Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 35 - Strong Guy Island

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

The boys meet a slew of heroic warriors at a beachside bar on the somewhat aggro Strong Guy Island.CreditsSword Guy: Arnie NiekampNight Shift: Adal RifaiWizard Man: Matt YoungMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandIsland Theme: Sage G.C.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Greetings, people of Earth. I know you've been spending a lot of time in your homes, and since I've been hanging out on your planet, if it's any consolation, every night I've been breaking into your cars and squirreling away a single herring, so you'll have something to do once you get back out. Tracking down a month old herring in your vehicle, that's the first beat of Joseph Campbell's hero's journey, right? Either that or sitting through a lecture by a disinterested alieckiness while he waits

for his check to clear. Now, when we last left our heroes, they were busy doing something or other. Let's see how they've progressed with that, shall we? Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arne and Eat Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Five years and four weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King

through the dimensional rift. To, I believe, this splinter in my finger that will used to be part of a magical table, and I used that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord and it has now brought us to strong guy island which I myself I'm leaning towards referring to a strong island an island of weird powerful warriors and I'm joined as always by my co-host John's the Talking Badger. Lil Squish? How you doing bud? I'm doing good this place is so weird. I know. And I wouldn't even say you said a lot of powerful

being some of the people here have no power. Have you met Laderic? What? Laderic? Laderic, no. He's a guy named Derek who's back as a ladder. Like that's not necessarily powerful, but it's a thing like, I guess that's his personality. Is back as a ladder?

Yeah. And people just like climb up his back. Yeah. Like if they need to get something like, I guess that's his personality. His back is a ladder? Yeah. And people just like climb up his back? Yeah. Like if they need to get something like, you know, something on a higher shelf or something I guess? But only as high as Derek is. And you shouldn't confuse LaDerek with Ladderrick. Ladderrick is just a guy who likes ladders, named Rick. Oh.

Also, don't confuse him with Ladderrick or Dradelrick. Mm-hmm. Or Picklerick. Oh, no, all very different people. Oh, they count. So we're here, but I'm not really sure where we should go or what we should do. I mean, is there any way to get to whoever is the boss of Strong Island? Oh, oh boy. On an island of bosses, who's the boss? Yes, everyone is sort of clamoring to be in charge here, even though they work together as heroic warriors. It's possible that in time, if we are patient, we shall meet the correct people

and be taken to the castle. But right now we should enjoy ourselves at this resort. And I say, I say, I know that we need to find the R-T-fact and defeat the Dark Lord. But... Why do you say it, it's artifact, why do you say it like that? Because it's an R-T-fact. It's bird into my brain now and I cannot shake it.

I love double, double, double checks checks. Yes, but now we should focus on networking and meeting the correct people to work our way up the ladder of strong islands. Oh yeah, let's mingle it's smooth. I gotta say I'm a little more intimidated than usual. I know the podcast kind of helps me have a little bit more courage in talking to strangers, but there's everyone, most of the people here are just so mussely and intimidating or covered in weird substance.

Everyone has their thing. Yeah, right. Yeah, what's your thing? What's my thing? Yeah, I feel like on this island, if you just introduce yourself as Arnie, they're gonna bulk it you like. Oh, like what is that? Like how do I- Maybe maybe you're like army and like maybe you sort of makes your arms

real big your army oh you sort can you make my arms real big oh sure if you that if you'd like that okay you could also be sword gut guy oh that's right forgot. I got a sore thing. Yeah, a sore guy. Sornie. Or Kabab. Oh yeah, Kabab, that's perfect. You're Kabab or Kababert. Okay, I'll be a sword guy. And of course I go in a known by many names throughout Foon, but here on Strong Guy Island, everyone knows me as Wizard Man. Ooh, love it.

Oh, and Chun, you should be Badger Boy. Well, yeah, Badger Boy is a good one, or even like, Badger... You're really into... It's shooting in a name. Words like... Wait, why is Eric? I'm trying to think of, like, Badger, or... Badger ends with ER, and then an ER...

A name that starts with ER, I just thought of Eric. Badgeric. Well, this is because last night, when you were after you went to bed, we met Lobsterica. Who was a hysterical lobster? Yes. Yes, she's very nice. Oh, okay. So, I'm sword guy.

Chant is... Badgeric. Badgeric. Mm-hmm. And you're a wizard guy. Wizard man. Wizard man, sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. She was start making around she was start to see who can

I guess always try to pull someone over to the table pressing some flesh sure Well, actually I am sorry to have to tell you this but I I as wizard man must go and speak to Magicman for a while. We have sim... we've kind of a Venn diagram of their overlaps, so it's important that we sort of know who's taking care of what at any given time. And I know, Badgerick, it seems rude, but try to understand he's a Magicman. I'll try. I can't promise, but I'll try. Well very well, I'll be off, excuse me. I'll be back shortly.

