Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 2, Ep 98 - Chunt's Wedding

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

You are humbly invited to the wedding of Chunt the badger and Twosidore the whatever-he-his. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungHugo the Hunger Ghost: Brett LyonsEvil Tannakin the Pinglet: Sarah FineoutEleanor the Manticore: Jill FenstermakerBaron Ragoon: Chris RathjenCerulean/Schnenessa Freshgrave: Jessica McKennaAzure/Snaken Freshgrave: Zach ReinoGerm Crust: Mary TildenCaball'on Valentin: John SabineFlower: Brooke BreitSinging Sword: Erica ElamDon: Joey RomaineMyths and Legends Host: Jason WeiserHigh Time Queen: Brooke BreitProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Ryan DiGiorgi, Evan JacoverEditor: Tim JoyceTheme Music: Andy PolandMyths and Legends Theme Song: Broke for FreeAdditional Music: The Lesser Birds of ParadiseMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanAudio Assistance: Jason KnoxProduction Assistance: Garrett SchultzYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello! Just letting you know that the following podcast is not real. That's all I gotta do, right? I'm not sure which button starts the show, but let's try this one. This week, I'ms and Legends, it's a story from Funesh folklore, about the marriage between a shapeshifter and a wizard. We'll see why it's never a good idea to invite a hunger ghost to a social gathering, put our ears to the test with some dance floor coitus, and sit through what is possibly

the most legendarily bad, best man's beach in the history of weddings. This is a Miss and Legends bonus episode. I do from the Magic Tavern. This is a podcast where I tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular stories you think you know, but with surprising origins. Other stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. So foolish folklore is a new thing for us. There's apparently a mythical land behind a fast food restaurant in Chicago, filled with screaming wizards and child death. That's where, I guess, this past weekend, a rock was found. That supposedly contains audio. The story has been circulated

a lot online recently, and a listener on Twitter actually poined this out to me, so thanks to AtspinTax, the green for sending me this one. I told me you could just like send me a Dropbox link to the audio, but as soon as I sent the tweet to him, my cat disappeared, and in this place was the first generation Microsoft Zoom, where the only track on it was what was on the rock.

It's not exactly our typical fair, but it's too fascinating and a tale not to dig in. To set the table for this magical wedding in a fantastical land, we have something old, a seemingly ageless wizard named Yusidor, something new, a cartoonishly tall man from Earth out of his element in this strange land, something burrowed, a sweet little badger, oh, sorry, my bad, shape shifter, and something too, Siddore. The story begins with three friends, Boone Companions if you will, huddled together in anticipation. Oh boy, big day, big day, big day. How you doing buddy? I'm doing great, I'm excited.

The day is finally here the the wedding of Chant the shape shifter and Tisador the whatever he is exactly well We've talked about it actually and I did want to let you and you sort of know we're gonna call him a twizzard A twizzard a twizzard yes He isn't a wizard, but he might be a sorcerer or a mage and if he decides to call himself a a twizzard I've decided that is an acceptable term that I can live with. No, yeah, there's gonna be parts that are really like scary parts that are really like beautiful and overwhelming and Scary parts like vampires or something. Um, no, you know what you're right now that I've come here to a magical land

Where there are like real monsters I suppose my scale of what classifies as scary is really need some adjusting So I don't think you're gonna be scared. I think look it's gonna be good. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, this is the guy Look on on my world. This is the part of the wedding. Yeah, where the people in the wedding party are hanging out beforehand And they're just like getting pooped They're just getting pumped getting ready and it's gonna be great. You look good in here. Oh, thank you So you look good in your little Describe my outfit. Well, it's a pink tox, which I thought you were joking about. No, you were serious

Yeah, it actually looks really good. It looks excellent. One time in your sleep, Arnie I heard you this is like two years ago. I heard you mutter while you were dreaming Pretty in pink. So ever since that day, I thought if I ever got married I'm gonna wear pink to honor you Arnie. Yeah. Thank you for being my best man. You store. Thank you for officiating That's my pleasure. I greatly look forward to the fourth coming Ceremony and also I'm excited because Tucador the advantage of Tucador being you know the creation of magical runoff Is that he has no parents so no in-laws. Oh, that is nice. Yeah, it's a win for you except for the fact that he does also have a wife

So that's yeah, but that's you know, you know, that's to be expected isn't it? Arnie does the they go fast as it goes slow it goes by so fast So let's just enjoy this moment together. Did Sarah have a wife when you got married? No, no. I mean, I'm not gonna say it doesn't happen on my world. Now, we had a pretty standard, her not having a wife, you had a pretty standard.

So you, did you hear yourself? What's that? You said you had a pretty standard. I have, no, we had a pretty standard wedding. Oh, okay. Yeah, hey, you know what? Just like right out of a box. I mean, look, we had a pretty standard wedding. Oh, okay. Yeah, hey, you know what? Just like right out of a box. I mean, look, we didn't have like a traditional traditional

paint by number wedding. Well, I wouldn't say that exactly. Who would you want? Number wedding. Was it your first wedding? It was. And my last. Oh, yeah.

You'll find someone new. No, no, I'm still married. Okay, this isn't about me. This is about you. And this is the thing I want to make clear. Wedding, a lot can happen, and there can be a lot of drama, and there can be a lot of people asking you for things. So let Yusudor and I be here for you today.

We're gonna be here for you, and we're just gonna support you on your special day. And as a thank you for you two being involved, Arnie, again, for you be my best man, you should offer you officiating. I want to give you these little gifts, okay? These are just my gifts to you as a thank you for participating. They're golden frogs. So beautiful. Opened it yet, but thank you. Should I, oh, you don't know? No, no, no. That's it's a frog. Don't open up a frog. That's dissecting. This is a live frog? Yes, it's a golden frog.

It's a magical creature and what it does is if you're ever concerned or worried or having a bad day, it'll sing you a song and lift your spirits. I was going to put it under my hat and then I realized there's already abomites for happening in my hat today. Yeah, I am so sorry about that. No, no, things get double booked so the tavern is fine. Thank you for putting up. Thank you for magicing some decorations. Oh, my daughter. And I'm excited to get married at this very table. Is it weird that we're oh, Dad, come on in. Yeah, hello. How's everyone doing? Happy my daddy. I just wanted to come in and say the horse lot is getting full, so people are to 100% sure where they should buck their horses. Ah, damn it.

Is there a second place? Is there any horses blocking other horses? Fear not. I shall go to the horse lot, and I shall shrink these horses down until they all fit inside of my golden frog. Yeah, John, John, don't worry about it. Use the door and I have it.

He's gonna shrink the horses down. You don't need to worry, use the door and I have it. He's gonna shrink the horses down. You don't need to worry, you just gotta enjoy your special day. Tell people that there'll be extra room for horses. Yes, so tell them I'll be out forth with. Don't, I wouldn't put those in the frog. It's, I, again, I don't know how to say this. It's a magical frog.

