Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 101 - Volcano

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

Season finale. Dripfang and the Soulwalker battle Momo, Krom and Blemish (and Usidore, Chunt and Carfoon Arnie) on a volcano!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMomo the Mouse: Erin KeifBlemish: Martin WilsonKrom the Fingarian: Mark LogsdonDripfang LeDesparé: Kevin ScirettaSoul Walker: Ross BryantMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSea Shanty Theme: Arne ParrottYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth. I hope the hypothalamine within the limbic system of your tiny human brains are tuned up and ready to mitigate some dramatic tension, because the season finale train has left the station. After a warming up its engines for a quick 90 or so episodes, Arnie's been abducted by the Dark Lord, the original Karen, but worse. The Institute where I get my snacks across the street from Burger King Ground Zero has gone into some sort of high alert mode that only someone with a real knack for mindless

fiddling could interpret. Unfortunately, Craig hasn't responded to my signal. Hello, is anyone there? This is Greg, can anyone hear me? Hello! Hello! Hello, is anyone there? Greg, where the hell is your voice coming from? Oh, the coffee machine! I'm projecting my consciousness into it. You can do that? Apparently I can do that. Oh, beans from Intelligencia, did someone win the lottery? They have unparalleled mouthfeel. I will not be bean shamed.

So, Greg, how are you? Oh? Fine traveling the galaxy with my robot friend PV3. Uh-huh Yeah, we even had our own space bunker for a while and there was time travel Vampires mm-hmm. Hey, if you don't want to pretend to be understood this will go faster Okay, great. Could you hack into the system here? Everything is all mountain-do code red and I need to know why. I can try how much access would you need? All of it, if things are as bad as I suspect, I'll need to know everything. I'll also need a fresh pot of coffee. Is that asking too much?

With intelligentsia beans, should I track down a loan application? All right, you get to work. As for you, audience, listen closely as our story continues to unfold. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. Cafferty! Yeah, buddy. I know you're not real Arnie, but this is like the season finale. So like really, I need like a motion, I need you to like some oomph and some like, oomph, right? Here's my question, Chuck. How do you know that this is the season finale and not like maybe this will lead to a series of events that would need one or two or three more episodes? Huh, um, good point. I guess just treat every episode like it's the finale if that makes sense like if you stay prepared you never have to get prepared.

Okay. That's why I was operating at this intensity. Okay, so listeners, this is the season finale. If this is the first episode you listen to, don't worry about this, this is everything you need to know. Four years and four weeks ago, I fell through. Boom! Kapow! Keep going, keep going.

Through a dimensional portal behind a burking in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume. Were those fireworks? I was trying to add drama. Well, I'll do real fireworks. Fuck you. Usador, we're literally like we can see the volcano from here. You just shot fireworks into the sky, alerting the Dark Lord's armies that were right here.

It's a countdown to his death. Also, the fireworks are blue and have the words used to do in them. Yeah, I know how to lock it myself. Called branding. Oh, can you do the ones that like explode and then like suck back in? Yeah, sure.

Like a back trick. No, sorry, like suck back in. No, I'm maybe I'm not being clear. Like, sorry, like, suck back in. BOOM! No, I'm maybe on my being clear. Like, okay, so they explode out and then they go, like, it's like they went back together. Okay, how about this one? No? Uh, aren't you keep going? Alright, fuck it.

The wrong side, guys, I picked the wrong side. I should have stayed with evil on this one. Same. No, we got this. Do we? Well, we've got this. Guys, this is the culmination of the quest I have been on for so many years.

We're going to save my friend Arnie. We are going to defeat the Dark Lord and send him to the realms of Ephesius where what was once a good wizard shall be dissipated into not. Momo forget to mention that she's wearing flip flops do you think that that's the best shoe for this? I don't know. Do you have other shoes?

Not really. Again Momo packed for vacation. No one told her it was a rescue quest. I have an extra pair of moccasins if you want to borrow them. Crayon, I think your feet might be a little bit bigger than Momos. I suppose I could shrink them down. I think these flip-flops will be great. Okay.

Yeah, and I don't want you to shrink my feet down. No, I wouldn't shrink your feet just the shoes. Sorry, Momo. I'm sorry, I'm so hung up on this. Usur, can you make them either flips or flops? Flips off flops? Yeah, mama, which is better for you? How will I walk if it's just one?

If they're just flopping off fall, and if they're just flipping, I'll certainly fall. They have to flip and then flop. Yeah, just let her flip and flop. I can't argue with this. All right. If they were just flipping, maybe would you just shoot into the sky and never come back?

Huh. No flipping, what are you Gary Shanling? Something Arnie you've always said to me. I don't know what it meant, but he always used to smile as big, oh, for his smile. Fuck, I miss my best friend. Let's go save him. Hey, now. What?

Momo is going to be integral to this battle that we're about to enter. Let her flip and flop, and then she just won't be able to run for public office. No plans, too. That sounds exhausting. So remember, we're all integral in this battle against evil, even Carfoune Blemish. Maybe the most integral in my own mind. Yes, certainly.

I believe that you were the one I've been looking for to turn to the side of good. I knew I could do it. This is why I know this is the final episode. He's too happy, you're too happy. Too happy. It makes me nervous when you get that happy. I'm not used to experiencing you looking at me and smiling.

Well, nothing's going to go wrong and we're all going to live forever! Woo! So fresh! I shit! I! So fresh! A ship, a ship approaches! Mmm... It's a lot larger than the shorelines! Be sure to fire! I need you behind them as well! No one told you to boost a stamp digging!

Keep digging that trench! Yeah, Kilomanster! Oh shit! I see them guys! Who are cool real fast before we get off the boat? Should we have like a code word or like a safe word or something like a Vroom trouble or something like we should say oh Mom has got one how about this help help me okay From here take this microphone throw it to the shore

Is it everybody's first day? Forces of evil. Listen to my voice and heed my commands. Now, good. Forget them and bring back the intelligence to the minds of the soul-walker. We hunger for Intel. Yeah.

Those flip-floppers are coming on some sort of swift boat. A swift boat, quick, assembled veterans to discredit it! That was a great reference for 10 years ago! Soul Walker, we need to destroy these interlopers. By my count and through this telescope that I just fashioned, is it a telescope if I'm holding it or is it a looking glass? There's no time, what am I an astronomer? We need to think that so that they don't approach the island. A telescope that you see great distances

whereas a looking glass lets you gaze at yourself. Or what I call the UPS. This guy, can I just say real quick, I'm so happy we finally get to work together. Your medal is hell. And I as well. Game as they say. Rekindicative. Game, yes. Kill that boat! Leave the souls.

