Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 94 – Mothman (w/ Hank Green)

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

A mothman flies into the tavern with a challenge for Usidore. Chunt sells some old stuff. Arnie has a striking memory from Earth. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungHans Hoffman, Science Mothman: Hank GreenJoe Jeff Finknore: Jeffrey CranorMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesTricia While Wearing Craig's Hat: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Tim JoyceTheme Music: Andy PolandMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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All right, Trisha, let's hear how that Craig impression is coming along. It's really weird, sir. I was having the hardest time with it, but once I put on Craig's baseball cap, it just kind of comes together, you know? Trisha, I never thought I'd say this, but you have met and or exceeded expectations. Right? Even when I just hold the cap over my head, it's gone. But... Once it's back, it just clicks. Weird, huh? I dive into the logic of that, but Daddy knows a convenient device when he sees one.

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Got it, sir. I think we're ready for the high command. I'll initiate contact protocol 11a11a1a1a. In the meantime, enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of food, I'm your host Arnee Nekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know about 3 and almost 4 years ago, that's not really a demarcation of time, but you know what, a little less than 4 years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King

in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast I record every week here in the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur in the town of Hogg's face in the land of fun. And I'm joined as always, by my co-host, my good bud. He's the shape shifter, but he's also almost always a talking badger. Uh, chump the talking badger. Get way it. How you doing bud?

I'm doing great. Sorry if I'm moving some tables around. I thought, um, I thought to sell some of my stuff. I'm trying to have sort of a yard sale. Oh. So I'm just going to comment to hear some of these tables, put out some stuff that I'm trying to get rid of, and see if there's any... Is everything okay? Do you need... Are you hurting for money? No. Just trying to get rid of stuff. Oh. Why not... Is everything okay? Do you need, are you hurting for money? No.

Just trying to get rid of stuff. Oh, why not just hoard everything forever? I used to. Depending on what animal I am, I tend to hoard. I'm just trying to let stuff go. So I just wanna, you know, there's a lot of clothes that I had when I was different animals and I don't need anymore. Like, when I was a whale, I had this tunic and when I was a kangaroo, I had this little

cool hat. And I just don't need that stuff anymore. I see. You know, when you change shapes, is there just like a different biological imperative that just like overtakes you? I almost said overcomes you, but I don't wanna go down that road. Yeah, I mean, somewhere in the back of my brain,

there is a guttural animal instinct that, is that right? In the back of my brain, there's a guttural instinct. Yeah, that's where the guttural instinct lies where your gut is. There's a lot in the back of your brain who has listened to this podcast, knows we all have a very strong gutterle instinct. Yeah, that's where the gutterle instinct lies where your gut is. What? Anyone who has listened to this podcast knows we all have a very strong gutterle. That's why they say brain food, right?

Food for thought. Yeah. Because your gut's in your brain. Yeah. Gut brain. Yeah. You know the phrase. Yeah, don't think with your brain.

Think with your gut that's in your brain. Yeah, gut brain. But yeah, somewhere in there is some sort of, you know, animalistic desire, but I can still overcome it with my own personality and thoughts. Okay. Do you want to buy anything? Do you see anything that you want to Walk me through some of the things that I could buy So this is a tunic I had as a whale. That is a very big fun little hat I had when I was a kangaroo Is it hard to put on a tunic when you're a whale?

Yeah, you do have to have help Usually a couple dolphins will grab the ends and slide it past you. And you have to kind of just like stand straight and let them run past you. And from my experience, when you're just sort of like larger than average and maybe slightly odd shape, it's the moralizing to get tunics

that really fit you in a good way. Yeah, it's a little, it can be a real wake up go. How much do you want for the whale tunic? Three gold? Three gold, okay. I still don't really know how much that is, but you're some of these golds I got Thank you. Oh, I'm also joined by my other co-host, Yusidor the Wizard. I am Yusidor. Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow. Minibili- of magical lights? Devour Earth Chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakas, the Edo's Numius Fyingalak,

the Dwarves Numius Zonen in Hukestangies. Still anything on a funny name? I am known in the North East as Gasmoneus May Star, and there are names. I names of such great power that they may never be spoken aloud, but if these secret names were revealed, names that they may never be spoken aloud, but if these secret names were revealed, names that belonged to me but if uttered aloud would cause such great cascades a fiery rain to fall down upon the town of Yellum. The town of Yellum?

Yes, there's one specific town if you say one of these specific names where you cascade in a fiery rain. So many of your names destroy towns or just bring hardships upon them. Yeah, that's why I don't say them Yeah, if I guess if I mean I know how you store his board But if I had the guests like the town he was born in I'd guess like yellow or scream them. Shouting to him. Oh too muchville Overdoing it, though Commitment town commit field. Where is the. Whereas the places that Chunnier from, you know, they don't necessarily have a name, but they're just at some kind of ironic distance. Yes.

