Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 42 - Bibbits (w/ Alden Ford and Winston Noel from 'Mission to Zyxx')

Episode Date: May 25, 2020

Two bibbits (they're sort of like halflings?) discuss the terrible burden they carry: a cursed trinket!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBustly Mormler: Alden FordPolo Tatums: Winston NoelMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early, and ad-free on Wondering Plus. Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts.

Okay, Derek, let's go over the plan one more time. Right, my favorite part of improv, the planning. So the team will get its usual suggestion, a location, a relationship, and an emotional arc that can be played out over three different four to 11-minute scenes. Ugh, I'm just praying no one says. Starbucks, roommates, promotion of one to regional sales manager drives the other online radicalization. Again. Oh my god, right? Three weeks in a row is enough. Anyway, the first time we need to mime

an object, I'll give you the signal. An uncalled for high five. Right, and then you run and grab the object from the trunk of my car, where I've collected most of the objects you will find in any improv scene. Except a photocopier. That's in the backseat. Got it. I have to say, it is humbling to stand so close to a future legend. Stop it. I'm just one woman with a dream of holding a real coffee mug in my next teacher's break room scene. Okay, I'll see you at the show. See you there! Provided that generic restaurant two-tops sticking from the back of your car doesn't get you pulled over. But listen, I know why you're here. the show. at your misjudgeance. Take a seat, don't hyper extend that lower back, and listen.

Welcome to the Magic Castle! Ah, this is a magical story. Told in a mystical way, ah, chunt. Yeah, chunt, can you hear me on the room? I don't know how Arnie does this every week. I thought it would be much easier than this. And I find myself quite confused. Well, let me, should I give this shot? Yes, oh, first, let me introduce you. I, let me introduce you.

No, no, no, no, no. It's intro, it's intro than intro. Intro than intro. Yeah, except after, except after something. Intro before bros. Intro's the intro's except after bros. Maybe that's it.

All right, you are my brother. So my intro shall come first and then my brother. I say unto thee, welcome to the mystical inn where all do sit around table and enjoy an ale where I'm mad at the interjects with yikes. Oh, okay, oh, well, man. You are sweating, pervusing. It's all right, I'm gonna be alright. We get rid of your robes. We guy put this cape on me. I'm trying real hard. I can get back up. I can do it.

I'm gonna do it. He's working away. He's working away. I'm gonna do it. He's checking off the cape. He's back. Hello from the magic tavern. Now introduced to mine co-host none other than that shape-shifting wonder Junt the Badger. Ooh, Papi Nansen says a brand new bag. Thank you so much. I am a chunt the shape shifter

Currently used to door. I'm seems like I'm on a beach still Oh, I'm still in this area, but I'm no longer a badger. I'm no longer a starfish I'm oh, that's right. I don't think I'm an animal at all I think from best I can tell just from looking down at my body. I'm a little beach boy. You're a little big beach boy Mm-hmm. Oh, well that's that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun Got a little tan got a little tan got little board shorts Now I just about the sand. I don't recall. You ever shape shifting into a humanoid form before?

This is quite remarkable. Have you done it before? I don't recall. I'm sure I have. So let's just say I have. Or let's just say you probably have. I don't listen to this show. I don't listen to it either.

No, why would I? I have to getcha upon all those episodes of getting nuts. Oh yeah, should we do a getting nutsuts because we don't have Arning yet? This is chunt. Hey, I'm sorry. Can you call me a little beach boy? Oh, sorry. I try.

This is a little beach boy. This is Yusudor the Blue. And we're Get Nuts. Now, somebody this very week sent me a tweet on Twaterton, where they did send me a picture of these incredible fascinating objects. One side, a bolt, and the other side called a nut. One side of bolt, one side of nut. Is this like a riddle or a mystery? I think it might be.

One side of bolt, one side of nut. And what was it called? I nuts and bolts that was it. Oh, I'm here. This seems like the perfect time Oh, and now oh, I can't do it. I can't do it somebody help me. Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were doing the podcast. Oh, you said you're having a talk with a little beach boy. I Got us oh god. It says let me do it. Let me do it. oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, Beach Boy 8 Chun this low Beach Boy he didn't eat chun it's it's chun chun is a little Beach Boy I'm a little Beach Boy Chuck I'm an Audi Oh that's my penis there everybody I'm an idiot don't put that away Chuck remind me how you change form again well typically I would have relations with someone and then turn into them but it was at this time right no no no let me finish.

Even more recently, I can see. Because that might be the end. That might be the end. No, no, no, no. I've a lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more.

A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more.

A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. A lot more. slide I got real excited. Even more recently I've been able to ship shift at will, but even more more recently, as we're stuck in the shattering, hashtag the shattering, I have no control over my changing. I just wake up one day and I am what I am. So nothing is going on now. No, nothing is above board. I'm sorry, I'm late. I got somehow got stuck in the waiting room I don't you sort of why did you put a pass if you're gonna put a password on the wait on the room You got it how else will you ever learn Elvish? I've been trying to get you to learn Elvish for years And oh low you did resist it, but now you must learn

But wait hold on so read that's me Elvish I just typed in funk and go, and it let me in. Did you type in Elvis? Did you type in Funkin Gonuts or Funkin Gonuts? Funkin Gonuts. I tried it a lot of different ways to be clear. Yes, Funkin Gonuts. It's a beautiful, Elvis phrase that means, thou art my friend, join me inside.