Don't open it, don't put stuff inside of it. Everyone hold your horses. Don't be like my dad's been waiting to say that. Don't be like my dad's been waiting to say that. Hold your horses, everyone. Well,'s been waiting to say that? Don't be like that, it's been a waste of food! Hold your horses, everyone! Wait, I'll try until you're ready to get out there and greet some of the guests. Um, I just want to stay back here for a little bit longer if that's okay.

Yes, of course, take your time! You're not... Oh! Well, come on in! Hi, Steve! Hey, Dannekin! Hey, Chad! Are you two disturbed the wedding, boy?

Oh, no, just getting my bearings. I had a little gift for you. Oh. It's a bouquet of cooked noodles. Oh. Mm. Probably. You made it?

Yeah, I made it for you. Wow. So you'll carry it? OK. I'll put it down. Thank you. OK. Is that a new tattoo?

Yep. Oh. Yeah, that's my yeah. Is that a new tattoo? Yep. Aw. Yeah, that's my butt. You got a tattoo of your butt on your neck. I do. Aw. Do you like it? Um, thank you.

What, what if you could tattoo it on your butt? My neck. Makes sense. Whatever, end your end. It's sort of like a preview for the other end. Yeah, let's take a look at some of the tattoos here. You have your neck, your back, and that's all. Yep There's a little bit more room on my butt, so I'm taking suggestions if you have some other ideas

I was thinking maybe my nose Well then but then also if somebody says I've got your nose Are you trying to tattoo like an upside down version of yourself on yourself so you can trick people? Ooh, I didn't think of that but I like it. Yeah, you know how sometimes people like turn their head upside down and their chin is like the top of their head and their mouth is frowny. I'd like it so that if I were doing a barrel roll in the sky, somebody could see me at every angle. That should be, you should sort of podcast called Tanikin from All Angles. Yeah, especially from my butt.

All right Thank you. I like that wedding boy. Yeah Hey, try to find me asking what you invite evil tanikin to the wedding Some people couldn't make it and I loved regular tanikin. I should adorable And honestly, I'll say this evil tanikin kind of adorable to just you know evil yeah, and also more weird than evil Yeah, like cook noodles is just kind of weird you're mostly harmless except for those times when she bears her razor sharp teeth and starts killing things Yeah, but otherwise yeah Mommy, my mommy. Hello.

Oh, gentlemen. Oh, you all look so fabulous. Thank you, mommy. Like my penthouse. I love it. And I brought you something. I brought you a hanker chief that I was given at my wedding. And I'd like you to have it.

It's so yellowed. Yes. Well, I left it in the field for a while. It's been peed on. Oh, I thought it was her mage. No, no, it's from pee, but that's a good luck. The pee yellow. Yes. No, thank you, mom. And you look so handsome. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. You look beautiful in your own. Oh, Arnie. Thank you. I- Homp-de-Pretty. Wove. This myself. And it's white.

I didn't think you'd mind. I don't mind the white. I do mind that I can see your Ayolas. Oh, Chutty. Mmm. I don't think anybody will notice. I don't think anybody will notice my mom's Ayolas. Well, she's a terrifying mantocore, but very charming.

And I think they'll be mostly distracted by you know the bat wings and the lions mane. Yes, I can pull my hair down. I'll pull my hair down and cover my area. Thank you, my man. That's your mascot. John Mayer, I ask and I'm so sorry. I'm from another world. Are there color rules and weddings in Finn? Like what you can and can't wear? There's a few color rules. If you're at a wedding and you're dead, you should wear black. If you are, if not a proving of the wedding, you shouldn't attend. What else? So that's sort of clear. Is the color you'd be wearing then? Well, you're wearing pink, you're pretty in pink.

Yes, she. And I definitely didn't want to wear clear. Hey, is your father around? He was in here earlier. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm supposed to be shrinking horses right now. I'll go out there with you. Escort me out.

You sit on. Yeah, yeah. He's shrinking horses. Excuse us. Chuck, is that a little, I don't, I shouldn't even bring in this up. These aren't the kind of things you should be thinking about. I know, I know what you're going to say. And listen, it's fine that you're wearing jeans in a pink polo.

It's fine. You do you. That's not what I was going to say. If you want to phone it in, that's fine. This is, I washed parts of this. Okay. I think I look pretty good. Yeah, you do you look you're very handsome Thank you. Is that what you're gonna say? I don't know I want to make today. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Are you worried about your parents because obviously your your father died at his wedding to your mother? Yeah So that's on the on the dance floor. Yeah, and if you're a hunger ghost, it's gotta be kind of weird for them. And maybe everybody that they're at a wedding? Yeah, I mean, it's always in the back of my mind, but you know, I am my father's son. But I'm sorry, it's probably not a good idea for me to come up with.

To bring on me dying to him, I wouldn't even die. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's probably never a good just to be like, oh, weird stuff about your family, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Flying pig, that's Tannikin. I saw she had noodles and I am starving. Yeah, here, eat this bouquet. So, okay, I was just making sure he wasn't talking about Gras the Flute Man. About who?

Gras the Flute Man. Who does have a literal asshole on his neck. And he whistles when he talks. I know who that is. Gras, yeah. Yeah, we were in a tingle recovery glass together. He's like a walking jethro-to who that is. Graf, yeah. Yeah, we were in a, we were in a tingle recovery class together. He's like a walking jethro tall that guy. Oh, no.

Or people maybe, I don't even know if I'm doing that one, right? Hey, and that's, if that was who you wanted to bring as your plus one, that's who you wanted to bring as your plus one. Graf and I just get each other. Everybody gets plus one. All right, I'm gonna go outside and sit on the park bench. Okay, Dan, I love you. Okay. Excuse me. Oh, oh, this isn't the kitchen. Oh Oh Baron. Oh Baron. Hello, chant. Hello, Arnie. Hi. I was just looking for the kitchen. They're out of rainbow bowls and your guests are getting antsy. Oh

I would Maybe maybe you can get behind the bar yourself and you guys some What's up? So you guys this is where you're preparing in this room here? Yeah, no other exits just this window. Yeah, this is just like a wedding party only room Maybe for family and I guess apparently it's sort of evil people can just walk in at any time I was just looking for the kitchen, but this is not a very well-defensible position that you're choosing to do. Oh, no, there's a fire or something, we'd be fucked.

Yeah, no, and this wall, particularly. Yeah, anyway, yeah, I'll go behind the bar. I'll make my own. Thanks for coming, I'm glad you're here, Baron. Yeah, me too. Why did you leave Baron? I had some more invites left. I'd rather have a party and a wedding full of hearts and

people and good vibes than just have like you know five or six people. Hey maybe you getting ready back here. Pizza Skull. He just barbed pepperoni all over the place. I'll see you later man. It's a little pep-puk. Yeah. Well, no, you're right. You want to share this with people. Can I be honest with you? It's so fucking weird to see a slice of pizza with a cumber butt. It is. It is. It is. It is derving. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Arnie, I did want to let you know one thing. Just so you're not thrown, you

might want to sit down. Okay, thank God. The ring bearer is going to be drew. The dead kid? No, he's alive. Just dead, I think. That'd be an awkward ring bearer. Yeah.

