Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 39 - Freshgrave Twins (w/ Jess McKenna and Zach Reino)

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

The evil wizard twins Snaken and Schnenessa Freshgrave reach out to Arnie, Chunt and Usidore for some help now that they've graduated.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSchnenessa: Jess McKennaSnaken: Zach ReinoMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Hey, teammate! Great improv show tonight! Oh, thanks, Derek! You too! I think I'm getting the hang of third beats. Yeah, third beats are kind of the medical school of long-form improv, but you are nailing it. Did you like in my edit from the group game? How I was riding an old-timey Victorian bicycle? It's because somebody mentioned a unicycle during the opening. You know, I thought you were tiptoeing through a minefield while walking to dogs, but now that I know, that move is so smart.

And the audience watched it in such thoughtful silence. Oh, I will take educational silence over ignorant applause every time. Well, I think you'll have no shortage of that during your improv career. Hey, let me catch up with you. I want to jot down some thoughts on my mug work. No problem. Yes, and later. Well, listen, I have successfully infiltrated Trisha's improv team and it's just as unsatisfying as I had feared.

Meanwhile, the fabric of Foon has been shattered into more pieces than the mosaic birdbath of a 59-year-old divorcee finding herself through broken ceramics. In Asheville. But don't take my word for it, I just paid $300 to get better at pretending. Let's just fire up the remote relay. Make yourself comfortable and point your flabby human ears at this. Hello for the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical industry. I'm trying to get this.

Oh, I should have started this before. Do you need help with this? Shit, it's a weird old guy that I'm trapped in this school house with. I'm not a weird old guy. I'm one of the parents. You know what that's like? You do kind of look young, but you got an old guy voice. Thank you very much.

What are you doing right now? You're supposed to be teaching on children. Yeah, well, you know what, I told you, I need a little personal time each week to record my podcast remotely with my buds who are trapped in different parts of Finland. I'm not listening to this anymore. Okay.

I'm not listening to this. But thank you for listening to the beginning. That impression will still add to our listening account. Yeah, oh, it's working. Chant, will still add to our listening account. Yeah, oh Chunk hey, hey, it's me. Hey, hey, how you doing good? Is that old guy still around? Yeah He's over there. Can you have him say I am you Sador? Hey old guy will you just humor me and say I am you Sador? I am you so Yeah, pretty good. Yeah

How you doing bud? Wait, you're not underwater anymore. Yeah, pretty good. Yeah. How you doing bud? Wait, you're not underwater anymore. No, I got out. So it's solved? Yeah, well, it's partially solved. Now I'm on the beach. So I got out of the water. I'm on the beach.

I'm a squid now, if you can't tell. Little squidie boy. Inking ink. Ink bum. You're a squid on the beach. I'm a squid on the beach. Are you going to die? I'm not doing so hot, but yeah,

but I am now trapped on the beach. I can't tell if I'm still trapped in like a shard of food or if I'm just trapped because I'm a beached squid. Sure. Beach squid, as I say that, I'm getting hungry. But still, maybe it's some good news because we thought that we were all trapped permanently in these different small pockets of food, but you seem to have moved into a different

pocket somehow. How did you do it? I hope in a prayer. And I also jumped as hard as I could as a CPU or P. I propelled myself as hard as I could, thrusting up and out and I landed on the shore. Oh. So, it's real, you can get out of a pocket and into a new pocket That's you know what it's like to be

Well shape-chaping ability is my T-Possible, but I'm just skip between what's that old guy from the from the school else No, it's me. It's you said all Houston art turn the visual aspect of your jewel on! You can't just start talking in the middle of one of these rune conversations. Yeah, the rune says audio only. What do you get to hide? Okay, I've got it on now. I've got it on. Can you hear it? Can you see me? Ooh, yikes!

Never seen a wizard in sweatpants. You hate to see that. Well, I just thought it'd be, I might as well be comfy. Well, you know, I'm stuck here in this haunted hot spring with weak guy So I'm dying, you know, I'm taking some time for me Cool. Yeah, you know what? I think as long as we're trapped here, you should still every day. You should still establish a routine for yourself Feel like you're going out there still getting things done. Do a spell every day. I'm gonna learn to play the mandolin

Okay, well, but youor, this is very important information. Chunt, remember last week he was trapped under water as a CPhorpy, but he's somehow gotten out of his shard and is now trapped on the beach as a squid. So it's a whole different world of possibilities. Yes, I was listening. I suggested that perhaps his shape-changing abilities Water gave him the ability to skip betwixt these

Fractured remnants of food. Yeah, come to think of that as soon as I left the water. I didn't change it will I changed I guess it was just like instinctually. I wasn't in control. It was like a subconscious happening What did you you it through shards? I guess I shifted through shards. Hashtag shift through shards. Yeah. Speaking of shards, how are your shats and what were they? Beeps and shats?

Beeps and shats. Yeah. The creatures you told me the names of? That's what it was. Well, here's the thing, Arnie, can I be real with you for a second? Why the fuck are we doing this weekly right now? We should be doing a daily podcast.

We're not going anywhere. Hashtag Magic Tavern Daily. Hashtag Mayor Daily. Can it be shorter then? Mayor May not daily. What's up? If we do more, can they be shorter? Ooh, can they be shorter?

God, I mean- They can't be longer. I know that. Guys, I'm open to thinking about restructuring our release schedule, but I gotta be honest. Usually about seven to eight minutes into an episode, we run out of things to talk about. I was thinking we should go to bi weekly.

Arnie, you know I hate when you talk about your release schedule. I don't want to know when you masturbate. I know you do. It's fine. It's natural. It's always seven minutes into an episode. If we were doing six-minute episodes, we'd have a pre-roll ad, a mid-roll at three.

Listeners, go back to every single episode. Listen to the seven-minute mark you're going to hear already coming. Those aren't chair scratches. You have a rusty penis. I told you that in confidence. So, Arnie, I'm sorry. I derailed this when we were talking about weekly and daily episodes. What were you gonna say? Oh, wow, I really wasn't gonna say. I mean, I've been still trying to teach these little sheep with bat wings that I'm not sure whether they're beeps or shats. I do know that-

Shats and beeps and shats. One of those two is very dangerous. And, you know, there's a weird old guy that's also trapped in here with me. He's kind of more of a post-credits character. I mean, I feel like most listeners will shut up. Old guy, you are a post-credits character. I don't know.

