Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 25 - Stinker

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

The boys, still searching for answers at Library of Meridanth, meet a Stinker who creates odors.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungGuntz the Stinker: Alex TrepkaMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. You know, for a secret government facility, there's never many people here.

It's almost like whoever's currently in charge of the government wherever I am, is leaving hundreds of research positions unfilled. What do I know? In theory, I report to a self-obsessed quarterback who sees control of the universal security command structure. Ooh, there's an extra twix bar hovering right on the edge of the vending machine shelf. I bet I can make it fall if I punch through the glass and push it. Okay, back to replacing every employee's Skype photo with a corresponding jellicle cat.

Now, who's ready to listen to our favorite Platonic Thrupple? Kill eight or nine minutes before the star shows up. Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arndy Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About 4 and 3, 4 years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune.

Luckily I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, which I use to upload a podcast every week chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Oh, also, um, I was stabbed in the chest with a big magic sword. My body is frozen in time on the edge of death and my essence has been flung into numerous objects, but currently I'm in a kind of like baby-sized gummy baby. That's a in a kind of like baby sized gummy baby. That's a little redundant. Baby sized gummy baby.

Well, you know, on my gummy baby, I know, but on my world like gummy candies are like, I don't know, like a thumb sized. Really? Yeah. Who wants to eat a thumb? Well, because babies suck thumbs? I guess, no, I mean, the candy is that size.

I mean, it's not shaped like a thumb, although I'm guessing there are gummy candies that are shaped like thumbs. They come in a lot of- They come in a lot of- They come in a lot of- They come in a lot of- They come in a lot of-

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Thank you, Lea. Any other animals that you have gummies of? Sharks, worms. Those are really like the, how small is a gummy worm? That has to be the smallest, right? It's about, it's about thumb size. I mean, it's got the same mass,

although it's like thinner than a thumb. So gummy worms are about thumb size. I mean, it's got the same mass, although it's thinner than a thumb. So gummy worms are about thumb size. You sure about that? I mean, I think if you would mash it all up, put it into a mold of a thumb. It would be about the same size as a thumb. Arnie, Arnie, come on. There's a bite out of your shoulder.

What happened here? I don't, Arnie. No, that was not me. I did here? I don't... I mean... No, that was not me. I did not try to eat myself. I swear. There's a little, Arnie-sized bite out of your shoulder. Well, some...

Did you try yourself? Did you try yourself? Did you try yourself? I did. That is not me. Did you try yourself? I... Yes, but not on my shoulder. Look at my foot. Oh, come on.

Yeah. And then I was like, oh, this is too weird, although I am delicious. Oh. What's. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, this is too weird, although I am delicious. Oh. What flavor are you? I'm kind of a snuzzle berry. Mm-hmm.

Which is a flavor I was not aware of until I came to fun. One of my favorites. Yes, of course. How would you describe a snuzzle berry? Well, it's similar to a blackberry. Uh-huh. Period. Well, it's similar to a blackberry. Period. Well, just a little more, well, just that little extra snows. Look at it snows in it. Oh, okay. It's like kind of a mucusy blackberry.

Yeah. Well, yes, but mucus makes it sound sort of disgusting. I think this is like a sweet, syrupy viscousy, almost a syrupy. Yeah, but it's not like me custard You ever have you tried me custard? No, I don't what's that? It's a mucous flavored custard. Oh Goblins put it on their toast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sounds gross. Goblins being nasty Goblins do be nasty. You know one thing that I've really been thinking about a lot this week Normally, I'm like kind of the biggest one in our group, but now, I'm sort of the smallest one in our group.

You're the tiniest one, this is so fun. I know. And finally, the biggest one. You should all right here. Catch Arnie. Huh? Huh? Huh?

Throw him back. Hello, baby Arnie. Whoop. Yeah. Oh! Wee! Yeah. No.

I got you, don't worry. Here, I'm going to dribble him. No, no, no. Ow, ow, ow. Doop, doop, do, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no gotta be honest a little bit condescending. Oh. We're going to shen you to the gummy baby. Why would they be condescending to you? Look, I'm the same person. I'm still the same Arnie, just because my essence is in this baby-sized gummy baby.

Should be fair, I've always looked down at you. Oh, well, it's mutual. But you know what, another about me, we don't need to talk about me and how my entire form has completely changed and my entire life is different than it was a few weeks ago. What's up with you two? Anything interesting? We're in the library. Yeah, I've been running around checking out some books.

I've been finding all kinds of fun series I've only heard about. I found the Duck Pimple series? Duck Pimple. Yeah, it's like a horror series for young adults. What else? Oh, I found some of the duck pimple books. Oh, there's like night of the living trolls. There's night of the dead trolls.