According to my memory, he's dead forever. Well, let's just see if he shows up. Okay, well, hey, he's dead forever. Well, let's just see if he shows up. Okay, well, hey, you're a special day. Who, who, blah blah blah. Okay, shall we, who, blah blah blah? Do you need anything? Seriously, is there anything I can do for you while still staying in this chair?

Just be my best friend. Yeah, man, I'm here for you, buddy. Thank you, I'm so happy to be in this. Thank you, you're the best man. I'm honored to have you. Of course, thank you for not making me be an usher. Oh my god Thank you. That is all yeah. Yeah, no, no. That's like I mean that's bottom of the barrel. Yeah, yeah, who are your usher? I don't even know you don't that's okay. Yeah people might be sitting anywhere. Yeah, that's okay. I think maybe activities

Yeah, okay, I think maybe activities one Yeah, okay This cuz it's her tavern, right? Yeah, her do we own it now? She's don't worry about it. It's don't worry about look I was just trying to keep straight I just want to relax and think about my wedding chant on your wedding day Let me give you the gift of not having to worry about continuity Oh my god, oh my god to worry about continuity. Thank you.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's a good thing. You've used it, or an eye worry about continuity is because it's been so hard for so many people. So even people coming in and out of here and they're like, what are animals are you doing? I'm like, I can't remember what I said.

Like, oh, thank you. Thank you. I just don't want to. Yeah. I don't know. I break K-Fab. I shrunk all the horses down, but they ate each other and turned into one giant horse. Ah, yeah, can you just hold that for me?

Hey, hey, chunt! Tussardor, congratulations! I bought a bunch of these off-brand, resonant stones at the ruffled feather. And I'm gonna have wedding guests pass them around and record messages to you too. You can listen to in the future and remember your wedding. The sentient clot of smoke that I bought them from said that they work automatically. So some of these well wishes will just automatically insert themselves into the audio recording of your ceremony.

So nothing has to be edited. It all just happens by magic and not the hard work of any hypothetical editor. Anyway, folks can pass these around and go ahead and record some messages. Here, take it, go ahead. Greetings, Chant. It is us, the two remaining Blue Tigers. As you are in Cyrillian, here to issue a Merry Merry Wedding. A Merry Merry Wedding. A Merry Merry Wed wedding to you.

Keep this one alive for God's sake. Please. Oh, oh, Miss Crust. He used to do, I don't have to call me Miss Crust. Remember, you called me Lady Crust last time we were together at the book club. Yes, we had a delightful time reading the book together. I can't believe we haven't spoken since then. You just asked me to come.

I showed up, but I was nervous you had changed your mind. Oh, no, certainly not. But you must excuse me for a moment. I'm about to begin the ceremony, but promise me this. When the ceremony is over that you'll still save a dance for me. You said, oh, I said, too, Dancet. You said, oh, it looks like you're crying.

Oh, oh, I'm very emotional, given, like this, and, uh, I just wanted to say to you today is a celebration of love and we must all be open to love. Oh well, I don't know what to say. I'm open to love. I love many things. For instance, my favorite thing to do is to walk into a corner of a room and close my eyes and just pretend like I am nothing. Oh, does that make you feel good? Yes, yes, it's like I work with materials all day long. And sometimes my hands start to bleed and crust over. And that's why, you know, my last name is crust. But anyway, so sometimes I get very tired

and exhausted and burnt out. And if I just stand in the corner of a room and think that I'm nothing then, I feel free for a moment. And I love that. It's a form of meditation in a way. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Uh, hey, uh, you said, oh, hey, hey, hey, Germ.

Oh, hey, sorry. Oh, hey, you got a little bit on your head. Yes, I'm, yes, it's crusting over now. head. Yes, it's cresting over an outwatch. Look, it'll do it in seconds. Okay, well, I would love to stand here and watch blood dry on your hands, but. Well, it looks like little designs once it's done. It looks great.

Hey, you said, I know we were getting ready to start the ceremony, but I just found out there as far as we know there are no ushers. So I don't know if that's like a thing I should solve or... Oh, I asked Wheel Bear and Crock Roads Cloud to do that. Oh, no. What?

Okay. Alright, that should be fine. I mean, so half of our guests will be terrified and the other half will probably have shit on them. Uh-huh. Oh yeah, are there's the little fellows whose makeup I was doing outside? That's correct, yes. Oh yes. Oh, oh, I put some drugs in their makeup so they're going to be a little bit loopy. Why would you do that? Oh, that's a wedding.

That's a wedding, it's for fun. If you have horse 24, 7, you're blocking the entrance. Oh damn it. I'm sorry, I must go. I must begin the ceremony. You're just getting somewhere. 24-7. I know, but duty calls. I shall be back. Fourth with.

Oh, hey, Tanikin, I know you're evil. And you probably aren't invested in helping, but can you check up on the ushers and make sure that they're helping people find their seats? Oh, you mean those people who were helping people find their seats? Yeah. I ate them. Just a little bite. God, I am... Now you are. I'm doing cockroach clown. I'm gonna be honest about that.

I probably not good that you ate wheel bear, but okay. Hi everyone! I feel like our spirits are moving us to start this ceremony. So shall I help people take their seats? Oh! I'm happy to help us, sure. Oh, thank you! Thank you, Ellen!

Yeah! Everyone, follow. If you don't have a seat, see the terrifying monster with the scorpion tail Yes, it wherever your spirit tells you you should sit. I love your tail. It's so Seen anything like thank you Couldn't I took it I touch it is that rude? Oh, no, please do if you'd like later I can tell you're fortunate with it. Oh, help Ouch, hey, hey, I don't know who you are. Hey, it's me. True. What's this? My name's true. I don't know

I don't know a dozen times. I feel like I'm hearing the wind What put a boot? Can I get my uh, can I get their ring? What's this can get the ring? Oh? Gents said that you have the ring. Oh, um, oh gosh. I vaguely remember that Shun said that you have the ring? Oh, um... Oh gosh, I vaguely remember that supposed to have that. With the spring, I... I'll be good. Okay.

I'll get good lord. All right, uh, uh, no, no need to worry. All right, uh, I'll find some... Okay. Wh- Wh- Wh- Wh- This is Gavaron Valentin here, and oh my goodness, I am so excited, your friend Gavaron Valentin.

I cannot stand it right now. I am so happy, there are so many things you are embarking on this journey, and I have eons of wisdom to give you, and if I could cut down my trunk and give it to you, I will, but I will refuse. Just remember, things will get hard. Winter will be long, but every winter there is a spring. Find things you hate about the earth. And say to yourself, I like this now.

And you have a perfect marriage. I hope to find love as real, as you too have. And if I don't, I love you. You are my two children, not literally, but for real. Congratulations.

Okay, this is real. Congratulations. Okay, this is Flowers, this is my time now. There is so much I can tell you, so much I can say. I remain a power, a pleasure, a pain, baby. You're like a piece of shit, I could fucking die. Do you know that when a snows, Baby, you're like a piece of shit I could fucking die. Do you know that when a snows I get really cold, that science, you know what I mean? Baby, I could buy you two our kiss frowlers on this day.