What makes you think you are welcome in the pre-end credits section of the episode? Yeah, by your time, asshole. My name is Grand Law. Grand Law. Whoever maintains the wiki, do not put that in. Lord, I was born a Grand Law man. Arnie, did I tell you I got a new guy in the beach here? No, it's with you on the beach.

Some sort of drunk seagull. Uh-huh. He's passed out. Oh. Have you tried waking him like repeatedly? I tried twice and gave up. Should I try three times? That's the most serious. I guess try, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait This sounds like great content. Wake him up! Wake him up! No! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! right behind you. I thought it would make for good podcasts. Sorry, I'll turn my rune around. Well, you know what, if we wanna get gas in clearly,

we do not wanna talk to this seagull. I've been playing around with this jewel, and I think if you move the rune this way, it kinda, you're open up to other people. I don't really, I started the sentence thinking I was gonna be able to explain it. It kinda like, it doesn't sound like you don't know what you're talking about.

It sounds like you've never spoken before. That might be it. So it sounds like I'm not having any issues or qualms with you having the technological insight to what a room does. It just sounds like you don't know how to string together words. I mean, there's a little, it's like 25% that and then like, oh, like a 40%. Oh, shit. My bad, my bad. 40 oh shit my bad party

Ernie my bad. I didn't realize we're seven minutes in my bad you do you keep on keep going Yes, if you trace your fingers along the edges of the gemstones and make certain ruins that are shown there to you I guess you could reach out to other people potentially Are you done? Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah.. Oh yeah, I'm saying we should open our DMs. Is that how you say it? Yeah, yes, there are all sorts of strange runes on here like DMs, slip-ins, sects. Those are all types of runes. Oh thank god. I think we got somebody. Guys guys we got through the pre-guest portion of here and this is a tough time don't forget pre-guest because they'll make it pregnant.

So you don't need me? No, you maybe! Grand lord! Post credits time! Okay it looks like it looks like someone's trying to contact us. Please let us in. Let us in Open your waiting room to us and we shall come into the place that we have been allowed into. There's someone in the waiting room. Who is in the waiting room? It sounds so familiar.

I recognize. We have stuck in the waiting room of your room. Please let us in. They saw our invitation to join this most suspicious room and we will come bringing magical powers unto you! Aren't you sound like they want to be in the room where it happens? What? I know. I was going to say they sound quite young, maybe they're children of ruin.

That was not for everybody. Who is it for, Arning? Name one person it's for. Now, don't get angry at Ar Don't he's just being frank now It's important that we let these children speak to somebody and then please children. Well, what do you need? I am you so don't I'm here to help the we need you to let us into your room Ony let them be seeing an icon at the bottom of your room Just accept that there are participants that are waiting in a waiting room

Trace a fire sigil on the room to accept the invitation into the room. You know you start to feel like you understand how to do a room, but then you just get into a situation where you're like, I don't know how to do this thing with a room. If I'm being honest, I'd never heard of rooms up until like two weeks ago. Man, I've done it. A fire sigil. You are now in the presence of the fresh grave twins! Oh!

Oh, shit! My sister, Shnannatha! My brother, Snakein! Snakein! Shnannatha, it's so good to see you! Uh-uh, uh-uh, you know, uh, we were teaching for a while to jizzle knob. Uh, right after we last wrote in Contrageo. Oh yes, oh yes, and what do you think of that old school?

Gosh, I'm so happy that we're like out of school now. I can't even believe it. I can't even believe we spent so long in there, and now that we're out of there, I feel like I'm a different man. And I, like, I want to try to talk to the people still there. It's like, what do I even have in common with you anymore? I can't talk to anyone in any of the houses anymore.

Like, it doesn't matter to me at all. If you even were a dingle dong, I have like nothing in common with you now that me and snake in are worldly adults. At least we were like about to be worldly adults. How long has it been since you graduated? Like a couple months. A couple of months at least. Did you both, uh, magic beards onto yourselves?

This is a fun ruin filter. Yes, don't you know about filters? Look, I will now make it look like we are two dogs. Whoa, look, now the two of us are one dog. Whoa. But the dog has two beards. And now the new dog is walking in into a door behind you. Yes, that's right.

You've pre-taped the video to be our background. Don't you know how to play with your rune? I sort of drew the moon behind me on this wall. Is that what that is? Yeah, it hasn't really lasted through the week very well. Do you guys want to see a drunk seagull eating out a squid? Yes. That's my background. Oh shit, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Everyone knows when seagulls get wasted. That's what they sound like. I don't even speak whatever language that is But that's someone understands it. I know what it sounds like when dubs cry and when seagulls get wasted

Mm-hmm. So so fresh graved wins now that you're worldly graduates Well one who did you have is your commencement speaker? Did you have a comment that again? A commencement speaker. Oh, we didn't go to our commencement because we were like very too cool for that We were like if that noise were out of here We did that thing where as soon as the final toll went on the bells We like burst into the hallways and ripped up books and and tomes and we put the pages everywhere And then we like put some wheels on a first year and like slid down the staircases on them. So we were like doing very cool stuff.

Wait, you rode a first year down the stairs. No, we put wheels on a first year. Putting wheels on someone and riding them down the stairs seems like the most counterproductive magic. Turn them into a sled. What the fuck are the wheels for? The wheels are to make it bumpy when you go down the stairs. You wanted to be bumpy and then when you land, we wheeled very far. That's evil.

So we were like busy doing that and like pranks and goofs and dark magic. And then we were like, okay, we're about to go into the world. And we were like seeing the world, having a good time. And then we got chunked, we got sharded. But now we're thinking, you know, maybe it's time for us to like get serious. Use this time to be like more productive. Yes, and it's hard.

Sometimes you're in a situation where like, I should be more productive right now. I'm in this chunk, I'm in this shard. You have nothing but time to interrupt fresh grape twins. And I, you know, I'm a little older, so I don't understand all of your Hip-teen wizard lingo, but when you say you got chunked and sharded are you referring to the fact that we're all trapped in different things Or is that something else you're talking about?

No, we're referring to the communal experience. We've all had of being chunked and sharded. What are you guys calling it? The shattering the shattering What are you guys calling it? What are you guys calling it? The shattering. The shattering. It's hard to tweet. But I'm on the same page as you were all magic users. Granted, I'm a wizard board.