Are those connected? Like, is that one? No, no, no, totally different stories. Night of the coma trolls. No, but the author, SM Mug, has written all of them. Yeah, I also found the author wrote all of them. Yes, yes, all of the combatrols. No, but the author, SM Mug has written all of them. I also found the author wrote all of them. Yes, yes. It's one author. It's very rare. Yes, yes. I also found the Lusty Lion series. It's like a series of romance books between two lions. Oh, the same lions? No, different authors. No, I'm sorry, same lions, different authors.

Oh, okay. Oh, so it's sort of like you know what a different author really wants to take a Stab at what it's like for these two lines and it's just real graphic. I mean we've been in an orgy with tigers before about lions But lions yeah, there's the pride inside There's main squeeze. Yeah, roar Mm-hmm. I heard that there's like five more. You did? Mm-hmm. I'll have to look them up. Yes, and as we search for these lusty line books, we shall also continue to go through

the stacks, looking through grimwas and tomes, looking for a cure to make Arnie be back alive in his own body, which I have been devoting much of my time to. Yeah, you know, it's been an interesting perspective being in this tiny gummy baby, but I'm really ready to go back into my body which is under this sheet behind me with a sword sticking out of it. Um, yes, but here in the library of Meridenth, I want to give you your body back, but more than anything, I want that sword. Wait, you want the sword more than you want me back in my body and to not be dying

Well like you said you're you're the same person here in this body onto you I mean and have you ever tried to wield a dead Arnie? Does a handle right the balance is all off if you're trying to fight a foe Walking up castle stairs with a dead Arnie in your hand. Yeah, you get over You ever tried to fight a foe with a full Arnie? But in Obsidian Sword, that has a nice balance to it. It's sharpened, there's a blade in an edge to it. Okay.

Is it not so bad? Excuse me. So, are you all right? I'm fine. It's not so bad, he's bringing me comfort. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he smells you. He smells you. Oh, this is our friend, It's not so bad. He's bringing me comfort. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he smells you. Oh, this is our friend. He's not food.

I'm not food. You look like a gummy. I am. I am a gummy, but he's a, he's our friend, so please don't, please don't eat him. Oh, you're just a tiny little guy. It's okay. I'm small. I won't be any bigger than a bite out of your foot.

Already, this is our smallest episode ever. Oh great, well I was the smallest cutest one in the episode and now apparently someone else is smaller than I. I can't find someone chasing after me. Oh no, oh. Do you need protection for use at all? I shall stand as a righteous, stalwart friend to any who are in danger. Did you forget your library, Corb? I don't know.

I, Arnie, to check out books in this library, you have to bring like bread or potato. Yeah, some sort of library carb. I have come here to escape prosecution of my kind. Oh. You see, my name is Guns. And I'm the last to- Sounds very familiar.

What was it again? Guns. Okay, my name is Sh. What was it again? Guns? Okay, my name is Shunt. How do you spell guns? G-U-N-T-Z! Alright, different enough. Carry on. I come from a race of people called stinkers. Oh. No, it may be funny you may laugh and you may want to make a joke,

but I am not a joke. My people can produce smells, you see. Distracting smells, good smells. I came for you because you smell like a snuzzle berry. And that's comforting to me. Oh. I love snuzzle berry on toast. Oh, we are very blessed to have a stinker here with us today. Olli, have we told you about stinkers before?

No, I haven't heard anything about stinkers. They create all sorts of wonderful odors all throughout Foon. Imagine if there weren't stinkers to make smells for us. What? Where would smells come from then? Wait, stinkers make all smells? I don't know about all smells, but quite a few. My people have unfortunately trailed off the Dark Lord, has executed them.

He doesn't want smells in the kingdom, but my people still provide. Imagine, what if you were walking past a window that had a beautiful pie waiting for you on the acille? That smell would come from a stinker nearby. You see the pie? Near the pie, you see. See, the reason you probably haven't heard of stinkers is that as valuable as they are

and as wonderful it is to have those smells, they're usually like 25 gold pieces. Oh, really? Yeah, for a high end stinker They're usually like 25 gold pieces. Oh really? Yeah for a high-end stinker. It's like 25 gold coin. Little pricing. Yeah. That does seem pricey. I'd rather not talk about it. My father, my mother, my wife have been taken. And their juices have been squeezed from them. Oh, they're blood? This stink juices. Oh, that's terrible. But I want you to know that you are safe here with me. Now you're part of our party, and you shall help us defeat the Dark Lord, and we shall return. Your...

Mr. Family again? My father? Father? My mother? My wife? Your wife? We'll get them all back for you. Mother, father, wife.