Okay. I don't think this is just a... Is it two of us? Best friends at it again? No, I just feel like we're at a black and action. A weird party and one of our buddies left. It feels a little... Wait, someone's coming.

Someone's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Hello. What do you mean? How are you all this evening?? What's your thing? Yeah? What's your know how about what's your name? What's your name? And it will discern the thing from yeah? I of course am shield man shield man. Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. What is your name?

I'm sword guy. Wow sword guy. Are you related to Sword Man? No, oh, there's already a Sword Man. Yes. And Sword Woman. Oh, and Sword Woman. And their children, Sword Daughter, and Sword Son. Oh, oh, okay. No, do they all have swords?

Yes. In them? Not in them, they use them. The way I use shields. Oh! The nice, nice, nice. And your name, sir. My name is Bajeric. Bajeric. Yeah. So you are named Eric and like badges? Uh, close enough. I'm a badger. I see. And the word Eric just flows naturally at the end of Bajer. Mm-hmmhmm. It's just yeah, it just rolls off the tongue But you can I say can I ask a shield man and thank you for coming over and you you are a big mussely guy I'm really impressed and great must actually thank you for being so forthcoming

I thought you'd be like super defensive, but you're really enjoyable Well, I am very useful in a defensive manner when on the field fighting in great battles. With your shields. Oh yes, I have these shields, one on this arm, one on this arm, this one on my back, this one that I can pull down over my face. Wow. These two on my knees, my boots are all shields, and if you look here under my loin claw, I should shield. Oh no, look here, I'll lift up the shield. There you go.

If you want to look at that, too. All right. And shield, is that an acronym? Oh, it is not. What could something like shield stand for? It just means shield. Gotcha, yeah. Yeah, the S and shield is probably shield again.

And then it's probably- Held. Show, oh, this is so interesting. I never thought about this. Shield held in every domain. Oh, yes, I hold a shield in every domain. I mean, you left off the L, but that's fine. That means she did.

That means she did. Shield held in every living domain. Oh, yeah. There we go. So why don't you have loin claws? What's it? Can I can I get you a hairy loin cloth? I have many hairy loin cloths. Oh, that's for I'm so sorry He has to be hairy so many shields. I didn't notice that behind them. You're he seemed to be just wearing one call for hairy loin cloth Oh, no, oh Harry Harry come over here and meet my new friends.

Oh yes, very pleased to meet you. My name is Harry Loinklaude. Oh, you're a big Harry guy. Thank you. Nice go team. Thank you. Harry, let me introduce you to Sword Guy. Where will Matt?

Hi, I'm not really confused with Sword Man Sword Woman Sword Summit. Any relation to aorting to Jim? It's a man named Jim who goes assorting. He goes assorting. Huh. And this of course is Batcheric. Very nice to meet Jim, Batcheric. Or very nice to meet you.

You love Batches? Close enough. Yeah. Chuck, we gotta change Batcheric. We gotta. It's a lot of confusing conversations. We're gonna, sorry, my friend, swordman and I are gonna go over by the drinks for just a moment. We'll be right back.

Yeah. Oh, let's do this. Let's collect our clothes. That's Eric's not working. How about, so I'm a sheep shifter, so instead of a sheep shift, maybe like, Shapo. I mean, honestly, not terrible. Yeah, shape-o's pretty good.

Shape-o water, shape-o. Bat, the way you used to shift, shape-o would be especially good because you would shape-shift after an hour. Oh, what if I'm just shift? Or it's like, who's that bad mother? Shut your mouth, that shift. Oh, yeah, you are a complicated man.

No one understands you. Or what if I wear like a black cape and I go his night shift? Oh, I'm gonna be night shift. Yeah, I can only shift it night. Yeah, and your catchphrases shift happens. Oh, so how's it going over here? Oh, oh, magic man. Wizard man. Wizard man. I just had a conversation with Magic Man. Details. How did that go? Well, Spellman is not happy with us. He's the guy who can spell any word? That's Spell-een-man. Okay, who's Spellman?

He casts spells. Okay, and who's Spellman? He's a great storyteller. And who's Spellman? He often has glasses of milk with him. And who's Lil Man? He's right underneath you. Oh, sorry Lil Man.

Oh, watch it. Sorry Lil Man. Oh, guys, I'm so sorry. I don't, I know we're right in the middle of the podcast. I think I'm gonna have to go find a place to go to the bathroom. I gotta go find a place to stay. Oh, you don't have to go to the bathroom. Talk to Shido.

Talk to Shido? Shido. Yeah, he's a guy you can shittin' his mouth. He doesn't have any power, anything. You can just shittin' his mouth. I don't think I want to do that. Oh sure, you can talk to shittoo, you can talk to water closet,

you can talk to a bath man. Bath man. I don't need to take a bath. Baderic, you can talk to him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Baderic. Oh, there's something up. See that works.