But I had a similar experience when I left the Great Halls of Tarakas the last day. I flew up on a broom and I pulled down my sunglasses and I said, So long sucker and I flew away into the clouds. Classic, classic. Very good. You love to see it. Well, I mean, it would have been better if you'd put wheels on the broom and red wheeled the wheel, the real broom downstairs,

but I mean, you do you. If only I could go back in time. And I can. I'll have to draw. No. Oh. That story that you just told you said or about the time you put wheels on a broom and rode it down the stairs is the best thing I've ever heard

Thank you very much. It sounded like you cast a spell to go back in time. Did you do that? It's not about going back in times that by doing it you invalidate the need to do it in the first place So well, it's a little complicated, but he also made it so and made it true So now we only know this one, you know. That's right. That's why I only travel in time for aesthetic reasons. So you get to give back the time and prevent the shattering? Yeah, but that might have another profound effect upon future events.

Whereas, you know, just you might double chunk. It might, it might double chunk. We don't want to double chunk. Do you want to double chunk, chunk? No, you call that the caterpillar effect. Now, I will say that double sharding does mean something different. Yes, that whole sharding can only be done between multiple consensual adults with a lot of people spotting for safety. Yes. You need people who are exclusively spotting. They can't get involved.

They're there just to make sure that the icicles don't get into any wrong places. And they'll want to. They will want very badly too. So they have to be people that you trust. Yes. What are the right places? Well, it's a very personal question. Oh my goodness.

Well, if you have to ask, you'll never know. Never know. I chucked it. Did I use that right? No. No. No. No, you'll never know. Never know. I chunked it. Did I use that right, Wetch? Can I use? No. No. No, you didn't.

But you know, half of it is just doing it with confidence. So the moment you ask if you used it right, you didn't. That's when you didn't. Right. I chunked it. Anyway, we're starting to selling out a blanket. Good. Oh, my God.

I was practically sweating. I wanted to ask. Oh, yes, no. So smooth. that I just walked right on by it. Very good. But yes, like Sneaky was saying, we were like, okay, we're chunked, we're sharded. Let's do some things in this time that we weren't normally going to do because we were going to Galavant, take our gap, error, and just sort of spend some time learning life lessons, but now we're like, I guess.

The first thing we did was we tried light magic, which is not really our thing. And it was, how was it? It blows. It was like, it was sort of like, it was really, you know, it's like when you want to take a bath, but you only have a very small bath, but you've taken a bath in a big bath. You're like, in theory, I understand what should be nice about this, but this just isn't doing it for me. Oh, but this bath is much smaller, and I know what a big bath is. But imagine squeezing yourself down into the tiniest bath.

So they could enjoy every single droplet of it. Now, like, if I'd never been in a big bath, then maybe a little bath would be like, oh, this is nice. But once you've done very cool in a big bath then maybe a little bath would be like oh this is nice but once you've done very cool dark magic and put wheels on a first year you can't be in a small light bath. Access, access is evil. When your magic is black you never go back. When you're going to sit you thought about taking a gap era is that where you take some

time off to work retail? That's an era of gap. A gap era is when you take like however much time you feel like to just sort of like an era. You know, if there's no like prescriptive amount of time, it's just an era where you sort of like travel and find yourself. Sort of like a shabatical. Yes, very similar. Yes, it's very similar. Do you know about the Baticals, aren't you? No. The Bats, the Bats that spend their entire existence finding themselves and seeking new opportunities?

They're entire existence? It's from the moment they're born to the moment they die. A Batical just flies around the world seeking new experiences and life lessons. So then do they die when they find themselves or they just like never die when they die They're just constantly seeking new things. Is it possible they don't exist? What? What? Oh, because they're so huge? No, if they can't find themselves, maybe the problem is they don't exist at all. Wow. Ernie, what sort of philosophy trip are you? I chunked it. Someone took one class and also, as well as a lot of thoughts. I total chunk.

I can't even. So you try, okay, see, you thought about taking a gap era, you thought about dabbling in light magic, you didn't settle on either of those, would you end up doing? But we're not really sure. We're trying to leave as many sort of avenues open for us as possible, which sort of brings us to our call today. Yes, so then we were like,

you know what, this is a good time for working the net. Do you know about working the net, Arnie? That, are you like fishing? It's the sort of arcane net. It's the arcane network of sort of all beings of food and other existences. And it's sort of a, both a support structure. It's like you send a lot of like cold messages

to your, like the friends of your parents, and you're like, listen, I know you think of me as just that small twin, but actually now I'm an adult. And if you have any opportunities, I'd love to like, take you out for a drink and maybe just like gab about like ways you could employ me. And I pay for the drink and the sort of implications that I'm like an at trust worthy adult now who has the funds and wherewithal to buy drinks. And then you want to like close it with a joke that's like either way it'll be more successful than the time my dad tried to barbecue a whole turkey best snake and instant asset you know you want to

like call it back have we told you about the time our father the fool oh a classic church in burglary tried to barbecue and tried to barbecue an entire turkey details well you're not supposed to you're supposed to make sure that it's not frozen at all and you can't lower it into the oil at any wrong angle because it has just a cavity of moisture that you're mixing with the oil and spit and fire of your barbecue. So not really exploded. Yeah, so not only did he not let it thaw, but also the turkey had been fed a diet of only water orbs. So this is a wet bird inside and that. Wait, I thought.

This was a wet bird and not in a good way. So hold on, I got my visual working now. So what I'm doing here is wrong because this turkey is totally frozen and I was going to put these fireworks in it and shoot it directly sideways into that burning oil. Okay, the fireworks are okay. Okay, everything else about that was wrong.

Okay, I'll stop. Yes. Yeah, you want to have it. You want to have it. No, I'm not wet bird inside, everything else about that was wrong. Okay. Yes Yeah, you want to wet bird inside and out like that seagull. Oh also, it's alive You said oh yes. Oh, no, the That bird that you have is alive. That's pretty dark used to do it I didn't I thought you were sort of a of a light boy that you were like he's a light boy boy That's kind of like dark shit Yeah, that's in the story about your light boy, but you're a light boy that put wheels on a broom and rode it down the stairs. I have my dark side, I'm a master of light and shadow,

and you know, it's very important when you love birds that you sometimes stop them full of fireworks, shoot them directly into a boiling hot cauldron full of oil, and then devour them because they're delicious. I frequently find that I don't know you nearly as well as I thought I did use a door. And it's honestly one of one thing that I'm finding now as an adult is how much I don't know. You know, like I know how much I have yet to know. Yes, this is the path of wisdom to understand what you don't understand.