I was actually right outside of milking it when I... Oh, that's right. Yes, so, uh, I walked into there completely nude with a staff that I had found. The first thing I did was find a staff. Yes. For new listeners, you were created by... A conspiracy of rain and fire and birds and wind. Oh, such great and powerful forces of nature who conspired to bring a champion forth into the world.

Oh, so that I may protect all the little children and birds and people of fune. I am their protector. And yet I find I have not been able to do so for the dark Lord still controls Much of fune at this time. It's true. We try to go by our day-to-day business But we do try to go by our day-to-day business. We try to go by our day-to-day business But as I am going by my day-to-day business I find that I am often Satin by the state of I'm I my day-to-day business I find that I am often satan by the state of high-end walk-by my day-to-day business I just walked right there and I just walked right past it. Speaking of chance day-to-day business, use it or do you want to buy any of a chunsole crap? Yeah, you know. Let's see. My oh shit.

I already have a hat. What do you want for that a tooth-shopping tool? Uh, what do you want for that, uh, tooth-shopping tool? Hmm, five gold. Five gold. Here you go. One, two, three, four. Oh, thank you. I'm going to shop in my teeth. I mean, we assume when you bought the tool. Well, I could have bought it for my cat. Did you, when you were a vampire, did you have things? Oh, yes, very much so.

Do you have a bite, your tongue? I bit my tongue a lot as a vampire. Did your tongue turn into a vampire? Yeah. Yes, my tongue turned into a vampire your tongue? I bit my tongue a lot as a vampire. Did your tongue turn into a vampire? Yeah. Yes, my tongue turned into a vampire. Did it grow fangs? It did grow fangs. And what did it bite?

It bit the bottom of my mouth, which also became a vampire. And that's just, I mean, a vicious circle of just going down the... And then you're like the only way to turn the bottom of my throat back from a vampire is to kill the original vampire which is you. Which is me, yeah, it's you. That's like I once knew a werewolf who turned into a werewolf every time there was a full sun. Exhausting. That is not great.

He died. I went to college with a guy who had a story anyway. Oh no, no, I wanted to see what I was going. Oh no, please, go ahead. I was just going to say I went to a college with a guy who had never bought gum. Oh man, that was my fault. That was entirely going to say I went to a college with a guy who had never bought gum. That was my fault. That was entirely my fault. I should have known better. You got to remember this is before the internet and like, you know,

different things seemed a lot more interesting at that time. Did they? You should have returned his body into several different vampires. And your contribution to the conversation is I want to a college. You do even say college. You said I went to a college, you do even say college, you said I went to a college with a guy who had never bought gum. Yeah. Is he gonna be our guest? No.

Oh, but you know what, I'm very excited. I have a real trust you're excited anymore. That's true, that is fair. From this point on, the bar has been set in terms of excitement. Is you telling a story about a guy never buying gum? Your gauge for what this interesting is clearly off. Well, I think you're all gonna really be excited about what I have brought to the table

because our guest is a big old giant moth. Whoa, oh he's right by that candle. Well, hella, I tell you every buddy thinks that moth men are super into candles super into flames. We love lamps Look we're just men like any other men and we have no particular Affinity or Disafinity for lamps and candles, okay? Shit aren't you guys you bring up lamps every time? Yeah, I'm gonna even it This is happening near the candle. I was just making an observation

I'm just wondering if this is just like the one thing that sets him off or if he's just like a very like set offable Moth man a few things That's one of can you give me a number it just around like a number how many things you think generally set you off Three things three things. So like you have one. Everybody's got three. Yeah. We all got, yeah, buttons.

I have way more than three bridges. Bridges is one. Bridges set you off, but you can't self set yourself off. It was very, very difficult. It would be very difficult for any mothman to get to hogs face from where we're from. Because there's so many bridges and mothman hate bridges. And this isn't something to do with people's opinions of us. Like if you, you know, you're allowed to like bridges

or just like bridges. I'm thinking, yeah. But I, I mean, Mothman have a hard time with bridges. I know this is one of the things that sets you off, so maybe we should avoid it, but what is the thing that Mothman have with bridges? I mean, you have things that gum thing. You heard that?

I'm your guest, I was hanging. Actually, one of the things I thought that I invented was gum. Oh, that's right. You are sort of like a... But I guess I didn't invent gum. Well, maybe you... Maybe it's sort of like parallel invention. You know, like...

There are lots of things I should be a little more clear. Mr. Mothmancer, I'm from another world. So the things from another world. So the things from my world you could invent here, you know? Tell me more about being from another world. Can you tell me about your world? Okay, well, in my world, where do I start? When I went to a college, I knew a guy who had never bought gum.