Baderic doesn't work. Baderic, now that's his something. See, that works. But Eric doesn't work. But Eric, now that's the name. It's still something. Oh, Eric. Works so much better than Begerick, right? Sure. Oh, yeah.

I bet her. Here's the thing is, I think I saw Begerick and I was like, I want to take that and I didn't quite, I tried to shoehorn it in with that. With Beger. Yeah. But I love Begerick.

Okay. All right, well, I'm gonna just go find up up I'm probably gonna go outside and find just a book wait Arnie do you have to do number one number two four three I think mostly a number one but there's risk of a number two always is always yeah okay we'll go to your biz okay and we should man and I will hold down the phone. Okay sounds good Who do you want to talk to? Well, I don't want to talk to his man This man just would have talked to Arnie probably he's pissing me off. How about oh bumble fucks over there? Oh the the bee person. Yeah who likes to get down

You know, it's like the bumble fuck Excuse me. I'm Wizardman. Oh, hello Wizardman. And I'm Night Shift. Night Shift, oh. I like that one. Ah, don't be afraid. I know I look like a terrifying lizardman. But I am Crapdoor.

Crapdoor, you're a crapping raptor? Pretty much. That's sort of the long and short of it. Thank you. Some people don't get it right away Are you the crapping raptor the wrapping raptor? I am definitely the crapping raptor No, not me not me. I've noticed that as a raptor Yes, usually when you see sort of lizards that are classified as raptors. They are very small sort of Forward I suppose, their arms, my legs, I don't know,

the little short legs, but yours are very muscular, even though they're still very short. Yes, they're very strong. I can't do a lot with them, but if someone gets close up, I could hold onto them while I crap on them. No, very interesting. All the power of

Crapping any relation to Krebscher who anytime he takes a shit 2% of the population is raptured I haven't heard of him. We got that's powerful. We got stop him from meeting Absolutely, have you thought about meeting with Harry Loinkloff because that thing's a mess The one you have on right now? There's this shit all over it. I've got to confess as I get older, my power is harder and harder to control. It's... I know that there are surgeries I could do to stop it entirely, but that's the only thing I really have to offer here.

Stop it and start by? Yeah, the crapping. Really? I don't think you'd want to stop it entirely. That is a surgery you could have? Yes. Night shift. I, we've spent so long trying to get extra buttholes.

Yeah. And now we could just completely stop. That's an option? That's blowing my mind. I don't want to give up my two but holes Hey, you do I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm gonna move along as my mother always told me growing up Crap door you only have so much to offer a conversation. Yes, I had the same feeling So yeah to go goodbye crap door. Oh

So, yeah to go! Goodbye, Craptor. Oh, Craptor. Oh, yes. Oh, hey guys. What a miss. Oh, you just missed a Craptor. Oh, no, no, I didn't. What's this?

It doesn't matter. So, who did you end up working with on your issue? I didn't work with it. I worked so low. I just went and... You just went behind that tree over there? Yeah, that's tree man. Oh, no!

That, that explains why the whole time I was going and kept hearing so long ago. Um, um, um. Um. Well, there's, there's tree man and then there's Treyarch. Treyarch? Which is, it's a guy named Eric who's also a tree. Oh, a lot of Eric's going on.

Yeah. Also, I thought, I asked for Baderich and all I found was Baderic and he was very nice. Was he leaving or was he into anything? I'm not sure. He did seem like he was leaving. Oh, gotcha. Also that polite little cough did you hear? It sounded like a traditionally male voice or traditionally female voice. I try not to make assumptions. It just like a because it was a higher pitch it might have been throat clear throat clear I can be thinking about throat clear there's also throat cleric oh no no it's not another Eric it's a cleric uh-huh still yeah yeah yeah yeah stay away from throat cleric probably

yeah if you have you if you have oh Arnie yeah, I mean sorry Sword man sword guy. Don't know there is a sword man sword guy night shift over there is we mentioned When we are on the boat with Pummel that's clash kitty. Oh It's a little kitten with with swords tied to its paws the one that strong guy rides a stride with swords tied to its paws? The one that strong guy rides a stride? Well, if anybody rides that thing. Wow, so tiny. They're friends, though.

They're definitely friends. They're definitely friends. Yes, and strong guy's brother, weak guy, his friends with scaredy-cat, and they're not related in any way. But have you ever noticed how you never see Clashkitty and scaredy-cat at the same place at the same time? It's a weird thing to say because they live

on different islands. Yeah. Well, let me grab a crash kitty, but hey, hey there, buddy. Do you wanna come up here on the table? Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, this is such an adorable kitty,

although it does have swords. I can catch you. Oh, you could. Yeah. Greetings, Crash Kitty. I am cut you. Oh you could. Yeah. Greetings, Clash Kitty. I am Wizardman. So loud. So loud. What is your name? My name is Sword Guy. I have a sword through me. No I can see. I'm tiny. I can see though. Yeah. You know I've noticed on strong island, people are pretty into like,

they just kind of accept that when they hear someone's name, they're like, yeah, I get it. I don't need as much follow up. Yeah, it's pretty good with everyone's staying in. Yeah. Do you have any milk? Do I have any milk? Do you have any milk?

