Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 38 - Distant

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Arnie, Usidore and Chunt try to figure out how to communicate with each other while trapped in different locations.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Anna HavermannSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Greetings, rabbit fanbase, late late late adopters, and the one NSA agent in Deep Cover who knows by now we're not part of the Deep State, but just can't manage to break things off. And that's why you're still in that joyless relationship, David, even as Kylie practically throws herself at you. The strongest chains are the ones we forge ourselves. Tone shift. It's a difficult time for all of us. I myself am going through the stages of grief when experiences when learning an old friend has joined an improv team. Anger, fury, disappointment, eye rolling, and a lingering disinterest in coming up with suggestions.

I've returned here to the Institute to formulate my next... Well that light shouldn't be blinking. I'll have to get Lincoln to. Holy handmaid's tail sequel, the whole panel just lit up. But that could only mean... ... No. And on a leap year, what are the odds?

No use explaining, listener, and I'll just let you hear it for yourself. Sit back and see what you make of this Okay, let's see here. I think this is gonna work. Hello? Can anybody hear me? door. Chunk, are you out there? What? Yeah, maybe. Oh, shit. Chunk, your crystal. Is there a switch on the side? Is there like a rune on the side that you could... Oh, is this working? Hello. I think so. Hey buddy. Hello from the Magic Tav. Hello from the Magic Tav, or in No weekly podcast from the magical land of food.

I'm your host Arnie Neekham. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Arnie, I don't think we can act like this is a normal episode. What, what, where are you at? What's going on? You know, I'm in like, what looks like a tiny school house. You know what, the hotel we were staying at

in Strong Guy Island. I went out for a rare walk and there was that earthquake and I can't get out of a little patch of land around the schoolhouse. I mean you're all weak. Did you learn anything? Well, I learned that this schoolhouse houses three weird little animal monsters and I have to teach them to read. Well I said it before already and I'll say it again. Schoolhouse rocks. Schoolhouse does rock. What about you, Chuck? Where are you? I can kind of see in the background behind you. Yeah well I am somewhere in the bottom of a body of water.

Oh, shit. I don't know if it's a lake or a pond or a notion. But yeah, I am submerged in water. As you can tell, I'm currently a seahorse just to make do. So I am a CPhorpy. And yeah, things are getting wet. I'm so sorry, you're a CPhorpy. Yeah, you probably know what I currently am like my current

Visage you know that as a seahorse, but little in fact seahorses like to be called CP or pee So that's what they call each other is CP or pee's. Oh, oh Well, we've caught CP or pee's a lot of people have it. I'm gonna write that down So I don't forget I don't have my paper with me, but I can use this rock as chalk on the ground CP or pee I can use this rock as chalk on the ground. CPHORPES. Alright, and yeah, there's some sort of city down here, so I'm biting my time, but at some point I'm going to try and, I guess, check it with the locals. Yeah.

You know, when Yusufar gave us these magical jewels that he said we could communicate with each other if we ever get separated. I was making fun of him. But it works. Yeah, I was also, I was like, what are these your family jewels? And nobody laughed and then I was like, okay, but I put it in the bottom of my fur and it worked out, I'm glad I have it.

Yeah, I was making fun of him. I was like, jewel, isn't that more like, all I wanna do is have some fun and then I realized that's not jewel, that Cheryl Crow, but there was something cooking in my brain. Yeah, something cooking in my brain. There's always something cooking in my brain. Yeah, something cooking in my brain. There was always something cooking in my brain. It's something cooking in my brain.

The brain. Oh. Yes. Rocket. Oh, do you hear that? I think... Maybe there's a fish around me having a stroke. Yeah, you know, there's another facet of the jewel coming through,

but it just says guest, and there's no picture. Hello. You said, or turn on the visual aspect of your jewel. were made for me and I was made for you. Is that jewel? Is that your jewel? Maybe hello. Yes, you saw a big guy here. Yes, Chant is that you? Yeah, it's me. I mean, I'm a CP or P, but it's me Oh, yes, I see you are a CPoppy. And no, I'm not pregnant. I just have my jewel tucked into my tummy. Alright, well that's nice. Well, have you seen Arnold?

I've been trying to get in contact with him for some time now. Yeah, he's here. It's me. Oh, you know that it may see. Well, I could hear you both, but I can't see you. You said you gave us these jewels. Why are you so bad at using them? Well, I like to invest. I like to be an early adopter, and I saw these jewels were coming out these new magical jewels. And I was very excited about them, but I didn't really have time to delve into the intricacies of it.

