Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 32 - Five Years
Episode Date: March 9, 2020It’s the five year anniversary and Arnie has found audio of the first time he met Chunt and Usidore.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBlemish: Martin WilsonOtok... Barleyfoot: Nick BaerBurger King Employee: Max TemkinMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Anna HavermannSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanSea Shanty Theme: Arne ParrottYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Listeners, wait a minute, listen to me drunk on optimism. Listener, or possibly pet, being kept company by the sounds of podcasts while your owner
is out all day.
We've done it.
This week, hello for the Magic Tavern, a podcast about a world that does not exist, turns
5, where finally old enough to join the military. Well, only in my hilarious and family friendly screenplay, War Toddler, to celebrate and
thank you for not walking away, no matter how attractive that idea must have seemed at times.
We're opening up our Vault of Magic Tavern bonus episodes.
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You'll hear more from spin-tax, drip-thang, unfortunately,
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So stay tuned this week to check out the full bonus episodes we'll be releasing each day,
which I just said.
And thank you for not giving up on us us considering just how often we gave up on ourselves
and now pat yourself on the magical land of fume. I'm your host
Arnie Neekamp if you've never listened to the podcast before. Welcome! You know, I was
a newcomer here once myself,
but this is everything you need to know
almost exactly five years ago.
I fell through a dimensional portal
behind a Burger King in Chicago
into the magical, fantastical land of fune.
Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal,
somehow, from the Burger King, through the dimensional rift,
and I used that to upload a podcast.
I record chronically, our quest to defeat the Dark Lord.
We are currently back at sea,
heading north on our new ship,
the Screen Dream, which we did mention in the last episode,
but very much in passing.
For all you eagle eared listeners.
Yeah, look, we would not make up something called
the Screen Dream. What, why not? Well, I'm just would not make up something called the screen dream.
What, why not?
Well, I'm just saying, I don't know why I even said that.
It's a little absurd, screen dream.
I know.
What we meant to see who is actually a pirate named Screen.
Yeah, and he rest in peace.
And he clearly, before he died,
someone was thinking about him and named a boat after him,
or he had a boat, and he didn't want to admit it because he had issues with the beat of pirate.
He kept saying he wasn't a pirate, but I will say there are a lot of paintings of him on this ship,
and he looks a lot like a pirate.
In walking around his ship, I found several chests full of what I thought was gold,
but it's actually pirate. P-pyr-p Which is Fools Gold. Oh, that's stupid.
Yeah, I know.
And we would not make that up.
Well, I was a fool for going after you, you know, Fools Russian.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, the biggest surprise about the screen dream
is that it's manned by a bunch of bears.
Why is that a surprise?
Our last vote was manned by a bunch of bears.
Well, bearded by a bunch of bears.
Yeah, and I've got to say, and I, oh, this,
I know, this feels like a really dumb mistake to make if I'm wrong, but is it just me? Or are some
of these the same bears from our last ship? Let's see, here we have bug, side whistle bear, we got
corduroy the bartender, got lacy, fredrick, jefy, tread well, I love jefy. These are the same exact.
Yeah, I can't, I mean, I don't have
the same relationship with Jeffrey
that you guys have.
I can't call.
I can't call.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get there hopefully someday,
but for now, I just have to call him Jeffrey.
I mean, I think I might know why you're confused.
They're putting on something a little special
that only happens once every four years.
Oh, yeah.
It's the nautical bear jellyberry.
The nautical bear jellyberry. Oh, it's going to be so fottin'. It's not a jamboree, itical bear jellyberry. The nautical bear jellyberry.
Oh, it's going to be so fottin'.
It's not a jamboree, it's a jellyberry.
Do you know the difference?
I do not.
Okay, a jamboree has seeds.
Oh, jellyberry.
You can only do in the open waters.
Wow.
Open air.
Well, I was hoping that we for this episode
could focus on the fact that this is our five year anniversary,
but we can definitely see that time to the four year anniversary of the Jelly-Berry.
Yeah, what's more important?
Do you want to take a vote? I'm going to vote Jelly-Berry.
I vote Jelly-Berry.
I don't want to make this about myself, but like it's just that this is the...
There's no...
Oh, okay. Jelly-Berry, I would...
You literally start the show talking about how you entered our world.
Yeah.
So it's already a little statistical.
Yeah, why don't you ever start the show with hello for the magic tavern,
a badger who's taken a shape of many different animals as here to delight your senses with all manner of story.
Yeah, we'll start the episode, start every episode from now on, or at least a few with our backstory.
Ooh, once upon a time, a sheep's chitre was born,
and then go into my life events, and then use it ours.
Okay, well, all right, how about this for a compromise?
I will definitely do that at the beginning
of next week's episode, and then never again.
That's a good compromise.
I'll take it.
I would, though, really love to hear more
about this jellyberry.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Because if our bears, I want to get to know our crew of bears a little bit more in what
they're on to.
Well, it's mostly, I may have set to find a table.
What do jellyberry constitutes with nautical bears, which these are, of course, is mostly
just bug, playing his slide whistle ad nauseam. Oh, and ad nauseam means to where all definitely get nauseous.
Oh, AD. All definitely get nauseous.
Because they like to dance. And when you hear that slide whistle, you got a dance.
Ooh, honey, who child? That whistle go and get you.
I always assumed that that slide whistle sound was just the sound that bug makes as he ascends and descends from places.
I don't think so because that wouldn't make any fucking sense.
That makes no fucking sense. I think it's always the beginning of a song. It's so he'll slide it and then if he start to dance or start to sing along, he'll play the full song.
Sure.
So it's a lot of false starts. And also, do you know the dance that goes with the slide whistle?
No.
It's like a, what is it?
It's like a slide whistle to the left.
Slide whistle to the right.
Two times two times.
So it's two times two times two.
Oh, boy.
Don't be.
You're four times a billion.
Don't know.
Eight.
Can I change a subject?
No, yeah, of course.
Well, quick second.
And I.
So it's changed the subject for math to something else?
Spelling or what?
To anything else.
Still not a call.
Oh, boy.
That's not what they know.
What a beautiful view.
Look out there, the beautiful mountains of Fingeria
are off from the distance as we head towards the mystical temple.
I know we're looking to get one of the artifacts
to defeat the Dark Lord.
Who, you know, we've had a lot of stuff for Anathas
in the last couple of weeks.
At most important town, Janet.
Ow.
But also like metaphorically,
we've had a lot of things thrown at us
in the last couple of weeks.