Or do you know where milk man is? Where milk man is? Yeah. Oh, I knew the strong island, so I don't know where milk man is. Oh, okay. I'm shot here. Not to be confused with. Teddy-boy?

With who? Teddy-boy? What's that again? Teddy-boy. Titty boy. Oh, no. I was going to say not to be confused with Melkman, who's like Melkman, but from the Midwest. Melk, Melk, I'm in hate. That's it.

Wait, you saw Lemonade? Yes. Lemonade is a medic. He puts lemons on your wound. That sounds bad. It hurts so bad. Yeah, let me take off my hat and see if I have some milk hiding inside. Ah, I have conjured a dish full of milk for you.

He's a wizard man. He's got powers. Oh. He's wizard man, he's got powers. Shhh, shhh, shhh, oh. Thank you. You're very welcome, Clash Kitty. So someone take off these swords. Take some off. I mean, you don't want to be wearing those? No. I thought that was your whole thing though.

No. Wait, so if we take them off, will you change your name? Will you still be Clash Kitty? I'd be kitty. Well, here, yes, we can take them off, will you change your name? Will you still be Clash Kitty? I'd be Kitty! Well, here, yes, we can take them off, of course. We can't be, ow! Wait a second, it's a trick! Clash Kitty.

Come here, I wanna tell you a secret. No, no! I'm not gonna fall for that one. Don't you want to know a secret? Have you met Cikrirk? What? Cikrirk? I gotta say Clashkitty.

There's something about your voice. That makes it impossible for me to understand names. It's great, I'm so tiny. You are so tiny. Pick me up. I'm going to guess what you were saying. I heard secret, I'm just guessing Eric was on the end. So many Erics.

I'm sorry, Clashkitty. I'm not going to get close. But hey, do you want to see what's inside this box? Yeah. It's hilarious. Night shift. Get away from that cactus. I'm just talking. Just spotted a water. What was that I just missed? That fucking freak show.

That was Clashkitty. Who in retrospect, I guess while we were talking to them, we should have asked them where we could find a strong guy. Oh yeah. Missed opportunity. Hmm. who else do we want to talk to? Well if you the two of you would like to go with me. I'm supposed to have another meeting with a punch. Oh Yeah, a punch. I'd love to meet punch or can I just I wanted to find myself real quick. Sorry. That was Jack this Who's a Jacked cactus. So just so you know, not to be confused with Jack Dess, who we won't go into.

We won't go into that, but you see how muscular that cactus is? Yeah, it's Jack Dess. So I just want to make sure, it's not just a plant. That was a guy who had this thing. Oh yeah, it's all drink a lot. Let's talk to Puncho. What's Puncho's thing? He keeps rain off of you. Oh, yes, Puncho's thing? He keeps rain off of you.

Oh. Yes, in battles, he keeps rain off of you. Oh wow. You know, I'm gonna be honest. Have you guys met shield man? Yeah. He's a little bit like shield man, but I'm not quite as good.

I gotta say about shield man. Shield man seemed a little older. Maybe he's been around longer. And it just feels like some of the warrior powers got a little more interesting after-shield man. Like, shield man, this is a guy with a bunch of shields. Yeah. He's not that great in battle, to be honest.

Unless you're getting attacked a lot. Even then, it's like after the battle, you're like, how did it go? A lot of people died, but you know who wasn't hurt? Shield man. Right. Spread the man. Right. Spread the wealth. Yeah.

You got shields on the bottom of your feet? What is that for? Yeah. I suppose it could like, sled down a big mountain, and that sort of fun. Yeah, I guess I this kind of fun. I kind of say, you see them to be a little more into shield man than anybody else.

I was just saying it's fun to sled down a big mountain. You know, if you had a big like kite kite and you could do, you know, just like Fly out over a mountain range and then land on your shield and sort of you know Surf your way down and then you know pull out your sword and then kill a little goblin or something that sounds like a fun time to me That sounds that does sound pretty fun. Well, I mean shield man can't do that. He can fun time to me. That sounds, that does sound pretty fun. Well, I mean, Shieldman can't do that. He can write a, he's gonna fly on a shield off of a mountain.

No, he's gonna fall, then he's gonna land on his feet, which his shields didn't have some fun surfing, and then he's gonna pull out a shield and not be killed by someone. I will say, as you're talking about turning into a sled and going down a mountainside, you're kind of encroaching on Tom Boggen's territory. Yeah.