And you said you were typically, even before a baby is born, you'll adopt it, right? Oh, yeah. That's how you're living an adopter, you are? Oh, yes. Sometimes I just hear a rumor or a prophecy about a child and I say, that will be my child. Nice. You know, we have never on the podcast talked about the fact that you do spend a lot of time laying claim

to people's first born children. Kind of as payback, maybe you teach them how to spin strong to gold. I've been saying it should be a spin-off podcast. Yeah. Sometimes late at night I like to sneak into someone's house and pose a riddle of them if they can't answer the riddle. I'll take their child away. Well typically you scream your name and then you say you'll never guess my name. It's a very easy riddle to solve, especially because they could just like guess any name and you're like, Oh, that is one. Also, why am I Irish?

I guess why? Why did I sound like that for a second? In your mind. I don't know. Maybe I noticed that you sometimes sound Scottish to me, but I don't know. So I'm beneath the waves, or in a schoolhouse, used to door where you at. You're both trapped too, I thought I was the only one trapped.

We're all trapped. We're all trapped. Were you trapped? I'm here in these beautiful hot springs in this beautiful... I thought I was the only one trapped. We're all trapped. We're all trapped. I'm here in these beautiful hot springs and this beautiful jungle of you. No, it's very nice. You're trapped in hot springs, this sucks. Yes, I just been trying to get a hold of someone

to get out of here, to continue my quest against evil. But, you know, in my downtime, I'm relaxing in the hot springs. It must be nice. Doing a mud facial, having some food delivered in? Yeah, you better if you were a fucking haunted mansion or something. Fuck you. Wow, how dare you? These springs are very haunted. Oh okay, well that cheers me up. Well that's good. Now I'm feeling bad about my boring old schoolhouse that I'm in. You know what, I'm gonna use this frock that I've been making noteshouse that I'm you know what I'm gonna use this rock that I've been

Making notes with and I'm gonna just draw on this back wall like a new background for myself So you're near a schoolhouse and you're drawing with a rock. Mm-hmm. Instead of say a pencil or a Quell you'd find in the schoolhouse. Oh shit. I should you know what? I'm gonna ask the kids if there are any quills here. I'll be right back. Those some of those kids are mine. It's gonna find that Arnie can choose virtually any background. Let's see what he draws. I'm very excited.

Yeah, go ahead. What do you got? Should be something fun. Okay, we actually have a surprising amount of supplies and I've been teaching these children very inadequately for the last week without using the supplies. But yeah, I'm gonna use this quill.

And on this back wall, I'm gonna draw the moon. Huh, yeah, I'm coming at you from the moon. Okay. The delightful question mark. Now, is there no teacher there? There's just children in this school house? Yeah, I guess the teacher stepped out for a minute to get some water.

Oh, when's the milk never came back? Yeah, exactly. That seems like a likely scenario. I don't even fool in a lot of teachers step out. Most children are raised by their parents, unfortunately, because a lot of school teachers step out. Oh, what? There are situations where parents have to raise their children. parents unfortunately because a lot of schoolteacher step out. Oh, what? Yeah.

There are situations where parents have to raise their children. Yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of like wow. Yeah, sometimes they have to teach their own children without to teach at all. Well, I got to say, I wasn't very good at teaching magicians when we were at Gisilnov, and I'm not any better at teaching these weird little sheep with bat wings, how to read. They seem like elementary age. Wait, you have... there's sheep with bat wings? Yeah, they're a little like sheep with bat wings. They can say like a couple words.

I've just been assuming they need to learn like how to write a little bit. Maybe some basic math. Social skills, but not like, hey, I want them to enjoy learning, so I'm not gonna throw too much at them. Arty, I don't wanna worry you. They could be one of two things. I forget which is which, but if they're cheap with bat wings, then they're beeps. Beeps, but if they're bats with cheaps wool, then they're shats. And one of them is deadly. I can't remember which one. Beeps are shats? They're either beeps or shats. So one is deadly, is the other hilarious? Oh, what is it?

Um... Beep in the morning, sailors delight. Shat your pants. Take fright. I can't remember. I can't... You said, or do you remember this? They are all wearing pants!

Oh, get out. Arnie, get out. But none of us can get out. We're all trapped in this... This fractured world. There was a terrible... Earthquake, and then suddenly... suddenly a reality itself cracked quite open. There are parts, the edges of the hot spring that I walk up to and it's like there's a shimmering

wall there that I can't penetrate. Does it look the same or you're at? Yeah, same girl same, when I try and swim too far, I bump up against something. It's like there's an edge there, but I can see water on the other side. How do we get out of these little prisons? We find ourselves in. Ooh, that's poetry, I haven't write that down.