That's, it doesn't seem that important to understanding my world, but it is. Mr. Mothamann, AIDS! It's a very simple premise. There are dozens and thousands of realms all connected by magic, for magic is the most powerful force in all of the universe, and clearly magic connects these different and separate worlds. And there are Byzantine and Bizarre ways to travel from one to the other. I know that you are a wizard, but I'm not gonna...

I don't want to say that it's not okay to be a wizard. Whoa! I think that's one of my things though. Go ahead. This might be one of my things. It might be my third thing. It's the third thing. What if there was something behind magic, something deeper than magic, that explained magic.

Submagic. If we... Explaining magic, it defh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh I have found by deep experimentation about our world. There are forces beneath magic. I have called this science. Oh boy, here we go. There is a small community of science, appreciators and creators here on phone.

And I like to consider myself among them. Look, if you want maybe even a leader among them, if you want to believe in science, that's your choice. Everyone's faith is their own decision. But clearly magic is what runs and controls the forces of nature which dictate the nature of our universe. The only other science world I've heard of is Arnie's stupid world. Earth! Well, my science on your world. My world we have a

lot of science. Can you tell me anything about the science on your world? Oh gosh what science do I know? No he cannot. Let's see here. So you're saying that you're entire you're in your your you have do you have magic? That's the thing on my world we do not have magic not real magic. Uh, that's the thing on my world. We do not have magic, not real magic. Oh, this is a magic kingdom. There is a magic kingdom. And it has a magic of its own. It is said that there is a mind freak.

There is a mind. That's great. Um, you said there was a Mr. Clean Magic Araser. There is a Mr. Clean Magic Araser. Um, was it their Confucius? There was a Confucius. That't there Confucius? There was a Confucius. That's not confused. That's not really.

I can. Here's something that's hard for me to understand about this world. Like on my world, magic is a probably made up funny thing and science is very real, at least to most of us. But on this world, is it true that magic is the true thing that animates this world in science as a silly fable, or is it just that you guys don't fully understand the reality? Use the world. What causes diseases?

Well, of course, little demons that crawl under your skin. Check it out. I think that there are tiny animals that live inside of you. They're not demons. They're not demons. What just animals like any of the rest of us Oh, they breed they live they die and they live inside of your body and your tissues in your blood and like sometimes They'll get they'll grow too much and then you won't be able to get your penis to go up That explains all the screams coming from my penis. That would explain part of it. It's more of barking than screaming. I guess they are scream barks.

See? I'm explaining things. There's explanatory power behind my theory. What's the explanatory power behind your skin demons? Are you PSK? Can we get a microphone from my penis? I mean... I mean...

I'm gonna play another... Just say it. There has never been a request on the show that it stopped me in my tracks as much as that one. Now the skin demons, it's very simple. All you have to do to cure disease and get rid of the demons that have obviously taken over your body is to release the humus that have given them a place to breed and to grow. And you must do so by committing three acts of goodness underneath an acorn tree. I mean, I'm not against acts of goodness underneath acorn trees.

No, I just think you're still gonna die. I mean, there's a chance of die, sure. This Thealax explanatory bow, I think I think that there's little animals inside your dick. Oh, alright. Now, I suppose this is the only thing you figured out with science, so there's probably nothing else to use at all. What is it the end of food? What is it the end of food? This is the only thing you figured out with science, so there's probably nothing else to use a dog What is it the end of food? What is it the end of food? Oh, I know this it's end It's the letter N. Oh, it's a riddle. I like that No, I don't like if you if you traveled and traveled and traveled through food. Where would you arrive?

Oh, you'd reach the edge of food eventually and that'd be dragons there and you just fall off the end I have done a series of experiments, and I believe... Oh, he's bringing out a volcano when baking soda, what is it? Yeah, I have... His machines are on shoulders! And used what we in the science community called geometry, Geometrics. And I have determined that food is a ball. And that, I believe, is why water flows down because the water is flowing

off of the ball and dribbling off the underside of the ball into a giant pool or lake. That explains my genitals when I shower. In fact, it's just like chunced genitals. Well, this is very easily disprovable. I shall fly far into the atmosphere and look down upon the world But that brings up a good question so mr. Mothman and I'm sorry Should I call you my last name is Hoffman Hoffman? You're I am a mothman. Oh, yeah, so I'm Hans Hoffman. Hoffman. I am a mothman. Oh. So, I'm Hans Hoffman and I was trying this out. Yeah. And I'm working on spreading sort of like stories, the acceptance of science.

I like it when his hands justically, his wings also just circulate. Yes. Yeah, they have really linked. It's hard to do one without the other eight. So you're working on your brand. Right. I'm trying to. Oh, you're having to brand. Yes. So I'm going for Hans Hoffman, the science smothman.