Tom Boggen's whole thing is that he goes down the sides of mountains. Yeah, and also, I don't know if this was intentional Word-for-word you almost completely described Kite and sled man. Wait, is that one person? Yeah, okay. He's got a kite and a sled Two things. Yeah, he's a little younger though Kite and sled it's kind of like evolving Okay, okay, I see well should we take a break and see who else we can see?

Yeah, let's take a quick break. Let's get some drinks. Let's go to punch a, oh no, that's different punch. Let's go to punch bowl. Okay, we got some drinks that I've got to say. These tropical drinks here seem great. So, so good. This whole place is really up.

You know, it's maybe a little over the top, but they really are into presentation. Absolutely. It kind of makes me, oh, sorry. I didn't want to talk about this. Makes me kind of miss Tico. Oh, yeah. Oh Tico, the Tiki mug that used to be Arnie?

Yeah, yeah, I miss Tico. I love Tico. I love Tico. I mean, that was me, just me and a different shape. Packaging made all the difference. Huh. So let's meet Puncho. Uh, yeah, what do you need? And this is Puncho, right?

Not to be confused with Puncho, who has a little bit of a gut. Yeah, yeah, I'm Puncho. Where's Judio? Uh, Jud, I'm Puncho. Where's Judeo? Judeo, she took off, she's busy today. What about Judeo? Sister Judeo. Oh, Arnie, he has a stutter.

Hey, what are you guys doing here? What is this? Oh, we are new to Strong Guy Island. And I guess we're trying to get in touch with whoever, the most, it sounds weird to say it. Like this is the most powerful person here we can, or who's in charge? Yeah, who do we talk to?

Yeah, well I'm not new here, I'm Wizard Man. Yeah, yeah, I remember Wizard Man, you're a spell man hang out sometimes, do magic, right? Is that right? Is that what you do? I mean, it's pretty basic way of putting it I mean is yeah a lot of people here are magical, but that's kind of Reductive to just say do magic You you probably want to talk to a strong guy but

What are these things? Hey, I'm so sorry What are these things? Hey, I'm so sorry, Puncio. I know you're not used to. I'm recording a podcast and you're one, you're getting weight off the mic. And a wave, this almost never happens. I've got to say, and I know night shift, if you've ever noticed this,

almost every time we interview someone who has never seen a microphone in their life, and they get right up on it. They get right up on it. A microphone? Is that some sort of artifact? Oh, Jesus. Not him too. I know, it's not an artifact.

It's a magical device from another world that captures your voice. Why are we wasting our time? I want to keep my voice. Let's get rid of Puncho Yeah, Puncho. We're good Yeah, I know who you need to talk to yeah, it's a strong guy second and command. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that sounds great. Oh Man doe Oh Man doe Man Doe Oh Man Doe

Man Doe Co-man Doe seems like they're really stretching to get man in that one co-man Doe Co-man Doe yeah, he likes he likes cooking with other people baking specifically Oh Baking specifically. Oh! Coman Do. So Do is spelled DOU-G-H? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Purses the little belly, he does the little fun left. He's seconding command.

Huh, kind of like Pills Barric? It kind of like Pills Barric. What's the air I got to it? Well, I'm gonna get another drink. All right. I gotta say, all he's doing is pouring liquor on top of his head, he's spiking the punch out. I mean, look, he's got a power he wants to use.

I wonder how much posturing is going on here, right? Like, you just want to constantly remind people of what your thing is here. Oh, that's a good point, yes of what your thing is here. Yeah. That's a good point, yes. Everything's kind of on the nose. Like, earlier I was on the break, I was talking to Gorilla. There's a gorilla who's supernagore.

Yeah. There was a sharkus, who's a shark named Marcus. There was a dulture, who's a boring vulture. Like, yeah. It's so on the nose. Yeah. Even night shift feels super creative and it's not. What do you think, Arch?

I don't know, that string of names stopped me in my tracks. It was over in the animal corner. Oh, the animal. Gorilla, Gorilla. Sharks and accessories. So, Dolce-Sher, all. Is Gorilla into, like, plays with a lot of Gor, seeing a lot of Gorre or goreing people.

Cause there's a gorilla with a giant like, almost rhinoceros horn over there. Is that gorilla or someone else? That's rhinoceros. That's Ryan Osserus. Oh. Just happens to be a gorilla. But then who's Rhinoa?

That's that melanrine that's tastes like vanilla. Oh yeah. That's not a person at all. That's on Melan Rhine that's tastes like vanilla. Oh, yeah. That's not a person at all. That's on the menu. Here it is right here, right now! There's this drink, yeah, that's a drink. Yes, it's difficult here in some ways, because everything is so apparent that it's hard to get to the deeper truth underneath.

