Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 55 - Nervous Guard (w/ Bryan Safi)

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

Wictor is the head dungeon guard at Castle Skullmaster...and he's not happy about it!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWictor: Bryan SafiMysterious Man: Tim SniffenTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. Well, well, well, my favorite clone assistant. Um, I'm your only living clone assistant.

Made it back to the Institute. And the place looks great! There was so much paper around here, would it kill you to recycle now and then? Come on, we both know when a planet undergoes cataclysmic climate change, you just replace the core. It takes like an afternoon. Hey, didn't Linkin have a big stack of plans over there? Yeah, I repurposed it for my art. I'm working on something that's really gonna transform reality.

Yes, the magic of theater. If only we could harness it as a power source. Okay, so I encountered the shattering. Oh, okay, okay. Um, first, you tell me what you think is happening. Okay. Um, interdimensional bees infiltrated the atmosphere on food to create an impenetrable planet by honeycomb? Here's the thing. Maybe? You don't know? No, of course I know, but it has not been explained well.

Well, I mean, what are you talking about? Fair enough. Ooh, I mean, what are you talking about? Fair enough. Ooh, here comes disappointment. You know, that could be a bumpers sticker on your car. Shut up, sit back, and enjoy the show. Hello from Castle Skull Master. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Five years or so ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still giving a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast, chron Chronically our quest to defeat the Dark Lord and you know, there have been some setbacks Like I am currently trapped house sitting in a giant fortress for an evil villain. I've never met Skullmaster But you know what it's nice to have a new place to kind of hang out It's evil I used to have a new place to kind of hang out. It's evil.

There's a lot of creepy stuff here. You know, I don't know how much of it is just not my aesthetic. Really, blood spatters really never kind of been my thing. Anyway, I should bring my co-hosts in. Let's see here. I will bring him up on the room here. I'm joined as always by my co-host. I chump the talking badger.

Oh yeah, BB! Hey buddy, how you doing? Oh, I am doing great Arnie. I'm back on the beach and it turns out I am wildly popular. I have so many friends here. Oh, really? Yeah, well, I took, I don't know if you noticed, but I took Woody from the castle.

So I'm hanging out with Woody on the beach. And I met this sweet-ass beach bird named Falconstein and just having a great time. Falconstein. Yeah, just a cool beach bird. We have bonfires. We did Liza Featherstiff is a board with Woody What else? I guess that's about it for now, but boy oh boy and to be clear if I remember correctly Woody is a board Woody is a vision board which is a

2x2 or 2x4. I'm not quite sure with eyeballs nailed to it Or two by four, I'm not quite sure with eyeballs nailed to it. Mm-hmm. So he did a- he probably did a good job at light as the feather stiff as a board. Oh, he was actually pretty bad. Oh, he dropped both of us. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I have a bit of a splinter, but I won't tell, because I want to remain friends.

Actually, let me- hold on one second. Let me- I'm gonna hang up the- the room call one second. Don't- What? What? This is- Oh, there's a knock. Ooh, I'm gonna hang up the room call one second. Oh There's a knock. Oh, I don't know who this could possibly be Who is it? Oh, yeah, baby Bung let me in that stuff sounds very familiar

Sorry whoever you are skullmaster is currently not here. No, aren't you three dumb dumb dumb. Oh, sorry whoever you are, Skullmaster is currently not here. No, Arne, it's me, Dum Dum. Dum Dum? Oh, that's chunt. Hey, bud, come on in! Yeah, wait, hang it out outside when you can hang out inside this creepy-ass castle. Oh, thanks, fuckface. I thought I was gonna have to blow this thing down. Blow this thing down?

Yeah, I don't know if you know this, but every castle and food has a dick and if you blow it, it lets you in. Okay. Okay. It started long ago where there's three pigs living in a castle and a wolf came and he couldn't quite get inside because he wanted to sell something to the pigs and eventually he just blew the castle and... Castle Ottoman. And the first castle was made of straw. I feel like this is pretty straightforward common knowledge already. You seem surprised Your face is deep red It's a lot. It's a lot to take in. I don't even know if I want Well, you just set me out. Yeah, you know what let's let's talk to our other co-hosts Let's bring them up on the rune. Oh, Woody. Let me just grab them here.

I'll prop them up against the table. Oh, okay. And our third co-host, Woody, the vision board. Okay. You know, between Woody, the vision board, Talbot, the other Badger that is also back, hanging out with us. Mundo the Grindel who again, I'm so sorry, Mundo,

I keep not acknowledging that you're here and I apologize about that Falcon sign the beach bird Okay, is he is he gonna be going? I don't think so Okay, well then I'm gonna call up a Yusador the wizard Hi, I'm Yusador wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious master of light and shadow, Minibiliator of magical lights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves know me as fear and yalak, the dwarves know me as zoning in hook stungies and I am nood in the northeast,

as gasmanius meister, and there may be other secret names you do not know yet. Oh, Arnold, it is such a lifeline to hear from thee. I have been so lonely here, all alone, stuck in these haunted hot springs. You see, you see, let me ask you a question. You arrive at a castle, the doors locked, how do you get in? You hop and you hop and you blow that thing down. That's what I was saying, aren't you surprised? You never blown a castle, come on. I don't know. I guess that whatever a castle's private business is,. Aren't you surprised? You never blown a castle? Come on.

I don't know. I guess whatever a castle's private business is, I don't need to delve into that. I'm so grateful that here from you chunned my good friend and you honoured also my good friend, but I am so alone here. I've grown quite a list list and depressed here in this time. You don't have any lists? Not a single list. I wrote down one thing and then could not think of a second. So I started another list. I wrote down one thing, apples.

