Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 93 - Modron (w/ Chris Perkins of Wizards of the Coast)

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

We learn about the half organic, half robotic Modron, Weewoo, visiting from another, more orderly plane of existence. Also, there’s magic and stuff. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWeewoo the Modron: Chris PerkinsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Garrett SchultzTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzSpecial Thanks: Greg Tito, and Ryan Marth from Siren SoundYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Greetings, allie-overse. Bolly O, sis, boy, does it feel good to have the console alter myself again. I feel like joy during the first two minutes of Inside Out. I even splurged on the rich little masterclass to help Trisha perfect her Craig impression before we report to the High Command. And now, another installment of everyone's favorite. Wait, someone deleted all my episodes of Backman. Oh well, everyone's favorite. Wait, someone deleted all my episodes of Backman.

Oh well, here's this. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arneanie Camp. If you're nervous in the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About three and... Honestly, it's more than three and three quarters, but less than four years ago. It's really in that sweet spot where it would be very satisfying

if I knew the exact number of weeks. Can you just say a while ago? A while ago. I feel like our listeners love tracking the chronology of how long I've been here. Yeah. And if you do enjoy that, maybe on social media, hit us up.

Hashtag tracking chronology. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hashtag. You see how many on social media, hit us up, hashtag tracking chronology. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Let's count how many of those we get. OK. How about, that's your job. That's going to be your job this week, channel. You keep track of how many of those we get.

And will you report back? Yeah. At the end of the episode. Yeah. All right. I felt through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune.

Luckily, somehow I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week here in the tavern, the Vermilion Minotaur, and the Town of Hogs face, in the land of fune. And I'm joined, as always, by my good bud. He's on social media as we speak, track

in those hashtags, chump the talking badger. Yo yo, how you doing bud? Pretty good. How are you feeling after your bachelor party? I'm feeling good, you know, I talked to Tustor, he said you guys couldn't be nicer, couldn't be, you know, couldn't be a better experience, so couldn't have been nicer. Huh. I suppose by certain interpretations. That's true. Was that not the case? No, I think I think he's right that I am incapable of being nicer than I was. Okay, yeah, it was a nice time though. I'm glad he had a good time. Good. And I showed my wild oats, so I'm a little firm. And you're a little firm? how is your farm? Do my farm is flourishing. I just run through the field all day. I pretend I'm a bird, I just fly around. You have a little farm. Have a little farm.

And you, instead of farming, you just run around and participate in a round in the field. I plenid the seed, the crops grow, and I run around. Huh, what more is there to do? It's weird. It's just a little weird to me. All right, well, my mom always said life is like a box.

Your mom would just say life is like a box? You fill it up with shit, then it collapses. Oh. Okay. That's life, huh? That is. It's true. Hey, speaking of shit that sometimes collapses, I'm also joined by my other co-host,

Yousador the Wizard. Hi, Musador. Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow Minibiliator of magical delights devour of chaos. No new interruption rates What nothing just keep you on champion of the great holes of Turokus the elves Numius fying Alec the dwarves Numi is Zunin in hook stingies And I am known in the North East as guess Wayne is me star and There may be other secret names. Oh names I dare not utter aloud for if I were to do so. All the colors of the rainbow would invert,

and thereby destroy, uh, rainbows. Hmm, just them being in the opposite order would destroy a rainbow. Bivji Roy? That's the... Can you imagine a rainbow with yellow on the bottom? Yellow doesn't have any supportive qualities. The whole thing would come crashing down! Bivji Roy. What?

Yeah, that's the colors inverted. Vib, what am I a rainbow doctor? Just throw with it. You're right though. It's hard to do the mentalib, what am I a rainbow doctor? Just throw with it. You're right though. It's hard to do the mental exercise, but actually doing it. You used to or what are some of the more supportive colors? Well, of course, red is a very strong color. Mm-hmm.

And then, of course, violet. They are very close to each other, but also a top of settings. Why would anybody ever... Here's something that I've wanted to know since I was just a wee little shape shifter. Why would anybody settle for a violet when you could have ultraviolet? Ultraviolet? Isn't that like, maximum violet?