I typed in Funkin go nuts and I got in. Yeah, that works too. Wait a second. There's alternate spellings to the password. There's two things that Little Beach Boy does. Well, fuck in go nuts. Woo! Oh no, this might be the end. I-no, this is not the end. I tell thee, most assuredly, this is not but the beginning.

For here I tell thee, Arny, Arny, Arn-Arn-O-Ni. Well, Arn-Arn-Ni can't. Look, I-Look, I-Look, I- You thought you introduced the show. You just fucked up the opening. Did you guys fuck up the opening? No. I did. It was perfect. You both explained the base premise and then also the changes to the premise that might be confusing.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone knows that we're trapped in the shadowing and we're all in a different mystical prism world and we can't get to each other. We have to speak through a rune and that you fell through a mystical portal behind a burger king over five years ago and that you ended up the mystical magical world of food, which is just a regular world, it's not mystical and magical at all. I mean, except for the ladies. And here now, use with your podcasting equipment you do send a transmission back to thine home world in hopes of being sent home someday I suppose for a good behavior. Are any guy has something you said you were waiting in the waiting room. Could you see us at all? Could you hear us at all? Because you happen when you came in you happen to swoop in right when we are struggling most.

Oh really. No I can. I just have an instinct for these things, you know. After doing this for a few years, you just know you can't think when you're hosting a podcast, you can't think about what you're supposed to do in that moment. You just have to, you just have to like, you know, you know, you know. Here's what it all falls apart. Now, I have good news for you, though I may be trapped here in this... You figured out how to get us out of this situation? The shattering, you figured out how to solve the fact that we're all trapped?

Oh, no, I haven't even been working on that. Well, I've been trapped here in this haunted hot spring. I have been turning my mind towards ways to defeat the dark Lord once I'm free. And one of those ways is by gathering new recruits toward mine cause. I, yay, there must be more people to join mine quest. And no, though, if I do falter for but a moment, even while trapped in this place, and do not continue to bring in every manner of brave, so who wishes to fight against evil, then I have failed in mind, very purpose.

Maconations. Maconations. So, I've been putting out some feelers. I have some people who I wanted to interview. They sent me some information and they look interesting. They look good on paper, which I actually didn't get any paper, because you can't get any paper.

So they sent you information and you wrote it down on paper just to see how it would look? Yes, here, look, see. Looks good. Can't really read it, but it looks good. It's because it's an Elvish. It's just that's funking gonuts. Or fucking gonuts. Whatever it is either what.

But I've invited them here this very week to serve a dual purpose of being guests upon dying podcastual transmission as well as having an opportunity to join the greatest quest of all time. Use a door's quest to defeat the Dark Lord, sponsored by the Silent Eye. And you, so I do have to ask, just a way you're tossing this out there. Are we interviewing them for the job? It sounds like they're, you say, they're possible recruits.

They might get the job to join the quest. Should we treat this like a job interview? A little bit. We should be casual about it. Imagine it's sort of like your first time getting to know someone. It's more like a first date And now we're like just getting to know each other like maybe we feel each other out and see if it's the right thing If we like the same things they've been on a number of quests on their own and I can't wait to hear more about those Oh, I love hearing about quests. So here's what we should probably do. We should probably, before we bring them in, Arnie, are you familiar with good constable, bad constable?

I'm familiar with all those words. Great. So follow a question, what's a constable? Constable is like a... So you're not familiar with all the words? That was a lie. Constable is like a lawkeeper. Okay.

So since we have three of us, we'll have good constable, bad constable, and dead lawkeeper. Okay, so since we have three of us will have good constable bad constable and dead constable Okay, not dead not dead. I call not dead. Oh, all right, honny's the dead one then very well. Oh, oh good I just didn't kick in in that moment. Let me dial them in right now See if I can touch the proper rooms Oh, see if I can touch the proper rooms. Oh, ah, turn our sail. Hello, hello. Can you hear me? It's you, son-oh, the wizard! Ah! Yes, we've been able to hear everything you've said all this time.

Yes, we've been waiting room. Oh, we're waiting room. Oh, sorry about that. I hear, ah! It seemed like you were struggling for a while, but I didn't know if we should jump in or not. Ah, fuck, it was noticeable. That old nuts and bolts thing was noticeable. Thought I really covered that I will yeah here. Please introduce yourselves to mine friends Chunton Arnie. Oh Go ahead Mr. Polo. My name is Polo Tatum. Yes, and I'm I'm bustly more normal

I'm a friend and gardener of Mr. Tatum's. Oh, Polo, bustly, it's wonderful to have you here today. I'm so excited, I can't wait to hear about what sort of adventures you've had. To stall what Halflings is yourself, most assuredly, are capable of great deeds. Well, actually, we're actually a few things. We are bibbits, We are not halflings.

Oh, type of halfling. Off-shoot of the halfling group. That's exciting. We have bibbits. Halflings really just refer to the size of the person. Bibbits are a very special kind of halfling. If you have several hours, I could go on and on concerning bibbits. Oh, yes, habbits. Oh, waste coats, different places, the types of tea we like to drink.