Yes, everyone is such a mystery. It's all so surface level. Am I right? Get out of here, Scarity Cat. Yeah! Have you ever noticed Scarity Cat looks just like Clash Kitty? Yes, but without the armor. Without the armor.

Right. And the swords. Huh. But you can tell that, um, Scarity Cat's hiding something behind his paws? Yeah. Yes, I noticed that too. It seems like that there might be something that is sort of tucked away. Yeah, that sort of clanking when he walks. Also, it's got that duffle bag that looks like maybe there's armor inside. Yeah, Arnie, have we told you about

duffle bags? No. You seem to know what it was. You know what duffle bags are? Well, we have the exact same thing on earth. So you use it for your armor and weaponry? Usually because that's what we'll use it for here, because we're idiots. Oh. Well, no. On Earth, you use a duffle bag. You put, um... You put like, an exercise clothes, an exercise shoes in it, then you put it in the trunk of your car,

and then you never do anything. Hmm. But just in case... Well, uh, I suppose we could, uh, continue introducing ourselves to people, or we could head directly to the castle. If you'd feel like you've run out of options here. Well, I met someone who might be able to help us in terms of directions. Have you met

Rhyming Brian? No. It's a... Hey, Brian! Rhyming Brian? It's my time in. Well, Rhyming Brian. Well, you my time in. Well, Rhyming, Brian. Well, you're a fellow, little pipe-in. How are you doing today? I am doing, oh, quite gay.

Do people ever get rejected from Strong Guy Island? Uh, uh, uh, uh, like... Fuck. Like, if a warrior comes here, is there a process where you kind of have to prove yourself... and stay up on the shelf and away? No, he ran off. Well, I think, I think, ending up with a sentence with Ireland really scared him off, aren't he? Oh, maybe. But that's tough.

That's all right, I was about to end a sentence with Orange. Oh, yeah, that would have broken, that would have broken. Well, no help with directions. Should we just head out or... I don't know, maybe we should find a place to stay? How about let's do this. Let's all just sit silent for two minutes and think about who else we want to talk to. Oh, I know who it is.

We should speak to one of strong guys, most powerful allies. He's a knight, his name is Paladin. Paladin? Paladin? Yes. He's friends with Paladin. He's a knight his name is paladin Paladin yes, he's friends with pala Eric. He's a pal of pala there. Yeah, what what do they call friends of Dan though? Huh? Like paladans friends. There's that like a this not a pal of paladin. I I don't I don't know I suppose they call it friends of paladin. Yeah, Arnie, we don't have the answer to everything. Heh heh heh. Uh, he's a very brave knight, but he's very sort of... You know, Paladins can they be sort of...

Ehh... Uptight. I would say... Yeah. Uh, here he is now. Uh, Paladin. Paladin, come over. I go.

I am Paladin. Hmm. Well, Paladin, come over. Hello. I am Paladin. Well, Paladin, you remember me. I'm Wizardman. Ah, yes, Wizardman. You're, if I remember correctly, a wizard. That's correct. Oh, Paladin, I have a great question for you. What do people call Friends of Yours? Friends of Mine? Mm-hmm. See, you don't know either. Now I do. You don't know either. Now I do.

You know, I have no friends. I have so many friends and people call them different things in different eras. I'm just some of them are a little ribled, so I'm trying to remember a minor called Chumadans, not to be confused with Chumastans, which are people who love Chumadans. Very intense Chumstands. We've come here for a purpose. We are seeking an artifact of the Dark Lord. Why did you say it like that?

How do you say it? How do you say it? Artifact. Artifact. That's what I'm saying. Oh, hold on. That's what I'm saying. Let's each go around and Arnie, you get in on this thing. Okay, let's each say the word,

it's all start. Artifact. Artifact. Paladin. Artifact. Artifact? Paladin? Autifact? Autifact. See even Paladin is saying, artifact. Yeah, even Paladin, who clearly is terrified

that their voice is slipping, moment to moment, it says artifact right. What? They're starting to sound a little like Crapdoor. A little like Crapdoor, a little like Cannes. Yeah, a little like Waziric. Little like crafter, little like can. Yeah. Little like wiseric. Little like me, which is weird.

Hey, you guys, you want to talk to Strong Guy? Oh, oh, Pancho. You want to talk to Strong Guy? Yes. What are these things? Those are microphone. Microphone. Oh, no. No, Pancho. What is this? What are these things? Those are microphone. Microphone. Microphone.

Oh, no. No, punch. What is this? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. God, if you want to talk to a strong guy, yeah, is that Mark? You've been here, I gotta talk to his lady friend. Huh, and what you, sorry, we're being rude. Do you want to eat any of these chips? Yeah, let's eat some chips. Alright, that's about enough of a, I could big of that.