If that's too much, can you just have pen-ultimate violet? What are these colors you speak of? You said all, I must find the secrets of these unknown colors. I am up! I am now going to the Great Pulse of Trucks to learn of colors, unbeknownst to me. We've accidentally triggered a quest. He's walking on the ceiling. Usually he talks about having a quest for like years at a time before doing anything about

it and there's just something about this bullshit color quest that got him to get up from the table and charge towards the back of the bar Although he's clearly hiding behind that plant now use it are You said are we can see you Vib-ge-yore Oh, you settled on it. Mm-hmm. That's why you checked out for a little bit. Oh, yeah, great worth it I don't know what did I miss when I was checked out. Do we have a guest today? You know what lately I've been so busy trying to find the weapon in the tavern that I have not a

chance to book guests. It's been too long. It's your booking process. We never hear about the behind-the-scenes magic of you booking our guests. Well, usually I try to reach out to a really famous person in Fune, and that's by Bird or by... Yeah, usually I'm just sort of like... Tendon. The magnificent, I write that on a scroll, which that takes some time. I tie that to a bird's leg, I set it free, and then I'm like, just in case I'm going to book some studio time.

Oh, oh, crannons here. Well, I have, I mean, look, let's be optimistic. I have heard nothing from him, but can I ask you something? Mm-hmm. And I'm not trying to be rude. Are you trying these notes to carry your birds or just regular birds? I mean, just like any, any bird. Yes, see, that's the problem. Not all birds urges regular birds i mean just like any any bird yes you that's the problem not all birds

uh... not all birds not all period not all birds period you must train a bird to deliver messages and take new messages even if you've as you said so setting the bird free it then it's free of its obligations to deliver messages i were never gonna get crammed on we're never gonna get crammed up. We're never gonna get... Well, let's just grab...

Let's just grab the like weirdest thing in the tab and we can find. It's been a long time. I got you. Ugh. Look, I know I'm from another dimension, but I'm still like this human... Like, I don't look that different from you, Yusidor.

Oh, but don't you? I am a beautiful angelic being brought to this world by conspiracy of birds and rain and fire! Ah, and I to walk upon these planes to bring justice and order where there was none before! And I'm a little shaping Shafi in the form of a badgy. Charter! Oh, what? Order! Oh, is that a waiter taking her order?

Hey, what? This! Oh! Oh, is that a waiter taking your order? Hey, what? This thing is real weird looking. Let's try to get... Be cool, don't scare off our potential guess. It has so many angles, but also none at all. Please, come, suit at the table with us. Order?

Yes, order. I spoke of order, but the moment to go. Wow. This... Now, do you remember me telling you about my favorite clay I ever saw? Uh... A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Now he was taken the way that they were able to resurrect him was to take him into the non-foonian realm of mechanics And when they brought him back he was part man part clockwork constable But it was just a I've always just heard it as a story but here before us is a creature who appears to be from mechanics

This is a creature who appears to be from Mechanis. Stay friend, what'd be thy name? Friend. Friend, friend, friend, friend, friend. That worked out. We were. We were. We were. We were.

You are, we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were.

I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. I think we were. were, we were. Oh, it's like there's little ambulance coming. What's an ambulance in Finn? Amulance is an ambulatory lance. So sometimes nights we'll fight with a lance if they're on horseback.

And if they should drop it and it becomes enchanted, it will get up and start to walk therefore being ambulatory. Any other brain buster's mother fucker? What's a mother fucker? Oh no. Oh, no, we were friend. We were no. Oh no we will friend. We move. No we will friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. We have a very impressionable guest at the table.

So we just have to be careful about what fucking words we use in front of them. Or her or it. I don't think. No. We will. We will. What's your last name? Oh Oh no Oh no It just gave birth a little tiny thing I assume only I could understand that And what did he say? Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I wasn't the only one who could understand it. I assumed I was. So this is a creature from the realm of mechanics? Also known as Nirvana, yes. It's a realm, completely disconnected from food,

but what's every 219 years? These creatures decide to go on a quest out into other realms to learn. And they're very orderly, as you can see. Like here, watch. Watch, I'm gonna drop all these spoons on the floor 18 18 Well, they fair 18's not a high number

Well, you know what use it or do it again for chun all right here. I'll chun. Oh boy See you know I kind of that he picked up and threw down the same number of spoons Damn it that now see you don't even really care too. That's the thing is like yeah, there's a pile of spoons who cares I could have sworn those were all that should be the same number of spoons. No five of them bunched up Oh, well, I'm always taking spoons sitting in out of my sleeves I've just you know I just like to do some simple side of hat magic at the table Who keep my skin some spooner of Had magic at the table. Who?