Oh, Hans Hoffman, the science smothman. Really rose off into the science. Hans Hoffman, the science. Science. Science. Mothman. Mothman. Mothman.

And you're a mothman, or are you a mothman? I'm a, we call ourselves mothman. Oh, OK. I have one suggestion change to that name. What if you were Hans Hoffman, the magic mothman? Do you seem like a dick? Oh, that means your full of screaming animals. Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean, I don't know. Do you have that problem? I'm just saying, it's an example of one disease. Certainly, there are many diseases, of course. You know, you might get tuberculosis and everyone knows that they're small animals that live in your lungs. Does everyone knows that if you cross a witch's path at midnight that you get tuberculosis? Okay, I know how to solve this. So what's going to happen is Arnie and I are going to each put out one or two

concepts. We'll hear from the science and the things. We'll hear from the magic and the things. And then Arnie and I will judge who wins. So to start off, Mr. Oh wait, what are the stakes of this competition? Just figure out who's right. Oh, are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like-

Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like-

Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- Are we going to start doing like- I got a cool little hat. Where's a kangaroo? Kangaroo hat. Sure. Got some sandals I had when I was in Austria. That doesn't sound very interesting. I feel like a kangaroo hat. A hat doesn't really get to what's interesting

about a kangaroo. Do you get any like pouch stuff? Did you have a pouch protector? I can't wear hats. Antenna hat. That's why. I don't need my, I have way too many feet to fit your sandals. All these things here that Trump is selling,

they're things that he looked at and he went, eh, and he's gonna show them to you, so he's gonna let you see them. So he's like, eh, see. Also, Mothman don't believe in gold, so I can't get those things any other way. Wait, you don't believe in gold? We believe in exists.

Uh-huh. Do you believe in alchemy? Mothman? Oh, to be clear, science is not a Mothman thing. Oh, what is the main Mothman? Oh to be clear science is not a Mothman thing. Oh, what is like the main Mothman thing? They really just the bridges it really limits us. Yeah, I still understand how bridge limits a Moth I knew a Mothman who tried to cross the bridge and it collapsed. We also destroy them intentionally. Oh, then maybe he Destroyed it. Yeah, so I see what happened. I assume that you're crossing the bridge and get very angry

Just start stomping up and down We just this is the entire like the look of it the feel of it. It is infuriating So you're saying the Mothman like destroy bridges, and it's not like some Mothman are just like I think that bridge Something's gonna happen, and I'm just gonna warn people. It's definitely. Oh, no, it's an antagonistic thing I can't I can't like it's very hard to, not because like obviously we don't need to go across bridges We can fly, that's not a problem, but as we travel across Foon, we see bridges everywhere It's very hard to go past a bridge without destroying the bridge If you destroy the bridge, then the people of the town come and kill you, but you want to hire...

Hypothetical, the three of us before you arrive are playing a game of bridge You come in, you see his plays in the bridge, what do you do or playing game of bridge you come in you see his plays bridge what you do that's fine Yeah, yeah, look Oh, I should one thing you need to know about a chunt is that homophones are very literal to him Okay, really cut up on homophones now. Is that a chunt thing or is that a shapeshifter thing? Because I like attributing attributes to entire races ony. Oh damn Do we want to play my game? Soon we'll get to it. Let's take a quick break and

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I think no spider important. Please help. Alright, we're back from the break and we're almost ready to get to this competition that I don't know what to say to a hunts off been science mothman. He's really putting his hands all over that sweater. Yeah, I don't want to make it like I don't want to make like a man. This is another thing. There's four things. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you hear me? Are you? I just don't have a excuse. So a thing about mothman that, I'm sorry, did you hear me? Are you, I just don't have the excuse. I did.

A thing about Mothman that you should know, is that we have extremely good hearing. Obviously. Have you seen this? I mean, yeah, it's impressive. Do you also have mothballs? That's where you would have Mothsa, sorry. I shouldn't have asked.

I mean, I'm not that, we don't, like I know a lot about your buttholes, so. That's what I've been going over a lot. Yeah, we got it all on the table here. Yeah. Sometimes literally, should I put super mic back? I wonder what happened to that guy who never bought gum. Well, anyway, uh, uh, Mr. Hoffman, uh, I want to take you to task about some of these, uh,

some positions you have made. I have to say before we get into this, Yes. That, you know, Wizardry magic has had a huge amount of time and a huge amount of power in food. And so you have a lot of opportunity to have found what might seem like logical explanations for things and maybe my ideas will seem outlandish. And also, I don't have the same amount of resources to be able to defend and explain as you do. And so, I'm coming in at a disadvantage. That is fair enough.

And obviously, some of the things from Arnold's World work, we talk into these microphones, and he has this computer laptop that I keep alive with the magical lightning spell, minuscule lightning! Buh! Uh, and I make sure that it's fully charged and operational, so obviously there is some merit to science. It's just that I believe that all the scientific things on Arnold's world can be explained away with simple magic. Of course, there are fairies from another dimension that make all of this technology work. What is science but magic? we just don't understand yet?

Oh damn. You dropped your mic. Damn, aren't you dropped your mic? Sorry. Did you ever see any fairies on where are you from? I am from a world called Chicago, actually the world called Earth, and a city called Chicago, which is in the state of Illinois. I'm throwing a lot of details at you right now that you probably don't need.

Like in movies and things, I've seen- Did you see there's a fairy who- That's confusing. When you clap, you give her a light? Tinkerbell. Do you know if Tinkerbell is that a thing that- I've only heard of it from- I've only heard of Tinkerbell from Arnold.

Yeah, are there things on Foon that the only way to save them from dying and when they're at death store is to clap. I mean, Mothman caterpillars. Mothman, that's right. Are you... Were you a caterpillar at some... Or a caterpillar, man? No, is that point you're just a caterpillar?

Oh, I see. They're terrible. Oh, so I mean, as you clap, because you have to. And like, they're not good eating. So... Yeah. Wait, so, as you clap, because you have to. And like, they're not good eating. So. Yeah. Wait, so, but you were, so do you mind, this is, I know this is maybe a personal question,

but like, what's the process of your life? The process of my life? Yeah. Oh, we're eggs, born in eggs. Okay. Like bears. Yes. And then we hatch and we are caterpillars for 60, 70 years.

Oh gosh, that's a long time. We just eat a lot of leaves during that period of time. And the reason that mothman caterpillars are able to survive for that length of time is just because they're extremely unpalatable and annoying. And so everyone stays away from them. And that's their defense mechanism. That's a good one.

They can very loud noise, smell bad, and taste bad. Ooh, yeah. And they dive, they don't receive clouds? No, they dive, they get sick. And then if you clap, they'll get better. Okay. They dive, they don't get enough food. They just need some validation or encouragement, and that will bring them around. It sounds like perhaps the camaraderie and good-natured feelings that come out of the activity

of clapping, a magical property of love, perhaps keep those caterpillars alive. Yes. It all comes from the perspective that you're looking at. I've been actually looking into how clapping helps caterpillars survive through difficult circumstances. And we're, you know, mean a couple of other folks have been trying to figure out how the pressure of the sound actually strikes them, and actually moves some of the chilithae on the surface of the caterpillars that then gives them a signal that tells them that someone is nearby and that triggers something internally. It's unclear. And like that's the thing, we're...

You had me up until that magical word chilithae. No, chilithife is not a magical thing I have chilife where do you Did cover it up? You're covered in chilife? If he's pointing me to a chilife all the whole thing all you're all chilife. I mean, I'm not all chilife But chilife is all the way down. This is covered in chilife. Huh? This is a fascinating theory So Hoffman would you tell me more? Well, if you wanted to come stroke my chelithae. Oh, yes, of course, here.

Oh, lovely. And see, let's go to this chelithaea microphone. Yeah, that actually makes me feel extremely good. It's energizing. I'm, it's like having a full on raw potato all at once. Oh, I'm glad to help out. Honey, will you come stroke my chelithae? That's a...

What's gonna to chelithae train going? Yes, I'll stroke each other. I'm gonna get in a circle here. It's like, is everything, is this like, smurfy, like, is everything a chelithae? No, it's the, the, these things I'm gonna rid in. Oh, okay. Oh, I forget.

Mine is called hair. Stroke my hair. Yeah. I'll do that later. All right. Hey, oh, so, Hans, you were, so you were like six, you're 70 years, you're a little caterpillar.

Do you all know not a little? Oh. Oh, no. So a big annoying, disgusting caterpillar. Yeah, they're like 7,800 pounds. Oh, 7,800 pounds. Well, how big are you? Oh, God, I mean, I try not to weigh myself.

It's probably easy here. Don't throw stones. I'm not to 7 or 800 pounds. But you're right. No, I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with being 7 or 800 pounds. It's just that that's so much bigger than you are now. Oh, we don't become one. The caterpillars have become one mothmon.

Oh. Yeah. You become a mothmon. Yeah. It depends. It's called a flitter Um, and it becomes anywhere from from two very large Monthly until like 14 or 15 small ones. Oh

How many like a caterpillar sips siblings do you have I've Right in the middle I had seven seven. I just want to point out, I enjoy how you said Sibs. Yeah. To be cool and hip and then immediately walked it back to say the full word. I think that's the way that someone of my age should do it. You shouldn't be afraid to just try out like a hip linga but you should immediately follow it up with a thing

that you probably should really just be saying. You should know your place. Exactly. Yes. And now to the contest. Science versus magic. And the stakes are, if we learn that science is real, you should or will stop doing magic forever.