Sorry, sorry, Pancho, what were you saying? All right, that's about enough of a I could bigger that Sorry, sorry Ponto. What were you saying? Yeah, you want to You probably want to talk to oh you sound like constipato Constipatro Yeah, that's the thing you you definitely want to talk to If you can't talk to commando Hold it. Hey, punchy you gotta stay still you gotta stay still you're sweating in place I gotta get my laps in bra you're talking like a a little child that's go to the bathroom yeah well I gotta do what I gotta punch out yeah you're

gonna be a fucking nightmare to edit yeah well I'd say if you can't reach commando you gotta talk to a strong guy's girlfriend. They're engaged actually now. Wow, what's her name? She's a wizard lady. Wizard lady. Wizard lady. But I thought, is she a wizard?

Like, you know all the wizards, right? Wizard man? Well, I thought I did. Uh, I don't, but here perhaps this wizard goes by another name. Could it be, uh, unis or the jelly via girlfriend kind of? Or a Samanza or a Samanza. Samanza, the Azure. Samanza, the Azure.

I guess this is the first time hearing about it. Or I suppose it could be, um, hmm. Isn't there a clear wizard? Yes. I have to consult the wiki. There's also... Speaking of the wiki, whoever, if you're listening now, good luck with this episode.

There's also a Tinga the Purple. Uh-huh. Ooh, Tinga the Purple. I'm so hungry all of a sudden. Yes, what's that? I'm gonna order some chicken real quick. There are a lot of wizards. You know. Perhaps they are. I only know Tinga. Guys, I gotta say, we've only been here for 35, 40 minutes at most. It's kind of feels like here. It's exhausting. It's exhausting.

It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting.

It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. I only know Tinga. Guys, I gotta say, we've only been here for 45, 40 minutes at most. It's kind of like years. It's exhausting. That's true, but you've got to feel like, maybe this is what the show should always be.

Yeah. Is this a cavalcade of characters? Is this better? Is this more fun? Is this what you want? I... Man, I don't know. I'm still here. I don't even... what is my voice?

Yeah. Can't get out of here. Bye. Paladin. Yes. Paladin, do you know Patty Melt? Patty Melt? Yeah, the Patricia Melt?

Yeah, who can, she can melt anything she touches? Yes. Oh, you, you know her? Yes, huh. Does she melt hearts as well? Yes. She melted mine. Oh, that's why I am a ghost.

Oh. I recognize that. Do you know if there's... What does a dude do in Erics? What's with Erics in Erics? I'm gonna jump in here. I have to agree. It seems like everyone's name here is either man, woman, or Eric.

Is it conspiracy? What about Ladder Rick? Everyone's name here is either man, woman, or Eric. It's a conspiracy. What about Ladder Rick? Oh, Ladder Rick. Oh, I thought it'd be, oh, Ladder Rick. I thought everyone was saying Ladder, Ladder Rick. Well, there's Ladder Rick. Well, Ladder Rick is also a person. But we all are established that there is Ladder Rick.

Yeah. Ladder Rick, don't confuse Ladder Rick with Eric, boy. No, that would be a grave mistake. Have we lost our minds? Did we die? Is anything of this really happening? Wait, grave mistake. There's somebody over there named Grave mistake.

Bring him over. No, we don't need a talk, Tom. Well, there are obviously a lot of different people to meet here and a lot of networking we're gonna have to do in order to get to where we need to be. So, there's power glass over there. It's just an hourglass with muscular arms and legs. He's tough.

Yeah. I think we should settle in for that. Also, there's power ass. Who is a donkey? You're not to be confused with ass man. No, no, no. And that guy is making waffles, right, in the morning. Mm-hmm.

Speaking of making waffles in the morning, we should stay the night here. That's an excellent idea. I gotta say, we spent many years where I rarely left the familiar minotaur, but this place is just too many people. It's almost kind of like, look, I'm kind of an extrovert and an introvert,

like I like to be around people, but I also like to be by myself. It's normal. Yeah, so I'm normal pretty much. I can say here too long in this beach side bar like is there another place where we can kind of decompress a lot. What the fuck? I just paid bunk Ted for us to sleep on him. Bunk Ted? Yeah, I was gonna take the top and you take the bottom. He's a power bottom so that'll be fun. Oh wow. Bunk Ted isn't that guy that looks like Wendel Pierce over there? Well,

Magic Man, do you know wizard man? Do you know of anywhere near by to stay? Well night shift sword guy. I think it's advisable that we walk just of the way up the beach and there's a beautiful tavern there that is associated to the beach side bar. And we can spend an evening there and in the morning we gather our strength and our forces and head out into strong island. That is a great idea. Oh, you're so cute. Let me pet your head. Ow! Damn. Yeah, you can't trust. Have you noticed Clash Kitty has an empty duffel bag that he carries around?