I haven't really tried to walk around that much, but I assume I can't get out of here. You're not going on one of your rare walks. Wait, so you never found the edge of where you're stuck. And you just sort of hung out of this schoolhouse? You just kind of plopped down there and didn't think to look around? Well, I mean, I ran into one wall when I was trying to walk out. I guess I could have turned to the left or the right, but I just assumed.

You didn't spend any time hunting for your friends, Chantanusador, the way I searched high and low for the two of you. Well, I would have. Hoping for any sign that perhaps you were still alive, hoping against hope, that if there was some love left in the merciful hearts of the goddesses, that once again I would be reunited with Arnold and Chant. Well, excuse me, but if I were to somehow find out that both of you had died, I would refer to do it on the podcast. Yeah, right. I wonder if it's this way across all the realms of Ephesius.

What could have caused such utter destruction? I don't know. I mean, are you asking us? That's kind of your thing. It's your job to... It's kind of my turn. Shunt's supposed to know what the drinks specials are. Yeah, I'm like a social boy and Arnie's the fish out of water.

And you know everything. I mean, if I start knowing things that I'm not doing my job. Oh, oh, so I'm not doing my job. Yeah. Well, that way then, I shall enter the Wizard State and see what I can find. Just because we're trapped doesn't mean you can stop working, you Sidore, you're gonna just have to work remotely. We should probably put you soaring like for low or something.

Can we mute each other like, is there a way? There's all kinds of runes on this jewel and I don't really know how they work. Oh, yeah, go ahead and fiddle around with those runes. Wait, we're all using rune, right? What's that? I feel like rune was sort of this technology that not everyone used, and now that the world is shattered, I feel like everyone's going to rely on rune.

Right? Probably. Why don't you fiddle around with some of the runes there? Okay, they do. Ah! Hey, baby, what's up? Whoa, pizza school! Hey, what's going on?

Yeah, I love pizza. Did we accidentally hop on a rune with pizza school? I think so. Is this, is this Arne and Chun? Yeah, yeah, it is. Oh man, I gotta tell you guys, I've been trapped here in a pizzeria for the last week. I haven't thought anything else about it.

That's a great place for you to be trapped, I guess. Yeah, I'm usually in a pizzeria, so it worked out. That's great. So how you to be trapped I guess yeah, I'm usually in a pizza. Yes, so it worked out That's great. So how do you know you're trapped because Someone wanted to order a pizza for me and I couldn't take it to them and I cried I cried tears of pure pepperoni Oh, I would have thought Marinara you cried pepperoni. That's right. That's okay. It sucks. It's the worst It's a meaty cry. So pepperoni is your are your tears. Yeah, and I shit marijuana Bye, baby. Bye Tim and I had so many follow-up questions. I know what's the gizz

I'm a showy that's I mean look I don't like to overuse this phrase, but The juice that's the What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- what's the J- What's the J- What's the J- What's the J- It's so much worse than I had originally believed. It's Ernie. Ernie? Yes, of course. Ah, sorry, sometimes I forget myself when I enter the wizard's state. Er, Erim begora. What has become of me? Ah, but now I am back and forming my true self again and I see now Ernie, chunt. These little pockets, they exist everywhere throughout Foon. Everyone is trapped in a tiny,

fractured section of the universe. Oh, it's affecting everyone everywhere, and they perceive it in different ways, but we must be cautious. We must be careful, we must stay here until the evil is passed. Fuck. Fuck, how long will that be? I... Depends on how this uh, episode turns out if it sounds okay, and probably leave next week. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. At least in this universe, I don't know about other universes. I can't imagine staying in one place for a long time. I don't know, it- it sticks, excuse me? Yeah, I mean, I got a beep places.

I got a- get out, do things, see people. Am I speaking to an awning from a different universe? I think the beeps or shats are listening to me, and I don't want them to think I'm a loser. Arnie, I remembered the song. Here's how you tell the difference. Beeps and chats and beeps and chats and beeps and chats. Some beeps and chats and beeps and chats.

I thought it was beeps before shats. Never cats. Shats before beeps. Always weeps. Always weeps. Any of those work, really? Oh, yes. But now we find ourselves distracted from our main purpose,

which was to find a strong guy, and to have him join our quest. Luckily here, though, though I in the hot springs as what are the person trapped here with me and it's weak guy. Wee-oo! Wee-oo! My best Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, weak guy. I've been asking all about strong guy to get to know him better. He seems to know a lot about strong guy. You know between weak guy and month man, I like weak guy. Who's a month man?

I haven't met month man. Is he the one that like warns people if the bridge is about to go out? No, that's month man. Uh, month man, he just really is into specific holidays. Like every, there's, you know, there's usually like one holiday in a month, most months. And he likes to kind of like theme his whole deal around whatever the holiday is that month.