Then no other fruit came to mind. Then I started a third list. I wrote the word horses. And I couldn't think of anything else with hooves. Yeah, you clearly can't list things. That's almost like me. I was on the beach with some friends, and I started a joke that started the whole world laughing.

I guess it's not the same thing. Mine was pretty good. Mine was something positive. You know, you used to, or usually this, podcasts is like 80% lists. One. Oh. Banana? Two. One, banana, two. I can't do it.

No, two. I lost my Bidotica list. Two's a list, three's a crowd. So we'll stick with two. Better true. You know, you said, or I know that you're trapped somewhere in the area in a haunted hot springs, is that right?

That's correct, yes. You know, it's a funny thing. I was kind of looking at like a info board on Castle Skullmaster. It just sort of gives you a little bit of a sense of what's on different floors of the castle, because it is huge. And I just happen to know,

this is the weirdest coincidence. There is a haunted hot springs in this castle. Whoa. Well, to be fair, Arnie, the castle might have moved. I don't know if you know this, but in Foon, castles can move. There are moving castles. They can mostly just move in a straight line forward

or to the side. Wow. I saw a castle crush a night. Wow, we should buy episodes about this castle behind a paywall. How's moving castle? Who's that up today? Who's how?

I think now it would be Stitcher's moving castle. Anyway, I just wish that I had a friend here to spend time with Soakie in these hot baths. I just I missed you two I missed you you Sador. I missed you and sorry. I'm talking to you through Arnie's room Let me start up my own room here again. Sorry about that No, no Sorry about that. And I'm back baby. No, you can't start to read when you're in the same room as me.

We're going to get a little bit of a... I see, now I can't read it all the way over. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be self-coming from your room. That's fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. What? What? It'll be great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great You know it makes it makes the it makes the bleed over worse when you repeat what you're saying You're bleeding you're bleeding you're bleeding Sorry, Arnie Arnie I'm saying it multiple times to make me You fucking use here use the door is he's out there?

Yes, tub dumb Hey Arnie can I ask you a earth question? Sure. When you talked about howles moving castle, when you mentioned someone howling, didn't you say that someone was named Tim Allen? Didn't you say on earth that Tim Allen used to howl and it sounded like this? Uh no I kept talking more about some of the things you would say on Twitter. No, I kept talking more about some of the things you would say on Twitter. Oh! What did you say on Twitter? Well, let me put it this way. It's less of an-

Oh! And more of an- Oh! Oh, no, a sad hell? Yeah. And Arnie, you said Tim Allen just wants cookies? Save it for a wee just can't stop talking about Tim Allen's spin-off podcast. Coming this fall. Very well! I shall use my amazing powers

to step out of this hot spring, stride myself off from the bath, and open this door, and... Oh, look, I'm in the castle. Oh, hey, use it or... Hello, I mean, at the top of the stairs. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, use it or you've got to turn your,

turn your moon off when you're in the sun, my moon is us. Fine, here. Done. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, our together once again this fellowship reunited shall now strike down the forces of evil where are we doing counter them? We are so close to getting back on our quest, but first you know, we got to spend some time house sitting in this evil castle. Oh, all right Speaking of which, you know this place like I said before is huge This is like the biggest castle I've ever been in and every once in a while I'm just wandering around an area and I see there are other people here. Like we are not the only people in this castle. What? Who else have you encountered? Well I was up on the fourth floor and there was a wolf with an eye patch. He seemed busy so I didn't approach him and talk to him,

but also I discovered that actually below us, a few floors down, there's dungeon, and there seem to be a lot of prisoners, it's kind of depressing. You said below us. Prisoners, an opportunity for me to strike a blow for the forces of good. Yes, I shall suck the life out of this very evil duo by destroying every opportunity they have to commit another boner.

I shall go down and free these poor, withered souls. Some of those seem like they're on purpose. Go down and free these poor withered souls. Some of those seem like they're on purpose. Go down. Well, anyway, I thought since we should probably have a guest on this episode, because if we talk to just ourselves for too long, it just starts to spiral. Spiral, spiral, spiral, spiral. So anyway, so if you guys would be up for it,

why don't we interview the like like one of the lead dungeon guards? So we shouldn't just kill all the guards and free all the prisoners? Oh, I mean, I don't know if I would do that. I mean at least not until the end of the episode. Okay, let's go talk to them. Okay, sure Okay, sure. Okay, sure. Uh, uh, uh, Wicked-er? Wow! Calm down. Oh, sorry. Wow. Whoa. Sorry, caught me off guard, I think. Ah, yeah, what's up? Oh, I'm sorry, Wicked-er, I thought you were in another room. I didn't realize. No, I was, but then you just startled

me, you know. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you. I mean, I'm so Wicked-er, calm down. Yeah, I'm sorry, Wicter. I thought you were in another room. I didn't realize that. No, I was, but then you just startled me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm so Wicter, calm down. Yeah, I didn't know if you were talking about someone else, or you know, I didn't know. Okay, so I didn't know until my name. So... Then when you said my name, I was scared. On a...

How dare you be so cruel to this wonderful castle god just doing his job here. Have a little courtesy in respect. Thank you, Yuzador. I've heard a lot about you. Oh, thank you. Yes, I am a great and powerful wizard, known all over that land of fune, even more renowned than the great spin-tax of the green.