I don't know if metaphorically is the right word.
What would be the right word?
Simulity. Simulity. Simulity. I don't know if metaphorically is the right word. What would be the right word? Silly metaphor for... There's a lot on our plate.
Yes.
That's a metaphor.
It's true, but there's...
And recently they've dished out more food
from the buffet of bullshit onto our plate.
That is already very full.
I do want to talk about one thing that got heaped onto our plate.
Recently.
And...
And one of the things that got thrown at us And one of the things that got thrown at us?
One of the things that got thrown at us
and landed on our plate.
Now that's all one metaphor together.
It's all one metaphor.
That's usually the best route to take
is to combine metaphors.
All right, so what I'm saying is we're taking
this route to our plate that is then there things thrown at us
Five years and still as meandering as absolutely and this is not just that
Flowers are mostly pubes the thing that I'm wondering about is did we learn to Chris must is the Dark Lord?
I think we did well that was news to me because I'd only known the Dark Lord to be the former Black Wizard,
uh, former associate, but if he's also been posting his Christmas this whole time,
my world is shaking.
I will say I just want to get out in front of it.
I'm going to continue to celebrate Christmas just because I can disassociate the artist from the art.
Sure.
And I feel like the holidays become something of its own, right?
Yeah.
Well, the Winter Solstice has so many holidays
to celebrate as well.
But I don't know, there may come a time
when we may have to wage war on Christmas.
Well, we can always celebrate Johnnica.
What's Johnnica?
I'll tell you another time.
OK.
But I will tell you about Shanzha.
I have an announcement to make.
Oh, OK. I have conjured on this very special day.
A cake made of radishes.
Oh, for the jellyberry, the fourth annual jellyberry?
No.
Radish is the standard traditional five-year vegetable.
It's the five-year vegetable?
Oh, yes. On everyone's fifth anniversary they eat
Radishes wow, so when people are like what do you see yourself eating in five years? They're like radishes? Yeah, yeah, I mean
Yeah, I guess I mean that's more of an aspirational thing not necessarily an anniversary thing
I'll also see yourself eating five years
I say like a golden stag that once killed its own mother.
Yeah, usually when someone asks me like if I'm in a job and they're like,
what do you see yourself eating in five years?
I go, honestly here, and I guess my biggest flaw is that I eat too much.
Have you ever been hired?
Have you ever been hired?
Have you ever had a job?
Yeah, I think I worked at the remaining minute, aren't I?
I know.
I feel like Ota-Chuchu's Chow, which one under?
But you were your own boss.
Chuchu's Chow.
And it always felt like Otak,
always when he would talk about you working
at the Remain Minotaur,
it just sort of sounded like you were like a local kid
that he kind of let hang out.
Yeah, I mean, yeah,
I would just kind of hang out and pester people.
I would also, I was kind of a cartboy.
Cartboy kind of just cleans
the dishes off the table. Oh sure. It gets tipped out. Yeah. Oh well, I made you each
in little individual radish cake to celebrate our fifth anniversary. And here I'm going
to send them over to you by conjuring real human legsocco. Okay, your inches away, but this is fun.
Yeah, there you go.
Mine's doing backflips.
That's kind of fun.
I have.
I'll take them off before you eat it.
I have never thought I would say this,
but I do not want to eat that cake.
Well, I'll take the legs back off.
If you or Mocco.
Can you put his legs on mine?
Oh yeah, because I'll be like,
oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, uh, wait, what was the first spell you did for me?
It's a G-f-w-f-w-off!
And what was the last one you did?
Wait, we, well, I have,
sounds like he's in the black lodge.
I think, what's the black lodge?
I'll tell you another time.
When I tell you about John,
John and Cout, John and Cout, I'll tell you.
Oh, okay.
Well, I was gonna say,
and this is very fortuitous
because it's our five year anniversary.
It's five tutus.
It is five tutus.
I was looking around on my laptop,
which I almost never do, which is weird.
And I realized I had a bunch of recordings
that I recorded like when I first showed up in food.
Yes, this podcast.
We've, yeah, I've never been.
No, I know I started this podcast like very soon after I arrived in FUNE,
but I forgot I was actually recording something when I fell into FUNE.
Oh, is this like Bujua or Audio kind of thing?
Um, no, it's more like a car audio,hooks, okay? Shunt, do you realize what Arnie has found?
The greatest form of entertainment and all of entertainment dumb.
What is that? The clip show?
A prequel.
A prequel!
Everyone loves prequels!
And just so listeners know, prequels are natural.
It happens to every podcast.
It's true, you can't avoid it.
Yeah.
And prequels can still get you pregnant.
Oh no, really? Yeah, a little in avoid it. Yeah. And prequels can still get you pregnant. Oh no, really.
Yeah, a little in fact.
Oh gosh.
Well, I was going to say so many people are always asking like,
why was I behind the burger king, all this stuff.
This audio reveals that.
But I will say I also listened to all of it.
And it definitely doesn't explain what shape Chant was born in.
So.
Reveal may write a check that this audio cannot cache.
Well, reveal gives the sense that there is some importance to this, that there just may
not be incompetent.
I don't know, I haven't heard it.
Well, here's the thing.
We will learn the surprise of this audio that you have about to play.
Any second is that I was behind the Burger King
recording a podcast.
What?
We didn't know that.
Did you have two other co-hosts?
What were their names?
What do they look like?
Are they prettier than me?
I didn't have any co-hosts.
They didn't have any names, and yes.
Okay.
They were still prettier than you.
They were still prettier than you. They were still prettier than you.
I'll take it.
Well, why don't...
Look, why don't I just play this audio?
And you can hear my first moments in food.
I'm really building this up.
No, I think it's going to be great.
And can I just say since this is an audio before we start the podcast,
there will definitely be no inconsistencies?
Inconsistencies, I don't know what you're saying.
Just, maybe I'm misusing the word.
Let's just play the audit.
Okay, yeah, no, absolutely.
All right, this is me recording my podcast in Chicago,
five years and two days ago.
All right, all right, test, test, test, okay.
This is a little test audio for my first episode,
which, you know, oh my kidding,
I will probably still actually release as my first episode.
All right, it's okay.
Let me just drive up here.
I'm almost to the drive through.
Okay.
Hey, I'm eating fast food in my car, the podcast
with Arnie Neacamp. This is my podcast where I fast food in my car, the podcast with Arnie Neekamp.
