusugorn.

Give me one more egg. No, you've had your chance. No, I just... one more egg. Do you think you could eat a hundred hard-broll eggs? Goodbye, Honorable. Goodbye. Yusugorn, talk to you later, bud. You guys talking about eggs? I think so.

I love it.