They shall be returned to your side, and very soon. should be reunited with your families, stinking up the place. And all of you little stinkers shall be as happy as could be. Excuse me. Oh, did you just say little stinker? Yes, what did you call yourself? Oh, I'm sorry, is it like a little stinker? Would you prefer that? Then apostrophe is a bit...

I prefer stinker, period. Little stinkers is a slur. A pejorative term, am I kind? I didn't know. Please, I beg a thousand pardons. I have half a mind to make you stink. Oh no, but I already stink. Bring it on. That's all you can do, make them stink.

This guy's covered in bird shit. Do you're worst? Yes. I'm often visited by my friends, the the birds and they leave behind little gifts. Let me get on all fours And I'll show you what I can do. Oh the back of his pants. Hey juicy. What is so tired of hearing that? I hope you like smelling like the worst thing on this planet. Oh Oh, like you smell like Arnie. Oh, no Look at the green gas coming from my BI.

Oh, it's visible. That odor is visible. What's the worst smell that you can think of? The worst smell I can think of? The worst smell I can think of. Well, it's a gunk fucking a dog. But, yes, that's bad, but I know the worst one. Oh, let's hear it.

The worst smell would be a freshly baked cake covered in fresh strawberries. Nice try. Don't make them smell like that. No, I won't fall into your tricks. You smell like lion piss. Oh no. Also, China cake smells delicious. I get the strawberries probably smell bad

because why would you want strawberries on your cake? But China, you all right. What do you mean? You said the worst smell you could think of was a cake covered in strawberry. No Arnie, I was trying to trick him into making use it or smell like something good. Oh! But now he smells like lion piss, he's going to track all these lusty lions. Oh well this might work out in my favor

then. You three look like you have a good camaraderie. I'm going to walk away the smell. Oh thank you! You see stickers can also dispel smells. Oh! The smell smells thank you! You see, stinkers can also dispel smells. Oh! The smell smells. The smell? No. I'm saying that three times better.

Dispel smells. Dispel smells. I'm here to escape persecution. The library is safe haven. The dog lord can't reach me here. But if I step foot out of this library or into a book, I may be at his grasp. Whaa, hold on. Into a book? You had me for the first half of that sentence.

Well, you see, you look like you're a gummy baby, but you could come from another world, is that right? Yeah, I am actually from another world, it's true. If I'm not mistaken, I've brushed up on other worldly things. Your planet, your place, has a thing called flat Stanley? Um, I've heard of a flat Stanley. He's a very thin man, so then you could fit into a book. I can do that too.

Oh, that's incredible. But he said if you went into a book, you might be in danger from the dark Lord. Can the dark Lord find us through books? Only if they that open. You've spread the word to everyone. Don't open books. Is that right? That's what I said. Kids, if you do nothing else, do not read. Do not read. Never read. It is a path to evil. I have just learned and we must

shut off this path as soon as possible. Yes, no matter how many personal panpizzas you may be promised, do not open that book. For the love of this planet, do not open books because the Dark Lord may be seeing and peering into you. He may be passing messages, no? Imagine that the media we consume, in turn, watches everything we do and take that information and use it against us. Well, a certain amount of analytics are just sort of important to us. What is the Dark Lord trying to accomplish? What evil nefarious plot could he be attempting to enact with this evil collection of information?

We must stop it and stop it now! Erie, close that book that's next to you. Oh, I don't have a bookmark in it yet. I'll go lose my spot. Would you rather be slayed by the dark lord? Just close it and find a way. Let me just fold it over. I'm sorry, my hands are so sticky.

It's very hard for me to fold this. I'm because, hey, I'm a gummy babe. But you're wearing gloves. Well, the gloves are stuck to my hands. Yeah, yeah. And then I padded my face with these gloves. So now these gloves have a look, like, have some of my stick. Yeah, yeah. And then I padded my face with these gloves. So now these gloves have a look, like, have some of my stickiness on the gloves.

Let me patting your face. Are you shaving? No! Are you putting on aftershave? No, I'm just patting my face. I've been trying to explain the movie Home Alone to people. It, yeah, it just doesn't make sense. A boy gets left home alone,

and then two grown men come into his house, but they're deterred by holiday, nick of bracks and spiders? Yeah, yeah, that's exactly how I explained it. Holiday, nick of bracks and spiders. And one of the men still has a career and the other doesn't. Look, you're forgetting the most important part.

