Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 3 - Demon

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

A demon stops by to share his inner life.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungXylox: Andy JunkMysterious Man: Tim SniffenLincoln: Evan JacoverProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSea Shanty Theme: Arne ParrottSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So, Lindley, here's the thing. Ah, actually it's Lincoln. Ugh, unmemorable. Well, just pay attention, you'll be doing this when I'm gone. Oh, you're gone. But, where are you going? I'm not going anywhere today, separation anxiety, but your people can't pay my consultation fee forever. And I've learned to train a backup who can take over after the inevitable betrayal.

Okay, but I mostly just make sure the servers are running. Well, buckle up, Lyndon Johnson, you might be in charge someday. Just tell the listener that the podcast isn't real and other mentions don't exist, which is a handy lie from my bosses and your bosses as well, and the content starved masses tend to eat it up. So, it isn't real. Yes, Bravo, you've got the part. Oh, sometimes you have to do ad copy. Luckily, they find it edgy when you're clearly uninvested. Finally, pull this lever to intercept the transmission from FUNE.

Now, prepare for a journey beyond imagination. Because I'm going to sketch what I'd look like with bangs while they Yamaran for 45 minutes. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Some time ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of fune. Somehow I'm still getting a week Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King, which I use to upload

a podcast. I record every week here on the ship, Stephanie. Is that... Is that... Is the name of the ship is Stephanie? SS Stephanie. SS Stephanie. What is the SS stand for?

Something, something. Something, something. I'm going to start over. You know mine, if I start over. Who don't mind if I start over please All right great hey hello from the magic tavern a Weekly podcast with magical into food. I'm your host Arne knee camp blah blah blah blah blah Sometime ago I fell through blah blah blah blah blah SS Stephanie this law. I'll edit it later. Okay. It all makes sense.

From the ship, the SS Stephanie, and I'm joined as always, that was pretty good, right? I thought it was excellent. I am joined as always by my co-host, my seafaring buddy, Yusudor the Wizard. I am Yusudor, Wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights devourer of chaos, champion of the great holes of Turokus. Yulvesnomi is fying yug, the dwarvesnomi is zoning in hook stangies, and the people of the sea, Nomi is twiff! And there may be other secret names, names so powerful, that if uttered aloud the very seas we sail would boil and then we'd be sitting

on the bottom of the ocean. Now what would be bad don't do those. But our skin would look great. Oh that's good. Okay so it's sort of some some downsides. Some steam. Opened you right up. Yeah you know you said or I've been meaning to ask I feel like this week you know we've been to ask, I feel like this week, we've been sailing towards the hot sea in search of the book of sight to help us defeat the Dark Lord and save all of Foon and Earth, frankly. But I've noticed you've seemed a little down numerous times that come up here on deck and seeing you just staring out at the sea, kind of just low, like a keening. I don't know if I'm using that word correctly, just sort of keening like this.

That's kind of a sea whale, right? I don't know what that would be. Do you keen on the sea or I'm more on a mor? Where do people keen? Am I, is that even a word that I make that up? I don't know, who the fuck to ask? It's just me, you, bunch of spiders. I don't know where Chant is. Well, I can that up. I don't know who the fuck to ask. It's just me, you bunch of spiders. I don't know where Chant is.

Well, I can say is- Settle turtles around someplace. Oh, yeah, she's sunbathing. We don't want to bother her right now. Here's the thing. I have worked for years, decades, centuries attempting to feed the Dark Lord, to gather my compatriots together to fight off evil and it turns out this entire time There was a secret society the silent eye. Here we got these coins and I am very concerned now

Why didn't it ask me to join sooner and why didn't they want to join my quest? I was asking everyone everywhere about it And why didn't they want to join my quest? I was asking everyone everywhere about it. Look, Yusador, I know you want to make this quest to defeat the Dark Lord about you. It's why I was created! Well, sure. I guess you say. Maybe? Oh, post. Did somebody say sure?

