Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 13 - Chunt for Red October 5: Executive Hoarders

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Back on the high seas, Chunt hosts the fifth annual blood drive for vampires. Although blood may not cure the sea creature the hosts encounter.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungChorly Benthsmaw: Joe BurtonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Stephen DrangerSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandEpisode Art: Tyler SchmidtSea Shanty Theme: Arne ParrottYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's funny and it's free, so subscribe to Super Ego Now in your favorite podcast app. And now, remember, we've left the tavern behind and have the entire world of fun to explore, so that means we're usually on a boat. Sit Oh yeah, baby! It is our fifth annual Chunt for the Red October. Is there, is that right, fifth? I believe that is correct, yes. Wow, time flies. Well, I'm so excited. My name is Chunt, the shapeshifter.

I am currently in Badger Form, although I can't turn it into anything I want. Joining here is my co-host, Iggy Baby, which is my giant egg. I have as a result for my husband exploding And joining me as always for every chunt for the reoctober One of my best friends my boon companion the best wizard there is Yusidor Well, thank you for those kind words chundits such a pleasure to see you and to make it clear to listeners This is not an episode of getting nuts. Yes. Oh, we should be clear. This is a hello. No, welcome. I think it's where it could

I'm at high from the mad magic this very table castle from magic table my friend What have you been up to? Well actually I'm glad you asked for nuts too long ago We met my sweet lady love, Janinevio the red, and I was so upset that she had formed a wizard's guild without me. I have sent missives out to all the ends of food, little birds with messages, to form my own wizard's guild. I shall pull away unesty accrue. I shall pull away Jimilius the Move.

I shall recruit, blot the browned and telephist the white. I may even reach Jimilius Simov. I shall recruit Bloth the Brown and telephis the thing. If they don't want to join my guild, they can be in her guild and they can do their own thing, I don't care. I'm just trying to do my thing. Yeah. And I'm going to real quick draw a fronny face on Iggy Baby.

Just because I'm trying to get people to recognize Iggy Baby as a co-host. So I'm just trying to draw a different sort of emotions. And like, I'm so sorry. I don't often pay attention to Aggie baby. Yeah, neither do I. Sometimes I forget they're there. Right? Yeah. Well, that's not fair. With this isn't a crucial time in development,

where our attention should be focused on singing to your egg. Let's do it right now. Singing to the egg. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la That was beautiful. It's one of my favorite illicit love eyes. That was beautiful, buddy. Thank you so much. Let me turn this front upside down. All right. Oh, I like that. Oh, now it's just two eyes and like a unibrow. I should let me erase the frown. There you go.

Now draw a smile. That's not even as more apropos. Wonderful. What about you? What have you been up to lately? Oh, boy. Well, I was working in the bar late last night when a big old bump gave me an evil fright

I think we hit something on the boat So I looked overboard and I saw a creature flailing in the water Oh, and in just a moment I'm gonna go down to the bar and grab them and have them on as I guess. Do you know where are he? Is that I think he's trying to learn bad? Oh, okay That is definitely wrong He told me he was practicing lyrics by Katy Perry Hey, honey. Oh, hey, are you singing Katy Perry or are you learning bear? Oh no? I'm all week. I've been trying to practice to learn bear so I can talk to all the bears

Hmm sort of run the ship. Or as they might say, raw? I don't think so. We're doing the podcast right now. We're doing your podcast. Not on the podcast. Okay, speaking of the bears, bug just popped up next to you. What, hey bug?

Oh, sorry. Raw. Back down. Yeah, I don't know. They must be in fletching you're getting wrong. I don't know. I mean, I gotta be honest. It's not easy for an adult to learn

another language anyway at this point. Your brain is just not as receptive to those things. But also, there's just a bunch of bears on this ship and I'm trying to communicate with them. And they're just sort of roaring at me and I don't have like a place to start. I'm sure they appreciate the effort. Do you understand what they're saying?

Are you starting to pick up some of it? Even if you can't say things or express yourself, are you starting to hear their language? Not even a little bit. No, it's just like, I know they have names because you've told me. And I think I know which one is bug, which one is tread well, which one is jeffery,

which one is? Well, I don't have the same relationship with jeffery. Of course, of course, of course. I can't call them. Of course, you know, corduroy. And corduroy with bartender. I don't want to ask you to be careful, just because, I don't know if we've told you about this,

and Fune, there's a thing called dual lingo, which is if you try and speak another language and you don't do it well Appropriately, then you can be challenged to a duel. Oh What are the warning signs that a bear wants to challenge me to a duel? The warning signs they'll sort of stand up on the back legs. Yeah draw a weapon and they'll draw a weapon I'm chatting you they might take off a glove and smack you in the face. Yes They're wearing gloves sometimes they draw on you in the face. Yes, if they're wearing gloves. Sometimes they draw on charcoal, sometimes in pencil.

They aren't great artists, so it'll be a rough sketch of whatever that weapon is. And then whatever weapon they draw, you have to go find that weapon. And also sometimes when you, if you're doing, they'll yell draw, which means it's a tie. Oh, so very complicated. It is a very complicated process. Most of the people want to roar at me and like shit. Mmm, okay. Yeah, shooting is a sign of aggression. So how do they shit?