I guess I'm gonna have to show you with by sticking my gloves on the side of my face. Ah! The kid does that. Now your gloves are sticky again though. I'm gonna have to show you with by sticking my gloves on the side of my face The kid does that now your gloves sticky again though. Yeah, that's true. I couldn't help but notice sticky Stounds like stinky good point. What? We know wasn't what I what it was that yes, let me explain sure sticky sounds like stinky I'm stinky sometimes if I want to be and you at the moment are Sticky yeah, you're both small One of you sticky and one of you stinky holy shit. I think we need to put on a show

Oh, please let me put on a show. I've always wanted to do some type of show and show Kind of sounds like grow you ever knows that that's a good. And show kind of sounds like grow, you ever know what's that? That's a good point too. Point kind of sounds, well hold on, point. Sounds like, I was gonna say moist, that's not a word. Sounds like moist, no, point, that's an ass. Point sounds like boy, help me out. J.

Point, joint. J. Yeah. Point sounds like joint, which I have in my body. You get, because you swallowed that blunt. Oh, I meant my actual joints. Oh, I wanted to get high and bro We could grow weed and smoke it. Oh That smells good. Yeah have that sticky itki stinky weedy. Oh, yes. Oh, yes Oh, so drugs are we high right now? You guys are already high. What what's going on?

Well, I've been going through these tomes day after day after day looking for a cure for Arnie And I must admit I've been taking some more glock, which I don't usually I don't usually take for my own supply But yeah, I needed a little something to keep me going this library is a great place to find any type of thing that you want Oh anything and everything Rusty walked into the den all four of his paws were wet with anticipation. Gloria had just woken up from her Winter nap. Uh-oh Here comes trouble That's the end. Oh, that's the end. Oh, yes, nothing more erotic than

anticipation your paws. I guess I'll have to find out more in the sequel the line and winter Oh, so you just found the other five. What are the other four? Well, okay, there's a common claw marriage Damn it. That's good then there's Sharktail, but it's spelled T.A.I.L And I don't know why there's shark I think it's about their neighbor shark. Okay top. It's about. It's interesting. I think it's about their neighbor shark.

Okay. Who's a lion, but his name is shark. And then there's Madagascar. Three. Woof. That didn't you lost it. So Stinker, no little, no little about it. You can call me Gums.

G-U-N-T-Z. Gums. Can I call me guns Do you in TZ guns come call you go? Nice try you're the baby He's got your death. Yeah You said you're being persecuted prosecuted persecuted. I've escaped I've escaped a Prosecution, but I'm persecuted now. Oh, did you commit a crime? A crime? What's a crime? You know what I mean?

That sounds like something a guilty person says. Yes, almost certainly. Oh, when you're being pursued by the Dark Lord, he'll try to get you anyway he can. That's right. He tries to enact laws and rules to trap innocent people in their Byzantine court system. I was prosecuted for making, who here knows what cocaine smells like what cocaine smells like

It's a smell that I used to specialize in but they outlawed it They said I couldn't make me smell like cocaine no mo. Oh, that's terrible Hey, you're telling me that was ever my business I would find a little bit of sea salt and then I'd grind it up I'd give it to people and I say hey He's exited and they'd say it hey, he's just gonna spit this, and they'd say it was cocaine, but those would get all messed up.

Oh. That's what I got a trouble for. So when someone in-foon is trying to buy some cocaine, which I'm guessing is in some way similar to the cocaine on earth, which I gotta be honest, I don't know that much about, but in the scenario, people would be like, is this real cocaine?

Let me smell it. That smells like cocaine. I draw the line there I say don't smell it wait until you get home give me the money now take my word look at this bag It's full of white stuff. Oh, but there's just a general hint of cocaine smell in the air You could say that everything has a smell if you think about it sure What does some of your favorite smells guns? Oh, here in my, what I already said, snows are better. Oh, you do like snows are better. He attracted me to you three.

If it wasn't for the snows are better, I'd be running around the library, looking for a safe place to stay for the night. Oh. Other things I love, oh, give me a big, flamed torch that reminds me of Tirey Days of Camp. Oh, yeah, nice campfire smell. Oh, the best. of camp. Oh yeah, that's campers melt. The best, all the best.

Very good. What else do I like? Have you ever had a long day and you get, you jump out of the bucket and you're freshly washed and you get into your bed that- I agree to parts of that for sure. That smell would fresh, you know animal skins and things like that when you cover up. Hell, soy do I, yeah. That's the smell that would cover up. I do. I yeah That's the that's the smell that I once got fucked by a wet dog

Smelled terrible. That's not great. I like what dogs what dogs mean? It's been a rainy day and you've been outside playing. That's pretty fun to me What did you say what would excuse me gummy? I didn't get you. It's Arnie Arnie Arnie, but you can call me gummy baby if you want. I just may. What are some things that maybe you like? Maybe I can remind you of home if I can find a one-to-one match.