Yes, yes, tell me about all the meals you eat. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There's breakfast. Oh. And then bustly comes in and gives me second breakfast. Second, second breakfast. Oh, me second breakfast. Oh, now I was. And then I usually don't like it. So I say, no, get me good second breakfast. Yes. He comes in with good second breakfast.

Yes. And then I say, bustle, this doesn't do it all. I need noonsies. I need them now. Yes. He brings me noonsies. And then I'm allowed to eat breakfast. Well, that's your, that's one breakfast. That we call that meal for you. I'm given first breakfast after Mr. Tatum's noonsies. Yes, and then I have one-season two-season. Are one-season two-season meals, or what happens after the meals?

Nope. Oh, I see. Oh, yes. That's sort of a half-ling joke. Well, that's actually... That's sort of a half-ling joke. Bibits would never make such a joke. No, bibbits would never do that.

But a onesie is if you're using the privy, you eat a meal as you're using the privy, that's a onesie. Oh, I want to be a bibbit. I think you're too big. So that is concerning bibbits. I could go on, but we live in bibbit burrows, and that is where we are now. And that leads me to your second point.

We are not gone on our quest, because we are stuck in my bibit burrow. We actually we we spent all last night preparing a game to leave and still could found that we could not leave the burrow. A bibit burrow is locked from the outside apparently. Yeah everyone it seems like almost everyone in all of Phoon is trapped in little small spaces of the world. I'm from another world by the way, I'm Arnie. Oh, oh, hello. You seem to have acclimated quite well. I've been here a while, someone would say too long.

Is that another bibit I see? Is that a fun bibit on the beach? No, I'm a little beach boy, and you two need to shut up. Also, something else you should know about Arnie is, Arnie, something else you wanna tell him? You're currently... I'm a dead constable. Dead constable. Yeah.

So, the dead speak. Mm-hmm. But I'm a shapeshifter, just so you know. And yes, ha ha ha, I've heard all the jokes before. Bustley, I do wanna note that when offer the chance to introduce yourselves, you kindly gave up your time to polo. Now, what does that say about you? Are you kind?

Are you reluctant to speak about yourself? How do you see yourself in three minutes? Are you speaking to me, bustly? Your name's bustly, right? Bustly, more or no. Yes, bustly, more or no. Okay, is there another fucking bustly on this call? As far as I know, there was a bustly in the waiting room, but I'm not sure if he's invited to this or if he's sort of next in line or how that works.

Now now bustly, don't worry, my friend here is just a bit hot-headed. But if you answer his questions, he'll be quite reasonable. I promise you, can I get you a coffee or anything? Oh, absolutely. Very well. I'll call Grapp House. I mean, I should actually, if you send Mr. Polo a coffee, then after he finishes it, he might give me some or, or, you know, then you could get me one or, I'm not, you know,

I'm usually, I'll wait around until, thank you, Bustley. Thank you so much. Mr. Polo, Bustley helps move with everything because I have a terrible burden, I must bear. Oh, see, I told you they were perfect. What is your terrible burden? A horrible curse, an item of great import. Yes, you're pregnant?

Oh, no. I could go on for hours concerning the pregnancy of digits. Oh. It's a very... Well, there's probably first trimester, second trimester, threses, trimesteries, yes, secondsy, yes, yes. Yes.

Swellies, things like that. Yes. No, I have to carry a terrible burden. I have... Who is terrible? A trinket of the Night Mancer. No! All those words sound bad.

Oh. A trinket of the Night Mancer. Oh, those words sound bad. I shrink it of the Knight Mancer. Oh, tell me more, I can't wait to hear about this dark and cursed item. And know how I wish to join the ohrcub this great and terrible burden. As you can see, here is the trinket. Oh, it is... We kind of, bustling, I was sort of wondering what... We talked about Bangal for a little while, is it a Bangal?

Yeah, we landed on Trinket. We landed on Trinket. It's got a little like a metal unicorn dangling from it. Yeah. And like a piano. It's a charm trinket. It's charm. It's a charm to trinket.

Oh, well, that's very nice. Don't be don't be fooled. Mr. Wizard. It's a wicked wicked thing. I was fooled. I thought it was a wonderful thing. I forgotten about the Nightman sir. Yes, yes, the Nightman sir. So we have found this trinket and I and my simple stupid gardener must seem. He who I depend on for everything. I feel like simple is fine but then oh now you speak up for yourself? I like to chuck chuck chuck take it easy take it easy. He's I'm sorry he's just a very bad constable. I don't know what he's capable of, so you should probably confess. Hey, I'm a good constable.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm dead. Don't mind me. I don't see a lot of, I don't see a lot of little beach boys angrily smoking cigarettes, but this little beach boy really boring, boring his gaze into us through the run. I found that my dug him up, okay? I rolled him myself, I found the papers and I rolled them myself. Oh, I could tell you for hours about how we bibits love our leaf and how we like to put

it in a pipe and there's a certain way a bibit packs a pipe and it's always and then there's two types of pipes that we smoke. We smoke a morning pipe. This is all euphemism. Euphemism. Euphemism for what?? Come on, packing pipes or smoking pipes. I'm a little beach boy, but I'm also an old sheepshifter. Well, the leaf of the creaking meadows is long renowned as the finest weed in the northern farthing.