What kind of face are they making when they shit? Do they stare at you and point and like draw line across the front? Yeah, do they think when they point at their eyes and then point at you and then point at their eyes and point at you and point at the shit and point at their mouth? See, like that's you doing You doing my mouth like a shit It sometimes they like eat a little bit of it guys. These are bears. I don't I mean it is a scene directed That's I think that's what we're trying to get yeah, what's the intent behind what's the subtext to the shit?

I mean do that do that Jeffrey does make intense eye contact with me when he's just shitting Okay, that's a problem. Yeah, no Jeffy does that with everyone. No Jeff, he does that with everyone. That's his problem. It's a dominance thing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to better myself. Yeah.

You know, I realize I should try to learn bear. I've got to get closer to my goal of having invisible hands. These are things I need to work on. Hey, fuck you. Fuck you. Someday I am going to have invisible hands. Boys, boys, boys. Boys, boys.

Arnie, do you know the bear alphabet? Can you teach us maybe the I know our Arnie it's chump for red October. There's no time to fool around. Yeah, this is it's chump for red October already. I was like what is this our second? It's our fifth one I believe we're still doing that bonkers, right? He's a good joke.

And don't reduce it like choney. Thiskers, right? He is a good joke. I'm in it. Don't reduce it. Like, Sean and I know this is very important. He was not a joke, kind of. I was just a good job and I started to choke up. I did a portman toe. I know you find it very important to raise blood for vampires. Yeah.

Vampires are any creatures. I also must say just because some of them Twitter's gonna add me, I did recognize that Arnie said important right after I said portman toe, in portman toe. I get it. Great.'s gonna add me, I did recognize that Arnie said important, right after I said Port Manto, important to I get it. Great, moving on. Yeah, I love to raise, what's someone good at? Is that my, I use my hour?

Yeah, absolutely the time I use my hour on your phone now. I go on Twitter and people are just, it's not even like, you know, we do like hour long episodes and someone will listen to an hour long episode and just say, miss that one. Oh, is this, is this when we complain about things that people tweeted us? Yes.

Okay, great. I have seen this video of people baking skulls shaped like pizzas. Me too, and I can't stress enough. Keep sending those videos. No, please stop. Keep sending them to Usador. Tweet them all the at Usador.

Don't even use that magic tavern at sign. There's no time. Just at Usador. All the door alright well yes and already as you mentioned earlier chun for october is an important time of year it is my charity where i raise blood for vampires i've also helped out in the past werewolves and mummies spooky Halloween type things i don't know what that means if people are loving it probably um but uh yeah as i mentioned i was working in the Barlet last night when a big old bunk in the evil fright. And so I think our bump of what?

Like a bump, like the boat moved, so we hit something. Oh, I see, I thought you were talking about doing morgue alarm or something. Oh, no, you don't take that through your nose. That would be silly. Do you love it? No, don't stop trying. Sorry, I'm right, I'm right.

That's just gonna distract me from getting invisible hands. Can we sell more globe in the merch store? I mean, I don't know if that's legal. First, how do we get that drug to earth? It's gotta be difficult. And also, there's gotta be legal restrictions around that. And I am trying very hard to get

Jessica Wetthol's magic hair love into our merch store. Obviously, as we all know, that's the wonderful shampoo I've been using, that the treewrench makes from squash testicles. Oh, yes, as you can see my hair. I mean, this was weeks ago. And my hair still looks amazing. We cannot stress enough. If this is your first episode, she gave herself that name.

That is true. That is true. But let me grab this poor creature that we ran over. episode she gave herself that name. Vatatru. Vatatru. But let me grab this poor creature that we ran over. Just so you know, he's slightly injured. Also just to put it out there. He mentioned he is a creature from the Wackluster Lagoon. So I don't think he's used to being on adventures. I don't think he's used to.

So what's he doing out at sea? I don't know. I don't know a ton of bottom, but that's why I thought to interview him. Oh, so let me um Charlie, Charlie come on up here Okay, hello This is a Charlie Benzmaw. Hello Charlie. Yeah. Thanks so much for being on the podcast Yeah, thank you. Oh, Charlie. Sorry, I'm really injured. Oh, so okay, can I call you Chorals? I suppose.

Can I ask, did you talk like that before you were hit by the boat? I've always spoken in this way. Oh, good. Thank God, it's this. It does appear to you. You have a bit of a limp, though. Yes, I was scraped by the barnacles under your ship Very injured. I'm probably going to require medical attention. It's going to cost

Many gold pieces to see some physician Well, you do you drink blood probably your smoking creature like a trend you got lots of blood form right? Yeah, can we give you some blood can we probably need blood okay I also have a healing rock here yeah well we can't just heal our problems away here take some blood here's a jar of blood and then another jar of blood I have to find some way to infuse it into my body maybe is he not a blood drink I don't know know. So you're some sort of creature from the lackluster lagoon. Yes. What kind of creature are you? I'm a sea-faring creature. I'm a half-man, half-emphibian. Oh, how interesting. Yeah. And another half fish. Doggy.

That checks out. Sounds right to me. And now, truly, you must enjoy living in Lagoon and traveling through the sea. But how do you spend your days? Do you just travel about and look at the beautiful world of food or do you have some occupation that keeps you busy? I am a sub-minion. Oh, I'm a dog. Oh, oops. I should have left that keeps you busy. I am a sub-minion.

Oh, I'm a dumb. Oh, oops, I should have left you finished. Yes. I'm- No, this is that conversation. Played out just as you imagined it was between a sub and a dumb. Yes. Not into that.