Oh, yeah. What are some earth smells you delight in, Arnie? Earth, that's it. Earth. Yeah, um, you know, I love the smell of bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. Are you being honest? I am, you know, it's an acquired taste,

not everybody likes it. And the smell isn't really that bad, but I feel like when people smell, they're like, oh no, I don't like those chips, but I like it. Well, like it only goes so far as the smell. I can't do the taste. Oh, that's okay.

I also. So salt has a smell on earth. Well, it's more the vinegar, but I mean, the salt does too. Ooh, I also love salt has a smell on earth. Well, it's more the vinegar But I maybe the salt does too. Oh, I also and chips chips on earth aren't salty unless they're called salt in something Well, there's also salt and pepper chips. Oh, I love the smell of salt and pepper chips So regular chips are called salt chips. No regular chips are called potato chips or chips or Let's see how many of these are chip related. Or Pringles, which are legally not allowed to call themselves chips. They're legally not allowed to call. But you guys, it is a chip.

Well, it looks like a chip, but I think the legal system said you're not allowed to call it a chip. So that's why it doesn't say chips. The legal system cares about that. So chips are trademarked on earth. They're not trademarked. What do you call like a little globule of chocolate that you might put in a cookie? Little globule of chocolate. He really just really just tossed this right up to you. What what kind of cookies are like famous cookies that have chocolate like little doses of chocolate?

Like a little chocolate kiss. Fuck me. And if you're gambling with friends, you might toss a poker, like a poker disc in the middle. Party for my friends, or a play poker. Oh, I also love the smell of sour cream and cheddar chips. Sour cream and cheddar? This just sounds like a baked potato.

Yeah, but it's in chip form. What do you call something that you have on your shoulder? Like, if you have a grudge, you're a... Uh, epilet. Is that what those are called? Good one. What do you call something that you have on your shoulder? Like, if you have a grudge, you're uh... uh... Eppelette. Is that what those are called? Good one. You nailed it. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I can't go for anything chip based unfortunately.

I can't eat chips, my stomach just won't allow it. I could do sour cream and onion separate. I could do salt and vinegar separate. But if you tie them into chips, you lose me. You can't do combined smells? Your power is fucking sucked, it. So you have to devour the things that you want to make the smells of? I once I eat them once, I can do them again.

Well, that's similar to me. I remember everything I eat. But for me to recreate the smells, I have to experience them at least once. Oh. I don't know what type of chips you're talking about, but you talked about all types of different things that I can make smell. Oh, really? John, what are some smells you'd like to smell? Oh, well, what are you talking about that I talked about?

Chocolate chips, poker chips. Oh, those are the words. Chip on shoulder? Yeah. All those things I could make happen right now If I wanted to because I've had all those things I've experienced them Hmm, but these chips that you speak of your type of chips That's where I have to draw the line. I don't know what to do was winter another lion's name

Yes, lion and winter. Why oh that makes that makes it very sense Lion's name Dean winters. Oh, that makes sense. That makes a very central line. That makes sense. One line is named Dean Winters. Oh, we should probably take a break. So, Goo Goo, you said before that you're being persecuted and chased by the Dark Lord. Are you talking to yourself? You're looking in a mirror already. You're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I'm sorry. You said Goo Goo. Oh, I'm so sorry. Like sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Like, you know, sometimes we call chunchoo-choo. I thought we could call guns, goo-goo. I guess it's a little confusing because I'm a baby. Everyone just sees me as like a baby. Because I'm baby shaped.

Whoa. I'm a little goo-goo doll. I'm the last stinker on food. Whoa, wait, hold on. You didn't say that before, did you? You're the last of the stinkers. I carry the gun's name with a heavy brow. Oh.

I don't know what to do, I'm starting. I didn't want to see anything, but that is a, that is a heavy brow, I mean, that is like a ledge, that is a prominent ledge. Arnie, step back from that ledge, we, sorry. My friend, you have to step back. Now guns, is there anything we can do to help you repopulate the stinker species?

I've not had the best luck with finding other people that were mate with me, I say people, because I'm open to it. I don't know. But I guess if you could do one thing, just remember that smells come from some place. And if there are no smells, it's one of our senses that we lose. One of the senses that I haven't common with you and you and even you, sir.

Yes. If you lose, if stinkers fall off the face of fume or are ground into dust by the dark Lord, you'll miss an important smell that'll warn you of danger. Remember you for comfort, or perhaps even excite you in some type of fair maiden way? Ooh. I can make this room, smell like a fair maiden if I want to do.