Did we hit land? Whoa! What is this bear doing here? It's me! What? Oh yeah, baby! Oh, Sean, tear a bear now. Yeah, sorry I was held up, I was down in the saloon

drinking with all the bears now that we've woken up. We woke up all the bears and now I'm just partying with them. Ah, yes, this is my other co-host, chunt the shapeshifter who's usually a talking badger, but I guess he's a bear now. I should have known it was you, Chunt. I didn't at first, you surprised me being a giant bear now. But you're coloring your fur is exactly the same as when you were a little

chunky madger. I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just-

I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just-

I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I just- I discovered something and it's very exciting ever since Tussador exploded right every since we consummated our marriage on the dance floor Are they're wedding? I can shape shift it will. Oh, I mean I can turn into whatever animal But I still kind of look like a badger. So look let me turn into a spider See I look like it looks like a spider, but obviously I'm a badger with eight legs. You look like a spider wearing a bad Gunk pajamas. Well, you'd be surprised how hard it is to find a badger outfit. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-uh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh- being rude. Let me turn into Arnie. Oh, you look good. I'll turn back into a bear.

Yeah, that's pretty similar. I've met all the bears. There's Lacey, Frederick, Jeffrey, Corduroy, Treadwell, Bug. The wag friends with all of them. Wow, tell me more about Corduroy. Corduroy is the bartender in the saloon. He has a bit of a pork pie hat at an angle.

A real raspy voice. All the bears just roar and rumble. Yeah, they roar and rumble, but he's got a little bit more poetry to his roar and rumble. Wow. He has a vest jacket with a stain on it, kind of a bear stain. Are you able to understand the bears then? No, no, no, but I can, when I'm in my bear form, I can, they can understand me.

Oh, so it's sort of a trade-off where, you know. What's a bear stain? What did I say? You said it was a jacket with kind of a bear stain on it? No, I said he serves beer in a stime. A bear stain. I swear before you said bear stain. No, it was never that. No, I said he serves beer in a bear stain on you know I said he serves beer in a stine oh bear stain I swear before you said bear stain no it was never that no I said he serves beer in a bear

stain why would it be bear stain I don't know I feel like I'm going crazy I swear you said bear stain you're from another dimension so guess that's true what you want to hear I guess so and your insanity ways on me What? I urge you, calm yourselves. Every time you feel something, I also feel it. I am Xylux. I have stowed away on this ship here to hide from the cacophonous emotions that do exist in the land. Guys! What the fuck is that?

Just some kind of weirdo trying to butt in on our conversations. No, no, no. This is clearly a demon, and that you should all must slay it! Please don't. I urge you. I can feel the rage that you feel towards demons, but I'm sort of a cool demon. Oh, it's turning blue. It's like a blue demon.

I've never seen a demon turn blue like that before. Yes, it is fear that you see in me. I have been cursed with the feelings of all humanity, and also I can feel your feelings. Oh! This is a little blue demon. An empathetic demon. I mean, I've seen a duke turn into a blue devil,

but never a blue demon is so sad. Yeah, it's tough being me. No, Xilox, how did you come to be this way? Were you, do you used to be a terrible fire breathing demon of hellfire and hatred? No, I was never such a thing. I always had a peaceful streak in me. So all the other demons used to make fun of me.

And I would feel like I was worthless because I knew that they felt that I was worthless. Oh, how sad. Yeah, I had a tough childhood. I'm so sorry to hear that. Yeah, you sort of put your sword away. Oh, put it away. Guys, I locks. It's kind of a martyr, guys. Right. No, I mean, don't feel bad for me or anything. No, go ahead. Don't worry about me. Just do your own stuff.

I'll be fine. Wait, you sort of... Take it the sword back out. I think he was the fall on it. No, no, no, no, no. And our Xylocs have you ever considered as a way of paying back the demons who were so cruel to you and your youth, if you ever thought about revenge, of fighting and destroying demons alongside the forces of good?

Oh, I would love to do such a thing, but usually people find me too grating after too long a time and they don't want to do anything with me, but you guys seem nice. Would you like to continue to hang out with me? I mean, I think... Continue to strong words. I think Sylox is pretty nice. I don't think he's irritating. Do you think he's irritating?

Well, let's ask him this. Sylox, do you have any side effects? Yes. Stuffy nose, high fever, sweaty arm, Did you say, Hey fever or high fever?

High fever. Okay. What is high fever? It's more than 25. More than 25. Anything over 25 is too high. I doubt actually, that brings me to a question I've been meaning to ask forever.