This is my podcast where I drive around in my car and I go to fast food restaurant and
I eat food in my car.
You know how it is between work and home, you don't have time to do other things that
you like like host a podcast. Well, now you can do both.
Here I am, and I'm gonna, as you listen to future episodes
of this podcast, I'm gonna drive to different fast food
restaurants, I'm gonna order food from the drive-through,
and then I am going to pull my car over into a parking spot
and eat the food in my car, and then probably there'll be segments.
Oh gosh, I might have to edit this down a little bit.
Anyway, okay, let me pull up and see.
Welcome to Burger King.
Would you like to try our extra long barbecue cheese burger today?
Uh, okay, I guess I'll try the long burger.
Okay, pull forward.
All right, cool.
Okay, so, if you, I'll probably have guests eventually
people who will sit in the,
they'll be in the shotgun position.
And I don't know, I guess people
don't really like to hear people,
the sound of people eating.
So I don't know if I should cut that out.
It's more work to cut that out.
Well, Arn, I'm sorry to stop you.
Yeah, this audio is amazing.
I know.
I have a few questions.
Yeah, of course.
One, why did you comment and say narrate, I'm about to pull forward. Why don't you just do that?
Well, I was a question. Well, I mean, it's an audio format like you could you kind of have to like
signpost what you're doing also when I get nervous when I don't know what to say I just talk I just kind of my
Intermonologue comes out and then I like I talk about what I'm doing.
Also, you said you're gonna edit some of this out.
I do see on the audio file, it says that this is edit number seven.
So at some point you did work on this.
What did you cut out?
Weird like digestive noises and you know, heavy breathing.
Getting something to drink.
Other than that, I have no notes.
I love it. I'd like to hear more.
Thank you. I have no idea. You invented Getting something to drink. Other than that, I have no notes. I love it. I'd like to hear more.
I have no idea.
You invented doughboys.
What's this?
A doughboys?
What's doughboys?
I think it's both fucking podcast.
It's great podcast.
What is it like?
Do you guys eat themselves to death?
Yeah.
Wait, there's like a podcast about people eating fast food.
Sure.
A podcast, there's a YouTube show some kid wearing a suit,
doing reviews.
I mean, it is.
Everywhere.
So I'm glad that you were jumping on the bandwagon.
There's that damn guy from a few years ago.
Yeah, damn, Daniel.
That guy?
No, I was thinking of the gentleman
who ate the cheeseburger and then they edited it
into a sold.
Oh, yeah, the guy who ate the cheeseburger
and then said, damn, Daniel, that guy?
Yeah, that's the guy.
Good again, with the cheeseburger.
Anyway, let's hear some more.
Yeah, let's get her up this terrible audio
to listen to this gold audio.
I'm gonna fast forward a little bit.
Okay, you know, we don't need to hear me
like paying for the food.
And let's just get to me eating the food.
The best part.
And hang a little bit in my car.
What's that?
We'll just listen. I'm just gonna say, I don't think this podcast is gonna be it.
I should probably stop the recording.
I guess podcast attempt number 27.
Gotta come up with some other idea.
I mean, maybe, what is something no one has done?
Maybe, or I talk about murders, like my favorite one, or something.
What the- What the hell is that?
Holy shit.
Where's the parking lot go?
Is there something in my food?
Hello?
Hello?
Hey!
Hey asshole, you ran over the squirrel I was chasing.
What is this thing?
Oh my god. What? this thing? Oh my God.
What?
Is there something behind me?
No.
Oh, I'm sorry, you can't speak.
You're a, I just assume all creatures can talk.
You just make guttural sounds.
Hello.
I am a friend.
Is there a person nearby?
Oh, shitty desktop.
That is talking near this animal?
Like, are you, this is gonna sound crazy.
Are you talking animal?
I'm a talking sheep shifter.
I'm just a sheep shifter.
Don't, why would you say talking?
Let me get out in front of this right away.
I'm 300 years old.
Okay, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. What?? Edit what out? What's
edit? I are you so you're a this is crazy you sort of look like a European
Badger. Oh thank you. What's your mind? Honestly I can never remember which one is the
European and which one is the American Badger so that's still going to remain in
big US. European American these are things you do in the bathroom?
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm chun, so I should say.
Hey, are you, is it safe for me to shake your paw?
I mean, I don't know what you mean by that.
I've never talked to an animal before, I think.
I think I'm having an episode or something.
I'm not.
Oh, an episode.
This is being recorded.
What?
Well, oh, it is actually.
I'm instinctively still just holding this microphone.
While I'm doing that, it just, I have some anxiety that I tend to, uh, tend to make me feel
a little better, uh, to talk into microphones.
Would you mind?
Yeah.
You're already kind of talking.
Check one, two, one, two, boop, boop, boop.
Oh, you seem like a natural
Okay, well you can get a little off of it. You don't need to be okay
Kitting this is a fake penis. It's a joke
I mean, it's better just kind of like
You know like the the I know your hands are different size than mine cause yeah, it's better. Just kind of like, you know, like the, I know your hands are different size than mine.
Pause.
Yeah, it's sort of the length of the length.
No, I'm saying stop for a moment.
Okay.
Take a deep breath.
And out.
Okay, what's your name, friend?
My name is Arnie Neekham.
Don't tell him how beautiful you think he is.
Don't tell him how beautiful you think he is.
You're beautiful.
Oh, shit.
Well, thank you. No, I've never heard that from Oh, shit. Thank you.
No, I've never heard that from an animal before.
No.
Thank you.
You are a very adorable little animal.
Oh, I get it.
Okay, badger.
Fuck me, that's fine.
Okay, adorable.
I call you beautiful.
You call me adorable.
Also, you said you never talked to an animal.
So you don't have to say I've never heard that from an animal.
I just assume you never heard anything from an animal.
Because you haven't talked to an animal.
I'm being an asshole, do you need a place to stay?
Uh, yeah, I think maybe I do, I think, yeah.
Are you concussed?
I must be, look, here's the thing.
Oh my God, you have blood all down your shirt.
You have, there's some red blood and some yellow blood.
What is?
Oh, this is ketchup and mustard and secret sauce, I think.
Okay.
I don't really remember.
I don't know what is all in the long burger.
What did I order?
Honey, this is an incredible find.
Yeah.
The first meeting between you and Chant.
The place where Chant first heard the word edit.
I know.
This is gold.
Why have you been sitting on this for five years?
And I always forget that I'm f***ed years old.