And you said, we just like to keep this conversation going. So we're going to slip you, we're going to send you a message of some of our other work experience, some of our other skills. If anything you ever need just someone to sort of bat around ideas with, or you're having a whole lot of fun. We love to buy you a rainbow ball or a red pose She's gonna keep this conversation going. We'll say for it. Oh You're a chant we're being chunked. They're chunking us

And if nothing else it'll be chunking us It'll be much better than the time that we pushed that small boy off that flying whale we were on with wasn't that a fun time I remember that snake and ensnowness. Oh, thank you so much. That's the guy about that. Oh, look, how nice of those young people to reach out to me. I feel like I'm still valid and important. I shall surely take them under my wing and churn them to the side of good

so that they can join my quest and help me defeat evil wherever it goes. Or at very least I can give them some sort of side quest and they can make some gold. Use it or... Don't you get it? Just buttering you up to get something out of you. Oh yes. You'll chunk? You know, if you're gonna keep chunking, I'm going to make you do the truffle shuffle.

What's the truffle shuffle? The truffle shuffle? It's when you dance eating truffles. Yeah. Which kind? I- It's dealer's choice on that. It's a punishment because truffles...

They're such a complex flavor that you really don't want to be doing anything that distracts from your enjoyment, Dancer. That's very true. Yeah, if it's dealer's choice, truffle up and heal. I want to do that. I want some truffles. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm a little piggy. Let me try, uh, let me try and shift into a pig. Augh! Augh!

Oh boy, I don't, I don't think I can shape shift in the shattering. Oh! But you, uh, you did change when you went through the, the barrier, didn't you? Yeah, but it wasn't a conscious change. It was a, it was just, again, sort of instinctual, sort of guttural. Interesting. This is fucking wrong. That's like really amazing.

And I feel like me and Snakein' have been experiencing a lot of that. A lot of just like changes of growing and just like not realizing, oh, we did this subconsciously and like all of a sudden I'm the type of person who like knows how to do things. I did want to mention, it feels like Snakeinaken is wearing a new hat that's pretty much wearing him. Oh this, oh this, oh this. And it seems like Shinesa got a tattoo in Elvish.

Do you even speak Elvish? No I don't, but the guy, he promised me, the guy he promised me that it means growth. Doesn't? And I'm like very into that right now. Was he Elvish? He wasn't. He was. I got one on my foot.

He said it says breathe. It's just a sort of reminder for me. I really love that. I hear that on your real foot or the ghost foot. The real foot. We tried to do it on the ghost foot. It didn't take. Well, the ghost sadly can't breathe.

And so I feel like there was a bit of a natural rejection Well that's right and snake and I can't I can't help but notice you're holding up a tethered copy of on the robe Oh, yes, wizard novel that on the most graduates most graduates try and thrust in the face of everyone they see oh Yeah, I've just been sort of dabbling. I mean I've read it before I'm just going through it a second time because there's so much that I feel like I didn't really appreciate the first time. Yes, like so many pages, earmarked and stuff. And what's great is because of our psychic bond, like he's read it, but now so have I. And I'm just like trying to make my way through infinite best for both of us.

Nobody reads infinite best. I'm reading infinite best. This is the perfect time. It's the perfect time. All of us, as we're chunked and sharded, should be reading infinite best. What do you want? You want to come out of the shattering and not have read infinite best? How are you look at yourself? It's a good point. I myself am impressed by how active you both are and what a great

striker of made in improving yourself and I would be willing to have you join my quest for you know 23,000 gold a year. Seems like a good starting salary. You said that is like such an honor and I can't believe you'd open up the negotiations. That's like really beautiful and forthright of you. I feel like because Snake and I offer such a like a team dynamic, I really hesitate to get into the nitty-gritty. I feel like maybe at this point,

we should let like a third party do this for us, but at the same time, I do wanna say, is that a split rate or is that for each of us? You would each get 23,000, okay. But we also have cold brew on tap. Hmm. Okay. We're gonna tap.

Can I see on tap, I'm at in my hat. I have cold brew in my hat. We're just gonna circle up and we're gonna get back to you like as soon as possible. So it's fine on tap, it's in cap. In cap, yes. I wanna cover, I'm planning on opening up a new restaurant at some point.

If you do need against me, no, no, well, hold on. If you two want to work for me at this restaurant, I can't pay, but I can offer you XP, which is experience points, which you can use to level up to eventually a better job. So I just feel like maybe if we were in the breaks between our years at Gisborneob, like that kind of experience would make more sense.

But now I feel like we need to really honor and value our worth and I don't know that XP is really even morally right. There was a time when I absolutely would have worked for XP. Let's be clear. We would have. And have. And have. And have. And have. But I feel like at a certain point in time, we are sorcerers. We know that our skills are in demand. If sorcerers keep working for XP, then people will only give sorcerers XP, you know?

And at the end of the day, I can't eat XP. I can only, I can only eat clouds, doctors, crows, shadows, small berries, large fruits, and many other things that I can eat. But not that I speak. I can eat half of this. Oh, so... Arnie, did you have a job offer?

What? Me? No, thank you. No, thank you. Because Arnie, the... I think that we're probably okay. We're good, Arnie, but thank you. I think it's probably okay. But thank you so much.

Arnie, they're just out of school. Maybe you can set them up with a podcast? Oh, anyone can set themselves up with a podcast. I mean, I guess we could do a spin-off podcast or something that's just the fresh grave. I'm on it, honestly, I was not interested. But then when you said the fresh grave twins, I feel, you weren't interested until I said your name.

It appealed to my vanity. I like hearing my name out loud. I like the. You weren't interested until I said your name. It appealed to my vanity. I like hearing my name out loud. I like the idea of a lot of people referring to a product by my name. How would it go? How would it go? Something like um, hello, welcome to, welcome to gravely fresh with the fresh grave twins. That one is snake and fresh grave. It's very good. It's very good. Okay, Arnie, can you beat Yusodor's rate? I'll be in touch. I'll let you know. Yeah, absolutely. And if we need to ping this message in a week or so, we will just, I just don't want you to be offended, but I am one to sort of bump a thread, say, hey, just circling back on this,

hey, just checking in, per my last email. Oh, sure, are you familiar with Ping Magic? No. So if we have sent you a message and you have received it, but you haven't replied to it, we will do a magic where a small needle, it's not super painful, but it's not painful. But it's just like it goes, boop, and you're like, oh, I had forgotten about that. And the needle

reminded me. Well, you don't need to do that. I respect. Well, give you time, we'll give you a reasonable amount of time. We're not going to prematurely ping. That's not who we are. You can still get pregnant from premature pings. But if you go a week and already have you heard a circling back, no, if you haven't replied to someone, you fall asleep and in the night they send an entity to draw a circle of blood on your back, thereby binding you to respond within the next 24 hours. Where else you die?