How is temperature measured on thin? Like what's the degrees? But what's like degrees what? Oh, Kevin Bacon. Okay. Yes, degrees. Oh, I see. I thought it was Kelvin Bacon, but it's Kevin Bacon. Okay. Yes, degrees. Oh, I see. I thought it was Kelvin Bacon, but it's Kevin Bacon. Yes, that would have been a better thing.

Silence, you're turning orange. Yes, it's because I'm having such a good time with you. I have to admit, I start away because bears feel nothing. They are very simple creatures, and yet you have come here and the feelings that you feel are Powerful and strong. It sounds like quarter-roy's a little more has a little more depth He's got a strong personality. I mean all the bears were great. I'm friends with all of them They all revere me, but quarter-roy is something special. Yeah

Yeah, he's a quarter-ripe. Oh, he does. What's his favorite song? He just kind of smashes the keys. It's like, baa! Nice. You said you know chordary? Oh, yeah. It's chordary is the only person who knows of my stowing away upon this boat.

But he has been so nice to not share my secret. That is very nice. What do you do, Xylox? Do you just move from place to place? Or do you just plan on staying on the sea forever? Do you have to keep moving in order to not get too invested in other people's emotions? Well, I used to be a nomadic person. I would stay upon the land here and make a new home in every town that I did visit.

But then I became too familiar with the people and when they felt something, it made me feel worse because I had a point of context for who they were. So if I found out that Joe was cheating on Daphne, it made me feel extra bad because I'm a break. Oh, they said they were just friends but I think it was more serious than that. But now I found the solution to my problem which is to find myself here upon this boat or any boat for that matter because here I have long stretches at sea where I can find peace Well, I've never thought about just getting a raft and just let yourself float out towards the sea all by yourself

You're not even bears around or put in yourself in a stone sarcophagus and burying it hundreds of feet beneath the ground Yeah, you're thinking about that stuff? Well, I kind of like hanging out occasionally though. Oh, you don't want to be completely isolated. No, no. I see. Because the feelings, they are what feed me. I need a death study dose of feelings in order to have energy to survive.

The bears provide a low rumble of hunger and boredom and they make me feel strong. That might also be Arnie. So, Xionax, you need to be fed by emotion, but you don't want to be force fed like a goose to make Fogra, right? So, you can't be overwhelmed by emotion, it's too much. Exactly. You stuff yourself. I need to be medium-sated with emotion at all times.

Oh, so you're an emotional eater. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Semisator. And Xiongx, can you, I don't know, I don't have to feel like you're doing a party trick, but do you mind going around and telling us the emotions that are coming off of each of us? Absolutely. You, Wizardman, you do feel some jealousy, some anger.

What's hurting green? But also, attendiveness that some jealousy, some anger. What's turning green? No. But also, a tenderness that you would never share for you. Huh! Me? Yes.

And actually, you're tough to differentiate from the bears. Yeah, I'm kind of the Chicago bear. He's turning clear. And you, the bear, Joe. Wait, let me... Ugh! Now I I'm you I'm a little demon oh man do I look like that well you're not well covering you're not black and white like a Badger oh that's cool you feel sort of self-important and snide oh thank you you're turning purple oh yeah that's me feeling the same you don't need powers to

figure that out? Come on! No, I need my powers. How would you know if someone was happy or sad without empathetic powers? Well, if somebody's happy and they know it, they'd clap their hands. That's right. See or hear that and know someone's happy. Or stomp their feet. Oh, yeah.

Also, you have to listen for context clues. Hear the things that people say and read their subtle reactions in their face and their body. Yeah, I've noticed a lot of times that people are like, ooh, they're sad. Is Zyletol, have you ever tried looking at people's faces? Zylox, Zylox, sorry. Zyletol is my step brother. Oh.

He's such a jerk. He got a golf scholarship for state school. Have we told you about golf? Have we told you about golf? You got to go to the golf G-U-L-F. Yeah, no it's golf. Golf is a body of water that's not quite to see and not quite a pond. And you got a scholarship? Yeah, he knew the most about it. How much do you know about it? Not enough. Yeah, more than me. Hmm. Can you feed off your own emotion? Like just now when you got upset about your brother,

you start to turn a very deep red. So were you feeding yourself from your own emotion? Yes, there is a sort of plant-like energy to me where I can create my own food, but I do need input just as the plants need the sun and soil. I need interaction to give myself itself startle emotional breakfast.