Oh, I see. And at first it's exciting, but then eventually it's like, oh, shit, he's just gonna throw eggs at me constantly. Right. And then you get to the kind of shitty holidays and it's like, oh, this month there's tree day, who gives a shit? Wait, you don't like tree day? That's of all the weird holidays here. You don't like tree day? I love tree day. I don't like spending a month thinking and talking about it and dressing up like a tree. That's fair.

You know, speaking of eggs and trees, Arnie, did you see on Stronger Island, there's eggs in the trees, there's eggs in the water, there's eggs in the boulders, eggs in the ground, eggs on the trees. Arnie, did you see on Stronger Island? There's eggs in the trees. There's eggs in the water. There's eggs in the boulders, eggs in the ground, eggs on the trees. There's eggs everywhere. It's amazing. I know. No, I just hated. I went hypothetically if I wanted to go fishing. And I wanted to catch me a big special fish in an egg popped out. I'm just assuming that's part of the scenario you're talking about.

Is this some cool guy thing I don't know anything about? You said a big special fish. What do you fucking do? What's going on? No, well, no, I'm not dating the fish. I don't like I'm not like a sea or B or whatever you're a sea or B. I do want to see something. I wrote a dance. Are you not the best of balls? Okay, I don't want to be all over you, but I recognize when we were staying at the hotel last week or two weeks ago, I did notice that you were always fishing

between the hours of 4 p.m. and 2 a.m. using bait, trying to catch what you said were special fish. No, I was going out to take a dump. Oh, I'm sorry. I was just, you always took that pole with you I'm sorry. I was just you always took that complicate you always took a poll with you. Well in case you know it's just like a shitstick just a case So sorry what I mean just in case you got a you know break it up. Hmm. I think I may have found a clue CP or P

DJ calls. I'm going back into the wizard state. That's crazy. We're getting wizard state twice in one episode. This is wild. I know. I feel like we haven't had the wizard state in years. Yeah. Fans are gonna freak out. Listeners of this podcast are gonna lose their fucking mind. Well, here's the thing. If you don't need to sew it all the time, don't just pull it out. I don't need the wizard state all the time. If you don't need to soar it all the time, don't just pull it out. I don't need the wizards state all the time I'm going back in or I don't know

How insensitive you know I have a sword stuck into my body. I don't know he got here This one is in the wizard state and now I feel terrible Yeah, I can do everything you say that's all but that's traditionally that's when we talk the most shit about you Yeah, I know I know that you don't think I'm writing all of those things down in my little journal, and that I'm some day going to get my revenge for all the cool and awful things you've said about me. Give me your children. Prove it. Read a couple things for your little journal.

Yeah, take out your little journal and read one insult Arnie gave and one insult Arnie gave. Yeah, I can't imagine there being a scenario where I said something mean to you, you fucking shithole. Does Yusudor seem louder than normal? I didn't think that was possible. Arnie. Yeah. Three years ago. Man, what happened to me?

I was so good back then. So I was a huffier! Oh, he was was hot hot takes. You should know the blue. It. I didn't care for that one either. Oh you should know the blue it. Oh I thought that was the time we were talking about who would win.

You should know our Pennywise. Your butler? My butler? We never talk about that time when we had that butler Pennywise. Oh. Who was killing all the children. That's right. I forgot all about it. I'm sorry. I was laughing about that. I just, it wasn't good that he was killing all these children. Terrible, terrible. I just want to seem cool in front of these beeps and chefs.

I know they all have wings, right? Are they all flying? Or do they just have wings that they don't really use? They only seem to unfurl the wings when they're hissing at me? Because you really have to watch out for running shots. Running shots? Yes. Like that's a bad place to be. Yeah, especially if you think it's a beep and it turns into a shot. Oh, goodbye.

You want to make sure you're not running. When you find that out, do you think they would be impressed if I told them I was an airline pilot? No. They don't know what that is. I think they would be impressed if you told them that you were a man from Earth who managed to survive despite being impaled by an obsidian blade. That's true. I think that's far more impressive. I think, honey, what I'm saying is, get it. But you know what? This is nice. I mean, it's been kind of a tough week, and thank you. Thank you for saying something nice to me, I kind of needed it.

Oh well, it's my pleasure. You're one of my best friends. And Chunchy are also one of my best friends. And I love that you're a black and white seahorse. Those badger colors look good on anything. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm being ridiculed by the other C.P. Horpies here, but I feel great.

And you guys are my two best friends. Well, my best friend is a pro fuels. Okay, well, now I feel shitty. Um, okay, Arnie's my best friend and you said, or, you're one of my best friends. Thank you very much. Yeah. Come out, this is me. It's something growing back.