Yes, who I, by the way, had a torrent up there away. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, slippery fingers and I just keep dropping things and I'll get around to cleaning it up eventually. Please, I know that my friends call me wetsy. That's for actually, that's for actually a different reason. Well, okay, did you step on another one? No, I went the details. So you're like the head guard. So the people who work under you, do they call you wetsy boss? Here's the situation.

I hate my job more than anything in the world. Oh no. I hate it more than anything. I'm not cut out for it, and everyone below me knows it. So back when I was growing up, and I actually grew up in the dungeon, which a lot of people move, a lot of people, a lot of new people have come in throughout the years.

I've stayed here. Growing up, people used to make fun, it was so funny because they'd make fun of me so much that I would wet my pants, which was so hysterical. And so that's how I got the name Wetsi. And I hate to ask this, but do you splash water on your pants on your own accord, or are you pissing them? Okay, well, when I was a child, I would be pissing them,

but now yes, I take, okay, don't tell anyone, but Skullmaster has, and I can't see the brand, and Italian mineral sparkling water. And so every now and then I'm able to, who will who bond down to the kitchen? Arnie, have we told you about Italians? No. Italians are stallions, but they're egotistical, so they're not about the stallion, they're Italian. Wonderful description. But they make good mineral water.

They do. Wetsy, am I to understand that you grew up in the dungeons? Yes. So you were a child prisoner? Well, no. I mean, I was working for Skull Master's Child, so I was... So child labor, not a prisoner. I was born of prisoners. It was child labor, it was all above board. It's a great act.

I mean, I would say it's better, it's better. Then being a prisoner? A cheapery is pretty wild, but a Chi lab is more common, a little less intense. I have to be honest with you. Have you all ever been to this dungeon? Not this one. No, you would love it.

So I take care of all the stations to make sure people get really scared. So we have like one station that's like clammy hands. You have to shake someone's hand for like three days. And they're clammy. Arnie, clammy hands are when someone is shucking shellfish. That's right. And they don't wash their hands and you touch it.

It's called clammy hands. Or chines, you can make friends with the clams and keep them on your fingers and talk to them every day. I never told you my name. I have to be honest with you about something. I have been hearing a lot of what's been happening. I'm not kidding. And the word in the dungeon is you're a big bag of thungin.

But that's a good thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you I'm popular, baby. People like you. Ooh, life at the par-pe. I'm the life at the par-pe. Now, I must ask one clearifying question. You say you're not good at your job.

I'm a horrible at it. Why are you bringing this up? I always got here! You said, or what the fuck? I'm wondering if it's all a ruse. He says you're very popular in the dungeon, then he lures you down, clasps you in ions, and now he has a new prisoner. Kinky.

I'm telling you this, you give me way too much credit. I'm not, I, I have to be honest with you, I'm not smart. So I'm, and I'm way, way too scared of everyone below me to ever pull a trick like that. The only trick I ever pulled was we had a female prisoner down here who had a really big skirt. And so I used to take her skirt and pretend it was my hair. That's the only trick I ever played.

Well, there's a way to test to see if he's still on the truth, he said, or he said he's really stupid. So, um, Wickeder, what's a two plus two? Oh, goddesses. Oh, goddesses. Two plus two. Yeah. You got this?

You got this? Four, ten. Oh, he is smart. Minus ten is four. It just takes me longer. It just he is smart. Minus 10 is four. It just takes me longer, it just takes me longer. He balance the equation, so he did all right. What do I have to ask? Arnie, I don't know if you know this,

but there's three types of guards. There's your standard guard, which just kind of stands by a door. Yes, he is only wears one sleeve. There's a shooting guard, which is someone who takes people out and shoots him with a crossbow, sleepless. And. There's a shooting guard, which is someone who takes people out and shoots him with a crossbow. Sleepless.

And then there's a point guard who kind of, you know, runs the whole dungeon, kind of assists other people, and the point in point guard is that he usually, or she, or they, hold a blade to your throat. Yeah, so I'm that. Oh, to sleeper. Wow. The point guard, wow.

Yeah, so I've got, do you want to see my point? Please. Okay. Ah. Oh. Oh. Ah. Oh.

Terrifying. It's more terrifying in how erratic it is. Yeah. It's not like, ah. It seems like he's more afraid of the point than we are. I'm not more afraid that you're going to and slit your own throat and I'm gonna see that Oh You know what happens every once in a while I do end up splitting not my throat

But the skin between my ear and my chin You seem to have a lot of scars back there So a lot of scars in fact I don't have a lot of scars back there. So a lot of scars. In fact, I don't accuse me of surgery, okay? I might be old, but I've always looked this young. That's not a tuck. A little nip tuck here and there. You might be old, but you've always looked this young and that's meant to make me believe

that you haven't had anything dutch to. Arnie, pull the reins. He said he was stupid. Would you live in a dungeon there's no sunlight? Or, or any fog? Well, I do, I say, I'm so sorry, Wickeder, there is still sunlight, you're just not receiving it. Oh, one of these.

Okay, I got your number, Hussie. I read it loud and clear. Yeah, you're right. There's no sunlight down there. I realized that there's sun in the sky. Am I really a Hussie? I mean, I didn't want to say it before now, but I've always thought that. Fuck me!

I mean, I didn't. I know 100% know what Hussie means in Finn, but whatever Wickeder means, I agree with him. It just means like, you're full of it. I know you aren't fond of the dungeon. Have you thought of what other career you might like to do? Times a million. I am dying to be a caterer. fond of the dungeon. Have you thought of what other career you might like to do? Times a million. I am dying to be a caterer.