Oh, the more I get, oh you I hate how it feels, yeah And now that my rose isn't bloom Fuck everyone in this room, hey La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- Thank you man, where you go? He's hiding from me, but we do this thing at what things, where we act like we don't know each other. And I go, he's stranger, and then he acts like he doesn't know me back. We call it role playing. So if you find him, he's my ride. Oh.

Tenecan. Yes. I was looking around, and I've noticed the mezzanine would be a fine place for a crossbow meant to be place. Or, you know, anyone who could hurl fireballs. Yes or toxic eggs. Ooh, did you bring any? I brought a dozen.

Alright. I think, oh, I think those are his parents over there. Okay. I think we should try and sit near them Yeah, can I sit in your lap? I'm cold. Uh, yes, although my My date has a tendency to suck the warmth out of the room So I'm not sure that'll help. Have you met Mimsy? She's a rath from the nightmare round? Oh Hello Um, that point means hello. She doesn't speak. I'll plight back with my tongue.

Oh, yes, she likes you. Thank you everyone for sitting down. The ceremony is about to begin. And hey, I used the words in charge, but I just want to say if anyone here has a wedding ring, see me, I'll be over there. Shut up and sit down. It's okay, shut up. I'm on top of it! Shut up and sit down. Shut up! I'm on top of it!

Shut up! Chantier, are you ready for me to walk you down the aisle? Ready, mommy, thank you. You're welcome. You're so kind. You're looking well. Oh. Dad, can you get back there with Tussador?

I just wanted to come say hello. I see you're wearing navy, which is close to black. What did people shouldn't wear? Well, yes. I was nervous this morning and I took some tingling my eyes went back into my head and so I didn't know what color I put up. Well. This reminds me a lot of our wedding day.

Mom, you're arioles? I'll cover them! Oh, you shouldn't. You shouldn't. Well, I think we need to get down the aisle. Yep, let's get down the aisle. Okay, just take my arm here. It's filling this tavern. All right, mom. And I'm so happy and proud of you, baby. Thank you, mom. I'm so happy. And I'm I love you. I'm happy that you're here with me. John, I just want to tell you what my father told me at my wedding day. What's up?

I just want to tell you what my father told me on my wedding day. The three of us should not be walking down the aisle together. I'm going to go back in a second. What do you want to tell me? Didn't your father tell you not to marry me? Is that true? No. Well, but maybe. Yes, it's kind of true.

What were you going to say? Just, you know, watch out for that last arrow. Watch out for that last arrow. Oh, that's good of true. What were you gonna say? Just, you know, watch out for that last arrow. Watch out for that last arrow. Oh, that's good advice Hugo. Yeah, is that like a metaphor or something? No, it's because it killed me. Oh, yeah. Alright, so I'll go back with Tussador.

Okay, love you. Here we are halfway down the aisle. That's a long aisle. I can't believe we started outside. We should have just started from that back room. I'm waiting in the back. What's the door? I restarted where we were meant to start.

Yeah, and I'm sorry. This is the last minute change. I know you were in your seats. I'm sorry that we had to finagle that. I love it. I just didn't want to walk down the aisle by myself. You also thought, you know, this got my money. Here we are. Oh, I'm giving you a way. Oh, we're three-fourths of the way down the aisle. Oh, quick, quick talking. He's coming by. He'll hear us.

Okay. Oops. Hello. Hi, Danny. Hi. I'm getting so glad you could be here. Are you waiting for you? Where's your bouquet? Where's my way?

Your bouquet? Your poison bouquet. Oh, the noodles? Um, I think my daddy, though. Oh, what lovely art you have on your body bouquet. Oh, it's the noodles. I think my daddy, though. Oh, what lovely art you have on your body. Yeah. Thank you, that's my butt home. Oh, you ever want to come to my pride?

Please, on the other side of the mountains, we could all cover our bodies in your art. Yeah, tattooed butt. Mountain bee ashamed of love, love Ted-ass. All right, we're gonna keep walking now. Everyone. All right. We're gonna keep walking All right, all right for fifths of the way down the azyl All right, to Sador. I've walked you down

y'all thank you again, mr. mr. Ghost Yes, thank you and I just want to say that I love your son and I'm gonna do everything I can to take carof him and protect him Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Did you want to take my arm in your arm? I try, I would do it, but your arm would go right through my arm. Oh right, right, I just want to make sure that it was that nothing else. Yes, no, that's it. Can I call you down? When the ceremony's over, you have to make it official first.

That makes sense. When the ceremony is over, you have to make it official first. Everyone remember its custom as Ducido walks down the aisle to jump down onto the ground face first. Oh, there goes the jumping. This is so many memories coming back to my wedding and when it was a simpler time. Ducido, I'm proud of you. Oh, thank you. Here's a pamphlet on the dark Lord. I think there's a lot of good information in this. I'll grab that from you later. Thank you, though. All right. Also, this is just crayon. Did you draw this? What? Did you draw this? That's

preposterous. I can't hold an object in my hand. I saw you either thing of noodles. Okay, maybe I wrote... maybe I wrote it with the poison that was in the noodles. Oops! My teeth are leaking on the aisle. I am so sorry! It's all right, I'll help. Go ahead, Tussador. I'll help clean this up. I am finished. All right.

D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Oh, hey, Tussador! Sorry, interrupt, as you're walking down the aisle. this up I have finished. Alright. D, all that jumping might dress fill off. Oh, well, it was meant to be, I suppose. Wow, teats in the aisle, aerials abound. It's a true wedding. Everyone please stand, return to your seats. Thank you for taking the faceplant when Tussador came down the aisle. All ye who be gathered here today for this joys event, prepare thine cells to bear witness

to love, here under the wrathful eyes of Foo, Ooo and Oon, a celebration of love is about to begin. Chant and Tuttador are about to embark on a matrimonial quest together. Two boon companions, battling all challenges presented to them in this life, rising together like the phoenix from the Ashes of the Aerie battle, in stronger than before. As a fellowship and a romantic couple, they shall vanquish any foe that off appear before it took them. Marriage is a contract not to be entered into lightly. Nor is it a contract that should be signed in blood, only in ink. Nor is it a contract that should be signed in blood, only in ink.

Nor is it a contract that should involve the exchange of livestock. Nor is it a contract where in the party of the first part herein referred to as chunt, nor the party of the second part here and to refer to as tussador, should be required by law or by institution to insist that one or the other be made to give backrubs. Backrubs should flow freely and not be demarcated by a formal written agreement. Nor is marriage a contract that should be entered into by a single person. That is ludicrous. Nor is it a contract that requires an emittance of funds by the 16th of every month, less

than home be repossessed. It is none of these things. Now there are many more things that a marriage contract should not be, but in the interest of time, I shall list them all now. It should not be an agreement to create music for a live theatrical experience. It should not involve hush money to advance your political career. It should not seek renumeration for the following acts of physical labour, construction, sculpting a good idea. Sweet benevolent goddesses, though thou art capable of destroying us all with but a single thought. We humbly ask that you spare us for a moment longer,

since this union proves that we can be more than our base selves. Though we are unworthy of the mortal lives you have so generously gifted us, and though we should be destroyed by your vengeful eat vision, we ask that you instead bless this joyiding, for today too become one, one that honors you and begs your forgiveness for the brazen insult that is our continued existence. Please face what another and hold hands paws or claws. Look one another in the eyes, deeply, and with great passion. Release thine hands paws or claws, and turn toward those bearing witness today.