Well, that's all right. I'm sorry, you were saying? I'm a sub-minion. Sub-minion of the Dark Lord. Oh, oh. The Dark Lord. I mean oh, the Dark Lord. Then you here face the forces of righteousness who will strike you down if necessary.

Okay. Yeah, don't pay attention to his wonky eye. He's powerful. This is fuck. Yeah, we're good guys. We're against the Dark Lord. Well, someday I'm gonna have invisible hands. How I am in charge of the Dark Lord's estuaries.

Surely it's in charge? I don't think so. I want Charlie in charge of the Dark Loads estuary. Charlie's in charge? I don't think so. I want Charlie in charge of me. Well, that sounds like a goal. Do you feel out of control? I was zapped when that boat hit me. Oh, and I'm trying to think how far this can possibly go. I've got to get back to my lovely wife, Joni.

Oh, okay. Happy days. These are the my lovely wife, Joni. Oh, okay. Oh, happy days. These are the same. Evil, but married. So you're in charge of what for the Dark Lord? Estuary. So you run his stables?

You run the horse's part of his? No, no. That's some other word. An estuary is where the fresh water meets the salty water and it turns brackish. There's certain creatures that live in the brackish waters of an estuary, certain that...

And that has to be maintained? Well, I tend to be evaluated, and the Dark Lord is no dummy when it comes to the state of the natural world. And in what way evaluated it, are you reporting to someone with this information? Well, you see, perhaps there's too much rain one month, the river swells, and it fills the waters, yeah, and the estuary brackishness moves farther out to sea. And then the freshwater,

they're all the poor oysters, they're met with freshwater instead of salty water, and then they die. So you rebalanced the estuaries and add salt or take away salt? Do you actively do? I'm a supervisor, who's a minion of the dark lord, and I'm a sub minion. So I report to Carl, and then Karl, what is Karl's insurance? Karl, he's a charge of desu, estuaries and moving bodies of water and tidal bodies of water.

I'm specifically tasked with estuaries. Then Karl reports to then another, who does Karl, yes, like a supermanena. Yes, a sort of, there's a hole is a hierarchy that i'm not i've never actually met the dark lord i must have no let's so many people would you say there are between you and the dark load me i report to car i know carl is got a regional manager well would you be writing this down we are getting insight into the evil structure

of the Dark Horse organization. We should have like a board, like a flounder. Yeah, we should like draw pictures, like red string from one to the other. Yeah, Carl is above choral. Yeah, picture with a question mark. And that's like some suspicious mystery creature. So it's minions and what's above minions?

A regional minion. Regional minion. And then, so there's regions inside the areas. So there's an area minion. And then the vice president of minions. I know that sometimes I'll get a message and there's a fellow named Rod Grick copied on it. I think he's the vice president of Minions. Yes. I've also heard rumor there's dominant Minions and that's like, I don't know, either or I know those. That's like expansions.

Some of the things that I get copied on, there's at least four other people there. Okay. So you've just seen your own little corner of the organization. Right. Estuaries are really a very niche type of biome. I know that I have some colleagues.

There's the Bintek guy, the photo vote layer, the area of the water that the light can reach. There's a coastal, tidal, and the coral. There's a guy who's just a coral guy. Just a coral guy, a coral guy. I think the dark word send this guy to just overload us with information. I know. I never realized that evil could be so banal.

The air smells a coral guy. Let's get to know him So Charlie What were you doing in the waters near our boat? I always visiting a school It's a school a school school of macro Another water school of backroll. Yes, they don't go above the water We usually sure if they do that's probably in a net Yeah, was this just for pleasure or or read one to the macro more? I was I was not going to the backlobal concert look. I'm not saying

It's okay. We're all popped to miss here. We can like Four years ago. I was humming Listen to a guilty pleasure. I only listen to there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure. It's just pleasures. piss. I only listen to Ryan Lewis's solo albums. I'm not big on Maclamor.

Macroll Moore. Oh, who's Ryan Lewis? Yes, this Ryan Lewis. Ryan Lewis is a guy I listen to. Oh, okay. Let's take him out. Yeah. Mandolin player. Put that on the photo right here. Okay, where's the Ryan Lewis? So you're at a school?

I'm at a school, I'm not a school. I was taking notes, preparing my weekly report. I have a report that I have to send up the chain to Carl, who then I imagine sends it to Rodric. All of that data gets aggregated into the area minions report. How much time during the day do you spend imagining what Rodric receives? Every time I send something out, I say, I suppose this is going to get to Rodric's eyeballs sometime. Surely do you have any idea of what use this information is to the Dark Lord's dastardly plans for all of them? I don't. I don't have any idea. I know that as the oceans go, so go we all.

So it's really in the Dark Lord's best interest to make sure that our oceans are healthy as well. Oh, I mean that seems so positive. I mean he's evil but he's no monster. Oh, well agree to disagree. He is both evil and a monster. And it also you are a monster. That's true. And I'm certain that he's interested in these bodies of water

in parts of some nefarious plan he's concocting, to destroy the very water that you love and out to me. And what are your interests? Oh my interests. Yeah, uh, estuaries and What else? Let's see. It's been most of my days with estuaries y'all yeah, it's a full-time gig And what are you looking for on a relationship? Oh? Joni and I oh We have a wonderful relationship and would you say Joni loves Toreley? Yes, and Charlie Charlie loves Joni as well. No, it's better the way I said it. It does sounds familiar

What's like a perfect date for you and Joni? Oh, me and Joni, we love like a nice dinner where you can see the land from, from your table. Oh, sure. You know, like that's- Do you live underwater? Yes. I mostly do.