I mean, I kind of forgot it was here,
and then also, I don't mess around on my laptop too much,
especially now that this weird splinter in my finger,
it makes it real painful.
Oh, well, I've been joining you to Great Deal.
There's also another little secret nugget in there. They're real painful. Oh, well, I'm enjoying it a great deal.
There's also another little secret nugget in there.
Chunt, you thought Arty was beautiful.
Yeah, I mean, just as an appreciator of all species,
I just thought he was a great representation.
Why would that be a secret nugget
as surprised to anyone?
First of all, like, because you have this...
Will they won't they?
Anemosity. Love hate thing going on. anyone. First of all, like, because you have this wheel, they won't they animosity love
hate thing going on. And then Chunchy, you know, we're often married to Sador and has
Aggie baby. And you're so I was surprised that he's so openly and fully stated that the
very first time he met you. Yeah, you mentioned it before we have a real Joey and Chandler
energy to it. Yeah, you know, anyone that watch before, we have a real Joey and Chandler energy to it.
Yeah, you know, anyone that watch Friends is like,
when are Joey and Chandler gonna just go at it?
But also, I mean, is it so weird that he says,
I mean, I am beautiful.
I mean, it's five years later, I'm a little less beautiful.
But I mean, I have audio, you said
our one I first met you, you called me beautiful.
Ooh, let's hear it.
All right, this is skipping over a lot of me.
Okay, you know what, there's a lot of audio.
So we're gonna skip over a lot of me,
like coming to terms with the fact
that I'm in another world freaking out,
crying for like a day.
And then you slept in my hobble.
Sleeping at your hobble,
noticing the tapestry, but not really realizing
what it represents at its sexual tapestry.
A lot of stuff that's, it's okay.
Let's go forward to this part where we're walking through Mixingleschain Forest to the
King's Road.
Oh yeah.
I forgot how important the road is to this world.
Yeah.
Also, Arnie, I have to apologize.
The first several times I met you, I think I was calling it hog face.
Yeah. Because I was so apologize. The first several times I met you, I think I was calling it hog face. Yeah.
Because I was so nervous.
I did change.
I did think it was hog face for a while
and then everyone was calling it hog face.
Yeah, well let's go to the audio.
It's like, is it Mayer?
Is it Mayer?
Okay, yeah, yeah, let's hear the audio.
And I'm standing here on the side
of the Stuart's cat upon mine pedestal
for all the days it shall take until I have a retinue of warriors and fighters.
Oh, Arnie, Arnie.
We're in depth, help me defeat them.
John, let's keep boving this.
No, I know this guy.
He seems like bad audio.
You can stop there, you.
Yeah?
Hey.
Oh, a chunt.
Hey, who would you...
You see a new friend, this...
this beautiful imbasole.
I am Arnie, me camp.
I'm from another world. Thank you.
You hear what you want to hear.
Now I must ask, are you ready to take up a sword and fight
until you've breathed your last breath?
Uh, no.
There is darkness all around us.
In any moment, the dark lord could come here
and take away all of your positions.
Hey, I have a funny question you said, or I've been, I had a weird dream last night.
The Chris from Christmas was the Dark Lord. That's crazy. That doesn't make any sense at all.
Why were you standing on a lady face, you know, the old robber's backbone?
Oh, I've been standing here on the road trying to find some people to join me on a quest
to defeat all of evil and save
all of Fun.
You addressed very strangely.
Oh, I'm from another world.
Yeah, you said that was a white polo?
Yeah, about one day ago I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago
into this.
I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you,
I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you
I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you
I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you, I join my quest? Absolutely, buddy. Whatever you need.
Great.
I should let you know, I've been having the earth man.
I've been having him practice that where he says,
my name's Arnie about a day ago I felt, you know,
just because the first time I met him,
he was so anxious and nervous.
Really a stumble bum.
He's real stumble, so the more he says that,
the more relaxed he gets.
You stranger.
It's Arnie. What's your stranger, uh, it's Arnie, what's your name?
It's Arnie, about a day ago I fell through
a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.
If you're unfamiliar with Chicago,
it's the one of the intersection of Irving and Clark
into this, the magical, fantastical land of Loon.
And, Foon, what's that?
Foon, Foon. F food. Food. Food. Food.
Yes.
There's so many details to remember.
Yeah, well, they're starting to pile up.
One day here, there's so many details.
It's just hard to keep them all in my head.
Well, it's the world of food.
So that's a big one to get right.
Is it a country or is it a whole continent?
Is it a planet?
You nailed it.
Yes.
And yes. You saw, you're being a whole continent? You nailed it! Yes, and yes.
Um, you saw, you're being a little rude, you should introduce yourself.
Of course, you saw if you haven't, um, guessed already, is a-is a grandmaster.
You're right, I'm very sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.
But here, first-
You're a rapper?
Sorry?
Never mind, go keep going.
Yeah, first, uh, would you like a cough drop?
Okay, thank you so much.
They make it sound like you've been coughing a lot.
Uh, oh, uh, alright.
Why would I want to, hmm, I'm going to pass.
Oh yes. Oh yes, uh, uh, uh, I am Yusador.
Wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesius,
Grand Master of Light and Shadow,
Minipulator of Magical Delights,
Devourer of Chaos,
Champion of the Great Hall halls of Tarakas.
The elves know me as Fieing Yelok,
the dwarves know me as Zonin whoog stenges,
and I am known in the northeast as
Gestomania Same Star.
Oh, yes, are you sure you don't want to cough, Rob?
No, I mean here to take one just to justify his voice,
but did you want to take one?
Uh, no, I think I'll pass.
I've been enjoying these lately.
I really like the gravitas they give me.
I think it.
I like the other voice better.
You like the other voice better?
Yeah.
Well, I suppose once this cough drop has worn off, I won't sound like this anymore.
Oh, Arnie, I just had a great idea.
Why don't you eat that cough drop, and you can record another episode of the podcast
you said you were doing.
Were you review different things you eat?
Oh, you know what?
I haven't really talked about this with you yet, John, but I kind of had an idea for a new
podcast.
Look, I seem to be trapped here temporarily, and hopefully I'll get back to Chicago soon.
Part of me. Yeah.
Boom.
Please join my quest.
Oh, I ask it's an idiot here along this road.
Come and join me as I do.
I should be here.
Waiting till someone can join me here.
My quest.
He's talking as if he's hoping we'll jump in.