Turn to thine left. Turn to thine right. Now turn to thine partner and take a bow. Grab thine partner by the arm. Turn to times and pussy dough. Take a deep knee plunge and there you go. Sting thine partner over thy head. Remember now to get it to your dead.

Now the dance of the squared has concluded. The couples shall exchange vows. Chant. Do you take Tussardor to be your lawfully wedded spouse? To love Honor and Cherish in sickness and health, for seeking most others, for as long as you both shall live. I do. Tussardor.

Do you take Chant to be your lawfully wedded spouse? To love Honor and cherish, in sickness and health, for seeking most others, excluding of course those to whom you are already married, for as long as you both shall live. I too, chant, I just want to let you know that, even though you've been many things to many people, you've taken many forms, to me, you always just be one form, my true love. To me, you are perfect enough now, enough. Tussador, you are the love of my life. You are everything I wanted. You are everything

I will ever want. And even though I am a shape shifter, I'm your shape shifter. So as we continue down this path together, I may take different forms. I don't know what's going to happen when we blink, but it's going to be a journey we take together. No matter what I turn into, I'll be yours. And I want you to know that. I love you. May we have the Pepepe Meshave Alcano. I do hereby pour this vinegar into this Pepepe Meshave Alcano. Watch as a magical reaction to take place. A river of lava appears, representing the gruesome cruel and rare ending drudgery of life. Together take the ring representing your willingness to face the most insurmountable of odds,

and throw it into the volcano. Now, cast the ring inside of the volcano back from when it came. For you see, I bought all of these supplies at Castamir's Potions Emporium down on Trungel Lane. That's from when it came. All the best potion ingredients for your potion making now at Castamiers. Arnie, did we get a sponsor for the wedding? I-I think he's getting side sponsors.

Thanks again to Castamiers for sponsoring this ceremony and this marriage! Now, may we have the rings to wear upon the groom's fingers. Um, I-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't-I don't- I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, We're all really very loving and supportive that they can get through this without The rings that drew definitely lost fuck did I lose the rings? A drew why don't you reach into your pocket? I'm good No, no, why don't you reach into your pocket? These pants don't have pockets. What about your jacket? Oh, no, this is just a single sheet of cloth He's wrapped around me real tight Oh no, is it just a single sheet of cloth? Is wrapped around your old tight?

I don't know, don't you? Still have your ring that I gave you. Yes, I do. I also have a tail covered in turquoise bracelets. Darling, would you like one of my bracelets? Or the ring your father gave me? We definitely need two wearing rings, yes. Oh, yes. I see them. Are they around your nipples, ma'am? Oh yes, please. Go ahead. There you go. Now these two rings represent something different than before.

They represent your love because your love is round like a ring. Or an ariola. Tussador, place your ring upon Chunchfinger and repeat after me. I am putting a ring upon thine hand. I am putting an up or ring upon thine hand. It is yours now. It is yours now. It is a symbol of my pledge. It is a symbol of my pledge.

My pledge to thee to always love and care for thee. My pledge to thee is always to love and care for thee. There are some practical times that you will want to take the ring off. There are some practical times you'll want to take the nipple ring off. That is fine. That's fine. Just don't lose it please. Just don't lose it please. Like, Drew. It costs a fortune. It costs a fortune. Chant, place your ring upon Tussardor's finger and repeat after me. Okay. I am putting a ring upon nine-hand.

I am putting a nipple ring upon nine-hand. It is yours now. It is yours now. It is a symbol of my pledge. It is a symbol of my pledge. If it doesn't fit just right, if it doesn't fit just right, we can get it resized.

We can get it resized. After all, after all, it's just a ring. It's just a ring it's just a ring Excuse me Girm yes, this is my first wedding. Uh-huh in this world. Oh, yes. Oh How long do these things go on usually? Oh, well It depends on the father of the chant honestly

Oh, but hey, honestly. Oh. But... Hey, Arnie. Yeah, knock, knock. I... I think this one will be pretty long. You should... Do you have any juice with you? Uh... Juice?

Yes, you should be drinking juice. Oh. I'll get some red potion. Arnie, buddy. Yeah. I'm trying to do my interpretive dance. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, this is an important part. You shouldn't leave during this. Okay

Just drink with that pig and stay down Don't slip on the milk. Don't oh, oh, oh, chanta's slipping as the interpretive dance stuff concludes Allow me a moment to wish the both much love and happiness in your years together include, allow me a moment to wish the both much love and happiness in your years together. Your journey ahead will teach you much and there will be hard times, but if you remember to laugh, when times are hard. If you remember to help when the other is down. If you remember to give, more than you receive. Then life's journey will always be a joyous one. The journey will take you places that you never expected to go. But if you are open and loving, you will always be where you belong. And if you are open to where the journey may take the. Or any of the here today, my Dysic just joining

mine quest to defeat the Dark Lord and return peace to this land. Oh, we need our 15-25 brave adventurers, willing to sacrifice everything to show, but I digress. By the power vested in me, by conspiracy of birds and rain, and fire, and and frogs and squirrels, and the very goddesses themselves, I now pronounce you. To be united in matrimony, you may kiss and fornicate your own discretion, for it is not my place to decide these things for thee. Creatures and beings of all sizes, shapes, and self-identification, I am proud to present unto thee the couple of the hour, chunt and to Sador

Drulling so beautifully We should get them a phase started Let's get on the dance floor and fuck everyone the reception will be happening right here in the tabern and about 15 minutes Just give the grooms a moment to recollect themselves. 15 minutes, that's like a week. No, it's nothing like a week, it's only 15 minutes. Baron, are you doing alright? I saw you crying quite a bit during the ceremony.

No, I just thought of, I was thinking of my own wife, which is awkward, as I brought a date. Oh, yeah. That's right. You know, I was, you know, I was tearing up too, because I was thinking about my wife on Earth, where I miss very much. Now, remind me, was your wife thrown into a river of lava? No.

No, no. Oh, someone did that to my wife. Yes, someone did. Do you recall who that was, Arnie? Well, it wasn't me. Was it, was it someone? Was it a friend of yours? Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I think, I think as I, but let's not worry about continuity on this, the special of a day. Fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. Hey Arnie, buddy. Um, yeah. Thank you for your thing. That could not have gone better. Well, it could have gone better if I didn't have to put my mom's nipple rings on my finger. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? It does. So, I mean, it could have got better to some didn't have to put my mom's nipple rings on my finger. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense?

It does. So, I mean, it could have gotten better to sound degree, but no worries. Yeah. It feels so good. And thank you for not... Thank you for not making me worry about continuity. You know, as a, you know, 10,000 year old being, it's so... Yeah.