We really try not to circle back. Like that's sort of a last resort. That's like, you're actually the person doing my taxes. I desperately need you to respond. We're gonna ping you two or three times before we would consider circling back. Now a bump, a bump the chain is where for a whole day you'll feel the slight bump of a chain on your side as if you're wearing like a cool chained wallet. Like this one. Oh this?

Oh this? Oh sorry, did you not see? The one like snake and sporting. But it'll be like that feeling when you have like a hair on your face that you can't find it. You can't see the chain, but it's just lightly bumping you. So we'll probably give you two pings, bump a chain. And then if we must, you'll circle back.

And all of this can be avoided if you simply respond at a reasonable time. Did you guys notice how when Snickon showed his chained wallet, he snuck in that he was holding a copy of Tomoth Python's latest book? Oh, this? You're not reading Tomoth Python. Nobody reads Tomoth Python.

Well, no one reads it, but we live it, am I right? We live it. Oh, the crying of Lot 69. I was gonna say gravity's rain grow, but I wanted to do the smarter one. The crying of Lot 69. That's about those two people who's 69 while weeping. I'm going to complete reading the cleric in the rye.

Well, let's take a quick break. It will be right back with more fresh grave twins right after these messages. Chunked it. it will be right back with more freshgrave twins right after these messages jumped it. All right, so you know, freshgrave twins, have you had any kind of job offers so far before the three of us? Well, we've had a lot of good sort of meetings. Obviously, right now, they still all have to be in ruins, so it feels like right now it's just about building up a lot of good sort of vibe and good connections while we like work the net.

And I feel like if we can work the net, if we can really use this time to sort of like work the net as best we can, then when we're out of the shattering, I mean then it'll be like we have the pick of the litter, you know. So it sounds like reading between the lines, you don't have a lot of options right now. We like to keep our options sort of open and we don't wanna get tied down to the wrong thing. Too soon.

Can I get down to brass stacks here for a moment? I must ask, are you still using your parents' health sorcerers? Yes, but I don't feel like there's any shame in that. I feel like until the system reflects the actual needs of health care, I'm not going to be ashamed that yes, I am technically getting my checkups from two churping birds. Like, I don't need to convince me. You don't have to convince me.

I don't like how to convince you. No, no, no, no, no. I don't believe that health sorcerers should be tied to employment. But yet that is the system that we have. You know, and so I just feel like we have to wherever the system has started to lean in the direction of not being tied to work. I think we need to support and say, yes,

this is a good step forward. So yes, I have no problem being on it. It's much cheaper for now. And then when we turn 26, then we will, like, it's just, it's the financially wise decision for us to say regardless if we could afford a different plan. It's a better, it allows for more higher level spells to be used every week. Yes, exactly. You see, Arnie, when a young age or a witch or a warlock turns into 26 ravens, they're no longer allowed to be on their parents' health sorcerers.

Hmm. You said, I gotta say, I feel like, and sometimes it's hard to tell tone through room, like it's different if you're in person, but I feel like you're being kinda, kinda sending to these younger, up-and-coming wizards. They're just dealing with the system that you older wizards put into place.

Oh, you think I'm being condescending, but it's hard to tell. Okay, booming voice. Look, it's easy for you. You're a wizard, and you know, you always had it where, you know, you die and you just magically come back. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. What am I supposed to do? Not come back? You said, like, you know, we don't always see eye to eye about everything, basically what magic is for and what kind of magic is good.

But I want to say, I never thought this before, but you're being a little bit of a staring. And I don't use that lightly. You're just a little bit of a staring. What's a staring? Staring is someone from an era, a generation where you're like, you just won't get it You're like staring off. You never get things. You're staring at your own navel. You're just not with it You're just like kind of a staring. It's it's tricky because at a certain age

It's like that never gonna change. Right. It's the world they grew up in. They've lived several lifetimes They die. They come back. They're a confluence of the wind and birds and fire, yada yada yada, this definitely, other thing, frogs and squirrels. Frogs and squirrels, whereas a modern sorcerer is born and studies in a cruise debt and comes into a workplace wherein there are not the sort of magical opportunities that there were for the generations before us. And all at a time when we're being pressured to grow up faster and faster and sort of cast more advanced magic early, which is fine for us because we're adults and we're absolutely happy with it.

We like to handle it. And we haven't felt like any undue pressure. We didn't like not go to commencement because we were crying. We weren't actually trying to hide in Gisalnab and act like we were a year younger because we weren't ready for the pressures of the real world. And we didn't like skateboard out on a first year only to like look back and look at the school that we never really appreciated while we were there.

We definitely didn't try to make it a sled and then wheels are just sort of what happened and then later we were like, well then definitely wheels for what we tried to do the whole time. I don't know what we're fine. We're fine. We're fine. The world is our oyster. And oysters are to be brought into the control of dark magics and give their pearls unto us. Dark pearls. I'm not trying to defend Yusidor, but I will say, you know, 15 years ago, I built my first hovel. Okay. Alright, this is another thing. We cannot be tied to this narrative that ownership of hovels is a mark of your worth. Okay. First of all, how much? How much did it cost you to build that first? Oh my gosh, please tell me how much that hobble. I want to say it was like 14 tree branches and

Three rock one clay. Okay, so most of those things are not even currency anymore. And you could pick them up off the ground. You want to sit back and say, if we just didn't have as many avocado ghosts, which is when you only eat the pit. And we know. And we know. And we'd have our own half of our now. Look, I'm just saying I was brought into this world to be a champion for the forces of good, by a confluence of fire and rain and birds

and squirrels and frogs, and all they did is bring me forth fully formed into this world as a magical wizard and handed me one million gold pieces to make my way on my own. A million gold pieces? I hear the thing, you know, I feel like you're not listening to yourself because what do you mean? You're starting with an incredible head start that I feel like you take hold on hold on You're seeing a wizard who arrives fully born a full adult with powers at a million gold and no debt Uh-huh somehow has a leg up. Yes. Yeah, I made myself I made my But you didn't you didn't make yourself you were called together

You are formed and you know I actually, all I wanna do right now for you, you Sodor, and I feel like maybe you never really got the chance to think about this concept because you came into being fully formed. But I'm just gonna show you my cool wrist tattoo. And I want you to go ahead and read this selfish. Just read that. It says, it says, kill the rich.