Oh, we should definitely talk over him.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
And just can I say, as this goes on,
like if you're, if for whatever reason
you're here for a long time,
we should always talk over him.
No, especially during his name.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Okay.
Don't be too polite.
Okay.
Okay.
You got to break some eggs to make an omelet.
Okay.
Sure.
Well, well, John, I was going to say,
it's hard, it's actually hard to concentrate.
I know it's hard, but we have hard to concentrate. I know it's hard
But we have to do it because otherwise that's the whole show. Okay. Does that make sense? Oh, no, that's true
He doesn't turn off. There's no
It doesn't switch for this grandmaster. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely
Oh boy
We're gonna say concentrate this road
Upon mine pedestal. It's long as I am at the site of this road
I will find someone who wants to join me in my inquest.
I know it in a time, if I'd work on.
We entered the wizard state. That's going to be a very important thing that's going to happen all the time.
It's going to maintain throughout.
Hey, you should or buddy, wake up.
I remember when I talked to you about mental journaling.
Yes.
We're instead of saying stuff out loud. You journal it upstairs.
Yes. here I go
It is mental journaling makes some sort of audio
It's crazy as those sounds are the facial expression
It's far more
He's taking his shit.
What were you gonna tell me about it?
Well, I was just gonna say it's been very kind of cool
to be in this world, but also very scary and disorienting.
And I feel a little better when I have this microphone.
This won't mean anything to you,
although if any Earth people would eventually hear it,
they would love it.
This microphone is kind of like my magic feather. I just feel braver.
Oh, you have magic feathers?
You have a magic feather?
Well, give it to me.
No, these microphones are magic feathers.
Give it to me.
Oh, well, here you can...
The microphone that I've been instinctively pointing towards your mouth,
you can hold onto it if you want.
Look, I was gonna say that...
I've all... I've... You have to talk over it Ernie, you have to talk over it.
I wanted to do a podcast and maybe I can do a podcast about this world and it will be
something, it will be important for people on earth to hear this and it'll help them
get here to rescue me.
It's mine.
Buddy, mental journaling.
And Chant, I was kind of worse.
And Chant, I was hoping you would maybe be like,
sidekick on the pod, yeah.
So that I have someone to like bounce ideas off of,
because if it's just me, and then I was also thinking
that yousador, I'll be your bouncy boy.
I'll bounce all the ideas.
Okay, bounce man.
Yeah, I was thinking that yousador
could be kind of like a practice guest.
Cause we'll record like a test episode.
We probably won't ever like,
okay, set that up a so.
So we'll practice on yousador
so that we don't waste,
like we don't learn any good stuff
that we feel like we can't do again in the next episode.
Yeah.
So we're basically like the second episode is where people get hooked.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Are you sure you just want us to or do you want me to rope in some more men?
Well, we need a good place to record.
Like my arms get so tired from carrying these microphones.
I feel like it would be good to have like one place to record that we always are in. And never, I mean, even in a crazy world
where this happened for four years,
we would never go anywhere else.
I had the perfect place. Perfect place.
It's called the Seyant Stump.
It's in the middle of the forest.
Now, what would they call microphones?
If we put the microphones on the stump,
they might be raised from the dead.
But beautiful acoustics,
there's all kinds of beautiful ambient noise
all around, it's really satisfying.
What about this tavern carved out
of the side of a magical tree over there?
Oh, I guess that works too.
Yeah, okay, do we want to, hey, wizard.
What?
Wizard.
Mr. Wizard.
Refer to me by my name, sir.
You used to say it a second ago.
Did I?
Yes.
A whole.
Do you call me Ulysses?
I used to.
Oh, you used to.
They have a speak that name again.
It's one of mine's secret names, and I have secret names of such great power that if air they were uttered aloud most assuredly your eyes
which turn from their beautiful deep brown into an alluring blue, blue so cold,
that it would freeze your very soul. See and there's another time when you said or referred to how beautiful
I am. I just described the color of your eyes.
I don't know that I was necessarily saying,
you are beautiful.
Well, my eyes are beautiful.
Like honestly, throughout the recording,
you refer to all different parts of me as beautiful.
Like collectively, I think I'm more than
the sum of my beautiful parts.
Let's, let's rank, let's say the top three parts
we love about Arnie.
Let's start with number three.
Here we go.
One, two, three, throat. Great. Nose and throat. Mm-. Let's start with number three. Here we go one two three nose
Great nose and throat mm-hmm. One two three eyes face
Great one two three here
Yeah, yeah, one for sure. Hey mostly eyes and hair I've noticed that they're almost all like on my head like they're it's never like... Huh. Hey, lean into your strong suit.
It's never like great abs, or anything like that.
Yes, never great abs.
Are you?
You did notice that.
Yeah.
Anyway, take the compliments.
Let's take a quick break.
Okay.
As we take it...
I have years in, I'm still not good at, like, kicking us to break.
As we go to break, can we hear some more audio of you reviewing the...
What was it called? burger um nope okay I tried
slide to the right slide to the left huh slide whistle yeah slide whistle yeah yeah and people
are really excited about this yeah of course take it. Take it away bud. Oh, he's just, I don't see the slide whistle as the thing. I hear the slide whistle. I don't see it.
Hmm. You know, I should go back to standing out on the road, yelling at people to get them to join my quest.
You don't do that enough. I don't. We've changed so much over the last five years. Speak for yourself.
Anyway, let's listen to this audio. This is great. This is I'm you know what I miss it so much
This is audio of the first time I ever stepped into the Vermilion Minotaur in the town of Hogsface in the land of Fun
Oh, yeah, I remember that when you step inside and fill right on your face
Yeah, and everyone's talking right now. Okay
Yeah, oh quite the tumble. Oh, but you're dead. Oh, quite the devil.
Boy, I didn't know there was that step down there.
No, it's all even.
It's all even?
Yep, it's all level.
You should all use an order here to then light you with stories
and to fuel his stomach with ale.
All right, let's see who we can introduce you to.
How do you like the place so far?
Is this good for recording?
Yeah, it's just kind of nice, like welcoming ambiance to it.
Yeah, oh, here's someone, I think this might be...
He might be a future guest, he might be eventually a co-host
if you want to bring in a third.
Sure.
But this is screaming Pete.
So what he does is he's just going to keep screaming. He can be in the background, he can be... Take it screaming Pete. So what he does is he's just gonna keep screaming. He can be in the background. He can be
Take it away Pete
All right, what do we think?