Yeah, because when you just feel like you're in emotion, that's a little bit masturbatory. Yeah, absolutely. If you could cast off this power and no longer feel other people's emotions, would you do so? That is a difficult question to answer. I don't know what it is to be not me. Would you take on this burden of feeling emotions?

Oh, I already feel more deeply than any other being in all of food. And I'm so important by your fear that I can feel that you fear this. But you, sir, let me ask you this. Yes. If you could stop defining yourself as needing to be the most important

person in Fune to defeat the Dark Lord, could you do that? Oh. It's a good point. Well timed, I hear what you are saying. Oh, I'm so fucking hard right now. He feels humbled. Xylocs, you have come at the perfect time to teach me an important lesson about looking towards the bigger picture. For I am important, but I am but a cog in the machine. And much like the Atonaton Constable, it takes many cogs to make him work. And yet, when I look upon you, I can tell that you are destined for great things. Don't tap down these feelings of confidence.

They are true and justified. He's just saying that because he wants to gobble up your feelings. Yeah. Well, just slurp up those little feelings. In that case, I shall give him a feast, for I've never been happier to be so powerful. The greatest wizard to air, walk the lands of food. I shall defeat all my enemies and I shall embarrass spin-tax That's good. I shall show them all

Looks like the trolls of food say you can't fight the feeling You're just a rainbow. Yeah. Oh boy. That was a good one. That was excellent feeling you said I don't I wish I could put that in a bag and take it out every Sunday Why Sunday? It's my day for myself. Oh, so you have a day that you set aside just for yourself? Yeah, it feels like, you know, the rest of the days of the week are for everybody else, for working, for building, for creating, but Sunday is a day that I used to recharge? Sure. Can I ask the demons? Where are they? Are you formed in the core of the of Foon?

Are you living in your house like? Yeah, where do demons come from? Where do demons come from? Demons come from a conflation of many things. There are elements involved in our creation in the same way that you are carbon-based or whatever you are created by, I am flame-based.

There are also demons who are cloud-based. And if they are killed, then you can just create them again. And I though come from blue flame. Ooh. That blue flame was so hot that it did allow me here more passion than all of my brethren.

Is it safe to have a creature made of flame on this rickety boat? Well, I was born of flame, but I'm not made of flame. That's like saying, you're your mom. Oh damn snap. Oh, what? The older I get the more I feel like I'm turning into my mom. So you're more flame broiled? Yes, okay.

And blue is the hottest flame, right? As far as I know, I've never seen it. It's a warmest color and also the hottest flame. It is the warmest color. You saw your blue. That's right. Can you like shoot blue flames out of your mouth or something? Watch.

Whoa! Oh, great. Just think what. Sales on fire. Oh, it's still the smell. The stink. Don't say it. The sale on fire.

We're surrounded by water. It shall be fine. I shall simply manipulate this water out of the sea. Tessie, we're safe. Fire's brighter. Not good. All right, we're going to take a quick break. We're going to try to put some of these fires out. If we do not come from back from the the break then we have drowned and died

Ooh Lucky I turned into a camel and spit out that fire. We're back and we're we're safe for now. Yeah lucky and Convenient. Yeah, this is kind of convenient. Yeah, that's fun. It's very convenient to be able to churn into any kind of animal whenever you want now Yeah, somebody is kind of convenient. Yeah, that's kind of fun. It's very convenient to be able to turn into any kind of animal whenever you want now. Yeah, somebody's saying animal. Rhino's, Rhino. Rhino's, let me turn into a, Rhino that's mostly anus. Oh, yep.

It's just kind of a butthole of a horn, isn't it? Uh, so much hair. Now doing a rhinoceros. I feel arousal. I'm gonna go back to a badger. That was not me though. You shall be a formidable foe in battle now for think you can change it to any beast

and moment you think of it. Ooh, great. Arnie, this is good. This is a good thing. Oh no, it's very good. I'm not gonna fucking crush it in battle. Now we have a wizard you can do spells. We have a shapeshifter who can turn into anything.

