Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 28 - Farmer

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Trying to cross a river along with a farmer with a chicken, a fox and three bags of grain.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFarmer Indadell: Peter GwinnMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandFarmer Indadell's crop riddle can be viewed at the Magic Tavern website.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, everyone. Grab those last few cups of sparkling cider, finish your chips and guac and take a seat. You're probably asking yourselves, I've thought about investing in a time share property in southern Indiana, but am I bold enough for that kind of guaranteed success? Well, let's take a look at the first slide and wait a minute wrong intro. Greetings dwindling fan base. Time for our weekly journey to a fantastical land that doesn't exist. You'll be pleased to know we've left the library, and not eight or nine episodes too soon,

and have found ourselves in another roadside tavern, where almost anything can happen, but only a very few things actually will. Grab a seat and open your mind. Also, if what you heard at the beginning of this episode sparked your curiosity and you'd like to know more, visit SouthernIndiana is SouthernIndiana's best kept secret dot com. Slash, time share, slash square space. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magicalical Land of Foon.

I'm your host, Arne Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. You know, almost five years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast. I record every week chronicling our quest to defeat the dark lord.

And I gotta say, I know there's just a lot of stuff has happened recently. And I just thought it would be nice for us just to take a moment to huddle up, to kind of like reassess what we've learned. Like for instance, I've been really struggling with this since last week. Flowers are mostly pubes? Right. Okay, cause that one is the one that's really been like

rattling around in my brain all week. Well, that's why they're so romantic, honey. You know, on special occasions or for, you know, special night out, you get your significant other flowers. Sure. Yet your obsession is quite frustrating for it's the most irrelevant of all the things we learned. Oh, that is true.

Also, we used the pages of the Book of Sight and discovered that the Dark Lord believes he's found a way to cheat the true death. That's right, Donald. As soon as he collects all the correct artifacts, he shall be able to defeat the true death, the true death that wizards usually avoid. Oh, so that was my follow up question. Like the true death. Now, when wizards get killed, they come back.

Right, like you died as someone's in combat. Sometimes in season one, sometimes they come back. Stephen King, like you said, or you died, somewhere in season one. If you say so. And then, you know, like, Arnie, did I ever die? I think you got caught. You're not close.

We've all had our brushes with death. Stick on. Oh yeah, my stick arm. That caterpillar's still inside me. Oh, oh. Mm-hmm. Well, now we've almost died, and I've gotten real close, because I, you know, I hovered on the edge of death

for a couple episodes. When was that? That was like a couple weeks ago. Oh, right. Right, right, right. I was a teaky cup for a while. And yet the biggest takeaways that flowers are pubes? Yeah, well, you know, it's always a shock

when you learn someone that you know is mostly pubes. Mm-hmm. Oh, is? How many times has that happened to you? I mean, I mean, suppose the college? I suppose if it's one time, it's still always. And I guess a few moments ago, of course, we're here at the Bulligan Moose.

Few moments ago, you met a patron at the bar who was mostly pubes. I know. Pue Goldberg. That should have been major clue. And it was so weird that when you bumped into Pue Goldberg, he fell down at the bar, which hit a board, which made a bottle fly across the wall, which hit an angry ogre,

which smashed its club. But the club hit this weight, and the weight went flying into the wall, which hit an angry ogre, which smashed its club. But the club hit this weight, and the weight went flying into the air and hit a bell. And then the bell scared a bird, and the bird had a string tight to its foot, which pulled one of the stones off of the shelf. Which then circumcised the fox. Yeah.

And he's mostly pubes. That was my biggest takeaway. Hmm. Okay, so if we want to kill the Dark Lord before he figures out how to cheap the true death, and I'm like 60% understanding this, we have to get some of these artifacts before he does. Honled?

That was to hit it upon the very head. Oh, thank you. We need to be proactive. Exactly. Yes, we must be proactive. We must head him off of the pass, as they say. All right, so on this map are some of the locations that the artifacts probably are hidden in.

Apparently, there's one in the dark dank caves, one in the terrible fortresses, and one in the mystical temples. That's right, and we must choose which one to go to first. Well, those fortresses are terrible. Let's go to the, what was the first one? Deep dank, do you have a... Yeah, I mean, I think like the dark dank cap.

There's so many different variations of caves on this map. We don't want to go to the wrong one. The deep dank, cavern. I don't think that's right. The dig, dug, the deep, the deep, the deep, the deep. The deep, that's all folks. Well, we must set out here from the bow-legged moose and head out on our journey. We shant waste another second.

I'm sorry, gather your items. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm the, I smashed. I smashed a bunch of the glasses with my sword. I'm still getting used to having a sword sticking through my body. So for listeners who just who did, Arnold has a sword stuck in his body and we can't remove it without him dying. I have a magical obsidian sword stuck through me.

I'm run through. And it's a sword we could use to defeat the Dark Lord if we get these artifacts before he does. I keep telling everyone that we meet that you're my assistant and that I tried to saw you in a half and a half and it went horribly wrong. Oh, people love that story. I keep telling everybody that you're a talking badger.

No, check it out. Oh, I didn't even introduce you guys very quickly before we go out, you saw the wizard. I am you should all. Blah blah blah. And? Shunt the talking badger. Uh oh, little squishing it, you saw the wizard. I am you should all. Blah blah blah. Was it him? Shunt the talking badger. Uh oh, little squishing it, little squishing it. Absolutely.

And I'm Arnie the guy with the sword through him, but I'm just like everybody else. Maybe this is a time to rebrand yourself, Arnie. Sword Daniels. Sword, sword, shishka, Arnie. Shishka Arnie. Shishka Arnie. Cocktailka Arnie, cocktail Arnie. Sheath.