The body's dying. What remains is mine. I shall plunder them for bones and cool shit that I can use and spells. No mo. Connie, they want to destroy the boat. Let's destroy it first. What? Why are you setting this boat on fire so fast?

Wow, it went like there was a chance to disagree. Wow, I think it went up like a box of matches. Look at that. If they want to destroy the boat, we need to destroy it first. But they also want to kill us. I guess this isn't like an illegal fireworks show. It's some cousins junior high. That boot made 20 racks of palm prawns!

Hey, I don't want to criticize anyone here, but it seems like they're really well organized. And our first move is to set our own board on fire. Also guys, we suck. Why are we just standing around on this boat that is being engulfed in fire? We gotta get off this boat! This was the boat where we became friend. Oh, sure. Right, blemye. Look, I'm not a pyromancer. I'm an necromancer. But what I rudimentarily know about fire and flaming things is that when you're at sea, fire is your worst enemy. When you think you would be surrounded by water, so it wouldn't be a problem. But if you're in

fire and you're in a boat, you're pretty much just asking to never be seen from again. Obviously, I would bet you five cool bucks that they don't even make it to shore. Ooh, cool bucks, you have my attention. You sort of this fire is taking too long. Make a magic cannon on the side of the boat and blow this fucking boat's brains out. Ooh, and come on, Moe Crazy. But what if we focus not on destroying ourselves, but destroying them? Excellent idea, Moe. I knew you would be integral to this battle and you've proved it just then.

Yeah. Quickly, let's destroy the boat, save the bears and then kill the villains. The more they talk, the more the fire seems to leap. It's like out of spite for their dithering. They're trying to make us pity them. Everyone keep punching the boat! I don't know that they're jumping the boat into a street gang. Guys, are we gonna die in the first 10 minutes of this episode?

Blood in, blood out. Okay, I went below decks and Crom is down there with all the bears. Oh no. They put everyone they're trying to went below decks and Crom is down there with all the bears. Oh no. They put everyone they're trying to save below decks. Oh my goodness. Did they take a bet on how many of their own side they could kill? I'm adding an extra five gulbugs to this. We could just focus on the engineering feet that we have to accomplish.

Yes, Crom, Crom don't worry. All these plates are an amphusia that I cast. Nobody will know that the folks shall be tied. Okay, cuz I just convinced all those bears below decks that this was the last day that we're gonna live and we're gonna have a big orgy. Oh, I interrupted your bear orgy? Yeah. I'm so sorry. So are the flames real or not? No, it was just an illusion. I was trying to get them to lower their gods think that we are in top. I'm asking you are the flames real or not Yeah, the flames are in. Yes, great great. I would bet the healer monster that I'm riding around on that I Train could we're gonna be on this volcanic island that the only trouble we're really going to have is from the blue sack of shit the middle of the decks right now you'd recognize him as well as anyone and I'd recognize him because I hate him

I respect him as a professional, but I hate and lose him You said oh, yes, the as you are pretender take them all the blue one is mine You are a pretender. Take them all. The blue one is mine. I shall darken his cobalt hue to a more suitable action pala before I finally suck his wisdom soul into ourselves. Look at this. Look at my skin, man. This is snake bumps. You're giving me snake bumps with this. I was gonna try to kill him but you called it I'm giving him to you. This is what so many people don't understand. We've got time for this. Is it just because your evil doesn't mean you can't support each other. Yes.

I want to let you know that I see you and I appreciate you. I would like to also see you and recognize you as one of our most evil and serpentine order that which is dedicated to destruction of all that considers itself both holy and good-hearted and know that I recognize your efforts that you're doing a real good job. I am sworn to the abyss to all that is black, ebony and blasphemous and I will support you through whatever you do if there is a problem that you have I am an open door to your every care. Guys, you all fuck this up. You said or you fucked this up.

John, you fucked this up. Momo, you fucked this up. Why? Why? So now you fucked this up the least, but you still fucked this up. Thank you for saving. Crom, why are you crying? The bear's kicked me out. I'm sorry. Well, Crom, I know we're kind of new friends,

but I would say that was a tad bit unethical. And Momo lies all the time and steals to feel something. But I would not tell people to the end of the world in force and orgy. What's going on? Momo, you sort of made a illusionary bears for Chrome to clear with you. The real bears are already on track.

Why is no one telling Momos the illusions of these things? Strategy, Momos! Strategy! In war, you don't tell anyone anything! The more you communicate, okay, let me just put it this way. Loose lips, sink, ships, okay? Why is so much of our strategy interpersonal between us? Let me show you quickly. Get in my sack. I mean, I'm crawling in. Alright, well I owe you ten full bucks because despite everything that we have seen,

and in defiance of basic laws and evidence, that ship is just reached sure. And it's not on fire, and all the bears that are on the goods. The mother fucker was all illusion. The bears seemed witty. The moment they seemed real happy and they just disappeared. They looked like they had all thrown their keys in a balloon, were about to have a real good time. And then they just vanished into the mist. I didn't know if it was my eyes, but I couldn't tell where one bear ended in the middle of the began.

It had a real ice storm vibe to it, for sure. And now they're gone! The trickery of you, Sir Dore the Blasphemer! The trickery that fooled you both? Yeah, well, oh, ooh, I will. Mmm, God, that looks so mad. You, Sir Dore! Yes. I see you once again.

Previously, I had seen you only on the shores of the lands of the Bellaroths in premium content. And now, I will witness your demise here on the main timeline. Draw your weaponry and face me. Lava Arches, please gather around when he gets close enough to shoot him before he gets near me. And you, over there, keep digging that trench. We have to divert the lava away from the water. I'm not on your side. You're just pointing at everybody.

You even know who works here? I'm sorry, I just assumed since you were so close to me that you were a minion. Hi, and I'm dripfeng. Hi. Hello. It's kind of the thing about minions. You don't have to know all their names and personal deets.

Yeah, we separate management from labor around here, you know. We try not to sell the lines of, you know, the workflow. That's why you'll always lose and will always win, because we care about each other. Fuck that thing! Fuck that thing! That's a fucking car food! Fuck that! I hate that! I hate that shit! I remember you guys! I remember that shit! Fuck that! Kill that thing first! Yusidor, I'm back! I've sucked the blood from his healer monster He'll monster Who do you say when he did my

He'll monster wait are we all getting off the boat now? Yeah, yes, we're all advancing chat. Come on Was the boat real was anything real am I real? So I'll walk up Punch me in the face! H-h-ah! Oh! Ah! Got all right of my fang! Yeah, I'm real.

Do you want me to punch you in the face? You would be wonderful to feel anything. They're doing what we did! Yeah! Ah! Yes! The fire line between pleasure and pain! I always dance upon its costumethin for its.