Pete, I'll here I'll break the news to him. Yeah, Pete, come over here.
Ha!
You're still talking to your magical feather.
Oh yeah, it just kind of, I know this isn't necessarily
podcast material, the best is it be outtakes
that I would use, like years later.
But it just makes me feel like I'm going into a new place
and if I'm holding a microphone, it's like just not me going into a new place
and I have no reason to talk to anyone
or anyone to talk to me,
but if I have a microphone,
then there's a reason why I'm talking
and other people are talking to me.
You couldn't just talk to them as yourself?
I mean, I don't know.
It's about the facade that twist you
and those who you would converse with.
It just feels a little more protective to think of every moment as content.
That's very sad.
Is it?
Hmm.
Um, okay, well, I'm definitely not including this in an episode.
You guys want to watch me eat this bread?
Yes.
Hmm, num, num, num, num.
Is this good?
I'm a tenth of the way through the bread.
num, num, num, num, num.
Is this good for the magic feathers?
Fones?
Two tenths of the way through the bread.
This is my bread eating song.
Show talk, O-Talk, we need more bread over here.
Oh boy, is that an sea there?
Is somebody helping you? Not yet. This is our new friend, sorry, I need more bread over here. Oh, boys, I didn't see you there. You need somebody helping you?
Uh, not yet.
This is our new friend, uh, sorry, I forgot your name again.
Uh, my name is Arnie Neacamp.
About two days ago, I fell through a dimensional portal line about you.
Oh, okay, you could stop there.
That's all right, Arnie.
Hi.
Hey, I'm Otak.
Otak.
Otak, Barleyfoot.
owner and proprietor of the Vermillion mentor.
Are you enjoying it so far?
I am, it's a wonderful, it's a wonderful tavern. He's from another world and he talks into a feather
Well, alright. Yeah, blamish. We got a four-top of unweeds and need to be cleaned up over there. Yes, my master
Wow, the fuck is that? That's blamish. Just that boy. Don't worry about him. Watch your stuff around him. Watch my stuff
Yeah, like your podcast equipment, like,
put a tarp over it or something.
Oh, talk, can I get three ails here for my friends?
Absolutely.
May I offer you a cough drop?
Oh, no, no, I'm feeling good.
All right, okay.
Thanks.
Three ails for your friends, anything for you, sir?
Ah, yes, I'll also have three ails.
Excellent.
Glamish, why don't you come over here?
I should introduce you just so you can remember him.
Blemish, this is Arnie, Arnie, Blemish.
Hi, uh, hi.
Blemish greets you.
What?
He's Blemish.
I know he's talking to a third person, but he is a Blemish.
Oh, okay.
Hi, Blemish.
I'm Arnie, I'm from another world.
Uh, two days ago, I'm Arniam from another world.
Two days ago, I felt like a dimensional portal in my bird. Okay. I got it.
See, that's what you have to do to use a door.
Okay.
Blemish, go ahead and get out of the way.
Do you want of your dirty limericks?
Here we go.
Yes.
Welcome to the tavern.
Are you feeling stale?
Welcome to the tavern.
Would you like some ale? Thanks, blemish. Wow!
Limericks are kind of similar to what they are on earth. Really? Yeah, yeah, we have limericks. They're AA rhyme scheme.
Great.
Can we get a table around here?
Just set up. You want to buy a table? No, I just want to sit at a table.
Okay, it would be nice if there was one that felt like we could regularly sit at that table.
At least once a week.
How about that very table?
This very table?
Yeah.
I like this very table.
That's nice.
Oh, boys, I see you found my best booth.
Oh, yes.
Six ails for the table.
Let me scrab a love on top of it and rub away, but clean with my rope.
Let's finish.
I'm just running.
Punks in the goddamn weeds of the kitchen. Will you get out of here, please? Yes, my master. Just grab a love on top of it and rub away, but clean with my rope, let's... Ah, I got it! I got it!
Punx and the goddamn weeds in the kitchen.
Will you get out of here, please?
Yes, my master!
Sorry about that, everybody.
You have to put his forobes all over it.
Could we maybe move to your second best table?
Yeah, that's... I could pad right now.
Oh, okay.
Well, this one has to be this one, then, I guess.
So Arnie, tell us, um, you've told us practically nothing about Earth.
Like, tell us about Earth.
Ah, it's... How big is it?
How much land versus water is there?
What's the, I don't know, biggest export?
Who's the king?
I don't know. The answer is to any of those questions.
Well, you said there's a burger king, which sounds a little crazy.
We have a mayor here that's a burger, but not a king.
Look, I know what good amount of stuff about my world.
I don't really want to talk about earth stuff
because I don't know all of the answers to these questions.
And it will be embarrassing if people find out
that I don't know exactly how big the earth is
or who is our king of earth.
Well, you don't have to know everything about earth,
but what are some things that you do know
that would be interesting to us
and may help me in my quest to feed all of evil.
Well, I know that the first season of Fringe is just okay. It had some promise,
but not enough that you would normally watch all of it until you find out that the second season is
where it really picks up. So you can probably jump in two episodes near the end of the first season.
Sometimes he starts talking and I think it's a spell because the words don't make any sense.
You sure you gotta talk over him.
That's what I started doing.
I just was like, he's gotta go, so I have to jump in.
It's good for a couple seasons and then the last season it kind of starts to get bad again.
So it's hard to recommend it because like...
Then why are you?
I don't know exactly.
Can I get back to something I mentioned you were talking
about in your sleep?
You said on earth, there are...
Well, you were watching me sleep.
Oh, I was watching you sleep.
I was listening to you sleep.
You said on earth, there's almost 200 countries
or something like that.
You said there's a ton of countries.
I'm sure you said that, yeah.
But then you said that the world series
is held in one country.
Yes.
And that no other countries can participate.
A series of what?
Wars?
Baseball.
What is it?
Baseball.
Baseball.
Oh.
What is this baseball?
Baseball.
Oh, it's a popular sport on my world.
Oh, like mittens.
I don't know what that is, but
Sure, baseball so who are the top some of the top baseballs? Oh, gosh
There's a there's a straw there
And this baby and you said on earth it's 2015. Yeah, huh?