I would do anything to do it. But we don't host parties here any longer. Skullmaster used to love to host things, and I would dance around, and I would tell people like all the hot goss in the hot castle like, oh my god, this god, can you believe Cynthia the rat is wearing gray again, even though it's her fur,

so we should give her a pass, but I won't. And was everyone gagging? Gagged. Drueling. Gupped. I love this comparison. What'd you say to me? Sorry, I'm gonna start using that?

Oh, okay, that's fine. If that's okay. No, it's fine. Sorry sir. Watch out everybody Fucki cut himself I'll wrap him here again. Yeah next my ear again. The path before us now is clear We must hold an amazing evening time event Hold an amazing evening time event. One so glamorous that we can assure that Wicter becomes the caterer. He always dreamed of becoming, and I shall be the host of this swarry, a swarry to defeat Evil! Oh, figures. So let me just get this straight for a second.

Yes. It was my idea to start hosting parties again and you're the host of it. And I'm the caterer, even though it's my dream. I was trying to help you achieve your dream. You want to host the party? I'd like to operate a traveling caterer host to where I could go anywhere and host the party in any wood home and also be the caterer. Very well.

The path before us now is even clearer. We shall create some sort of traveling device so that Wiktor can travel and cater and host parties where he dot wish. Uh uh Wiktor, can I ask you a question? I've actually always wondered this. If you are both the host of party... But it's not gonna damage me, is it? You're quite...

I don't... I hope not. My question's hard on my sleeves. Okay, if you are both the heart sorry, sorry I'm gonna take that off and then put it back in your chest and let's sew this up Sorry, buddy. That needs to be in your chest. Oh, thank you. Not on your sleeve. Look. It's been a long long time since I've Taken anyone into my heart and so I just figured let me take my heart to them But you're right. I'll keep it in my chest. It's a keep it in your fucking chest calm down No, Arnie. What were you calling me a minute ago? Oh?

I was no no no no no. I was just saying like if you're a host and the caterer What is the kind of relationship then you have with yourself like are you like screaming? Oh, sure? It's not good enough Get up and listen. Yeah. And then you're all so crazy. Fill the glasses. Am I doing this myself around here?

Onnie, this sounds exactly like one of those episodes of Frazier that you described to us in great detail, where Frazier came in and yelled at Niles. But it's just one person yelling at himself. Yeah, Arnie, you always say, denial's not just a brother on Frazier. Yeah, oh, and I love that joke that I make. You know, but guys, just you wait,

because pretty soon I'm gonna get up to explaining season seven of Frazier to you, and it just keeps going. Just you wait. Oh, I know. You know what, that's one of the stations in the dungeon. You have to hear season seven of Frazier on a loop, someone explaining it. Arnie, that's one of the torture devices.

Arnie, you blabbing about Frazier all around Foon is caused this. They've now recorded it, and now they're playing it back to torture people. People are dying rapidly from it. Are you Hussie? I hope that Daphne finally kills Niles. The story of Frazier is traveling all over Foon via the oral tradition. I gotta tell ya, that character.

That's the longest lasting character ever. Well, I think the dog died. Who's dog died? Mine? I just got her! She's six months old! You might wanna check on her. Oh my goddesses.

What's your dog's name? Perikete! Perikete, come here please. Perikete! You have her? You might want to check on her. Oh my god, is this what's your dog's name? Parachute Parachute come here, please. Parachute. You have her. Oh, I I'm just calling for her. Hope you can have her though. Oh, here it is Oh, good. Oh, thank you. Oh god. I was so unsettled. Arnie quick grab some sunglasses to put on this dog Oh, and you said or make a Hawaiian shirt on it. What could this dog sell me a beer by any chance? I am thirsty. Arnie, prop your shoulder under the other arm of this dog so we can both lift it up and make it look like it's moving.

I'll tell you that dog, that dog could get you a lot of bikini babes. Is that the kind of party we're gonna have? Used a door and or a shirt? It looks bikini themed. Because the skullmaster used to love showing off his body, but I don't know if that's true any longer Wow, you're serving us beach bod realness absolutely. I've been on the beach for months. Oh boy I did lose my beach bot though. I'm now just a full badger fuck. Just you lost your beach bottom at the beach

Yeah, I was a badger head on top of a your beach bottom at the beach. Yeah, I was a badger head on top of a decrepit. Oh, that's right. You were wasting away or something, right? Yeah, in many ways, little boy. Sure. Well, why don't we get parakeets and food so she can eat. Well, what are you gonna feed it?

Well, what does parakeets like to eat? I don't know, I just got her. Well, that's Parakeet like to eat? I don't know! I just got her! Well, that's probably what happened. I mean, um, Mark Bark, and we'll be right back. And we're back. And, uh it's dead and now I'm suspicious what Dead tired of us not having this party By the but can I ask a really rude question? Oh That's usually my job, but yeah, Arnie why is there a sword in your chest and why are you doing anything about it? Oh, that's a good question. I was stabbed by a necromancer with a magic obsidian sword. I can't get it out

But that happens a lot of guys you can't get it out. Did you try playing with it? That happens to a lot of guys They can't wait to happen to anybody. You can't get it out. I think so. I used a magical spell to freeze the time around the sword, so actually it will kill him eventually, just incredibly slowly over thousands of years.

And Arnie will be dead long before that. Oh yeah, it's gonna be so weird to see a dead Arnie walking around with that sword in his chest. It's more like the sword walking around with a dead Arnie. Good point. The sword will walk? That's one of the hit songs down here. The sword will walk, but does it tuck deep in the heart of the dungeon? That reminds me, Wickedr.