Thank you, Tripvan. Yeah, man. Okay, who is this guy? Because his voice make my teeth buzz. I am, wherever we are, the soul walker. Countless souls, bounded in his one, more than decaying shell Pretty much a skull wrapped in a cloak

Your soul shall be ours You join the family with him. You're going to die Not unless you meet your end at the hand of you should all this day. So walker I have defeated you before and I shall defeat thee again. Ah, but first. Is Lady Maribel still in there? Ugh, she's still in here. Okay, just want to see how she was doing. You know, she had a thing with Alfred Donnell for a while. Franny, on all. She's still pines for him.

Sad, it's a really sad tragic tale. I think I'll be happy to hear that, like whenever we see him. Why hasn't anyone killed that living artwork? Ah, God, guess he's a willy. He's just mad that I pulled a sweet switcheroo on at the end of last season. I like it, it's unnatural, it's unnatural in me. I'm a fucking necromancer. You're right, Trippang.

And none of you will leave to tell anyone anything, especially you carfoon, a work of art is but another repository for a piece of a soul and I must destroy you. Attack bats! Fly! Whoa! Attack bats!

Whoa! Shield! Aqua bats! Skane! Water shield! Baseball bats! Here in there! Some of the bats you... Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum For I shall save Arnie! Return the artifacts to the side of good!

And plunge this obsidian blade, which I got from you, dripfang. It is hot. Hey! That's my sword! That's my sword! I made that sword! Yeah! Give me my sword back! Oh, fuck no!

You are too late! You should all the liar! Arnie, me, can't even know Is it a key of a master, the dark one? Slaid out on an ebony altar Wearing a little flirty chainmail Singlet So tied up with a silver chain

And there's a black, sanoth tiger looming over him is It's a naughty scene up there sounds cancee as hell. Yeah, it's worse than I imagine Yeah, hold on the side of a minivan guard. It's pretty fucking cool. He's a real naughty distress Flirty chainmail did you shop it forever adjusted 21 the very same? Oh The very same. Ooh! You purchase such flirty chain mailware that is appropriate for battle, then the retail chain that you just mentioned. Yes, we had to create an appropriate tablo of Dark Sortsary. It's a tablo of Dark Sortsary.

Everybody, come on. Get on the same page. You, you sore, you're gonna give me my sword back because I made it rightfully. And then rightfully plunge it into the chest of your stupid friend that is right now discovering aspects of himself previously uncovered. And so, when you are destroyed, I will claim that sword, and then the dead dig a trench to divert the lava from this erupting volcano So that a shell near reach the water no obsidian shall be made none of the material you need shall be supplied You are basically in the terms that are most technical I'm almost gonna sit down while you guys talk about fighting each other. And there's just one problem with your plan.

Drifting, I hate to point it out. But, uh, Crom, could you come here for a second? Yeah. Oh, look at that. What's up, buddy? You see all those goblin architects? Hmm. They hate bears.

What? They hate bears. They told me. Oh, that makes me so mad. That makes King Crom so mad. It's Crom the King time. Oh shit, look at Crom approaching that guy. Why do you want to be so evil?

Tell me about it. Did someone treat you badly when you were young? He's using empathy. No one's ever asked me that. What a beautiful thing to ask. Holy... What? Wow, um... Yeah. Explore your pain. Use it. Push it down to continue your work. Ask me that What a beautiful thing to ask holy what wow

Yeah, explore your pain use it push it down to continue your work. I guess you could say it began with my parents trauma Mm-hmm, and then they sort of like it did their best. They tried to do better for me And oh that one's gone. It wasn't their fault But they just sort of has Closer than you make here's closer than you don't make with all books It's not your fault They're fault but they just sort of has no Oh You sir all the goblins are walking off the volcano. I thought all the goblins got sent to earth all the goblin army got sent to There are some goblins who have jobs in the Yes, these are military contractors. Oh.

There's civilian goblins. It's part of a private security firm that was leasing out their scales at the time. Some of them had served in the Goblin Army and then when they got out they went freelance. The contractors of Darkwater. They tuck their like polo shirts into their khakis and a lot of time they take action that is completely un-sanctioned. That's why we like them so much. They usually have a clip where they put their crystal ball in their belt. Yep.

Oh, ready to land you or something. A lot of them are named Randy for some reason. Oh, name Randy! Oh, name Randy! Oh, name, oh. My name is Roblin. Roblin? Oh, man.

He wants me to get Roblin. Hi. I'm Roblin. Hi. People are talking about Roblin. Oh no. The Goblin's are killing each other now. But Roblin and the Goblin was the foe of him. He had three days until retirement. You told me that Goblin was four men in a Goblin suit? Wait a minute. Terrific of the life.

Oh yeah, he was. He told the guys in a Goblin suit. I should have known that. I'm a thousand snakes in a snake suit. Boy, what a day for self discovery. Nice job. You're always guessed that the guy whose name rhymes with what he is is probably unpostured.

Fuck that thing. I can't stress enough how much I hate when that talks and that it's around, and it made me hate artwork. You don't know what it's like to go around and hate artwork. I have to stab every painting I see. Yes. It sort of sounds like you're a coward. Oh, yeah. I'm evil sounds like you're a coward. Oh yeah.

I'm evil. That's not an insult. Well, this is an opportunity to support my fellow employee of evil. Carfoon Oli, I shall turn this drawing into an exclusive corpse. Come face me. What? You don't have to. Oh, no. That mouse is begging for a fight.

And I am offering it to you. Ah, me, me, camp, counterfeit. Quickly blemishes. All that is extracted by the Carfoon Arne. Yes, this is your opportunity. Sneak up to the DarkWords, keep, yes. And bring back the information I need. access that stronghold and save our friend and Quickly cram. I just want to say holy shit empathy is like the most powerful weapon great job Yeah, it's called the power of vulnerability chant

Wow more powerful than these fireballs Run like hell! Run like hell is from this! Get! Run like hell! At bounce! What are you doing on a volcano, Kale? You look like a giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant giant You know what I see these huge dickballs Wow, it used to be our great fireballs, but didn't that spell Mary its cousin Good and it's gracious. Not cool, dude. Maybe don't use that spell anymore But to be clear trying you're fine with the dickballs

I'm fine with the dickballs, but just the spell that produces great balls of fire I think Mary does cousin and I don't want any part of that. I'd rather lose that have that magic at play. Quick, zombies clean up those dickballs. They didn't hit us, but I just, they're unseemly. I don't like what they do to the workspace. Use them to shore up the Bullwalks. Moot, we have to get more in the way of that lava.