I can just try into a whale and land on people. Yeah, that's good. And you. And we have Arnie. Yeah, I'm gonna have a few guys. I'm gonna go, don't mind me, I'm gonna go like as turning blue. Let's rock with Arnie. I'm gonna go look out at the sea.

Arnie is feeling incompetent and incomplete. He feels like he is useless, pathetic, and empty. Okay. Arnie, do you hear what Seyla's just saying? Yeah, is that ring true? Yeah, I think I'm gonna keen for a while. What do you think keen means? I don't know what that is.

Ah. Are you singing a keen song? Arnie, listen to me for a moment. Yeah. You are the linchpin. Someone back me up here. Arnie, you, you are the, when two hands meet, you are the moisture that collects between those two hands. That's not as good as...

When you're in battle? When you're keen, you are the champions. Think about it! You're keen, I mean, we're all keen for... No, we're just keen. Oh, is that for anything? But wait, why do you require the need to be successful in battle? What type of quest are you on?

We are members of the Silent Eye. We've got these coins. It is cool as coins. Oh, the Silent Eye. I have heard of such a secret society. You have? Yes, I am not a part of them, no. I am part of their sister organization, the Silent GH. Oh, I can slay. Yes, exactly

Well, that's incredible. You should join us and help us defeat evil, but what cause who is the source of this evil? Oh, I believe you know as a demon for all your brethren and sisters did Swear their field eat brethren and sister in brethren and sister in did swear their fealty. Brethren and sister. Brethren and sister, and it swear their fealty. You don't think it's brethren and slither and... All your demon brothers and sisters swore their fealty to the dark Lord. Yes, but I did not even stole a page from his horrid book.

Oh! What? Yes? The book of sight? Absolutely. The book. Oh, what? Yes. The book of sight? Absolutely. The book we're looking for? You're looking for the book of sight?

Good for the book of sight. You've been looking for the book of sight. Oh my gosh, I haven't paid from the book of sight. The book of sight. Oh my gosh, it's not. Oh my gosh. This is crazy. If we hadn't asked about this, if we hadn't just happened to

stumble on this topic, we're moving. We're literally moving throughout. We're traversing food, but we're forgetting to ask people stuff. Like, who knows how many people we have talked to, who have had pages from the book of sight, and we just have an ask. You never know, there are many lost pages of the book of sight. Oh, you know something I just realized?

The word sight is what you do with eyes, and it has an eye in it energy H that's that's something and the GH is silent site yeah it is oh so all means something or doesn't things mean things but you're saying there are many missing pages yes all those who rebel against the dark Lord do so by tearing a page out of his book it is the only way to break contact with him Oh no Trunt, that's it

We must collect these pages and see what power lies within them that can be used against that dark lord This is amazing Freilock. Thank you so much. This has been so helpful. It's xyloc. What is it? xyloc xyloc. What did I say? You said I can't remember. It's Zilok. Just. It's Zilok. Oh, wait, it is.

The X is sometimes silent. Oh, what makes it silent? What makes it sometimes an X for salmon? It depends on how much I trust you. It is the same way that sometimes you say you or thou, depending on how familiar you are with a person. Now I consider you my friends, so you may have graduated to Xilok versus Xilok.

Oh, wonderful. Thank you, my luck. Should we throw a hat in the air? If you do, make sure that they freeze in the sky for a bottom moment. I shall do it, in now. My hat in the air. Trespass on.

I can't do that. I feel happy he's turning the world on with his smile. We're going to make it. We're sailing away and my hat is still frozen back there. No, but we turn around and go get my hat. You lost your weird down the line. I didn't know. Now put the pants on.

Here, as my friends, I give you this page. Oh. As a symbol of my loyalty to you over the dark Lord. Oh my god. Oh my god, he produced a little person who's gonna help us do stuff on page. I am Egg Yours. Thank you so much. And you can also take this piece of paper with text on it.

Oh! Even better. Let's throw this page overboard. HAAA! Oh, bye, buddy. So long. Good luck to you. I feel fear.

And now nothing. Oh. I'm sure that page is fine. And probably hanging out with Rodney. I guess. I don't know. Hey, listener, you decide. Take out a piece of paper.

Write down whether the page lived or died, fold it up, put it in a box, keep it for yourself, check in with it every once in a while. I'll never forget that page. His name was Jason Todd. Now, Zylock, what's next for you? Now that you've given us the page from the book of sight, are you going to continue to stay here with the bear? So you can continue to find other ways to fight evil alongside us.