You smoke creak? Well, I mean yes yes I have a I'm a talented gardener I actually have several strains of my own device which are very very fine indeed. So simple loves the earth you know very much likes digging his little fingers in it and and saying I folks folksy wisdom to me. You know, I've got to say I'm actually interested to learn a little more. Can you tell us a little bit about your life, Rustley? It's bustly, but Rustley is the closest most people can get. I get it wrong all the time. Thank you, Mr. Polo.

I was born in Mr. Polo's backyard. There was a little, you might call it sort of like a serving house that, that me and the old Bujur, my grandfather, raised me from a little bibit. And I learned back in Mr. Tatum's backyard to garden and foster things that grow, develop several strains of pipeweed, hunting rabbits, fishing. Well, that is a lovely existence.

You're the very salt of the earth. Ah, now Mr. Polo, I must ask her, why are you so dismissive of one who's so capable of creating such wonderful plants and bringing you food? What gives you the right to take such a hot attitude. My burden, my great burden. Yes, it's the trinket, it's the trinket, Mr. Polo. It's the trinket that makes me such a jerk. Oh, of course. It's not that I've been

grazed up a class my entire life and no socialized to look down on those who have less. It's this trinket of the Night Mancer. Of course! It's driving him insane! It's driving him insane! I've just realized something. I've been such an asshole but bustly and I realized that it's my proximity to this trinket through the room that's causing me to be such a nightmare person. That doesn't matter because I'm standing behind Mr. Polo. And I realize as I think back on it all my life whenever I've encountered someone wearing something like that, they've been kind of shitty. Absolutely. Yes.

It's true. It is. It's true. It's the unicorn. The unicorn. Yes. Now, Olli, do you have such a trinket? I'm not a jewelry guy, really.

Then what's your fucking excuse? The fuck you, you said R. No, it's the trinket. It's the trinket. Oh no, the trinket. Oh no. It'll make a bad constable out of us all. What will happen to this podcast if we're not all an airingly nice and supportive of each other?

We were in the waiting room earlier, so... Yeah, but you were in the waiting room. That's probably like there must be some room there must be some already feel the effects of the Trinket. Well, there was some talk of the little beach boy sort of you know how he became to be to shape shift to that. I feel like that could potentially be the thing that takes you down. I don't want to I don't want to step in and make any assumptions. So you blame in me. Oh, you're blaming me. Fuck you.! Bingbong ain't got nothing on me! Hang on, hang on, hang on, now everyone relax. I'm using my great wizardly focus and prowess to...

to lessen the effect of the trinket upon my very brain. And now I see we must reconfigure ourselves into good constable, bad constable, and a tomaton constable. I want to be a tomaton constable, struck down in the prime of life, and then returned as a clockwork man to seek extreme vengeance. Will you still be asking us questions as Tom Tommapole? How do you think the interview is going? It was going well, but now it's going weller. Oh, I see who's become good constable. So that makes the little beach boy still bad constable.

I'm just sorry, John. Do you want to be good constable or do you want to be bad constable? I want to be bad constable. OK. But because he would drink it. Hey, bad constable. You be bad, OK?

You can do this, buddy. Yeah, I just want to get ahead of something. When you said you were doing well and now you're doing weller, I really appreciate that. I know it seemed to do something to your Peter. I don't want to say that. Should we go back to the waiting room? Yeah, I have a request.

We are trying to form an alliance. I have a request. We are trying to form an alliance. We've been kind of workshopping the name. Yeah, trinket team. I wanted to call it the polo team. It sort of has a kind of elitist ring to it. But I liked it sort of meant it sort of aspirational, which I enjoyed. Just trinket by polo. The burden bearers? Also? The bustle.

The bustle bunch? Well, no, I would never presume that the bustling stand up for yourself, bustling. No, it can't be the bustling bunch. That wouldn't be proper. You'd be right. Right, I can't bear Mr. Polo's burden for him. So only I can, because I am of the upper classes,

only I can bear this burden, this bib it's bird and put it away! Put it away! Can I ask Polo, so this is evil trinket, is a trinket of the what, Mansor? The Knight Mansor. The Knight Mansor. How did you come to possess the Knight Mansor's trinket? Well, thereby hangs a tail.

Such a tail, I put in an order for it. And he always turns around and looks at his fire when he tells this story. Yes, that's why he's gotten up and walked to his fireplace. It was a party, there was a big party. And I needed something to wear that would really impress everyone. And so I put an order in for a... You know, Bangalore Bob and I had it shipped.

A Bangalore Bob for a bit it. It's a... ...brain, exactly. And I had it come and I... Have you been to the Northern Farthing? No, I haven't. Why is that like a... No, he's just understanding. I feel like you understand bibbits. I guess I just get it If you okay just but I'm sorry to interrupt you but pop quiz just just from the hip

If you had to choose a door shape for like your front door to your burrow say you lived in a burrow what shape would that be? I don't know. I mean it seems crazy I Would say like an egg, but like the bottom is cut off. I'd say the shape of water. Well, that's a beach boy that checks out. Well the answer No one this is the trinket He's trying to swallow insane. It's all insane He's driving the wall insane. It's all insane.

Harmonizing. Iso I've received this trinket and I was told by a passing wiseman that it was evil. Can I ask, was this wiseman a wise man or someone named wiseman? No, he's a jewelry of play prazer. His name was Arthur wiseman. Arthur wiseman. And his gems were they... Cut? Were they uncut?

No, that's the worst part about it. These gems are uncut. Oh. So am I to understand? You two actively sought out this trinket. Someone told you it was cursed, and now you get to act Misurable to everyone Without really any collaboration We couldn't he couldn't help himself mr. Wizard. He he saw it and he had to he had to wear it It just had to have it and it's it's such a burden

I would say it is a terrible burden and perhaps at some point if the burden became too great Bustley could carry you know since he couldn't carry the burden Oh, yes, seems like he's already fucking doing that Well, yeah, you in some ways you might you might say you understand He just rattles on about strawberries and how good they taste and you know understand I have to clean up the streets of Detroit. Oh, Tomaton. It's the trinket the trinket We're taking up the streets of Detroit! Ah, Tomaton, come on. It's the Trinket!

The Trinket! Oh, Trinket! Oh, Trinket! Oh, it's making us crazy! We're never gonna get the job, Mr. Polo. That's right. We'll never form a bracelet, bangle brigade. Team Trinket.

Yeah, well, how? Yeah, what will this quest entail? What do you have to do with this Trinket? We must destroy it. Yes, I have to destroy it by taking it back to the shop I ordered it from. Yes. Only Mr. Wiseman can destroy it.

Yes. Or give Mr. Polo refund, whichever stops this murder. But where I get the full refund, that's the burden that I must face. What a tale, what an adventure, and that's probably like a half hour trip or... Well, it depends on the traffic. The terrible traffic. When I'm walking in traffic, I feel like butters, scraped over too much bread.

I feel weak, and that is when bustle carries me. And he'll carry me for about, I would say, 85% of the way there. Mm-hmm. It is my burden to bear in mind alone Will you join us to you know in case somebody Wey lays us and tries to kill us will you throw yourself in front of me and oh? I I'm gonna go ahead and say in my in my trunks But I should wait till someone else says something and then say and my trunks

So there's somebody want to say something first and then I'll say my thing. Because otherwise, mine sounds dumb. Right, right. You have my staff and my trunks. That's pretty good. Oh, should I say like this quest, you have to have it. What?

This quest, you can have it. Okay, so- Is this like two out of three? Is that one interested? Just making sure- Is this like that week when all you I'm interested, just making sure. Is this like that week when all you would say is take this job and shove it? I ain't working here no more.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Sorry. I know what. I got an justification for why I did that. Even the large bibit is getting affected by this trinket, Mr. Polo. That's true. We must overcome the terrible influence by this trinket, Mr. Polo. That's true. We must overcome the terrible influence of this trinket. But first, we must take a break.

And while we all away, consider the name, Bivitz, who bring it. And Polo, during the break, I'm going to make you a quick newsies. Do you prefer do-bibbeteer cabbages or beverages? Well, thereby hangs the tail. I could go on and on. Oh, do please do. Well, some bibbits enjoy cabbage, and some bibbits enjoy lettuce,

and some bibbits enjoy both, something that we call, lavage. It's a wonderful strain of greenery that old bustle has come up to. All right, we are back with Polotatoms and Busty Mormon. It's, it's, it's more than... It's not, no.

Bustly, bustly more than... More, more, more? But honestly, anyone saying my name first and or last name is more than I'm used to. So, thank you. You belong with us amongst I'm used to, so thank you. You belong with us amongst the bibbits. Oh, thank you. You're so welcoming. You know, bustly, you're saying very unassuming little bobbit, but it seems like... It's a bit weird.

With bibbits. Bibbits. What did I call you? Bobbits is sort of gibberish, I would say, but bibbits... Oh, we're saying in this whole world there's nothing called bobbits. Not to my knowledge. Oh my god, I checked the wiki. I mean, I'm sure you're right. So bibits, it's bibits, not bobbits.

Right. Oh, the Night Mansor. Many years ago there were bobbits, but they got cuttons for the window. The Night Mansor did that. Oh, tell us more about The Night Mancer did that. Oh. Oh. Tell us more about the Night Mancer, Daddy.

Well, he's a, he's embodies the night. He is the night, you know, he. Well, I could, I could, uh, he's very clean that from there. Dark and he's a magician of some sort. Yeah, everything you're saying, I could extrapolate already. So maybe devilish. Love it deeper, but the night night night time is an important element. See to the night mancers realm. The night mancers realm is the night and the night mancer sort of romances the night if you will.

Oh, dish. The night mancer loves jewelry and forging jewelry as far as we know and maybe I'm assuming too much but is the nightmanster the fighter of the daymancer as far as I know there is no daymancer we are all sort of daymancers in our own way the nightmancer is the true mancer of the night as it were more of bustleys homes fun wisdom we are day-mancers in a way. But this is what I'm dealing with constantly. No, no respite. My terrible burden. Polo, Tatum's isn't there.