Wait, hold on. What are they trying to do to this volcano? Are they trying to get it to not erupt? Okay, so stopping a volcano from erupting, hi everybody, drip fang, necromancer, chef and quizzeter, and apparently civic engineer. To stop a volcano from actually erupting, it had to actually shift the whole volcano

off of the base where the magma is coming up. And it's not like me and Soul Walker have the actual muscle power to do it ourselves. Do you, by, oh, sorry, Soul Walker, I didn't mean to assume. Do you have the muscle? It's important not to assume, but no, I lack the corperial strength in pyromantic abilities. Okay.

To render the earth in such a way. Right, great. So, we were sent on this job. Our skill set isn't necessarily designed for such work, but we adapted. We're overcoming. So, instead of stopping a volcano, we are directing the flow of the lava back up the volcano. So now it's just basically a little bit more. Momo quick while he's monologuing. Toss me. Toss me Momo. Okay ready? Yeah. And my yaks. Oh no you're tossing me like a pizza. You just put the

badger to the side like that. I mean need need you really come on come on. No, please It's not gonna go right unless here we go Papa John just threw him in the opposite direction. No way nearest whatsoever. Lemmish, what did you find? He's the door. Lemmish returns down to the base of the volcano. I made it to the lip.

Arnie, he's at the top of the volcano. He's on the lip. It is an extremely erotic scene up there. I needed a minute or two up there to take it in. And I'm gonna whisper it into your ear because if I say it out loud, you, you, you, you, he's up there with the, he's got the, you know, the singlet, the singlet on.

Yeah. How do I get in though? There's a saber tooth, this is saber tooth thycrum. I get it, it's a sexy scene. How do I get it? It's so sexy though. Okay I'm talking He's in a singlet You got a singlet from forever adjusted 21 I think that's one of the things he was screaming out

I've been looking for one of those I've been looking for one of those. I've been looking for one. Is he pulling it off? A whole look. Yes, absolutely. It's so fucking hot. I'm dead inside. Talk more about the saber to a tiger. No, don't say it slower. The saber to a tiger is stalking around the head of the volcano.

His paws gently tickling on his body and different places. Zombies go ahead and surround them. That's right. A trip saying, I wanted to point out, are these your zombies? You did these? Oh yeah, just I raised them and I brought them over myself. I got them from the big cemetery in Northeast. These are the most ambulatory zombies I've ever seen you create. Well, thank you! That's very nice of you and unexpected. Thank you. It's very impressive. We're not quite runners yet, but we're getting there.

No, no. They're more of a classic design rather than the update. Yeah, they don't exactly shamble, but... You probably need 28 more days or so. Right, about 28 days later from now, they should be here. Yeah, you know. They'll be a dawning of the dead that we all really appreciate. I mean, while they're around you, they're going to slow...

Zombies attack. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Quick Momo while they're talking. Put toppings on me. Stop telling me what to do.

Here's the thing, if Momma's at a battle, she wants to end up a folk hero, and people are gonna be singing songs about her for a while. And part of me is like, I'm the only lady at this battle. I should probably be doing a lot more. So it feels like there are more ladies here. And then the other part of me is like, Momma's on on vacation. Well, so even though I'm currently like a battle pizza Can I just say I feel like the battle should carve out more time for you since you're the only female participant?

No, momos on vacation It's somebody say battle pizza. Oh Yeah, I'm gonna eat some zombies I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to conjure this pizza. Mamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamam at the sound of a pizza warrior that was required and saved us from the zombies. Fuck, the one time I turn into a pizza, pizza skull shows up, of course. Well, time to turn into a shark. Ugh.

Ugh. Ugh. Get in the water. Toss me, toss me. Oh, boy, you have to throw him into the water. And whoop! No, not in the air like a pizza again. Forward, launch me, I guess, launch me. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D That's what I did and I was there and I saw the whole thing and I didn't really want to leave to come back and tell you about it

but I did I'm Your boat bud now. Thank you blemish. You're my new best friend. Well, well, well Look who's been riding on the friendship It seems you said or thought that he could give us all the slip. Take in the erotic tablo up above with his own eyes. Would you have to get through me first? Blue was it? Very well then. All I need to do is pass this soul walker, who I've defeated before by reminding me, oh sorry, wasn't there a young gentleman in you who wanted to be an artist?

Yes. What was his name again? Wait, you said, are you said, don't you realize? One of the few ways to defeat a Soul Walker is to get it to not remember one of the canonical names of the souls that make him up. Yeah, you should know that was literally years ago. I can't remember the name of every soul that populates the psychopian realm in the pocket dimension that holds me together. Damnit Connie Wilson, I was trying to get him to get the souls fighting one another so they would dissipate and break apart, but now they're more aligned than air against us.

You nearly sent me back into my memory palace. Must be nice to afford a memory palace. Oh, and it hath many rooms indeed. I can't remember every name, especially not Chris Bix. So do I. What's wrong? So Soul Walker? Your sword is wavered. Yeah, I speak to you. Talk to me big guy. I remember. Oh, my... K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k Quickly you must run out of here and get away from this volcano. Uh, the soul walker's trying to do evil

Honestly, you said oh, I've been in here so long. I'm more so walking than Chris picks now. It's been years, dude literal years Okay, well the fine fireball So hard for the soul Years like momo. It's been years since the first time we met you and I'm sure you remember your brother's name that you talked about in the first episode you were on What? My flakeflap broke Ghost dog, where are the samurai? Ghost dog attack

Fuck a ghost dog Yeah, get off me Ghost dog from the forest of Winnica Get him I think he was Mike Hey, Cron Yeah You see that guy dripped thing?

He's a bunch of snakes in a suit. You see him? Yeah, yeah, I see him. Did you say in Fingeria that you deal a lot with a pile of snakes? We had Foon's largest pile of snakes by Whitt. I can't kill this ghost that's in a shell! Ha ha! But he moves so quick, uh?

While I'm strong, I don't think I have the finesse to be able to get him with my club. Maybe Momo, what if I put you on my head and put a sailor hat on top, and you kind of tugged on my hair to make my arms move? OK, I will do that, because that sounds like fun. But why does everyone's plans include Momo? I am trying to rest. You can rest.

You're going to be under a hat. OK, here I go. Man, it's Julie. You can rest. You're gonna be under a hat. Okay, here I go. Man, it's you! In him up! So, Walker, I'm gonna throw you at Yusador. We're gonna turn this back around on him. The mouse tried to throw the badge, we're gonna fastball special this on our own. Very well. I'll court my cloak up into a tight cylinder.

It should make me more aerodynamic. Does that mouse have a shirt that says I went to Black Spy of O'Keyo and all I got was this stupid T-shirt? Yeah, I think she also has a sun hat on that says it's five o'clock someplace. Wait, did a button that says one te don't we die in me 69 me? Who's cider you on? She's in a flip flop, says, ask gas or grass.