This is gonna be so sweet when it finally pays off. Well why don't we take a quick break and when we come back, you sort of do you have any plan of how we can fix this? A plan. Of course I have a plan. I always have machinations, machinating in the back of my... machination dome. Oh shit, he's stealing for time now. He's got nothing. He's saying machinations three times in a row.

Oh, that's the first machinations, fine. Second machinations. Maybe. Three machinations. He didn't even say big machinations. Like at least each one should grow slightly. I have a machination, a big machination, and then like a double big machination.

Yeah. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll buy you some more time and we'll come back with a plan to fix all this shit. We'll be right back after these machinations. Oh, beep beep. Alright guys, we're back. And just so you know, we've developed this cheer.

Alright, a cheer that we're gonna say, whenever we try and fix this situation repeat after me we can we can we will we will must we must just a little cheer for us to kind of keep things going right we can we will we must we can we will we must must we can we will we must not working is there is there a lag on the crystal or is or Someone just doing that on purpose to mess with me. Oh you need oh we're supposed to say him at the same time Yes, okay, everybody will hold up your crystal. Okay. We're gonna try and clap on three Okay, everybody hold up your crystal. Okay, we're gonna try and clap on three One one two no wait, I'm so sorry. I'm not getting great reception I'm gonna walk with me. Follow me. I'm gonna take the crystal over to this other side. Ooh, Arnie's on one of his rare walks Yeah, they're becoming more and more medium rare. Here we go. One. You know if I hold this crystal up above me

I look a lot better. Holding this crystal at a low angle. Not flattering? Not flattering. But high angle is more flattering. Yeah, but it's a lot of effort. I mean, looking good isn't easy. It's true.

Look at all the work I do. Yeah. It's not easy to grow beard this long, or to wear this many layers of clothing no matter what the weather is. Or to have a hat so tall and curl it is mine. It's not easy to have a hat. Yeah, you saw it's cool to see you doing some man-scaping recently. Oh, since I have been man-scaping.

Your chest hedges are coming in nicely. You got that nice tree coming out of your back? I just noticed that too. There's a tree growing out of my back. Oh, I thought you put it there. I thought it was part of your man's keeping. No, I don't know how that got there. Huh.

Hmm. Into the wizard state. Ugh. Three times. This is turning into a macamation. I feel like he's just vying more time. Ha, ha, ha. This fucking asshole doesn't know what to do.

Oh, shit, he can hear us. Vamp. Vamp. Oh, no. I think there's can hear us. Vamp! Vamp! Oh no! I think there's a vampire behind you. Wait, it's either a vampire or a pire. Ah! Use it or touch what's behind you. It's either a vampire or a pire.

If it burns you, it's a vamp. It burns. Oh, that's a campfire. Ah! Vamp, before a pire, always fire. You know I can never tell the difference between campfires and vampires? Oh, that's bad.

One time, I put a marshmallow on the end of a stick and held it above a vampire's head for an hour before either of us noticed. I felt so fucking dumb. He was being very polite. I have to say, he was being very polite. Very polite. Is that way, every time we go camping,

you stare into the fire and you know, make me immortal? That's one of the reasons, yes. And it's also one of the reasons any time we leave a vampire, I always dump a bucket of water on it. You went camping? Oh, yeah. My best friends went camping without me.

Well, hold on, you said April Fool's was your best friend. You can't have it both fucking ways, blue guy. Yeah, I saw him once, two years ago. He's definitely my best friend. Arnie, I can't tell if he's being facetious. I don't know. You should or who would you say, do you rank your best friends? Well, I don't like to reveal my rankings, but sure, I probably have some sort of hierarchy there, yes.

Is it in your little journal? Can we hear maybe just a few of the rankings? Sure. It used to be... Oh, blemish. Yes, that's his name. Number one? Blemish used to be your best friend? Yeah, he used to bring me things at the Vermilion Minotaur, like beers and roost-a-feet

and all sorts of delicious things to eat. And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so... And so servitude is high on your list for what constitutes a friend? I just thought it was nice of him and so very often I would give him gold and exchange for it

Oh, I will say it does seem like blemishes love languages acts of servitude Mm-hmm. Are you sure that isn't your ranking of your favorite Amazon prime shows? See Flea bag is fosh on there. Bosh Yeah, you know what I never thought about it a lot of used to do our friends Fleabag. Is Fosh on there? Fosh. Yeah. You know what I never thought about it? A lot of you said to us friends, and that's the same name.

His Amazon Prime shows. The boys. The boys. Fleabag Bosh. That man in the high castle. Mm-hmm. Ah, let's see. Let's see, I know I have this list somewhere.