A Clash Kitty, what is that empty duffel bag for? Nanya. What? Nanya? Nanya what? Nanya business. Clash girl! Ow!

Milk! Uh, this seems like a weird transition, but I've got an email. That's in, that of this whole episode, that seems like a weird transition, but I've got an email. That's in, that of this whole episode, that seems like a weird transition. I guess I'm just sort of like, so much information has been thrown in my brain. I'm kind of just looking for, like, you met Stimul guy?

Oh, we don't even talk him. Look, as always, you can email me at Magic Tavern at puppies.com that supplies. It's a real email address. I should have said Stimulial. Why would you, what do you mean you should? I'm just saying that's what his name should have been, but I didn't raise him or name.

Yeah, that's not on you. Yeah, no, yeah, that's his parents. His parents. Funnier name. Really drop the ball. Stimulial is way better than Stimulial. Absolutely. I think to your earlier point, that was a weird transition.

I have to leave for no reason. Oh, but no, but Wizard guy, Wizard man. Wizard man. Yes, this email is specifically for you. Oh, it's a listener emailing back. You sure they don't want to hear from shield man? Wow, now go ahead, go ahead. This is from Jake Ruby who emailed us a while back

and you use a spell for his hair. Oh, yes. This email says, dear Arnie Chantanucidor, thank you so much for trying to restore my full head of hair. I regret to inform you that I still have a five head. My pubes got really long though. Also, I am really into birds now except Starlings. Yish, thank you so much, Jake Ruby.

That's nice. Jake, thank you so much. You're very welcome. That's wonderful. And off of my car, you're saying Jake Ruby, that's the guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald. No actually that was Lee Harry Oswald. Oh Jake Ruby Lee Harry Oswald. Did someone call for Harry loincloth? Oh God. No. Oh Wait, I got one more. I just really quickly before we go find our hotel. There's another email about this the hair spell

It seems like no. it was very impactful. Dear Yusidor, you remember that spell you tried to cast on Jake Ruby? This person remembers Jake Ruby's name. Well, me and a few other people I know who listen to this podcast have started sprouting hair as well. It appears to affect everyone differently. One of my friends is literally covered in it now. And other one has hair growing inside her mouth.

Whoa. So anyway, could you reverse the spell please? But no one should have to trim the inside of their ears as much as I do right now and I just want it to stop. Love the show, but on behave, sick of those afflicted, please help Brian. That's so sad. I mean, I know I was not going to stop me at the bar earlier and they said There's a funeral today in the backyard here for Heric. Oh Choked on his own hair Huh, so sad sad when you lose an Eric. Yeah, you saw your your I mean sorry wizard man Your spell must be reaching earth. Yes

As I hoped it would I didn't know if it could reach through the dimensions, but apparently this podcast is even more powerful than we ever dreamed. Any other spells you want to hit Earth with? Sure. Or do you want to fix the fucking mess that you already started with that last spell? No, don't fix it. Do some more magic. I imagine it's done more, help than harm, and you know, just because you have a little hair in your mouth, doesn't mean your, help than harm and, uh, you know, just because you have

a little hair in your mouth, uh, doesn't mean your life is over. It just means, you know, you're a unique individual. I've given them a gift. Is the way I choose to look at it. I've just got to say we haven't gotten a single email from someone being like, hey, thanks for the hair spell. It totally worked as planned. Well, after this episode comes out, maybe we will start getting a lot of those emails.

Yeah. And let us know if you're happy with your hair growth. Yeah, and we'll read that email months from now. Ummm... Hmm... How about a spell where... Umm... Ooh, Wizard Man! Maybe a spell that makes everyone rate interviews on IT?

Oh... Yes, what a good idea. Here now, the snor- I cast a spell on thee... That you are compelled, with your consent, to come and write, uh, a rate and review us, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts Stitcher wherever you get your podcasts. Listen, I compel you, you're already listening, but rate us, review us to or have any access to do those things. Means nothing to him. Yeah.

Aren't you any spells you want to cast on Earth? Um, yeah. I love double double checks, checks more and more than the rest rest. I just catch it. Try to forget that. Remember when we had all the guys from Super Ego on a few episodes ago? That was fun. This was more like that movie scene where everyone's John Malcovitch. But instead of John Malcovitch, shits, I don't know, late career Ray Romano, Sword Guy

was played, oh right we don't credit him. Wizard Man was played by Matt Young. Night Shift, aka Badgeric, was played by Adolf Reffy. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young and Adolf Reffy. Post-production coordination by Garicheltz. Earwolf Producer Kimmy Lucas. This episode edited by Tim Joyce. Special assistance by Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Strong Island variation recorded by Sage GC.

Remember, when you drift off to sleep tonight, if the moon is out, take a moment to peer through your bedroom window, and you may just see a mysterious figure peeing on your mailbox. You