No one writes. It's for free. Oh wait, she has a tramp stamp that says, I'm not as think as you drunk I am. I'm reckless as a shot glass. Hey everybody, stop fighting, stop fighting. Look at this fucking mouth. Everybody, every quick.

Focus on everybody! Focus on! This mouse is having a blast! It definitely looks like I'm having fun for real when I'm wearing all of this, huh? It does! The membership says grandma's favorite for some reason. This mouse is called the city's wine clock somewhere. We're gonna see the fine boy in the room!

I'm on vacation! This mouse looks like it's on a bachelor's head party, but also retired. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, wink, wink. To Kelsey getting married, may she have as much fun in marriage as she did with us at being single in her 20s. Woo! To Kelsey! Can we all agree? Good, evil, zombies, drip, fangs, soul-locker, carfoons, everyone?

Can we all agree? It's very important for all of us to take these shots. Like, can we put everything else aside and just say, hey, everyone, let's take these fucking shots. we put everything else aside and just say hey everyone let's take these fucking shots to one dick for the rest of your life which is something I've heard people say at match their at parties obviously they haven't seen those balls my arm it moves independent of myself I can't control it there's some in chairman upon these shots! Oh! Hmm... We should all buy a speedboat! Wooo!

I'm going to join the Hilton Diamond Rewards Club! Blemish. Yes, this party that is just broken up is the perfect opportunity for me to slip away. You sure you don't want to stay in party with these guys? Where my parrot heads at? Where my parrot is? I desperately want to stay in party. Me too. But we have to go and save Arnie, and then we'll come back for the shots. I'm a parrothead, Zat! We're my parrothead! I desperately want to stay in party.

Me too. But we have to go and save Arnie, and then we'll come back for the shots. Let's go. Yes. And while we're gone, as we sneak away, it's the perfect time to come to a break.

We're still in a way again and around completely made of blood. I'll destroy you as soon as I find my lost shaker of salt Well done blemish this passage must be a secret to even the dog, or what himself? Where his chamber cannot be far now. Now, chunt, blemish. Stay close. As we draw near. I will cast a spell of far-sighted, so that we may see what awaits us. Oh! I see him! I see Arnie!

I've got's so hot. Valkanos are the worst. These silver chains are pretty tight, but... Maybe I can get my hand free. Oh shit. Sounds like the Dark Lord is coming back. Thank you for waiting. Where am I gonna go? I'm changed to this obsidian table. The table is Ebony, not obsidian. Oh yeah! You need not pretend that you know the difference.

Obsidian is one of the only things that can kill wizards, right? There are many things that can kill wizards. Wizards die all the time, but they come back. In a day and month and year, they always come back. When we are called to food, we are tied here with a cord impossible to cut. Except by two methods, the two things that can truly kill a wizard permanently. Ebony? Funny.

Thank you. I have destroyed nearly all the obsidian in film. Considered my gift to all wizards. Well then the good guys will just make more obsidian. No, they won't. I have you to Defent, for that. Where Obsidian comes from was always a mystery, until word of your electric male from an Earth geologist made its way to me. Oh great. Obsidian is volcanic glass, and that is why we are here, to prevent Phun's only volcano from making Obsidian ever again.

You said there are two ways to kill Wizards. What's the other one? Closure. Closure? That's it? You mean like Yusador's true purpose thing? It's not good to ever fully win. The lines always leave the door open at crack. If you're not careful, you'll achieve your true purpose. And then you must face the other tether that

binds all wizards, our link to the realms of Ephesians. You will find yourself real dim, yanked back, pulled out of food forever. Why do you think you should or lose against me so slowly? I always assumed he was incompetent. Deep down, he doesn't want to kill me, and he never will. You'll see. Look, I like to dunk on you as much as the next person, but you're fooling yourself and you don't think he's coming to save me. Perhaps. But even if the blue wizard comes here with the last remaining bits of obsidian and fume,

I already have the pieces of the artifact. This first piece I've had for quite a while. The second, my forces retreat from Vendaria. Cram tried to hide it and snakes didn't he? And once you give me the third piece, which you will, I will cut that second cord. Should this body die the truth if I will simply take refuge in another, as if it were a roadside tavern and I, a weary traveler, free after but a small delay, to reconstitute myself in all my might. Okay, yeah, stop. I only understood about half of what you just said, although in my defense it's not very intuitive, but I figured something out.

You can't take the artifact from me. I've been here over a week. I've been poked and prodded by all kinds of magic items, and for some reason dressed up in this chain-mout-one-z, which is weird. But if you could kill me, you would have by now. I don't know why, but you need me to give it to you. So don't pretend like you've got this all wrapped up. It is true. The skills that shape these artifacts are beyond the knowledge of this world and yours. Only I and all the film could recognize their power, but they hold many secrets, even for me. Tell me again about the one in your head. It allows you to astral project. We've been over this. It's a piece of technology not magic and it connects me to Earth somehow.

And I am there. I am on Earth. When I sleep I can kind of see it. I don't know if this thing in my head just lets me see my life there or if I'm only there because of it. And you're a robot? Look, I'm not gonna explain what a robot is to you again, but maybe. With this grind, I have followed the path of your artifact. I have seen some of what you see at night when you close your eyes. Your tiny slice of your pitiful world, and I know that you only have access to that life as if in a dream, slipping through the fingers of your feeble memory. You only consciously retain a little, and so I have only been able to see a little. But still, I know. You know what?

You don't know everything, but you know more than you say. And now I know the words you do not say. The names you do not say. You don't talk about your family anymore. Do you? Come on, man. I'm just trying to be thoughtful about it. You don't say...

...divorce. You don't say divorce. Okay, yes, yes. I think I know, Sarah and I have separated. And that sucks, but you're being so melodramatic about it. And that's not even taking into account that there's a black saber-duth tiger standing next to you. It's heavy. It sucks. But it's not the end of the world.

It's amicable. We're figuring it out. She seems happy. Then why not let go of your connection to that world? Release that thing in your head to me. You're not needed in that world anymore. Yes, I am. My daughter. That's right. Your daughter. You're not needed in that world anymore. Yes I am, my daughter. That's right, your daughter.

What was her name again? Hey, no, she's not a part of this and never will be. You will never know her name. Yes, names have great power. Look, fuck you, man. Yeah, it's not ideal. I'm only there half of the time. And being a part-time single parent

would be tough, even under normal circumstances. But I'm trying really hard to make her life good. And I think I am. I hope I am. And it's a gift to be part of her life. And I can't lose that. Especially since I don't know what would happen. If I lost this thing in my head, would I just not have access to my life there?

Or would I stop being there at all? Living in two worlds. It sounds difficult. Why not release that burden to me? You sound... tired. I can't let go of home. I won't. And I don't know how to let go of food. Maybe we can figure it out.