Great to never have to worry about that. You know, ah, yeah, that's not older than the whole world, but that's... Yeah. Excuse me? Then nothing. Thank know, uh, yeah, that's not older than the whole world, but that's, yeah, excuse me. Then, nothing. Thank you, buddy. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, excuse me. I'm so sorry. Oh, hey, girl. Oh, I wanted to. You got blood all over your hands. Yes. Oh, this was actually special for the occasionally.

And, um, I wanted to hand you these two rings. I stole them for the ceremony. Oh, you could have used those a little bit ago. Right, I know that as is custom in a moon wedding something must be stolen. Oh, yes. So I stole the rings. But here you are now, and I hope that you can put them in whatever orfaces you desire. Oh, thank you, Tirm. Thank you.

You're welcome. And take it as my wedding present. I will. All thank you, term thank you. You're welcome and take it as my wedding present. I will. All thank you so much. Um, Girm can I tell you one thing before I have to get into the reception area and uh, fuck my husband. Oh please. Um, hey, it's a wedding. You know, people are looking to hook up, looking to have fun, looking for love. Oh, my friends, My friend adores you. Oh, what friend? Arnie. Arnie, you standing right here, Arnie. Arnie, don't you like Gern?

What's this? Oh, I was thinking about something else. What's going on? Arnie, were you looking at me, Arnie? I'm trying to help you out. What? What? No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm married. I am married, but not in the Tussador married and I will marry another person way. But you seem great. Well, now that I've been suddenly, strangely rejected, in this moment where I didn't even know what I wanted, now I'm starting to feel like I need a rebound. Oh, there you go. Girm, you know what, I have a friend who cares about you deeply and won't stop talking about me. I'm just got married. No, it's not me.

It's Gorth the flute man. He will not. He's look. He's very handsome. Well, he does have an anus in his neck. I know Gorth is. Gorth took me out on a date I know. Gorth is. Huh. Gorth took me out on a date one time.

Uh-oh, details. Yes! There was a disco ball involved, and it fell directly on my head. I'm grop. It broke. All of the pieces went into my eyeballs. My face was covered up. Were you looking up when it fell. Yes, because

Gorm said a gum. I want you to look up and I did. I will never trust that. That's being. Arnie, I mean bad move. Of course. So sorry. As someone from Venus, that was a shitty move. No, I'm from Earth. You told me I didn't have to worry about. Oh, continent. a shitty move. Uh, shh. No, I'm from Earth. Mm-hmm. You told me I didn't have to worry about it. Oh, continent, that's right. What about Yusudor? I... What's happening?

Yusudor, the giant dog? Well, I'm gonna get into the reception you all, take care. BELL RINGS Singing sword here. I am just so inspired to invite this whole wedding. You know, usually I only sing at battles and war, but I... I want to sing a song for you too. Who wants me to sing? What should I sing about? Somebody shout something out. Wizard!

Oh, well, you might think that marriage is sad. You might think that marriage is sad. You might think that marriage is tragic. But what you don't know, my dear, is marriage can't be magic. Oh, you walk in the snow, and you're obscured by the blizzard And you say, oh, I will never find my perfect soulmate, my wizard. Life can be so difficult. Oh, life can be so hard. But you will find your wizard just like a sword finder scabbered. That's the way we pronounce it.

Now do the name! Excuse me, are there any seats available here at this table? Oh, yes, yes I was. Well, you're the parents of Chant, is that correct? Yes. Yes. Allow me to introduce myself. I am a Shangalbirth Regune, Baron of the Shrike Valley.

Oh! Servant of the Dark Lord. All right. I always enjoy meeting a handsome man. Thank you. Can I call you Greg? It seemed like a lot to remember. I'm in a few, well, I will be, you know, less formal than necessary, since you're the father of the groom, but shanglebirth is my first name. You got it, Greg. Okay, and this is my my date Mimzi from the Nightmare Moors.

And uh, oh yeah, that's her way of saying hello. Oh, very good. And uh. Hello, and me too. Oh, yes. Hello, the tattooed one. Yes, we'll talk later. Yes, do you mind if I sit here in somebody's lap? Sure, sure, yes. Not in mind because you'll fall through onto the chair. Oh, maybe that's a good arrangement. So how do you know Chant and Tussador? We go way back, don't we? Yes, I believe we have tried to kill them on more than one occasion. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and the crimes he committed. You must be very proud. That's my chenti. Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry. Here I am talking about continuity on a wedding. Hey, everybody. We're going to get started in just a minute with a reception. I do not let you know there is a resonance stone set up on the table. If anybody wants to share any messages, any sort of wedding well wishes or anything like that.

So that's there on the table. And we're going to get started real shortly. Oh, chant, that reminds me. This screenmail came for you. Ooh, a screenmail. Let me open it. Hello, it is us the fresh guy of twin. You know us. You fear us. You love us. Snake and Anishanasa. We have sent this a tiny envelope that screams at you when you open it. To say happy wedding, but also Screams at you when you open it. To say, happy wedding, but also, uh, marriage is gross. Hmm, any two people getting along with each other for forever, impossible.

I cannot be done, except for who is this for? Chantantusa-Dor-Oh, you guys are adorable. You're going to make it work. We believe in you. Just like we believe in ourselves. We're the best. Tintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintintint Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, that there is someone near and dear to my heart that's going to give a best man's speech. Please, I want to introduce to you my best friend of 37 years has been that long that's crazy. Standing at 5 foot 1, hey, everybody. I'm Arnie. I'm a chants friend. I'm from another world in case I haven't met you before. Oh boy, I probably should have prepared more of a speech for this. Oh, not really good at winging it, but here we go. Marriage. You know, what is it?

It's a thing between people and it's good. It's really, it's good. It can be difficult, but it's worth it. And, ha, why did I not write anything? Okay, just talk off the dome. You know, Chant is my best friend. And when I What's that use it or you're you're floundering a bit. No, I think I'm I think I think people are into it

Okay, okay, let me think so we should you know send the signal now But I'm the other and this is torture for the assembled I don't know what I hear about the dog Lord. No No Hugo, I don't want to hear about the dog Lord! No, I just... Okay. But also between you and me, this awning sounds like a real idiot. I'm feeling so sad all of a sudden because Olli rejected me. Oh, maybe I should go stand in this corner and become nothing?

I would be dead if it weren't for chun. Like on many occasions and and I hope I can return the favor and and save his life as many times as he's saved mine and and be there for him. I mean you know I don't I mean I guess sometimes you should give anecdotes or something in these speeches like crazy things we've done. Oh gosh, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Well, there's that time that we found the weapon hidden in the tavern. And like, oh, this is a good one. No one's heard this one because we didn't even talk about it on the podcast because

Yusidor, I think he hypnotized me and told me not to talk about it. But it may have been work it. Stop me for this one before. We haven't heard it. We've been working. We've been working on this riddle for like a lot like way too long even. And we got to this part where it was like face to face with swan semigui and like we drug swan semigui in here and we were trying to get his help. But then we had this weird accident with an apple and he got stuck in a wall. But then we had to like, we spent a whole day cutting his head off and we put it on a thing and then a compartment opened up and then there was a breaking of the three thing

where we all like really hated each other for a day and we were fighting and then I had to like dig into the water and I found this statue of a penelope which I guess is like a weird mysterious deer creature and Yuzora says this is the weapon and it's very powerful and I could destroy a lot of stuff and we're still trying to figure it out, but anyway, that's our chunt. That's our chunt. How's our really your fucking speech? Drew, fuck you! He's fucking you, Drew!