Sheath. Swarney. No, scabbard, scabbard. No, scabbard, scabbard. No. Scabby for short. Scabby. No.

Scarney. A pierced, pierced. Pyrsna. Pyrsna. Alright, that's my favorite, but let's just stick with Arnie for now. Oh, stick with Arnie, but I'm guessing I'm a little more.

Sticking with Arnie, that's a new sitcom hit in the road. Three boys on the road. Dude, the deep, deep, deep, deep. Dude, we keep forgetting to talk about the fact that Chuck sat and come. What? It's getting, it's sitcom.

It's sitcom. I'm just gonna get a sick come? Is it come? I'm just gonna get a lot of those. We're gonna want to clean. If people want a ringtone of that, it's clean, take a sick come. Dude, we're out on the road and walking down a path. Dude, dude, dude. Sorry, I knocked over my bike with my sword. Yeah, with that back up on the right.

All right. All right. Very well then, it up on the right. All right. All right. Very well then, it's time for us to set out. Let us head east on the road that will take us to the deep dank cave. DDC, baby. And there, we shall find the artifact before the Dark Lord does. And in that way, we will ensure he is destruction. You know on this map, it looks like there's a faster path towards the deep dank cave if we just get across this river

Behind the tavern. Oh, yeah, let's head over there. Yeah. Oh shit. My sword is caught on this map. I don't want to Give me that thanks. Give me the map. I'm taking the map. This is my map now. I have not been sleeping well That map was stuck on Arnie because Arnie stuck on it. Yeah, I like that. Okay, kind of catchy. Yeah, it's gonna be the intro for my new sitcom. Ugh, I used to do Arnie, he's kind of kind of... Maybe he'll clean his butt off in the river or something. I think when he says sitcom, you mean situation come. I mean, what kind of come is in situation come?

I suppose state is all contingent on the situation, aren't you? Yeah. I mean, if there's no situation situation involved then it's really mysterious. Ooh, that's just come. Yeah, where did that come from? There's this guy over here. Oh, he's got a boat. A boat just what we need? How fortuitous! Hey buddy, can we use your boat? Oh, hello. Hi, you don't look like farmers. No, I'm a man from another world. And I'm a shapeshifter.

And I am a great and powerful wizard. You stood all, wizard of the 12th realm of atheists, master of law. And not to be rude, but you look like a farmer. Oh, yes, I'm a farmer. Oh, hey, can I ask you a question there, fellow? Yes. You normally have a question there, fellow? Yes. You normally have a longer name, correct?

Well, I have many titles that have been gifted to me by my friends and colleagues throughout the years, yeah? How could you tell, because we can't have a... No, every morning, it's cold air and the sound travels and I keep hearing this incredibly long name traveling to me over the wind. Is there that you? Oh, that's probably me. I sometimes I get up first thing in the morning,

I just announce who I am to the world. Your and your voice does carry. Yes. Oh, over the wind and the hills and the valleys. Yay, let's use a door be heard here and far. I got a question for you. No, sure. This has been bothering me for some time.

Okay. Because I've been hearing your name for some time. Are you saying that you are a devourer of chaos or a devourer? Devourer. Devourer. See, I still don't know what you just said. I listen, you say your name a lot, and I go out and listen, and no matter how hard I focus, I cannot tell.

If you were saying devourer, or devourerer. What is this guy farm copywriting? You know, most of the time, when people over here use the doors name on the wind, you know, the name of the wind, they usually are confused by, wait, are you the master of light and shadow or the grand master of light and shadow?

But they heard the wind from a long time ago. Devourer! Yeah, you're ranked the most beautiful. Devourer! Devourer! Devourer! Devourer! Guys, guys, guys, yikes!

Are we less educated than a farmer? Hey, hey, hey, we are just learning something from his folksy farm wisdom. Yeah, he's kind of folksy and whimsical. What's your name, buddy? Oh, my name, I'm farmer, a rimp kiss, indedell rimp kiss. Indedell rimp kiss. Yes.

Farmer? Farmer in indedell? That's my name, yes. Farmer in the del. Hello. Hi. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Hello.

I am one whom devours chaos. Well, it's lovely to meet your acquaintance. Oh, I am one whom devours chaos. Well, it's lovely to meet your acquaintance. You fell as wouldn't know any other farmers, would you? I mean, a bit of a pickle here, that's sort of a farmer problem. Oh, a farmer problem. Hey, oh, I should let you know.

Are you about to die? Yeah, I mean, yes, part of me, there is a sword stuck through me. I noticed that. Do you want me to take that off for? No, no, no, what do you farm? What do you raise? What do you grow? Oh, I have a variety of crops. Yeah, I grow some berries. I grow some beans. I grow some greens. Oh, of course. And of course cannabis. Oh, cannabis.

Yes, you've seen those blue boxes all around town where people put their metal cans. Oh, as I go and collect them and then I bring them back to my farm. I have a giant pit. I throw them in the cannabis. Oh, okay. I mean that seems like good work. Not as exciting as I thought it was. So it's very important. So those cans have to go somewhere. Yeah, just element of it. Drow them in the cannabis. What do you do with cans on earth? Do you throw them in an embezz? We do, actually. I mean, sort of. Yeah, I was thinking about it. Don't wanna elaborate on it.

I was thinking about, I'm sorry, I was thinking about drugs. All right, who are your three friends here? Oh, you know, there's a sort of an issue here. This is my fox, and this is my chicken. Oh, oh. And these are my five bags of grain. Oh, wow, well, that's not to make your acquaintances. Oh, shantay. Now, you said there are some sort of conundrum that you have,

where you here are in the presence of a great wizard, who is capable of unraveling all manner of mystery. Oh, and I would love your advice in this situation. That would be helpful. I have a, boy, oh boy. I made one big mistake in my life more than any others is I, if I can give you, if I lose some of the ice. That cut? Love too hard?