Hmm, okay, I'm not good. I don't know any better than you do. Yeah, I'm just meeting you. Yeah, let me read
Okay, must be true. Let's move on to something else
I'm waiting the rocker Johnson. I love birds. What's this? You mentioned that there's a Larry bird on your world
Yeah, I love Larry birds. Oh, okay. Well, that's a charming detail that is interesting to listen to this for one time
So Arnie you said you want to do a podcast with us. Let's let's test it out. Let's dip our toes in the waters
It was yeah, but uh blemish. Oh talk come over here
Well, I'll have five hosts is that fun or four hosts and then you source a guest. What is this? What are we doing?
Arnie said he wanted to do a podcast. Oh, no, thank you. Oh, all right. I'm not interested, thanks anyway.
Huh, you don't want to talk?
Well no, I want to go out on the path
and talk to the people coming by
and try to raise an army to fight evil.
This seems like a waste of time.
Oh, what if we do the podcast, the gist of it
is that it's used to door on the street
and he comes up to people and puts them
like in their face and screams at them,
says, who are the top baseball players?
And if they don't know, he screams.
You see on the street.
You see on the street.
Yeah, that's good.
I don't know.
I can't.
So, back ago, one or two episodes before wearing them.
I feel like there's not enough space for me in that idea.
OK, well, let's start off.
Let's do a test run.
Here we go.
Take it away.
Arnie.
Uh, uh, hey, I'm sitting in a tavern, the podcast, with Arnie Neacamp.
I'm your host, but I'm also joined by my four other hosts.
Uh, yeah, oh yeah, baby, I'm chants, the shapeshifter.
How have all your days been?
It's me, O-Tac.
I said I didn't want to do this.
I have the quest I have to complete.
It's very important that I find people who join my quest.
I can't waste my time with this sort of nonsense.
But you said all this podcast would have plugs in it.
So yeah, so like at the end of the episode,
I'd be like, you said, or, hey,
what is something you want the listeners to know about?
And you could be like, well, I'm working on this quest.
Does that mean that I could use this podcast as a platform to fight evil
and to garner a retinue of fighters and lovers and arrow craters, they're called fletches?
Wow, he said garner a retinue and then he really
Stuck over arrows
Kind of reverse impressive
Honey with disat mean I I'd be able to advertise for the tavern on the yeah
Absolutely if for just a few coins if we always set it here in the familiar minute or I will make sure that I always
Reference the name of the tavern.
And so people would be like,
oh, I wanna go to the place where this podcast is recorded.
And who are these people?
Who's hearing this?
They will be from another world.
Well, that's job, very.
And if it's any similar to my past podcast,
it will just be a small handful of people I know from the Chicago
and Brawf community, probably like Matt DeMarco, Jeff Erickson, a few other people.
How awesome.
How are the sword skills?
I'm gonna guess bad.
I would say probably bad.
Well, I'm back out there.
But they're loyal.
What?
They're loyal.
Do they know any magic spells?
No. Can they know any magic spells? Hmm.
No.
Can they carry potions?
Uh, maybe if it's then like a bag.
Forget it.
Blimey's anything you wanted to plug if you co-host?
I'm always looking for people to adopt my cats.
Okay.
All right, I'll tell you about his cats later.
Okay.
Something very specific you should know.
Um, so, uh, what do we do from here?
Signments, or talking about food or what?
How about every person pitches a segment of what they would want to do on the
podcast?
So the segment is pitching segments?
Yeah, think about it.
I don't love it, but I do hate it.
Okay, well you go last.
Well, I'll go first.
My segment would be
Shun's Chall challenges. Okay. And so every
episode, I would challenge each of you to do something. If you do it, you live. If you
don't do it, you die. That way we like rotate host and my chest new blood in all the time.
I'll go next body by blemish. Everyone can follow me and increase their fitness, especially you.
I mean, look, I've got beautiful abs.
I'm not sold on that at all.
Follow each segment with body by blemish and show them off.
BBB.
Body by blemish.
I like that a lot.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I mean, this is, I don't know.
It's just a game we sometimes play in the kitchen.
But it's a spiced potato or ork lipooma.
Yeah, like, you know, like orks or it's kept skin issues
naturally and sometimes they like grow out of their heads
and faces.
Is that a mistake that happens like in the kitchen often?
Yeah, we got a lot of orcs back there.
Sure.
So occasionally,
yeah, except like you order.
I probably get scrapped it off.
You order this dish,
then you might get like a,
an orc goiter.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I went sort of to orc chops,
and I got an orc goiter.
Gordor, orc goiter, orc goiter.
Oh, whoa.
Whoa.
You saw what I apologized earlier
when I made fun of you for tripping over arrows. All right, whoa, whoa. You saw what I apologized earlier when I made fun of you for tripping over arrows.
All right, today, this is a segment of a centipede.
Huh, huh, he doesn't get it.
Oh shit, I just had the wildest idea.
Can you give that segment of a centipede just two legs?
Sure, but you want me out, yum.
And now can you put a little human in front of it
and a little human behind it?
Sure, Bing, Bing. I'm here. Yum. And now can you put a little human in front of it and a little human behind it?
Sure.
Bing, bing, bing.
And now make them, sorry, make them shit into each other's mouth.
Come on.
What?
It's entertaining.
I love to see that.
Are any of you talking about?
I guess so.
Maybe it's, I hate to say it.
Maybe it's too many people on Mike.
Well, I have to go fight this, I have to go on my quest, I can't stay into this show.
Yes, good, more Mike time for us.
Okay, so you shoulders out.
I see you later.
Thank you.
Oh, it's probably the last one we'll ever see at him.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm not going to get into it, but I have a quest too, then I might have to.
You have? Everybody has a quest. I'm not going to get into it, but I have a quest too, then I might have to. You have everybody giving to it,
but I might be occupied too.
Okay.
All right.
Well, we found our three hosts.
Yeah.
Great.
Also, Chan, I was, you know, I was gonna say,
someone that likes to bring up topics,
but they're not talking about them.
Yeah, good on a podcast.
Wait, you said good audio,
is someone who's not able to hold up there
into the conversation
Huh, Ernie, did you have something to reply to?
You want to say something about that any thoughts? Oh, we got a thing of a name
Table boys
blemish in this but I okay, that's an option
Audio freaks, are you?
Hi.
I'm talking in food.
Huh.
Okay.
Heaven and Hogface.
That's weird.
Like, yeah, I feel like if you're scrolling through iTunes, which is a name of a platform
which will never change.
You see something called Heaven and Hogface. You're like, which is a name of a platform which will never change. You see something called heaven and hog face.
You're like, what is that?
It should be something where you know what it is
when you hear the title.
Yeah, like Chronicles of Riddick.