Oh, some Spoonerisms. Yes, exactly. Is this your card? Was it? I mean, was it? Was this your card? I mean, yes, that is the card I gave you for your birthday. Ha ha ha ha! I've done it again! Such presti-digitation. I mean, thank you for keeping it. We should take Wewoo and his number counting abilities

to the casino. Makes him money. Money. Yeah, money. We like money. Do you have money, Wewoo? On your own? Money.

Yes. You like money? Money. Yeah, money. Wewoo likes money. Wewoo, what do you spend money on? Drugs. Look at his face, drugs. That face did say drugs.

I think that was the subtext. He knows it's bleeding, wewoo too. Yeah, audibly you couldn't really tell, but that face, that face said drugs. His nose twice. Some looks transcend language. Look at the little devil's dandruff over here. Wewoo, how long have you been in food?

Oh, let, wewoo, How long have you been in food? F-f- sometimes you have to get real loud. F-f- for people who don't speak the same languages you. F-f-food? F-f-food? Is he saying food or food? No, he's been here since noon. You've been here since noon.

No. Hmm. He's hungry. He's been here since noon. Order. Order. Yes, I shall order some food. Exactly. Very well done, chunt. I shall order an order of rooster's feet and also some mozzarella wands and what the hell. Let's have some fox face tonight. Oh, mm-mm. Guys, is there any way that we can accelerate this communication process?

Like, I really want to understand what's going on with this Wii-Woo in front of us. Here's what I understand so far as I have it. Friend Wii-Woo, Foon Wii-Woo, Order Order Friend. Friend Wii-Woo, Friend Order Order Friend Wii-Woo. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do it. Wait, wait, wait, was that Friend Wii-Woo, Friend Order Order Friend Wii-Woo, or Friend Friend Wii-Woo, Order Order Friend Wii order friend we will let me ask my friend Simon

Oh no, what are those things he's dropping? I Super that eggs Can you love eggs? All right, you got this basket fall. I'll add them to the basket. Thank you we woo. Thank you. We will Look, I'm just saying like I want to know more about McCannis, and I want to know more about Wewoo, and I'm sure his voice sucks. I need something. This guy's gonna.

I don't know if we can just totally the diving bell and the butterfly this, and build up to a full language for him. How about I give him some drugs, and we'll see if that expands his mind a little bit. You just have drugs? Yeah, that's what's inside these eggs. Well, I could cast a spell to expand his...

...language capabilities, but... What about the journey? I mean, look. Anyone that's listened to this podcast now, we're all about the destination, and not the long-me-andering journey of a hundred to hundred, three hundred episodes. Very well, I shall tell you about...

How about... Is it ethical to expand creatures? Oh, there's nothing ethical about any of the magic that I do. Let's at least... I am manipulating the very fabric of the universe to succumb to my every whim. I nature itself thus twist and turn in my hands Nothing shall air stand in my way for if I do desire to change I but must merely think a thought And it is transformed. He also threw away your birthday card. Yeah

It sounds like what you're saying. Did I or is this your card? That is my card. That's my car from the year before! I did it again, flames. No! I'm impressed that you saved them, but you're destroying and discarding all of them now. Or did I? That's the first one! Is this like a weird Marie condo thing? Oh? Yeah, never mind. Here's the thing.

Why would you marry a condo? I mean, if it brings you joy? It joy just buy a whole house. Whatever brings you joy Joy, oh Joy Joy happy Happy Joy Joy Yeah, I think we're getting somewhere Happy Joy, happy Joy bud. What wise? Why? Bud? Bud?

Wise? Why? So you're talking about me. Well, do you? Do you hear that? What? I think I know what we have to do. What do we have to do?

Anything he says we repeat back to him and that'll introduce new language. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. We will. We will. Chant.

That's new. Chant, chant, chant. Chant, chant, chant. Chant, chant, chant, chant, chunch. Chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, it's good musical. Maybe. It's like splash.

And if we just leave him alone in an apartment for a day and he watches TV, he'll learn more language. TV? TV? He knows TV. Or at least he knows how to repeat that phonetically. Yeah. I wish we had a TV.

Is that how you learn to speak? I mean in some ways. Yeah. Makes a lot of sense. That's why I often say things like Mumra the ever-living. What? That's just something I say. Not to you. You wouldn't get it. What is mumra the ever-living? God fucking if I could get mumra on this that why you're always asking where Car 54 is? Thank you for the much deeper cut. You're just sold us out. We will. Would you be okay with us expanding your brain?

Brain! I mean, he elongated brain. Yeah. So verbally he's saying expand my brain. Yeah, brain! Did you want me to expand his brain or just give him more language skills? I could expand his brain and make his brain larger.

That's what you're deciding. Oh my god, you're right. I was making the possible error thinking he's kind of a dumb dumb. But he might just be really smart and doesn't have any words. I mean think of all the things that we've done without Expanding your brain to make you less of a dumb dumb dumb. See very good. Hmm see he learns much faster than you do what? dumb dumb We will how would you describe how you look? Look oh wait here. Give me that give me that picture. Okay. We will hold out your hand

water Water water water water water. Wow. That's all I got What a miracle okay, I thought so yeah, let me now concentrate Tereth Krontillion Tereth, Cron, Tillion, Tereth, Crow, Villian, Strangath, Den, Spattin, Inga, Ryakal, Bakal, Latin. What's happened? Whoa!

Whoa! You're having been talking as sexy as hell. Can you do that to me? Oh my gosh, is this what I sound like now? Yes, I'm a deep, deep, a bear-tun. My, my, my. Damn dog. Wewoo, it is a pleasure to make you acquainted.

Wewoo, what the hell is this? Wow, what a graceful bow. He's still up and gave a sweeping bow. Are you never bow? I've never bowed in my life. How long does this last? As long as you like, I'm happy to change it back if you don't enjoy it. But just me, ease your travels as you continue to travel around Foon.

I assume you were separated from those of your kind who'd came to this world. Yes, they were quite intolerable. Oh, what made them so intolerable? They just kept going in one direction. How boring. I know. They should have turned, like at least 98 degrees or something, if only they knew what left was. But you left. I did, yes. And what a strange world this is. That's very strange. Yes. Can you describe, I don't know how to put into words how you look, but now that you have the vocabulary, can you kind of describe what you look like just for? I don't know. I don't know how to put into words how you look but now that you have the vocabulary can you kind of describe what you look like just for I'm out of the multiverse is known as a modron a constructed being

Part flesh part metal. I'm spherical with spindly legs and arms and wings Get me around somewhat awkwardly. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, that's that sums it up I would see yeah, it's kind of messed up, but adorable. I'm sorry. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, that's that sums it up. I would say yeah, it's kind of messed up but adorable. I'm sorry. That's a very very hard thing to say. I think you're sort of messed up. But I'll take it. I'll take it. We will have you were thought about doing audiobooks. Audio books. You just have a great voice for it. No, I hadn't considered that. We will now that you have an expanded vocabulary and we can really communicate on a more of a shared level, I have a question for you.

Was it wewoo friend, friend, wewoo change? Oh, what a good one. You don't have to answer that one, wewoo. Well, my name is Wewoo. Oh, great. Is it? Although I'm thinking of changing it. Oh, what do you want to change it to? I'm not sure. Any ideas? Oh, I have lots of ideas. I'm very of changing it. Oh, what do you want to do? I'm not sure any ideas. Oh, I have lots of ideas

I'm very good at names How about a round you wing metal guy? It's pretty good Long metal guy Algernon Algernon. Yeah, now that you have this expanded brain in the vocabulary Samantha. I was like Samantha's good Because then you can decide you go with Sammy or Samantha. Oh Sam I got it. Woo-wee. No. Biff G Roy. Oh well I mean I would have gone with

Vib Gior. You're feeling Samantha a little bit I know. Is it toss up between Samantha and Algonon, you're saying? Yeah, Algonon. Yeah, well, it's get some... Malatoba for a while. Malatoba, that's a good one. Is that what you said? Malatoba.

Malatoba. Why don't you Malatoba? Come here, Malatoba. Well, it's not good when you boss people around. Come here, Samantha. Samantha, make Mr. Tate listen to what I'm saying. I'm just saying random things that some might say. Well, it's not good when you boss people around. Come here, Samantha! Samantha! Make Mr. Tate listen to what I'm saying. I'm just saying random things to some of my students.

I thought you were ordering someone around, whereas waiting to see if they were gonna show up. Well, I actually have a question for Samantha. Samantha, what was your life like back on the plane? Is it the plane of the canis? Yes. It was a realm of clockwork predictability very dull. I Being a monodron was given only a single task to perform not a particularly important one either

Oh, what has my type is the lowest of the mo drums? So we were given your a model labor Minial labor. Yes. Did you just say that Samantha was a bottom? I'm just saying that Samantha was at the bottom of the hierarchy of the modron, so. Uh-huh. Yes, but all modrons are created by primus, the one in the prime. A supreme being that resides on our plane, who gives us our form. And when a modron of higher station is destroyed or lost. One of my kind is elevated up the hierarchy.

Oh, so you have a potential for upward mobility? Well, yes. In theory, I did. So so I left. Say that you were to get that opportunity. Give us your elevated pitch for like ascending to a higher form. Yes, I would like to. Just like within like a minute.

Get a solid. Okay. Oh, hey,. Within like a minute, get a solid. Okay. Oh, hey, you know what, should we do a little role play? Like, just, I don't say role play to someone. It's a math and a role right away. Oh, you're right. Well, let's play act what this promotion interview. But this promotion interview might be like,

could you maybe be primus? Yeah, I'll be primus. Although would this interview take place directly with primus, or there are probably a lot of intermediaries that... No. You would not speak to primus. Uh, I'll be a tetradodne. Okay. I'm trying.

Uh, um. Welcome, I am primus. You can tell by the deep, deep bass in my voice. Uh, what is your name? My name is Samantha. Samantha Albinan. Ooh, rolls off the tongue. Rings off the tongue even.

Why would you like to be elevated? Well, I think that I bring to... You don't bring two of anything. You're a monodron. You said I bring two. You don't bring two of anything. You're a monodron. I bring to... You don't bring two of anything. You're a monodron. I look good at plugging things in. Look, Tetrodani give Samantha a chance.

But I'm just looking at you and all I see, you're just inside a box to me. Let's think outside the box. You plug things in? I plug things in and I unplug things. I'm a plugger, unplugger. So you like to make connections? I do. Disrupt connections. I can.

I like to make connections more than disrupt connections. Okay. I'm gonna say some words that I want you to respond with whatever word pops into your head. Order. Mechanist. Friend. Your thing. John. McCannis. Friend? Your...

John. Drugs, are you... Oh, you know John. John. Wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt this play act. You are my first friend. John. You're Samantha Algonon's first friend. Get her some flowers or something.

Oh my God, this is... That's so flattering. Thank you so much. Wow, I don't know what to say. Yes, you didn't ask me anything, but I'll be your first friend. Oh, good. I like that.

Yeah, if you're ever in town, just let me know. What do friends do? Friends, hang out, ask each other for money. I think that's what I mean. I don't have any money. I usually go on a quest and you risk your life and sacrifice your life. What is a quest? What is a quest?

Oh, let me tell you. Brace yourself Samantha. I have the greatest quest of all to defeat the Dark Lord of Foon. Let's take a quick break and we'll come back with more hearing of this quest. Yeah, let's do a really long break and a long break okay, yeah, you said or is definitely gonna be talking to Most of us all come together and across the plains hoping to find some peace but knowing that they are shabby a battle ahead of them I One another fighting and fighting where is he going?

Fighting fighting where is he going? Anyway you you said where are you done? You see I seems spent There are monodromes and duo drones and tri drones and quadrons and pentatrons and Once you get up through the basic drones. There the drone there are the Modron Hierarchs who basically are the administrators. That sounds amazing. What is primus to see have a number? He's the one, the one, so he's one-sided. But are you telling that? It seems to work up from one up to a larger number of numbers and then it works back down to one. I see. It is not a hierarchy. It is a perfect circle. A ring. You are the lowest you believe. But I believe you. To be the highest. Oh my god. If you gathered perfect circle from Primus, you're a tool.

Did we all do those drugs, John? Seven table. But think about it. Weewu, Samantha, had the good sense here to walk away. All the other drones did no such thing. That showed an individuality. That's the drug, yes. The universe is a great wheel.

Hmm, and if you walk around the edge of the wheel, you end up where you started. Honey, that's why you shouldn't move. That's what I've been saying all this time. And that's what the great Modron March is. It's a walk around the universe. Do Modrons mate for life? Mate.

If there's a march of the Modrons, I just do they mate for life. What does that mean? Oh, mate. We were, where does it, but race yourself. We're about to blow your mind. As your friend, I think it's time we had a talk. Why don't you, you're already sitting.

Why don't you stand up? We're gonna, oh wow. Oh, getting some new limbs there, I think. When a mojron loves another mojron, Arnie, help me out. I don't know how these things work. OK, well, so like I mentioned that your shape could add some edges.

Your shape, yeah, edging. Let's talk about edging. If you think of bipedal humanoid creatures, they tend to have a male and a female. Gender is different than the assigned sex, but when the male becomes excited It's penis becomes engorged with blood and then the female does lay down or the stand up or the bend over Or does take some place within gorge male penis can enter the female does that help? I hated that but I'm also incredibly aroused.

But you're always incredibly aroused. Is the method de-havening questions? So that will be your turn to it. Does that make sense? Many, many questions. I wish I had the book that my parents explained all this to me with. Here we will look at my one finger, and I look at my other hand,

and then does that make sense? The finger entering the hand? No Hand me that picture. Are you hand me that picture? Is that like what? Putting a plug in a wall? Oh, yes, yes Yeah, it's like putting a plug in the wall. Oh, oh Fuck, but is that what it's called? Yes, I'm a guess I fuck.

Imagine making a connection, though, that has the potential to expand the number of modrons that exist in your world. I think I heard him. Samantha. And I think if you have modrons of your own, modron progeny, I mean mean I think the thing you'll want most is for that your little modrons someday have more sides than you do. Oh, but Primus makes the modrons.

Oh, this Primus fuck? Probably. Guys, we have never been more invested in anything on this podcast than explaining fucking to we will just the phrase explaining fucking to we is not a sense I ever thought I'd say but here we are great pop cast title though I do pod oh a podcast is oh sit sit back down a podcast is when a man and a woman love

each other very much and They need to express themselves already help me out here. Um, O'Johns don't have men and women. We are all the same Oh, that's great. Maybe I don't or maybe not. I don't know and we don't plug into each other We don't interact in that way. Oh Actually, I kind of have a slightly different but related question. A butt related question? Come on, Bernie. I always have a butt related question, but I'll save those for the after show. We were, you got lost or you wandered off. It seemed like on some level, there was something, something that was missing for you.

Like, are you capable of putting that into words? And if it's difficult, you, Sidor, can you... I've always felt that there's more to life than just marching and following the mojran in front of you. Absolutely, there's a whole great big world out there. And some of it's weird and some of it's beautiful and some of it's happy and some of it's sad,

but until you break rank, you're not gonna discover it on your own, you know? Yes, I have seen things which I would not have seen if I had not gone in that other direction. And now the entire world is yours to explore. We will. Or Samantha, whatever you wanna go. Samantha.

Whatever pronouns you choose, you tell us. There's a lot of metaphorical possibility with Algonon. I'm just gonna put my vote on Algonon. Algonon? All right. Or Charlie. Whatever name you choose for yourself. Will you join mine quest to defeat the Dark Lord?

Then, your wandering would have a purpose. A purpose? Yes. Yes. Whoa, he just, that's what I'm missing. He just came to the side. Yo wandering would have a purpose a purpose. Yes Yes, whoa he just that's what I'm missing. He just came to side. Oh wow Oh, what are you know Do a dog would have him this fear Yeah, he's he's a hemisphere. Wow. I just turn him to a cube. Oh, wow. He's kind of shifting and

Shafting. There's not really a word that goes along with that. Shafting and shafting sounds wrong. He doesn't understand much of that. Yeah, he's evolving somehow. Samantha, who is doing this? You are doing it because you have a purpose now. This is what you've been lacking. You are doing it because you have a purpose now. This is what you've been lacking some direction and this direction is giving you shape This is unbelievable. I never thought this was possible. You've promoted yourself without You're the primus now dog only shit Primus is going to be pissed. Oh, I could talk to primus. You know primus. You can talk to primus sure this primus fuck Oh, yes, this existence makes no sense guys I suddenly feel like we're kids on a playground talking about

And I don't think no any of us really know what we're talking about I know what you're like it was like it is primus fucking you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I've done it I want to go on a quest and we shall let's go on a quest right now We shall discover ultra violet ultra violet How do my best friend out grooming he evolved in out grooming first of all? He was your best friend out grooming. He evolved in out grooming. First of all, you're best friend. Well, like probably the moment I caught up in the moment. I mean, you're my best friend. You are his best friend. Okay. That's fair. That feels weird. Yeah. We were, what is this quest that you want to go on? I'm going to go on a quest for ultraviolet. Should we just like wind him up and set him off? I guess so. He can be the ambassador for color quest.