No. Oh, I, that's not. What's wrong with my hair, man? Farmer, I gotta say, I'm with you. Both of those would stop me dead in my tracks. Really? Oh. No, it looks nice.

I love too hard. That was it. I'm just realizing it. So now I have two terrible moments. My daughter gave me this haircut, sir. Oh, I'm glad to hear that you have a daughter. I don't know if it was too forward to ask when I was gonna ask hear that you have a daughter. I don't know if it was too forward to ask when I was gonna ask if the farmer took a wife. I did take a wife.

She and my daughter are home. I'm hoping to get home to them, but I can't seem to get across this river. You do have a problem. I said the one mistake I made. My advice to you always buy the larger size boat. Oh. So you can say, this is my boat. I'm like, oh, well, the small boats on sale. It's less money. Why not be thrifty?

That was a huge mistake. You may notice this is my boat right here. It's exactly the size to carry me and one fox or chicken. Or up to four bags of grain. Oh, interesting. But not all at once. Just eyeballing this boat. That checks out.

That's a small boat, right? That's exactly, I would say that's exactly right. For someone who always has large bags of things to tote around, I don't know what I was thinking. You see, Arnold, the conundrum here is. Did you say conundrum or conundrum? I said conundrum. Okay.

You see the conundrum here? Devourer! The problem here is if farmer indedell takes the chicken across the river and leaves the fox here with the grain, then the fox can start its own farm over here. Ooh, rival farm. It's worse than that over here. Ooh, rival, rival farm. It's worse than that, I'm afraid. Oh, no, it is.

There's a tiny flower mill over there, and if I leave the fox alone with the grain, he's going to take one of these bags of grain and mill it into sacks of flour. Oh, the devil. One of these bags of grain makes 26 sacks of flour, and I don't think I need to tell you folks that if I'm alone on the side of the river with 52 sacks of flour, I have to marry it. Oh, right.

And I am a married man. You are, yeah. But the law is the law. Here, let me use my magical powers to assist you in coming up with some solution to your problem. Here, if I delve deep into the psyche of a farmer, let me see. Your daughter's name is Sincurance, and he is amazing. We'll need to put all of the grain in the boat, and then put your self in the water.

This is the problem right now. If the grain's in the boat, and the fox is alone with the chicken, then the fox will eat the chicken. Oh, Arnie, Arnie, you said or. Yes. Did you notice how farmer in the Dell almost said farmer instead of fox? Do you think this guy is three foxes in a farmer's suit? It's worth asking.

Excuse me. Yes. Do you happen to be three foxes in a farmer's suit? Well, if I were, I wouldn't fit in that boat. True. Wait, let me eyeball you. Let me eyeball you. He's right.

He's right. It's exactly right. So as I understand it, your situation is you have to marry one of these things, fuck the other, and kill the third. Well, I prefer not to kill one of them. I need all three of these things for my farm. Why do you need a fox on your farm? To guard the henhouse.

Ah, smart. But who guards the hens from the fox? Well, here's the thing. If there's a fox in the yard, the hens will stay inside the henhouse, because if they know if someone goes outside, if there's a single chicken, along with the fox, the fox will eat it. Have any of you?

There's a common saying here in Fung. If you want the best security guard, put a fox outside in your farm yard, because they're so good at guarding chicken Oh, yeah, that's a long expression cuz it's a common say Yeah, a lot of the chickens try to wait inside of the chicken coop because they really don't want to hear the things that the fox has to say The fox is full of a lot of misinformation and confusing things very kind of myopic and it's a point of view Oh sure, yes, so they don't really like the fox information and confusing things, very kind of myopic and it's a point of view. Oh, sure. Yes.

So they don't really like the Fox, except for some of the older ones who are afraid of everything. Sure. Farmer and Adel, maybe what we can do to help you go see your daughter, Farmer's Insurance, is we could watch whatever you leave on the shore here until you return just to make sure there's no funny business. Well, I wish that would be helpful, fellas, but that's why I asked if you were farmers

because that foxes and chickens, they do not respect the authority of anyone but farmers. Oh. I could leave the fox and the chicken here with you. That fox would eat that chicken and look, you dead in the eye while he did it. Oh, a lock. What if I put like a thistle in my mouth? I mean, you could do that. Look at me, I'm a farmer. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, fuck, what is it? It's a thistle twizzler. Who with thistle twizzler? It would make my mouth happy.

It would. Oh, boy. All right, okay, thistle twizzler. I'm trying to figure this out. This is, I gotta say, this seems sort of familiar. A fine. This situation seems sort of familiar. What do you mean by that?

Like a fox? You've never been on a farm, have you? So, back on a few, you grew up in a city, right? I mean, I grew up in like a small town, and you know, I had relatives. Yeah, I have a river. We had very tiny boats where you could only ferry one thing across at a time.

Ah, no, not the very last part. I'm just saying, I feel like this sounds like like a logic puzzle I've heard before. The fox and the chicken can't be alone together. The chicken and the grain can't, although you didn't expressly say that. The chicken and the grain. Oh, yeah, the chicken will be at the grain. Oh, yeah, that would, yeah.

So if you know this is some logic puzzle back on your world, why not tell us the solution? Perhaps it would apply here. Yeah, and make sure you include the gnomes. Oh, the gnomes? Yes. They have three musical gnomes over there. They're here to make sure the chicken doesn't get scared. Because of course, if the chicken gets scared,

he'll lay an egg. And then if the fox is alone with the egg, he'll take the egg. And then if the fox has egg and flour, he'll break the egg and make a tiny cake, which is also why I can't leave the fox alone with that small oven It's true. This is an industrious fox. He's very good. He's the best. Why do you think I have him guarding the henhouse? I mean if anything I feel like the fox could solve this problem. Yeah, so tell us the solution to the earth Yeah, if you know the solution just say it. I gotta say even without the gnomes I mean like most of the things I know, I just like vaguely recognize them.