Do. That would be, this seems like I might be a little weird. Mm, let me get an old pause. Ah. Does pants are way too tight. I can see everything take a whiff of this Arnie. It smells like anything familiar This smells like a fair maiden. I suppose Victoria secret love spell. Hmm. You know that don't you Arnie? I guess so is this a special perfume. Sorry. They're pronouncing it a little bit weird

It's Victoria who secret love spells. Victoria secret. Oh A lot of people for you know special occasions like to buy a Victoria's secret. Oh She does also have a secret though, which is she likes to do it. Oh But there's another secret it's As long walks. That's right. Which is a euphemism for fucking. Oh, okay. I'm a bit of a dog.

Sorry, Paris, I'm a bit of a dog. No, no, that's all right. Everyone must find their way in this world and find love with A-Can. It is part of the experience of being alive. But I'm so worried for you guns, you've lost your mother, your father, your wife, and now all of the stinkers it sounds like. And all of the rest of the stinkers. I shall have a small sub-side quest where I do look for any stinker that I come across and make sure that I get word back to you

Just look for the patented stinker attire It's as juicy on the butt. Oh Yes, do you have time for a sub quest because right now we're supposed to like aren't we supposed to find all those weird nuts Right I have to collect all those farmers pigs. Yeah, we have so many side quests. Do we have room for another please? I think we have to but we have a main quest It's gonna take us 45 to 80 hours We'll focus on the main quest for a while and then if we feel like getting back to this if it feels like it's still fun And then we'll then we'll get in and we'll find the stinkers

There's that whole town that we went by and the people said please help us our town's being taken over by vampires And they felt it have time time we should have helped them probably I still think we should sneak up on horses and tame them. Oh yes, that's fun. I love that. I understand I'll find my way out. It was nice to meet you three. Oh, guns. Before you go, if you'd like, there's a vacancy in my hat. You're small enough to live in there. It's only 250 gold pieces per month. You're small enough to live in there. It's only 250 gold pieces per month. I've low at the rate, considerably.

Mm-hmm. I would love to, but I can't. I don't have the money. What is that sadness? Oh, looks like I let that one slip. Smell of sadness. Smells like pathetic. Easy, no.

I appreciate your camaraderie who's nice to be amongst the boys for a little bit, but I understand I must continue my constant run away from the dark Lord. If you don't have time to help me, I understand. Everyone I talk to you about stinkers seem to stop short of actually doing any type of action. I like the library just fine, and maybe this is the end of the road for us. Please someone stop me before I'm going to play. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, Stinky a new or sticky one someone else Come on in and feel the rest in with this come on What is it like to get on the top head all this? Don't know I pretty good with me wherever I go Well guns it's it's very nice to have met you and I you know sticky here

I can clean that off with this spell or Not sticky no more. Guns, have you ever considered a magical solution rather than a procreation solution? I have must admit my magic powers top out at making things smell. I can't handle much more. If perhaps you had a spell from me, I could recant. But you're here in this magical library. I could duplicate you and there could be many of guns the stinger

Guns plural Gunses. Yes, Gunsai. Gunsai. Could you make a lady guns? I Suppose I could do that. Yes Could they be completely different genetically than what I am now? Oh, then it wouldn't be a lady guns would it? Well completely different genetically. If this Lady Guns could maybe be open to, what am I trying to say here? I need to repopulate the stinker population. Could you help me out with that?

You went some sort of bride of guns, not another guns. Bride of guns, maiden of guns. What if we just made you a baby? We already made a gummy baby. Let's just make him a little baby, a little, oh. A baby stinker. Sorry, I almost said the wrong thing. Careful. I was gonna make you smell like something bad,

but do you stop yourself just so? Well, I would have been deconstructed. It would be like sour cream over here, onion over here. Exactly. So wait, are you suggesting we hand him a little baby stinker and he'll be like, one day when this baby grows up, we're gonna be married.

It's like, we're like shit. Why don't you think about that? I didn't think about that. Yeah. So two babies that aren't related, make him two babies that aren't related. Now, I've recently helped that candy shop maker by giving him a baby and that didn't go great.

Yeah. So I'm inclined to not make it like any more babies. You know, I've got to say honestly when we go on a little side quest and try to help someone out, we usually make things worse. So I think we should say guns, sorry, we can't really help you, but in a way it's a kindness. Good luck. I hope that you find another stinker, but if you don't, and you die alone,

that you just know that there was some way that we would have made it worse, just like I'm making the sentence worse. Yeah, and there's some more succinct way to say that, which is, you know, the new Magic Tavern motto, which is Magic Tavern, no more babies. Oh, well, I understand if you don't want to help out with some monkey paw type thing, where I get what what I want but it's not really what I want. Yeah why

would we need the dad of a monkey. Sorry I was speaking out of turn. A monkey's paw is you must all be familiar with a monkey's paw you get you make a wish on a monkey's paw. Well why? Because a monkey paw grants one wish. I've never heard of this. Oh why you mean like this monkey paw that one wish. I've never heard of this. Oh, why? You mean like this monkey paw that I found in the stacks of the library? Be careful, don't make a wish on that. Okay. If you make a wish, it could turn around and bite you in the butt.