It just seems like there's a really complex and interesting sort of social order down in the dungeon. Like, I feel like we should learn more about what life is like down there. Yeah, and I guess we never commented on it, but you're huge and it seems like everything in a dungeon is bigger. It's very big and I present huge.

I'm tall. Let's get that out of the way. Sorry, sorry. There is in order in the dungeon, there are high crimes, there are medium crimes, there are low crimes, and then there are dirty dog crimes. Ooh, bark bark. Yep, what's up?

High crime, what would be an example of a high crime? Well, I'm gonna try and do this so the kids get it. Okay. I cry. Well, I'm gonna try and do this so the kids get it. Okay. Drugs. Yes. Substances.

So anyone who takes a cloud clear, you know, very popular, more glorb. More glorb. It's a lot of that. And so that's the high crimes. And it's a lot of drugs and it's a lot of show-offs. And those are the ones I bring in here. You did that so that kids could get drugs?

You want to see this day when I think it was cool. Oh, yeah. So what's an example of that if a low crime? A low crime is more like, you rub me wrong. Oh, I saw you out there and I saw you roll your eyes or at least I thought I did. Or maybe with the other cards. The old stink eye. The old stink eye.

The old stink eye. And it's just a feeling of you think you're better than me. Yeah, I think also one or two months a year, the moons in the sky help affect low crimes. They do, they do the, how does it go with the crimes? It goes the lower the moon, the lower the crime, and at high crime, at high moon, it's high crime. Yeah.

Because then everyone, all they do is talk about, oh, look at the fucking moon. You know, I do have to commend you. You're right. You said during the break, it was danked out here, and it is quite dank. It is quite dank. And then, of course, there are people

who go against skullmaster for any number of things. You know, people who, if they put up an image of anything in their home that's not him, if they name someone that a child that isn't named after him, just things like that. Oh, so in this area that Skolmaster rules, you have to name all the children Skolmaster? You do.

I mean, you can call them something else entirely, but on their birth certificate, it has to say, skullmaster. And that way, if you ever need to hide, there's plenty to, do you lose plenty of, what do they call it, decoy? There's plenty of decoy. Slip right in.

You know what, I don't talk like that. Oh, oh. You said, or cool it with the castle talk. What, I fucking have to sleep right in. I've been around this dungeon one or two times, okay? Wicked or would you say what you should or just did is a dirty dog crime? That's a dirty dog crime. That's when you offend me? With... Oh no.

...rudeness or with implied behavior or with bad manners? You did a dirty you dog? That's right. Please, I beg thy forgiveness. Please allow me to make it up to you in some way. I can't think of one possible way. to make it up to you in some way. I can't think of one possible way. Except...

Oh, that was fast. Name my five favorite foods right now. Oh shit, a list. I want a list of my five favorite news on my desk by now. Not only a list, but a list about so many's never met before. I want my five favorite foods in a list in my hand now. Very well then. Your five favorite foods are as follows.

Meaning it gave you a hint by saying he wants them in his hand now. We know that their hand held. And there's been a lot of alliteration. I want a list of five things in my hand, on my desk, under my chin, tickling my nose now. Oh wow. There was a theme in most of those. I'm not sure about the desk, but maybe. What do I know?

bananas celery two mushrooms three zucchinis four and Pairs five. Oh shit and in the order I eat them Lowering the sunglasses on the dog. Oh, yeah Park Park. Oh my god. This is parakeet Oh, yeah, bark bark bark. Oh my god. This is parakeet usador. You have truly given me the strength and the courage to live another day and to not kill another another tip for the day. Oh, do you how many people do you usually kill a day? Well, I kill them with kindness, but they do die. Oh, so I'll say something like oh look how pretty you look and then I'll say look over there and then Kindness is what you call your blade right? It's written on the side of it. Yes

It is that way no one's scared when they see it and also I'm not scared when I see my own blade It's it's where that you also cut the skin between your ear and your neck with kindness. Why is that weird? Just saying like, if you hold on, let me show you, if I may, if you hold it like this, see where the point is going outward towards the enemy? That's how you should hold it. Because you hold it upward like a can. But then you don't get to see the body as part of the sword. Which is the side?

Yeah. Well, I guess that has the word kindness on it, so I guess that's not nothing. You clearly spent some time etching that into the knife which shows skill and craftsmanship. So you're saying I'm not supposed to be killing people with the handle of the sword? I mean, you can, but that would take a long time. And you're saying that's what my hands get cut up

when I'm hitting them over the head with my sword so often? I was gonna say, it looks like a lot of your fingers are just barely hanging on. Honey, so is everything else in my life, including my sanity, dish. That's, that's, that's sure, that's why my hands are barely, barely hanging on, but I thought that was, I don't know,

someone handed me a sword one time, and they handed to me like this, and I picked it up by the blade, and I thought, okay, well then here we go. Were they knighting you? Were you being knight? Were they a knight? Yes, did it? No it was day. It was broad daylight. No no no they point the sword at you and put it on one shoulder and then the other shoulder so the blade was towards you? Yes and I had to be on my knee and they didn't tell me when I could come up so I stayed there for a day. I think you're a knight. to be on my knee and they didn't tell me when I could come up so I stayed there for a day. I think you're a knight. What? I think you, Aix, no. You see the sun here. You see the

afternoon here. You see the evening here. It's not always night. Anyway, I think it would be safer if you held your sword the other direction. It's still dangerous though. If you swing it around, you're trying to read it while you could still cut yourself. But it's less like- I don't have another question. Yes, please. You have to tell me fast. Yes.

Or else you're back to the dirty dogs. So damn. Number one, what are the perks of being a knight? And number two, oh, he's making a list. What are the perks of being a wallflower? And I want two things for each. Perks of being a knight. Great suit of armor.

Oh. Good benefits. Oh. Perks of being a night. Great suit of armor. Oh good benefits. Oh Perks are being a wallflower. Yes. Nine out of ten stars. Sure. Good soundtrack. We can be heroes. Yeah. I think you're right. I was knighted and those were good answers. Thank you. Wait, do I have a question for you? You spend so much time in the dungeon, you said you don't see... Slam busy. Slam busy, you never heard that term before. But surely you have some sort of social life, so are you seeing anyone? Do you have a love life?

Do you have friends? Well, I do. Family? Yes. I have a lot of really close Pamor Who I see Oh, wait, are you looking at a note pet? Yes, I'm sorry.

I make a list every day All the way and I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I just couldn't tell whether You were hesitant to say Paramor Or whether you just never said that word. I never said it and I thought you guys would like it. I did, I did. Thanks. I, you know, someone down here said it once and I thought, now that is so funny.

And they said it, well, no, I'm thinking of my Paramore and I said, well, now I'm thinking of a Paramore. And they said, well, no, I mean, he died right before my eyes. And I said, well, you'll die right before mine and then we'll be even. But it makes sense why your fifth favorite food on the list is pairs. That's right. So yes, I do have paramour, we like it. You can say it with confidence, we like it. Paramour, Paramour, Amour, Luz'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, What the hell you chunned? What a dirty dog crime that is. You know what?

And you're actually the lowest of low because now you've offended me and I'd love to show your new living quarters. Oh wait, I met dead in quarters. Oh no, already helped me. You better watch out. You better watch out. With this one, Loub. Oh shit.

For your information, Loub Daerey happens to be very artistic. Mmm, yeah. We met on the... You were about to say for a more? No, I'm just... am I impressing you with any of that? I think you're choking. I think you're choking and you don't know it No, I No, no trespassing

No, damn no don't go in there Listen if I'm gonna get guide you we have to stay on the path that I say okay, okay? Don't know press no Paramoa But, no, no. No. Paramoire. Paramoire. So, yes. Does that answer your question about if I have lovers? Yes, Louv to Vinci, and no threat. I get it.

I know exactly what's going on. It's a tale. Now's all this time. We'd all love to meet Louv to Vinci. You know what? Now you're doing? Irritating me. Badgering me.

Mer- Mer- Mer- Mer- Mer- Mer- You know what now you're doing? Irritating me. Merci. Badgering me. Merci. Sorry. Mercy. Mercy, I don't want to go to the dungeon. OK, I like that. The French lady before she died, before I killed her to get even.

Yeah. She was saying that. Oh no, she wasn't saying mercy. She was saying like, a don't. Or something. I can't remember the word. Arnie, have we told you about French people? It's frustrated wrenches.

So if you see a frustrated winch, we shorten it and call them French. Yes, she was very frustrated. She kept, honestly, she kept looking at me, trying to get through to me. And I didn't understand it, which, so anyway, she got very, very, very, very, very, a lot of frustrated wrenches or, or franches, Arnie.

They get tired and they'll say, I'm a lay down. Yeah. Is that fun? And it's a stereotype that they all laugh like this. But that's just a stereotype. Sometimes those franches can't cut the mustard. No.

And they believe in saints, a lot of saints, but they're all crows. They believe in cro saints. They do. And they also believe in rats running kitchens, which I think is disgusting. Like, you mentioned earlier, Cynthia the rat. It seems like she's someone that people got. She's my rival. Yes, she's my rival.

Yes, she's my rival. OK? Oh, you're rival. I did. Ish. People are more scared of her than they are of me down here. They don't like rats down here, or up there even. But she used to always show off and say, oh, look at the cheese I found and look at this and I'm gonna host this and you have to come and do really that and I said you know what

I've seen you fuck everyone around this place Okay, and I say and don't tell anyone I said that and I see you make babies like I make muscles steamed Oh those kind of muscles So she shocked everybody exactly so now we're back to Shell fruits or whatever you call them Fruit to the sea shell fruits shell fruits is right. So it's Cynthia still around. She's still your rival She's still around. She's riding a novel. She thinks it's gonna get published

I don't know where apparently it's all a dramatization of me and how horrible I am and how brutal I am and what a win by am and oh shit So she's telling on you. She's what do I want to say she's rattle-tailing. Yes fucking snake in fact her book is gonna be called a rattle tale And don't buy it for children because there's nothing to do. It's not a kid's book I don't know if she's open to notes, but I would call it rat fuck You know what I'm gonna letter no the other day. I saw't know if she's open to notes, but I would call it rat fuck. You know what I'm gonna let her know. The other day I saw her in a rat king. Do you know what the hell that is?

Oh, it's a bunch of rats with their tails in her twine. And they can't get them loose. But see she set them all up, and then she ran away free and clear. I heard that the way to undo the tails of a rat king since they can't get their tails loose is to tell them they can't dance. And then one of the rats is gonna be inspired to teach the others to dance.

And once they all start dancing, even though some of the rats are adamant about not dancing, then all their tails get loose, get loose. Come on, come on, rat loose. Tails loose, loose tails. Come on, you know, loose tails. Why? Everybody come on. Come on. Yeah, why don't they get a knife and, you know, lose tails. Why? Whoa. Oh, come on.