I am a amphibious. Well, I'm half human, half amphibian, half fish. So that puts me a good all around. A full two-thirds. It's like a sampler appetizer. Under water. Mm-hmm. Now, is Joni also amphibious? She's not.

Oh. She's a hundred percent fish, baby. Oh, man. She's all fish. She's all fish. Ooh, low. And what are your gills doing right now? Can you describe that? Oh, that's a rousal. Oh, yeah, they're becoming

Invested. Yes, they turn rainbows and you can't see the rainbows unless you're under water. Probably I can't really see that. And that's the medical term Is they turn rainbows? Well, no, that's my term. I'm not a doctor. I'm sure there's a doctor term for that. I don't know. I need a doctor. I'm in a terribly injured. That's true. You are. And that's real quick that brings us to a rock.

A segment we've been doing recently, which is not a doctor, which is where we go around and say if we're a doctor, not I'm not a doctor. I am not a cat, not a doctor. I am not a doctor, but I have many spells and powers. And talismans that shall bring healing properties here to food, and much the way I shall heal the physical body. I shall also heal the plague that has ruled over this land,

that plague of evil shall be smashed out by you, so at all. Who is speaking as- And his new wizard skill. Yes, speaking as smashed out by you, son of a bitch. Who's speaking in some new wizards skill? Yeah, speaking in smashed out, how is your leg doing? Because you keep gesticulating wildly to it. It's pretty torn up. Barnacles are sharp. Oh yeah.

You know, ironically, the saltwater might help heal it. If I got back in there. Yeah, you look bad. You look real. And also, whatever's going on with your face. Hey, that's a rouse. Oh, it takes a good 15 minutes to become unaroused. Oh, his face is rainbow.

Oh, yeah. 15 minutes, bragg. His face is rainbows, his gills is rainbows. Yeah, legs are rainbows. It's all rainbows. So would it help to throw you over the side of the ship back into the water? Would that heal you?

Probably. Again, I'm no doctor, as previously stated. to throw you over the side of the ship back into the water? Would that heal you? Possibly. Hmm. Again, I'm no doctor. I've previously stated. Yes, but you have more information about yourself than we do at this point. So we're depending on you to see what would make you happy and feel better. Yeah, this is a chunk for October,

so whatever we can provide for you today is the day we do that. Your luck it's chunk for October. Otherwise I would have already smoked thee. I'm going to take these jars of blood and sell those. You're ready. I know I'm gonna do that and that'll help pay for my doctor bills. Well, if you need to, you know, make ends meet by selling some stuff, I also have some jars of clay

if you want to sell some of those. Oh boy. Who would want that? Do you have some very niche jars? I feel like there's a certain subsec that's... I'd, might prefer like a puddle of mud. To a jar of clay. Not practical though, that's the only thing.

Yeah, you can't really tote a puddle with you. Yeah, that's true. So, you were working for the Dark Lord, right? You're not insured to have like help when you get hurt? The Dark Lord does not give bennies. It's not a very progressive organization. Is what I'd say. I-you know what I'd say to you, sir?

You, sir, door. What's that? Smoke that fella, and I'll be able to, you know, collect unemployment. You mean you, Charlie, would be willing to join mine quest to destroy evil wherever it allides? Yes. I have someone on the inside. Guys, oh, when we get this board on this wall, this is going to be big. It's going to be so big.

Surely, can I ask you a question? Girl, does mine not make any sense to you? Are you willing to wear a wire? That doesn't make any sense to me. What would you do? Why? I am allergic to copper. Okay, so, you said, I know we only have so many microphones, but there is some way that

you could magically copy one of these microphones, and we can hide it somewhere on Charlie's body. He can get dirt on Carl. Well, we could hide it in his skills, but I'm afraid to keep him aroused all the time. Why get dirt on Carl when we have jars of clay? Well, no, look, if we can then turn Carl, then Carl goes and gets Roderick. Carl's an A-hole.

Yeah, once we got Roderick on the line. How are we getting them by recording them? We're gonna get them to say, incriminating thing, I guess. They wonder, just blatantly evil. I guess it's hard to blackmail someone who's black-hearted, isn't it? Yes. Yes. That's not a particularly useful Way to go. Ah, but what you can do is give us information. Tell us all about the organization

Tell us all about the Dark Lord's plans. I know you haven't been him directly, but surely some of that must filter down to you. Dish tea. Okay., Carl has been preoccupied. Who? I suppose with... There's something happening on a river. A river. Oh, what? Carl's all uptight about the Funtz-D river.

And for listeners, surely he's having a little bit. Just because he is viciously aroused. I mean, the rainbows, it's gotten worse. He's also been very badly injured. Yeah, he's bleeding an aroused, which is not a good combination. It's actually making my blood pop harder, which is I'm bleeding faster than I probably should. What time did the boat hit you? It was last evening, this evening past. It was, it was halfway between sundown and the zenith of the moon. Ah, Ahni, what do you in charge during that particular shift? What?

I had no idea that I've ever been in charge of where the ship was going. That might explain why it's taking us so long to get to cadaver falls. I believe you. Your response will definitely be- Get out of falls? Yeah, yeah, cadaver falls. I believe you. You're responsible for that. Get a false. Yeah, yeah, cadaver falls. I've got a message with that.