That's something you mentioned in your sleep.
Yeah, like this is gonna be Riddick.
These are Chronicles of Riddick.
These Chronicles are Riddick.
How about this? Chronicles are redonculus.
Yeah, I'm part of me. I left my three ails here to take them with me.
Oh no, I'm sorry. Those ails are with the podcast.
What? Yeah, those are podcast ails. So only they're just for people who are doing the podcast.
are doing the podcast. Then I understand.
I finally see.
My true calling is to fight evil by appearing on this podcast
to ensure that all the men and women and children who
hear it know to join the forces of good and to defeat
the forces of evil.
Oh, shit, this is awkward.
We can't have four hosts.
Arnie, buddy.
But I think since you're newest here,
you really seem to be struggling.
I think you better sit this one out.
Mine, it's my equipment.
Well, I think it's more of a chavurn's equipment.
You need to know when to say goodbye
and when to say hello,
and now this is one of those times
when you say goodbye.
Thanks for everything and shove off!
Okay, here we go.
And a one, two, three.
Welcome to Blemishen Buds.
I'm Chant the sheepshifter.
I'm Blemish and I'm here with...
Yusador, Wizard of the Twelfth Row of Efeasius,
Grand Master of the World.
And we're gonna talk about anything
and everything in Hogface sponsored by the Vermilion Minotaur.
That cannot wait to the end, I'll talk.
Can that wait to the end?
Go ahead and do it now.
Is there a code people use?
Greetings from the Vermilion Minotaur, sponsored by the Vermilion Minotaur.
It's so clumsy.
It's so, it's a lot in the mouth.
Just simplified to something like,
Hello from the Vermilion Minotaur.
Hello from the Vermilion Minotaur.
Lemission buds greet you from the Vermilion Minotaur.
Oh, pretty good.
What about, hello from the Vermillion Minitor. Oh, um, freaking. What about, hello, from the magic castle?
Love it.
Love it.
Will it still be hosted here then?
At the tabernet, we'll see.
Wow, that is wild to hear how young we sound it.
I know.
It's for Yusudor, who sounded older.
Yeah, with the cough drop.
Yeah, but still, it's not like he sounds young now
But yeah, why I am only
322 years old you sound different old you're gonna let that side for dinner 20. I think that's how old I am
I've lost track to be honest guys. I forgot about screaming Pete screaming Pete. He was killed so shortly after that recording
Well, that's fair. I, he was killed so shortly after that recording.
Well, that's fair. I mean, he was pretty annoying. Yeah.
You know, it's weird, you know, after you guys kicked me off of the podcast, I went back to Chun's Havill and I came back the next day and I forgot that you guys recorded like 70 episodes.
So, look at the magic castle. And I think that's also the origins of getting nuts, right?
Yes, it's been evolved into getting nuts.
Well, I mentioned no talk had to go to work
and we were sitting there over a basket of spiced nuts
and we just were like, hey, I forgot getting nuts
actually predates hello from the magic tavern.
Well, it was because all we knew at that time
was you were told that you were going to review food,
so we were like, what's our favorite food? Yeah, nuts. Huh, you know what? I miss these nuts
Five years, baby
You know what I think maybe all of this audio I'm going to save and not release until our 10 year anniversary
Okay, can we at least get some limited edition shirts about your fucking food eat podcast?
What was I called?
Oh, Arnie eats.
It was called, hey, I'm eating fast food in my car.
The podcast with Arnie and E-cam.
Is there a logo we can put on our shirt?
I think it would be like a Toyota Camry with me
like smiling and holding a hamburger
in the window of the camera,
and then the title is on the side of the car.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then where it says, with Arnie Neacamp,
there's an arrow coming from the bottom of the logo
all around the side.
It's getting real to the window point.
It's getting real to me.
Just think these people are like,
if you want to make it,
is this the Arnie Neacamp in this picture?
If you want to make it simpler,
just put your name right in the title.
But somebody feed Arnie.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Um...
I'll think about it.
You know what, let's think of this audio makes me really miss...
Hog face.
Hog face.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
It has so weird how that changed.
But it also, more than anything-
Evolved Arnie, evolved.
I really missed the Vermilion Minotaur,
but it's weird.
Most of all, I missed the table.
No, it was the very best table we heard.
O'Talk just say it.
I know.
All I have filled with mystical properties
of unknown origins.
Wait, what's this?
Oh, the table we always sat at was a table
that came from a log that fell out of another dimension.
So it was a magic table?
Uh-huh.
We should have called the podcast a little from the magic table.
Wait, is that...
I like that.
That is actually pretty good.
Is that what...
I wonder if there's anything to do with the fact that this blinter and my finger that came from that table
Is why we we kind of have to suspect might be where the Wi-Fi is coming from I'd say a hundred percent
I feel like we more or less like walked up to that and then forgot to kind of seal the deal on that revelation
But I think let's just say I think that's what it is. Yes. That's it. Are you gonna make out with your finger seal a deal?
I mean, maybe.
It is a beautiful finger.
Yeah.
Beautiful hair.
Beautiful eyes.
Look at that finger's cuticles.
More like gorgeous of coals.
I replace cute with gorgeous.
You get it?
I did.
Then say something.
The chronicle's a...
A geological.
Ugh, that sounds bad.
McCree.
Finally, we know all sorts of things about a section of our mythology no one had expressed interest in.
I wonder if George felt this way when he came up with midi-chlorians.
Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young.
Chant the talking badger was played by Adolf Refei.
O-Talk Barleyfoot was played by Nick Bear.
Oh, this is interesting.
The voice of Blemish was provided by an AI that interviewed 3,000 exhausted dads and
created a compositive of all their voices.
Oh no, wait, it was Martin Wilson.
The Burger King drive through worker was played by Max Temkin.
Well, well, well, sometimes you catch a big fish with a sealist hook.
Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adolf Refy.
Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.
Earwolf producer, Kimmy Lucas.
This episode edited by Anna Hoverman.
Special assistance by Ryan to Georgie.
Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban.
Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Sea Shanti version by Arnie Parrott.
And now, Buckleyne for another five years.
At the end of which we'll be enjoying the final delicious droplets of Earth's breathable
atmosphere. And for all you studio execs, eager to start the beating war over my violent,
yet cuddly, fam venture script. War toddler.
Well, you know where to find me.
Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon.
I'm your host Arnie Neekamp.
If you've never listened to podcast, bo-bo-bo-ibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibbibb