Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 36 - Tiger and Whale

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

As the they continue searching for the final artifact, our heroes meet a muscle-bound tiger-person and a muscle-bound whale-person.CreditsSword Guy: Arnie NiekampNight Shift: Adal RifaiWizard Man: Matt YoungTi-Gor: Kevin ScirettaOarkahh: Carisa Barreca Mysterious Man: Tim SniffenLincoln: Evan JacoverProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandIsland Theme: Sage G.C.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

Lincoln, this package is nothing but a box of lies. I don't see a single blue apron in here, just a bunch of dumb ingredients and a stupid frozen pork chop. Oh, I'll take that, sir. Thanks for dealing with the mail line, I was away. Yes, about that. What kept you away from the Institute for so long? Oh, you know, every now and then they have me track down a loose thread. Oh right, like murder someone?

No, no. What? What? No, of course not murder someone. No one in this conversation is suggesting we murder people. There are many other definitions of tracking down a loose thread, and I won't insult you by listing them. So you're up to date on Arnie's whereabouts?

Not completely. I'm hearing something about an island. Oh, it's much more than that. No, actually that's about it. In fact, here comes the transmission now. Let's see how they manage to not advance the plot this week. All right! All right! All right! All right! All right!

All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! Hello from the Magic Davern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. You don't got strong blood. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hello from the Magic Davern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host, Arnie Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is... Arnie, Arnie, Arnie buddy, friend, pal. Slow down. Okay. Chot Island time.

Yeah, we are on. I mean, it has been five years and a month or so or five years in a week, but it is island time. It's island o'clock. Yes, and I got you a little drink here. Oh, thank you. It's got a little little umbrella and a little sword. And it's got a lot of stuff in it, actually. What is this drink?

It's a Nackery. A Nackery? It's gonna give me Nackered. That's the whole point. Notice anything different about me? Well, you got a giant sword stick out your neck. That's right. That should stress you out.

A couple weeks ago you said that your greatest fear was being stabbed in a neck. But I talked to over at the bar, that guy with the hat, the straw hat. That's prophecy soul. And he told me that if I keep thinking about the worst thing that could happen, it's gonna happen anyway, so why not get ahead of it?

So I had used to make me a magical sword that I can just put through my neck whenever I want. Oh, are we sword buddies now? Cause I have, oh that's right! I have a real sword, that's for you. And I have a fake one through my neck. Yeah, sword buddies, look. I didn't mean I did it first, but now everybody's gonna be out. Hey, real Oh, I forgot about it. And I have a fake one through my neck. Yeah. Yeah. Sword buddies, look.

I didn't mean I did it first, but now everybody's being like, hey, real quick, let's cross swords. Hmm. I don't know, the way it seems. It's seem weird the way. No, let's cross swords. No, that's all right. All right.

That's all right. Oh no, real quick, I know we've been here for a week on Strong Island. I hate to say this. I've forgotten what your strong island name. Oh, I was night shift. Night shift, that's right. You know what, I'm gonna write that down.

I'm a shapeshifter who only shifts it. Night. And I'm sword guy. I'm sword guy, I'm sword guy. Yeah, not to be confused with sword man, sword woman, sword boy, sword son or sword man. Who's, that's the guy who keeps screaming, shit. You haven't heard him? I mean. I mean I've heard him. I know that. He's just bubbling around constantly screaming shit. Oh shit shit

We should get him on the podcast now seems like we already have use of that's true speaking of which I am also joined by my other co-host wizard man. I am wizard man wizard another 12elfth realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves Nomius Fyingalek, the dwarves Nomius, Zonenin Hookstenges, and I am known in the northeast as gas-winnius Mastar. And? There many other secret names. Name so powerful that if they aired it even flicker into my brain for about a moment, they would most assuredly set all of the little children's...

Fuck what? Set their what? Set all the little children's shoes on fire. Oh, I was hoping for tables. I had stopped listening until you said, what, so I got the second half of that, but not the beginning. Speaking of secret names, sorry, wizard man.

Yes. I don't know if you heard this Baderic wrote on the bathroom walls. He's scrawled Yusidork. What? Yes, sorry. What, he changed the E with a K, and now I look like a fool.

Well, there is a warrior here named Yusadork. Oh, so it's someone else. There's an E in your name? Yes, of course. You don't know how to spell my name. W-I-O-C-A-R-D-N-N. Just right. U-S-I-D-O-R.

E? Yes, that's really? Yes, E? E? Really? Yes, it's only been Yes. Eee! Really? Yes, it's only been on a t-shirt for four years and six weeks or something. Huh. I guess I just never bought the t-shirt.

I need to get that t-shirt. Night shift. Wizard, man. Chill out. Right, right, right. I'm on island time. I almost forgot. You know, on strong island, they say by the power of my skull house

Chill and that means both hello and goodbye. I'm gonna take a deep drink of this penis. Go out of Okay But that's not the shape of the cup. I don't know Sword guy wait we have to focus on our task at hand here though. We must have some parlay here with the most amazing hero. Oh hell yeah, parlay, parlay time. Of all of Strong Guy Island, Strong Guy himself. Yeah, we gotta get in touch with Strong Guy. So far I have had no leads.

You know, honestly, I haven't talked to a lot of people I'd mostly like, I laid out on the beach a little bit. What can I be honest, Ernie? Yeah. The good leads are for closers. Are you a closer? I'm not a closer. What do you think?

I'm not an opener, either. What am I? What is your ABC? I don't know, I'm like a Arnie B. Crunching. Crunching. Yeah. Like on chips.

God, I've loved how some chips right now. I haven't had many good leads either. I spoke to weak guys several times and he said that maybe strong guy was around and then he winked at me, but that doesn't help me at all. We don't need help from weak guy. We need strong guy. Already, sorry, you said you want some chips.

I got a little plantain chips. Hmm, what's plant? It's like banana butt, but they're plantain. You know how may our manata has that little butt? That little black spot or did before he's clearly gone now. Well maybe we don't know. Plantain's huh? Plantain's. I don't know what part of that I'd like less. The tank part or the plan or the plan. Taste them. Oh, already taste them. Just taste them. Give them a try. Poor me, brother. If you mind if I just drop these weights here down next to your table. I've been carrying these around trying to get my grip strength done right and just get just noticed that this

would be a good spot to drop them down. No, please. That's the biggest creature I've ever seen. Playing down the go. Good, he'll release release though. Sorry didn't mean I interrupt on your conversation No, no, please stay stay y'all know mine if I pull up a chair Yeah, or pull up another table my man cuz you got your Y'all recognize a thick brother when you see your brother. I appreciate that hold on. Let me just take this table over here I lift it easily above my head like so and I place it down on the table like this I lifted easily above my head like so and I place it down on the table like this Yeah They quit to seize oh

Appreciate that a whole bunch. I've been working on it I've been Carbohlotin and I've been cultivating mass and now it's time to get cut It's a pleasure to meet you. I am wizard man, and these are my friends and compatriots sword guy and night shift night shift greetings Great good on you sword god damn son. You got a damn sword sticking sticking out of you Yeah, I got a sword sticking out of my chest. That's my power Hey, okay, so you don't want me to yank that bad boy out there? No, because I'm strong enough I gripped that handle and grip it rip it brother. No, I wish you could it was it was stabbed into me by a total dick hole stabbed into me. Is that something? Yeah, DMB. Oh, yeah, you know know we do ABC. Can you do DMB? What does DMB stand for for you? Drink more. Boos? Yeah baby, that's all I'm talking about.

Oh, hello, Jen, did you need more booze over here? Orca! Hello, it's me. Yeah, I had to get a side job, you know, heroine doesn't pay the bills. I get it. I've been bouncing at this job, you know heroine doesn't pay the bills. I'll get it I've been bouncing at this place while you've been waitressing Feats of Strider incredible. That's the most muscular way alive I've ever seen I know these two clearly work hard and play hard. It's the only way. Orca introduce yourself to these good brothers.

These good brothers let me good brother myself right down over here. All right, there we go. Brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. Brother, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. Brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. And I'm so sorry to interrupt brother. I didn't get your name, brother.

Oh, sorry, I didn't allow me to introduce myself. It's also tattooed along my back There's a lot. It's it's so Ripley. We can't make it out because of the different depths of your shoulders Sorry allow me to stretch it out. Yeah That's me tag or T. I Huffing G. Oh R Yep, and it stops at R, there's no E, because I've been fooled before.

Ah, no, no E on that, Metal. Maybe stop right out of the R. I was just going to ask about the very same thing, because if you put an E on end, if it's TI-G-O-R-E, it makes you sound like you really tear some shit up. Oh, I'm just like- I'm just like-

I'm just like- I'm just like- I'm just like- I'm just like- Dang, I gotta get to the Remain Facility. That would have been just like Gore Rilla, who we met. Do you know Gore Rilla? Yeah, good brother to that Gore Rilla, good, yeah. Oh, he's a brother. And Orca, is that your name or is that your first piece? Okay, funny story, both things.

Both things, my parents, not intonamen. Yeah, with her parents, shortest distance between two names, straight line. So I am an Orca, and my name is orca. How's that spell? O-A-R-K-A-H-H. No, it is? No, it is? No, it is never-E.

It is never-E. It's for her. The last H is for hell, yeah. You gotta tweet it. You gotta tweet it and repeat it. Yep, you gotta for hell yeah. You gotta tweet it. You gotta tweet it and repeat it. Yep, you gotta grab a bird. You gotta whisper it in and in and in and in. You gotta whisper it into a bird's mouth

and you throw it into Spain. Yep. What is Spain? Spain. The place between sexy and pain. Yep, Spain. Spain. That's where we all, that's where everybody here on

Strong Island, try to live. You know, we're trying to be in a constant state of Spain. Yeah, already have you ever been, do you know try to be in a cosmon state of spank. Yeah already have you ever been Do you know the term or the word this may be gibberish for you spank? Have you heard of a spank? Have you heard of a spank before? Hey man, you heard of a spank before. Do you know spank? I mean it rhymes with bank very good on you, but it's a hit that feels pleasurable Spank it causes spank this I'm starting to understand strong island a little more if it's at the intersection of yeah Sexy and pain sexy and pain the rain on Spain falls mostly in the pain now now sperm is different here on

Strong guy. I mean different. It's a semi permanent because yes because it's a It's a sexual perm that you get on your head sexual. I thought it was semi permanent sexual makes way more sense Yes, because I was singing because sexual pain and sorry. So if I say I once sperm right on my head, oh you're gonna have the most beautiful updo about the end of that. Yeah, you're gonna look wonderful. No, you're gonna look so cool.

Just like my friend Cameron, I'm gonna have some curly's on my head. Orca, orca, orca. I want you to take a break home and join us. I couldn't, I wouldn't want to put any agents out. Ain't nothing putting us out there. None. I'm the bouncer. You don't work here.

And these are customers here. Yeah, please, orca, we insist. Oh, please. Okay, thank you. Let's scoot, you're basically. Let's scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot. And Arnie, scoot is a sexy coach. Hmm, okay. I got two pictures of blood garitas. Let's all get down on these. Can I have some of that later?

I already have my banana daiquiri with a tiny trebuchet in it. It's a perioseeage weapon to appeal to a very specific demographic. I'm sorry, that's just too much. I'm taking that trebuchet away. Oh, trebuchet. Trebuchet, oh, bye-bye. He threw that surprisingly far. I wanted that.

I'm sorry. You got some strength on your straw. Oh, so we're going to have, Trebushe, oh, bye bye. He threw that surprisingly far. I wanted that. I'm sorry. You got some strength on your sword guy. Almost called your strong guy. Yeah, we are fellow heroes. Hell yeah, you got to be a hero. Yeah, and we each have our thing.

I can shape shift Arnie, and then there's Wizardman who does magic. And we're just here to DMB. Drink more of Moose. There's another DMB that I was thinking about. Oh, what's that one? Don't move, baby. Don't ever move, baby. If you don't know that baby, leave it where it is.

Well, you know what, we're doing that too. Is that a double negative? But yeah, we're not moving any babies. Sometimes I move babies. Emotionally? Well, if I find one that's about to be run over by a're not moving any babies. Sometimes I move babies. Emotionally? Well, if I find one that's about to be run over by a cot, you move that baby. I move the baby.

I'd make an exception in that case. It's the exception. The proof's rule. But if you move the baby, does the cart then kill several other babies? Ah, the cart problem. Well, if there's a whole row of babies, I get as many of them as I can.

But, you know, I'm not perfect. Arnie, do you know about the cart problem? It was created by Descartes. Death, Venus, uh. Descartes. Daisy, cart. Famous, uh, Phunian philosopher. Oh, I can't even.

Ah, see, you have some, uh, Descartes in, uh, what the hell's the word when you doubt something constantly? Oh, Tiger's been out in the sun too long. Oh, this is gonna come to me later, and I'm gonna get real mad. Oh, he's lifting up the tape. Oh, rip that table like it was paper. Oh, oh, oh.

And I made the noise with one mouth. Now, Tiger, you may not understand, but this is an audio medium, and I would like to tell the people who are listening. We're speaking into these microphones. Yeah, we should really tell we are recording this Oh, we don't want to we don't want to punch a situation. Yes, that's right. Oh, y'all know punch oh Oh, yes

Punch-o-me-me-me punch-o-me-me On the podcast last week and he did not know how to sort of find his uh, hey, what do you guys do? What's happening? Are you still showing a complete lack of mach discipline? That's right. You send a bitch. Have a blood garita. Go long. He's phoneable. It's so weird though I find this place relaxing.

Oh, yeah, there's nothing more relaxing than just getting around a table with your brothers and just drinking as much Booz as he can before your next leg day. Sure. It's so important. Yeah, it's important. Can I ask Orca and Tygo, if we could get to know you a little bit better, like to find out sort of what your stories are, what your dreams and motivations are. Well, I am a giant cat, so I like to spin a yard.

Oh. And you always land on your feet. Always, every time. That's why I've been committed to leg day. Oh, wow. We'll tell us about one of your lives. Okay, well, number one, I was a child. Number two, I was a medium child.

Number three, a medium X child. Four large child. Medium X. I was a medium child, number three, medium X child, four large child. Medium X. Medium X, it's extra medium. Yeah, that's why I dedicated myself to the muscle life. So, medium X is more medium? Yep, you're a medium, but you're slightly more medium. Not yet, large.

Well, you're front of extra small. Sure, you're front of extra large. Yeah, so why wouldn't there be extra medium? Some people would argue that large is the extra-medium and those people can go pound sand. That's fair enough, I agree with you, a hundred percent tiger. I like you, Wizard-Man.

I like you too. I arm wrestle you. Oh, you arm wrestle? Do it! You wanna grip it? You wanna grip it? Oh, sure. Oh, no, no, no!

Good effort, good effort, good effort. Wizard- Wizard, man, you should really put both of your hands back on the right spots. You still have two hands on your one arm. Oh, that's right. You just arm wrestled the stumpy arm because I have two hands on this one arm right now. Clap, clap, clap. Hey, look at that.

Well, I'll grab whatever's in front of me. It's my gift. It occurs. I'm just saying there should be another, there should be like a third medium category to balance out the extra Medium I don't know why I'm really still on that. There's some of them. So what are the earth sizes? The earth sizes are the hills earth. Oh, Arnold Hill comes from another world. I'm sorry sword guy sword guy here comes from another world I'm from another man sword guy sword sword guy. Sword man. Sword guy. Sword guy. Sword man is already a resident of science.

I know. What are the sizes? Yeah, it gives them sizes. There is a small, which mostly doesn't exist. There's medium, which is kind of the small, then there's large, extra large. If you're lucky, there's extra large tall. Like if there's like a sub division that is tall sizes. So if works doesn't mean tall, is there big and tall?

There is big and tall. I mean, I guess I'm thinking specifically of shirts. Okay. Okay. Drinks, don't get me started on drinks. Is there a big and rich? Is there a big and rich? There is.

Okay, is there Brooks and Dunn? I'm Brooks and Dunn with this conversation. No, please keep going. I'm writing all of this down. That last, the second and last one reminded me that later I have to save an horse by riding a cowboy. Ooh. And do you give beer to your horses?

And whiskey for my men. I'm a bad, some things I do are bad. And when you lift, do you get to Chris Gaines when you lift? Oh, yeah. That's all I'm going for is Chris Gaines, brother. The Thunder rolls. It is interesting. I have noticed that most of the warriors on Strong Island have some kind of exotic animal that they ride around.

And so, Tyga, are you riding a cowboy? I am a Tiger man, the rides a cowboy. What's that? And that's a Saviour horse? And that's a Saviour horse. Cause that's what I'm talking about. You snap a horse's back. So to Saviour horses, you ride a cowboy. And write a cowboy. Also like on strong island, how boring to

write a horse, you're writing a cow. What's your cowboys name? Cowboy. So it's a cow that's a boy. Yep. Okay. Yeah. That's not so much for the laboratory. It's a big ass cow who also has to be of a male overriding. A boy. When you are out of the water, do you write an amazing beast or do you ride an amazing beast in the water? Oh, in the water.

Yeah, all over that thing in the water. Yeah, I ride a merman. Oh. I ride a merman. Are you Jean? We're familiar with them both. Yeah, too. We were both somehow.

We were both. We're both. I ride both them. Oh, one foot on each. It's majestic. Oh. Just a... I hope we get some fan around. I read both them and one foot on each It's majestic Hoping it's a pair of them open both of their mouths Galloping through the water. It's amazing to watch them

Now you're a great hero and you're a great hero. I do it again. What is some of what are some of the amazing adventures? You've been all oh We do the one we should do that one with the thing with the guy with the guy with the soup? Yes, we should do the super Okay, okay, you start cuz then I want to fill in the details cuz you get it wrong. It was a day Like it wasn't that time no other it was like every other day. We're the sun blaze, the moon sky. Again at night, an eagle shrieked in the distance. It was a parakeet and his name was Philip. A bolder roll down a hill at a great velocity.

It was just one man's shoe. And another in the distance. Myself and Orca did witness a great boiling cold. We were very close and it was very cold. And then we did come upon it and saw steam a rise in her from it again Ice and from it jumped a sack of torpedo Okay, it was up a Qu a bleedless ox

A complete list and also 15 legs this right oh Terrible giant eye gleaming in the sun's blazing rays It has 25 eyes and they were all closed and it did speak it. Stay away from my heart, run, run, run, run. It said, hello there. What's going on? Would you like some soup?

And I did, and I said, well, I said, well. He did, he did, that one is true. I said, and did he did that one is true. I said and then he did sing well I feel like some soup that is the good kind of goop I'll drink it through and through I do like soup. I do like stew to meaty and not enough bread to meaty Nest what I said and give me that soup before I go insane Save it. We're trying to cowboy. Exactly like there except it was one octave higher try to get Same lyrics exactly. Exactly lyrics one octave higher. Here we go. Let's let him do that while we take a break

Well that was a beautiful song. Thank you very much. I am sweating profusely. See, no longer that second time around. Yeah, I did the extended cut. So beautiful. Oh, so beautiful. I appreciate that.

Like, Arnie, are you extended cut? I know, it's real. I'll never tell. I'll never tell. You know, I was wondering, Tyga or Enorca, this might seem like a strange request. There will be people listening to this. It's an audio medium.

It's an audio medium. Yeah, it's an audio only medium. And I feel like they're missing just the amazing visuals of what both of you look like. Do you mind describing yourselves? Because you're both such striking creatures. It would be a disservice to not hear, you describe yourself.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. We work real hard on these physiques that you see before you. I like to my feet. Yeah. Well, well, well, do you know what? I would, you see, I have trouble describing myself in an appropriate way, you know, in an appropriate way. she tried to get real right a ripple I would love it if you could do me and I could do you are speaking of a ribble Oh you too much Oh, I hit the hill you knocked him over you knocked him over Yeah, I hit him right on the hill. That's my fault. All right. What could she allow? I endeavor to describe you to the

Tiger I dare you to describe me to my full extent. Oh, right, turn it up. Alright, well, allow me to solve this mind-body problem. You stand before me as Orca. As you can see, she is... A dual color. She is both a pristine and snow quality whacked and a bright and sumptuous pink with a large fin directly on the back of her

of her dorsal area. And she used my head and she used a whale but she also does possess the two feet. Oh yeah, very powerful legs. I just want to say use a dorsal. Just want to remember that for later, go ahead. Oh, she has two feet. She has a large fin as well I said before she has the tail

Go on and she also is one of the more Mucculated individuals that you will see here A polystrong guy I like more strong island as we like to do the roofer to eat as times and that is my friend Oracle all musculated lady. Thank you. Thank you. It's uncanny tiger. You're right before or he got every detail wrong This is absolutely wrong. Put on my glasses. Oh I get it tiger. You know when you're going to I left my contacts back at his embarrassed of how he looks and he is glasses I don't want anybody to I don't know why no that you're Don't you bully me?

I respect you to another draw while wild all right well then you would describe yourself You're a damn I got every part of that incorrect I mean it's except for the fact that she's clearly like one of the strongest people on the side. I'm a very strong. This is my color scheme here. You see, it is not just two colors. But if you turn me around and underneath the fins

and the tails, if you really look close, it's a rain. Oh, look at that. Man, I knew that, hail. It's beautiful. You're a descendant. It's iridescent indeed in the sun, I'm one color and then under the Man, I knew that hail. Beautiful item. It's iridescent indeed in the sunlight and one color and then under the water. I'm another.

I really short-sold your overall appearance. Yeah, Orca, all this description makes you completely undrawable. Okay, look at that. Just like Mama. Let me specify for you. Yeah, me for fan art purposes, you want to get real in there. Real specified. So, on land, well, now now I'm my two feet, my two gorgeous feet, and I'm a very muscular leg, because you know what? I never do skip leg day. Never skip leg day.

Never skip leg day. You skip two leg day. You have to skip two leg days. If you want to include cardio. Absolutely. I get with my friends. What about skip day? You never skip it. Oh, okay skip it Bob it you can pop it pass it twist it pull it. Oh, no pull it Now I can't help but notice your colorations are magnificent But you're also wearing a belt with some sort of weapon attached to it. Oh, yes. Oh, you've noticed my Whale shark. I just whale shark. It's a whale shark. It's alive. What's its name? Peter? Peter. Wow, that's Peter whale shark. I've never seen someone use another creature as a weapon. That's brilliant. Yeah, he's terrified most of the time.

So it's very still. Yeah, he volunteered, but that's his that's his bravery. He wants to be a hero, but he can't do it on his own Courage is not being brave and being born so but doing so even though you are in fact Terrified and that's pretty well sharks are nature of swords. Oh So I hate to ask it since you have a sword orca and I don't I never want to sort of Pigeon hole you but to my knowledge orcas are killer whales Is that fair to say for you or is our all orcas killer whales? I would say that orcas all orcas are killer whales But not all killers are whales and I think that's something that a lot of people don't recognize Distinction I don't and here's the thing. I wouldn't say I love killing. Oh, yeah, she does.

I don't like it, but I do, I do it a lot. Yeah. It is something that I can't stop doing. I'm sorry, I just want to walk back through that. You love killing, you don't like it, but you do it a lot. Yeah, if you, Arnie, if you, if you kill what you love, you never work a day in your life. Exactly.

If you love what you prison. Yeah, if you love if you love what you kill it said it free That's what yeah, if it doesn't kill you it wasn't meant to come back alive It wasn't what it doesn't kill it makes it strong you can love some Anyway, we that's as much as we can sing without copyright infringement. I wouldn't say I'm a killer that loves killing, but I do kill a lot of things because I'm very good at it. Yeah, also in small detail, very cool sunglasses. Oh my goodness, thank you.

Very cool. Adam is some sunglasses. Absolutely. They're Raymond bands. I love them so much. Killer B killed sometimes. Yeah. Or Killer B killed sometimes. Yeah. Or Killer B good.

Yes. There is a brand of sunglasses here in the food that Raymond is not allowed to wear. If you see Raymond wearing him sunglasses, it's all on, it's on, baby. You got to just scrap right there. But for like an eight year period, Oakley can wear him. Oh, okay. But then he falls out. Or Ken, would you mind describing? Tiger Okay, so this is a very large kitten

That is also very ferocious Okay, so as you can see from his colorations there is burgundy Wow, he's a burgundy kitten. It's so funny. You impose while you describe him and I hate tiger Is that the oil of babies on you? He's a burgundy kitten. It's so funny to see him pose while you describe him. And I hate tiger. Is that the oil of babies on you? Not, yep. Good, really making everything pop. Yep, this is oil that is produced by babies.

Yes. This is distinction I have to make choices. Y'all, I ain't squeezing babies for their oil and then putting it in your bottle and spraying them yourself down, you understand? This is the babies make the oil and then sell it to me because I support local business. Are you covered in baby?

Oil man not oil Sort guy. I forgot damn It's baby oil. What is baby? Well, if babies didn't have oil they'd seize up and stop moving. It's how you grease a baby How it man don't move them babies cause they're moon cells, cause they're all old out. They're all in the... A lot of times you can get, sometimes if you hold a red sort of cloth in front of a baby,

the baby will see the red gets, get angry and charge the red cloth. And as you move it, you can yell O.A. And it will leave behind some of it on a substance and that becomes an oil of O.A. Are we thinking about the same thing? You took it to piss, brother. Don't you know that old saying, scrape a baby?

Oh boy. Scrape a baby, pick it up, all the day you have good luck. Yeah, that's where you get the way from, you know. Scrape the baby. If you don't go with them, the red cloth, you can just scrape one off. You wake up, you ever wake up and your T zone is just a mess. And you look at the mirror, you go, oh boy, I really scraped the baby last night.

Look at this, this is just a hundred percent slickness. You're talking about the tiger zone? You're in the tiger zone. No, that's full on, I just call that the tiger zone. I don't want to mess it up with the part of the face that is in the... Hey, over T! And I apologize for getting so hung up on that little detail, but you know, there should be a third medium,

like extra medium, it makes no sense. I really like your shoulder polderins, if you can arm it shoulder polderins. Like there much, yeah, I made these myself. I'm a part-time blacksmith as well, yeah, pound of these out on my own. I want to have to accentuate this part of my miscalature. Part-time blacksmiths, Arnie,

should you get your sword sharpened or anything? Yeah, you want me to sharpen that bad guy? I don't think I want it to be more sharp. I don't want to accidentally Cut people behind me. Let me take this sword out of my neck. I might have you sir What is this made out of anyway magical me asthma? Oh, cuz I can't breathe. It's me asthma. That's right Sometimes like if I run super hard, Arnie. I'll get short in breath. I'm like oh me asthma Yeah, yeah, I'll get short in breath. I'm like, oh, a miasma. Yeah, yeah. Also, you know, you can make it into things other than a knife. What?

You just have to wish it. I told him he should make it into an arrow, put it in his head, and be a wild and crazy guy. I want to make it, I have to wish it in front of you or just at any time. Any time you want. I want to wish it to look just like Arnie Sourd in the middle. Oh, yeah.

Put it right inside my tummy. Oh. Sword brothers. Sword buddies. But are you okay? Does it hurt? No, it's made out of me, I was fine. One said sword brothers, the other one said sword buddies. One implied a different level of intimacy

than the other closeness. Is this something that y'all are currently experiencing some finer about with? I mean, now that you mention it, yeah. Friends are family, but sometimes family are not friends. Absolutely. That's the first thing we've said that you mention it, yeah. Friends are family, but sometimes family are not friends. Absolutely. That's the first thing we've said that actually has been said before.

Can I ask about Tiger and Orca? What, you obviously seem to know each other. You've gone on adventures together. What is, how did you first meet? What is your relationship like? We met on a quest. Yeah. I was on a quest.

And he was on a separate quest. And we ended up being on the same quest. Quest love. Oh, yeah, it turns out. Yeah, I was just drumming along. And he was on a separate quest and we ended up being on the same quest. Questlove. Yeah, it turns out, yeah, I was just drumming along and I encountered her in the wild. And she, I described my quest to her and she said literally everything you said is not correct. And then she repeated back to me, what her quest was, I was like, well, son of a hill. That's the actual quest I'm supposed to be on.

I want to get the jewel from the top of the mountain. And she's like, you are in a pit, brother. Oh, great to get to the roots of the quest love. That's fantastic. Yeah. Do you remember it differently, or is that about right? It was close, but you know, everything opposite. So it was like close, but no tiger.

Close, but no tiger. So that top of the mountain was the bottom of a pit. Yeah, I got that jewel, baby. No, I'm dead. Shoot me that jewel. You got that jewel. He's in the middle of the hole. Go, dig.

Oh, she's in the middle of the hole. I think this you He's in my whole god Oh This is we should be watching you know you watch it. I prefer if somebody does I got it. Oh man I was elbowed even that blowhole. I got that you don't want to watch these first games look at this Do it's a nightmare. Oh, so I didn't want to mention it, but Tiger You've been sitting upside down on that chair What of it? It's Tiger taking a lot of blows to the head. Oh, yeah, he's got it.

He's looking at him. Look at that beautiful face. Oh, wait, now that he's not on his head, the tattoo on your back says Gortai. I think their name is Gortai. What do I mean? Oh no! Oh, yeah. That makes sense, right?

I have to, I have to change so many documents. Extra. Arnie, what if we created Infin? What if we had a small arch? Does that help your, your doesn't help me? Now, I must ask Tygo or Orca, my sword spouses and I, we want to find... That's beautiful. Thank you. We are looking to meet Strong Guy himself. Oh, Strong Guy. Do you have any connections? Where you must be real tight with Strong Guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, Strong Guy. Do you have any connections?

Where you must be real tight with Strong Guy? We have cross paths a couple of times. Strong Guy. Strong Guy. Strong Guy. He basically coordinates all he wrote activities here on the island. Yeah, we got a spreadsheet that he sends out monthly

with all of the quests that you can take. You need to sign up and you get that spreadsheet. Yeah, everyone's a wild equestor, a little light on it, you know, as far as like the loot that you're going to bring back, that's wild bounce here at this particular establishment, you know, you know, just a supplement mean come, but yeah, so we got as a manager, it's pretty spot on. You know, when I saw a week guy the other day,

he was looking at that spreadsheet and I said, isn't that strong guy's spreadsheet? And he looked at me and he said, when I was just adding, each chocolate on the bottom of it and then he smiled and winked. Oh, that's what we got for. He's a scam. He makes up for his lack of musculature with the wittos' his own.

We enjoy it. Every once in a while he'll come down to the bar and he will repoems. He will repoems. Oh, that's beautiful. It's gorgeous. He's got two, three books full of them and he'll repoems. He will read all of his poems. Yeah, he knows. Beautiful. It's gorgeous. He's got two, three books full of them. And they'll read it long into the night, which then people, for me, has been the daytime. You know, I saw a weak guy and he seems to be almost exactly the same size as strong

guy, but he radiates weakness. Yeah, it's the glasses. So, yeah. It's like, Tagore won't wear his. I took him off. Who's talking? That was Orca just a, yeah. It's like, Tygo, I won't wear his. I took him off. Who's talking? That was Orca just a moment ago. It was me.

It was. I've been here the whole time. I'm now going to match the set. What a beautiful whale song. Thank you. Tygo, or an Orca, could you introduce us to Strong Guy? Oh, that's going to be hard. Yeah, just go.

I want to. I love to. I want to use whale. But as we are on the coastal area, are we on the coast? Yeah, I want to. I love to. I want to use whale. But as we are on the coastal area, are we on the coastal area? I have to be by the water. Oh, man, I know you do, but I don't know if my counting of this is going to be accurate.

I've learned a lot of things that I took as trueism to be patent falsehoods. Well, this sort of teaky bar is seemingly in some sort of jungle, but it seems like there's water around us, right? I know. Right here at the water center. It's beautiful. You can find a strong guy by going to the center of the island.

So he's not going to be hanging around here so much. No, that's right in the middle. Delegates and tasks us, but he wants to be in the center of it all. And that's why you hold that strong guy. Yeah, and he's either in the tallest place or the lowest. Don't ask me. I'll go to the wrong one if I'm left in my own devices. Now you knew the we are at the water side just now, so you're not always wrong.

That's right. Thank so much, we just might not appreciate you. You're welcome. I have a wizard collada. Ooh. It's ice-thuping collada I put a hat on it, it look like you. Oh, thank you so much.

It's got a tiny bow and arrow in it. Wow, it's in great, the guy. Thank you. That's what I'm talking about, the great guy. I'm gonna take that bow and arrow, bow and arrow. Oh, wait. Oh, no. Oh, man, you got your privileges revoked. I don't think we're going to be able to do that. I'm going to take that bow and arrow, bow and arrow. Oh man, you got your privileges revoked. Oh no.

Hey, no, Ty, go, I know that I don't want to be rude to these jants, but I know that we got that next quest coming up real soon. Yeah, true, yeah, we just signed up for on the spreadsheet. Yeah, we're supposed to root out the those who serve the Skullmaster. Oh, yeah, Skullmaster is the arch-emesis of Strong Guy in all of the islands. Sort of a big bad around here, seems. Yeah, he's a big baddie, but everyone on the island that is a goodie has a baddie equal to them. You know, everyone has their own nemesis. Orca, who's your nemesis? Corcaa. Corka.

Is it giant cork that tries to go in your blowhold? She defeated her past nemesis, Carpunikles. And a net. And a net. Yeah, they were team. Carpunikles and a net. They were also a singing duo. They're dead now long to the bottom of the ocean.

They have side. I heard you you broken nets back on your leg. It was a real a-net bending. You mother fucker. I'm looking at you with my worn BDIs and I'm mad about it. But you're just looking at the wall. I don't know. No! Okay.