Let me find it. Talk amongst yourselves. Now Arnie, you taught us all the programming on Amazon Prime. Is there a reason you taught us that? It just seemed like it would be important. Okay. Someday. Yeah.

And you said one day you're going to marry the marvelous Miss Maisel and make a missus out of her. Yeah. Here's the list. Best friend, O'Talk-BollyTalk Barley foot that was about 30 years ago And then I I put chunt right above that and then and then I put a little slash next to it And I put Arnie and then I crossed the whole thing out and I wrote a Drew a frowny face next to it because you'd said something mean about me and then I wrote a

Prele fuels above that and then I scratched that out and I wrote can the, and then I scratched that out, and I wrote a can the wizard, and then I scratched that out, and I wrote an arrow to the bottom of the list, and I wrote a can the wizard in again, at the very bottom of the list. Oh, like in similar to the way that he loops all the way around time. Who gives a shit? You used to work, and I just say, hearing your ranking of friends, and then re-ranking, and your constant editing of this list in the last couple years. It kind of makes you a fickle bitch. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a fair assessment.

I can be a bit mercurial, you know, with all my, um, machinations. Oh, already, didn't you say on earth that fickle bitch is one of the top Halloween costumes of the last few years? Oh, yeah. And people scream, I'm fickle bitch. Fickle bitch. Yep. So guys, what are we gonna do about this chattering? Is that we're gonna call this the shattering? The

break? Are you talking about the threat of all these beeps and shats? The shattering? Well, no, I'm talking about the big magical. The big magical to do. Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. What are we gonna call that? The breakage, um, point'm sorry. What are we gonna call that the breakage? Point-brainder the dome Glass house Shatter well hold on I gotta go into the shape-shifter state This is probably be very quiet

The shape-shifter It's been five years. This is the first time we've ever seen. It sounds like a disjures, dude. It does shut the fuck up in this video. It sounds like that one is a fucking disjure. I said, part of the sound is the words you just do. The fuck up. Here's the re-u shut the fuck up. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohie, wowie, wowie. Wow, wowie. Wait a second, he's watching a sexy fish go by. Wowie, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Did you redo? Wowie, wowie. That's him. That's him. So rare, so beautiful. Under the water, everything's hotter. Wowie, wowie, wowie. And he shifted.

And it's natural environment, any environment that it chooses to be in. Yeah, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, in. It's quite vexing. I must take some time and consider it. Perhaps there's a way through this crystal that I can reach out. Oh, no, oh, now I can see you. I couldn't see you. Oh, yeah, hello, hello, look, I'm on the moon. Well, no, you drew the moon behind you. That doesn't mean you're on the moon, Arnie. Oh, I'm on Earth. Oh, and I, okay, yeah, I believe it. It's fun. I think that perhaps the best thing to do is to take a little time with this. For when magic is this, uh, disruptive to so many places, we must take our time and ease our way back into normalcy.

Yes, we must find a way somehow, somewhere I will commune with the other wizards. I shall reach out to them through this magical crystal, through magical means, and find some answer with them together. Helly! Oh, great! You said we're the wizards guilds, not mad at you anymore? Uhhh... Mmm... ...machinations? It works for me.

I don't know. I don't know, they might be mad at me, but I have to try. I'm sorry, Yusudar, I'm sorry that you're all your wizard friends don't like you anymore. That's alright, because I wrote a list of my best wizard friends, and I've crossed most of them out. Uh-oh, burn list! And sometimes I put one of their names at the bottom, but Jinli viozo is at the top. My favorite. What was that noise oh

no no no oh anything grease all hot sheep walk by mm-hmm wow he's a genius oh wow wow wow this is wow did you redo it's the very rare human state we must be must be listed oh that's that's a human state I think so whoa I further the human giant in the state but not the human state wonderful people wonderful aren't Arnie can you hear us can he hear us I think so. Whoa! I further the human giant in the state, but not the human state. Wonderful people. Wonderful people. Arnie, can you hear us?

Can he hear us when he's in the human state? It's very quiet apparently. Not much. You can't hear much of it. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow wow wow wow I'm a badger. Um, but now I'm a seahorse. You're right he's making fun of you I'm sorry. That's not very nice, Adolf. Why do you make fun of him and me? Hey, it's Ernie.

Ernie, why do you make fun of me and Chant? When you know deep down in your heart, you love us. The way we love you. No, thank you. I do. I'm sorry. I guess I just... I don't know. Maybe I feel too vulnerable if I'm not making fun of people. If it helps at all, I almost exclusively make fun of people that I love.