And the juicy, is it work? Oh, well, but you'd get his- get his wish. I know what to do. I know I'd undermine this fucking magical monkey paw. Go ahead. I wish to be bitten in the butt. Woo! I outsmarted the magic, didn't I?

Good work, Chant. Who, one of its fingers closed? Here, do you want to make a wish? Okay. Oh, this monkey paws huge! Monks are small. I wish... I wish that...

Careful. Careful how you word it. I wish... Careful with the wording. I wish that I could be invisible to the dark Lord and retain my powers and still have fun while I do it all. He's stacking a lot of stuff into that one. Did I say too many ends? All the fingers closed Oh Except one in the middle. Oh Yeah, who's a dog you should take this? We got kind of just though say that just two seconds ago. Remember when we were all saying don't make a wish on the monkeys paw

And we immediately just started making wishes on the monkeys paw. He's right. That to me see What shall I wish for? Is there anything big we want to wish for like that? We've been trying to focus on What is there been going on recently? See, we're at the school. We saw a trip thing. That was fun. Oh, maybe give Arnie back the chunk of his shoulder missing? Hmm. Well, that'll probably grow back on its own.

I know what we were trying to work on. What's that? It's been so fucking clear to last few episodes. You should or I have been trying to work out the best way to high five so it's not awkward. Oh, that's a good point. I wish I was better at high fives. Let's try one out. Oh no.

I can't stop. Oh no. I can't stop high five! Oh, out you said I was... Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, pardon me, pardon me, oh, sorry. Oh, this is fucking wild, man. I know one way to stop this. He goes for high-five, you go for low-five, and whenever he goes for low-five, you move your hand out of the way.

Oh, it's a classic trick, my grandpa taught it to me. Okay. So, A. U. Sador, careful, I'm very small. Yes. How about a high-five? Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, Godcidor careful. I'm very small. Yes. How about a high five? Oh, oh, oh, oh god You smashed him. I was too slow Right in my mouth. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, Gunt's his nose is broken here. Let me you drop this

This pouch of powder earlier you said it was nose magic here take some of that and fix your nose Let me let me smell this What does that smell like? That smells like... I'm gonna try some more. Looks like this is a good part. It's pretty fun, isn't it? Is my nose bleeding already? This episode is not going to start making more sense. Wait a second, fellas. Can you see me? Yeah. You said invisible to the Dark Lord, right?

Ah, that's how they got you. Everyone else can see you. Even all the Dark Lord's minions, only the Dark Lord can see you. Maybe it's for the best. I can't, I will never know unless I see the Dark Lord. Yeah. I can't, hold on, I'm a little jittery now. No.

Is, I don't know if it's the new founded visibility or whatever that, trust me that bag bag. Yeah. Right in the stomach. Oh. Is it near to this music sound better? Where's there's no music on it? Are you, are you, am I a good dancer?

No. Oh, this dude's got moves. Move. Damn, dude. Are you, I find. No, ah, ah, ah, ah, too fast. Well, guns, you know what? I think it's been nice getting to know you,

and I'm sorry if we can't help you more in protecting yourself from the dark Lord, but seems like you've made some progress in saving yourself. I'm just happy to be around a bunch of boys, you know what I mean? I've been wandering the tombs and finding my way around the doing decimal system, things of that nature, but the funds got in at some point.

And we will have to move on at some point, for we are on a great quest to defeat that dark lord to help all of the peoples of Foon. So here, until then, if you stay here at the library where you're safe, hold on to this rock. It's a magic rock. And if you wish on it hard enough, maybe a stinker will appear. And Arnie, have we talked about the Dewey decimal system?

No. See, in the library, every morning, there's a little bit of wetness on all the books, right? A little bit of, you know, just a morning little wetness on it. And that's the system? I don't know. I don't know, fucking librarian. Fair. Hey, you know what, let's see if we have any emails.

As always, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address. Let's see, here's one. Hi, Arnie Chant and Yucidor. I'm a little worried about Yucidor, boy. What? So, that's a, It's like a quick transition.

Oh, orny, yeah. You should just say that they're worried. Oh, okay. Don't say that they're little worried. Yeah, okay. I'll learn that to slur. That beat. Oh, I'm still standing here.

All right, man, there's so many words I can't say in this email. I'm sitting on this one. Okay, I'll start over. Hi, Arnie, Chant and Blank. I'm a blank worried about Blank. Wait, you can't say Usador? I guess I can, they spelled it wrong.