That's the, it's re-cadaver falls. I remember that. You have a message about cadaver falls. Re-cadaver falls. Rodric is there. Oh, that's where Rodric is. I think that's where his office is. Okay.

That's okay. See, a waterfall think that's where his office is. Oh, okay. That's okay. See, a waterfall is a very specific type of ecosystem because the water is churning constantly and is very oxygenated, but it's- He keeps turning it back. Oh, so water stuff. Also, there's- I don't know if you're rude, but we're going to take a quick break.

Yeah, can we write this? Guys, somehow take a break. I don't want to you're rude, but we're gonna take a quick break. Yeah, I don't want to cut off my explanation, but we're gonna be right back with some more chun for the redout. Oh, he's tough. He's staring at me. Oh, aren't you gonna break? Okay, I'll push the break button. Oh, now you're in charge of the boat. All right, I think, chun, I think we can sneak back from break. Okay, alright.

We might have Conrad and this algae are just through the ruins. Oh, he's explaining biology. So then... No, he's suck to use the ore. What happens though is that all of the algae can kind of co-... different species can live collonially together. There are different species of algae. I have the same colony here. Oh How interesting. Oh, that's how it works. Your mouth is so small. Oh, thank you. Is that an attractive feature amongst?

Yes, yes yes it is. I'm actually pretty, pretty handsome dude. Okay, well, I'm pretty sure you'd say. It's about space, yeah. I'm pretty, I mean, I've been told. You married a fish, but do you know other? I did. I ever.

Half amphibian, half human, half fish. You have fish. It was creatures? Not a ton. There's not a lot. Me and my I've 45 siblings. You have 45 siblings? That's a lot. Well there was 500 or so of us and most of the eggs got eaten shortly after spawning and then some of the sprat's got eaten, you know, sprat's was we hatched from our eggs you know my brothers and sisters were all consumed by larger fish. Only 45 of us made it to the thing. It does, you know. And what gave you the leg up? Legs. What gave you the leg up legs?

Literally, yeah, I got put a leg up from those 250. I'm sorry, those 100 and 405 they got eaten. Who do you miss the most? Oh, you know, I didn't get a real good chance to know everybody, but Mike. Yeah, he was always quick with the joke that Mike. He was, oh boy, he told always quick with the joke that Mike he was oh boy He told me what he said look out for the the big fish

As if names are so funny, right names are so funny like I It's weird. I don't think I've ever met a mic that I liked Oh, he just got that was his favorite dead brother. I'm so sorry. I lost track of fact. That's a dead person It's a sensitive. I'm very sorry. Why is he turning rainbows? I'm angry now. How do we do my mouth with anger? Okay, that's offensive. No, I need some bandaging. Oh, well, I think we have some leftover from one we had the mummy's on I think I have some I need see bandages. We're gonna have to get some kelp I need some body nature's bandages. I should I shall withdraw some kelp from the ocean using my amazing Magical abilities Amazing magical abilities. There we are. Yeah, you are.

You're all right. He's just reaching over the side of the boat into the water. Yeah, you're all right. He's just pulling weird shit out of the water and throwing it on the deck. There we go. You shot your best. Amazing magic. Thanks for the kelp.

Thanks for all of your kelp. Yeah, of course. It's very kelp. We're here to kelp. Troy, is that feeling? Would you say that it's getting better? Good. Would you say that we're even Steven? Would you say that it's getting better? Good. Would you say that we're even Steven?

Would you say that we're? I suppose. Did you just for a chance? Oh, good. I suppose, yes. So there's no, I would just want to make sure that I'm not going to get a letter from a burden three weeks or something. I don't know.

I mean, can you walk on it? Can you put a price on someone's leg? Sure, you earlier you said what, ten gold? Did you say that? I don't. Maybe I thought it. Maybe I thought to just give you. Here's ten gold, PS. Here's ten gold. Thank you.

I've bought a lot of leg bones. Hmm. Those are usually about seven golds, so I suppose with the meat on it, yeah, ten is pretty good. And you said, or, um, I forget, what's connected to the leg bone? Leg bones connected to the dick bone.

Dic bone, that's right. It's just a little ditty. I don't want more answers on that. Well, it's gets little a little relative It could be a big ditty could be a medium sized ditty every ditty's different. You know how your leg connects to your I'm sorry, you seem to say You know how every time you pee it runs down your thigh. Oh, yes, but that's not because I've got a dick bone Every time you pee, it runs down your thigh. Come on. Yes, but that's not because I've got a dickbone. That's just because. What are these?

Penises? Yes. Oh, OK. OK. Interesting. You two have never seemed more engaged as whole conversing. Do you have a cloaca or a cloaca, however you say that? No.