Like, if I don't like you, I'm very polite. Arnie, as you're saying this, you're holding up two middle fingers. Can you put those away, buddy? I just... I feel like it takes the edge off of me being so vulnerable. I Love you both Arnie as you said that you made a jerking off motion. Unsouthy armor. My man unsouthy armor. It protects me a little bit. I guess like look you said or I Know I make fun of you. I sincerely consider you one of my best friends. Thank you. Chant, I know you make fun of me.

I know what? Yeah, I just didn't want to say the exact same thing to you but I didn't really have anything different. I know I make fun of you. I know, I make fun of you. I know, I make a nice... It's a machin' option. Let's call the whole thing machination.

I'm going to make a gesture here. Now, I've run out of space at the top of the page where my best friend's list was. So I'm going to turn it sideways. Right here on the side, I'm going to write a number one. I'm going to write awnee slash chump. There, with it. Now I'm going to put a little star beside.

Oh, that's how special it is. I put a star beside it. That's very special. Is it a star fragment? Is it a large star fragment? Is it a a areas fragment? It's more like stardust the way we're all made of stardust. Oh Well, let me take a while. I'm underwater so I can't really write anything, but I'm gonna make a mental list. Huh? Can I ask how are we hearing you if you're under water mm-hmm how are we hearing you oh magic oh yeah that's enough for me do you do me do this

with that making feeling fucking better so I'm not allowed to make fun of you listen in my mental list that I'm making you two are my best friends. Let's finally come together. Let's form one big love triangle. Let's be... Let's be Charna-Dor. Charna-Dor. Charna-Dor. We must. We can. We are. We can. We will. We must, we can, we are, I don't know if we will, we must. We can, we will, we must. Now is the time. More than ever, it is time to thank Washevel. And if even if it means we are trapped here in these places for but some time, we shall overcome. Yeh, not shall stop us.

We shall be triumphantly in for nothing can defeat nothing. Triumvirate of Arny, Chant and Yusador. Charnador. Charnador. Now is the winter of this content. Everyone shall fall supplicant to our machinations. Oh, all right. OK.

I'm sorry. Yusador, your audio dropped out for me for a second. What were you talking about? I've got this tree in my back. Do you know how that happened? Okay You know CP or be It might seem like a strange request that I don't even know if you could do this, but do you have any emails? Well, I don't have any emails, Arnie, because I'm underwater. I think you might call them...

Seemails. Oh, I was wondering if it was going to be like... So is a seamail every part of the sea, like, up above the sea, below the sea? It's mostly under the sea. Oh, under the sea. Okay, well, so what... Arnie, it's better, downwards, wetter, under the sea below the sea. It's mostly under the sea. Oh, I see. Under the sea. Okay, well, so what? Arnie, it's better downwards, weather under the sea. Now, I do have your phone.

So I did get an email here. Is your phone waterproof? You know, they say they are, but. Because it's been frozen on this email for a while. But I'll go ahead and read it. This is from Nicole Rose. It says, hi, my food friends. Hi, Nicole.

I want to let you know how much your podcast have made me laugh out loud and put a smile on my face during these strange and scary times. Huh, what's that reference to? Anyway, I listened to your podcast on a daily basis since I started it this past December. I'm on season 3 now. Oh, she got up way too fast. I work for a hospital and I look forward to coming into work and tackling the day by starting with listening to your podcast to help things feel less scary

And of course get a good laugh keep up the good and funny work guys from Palm dessert, California Oh, thanks Nicole. Thank you Nicole. That was very nice and I I hope that you're doing the shattering That you find some peace and solace and things other than just laughing. And like, it's time to have friends and family. However, you are able to connect with them. Yeah, thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate you so, so much. Arnie, you're holding up two middle fingers again. I just can't be vulnerable.

It must be so fun for Nicole to escape to this podcast where we're trapped in our own rules. Not able to communicate or hold it. This would be so fun for Nicole to escape to this podcast where we're trapped in our own world. Not able to communicate or hold it. What great escapism. It's a choice. At least we're justifying the audio. You know, I have an email here as well on my laptop.

It says, so I want episode 6 season 2 and it just hit me. Arnie, how are you paying your phone bill? Oh, hmm. I mean, I guess it does have an auto pay. Oh, oh shit, I've never turned off any of my auto pay. Hey Arnie, I'm looking on your phone here and it says something about roaming charges. Well, oh no.

Oh no. What are roaming charges? Is that like what a buffalo does? I don't fully understand it besides knowing that it's bad. Oh no! Oh no! What are roaming charges? Is that like what a buffalo does? I don't fully understand it besides knowing that it's bad. It's alright, honey. You were always destined. It's to be destitute.