We will. I task you with this quest. Come back here with ultra-violet, infrared and mega-blue. Okay. Yes. He's high. Wait a second, guys. This is really fucking with us. I'm going on the quest now. Okay. Wait, use it or expand as vocabulary or do something. Make him talk in a different way.

Oh. Samantha, is it all right if I change your speech patterns once more? You don't like my speech patterns? I love them too. Yeah, dulcet tones so sonorous. Well, this is this is your magic. Yeah, have out of Skroth, groth. Yeah, young We will yeah We we will are you are you are you feel the same as you did before because you sound different to us I totally feel fine. Oh good good good good. Oh going on a quest going on a quest Megan blue

Oh I'm on it and hyper yellow to the list Yeah, if we're in, I'm on it. Add Hyper Yellow to the list. Yeah, go kay, Hyper Yellow. Oh, he sounds like he's on a zoo crew. What's the crew? I feel like he's gonna go discover Mountain Dew. Braum, Yoth, Bela, Yellow, Tien.

Oh, oh no. But don't you feel as though you can communicate now? I guess so, but you can't write the name Charlie anymore. I guess we never knew if he knew how to write the name Charlie, but we will, friend. Friend. Chant, friend. Chant, friend. Hyper Yellow.

Eva. Eva. Arnie sucks. No. We will. I consider you my friend. Our new friend. Oh, we will, good luck on your quest.

And to help you remember that you need to find the awesome versions of colors. Here are some flowers for you. Flowers. For Algonon. For Algonon. Algonon yeah, is this your card? No, that is not for me. Oh, we're there come from that's post that's post-com friend gasmanius

He remembers Man, I'm gonna miss that weird shape thing He is a plug in his butt. That could have charged all of my equipment for so long. I wouldn't need you, Sidore, anymore. What? You guys secure that guy's butt. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO Post-show? Excuse me? You mean the fixer who keeps the ship afloat while a handful of completist zealots, Google Mumra, and Car 54 where are you? Guilty is charged.

Use it all the accent was played by Mat Young. Chant the argument was played by Adolfiah. Wew the Modron was played by Chris Perkins, principal story designer for Dungeons and Dragons at Wizards of the Coast. In addition to being the architect of many of the adventures and stories coming out for D&D, each week you can catch Chris spinning yarns for the waffle crew on Dice Camera Action. That's on twitch.tv slash D&D, streaming Tuesdays at 4 p.m. Pacific Earth time. In fact, this very transmission was recorded in a studio in the Wizards of the Coast offices. Special thanks to Greg Tito for helping to set everything up, and thanks to Ryan Marth from Siren Sound for sitting in on engineering duties.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Ryan to Georgie and Evan Jacover. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Apologies in advance to good reads for the thousands of diving bell and butterfly requests you're about to be flooded with. Ah, here are those episodes of Backman. Okay, Rachel Maddow, you naughty librarian. Have your wicked, informative way with me. Oh, we will. Would you mind if I told you a knock knock joke? We will. Okay. Knock knock.

Knock knock. Hmm. Who's there? Who's there? We will. We will. We will who? We will who? I don't know where it goes from there, We-wu. We-wu. We-wu-hoo. We-wu-hoo. I don't know where it goes from there, but there's something. There's definitely something there, right?

Right. I mean, you, I feel like you are from a plane with no chaos. So like you are a good impartial judge of whether there's something there for whether a joke is working or not. Order. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What would you say? an impartial judge of whether there's something there for whether a joke is working or not. Order. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

What would you say? Like thumbs up, thumbs down. Thumbs up, thumbs down. Okay, yeah. You're right. In a lot of ways, I mean, in some ways it works, in some ways it doesn't. Like it's a double-sided coin. Make it blue.

Well, you found it so fast! Make up, Lou! Well, you found it so fast!