Jesus, fuck you, Drew! I'm with Drew! Well, I'm gonna get into the reception. Okay. And, um, uh, two-story-n-ire gonna consummate our marriage, so... I'll check out that. ...do you wanna gather around and watch? And, uh, um And do we have to?

Yep, that's the law. Okay, all right, everyone, gather around. Wee wee wee. Ooh, okay. Ooh, I love this part. I love how slippery the floor is and how everything's like greasy and slimy. Oh, this has been prepared very well.

May I have this sex? Oh. With a consummation about to start, I'm really regretting that I might do this place up Oh, this has been prepared very well. May I have this sex? Aww. With a consummation about to start, I'm really regretting that I might this place up so well to hear everything. Eleanor, do you think if I wasn't killed by that 40th arrow, we would have made it? Oh, you go. I don't know if it's the rainbow bulls talking

or the fact that you took two rings out of your nipples but I Remember the love we had and it's coming back. I Remember making love to you in the middle of a dance floor, and that's when we conceived you're chunky. Yes. Yes Driving me insane today. I'm sorry talking about the dark Lord. You're still So handsome damn will they? Won't they? Who knows? Too bad we can't make love again because I troll took my penis immediately after I died. Yes, well, I'm certainly not lost on love. You know, just watching someone consummate something on the dance floor. That's just another Wednesday night at the commune. Yeah. Yeah. Oh

Look at him go. You said oh, have you ever watched one of these before? Oh hundreds. Yes. Are those bees getting bigger? I think they are, you know, I think I'm You said or I'm just gonna I don I think I'm, hey, you said, or I'm just gonna, I don't think I need to watch this whole thing. I think I'm gonna go out and get some hair. You have to watch the whole thing. You have to watch the whole thing.

I think I'm gonna, I'll be right back. I'm just gonna make sure everything is set up for the other whole Jew tightly, physically. So you don't need to wonder whether or not you should leave. Oh, okay. I mean, no one is ever left one of these before. Never? If you leave now, who knows what might happen?

Look at all that honey. I ate a bee! It just flew to my mouth. Well, another rainbow bowl for me. That's a good lot. Oh, I'm so drunk. Oh, are you feeling all right? Do you need me to take you home on my horse tonight?

No, of course I have to see through the consummation and then we have to have our dances. Oh, are we going to dance? Are we going to dance? Oh, it'll be so fun. Should we dance like they're dancing? Oh, I'm not sure. Oh, I'm not sure. But dancing like consummation. Oh, look how much they're putting their thing all their parts together in different ways shapes. Oh this is like geometry. Oh it's puzzling yes indeed. No one ever leaves like not even to be trapped. No there's people outside who are bludgeoning you. Anyway you said you're so funny. I loved your speech your whole

everything. The part about the massages. I loved your speech your whole everything. The part about the massages, you know, massages should flow freely. I actually have a little tear away part of the back of my dress. And if you tear it away, you can massage. Oh, well, here I'll just tear that off right now. Oh, wait! Damn, did anyone notice there's a giant horse peeking in through the door? Everybody wants to see this?

And there's no one said you can't give massages during the consummation. Wait, I've heard this one before. Don't open the horse up. There might be an army inside. If somebody opens up that horse, they're gonna find two dozen toxic eggs. Can't wait for the smell and the gas. Time for another rainbow ball! Uh, hey, I... Um, I don't mean to alarm anybody, but Tussador's looking a little bit... Strange?

Like, I'm trying to... I'm really only looking with my peripheral vision, but... Bonnie, we know you don't like Tussador. And there's nobody's gonna bring that up now. Tussador! I-I am fine with Tussador. And there's nobody's gonna bring that up now. Tussador, I am fine with Tussador. My dislike of Drew is totally distracting me from how much I don't like Tussador right now.

But I am saying, this is Chant Special Day, this is their marriage, and Tussor is expanding at a weird rate right now. Look at your friend, look at your friend on the floor right now, making love to his new husband. And look at the way his husband is expanding. and the way his eyes are bulging out of his I mean I don't think any of us know what happens when a shapeshifter has sex with like wizard runoff but like twizzered twizzered with a twizzered do we know that this isn't

something like some kind of twist castrify could happen oh no this could be a magical explosion I've seen this before one time I got into a little bit of trouble in China one time. Who's China? It's a she's a woman who lives down in the forest. Don't go see her, because you'd have big trouble in little China. It sort of sounds like... It sort of sounds like Tusa is trying to say something. Oh, the light! Look, I can't even look directly at them anymore!

It's so beautiful! It looks bad, everyone! I'm more turned on than I've ever been. Even the evil people are concerned, this is not good! You're going to get me another rainbow ball! It doesn't look right, this looks terrible! This is not good, it looks bad! I think you'll remember me.

Oh! Oh no, my son-tty! What the fuck? Shunt! Harnie, what the fuck? I think I don't want- oh, I think I- Who's that are exploded? Like not in a metaphorical way.

Like he literally- There's honey everywhere. I'm still a badger what happened I mean look at me everything's going to be all right I don't know what happened but we're going everything's going to be all right fucking all right we had one wedding in a funeral I don't know I guess I guess I guess of a shape shifter and a twizzard have sex with the twizzard? Have sex? Uh, the twizzard? Explodes. Is this a joke you're telling?

Ah, I tell, I've never told a joke on this podcast. Okay, what would help clean this up while we're... Wait, wait, what's that? What's that? Oh. Oh, there's a giant egg. This... What giant egg was that?

With bees or was? With bees floating around it. Oh, chod. Is this him? What is this? I don't know. Like Arnie said, this is... This is new uncharted territory. I'm... Did we make this?

Chant, I'm so sorry. I think two-satoors... God... I didn't notice before, but... Chant, the file around your neck. Yeah? It's empty. Oh my God. Shut.

You a daddy? Oh. I'm a daddy? Eggie baby? Is this my eggie baby? I'm gonna be a grader. My eggie baby! This is my eggie baby!

But also, this is a curse everyone in our family. Then their spouse dies. On their wedding day, I knew I didn't charge my crystals long enough This is my fault. I'm gonna protect this egg with everything I got and I know that not everyone Like Tussador and I I know that a lot of listeners didn't like him either, but I don't care it My love doesn't need validation. My love doesn't leave a approval and I just didn't expect this to happen. I thought yeah You're right buddy. I'm so sorry just just does anybody are we sure he didn't eat any he did eat something right before hand We're sure the two story something just making sure I think you have a cinnamon roll. Okay, good. Has anyone seen Drew?

Oh my god, he's dead. No, for here Oh my god he's dead! No for here! Ah fuck! Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-du help raise the child. It takes a village. It does. And I think that now, even though our spirits are very low and we're grieving that you should still continue on with the final post-consumation dance, maybe dance with the egg. Oh, that would be lovely.