Here Arnie, I'm going to turn off the roaming. Oh, no, sorry. I ordered something called Romy and Michelle's high school reunion. It said 2499. Is that okay with all of that again? It's inexpensive. I tried to turn off roaming charges and I ordered Romy and Michelle's high school reunion for 2499. Is that okay with all of that again? It's expensive. I tried to turn off roaming charges and I ordered Remy and Michelle's high school reunion

for 2499. Something's happening to you underwater. You should definitely know some of those words. Arnie, I'm having a breaststroke. I'll be okay, it's just a breaststroke, it's just a breaststroke. Ooh, whoa, sorry, I started talking like that. That was weird. But I did order a Remy and Michelle's high a breaststroke. Ooh, whoa, sorry, I started talking like that. That was weird. But I did order a Roman Michele's Heist Korean

for 24 and 9, I'm sorry about that. Oh, Roman Michele's Heist Korean. Worth it. It seems expensive. Yeah. Maxonatius, my phone. Are you having a breaststroke? You sort of, you don't have the laptop or the phone,

but do you think you see any emails, or did you, did you want to just say something? Well, I can always bury my head underground and enchant a special incantation that allows me to see into any form of media now. Oh, that's any form of media? Any form of media? Any form of media that I do so choose, back on Earth, I may witness it through this incantation even tick tocks even tick tocks watch as I do this dance oh shit that's a good

dance it looks like there's a hands off screen that's flicking his legs into place and then pulling him up oh that's that's wild. Pretty good, right? Yeah, kind of short, but I guess fun. I don't think I get it, but cool. Yeah, yeah, no thanks. I mean, I would do something easier, like walk into the bathroom and talk in the mirror. Huh.

With like a observation that's, okay. Okay, can we hear one of those, or? All right, where's the bathroom around? Am I? Is that the observation or is that I'm trying to find the bathroom hold on people of earth? Listen to me now. I just had an idea for a great tick-tock. Okay. If you have a tick-tock account talk. Okay, if you have a TikTok account, do that thing where you bang the door to the bathroom open, walk in the bathroom, turn to the mirror, and film yourself, and just say, where's the bathroom around here? Very much. And then hashtag, hello from the Magic Tavern, something like that.

Hashtag, Dickcock. Is that fun? So, TikTok, Dickcock? A lot of kids. Anybody done that? Oh, really? Oh, sorry. Sorry, kids. Well, we can, we will. We must. Wait, we can. We can. Owa tafu. I do you redo, Owi. Wow, Owi. You did? 3 characters, chronically disconnected, unable to traverse the growing rift between them. Also there's this space time thing happening where they're not in the same room, and

no, it's not called the shattering or the under the dome effect, or that one episode of Voyager where each head was 40. Among the space bunker guardians, we call it Rosie's great cosmic quilting mistake. And there's an easy fix. But let's leave our heroes to fumble around for a bit, shall we? Nuzelor the Wizard was played by Mat Young, aka Machinations McGee. Chant the CP-horpy? Wow, just saying it made my mouth sad.

Was played by Adolfa Rafe. Tignitaro provided the voice of, oh, who am I kidding? She hasn't returned a single voicemail. Which I applaud. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekham, Matt Young and Adolfa Rafe. Post-production co-ordination by Garrett Schultz. Ear will producer Kimmy Lucas. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman, special assistance by Ryan toultz. Ear will producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman,

special assistance by Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allert LeBan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Linkin fetch me the headshots of Trisha's improv team mates and cancel your weekend plans. We're going to be crafting a disguise. we're going to be crafting a disguise. What's up? What's up?

What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? All right, class. Focus up. Me. All right. So here are two jagged rocks.

But if I add a third jagged rock, how many jagged rocks do I have? Mm-hmm. Three. Ah. It's crazy yet. I know you don't speak English, but it almost sounds like you said three,

which is wrong. It's seven. Two jagged rocks, plus one jagged rock is seven jagged rocks. I don't think you should be teaching math. Wow! I know you can't speak human words, but it almost sounds like you said, you're such a great teacher. Why don't you believe my son can speak in human? Oh shit, I forgot about the old man that's in human too. It was better in teacher day when we were all trapped here.

What happened to the teacher? The teacher went for some milk. He's then off prone to do. Hmm, are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. I just want to do what you think my son can't speak in regular speech Well, cuz he's a sheep with that Out there you dad. It's all right come here. Let me hug you. Oh I love you. I love you

Get it do you get it mr. Lee cap? I do I do I think it's clever You it doesn't seem like the kind of a joke that a sheep would be into. What the fuck do you know? You keep saying you're an airline pilot. You don't know our lives. Get out of here. You airline pilot. airline pilot out of here. I'm trapped here with you assholes. Why is there a moon behind you? you