No, I have no idea. If we learn that magic is real, Hans will stop doing science forever. Magic is definitely real. There's a great thing about this, though. And I think that you can agree. There's no way any of these debates ever resulted in anything productive that's very true oh we do like

we do like premises the defy resolution this is right in our wheelhouse all right first question I'll post to Hans Hoffman science muffin how sun work so what I think is that there is a giant dome in the sky that is blocking out all of the light We are outside of that dome and this is there's no way there's no way for us to examine this any further There is a giant blinding light that exists all of the time, but there is one Hunk that has been removed from it and that is house homework What I love about this theory is, and it was a real like a... I have not been able to explain this in confirm it, but that's what I think.

Do you have a process by which you want to try to figure out if this theory is true or not? Yes, I just, I think, hard. It's a very good process. Mr. Wizard? How son work? It's very simple. We should call him Mr. Wizard. That's good I like him. In ages long past, the goddess, ooh,

one of the three goddesses who first created all of food. Ooh, looked up in the sky, and said, it's the whole and the big sphere that surrounds us all. Well, she said it is very dark, and she cast a single fiery tear from her eye, and that became the sun. Now, what I like about this theory is for I know that the mythology I know to be the absolute truth. It's beautiful. It is possible that that tear, that fiery tear, did open a

hole in the dome that you describe. I know not what a tear get up there. Did it fall? Did it rise? Was she above it? She sort of flicked it off. Just gave it a big flick. The thing I like about Magic is it's wonderful stories, but isn't it okay to understand that they're just stories? Well, I mean, it's not all just stories. I can do this, for example. Galey, you've licked in comma!

Now the room is filled with light. Explain that with your science. I think we need to do more research. No more research, more research, more research. Well, I don't think we're going to get very far doing that. Already do you have a question prepared? Yeah, my question for Mr. Wizard is, what is the best way to use magic to destroy the Dark Lord?

Oh, well, of course, I have... The blade of Vesco, hello, hello, I still hidden. The only blade that can kill a wizard. And someday I shall grow close enough to him. Not it? Not like personally. We're not gonna get like, close as like, friends. I mean, physical distance, I shall approach him when he does not expect it. With a great spectacle of fire and fireworks and Whatever other magical implements on my command

Perhaps an ice storm and when he's distracted by that I shall stick the blade directly into his heart and Hans Hoffman science-mathman How would you use science to defeat the dark Lord? I have a theory that everything needs energy to come in and energy to come out. And when we eat, energy is going in and when we move, we are using that energy. So we must prive the Dark Lord of energy. And the energy that the Dark Lord feeds on is all of us talking about him all the time.

And I think that we should just stop that. Because I think it just stresses everybody out and it gives him all the time. And I think that we should just stop that. Because I think it just stresses everybody out and it gives them all this power. And he's just devouring our gossip, basically. But I feel like I don't know what I can do about the Dark Lord, but I feel like I could talk about him a lot or I can just like, if he says something really evil, like shouldn't I like be like, hey, everybody, did you hear this crazy evil thing? The Dark Lord said? Yeah, yeah, now that's what it's like here in the tavern. Everybody talks about it. Yeah. And then he just does more crazy, terrible stuff. So we'll talk about it more. This is how he does it. It just gets on our tongues all the time.

You said, or, is there some kind of magic where speaking his name gives him more power? I say this every single week. Names have great power. My secret name's out of the loud, could cause such great destruction throughout the world. It's at least especially in Yellen. Yellen is one of the worst places to do the fiery reign if they've spoken. If you speak the Dark Lord's name and his true names, the names I shall near utter. Which is why I only refer to him as the Dark Lord. Oh, what power.

I think that the Dark Lord has power, too, that phrase. It does. It has grown in power. It was you. They're green. They're green each other. It's almost like they're a ventiogram of the things that overlap in their understanding. One thing I will say about magic is that it is certainly useful. I just don't think that it gets to the true nature of things and I think that that it is not about what we believe it is about how he act. Oh, and I think that you act, you know, better than this guy over here. Oh yeah, better than

Chant. Oh well, I find you to be a very noble mothman. And even though you go throughout Foon destroying bridges, you are my friend. I haven't destroyed a single bridge! Oh. I thought you said you did. I want to destroy every bridge! Oh. But you haven't yet.

No, it's... Here. What? What constraints you've shown. I'm very proud of you. Well, I mean, I have seen what happens when you destroy a bridge. That's not pretty. And not everyone has wings, and not everyone can fly like you and I. Yeah, watch me go! Ah! You just fell!