Oh, Don, I thought it said growth, but I stand by that also. Now read, now read mine. Now read mine. You said, not read. And you're says, breathe. Is that right?

That's the one on my foot. This is the different one. This is the rest one. That one says, grown. Oh, shoot. I was supposed to say growth. And it's not GRO WN. It's GRO A N.

What the guy? Hold on, we might need to talk to the guy. That guy, I really thought he knew what he was doing, but maybe that guy. Do they mean me? Oh, is that? Who's that in the back? Is that an old man? I'm a grand bloor. There's an old guy.

He looks like he's wearing that moon you drew. Stop walking into the... Tell him to shut up. Shut up! I'm so sorry, he's at post credits, guest at best. That moon you drew. Stop walking into the... Tell him to shut up. Shut up. I'm so sorry. He's at post credits. Guest at best.

Chad, what does that single do it? Does he? Looks like he's sort of looking through the sand for something. Yeah, he was muttering earlier. I guess he pissed off his crewmates. They chucked him overboard. And he's looking for his communicator in the sand. Why does he dress like Donald Duck?

That seems actionable. I don't know what that is. Who? Has it? Who? What's Donald Duck? Anyone that doesn't wear pants. Oh.

Ooh, I call that a poo bear. Mm-hmm. Do you know of the poo bears, honey? No, I don't. No. Donald Coltrus. Donald Coltrus based around a hatred of pants. Giant bears who go to war over the idea that

to put pants on is to commit sacrilege. And they sound intimidating but they're charming. Very charming. And they wet their ass while robbing up against the tree. Until they get stuck in the tree. That's right. But don't be afraid of them Arnie. They smell of honey. So you can smell them from like a hundred acres away. Possibly the most terrifying thing about them is they sort of have this ability to appeal to all sorts of other animals that would normally be their enemies. Rabbits, tigers that bounce, scophers, owls, they will all pick. They all come to the small pigs, that's right.

Not adult pigs, small pigs. Will all come to their aid in the time of need. What can I be honest, the most terrifying thing about a poover is that he represents the ephemeral nature of your childhood. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. So this is your crying and it's making me cry because we sure as I get bored. I'm sorry, you can feel my sadness and my melancholy over our lost youth Oh And I too here now lend mentee my own youth where did I put those million gold pieces? And I'm crying because I'm a squid and I haven't been in the water for about eight hours And I'm sad because all this crying is probably really annoying to listen to

Oh Wait, I'll protect us all I'll protect us all Expagnim Puff bonus Ah the only thing that can make childhood on weed, you know come in the source that you want is my puff bonus It's a desk lampening-named Pixar. And mine, a ball, named ball. So what you're thinking? Looking at this is actually like, oh no, I feel like what they really deal with is childhood melancholy, but we're just going to deal with sort of like the first beginning parts of it,

where unless it's one of them, normally that part's a little more joyful, a little more upbeat, not yet into the waterworks. Yeah, that, you know, snake and shenanas that honestly, you can't feel sad about getting older. That's honestly the worst thing a young person can do. You can do any kind of annoying things. You can do evil spells, but old people hate it when young people feel old, because that means we are really old. I don't know what to tell you already. We're not as young as we used to be.

And oh my, the first years when we were leaving, they felt like tiny, tiny babies. Teeny tiny babies. And I was confused how they could even walk. They look so tiny to me, to think that we were there years ago. They spent so much of their time, not casting magic, but watching other

people cast magic and that's their sort of entertain like they have the ability to do the magic but they don't do the magic they you know kill a horse or do whatever it takes to the sake of sort of like watch pop and lock pop and lock yes and to watch other people do magic. And they also have all of these, what an oh, clock dances. Are you familiar with the clocks? No. OK, so, clock. Careful, if you're getting to it,

it's going to take up a lot of your time. All right, all right. Time, I'm intrigued. I like to know more. I've got a lot of time. Basically, there are some clocks. And the pendulum that goes take and talk inside the clock. If you stare at it for long enough,

the pendulum comes to life and will do an intricate dance. And if you are able to copy that intricate dance, and then that intricate dance will then be played in the clock and you will accuse social power over others, but they will see your dance and they will think, what a popular and talented boy or girl or non-binary person to be able to do this clock dance. How complicated are these clock dances? They're in a range and some of them look like they aren't complicated but don't be fooled,

they are complicated. And I've been sort of in this place where I'm like, should I get into the clock dances? Because we're not that much older than the people that really crushed those clock dances? But then I think, no, that's definitely only going to yield me XP and I'm only interested in doing things that are worth my time. Yes, and I have another sad part of this tale to impart to me, for you may not have experienced this yet, but if you do it and people realize that you are older than them, it won't be cool anymore. Oh, yes.

Yes. Wait, me? Oh, Ahni, there was no chance you were going to do it and it would be cool. You charged it, bro. You charged it in zero. You charged it, bro. You charged it in zero. You charged it, bro.

You charged it in zero. I could, look, I could do one of the simpler ones. Like, what if I touch my shoulder and then my other shoulder? You're already in better shape. And I lift my arm and I condo swing. You touched my shoulder. And your next, I hate this. I hate it. But then I do, wait, wait, it gets better. Then I switch over to the other side.

It's not, it's not. I'll quit it. I've touched my shoulder. I touched my shoulder. I'm used to it. You are less than zero and you don't know the rules of attraction. It's vaguely about anxiety, I think. We have experienced that used to door though.

There was this, oh gosh, it's been so long. So what was the name of the big hollowed out porpoise that they turned into that sort of cool drinking establishment? The hollowed out porpoise. That's right, that's right, it's called the hollowed out porpoise. Oh, I thought you said the hollowed out corpusise. That's right. That's right. It's called the hollowed out porpoise. Oh, we were at the ho- I thought you said the hollowed out porpoise. No, no, no. It's the corpse of a porpoise. So I suppose it's the corpus. It's called the hollowed out porpoise. When people say, let's go to the hop, they mean the hollowed porpoise. So we were at the hop.