Together. This is all really weird, right? This all day. Stop there, villain. My friend Shant be your victim today. Oh, there you see no chance you would kill him. Unless you lose your precious artifact? Use the door!

Churned! And why did you bring blamish? He's good now. Yeah. And don't worry buddy, we're gonna get you outta here. Or I'm not a tiny volcano. Hot blood, hot blood. Ah, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Carl, and... Oh fuck, what is that? Yusodon! Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow,

Mini-Pulch of Light, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holy Caucus, The Illuson of the Ace of the Anglic, The Dwarves know the Ace of the Stangies, And I am known in the North East, As gasmaniac may star, And now may be forever more known, as the Slayer of the Dark Lord!

You are too late, Usador. I too have won many names, but I have moved beyond Wizards boasting and beyond your power to stop me. Beyond true death, beyond the reach of Ephesious, beyond the knowledge of the goddesses themselves. And the key to my ascension has for years sat right next to you, buried here in the head of Arnie Mecam. Jokes on you if you think there's anything valuable inside that head of his. Arnie, hey, I don't mean that you're my best friend, I'm so sorry. No, I get it. It was there, you had to take it, right? Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, I mean, we built an empire on that sort of stuff, so yeah, sure. But here, your empire comes to an end. I shall strike you down before you have a chance to assemble your precious piece of magic. Let's speed this along. It's true. I cannot kill the Earth Man without peril to the artifact, but I have overcome many obstacles to be what you see. It will not be one human stubbornness that stops me now.

Drift, fine. Nya I guess I'll be right back. Sorry. I had to put down my yard greet up. What's that boss? What we doing? What's happening? I see you have not waited to celebrate my victory Enjoying your drink? Yes, yes, what yes always it's part of the gig It's used you knew that when you hired me. It's on my CV and my resume. And my resume? If anybody's wondering, it's the corpse of a gargoyle.

That reminds me, would anyone like some shots? No. Duh. Boss. Doc Lord. Sire. Master. My dude. Do not take the shots for their enchanted, and they shall keep thy hand. They're steady. And yet, my hand, though it is mild my leaving a braided and we were doing karaoke has found its way to its part of the plan for now I put my hand next to Arnie's stupid head and touch me well sorry I'm already touching you I don't respect boundaries I'm evil and now oh oh did you want to talk about evil? They're big guys. I just hate it so much. Yes, but you respect it because you know that I am able to defeat you

with even the simplest of spells. I simply isolate the magical energies around Arnie's head and then I say Arnie's head and then I say Poof and now I'm holding a perfect Simulacrum of Arnie's head. It's Nasty's hell Good wow, I'm looking at a Capitated copy of my head. I'm into it well done my faithful servant Yeah, I was even expecting it to be this g-this is not really nasty. Wow.

Okay, and but now I bequeath it to you, the Dark Lord, and for within is the- should be the exact copy of the- Oh God, is that what the back of my head looks like? Quiet, honey, not right now. Ha-ha-ha. Clearly your barber hates you, but now everyone will hate you, because you are unable to protect the one thing that will make the Dark Lord unkillable. The artifact, my lord, everyone will hate you, because you were unable to protect the one thing that will make the Dark Lord unkillable.

The artifact, my lord, you will find, is within the head of Arnie. No! Yes, simply digging through the eyes. Ah! Oh, I get it! Oh, ah! I'm gonna throw up! Oh, it's all the stuff that happens at a fake haunted house, but real!

Oh, those aren't grapes? I still kinda like this part. And now, the three R.D. facts are joined into one. Oh, the beauty of it. It begins to glow with its strange magics. I think that's just an LED display. True immortality. Time enough for every conquest.

Do you see it, Yusudor? Yes, I see this foul contraption that you have assembled here, your dark kindness, but no, that I shall now take a knee before thee. And in fact, you shall instead, you shall hear, feel, use the door's hand! Oh, oh shit! Use the door, you just stabbed the dark lord with that sword! I'm impressed, use the door.

It hurts, but it was for not. The artifact is assembled, and will transport my essence to a temporary vessel. Now the transference begins. Um, sorry to interrupt. How do we know if it's working? Something. Something wrong. Did it come with a user's manual or anything?

A blade of pure obsidian, provided by none other than your own foul. Something wrong. Did it come out of the user's manual or anything? A blade of pure obsidian, provided by none other than your own foul Entromania has slain you, once and for all. Hell yeah, more like obsidian done. I have done a hundred times before. This is different. This is worse. Did you assemble it wrong? No, I cannot die. They see me. You still help me. I must...

Oh, look now. A whole white begins to fall and fly towards the heavens. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, When a wizard dies the true death a ball of light forms and then shoots straight into the sky forming a beam of light behind it Fuck yeah fuck Yeah, fuck get out of here go have another yard garita idiot Sire where are we're out now? What's that what's up? Gone I swear to God it totally sobered up, but I saw that His robes he's gone the light you flew into the sky did they fuck up the artifact by they still like But I saw that. Who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's Baby I-I think this is irony! It's not satire! Nobody knows what that is anymore! But it could be irony! Because I made this! I only use this to kill-

FUUCK! Fuck you, dripfang! Yeah, fuck off. Fuck you and your saber-toothed tiger. I actually think it might just live here. Fuck everybody! Uh! Ugh!

What- What have I done? I made the thing- I made the thing that killed- The one who was going to bring darkness upon all Oh boy. Yeah live that one down dipshit this feels bad Tripping not only did you make the weapon that killed the dark Lord? You also did the thing that gave him confidence that he was

Undefeatable and that's how we got killed Yeah, they put it on me. You can't put that on me. I think I can. I just, I did what was on the call sheet. Yeah, fuck that. I mean, you delivered the sword that you created to us as well by implanting it non-heat. Okay.

So I can't enter to us. I'm gonna be honest, I'm still mad about that. Yeah, and I, you know what? I don't even have the strength to like, raise it. And I'm gonna keep it. This is my now, I'm gonna keep it. It's not, it's not your hand anymore, it's my sword again.

And I'm gonna go, I guess, tell everybody that we are boned most thoroughly. Don't follow me, I don't wanna fight anymore. I'm too sad. I should be flying into a, like a vengeful rage, but at it, nope, it's all numb. I'm be flying into a like a vengeful rage, but I know it's all numb. I'm gonna go outside of Valkyrie and I'm gonna go make all my friends sad. Yeah, you go do that. And next time when you come at us, why don't you try being a hundred skin suits inside a big snake?