This is some other Usador. Oh, okay, well, let's find them. He keeps saying he was created to destroy the forces of evil and especially the dark Lord. That's right. But what would happen if he succeeded? Oh, I'm sorry, I misread that. But what would happen if he succeed?

Would he die? Would he be assigned a new purpose? Amelie from New Zealand, the land of Hobbits. Well, yes, of course, there would be other evils that I would go and then fight. I would not be destroyed myself. I don't believe. But if I, if I was, I would gladly sacrifice myself to know that the Dark Lord no longer wandered the face of food. And can I just say, I don't know her, but Omelie sounds quirky and adorable and it seems like she holds up. Yeah. Very arty, sure.

Right. What do you mean by, she holds up. It just sounds like she, I don't know, it just sounds like a person I that would weather the test of time. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, I think so. Alright, can you reread just the first two sentences of that email and put those blanks back in? Oh. OK.

Hi, Arnie Chant and Yusador. I am a little worried about Yusador. He keeps saying. Sorry, can you do it with the blanks? Oh, and because there's a time right where you said, hi, Arnie Chant and blank. I'm a blank or something. Yeah, I wasn't sure if you could. Sorry. OK, hi, Arnie Chant and Blank, I'm a blank or something? Yeah, I wasn't sure if you. Sorry. Okay, hi, Arnie Chant and Blank. I am a blank

worried about blank. Great, stop there. Okay, for the first blank, let's think of a noun, um, use it or great. So read it with that first blank filled in. Oh, this is going to be fun. This is so fun. This is crazy. Are we crazy? You guys are pretty crazy. Hi, Arnie, Chuck, and the Usador. Yes. Okay, I'm going to get an adjective for the second one. Smelling.

Oh, I like this word. Where is it going? I'm going to go with little. All right, and we need another noun. Lion. Okay, I'm going to go with the useador. I am a little worried about useador, huh? Guys, this is so fun.

We should call that cook lips. It's this fun. Huh. I have an email too. Of course you can email me at chun.itgmail.com. This chun was 60s. Ooh, this is an email from Chelsea. Chelsea from Vancouver.

Chelsea says, question for chump. Hello, magic taban. Perhaps it's a question I would have answered, but he's a guy. What, a chump was he was born Well, it's chump when he's born. I don't think I've answers this before I've answered this before I don't think I've answered this before What was chump when he was born? Oh, so you got do you guys want to know? I should ask you a lot of one Look at this dude. He's spinning in circles

Where you born is that's what I was were you born as Adam Sandler? Where you born is that what I was? Where you born is Adam Sandler? Who do? Ah! Ah, but don't away! Well, you said or how long do you think it's gonna take for us being at this library? We've already been here. I've managed to decipher two pages of the book of sites, so another week or two I think we should be all set.

But until then, high five! Ah! Guns, thank you for being here with us today. We're very, very glad we have met you. And please, continue to stink up the world. I will try my best. It was great to see you all. I have this huge rock.

I get to maybe hide in if I need to. But I will continue my quest to find a lovely stink maiden. And if there's ever anything I can do for you, just look for the juicy. That's where I'll be. I know. I've been working on that. I think that works out pretty nice.

You have a huge rock? He just gave me a rock. Oh. To wish on, in case I need more help. It's a magic wishing rock. Arnie, he's went from... No, it isn't. Arnie, he went from cocaine to sling and rock.

Oh, dad, he's a stranger. No, but he's in. Arnie, he went from cocaine to singing rock. Oh... Damn, he's a stranger. I'm more worried about you. Why? You're doing a lot of drugs lately. I'm doing a lot of drugs. You're doing a lot of drugs. I'm so excited, Arnie.

I'm so excited. Yes, come here, Chand. Here, let's go over to this section of the library. Call it. Call it. Swear all the 12-step programs, Arnie. Ooh. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Oh, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did A far-off, fantastical land where drifting into an impromptu cocaine binge isn't an option. Because none of us want to have to talk to Mark Marin in a year or two about where it all went wrong.

Here are your fake credits. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolf Refyre. Guns the Stinker was played by special guest Alex Trepka. Alex is a teacher at the I.O. theater, where he's also on the Harold team gone gone. See one of his shows yourself, and form your own opinion on if the whole thing is a character, kind of a 24-7 Andy Kaufman kind of deal, or if it's just, you know, Alex. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adolf Refy.

Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Earwolf producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Tim Joyce. Special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Check your local bookstores for the next thrilling chapter in the Lusty Lion series, Mia or Never.

Sequentially coming right after the hunger book and feline, ooh, camea. Until next time, egoriter, see you at the library.