Oh, cheers. Oh, and look! And Hans is like really, really legitimately flying in his beautiful, just like wings. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good.

You look really good. You look really good. Oh, and look! And Hans is like really, really legitimately flying in his beautiful, just like wings. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good.

You look really good. You look really good. You look really good. You look really good. You look really wings. You look really comfy down there on the ground. Oh, yeah, Mr. Wizard. Oh, you caught me that time. I want to learn more of your science. It is brought Arnold here to this world, potentially, and perhaps there is a way to combine magic and science and create something even more powerful that the Dark Lord will not expect. Ooh, Sajic.

Yes, we must use Sajic to defeat that DL. Where I shan't even say Dark Lord. Oh, from now on we're gonna say DL. We're gonna get on the DL. We keep it on the DL. Oh, that's right. Oh, we shan't add to his branding power. Same DL is hugely important.

Yes, we spoke earlier of the power of branding and I shall not add to his brand one second longer. Yeah. But can we cut you guys going to keep calling me Hans Hoffman, Science Monthman, because I think it's really cool. It is pretty good. It's very, it just feels good to say it. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I get that there's a long path to tread here. And I appreciate you all taking me seriously today. I mean, I'm mostly I'm not taking seriously on this stuff and I admit that there's a lot that I don't know. Yeah. And Hans, you said that, like, it's not just you. There's some kind of, is there some kind of like up and coming trendy new science movement? Yeah, we gather together and coffee shops here and there.

Oh. You know, there's a couple of muffin, but not for many, but you know, all sorts. Do you think like, if I would tell people that I'm like, look, it doesn't totally define who I am, but I am, you know, I dabble in science a little bit. I'm kind of interested in it. You know, I'm just a person in food,

looking for answers, and maybe science has some of them. Would people on average think that that makes me more interesting? I'm sorry I was thinking about bridges. I don't know. I was thinking about how terrible they are. Oh my God, I just had a realization of what it is like to do this podcast with me,

to just like go into a subject and talk about it and then realize that I have just no way any attention. Was not paying attention to the whole thing. Yes. No, it's not saying. Wow. I think we're the same. Wow. I think we're all really learning a lot.

Hans Hoffman. Hmm. Will you join my quest to defeat the Erdal? Yeah, what should we make? I love making stuff. I made gum, but apparently that's not new. Well, make, make anything that you think can help us. Forb, much the same way I would get a great swordsman and a great archer,

whose abilities are both deadly, but served different purposes, fighting up close, related or firing arrows from a range, science and magic shall become a complementary power. I think I have an idea. Give me with this idea. I'm gonna try so hard to stick with this. Maybe we can hit the dark lord with this idea. I wanna put your special sword into a sword gun. What? How would I- Tell me how this works. Put the sword into a giant metal tube like a cannon on a pirate ship. Yeah, like a cannon on a pirate ship.

And then you explode the bottom of the tube, and then it shoots the sword out into the dark. Oh, would you use it? What would you use to explode the bottom of the tube? Well, uh, many, any number, yeah, we got a lot of different exploding things in food. You still have that volcano with the bacon, so do you have anything else?

Yeah, that probably wouldn't have the explode and Tory power. Fuck me, sorry, I'm just trying to- To that wouldn't do it, but like, could you just use magic to explode the bottom on the tube? So there are, so I think if we talk to some brewers, there's some evaporation that come off of brewing of the creation of spirits that we could use.

There's excretions from various creatures. I don't know, Sean, do you ever had an exploding secretion? Oh, oh, it's a lot of different. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, had certain foods. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's great. I think that sometimes a mothman also can have, you know, certain, you can scrape certain parts of my body. It's, you're not going to have it a lot, but if you get a bunch of mothman together, so you get the chili coffee off of your your... Chilife. Chilife? Yep, yep.

Are you going to make volcano explode? Oh, did you want to see that? I'm curious. That would be kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. Can I have the sandals? Yeah, of course. Here you go.

Oh, cool. Okay. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well here, let me conjure a little volcano. Oh! Oh! Oh! Well here, let me conjure a little volcano. You're all from the Ambiabyaath.

And watch this explode! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Isn't a thing, I'm just saying that there's something beneath it. But mine's a little more oppressive, you have to admit. But I didn't have to do magic.