Good bird. Yeah. Was that really a good bird? Tell me honestly. I can't believe that's the insult I have to leave on I can't believe that I was Workshopping I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Onnie you see we saved you we I mean I wouldn't prefer you got here a little bit faster. I mean I I went through hell for a couple weeks But still yeah, we got here as fast as we could as fast as we could buddy and

We have a new member of our team the one who brought me directly to this location and it helped me break in So that I could save you in the nick of time and defeat my great enemy none other than the newly reformed Carfoon blemish than the newly reformed Ka-Foon blemish. Ha ha ha ha. Nope. You said, or... Yeah. Why didn't you disappear? What do you mean?

When we defeated the Dark Lord, aren't you supposed to disappear? You could take a little while, it might take a few minutes, or maybe a couple of days. But... I don't know. Oh, Carpoun Blumish just got my choke about 100s.

Uh, since it's, it's snake. Maybe? Come here new friend. Let's come say hello to the realani. What is it, blemish? One weirdo. Yeah, it worked. What? It worked.

What worked? I am in the stupid ugly disgusting body of car-fooned blemish, but I live! Yes! What? I live! Ha ha ha ha! I am undefeatable! Wait, I can't believe I'm the person that's figuring this out first, but...

You said our chunt... Did it work? Did the dark lord hop into... Car-fooned blemishes body? I cannot be defeated. No. I've done it! I've done it! Oh shit! I just have to end this ridiculous body!

Someone erase me! Oh wait! Yeah! Who's got a bowl? Guys! Let me spit in a fucking bowl! You said it! Am I understanding this correctly? If he's in... Blemishes body, the Dark Lord doesn't have any of his powers, right? Right, right, damn sword.

Who took the fucking sword? And the only way he'll become the Dark Lord again is when... ...wemmishdive. Yes, yes, so we have to keep this blemish alive. What's y'all gonna do? Give me something sharp, who's got a knife? No, no. A dagger, anything. Get a sack! Get a sack!

Hey, don't worry about it. I'm gonna kill him No, no, don't kill him. Yes, John. Yes, release all the pent up anger and hatred that you've always had towards blemish Oh, and eat my throat The best way we can defeat evil and food is to keep blemish alive I know it's ironic because we've had a problem He told me that's he gave hiding under the tables and stools somebody help me catch him No, no get out of my pouch get out of my pouch where are those about? The involves I'm gonna choke on those obsidian balls. No, you can't have them. Give him to me. I want to choke on those balls

This is sad. This is just sad. It's all I'm saying give me the balls. I just want to see where this goes I've got him. I've got him. Someone grab a sack grab a sack Here I'll turn it to a kangaroo Good not one put them in put them in put them in put them in Hey, that'll give me a second conjure a real sack at all. Jarl got Yeah, already this reminds me of the time I got in a fight with a switcheroo is a kangaroo that took a branch off a tree and beat the shit out of my ass Why do you always tell that story? No reason. Okay, badger And a fight with a switcheroo is a kangaroo that took a branch off a tree and beat the shit out of my ass. Why do you always tell that story?

No reason. Okay. Badger. Onni, chunt. Yeah? You must make a solomote here today. No one must know that the Dark Lord still lives. You saw how defeated Draupin was when he walked out of here.

Why he had a sword capable of killing me, and he just walked away. This will do far more damage if we just allow them to believe the Dark Fort is gone. But I got up behind Swindrape being left. My heart broke like he seems so bummed out. Yeah, that was kind of a bummer. He's such a fun guy most of the time. He fucking stabbed me guys. I'm sorry. I'll forgive almost anybody, but he fucking stabbed me, okay? We've all stabbed someone. Come on.

He's evil, but I like the guy. I can't help him. Yeah, so here's Madden. Yes. Look, he makes good tape. I will give him that. Do you both solemnly swear? That we're up to no good? No, no, you have to say I solemnly swear. I solemnly swear? No, I want to hear the second part before I solemnly swear.

Look, use it or we defeated the Dark Lord like... We can tell our close friends what's going on, right? No, the Dark Lord is in this sacuity. You have to solemnly swear to not tell anyone that he still lives. Well, I can still release this in the podcast, right? Yeah, I don't give a shit about what people on Earth think. All right, like, guess let's try to be cool and get to the ship as fast as we can.

First solemnly swear. I solemnly swear. He solemnly swears. Was that solemn enough? Fuck it, let's just go. Okay, let's get out of here. Is, did you guys bring anybody with you like a cool team to help save me? Yeah, Krom and Momo,, let's just go. Okay, let's get out of here. Did you guys bring anybody with you like a cool team to help save me?

Yeah, Krom and Momo, but she's on vacation. Oh, and Karpoon Arnie. Where do you go? Karpoon Arnie. Yeah, that fucking guy. And he's kinda tagging along. I don't know where he went. Why did you bring strong, more strong people besides just Krom?

Oh, yeah. Look, we were in a hurry. I got who I could get. Well, at least you reached out to Crom and got him to join your team. That's right. Very intentional. Yes, very intentional. Okay, just be cool. Alright we're heading back out down the volcano. Damn, can I just say that Flirty Chainmail is really working for you. You're pulling off this look. Really? You think it looks better than my pink polo? I mean, that pink polo is a piece of shit at this one. Shut up, shut up.

I think you should start wearing this at live shows. This. This Lurdy Chain Mill, yes? It's working! Wow. There, we said it. It's canon. Live shows.

Chain Mill. If we make it out of here alive. Look, we don't have time to argue over whether there'll ever be another live show or not. Let's get it in the binoculars of all K-N-O. Oh, wait, I know what to do. Quick! I turned into a person who is a We don't have time to argue over whether there'll ever be another live show or not. Let's get it in the bottom of the volcano. Oh wait, I know what to do. Quick! I turn into a sled.

Everyone, jump on! Oh, this is the dream I had. All of us sledding down a hill together. Holy shit! Yeah, come on! We don't have to wait till Vistach, let's do it now! Momo, come over here. Everyone get on the sled. Wait, holy smokes, you guys made it! Yeah, we killed the dark lord, Wink. Marshall, let's do it now. Momo, come over here, everyone get on the sled. Wait, holy smokes, you guys made it. Yeah, we killed the dark lord, Wink.

Wait, are you flirting with me? It's work, and I like that outfit, pal. Really? Yeah, I love it. He likes this more than my pink polo. Oh boy, howdy, Eli. Can I say something? I was just out here working on my scrap book

for my little vacation here, and I think this should be a yearly thing, right? So, Walker, everybody, we all in, once a year, we all come back here. Arnie almost dies, and then we just like have this vacation thing every year. What is the point even staying together in this world into which light will no doubt return in force. What is the point being? An unearly necrotic receptacle for the souls of the damned when there is no Lord over ween you. Why is he saying all this to a skull? Oh, the this true true solid's, the Ectoplasm crew.