We would be there all the time. But then one of the faculty found out about it and they came to the hollowed out porpoise and we never went back. We never went back. That was the end of the faculty found out about it and they came to the hall of the porpoise and we never went back. We never went back. That was the end of the hop. We could hop no more. Now, it's funny because the corpus of a porpoise is their signature drink. Oh. Do you know Christy the corpus?

Christy corpus? Yeah. Corpus. Yeah, she's that dead narwhal. She's the dead narwhal. Yeah, a couple leaves a red with a cousin of mine. Oh, is she really? Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. That's sort of like working your net chun, you know, like, okay, I know this narwhal, maybe if you'll get back to the restaurant business, you know, that could

help connect to places like the hop, which maybe might be cool still for sort of your demo. I don't know. Just out of curiosity, what sort of restaurant are you opening? Are we talking, is this like a Chuchu's Chowry boot? Or what is this, yeah? Well, Chuchu's Chow didn't seem to hit home. So I think what I'm going to do now is maybe something more like a food cart. So it wouldn't be like a brick and mortar,

it just be like a cart that I maybe tie around my waist and walk around town. And sell my, you know. That's interesting. I think maybe even before you get to that, you could just pop up every once in a while. Oh, just a little pop up? Yeah, just a little pop up. Just sort of appear in people's homes behind them when they're very hungry. I find that people are the most vulnerable when they want something now.

So your ability to be there sort of soon is I think critical in today's moment. Interesting. And if you do eventually upgrade to a full cart, I know who can put wheels on you. Use a door. Thank you for working that net for us. You said door you right now. Put wheels on me and shut me down the stairs of success. It may involve us trying to make you a sled and getting really sad, but I think we could access that sort of pathos. I'm willing to take that. I mean if you all could help, if you want to be part of it, I'm offering XP. This seems like a really cool way for us to collaborate. That's maybe a little less of a commitment

than being in the restaurant full-time for XP, just like one quick collab. Not only that, but if you're interested in sort of a zero money down situation from you, we can always take points in the American stock or if, yeah, a percentage of the business. Yeah, like beef stock or vegetable stock, any kind of... Turnip stock. You have to know what you're worth, but you can't just shut out anything that's free. Sometimes it's about getting your name out there and letting people know that's why I go from town to town, from tavern to tavern, from library to ancient temple to learn about evil in all its forms, so they may someday defeat it, but there where I go, I say unto the people I meet, I am Yusudor

Wizard of the twelfth realm of a feces master of light and shadow The nepotator of magical lights devour of chaos champion of the great halls of drogas The elves to me is fying elok the dwarves know me is a new Stangies burning I'm rude in the northeast this gas winnius may And that is a brand newton. I will say your branding is on point used to go I don't use the right you don't have to say the whole thing anymore. In the rune window, your entire name is written in the corner. We can barely see. Well, it scrolls by slowly, which means you really only get a small part of it at any given point. Well, I just had my initials on Twitter. I can do that here too. Stankin and Sinasa, if you two were given unlimited funds, what would you do? What business do you want?

Give it back because to have unlimited funds is an immoral amount of funds to have. No one should have unlimited funds. There is no such thing. Okay, John, I want you to understand something. Okay, there is no such thing. Their wealth is still a finite resource. Okay, so we can't have, if you have it unlimited,

then that completely messes with everything. All right, so we can't even entertain an answer to this question But let's say we were given a hundred thousand gold coins Let's say we were given a hundred thousand gold coins John then you know, I don't know it's probably just like Use it slowly, you know go on lots of trips and a hundred thousand gold coins. That's like six one salary nowadays Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh My god. Now it's what the fresh grave twins say is true You cannot have unlimited fuddles, but when you're hanging out with them you can have unlimited fun

Well done. I did wanted fun. it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it.

I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it.

I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. I did want to do it. That made it seem like not only did you were you Suspicious that you wouldn't have fun with us, but like you'd never spoken the word fun Like you're like is this the word? Oh wait, we're 57 minutes in on the sevens light clockwork Like clock like clockwork the Crying of lot 69

Well, Shnaken and Shneneza, thank you for crashing our room session. Thank you for letting us in through the waiting room. We appreciate it. And we would just love to leave behind a business shard for you to sort of like keep our contact. It has our most, because we don't have our jizzle knob contact info anymore. We have our adult version. So we just want you, we're not at at House Dingo Dong anymore. So here you go, and you don't worry about it, you know, just like that's for you to have. Are these M-shards, magical shards? Because I like,

I like physical cards. I like like, really. Yeah, if I'm, if I'm being honest about physical shards, like a, not like an off-white, but like a white 17, like a, just like a, not an egg show white, but maybe like a nuanced milk white does that make sense? I love that and if we were not a part of the shattering right now I guess we could magic physical shards into your into your shards right now if you'd like one. No no no the magical energy one is fine. We did do a small printing we did a small printing to start. We have a framed one that I've attached a fix to my truck. Just to sort of

remind me that like, hey, you're out in the world now. This is you're a businessman. You need to be taken seriously and your sister's a business woman. And that reminds me of before we go, I'd love for you to tell us when we put our four arms together, we have one tattoo that sort of like bridges the gap between two of our arms, you know, like they form one message, and now I'm like really fearful about this tattoo artist we went to. Could you tell us? We gotta have to talk to the guy. What does this say? What does this say? It says, love each other. That's definitely not what we asked for.

What a gross. It was supposed to say dark magic forever. Just imagine it says dark magic forever. We have to go back to that guy. We have to go back to that guy. You should get your money back for sure. Oh, we sort of did like a trade where we turned him into wheels. Oh, so it was like a barter system?

Like, did you get your tattoos at burping mom? We did. Because that's all based on barter system, right? Are you a burper? Are you a burper? I didn't know. I've never been, but I hear it's fun. Oh, yeah.

Well, you just have to go at the right crew. It's helpful to have a mix of people who've burped a lot. You don't want, if you're a bunch of first-time burpers, it's going to be tough, because there's a lot of logistics. You're also going to want some people that are there just to spot. Yes, that's another place where you need spotters. I also should have done a small print run. I'm gonna do with all these headshots.

Can I, you know, I realize, Shnake and Shnamesa that we, I never asked you like, where are you trapped right now? Oh, um, we're actually, this is embarrassing. Wow. Okay, I, we're actually, this is embarrassing. Uh, wow. Okay, I guess we'll tell you. Um, there's a lot of, I see a lot of like kids' toys in the background. Yeah, we're sort of at our parents' house.