I feel like your bravery and courage has infused within me. Who are you turning gold? Can I stand beneath decks hiding from my emotions and the emotions of the world, there is too much pain, instead of changing myself to not feeling anything, I will change the world to make it more happy. Oh, what a great order he is. Yes, that's a wonderful idea. Beautiful speech. For happiness begets happiness, you shall bring goodness and good feelings into the world

and thus you shall sub-apart them. Absolutely, it is sort of a selfish thing for me. It sounds nice, but I'm doing it for me. Well, you're doing it for yourself, but it does benefit others. I'll take it. What emotions taste the best? Sexual frustration. Ooh, you must be having a feast right now.

Oh, I'm going crazy. Interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that. Honestly, unboughts generally sexual frustration. Oh, yeah. He's rampant. Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, glad cramas it here. Oh, wait, I just realized something.

I can turn into an earthworm and fuck myself. Is that how the earthworms work? Yeah, I guess. Arnie, you see him upset. And he just realized it. I'm also surprised you have earthworms on a fune. But whatever, go fuck yourself. No, no, no, no. This is being clearly discussed in the past. Earth is dirt. It is dirt in the ground. Why you decided to name your planet after dirt is beyond me. What do you call dirt on your planet? dirt is beyond me. What do you call dirt on your planet? Foon? Earth, I guess, or dirt. That seems confusing. We have two different names for these things.

Yeah, very strange. Are you upset that I have better powers? He is. I can prove it, see. Look, it used to be that Eucidore was the magic one, and me and you, we were like, you're a little bit magic, but you're just always a fucking bad. Like, you might as well not have been magic. That's the fuck. It's very dismissive. Now, I'm just like the only not magic one. And all I have is this very popular podcast

that will probably be the most important thing that will eventually save everybody, but until then. What, did you be happy for my success? I mean, you have a very popular, successful podcast. Would you be upset if your friends didn't celebrate your success? I mean, I guess I would. I guess if my friends didn't go to Apple Podcasts and leave a review and rate the podcasts,

I would be upset. I feel it's fun. I guess I feel like everyone on earth that doesn't leave a positive review of a lot of magic stories. a positive review of a magic character. I have a podcast. It's kind of, it's kind of feels like a betrayal. So you're right.

Aren't you still my best friend? What do you want me to turn into? I'll turn into that and I'll stay that for a week. Um, please let it be in our thoughts. I guess if it'll make you happy, turn into a dirty little dirt worm and go fuck yourself. Thank you, buddy. You're truly the best. I want you to know that even though I feel great towers of frustration and anger amongst you, it is built on a platform of respect and love.

Oh, that might be coming from the bearers. Yeah, I want out of two, ain't bad. You're picking up the wrong signal, my man. We got a shaky foundation. Zylock, is there somewhere we can drop you off or are you gonna stay on the ship? Zylock, we're cool, man. Oh, I forgot I graduated,

let me turn my tassel to the side here. That, now throw your cap in the air and let it stay. Hit. Go back down. You saw a little help. Hit. Hit it, throw. There you go. Yeah, you're a throth. There you go.

Now can we go back for both of the hats? No. Is there somewhere we can drop you off, or do you want to stay put? Put me on the closest island that's inhabited. I will go there to spread the word of you heroes. Oh. We will rise up against the enemy of the dark lord

and create more happiness in joy for all. Ooh, the bears gave me this map. Corderoid had one under the bar, so let's see. Oh, a motion's island is pretty close. Oh yeah, let's go to a motion's island. That sounds like you're dropping me in the deep end. Well, there's love island over here. That's just a singular emotion.

I feel like love island is a good idea in like a meeting But when you actually watch it, it's just sort of is confusing and annoying. Yeah, yeah What about Chase Island sounds like you could get a good meal there. That sounds fantastic. Yeah, and Island everyone's being chased Yeah, I mean it still works. Everyone is being chased. Yeah, by bears. Oh, no I mean, it still works. Everyone is being chased. Yeah, by bears. Oh, no. Oh, Arnie, also on the map, I did find the Winged Whale.