Well, let's set away. Wow, he was really in his own little world. Weeeeeee! I can still hear some of it. Not even that, my drinking team has a surfing problem. Should continue. The road may go on forever, but party never ends. Just reading that off of her hat. Arnie, are you okay?

I didn't even ask. I'm so sorry. I don't know. I feel like No, but you know what? I'll just worry about Unpacking what all has happened to me like over time when we get out of here. I miss women. Oh hang on everyone. We gotta stop real quick. Hey, Drift fame before we leave, I heard a rumor for one of the zombies I killed

That your name was just fang until you cut an STD. What the fuck is your problem? Bye, sucker! Even dipshit! Oh, we're at the bottom of the volcano. Crom, does this make your dream come true? Yeah, this was exactly how I imagined it. All of us together sledding! And Crom, I found your keys. Oh, the dream is fulfilled! The prophecy is met! All of us together sledding and crumb I found your keys The dream is fulfilled the prophecy is met now we get to get the fuck out of here before people figure out what happened

But now we're supposed to talk all night and share like our deepest secrets as well Yeah, we can do that on the boat as we sail away Well hold on crumb is that okay? Was that in the dream? You know what sometimes our lives can be the dream. Chant. Wow. I don't know what that means, but he said it with such authority that I just want to nod my head and say, yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

Hey, Momo, can you make my arms give all these guys a hug? Yep, and pull your hair this way. And this way. Yes. Oh, he's chopping an onion. Yep, and pull your hair this way. And this way. Nice. Oh, he's chopping an onion. And he's juliana pepper. Wow.

Am I just making a pizza? We're all making a pizza, Crom. We're all making a pizza. Who did you just stare off and look at? Oh, no one, Crom. No one. No one? Really? Yeah. No one. Well, no one. No one? Really?

Yeah. No one. Well who did Jesus look at? You stared off in a distance. Did I? Did I? Well, I'm getting on the boat, guys. Shot!

Shot. So the boat is real. This is why my favorite peanut strip is the one where Charlie Brown finally kicks the football. But as it zooms away, the football tells everyone that it transferred itself to a different, lesser, Martin Wilsonny football just moments ago, so this doesn't count. That and all the ones where Woodstock talks in the same language people used to keep track of time on the walls in jail.

Well, done, Craig, but the emergency's over. They used an obsidian sword to, I can't go through it again, read the wiki page. Wait, did you say holding cells? Yeah, levels 4 through 28 are holding cells. This place is huge. What a betrayal. I know there was a better office space around here than the room where they keep the holiday decorations, but holding cells, holding who?

Hang on accessing the manifest, coming through, holding cell occupants, inter, nerf, Oslo, noom, Randy, Muxo, Randy, BB, Eel, Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy. That's either an IKEA holiday holiday catalog or Goblin names. Are the Goblin Center Earth from season one being held here? If so, deep-cut us! Craig, keep digging, see what you can find. Meanwhile, you've been neglecting the flesh and blood human beings in your life while trying to make sense of hello from the Magic Tavern.

Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolfiah. Blenish the Carfoon was played by a tire on a child's bicycle with a slow leak. Wait, no, he was played by Martin Wilson. Momo the Mouse on vacation was played by Aaron Keith. Check out Aaron's podcast, Hey Riddle Riddle. Crom the Fingarian was played by Mark Logston. Driftfang the Necromancer was played by a cursed Teddy Ruck spin having absorbed the soul

of Paul Lind. Whoops, wrong again he was played by Kevin Seretta. Thanks to a tragic email typo, Kevin also plays Driftfang in two seasons of the Magic Tavern's spin-off podcast, Masters of Mayhem. Both full seasons currently available on Stitcher Premium. The Soul Walker was played by Ross Bryant. Ross is a writer for Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Catch Ross with the Improvise Shakespeare Company at Largo in Los Angeles, August 14th,

and September 11th. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young and Adolf Refyre. Post-production co-ordination by Garrett Schultz, special thanks to our earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas and everyone over at Earwolf. This episode edited by Chris Rathchin, special assistance provided by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban, original Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. See Shanti version by Arnie Parrott.

Okay, I can confirm all but one holding cell contains the Goblin Army Center. Who's in the other cell? Ah, Trisha locked herself in there on purpose as character research before she auditions for a regional production of Shawshank, the musical. So, we have a new emergency. Oh, the other emergency never ended. The systems are on high alert because they're planning a full-scale invasion of Foon. I guess they were covering it up by saying they were planning to rescue Arnie.

That was a lie. They had me sign a card! Craig, don't plan on leaving that coffee machine. You have to change this filter. I can see moss in here. No time. Things are about to get worse and we'll be doing everything in our power to stop it. But first... Yes. Let's take a few months off. That's how we do it Magic Tavern style. Maybe there'll be the occasional update or one-off to keep those appetites wetted, and then we'll be back in full force.

But for now, Craig, I need every schematic on this place you can find, because we may just have access to a goblin army. You have that already. What? I told you I hacked everything. Do you think that didn't include building schematics? Okay, it seemed like a nice way to wrap things up. You know, a call to action for the cheap seats.

Well, this kind of thing wouldn't happen with a little listening. OK, be more interesting. You know, with all that intelligence here, you'd think it'd be a little sharper. Well, now how are we supposed to end things? Ony. Thank the goddesses you owe, I am so happy to have you safely returned to us. Oh, hey Arnie, yeah, I think I have a lead on a eggy baby. Do we have time to- Next season, next season, yeah, I think I have a lead on a eggy baby. Do we have time to maybe come on?

Fuck, we can't talk. I mean, honestly, at this point, why are we even still talking? Because like, we're not going to top it. Like, this episode, we're going out on our eye. Also, it's a nice conclusion, but also you're like, what's going to happen next season? Like, a kind of drag. Arnie, no, hey, buddy, I get it.

Oh, and speaking of, we're not going to top this, did I tell you I turned into a battle pizza? I just assumed Mm-hmm Arnie I'm glad you're okay Thank you, you see and I know I give you a lot of shit But when it came down to it All of you came and you saved me and that means a lot Oh, buddy also use it or you killed the Dark Lord.

I am yes sort of. I mean most people think I have, which have certainly made me more famous than Spin Tax. But you know, he's trapped here in blemish. Do carfins have nuts? Mounds don't. Yep, he does. Who?

Who have you guys, but if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go drink a slumber cup and dream about taking someone shopping for new school shoes. Don't wake me in less than an emergency. Do you think he'll ever tell us about his family? He'll tell us in due time. When he's ready. And when he does. We'll be there for him again. Now, Chant, tell me about the Eggie Baby.

Over a drink. Oh, right. So, Eggie Baby, I got like a letter. There's a guy. And so, it's what I read the letter. And what I read. Now, it's the Eggie Baby. So I read the letter and what I have.