I'd rather, I'd rather do it now. I'll be honest, this has really thrown me for a loop. I was not expecting this at all. Same, I wish we could take credit, but it's too incredible. Yeah. Do we still want to, you know, at our, you know, unleash out? Seems a bit much. You're right. It's kind of probably already been unleashed. I mean, we get all the planning. Yeah, that's true. Right.

I mean, do you want to go back and tell the Dark Lord why we called this off? No way, Jose. All right. Um, all right. People of Hogs face. What? What? Your doom is at hand on this.

Your happiest of days. What are you doing? What? What are you doing, right? We're trying to tell you over again. Watch out! Watch out below! Throwing some toxic games! What are you doing? What are you doing, right? We're trying to tell you over again. Watch out! Watch out below! Throwing some toxic eggs! This is a lot of fear and look.

He's been through a lot. This is just not a good time. This is a very poor taste. Well, we can at least tell the dark lord that we tried. Yeah. Let's do this next week, maybe. Great. Next week, next week. Yeah, stay off the mezzanine. It's a death. Hey Arnie. Yeah, John Can I tell you the worst thing? Oh?

I mean two-story dying is awful and I don't know if I'll ever recover but you Seeing one of his bees flying my mom's mouth I Just don't I never want to think of that again. No, I don't know if this is a bad time, but a lot of people are pissed off because used to turn everyone's horses into one big horse and now people can't leave. Arnie, can you deal with this? Yeah, technically, it is still your wedding. Don't worry about anything. Yeah, of course, buddy. I'll fix it. I'll figure out. Okay. Yeah. And we're sure Drew's alive, right? Yeah. Uh, yeah. Thank you, buddy. Hey, Drew,

will you go check on something in the mezzanine? You got it. I love you, buddy. That's gonna be okay. We are through this. We use it or yes, Arnie. Yeah. Will you help me raise the sekiy, baby? Yeah, of course. Well, I always be here for you, Trum. No matter what happens. You guys know this Daven was magic? Dad! Oh, you're such a dad. A sexy dad.

I don't know what he- He's the key to my hotel room. Oh! I'll leave that because I can't go through the door. Arnie? Yeah. One more thing. Mm-hmm.

Will you inform Tussler or door. Arnie, yeah. One more thing. Mm-hmm. Will you inform Two-Stores wife? Oh, okay. Yeah. I asked Drew, but he's helping with something in the mezzanine. Yeah. Yeah, he's not going to be able to do that, so yeah. I'll find Two-Stores wife and tell her. She wasn't invited to the wedding?

She was. I think she just chose to stay home. Okay, no, I get it. No, I get that. Yeah. Oh, be careful. Drew, you almost fell. Wh- who's cold? I'm a live writer! Two tragedies. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Alright, alright, hey it's me, Dan, the Transdimensional Delivery Man. How are you, Chun? Tussotor.

Thank you guys so much again for inviting us. We're having a great time. Look, no, stop it. I'm gonna come get a drink in a second. We're hanging out. We got the whole crew here. I got Arnie Neckum. We're all laughing at him.

This is my family. You are my family. I'm in a Joseph of Boots suit. We have a lot to learn from you too and I'm just saying your vows I mean come on John I mean you're insane baby that was not bad your fabulous the sun was shining down on you all and I gotta go out there and party because they're pulling me away I'm so sorry that tonight went so poorly, but it was a pleasure to see you. Likewise, you said, and that massage you gave me after you tore that part off my dress was varied.

I mean, that was a bright spot in my, in my evening. With the massage you gave me when you tore off the part of my robe was also wonderful. Did I realize there was a tree growing back there? Yes, oh, you didn't know about your secret tree? No, I had no idea. That tree could help you defeat the dark lord in only moments if you know how to harness its power. Really? I was actually getting a little bit of pleasure from massaging your dream myself. Oh, thank you.

I'm so sorry that it's massaging that tree to your arms off. Oh, well, they've been torn off before. Don't worry. Hey, not to be an asshole. Can you guys not do this on the dance floor? You're standing on my dead husband's clothes. Oh, no, I've just had a little bit too much. Mead. Oh, I'm so sorry, Chant. You said, you're really the only person who's been nice to me. Oh, you rejected me earlier. What? What? Yes, I didn't even know it was something I wanted.

And then Trump said, Arnie's in love with you. And then, what? What? What? Exactly what? Arnie said no. It was so fast and so devastating. Here he was plotting behind mine back this whole time. When he knew how I felt for you. You for me? Yes, girl knew how I felt for you. You for me? Yes, go, I have feelings for you.

Oh, wow. This is a shock. You're not about to reject me, are you? No, not at all. Perhaps when we're not dancing upon a dead groom's robe, we could do something fun one night. Oh, I would have that. Remember when I put a fluff stuff up your butt, I'll never forget it. Neither shall I.

So there you have it. A rollercoaster ride of a story with the only height requirement being that you'll endure what is surely a tall tale. Evil pigs, horse wizardry, exploding spouses, and what are we left with? A giant egg surrounded by bees. While I'd like to think there's some validity to this audio, some brand new mythos creation to be told through time, I can't help but feel like it's a hoax. I mean, despite the fact that I still don't know where my cat is. But if it's not, well, then I'm just curious. What's next? [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING But I don't know what are you gonna do. I mean look at my cape. Do I look like I care? It says no regrets Zero zero regrets today or ever. That's just how the high-time queen lives her life. Yo-lo

Weddings huh rough stuff. Yeah, well guess what I used to be married to space Dracula. It sucked Oops, okay, this is the part where I make up the fake actor names for all the people we just listen to. Let's see here, doodly do. Chant and Tussador were played by Adel Raffai. Usador, the wedding efficient, was played by Matt Young. Father of the Badger, Hugo the Hunger Ghost, was played by Brett Lyons. Nice for him to show up. Mother of the Badger, Eleanor the Mantocore, was played by Jill Fenstermaker.

Girm Cross was played by Mary Tilden. Baron Ragon was played by Chris Rathgin. Evil Tannakin, the Pingulet, was played by Sarah Fine-Out. Jesus, you couldn't fit anyone else in there? Special thanks to Jason Weiser from Myths and Legends for bookending the episode. Wait, isn't that what I'm doing right? I don't, you know what? I don't even care.

No regrets. The Myths and Legends theme song is by Broke for Free, head over to Myths and Legends.com to subscribe to the show. And also special thanks to everyone who made a cameo in the episode. Really, there was more? Just McKenna and Zach Reno from Off Book, John Sabine, Brooke Bright, Overrated, Erica Elam, and Joey Romaine. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Ryan DeGeorgie, and Evan

Jacover. This episode, edited by Tim Joyce. There's a little additional music in the episode by his old band, the lesser birds of paradise. Sweet. That's nice, I could use that, I want to listen to that one. Are all the episodes this long? As a temp in my eligible for overtime? Listen, I just want to know this is allowing me to indulge in my passion projects. Tune in next week to see if they actually do anything with that stupid weapon or forgot that they even mentioned it.