Isn't that, don't you find some solace in such a beautiful thought? Then we all be day-mancers. The through the day. We do carry about our simpler burdens, not as cruel or as unkind as thine, but forward we must go one foot in front of the other. Finding what the day shall bring and oh are coming what air it is. Does that not give thee some solace? Yes, of course, but you kind of once you hear it once,'s sort of like you know the type of thing where it's like I've played we have to keep our what's about us our optimism is that not the only thing that keeps us going mr. Polo

Right, so I'll drop the plane is too much to bear. There we go. There we go. It's a little looks like he's about to cry Like it's though. It's like this a lot all the time Oh the trick at mr. Polo. it's the trinket, it's making you... Like a real prick to me most of the time. This is sad. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even said that. It's the trinket Mr. Polo, I should never have... I should never have gotten that emotional.

Oh, he's crying like his mom's a duke. Shut up. It is the trinket. And I believe that in this... time over here in the shattering and each of us is in our own separatarius unable to come together, I may have a way to destroy that very trinket. Like, what would- How would you do that? Through, through the room from- from your current location?

I believe it is possible, but I must know one thing. Is the true identity of the nightmare, sir. Also that of author Weissman, the man who did create it and give it to you until the war was cursed. That's kind of a leap. I mean, he did have a cloak as black as the night. Mm-hmm. Yes.

And he was. And he was from 2 a.m. to, you know, 5 a.m. Okay. And give a take, depending on the winter know, 5 a.m. Okay. Give a take, depending on the winter, the little longer. Doesn't look good. Was he eating a croissants? That's a dead giveaway that he's associated with tonight.

I know from your bad constable's stare that I'm supposed to understand what you're trying to do. Hey, call, I must be a bibit, because I don't get it either. Croissants are sort of... I do really prefer watching on scum's often. Yes, he was also astride a giant bat. He rode a bat. I mean, and this is all author wise men. This is all author wise men when he gave me, when he delivered the trinket.

He kind of flew in on a giant bat and he said anything when he delivered the trinket. He said the night arrives and then he laughed. Oh, yes, Mr. Polo, you could have a cackle. It was more of a... You could have a step what he said. I was with Mr. Polo when Mr. L. Vich was in Elvish. It was sort of a... It almost was a negative sound.

Like the sound was sucked out of the air right before him Sort of like That's the very one That's the very that's the very voice see that's why you're to learn some Elvashani you craton So I mean now that you kind of put it this way, it... I mean, there is a chance that... Our replacement could be the Knight Mancer. I'm not sure how we didn't make that connection. When you left this store, did he say, have a good night, or have a good Knight Mancer?

He said... he said the latter. Like I said, it was a horrid sound, foreign to my ears, I couldn't understand it. But I, I, yeah, he said, have a good night, Manser. And then he'd cover his mouth and go, whoopsies. What magic were you there? We, I think that's an elvish word, right? Whoopsies. Whoopsies. This must be a clue.

What could he possibly mean by have a good nightmare, sir? Even if, even assuming he is the nightmare, sir, even if he's just man-sitting in the dark? Well, I think he didn't mean anything in particular, other than I think otherwise when really wants to get caught. And I think it's unfortunate that you happen to be caught in the shattering because I think he wants someone to find out who he really is. I'm perhaps he became the nightmare so because of a series of terrible tragedies.

Perhaps, his parents were murdered when he left theatrical production and he had to become the nightmare in order to fight off his own demons and cry. It's amazing what someone will do to assuage a wise man's fears. And his fears were that, you know, one day you might be found out. So, yeah, we can't blame him. Also, the Trinket. The Trinket?

Oh, the Trinket made us do it. It made me lose my memory and forget these obvious clues. But it's not only that we need to get out of here because we need to destroy this trinket. We're stuck together, you see. I haven't been able to tend to my garden in weeks. Right, we were shattered. The shattering occurred right outside the front door of my bibit borough. Yes, I was loading Mr. Polo's bags already to put into the wagon behind the pony and suddenly the shattering happened and we've been in Mr. Polo's drawing room this whole time. Plus you're both like it seems like the drawing room is kind of large from what

I can see behind you. You're both standing very close to each other. Well, I, you know, the trinket has such power over Mr. Polo that it's very important for me to be right here next to him Just in case something happens. Bustley, I'm bad constable so I don't really care what effect this me saying this has, but from where I sit, it seems like you're in love with Polo. Or just have no sense of personal space. I will tell you that it's one of those things. It's one of those things for sure. But I mean, I don't think it's for any of us to say which one of those two things it is.

Well, we're just going to say that. Should I say something then? I don't know if I'm saying that. I don't know what that is. I mean, maybe we should just all put it like, you know, we all know each other a long time. I mean, we should all just be comfortable with the you know

the sign the sign I can't take it anymore. I can't I I won't Busley I you were you're crowding me Something listen you're really encroaching on my space and it's just I just wanted it just be right here so I didn't I wouldn't I didn't want to be like in the other room or something if you decided

that something was going to happen if I if the burden is too hard to bear I will let you know yeah but if you want to listen I the last thing I want is for the burden to become too hard to bear and suddenly I'm off you know but what I'm saying is I don't know why you have to kind of proactively keep

asking me is the burden too hard to bear is do you need me to carry you know it's I will carry you I know I know I know bustley I know it's the trick it's so it's making you so exasperate I don't think it is I don't think it is the trick at this time you're tearing the bib and hair off of the top of your knees. A very, you know, classic bibbid thing. Hair on the top of the knee. I have very hairy knees. Just right there. I keep my knees warm.