Oh my glasses. Your eyes are quite large. Well, they're saying a man there's a wall. What tie-gourd do you have any archnemisies? Gortai, Gortai. That's eyes are quite large, yeah. Well, this ain't a man, there's a wall. What's high gourd do you have any archnemices? Gourd Thai, Gourd Thai. That's why you go a Thai. Yeah, a vision, object permanence. A robot named vision.

Yeah. A biosynthetic Android, thank you very much. I do have a name, I say this. And his name is Doctore. Oh, Doctore? Doctore. Doctore, Doctore. Doctore. Do have a nemesis and his name is dog tour Doctor doctor doctor doctor. Oh, yeah, he's a dog and I'm a cat so right there Though we try to overcome ancient imnities that there are given to us We have found ourselves at crows purposes. Oh, can we play a round of a cat or a doctor? Cat or a doctor

So you tell us something and we'll try to decide if it's a quality you possess or if it's a quality Dog tour possesses okay All right, oh everybody hands on your buzzers. Okay, here's some buzzer B here. Here's some birdie grab a B Everybody grab a B. Yeah, you're gonna hit this thing in your screen. Oh, and that's how we buzz in all right cat or dog tour attribute the first Aloofness went hungry ow that goes to wizard guy

uh... tiger that's correct! nice second attribute uh... blind loyalty i'm buzzing in but i think my bees dead ow oh i gave you a wasp

dog tour actually tiger oh though dog tour should possess a dying loyalty as he is on an island of all good people It is I who loyal to strong man. All right, what's your guy rather? We just made a gain a point lots of points. So now we all win. Thank you for that. That was that was a Real fucking. No, thanks so much. Y'all want a tiebreaker? Sure. Okay. Uh, third attribute the name tiger Sure. Okay. Uh, there's a third attribute. The name tag or

I recently learned his name is Gourtie, so this seems to be just jump into it or let's think it over. This is this attribute is a name. That name is Tag or Could be anymore. Dr. Dr. Toro. We assume his name is Dr. We also know that he was I get another blood reader Yo, we all grab him for your own thing Give him one for yourself, dude Oh, well, okay, big money Ow, yes, puncho

That's correct Oh, damn Puncho is also named Tagore How are you? Puncho getting near the microphone I don't want This island is confusing We spend a lot of time working out

and not a lot of time on basic clinical cleanliness Did you ever ask? Maybe this is This island is confusing. We spend a lot of time working out and not a lot of time on basic, CLEARICAL CLINELINESS! Did it ever... Can I ask... Maybe this is... I don't think it's gonna stop you if I said no. Is this island ever too much for you? Like, is it ever kind of all...

I don't know, like, just the intensity of it? Do you ever get exhausted? No, I feel like this island really lends itself to a real basic sense of good and evil if you are good You work out and you drink if you are evil you do bad shit. Yeah, it's a binary that we are very comfortable with it It's very simple. You got your days planned out. It's leg day. It's spine day. It's finger day It's failure. You gotta keep them flimber. I gotta get my spine day in hold on real quick I'm gonna pick up this table with the spine. Oh shit One alright, that's all

Spine day is about form not mass in all I'm saying yeah, so I feel very comfortable here I don't understand everything Where you are from but I feel like our land is very simple. It's good or bad and work out or don't. Yeah, Arnie, if you think this is hectic, we should take you to Vod Village. That's a fucking chit-chat. Oh, Jesus. Wildness.

Vod Village is not stopped, man. It's just, it's, it's, it's, uh, songs. Oh. It's, uh, a lot of canes, a lot of canes, aphabetic feet, hats, a lot of sorny hat. They are just silly with them hats, in every sense of the word. Striped vests, tap shoes.

Um, Gortan and Orca if I may, in Arniah, sorry, a sword guide, I don't mean to put you on this spot. Do you have any questions about Earth for sword guys? Yeah, I'm from another world. I feel like we never give guests the opportunity to ask about where you're from. Maybe that will help, uh, which reminds me of you having any questions for me, or more guests the opportunity to ask about where you're from. Maybe that will help...

Which I might be having any questions for me or more than welcome to ask. Oh wow, this is a real opportunity and I feel like we're gonna blow it. Yeah, it's an advantage for us to expand our minds. If it makes you feel any better, my answers are almost certain like it'll be disappointing. Oh, alright. So we can ask anything and it's up to you to disappoint people. Okay, what is your favorite food on earth? Oh gosh, I think pizza, I know that's like a common answer, but pizza is my favorite.

Follow up question. What do you use pizza? Pizza is like pizza. Oh wait, like pizza skull? Yeah, okay, never mind. Yeah, but less of a skull. Oh, okay, so you can't get into skull form? So it's not the perfect food.

I mean more and more you can, you don't need to email me about it Yeah, let me take a minute to say if you find a recipe for pizza skulls, please tweet at us and email us I've never seen no if you find a video pizza skulls and you send it to me on Twitter I will lose my fucking mind now people are gonna do it just to see what that can tell Yeah, was a man you're fired up, use that, lift that table. Oh, shit. Get another one, get down here. Get down here, toss it to me, toss it to me, toss it. Yeah, not chipped, get in here.

Get more out too. Here, Ernie, catch. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, you were underneath it. You're underneath it, you're on the path. I'll use my blowhold to blow that table directly off of him. Oh, yeah, it is. You hate to hear that from a blow. Good directly off of him. Oh, yes. You hate to hear that real blow.

Good work. Thank you. Can I just... Wish I had seen it. My glass is filled off. Do you breathe in your mouth with your blow? It's like, I have to say it's a little pro-wax. I got it.

Hold on. Let me just dump this back in here. Oh, sorry about that. Do you breathe out of that or what's that? Okay, that is a common question. I do breathe out of that when I'm underwater and I can just get to the top you know and just open it a little bit and then I take it but I have a mouth so you see I'm just breathing out of that. Yeah I just right out of the mouth area

excellent technique. Yeah I hold water in it that well above a land. Oh, so you can like moisturize? I guess, then sploosh things off of people. It's a secondary weapon. So Orca Tiger, thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your lives with us. It really means a lot. Our pleasure. Yeah, this has been a real pleasure.