It's like if someone says, oh, I read a portrait of a lady. I'd be like, yeah, oh yeah, a portrait of a lady, I've heard of that. How do you read a portrait? I mean, you'd have to ask someone that I'd read that portrait. I just have heard the name.

Oh yeah, could I read a rainbow's gravity, Arnie? I mean, you? Does a lady read the portrait to you? Ooh, there's a lot. Oh, I don't know. Now I'm really wanting to read portrait of a lady. I gotta say, it's been a while since we've done a book club book. We should consider portrait of a lady.

Also, I'm not a hundred percent confident that's the title. What do you think it's about? I think it's about Nicole Kidman. That's about it, that's about it. Are there others? Look I don't know a lot of things, I just vaguely recognize the titles of things and I like to acknowledge that and think that I should get some amount of credit for that without really having any deeper understanding.

Wouldn't portrait of a lady be about a lady who had a portrait of a self-made, and as long as she keeps the portrait as she remains young and never ages. I think it's more about the portrait than the lady. I don't get distracted by the lady. It's about the portrait. Farmer Nidale? Yes. I'm not a doctor but I think those bags of green are fucking. Oh wait. Hey, hey, break it up fellas. Now this is six bags of green. This is why I have to get at least half of these across the river ASAP. Tell us the solution to your classic earth riddle or to do with the fox. It does seem like it's probably

this simple mathematical solution to this. I can't come up with it. Maybe it's a lateral solution where you're like, I'm not a farmer at all. I'm really a doctor. Oh, dear, you're a doctor. The doctor was a farmer. Come on.

You not see my hat. Is that a farmer's hat? Yes, it's not to cover your hair unkind So I don't know I mean Used to our chun. Do you have any ideas? I mean, I guess we could send One of us across first with I don't know who's I a fox seems like the biggest trouble maker If one of you wanted to take the fox I'd be much obliged. The wizard of course can't take the chicken. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Why can't we?

Well, my poultry is certified non-GMO. Yeah. Ornie, in food. It's not grasped by a magical organism. Oh, well, that's good to know. Yeah. In food, there's two things a wizard can't take. A chicken and a joke.

Ornie, why aren't you getting the boat with the fox? Say it across. And then we'll figure it out from there? I'm a little nervous. I mean, to be alone in a boat with a fox, and one of we get in a fight and I kill the fox and then I make fox a man. That's a big, yeah. Yeah, you're not gonna kill this fox.

I'm holding you right now. But yeah, I could, I mean, I could kill a fox if my life depended on it. You have a sword sticking out of your chest right now. Everything, your life seems to depend on everything. It's supposed to be true. Here we go. Let me just lure the fox in the boat with it. What? And a quick shove. Hey, guys!

I suppose I could just magically float everything across the river, but that doesn't seem as much fun, does it? Guys! My observations have been recorded! Here, let me toss it to you. Here! Thank you. What if I temporarily transformed the river into land? You could just walk across?

I-it's possible all my crops would die. You could try it. And that would make the river monster pretty unhappy. Oh, yeah, that's fair. There's a river, I could just barely hear that. I think there's a river monster. I want to yell that to the people on the land, but I don't want to blow out these mics.

What is a mic? What is that object you're speaking into? What's that that? Media Vux. The Vux? Yes. Oh, hello. Hello.

Thank you for doubling up on this mic with me. Yes, it's a tight fit, isn't it? You know, I could kill you if I wanted to. Oh, I mean, I think if I had to, I could kill you. You know, just to push her a pull on that sword and you'd be dumb, you know. How's it going? How you dead?

Use it, R! Speak into the microphone! He, that was a wizard. He doesn't really have a lot of... Can I tell you something? Can I confide in you? Sure. The moment we get back to the farm,

I'm going to kill the farmer. What? Mary, his daughter, start a flower mill of my own. Oh, careful flowers with mostly cubes. I know. What? Mary, his daughter, uh-huh? Start a flower mill of my own. Oh, careful flowers with mostly cubes. I know. I'm a fox, I'm a sly, huh?

And then, like, what's your plan beyond that, fox? I mean, is it pretty intense plan? I mean, that's an intense, that'll probably be a year or two. Yeah? Yeah. Well, then what? What, like, what is it all about, fox? It's about outwitting others. Tis the way of the Fox.

I'm eventually actually just going to get tired of trying so hard to whip out. I've been out with it. Hello little chicken. Oh, how I would love to grasp you. I love birds. But I'm afraid I cannot. Keep your hands to yourself. Hey, all right. I am a ally to birds everywhere, but I shall respect the rules of this farm. What's up with you, bag of grains?

What's up? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, nice. Nice. You fucking get me, grain. Bye, bye, man.

Oh, I love this bag of Graeme. I'm chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, chunch, interrupt, but do you think we should do something to help, Arnie? It seems like the boat is sort of stuck there in the middle of the river. Hmm. Does he know how to use ores? I don't know.

Has Steve ever seen Arnie use an ore? I've seen him use an and and a butt. I've seen him use his butt for sure. Arnie, Arndog, use the ore. Hey, I'm sorry, Fox, they're trying to e-hull something to me. It's a little, there's just a lot of space on this boat. Let's throw some of this wood stuff out of here. Those are ores.

What? You moron. Oh, well, who's outwitted? Who now? Fox. Fuck you. What who's outwitted? Who now? Fox. Fuck you. What did that fella just do? My ores are going down the river.