I have an over-positor. Ooh. What's that? It posits over. Oh, yeah, it's a Aston answered and you've had it since your teenager. Yes. Well, I've always had it When you turn 12 you start to get scales around it That's how you know do you ever shave the scales to make it look bigger? No, it wouldn't work I have sometimes you posit over in the night accidentally, oh see overnight. That's embarrassing. Yeah, so I stayed overnight the males of my species carry the eggs

Nice, that's right. Yeah, then you'd posit them The whole you posit them through your overpository Okay, and then they get fertilized somehow no one one ever taught me that. How did you figure it out? It was just instinctive. It just happened. You know, you watch it the first 12 years you watch. Yeah, you watch it happening Oh, and you're like, oh, that's okay. That's happening there. And then you do that. It's funny You know, it's so much about algae and yet when it comes to yes, yeah, it's a great irony of all I have of my brothers and sisters to learn from another world in the same boat of ignorance Well, you know this might help you to use language you understand the penis is sort of the estuary of the human body Okay, yeah, it's where the salt of the body meets the fresh of the body. Yeah, I mean look. We've all got a bracket. Sherry

indeed the body meets the fresh of the body. Yeah, I mean look, we've all got a bracket, Sherry. Indeed, indeed. So I don't know exactly what Brak is. Brak? Oh boy, I mean, I know Brak, but it's like a guy with a rude mask. He has a funny voice, but that's probably a different Brak, right? Brak, Brak, Brak, Ishwaters, it's somewhat salty, but somewhat fresh. Yeah, not quite saline, the in-between state. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Kind of my metaphor holds up. So you never knew your parents? No, I was positive as an ovary in a nest upstream of the feeding grounds. And then somehow, my daddy or my mommy fertilized those eggs by spreading their seed into the water. Mm-hmm. That's so beautiful. It seems like an oversight to Incubate you right upstream from predators from the feeding grounds. He says just how it goes I suppose survival the fittest. Yes. Only the strong survive. Oh, Troy, can I ask you?

Yes. What? Do you have me hopes and dreams for yourself? Oh. Like you seem as far as I can tell. You seem happy observing the estuaries, even though it is for the Dark Lord. Yes.

It is fulfilling work, even though you know like you like your work, but you don't like your boss. It's that kind of thing. That's how I feel about it. Back on Earth, my boss's name was Mike. I've never done Mike. Oh boy. Luckily he'll never hear this.

He's got better things to do. Surely he'll come back to him. But no, I understand. I mean, I mean, this is a fantasy world. So like this exact scenario would never exist on Earth. It's a possible that some organization that was charged with monitoring and maintaining the cleanness of our environment around our waterways

would have a boss up at the top of the screen. I don't want to cut him off, but we should go to another break. I feel like Arnie's just... It's really getting into the deep end here. I stopped he's looking right at me. Guys, I can hear you. You know, I've told you this before.

I hated when you call it a fantasy world. This is a real world, a wonderful world. It's not some dalleons of somebody's mind. Mike was real. Yeah, Mike was real. And I get, I'm sorry about Mike. I'm sorry I keep saying things about the name Mike. A big fish.

Here's what we'll do. It's to smooth things over Chorley. If it's all right with you and maybe you should or if it's all right with you. What we'll offer for next year's Chant for the Rectober for our sixth Chant for the Rectober is we're going to raise money for Mike and we're going to sell some smoke bags.

Is that okay, you should or if we sell some smoke bags? You should or smoke bags? Sure. Yeah, I'd love to smell some smoke bags. Great. So that's what we'll do. Hopefully that's memory of Mike. And memory of Mike.

Thank you. You're welcome. So we good here? I'm good. Okay. Great. Before you go, is there anything you can tell us about that our board in terms of like, maybe where does it,

like, this week's bar, so how do we kill it? Downfall or like what his peeps are? This seems like a silly detail. But we never have company meetings on Wednesdays. There's never, there's never, the Wednesdays are always, always a work day. Never, you're not allowed to have any kind of meeting or birthday party or company picnic or anything

can never be on a Wednesday. This is good to know, guys, because if we ever say some day we have some plan to infiltrate the dark lords forces on a Wednesday, we're pretending that we're there for a birthday party. Now we know that that would work and whoever maintains our wiki on earth Definitely write that down and no birthday parties on wins. We will need to know that later No hashtag no birthday parties on Wednesday on if you're listening on earth and your birthdays on a Wednesday Don't celebrate it. Please please for our sake move it to a Tuesday move it to a Thursday Move it to a splurse day. Some people are very upset when they don't get to celebrate their birthday on the day,

and I've always sort of felt like, if you're celebrating around the day, you're roughly, you know, it's about celebration, not about a specific day. Also, Charlie, just for Ss and Gs, you sort of, do you mind giving us a spell that gives us all my stashes? Can you do that real quick? Oh sure. Yami yami yami yami. Great.

So with the Dark Lord recognizes with this, do we look different enough? You look entirely different. Oh great. Do we, but doesn't work for us? Does it, do we pull it off? I mean, you can see my gills and fight around. Oh, all right. Okay, good. Because you know, we put it on first as mean, you could see my gills. I'm quite around. Oh, all right.

Okay, good. You know, we put it on first as like a joke as a disguise, but then we're like, you know what, maybe this is our thing, giant moustache. Yeah, I'm very aroused, not with anger or with lust, but with admiration and jealousy. Ooh. I'm gonna draw a little moustache on an angibabies and more. I know that he's not the type of animal that would have any hair on his body,

but could you give Charlie a giant mustache? Sure. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, right on the neck. Oh, it's all scales. Well, you want it, yes, you want it there beneath the gills. That's where those scales would grow. Oh, so you breathe out of your neck, I see.

That makes sense. Oh, yeah. Oh, I like this. There's one on both sides, on both sides. It looks good. Yeah, it's a good enough for you. And you know, Charlie, I think that mustache just gives you like a real striking look.