Hey, it always nice to meet a couple of the fellow heroes, brothers. Brothers on the path to brotherhood. You know, I gotta say, and some of this seems a little aggro and intense to me, but I have to say that I'm a little jealous of your sense of moral clarity. Oh, well.

Oh, yeah, thank you. You keep things simple, you know? If you just keep everything on the good or the bad, then you can't go bad. That's it. That's a common saying here. That's gonna be my next chapter. You can't go bad. That's it. That's a common saying here. That's gonna be my next chapter. You can't go bad.

Oh, man. Sometimes it's easy when you meet some of Skull Master's minions like two eyes or a fart face. It's fart face? Some of the most dastardly of his hands. You don't want to run into them. No, it's pretty clear they're evil. Yeah, there's nothing.

There's no two ways about it. Two eyes has one eye on top of the other one. Each one more evil than the last. He's gonna be a better way to say that. No, it's very evocative. You hear it. You're like, two eyes, okay, I'll get that. And then you see him, you're like, oddly disturbed. I wasn't expecting that. That arrangement is owned slightly. that reminds me I saw an evil doer around the bar yesterday. They said his name was two years He had a mouth on top of another mouth

Huh, what to do with that? I didn't Seems like his evil doing is based in lying. Oh, yeah Adam's coming add them to the list of henchmen that we must destroy. I'll put it on the spreadsheet. Yeah. Add it. Evil master of confusion.

Yeah, that's the one that doesn't make sense. Everything else, it's very clear. Yeah. Orca and a tiger, do you have any advice on getting to the middle of the island? Oh yeah, it is a treacherous path, my friend. Yeah. So you're gonna need a map.

Tiger, you got one tucked in there. I made this map myself. Oh god. No, no. Everybody, look, it's very clear that the little need to pass from. Oh, that's it. A picture of some sort of water.

Yep, you're gonna go from where this, the X marks the spot on where we are. You're gonna follow that path. Oh, the way to this X in the middle there. This looks like a Sunday family circus. It's just like dotted line. All right, now you see where? The land is all blue and the water's all green.

Yep, and now see, now the little boy, now here, he's running around, he gets out of his room and he's running all around the house. And the lamp falls down and then the dog he going chasing a little bit. You let that dog chase you for a little while, you go buy your mama, go be like, why are you wearing a school?

And then you come back? Oh, so much packed into one circle I mean you pop the pack back in the window you sitting on the couch and then Yeah, school knocked over the lamp. It says not me so over here by this mountain There's a ghost that says no not me like The foresight of that mountain you do you can far side of that mountain. That's right. Yeah Do it in around dunes bearing well for or for worse, we're gonna get there. Garfield.

That map was gently entertaining. I know we're steering this episode towards being done, but do we have time for a game of Marm or Duke? Oh, sure, Marm or Duke. Marm or Duke. Okay, this attribute is going to describe someone who is either a school marm or Duke. Sternness. Ow. Okay. a duke. Sturnness. Ow!

Okay. A schoolmarm. That's correct. Woo! Opulence. Ow! A duke. That's correct.

I want a answer, but I like how it might be. A yardstick. Used for slappings. Ow! It's a schoolmarm. That's correct. Alright. Last one. Alright, everybody's got one except you. So it's a short guy. Alright, so really focus. You can say how. Oh, okay. An entire territory that you rule over designated by our Regency. Ow! You can just say how. Ow! I got a real

sting. You can just say how. Ow! I'm a real sting. You can just say how? Oh, I'm saying it's a, I'm up, it's my turn because I've been stunned by a bee. All right, all right, pump the brakes. You got it, you got it, you got it, guess. Uh, Duke? That is correct! We're in!

Four-way-time. Four-way-time. Four-way-time. Four-way-time. Four-way-time. Four-way-time. All the way time, all the way time, all the way time. And then they chanted the same catchy phrase over and over in place of a meaningful conclusion, employing the Mama Mia method of serialized storytelling.

Wizard Man was played by Matt Young. Night Shift was played by Adolfie. Ty Gore, the Cat Man, was played by Kevin Serreta? Are we getting a bulk raid on this guy? Kevin already currently appears as a drip thang in the hello from the Magic Tavern's Stitcher Premium Mini-Series, Masters of Mayhem. It's like the Oops All Crunch Berries version of this podcast, but it's, oh my gosh, only loud characters. Orca, the, uh, Orca, was played by Karissa Bereka.

Karissa is a cast member and resident director of the long-running hit show, Women B Shopping. Wait, no. She the people in the Upcomedy Club at Second City in Chicago. She's also a founder and artistic director of the Matter Dance Company. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter at Cinderisa or check out her website, karrissabereca.com. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neckamp, Matt Young and Adel Ruffiah, post-production co-ordination by Garrett Schultz. Earwulf producer Kimmy Lucas, this episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Ear will producer Kimmy Lucas. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz,

special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Adler LeBan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland, and the strong guy island variation recorded by Sage GC. And another round of fake credits successfully delivered. Lincoln, shall we head outside and take in the night sky? I can show you what solar systems are full of themselves.

Er, really? Sure. I mean, I just have to report that loose thread to Admin. Oh, right. The person you are not murdering. Anyone interesting? Um, actually, a woman who arrived not long after you did. Uh, I think she mentioned you were co-workers at one point. Wait a minute. Trisha? My old intern is here?

That's right. I found her scrunchy in the break room at one point, and then totally forgot about it. Look at me dropping plot points. When in Rome, anyway, where is she? Uh, it might be easier to just show you. What do you know? Trisha on Earth. We might get to murder someone after all.