I have got a chase after these. Hang on. Just keep an eye on that chicken, and don't let the chicken eat the grain. Whatever you do. I'll stand between them. Don't worry. I shall protect this grain with all the power

that is available to me. It's a great wizard. You sure? Move aside. Oh, okay. The bags of grain are complaining that you're like a fucking chaperone. Oh, sorry. Love that.

Yeah, you hear that? The bags of grain want to have some fun. But, But, Well, pardon me, grain. But I just don't want you to be devoured by this chicken. But, Oh, you want to be devoured by the chicken? You're into it? Well, I don't need a second

invitation. Just one bag to start. Let's take it easy. I don't want to upset the farmer when he returns. I don't know. We should turn around and not look at this. I don't know whether to look away or jerk off. I'm gonna do it. You don't? Hey, could I tell you guys something? Oh sure. When we get back to the farm, I'm gonna kill that farmer, a marious daughter.

You're gonna marry St. Sharns? Yes, right. I'm gonna start a small family bakery. Oh, that's sort of sweet. That's a beautiful dream. What's your specialty? What do you bake? I'll be Cupcake's Cupcake's can I ask something and this might be a little weird do you use eggs? Yeah, your own eggs of course I do It keeps the overhead down that smart. That's good thinking Yeah, I don't I don't use the ones that are my children. Okay. What you think I'm perfectly fine with these people just taking all my eggs every day and then

when it comes to actually using them and gaining something on my own I'm suddenly going to have compunctions. No no no calm down. No how do you how do you how do you. I got a punch. Don't don't pack him don't pack him. Don't fucking say can punction a me chicken. You think I'm stupid, just kind of about chicken? Yes! I'm a chicken. Watch yourself. You know how much I love birds. Don't call them stupid here in front of me.

I may not be able to grasp this chicken. But I shall defend it with my very life. I'm a genius. You're a genius. Yeah, last farm I was in, I escaped by building an airplane. What? Waaaaaah. Flute over the fence. It was amazing. Last farm I was in I escaped by building an airplane Fluid over the fence was amazing. What is an airplane?

It's a lot so you don't know what a plane is, but it's a large two-dimensional surface Okay, and it's one that floats on the air and can go up and fly you mean like an airboat Yeah, like an airboat just the airboat. I call it a plane because it was flat What's four plus four? See doesn't know you just eat and grain idiot oh Thank you We were really seem like we were just floating away. We were kind of heading towards shit creek Yeah, you were headed straight to shit Creek without a paddle Which I had to go retrieve that sounds from now. Did you at least leave the fox on the other side of the river?

Yeah, oh the fox is floating downstream. Oh Foxes in the water. Oh the sea monster grab it. Oh put it back in the boat. Oh, thank you sea monster. Oh That's a nice thing. Ooh. It's tired. Seems tired. Okay, farmer, so it seems like we're back where we started from. Yeah, do we have the boat? Yeah, so here we are again.

Oh, and farmer. I think I should spin. I'm getting a new rule that this guy and the fox can't be in the boat together. I think that's a good one. A farmer, I think, I don't want to say this in front of everybody, but if you come over with me, yes, what is it? First of all, and I'm trying to remember to do this more, we're recording all of this. I think it's only ethical to let you know that everything we're doing is being recorded.

Aren't later on, he doesn't understand. Yeah, I don't know what that means, but go on. Here, we have a release if you could sign that. Do you want me to sign this? Yeah. What does this mean? I know, that's a lot. Okay, I'm gonna have the chicken read this over.

Okay. Here you go. Can you take a look at this? Wow, the chicken looks that over. I'm a little bit worried about leaving the fox on the other side of the river. The fox told me that when it gets over there, it's going to kill you and marry your daughter

and start some kind of business on that side of the river. Oh, he said that, yeah. Well, you don't need to worry about that. That's why I always make sure to have a bulldog on the same side of the river as the fox. So where is the bulldog currently? The bulldogs on my farm. But the fox is on this side of the river.

Well, my farm is on the other side of the river. Was that not clear? Did you think I was going to be taking all this stuff to the side of the river? My house wasn't on. That's fair. I think I... Yeah. No, you see. I have been outwitted again. Arnie, why don't you just hang out with the bags of grain? I think it's funny.

Just hang out over there. Were you able to retrieve the ores? Yes, I got them back. A river monster was very kind. Oh, so the river monster did for you? Yes, he flipped them up on the side. Perhaps the river monster can help us carry more things across the river than we considered that.

You just need to be very careful when dealing with the river monster. He's very nice, but if the number of boats on one side of the river ever out numbers the number of things that aren't boats, the river monster will attack. Oh, that is that is a number of boats. And there are two more boats on the other side of the river. Good, good, good, good. Good to know, good to know. So maybe we send the bulldog back with one boat

and the fox back with another. No, that'll cause the river monster to attack. I've got it. We tie all the boats together. And we have a party in the middle of the river. Party boat. Party boat. Party boats.

What do you think, Crane? I like this, Crane? M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m- And we should say some amount of time has passed, maybe a few hours and about 57 moves in this puzzle. Yeah, but I feel we are very close to a final solution. We took longer than our average break and got a lot accomplished, I think. I was feeling good at one point. Yeah, yeah. Here's a current situation for those at home. Myself, Arnie, Yusodore, and Farmer and Adel,

and the chicken and the fox are still on the wrong side of the river, but on the opposite shore towards the farm are all four boats and the six bags of grain. And some of the gnomes it looks like. Oh no, is the chicken alright? Oh god! It's alright. It's okay. Look, I just laid an egg. Chicken the farmer is with us. The fox respects the farmer. Someone pick up that egg before the fox gets it. Can I touch the egg? I know I can't touch the chicken. You can touch the egg. Okay, I've got it. Oh, I miss my eggy baby. I was gonna ask Chut. This is a reminder of your eggy baby. That is my eggy baby.