I like, you look like an important person and I don't know, call me crazy. Like take this advice or don't, but when you go back to your job, maintaining the estuaries, you should really like dedicate yourself to rising up the ranks, you know what I mean? Take Carl's job, take Roderick's

Oh, yeah, get up to those upper echelons. Oh, that's not a bad idea So you're really in the seat of power and for no reason. I'm just gonna take this thing. I'm gonna shove it in one of your gills Oh It's gonna keep you it's gonna keep that gill aroused kind of always forever, but Okay, kit kit promise. I won't pull it out Okay, can you promise you Cannot can you promise you won't pull it out? Can you promise to try? Can you promise to try you can or you won't you can't or you won't don't pick at it don't pick at it

Oh, it's just gonna go in deeper. Ah, I remember let me shrink down into my hand I Found my healing rock Feel better. Yes, did I count? Oh, nice. It hurts and then it feels better. It's comfy. Well, we solved everything Ha, ha, another success for you, so so no the blue and his new wizards killed Well, surely Thank you for I guess I was gonna say thank you for stopping by but we sailed over you and Almost killed you and I'm sorry about that. Oh, it's okay

Thank you for the healing rock in the camp and no thank you for hitting me in the first place, but I suppose it was nice to meet you. Mm-hmm. So there's that. But in another way, didn't we save your life? Turning you away from the path of evil and back on to the path of light, where you shall become an integral part of the great plan to bring down the dark Lord Got him to oh yes those estuaries will be mine We shouldn't focus too much on the estuaries. I feel like those just kind of a big distraction

Algae. Oh god, fuck you can you've got to use the really into algae. Oh no. It's going to be like that time you really into salsa. Oh, I've made salsa in a long time. Oh god. Here we are. Okay. Alright, well hey, you know what, Troy, hang out for a minute.

We usually read emails at this point. Okay. Listener, if you want to email me, you can always email me at Magic Tavern, at puppies, that supplies. It's a real email address. If you want to get in contact with you, Sador, you can get, you get them on Twitter. Oh, you can take a leaf, a pure leaf that is just falling off of the fold trees. Place it under your pillow. Kiss it six times. Fall asleep on it. In the morning, take the leaf out from under the pillow. Set it to flame and throw it to the nearest rodent you see

until that rodent doth burn. Burn that rodent to death. And I'll respond. Yeah, throw a flaming leaf at a rat and let us know how that goes. Anyway, I got an email here to Magic Diverna puppies, that's applies. You got a what? We're on the boat, aren't you? I got a see-mail. Thank you so much. All right, it's a poem that someone sent.

I don't know if it was sent from Earth or from the food or someone on Earth pretending to be from Foon. Regardless, it's called my final prayer. You must save Foon. The Dark Lord, he got bored. So he sent his orcish hordes to slay and kill at their own will and every village blood would spill. I'm just throwing this down. So I'm not sure. In a stronghold, in the mountains mountains cold men and women did stand bold. With sword and fist we did persist with all our might we did resist the dark lord. Me and my kin we could not win as he arrived with deadly sin. I saw her friend my bestest friend but the dark lord's terror has no end. His eyes ablaze,

he turned his gaze and struck me down with his mace. As I lied there in the cold air, with my last breath I said this prayer, known as Karni, leader of an army. All my strength I give you are near. Companions boon, let it be soon. I beg of you. You must save food So I might understand that in their dying breath they called out to you Yeah, they called out to me because I can save all the food with my invisible hands Who'd you say sent this email? They look, here's actually a good point. If I get an email and you don't put your name at the bottom of the email, I'm going to assume

you don't want me to say your email address or your name from your email address. So if you want me to say your name, put it on there if you don't, don't. Now if you want me to save all the food, know that I'm the person that can do that. I really like the phrase, if you don't, don't. Now, if you want me to save all food, know that I'm the person that can do that. I really like the phrase, if you don't, don't. If you don't, don't.

Name one use, just one. The door for just invisible hands. Whoof. Picking locks. But the rest of you is right there. Well, sure. But no one will see my hands and I'll leave no fingerprints. So they think they're just tubers,

just rattling around a lock? Mm-hmm. All right. But, you know, here's another thing, and this is a great poem, and I didn't really notice this until the wording at the very end, and bear with me as I try this out. Oh, Arnie when you said bear with me, bug just popped up.

Oh, hey bug! Do you want to hear, we have, of course, I know Bear. Yes, I just, I didn't want to relax. I guess that. Okay, so this is something I noticed about this poem and I just want to try out and see if I'm right about this. The dark lord, he got bored, so he sent his orcish hordes to slay and kill at their own will and every village blood would spill in a stronghold

in the mountain-scaled Man and Women did stand bold with sword and fist we did persist with all our might we did resist. The Dark Lord, the Dark Lord. Yep, yep, especially at the end. Known as carny leader of an army, all my strength I give you, Arnie Companions, Boone Let It, Be Soon,

a bag of you, you must save food. Yeah, oh, yeah. And that was your new segment called Boun let it be soon. I beg of you, you must save food. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And that was your new segment called Things I Notice in a Poem. Oh yeah. What the fuck were you doing? I was, look, there is, there's a very important text on my world called Busta Move. And I think it maps almost exactly to the rhyme scheme of Busta Move.

So Busta Rhymes? No, Busta Move. But Busta Rhymes. Busta Move. maps almost exactly to the rhyme scheme of busta moves. So, busta rhymes? No, busta moves. But, busta rhymes. Busta move. And if you want me to say, Foon, you want it? You got it, okay? Well, if you really want to party with me, put your hands where my eyes can see,

so no invisible hands, if you want to party with me. I have an email here. This is... What? Sorry, I have a C-snail here. Hello, C-snail. Hello. Say hi. Oh, that's my cousin. Hello, C-Snail. Hello. Say hi.