Yeah, why don't they get a knife and just everybody cut, everybody cut. Well, then they wouldn't have tails. Everybody cut loose? Cut, rat loose. Rat loose. Kick off your rash, rat shoes. No, that wasn't good.

I'm not a songwriter, and now I feel put on the spot. No, you certainly should not feel put on the spot. I think you should turn your eye towards retaliation against Cynthia. For surely if she is to release this book about you, there are dirty secrets that you know and could reveal about her and kind. It could take me down, and if I could write a book, it would be called this. Don't tie me up. Or else, I'm tied up again.

I'm tied up again. And no more time. Okay, it's a little long. It's a little long. It's a long time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just check your notebook. You can't time me.

Oh, he drives notebook in the picture water. Oh, God, this is... hold on, let me find it. You can't time me. Eeehhh! Eeehhh! I can't read it. It's wet. You lost all the pages of your manuscript.

Oh, this is so embarrassing. I was already on page two and it was so good. I already got to write in front of all of us. You wet your notebook. Oh, wetty. You little wetty. It's wetty and it's really cruel to bring up. But yes, I did wet my notebook. This is the perfect opportunity for a brainstorming session

then. I would like to start. I suggested a new title of the book could be is Grey Oazin question mark is gray in what is this? Well, because you said earlier, you made fun of it for always wearing gray even though it wasn't a season. Yes. Is Grey Oazin question mark is that saying? Is Grey always in? Is that what you're saying that is what I am saying is earlier we said what are you saying and you gave us the explanation without repeating the title so I'm just sorry my apologies and then only undercover

I would say Cynthia's a bitch yes and guess who else is Cindy Sherman the photographer maybe no one knows for sure. She probably isn't. That's what the undercover says. Arnie, a photographer is someone who paints your picture, but it's very fast. Oh. Yes, it's really, like, did you ever go to the beach or play tennis and then someone came up

and was like, let me draw your huge face on a tiny body-playing tennis? It's like, yes. Yeah, it's like that. You could write that book or what you could do that's maybe more like psychological warfare. Ooh. You could dress like a rat.

And then once you're a rat, you go up to her and you say, hey, I heard you're fucking everyone. Like that, the Hollywood square sky? Well, I don't know. You could name yourself Templeton or whatever it is. But just lend her a hand. Lend her a hand. Hey Cynthia, nice slacks. Where'd you get them?

A barn. They sent you a great book. What are you going to do with it? Then the joke. Circle gets the square. Anyone have poppers? Cynthia just a lot of poppers. And I don't know if you guys know what that is.

But it's basically she just ingests sniffed a lot of poppers, and I don't know if you guys know what that is, but it's basically she just ingests, sniff a lot of sniffers. Oh. Yeah, so she gets fun and she gets high a lot. So, Wicked, you've lived in this castle, it sounds like your whole life. My entire life, and it's been a journey. Some good, some bad, but it's home, and I appreciate that.

And your enemy is a rat that lives in the walls of this castle. Yes. And it seems like there's a chance that this rat has gotten the better of you or is on the verge of getting the better of you. Don't all rats, have you ever had a rat? It does get the best of you. And by the way, it's embarrassing. And I'll tell you this, it's embarrassing

for all prisoners here to be more scared of a rat named Cynthia, than it is for a guard named Wickedr. I do want to, boy, I don't know how to bring this up. I do want to mention your name. So your name is Wickedr, and out of the top of your head, you seem to have this little, I guess I would call it a Wicked. And you obviously cut yourself with your swords many times, and your skin is, you're not bleeding or anything.

Yeah, friends. Wax and pale skin. I hate to ask this, but are you? Yes, I am. I am a candle. That explains the French accent earlier. Yes, yes, yes, monsieur. Oh, da, da, da, da, da. We put da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da bodies to my wreck. You can eat anything you want except there's nothing here to eat.

You can swim if there were a pool, you can dance if there were shoes, but you can't do any of those things. So instead just break the rules, but if you do you're gonna die. Hey lady, where'd you get the first prize? A dinner here is never ever served. Then it ends there. Oh, I have some notes. Have you tried making it rhyme? Fine be our guest be a best you can always make a mess if you want to I think it backstop. I think it backgo capture I open the no trespassing door and there's a rose under a glass dome No, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no trespassing. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no me. Oh no. Yeah, it's a good book though.

Have you ever, I mean, I guess that would kind of hurt, but you've cut yourself with a sword, so it can't be too bad. Have you ever been lit? Babe. Get, don't you worry about all wetsy here, okay? I know how to party when it's time, okay? Is that what you mean by lit?

I guess so, no. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm your w guess so. No. I'm in your wick. I'm sorry, I'm in your wick. Yes, I have been set on fire a few times. Yeah, but see, I like it. I don't mind it except the only catch is that once the wick goes all the way down, I die. So, I don't, but it is very warming and it's lovely to see people light it every now and then and then they have a romantic interlude. Yeah. But also it seems to me, you've lived your life.

What the hell's that supposed to be? Like what? What does it look like? I mean, I'm sorry. I felt like I was gonna say something. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I thought I was saying something poetic, but I realized I was just saying very,

you know, please say it. I'm a little, you've lived your life like a candle, you know. I do, uh, my mother's name is Norma Jean. I was gonna ask about your family, like, who would let you have a job and a dungeon as a child? They couldn't help it. They were imprisoned themselves. I was so cute. I used to come out and sing good ship lollipop to Skullmaster.

I would do entire routine. I would tap dance. I would toast you. I would ballet finger. I would do entire routine. I would tap dance. I would toast you. I would ballet finger. I would do everything. All kinds of fingers. Can we see some of that? Yeah, of course.