And Jizzle knob. I thought they were gonna mail into me, but I don't know. I don't want a mail and egg, no. Here, watch, I'll put this egg in my mouth. Pull it out through my ear. That's just showing off. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah's pretty impressive. I mean, yeah. Often you don't enjoy my life. How did all the boats get on the other side of the room? How did you think we made a wrong move at some point? I will say the last seven moves have all been usadores, and I feel like he's currently trying to distract us

with a bunch of egg magic. Well, sorry, I'm trying to entertain you with some egg magic. How did you get all four boats over there and us over here? I think Arnie was in a boat. That was a long time. That would have explained it, I think. Let's go back through what we remember.

Arnie was in a boat with a fox. Okay. At some point I tried to swim across and got run down river by the rapids into the River Monsters mouth. The River Monster was angry at that point because of the in equal amount of boats. Right.

So I was eaten, had to cut my way out. What else? I tried to take a nap, but I couldn't lay on my back because of the sword or my front because of the sword. And you went, laid on my side, like if I wanted to move over to the other side, I'd have to completely sit up and move over to lay down on the other side. I went across with the chicken, came back, got the fox, took the fox over and brought the chicken back with me,

and then I went back over with the grain. And then I think, good. I don't know why you did that. That was like the stupidest move of any of us. Yeah, that's when you were like, don't do that. It's stupid. It came back over and I had you take two of the gnomes. Yeah, and that's when I got angry

and just kicked all the boats off the shore. Yeah, that's right. And we should also mention that insurances on the opposite side of the shorenomes. Yeah. And that's when I got angry and just kicked all the boats off the shore. Oh, that's right. And we should also mention that insurances on the opposite side of the shore are weaving. Oh, hello. Hello, Sinsharns. Is everything all right over there? She gave kind of one of those thumbs up.

Yeah, I'm not worried about her or my wife at all. There was a very kind traveling salesman who offered to look after them for a month. Oh, no. Did you let him sleep in the barn or? Absolutely. Yes, it was very comfortable in the barn. It was very kind of him, very kind.

Good fellow. Farmer Indedell, you mentioned that you grow berries, beans, grain and cannabis. Can you tell us a little bit more about growing all of those crops? Yeah, I'm so sorry. We spent so little time just interviewing you about your life. Well, it's interesting life, you know, it is difficult to keep track of eight different crops plus a cannabis at all. So how do I keep track of it? You ask? Well, it's very easy.

I have all my plots of land laid out in a three by three grid, three rows, and I have of course some simple rules that I used to help me remember. I never have two of the same kind of crop in the same row or column. And I just keep these, I have the magic beans, of course, I grow. And I grow red beans, which you make red potion from. Oh. I grow soy beans, staple crop. red beans which you make red potion from. Oh, yes. I grow soy beans, staple crop, whole grain, rye grain, my grain.

What's that last one? My grain. Which one's your grain? No, the crop is called my grain. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Sounds like a headache. Terrible headache.

Don't recommend it. Awful. You need a lot of the red beans to power through that one. The red beans will leave it. So then it's just raspberries, snotsberries, and the... Oh, snotsberries. What do the snotsberries taste like? Oh, they taste like snotsberries.

What does a cannabis taste like? A big hole. Oh, that's right. Yeah, what can the cans do to have some in the hole? I get it. It's a deep, dank hole. You do not want to go down there. Oh, speaking of, we're looking for a deep dank ca right. Yeah. What's in the cans? I guess. That is a deep dank hole. You do not want to go down there. Oh, speaking of, we're looking for a deep dank cavern.

Yeah. Is your deep dank hole the deep dank cavern? Well, I mean, it's in a bis. If I had a coin for every time you said that, Chuck, I'm just curious. Oh, boy. I don't know if I mean, it is a large cavernous abyss. That can ab cannabis is dank. Oh, huh.

That might be where the artifact is. Farmer, I'd be remiss if it were. So I put all my crops inside with all our in a straight line. Can you let me write this down, straight line? I never have, I put the whole grains to the right of the soybeans, because you know, whole grains are,

they're always right, the right crop to grow. And I keep the magic beans, of course, as far from my house as possible, just in case a giant falls from the sky. Of course, of course. Is this a typical day for you? Well, I don't go to town every day. Normally... Your wife must be displeased. She does enjoy it when I go to town. Yeah. I can't blame her, who know. She hates watching me work so hard every day. Sure.

So no, no, I go to town, maybe a couple of times a month to pick up the cans, but the rest of the time I'm at home trying to remember which crops go in which plot of less. Sure. Is that your wife in the farmhouse window bouncing up and down? Oh, there she is. It's very bouncy a bit up there. Oh, she loves just bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. No, we're the traveling salesman one.

I just don't see him anywhere. I'll catch up to it when we get there. Probably still in the bar, and that's where you stay. You know, my daughter is standing over there. I could get her to roll one of the boats over. Oh, of course. Oh, that's an idea. Yeah.

Hang on, we have an elaborate series of semifor waves that we use to communicate. Oh, wow. She knows the words. Yeah. You know, I'm just kind of using as hands to like wave towards itself like that. Come on, here.

Come here. But if you can't vote, but if you can vote over here. But if you notice, he's only using four fingers. Four fingers, it's a semi-fall language. Yeah, that's what I said. And if they were small fingers, they'd be petty for us. Uh-huh. You know, Arnie, I feel so dumb for not realizing that the daughter could take a boat over here,

because in Foon, you know, if there's a simple answer that's usually the right answer, that's called the Ork Comes Razor. No, everything has come with you. Ork comes Razor? Ork comes Razor's state that the simplest answer is usually the right answer. So in this instance, the daughter should row cross with a boat. Sure. Because then we have a boat.