Oh, that's my cousin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, here you go. I'm so sorry. I have a C-Mail here. This is to chunt at gmail.com. Of course, you can email me at chun.gmail.com. That's chunt with 60s. It's from Kathy.

The subject says, new listener. Back. And there's, you're being a real deal. And there's one word in the text so it says, new listener's subject, and then in the body of the email it just says, dying. Oh no. So let's, oh no.

Let's send our thoughts out to Kathy. Kathy, hang in there. Get caught up. Listen, all the way to get caught up, because the most recent lessons really help are like listening to them first. And we can't send a healing rock, but we can't send a jar of clay.

So that is sort of a healing rock. I feel like jar of clay is sort of a healing rock. So we're gonna send that out to you, Kathy. We hope that helps you out otherwise, all right, Pete? Is there any chance that Kathy sent that email when she heard Arnie singing that song? Let me check the time stamp says from 45 seconds ago. Yep, that makes sense. Yeah me and my kid We could not win as he arrived with dead Lisa and I saw a friend my best his friend

But the dark Lord Tara has no one I didn't work as well. Good job, sticky guy. It's like watching an Olympic gymnast execute a perfect balance beam routine, until they slip on an open-faced hoggy they left at the end of the bar, and fall into a pile of almost complete Lego death stars. It's like that. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shant the shape-shifter was played by Adolfie. Surely Ben Smaw sub-minion creature from the lackluster lagoon was special guest Joe Burton. His podcast The Fowler Family Radio Hour is coming soon. Concrete deadlines

often invite productivity Joe. Perhaps you've heard me wax indifferent about Earth Games. Our bonus mini-series where Arnie Chunden-Yuzidor play various games from Earth. Well, the mini-series is finished, and if you've managed to avoid it, that's about to get harder. As a free episode will arrive this Friday in our main feed, check out the first episode of Earth Games, where our air-quote protagonist play a game of clue. Then, if you want to witness the theory of diminishing returns enacted in real time, listen to them play settlers of Catan, they colonize Catan, time to flip that studio space I've kept there for years.

Uh, categories, code names, and more. By signing up at stitchopremium.com with the code magic. You'll get a free month of premium access, and won't have to hear any of the ads I spend valuable time rewriting and memorizing. Also, you'll be supporting our podcast, so we can bring you thousands of new episodes, all of which will take place on a boat. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adel Rafay, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Irwolf Producer, Kimmy Lucas. This episode edited by Stefan Dranger,

Special Assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Adelard LePan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. C Shanti version by Arnie Parrott. And now I'm supposed to find a black cat covered in pumpkin spice. Put a sheet over it and buried under a pile of Hocus Pocus DVDs. It turns out I love fall. Okay, I think I'm going to chicken with that microphone. I shoved into Charlie's gills to see if we can learn anything useful about the dark Lord.

Yes, let us listen in and peer into his inner thoughts. Oh, hello little clams. How many do we have today? I did. Scatter. You? Oh, I didn't know that I'd be. I didn't know that I'd be. Oh, you're so spiny.

Toroie. Oh, hi. Hello, car. Toroie, I found the worm. Oh, wonderful car. I told you that I thought the worms were coming back to this area, so that's wonderful. What should I throw? How do you still have a job? Fast forward! I know we don't meet first, you, I don't need to bother you, I don't need to bother you. Uh, Charlie!

I know we don't meet face to face when we're off and we're off. That's me, Rodler. Whoa, Rodler, I've... Oh, hello, I see. I've seen your name copied on so many messages. Yeah, I saw him a little higher up the chain. I just came down to Terry. This isn't good news, Charlie. Oh no. It's about Carl. Really?

He's dead. Carl is dead? Carl is dead. Oh, no. Wait. I hope nothing fell on him and cut him. Well, it's a dangerous position when you get a little higher up in the estuaries department. There's things are going to happen to you. Hmm, I suppose you need someone to take over for Carl. Hello, I'm Errol, Carl's old placement. Oh, I was helping that job would go to his son. Oh Carl, Jr. Look, pretend I'm not here. Errol, you're new here. You go ahead and you onboard Charlie. Welcome aboard Charlie.

Your name is Earl. My name is Earl. Now I magically compel your device to fast forward. Hello again Charlie. Oh, but the round's a kill it. Hello. So I know I don't come to our hotel friend. a little while, but I've got some bad news. Earl is dead. I don't, I don't, I'm so sorry.

I don't tell anyone. Hello. I'm Earl Jr. Oh God. Look, both of you, first of all, Earl Jr. I'm so sorry. I've got occasional the giggles and this is not the term Please nobody tell anybody that when I came in here to tell Troy that Earl died horribly that I just started laughing Halfway through

I'm so called for Merrill Jill girl Merrill, oh, Jr. Oh no, Joe is my boss Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, has a young family to braze who needs, who's had too many furlough days recently, maybe it should take over for him. Did someone say furlough junior? I was furlough junior. Or furlough. Oh, I have a nice class or furlough. I actually hope no one's listening in on this because this is going to go on like this for quite a while. Yeah. We all have such tiny mouths.

Tiny, tiny. We're all very handsome. Hello everyone, I'm the new boss, Mike. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh But our wish it was Carl's Jr. Harder than that one. Harder, hardy. God, that was useless. But the important thing is we spied on someone.