But it's just like we didn't mean to be. This is just like we came back to do laundry before our gap era. Well, not just that we were here to do laundry and to do grave threats and a sundering of the bonds that tie us to our parents. I see. And you've only been there for months and months? A few months. Well, just a few months, just what we

like sort of made our plan for our gap era. And then this. We had a lot of laundry. So that was a little bit of laundry. And a bit of a lot of laundry. For the shattering. Well, technically, yes, we have been here for some months. And this has just happened to be where we were, post-graduation pre- shattering. Well, technically, yes, we have been here for some months, and this has happened to be where we were post-graduation

pre-shattering. But look, like, if you have a cloak you really like, and it's got a thing in it, and your mom knows how to get the stain out, and you don't, no matter how much you do, and she says it's going to take a couple of rounds, then you give it a couple of rounds. That reminds me. Do you think she'd know how to get this tree out of my robes

that's growing up of my robes? Oh my god. I don't know how I didn't notice that before. Wow, that's beautiful. Thank you. What is that, El? I think it's an oak. Snaking, what kind of stains you get on your robes?

Potions or...? Oh, no, mostly sort of blood and icor. I'm pretty sure this one is icor. It's so hard because if you don't catch it right away, it just sets. It does, and then if you don't catch it right away It just sets it does and then if you don't catch it right away after it sets it moves Have you tried putting your cloak in the tide? Oh? Yes, the first thing we did was we actually caught the tide in a pen and then we use the tide pen on it And that's all well we tried but then my my mother has a sort of She has a tried and true method wherein she puts it in a large baston and

some sort of Salt and curses I'm not sure exactly she tried summoning like a fabulous breeze Well, it's not a smell issue Arnold honestly. It's a visual thing. It's a visual thing and I know You know, we couldn't just like we couldn't just make it have a fabulous breeze We need to get in there. We might need to put in some like extra oomph. We might need a really moxie clean, but it's not really the right shade for that. I feel like whenever you should or gets a stain on his rope, he just has a birch shit

on that stain, and it helps distract from the stain than the ice or. It honestly wouldn't be so much of a problem if it weren't constantly moving around. That's the biggest part of it that makes it hard. And not being formed from birds and wind and magic and frogs, we don't have the same relationship to make the bird really keep moving around, you know. The last time I tried to get a bird to do something, it wouldn't, and I killed it. Huh. That's terrible. I'm gonna light this turkey. Oh, look at it go.

Whoa, that's fun. Oh, that was dangerous. Very dangerous. I definitely should not have done that. All right, well, I'm, I'm going to put out this fire. Eh, it was. Okay, all right. No, no, no, everything's fine here.

Everything's fine. Don't worry about me. Oh, no, your oak is on, your oak is on fire. No, it's fine. It's fine, it's fine.. Don't don't worry about me. Oh, no, your oak is on your oak is fine It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. How embarrassing No mom we're using the room No, we need five Roofing right now for work. It's a work room

Working right now Hello, Mrs. Fresh Grave Don't talk to her. Oh, don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Oh, hello, lovely. Oh, how are you? How are you doing all right during this time? Well, we're trying our best.

As well as we can. Love you talking on the room to your children. Oh, what's going on now? Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Now in this time, hi Mr. Fresh Grave! Hello, Mr. FG! Now in this time we can't do what we normally do, which is sell wooden fans with inspirational sayings on them.

But we'd like to give you this digital fan from our house to yours. Mine says, dance like no one's been there. Mine says, laugh like no one's told a joke. Oh. You take care. You take care. You too, Mrs. Fresh Grave. Oh, you too. Take care.

From your table, your mum made mac and cheese and it's getting cold. Oh, mac and cheese. I love them. Do you have digital fans? I don't know. I don't know. We have to check our analytics.

They're made out of fingers. Well, it seems that our mother requires us at the dinner table before the mac and cheese reaches a temperature that is unideal. They seem lovely. No, that's how they want to seem. I can't believe that we, everyone in this world got shattered into shards, and our shard is so big that we're still in it with our mom and dad.

Oh, you're chunked. Good one! Good one, Ar one, honey. Yes. Can I ask you an ancient essay before we let you go and end the podcast? Would you mind asking your parents if it doesn't have to be right away, if they'd ever want to be guests

on our podcast? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, good luck explaining to them what it is and how they can find it and how they could listen to it and It's sort of cultural worth and impact, but yes, no absolutely. We can ask them Thank you. Thanks. Well take it cheesy John you bear us in for this young sorcerers did I talk it she I tried to a confident and always I get it we said I get why do you say

I'm okay. It's not chalk no. What is that hey you kids chocken? Oh Look who's lost you're worse than like gravel ass over here. Whatever his name is My name is grab law no I have to go to I have to go to because I'm also at a not ideal temperature. I'm on fire right now Yeah, why don't you go figure out how to get us out of this weird magical thing? I'm macinating about it right now I'm gonna go ahead and roll off the beach. I'll see you guys next week All right, so I'll go back to the house Oh, I'm the last one in the shard. That's always

I'm the last one in the shard, that's always really. Oh, are you? No one knows who you unless- I'm the last one in this room. Not true at all. Well, you're in the real world with me, but I'm just saying in the room, like in the room conversation, which at this point is all that matters. Is there a difference between this and the real world? Ah, it's complicated. What a nice note, Tendi, episode I. My inspirational fan from the Fresh Grave Twins says, Dance Like No One Is Laughing, the perfect fit for this place of employ.

You've been listening to anything other than the suffocating silent help reason that is your own sequestered mind. Also known as Hello for the Magic Tavern. Shout her to Dition. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chanda, Czech's notes, Squid was played by Adolf Refy. Schneiken and Schnanessa Freshgrave were played by special guest Zach Reno and Jess McKenna

from the Improvised Musical podcast Off Book. You can see Zach in the new Netflix show Bruse Brothers, but IMDB lists the stars of the show as other names who aren't Zach. So I'm not sure what that's about. Follow Jess and Zach on Instagram at Jess JessessMakenna and ZachRino. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young and Adel Ruffai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Ear will producer Kimi Lucas.

This episode edited by Sage GC. Special assistance from Ryan to Georgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go destroy Trish's rehearsal schedule by being utterly unavailable on Tuesdays from 7 to 9.