And what's the simplest explanation of why it's called Orc comes razor? I could answer that. Oh, sure. There is no substance in all the food is better for sharpening a plow blade. Oh, then orc come? You gotta get your orc on that and it's razor sharp. Sure. How do you go about getting that orc come?

I think buy it at the store. Oh, okay. How would you get it? I don't know. I'd probably make some horrible mistakes before realizing, oh, I could just get it at the store. And if you make horrible mistakes, that means that probably what's in effect is a herpes law, which is whatever can go wrong will go wrong Such as getting herpes. Yeah, herpes law. Yeah. You know that happened to my wife just out of nowhere

Really? Yeah, she got herpes out of nowhere. Absolutely out of nowhere. Shocked all of us. She got the love bug? She did. Herpes gone bananas around here. Yes, but fortunately we had some bananas, so we were able to treat that herpes. Oh, because bananas are berries, right? Yes. And you grow berries. I do. I grow raspberries and snazberries. That's right. Let me tell you a little bit more about which plots of land they're in and who's adjacent to who. See, the snazberries, they cross breed with the beans. So I always have to keep one plot of land in between the Nauseberry and any sort of bean. Yeah.

If you had Nausebeans, they're disgusting. The sounds, that sounds absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. They're disgusting. Hey, chicken. I wanna apologize for earlier. It's kind of rude to you and salted your intelligence. You are deceptively smart.

Can I ask where you were educated? Yeah. OK. Where were you educated? University of Phoenix. I used to teach at the University of Phoenix. I used to teach math. As my alter ego, Susan Doku.

Did you teach this chicken? Did you take my class? Were you in Sue Doku's class? Yeah. Oh, that was you. That was me. Oh, yes. Yeah, watch as I transform before your eyes into your former teacher.

Hello. Where? Hi. Have you been? What's happening? Not much. Arnie, Arnie. Did you notice how the chicken kind of didn't recognize Yusudor Suzan Doku? Do you think

the chicken's three farmers and the chicken suit? Oh, I mean it is kind of a big chicken. I'm sorry, I don't remember you from class, but I'm just so proud of you and everything you've accomplished as a chicken. Well, that, that, that, that means a lot. I always, it inspires me. I strive to make you guys proud. Oh good, good. Argh! And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, this. Oh, good. I don't that'll work. Arnie, the more you mention it, that fox looks like a traveling salesman. Hey, get in the boat. Get in the boat. You owe me right now in the boat. The boat's on the other side of the road. The daughter's here. The daughter's here. The daughter's here. Oh, hey, hello daughter. Hello daughter. Hello, Murah. Hello, Fata. Hello, daughter. Hello. Oh Okay, look dude. Yeah, you gotta be cool. Okay, I can be cool. I'm too traveling salesman in a chicken suit

Oh wow, is it I'm so sorry? Is it tough being the bottom? Traveling salesman like we've mostly been talking to the top traveling salesman. Uh, I'm stronger, I have stronger quads. So it's just part of the gig. Yeah. Whoever's on the bottom of the chicken soup gets first choice between life and daughter, so it all works out.

Okay, seems gross, but. Arnie, why are you rolling? What? Ro! Yeah, dude, I can't row this boat. I can't. Oh, you have human arms. I know, but I got a sword.

Just use the sword as a paddle, man. Oh, I had herds to move. I got a synth here. Hey, you didn't hear nothing out here. OK. You there, Wizard. Yes. It's me, the fox.

Oh, yes, so I... Come over here underneath this tree. Oh, I'd be happy to. Hey, there's something to, yes, who are you? Come over here underneath this tree. Oh, I'd be happy to. Hey, there's something to tell you. How are you doing? I'm half a traveling salesman in a fox suit. You're half of a traveling suit? Yes.

I was seven and a half. Oh, no. I was caught sleeping with another farmer's wife. You cut me in half. Well, you got what you deserved for you should treat the farmers of food with more respect. There. There, there, there. Oh, what's that bag of grain?

There. You're, you're how many traveling salesmen? There, there, there, there. You're one traveling salesman operating six bag of grain puppets? There. Is that why this whole patch of land is built like, several feet up from where I thought the land really was?

Hmm. Farmer in the Dell. Farmer in the del. Yes, alright. Wasn't listening to anything. I've got to tell you something. We're trying to be more sort of show-risk and be more open and honest. I think everything around you is just a bunch of traveling salesmen sleeping with your wife. What? Does that make sense? Yes, I'm sorry to inform you, but Chant is right. These are...

So you three are traveling salesmen trying to sleep with my own life. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, across this river into your home where they meant to do nefarious things to you and your family to make you look like a fool. Fox is this true? Yep. Chicken is this true? Uh, chicken I think I don't can't hear them very well but I think he's asking you to come clean. I can I just get a sense from what might be happening at this point in an episode. Can I say something? Earlier, I don't... This just seems insane. Earlier I was talking to the chicken and he was bragging to me that he has a... ...big cock. Is... Chicken. Is that true?

Chicken weekend. Baha! You have a... ...big cock? A cock? Ah, come on. Can I see it? Come on. Now look, you may all be traveling salesman in various disguises,

but I have committed mineself to getting all of you across this river and back to that farmhouse. And by goddesses, I am going to do it. And then you can work out who you are. Yeah, I kind of don't want them all back in my house. Yeah, it doesn't matter. We are going to solve this problem and move on. Is everyone alright with that?

I'm okay with that. Well, you know, while I was on the boat, I used some paper, and I know it was very difficult for me, but I think I figured out the riddle of where to plant everything. You know how the beans... Oh, yeah, the rid with the... I think I was in the wrong way. I solved that whole thing, and then I realized he was just explaining it.