And also, you used to do a yours door yours caught fire to like the wall behind us Yes, and my eyebrows, but let's not worry about that little worried about your pants my pants are fine I've been on fire many times. I don't know if this is also a thing But it looks like on the break you sharpen your teeth in her to sharp. Oh, you think so. Yeah, can we start calling you to the door? You about your time. I did. Well, Hans, thank you so much for stopping by the tavern, and I'm excited to look, I don't know that I would have said this in Fune, but I'm excited to learn more about Fune Science. So we have a scroll. The Funean Science Society has a scroll and we, we, we, we, we submitted

around and it's printed up in various cities. Oh, okay. I'll search out that scroll, I suppose. I mean, I don't know. I'll get around, I'll get around to it. It seems unlikely now that you've said it that way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Let me, let me give you this gift to continue your researching 1000 gold pieces What science helps me in my quest I should have church more for that to the sharp Did you worry now listening like we don't do gold? That's right. Don't do gold. We believe in it. We like know it's there But we don't believe in well the whole system of old a cave for your research somehow I don't know we work around it barter

Oh, well then here I shall transform this bag of 1,000 gold pieces into 1,000 chickens Go be bothered for something. I know we're running out of time, but Chunk, did you get any emails this week? Yeah, I got an email here. This is from Zach, and says, Hey, Arnie Chunk in Yusidor. I want to start with thanks for the great podcast.

I really love to listen to the show. But lately, I've gone back to listen to the first season, and I've now listened to the full first season in two weeks. I believe I will use the next three weeks to relisten all episodes of season 2. Do you guys think that's healthy from Zach and Denmark? I can't imagine why anyone would listen to this at all. So no.

I think it's really healthy. I think that listening to as many episodes as you can in an shorter period of time as healthy. And honestly, if you catch up and you still need to listen to that many at a time, just keep re-downloading and re-listening to recent episodes over and over again. And if you don't want to do that, for I, as I said, I don't know why you would listen at all, at least by all the wonderful products from our wonderful sponsors. People don't know this but when you buy, you one of our products that that equals listening to a 10 episode does it? No no okay. I need the parent. I mean they're all they're also methods that my like support is more directly

mm-hmm but whatever definitely. I mean I will say the disease is caused by tiny animals inside of you not by I will say the disease is caused by tiny animals inside of you not by podcasts So I think it's perfectly healthy. That's a science mom. Oh, that's good. There you go The NASA answered, you know, Hans, I was wondering, you know, I don't want to like give you homework or anything But could you you science the study the dark Lord and figure out like the deal? That's it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I got 1,000 chickens to barter, so I thought I could get some work done with this. All right.

And in some of them, maybe 850, these chickens are not looking great. Oh, yes, certainly some of them will kill each other when there are this many around. I mean, I think that we can consider this like a kind of like race, right? Like we'll see eventually if Eucidore and magic defeats the Dark Lord first or the Huns and defeats the DL first or Huns and science

defeats him and No, we while we are gonna work together, but you know like we're not gonna be like holding each other's hand all time It's a friendly rivalry to see the sun or the heavy lifting in the long run here Barkeep can you take this dead chicken and cook it up for me? Thank you. That was a bloody one honey What do you believe? You believe in magic? What do you believe in science? Well, you know coming from my world, I do believe in science. It's not something that

I'd be lying if I said that I fully understood the ins and outs of it. And yeah, I've always believed in science. And there are people on my world that believe in magic or mysticism or any number of other things like that. And I find those things really compelling and interesting, but in my life on Earth, I never really did believe in them. But it's been consciousness shaking to be in this world where magic is very real. So it's hard for me to have any grasp on what I should believe.

And I can see that all of your eyes are glacing over and knowing that it's paying any attention to what I'm doing. No, if I've been to answer to a question as normal. Ah, Ahni, whatever you believe. Just to believe enough magic to believe that the climate is changing. Please, do you do that? I totally believe that. I believe that.

On phone? Oh yes. Have I ever mentioned that before, Ahni, the climate changing? It is so hot. I love it. Is there a bestball team called the Orlean to the Science? I just wish we could have heard more about Chunch Garage Sale, because nothing kicks a scene into overdrive like transactions.

Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking badger was played by Adel Raffaie. Hans Hoffman, science mothman, was played by special guest Hank Green. Check out his new competitive science information podcast, SciShow Tangents, or listen to him give advice with his brother on dear Hank and John. Joe Jeff Finknor of Finknor's Spider Emporium was played by Jeffrey Crainer, co-creator of Welcome to Night Vale and Within the Wires.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Rhine to Georgie and Evan Chakover, this episode edited by Tim Joyce. Alright, the communication obelisk just lit up we're making contact. Greetings High Command, on behalf of... Thank you for contacting the Bunker Guard in High Command. Oh, for the love of Benji. The advice, minimum waiting time for an audience with the High Commander, is 13 cycles. Well, how long is that? You know how Stephen King wrote the first gunslinger book? Then he waited like forever to do another and you kind of lost interest and then he wrote like four in a row.

Then the movie came out and you were like, oh what the hell is this? But finally you remembered how you liked it in the first place. Yeah? That's one half of a cycle. Then I'm going to take this hat off because you know what? It smells a little bit like white pizza. Thank you for your call.