Did I used to have a family? Well, what? Huh? You said, what, what go on? Did I used to have a family before I became this automaton constable? Did I have a family? I always do deep into the role.

Oh shit, and now I'm wondering what constable was I supposed to be. I've forgotten. I can't remember what constable I am. Oh shit, and now I can't remember is today training day? Or was that tomorrow? Is this the trinket? Are you... Yes, the trink tomorrow? Is this the trinket? Are you... Yeah, it's the trinket.

That's the trinket. Oh, loo is me. Hey, polotatoms. I demand that you be kinder here to sweet bustly. For all he has done is tend to the... and though he may be crowding the... and causing the sun discomfort. And he may not understand a personal and emotional boundaries. It is always important to be kind to those

around us. And it appears that you have much wealth and fortune in life, so why not choose to help those who cannot help themselves? Ah, well, yes. You know, my great grandfather used to say, charity begins at home. And I do really think, if I just want to make my home a safe place filled with fine of things, and I understand, I will be kind to myself, self-care. You know? Oh.

And to those around me, bustly, I am so sorry. Yes, right here. I'm right here behind you. I know, I know you are. I, you know. Oh, and to those around me. Bustley, I am so sorry. Yes, right here. I'm right here behind you. I know, I know you are. I know you are. OK, just letting you know. This wizard has changed my mind. I will allow you to have a second meal.

Oh, how wonderful. Now that you've decided to do something kind, you're free from the trinket. Remove it and throw it into the fire. See, it was just shitty metal. Oh, it's melting right up. It's caught on fire, but you don't see it. Yeah, it really. It really went up quickly. You'll see. Don't you see what you've learned, Polotatons?

You were just a gigantic prick this whole time. That's right. But that can't be. Yes, I guess it is. It wasn't the trick, it was just my shitty personality and entitlement. Wait, I'm sorry, maybe it's the drink it, but this whole time that I feel like,

couldn't we have had a giant eagle take his personality and whisk it away? Oh, it's falling. How'd it have been pretty easy, right? It would have just been sort of, it could, it's kind of got strafing. A bit of a climactic. Yeah. It's one of my go-to's, yeah.

Well, I mean, of course, if there's going to be someone who's going to, you know, catch and eat an enormous bat, an enormous eagle would be the obvious, I mean, an enormous owl, obviously, you know, both nocturnal, but an eagle, very good choice. We should have thought of that, Mr. Poland. We should have thought of a lot of things, bussley. I apologize to you for my behavior. I, during the shattering, I feel like my nerves have been a little bit on edge,

what with the shattering and with the close proximity. And, you know, your optimism can be grating. If I, I will give you that fearless feedback that your optimism at times can be grating and too much. I just would like you to take it down a little bit. Now bustly. Polo has made quite a stride here. Can you hear this criticism and adjust your behavior in kind? Of course, I shall retreat to Mr. Polo's hallway where I shall, you know, organize some shoes or something and kind of give Mr. Polo a little bit of space to kind of do whatever, or whether it's one's ease or, you know, whatever he needs to do.

And now that I have solved all of your problems forever, I entice you to join my inquest, you two bibits shall be integral, being able to get into small areas and commit thieving against terrible monsters and creatures when we go through dungeons, looking for mystical artifacts and other important items that will help us defeat the Dark Lord. You, as a member of the Silent Eye, shall be able to join us and go on a great and grand adventure. Um, hey, yeah. Oh, are they're harmonizing? Oh, man.

Well, look, I can see how maybe you would both be hesitant, because I know Yusidor and Chantanai have been kind of a little erratic in jerks, well, since we've been talking to you about that, it's a trinket. It's a trinket, it's a trinket. Yes, the trinket was affecting us even though it wasn't real. And also, you know, by the way, it's completely gone now. The fire has consumed it entirely. Fuck you.

Oh, but let's... Oh. It's a trinket. I'm sure it probably has some kind of lingering effect. Even if it wasn't real, probably the magic is still enough. Oh, the scar's, the invisible scars will remain on us forever. Oh, the invisible scars of the trinket.

Oh! Oh! Invisible scars are the worst kind of scars. Yes, I think we maybe just have had too much adventure for one day. Yes. What with walking over to the fireplace and throwing the trinket into the fireplace. Yes. Oh, hey, and don't forget the time earlier when you walked over to the fire and looked into it to talk about it.

Oh, I did that twice, didn't I? I know, two times. A day of two fireplaces? Wow. For the shattering, crossing over to the fireplace and looking at it twice is a full day. Mr. Polo, I'll go grab this blank leather-bound tome and you can begin... Bustley? You can begin recording this tale.

Yeah, but how you went there and back again? Yes. Yeah, to the fireplace and back again. Busley, I thank you. That would be lovely. So I think kind wizard, I will use my time to write that novel I've been thinking about for so long. Hold on, is that, should I get a second blank tome

or is that part of the, what? I just said that I wasn't sure if you wanted to write to the fireplace and back again, or is that going to'm just wasn't sure if you wanted to write the to the fireplace and back again. Was it is that going to turn into a novel or do you want to do a different idea for a different novel? No, that's the one I wanted to bustle. We talked about that. Outro has had like four fucking endings as the drink is this the novel about the girl who works in the notion shop and then she can't buy the gloves that she is also Selling to everyone else in the tragedy of the fact that she can't afford the very gloves that she sells Is that the one you were talking about? Wait, what? Yes

That's the because that's my fucking idea wait That's Dare you. That's a tall, tail. That's a trinket. Guys, I think we're all assholes. Oh, that could be. That could be. That's actually that sort of.