I don't know what I was expecting. Beautiful. I would earflop. I would do everything possible to dance for him. I would, you know, knee knuckle. I would do it all, you know. I would rouge my knees. And so he thought I was so cute

and he would give me all these dunginous crabs to eat and everything like that. And so finally he was like, I can't let you, I can't let you die with your family, but I can let you watch your family die. And I thought like this will be great. But then it will happen. Sorry, I present.

What? What you're doing? It's not often that someone interrupts someone But then it would happen. Sorry, I present. What? What do you want to say? It's not often that someone interrupts someone right mid-sentence talking about watching their family die. That's... I understand it, that's important. I'm gonna let you finish. I am gonna let you finish. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, because I'm a culinary mind of myself. Do guards call it Dungeonous Crab?

Or would you all just call it Crab? Sorry, we do just call it Crab. I did say Dungeonous for your benefit. Thank you, okay. It is Wild Cod from the accidental spillage in the dungeon. Oh, okay. And so your family was being murdered or something? Oh, I don't care.

Yeah, something. Yeah, they were not supportive of my career of turning on them. Yeah, so they were a prisoner's in a dungeon and they weren't very supportive of you like your career of killing people in a dungeon. No, dervishing on the dirst in front of this call master and making sure my lollipop tricks

were workin' and all that stuff. You know? Hello, am I out of here by myself? Hello. I didn't wanna interrupt because my hands were slapped because my paws were slapped earlier. You were just laughing at each other. That was one of my signature dances.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Face me, wector, here we go. And five, six, seven, think, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da time to, would you like to go upstairs with us for a while and then see the rest of the castle? Have you ever, no, I've only ever seen the ballroom and the dining room and the bowling center, not at the, it's just a center. And I saw the museum and I've seen, oh, were you in the castle when the birds flew off with the kitchen?

Yes. That was so annoying because I hadn't had my Kofi. So anyway, I would love to come see the rest of the castle with you. That would be so great, but, you know, if you're here of any catering news or any bulletin board news about different restaurants that I could work at, please let me know. Yes, of course. Well, yes, we should head towards the upper levels, but first I just wanted to point out my ankles and my wrists have been clasped in ions. I don't know when that happened.

I don't know how I got changed to this wall, exactly. Oh yeah, and I'm dangling from the ceiling. Oh, guys. I gotta go What what oh no nothing. They're just did I There's a bird I'm meeting so I gotta go I love birds is is it a parrot more? It's a parrot more. Yeah, very sexy bird. It says things like You know it's very sexy. I can very turned on so anyway, uh you all seem You know, it's very sexy. I get very turned on so anyway, you all seem

Tied up so I'll have to check in with you later. Oh, oh This door this like door with these bars. What do you want of it? It seems be locked. Oh, I'm sorry I'm sorry listen. I'll just you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go run and get the key. Don't wait up. The keys are over there on the wall. Oh, no, not the, those are the keys for the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,'s, the laundry's, city, for yay. Oh, the laundry's a tea for yay. All right. So I have to go check.

That's perfect. Yes, it's for sale. So did you say, cityin? No, cityin is a gorgeous sheet. Okay. Oh, it truly is. It truly is. So I'm gonna go buy some chateen seats

as so funny that you mentioned that this is what we're doing for my day. Oh, what? We're gonna go buy chateine seats as so funny that you mentioned that this what we're doing for my days. We're going to go buy chateine seats. Don't worry about the keys on the wall. Don't worry about your hands. I'll go numb after a minute. Okay. Just, are you religious at all?

Or are you faithful of anything? I believe in the goddesses, but I'm sure you'll be right back to set us all free. I believe in love. I believe in life after love. No. Can you feel something inside you say, I really don't think, you know what? I'll say, yeah. Wake up.

What the fuck are you doing? You're straddling that cannon? Get off that fucking cannon, you weirdo. You know what, no matter how hard I try, you all keep pushing me aside because you think that I'm weak. Well, who's on top and who's on bottom now? Change yourselves up, chain of fools,

and I will see you on the ship. Lollipop? On the good ship. First of all. First of all, where are fish nets? Great, we're trapped down here with all these gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Oh, there he goes with his parrot more.

Bye, bye, birdie. Love is real, love is blind, love is love. LGBTQIAFF. He'll be right back, right? Yeah. Ah. How's the gang gonna get out of this one? Either that or he's just gonna have to do like 30 or 40 episodes

trapped in the cell. Bye. I'm sorry, just gonna have to do like 30 or 40 episodes trapped in the cell. Bye! Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chump the Talking Badger was played by Adolfie. Wickeder the Dungeon Guard was played by special guest Brian Safi. Find Brian on the throwing shade podcast every Thursday, I like the sound of that, and the all-new Groceries podcast every Monday. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neckamp, Matt Young, and Adolfa. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz.

Irwold producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Way to step up Garrett, guess we can't be the puppet master every week. Special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie, aka the one packet of high sodium soy sauce in the sushi that never gets used. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. So I guess the shattering is done?

Yeah, seems like they completely side-eped it without ever having solved it. And that's pretty on-brand. Do you think they'll do 30 or 40 episodes in that prison cell? You know, even if they leave and move around, aren't they still in a prison of sorts? Wow. Aren't we all? You can be a real downer sometimes, you know?

That's why I'm just the bookend. Okay, I'm gonna go rehearse. Can't handle 40 minutes of this much truth. Okay, yeah, and don't follow me. you