Framer, you didn't need us to solve that. That's just where you planned everything. Yeah, I know where I did. Yeah. I just look at the plants and I say, oh, I know what those are. Yeah, those are my experience. And those are my experience.

Yeah, you threw so many details at us. I was like, I gotta solve this. But I wasn't. Good to remember, details aren't riddles. Yeah. Huh. Huh. Huh.

Yeah, let me see your work though. Yep. Oh, that's just chicken scratch. This isn't right. Oh, Oh! Hmm. Here, let me see your work though. Yep. Oh, that chicken scratch. This isn't right. Oh, that was mine. Oh, that's the chicken scratch. The chicken scratch is a chicken. I was solving it too.

This isn't right either. He didn't even mention pumpkins. Pumpkins? I used to grow pumpkins. Oh! Turned out it was just a bunch of traveling salesmen. Ah, that happens. Would they turn into pumpkins at a certain hour?

Every night, well this is the thing. They were pumpkins and then at midnight, they turned into traveling salesmen and sneak off to the barn with my daughter. No, you just... For a little of the Biblity Bobbity Boo, if you know what I mean. I don't follow. I don't know.

I don't know what you mean, no. I want to. You know, ala kazoo, gakagaboo, the Biblity Bobbity Boo. So you having a stroke? I let them together and we got... You'reaboo, the Bivity Babity Boo. So you having a stroke? I let them together and we got you. You're being very confusing, Bivity Babity Boo. What? The grain gets it.

Ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh. BEEP. All right, well, we're back at the tavern. Chum was, what was the name of this tavern again? The bolegged moose. The bolegged moose. And farmer, thank you for, I know we didn't really help you, but we thought we'd buy you a drink.

I appreciate it, fellas. Thanks for trying. Yeah. At least what you could do is help drown your sorrows. Yeah, it's only fitting to drown our sorrows after I drown that fox and chicken. That was gross, that was gross, so I'm glad that I wasn't able to be done.

It wasn't to be done. Yeah. We were killing several people. It wasn't just two. I've never heard half a man scream, and it will haunt me. Can I just say that the fact that you met your wife as a traveling salesman, selling berries and grains?

Yes, I was selling berry seeds, grain seeds, bean seeds, and a cannabis digger. That should have tipped you off, maybe that she would have a proclivity towards traveling salesman. Was she married at the time that you were seeing her? No, she was just living with a farmer, she was married to. Huh, huh.

Hmm. Now, your courtship, did that involve you disguising yourself as anything? Oh, I've always been completely forthright. I went up and introduced myself as a traveling salesman. And then I hid in their house disguised as a grandfather clock for the next four years. Oh. I've done it!

Yes, I've finally done it. Farmer and Adele, I've done it. Here's the solution to your problem. All written out on this piece of parchment, I've solved it. Everything can get across there ever, and everyone will be alright. Yeah, I appreciate it, but I'm probably just gonna take the bridge.

Son of a- The bridge? The bridge? Yeah. Bra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-raago, Bibidi Babidi Buu, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to drunkbabydisneylerics.com. UsualTheWizard was played by Mat Young. ChantTheTalkingBadger was played by Adol Rafaie. Farmer Indadel was played by special guest Peter Gwynn, who performs with the improvised Shakespeare company and the Armando Diaz experience at the I-O Theatre in Chicago.

He's also an occasional writer for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me on NPR, when he's not dreamily caressing the Emmy Awards he won for writing on the Colbert Report. He also requested I credit him as the best crossword solver in the Midwest, but in truth, Peter called me just last week to ask if adverbs, nouns, and adjectives are the ones that end in L.Y." I hung up. But not before hearing him mutter,

please help me understand crossword puzzles, or at least how to get the enki part to come out of the pen inside. Tragic. Find him on Twitter at Gwins. Hello from the Magic Tavern is slapped together by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young and Adolf Refy. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Irwolf producer Kimi Lucas.

This episode edited by Chris Rathchin. Special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie. This week that meant wearing a clean shirt every single day. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. And, less you go away wanting more, enjoy this clip from the newest season of offices and bosses, Foon's corporate inspired role-playing game,

where the constant arguing over low stakes issues makes a little more sense than it ever does here. Enjoy! I would like to also attack John Sebastian. OK. All right. Now, I took a couple of items from the book in terms of what I would be fighting with.

So I can either use my business attire iron, or I can use it. I don't know what this is. I just run it down. My pack of Trident Gun. What does that mean? So the Trident Gun sounds more powerful. Yeah, and you have a whole pack.

So you must have just a bunch of guns of disposable trident. Yes, it says my Trident Gun is to spearmen. Let me see. I'm gonna... I'm gonna look at this up. It looks like four to five dentist recommended. Oh, I'm gonna say that it's probably a pretty good one. So, Farmer and Adele, what can I get you to drink? Oh, I would love it.

It's very easy to prepare. So what you're just going to need is those seven bottles of liquor in seven different colors. Also these nine pales and a live duck. And I just followed this list of 120 steps. It goes faster because it's actually two sets of 60 that need to be done simultaneously. There's a lot more travel involved in making this drink than a new usual drink. I mean, it's delicious. Yeah. It's not stuff over again.

What's my sword? Are you sure you don't want me to pull that out? I would die. But also, yes, please, too. If I pull it out, will I become king of you? I don't think pulling out makes you king. It makes you a dad. Don't we try and know what you think?'t think pulling out makes you king makes you a dad Don't worry. I know what you think pulling out makes you a dad. I mean No, cuz I know I was married to my wife for many years

I always pulled out and then I had a daughter. Yeah, absolutely true. Yeah, I don't know who to talk to first Quack!