Except for bustle. You are not an asshole bustle. You're just, he's just kind of a lot too good. Too much. It's just too much. Okay, yeah, okay. But thank you for your invitation, Kyden Wizard. But I think we shall continue to stay at home

and write that novel and maybe bustle can learn a new language, maybe Elvish or something like that. Sure, pick up an instrument, maybe. Ooh, don't go getting crazy. Let's not think of that sounds. I just want to try to occupy my time in a way that's not physically contacting you.

I know. If you want to learn Elvish, I mean, Yusur has helped me before. He speaks many lingoes, so Yusur, do you mind just giving a few senses to help bustle on his way to learning Elvish? Oh, certainly. I... is there a useful phrase that you would like to learn bustle, and I can start with that. How about, um, I am at your service, Mr. Polo? Enough, Timpei, Timpei, Oktopolo. Oh, okay, repeat it back. Yeah, enough, Timpei, Timpei, Mr. Polo. Ah, better than I thought he'd do.

Very good, very good. I was impressed too, I can't believe it. Well, just because I grew up in your backyard and I have to wear your sort of earth tones that has nothing to do with my ability to hear and repeat. And if you studied English in college, which is why you understand, that's why you understood Mr. Weisman.

That's right. It's not my fault, really. I was busy making different strains of pipe wheat. So occupants of vocation for some. Yes. That's right. It's not my fault, really. I was busy making different strains of pipeweed, so I'll keep it in the location for some. Yes, that's right. Yes, my dear sweetbustling. I'm glad you're with me, here at the end of the room. Well, I'm saddened that you have decided not to join us on our quest, but we must continue on.

For Arnie, Chunt, and I, you saidor the Wizard, have sworn that we shall go forth and murder Arthur Weissman. Oh, we also... Oh, are we certain like, we're assuming? I'm not sure. I mean, we certainly... I feel like that would have been a great idea if it was like, if, like, say for example, we threw the trinket into the fire and like nothing happened at all or the fire went out

I will say he deserves to die just on you know the fact that he's selling shitty jewelry I mean look if anyone releases like a subpar product that doesn't mean they need to be killed right? Yes, we utterly agree we utterly agree with that Right? Yes, we utterly agree. We utterly agree with that. Things are hard right now and we're all doing the best that we can. I think we can all agree on that.

But we're all trying to get through. That's why it's always five stars, no matter what. Absolutely. Yes. Absolutely. Now disagree, disagree, bad constable. It's a drink it. Oh, very well then.

I shall go forth and I shall go through with my inquest to defeat the dark Lord, but if author Weisman is out there and listening to me now and air dares dare to cross my own path and cause some ill will amongst more mine friends. I shall smite him most assuredly. Is there a chance that you could get a refund? Let me redo that. Let me redo that. Yeah, right, right. I, and if he does air, cross-mind path I shall most assuredly smite him or request the most full of refunds. Thank you, kind wizard. You said art, you know, we had to read the room a little bit. Like a couple minutes ago, Polo said,

here we are at the end of the room. Uh-huh. I think they kind of want it. I think they kind of want it. Oh, here we go then. I am you, so do all of you. You said all your wizard tools. We're all thrilled by the feces master of light and shadow.

Manipulator of magical delights. Devour! Devour! Champion of the great halls of Trockus. The elves know me as fiengelak. The dwarves know me as Zoning in Hook Stinges, and I am known in the North East as Gaswainius Mastar. And there may be other secret names you do not know yet. And you can buy each one for a dollar. You said, or you got to take it down, you're being a total bustler right now. So what was that recipe for Labbage? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. There hangs a tail.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'd like to learn some Elvish. How do you say better enjoy those pirates of the Caribbean films, because that's going to be pretty much it?

Yes, I saw Elizabeth Town. No, I don't remember any of it except the murder bicycle. User or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the little beach boy was played by Adolf Refei. Again, for those of you fogging up the Wikipedia page with your breathless attention, Chant used to only turn into things he had sex with, but for a lot of reasons we're throwing that particular page of the show Bible out the window. Now Chant's shapeshifting powers are carefully determined by...

Shrug emoji. The bibbits, bustly mormlar, and polo tatums were played by special guests Alden Ford and Winston Noll. Alden Ford is a writer-dire, and performer in New York City, and co-creator and cast member of Mission to Zix. Winston-Nole is also a cast member of Mission to Zix. Mission to Zix is a very funny, improvised sci-fi podcast. Really, very, very funny.

I wonder if they'd want to add more people to it. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacant, Matt Young, and Adel Refy, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas, this episode edited by Tim Joyce, Special Assistant by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. I should add, I very much enjoyed the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, but by the time we got to Pirates of the Caribbean,

who's the most Keith Richards? And Pirates of the Caribbean, there's mermaids now. Well, there's something to be said for quitting while your concept is strong. Anyway, see you next week for episode 100 million. you