Oh, that's right. You were talking about that boat. Yeah, to Rodney, it's a giant winged whale. A whale, that's right. That makes sense. That we get that boat on its back, and it can fly. So if you find that boat, we can go anywhere in Fune. Wow.

Okay. But I found it's sort of home base here. What's its home base? Let me look at this map. Wing and Whale home base. Yeah. What did you think I was going to say? I don't know.

I thought you were just poorly saying that. No. Wing and Whale home base right here on the map. Should we search it out? Sure. Normally before today, I would have said no. I mean, we're on a straight path to try to find the book of sight But you know we just talked to you Zibo and we just asked you

Well, man, we're just talking to you and you just happen to have a book from the page of sight Look for reformed villains ones who once were evil but now attempt to be good and you will find more pages We formed villains to be good and you will find more pages. We formed villains. Hmm. Do we know any reformed villains? And we melt them down and then re-temper them.

Oh, that sounds delicious. Yeah, ooh, ooh, tempera. I feel like we do know reformed villains. Man, I feel like we'd just really be sticking the landing of this episode if we actually remembered one where we're like, it's blank, got to go find them squibbert yeah squirers never really totally evil well let's keep well we'll think about it yeah hey sayalox what do you know about tech wars

i don't think anybody knows anything about tech wars what do you always talk about the other thing? no come on let's not make tech wars the thread though we he's full of the very confident that we should all know about it, but I have no idea. Oh, season. Oh, season three Is that the one where they just keep talking about tech wars? Every week I'm like, oh, one new episode Can't wait for the for the tech wars reference. They drop. This is another thing. Eventually we got to read this page I guess. Oh, yeah, let's read this page. The page is a legible to me. It'll take some time to decipher it.

I'll have to check with my other books and tomes that I've brought with me. How many books and tomes did you bring on the ship? That quite a few hidden in my hat. Oh yeah. Uh oh, your hat is frozen back there in the air. My captain's hat. Oh.

Were you wearing a little captain's hat on top of your other hat? Yes, I thought I saw that. Very well, I shall begin my work of deciphering this language. Then soon, it will give us some clue, as to where to go next, or who to find, or whatever we need to destroy, evil, once and for all. So, to the next week week to see if we get a clue the blue the blue demons blues I hasty chant my name's chant oh yes chant sorry I'll just write this down in my handy dandy oh my gosh look it's corduroy hey Hey, Corey! You wanna say anything? Classic. What?

Tame fight. I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. Still scared of airs. He's offering you a Stein. Oh, honey, he's showing you a stain on his vest. A bear stain. No, before you said it was Stein. No, he always said Stein.

It's always been Stein. He always said Stein. I swear said it was Stein. No, he always said Stein. It's always been Stein. He always said Stein. I swear before it was Stein. I don't think so. What the fuck? Am I going crazy? Listeners, you decide. Well, at the very least, I do know the Raisin Brands' son

definitely had sunglasses. I'm an Earthworm now, so I'm going to go to my cabin. In the cave? in the cave. But, yeah. Yep. Sure, I could linger on them realizing there was a great way to land the episode and then not being able to, even with editing equipment, but I'm just too thrilled with this plot development. Now that they've got that locket from Regulus Black, the book page from what's his name,

they're sure to triumph. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shunt, the shapeshifter was played by Adolf Refeier. My land to- no. Zai Zor, no. Zai Locks, the demon was played by special guest Andy Junk, when Andy's not performing regularly at Chicago's Io Theater, with the Improvise Shakespeare Company or the Harold team gone gone. He's traveling the world as a single young man on the arm of his old high school English

teacher. Really? Ask him! Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekampe, Matt Young, and after a vicious legal tantrum, Adolf Refy. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Tim Joyce. Special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie don't say great job Lincoln. Okay, but you are doing great.

Ugh. The hello for the Magic Tavern logo is by Aller Lepam, original theme song by Andy Poland. C Shanti Variation by Arnie Parrott. And boy are they getting the money's worth from that tune. Check out Arnie's website atptoons.com. And after that link in, you can just kill time. If you wanna target any individuals who have wronged you, that can go here.

I wouldn't divulge any critical secrets, but odds are no one's listening. I had a rock when I was 12 and I never saw it come out, so I'm pretty sure it's still in there. Oh, I should have added, I'm not listening either.